The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 125, Bigfoot Lives! with Drew Toothpaste And Natalie Dee

Episode Date: May 31, 2023

Brockway recruits psychic ape master Seanbaby, and special guest psychic ape masters Drew Toothpaste and Natalie Dee, to battle CIA propaganda and find out the truth about Bigfoot, who lives beneath the Earth in psychic torpor and will definitely leave your mind-texts on read.

1-900 hot dog! 1-900 hot dog! A podcast slammed with maximum height! Say hot dog podcast worked! Yeah! When you taste that nitrate power, you're in the dog zone for hours! Come on!

You know the number! 1-900 hot dog! 1-900 hot dog! Welcome to the Dogs of 9000, the official podcast of 1900 Hot Dog America's final comedy website. We did it, we beat them all, where the last comedy website's standing. If you like text-based comedy, you're already reading 1900hotdog.com, you don't have any other options,

but you could support us at patreon.com slash 1900 hotdog. Sean started plugging the site, so now I I feel bad and I have to plug the site It's like a marketing arms race. I did a great job too. Well, thank you. I'm CIA demon So I'm in a Robert Brockway and with me is my blood-bonded ape. It's not a racist thing. It's a big-foot thing. It's Sean baby. I'm always a big-foot thing. A pleasure to be here. And with us today are dueling manifestations of bigfoot secret desires, drew toothpaste and Natalie D. Hello.

Hey, how's it going? Hi, which secret desire of bigfoot are either of you, or both if you're gonna join in? Power, raw power. Yeah, I think power is probably it. Yeah, power, hungry goddamn bigfoot. Guys, you're gonna join in. Power, raw power. Yeah, I think power's probably it. Yeah, power, hungry goddamn bigfoot. Guys here in sync. Yeah, right.

We always are. We stay on the same level. That's what makes a strong couple is a shared desire for Bigfoot power. For Bigfoot power, specifically, yes. It's power and psychic resonance. Right. It's just peanut butter and chocolate.

Right, you like it? And Bigfoot. peanut butter and chocolate. Right. And big foot peanut butter and chocolate and big foot. We all know how well those go together. Yeah, he wouldn't say no. What do you know? We live in big foot. Big foot never says no. We live in big foot country now.

I was not aware before we moved, but it is like full of big foot. Oh, yeah, there's a there's a Northeast big foot. Do they have a different name for them? Or is he just big foot? No, full of bigfoot. Oh yeah there's a there's a Northeast bigfoot do they have a different name for them or is there bigfoot? No there's like towns around where they have like statues of them and stuff to like commemorate the bigfoot sightings. Sweet I want to I want to see some bigfoot statues. Now I'm like looking out the window all the time like especially interested am I going to get to see one? I never thought I would have a chance. You learned some big foot calls out there. Ooh.

I love making animal noises out the window. That's one of my favorite things. And you're in the perfect spot for it. I know, I know. You could probably just go in and join a club. I'm assuming Central Vermont has animal noise out the window clubs. We might, I'll tell you something, I want to say first,

I absolutely love it, but I've never been in a place that has more bizarre bulletin board postings. Like where we used to live, we used to live in central Ohio, it would be like, got some stuff, rail haul it. And it'd be like, need a haircut? Come to me, the barber. And out here, it's like, do you want me to count numbers for you? And you're like, what are you doing this for three generations? We will put hats on your ducks. I mean, tab a tab map. There was one bulletin board post that we saw that was like a computer printout of like a montage of all these different cryptids. It was like a big foot and some kind of moth man guy and it looked like I don't even know

what. Like there's a pig man around here also originally and there was like a picture of like a ghost like in someone's house and then it was just like have you seen us and there's like email me and they leave me with my com and I was like I want to have access to that email address so bad yeah I want to know what's going on behind behind that flyer. I'm never find out. They don't even say what it's for. I'm not going to stop it.

I'm not here to it. It could be a fetish thing. Yeah, I just want the email. Yeah, just tell me if you see it. I can't afford a sketch-newed monsters. Yeah, I want to set up an email address and start putting flyers up and see what happens. We've been doing it for three generations.

Third generation, your monster, erotic monster sketchers. It's not a luring. This is art. I will tell you what your numbers are. All right, before we get into Bigfoot, we got so much Bigfoot. Where can we find more of you guys? What's you up to? We got so much big foot. Where can we find more of you guys? What's it up to? GarbagebrainUniversity.com is where you're going to find

what we do. We have a podcast that comes out once or twice a week called Everything is Real. And we talk about a cult, aliens, conspiracies, cryptids, and everything basically. Everything that doesn't fit in three dimensions. That's a... I'm the man who named one 900 hot dogs. Everything basically everything that doesn't fit in three dimensions I'm the man who named one 900 hot dogs so take this as you will but I thank you guys name your stuff great names

I mentioned that last time you're here Everything is real they're both great names two face for dinner great name My name is just my name. That's a good name. Yeah. It's talking rules. All right, that's amazing, that's an amazing coincidence that you guys are kind of paranormal adjacent. You won't believe it. We're talking about Bigfoot today. We're talking about specifically a book called Bigfoot Lives with an exclamation point. And then the subtitle is, and he is an immortal magician living deep below the Earth's surface. Yes. Yes.

I mean, he's got me. I want to know more. I would know more. I would know more. You're going to know so much more. This is definitely like a genie's wish scenario where that's going to be twisted against you in terrible ways. I just said that by the end of this, you'd be like, I want to know less.

I wish I could know less. I don't really love the choices because magician definitely implies like not like a sorcerer or a wizard, but like a stage like a fan. It's the funniest way. You could say that, isn't it? You could say to anything else in it would have been like It would have been passable as like this is some new age, but to call them a magician Specifically, well, I was the hat in the cape It's like poking a needle through a balloon

You all you've entered my balloon caverns Is this your card? No, that's why I practice Now the first this is by J. R. Fleming. It is I believe a new book We'll get we'll get to that towards the end because there's also another subtitle Big foot big foot is an immortal magician living deep below the earth's surface in psychic torpor. Yes, they are the subtitles repeat. There are multiple subtitles. And we needed to also specify he's in psychic tor laid it all out like I accept all of that is truth right? Yeah, the end. That should be the third subtitle. And that's why we have gravity. I know I already knew that. I went to school.

The author made the fatal the onion mistake of putting the best joke in the headline. It's like wow But we'll see we'll see my mind is open. Yeah, well, we'll see my many thousands of words of notes might disagree with you I tried to warn you there's no it's longer than the book No, but only just barely here Here's how the book starts. Has Bigfoot visited you in your dreams? He has visited mine. In fact, I share a very special psychic connection with the man referred to as Bigfoot,

as well as other blonde, blood-bonded apes. He's a man? He's a man. First twist, first sentence. You likely have an idea in your head of who win what Bigfoot is. You'll be surprised to find that he is probably nothing like you imagine. In fact, if you think the Bigfoot is a hairy sassquatch-like creature who lives in the woods and howls, the CIA propaganda machine has done its job correctly.

Okay, I'm listening. I'm listening. All right, I'm honestly more on board now. Now the big foot is just a guy named unfortunately named big foot. Yeah. Tyler Bigfoot. I have your hard time wrapping my head around the idea that he's just one guy. Is that the angle is this author is taking? Well, he is and he isn't. There is one central guy, but as we will soon find out, this is actually a species of creature called blood-bonded apes, what you think of it as big feet. Most of you know, well, most of what you know about Bigfoot is the result of a campaign of disinformation

conducted by the CIA and the FBI, who have been infiltrated by demons in recent years. Please see my book Top Secret CIA documents reveal evidence of demonic intervention in US elections. Okay. Are there subtitles on that book? I'm sure there are. We don't have time to get the through all. There's no way. There's like 18. It's going to take an hour. The bonus podcast will just be us reading the subtitles. That's actually a good idea. It is clear that that was it us reading the subtitles. That's actually a good idea. It is clear that those at the CIA have no interest in the truth.

By making the public believe that Bigfoot is a myth told by Hillbillies, they discredit his work and interfere with his ultimate mission, which is to protect humanity from being overtaken by demons. They also insult Hillbillies. Who in my experience are some of the most caring and psychic people in the US I'm a psychic hillbilly You went tired of CIA oppression like this is it's bullshit that we don't love

openly love our psychic hillbillies a little bit better right I'm saying everything I love our psychic killbillies a little bit better. Right. There are. That's what I'm saying every day. Our Mara Pizz. They're saying hillbillies ain't psychic, but in my experience, that ain't true. The America's most precious resource. It's her psychic killbillies.

We all have it. That was the original draft of the National Anthem. I would love like a Budweiser commercial, showing like Americana, and it's just like horses and small towns and then just a psychic hillbilly. And then hillbilly with his two fingers to his temples just exploded. A lot of them. Oh yeah.

Yeah. So like a total less of less of less of scanners and more of like Gallagher, like the Sledgames. Yes. Yes, scanners, scanners meets Gallagher. Right. Is, okay, shit, that's the best idea I've ever had. Let's go. Let's go.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. In this book, I intend to reveal the secret nature of the real bigfoot, the bigfoot that I know, the bigfoot that I would like you to get to know. Prepare yourself mentally and psychically for what I'm about to tell you. His meditation serves to strengthen humanity as we endure something called the interdimensional cosmic war. I love that title. It's both of those things.

To briefly explain, humanity is secretly involved in a war between demons and aliens. Demon's are... That no angels are involved in the war. Is that CIA propaganda? I think we all know psychic hillbillies are the real angels. I think angels are staying out of it.

That makes sense. That makes sense. Now there isn't, there, there isn't angel that comes up a little later. Okay. You might not believe this, probably well, he's also a bigfoot. Oh. Okay. Now it's all make sense.

Deemons are beings from an adjacent dimension to ours who visit our realm to feed on our psychic energy. Aliens are fighting to protect humanity from them. Humanity's future is in the hands of aliens who fight on our behalf. Bigfoot is a man or a creature who has existed since nearly the beginning of time. Is he a man or a creature or a bigfoot? Is he a man or creature? I a bigfoot? Is it man or creature? I can't.

Everything is a creature. Isn't a man a bigfoot? This is for us. That's what I'm starting to think. It's all one. I love this next sentence, which is, it has been speculated that he crossed into our dimension from his own just after our own Big Bang event.

I love the people. It's been speculated. It's not by me, you know, experts are like, we're pretty sure Bigfoot. I would count that as a local. If you've been here literally since our universe was born, maybe you could call it his dimension. You know, you're not going to be like, oh, you're tourist. You've only been here since the Big Bang. Go back to your own dimension. Yeah, when he says I'm from here, oh, you're tourist, you've only been here since the big bang. Go back to your own dimension.

Yeah, when he says I'm from here, they're like, yeah, but where are you really from? Uh-huh. I like the implication that there's like parallel universes and Bigfoot just travels from universe to universe. Like with his, it sounds like something a magician would do, honestly. Yeah. Real big foot magician move here.

Right, right. Others think he was sent here by a higher being like God in order to liberate humanity. Whatever the case, big foot himself wishes to keep his past secret. We know this because psychic probing of his existence does not extend any further than a few years. Okay, so Bigfoot's trying to keep his presence a secret. And I can prove it because I have been trying to read this gorilla's mind all day and I'm getting nothing. I've only been in the last two years, which are just eating leaves. And I know there's more than that. He's been around this gorilla. I'm looking in his eyes. These are pre-big bang eyes. I'm seeing that.

Stop lying to me, Tojo! Oh shit. In very recent history, Bigfoot was widely known and loved by the people of Earth. It wasn't until 1962 that this changed. Shortly after the North Palm Springs catastrophe, a CIA disaster which unleashed thousands of demons on the earth, Bigfoot was then betrayed by his once allies, the Red Aliens. Bigfoot's DNA was stolen and used to create clones that would service foot soldiers in the Intermediate Interdimensional Cosmic War. After this betrayal, Bigfoot withdrew from the public view entirely.

He was too well withdrew from the public. He was a celebrity before that. And escaped into a secret underground hiding place where he now resides. So how long goes this big thing where the CIA unleashed all the demons? 1962. I'm getting nothing.

I'll add 1962, but I'm not not Google has no results, which probably means. It's true. Oh, well, that's because, uh, Bigfoot began to conceal his existence using intent psychic meditation techniques to wipe all memory of himself from every living person on Earth. That makes sense. And, uh, there's an important note here. Uh, it's an asterisk, all capitals and a bold. Note, if you were alive before 1962 and you have memories of Bigfoot's existence before this time, please contact me immediately. You may be an extremely powerful psychic

and or immortal magician yourself. You may be entitled to compensation. Yeah. Sounds like I wish I was born before 1962 and had big foot memories now. You'd be in a mortal magician if that was if that was true. And he this is this is really just to call it's uh this is this is meetup. This is This is like bumble for immortal magicians. I mean, I found the big school integrations in 1962 in Palm Springs. Maybe he means that as a disaster. That would make sense. Ever since we started on segregating schools, Bigfoot has retreated from the public view.

He was not in favor of that. Yeah. retreated from the public view. He was not in favor of that. Yeah, you know, Palm Springs is where Eisenhower had his meeting probably about a decade prior with the aliens. Do you recall that? There was this big, it's a huge conspiracy thing that Eisenhower, the president, he said, oh, I've suddenly got to get some dentistry done. He goes on a plane to Palm Springs. Nobody can find him for two days. And he comes back and everybody was like, what is going on? We thought you were dead.

We were about to tell everybody, you know that you had expired and we have to put the vice president. And he's like, no, it was a tooth thing. Don't work. And then he smiled. Other than that, you still look like shit. Went to Palm Springs and has a very strange cover story. I know what that means.

I've gone to enough gay bars and Palm Springs to do exactly what that means. A mortal big feet. A mortal big feet. That's a that's gay slang. It's like a bit. I'm in a more I am in a mortal bigfoot. That's how I know. I'm not getting any further into that or we'll have to cut it. Right.

Shit, let's pause and explain that because that's not like the podcast. We've now clapped several times, Drew Maduddly told us, whatever they say is something that they know they have to cut, they just clap so that they can see it on the waveform. So if you hear clapping, which I feel like there's going to be some of, that means, that means cut. You cut it out. You might be wondering where did Bigfoot come from? Nobody knows, not even me, he says.

And I share a psychic connection with him. So, but I guess they don't talk. I guess they're not really good friends. So psychic connection is more like, I guess like early internet back when you all had like a local BBS. And Bigfoot's on it. Before I ask too many questions,

is there like a consistent world building element to this guys book? Like, does he keep his story straight? Yes, there's a lot of lore. We're going to build a vast and insane world. You have once again, I wish I had an achievement or a prize. There should be a little window that pops up in your visual field that is just like achievement unlocked.

Jeannie's wish. You'll regret saying this. Already do. This is some fucking, this is some Elden Ring shit we're delving into. The simple answer is nobody knows. He does not want us to know where he comes from. So we may never know. Even if I had the psychic power to overcome Bigfoot, I would not want to push his boundaries by probing him. We do. I know, they're friends. Believes in consent. Yeah, of course. Psychic consent for Bigfoot. That's a hillbilly tenant. We do know that he is one of the most powerful psychics ever to live. His real name is not Bigfoot, obviously. That's a silly human name given to the blood-bonded apes found

roaming the forest hunting down demons. I'm on the edge of my seat. What's his real name? Obviously. Obviously, that's not his real name. Obviously, it's a name we call blood-bonded apes found roaming the forest hunting down demons. And therefore, we started calling the immortal psychic at the center of the earth that too. I'm not sure the logic. What do I call if I meet Bigfoot? What do I call him? We don't know.

Power on. Oh, she's at names. I think that's like a power of the name thing. It must be. It's like the true name of God. He says this is what you know, because then you have power of room. Yeah, like if you say the words Tyler Bigfoot to his face Tyler Bigfoot

Exactly you have power. Yeah power held did you just call me? Over time Bigfoot has come to find the name Bigfoot acceptable and even answers to it occasionally Can't you do me? They might... They might... Tyler! If you... Over here! If you yell it out at the store for a while, he'll turn be like, what? Oh, oh, my God! What do you want? No, my son is also named Bigfoot.

It's a misunderstanding. Common name around here. Common name in Hillbilly Country. Goddammit. Another important footnote. I hope, by the way, that you did not buy this book hoping to read something silly because I could not be more serious about these topics. Okay, buddy.

Close the book then. Yeah. You might be wondering what does Bigfoot want? To put it quite simply, Bigfoot wants to protect humankind. His psychic meditation continues to protect us from the demons who wish to feed from us. He is dedicated his time to the psychic meditation which he believes will save humanity. Bigfoot wants to see humanity survive long enough to make it to the next phase of our natural evolution. Perhaps becoming beings more like him. Ooh. We are all gonna involve into big feet. If we can get our shit together,

I just tell you that. Okay, so if they are blood bonded apes, who are they blood bonded with us? Like in some ancient time, like we found an ape and we did like the cutting on the hand, handshake thing like kids do. Now we're brothers. I believe they're blood bonded of a sort to big foot by we'll get into it. We'll get into it.

There's a truth. It's toothy mouth stuff. No, it's Elton Bringshit. We're going to get there a brief introduction to the interdimensional cosmic war. By the way, I'm gonna enter seed real quick and say, I have, I'm not just reading the books straight up, I have actually edited this down. It sounds like I'm rambling like an insane person.

These are the important cliff notes. A brief introduction to the interdimensional cosmic war. As you know, doubt red, there is a secret war being waged between aliens and demons. If you've read my book, Top Secret CIA documents reveal evidence of demonic intervention in US elections,

full title. Second plug. Second plug in so many pages, you already know more than you're supposed to. If you've read it, I've put you in terrible danger and I'm sorry. This is far more silly than I was promised one star. In case you haven't read it, I will catch you up. Demons are psychic vampires from Adjacent Dimension who manipulate and subjugate humanity. This is a bad thing.

Okay. Yes, he does. Yes, he does say that's not my commentary. He does say, This is a bad thing Yes, he does yes, he does it. That's not that's not my commentary. He does say this is a bad thing Psychic vampires for another dimension to manipulate and subject it humanity in a bad way in a bad way Of course aliens are people from other planets who have advanced technology They also think that demons are doing a bad thing by feeding from humanity. So, you know, it's a consensus. It's not a bias. Many alien species have won their own conflicts

with demons and have developed techniques to combat them. Unfortunately, humans have a unique psychic fingerprint and alien weapons are only partially effective on the types of demons that prey on humans. Damn. Yeah. So they have like beam weapons that disrupt psychic feeding beams.

And so if a demon is, I assume invisible demon is like somewhere near you, feeding on you with psychic energy beam, normally they would come into a planet and just totally disrupt that with their weapons, but something about- They would blast them with laser-tag guns, exactly. Right.

Something about our brains makes that not work, but just not work that well. Right, we're the slight dust in the air that makes the laser-tag sensor not go off. Okay. You know, I like the idea of this guy really just getting this information from somebody and him being like, hold on, slow down.

So it only works partially. Hold on. Hold on. Like I'm writing, yes, I'm writing it first if I'm writing as fast as I can. It's right. Like the idea of anyone even considering to take this seriously is just so fucking stupid. I like the idea that he might have like a big foot snitch. Like he's got an S.C snitch. He's got a C.I. in

the big foot organization is like, all right, all right, I'm getting this down. Can I record? No. Okay. Okay. I caught you on this big foot. I told you that's not my fucking name. I'm not trying to like have too many questions, but like if the demons are feeding on our psychic energy, like having they evolved to feed on that isn't that their food source? What are they supposed to do about it? Yeah, isn't it unjust to deny them? Right.

They have to eat something. I mean, it's like, I'm gonna use my psychic energy for that. It's like veganism really. If you're not a vegan, can you criticize the psychokdemonic aliens who eat our thoughts? Right. In any way, this is like, the aliens are kind of like us if we went to the ocean just kind

of slapped half a fish out of a shark's mouth just like every now and then. Right. I'm just saying maybe we should like try to empathize a little bit with the demons. They have needs too. Right. Couldn't we just feed them some assholes? Right. That sounds like fucking CIA talk.

Bunch of goddamn narks on this podcast. Psychic narks. The most clever demons have infiltrated the CIA, FBI, and top levels of government. Very powerful demons are able to enter our realm and thrive. Often these demons are too powerful to overcome and much of the war is fought against minor demons as there is a greater chance of defeating them or sealing them inside crystals. Yes. Yes. Okay. You know where this is going. Now we're integrating crystals. I like where it's going. You know exactly where this is. No, you don't. No, we can't. There's no way you could see where this is going. Actually, there is a way, but you won't get there.

The aliens use their technology. I would like to pause at this point and say that he has not spelled technology right once in this book, but it's different. It's wrong in a different way each and every time. That seems like a choice. He's guessing every time. It seems like contempt. Like, he's just trying to let the reader know that I don't trust technology.

We probably, he probably wrote a book on a typewriter instead of on a computer then. Yeah, but I must have all of this book. Perhaps one of the craziest things was after I was done reading it and started due to my research into like the guy where it came from. This book is from 2020. It seems like such authentic madness from 1975. Yeah, it does.

It's retro madness. We got crazy still. Right, but I feel like there would be some Wi-Fi, 5G vaccine shit in here if you were like, this is quite crazy. This is cute, but crazy. That just shows that he's really sticking to the subject and not trying to branch out,

and take it in crazy places where it doesn't need to go. I'm not trying to bring in. He's showing some restraint. He's showing a little restraint. It's like, I'm boomer crazy. I'm just gonna appeal to my audience. Right, I'm not a big foot author. So like, I'm gonna give the people what they want.

This guy's like, no, no, no, no, I'm gonna give the people what they want. This guy's like, no, no, no, no, I'm gonna give the people what they need. We're playing the whole album, not just the greatest hits. The aliens use their technology to fight the chaos and destruction caused by the demonic interlopers and conceal evidence of their presence from humanity. This conflict is called the interdimensional cosmic war. That's the grounding you need.

It's a four out of ten name. Yeah, I feel like it's a little repetitive. There is often but not always a double sometimes triple space between interdimensional and cosmic war. So maybe I should be saying it more like interdimensional cosmic war. That elevates a little bit. Aliens versus demons at the Earth's magician core versus, versus Cowboys, we've made that movie. The intervention of red aliens, while most aliens are benevolent, there are some species who are not entirely trustworthy. The most frequent culprit of subterfuge and genetic modification are the red aliens. These short red colored aliens

have been known to cause a type of chaos of their own. Why these wretched little creatures are allowed to be part of the intergalactic cancel, I have no idea. This is some fucking space racism. Wretched? What? Specifically the phrase,

why they're allowed to be part of this, I have no idea is such a a is such a like grandma's not Grandma's not racist. She just has some outdated ideas It's like very it's very next door It is this is big this is big for its next door The 15 email you get about this I just don't think you should get special treatment if you're red. I'm just saying, I'm just saying. I'm just saying, I'm with a star council like everyone else.

I don't think red aliens should be on the neighborhood watch. And I'll allow them to get married, but we can't call it marriage. Wretched creatures, they are cruel and unpredictable in every way imaginable. When you hear stories of cattle mutilation, it is likely the work of genetic experiments. Oh, wretched creatures. They are cruel and unpredictable and every way imaginable. When you hear stories of cattle mutilation, it is likely the work of genetic experiments by red aliens who have no regard for the suffering of others. One thing is true though, the red aliens are on our side. After all that. They're all that. They're good guys, but goddamn, they're sons of bitches. He disrupt a lot of buttholes every night of the innocent, but...

That's it, pranksters. Well, yeah, there's still a, you know, a lot of this seems to tie into like general feelings and general concepts of uFology over the years. There was actually a guy about four years ago who claimed that there is a galactic federation made up of different races of aliens, but I've never heard the term red alien. No, I haven't. It is extremely racist.

We're pretty lost in the past, and I've never heard of red aliens ever. I mean, that sounds almost like a swear to me. It sounds like a swear because it has been used, like the color has been used as a swear and colors are often almost like a swear to me. It sounds like a slur because it has been used, like the color has been used as a slur, and colors are often used as slur. So if you say like gray aliens, that's fine. We don't have gray people and haven't used it as a slur, but if you're like, those black aliens,

and you're like, all right. All right. All right, man. Those Jew aliens, yeah, I know what you're, I know what you're, I know what you're a fucker. I do that. Oh shit. Bigfoot believes that he could teach the aliens a form of psychic meditation that would permanently ward them from this dimension, given that enough powerful psychics joined

in together. Unfortunately, Red aliens had other plans. Bigfoot's DNA was stolen from him after a brief meeting on a Zolixian ship. This term will not come up again. I mean, just as soon as we know. Yeah, of course. I mean, immediately sensing the deception, Bigfoot teleported himself away to safety and began to meditate to conceal his location from any who wished to harm him. So I guess he did this in power. Also unrelated retreated. This is the second retreat from public view. Bigfoot has.

He sounds like you're kind of like he's chuking. Yeah, he's like coward. Kind of a kind of a yellow Bigfoot. kind of a yellow bigfoot. Unfortunately the damage had already been done. From his stolen DNA, a new creature was created. This creature is called the blood bonded. The blood bonded egg, right? Okay. There you go. And so he looks like that or did they like mix the DNA with some gorilla? Is that why bigfoot? I'm so glad you asked and so are the next 17 pages of this book. Oh.

Blood-bonded apes, psychic foot soldiers in search of Bigfoot? Yes. Yes. Is there really a question mark because I am certain it's true. It's true. If there's ever a question mark, the answer is always yes. Always yes. Especially when Blood-bonded apes are considered.

Creating an exact genetic copy of Bigfoot wasn't possible, partially due to the natural limitations of science, and partially due to the unique nature of Bigfoot DNA, which has 5.6 times more genetic information than any human or alien species currently known. I love the detail work on that. 5.6. For that reason, substitutions needed to be made.

Additional DNA was spliced with the original Bigfoot sample in order to create new and mutations within each generation. To make up the difference, human cow, pig, bear, ape, and alien DNA have been used in various combinations to create new Bigfoot subspecies. This is why reported sightings of bigfoot vary from location to location. The genetic variation from species to species shows itself in their traits ranging from tiny ape dogs to large white snowballs. What?

This is way better world building than like Zolixian spaceships, suddenly. Yeah, we're getting into it. So this is like old, beater cars driving around that are half bondo, made of parts from other cars, just whatever they could scrape up. So they're saying kind of these big feet are like sort of backwoods creations. Yeah, they're, you got it right. And one, they're bloodbondo apes. So you're saying it's sort of like the first part

of Jurassic Park mixed with nothing. Mixed with cloaked racism, maybe? Okay, I buy that. Today there are thousands of bloodbonded apes in existence. By the way, this would explain the entire approach to mountain monsters. Maybe mountain monsters is an offshoot of this philosophy. Actually, they would predate with nine seasons. They would predate this.

So maybe he's watching a lot of mountain monsters. Just a big mountain monster. This is all mountain monsters, fan fiction, that he'd like 50 shades of gray. He just figured what should be its own book. Today, there are thousands of blood-bonded apes in existence, the vast majority of them in service of the aliens. In general, they roam the wild, content to feed on the raw flesh of woodland animals and forage, fruits, and berries.

These subspecies are unlikely to be seen near any cities or large groups of people. On the other hand, some sub species have adapted well to human society and are able to fit in quite well in this era of bold hairstyles and bright colors. I knew it. Fuck it's seven foot tall pink mohawked bigfoot. I am not a bigfoot. Wait a minute.

No, Jaya, what's it thinking? Sean? Sean, baby, is that, is that a point? Meditation. Fuck it. I love the old man turned of like these, these teens with their hairstyles and colors, big feet, all of them. One key ability that all blood bonded eight share is the ability to trap demons inside crystals. Of course. Right now it's Congo. This is how they killed all those Camilla's in Congo. Well, I got a bracelet. It's my favorite sentence. One key ability that all

blood bonded eight share is the ability to trap demons inside crystals. These crystals are called ape crystals. You fucking ate right there. Oh man. Why would you possibly call them anything else? Natalie, I complimented your naming skills earlier, but ape crystals 10 out of 10. I don't know why. I wouldn't call them demon crystals. In parentheses, they are also called demon crystals. You're exactly right.

Oh my god. But first, he's the best. Keep your hand with the best. Right there on the wavelength, you know it. I'm only going to call them ape crystals because that made my life. This is why the blood bonded apes were created. It is their very purpose. Psychic overpowering techniques allow them to coerce nearby demons into crystals,

engaging them in psychic combat and once weakened, trapping them there where they remain until the crystals are shattered or otherwise destroyed. And then they escape or they're dead forever. Or you, you can, nobody knows. You can throw them out for battle with other types of Blubbonded Apes. And, no, I'm making all that up because that's Pokemon. It just sounds like Pokemon to me. Right, that would be cool. Blubbonded Apes, you have to weaken them,

trap them in a crystal, throw it out, fight your special moves, they all have, I don't know. There's a whole game waiting here. If the Blubbond. And uh, you know, if the blood bonded apes, you know, all being made up of different DNA, if they don't each have a signature move, I gotta say that's mega disappointing. Right.

You will not be disappointed. Yeah, like when you put the pig DNA, you want that truffle finding ability. Thank you. These psychic 8 men are risking their lives in the fight for humanity's future and they should remain unbothered. Okay. Says the only one writing books about them.

Right. And now I would like to, the next section is called a variety of sub species and I would like to send you the custom art he has included in this book. I'm going to send it to the email and that email thread. It might take a second to get to you. All right, while we're waiting, I will read a variety of sub species. The number of sub species of blood-bonded apes is in the hundreds. If not thousands, physically they very widely no two reported sightings are the same.

We know when you get that artwork. Oh, no, I'll know when you get that artwork. I'm so willing to be squirreling with Glee. I mean, sending to yours. Oh my god. Maybe send a to your email. I thought I include both of you on it, but yeah, we should all have it. Oh, it's I was like, no, I got it.

I got it now. Here we are. Okay. He's an artist. Oh my God. Oh, so did this guy draw these? Wouldn't it be crazy if different people drew them? Different people drew them.

Yeah, and there's definitely a different art style of some of these different six year olds treaties. It looks like. I'm still thinking about the dog bigfoot. Which one of these is the dog one? I don't know. I think maybe, I don't know. I like rainbow bigfoot.

There's a rainbow bigfoot. There's I like the one who is in the trees who has the crystal in his hands. And he looks like he is smelling a poop. You just had a tough fight. He just trapped a demon in that crystal. That is so. Okay. Yeah. So they're all I can't resist the temptation to do tag yourself. I'm the pen drawing of the big foot with the pink triangle in his forehead.

And he seems absolutely pleased to have been depicted. He looks like he's having a great time. I am quite literally in a center space like that is actually my profile. That's a blue gem that's glowing. I mean I don't always wear my gem but otherwise that's made. Yeah I'm obviously the one at the bottom on the post-it note. I'm an egg with a little tiny patch of hair on top. It looks almost exactly like me when I grow up my beard off. And I can't read the writing, but it looks like you're supposed to be saying,

horrible, horrible, horrible. Perfect. That's what I would say if I met Big B. I'd say, Wongalawalalal, they'd be like, dude, that is racist when you say it. Yeah, they have to clap afterwards. Let's go through a variety of subspecies. I'll give you the clips notes on a lot of these.

First, as promised, there is the ape angel, also known as Angrel. No. Angrel the ape angel with wings known to brood on cliffs the grin are also called alabama alabama swamp monkeys But uh that sounds like the euphemism Don't worry. It's not what it sounds like their part goat Okay, okay, the hallmark of the yang dune is the host of brightly colored crystals that float around them, often called mind jugglers because the way they're crystalline collection dances through the air.

I can feel, I can just feel it on this podcast that there's like, our discord loves to take jokes and like make them their user names. There's like 80 we've gone through so every sentence is a username waiting. If somebody is not a mind jugular, two minutes after this podcast drops, I'm shutting the whole fucking discord down. Nobody is allowed to be an Alabama swamp monkey like that. Yes. It's an ideal permanent band immediately. You have to censor that.

The young. Unless they're part goat and then they're in Halibut. parentheses part goat. The Yale, the Yale doom is a walking prison for demons. No blood bonded ape is more adapted trapping and sorting demons by wavelength. Sorting. Sorting. It's like a spreadsheet management. They are demon hunting. They are the best ape crystal librarians in existence. Yeah. There's another username.

Each crystal tends to have a unique color due to this unique filing system employed by the Yangtun filing and filing system for ape crystals. God, I love that. Like, what does that look like? Is there such sort of a case? Are you going to leave your ape crystals lying around unsorted? What happens when you need a certain ape crystal?

You're out of luck, you're scrambling. Right. You got to sort them by way. Like, failing to plan is planning to fail. Like, I know it's aesthetically pleasing to arrange them by color, but not if you want to use them. I mean, that's just, that's poser. You can tell a poser. If you are in a situation, you're like, oh, think fast.

Think fast, you need a ape crystal that is like, level seven vibes and like, maybe it's green. Like, if you don't have it organized already, you're fucked. Yeah. I feel like the most efficient way to organize these would be a bandily but then your Chubaka Yeah, yeah, that's way too on the nose. Yeah, Sean. Maybe one of the subtypes does have a bandily of crystals Of course, they Keep in the lot establishing Establishing once if for, that Chubaka is a subspecies of blood on the date. He's a fucking swamp monkey.

Go, shit. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. The cement, the cement- The cement- Are a subspecies of blood-bonded ape that can be found in the swamps of Florida and Louisiana, sometimes mistaken for werewolves or local swap gods. Sometti are elusive but not invisible like other subspecies.

Also known, brace up. Also known as the skunk bear, swamp wimple, stink ape, whale and willy Gold back or the wizard of the wetlands He is a magician Whale and willy No, whaling like he's whaling like okay, I stand out here and open my mouth and I'm mid a wail. Also known as, one more time,

also known as skunk bear swamp wimple, stink ape wailin' willy, gold back or the wizard of the wetlands. Fucking fantastic swamp wimple. Everyone the best band name I've ever heard, like back to back to back. Oh yeah, oh yeah. I wanna, I need to learn an instrument.

I'm inspired right now. Right. Those are my favorite, favorite subspecies. The power of psychic meditation. Human kind is lucky to have such benevolent cousins in this universe. While it is true that aliens are doing a majority of the legwork in the cosmic war.

Bigfoot's meditation also serves as a buffer to keep the war moving in the right direction. It is difficult to explain how psychic meditation works since there are no directly attributable effects, so you will have to take my word for it. Well, he hasn't let us stray so far. With the proof so far, how what reason do we have not to trust your words, sir? Right. Have you ever been looking for some lost object in your home and decided to look somewhere that you knew the object wouldn't be?

But there it was. That's called luck. That's a swamp wipple. That's called luck. The desire to look in that unlikely spot, water by keys doing in the freezer was possibly result of latent psychic meditation. If occurrences like this happen frequently, you may have a higher than average psychic ability. Please consider adding your psychic power to Bigfoot's power by means of psychic contribution

meditation. Send your psychic contribution to Bigfoot's power by means of psychic contribution meditation. Send your psychic contribution by mail. I'm psychic at all. I am not giving any of it to Bigfoot. Oh, shit, that's cold. He has the demon crystals and all eats fine without me. You know Tyler's working as hard as he can. He's doing fine. For your benefit. If you...

Tyler's working as hard as he can. He's doing fine now. For your benefit. If you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you frequently find socks, Natalie, you have to send them some like psychic wavelength to the big foot war or I mean, I get that's what he's saying. If you frequently find lost objects, you are psychic and you owe it to Bigfoot to contribute. Tyler says, yes, please send me the socks.

He's called Bigfoot, not Bigs socks. That's why he went all the socks into them. Oh, over the past. This is falling apart. It's falling apart. It's falling apart. Ladies, send your socks to Tyler Bigfoot. Psychic Mind Juggler at the center of the earth. Illinois. It's just the name of a tab. Over the past few thousand years, many wise individuals have devised methods and skills

that any strong psychic could use. These methods include offensive maneuvers. This is why I said you asked for signature moves. You were getting them. Yeah. Yeah. These methods include offensive maneuvers such as psychic blast, psychic knowledge attack, psychic cyclone attack, and psychic doom attack. Oh, yeah,

those are absolutely Pokemon style. Yes, they are. They're also defensive moves like psychic protective meditation technique and the extremely useful blue psychic barrier. I feel like you need it to be faster. Like if you got an incoming mind ray and you're like, psychic protective meditation, you're like, you're already dead. Yeah. Yeah, you're dead. I'm going to go ahead and send you anyway. You probably already know this being a mortal big feet yourselves, but I'll send you the psychic combat spreadsheet.

You can use quickly, refer to the different super moves. I want to match types against our demon enemies. Yeah, you definitely want to use. So you said, so it's a blue psychic defense, like the color blue. Yeah, blue psychic. Like the exterior.

See, I feel like that we've got some lore building up here, the red aliens, the blue psychic, all the different colors of the gems that are being juggled. I feel like this is all coming together. Right, right. Yeah, it is. It really does all absolutely come together in presumably some way.

There's no way to tell. Yeah. Did he adapt this from a card game? Was he like, oh, this card game is not coming together. Wait, I could make a big foot book. I could make big feet out of this. I could make a big foot book. I could make big big big. I could make a lot of this. Now, I know you're gonna be excited once you get that sheet to you. Oh, wait, wait. There is a vulva on this page. There is a psychic vulva. I would argue there's there is also a giant psychic clitoris maybe

Well, I'm not an expert on that type of thing. I usually just stick my face in and you know I'll around and blast away with my psychic abilities of course that is how I pleasure my woman like a big Fuck like a mind juggling I like like psych, I feel like psychic confusion. With your clown afro? Yeah. It's like a confusion is a man who appears to be dead because he has two X's for eyes blasting out a psychic clown afro. And that's called psychic confusion.

Rapid meditation is when you present a rainbow vulva with stuff, I don't know, with something terrible lurking in it. And trapping the demon and the crystal of it. Right. You can also do. Bring it to pleasure. Time travel's really weird. Like this one says, it just says time travel,

travel through time to erase events. Only to erase events. You could do so much more with time travel. I mean, you could avoid anything. I guess they're just, maybe you could write small things. You could, you could do anything, but I guess they're trying to fit it into like you said, a spreadsheet of just the different moves. So if they really expounded on time travel, that would be a whole different. I wish that they showed the damage that these different attacks do. Right.

And how do you cost like? Do I have to spec into this tree to like for this to be effective? Is this actually going to do damage or is this just one of those things that's going to lower their attack? Yeah. I don't want to play a support class in the Bigfoot War. Right. No fucking thank you.

Not even the tough right. It says boarding and it just says turn away demons and it's just kind of making a green line that's blocking a red arrow. So it seems like he's that's like blocking a projectile, but it just says turn away demons. Well, I think the projectiles are for psychic bear. I love this, this mugness of psychic barrier. There's somebody standing there with their hand on their hip like, fuck you. I've got a psychic barrier

and there's a little arrow passing off. You're with the idiot. Yeah. They have a very cocky pose. Very cocky. I also like psychic blast. That's the full X-Men stance. Yeah.

We're just emitting, that's DPS. That's if you spec into DPS, you get psychic blasts. Yeah, the big AOE damage with that one. I know you're tempted to of course go out and join the Bigfoot War now that you are prepared. Luckily, the next section is do not join the Bigfoot War. Do not do it. Do not seek out demons in order to find them. These are bullet pointed. Number one, do not seek out demons in order to fight them unless you are in a mortal magician, you are not likely to be powerful enough

to take down a demon one-on-one. Number two, do not attempt to contact aliens using your psychic powers. Now you're tempted to think this is because of some sort of psychic blowback. No, I'll boil it down. They're busy fighting a psychic war and it's annoying. Yeah.

They're just like, fucking getting a call again. I'm blasting a blood-bonded ape into a crystal out here. And I can't answer. I love that in this author's wildest dreams, he can't imagine someone that wants to hear from him. Where it's 60 pages into a fantasy about Bigfoot and he's like, no, nobody wants to talk to me.

Yeah, don't call people. They don't like it. Number three, do not engage a blood bonded ape. Now again, you think you're going to be like destroyed as a collateral damage of the war. No, they also find it annoying. So all of this, all of this boils down to him straight up saying, look, unless you really know what, unless you are really sure that you do have psychic powers on this high level, like there's no reason for you to get involved. I'm just giving you the goss. I'm just trying to, I'm trying to help you help yourself here. Number four, do not probe the minds of others without their permission. Can anybody guess why?

I feel like the whole theme of this book is consent. I mean, in a good way, like this guy's like, leave everybody alone. Stop annoying people. You are exactly right. Here's an exact quote, do not probe the mind of others without their permission. It is just a rude thing to do. It's a rude thing to do. This is like a life and death war for the psychic fate of Earth.

And he's just really worried about manners. Yeah, you got to, I really, I really find that incredible because in any of the like cryptid ufology stuff you read, it is all like very dramatic and everybody is, is all involved in everybody touches the fucking aliens and stuff and here he's like just leave them alone. I'm going to tell you what they're doing. Trust me. By the time I get to the end alone. I'm gonna tell you what they're doing. Trust me. By the time I get to the end, you're gonna know exactly what's going on,

but don't bother them. They're busy. And like you said, 60 pages in, like at this point, he's like, well, you should realize how much time they've got invested in this cycle of war. Can you just let them carry it out? It's like standing over your cable guy while he does the install and just asking questions How tonight? It's a job to do this to the blood-bonded aves he took a class to be certified He doesn't want to certify you in blood-bonded eight battle

I'll stand right behind my plumber and just psychically bond with him. Just like, wow. Psychic blast him right in the mind, vulva. All right. I have a time to move on to immortal magicians and your psychic alignment. Immortal magicians are the highest level of psychic power, attainable by a human. Many immortal magicians have existed through history, and in fact, even today,

aside from myself and Bigfoot, there are three other active immortal magicians living on Earth as of this writing. I am in psychic combat with all of them. I'm literally no one likes me. So there's five. There's the author, there's Bigfoot, and there's their three adversaries, and they're in like a pentagram configuration. They're all fighting each other.

They're all, they all hate each other. We're just stuck fucking. No, no, the other four all in a group text. It's just this one asshole who just J.R. Fleming is out there like fucking in sell a mortal, but it's a lot more than magician out there posting on psychic Reddit just lasting no shot Sean, I think you're right. I think that everybody else hates him. And they have each individually been like, oh no, those guys don't want to talk to you. They don't like you. Yep.

The entire species have done that. Don't talk to the bloodbonded apes. I tried it. They don't want to hear from don't talk to the aliens. Even earlier, he was like, I'm in, I'm a contact bigfootfoot all the time he doesn't want to talk about anything It's just really polite. He's like yeah, I got a roll out of the center of the earth here I got a retreat from a public view there was CIA thing right I have one more bullet point one more Bigfoot bullet point when when they someone calls you to change your log distance provider. They don't need to hear about all your problems. Just like let them do their sales pitch. Bigfoot I couldn't help but notice you erased all memory of your existence from every human on earth.

It's so good that I'm an immortal magician and it didn't work on me and he's like, yeah, I remember you were an immortal magician for sure. For sure, that's why. He's like, yeah, I remember you were on a mortal magician for sure. For sure, that's why. Yeah. Yeah. Change in my fucking big foot phone number again. I gotta go.

Let's go through some notable psychics and immortal magicians. First there is Merlin and Marigoth. Obviously. These two men were called Wizard. Oh Wizard is just a colloquial term for a mortal magician. Both brothers were gifted in the arts of elemental psychic control. Often called magic, which gave them complete control over the elements. Merlin was gifted in controlling water and wind while his brother was skilled in manipulating fire and dust. Okay. I will master a blow dryer.

Matches. I mean, usually they go, usually they go with earth for that because that is like mud slides, earthquakes, boulders. I mean, really, they did him dirty by saying he just, he just likes playing with dust. Yeah, really. He like, he likes fire and he likes just a little powder stuff you find on the ground. I did that. It's specifically just like dust, like dead skin cells that accumulate and he's like, fucking Merlin gets water and wind.

like fucking Merlin gets water and wind. It's dust. Four elements. Earth. Wind. Fire. Milk. I don't say my allergies. I'm pretty allergic to dust.

That would be a total nightmare. Yes, see? Not so funny now. They did actually have a falling out. A long and involved story about how they were abducted and they were like raised aboard alien rival spaceships. They were trained in psychic warfare and sent back to earth to assist Bigfoot, but Marigoth like fell to the temptations of evil and he stole a starship and took off into space. Never to be heard from again. Well, this this spaceship, he doesn't tell us what kind because we only know the

one kind so far. Zola Zola's axiotix and right. Yeah, I guess he just assumes we remember that. Yeah, maybe he's maybe he's he hosted that treacherous conference where the radially and so bigfoot sperm to those little bastards. It's artificially inseminated.

I'm not racist. I just, uh, there's ready. It's too artificially inseminated. I'm not racist. That just, uh, there's ready. It's always ready. Lines, isn't it? Wretched. Wretched. Oh, let's get back to an actual quote. Merlin was tragically unappreciated and only thought of it as a trickster or worse, an advisor. I'm the most famous wizard of all time. Yeah, yeah. Merlin was unsuccessful in his mission, but his legacy lived on, his DNA was collected and has been used in multiple subspecies and bloodbondidapes.

Yeah, okay, perfect. There are bloodbondidapes out there that are part Merlin. So. This is gonna sound like a dumb question, but if he's an immortal magician, like he's still around, right? No, the very next sentence, Mirlin died in 1596 in France after falling from a horse. No, come on.

If you were an immortal magician and you could control wind and water, you can't control horse. That's another element. You failed to account for the element of horse, exactly. The less of brother Morco controls horse. I love the sentence, Merlin died in 1596 France after falling from a horse. That's how, that's how like a forgotten celebrity dies. And then you're like, Merlin died in a sense-story thing.

He does this kind of accident. Sonny Merlin. Let's explore some... I'm glad I'm not afraid of them. I'm not afraid of the bono estate. I just want you to like me. Let's explore some more notable psychics and a moral magician such as Marlin II. No, that's not a joke. Marlin II created by aliens using Marlin's DNA.

Marlin II was a failed experiment who eventually became too powerful for the aliens to handle in their arrogance. The red aliens thought they could create a clone plus, which is a genetic clone of an immortal magician with tweaks added to increase or suppress certain qualities. They added some like horse defense. They had to put some more points into horse on this run. This one is no longer weak to horse, but he does take double damage from milk.

But what are the odds? Merlin, the clone plus is what they call this. Just a clone with elbow pads, so you know who died when you fall. In this case, Merlin 2 was given the ability to use multiple psychic abilities at the same time and even able to stack multiple instances of the same ability. Oh, shit. He's getting straight into card game shit. You call this a foreign advance. You can stack buffs.

Now that we've done Clone Plus and turned Merlon into Marlon 2 and he can stack buffs. I feel like his description is so technical of the exact points that are allocated to everything. It may be belies. He's being a little casual about it. I think he has great technical knowledge. I think he's got all the stats. And he just, he doesn't want to review him. Right. He just doesn't want to, he knows he's a good writer. He knows he doesn't want to get bogged

down in a technical manual. A technical manual is something else. And if you're interested in more, this is like a, this is like a 101. This is Bigfoot Cosmic War survey class. And if you want to delve in deeper, you can specialize in Bloodborne today. This is just a really early game design document. This guy's writing. He's designing a video game or a card game. And I was joking earlier, but I do think he took

that and adapted it into his novel or whatever this is. I'm not joking when I say this would fucking whip so much ass as a game. I would kick start it right now. It doesn't need some work, but yes, it's a great start. Yeah, I mean, you need to get the mechanics nailed down, but goddamn, the world building. You know, out of out of every pitch I've heard in the past few years, I would absolutely give $58 to this game and in three years later not have received this whole thing. I was gonna say there's no way. I would do it and I would be disappointed when I got the email later. It's just like there's been a personal tragedy in the Bigfoot family

There's just like, there's been a personal tragedy in the Bigfoot family of which I consider myself a member. I'm not technically, and they don't want to talk to me in this time of need. But the year we get it. Merlin, too, is irresponsible use of exponential psychic meditation. There's another signature move. In the year 722 AD led to a psychic event which inadvertently split our timeline

Into to a problem that was not rectified for 240 years when a powerful psychic named Angor was able to reunite the timelines by forcing Merlin to Into an adjacent dimension where he still exists Three dimensions for him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Thanks to Angor, which, well believe it, Angor the Wise was born into an alternate timeline from our own considered an incomplete dimension because it was torn from our own by Angor. Uh, too much psychic meditation. Angor was able to realize that the only way to reunite timelines again would be to reverse time and neutralize Merlin too. After much contemplation, Angor traveled backwards through time and eliminated Merlin too,

erasing his own timeline, his friends and families, his own dimension, and himself in the process. We owe so much to Angor. What a sacrifice. Poor. Yeah, how does he stay remember Angor? Right. So that's why he's not found in the fossil record.

That really raps it up with the bow. Doesn't that's convenient? Convenient that. Yeah, poor, poor Angor poor one out, poor one out for Angor, poor some psychic big poor one out for anger, poor some psychic bigfoot milk out for the man who erased himself in order to destroy Merlin too. Along with his friends and family and a big chunk of a dimension.

You know, Ang, from, in a lot of ways, Angor might be our dimension's greatest terrorist. That was a psychic time traveling suicide bomb. And I'm sick of glorifying him. He shouldn't be on a t-shirt, is all I'm saying. Shouldn't be sold to fucking hot topic, Angor. Next are the wayward sisters who pioneered the psychic art of psychic prophetic triangulation, which is an extremely reliable method of seeing the future which involves three adept psychics able to locate and converge on particular events or people, much like a GPS. Are they triplets?

Uh, yes, I believe so. Are they sexy Asian triplets with samurai swords? They might have been, I'm sorry, the sisters all died at once and a cavern collapsed in 120580. Oh man. Didn't see that one coming though. Took either did they. They must like just be stuck in that cavern very, very grumpy.

I wonder what the fuck is going on out there. He's anyone going to dig us out everywhere in mortal. Just only able to hang out with Bigfoot at the center of the earth. Just like, God, I'm so sick of that guy. I'm telling you, if I was immortal, I would never go in a cavern. Because that's the kind of shit that happens. It collapses on you and then you just stuck there forever. No caverns, no boats.

Yeah, no boats, absolutely no boats. Never, never talk to JR Fleming. He's gonna mentally page you, don't answer. Or, God, forever is a long time to be like, uh-huh, uh-huh, that's cool. Yeah. Now, let me ask you something, either one of you guys, if you're laying in bed tonight, you're winding down, you're trying to quiet the mental

timeline and you're doing the ritual where you close your eyes, you pretend you're asleep until you are actually asleep, right? This bridge between two mental worlds. And Jay are Fleming pages you and he's like, hey, I saw you read my book. You would tell him you would say, you know what? I'm really busy right now. I am, you know, right, this is a bad time. I am just trying to go to sleep. I've actually, I've got my eyes closed and I'm laying down. That's how close I am to sleeping. You told me yourself this was rude.

in them laying down. That's how close I am to sleeping. You told me your office was rude. Come on, Chair. Actually, my process for going to sleep is not exactly the same. I like to sit there and think about something very intensely. And then once my thoughts completely unravel and they stop like being coherent, I'm like, oh good, I'm finally going to sleep. Like that incoherent subconscious will slip into my thoughts and then I know I'm about to fall asleep. So actually talking to JR Fleming would be a normal part of my sleep process. Here in this guy, ramble about his nonsense.

Yeah, like eight minutes into him reciting the stats of various big feet. Yeah, he's a fuss. He's a swamp wimple, and it's plus eight milk, you know, like fucking. Of course, Bigfoot himself is on this list of immortal psychics. Of course, there's Bigfoot, who was mentor to many other immortal magicians, including Buddha, Ebrace the Great, and J.R. Fleming. And of course, Buddha, Merlin and me. Buddha, of course, well-known Bigfoot psychic. It's established.

Jesus Christ was also a helpful neutral type, Bigfoot psychic. I'm just gonna ask if the Jesus was involved in this. He is? Of course. I think it's bold to say he's a neutral type bigfoot. I'm just gonna ask if the G's was involved in this. He is? Of course. I think it's bold to say he's a neutral type. Uh, oh my god. I don't know the... I'm gonna go ahead and say that in the main book about Jesus,

he had a pretty firm stance on demons. Yeah, he was, uh, he was, he was maybe, all right, I'll give you chaotic good at best. Chayotic good, but not true neutral. Jesus was not true neutral. Jesus was helpful in neutral, meaning that he helped people too much and flaunted the social hierarchy. This unfortunately led to the government viewing him as a problem and executing him, which

is an interesting way to phrase that. He goes on to say, now it is a shame because I believe that if Jesus had lived longer, he could have had a positive impact on the history of mankind. That's incredible. That is the most unhinged take I have ever heard about life of Jesus. That is incredible. It's never the sentence as he thinks you're not gonna believe it. Just fucking throws it out there.

Imagine I'm gonna say that. Next time I'm talking to a Christian who's going off to, I'd be like, yeah man, it is a shame what happened to Jesus. I really think if he lit longer, he could have had a positive impact on man He had a lot of potential. He could have turned it around in the back He was getting there. He was getting there. He just buckled down, but he yeah too young man too young never got the chance Moses was a psychic water type magician. Oh, that's...

He was a war-tornal. He was. I love that that's what you do. You don't read the Bible and you're like, oh, yeah, psychic water type. I got it. Ebers the Great, you mentioned earlier, he was a master over chaotic magic.

Ebers dedicated himself fully to chaos at any cost. Ebris traveled Europe in the 15th century, spreading chaos wherever he went in some places. He healed the sick. In other places, he rained down fire on entire villages, seemingly at random. See, this is true neutrals. Ebris changed the lives of those he encountered

for better or worse, or even neutral. No. Even if you change the lives of those he encountered for better or worse or even neutral You changed let me read that again seemingly it random Ebrus changed the lives of those he encountered for better or worse or even neutral He changed your life for neutral. I have major placements blue very well You have no opinions. I know. Remember, Abris. Remember, there's a psychic bigfoot wipe coming. Remember, after many years of study, Ebers the Great became Ebers the Humble and spent

the last half of his life returning to his previous victims, rectifying his actions, healing individuals who were made sick again and once again raising villages which will return to their previous. Oh my God. I'm blowing up villages. It's the court. No, no, no. I'm neutral. My place mats.

Fuck you, buddy. No, no, no, healing individuals who were made sick and raising villages which were returned to their previous states. So like all the people who died are like, they're back. I believe so, yes. But he's just going around, making only making up for his own meddling, not for God or evil. Ebrus was never able to attain true neutrality due to his attachment to it. So did he go back into the people he did good things for and like, yes, come over? Yeah, he went back and like if he did good for you, we fucked you over.

Okay, that's what Mr. Beast is gonna do. That's what Mr. Beast is gonna do. I stole a thousand prosthetics. He's a true neutral magician. We all know. He's a true neutral immortal bigfoot magician. We all know. It's a true, neutral, immortal, bigfoot magician. Ebris was never able to attain true neutrality because he wanted it too badly. He could have learned a lesson from Buddha.

Ebris the humble died in 1492 after falling from his horse. No, no. Yes. Oh my God. Let me No. No. Yes. Oh my God. Let me finish. Ebers the humble died in 1492 after falling from his horse while crossing a river. That's it. That's the line.

Oh my God. That's like mixing his, his Merlin story with Columbus. He died in Fortny, 1492 after discovering that. I can see how it's like rain is firing now. After running his water horse using Moses to enchant a water horse that he ran across the sea to find America, but tragically fell off of the water horse and died. Which is the only way I guess to kill. Now you can collapse the cavern on him too.

Man, they're not that. Like I said, they might still be in there. Well, straight up, Iber, the humble and Merlin, fucking died after falling for forces. Resputing also in a mortal magician. You were a bike helmet as an immortal wizard. You'd be completely immune to death. Bike helmet technology was not invented until Craig Helmet,

who was in a mortal magician who lived in the 17th century. I don't know. Unfortunately, he was a race for existence in order to save us from Merlin 3. Rasputin was also a mortal magician. His ability was to reshuffle the future and sell it to the Zars. Whoa. Right. I thought his ability was just like being very, very hard to kill.

No, I mean, I guess there's that, which, you know, immortal magician. You would have needed, nobody tried horse on him. That's true. What was his element type? Was he like a fire type or a water type? He was a future type. He could reshuffle, he could psychically reshuffle the future.

They didn't say change or predict. They said psychically, he said psychically reshuffle, he could psychically reshuffle the future. They didn't say change or predict. They said psychically, he said psychically reef shuffle, which that son of a bitch used it to sell shuffled futures to the Zars. How many roles did they get? He's like, hey, we're all this die for the future. It depends on how many blood bonded apes they were able to kill before visiting a Rasputin. before visiting a recipe. You got to bank those points. No strudamus, of course, about no strudamus, only JR Fleming has to say this. In another dimension, each and every one of no strudamus's prophecies came true. Okay. In this timeline, he is seen as a fool and mocked by early morning TV show host. Okay, that guy heard a wacky zoo crew making fun of no suit domes. He's like, oh, I'm gonna fucking get back at them when I write my bigfoot book.

I love the idea that this guy psychically talks to bigfoot and is continually getting the cold shoulder like not now bro I'm like I'm in a psychic war like just we'll do this later and then he's like in contact and he has all the secret psychic knowledge and he has time to turn on like uh the today's show he's watching hour three of the today's show and he's like you fools of the today's show and he's like, you fools. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft.

God damn you, Kathy Lee. God damn you. Mocking those, Fredamus. In another dimension, he's right about everything. Pfft. Cool. But not right about this one. He specifically said they were coming to this one.

So he just didn't know, I guess. Let's meet another immortal magician. There is Star Wizard. Is that his name? Is that his given name? I'll read you the description of Star Wizard. Is he a 1981 arcade game? The description of Star Wizard is not much has known about Star Wizard. Insert coin to play Star Wizard. Next is River Jeremiah Jones. Okay. River Jeremiah Jones was born in 1952. And though he is unaware of his own psychic abilities, he has had a profound impact on the world. aware of his own psychic abilities, he has had a profound impact on the world. He's gonna be a real shock to River Jeremiah Jones. You wait for it. His unique form of latent psychic meditation is a force for good in the

world, much like Bigfoot's meditation. River became an immortal magician after a strong dose of LSD in 1969. Same. Same. Yeah. That's exactly why I'm a Bigfoot. River became an immortal magician after a strong dose of LSD in 1969. Same. That's exactly why I'm a bigfoot. Acid bigfoot, they call me. River Jones lives in Arizona and makes a living by crafting macro may be jewelry that he sells by the highway. Most gifted wizard.

The most gifted wizard. It is what I live in the dream. It is widely agreed among psychics that revealing rivers true nature to him would disrupt his meditation. So his true nature is kept. Many believe river is able to pass psychic energy into the macro may beads he uses as an amulet. River Jones' unique hemp jewelry is highly sought out by the psychic community.

I have some terrible news guys. Every time I buy MacRomey jewelry, I scream to them, you are the chosen one! And then I blow away. I had to have fucking blown this secret. You are the reason we lost the Bigfoot War. One through four. You're the reason we're on Bigfoot War five. This four. You're the reason we're on Bigfoot War five.

This is dimension six. We've had to start over so many times. Poor Agra bar, the wise, or what the fuck ever. It keeps having to erase his son because of you. I love, okay, so far. Let's recap. This guy is super psychic. His psychic meditation that he doesn't know he's doing

is like one of the only things keeping the pillars of the world upright. And he is channeling it into macro made be jewelry that he sells by the highway. Now all of the world's psychics know this and drive by his stand on the highway and presumably haggle for beads. And he's like, they're all, I'd look, I only got four bucks. And he's like, ah, all right, all right. And he gives him the bracelet. And then what's really going on is this bracelet allows you

to shoot fire blasts or whatever, but you could never tell him. This is, you're taking deep advantage of River Jones. This is so bad for this guy. I'm going to go find him and tell him, you got to, he's in Arizona by the highway, selling beads. Like I lived in Arizona for years. I know where this guy is. I'm gonna go tell him.

You know, the fact that he is just set up by the highway and you know, cars don't stop on the highway. That's the thing on the highway. And this guy, once the psychics found out and they all, I mean, you know, that's gonna be instantaneous. The psychic gossip, right? Like once the word goes out everybody knows instantly except for river

and so all of a sudden this guy sets up out on the highway picks a new spot and cars just start stopping and they're like I'll take whatever you got and he's like this highway is great I'm fucking rules everybody should do this yeah I finally found the place to sell my macrame bees. And he probably fights, you know, if there's anybody he thinks is gonna take his spot, he probably fights with him. I got here first. No, he's a giving man. He's down there telling the orange guy at the intersection,

like, dude, you gotta set up on the highway. I know you think it's the intersection. It's fucking crazy. It's like, I wish that orange guy would leave and the guy just explodes into the confetti. Oh, that's a good one. Holy shit. That's like, crazy. He's like, I wish that orange guy would leave and the guy just explodes into the company. Holy shit. Oh, that is nuts.

No, man, psychic stop here all the time. They have mad money, dude. Psychics and fucking chumps. Four reasons unknown to him. Some psychic individuals will occasionally engage in bidding wars, ensuring that he's able to make a comfortable living selling his jewelry. So every once in a while, there will be a bidding war over a piece. But otherwise, he has to just go out to the highway and hawk it. But he's able, don't worry, guys, he's...

I'll give you a $12 for the fireball bracelet. I mean, the regular bracelet. Like, not enough to afford health insurance, but he's got a, he's got a he's got a comfortable. Amongst psychics, these these tools have been known to resell pay attention to that word amongst psychics. They have been known to resell for up to $10,000 or more.

God damn it. So they're reselling, they even they give him the benefit of like a $100 bidding more and then resell it for 10,000 on psychic Etsy or whatever. Well, that's the thing is psychic eBay has got to be crazy because you know what everybody else is willing to bid. That was cute. There ends on an important footnote. If you happen to encounter river Jeremiah Jones, do not interact with him or tell him of his extremely special state. Fucking you'll fucking ruin it for everybody.

That was already heavily implied, but I'm glad he spelled it out for the reason. Why is he writing about this guy in the book? He could have not said anything and it wouldn't have changed. You fucked up. You collapsed the entire fireball bracelet market over a night. Now he's just fucking pumping him out. There's just everybody has three of them.

Asset X is a mysterious time traveler from the future who was saved world. Did you say asset X? Asset, asset X, like a, like a, like an ex force. Like a, like a Marvel character. That he's a mysterious time traveler from the future who saved the world multiple times. No need to say more.

Portal, the portal children, are exactly what they sound like. No need to say more. They're like, between star wizard, acid, ex, and portal children, those are the ones I wanna know about the most, but you're like, between Star Wizard, Asset X and Portal children, those are the ones I want to know about the most, but you're like, listen, let me tell you about River Jeremiah Jones. Fucking talk to me. About Star most one he should talk about.

Well, my shut up. Yeah, you were not supposed to talk about River Jeremiah Jones. You are supposed to talk about Star Wizard and the Portal children, my favorite prog rock band. Get your fucking claps ready for this next section. Oh no. And the list of immortal psychic magicians ends with and you. There are psychics everywhere.

Oh no. One one gentleman from China is able to communicate psychically with a local horse. Oh shit. Merlin. Yeah, this guy fucking killed all those. This son of a bitch. We have a lead suspect.

I, okay, I want to specify it's that that this is, I'm reading the actual text. A gentleman from China is able to communicate psychically with a local horse. This horse is also psychic. And he is not the only one. Many horses are psychic. OK, so far so good. That's the end of that section. That's the end of that section for now. Okay. I thought he was going to have like a problematic name or something.

The Chinese, of course, murder murder are best and brightest psychics with their with their horse blasts with their horse powers. Other unscrupulous psychics use their powers for evil or personal gain, such as Dordador vacuum salesman. Who have? This guy just, he's like listening to the radio show, hates this radio show. Some guy comes to his fucking door, trying to sell a vacuum,

that guy's going in the book. He's psychic, he's got damn psychic son of a bitch, such as door to door vacuum salesman who have a psychic advantage when attempting to influence others. Honestly, honestly, without psychic influence, what door to door vacuum salesman even exist? I don't think so. He that is a good point and a solid Gallagher joke. That is the perfect set up to explode a watermelon with your mind. Whether intentional or not, the psychic vacuum

salesman or a clear example of human nature poisoning psychic potential. Okay. Fucking hate like this is a this is a venom. I has only been reserved for red aliens up until this point. Just love that like he's given three examples of like modern psychics and like one of them's selling vacuum store to do it. When I'm selling Mac command the highway and they're one is just talking to a horse. And potentially murder are murder and murder murder murder and murder and fucking Marlin and his brother. I just realized if the Chinese government finds out about this psychic man and his psychic horse, they are going to crossbreed them to create a Yao Ming sentar.

I'm just saying they have a history of doing it. Obvious to me with the guy with the horse and his psychic connection to the horse is obvious that he was controlling the other horses that were killing off all the other wizards. to me with the guy with the horse and his psychic connection to the horse is obvious that he was controlling the other horses that were killing off all the other wizards. It's right there. It's right there, people. You've got your fucking board tacked up and you're drawing like vacuum salesmen or connecting up to psychic horse murder and like the Chinese and big circles.

It's not a racist thing. It's not a racist thing. It's not a racist thing. Let me walk you through the graph. You can draw the horse vulva. That's a spell. Oh, it's time to talk about psychic beards. Psychic beards. OK.

Oh, all right. Psychic beards and psychic hair in general are a phenomenon Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh. I will admit that in recent years, as we have gone fully weird, I decided that I was going to grow my hair out

to my terminal length because I heard it would make me more psychic. I hell yeah, it will work. That's a lady beard. Right, right. And my hair is extremely long now and it hasn't stopped growing yet. So I'm interested to see how long it's gonna take for me to get to be like. Do lady psychic still shave their legs?

I do sometimes. I didn't hear anything about leg hair being part of it. I thought it was just here on my head because it's like so close to my brain and then it makes like psychic antenna. Once it gets to the drawing, but if you're a psychic kick type who launches sonic waves with their psychic kicks, you do want to grow that leg hair out for plus two to a sonic damage. I want to read that last sentence one more time because I love the smugness in it. I wholeheartedly recommend that psychics grow their hair and beards as long as possible.

Bigfoot has a psychic beard. I have a psychic beard. Even so, Malians have them. Oh shit. I've never heard of a hairy alien, except obviously, Bigfoot. But I've- Except for ET's huge bush of pubes.

Head to edit them out. That was the first edit but even before the walkie-talkie thing it was the controversial pub edit. Trailing behind him, ruining that shot of the moon. him ruining that shot of the moon. Weapon in the wind. God the fucking places we've gone in this book. Ali is a great time. Ali is psychic beards. He just dropped that one and moved right the fuck on. Like mine.

Like me. Like me and Bigfoot. And Bigfoot's over there like fucking guys jog in my style I don't want to shave my beard, but I'm tired of them saying look at those weird like twins You may have noticed that many immortal magicians have died after suddenly falling from a horse I did we have been talking about that. Yes from a horse. We have been talking about that, yes. As mentioned previously, horses are very psychic animals. It is often thought that some horses have a malicious nature. I also think this is author may have fallen off a horse. I think it's a horse bit him when he was trying to feed a carrot or something. Or he went to the petting zoo and the horses were like, no, no, get that guy the fuck out of here.

We do not like that one. Fuck it. It's like a vacuum salesman horse. It is often thought that some horses have a malicious nature. However, they are able to conceal their powers even from immortal magicians. Not not me, though. I'm way too clever for them, says author of a big-foot magician. So you? He has just said, I can't tell if a horse is psychic, but I just know it. And they're malicious. Horses may also be more susceptible to demonic influence than the average psychic animal. For this reason, psychic should avoid horses if possible.

Okay, so this, I mean, this is just like a chronicle between the vacuum cleaner salesman, which I have never seen in real life. And a horse attack, like this guy clearly has a list of enemies. Right. Yeah, he's a very specific morning show hosts. Back in salesman, petting zoos.

The unbearded just for any, but I'm assuming, I'm assuming the red aliens are like a metaphor for somebody that has wronged him. Oh, yeah, I don't want the, I don't want to get a clap here, so I'm not going to say. I just want to say it one more time. Horses may also be more susceptible to demonic influence than the average psychic animal. For this reason, psychic should avoid horses if possible. Has there been mention of any other psychic animals in the book so far? I'm glad you asked.

I also know of a psychic cocktail that can see the future of those around him. Under, under, under, under, under, under, under, unfortunately, being, I'm gonna give him a cookie. You're gonna give me a cookie? Unfortunately, being a bird with no ability to vocalize his thoughts,

he speaks through his companion psychic human who receives the bird psychic messages and reveals them to those whose future is at stake. Wow, this guy believes anybody with a bird. The bird does, it's not even the bird saying shit. Somebody being like, I haven't trained the bird to speak the future of the bird, it's psychic, but he blasts me with a psychic messages. train the bird to speak the future. The bird is psychic, but he blasts me with a psychic messages. It's in the cocktail, not talk. Can't a cocktail talk like a parody?

They can. Okay. So it's a weird fucking double tripled step. That's the like, wow. Involved in the madness. Don't worry. We're still going. As a side note, demons tend to be attracted

to carnivores the most. They tend to feed on negative psychic energy. It makes sense that those who take life for no reason would generate negative wavelengths that demons feed off of. So, they eat the beef energy. They eat your beef energy. Demons eat your psychic beef energy,

and that's a fact. Yeah, is this the author of vegetarian? The act certainly radiates harmful wavelengths from all involved. In today's world, it is the vegan and frutarian that safeguards themselves from demonic infestation by remaining clear of the stench of death. Wow, I'm gonna assume he's a big yeah you gotta it sounds it sounds like yeah and this is like a comment this is a common concept the idea of this quantity called lushe that demons feed off of and one of the big conspiracy theories in the world of of this wwoo stuff is that aliens, demons, nobody's ever

quite sure exactly what they are, but they feed off of negative energy. And that's what makes you like break up and lose your job and get in car wrecks and stuff like that is the demons are making you do it so they can eat your sadness. Which, uh, which tastes like beef? Apparently so. I did. That's the part I didn't know about. This is such premium sadness. This is a steak.

This is a steak of psychic sadness. Such tragedy. Uh, uh, okay. The vegan and fruitarian safeguards themselves from demonic infestation by remaining clear of the sense of death. Unfortunately, with the modern knowledge of psychic plants, we are also presented with another moral quandary. Oh no!

There is some effort in the psychic community to breed non-psychic fruit trees and other non-psychic staples such as tomatoes, rice, and corn. Unfortunately, not much progress has been made. Because all plants are psychic. Once tomatoes learn mine powers, it's like, God, what are we supposed to eat? Tomatoes, rice, and corn, all way too psychic. You're trying to fucking eugenics the psychic out of these poor plants. Trying to make a corn plant without a soul. Is that not, is that not a demonic act?

You are definitely, you were the demon, you were the demon to the corn. The corn is up there. It's up here describing the history of America, designing a corn plant without a soul. That's like the story of our country. Yes. Yeah, that's like the story of our country. Yeah, that's certainly the name of somebody's biography out there. This book has pushed me to the point where I'm like, if everybody is psychic, including the porn, is anybody's like it? Is anybody truly great?

Right. I mean, if everybody is, anybody like notably psychic, I don't seem that way. Everybody, everybody would then be involved in their war against people taking advantage of them. If everybody's psychic, every level of corn is like, fucking people, fucking goddamn animals, keep eating us, keep eating us. Even though we're psychic, they're feeding on our energy and then we're feeding off the animal psychic energy. The demons are feeding off of us.

Seems like we're fighting a losing battle. I think that you know, everyone needs to eat what they need to eat just shut up Part of what I think bothers me about this book is that there's hardly any actionable advice like not even need is something we can do at home But other than that, he just kind of hates horses. And tell it, I guess he told us not to call Bigfoot. So that's something we don't call Bigfoot. Don't trust horses, never buy anything from a vacuum salesman, but conversely always buy some beads from a guy on the highway. Yes, because it might be him. There's some very specific advice in here. It's just very specifically applied to a donate corn at psychic. You may be surprised to learn,

probably not at this point. You may be surprised to learn that a majority of dinosaurs were highly psychic beings. In fact, it was their inherent psychic powers that initially drew the demons to our realm. Fucking dinosaurs brought the demons. Okay. I find this difficult to fact check.

The rest of it, I'm like, yeah, I'm sure this is all peer reviewed. But this one, I'm like, I don't know how we could know this. Well, I feel like a lot of this psychic knowledge seems to travel through time. There's a lot of elements to this that are not bonded to the linear flow of time Yeah, so once you start yeah, once you start, you know using your mind crystals or your mind juggler To you know travel through time You know you can go and see what the dinosaurs are doing and you travel through time and you're like hello and the dinosaurs like Oh shit a psychic ape and you're like oh that

That's racist. I don't have to say that. What? But I also feel like if you're the psychic scientist who discovers psychic powers in corn, you'd say, do you know what this means? Psychic dinosaurs, and no one would question you. They'll be like, yeah.

Right. In corn, was psychic, everything would be psychic at that point. Yeah. I think everything is psychic. Aside from the Loch Ness monster and a few other saps subsurface, subsurface, subsurface aquatic psychic beings, that doesn't, that's not how that breaks down.

Why did you have to call him Saps? It would be Saps with a B, right? But no, he writes specifically, SAPS, aside from the Loch Ness Monster and a few other fucking Saps. Very, very, very, very few psychic dinosaurs can still be found in the wild. That's because- Very few psychic dinosaurs can still be found in the wild. Well, because dumbass. That's because demons are responsible for the extinction of the dinosaurs. They were the first victims of the demons.

Okay. Okay. So the demons summoned the meteor, or is this like a completely different theory on dinosaur extinction? I think they must have just eaten their beef waves. They ate the dinosaurs beef waves until they died of a beef wave deficiency. Which is what Scarvie is. It's all coming together.

It's all making sense in this part. Yeah, we're really pretty. But in that one, I told you, it's all coming together. It's all making sense in this. Yeah, we're really, we're really, we're really, we're really, we're really just need to explore the crystals. As mentioned earlier, there are many ape crystals. Every time there are many ape crystals, aka demon crystals, which are buried in the ground. These crystals are created by blood bonded apes and contain powerful demons. They should be protected if possible. There are also chaos crystals,

which are crystals of dark psychic energy created by strong psychic apes. I'm sorry, by strong chaotic psychic apes. That's a specific type. It's capitalized. So chaotic psychic ape is this type of psychic ape, which creates chaos crystals, of course. That needs to be clarified.

Sure, yeah. Created by strong chaotic psychic apes and further replicated by CIA chaos machines. Whoa. Yeah, they're harnessing, they're taking the pure power of chaotic psychic apes and replicating them. Oh, I want to you. Now, this is, this guy keeps making a sides where the aside could be a whole book.

They're CIA chaotic psychic machines. They've made machines that create psychic energy and induce chaos. Like, tell me more about that. No, moves right on. And furnish them into crystals based on the powers of chaotic psychic apes. End of statement also makes it sound like they get the chaos crystal. And then they put it in a machine and then they have two chaos crystals. Is that what I'm understanding?

I think that is. I think they're duplicating duplicating. Crisoles. These crystals are made of concentrated energy that radiates chaotic psychic I think that is. I think they're duplicating. Duplicating Chaos crystals. These crystals are made of concentrated energy that radiates chaotic psychic energy in every direction. When demon crystals are exposed to Chaos crystals for an extended period, the demon crystals will vibrate until they shatter.

Releasing the demon. Releasing the demon. That's why the CIA knows this and has worked hard to ensure that chaos crystals are distributed to every major US city. But why are our tax dollars going to like a pro demon agenda? Uh, that's like government, baby. That's what taxes are. Taxes are.

You're going to our Fox News poll. It's like 88% Anti-demon like the American people do not want demons This is bullshit. I'm gonna go ahead and send you the propaganda poster trying to get you involved in the in the war For the demon crystals People want demon control. I mean, you can just look at it because it's funny to look at, but I'm going to read it. All right, the top says,

demon crystals in space, and there are, of course, demon crystals in space orbiting. There are thousands of demon crystals orbiting the Earth. These special crystals created specifically for space are sent into orbit using unique meditation methods employed by some species of blood-bonded ape. In recent years, Red Aliens had begun to collect them, and either utilize them as an energy source, thus destroying the demons trapped within, or transporting them to far away places presumably to be stored or destroyed. Two years ago, the CIA gained the technology to reclaim

some of these using satellite technology. So far, they have been, they have been able to unleash hundreds of demons into America with no plans to stop anytime soon. This has angered the aliens. Consider joining the interdimensional cosmic war so we can finally bring this demonic invasion to an end. This is incredible. It's beautiful too. There's like a cosmic sky scheme and it's got like a white text that's sort of, you know, a thin white text over the cosmos which looks really nice, beautiful shining crystals that looks like original art. I don't, we should reverse image that he might have stolen this art but it looks like original. I I don't, we should reverse image that he might have stolen this art, but it looks like original. I don't know, it's filled with art that seems to be solicited by people,

which implies, I mean, that subspecies art that I sent you guys, that was a bunch of different drawings. So either he's just grabbing, it seems like it's talking about the specific subspecies he's talking about though. So are there many people that believe specifically this? He despised. I, you know, there's so much of this stuff.

And we, we read about stuff like this all the time. Very many people who believe strongly in one or two parts of this will take all of the rest of it totally in stride. The immortal magician Merlin fell off a horse. That sounds like something that happens. He didn't have his ape crystals with the project of a wavelength that's cushions horse blows. It could have, right, there could have been chaos waves that emanated from a demonic crystal which we know was created by the CIA. And as you're saying this everybody else is like yeah yeah I knew that. Of

course I always have my chaos crystal on me to warn me when a Chinese horse master isn't And then I'm able to put on my elbow pads. That's what they say. You know, in rap when they say, I keep that thing on me. It's the crystal. It's a chaotic, psychic, apocrystal from space. From space. Search for interdimensional cosmic war.

And I found two references to J.R. Fleming. Oh, we'll get there and Several like jokes like that some people making jokes about something silly that they chose those particular words in that particular order not knowing they're making fun of J.R. Fleming specific. Yes Yes, because he does not seem to have much of a following, which we will get to. I told you this is a fucking f*****g. Oh, yes. Above the earth, a different set of mysteries. Using remote viewing techniques, some psychics are able to see things very far away. It seems less impressive. Sometimes we use this ability to view objects that orbit the Earth, these objects range from ancient Aztec artifacts, a skeleton wearing a full suit of armor, multiple jewel-encrusted

swords, alien surveillance satellites, demon crystals containing very powerful demons, one golden chalice, more golden pyramids, and even a number of failed Soviet weather control machines. So there's the golden chalice floating in space? And that bears mentioning in the same breath as a failed Soviet weather control machines. It's a real flea market vibe in space. It's so much macro jewelry from the from the wars, the forgotten wars. It sounds like your inventory, if you've been playing a very long RPG and you didn't do all the side quests and you're like, what is this fucking golden chalice? Yeah. I have some sort of jewel encrusted sword here. I don't remember where that was gonna go. Like I'm gonna have to look up the guide

Found a fucking Aztec skeleton in a pseudo armor. I died. I couldn't even imagine Use suit of armor on Russian weapon system. Oh there it is cheap and unlocked The surface of Mars also has a dozen or so human skeletons for some reason. I believe that someone or something is transporting them there. They may be related to a number of CIA and FBI agents that disappeared in 1992. That's... Let's fuck us, fell off their star horses.

See, you were at accident. I think he's saying bigfoot fucking marked him. I think bigfoot marked to the C.I. of agents. And is like, his throw in them in the Hudson is just shunting them to Mars. And now these people are like psychic viewing him and he's like, oh, shit. Oh, shit. They know everything.

You can fucking see Mars? I didn't know that. Now he's got a pretend to be friends with Sheriff Lemon. No, we're cool. I'm sorry. I haven't talked to you a long time. I yeah, I want to hear about the skeleton. That's so weird. It's weird. I mean, yeah, bigfoot's like, yeah, man, you know, I've been real busy. How are you? Hey, you're not writing about the bodies on Mars, right? I'm just I just want to make sure I know you wouldn't, but I just want to make sure And you you you were in a mortal magician, right? You're immune to the mind. Why you're me. Yeah, I just wanted to make I wanted to yeah, make sure you were No matter your psychic levels. He's wrapping up the book here. No matter your psychic levels, he's wrapping up the book here. No matter

your psychic levels, I believe that you too can develop a psychic relationship with Bigfoot. Aw. That's really sweet. What about the portal children? He did. Now, he did have the long list and he ended the long list of psychic magicians with Andy and you which is exactly it's the perfect thing they say at the end of the video game they're like thank you to everybody who helped and you because you solved the game. Yeah thank you for playing psychic bigfoot. Psychic bigfoot chaos attack for the search for milk. I don't know. No matter your psychic levels, I believe that you too can develop a psychic relationship with Bigfoot.

I love that sense. It's like I believe that you too can develop a relationship with Christ. It goes on to say, but you must start with having an open heart to him approaching. Like Jesus. Yeah, exactly to him approaching like Jesus. Yeah, exactly like Christ approaching bigfoot like like. Yeah, it's like Jesus. If he had really done as much as big foot, come on. He didn't get the chance. Yeah, he had just worked a little buckle down

at a younger age and got through that rebellious phase approaching bigfoot with anything, but an open and neutral attitude will be met with a strong psychic barrier. So it's like Christ, but if you don't open your heart to Christ, he will block you with his psychic barrier. Not today, bitches, buried. Total relaxation of the body in mind is necessary, which is why I recommend practicing these techniques right before bed. Sean called it again.

I am a big foot wizard. I'm that guy selling that cremate I bet and nobody told me. There's a section I didn't read. If you find a man containing this curse library, he does not realize he's trapping chaos demons in every single book. Don't tell him. Oh, I got that would explain the whispers. That's why all of your books, if you look on Amazon, you're like, why is this fucking $900?

It's the psychics bidding for the power that's trapped within. Oh, shit, that does make sense. It all comes together. It all makes sense. We're explaining what 900 hot dogs. Total relaxation, the body in mind is necessary. I recommend doing it before bed. Having as many psychics meditate to bring an end to the interdimensional cosmic war as crucial to both the survival

of the human race and to our next stage in psychic evolution. One day. My Google results are to be believed we are fucked. We are fucked. This message is not getting out there. Yeah, nobody knows. Nobody knows we're supposed to be turning into psychic big feet.

I didn't even know that. I don't know that was on the agenda. One day soon, we will reach critical psychic mass and we will all experience a massive shift in this realm. Until that day, I hope you decide to join us in our fight. Dan. Okay. All right.

What a book. What a fucking journey. My God. I really like the invitation at the end to say, you can help. It's not just me, I am one of the best, but it's not just me. You can help. You can be Bigfoot also. You too can be a bigfoot. Ask how? On my Google results, I saw that he credits himself as the world renowned psychic,

J.R. Fleming on the title of his other book. And nowhere else you can find no other results. I will read you some other books, some other books by J.R. Fleming, the guiding golden way, the truth about the path to enlightenment. Pretty normal, right? I'm reading these in the order they are listed that you can read them.

So please start with the guiding golden way, the truth about the path to enlightenment, and then move on to psychic sex aliens exist. Oh, yes. You didn't buy that one? I'm going to. I haven't had a chance yet. Oh, actually, I might not, because I had to do some fucking... There was a big foot wipe.

Amazon tried to big foot wipe this book out of existence. I bought it on Kindle because I was not going to pay 600 off for it. So I bought it on Kindle and they erased it from my library and from Amazon, generally, cannot buy it on Amazon anymore. It has been pulled completely, but I had like a backup of my Kindle on an old drive and I was able to pull the file and re-sync it and get all of this out there because I am on a mortal magician. If you need to take six hundred bucks out of the petty cash to buy that

sex book, go ahead. Authorize. If I can find them. Audio authorization. CEO Ocean. The Guiding Golden Way, the truth about the path to enlightenment. Psychic sex aliens exist. Terror reading your pets.

Oh, I would read that. Yeah. Ancient civilizations that God has destroyed. No. No. I love how each one takes a fucking turn. He's just, it's like he's marketing to two people side by side and seeing if they're risking their life.

Do I have you? Do I have you? The truth about vampires that our government won't tell you. I like that they're regular and not psychic. Psychic vampires. Truth about vampires. Yes. Chinese horsemasters, all of them.

That's what they are. Yeah. Right, it's a bit kinda, I can't joke about that in the middle of these titles, because it's impossible to discern from the next title I'm going to read. I thought that was one of the books. Yeah, I'm very reasonable. Especially because the next title is Rainbow Babies from Alternate Dimensions and other immortal magicians from space. 18 times crazier than the joke thing I made up. Absolutely. Top secret CIA documents, of course.

Reveal, you know this one, evidence of demonic intervention in US elections. God, you got to say it three times, it stuck in my head. When was that published? Is that like a Trump thing? I think all of these were published post Trump. So yeah. Yeah. Wow, he's prolific. I'm going to assume Next title after top secret CIA documents for a Veele evidence of demonic intervention in US elections. Next title is After all this, you don't fucking believe in those. Are you kidding me? And that's the title of the book.

Argos real? No. People fucking force subtitles about this, but exactly where psychic bigfoot's torpor hibernation is happening. Oh, good. But here's what's real. No, this is a book about making your own furniture. But it's in that book, man. What do you talk about?

Oh, shit. Oh, one another, one of my favorites. Blood-bonded Spacepes. I can't even get through the title because it gets funnier. Blood-bonded Spacepes. Everything you need to know about space alien psychic primates. Yeah.

The way he breaks it down makes it feel like an Ninja Turtle rip off from like 1996. Space alien psychic primates. Next is the meaning of life parentheses, simple version. He's really covering all the bases. I love that. I love it. Here's why I had to look and I believe me, I'd researched, I promise you, he actually isn't

fucking with us. This is where I had to look to make sure he's not fucking with us. The next title is no reptiles don't fucking with us. This is where I had to look to make sure he's not fucking with us. The next title is, no, reptiles don't rule the world. They are actually amphibians. Ah! Ah! Ah! It's got like a little bit of split about it.

Listen, you're kind of right about reptiles ruling the world. But like, one little note, okay. No. No. What title done? No reptiles don't rule the world. They are actually amphibians. God, I thought he was fucking with me after that one. I was like, oh, shit.

Did I just take all these notes for nothing? But no, I looked into a super serious. Super serious. I never questioned that for a second. This one, the first, okay, I need to preface this. These first words are all in capitals and the last word is in lower case. There's a giant comet heading for Earth, maybe.

Oh, no! Who does this, who spoils the book in the title? Who is who is uncertain about the premise of their book by the end of the title? Oh fuck, I mean it's there. That's so good. You just can't help himself. You know two you know two hours ago I said I I really I feel like this guy didn't set up the titles correctly because I'm worried that he's giving it all away in the title. I'm happy to report that he did not give

anything away in the title and the title was perhaps unrelated to the vast majority. The title was the craziest information. I've ever heard my life until reading every single other sentence of the book. Yes, yes, everything passed that was, I can't believe it. God the build of it is just, you set out to outdo yourself with every sentence,

but nobody achieves it until J.R. Fleming and he really did every sentence. God fucking crazier than the last. And with his book titles too, the rest of these are 10 signs. You are a super psychic being pretty good demons or interdimensional space gods. They better not be fucking interdimensional space gods after reading about this book because we were sure they're demons who eat who we be thoughts. We were sure. Yeah, that story adds up. You can't now tell me in a different book. Hey, you know what? Maybe these are just interdimensional space gods. Should they malone? Don't some trouble.

We need to read that book to to find out. Yeah. And finally, everything you need to know about subspace alien demon conflict. Wow. All right, the second part of this title, which is they don't exist. I'm J.R. Flaming. You can learn more about J.R. Flaming at theguidinggoldenway.com, which to my fucking amazement does not 404. It's still up and he is paying for the domain. My club's down, every time I'm finishing long time.

It's a wonderful website. My favorite part of it is down at the bottom. There is a part of a graphic. It's very small text that you'll almost miss. And it says, perhaps in your dreams, you can visit me. I invite you to do so. I will be at this astral location infinity sign, infinity sign x minus one thirty one minus three quarters hourglass. Oh that's fantastic. Wow. He made his own like tracking. He's so so fucking thirsty. He gave you his psychic phone number. Amazing. Do not call it it's very annoying. I will say that the cover of the guiding golden way, the truth about the path to enlightenment,

the cover of that is like top notch design in my opinion. I love so much about this. I love. It looks so great. The psychic animals has a thumbnail that has a parrot. It says wave patterns in psychic animals, parrot, and it's got two pretty good waves and then a goat. Two pretty good waves, but they don't line up quite as well as the parrots and then next is their shrimp And they have just one really sad little wave at the bottom

Psychic wave, but they suck. I like that. There's a wavelength on the on the left that little thumbnail Which you I don't believe you can click on any of these so there is no follow-up questions But that tells you the way of length you need to find the golden child. If he has been kidnapped and dear sweet brother Noopsy is going to kill him, use this psychic address. You want to hold up a shrimp and point him around. And he'll pick up on the golden child's psychic resonance.

If you scroll down on his website, it has a picture of like a dessert and it just says excellent peach cobbler recipe. Sometimes you just need some peach cobbler. And it's right next to a subheading that says top secret CIA documents. But then you can't click on it. But you can't find anything. You can't find out more. You can't click on it. There's no peach cobbler recipe. There's none. This is exactly like that video where that girl was texting that guy inside of a spreadsheet on her blackberry. Yeah. This is like a website for the background of like a NCIS show or something.

I like that. There's another thumbnail here. God, there's so much mystery in these thumbnails that they promise. It's just a heat map of Florida. And it says Florida's a hotspot for activity in relation to the interdimensional cosmic war due to mineral deposits. And this is a heat map of psychic minerals.

Is that what we're flaredy in psychic minerals? This is a methamphetamines detector. Space monsters love to get high. There is. No, yeah. Psychic rock breaking rules, psychic rock breaking, each year in Stockholm, psychics meet in order to break apart rocks.

Like so it's like a world strongest man competition, but for psychics meet in order to break apart rocks. Like so it's like a, it's like world strongest man competition, but for psychics. This looks like someone tried to draw dolphin and fucked it up and they're like, it kind of looks like a psychic rock explosion from a throw the website. You know, honestly, the fact that everything has been pulled from Amazon and there's a tremendous amount of work

that went into these publications, right? I mean, whether it was this guy himself or he's like giving this to somebody and paying for all this design, there's an incredible amount of work that went into it. The fact that it's gone from Amazon maybe kind of makes it seem a little legitimate. They were scared.

Who is covering it up? This guy wanted the info to get out there. There's no reason for him to pull the books. This is, there's a lot of really nice art. I, it could be. This is a mundane explanation, but he could have stolen a whole bunch of art. And then people are like, you can't just steal art and put it in books, buddy. Uh, damn it.

I liked the one with the psychic chaos apes better. I liked that it was a psychic CIA chaos ape cover. You're right. Cut. Cut that. I don't want to ruin this with with a very reasonable explanation. He has an Instagram of really great imagery and I would follow it, but he only has 64 followers. So I know who would notice me following. He would know. Yeah, he does not have a following. He's very, very little on Facebook too. However, he does give his business address on the Facebook page. A negative pound sign, infinity, Mars, Mars, Mars.

Milk, maybe milk bottle fish cake. Dead wizard horsecake dead wizard horse dead wizard no I plugged in the address and it is now a Kobe Japanese stick house wow sorry the opposite of vegan oh that's what the fucking demons what now it's a demon feeding zone this is what you get from telling people the truth is you get you lose your little office.

Everyone down. She has known follows you on Instagram. You kicked off Amazon. Oh my God. It's such a tragedy. He's been, his work has been cyclically erased by big foot. And we just found out the demons one and open to feeding ground where he used to live. What a way to put this out.

What if he's saving our earth by erasing himself? Oh my God. He's the next. What if he destroyed the our earth by erasing himself? Oh my god, he's the next- What if he destroyed the parallel universe where he existed? He's pulling an Angor. Yeah, pull some, pour some milk out for Angor II and his sacrifice. Thank you, Angor II! I do love, I think the finishing touch on his website is that at the very top of the guiding golden way, the guiding golden way at the very top of it, there is a link that

says learn more. And when you click on learn more, it takes you back to the page you're on. Time, Frank. What a fucking. I'm gonna have to solve it. I'm gonna have to solve the one of these days. Absolutely. You know, he's my new favorite author. I'm totally honest. If I can really... If the only author I've said around talking about three hours.

It's only been 220 or have we just cut so goddamn much. He might. I'm gonna have to solve it. I'm gonna have to solve it. Absolutely. You know, he's my new favorite author. I'm totally honest. talking about three hours. It's only been 220 or have we just cut so goddamn much. Let's get him on the show. And we may have we may have time traveled some. There's always you know you got to leave a little room for Jello when you're talking about time travel. Right. Uh contact him. He's very lonely. Uh contact him. Now it's just going to annoy him. He's very lonely. Uh, contact him. No, it's just going to annoy him.

I'm not contacted with the theme of his book was not too fucking bother people. Right. Even even if you know there's psychic phone number. Yeah, the first person to email him, he's, he's going to go in the next book. He's like, you know who fucking sucks? People who email you asking about your psych books. They have no sight potential. Just like a... Next?

The portal babies. Nothing more to be said about the portal babies. If you know me, just like a blast, Infinity X, negative 131, negative 3-quarter hour glass. Bum! I'm signed who did Frankfurt! I'm signed whoundert Frankfurt! Ich bin Hundert Frankfurt! In der Podcast-Kanal, um mich maximal im Schaum! Lock Frankfurt-Platkast, Kundeck, ja!

Die Kraft ist nicht trakt, ist nicht uner! Schick die in der Hundezau, die ohre und stünder! Kupchern, du kitzst in die Waffe! Ich bin Hundert Frankfurt! You're an astundent, Cupshawn, You kids in the wild. I'm not Hunder! I'm not Hunder, Frankfort! I'm not Hunder, Hunder,

I'm not Hunder, Frankfort! I'm not Hunder, I'm not Hunder, Frankfort! I'm not Hunder, Hunder, Y'all,

Noy Towson! There's nothing so tragic as when the young die before the old. Here at Hot Dog Space Camp, we know that all too well. A moment of silence please, for the late Hot Dog Space Class, 2023. Three Finger Lui, Aaron Crossden. Adrian H just wanted to see the stars. Fuck. We told her that's not how it works, but she was a dreamer.

Aiden Moet, Alpha Scientist Java, Unandy. Armando Nava worked hard, hearted harder, and they say, died the hardest. Badger, Benjamin Sironon, Bim Tulsa, died the hardest. Badger. Benjamin Sironon. Bim Tulsa. Brandon Garlo. Brian Sailor was the first to suggest they steal a real rocket, but we're trying not to place blame here. Free and Whitney.

Rockway loves the meat-hilly. Still does. Barry Tumat. Sarah was the one who actually stole the rocket and it's his fault. Chad. Chants McDermott. Prisproud. Curious Gleir just wanted to smell space?

Devon the Rogue Supreme. Dean Castello. Donald Finney will never forget your tragic last words. Go throughout the web! Eric Spalding. Vansyshark. Jellahoe deserved better than to be torn apart by space-apes, but he did bring those apes up there.

Greg Cunningham. Hambo. Haraka. Harvey Penguini's parents are suing the school we understand their hurt but exploded by asteroid is a pretty classic act of God. Hot fart. J. Baraleiden died how he lived on the moon. Jeff Huraski. We've lost every one of our precious John's. John Dean's family asked us to say, may he rest in the peace he hated in life. John Hector McFarlane's family asked us to say, may he rest in war? John McCammon's family asked us to say,

may the bastard find no rest. John Minkos family chased us off their property with the thresher. Johnny no fun was, ironically too much fun. It turns out space is not the ultimate bon cooler. Joseph Surles will never forget your tragic last words, which were just your own name, yelled from a saddle tied to a booster rocket. Now it may not hurt as badly as losing the Johns, but we lost all of our joshes too. Josh Fabian, we hope you finally found Alph. Joshua, Alph Graves, if only the two of you had met in life.

Josh S, we hardly knew ye. Nobody could even find a picture. Leading theories say you were an urban legend. Ken Paiser K&M M. Jahishapel MacMisrable Matt Riley, when you enrolled, you told us you wanted to die and make it on a comment.

We laughed. At the time. Max Baroy Michael Lair Michael Wells Now the school is suing Mickey Lomans family for defamation. We are not a school full of buttholes who teach kids that rockets point down. Mike Styles, Mojoo, N.D.

Neil Bailey. Neil Schaefer will miss your laughter most of all. It went like this. War war, war war war war war Like a horny walrus choking on a smaller walrus. It was wild. It was crazy stuff. Nekker 104. Nick Relston. Aussie Olen. Patrick Harpst, you asked in every class what would happen if you stuck it in the lunar rover. What was the answer, Patrick?

Rachel. Rainpogles. Rihanna. Sarkowski. Sean Chase is the one who started the deadly rumor that Huffing Space got you high. Spotty reception. Superknot had a theory that, in zero gravity, a fart could propel you forever. Still going as far as we know? Ted H. Thomas Kavatsovs Timmy Lehi overdosed on freeze-dried ice cream. You can only eat four of those in a lifetime, you know?

Toasty God. Tom Sikula. Tommy G. Whalen Russell. Yes, Sarian. Yannis Ionitis. You were our best. Our brightest.

The live feed show you burned that way, too. Dr. Rockward, all of your instructors said it was impossible to do a kickflip in space. They said you'd never land it without gravity. I guess? I guess? I guess the joke's on them because you're kickflipin' forever now!