The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 127, Sexual Martial Arts with Michael Swaim and Abe Epperson

Episode Date: June 14, 2023

Seanbaby throws open the doors of his sexual dojo to admit all challengers! Brockway and guests, Michael Swaim and Abe Epperson, accept this foolish offer. We're talking about Zenno Jojido, the sexual martial art of dick manipulation. Of course, you assumed that!

One night, one night, one night, one night, one night, one night, one night,train power in the night It's not the size of the dull But how hard you can fight it You will survive Or maybe not when you're in the dark zone. You gotta give it everything you have. One nine hundred. One hundred. One hundred. One hundred. Nice.

Welcome to the Dark Zone, 9,000, the official zone of 1-900 Hot Dog. The number you call for laughs. We have a Patreon, it's Patreon.com slash 1-900 Hot Dog. It's the last place to get daily written word joke articles and when we die it'll all be Twitter dunks and tiktok skits. And that'll make a lot of money for a tech billionaire. I'm long time internet. Sean Baby and my co-hostess Bobby Talk magazine's

yummiest summer Bobby. The great rubber brock white. I finally did it. I finally took that number one spot. I'm Robert Brockway, his Brockway fact. I once signed up for a sexual martial arts dojo, but they don't tell you that when you sign up. No follow-up questions.

Oh, yeah, I actually had a really important one there. Oh, you're joined by our dear friends, veterans of the comedy media wars, Michael Swame and Abe, Eperson. Back, baby. Welcome back. Fun Swame fact. I told Robert that that shit was going to happen, that it was going to get weird and sexual. I said, maybe don't go in. He seemed if anything egg don't there was like a fervor in his eyes.

I thought I could beat him. That's right he was like it won't work out that way for me. And fun to eat back. When I started my sex dojo I was like the Robert Rockway wants to join. I was like, I gotta go warn him. I know you're deal. But suckered into that three months for the price of one deal. Belt fees included.

Belt fees included. You could resist it. It's a numbers deal, baby. We should, before we talk too much sexual dojo, let's do plugs because this episode will It's a good deal. It's a good deal. It's a good deal. It's a good deal. It's a good deal. It's a good deal. It's a good deal. It's a good deal. It's a good deal.

It's a good deal. It's a good deal. It's a good deal. It's a good deal. It's a good deal. We should, before we talk too much sexual dojo, let's do plugs because this episode will go live right as your guys' crowdfunding project is shutting down. And so let's get people to give you some money. Yes, you want to leave the way. Yes, you want to leave the way.

This is not... Always, always, my friend. I rolled the two, so I assume you got higher than that. Yeah. So yeah, we're here again to plug our movie that we're making, Papa Bear, which is an independent film. And we have a crowdfunding campaign going on right now. It's about to end in about a week or from recording this. And you can find it at seeenspark.com slash fun slash Papa Hyphen Bear.

And it's a story about when Michael's father came out as a gay furry while he was a teenager. And... Cyber gay furry if I understand you. Cyber bear, yeah. But that has been taken out. Or... That is no longer a part of the story. It's an artistic decision because that's too crazy for a movie.

It is a fun or no for Michael's challenge. If we get fully funded, he will be a cyber bear. Well, they were like, look, it's already a movie about coming to understand and accept that your dad's a queer furry. We can't add coming to understand that that furry character is a cyborg and I don't mean in a moral or a love way. I mean, it's too much lore. It's too much world-spot. It just feels like a hat on the hat we got. It's like a bear on a bear. It's a great spot to end the movie on there. Like, once he comes to that point, so if I'm understanding, he'll be like, did I tell you I'm also a cyborg? I actually say, and the most recent draft we landed on what I think is, one of the most clever line Santa movie ever

that I've never seen in a movie. So you gotta get it made at least for that. Oh, sure. It's seedandspark.com slashfund slash Papa Hyphen Bear. And if you're familiar with our previous work, Adam Ganser also directed a lot of the high end crack stuff, but just so you're aware like the Abe and me stuff That you could go check out would be like welcome back Potter. You're not alone

What am I forgetting Abe? There's a there's a blatant one that I should know Monster management monster management was the one I'm in content internet content Anti-cool. That's the one everybody missed cuz shit was falling apart, but it's actually really good because we're Good and that's why I give us money If you want you can trace the whole history of us we wrote the script on Mike and Have done everything in full public view you can check out like our business plan and our lookbook and storyboards All over at patreon.com slash small beans, but don't become a small beans patron

if you're not already, give us pop of bear money. Oh, good. What, no, do more later do that. Or we don't know, do a next month. I, we understand that it's tight, we got the inflations, you know, we get it. But uh, or is it something to you do both? Yeah, nope.

Millie does well. Get that well. Yeah, that do both. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no He do deserve the money. Do give us the money. Support art that mainly has the message that you don't bully. Get that out there. Yeah, positive self image you have, Michael. Yeah, I always think he does. I agree. Yeah, and it's funny and you cry then. And if I, it's what it is. Yeah, thanks for your kindness.

Come on and say all this stuff. If you don't do it, the funniest thing that's ever happened in a movie will die. It will just die. I wait. I assume you're referring to my earlier Brackadot of a comment. A dice set.

One of the more clever final lines of a movie. You're saying best thing to ever happen in a movie. You heard him right there. He said the best thing to ever happen in a movie. And it's gonna die without your money. He said the best thing to ever happen in a movie. And it's going to die without your money. He's the most Bobby of all the Bobby's. I don't understand the road. I thought that was the deep driving the speedboat through the whale and the boys. That's the best thing in a movie.

Yeah. Last boys saxophone player. That might be the best thing in a movie. That's a good one. What are they actually? There may be a moment, probably like there's a moment in Akira where it freezes right at climax like time slow. That's pretty sick. Oh, it's RRR. RRR has it.

That is good. Yeah. Yeah. With drifting the truck full of Zway animals into a British colon. That's a good moment. I'll tell you because I watched it in two parts. What low key got me back into it was the whole fight where they're on each other's shoulders.

That fucking rules too. Also very good. Very good. I wish nobody had heard of that movie so we could do a podcast just about it. Because they easily could have never heard of it. Like it's just a, yeah, it got through and but had a moment. I want to throw one in. There's a moment in Rumble the Bronx after he eats up a whole bunch of people in the

convenience store. And a guy you've never seen before jumps into the frame and goes, yo, I'm not was all right. And I might be one of the greatest line reads of all time. I mean, it's not there to include it because that amount of it is rumble and the Bronx. It's got to mention battleship then.

I do love battleship, but I actually going to mention something else you would know. Like, I think it's not a movie, but a mini series, the HBO mini series, John Adams with Paul Giamatti. Oh, you have. The greatest moment of all time, which is there's Tom Wilkinson plays the character Benjamin Franklin and real human being. And they did, they display at one point he's getting old and he sits down and he says, my stones

because Benjamin Franklin's the on film just sat on his own ball. And that's in town for him. That's like good writing in that content. It's good. But in all seriousness, of course, mine is citizen Kane when he says rosebud. Okay. Okay.

That's not a movie guy, but you know, that's me. So fucking edgy dude. I'd like to take mine back and say mine is let moment in rumble in the Bronx when Jackie Chan beats up a whole bar full of people and says we we should be having tea together and they're like fuck did he really say that? Yeah, did he meet it? Did he meet me? Yeah, yeah, he did.

Because that New York street gang that they filmed it in Toronto or wherever they had a Cantonese speaker and a Native American That was such a cool gang such a such a whippass Benaton ad that that gang their whole style Decades ahead of its time. What the fuck are we talking about today? Oh? Wait until we were talking about sexy martial arts What the fuck are we talking about today? Oh shit. Oh wait, because we were talking about sexy martial arts. Oh, that's a perfect segue. We're doing the Bronx indeed.

Our first book club. So I guess this is perfect for a book club where everyone gets very distracted and talks about the other shit. But the book we're reading is called Zeno Jojito. I assume it's Zeno Jojito and not like Hokito. I think it's because it's Japanese word. I think it's a Japanese word. I think it's a joy, like, because it's joyful, but now it's already out of the other ear.

Yeah, I think this is a very, it's a very weeb title. I think the author isn't weeb. The author claims to be a collective of authors called Worldwide or Worldwise. I googled this. This is the name of like 800 different companies that do all kinds of things. None of them write boner books, but this book is the sexual martial art and sexercise to make your penis very big, but also to maximize the ladies' pleasure.

And so this is going to be a very luring episode. This, first of all, let's get this out of the way. It's not a collective. There's this is one guy. There's no way this is. This is clearly one guy. If the generally does not make sense, if it's a collective, because it's told in the first person on one man's like sexual Batman journey. Yes. To discover all the best sex fighting styles. Yes. With which to destroy a woman. Also had a jack off. So are you saying because at the beginning, of course, it says it's a course written for

the common man in which each author describes their own journey and their own words. Do you believe that that is a fiction as well? That they're just like characters in this person's head. Yes. Because that gave me kind of got based on the writing styles. Yes, based on the writing styles. And also what I what faith I need to have in the world. Because if this is more than one person, yeah, yeah, put that in your book. Oh, yeah.

If you kind of almost kind of almost pre internet, right? What's the what's the date on the 95? Yeah, 95, like barely the internet. There's you don't just find you didn't just fucking find people like this back then. Like if you were this kind of freak, you were like, I'm the only one in the world. And I'm wrong for this. And then you would write this book to like get the poison out of your head. You couldn't find multiple people that believe in martial arts jacking off like it's how would you start you would have to start that sentence in real life like hey if you we're I see you like karate you probably like jacking off you ever want to put

them together have you ever thought about the Ralph Rob power of mixing them you are speaking of sexist size height and then they'd be like no I'm speaking of sexist size, hi. And then they'd be like, no, I'm speaking of Joe Gido, the authentic one, and then they'd have to find because that's how your collectives fall apart. Yes. Well, let's just get started with section one. It's called size and female requirements. Big penis equals women's needs satisfied.

Like can we start with section zero, just a little bit? Oh, sure. Just a little bit? Oh, sure. Just a little bit. Because they do warn you to get started, there's a very, there's like a four page forward to this book that's like 50 pages. So 10% of this book is a forward that basically boils down to them warning you. You'll play, baby.

There are a lot of typos in the following book. You can't get mad because we just pointed that out. Everything's going to sound really stupid and look crappy, but you can't get mad again. So it's four pages to say that. Yeah, and then he's like, hey, we did this in WordPerfect. All right. WordPerfect is not export to text. Yeah, actually. That's not a wrap.

Yeah. We typed this by powerfully flexing our dicks at the keyboard. It's not that accurate. Pretty impressive anyway, I'd say. The one I want to point out is that it says this manual is designed and laid out for easy reading while you practice. So you read all that and you assume I assume he's just like, oh, I'm I'm I'm I'm gonna write like shit and you gotta be ready for it. And then I turn the page and the whole book is in like, is in like blank verse. It's like a long poem.

It's, it's full of magic. You're mad at like some fucking T.S. Eliot shit, which, which he, I guess he would probably talk about exactly this, if any, if any poet would. It's like he meditated under those trees that smell like come in the spring and he likes sex and lightened. Also, I love that it says, if you do this, you'll retain that teens ability to keep it coming. Like picking over to that tea that day.

The next thing that comes in the scene amount, yeah, the next sentence to that very problematic sentence, you're like, well, you've already started to kick it worse. Find out the winning card that the Afro-American male holds in arena sexual prowess. In arena sexual prowess. That's such key. There's a f**k, there's a secret ingredient in arena sexual prowess.

Oh, darn! And we all know how the Afro-Americans dominate the sex-coma-tags every year. They don't even let white people in unless you can do the dimmock. You know, stack up the bricks, you have to kill a lot more of your boner. Yes, the dimmock. The dillcock.

It works anyway. Anyway, what a penis. These are their rival rival styles. All right now that we've tackled Okay, that was a real fuck now that we've worked the shaft. We can keep going up. Oh, yeah I think we should do the whole show in dick metaphors. Please Like that wasn't going to happen. Shouldn't be that hard. Oh That swam your such a pro. I said, I'm my boss. See, I don't, I don't have like the, the, I can't.

The subtle get in there elegantly. The art. Yeah. You're blunt. We've always thought this of you. I can't ever see the one there. That's the worst one. Uh, so here we are in, uh, section one, uh. It says in this culture, the damage of this myth of the big penis equals women's needs

satisfied is driving men who don't measure up into purchases of gadgets of all kinds, pumps, extenders and even sports cars. I think can you believe the worst of all? This is all when we say it's poetry, just it's center aligned. That's what we mean. For the most part. That's what we mean. That's what we mean.

It's someone centered it. It can enter in strange places. It can enter in strange places. Yes, it's poetry in the sense that it's broken fragments of human communication. Yeah. Things will be capitalizing and you won't know why. And if you gave it, if you gave it to a high school student, they'd read way too much into it. Like me and early Scott Adams books that were not

Dilbert books. I thought that it was so smart. Oh my God. I'm on a recording. You know, recording. Did we tell you? I saw the most awesome Scott Adams interview recently where someone said like, hey, yeah, you're the Dilbert guy. It's like, what the fuck else would he be?

Right? And he's like, yes, among other things, such as the hypnosis. And like, that was the only other example he gave that like, but I'm also kind of big in the hypnotist community. Okay. I made the guy who's ripped off for 15 grand multiple times. If you recall, if you recall, I'm very sad. I'm gonna tell a lot of ladies at the bus station to sleep.

Sleep! The fourth liked chud, I guess. Like what? Maybe you put them up. They're pretty high. I don't know. I was like a racist guy who made earthworm jam. Like, we hang out.

No, not liked by us. I mean, by the chud, the chud's like universally agree. Sky amazing. Yeah, that's true. As we riff, the people don't even know what like this damn of loose references is just keeping it pay as they just read ahead. Yeah, it's as can be added naturally by building the muscle like Oregon called the penis. Quotes

as if he just turned in his chair with an extra anemonella folder and lowered his glasses and said, muscle called the penis. Like it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like,

it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like, it's, like Is he's going to say pull on it hard? You're going to drop stuff in language. No, no, fast. I love that he'll randomly add. Like you can see there's this sense of vanity or like this insecurity with the writing, where sometimes he'll just add a parenthetical and just say correct spelling to just fucking blast any notion that this guy fucking doesn't suck at research. I went to fourth grade bitches.

Yeah, exactly. So good. Building the penis instead of artificially enlarging it brings the added and most important benefits of conditioning and strength and flexibility, which will bring you more praise in your performance than any jumbo size one minute lover. Yeah. That's what they want as the flexibility as you get in there. And my partner's always like,

all right, what you know, hook it around, like wiggle it around. And we're watching out. It's like it's harder, yeah. Yeah. Right, that's not good. I'm doing it here. You know I've said that in there, you're not in the room. I'm in the's not gonna rip. I'm doing it. My wife's like,

You're not gonna rip this. Yeah. My wife said, If I can't feel that shit in my internal organs. Yeah. Now, I like the precedent this sets where like some jombo one in it lover. We hate big dicks and we set that out right now. Even though I'm gonna say 80% of this manual is

tugging on your dick desperately hoping that that makes it bigger. To the point that he capitalized, the only word capitalized in the whole like last 80% of the paragraph is jumbo, as if to salute the giant cock that he's just missing. I'm sorry sir, yeah exercise. Let's work second pretend this is real. This guy, exercise. Camelick, let's work a second. Pretend this is real. This guy, the author of this book, must have a gigantic dong after all the practice he's done. So here he is completing about his tiny penis. Like, very clearly, he's like, guys, I know what it's like to

have a tiny dick, because my dick is real small. You still be. Yeah. No, no, no, no, even though the whole book is about gaining one. Yes. However, a woman, what is the line? A woman only has nerve endings in the first two inches of the vagina. Right. So that's why notoriously, they cannot sense pain in their vagina.

That's why they go into combat vagina first. Oh, I had a lot of stuff up there. And my wife has no idea. I mean, specifically says like, so you don't need more than a two-inch penis. I guess at the start, so you're like, oh, okay, I get it. I get what you're saying. I get exactly what you're saying. So, okay, two inches is that what we're working with?

I guess that's kind of a clue as to what size the author is working with. I don't like the way he describes the first two inches of the vagina. What the, what the muscle? The mouth, the opening is it. I just, ugh. I don't like that he puts quotes around penis. It's just, yeah. Yeah, the ma, the gash, the whole of the flap.

Later refers to penis length as quote, hose length. Like, as if it's like something sailors say, it's like known lingo. Like, yeah, we got six feet of hose length before we crash into the fuck. The only experience I've ever had with the term hose length is when you're like in an auto zone and you're buying a length of hose and they have a little machine that they say like what hose length do you need and then they pull that amount out and chop it off.

So that's the picture I have is somebody just pulling a dick out of this machine to the correct length and then snapping it off and wrapping it up. It's this weird mix of both trying to be clinical and also a little bit horny. That's the sweetest one. Yeah, you gotta pick a lane here. Yeah, come on, dad.

So, okay, therefore if a man with only a two-inch penis who knows all the factors, and then parenthetically, you will know the factors. You will know. No. No. Is with the woman who has learned to bring about a vaginal climax, he will bring her to orgasm.

Oh, so if you failed to, she didn't learn how to get off. Yes. That's her ignorance. So this is the part that I was reading that I actually was just by the way that he parses his language. I was like, did Sean write this? No, I'm not. Yeah. I don't know the fact.

I would say books like this were very formative to my sense of humor for sure. For sure. So I do like this part because he says in Japan in most Asian countries, size is not a factor simply because vaginal muscle control has been raised to an art form. Now, this is obviously a bit culturally insensitive, but he's saying that women in East Asia train their vaginal muscles as like, you know, part of growing up up, a part of big woman, part of their self worth. I like that it puts it puts the whole issue of like, I don't have a small penis. You have not been working out your vagina.

I know that's the problem. You have to say for this, you have a lazy vagina, ma'am. My wife is other books that are for women? Okay, this is just the penis book. Right. He did make this book for women. There is a female version of this out there. Also, there is enough gold here that I don't...

You're skipping over some real good stuff. If you got some favorites, you're like... What about penis thickness, do you ask? Yeah! You're certainly there. Fast, that? Yeah, certainly. You, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, 17 inches of width. Now, of course, the average man has much more than that, but it's not gonna register. I was like, nine pancakes. So I guess it's more than two. It's like, if you take nine pancakes and you squish them, squish them down, it's dense. It's not like my shorts stack.

I love that the so far so early in this, we've established pure contempt for anybody with a large penis and 100% of women. And women. No, I'm sorry, 90%. Strickly Thai sex performers are omitted. Very specifically are omitted from this. Because all aspire.

Yes, that's where what he cites for this this insane claim that uh East Asian women have like strong muscles in the vagina. He says we, a capital we both letters have witnessed because he's just reminding you this is I'm not just one dude. I'm a collective of of giant penis individuals who travel the world like penis Batman. We have witnessed live sex shows in the red light districts of Singapore and the Philippines. Their women push six ping pong balls into their vaginas and then shoot the balls out one of the time,

15 feet away into a bucket, using only the vaginal muscle. I mean, that is true. And if you can't do that, what you have, what you have, what you have as a woman. We all have this open open up I think we should read this whole page who wants to take over yeah because I want to say he immediately next has the the next thing he says is even better because he says it has moment where he wants to reflect on what he's just said by going the popping sound that those powerful vaginas make as the balls are released is a scound

I'm I'm learning now. I saw and heard is amazing. Yeah, oh, I am taking a back by these sounds. How I search for a mate is I find an attractive woman and I set a bucket down 15 feet away and I say, well, if anyone's played ghost, this is Shima. This is the kind of shit their high-coo challenges should have done after you like look at a tree

and a rock and a pond. More striking is his lover's banana cutter, where a peeled banana is fully inserted into her vagina. As a man lays under it, mouth open wide, the fruit is pushed out and sliced by the muscles of that magnificent vagina. Oh, two exclamation points. I will not lie, Uncle.

Yeah. That is so insane. Yeah. It's also something. You're in sex stories. That's not. You can't stick to a fucking, this is a pamphlet to convince me to pull on my dick till it gets big.

Not to make my vagina super strong and good. That's a different pamphlet for a different audience, dude. This is just to let us know how cool he is and how well-travel he is. He wants you. He is ideal woman. Is anybody, is a woman woman who if you put it in She you're you only escape if she wants you to Like right if she doesn't want you to leave you're not going anywhere. Yeah, you just dangling from her crop

She walks around like she knows vaginal submission holds and will and will use them on you Tap out for the fucker. Some of the on a tap. I really like this last one. You would read this last one too. The payday. Yeah. Then there's the payday where women stack five inches of coins on the lip of a coke bottle,

squat down and golf the coins with your sex organs and release them by any number you request into your hand. She said, so one of those must be the what right if he said sex organs, she's putting some quarters in her butt. He said vagina 10 times. So it's got to be but or he's suddenly like, oh, let's turn it down a bit or what I actually

believe is he's like, well, I said vagina five times. I got to just switch it up. It's good writing. It's just good writing. I like to think she has different denominations in the butt and the coachy and she can just get so that she can give more exact change. Oh, sure. It's like Nicholson Dimes.

Yeah. But see, that's a good choice. So say she's got five quarters inside her. Do you ask for a dollar 25 or just a dollar to prove that she can do this? Or is it like delight children with the magic trick of putting a quarter in the front and getting five nickels out the back and they are like, whoa This is a great birthday You have her load up on the quarters and then fire it. Pin-pun-pun style.

Like a shotgun. Now you've effectively made a shot. I have a Zack Snyder character. I'm about to die in double dragon. I need you to fuck that coin so much. Give me some more health. I want to know more about payday. Do you get to keep the money after? It also totally reminds me of my buddies and I scrolling through

There these websites that have hundreds of like sex moves and when you're 14 you're like people really do that Dude, people do that. It's called the Heisman. You shit on a football all over football. Like, just made up bullshit. Yeah. If they were vagina quarters that keep them, but if they were butt quarters, I would find it, I would find an excuse to spend them. Yeah. I'm sure they have, they have, you know, like tokens. It's like a, it's like those free arcades that aren't really free. Yeah, that's. Oh man. Yeah, you get tokens back and you have to spend them on site.

Yeah, that's ski ball machine and that fucking bar. That's what it is. It completely hosed out. Yeah, you put quarters up the vagina and they give you tokens back out the body that you have. Yeah. That's the machines. And you bring your tickets up and they're like, I got no third hole. I don't know.

Here's a comb. Take this comb. I guess you don't know. You don't know. You don't maybe. Yeah, I guess I'll eat these tickets. How many do I need for a parachute man? Okay. What what what is next here?

Okay, unfortunately in Western culture, these skills are not known or practiced yet. Wait up so sorry, I'm sorry, but can I do the previous, the final of the first just because it declaims the translation is like a guy just telling you my buddies and I wanted a lot. We know for a fact that has lever we can prove this about the quarter of a giant a lady for without any effort or technique from our members. We didn't try to please these women. No one just made their we are terrible at this and it was still fantastic. I went into a few state and did not move.

The women, yet, kept our members up and going all night, unbelievably, in the sunshine of morning, they were still up for more. Like, they did not vanish as vampires at this time. I love the post, I love it. I love it, American dollars. It looks like a post. 11 American dollars. It is public. In the sunshine of double space morning,

it does that a few times where it suddenly just faces in. Now let's analyze what that space it's room for the dick. It's definitely room for a stack of quarters. It suggests that the words have been pulled on making them long. It's definitely room for a stack of quarters between. It suggests that the words have been pulled on making them long. It's good art.

He's jelking them words. The little narrative of sexual martial arts and sex exercise. I love it. He was typing this with one hand because he knew he's sure enough what the other. Well, he's writing it. Okay. So where are we at now?

So there are methods and means you can utilize which will please a woman, yourself included within this culture that do not require excessive thickness or hose length. So I guess let's move on to size, the pitfalls and advantages. Now here's where it's sort of like incriminating that this guy is not working with a lot here. It goes, so since most of us know all too well, the perceived pitfalls of having a smaller than

average penis, whether or not you have one or not. Also, it's that when he says most of us know, uh, and then he uses the word average, like like obviously that's contradictory because, um, well, he knows his demographic. Yes. If you're buying that's a point I'm trying to make. Right. Uh, can you what can you imagine a guy with like a nine inch penis buying this book and being like I need to understand these secrets? Yeah. We all have a tiny dig, which is why we bought this, which is normal, which most people have. But we don't have tiny digs.

We have big digs. I hate sports cars. Cars are dumb, and women are dumb, and unless they can have strong vaginas, make it for your tiny penis, I drive a car with my dig. Whoa. Too far. Let us start with a pitfalls of having a larger than average penis. I think I let us begin naturally with why big dicks are bad. Of course. We've all read this book. So we are all four of us in this group. After interviewing hundreds of women in men on the subject, not that's paid up, please don't.

Or people alone. More than three-quarters of the women complained that a large penis used in correctly was a huge barrier to enjoying sex and makes the act a dreaded and uncomfortable undertaking. The same percentage of larger than average men have experienced grief and whether the complaints and excuses of causing their sex partners pain and suffering. The situation can seriously affect a couple of sexual relationships, make oral sex a rare and brief event, an anal sex, a near impossible. I just love this. I love that he's like, well, let's look at the downside of having a giant dog and then it's just like the very

first thing you idiot would think of like Oh, it's too big you can't do this sex with it It's the most focused writing the most grammatically correct the longest he stayed on one topic Yes, most of a page. He's like I've worked this is his type five about how big you don't even want a big dick anyway You have a big dick. You're not going to have like cool sex. You won't get a oral. No, you know, that's how it's all from the men's perspective too. Near impossibility. Now later when I'm when my dick is huge, I will say I get anal, but nearly impossible. Right. But you need a running start. The language

he starts using for any time he references a woman dealing with a big penis is like she's being beaten to death with it. Every time it's like pummeling them, abusing them. The silent hill up in here. Just like you're just wielding it like a baseball bat and knocking her around the room every single time you talk to her. These poor women being destroyed. Carefully choosing the words of violence.

So complaints of excessive thickness above one and one half inches diameter of thickness average size. If male is not small, does not lubricate properly or has not worn a child. Sex can be a major undertaking requirement for her bear the pressure and pain of the vaginal walls actually being torn apart. The word forget it dude, you'll forget pain, you'll blow that sucker out. Then where are you? Sploter like a water balloon. And obviously the solution is she needs to learn more, train more.

You know, we more Carter at that Luckily all of this sensitive tissue doesn't have any nerve endings beyond the first two inches. Yeah, right Oh my god So it's more that like like you see he's does stay on this topic and Focus very hard to drink very very, very hard to persuade us that having a big dick is everything. Every time and bread the seas, average length, average size. If they're dicks really handsome and pretty, not averagely true, not usually true.

But here I think is when I decided that I loved this book, we discovered the samurai building techniques in this section too, building that structure. Pena's building Samurai style. All of those big, big Samurai. That's so cool. And then this section, I mean, we got to talk about this section because he decides for the first point in the entire novel, He's gonna go with the first person technique. I'm in pain. But not for the last time.

Not even, yeah. Yeah. That's true. But it's true. I love the idea of fucking someone's samurai style because their main thing is being known for a single stroke. And you pause for three seconds and it's over. That's what we're doing.

Very direct. No nonsense. One hit in your dead. Walk away as they're coming. They wait. No, they don't come until you zip out of come. They got to hear the zipper and then explode. Of course. You got to maybe carriage with you. It's a lone wolf and cobwebs. Runners. Gullide. That's a lone wolf and cobra. Yeah. The brother is going to lie. That's his after we. Okay.

So he says, I'm in Japan, home again for the first time in more than 17 years. It's raining outside of the cab. And yada yada, like you can see where this is going. Like this. It's your pet house. Yeah. It's raining. At this point, I was reading and I was like how's this gonna get back to fucking

Nope, it's just a story about how he went to an old Japanese man's house He didn't know and the old man called him a shitty lover and then he There's here exactly like phrasing of that is so insane. When he says he immediately asked him directly and he forgot how impolite that is in Japanese society. He says the master. He says he set there motionlessly without speaking for what seems like five minutes, reading my face before he kind of sighed in a disappointed manner and finally spoke, this is a secret used for centuries by the samurai who believed in exercising all muscles of the human body. He's painstakingly describes,

he came to a Japanese man's house and was like, I heard you know how to make Dix bigger and the guy just stared him for five straight minutes and then he went, oh, Oh, dude, yes, I do. I know what I'm thinking. Like a samurai. It was 20 years ago. I regret it. I've grown as a person and you're still, still these white guys, just wave after wave showing up and asking me for samurai Dix secrets.

I had Steven Segal in here yesterday. It's a disappointed manner. Why include disappointed manner? He felt very seen when he then he proceeds to open a puzzle box which took minutes because there required a combination of sliding panels to be moved in a specific order. Please rip my fucker inside out with hooks on chains and drag him to some kind of nether roads. Get the big dick lament configuration. I don't want to skip over how he's like,

I could no longer hold my curiosity and I inquire after for which I have traveled so far. So he came here to this guy's house like the greatest penis enlarger in all of the land. And he goes, at once I felt I knew I had made a huge mistake. My memory flashed the once forgotten knowledge of Japanese rule of the indirect. I had been away for far too long for the Japanese

would never be so impatient and direct. I just love that so much. The weebiest shit I've ever read. So he really post like a little like Dick exercise or out of a... I don't call for Bob. I call for Bob. I'm just a dick-wish.

I'm an ancient dick-exerciser, of course. exercise or out of a sample box. Sam double box. A An ancient dick exercise or of course. Okay, and it's four disc shaped stones of various sizes with holes in the middle. And the old man after he pulls

out the box, he says, this is the secret to youth. I can now at age 82 out last you. And so like, I don't know, a man says that to me, he better call on his two best horses, and we will prove it. I'm going to go.

Fucking this guy. I absolutely leave if an old man says that to you. I could sexually outlast you, boy. Yeah, first of all, I'm doing this sacred puzzle, Max. This is for play in my culture. You don't know, and this is 1995. You don't know. Also the idea that inside the box are rocks that spoiler alert. They, you know, you somehow lift with your dick or whatever.

And it's like, you can't get these anymore. Yes. How so? They're rocks with your dick. They were made in the 18th century, which in Japanese history is not very long ago. You can treat him so many weird things. You could never find another one. I think he might have just gotten tricked by Weird Old Man. That's what I see.

That's what I see. He claims that he made a better version after telling us the story about how he couldn't possibly know this, how he just, unless he and the old man hung out doing Dictionate together, which I feel like that. I love the idea that the old man is a full con artist who just created this box and he sells dick rocks to tourists who roll through. I like that it's with that whole section about how we froze and stared at him and then side all disappointed It's very clear to me that this was like his young man's con and he's trying to do the yeah, but I'm gonna retire in peace

Oh, no, you've brought me back out of retirement Me back in so then they he starts doing exercise. It's on day one It's kind of like what you'd imagine. You just kind of take your dong and you mess with it. I don't know if we need to do all the details. Maybe too alluring to do all the details. I do think it's important to do one detail, which is that the one of the exercises is, it's just weightlifting.

Like you try to lift a weight with penis, which is what those rocks were. So those rocks were the secret dick weights. And what we're going to do, that's just as effective, if not more effective, is put a wet towel over the dick. So that's, that's it for the dick rocks. The dick rocks are out. He can specify it. It's three times as effective. And I, the only other thing I want to note for the whole section is he screwpulously. Like, so there's one that's just pulling on your dick, right? Not to be confused with masturbation. That's what he's clear. Yeah. You're not jerking off. There's a purpose to this. There's a reason. This is clinical jerkingian is this where the

This is where the warning is about putting the sperm back in yeah, who know? I love that Oh so gross. I did clip one part here on page 17 where he says use any method you are currently used to Achieve erection including magazines or videos if you are unable we are working on methods to help you get there and remain Right us right I can't get there and remain right us. Right us. You can't get your dick out right us. So good. I love that it's not masturbation,

but you aren't watching pornography. And. Yeah, it helps you flex harder to be hard because the penis fills with blood, which they, but he like wants to gloss over that. We call the penis a muscle because it's like many refute this. Yeah, because it's not a muscle. Right. The muscle. But like, come on, guys, you know what I mean? It's stronger though. But you just feel like it's a muscle, don't you? Love muscle is a song, I think. Yeah.

It's got to be. It's got to be a band. I love that you have to do the key eye too, the little dick key eye. Every time you lift, you go, you're supposed to go, ha! Yeah, yeah. Take a deep breath, hold the penis briefly for one second and exhale, making a ha, whisper sound. Every time dad goes in the bedroom and locks the door, and it sounds like he's having a rodeo. You know he's doing his dick workout.

You don't bug it. Ha, ho, that. Then after describing basically very like laboriously for something that's so short, yeah, you put a wash cloth on your dick and you flex your stomach muscles, which is actually lifting it until you're, you know, your dick wiggles the rag. And it's like, do that over and over. And then at the bottom and all caps. Excellent. Right. You're doing it, Peter. I'm so proud of you. I'm watching from heaven. Sex or size? I found the spot where it says correct spelling, which is great.

It says, yes. I'll just read this paragraph. It says, now push the penis as far down as you comfortably can and pause while you gather your thoughts. They cut the muscles in the penis all along the shaft down to the parts that run all through to the anus. Additionally, squeeze gently the internal muscles that cut off the flow of urine called the pugo pubo cockages. Correct spelling.

I looked that one up and I want credit. Good job. And when it gets to the point about because as we've discussed thickness is flexibility too, but thickness, the section about thickness begins with the phrase begin thus You want your dick not long you want your dick fat bro begin thus Students gather around. Absolutely. Look to your left.

Now look to your right. Now everyone pull on your dick. Hey, well pass. You all pass. Page tour means an important cow milk method, which is a lot like milking a cow. It's basically setting an hour of your day aside for jerking off, which I think most people invent the very first time they're able to do that. The minute you have an hour to yourself in your life, you're like, I don't know what I'm doing with this hour alone. He calls it jking. So this is this purposeless masturbation is called gelking

and the idea is that it will make your dick bigger. Now I've actually written about gelking books before. I thought, hey, I'll check in on the latest gelking science. So I put in does gelking and the autofill said work, Quora. So Google knew I was looking for does gelking and the autofill said work Kora so so Google knew I was looking for does gelking work and then it added Kora Because that's where you go for the best information Immediately like you want to know about gelking you don't want you don't want like a pdf Yeah, you need you need core that's Kora shit, right? Here's the quote from Kora Jelking works great in combination with other penis and large with tools and devices.

There is a user documenting his progress after several weeks of jelking alone. And you can see that the most length gains he has gotten are 0.16 inches. You will also notice that the weekly numbers fluctuate up and down, meaning that there may be measurement errors. And then he does this, if I read it right, like 20 times, you know, it's like the part where there's a part where you're sitting in the bath just jerking off essentially.

But then there's a part where you very seriously, because you're a serious boy, like press your dick between your palms and squeeze it out 20 times slowly. What a fucking commitment, dude. Right. So this is a person spreadsheeting this for Quora. I feel like that's as dedicated to this as anyone can get that's certainly more time that I could dedicate to it and he has gotten zero growth. It's in the margin of error. Yeah. It's within them and so just something to keep in mind that the world's most enthusiastic jel has to admit that this doesn't work.

But this is better because as this guy says, this is the cow milk or superjoke. It's super, it's above a normal joke. It's like those cokes. Yeah, but even the system that he is implying would make your dick longer and thinner. And he just spent four pages saying, that's bad. That's not the way to do it. We don't want that. Yeah, there's a lot of very detailed things about where you put it in your

palm, how to squeeze it with your fingers. I don't think we need to go through all this. We've all milked a cat. We've all joked. We do need to read that warning from earlier, which ends with all capitals. Important comma, exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point.

I like the thing, there's a pause before important and all the exclamation points. It says, do not use your hand to attempt to squeeze the sperm inside, because this can cause serious damage to your ejaculatory muscles. I was legally forced to put this here. Oh, try to stuff the comeback in and say, you're sorry, you take it back.

This one doesn't count. What's the origin story is that? I don't have a condom, but I think I have an idea. I'm real fast. I got good hand me and I are going to make a choice. I also love that that section begins with multiple times. Now this is not to be confused with masturbation. We're doing something here.

The section ends with, now masturbate to orgasm. Yes, yes, yes. You can't be walking around with that. But we need to do it, dude. Okay. Page 20. I'm going to get you. You can't be walking around with that. Whatever you need to do, dude. Okay. Page 25. So, day 1, 2, 3, and then day 4 and beyond.

It says, pop open the bubbly for a congratulations are in order. Now, you have learned the basic method for building and conditioning the external muscles on the middle tube, which runs under the penis, and you have begun to gain mastery of the wondrous PC muscles. So, this is just like three days. So all you've really done is two or three hours of masturbation. He's like, pop the champagne. Because you know, two or three days, two or three hours of masturbation is what I call heading up and getting settled in my hotel room. I think he found that a day five, if you had a

fifth day on his like technique, that people would be just like, ah, that's too much of a commitment for this. But day four, people like, yeah, I'll try it, I'll try it. It's all just, he just thought he invented kegels and edging is what he thought he did. He invented this rich fucking Weeb fantasy world of black belt fuckedo Joe's from around the world in like secret ancient cock masters To explain kegels and edging which you could have just asked any woman like does it does it help if you try not to come

And what about kegels does that were like any woman would have told you would have made 100% of this book completely useless. And instead of that, you invented fucking dick Bushito. It's amazing. And it's amazing how this stuff is still alive and well. Like you go to TikTok and one of my favorite communities, Mike knows, because I talk about it all the time. One of my favorite communities is retainers who believe on like controlling your essence. Sure. And like it's the same kind of shit where they're like, they have dojo's, communities is retainers who believe on like controlling your essence.

And like it's the same kind of shit where they're like they have dojos. They like some of them like go to India and like train for decades. And then they come back and he's like, I never come anymore. Like I just won't come. I'm so strong now. I'm so strong now. I'm so strong. I only like that there's all this like squeezing your dick and pinching your dick. Yeah, he talks about a way to last longer is just to painfully pinch the head of the day. So that the calm gets like stop. No, stop. What the thing that I think is so funny is that it's sort of the first thing you'd think of

the moment you decided that don't work out was a thing you're like, okay, so I guess I'll like squeeze the Thing I can do like the one thing I can do with this. This is not much. Yeah, and so I Love it. I find it a little suspicious That in all of these tips when he talks about like how to work out and how to practice He does specify that, you know what? You could have a partner, but they actually work better if you don't. Yes. So don't worry if you don't have anybody that you're going to dedicate your whole life to this

technique to satisfying. Don't worry if they don't exist. It's better. It works better. Technically having a small dog and being alone is the coolest. But the author is wanting to say, now in section three, this is the tricks of the long distance runner. And he claims to have gone to a sex show in Thailand.

There's some questionable details. But what he did is he, did you guys want, does anyone want to describe this? I want to describe the title. He calls it the Bangkok Bangkok. And thinks that he invented that instead of the first person to hear the word Bangkok. The old Bangkok Bangkok. Yes. I folded it and put it in all in capitals.

Do you appreciate it? Fucking hilarious. Yeah. I spent one of those wrong. Like the, like the paint, like the sex organ penis. Yeah, it's um, and it's just a story about it where he watched a sex show and was very impressed. Yeah, I mean, this is a super horny dude who writes about sexes like, I don't mean to throw accusations at Willie Nilly,

but this is the second trip to like the Philippines just for sex stuff. This guy's a pedophile at this point, this is my assumption. Yeah, I'm a little worried about that. I'm a little worried. Yeah. Well, I have a quote, he says, needless to say, I had to know his secret, because this dude had a really big

dong and he like had sex with all the women on the stage. Yeah, Thailand, Philippines, then Thailand, right, like all over Asia, like again, this is a Batman journey to learn all the sexual scenes. He's now welcome back at the previous place. And all of the countries that he's been to. Needless to say, I had to know his secret, a secret he refused to reveal even after days of coaxing drinking, even offers of payment. Finally after five days, and I want to stop here because this motherfucker followed around the guy he saw in a section.

I said this middle age guy that he saw, fuck five young teens. He followed him around. How'd you do that? For five days, harassing your sex performer. You guys love it. Show. And I love it. Work man. like, how do you do that? For five days, harassing your sex performer. You guys love it. Show. And I love it.

It's also, if you take the sex out of it, just the optics of this guy who has enough disposable income to like travel globally. For five days, her aunt, this guy, who has says, like ultimately, says through this chapter, I just don't want to lose my job. Like this is how I make a living. Please stop asking me like how I do the magic trick. It's my show. It's how I feed myself four days later.

He's like, no, tell me. He says, uh, I was about to give up and return home. He confessed that he held this secret type because he feared that his livelihood would be threatened if I or anyone went into competition with him. Sounds like somebody can't survive a little dick capitalism. He's afraid of the free cock market. He just doesn't understand how anything works. Sex, the world, the sexual community. It's something with the old man from the previous section. He's a weirdo interviewing, he's even weirder, like old guys. I don't understand.

I don't exist. But you don't exist, but even in his stories, they want nothing to do with them. Yes. Also, at the beginning, it really made it sound like there were going to be testimonials, like those books that are written around cases. Like he said, everyone I interview in this book who's going to tell their story of like Dick's success, they're going to speak in their own words. He's never, there's been no characters who speak at all

Right did I miss that he's assuming that each of these is a different guy like all of these are different people to collect It's just his way of saying this shit is true. Yeah, someone told me it's true. It's not just me making it up It's an older Chinese woman who was this guy's sexual mentor and all that quote an ancient art from the golden era. Fucking the golden era. So fucking close. We're skipping of important part where he says, well, after solid assurances that his means of making a living would be safe as we could arrange payment enough for him to

make a down payment on his own drinking establishment, he agreed to reveal to me this secret that was taught to him by a sexual mentor, the older Chinese one. Yeah. So you keep like a year salary. Yeah. And he says, we of course, we'll share it with you now. So he betrayed this imaginary fuck man. Let's get started.

He promised not to tell any published a book about it. Of course, you're in control of every part of this narrative which didn't happen and in it you said, I harassed a sex performer for five days until he gave up and then I paid him like the equivalent of a house to teach me it, swarm myself to secrecy and betrayed him. You're welcome.

And he, here's my favorite thing. He says, we of course, we'll share it with you now. And then he just gets right down to business, internal control. Remember that teen sex? There was hot steamy sessions when you could climax, retain erection and desire, then climax again and again.

Just like, all right, he's going to brass stacks. He just wants to describe teens having sex. He's gotten horny again. Yeah, his imagination has been activated. Yeah, exactly. So then I guess what is this guy teaching just like to. No worries. No worries about finding enough time to accomplish these simple exercises. They can be done well driving, reading, watching movies.

So here's what he paid this guy a house to a bar. He paid him for this. Number one, pulsating PC squeezes two sessions a day. So you do 10 squeezes. You get rethra, I guess, your, your, you go coccyx and five sets per session. Do as many as you can easily do. you do 100 a 100 a day. So, and then the second one you do push outs, which is like when you're just just getting done peeing and you're trying to push all the pee out, do that. So that's what that guy sold him for the cost of the ball. The two things you can do down there. The two like action. The two things. The only thing you could do if you were just fucking around, yeah. Absolutely.

It's also just the idea that Kacel's gives your orgasm control. Yeah, it's just getting known forever. Yeah. Yeah, you're just using the muscles you have in your penis and going like, can you know how you have those muscles? Yeah. Flexes those. Yeah.

Look at them. I know none of this is true anyway, but I love the idea of him like with his whole house covered in these stories spending Just globe-trotting fortunes to pay these ancient masters and then if you like pants over one household There's a woman there that who could just be like yeah, I'm practicing kegels Like you're like at the library going through microfeesh of old newsreels and shit. What are the others Indiana Jones flexing his dick in the last uppercut painting this guy's flexing his dick Which is chanting mean I'm gonna be so good at sex. I'm gonna be so good at sex All along it was just like talk to any woman anybody talk to someone. Just talk to someone He breaks orgasming down it or sex the feeling of sex down into three zones.

It's like feeling like you might come later feeling like you're probably going to come soon and you know the part, the part where you're coming. Those are the zones. He's just labels this basic stuff that everyone's like I didn't even need a word for that Yeah Or we have like a clinical word and you just refuse to use them any picks horrible words like Pinch is there's got to be a better word than pinch is just don't like penis pinches as like a phrase Squeeze inhale

it's squeeze inhale. Yeah. Yeah. I want to skip to section five because he tells the story in that that is so I'll start it. Take it. It's a hot summer night in 1972 and I'm in my neighborhood an area of mostly Americans of African descent. You know the kind.

My partners and I are attending a Saturday night basement party in which we have paid our 25 cent entry fee under a red light in a human room packed full of couples slow dancing. To that famous love song group, the Delphonics. I have just made the girl I am dancing with climax for the third time in four songs. I guess they're all the funnics songs. Flotics and third time in four songs just by my moves. In quotes. I guess you're right.

Most of our quarters are still a parade. 25 cent entry fee. Right? There's just a lot of bodies. A instra hot body. It's so fucking good. It's just like such a seventh graders idea. I'm like, well, moves.

Now he wants to keep the fiction up. So he does say my partners and I are attending. Like, if this actually happens, you're saying you're fucking platoon of dickweeds invaded, invaded Harlem, like a Harlem basement party to dry hump all the women to apply. He's, he betrays himself many times in this book as someone who has not had a lot of experience with women probably a virgin. But when you read this next paragraph, please imagine the, it's like, hello fellow kids meme with this test. Yes, absolutely.

As you read it. I just want to say though that like this guy, we've all like, humped at dances, right? Everyone humped at dances. That's how you dance at a certain stage of your life. And the idea of a woman climaxing three times as if that's a casual detail. Like if a woman did that while I was dancing, I'd be like, oh, should you just fucking come out with the shatter, get more?

Like this is what is going on? That's just like, I need to hold it. Let's just go again. And the next song, she's fucking shaking again. People can see us So you roll up your you've been you know you've been holding up the wall all night you roll up to a group of fellow teens You go hey, you know all of us teenagers are doing a very sexual dance that's been prevalent in the community since I can remember. And from what I understand, it originated in

Africa centuries ago. I'm saying this is incredibly new. This this very idea that pumping each other at a dance has been prevalent in the community. That's like an idea that's going around as an origin like what like their fucking dry hump anthropologists just tracing it through folklore down the centuries to be like, yes, we came, it came from the cradle of life and we we just did the cradle of dry. I just want to reinforce the setup before you read the next paragraph. So again, just a whole a whole brigade of the worst

kind of of dickweabs invade a 1972 Harlem dance party to dry hump all the women. All right. To finish. To finish. And then this is all referencing an ancient African secret. And then I'll just read the last paragraph. It was whispered about in hushed excitement whenever the older adults weren't around and was practiced as a form of safe sex for women and a means of getting the women hot by the men. The current name of this dance, here's the big secret was the grind. Now you know and therefore can do it, which you couldn't before. You could, all of this was the ancient Foxy crit was just grinding. I just tried to do the Thailand.

I ran the guy for five days, went to a dance. I was like, this is it. This is the sound I've been looking for. It's a grind. Hold every nine to three minutes. Eight of genuine pony. It's a grind. Hold up. Every nine to three, eight of genuine spawning. I need to know. Grinding invented in 1972.

Because when he came out with this book, we knew what grinding was for a long time in popular culture. It wasn't even like at no stage was it a secret. It feels like at 95. There was like, for about three years, there was an entire genre of music that was only for grinding So I just want to picture him coming out with this book revealing this secret that he is mined from the from the psyche of the African community and revealed to you at great personal risk and then like a year later

Pony comes out which anyone he's like fuck Yeah, exactly. I just want to there's another one I want to point out, which is just at one point in the middle of all this nonsense, Rambley, and he says, in my travels around the world, I have encountered many women from many diverse cultures. Who to my amazement were very curious and eager to have sex with me. So humble. That's his humble. So I mean I was amazed but they loved it They really want to Yeah, and yet every time he actually talks about having sex. It's with a paid

Performer of some guy. It's like yeah, it's just you won't believe it They really want to do it. I mean you have to pay them, but then they they they're so into it. Yeah, it's like, what's the meetings and rooms with other guys and watching sex shows? Like, that's I know what his life is like. It's very sad. He talks about a move that was in that Nora Hayden book that that seven famous 70s, like how to fuck book, that basically the entire book is just like, hey, don't stick it in yet. No, no, no, hold on, hold on. Wait, make her wait.

Make her wait. No, not now. No, still not now. And like the whole book. And then you finally stick it in and he gives that tip. So I just want to say that this is actually a better sex book than the most famous sex book of all time because it has a second sex tip. So I'm sorry.

He gave you a bonus, which is just wait a little bit. I mean, I guess that's a secret, but not really. Sure, it's a technique. It's like the first basic technique. She also does after a bunch of pages of just races tropes about, it's about Dix, which I don't feel like unpacking too much. He does give an additional sex tip, which is to not just to fuck her gently, basically,

to not pound constantly. But I love that he says to test for this. He's like, I can prove it to you that being fucked as hard as you can doesn't necessarily feel good. Like put your hands around your dick. Now push your penis through your fist roughly and fast all the way to the base. Ten times as if you were fucking someone. Do you feel the danger of tearing your skin? Do you feel the pain as the fist bang into your family jewels or balls? Does this feel very sexual to you? Oh, you hate it? It's so good. I've got you. What problem can he not solve by just grabbing a stick and messing with it? Right.

Not this all lesson. The core of his philosophy is just like mess around down there and you'll understand all of life. I want to talk about some of the racial stereotypes because he does talk about how the grind that got invented by the black community, it made them very good at sex. It's not the penis size. That's like this myth. Stories that pass around, this is a quote, this is because of the stories that pass around a person to person about the sexuality of the black man. Women pass the stories along about great sexual passion and lust that melted their hearts and wills. Men, on the other hand, distort the stories, bring it down to penis size, which is a falsehood. Oh, you thought it was our mystical third limb? Are the stories about our huge penis true? No,

I say, and I can speak for more than just just me for I have lived in close quarters with thousands of black men and men of all Races quotes from all over the globe while I served those many years in the armed forces and I've been part of many a long time No port or geez. We're up to 50 men paid for up to 30 women and a huge hotel room and go at it all night So again, he saved, the same sex performers. Love it. And then you cut up a little, a little early, because he just says, we go edit all night, ordering food and drink, and so I was like, yeah, Henry,

I'm not gonna say you don't get hungry. Should we need to? I'm not worried about the logistics, buddy. Every line of this book is so fun. It's so hard to stop reading, you're right. Yeah, yeah. People should read it. It's worth going to the show notes this time, for sure.

Mostly because it's like a stream of consciousness that feels like you're reading the brain of, like, and I think you should leave character like him Robinson that Netflix show like just the idea of like oh you are You have bad ideas and please stop talking Well the climax is at the end with the ultimate masterstroke technique that he learned from a gentle pill Slim gentle that he learned from a gentle pill. Right. Yeah. Oh, that's a slim, gentle, handsome. There's only one, only one line I don't want to skip past right before that, which is that he, he vises that you always

fucked doggy style because that's the best style for the female and says, you have to like keep your dick away from her as though as though she is going to chase it down. It's just a constant. It's a constant game of fat mouse with your dick. And it has a warning towards the end where he says, unless your mate is versed in the female form of Jojito, you must remain the guardian of the thrust. Fuck yes. Guardian of the thrust is as a t-shirt. I'm not going to wear. God, he calls one of them the sausage and bun or S.B.

Yeah, I can. You know, you go up to a chick and you tell you want to S.B. She'll know you mean. She's a sausage and bun. You mean sausage and bun. I'll be the bun and you'll be the note. Let me start over, ma'am. It's weird. Let me clean your feet with my mouth. I know. OK, OK. We should talk about the old final move.

The old master technique. The old master technique. I love this so much because this is obviously like a Rob Life of comic. Like all the characters are just kind of like smashed together or just slightly very, slight variations on tropes. So we had, let's go through the cast cares. We had an ancient boner samurai master.

We have the underground community of hump Africans. We got the Thai Super Dong Sex performer. We have the sailor orgy team. And now we have the gentle pipslam. I love that we have gentle pips limb. I love that. I love that. Yeah, he fucked his stable so good that he never had to resort to violence. Is he dedicated the book to him?

Yeah, this is for you. He dedicates the book to him after it's saying, what is he saying? He condemns his profession. Although I do not condone his occupation. I must give him the credit he so justly deserves. He's thank you, Slim, the gentle. This is for Shedding. This is for Shedding.

I stand against everything you support. He is a proud customer of his profession. Yeah. Uh, thank you. This is dedicated to you. It's the ultra-lustr. It's the expendables for whole penetration. It's just fucking fantastic.

I don't know. I guess we finished the book. We learned all the moves. And then, of course, at the end, yeah, you're welcome. We'll talk about the final move. I guess we keep skipping the moves, because they're not really moves. But basically, this is a, it's like

a hands-free thrusting. So you're kind of like, you're very awkward. Okay. This is quite simple trick actually, but oh, so effective. You see, usually as you thrust the very flexible skin of the penis is usually gripped by the mouth of the vagina. Thus the only stimulation the woman gets is from the head of the penis. This technique will change all that. As you're thrusting, hold your penis at the base with the thumb on top of the penis and two fingers on the bottom, tube, and push your fingers in towards the scrotum.

So you're basically making a cock ring with your fingers. It's a cock ring, just wear a cock ring. Everything you discover, we're like, yeah, no, we know about that. Not that hard. And he says at the end, so we have developed a hands-free way for you to accomplish this move. I won't tell you what it is because it's proprietary, but I did steal it from it all the time.

I had a baggy hat too. And it's like, it was smocked thing. We had to lock the hands on several statues to open the treasure box and inside was a ring. A silicone ring. An ancient cock ring that was guarded by several generations of his samurai families. Many died to protect its secrets. I invented a better one, three times better, and you can have it. I want Nick Cage to be there so bad just searching for such a

declaration of independence and this cockering that he found the one there's one good idea in this book and it's after he says congratulations with the D you've completed everything with this day you promised to do it in the best episode you deliver. You've completed a course that has turned you into a world-class lover. You have earned your black belt in Joe Gito. Use your skills responsibly and please be careful of the life-threatening diseases that are running rampant out there.

Before we make fun of any of that, I just want to say the one good idea in this whole book is a black belt for fucking. Like if you, if you actually, like, I would get certified online for that, if you sent me the belt, I would pay, I would pay the belt feed. Yeah. Like if there was a kit where they're like, you have to get other people to sign off or something and you have this app and you work towards it. And if you achieve certain goals, duration, number of partners,

or like geographic locations, you can get, you can belt up. You get a little certificate that says, thank you, you're like a first day in black belt. That's a long night. Inflammate. Hang the diploma, your work. You know, I'm going to make you a sexual black belt, Rockway. Thank you.

I already have the key. Uh, well, don't try to shove it up your dick and retain it I'm going to make you a sexual blackout rock way. Thank you. I already have the key. Well, don't try to shove it up your dick and retain it by force. Let's first step from the day. The ball for some reason. While Brockway is trying to get the full key out of his dick, all listed one more plug for Papa Bear here at the end of our show. Mike, you want to try? Yeah, we're making an indie movie.

If you didn't hear it at the beginning, it's called pop a bear. We're the folks who brought you a bunch of the cracked videos over a decade plus like six years ago, terminating six years ago. And now we're working on a movie. It's about when my dad came out as a gay furry when I was like 17, senior year high school. And you can find out a ton more including reels of stuff we've done to inspire confidence and the script and the business plan and a lookbook and storyboards all over at

seedandspark.com slash fund slash Papa hyphen bear. And if you pitch in a few bucks, you can win a bunch of cool shit. Earn. Earn. It's not a contest. It's a serious thing that we're doing. Although the thanks for having us on your dick show. Those are dick pleasure. I'm St. Houden Frankfurt.

I'm St. Houden Frankfurt. It's a podcast now. Hold me back to my lame job. Frankfort! Unsiprakas knaut! Un mēk smalimšša! Dok Frankfort podcast! Kalek! Jaa! Tikrafisni trafisniču unas! Šikdi ini hundazo

Dio enastundas! Kupšan! Du kisidu va! Frankfort! Frankfort! Frankfort! Frankfort! Frankfort! Frankfort! I'm not who they're Frankfurt. I'm not who they're Frankfurt. I'm not who they're Frankfurt. I'm not who they're Frankfurt.

I'm not who they're Frankfurt. I'm not who they're Frankfurt. Yeah, no, I thousand. There's nothing so tragic as when the young die before the old. Here at Hot Dog Space Camp, we know that all do well. A moment of silence please, for the late Hot Dog Space Class, 2023. Three Finger Lui, Aaron Crossden.

Adrian H just wanted to see the stars, Buc. We told her that's not how it works, but she was a dreamer. Aiden Moet, Alpha Scientist Java, Unandy. Armando Nava worked hard, hearted harder, and they say, died the hardest. Badger, Benjamin Sironon, Bim Tulsa, Brandon Garlo. Brian Sailor was the first to suggest they steal a real rocket, but we're trying not to place blame here. Free and Whitney, Brockway loves the meat-hilly. Still does.

Barry Tumat, Ceryl was the one who actually stole the rocket and it's his fault. Chad, Chance McDermott, Pritzproud, Curious Glare just wanted the smell space, Devon the Rogue Supreme, Dean Castello, Donald Finney will never forget your tragic last words. Go throughout the whip! Eric Spalding, Vansyshaw, Jellaho deserved better than to be torn apart by space-apes, but he did bring those apes up there. Greg Cunningham. Hambo.

Haraka. Harvey Penguini's parents are suing the school. We understand their hurt, but exploded by asteroid is a pretty classic act of God. Hot fart, Jabr Al Aiden died how he lived on the moon. Jeffa Rasky, we've lost every one of our precious John's. John Dean's family asked us to say, may he rest in the peace he hated in life. John Hector McFarland's family asked us to say,

may he rest in war? John McCamman's family asked us to say, may the bastard find no rest. John Minkos family chased us off their property with a thresher. Johnny Nofun was, ironically, too much fun. It turns out space is not the ultimate bond cooler. Joseph Surles will never forget your tragic last words, which were just your own name, yelled from a saddle tied to a booster rocket.

Now, it may not hurt as badly as losing the Johns, but we lost all of our Josh's too. Josh Fabian, we hope you finally found Alph. Joshua, Alph Graves, if only the two hope you finally found Alph. Joshua, Alph Graves, if only the two of you had met in life. Josh S, we hardly knew you. Nobody could even find a picture. Leading theories say you were an urban legend. Ken Pazd, K&M, M. Jahi Shepardell. Mac Miss Rival.

Matt Riley, when you enrolled, you told us you wanted to die and make it on a comment. We laughed. At the time. Max Baroy. Michael Lair. Michael Wells. Now, the school is suing Mickey Lomans family for defamation. We are not a school full of buttholes who teach kids that rockets point down.

Mike Stiles. Mojoo. N-D. Neil Bailey. Neal Schaefer will miss your laughter most of all. It went like this. War war war war war war war war war war Like a horny walrus choking on a smaller walrus is wild, it's crazy stuff.

Nekker 104, Nick Relston, Ozzy Olen, Patrick Herbst, you asked in every class what would happen if you stuck it in the lunar rover. What was the answer, Patrick? Rachel? Rainparks. Rihanna. Sarkowski. Sean Chase is the one who started the deadly rumor that Huffing Space got you high.

Spotty reception. Superknot had a theory that, in zero gravity, a fart could propel you forever. Still going as far as we know? Ted H. Thomas Kavatsos Timmy Lehi overdosed on freeze-dried ice cream. You can only eat four of those in a lifetime, you know? Toasty God.

Tom Sikula. Tommy G. Wayland Russell. Yes, Seryon. Yanis Ionitis. You were our best. Our brightest. The live feed show you burned that way too. Dr. Rockward, all of your instructors said it was impossible to do a kickflip in space. They said you'd never land it without gravity. I guess? I guess the jokes on them because you're kickflipin' forever now!

landed without gravity. I guess? I guess the jokes on them because you're kick-flipin forever now!