The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 129, Superfights with Dirk Marshall

Episode Date: June 28, 2023

Professional wrestling, ultimate fighting, ancient kung fu masters, educational ninjas, white saviors, goofy jeeps, ethnically diverse gangs, Vince McMahon, feral manbeasts tamed by amulets, huge women and the tiny men they love, expositional theme songs, and a secondary Van Dam. Superfights has it all. Come learn about the best '90s movie nobody has ever seen.

1-900 hot dog! 1-900 hot dog! A podcast slammed with maximum height! Say hot dog podcast worked! Yeah! When you taste that nitrate power, you're in the dog zone for hours! Come on!

You don't remember! 1-900 hot dog! number. 1900 hot dog. 1900 hot dog. 1900 hot dog. 1900 hot dog. 1900 hot dog. Yeah, 9000. Welcome to the dog's hotel 9000, the official zone

of 1,900 Hot Dog, where the number you call for fun. All the fun people go to our Patreon and support us, patreon.com slash 1,900 Hot Dog. It's the last comedy website. We have a team of all star writers doing daily jokes like it's the golden age of the World Wide Web. On that web, Sean, maybe. And my co-host is Hunk Boat Captain Robert Tut Tut Hunk Sahoy,

Brockway. I'm Robert Brockway. Here's a Brockway fact. I was in a drug addicted brain-controlled martial arts called two, but unlike some people, I'm no narc. No follow-up questions. No follow-up questions. No follow-up questions.

No follow-up questions. No follow-up questions. No follow-up questions. No follow-up questions. No follow-up questions. No follow-up questions. No follow-up questions. Very none. I can already tell you wouldn't answer them. Our guest today is a triple threat. He's the host of the VHS podcast, a fancy hot saucer, and an ninja film expert. He's also an exclusive member of the three-person Diablo IV clan, best Diablo buddies! Dirk Marshall! Welcome back to the dog zone. 9000. Oh, so good to be here and I wish I was playing Diablo IV. Hey, you know, I kind of am too. I've got a question. Why am I not a Best Diablo buddy?

Is this your way of announcing it to me just to like rub it in? It is, huh? If you would like to join the Best Diablo buddies, I'd be, we'd be happy to have you. Absolutely. I'd be, well, hold on. What are you playing? I don't know. What are you playing? Oh, yeah. I have a rogue that I'm playing with and I'm playing a sorcerer with my dad only.

I go through it together. Cool. I have a necromancer that went way too fast for Dirk and our other Diablo friends. So I started a rogue and he's also passed them. I don't think it's possible how quickly I am how quickly I play like a blizzard game. Are you cheating? No, no, I'm getting about 11 levels an hour and that's with that's with a baby in one hand. Like, maybe that's the key. Maybe the baby is like triggering your your fighter flight protective reflex and you were channeling that into the game. It might be like these demons are threatening your baby. And that's why you're playing so fucking hard. Yeah, like when I like a mom lifts the car off of a baby. That happens all the time. At that's the point of reference I used for stuff like that.

When a mom lifts a demon off a baby. Right. Mom lifts 16 werewolves off the baby. Is your dad having fun with it? Yeah, he's having a blast. This game is so good. Usually I play Diablo for about five hours. I'm like, that's enough Diablo for a life.

But like something about this is, it's like closer to Warcraft. It's just, there's a million little systems to fuck around with. It's beautiful. My dad is, this I'm gonna tell a little story When I was a kid when I was a kid and like playing video games my dad did not play video games In fact, he hated them He would he would walk past me on the computer or the TV or whatever and look at me playing games to be like

You're wasting your time like let's go outside. Let's do. Or I don't get the appeal of the little guys on the screen. He was very, very contemptuous of the whole thing. And some of those games were like, were like fallout. They were nerd games back in the day. It was fallout and like the early Diablo's were certainly super, super nerdy. And like, slowly he got into gaming by through like racing games. I think

Forza got him and he had, he put together a little pedal and everything. He got, he went full nerd on it. Nice. And then he read a column I wrote about Skyrim and he's like, I'm going to try Skyrim and he got super absorbed into Skyrim. And ever since then he's been like playing whatever. So now he's a gamer. And now his favorite game that he's put I want to say like 10 times as many hours into than I have is his fallout his fallout for and And now he's playing Diablo which is which are both games he walked by and was like you're wasting your time And now he's like he's way he's ahead of me. He plays ahead of I have to try to catch up levels with him I just corrupted him completely and it's great great work

That's my and it's great. Great work. That's my story. It's great. No, I know when I first started picking up Destiny, you were making fun of me because I had such a dad build because when I had that machine gun that had infinite ammo and I'm like, dude, I never have to reload. It's the best. And you and Zach were like, yeah, but your DPS fucking sucks.

I'm like, how would I know? I have no point of reference. No, you're confused. I wasn't making fun of you because it was a dead build. I was making fun of you because it was my dad's build. You're exact dad's. Yes. Yes. You're right. Yes, he was actually that's the last time I left him. He's still rocking that. And also you said, I played like him too. Like I would ignore objectives and just go off and kill stuff because it was more interesting. Yeah, just get lost in a fight and I'd be like, we have to run past it. No, there was time.

Just in the kill zone, man, just let me relax. Thank you for for being with us, sir. Do you want to do a plug here? Oh, yeah, sure. So VHUS is the podcast VHS. You can find us on Twitter and Instagram. That's the whole plug. Sweet plug. Today, we're talking, not just about the elbow, we're talking about super fights. The 1996 classic film, starring no one,

anyone would have heard of. I think starring no one is appropriate. It's just starring no one anyone would have heard of. I think starring no one is appropriate. It's just starring no one. No one is the star of this affair. This is the writer of Blood Moon and King of the Kickboxers, which are both kind of awesome. And no retreat, no surrender. Of course, no retreat, no surrender. I guess that's his other movie that he's written I wouldn't call it kind of awesome, but it's pretty good It's got Jean-Claude Mandam doing splits for the first time and that's I mean a historic thing

It's like it's a landmark. You wouldn't tear down for sure. It's a weird it's a weird movie because It's sort of it opens with a pro wrestling run, but they're having a karate fight. And they're having a tag team karate fight. And so you're like, well, this can't be real, but it seems like in the fiction of their universe, very real. They're really kicking each other. And then it quickly turns to a lady fight where this woman named Angel beats up a guy. And just like she's fighting a dude. a lady fight where this woman named Angel beats up a guy and

Just like she's fighting a dude like I don't think there's a Is there a female league of this? Was she was she not fighting also let's see Yeah, let's go back in a real quick because you skipped one one real quick important piece of information The two tag team fighters were named dark cloud and light stalkalker and I'll let you guess which one's a black guy. Now in my notes I didn't realize he was Dark Cloud until an hour and a half into the movie. I had him down as Macho Man Eddie Murphy. And if you see this movie, you'd know that's really accurate. This guy is doing it at Immurphium Pursonation,

really solid one, but he's also got like a dude Reg on and like long macho man hair. I love him. Yeah, it's Chuck Jeffries and he was in Blood Moon and we talked about Blood Moon on my podcast and he's the same thing. He's very much Eddie Murphy sort of. He's a Charlie Murphy.

I think he's got that Charlie Murphy edge. He's got that hunger. Right, Eddie Murphy, but he could be Eddie Murphy. Yeah. Yeah. Like the desperation of a not quite Eddie Murphy. Yeah, because Eddie's got like that largest in life presence. Nobody's gonna fuck with Eddie, but people,

like all we know about Charlie Murphy is people fucked them like from the Chappelle episode. Yeah, you get tough being a Murphy. Tough being a secondary Murphy. James is in Tirehub. He was fucking with Charlie Murphy, apparently. And so, yeah, so he carries that Charlie Murphy energy. Matrimann Charlie Murphy.

Well, we've landed on it. That's your new named Dark Club. So I do think there's Angel's fighting a woman first, and then she starts beating up a dude and there's a moment I love already. I'm like I fucking love the tone of this movie because this guy in the crowd is so pumped and he looks like just a tiny boy You can tell he's a man, but like like he sort of skipped puberty. He's the Like if I met him I'd say oh, you're just a you're a 25 year old who's body skipped puberty in a fascinating way and

Someone cast him as the lead in a kung fu movie Incredible, incredible choices all around and if I met him today I would I'll just say this about like you can picture him if I met him today. I would assume he's alt-right Oh Yeah, he's I guessright. Oh, yeah. I guess he does have sort of that energy of like that Ben Shapiro type of tiny boy dressed up like an adult. The thing I love about when they introduce Mr. Brandon Gaines playing Jack is he's a huge

fan. Obviously of this, he's so possessed with excitement for Superfights. And the girl that he brought there is like, she goes, why do you like this? And she gets up and walks away. Like, he got her to something called Superfights. And she didn't know where it was. She's like, they fight here?

What did you bring me to? I put that in my notes. She says, how can you watch this? And his response is, oh, it's great, huh? I love it. And then she leaves. And he doesn't even try to stop her. He's like, well, she's forced me to make a choice.

And I choose Super Fights. I choose Angel, which is the best choice every time. We are 40 seconds in the movie. And Angel has thrown 3,000 spin kicks. Yes. It rules. That's the way you set up a character that I'm supposed to like. If you just throw them, have them throwing spin cake after spin cake, I'm like, oh, this is my favorite character.

It's funny to mention that because I think that the viewer of the movie is the only person that likes Angel. Like nobody in the movie likes Angel. The producers of the movie did not like Angel. Hollywood did not like Angel. I looked everywhere for her. Yeah, she made two. She is not. But she's fucking great. She's kind of like... Kelly Gellon.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She sort of plays it very lusty. Like she's a sexy karate lady. But her martial arts are super tight. Like she's got like a Cynthia Rothrock snappy like movement to her. She's built herself into this like sexy human Rothrock snappy like movement to her. She's built herself into this like sexy human growth hormone Hulk. I don't know. I just,

Yeah, she's super hot is what you're trying to say. Yeah, but like in a real like testosteroney way. Like like she's a cis woman, but you're like, I don't know what I'm saying. I'm saying she's, she's managed in a great way, I guess. She can't deliver her lines, but she has like has this magnetism. She always looks like she's kind of smugly crushing

a walnut with her vulva. And you're like, what is she thinking about? Anyway, I love her. That's weird, right? We can cut all that. People don't need to know I'm thinking things like that. No, no, we can't. I love you.

We've actually lost that technology. Damn it. Sorry. Cut this part. I loved in the credits. It said Keith Hackney and Rob Van Dam, which are both like favorites of mine. Are you familiar with Keith Hackney, YouTube gentleman? No.

No, and you taught me about Rob Van Dam when we talked about blood moons. Right, in blood moons. Yeah, he's an ECW hardcore wrestler. I think, I don't know what his real name is, but he kind of looks like Van Dam, and he does the splits, so they're like, fuck it, you're Rob Van Dam. And so I don't even get like a shock Van Damne. But Keith Hackney was an early UFC guy and he had a couple of legendary fights, one where he fought like the sumo guy that was so slow that he just like tried shit on his head.

He's like, okay Karate Punch, nope. How about flying Karate Chop? Like he just, whatever he could think of, he tried's like, okay, karate punch, nope. How about flying karate chop? Like he just, whatever he could think of, he tried because the guy couldn't do anything about it. Eventually he, it worked. It's the training domain. It's just right. It's his tutorial level like, oh, okay.

Yeah, it's like someone who's never done karate walked into a gym and saw this giant like mannequin and just like was messing around. Oh, look at how super moves in his head. I gotta practice these. The one, everyone will remember though from the early Overseas is he had a guy named Joe Sundown and he spread him out and he just started punching him

in the dick and he did that until the guy gave up. And it's very famous you have seen moments, but that was the best thing. The first person to try that? First and last, yes, no one in the in the USC ever did that again because they made the Dick shots illegal. Oh, that's the best. Oh, that's the best to be the reason something is made illegal. Oh, that God, I'm a size fire. They saw that like sure that everybody's going to do And... Oh, he's solved it. He's solved fighting.

We have to do something about that. There's a guy that comes out here, his name is No Mercy Budakai, and I really like him. Rules, he's best name, great name. Great name, he's kind of a Kabuki man. You won't believe this, he doesn't have any mercy. I thought that was, I wrote that down.

This is great character work. Something very strange happens here, where Keith Hackney comes out to like ambush him and our guy in the crowd are no puberty boy, like blocks the chair and then punches him in the fucking face. Like you're just a lot, when you go to super fights from, you can just beat people up from the crowd and no one moves you.

They're like, this is part of it. No, he loves it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no is the training montage that is maybe top 10 greatest things that I've ever seen. There's so much to talk about in the training montage. I got to say when I was first watching Super Fights the first minute and I was like I really hope I get a chance to talk to Sean baby and Brock play about this movie. I always move for anything that we're about to talk about happened and like the rest of the movie could have been terrible and I still would have had a great time, but we get montage.

It's a movie. It's supposed to be stupid. This is a well-known movie. Everyone should know about this movie. Yeah, it was so hard for me to take notes on this movie because this is like, it's just a part of my brain that turns out on watch of these movies and it's like, oh, okay, we're gonna have some peace.

Like, we're just gonna have some peace in our life right now. And so for me to like pay attention and write down things, I kept forgetting me, I wait, I have to, I was supposed to pay attention and write that down. So my name was just like, yeah, yeah, all right. Okay, let's do this. Yeah, the pace of this movie is just breakneck. But, but this trading montage, he's got like a warehouse

and everything's rigged up like, almost to the point where this would be character development in a different movie where, oh, this guy's thing is he's great at building stuff. But no, it's just completely unrelated. Like, it's just, it was magically put in place here. There are dummies flying through the air on ropes. Just shh, to simulate a super fight fight. Like, oh, this is a guy coming off the top rope.

I need to know how to deal with this. And he is fast at shit. He is like throwing spin kicks, spin kicks, spin kicks, kick, kick up, kick up. He's got trampoline set up so he can just do flying, jumping kicks whenever he wants. It's crazy how hard it rules. He screams the show's catch phrases.

Like, in the middle of training, he'll be like, no mercy! And he'll also scream, he'll just yell the name, which I don't think anybody in the show goes superfights when they punch somebody. I think that's what a 12 year old does after they watch power rangers. I think they go power rangers and then they spin. I just want to say at the start of this montage, we start the very first shot is him getting

up out of a pile of boxes like he just got his ass kicked and then he starts jumping around and it's like, did he just lose a fight to the practice dummy and then it ends with him getting his ass kicked by practice dummy. It's called poetry. It's called karate poetry. I love it. It's not a character arc. It's what I think Star Wars kid looked like in his head, but in real life. Like you wrote that down too.

Like if you, if your school saw this, I mean, they would be impressed, but you would still have to change schools. Because this would be like it for you. You're this guy. Yeah. Creatively very nerdy and into super fights. And it's only four minutes into the movie.

Yeah, and then they got a guy bussin and it's like, kid back to fucking work, it's work. Right. And you could tell the filmmakers were like, we need, he's like, I don't even know what his job is, like, warehouse box stack or something. He's specifically the baddest store in the boxes. But the movie is trying to take the tone of like, Hey, you dumb nerd, you know, you're a bumbley goofball get back to work But like he just did the most amazing shit that the viewers have ever seen

so Already like the filmmaking is just really wonky and kind of tell what they're going for and they always miss That guy calls him John Claude Vendance, which I love. Yeah. And then he hops up on the file capits and does the Jean Claude Vendance splits. Just to drink water. Like, it's not, not to avoid a taser or to like, seduce a beautiful woman. He just like, yeah, and that's the splits.

And then it's like, I'm going to drink some water. He's alone. No, it's not. It's for no one. It's got that Jackie Chan energy where like, you know, Jackie Chan just sort of never moves across the room without doing something cool. And like, they're kind of going for that. Where it's like, I could just take a sip of water, but what if? Shump, let's, let's.

In front of a rapid fire poster. Right. Also, we should have mentioned that there's still exposition happening because his hero, Rocco, the great super fighter, has disappeared. No one knows where he is. And this is all told to us during this amazing thing. So that's how dense the structure is. Like, things happen fast in super fights.

He lives with his mom. She disapproves of Superfights. His name is Jack, but she calls him John Jacob Cody, which is this three-part name. I know. It's adorable. It's the most emesculating name you could give to your action lead, I think. Is it to make him sound like Jean-Claude Van Damme to give you the syllables to pat it out as though you are an event, as though speaking your name is an event? John, Jacob Cody.

I never even thought of it that way. If so, if they're trying to go for something tough and cool, they missed again, completely. Again, completely, yes. Like, if his name was like, diaper peepy boy, like John Jacob Cody and that would be neck and neck for life Yeah, you might assume that diaper Peepy boy is like ironic like oh, we can call him that because he's so fucking tough But you would never assume that about John Jacob Cody

Because he makes his enemies pee you would think maybe maybe that Jacob Cody there's no tough spin on John Jacob Cody Yeah, Jack okay I do like when he comes and talks to his mom the first like it's basically the first real interaction He's had with another person like he's just he's there to like, oh, okay, whenever the, like, the woman walks out on him when it when his coworkers, like, he has the first conversation he has as his mom says, like, were you with the ultra fights again? And he goes, mom, they're super fights. It was just right. I'm like, that's your own man. That's the, that's our hero. Like, you're, and you're

going to root for this guy. No, I'm not. You just guarantee you that won't. Yeah, I wish they would have explained why he lives with this mother. I don't know if we're supposed to think he's a child. He kind of looks like one, obviously, but there's no mistaking it. He's a grown man in the rest of the film.

It's like we missed the first part where he made a wish on the Zaltar machine. Right. It's like the alternate big world where he is a child, but in a somewhat adult body. Is there a way to interpret this movie, to do that old trope where, like, if you watch past this point,

everything he's had is his dying dream, but like somewhere in the first three minutes of the movie, he died. And then the rest of this movie is just like this. He died in the boxes. They killed him after he punched Keith Hackney. Keith Hackney went over, beat him in the dick until he went to the hospital.

These are all the doctors. No mercy, Budakai is actually doctor, no mercy, Budakai trying to save him. This is a dick injury nightmare. So three guys are mugging a lady in an ATM and they're like, they're like 90s punks. And they're getting from Rumble and the Bronx. Yes, exactly.

And that's the way. And here comes Jack and his Jeep and they're like, keep going, you have fucker and he's like, no way. And he drives really close to them with the Jeep, jumps out, totally saves her with his super fights. And she's completely in love as he drives her home. Her grandfather's a total dick.

He's like, oh, why'd you fight the fucking guys mucking my daughter? They might not have killed her. You dick, you stupid dick. Do you even have a fighting style? You stupid dick. He's like, no, yeah, I got like lots of fighting styles. It's karate kung fu. And he's like, he grabs his hand he like squishes his hand he's like you're

fucking squishable hands you never trained you don't have a style and then it's gonna sound like I'm making it up but he grabs the kids hands dips it in the flour in the kitchen he's like touch me and he wins if he touches and he will give him credit for saving his granddaughter from knife murder. But that's how we said just like meet my grandfather, but he is racistly a Kung Fu master. Like he is in full Kung Fu, he has the like the long Fumantue mustache thing going on. He's like, you would see that guy and be like, you can't dress like that, man. I know you're actually Asian, but it's not okay.

Yeah, he's a magic kung fu wizard. And he, of course, he can't get touched. He's like doing flips and shit. Why would you assume that guy wasn't a kung fu master? It would be absurd. If you met that guy and he wasn't a kung fu master, the scenario that works out is like, he says, touch me. And then no hesitation, Jack just tries to punch him full force in the face, which like this would be insane. If that was just somebody's grandfather,

you would have killed him in front of her for like no reason. But he was so clearly a kung fu master that you're like, how did you think this was going to go? He's going to like jump up and balance on your hand when you try to punch him. Like this is not gonna go your way. Jack also just seems so ready to fight all the time that after he defends her from the muggers and she's getting into his GP, he goes,

oh yeah, that's just what I needed. That's like, I forgot about him. I was yelling all the time. Like, oh yeah, that's just what I needed. That's like, I forgot about that. I was yelling all the time. You're the movie never allows you a moment to root for him. You're like, he can't do this guy's ass and then he goes, oh yeah, just what I needed. All right, fuck off the screen. Paul's got a big oversized lollipop. I'm gonna take five victory licks, one, two, three, four, five, I did it!

Jesus, fucking what? I'm like, I'm gonna take five victory, licks one, two, three, four, five, I did it! She's just fucking wet. I love this movie, it's just a nice leisurely pace. He comes home and the whole block is already cheering for him. Security footage of him kicking these guys out over the news. And now his mob likes fighting because it got her boy in the news.

This is actually true, I think a lot of parents like they generally hate things until Fox and Friends says it's good and then they're like, yep, that's that. Ciao concentration camps. That's sorry. This got dark. This got really dark. Come back. Come back to Superfights. It's nice. It's nice. It's nice. It's superfights. Don't go back to Superfights. Don't go relationship with my social world with your family and the politics come back to super fights where the world is simpler well next to super fights the CEO sees him and he's like get me that kid no agents no lawyers and uh okay this is clearly supposed to be Vince McMahon. Oh yes. This is absolutely Vince McMahon is the villain of this movie. And it rules.

Vince McMahon would be so happy to be portrayed in this way if he ever had an occasion to watch this, which he did not. There's no way. There's no way. Because he is also in addition to being the evil corporate CEO, a Kung Fu master. Uh huh. He kicked you wonder.

Maybe that's a story. Whipsass. Unrepetently evil. He fucks everybody. He sees Vince McMahon would love it. This is also... The other... The other...

The other is... His special weapons are little rings that he wears on his index fingers. Look at that. Fucking... Little pokes. Little pokes on him. Little... They're like... tops a little quarter inch like pin.

And it's portrayed like if he he's gonna kill you with those. You could just like your keys. If I took off like a pin from my vest, if I took off like a, like a, I'm like a Walmart greeter button and turned it backwards, it would be exactly, instead. Yeah, I would say holy shit, you must be a kung fu master. I love that they show a scene of him next where he's just kind of cruising around town

and everyone's cheering for him. And he does like a really deranged, like miniature version of the Rocky stairs around. Yes. Yeah. And he ruins it. He ruins it at the end. You can't, you can't, the movie will not cut away

without him ruining it. He runs up the stairs and everybody thinks he's cool. And they're like, they're at the bottom of the stairs. Like, he's just got on the top of the stairs and then he loses his mind just, the nerdishly screeching, leaping around, like, contorting himself. Like, everybody just panned down to the bottom of the stairs

and see everybody staring at gas. Like, oh, he's not the hero anymore. We don't like him anymore now. He just can't stay cool for more than 10 seconds. We get an epic freeze frame leap and that I was like, every decision just just like it's like they specifically hate him. Like the people who made this movie wanted this actor to get humiliated. He has the energy of someone who just got like their personal best on a Nintendo speed run.

Like it's like you did a thing, that's a successful thing you did, but like the way you're celebrating you're kind of ruining it, I guess. I don't know about it. It was one of the things that a lot of reviews talk about. They talk about the Vince McMahon thing and they talk about how they they appreciate this like

Child like wonder that exists in this movie that like you know this weird karate crying movie But for some reason there's the center is this like wide-eyed kid and like really he only did this movie and before that He did like a direct to video like karate for children tape and that's what got him this job, I guess, but okay It shows yeah turns out he only knows how to do karate for children tape and that's what got him this job I guess but okay It shows yeah, it turns out he only knows how to do karate for children. Yeah Yeah, that makes a lot of sense that because he has that sort of like you know daycare energy and kids yeah

So now he can't tie a tie because he's got the big date with the CEO to talk and he's like mommy help me tie my tie And she's like no, I hate fighting again. I don't want you to be a super fighter I just want you to fight knife muggers anyway There he comes there and and the CEO's like You didn't wish your lawyer like they're making fun of him for not bringing a lawyer. After they specifically told him not to bring a lawyer. Fucking baseless. Shulphur is something idiot dummy. Um, he's also not a very good negotiator. I have a clip and I think it would illustrate everything we've been talking about and how,

uh, how, how well this movie is based. You're a popular man. I want to get right to the point. I want to make you a super fighter. All I want to do is make you an offer. Oh, just the answer, yes! I'm not asking for that. I'm not asking for that. I'm not asking for that. I'm not asking for that. I'm not asking for that.

I'm not asking for that. I'm not asking for that. I'm not asking for that. I'm not asking for that. I'm not asking for that. I'm not asking for that. I'm not asking for that. I'm not asking for that.

I'm not asking for that. I'm not asking for that. I'm not asking for that. I'm not asking for that. I'm not asking for that. I'm not asking for that. I'm not asking for that. I'm not asking for that. I'm not asking for that. I'm not asking for that. I'm not asking for that. I'm not asking for that. Yeah, all I want to do is make you an offer

I haven't made the offer yet. They have an agent. No, should I? All I'm overstimulated yes to go yes to go in his crate and calm down Choping around the fucking room naming the guys on the posters. Let's curb it the frog! Wait! Wait! That's... Like, if you were hoping if you're the Vince McMahon character, Robert Sawyer, I think, is his name and his moving, like I know he was like hoping to take advantage of him, but when he reacts like that, your immediate response has to be like, oh, no, no, no thanks. Never mind. I just let the rings on right then. No, I don't want to deal with this every day. No, thank you. Yeah, it deals off. They also bring in Angel, because so they, I guess, thought he'd be a more

difficult cell. So they had like a whole other plan. They're gonna bring an angel to like honeypot him into the job. And so we gotta come to age. She turned out to be unnecessary. Totally absolutely necessary. She comes in and she's like, oh, I'm gonna totally fuck this shit out of y'all. I have a clip of it.

I'm a real slave driver, Jack. And you have to listen to me about everything. I think you've got great potential. You've got a little hard training. You could be a great supervisor. I can't wait. Angel, would you excuse us for a little while? Jack and I have some paperwork to take care of.

Don't take too long, okay? I'm hungry. The horneest anybody has ever been. And to be clear, Jack barely knows that she's coming onto him. Like, yeah. Yeah. He doesn't just walked in the room and then he's like, hey, go away. We have paperwork to do.

Well, I think it's because he realizes like, oh, no, I was going to have you fucking, but no, I'm not going to put you through that. I mean, imagine because he realizes like oh no I was gonna have you fuck him but no I'm not gonna put you through that I mean imagine how he comes Comes that dude went home that I have this mommy what a boner was super comes Leaping please frame tiny little boner bookin' out. Alright so it gives him the contract and it is like a comical prop like it's from a fucking like zany comedy movie. It's got to be like 300 pages thick and this guy came in he

ready to sign anything and they did everything in their power to make him suspicious and it still didn't work he's like I'm fucking ready to go whatever whatever you say they give him a car a fully furnished home and when I see really furnished I mean it has marlin heads it's stuffed out it has pictures of somebody else's family. It's strange because there's a part where he's holding a vase. And behind him, crammed together is an anilup head, a Marlin and some other fish. Just like, we've got to each other.

And like the sea is painted across the ceiling. Like, you killed like some sort of captain, some sort of hunting, some sort of sea hunter, and then gave his family home to the nerd. But that's not what they mean when they say fully furnished. It's not somebody's life. Right. Yeah, it's not about opening drawers and just screaming. Yeah, he's just opening the TV cabinet.

He's freaking out. Angel meanwhile is in these like skintite white pants. Just just mesmerizing right. She like lays down in the bed, presumably for sex and he just leaps over her to like, she got this bathroom. He's just look at the TV. He cannot pick up on the show. She's so lost and the movie does such a great job of showing her like looking confused and be well-to-like. Right. What is he doing? Is he ad-libbing? Why is he doing this? The scene specifically says we fuck here.

Right. Now, this guy has no idea what fucking is. They, like, we're already done with that scene. We talked about it longer than it existed. They cut to a danger room, like a full on X-Men danger room, with like sensors to test his speed and power, and angels there to like, tell him to attack the light beam. And so he's like, crotting a light beam,

and it's like, ooh, Jack's kick, 80 pounds. I have no idea if they're good numbers or bad numbers. Well, there's a whack-a-mole chamber. Where he has to dodge the ram rods? Oh, I had to down as a pummel shower, but yeah. Pummel shower. He's just, I love the sensibility of this movie. How it thinks the world works like the contracts or cartoon props.

Like, when they say fully furnished, they mean like a boat captain's house. And when all the high end gym must mean the fucking danger room, just to straight up like laser high tech laser gym with little it would be constantly beeping for no reason. It's got little computer diagrams. Like that's what a high tech gym is. I love that he punches the light and it makes laser sounds every time. It's like every little detail I'm like, yeah, this is amazing But we have to talk about the pulse taking moment in this. Oh my god. Yes Because she's got squeezes his boner. Yeah, we open the hand job. She gives him half of a hand job like not Not no tasteful way. She's like I'm good to give you half a hand job now

And then just not doing it. I'm doing it right now. She's like, this is the ultimate way to check a pulse. Right, right. It's got that cute little sexual escalation. Like she's like, hey, I'm doing this for a different reason, but we both know. Like, it's like she's easing him into it. It's so good. Like, she's a master honey potter. She's promising the world while she's stroking his dong. And then he like verifies, hey, are we gonna have sexual relations here in the danger chamber?

And she's like, yes. And then he goes to kiss her. And she's like, what the fuck dude? That she hands her bottle steroids and leaves. Yeah. Instead, take these. Instead of fucking steroids.

It's weird in a way where you kind of skip right past the, like, what is, is she up to something? Is this character up to something to like, oh, the writer of this is a virgin madman. Like, this is not, they're not trying to say anything with the scene. They just do not understand how people fuck. We've gone as far as they've ever encountered fucking.

Like, they gave a half a hand job and he was like and that was it and it was great Let's write that into the movie and then you get a present something like steroids. I don't know The training montage is what happens next and I took a clip of just some of the song just just a catch. Laser laser laser laser. I like that much like the movie this song stars nobody Nobody's it's a duet where nobody wants to take center stage their bolts just kind of in the background leaning in like you do it No, I got the idea. There's like 11 or 12 singers. They were just kind of taking turns I love it goes the song goes from trying your best at being a super fighter to entering the world of murder and seduction like from trying your best at being a super fighter to entering the world of murder and seduction. Like, And the turn of like enter the world of drugs and corruption. I was like, this is the best.

It's good. It's great when he's not like entering the world of corruption, when he's like signing autographs for the kids. And it's like, enter a world of murder and corruption. Like, with the kids, the kids do that. What is happening? Yeah, they never waste a moment to do something cool or advance the plot. And I really appreciate that.

He and Angel now are having a full-contact sparring session. And then in the middle of just beating the shit out of each other, like they agree to like really beat the shit out of each other. And my notes, I said that the choreography is pretty sweet. Like it's got a whole lot of the tippy-tappy Cynthia Rathrock shit, but they make it cool. Like it Like, it's got a whole lot of the tippy-tippy Cynthia Rothrax shit, but they make it cool. Like, it really, it's like a child wished

for the perfect movie to exist. And it was somehow conjured magically because it seems so like impossibly competent. Well, also being made by what are obviously dumb idiots who don't know what they're doing. And it's just like a child that has never left their block. Right.

And specifically in the 90s before the internet, before we'd all been brain poisoned. Yeah, a lot of these types of films can get super repetitive in the fight choreography or the way it's cut around because they don't have good fight choreography. But in this it's like so creative in parts, the good part in here where he does the wheelbarrow and then she goes to kick him in the groin so he does a double hand cup. So it does it stand at the same time and then the lips would like what is this? Everybody's so on point and it's incredible. Everybody's really good too. Everybody's just it's not just that the choreography is good, they're they're fast and they're

right. Yeah and they're on point. The styles are really distinct too. She'll kind of switch to a Wing Chun style, like a really deliberate Wing Chun style, and then the May bad guy has a pretty specifically Taekwondo style, and I'm like, it's real fight nerdy. The storytelling is good. You can tell the momentum of a fight and like What they're feeling what they're thinking I it's it's again stupidly the beast has a beast style

Yeah, just run through a wall at people I loved I love that everything they've done so far they'll is to we'll get to it But just sets up like, when we fight, it's like, it's inventive, it's fast, it's precise, it's sweet as hell. Everybody like, it uses advanced techniques. And then, this guy, which he'd love him so much even though he has no style.

Yep. He now has his first fight. It's against Keith Hackney. Keith Hackney puts him in a choke and the crowd rallies for him to escape and he gets out. I guess we should talk about his outfit because he's wearing my pajamas. My exact pajamas. He's got an American flag karate guy with American flag tights. They do not match. I'm a little bit like a little bit like a little bit like a little bit like a little bit like a little bit like a little bit like a

little bit like a little bit like a little bit like a little bit like a little bit like a little bit like a little bit like a little bit like a little bit like a little bit like a little bit like a little bit like a little bit like a little bit like a little bit like a little bit like a little bit like a little bit like a

little bit like a little bit like a little bit like a little bit like a little bit like a little bit like a little bit like a little bit like a little bit like a little bit like a little bit like a little like like an American Peter Pan, a sarcastic American Peter Pan made by like, like, yeah, I don't know, a Hungarian stage crew. When they show him in the like the locker room before and he's like nervous or whatever, I was like, that's a really silly outfit, but he'll clearly take that jacket off when he fights. No, he keeps it on. Yeah, you think it's just the pre-fight like robe that he's going to come out, he's going to take it off and then I'll have trunks on then it cuts him in the rink. He's got the full thing Again, it's just it's a child made every part of this movie a child so that costume Yeah, like that is that is a Halloween costume. I wore in 1991 and I was so proud

I'm American. And everybody for you. This one. There's a part where he hops on one foot and he does like really fast kicks. Is there a term for that? I usually call that Cynthia Rothrocking actually because you kind of only see it in those 90s movies

that she made in America. Little like taps, little karate snacks. You kind of only see it in those 90s movies that she made in America. A little like... A little like... A little karate... A little like... A little karate... And then sometimes you'll paint brush your foot the other way, so you kick one way, and then you chamber it, and you kick it back the other way. You can try this on a bag at home. It does not hurt.

There's no human way to make it hurt. I think they use it in choreography because you don't have to pretend not to kick them. You can just kick them right in the face and they'll be like, uh-huh. Now just as you want. Yeah. Angel is his corner and she is really bad at it. He's getting chased and pommeled and she's calling from to do a double roundhouse. Like, shit that will get him completely knocked into the crowd. He's in a choke and she calls for a kick She's like kick away out like what are you talking about? Angel I'm glad I'm glad I was correct to write that down because I was like I wrote that I don't know much

About like fighting, but I'm pretty sure you can't kick your way out of a choke Just being strangled to death and she's like kick him kick him kick He does he doesn't even use that advice either. Like, he kind of does like a chin shove. It's a real karate, like self-defense book escape. Probably wouldn't work, but whatever. It's a movie. They kiss after the fight and the girl that he rescued

from earlier, Sally, she sees it, her heart breaks and she vanishes. And you're like, okay, this is going to be our act too. But no, the next thing that shows a montage of victories, and then Sally's back cheering him on in every single one of them. So I thought, so a lot happened even before they started the montage. She decides like, ah, it's not a deal breaker. Oh, yeah, I don't care. So he fucks his trainer. I don't give a shit. I would too. Look at her. They might address that in the fourth chorus of the Superfighter song. Maybe that's where they get to.

And she doesn't mind that you kiss in angel. You know, I'm just talking about one. I probably missed it because I just rock out to it. I dance like no one's watching when the Superfight's next positive-story theme song comes on. Anyway, he's a, he's in a hero to the children, he's signing autographs, but he's kind of worried that his opponent through a fight at the end of the montage. Some guy like gets knocked out by half a kick. And he's

like, Angel, I think that guy like faked the fight. So he thinks these fights are real. And I love I love that. I love that decision for a movie to be like, he enters and he fights as hard as he possibly can. And he thinks he has his whole like people have to chant people had to chant for him to win in that first fight. They had to like the whole crowd had to get up and chant for him to like break out of this hold and meanwhile the guy was pretending You know like right. But here's where you kick my ass like why are you not doing that? And he's just trying his goddamn best and and barely winning thrown fights. It's a great decision Angel I think

Either just as part of a Grandeur scheme or just to distract him from this line of thinking, she acts like she's gonna fuck him. So she's like in a very strange outfit. She's got silk underpants on, but then this really puffy, big silk shirt that, I mean, don't get me wrong, she looks great, but it's just a strange choice of lingerie.

And he won't have sex with her because she's his trainer and his friend. And there's no mention of Sally. So I don't think he's like being faithful to a different relationship. I think that the people who make this movie just took some sort of vow of chastity

and just thought that was a normal thing to do. I don't know. Yeah, he doesn't say I'm saving it for marriage, but he's saving it for something. Yeah, I don't know for maybe the big fight. I don't know. You got to stay potent. You want all your semen and your balls.

So when King Tackle punches him, you have like an natural liquid defense. You want to be able to come in the big fight. You're like, that's how you get out of that chokehold. Just you orgasm and he will let you go. It's weird that they even have a grasp of him with all that silk on. You think he would just slip right out of his. Let's see, I guess next in my notes, I have that he went to the gym and it's kind of that sinister music. And all these guys pump an eye in which is very clearly the filmmaker saying that they're doing steroids.

It's dark. It's dark muscle men. And he's getting a high five from all the guys he's knocked out this week. So these fights, I guess they're real in the fiction of his universe, but not in everyone else's. Everyone's good pals and they obviously recover from concussions very quickly. They did such a good job in this scene. Like they legitimately, I'm not even being sarcastic when I say they did such a great job of like having him think he's king of the world. Yes. And having all of these guys like high five and be like, yeah, you're great. And you know, as the viewer, like they are being sarcastic. And no point is it revealed.

Like the movie still thinks like, we're gonna do a big reveal of this. But whoever just did this scene, it has so like perfectly, everybody performed it well to be like, they're like, yeah, you're great. I could fucking kill you at any time. You're half my size, are you serious? Well, they do tell that to us at the end

where Budaqa gives him a pad to and then just sidekicks him into the wall Yeah, just to show like you can't you can hang with a big boys kid But immediately you know the second he walks into that gym like the first interaction with the body language is just like Just all of a sudden like oh no. Oh, no. I'm as big as one of these men's legs Yeah, the audience just realized that Yeah, it's such a visual stark contrast when you see him next to anybody else. You're just like, oh my, this is a child in there. Why does he think he's winning? He's so weird.

The next morning he's going for a jog and he gets attacked by a morning ninja. He hears running in the woods and he goes, who's there? What happens? Here is the movie has given up trying to explain itself with subtext, just storytelling or plot. So they have an actual ninja jump out of the woods, trap the hero in a submission hold and explain everything that's happening and what he should do. I have a clip of it. It's a long clip, but it's a very I don't think so. I don't think so. What do you want? Rubber's not just a quarter and you are not just a fighter.

It goes way beyond a legal deathmatch is fixing fights, gambling, drugs, organized crime, murder. He's into it all. You've got to get out for your care. I've been stealing that! Not yet. But you will. You are a product. And once you're the fighter, he wants you to be.

You'll become a killer too, like the wreck. I won the fight! We both know you didn't. Pull out while you didn't. You do. Ugh! Ugh! Pull out what you still can. And Jack, don't take the pills. You got to fight them.

Hey! Hey! Wait! How do I do that? Say no! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha So much. I think humanity would save so much time if they use this in every movie. Just like 40 minutes can get cut from every movie if a ninja just junked out and explained everything. I think we should use it in real life. Ninja should jump out and explain what time a party starts and what you need to bring. It's also clearly Gouda-Kai. That's my favorite part.

It's probably not more Gouda-Kai. The one guy who rocks to you. There aren't many six foot two, 250 pound beef cake Asian men in this movie. So you're like, Ha, I wonder who that is. I love that the ninja pops out to him and starts to explain it.

You hear it in that clip, he's like, you're not really winning the fights and then Jack just takes a swing. It's like cold I just wanted to have a ninja conversation I love you. Call them a morning ninja. I called him a parking and I called them an anti-drug ninja This is like the dare this is the dare class that would have worked on me Is if I showed you a little video of a ninja leaping out. You're like, just say no. It's disappeared into the woods. I love how faint how faint he was. It made that decision to have him run away while saying no confidence in that joke. I didn't rewind it just because I was like, did he really just say, just say no. The anti-drug ninja saves the day.

It's so great also because he could not have had an easier time getting everything explained to him. Like, he missed it when they're like, hi, we're sleazy exploitive business masters. And now the ninja's like, dude, the things, the vitamins they gave you are obviously mind control steroids. You fucking idiot. Unless you were right that like, yes,

you're not beating these guys who were 200 pounds bigger than you with the fucking karate you taught yourself in the warehouse during your lunch break. With your warehouse karate, warehouse style. The first Kung Fu master you met was like, dude, you're a fucking pussy. An old man beat the shit out of you. You're like yeah, yeah, no, I definitely.

So Jack finds his girlfriend's grandfather doing Tai Chi in the park and just like coincidentally. And then he's like, oh hey, come over to my girlfriend's martial arts train or my granddaughters martial arts training, your girlfriend. And so that's the thing. Well, he starts it off by guilt tripping and he's like, you haven't come to see my granddaughter and he says, you beat the shit out of me. I'm like, yeah, but is that really enough?

And he's like, yeah, yeah, you beat the shit out of me. I didn't come on. I didn't come on. And that happens very quickly and now Budakai and Macha Manati Murphy are running a protection racket under the bridge. So there's like a gang living under the bridge and they show up and then they cripple all of them and their women. The gang, I love the gang so much in 90s movies, because it shows, again, this child-like understanding of the world, like, if you asked an eight-year-old,

what do you think gangs do? They would have said, I bet they live under a bridge and they beat up cars. Because my dad gets mad when the car alarm goes off, so that's what gangs do. Because that's what they're doing. They drove their own cars there and are beating the shit out of them.

Like, just beating them with pipes. And they're very. They drove their own cars there and are beating the shit out of them. Like, yeah. Just beating them with like pipes. And they're very racial adiverse. They have all the non-white ones. That's, I guess, how you thought of a gang in a 90s movie. So then Jack is training Tai Chi with his girlfriend's grandpa. And he explains, like, the magical fluid energy redirection of Tai Chi. he's never even fucking heard of it. And they have a watermelon punch off, which is pretty great. Oh man, loving. Jack does a really cool moment.

Like the grandfather says very strictly, like you have to be here at 6.30. And then he gets out of the car and he looks really disappointed that like Jack isn't there. And then a pile of garbage explodes and Jack leaps up out of it and is like, ah, and they're like, oh, I love it. And she jumps into his arms.

Like, you hit the garbage all night? You thought that was the cool moment? Like, they're gonna think this is so cool when I burst out of the garbage. He is seven years old. It's amazing. I can tell you he's burst out of garbage in the movie. It's like kind of his go-to thing. In any other movie, I think this would be too much because he's already got like a

different trainer and than the warehouse training. So this is like his third martial arts training style. But like I said, they have plenty of time. They're going so fast this movie. He drops the vitamins while he's training. And the grandpa's like, dude, these are fucking mind control steroids. You can't take these. And he's like, well, no, no, they told me they're just vitamins. So he's already forgotten about the jogging.

The anti-drug ninja. Yeah. The anti-drug ninja gave everything to warn you about that. I feel like that ninja might have been added later in the production because someone else decided, like oh, the audience is going to get confused. Let's have a ninja explain everything to them, but the main character conveniently forgot. I think that's what happened because... Because he forgets again after this. Yes, he does. He absolutely does.

The next thing we cut to is a bikini girl handing out the steroids at the gym, but Jack, he doesn't do it anywhere. He's like hiding the steroids in his shoes. And he's now using Tai Chi in his fights and everyone's like, what the fuck is that butt shove? Did he shove that guy with his butt? I've never seen anything like it. His master of the butt arts.

And Angel sees that he likes Sally. Like he gives her a look in the crowd. I just so people can picture it. This is like a high school gymnasium. This is like where you'd see like a local wrestling show. There's like three or four rows of riser seats. So like, this isn't, they're not filling Madison Square Garden is the point.

So when Sally's there, she's about two-thirds of the crowd. So, angels are always in the same seats too. Yes. If you watch it, they're always in the same look at like it's reserved seating even though it's clearly just high-scope leachers. Yeah. We got some more gang wars. They're just like, these ones especially when they cut into like Jack's quick mark or whatever that they have a little sign because they couldn't actually get permission to film in a business.

They had to film outside at night. And the gang is just their final fight villains, every single one. They're like, I swear some of them are just swaps of each other. It's so pure. It's so pure and earnest. Like, just show me those punks makes me think like, oh. It's so pure. It's so it's so pure and earnest. Like if it's just show me those

punks makes me think like, aww, you're so precious. I also like that they say like, oh there's these terrible things happening, but there's never presented in a way that's like, okay, we're going to go do something. It just cuts to something you can do. Look, a fight happening and you're like, I guess this is an extortion. I'm not sure what's happening. Where's the song to tell me what's happening? Where's the ninja leaping out of the woods to tell me what happened? It's sort of hit me at this point that super fights is kind of in their universe, a combination of American gladiators and UFC and pro wrestling. And here they have like the world famous fighters who like sign autographs for kids,

running these very public protection schemes. So it very much be like getting mugged by turbo chuck with L and Haksajim Duggan, which it's happening one and one but every single time like this is so fucking weird. And it just keep doing it. They just keep showing these guys very famous men getting out of the cars and saying hey give us all the money and I'm still gonna root for you tomorrow, Gemini This changes nothing between us Yeah, anything you get on cameo. I would I would pay more for that I'm back soft Jim Nuggin USA and I'll come to your hometown and run a protection racket on any Chinese restaurant you want. 40 bucks.

We'll split the profits. There's more Tai Chi training. He shows the kid how to hit a Coke can with your Chi magic and he does. It's actual magic and then he's like, it's not magic, just fucking do it. Do the magic, guys. I don't know how to pronounce the word Chi

and he's like, just fucking some in your magic what are you an asshole? Anyway, that's now we have cheap less cheap less real now learning a fourth like magical check-offs move. And so now back at the gym Jack is starting to realize that something's up he sees it some shady characters sneaking around some money suitcases, trading hands.

He's like, I don't know about all this. I guess a fucking ninja just beat the shit out of you earlier yesterday morning and explained it all to you. Well, it's very deliberate and clear ninja message. You can keep, you can keep gay men with a ninja goal and community to all this to you. I love this scene because they, they want to show, right? They want to use this scene to show Jack being pure. Like he's off the steroids now.

Yeah. And they need to prove that, but they also want him to make, I could supposed to make him look cool and determined. So they show him really struggling to like lift weights. And then Angel says, Jack, you're not getting stronger. And then he's all like, he gets this really coy smile. And he's like, yeah, I don't know what to tell you.

OK, but the point of the scene that we've established is you're super weak. Yeah. Is movie? That's what you've done with this scene. She's disappointed that working out is not working for you. And you're like, yeah, I'm not any stronger than I was. But I'm learning cocaine shoving with a magical man. So I like that at no point does she like just actually working out work?

Like because it's that child logic, it's not like try working out. It's like, no, if I'm either taking steroids or it's pointless to work out, and I have to focus on Chi instead, like the two, the two ways, the good and evil ways to get muscle. I wish she'd been like, you're not getting any bigger and then it just cuts to his shoes and they're just massive and ripped and banging and they're just full of the steroids.

He's been feeding them. That would be a really weird movie. If the second half of them was like using monster feet, like they have like, she's grown out of him and he's like biting people with his monster feet Super feats super feats It would not be surprising at all though if it happened you'd be like yep, that's totally normal from the From the film like his perspective Uh, they cut to the side and write it

They cut to the bad guy he's sleeping with angel Angel, the Vince of Gaios Liquid Angel. But it's more like sexual extortion, like she seems to hate it. And he definitely hates her. He's like really me do or in ways that he doesn't need to be. So it's really hard to get a handle on this character. Like she's a woman in a 90s movie. So she has very little agency, but you're also kind of like why is she here? Why is she also trying to fuck the other guy?

Is her role just to kind of try to get laid and sometimes it works? Is that like in any other movie, she would be the incentive of like, you know, he would be using her to like keep him engaged. He's another like, measure of insurance, which is what you're every step it makes you think like that's what this is supposed to be. But he won't fuck her. It's like he threw the movie for a loop. The movie's just like, what are you doing? You're supposed to, we're doing a thing here. Fuck her. Come on.

I don't get like a gave- I'm probably, but that would make sense if he was just gay, because he is really obsessed with that big muscle man that he met when he was a boy, the Rocco. I don't know. Maybe that's it. That explains some stuff. Not everything, but some stuff. Uh, so that's just alt right. Yeah. Yeah. That would be it. Uh, he just, in his DNA can't fuck. Uh, he's, it's no not childhood. Uh, that could be evil bosses base. There's like could be evil boss's base.

There's a different evil boss. And they like full the bunch of fucking maybe powder to them during a cocaine deal. So then evil vits McMahon, sends over like unnamed caveman fighter there to just beat everybody up. So caveman burst through the wall and just fucking trashes the place.

He took half a piece of guy with the ceiling fan. Yes. He's easy. His weapons are big, okay. He burst through the wall and he's holding dumbbells and he like, he uses the dumbbells as weapons against everybody. He just explodes through a wall like he's in mid workout and then just throws barbells at everybody and then decapitated together as a ceiling fan. That's really like everything in this movie is so precise and coordinated and then they're like, okay, time for the big bad and he just explodes through a wall.

It's so great. But the other evil guys were like laughing about how funny it was. Like, we stole them baby powder. Like these guys kill people with cavemen. And you're just like for no reason, taunting them. I don't know. I don't know why they would do it. I don't know why they thought it would work, but yes, they got killed by caveman. He have maybe two seconds to take all that in before we're back to meditation training

with Jack and he's making like silly faces at the old man while he's meditating like he's like creeping up on him like a little monster. He's seven years old. And it's the most obnoxious scene. Like if you again, every scene, the movie wants me to hate this person as much as I can. And they're very successful at it. The way he, he mimes cracking himself up like, oh my God. Can you believe I'm doing this? Like I just fight, instant fight. I got, I must attack, I must attack this. Yeah, it's fucking obnoxious.

But he gives him some special Tai Chi meditation glasses. I actually know exactly the model of these glasses. I had a friend in college in my dorm and he had this exact model of glasses and they were like, they just sort of flash lasers inside your inside of them. It said very specifically in the instruction manual not to use them with psychoactive drugs, and it's the first thing he did, it's the only thing he did, he would get completely fucked up and put on his meditation glasses, and he literally lost his mind.

We used to catch him in the mirror singing Jesse's girl to himself, like more than once, any time of day. Sometimes the door would be open and you could just watch him perform the entire song to himself in the mirror. That's what he fucking did with his time after he spent too much time in these meditation glasses. We still met in this glasses? Yes, we was. That's what I was prepared for in this time, version. I didn't fucking make any of that up. I just had like, why are they VR glasses? Because they're huge like, like, Oakley-style glasses painted silver and they shoot lasers

towards your face and they're plugged in. Why does the old Tai Chi Master have them? It's a crazy decision that they don't comment on. And he says, nobody ever says anything about these glasses. It's just like, yes, of course the Tai Chi Master has laser glasses. And he wears them a lot. I didn't, but they didn't make him fucking sing Jesse's girl to his reflection.

They didn't make him, they didn't make him mirror Jesse girl. And I'm sorry. If you said something and you let him know that you saw him do it, he was a best. Like he knew it was a weird thing to do, but he could not stop doing it. A small vision of Jesse's girl and the glasses. Now that now it's inside me, it's eating my memories.

Start to finish. Yeah, like I'm sure he would do it on repeat if nothing interrupted him. Like I literally caught him seven or eight times doing this. And it's not like I was popping into his room often, you know, I don't know. What is it could it be that he was planning little like, I'm gonna, I know Sean's gonna come around. I'm gonna make sure he sees me singing Jesse's girl

so we can finally start that band together. And you just never caught on. I would 100% fit in a band with them. His name was Josh, we call them Little Josh because we had a bigger Josh who was old and completely insane, but like not in a Tai Chi glasses way. Not in a fun way. Not in the Jesse's girl glasses.

Right, right. You didn't get the mind virus. I think I told a story about him, one that's a big Josh. It doesn't matter. We're gonna get way off track. I think I told a story about him when it's very big Josh. It doesn't matter. We're going to get way off track if I start talking about the. Because back in the movie, there's a guy who's like, I guess his character, he's like a Soviet bowling ball.

Or like a, I don't know. I mean, he's in, he's in final fight. He's just, he's the ball. If, if picture the big fat bald guy in any beat him up Right He's just very round Very bald and he has like a Soviet army outfit on chart lots of charge moves grabs a large moves lots of like

Like crippling moves. So he's grabbing Robin and damm just beating this shit out of him like Robin and damien is like popping blood capsules in his mouth and his nose and just shooting blood out of his face. And then he like smashes his arm intentionally to cripple him and he's clearly trying to fucking kill this guy. And now in the fiction of the universe, like, we as the viewer kind of know this is fake, but now it's gone way too far. Whatever realness is there, it's like they've crossed the threshold and now audience be damned. KFA be damned. They're going to tranquilize this fucking guy. So they come out with a trunk dart to take him down. A scientist, a man in a white lab who runs out with a tranquilizer gun because they have this. This is the funniest bit of world building.

Superfights has a scientist ready to tranquilize any of the fighters at any point. They know something. This has happened before that they get the Superfight rage and only science can stop it. Yeah, I do know that in this scene, they were supposed to just shoot it for an hour, just something really quick just to get a little footage. But Rob Van Dam was so good in the ring that they just gave it a whole day, just so he could be flipping around and doing all his moves.

He's the best. Yeah, they love it. Well, I love that, because this was kind of a long fight scene, like they beat the shit out of them long enough to let the audience know like, okay, he's gone too far and they're like let's do like 25 more moves or not yeah just like let's bring every single one of his limbs uh so then uh Sawyer is now the the CEO he comes up to Jack and he's like hey I want you to lose the fight against uh dark cloud

Macho Man Charlie Murphy and he's like like, ha ha ha, what a hilarious joke. I know intentionally lose fights, this is all real. So this guy is being confronted with like his boss telling him, this is all fake, it's your job to lose the fight. And he still doesn't fucking get it. This is like the fourth time people have openly explained to him, like this okay Do like professional wrestling that's what we're doing here. We're doing the professional wrestling thing

And he's like no we're not I'm just tiny and strong No, you're gonna die. You're gonna die if you don't go along with this his own mother knew his own mother called it professional wrestling Like yeah, everybody knows but him. But this guy has hired this naive kid who thinks it's real. He can't run a business like this. You can't fucking like hire a guy and not tell him that he's also going to be doing crimes. He's just like, this is crazy. This fucking guy, you're gonna...

It's the hubris. Anyway, he doesn't throw the fight. He beats up Machineman, Charlie Murphy. And he gets to film this, though. The way they film this, where it's supposed to be like, he's doing something heroic and pure. Like, Charlie Murphy is like, okay, now here's a,

here's the part, like, you kick my ass a little bit and then I'm gonna do the move and puts you down. And then he's like, no, I'm not going to, which is probably more if he's like, what are you talking about? Like, we have all been losing fights to you all season, and you're gonna like, now that it's your turn, you're not gonna do it.

Like, you're the worst person in wrestling. Like, you're a really bad guy for doing this. You're really fucking up everybody's job, buddy. Like, you're a really bad guy for doing this. You're really fucking up everybody's job, buddy. But it's supposed to be like a heroic thing. Like, no, nobody thinks you're the good guy in this scenario. I did.

We skipped over the part where he actually uses his cheat and move a Nastycan. We're right where he put, they're in a chino, we skipped over the Chinese restaurant because that's weirdly important to the point. Great. They call that back. They go, okay, so they go, he goes to a Chinese restaurant with it with Sally, the daughter and the grandfather to come food master. And he's, they're, they're just ordering Chinese food and he's sitting there folk like force focusing on a nest he can until it fires across the restaurant. And he he's like yeah! And then the grandfather's like, he shut up, shut the fuck up, shut up!

And he's like, no, no, did you see? He's like, yeah, I know, look, I know, it's hot you, Qi Blasting. We don't Qi Blast in restaurants. He tells him that. He tells him, he's a fucking idiot. He tells him like, don't Qi Blast in the restaurant, dick. It is really bad manners. So now he gets called to the office and just completely chewed out It's like you fucking idiot. You're supposed to lose a fight you dumb fucking idiot and he's like okay, boss sure I guess I throw fights now. So I thought super fights were real sir. Sorry. I really messed up sir like like Whatever I don't know what they were building to but he he had it explained to him

And he's like really sorry about it he's just a broken little boy he just wants he didn't think he'd get yelled at for it I thought everybody would love it yeah no we fucking have plans you messed up like four weeks worth of writing um anyway they take him on a protection job they they like say hey this Chinese restaurant is run by them off yeah so it's okay for us to go and take their money. So he's like, okay, sure, cool. Yeah, all right. And there's a butcher knife fight. The chefs come out and they're like, fuck you.

Superfine. Superfine. Before Eddie of that, there's this moment where he comes in and they're like, yeah, we're going to take this cut of their money and Jack looks around and goes, I've eaten here. It's delivery is so simple and pure and heart. take this cut of their money and Jack looks around and goes, I've eaten here. Yeah. It's delivery is so simple and pure and like heart, it's like he believes like, no, I can't betray. I've eaten here.

And it's over. Has the same agreement. He's like, he's like, you're a customer here. Why you do this? Yeah, the same thing. Exactly. After this fight, he's like, look, so Jack, and says, you're a customer, why did you do this?

Like they both know that there's this sacred covenant between diner and restaurant. You're so trust. Like if you eat here, you can never attack us. That's the rule. What are you doing? It's just insane. The insane little world building things,

like the fucking scientists with the trinket gun that gets no lines and nobody even blinks, they're just like, yeah, of course. All wrestling must have a scientist with a trinket gun in case the wrestlers go berserk. And everybody knows you can't betray a restaurant, of course, the worst kind of sin. So he's starting to figure out that he's doing bad stuff.

Yeah, I think so. There's like, he's zoomed in on his face and I'm like, okay, he's starting to figure out that he's doing bad stuff. Yeah, I think so. There's like, and he's zoomed in on his face and I'm like, okay, he's starting to get it But again, I don't think he remembers what the ninja told him. I think he's learning this completely independently of having it explain directly to him He's hiding in the parking lot where they see him gun down the caveman guy And he's trying to get out, but you don't get out of super fights. Everybody knows that. They put a fucking electric collar on him Because he's he's gone completely feral like he doesn't have words or anything anymore This is a this is a wrestler that is returning to the wild and like cannot be investigated anymore It's what they're like He's not really human anymore. So he needs to be trained in shot collared

But it said like online that that a Rocco's played by Jim steel Who was it? WCW person. I don't know what that stands for but his His wrestling name I guess was jungle Jim steel Okay, I remember him vaguely I think so he's really good at being feral and he is He's very good at being feral here. There's a little point here I just want to touch on. That's been happening throughout the movie,

because in this scene where he sees like, he's seeing all of this, you know, serious action, where they're like, gunning down a feral wrestler with a trinked gun and then electrocuting him, and he's realizing all of this corruption. He's hiding behind his car, which is a Dixie Cup painted Suzuki Samurai, I think.

It's this little tiny micro machine toy Jeep. And it's just deeply, like it rules, but it's deeply embarrassing. And he's like, it's exactly what a child would think is cool. And he's hiding, like, it steals the scene. And it's like hiding behind a clown car. You're like, they'll never notice me here in the most ridiculous fucking car

in the whole parking garage. He does, but while he does hide there and see everything, he's, again, starting to figure out this is bad when they watch them gun down this wrestler and then put a mind control call around him. He's like, I don't have to think I'm on the wrong side of things. But luckily I don't have to think I'm on the wrong side of things. But luckily he hasn't explained to him

because when he goes home, he's attacked by the morning Ninja again. And the ninja explains to him, hey, that was Mike Rocco. You're here. You're childhood hero. The man who gave you a medallion when you were a tiny child. They put him on mind control drugs, steroids. And now finally, Jack is like, okay, I agree

to fight against this evil and he takes a very erotically charged shower while he remembers this muscle man hand him a medallion as a child, he remembers his mother complaining. Yeah, he takes off the mask and it's like it's Budakai and Budakai says you've seen it, haven't you? You know what's going on. And yeah, like at the Chinese restaurant with you, like an hour ago. Yeah, yeah, I did see that, you're right. Yeah.

You do a lot of crimes. Budakai and okay. I didn't think I'd have to dress up as the exposition ninja again because you were there with me like an hour ago But you didn't you didn't seem to get it you were you were hung up on the betraying the restaurant thing So we need to revisit this Start explaining to boot a guy. He's like you remind me of this ninja encountered in the What is wrong with you we haven't really been you. You shouldn't have this kind of damage.

There's shoes or full of pills. What's going on? I can't make love to you, Ninja. I'm just not ready. So he consulted this mom and his girlfriend about the takedown of the murder cartel. And his mom, who earlier was like, please don't be a pro-essor, it's too dangerous. Like, okay, be careful. Be careful running a sting operation without the police, son. Which he shows up to again in his little toy car

and his little remote control truck. I'm gonna show up and stop the crimes. Okay, get out of the power wheels. It's not funny anymore. So he shows up for a Bob Ware deathmatch and it's the beast versus Budakai. And he's like fucking in on it now. So he asks Angel, he's like, oh, hey, who's gonna win this one? Because he like knows it's fake now. And she's like, no, buddy, this one's for real. So it's like,

it's so confusing. What are you doing? The kid is never right about anything. I understand. Well, like the Idkot, the Robert Sory Benz McMahon is caught in on that that Buu de Kai is the mole. So he's gonna have him killed with this feral wrestler in a, and it's not just a steel cage match because they also have like a barbed wire

Gilletined like a cactus like a Yeah, it's like a it's like if you made a heavy bag out of wood and then wrapped it in a barbed wire And then you have that on a rope with two guys on the outside who can like control it swing Yeah, and he comes in like oh all right. I get it. I get this. I see it. Yeah. I've seen this. I know I know this works. So we're Yeah, it's a Texas death cat to smash gotcha. So they they're starting to fight and Jack he's trying to like stop it. He goes to the boss, like, come on, we shouldn't have a death match. Boss. And this boss is like, hey, it's fucking, yeah, we should. And he's like, damn it, I tried everything. And so he grabs a fire extinguisher,

and he runs over, and he shoots the beast in the face of the fire extinguisher. His one weakness. His one weakness. Ah! He reacts like Frankenstein seeing fire. And it's just, that's the one thing that can take this feral wrestler down.

And here's the part I think I love. Maybe as much as anything where the wrestler gets, that the beast gets fucked up and he's like kind of dying. And he's losing his mind. He's completely feral. And Jack comes up and he recognizes this as his childhood hero Rocco And he still has the medallion from the meet and greet at whatever the the Well, he's killing the audience

He is escaped to the cage, but he's just an permanent wrestling kill mode So he's wrestling the audience He comes down by giving him this medallion and Rocco remembers like oh, I remember the fucking kid I gave this 220 years ago and he's like I was once a man. I was a man So now we have to know if can the love of a boy overpower an electric mind control collar and it can't. Rocco guys, he is killed by the electric mind control collar and a kick to the face. He drops the medallion.

I just I love this scene so. End of said, I guess we really accomplished something. With that. And so then they take Moodika, who took a pretty serious ass cooking against the beast. And the Chinese grandpa is trying to save him with acupuncture. It's just not working. Like, this is a movie where she is real and pro wrestling is real. But like, even in this movie, those acupuncture fucking bullshit. But they're like, they give up on him completely. They have a couple of like four needles in him and the grandfather looks

And he's like he's just doesn't want to live like take me to the hospital But it's part where grandpa puts his hand over Buddha guy's face and then Jack puts his hand over his groin So specifically his dick. Yeah, he's so specific I almost angel to live about in the big. Yeah the grandfathers like we need to save him with Chi and Jack's like, Oh, I know what that is. Angel showed me how to do that. So good. It's like a callback, but also just a weirdly sexual choice. And he holds it there for 40 seconds. It's not like, Oh, he held it like for a second. Like he, he eventually moved that to his heart or something. No, 40 seconds. We look at him. Hover his hand right over this guy's growing.

They do it in close-ups so you can see and then you're like, maybe it looks better in context and then they do it out and it's just his hand on his dick still. He's like, okay, okay. This is a chi hand job. I understand. Twenty people were on set and any one of them could have said Why is he grabbing his dick why? Love the belt now okay so weird What's this in his pants kid you know what a boner is yet? Fucking you gotta get this is by the ninja boner

Sex education ninja. Oh, so, kid, this is kid. I swear to God, it's the fifth time I've come here and tried to explain puberty to you. It's not, it's not happening. It's not sticky. There's something really wrong with this kid. Look at this.

I don't picture a shaker. Look at it. This is what happens with unprotected sex. I never thought I'd say this, but I don't think educational ninjas can fix this one. I have that Budakai just being like pass me my mask. I'll explain it. I also love in that scene that like that they're there.

He specifically showed like my daughter, my granddaughter knows how to do this. She stuff, but when it's we need to use our cheat a heel boot a guy. Somebody needs to go save your mom from the evil mobsters. And then Sally's like, I'll do it. And the grandfather's like, yeah, that's a great idea. Like, I didn't want you. I wanted you to surrender and let the muggers murder you. But you should go fight the mafia, probably.

And they're like, yeah, it'll be fine. And the very next scene is them getting abducted by the mafia like the way that cuts is so good it's like a really good comedy cut yeah because because again like this is a girl who's been training Tai Chi under this guy her whole life and he already showed the guy had to do a Chi blast in what like 40, 50 seconds. And so she should be able to fight off a gang like in any other movie, there would be a twist where okay, she's also a karate master and she defeats the gang with her Thai chiebillities.

But no, she's just a completely helpless girl. So she's the cage like when we see her next time, they're like, so they invite Jack to have a one-on on one death match with Robert Sawyer, the Vince McMahon CEO. And again, he shows up, he drives up to the death match, he meeps up in his little remote control car. I'm here for the death match. You.

And there's no trick. It's like, yeah, we're really going to have a fair death match. And if, if you win, then you can have the prisoners back. And if I win, I guess you die. So the writer couldn't decide on a line, so he just used them all. I actually have a clip. I'm here.

Let him go. You beat me. They go free. Yeah! You wanted me. They go free. You got me. I gave you a future. Now I'm going to take it away. Just awesome. Just that wasn't like a smash cut.

That's like how the movie delivered those lines to each other. They're just completely independent of one another. I'm so excited at this point in the movie delivered those lines to each other. They're just completely independent of one another. I'm so excited at this point in the movie because like, already so many amazing things have happened. And you know that the last fight is gonna deliver on all of the amazingness, like, so he was gonna just unleash four million kicks. I didn't even keep count of what was happening

with this movie. It's completely incredible. He kicks Jack like 800 times. But in a really silly way, he's got a very Taekwondo-y snap kick style. So he looks like a nine-year-old fucking up brown belts. And he's also wearing... And he's also wearing... His khakis and his tucked-in shirt the time which is Which is a decision for your villain to like taekwondo khaki fight

That's just like the least intimidating combination of things you could see in a fight And if somebody came at you with khakis and taekwondo, you'd be like, I know who's winning this one. It's me It's me you're doomed But you just you all have the same favorite moment of this fight. Because there was a clear moment for me. Well, let's go through chronologically. Okay. I want to talk about how he does knock out the CEO by using his natural, like, box falling ability. Like, he lures it into the clutter of the side of the warehouse. that's where he's invincible. Yeah, when he comes out of the garbage pile, the evil boss is unconscious and then he beats up, they have a stick fight with the other two and I have not got to my favorite part yet.

So how about you two? Well, that's my favorite part is the way you think he's gonna, you're gonna have like this big fight. But no, as soon as they get near the boxes, what happens is Jack sort of taunts a Sawyer of Vince McMahon into leaping at him and then runs in. And what happens is Vince McMahon's crotch goes into Jack's face and that's exactly what Jack wanted.

He knows how to do this. He pivots using his face and hurls him crotch first into the boxes. And then there's like a dramatic moment. And then the boxes explode outwards. And Jack is there and Bits McMahon is unconscious. He knocked him out off screen within his temple of boxes crotch first with his face. It's another callback. It's another callback. It's set.

Everything's a callback. It's so good. So then he beats up the next few guys with like pipes and then he's going to have like a final shootout with Angel but Angel as they've hinted at so heavy handedly. She's like, no, I'm a good guy. You can just go save your mom and girlfriend. And so, but here's my favorite part of the fight. So here's not done.

He emerges from the boxes and he throws a triple kick hitting his mom, his girlfriend, and him. He's his way to get back into the fight. It's unbelievable. Knocks out both the mom and the girlfriend there. Unconscious. So, like specifically, the show, he does the splits and it like cracks the two women just knocking them down. And he's still in the air left to get Jack with one too.

And I was like, that's a good kick. He does the exact kick in Ken Lowe footwork, choreography from Drunken Master 2, which came out a couple years before this. He does it twice where it's like, guys, come on. That's like my only note about the choreography is like, you can't just copy shit. I have another, he says another line here, I really like that took a clip. I made you a star. Now I'm going to destroy you. Now I'm going to destroy you. She's dumb as shit. Thought it was gonna be something about stars?

No. Yeah, now absolutely not. I mean, I've made you a star, but the thing about stars is they fall sometimes. Yeah, they collapse in on themselves and make a lot of holes. But now, which is what I'm gonna do. But now I'm gonna punch you like a star. But if you see a star, you can make a wish. No.

Didn't work, didn't workshop anything. Just went with that. Here's what's great is they've called back a lot. He's kind of using his tai chi to, to fight Sawyer. He's, he's got Tai Chi to fight Sawyer. He's got little the Poke rings, but he doesn't use them. He's doing all kicks even though like the Poke rings are just full death blows if he can land one. But then his girlfriend wakes up from the kick and she starts turning the lights on and off. She's going, Jack, concentrate! And then this is a call back to the glasses. And Sawyer is completely confused. to the glasses. Oh, man. And Sawyer's completely confused.

Like the lights going on and off, like has blinded him somehow. So he's like, what the, why the fuck am I? Who's, what are, how? He just has that like that urge trained into him, that mom urge, like, oh, she's flicking the lights on off, we gotta stop. We gotta stop.

Yep. She's serious. He can't even hit Jack. Jack's completely blind. He's just closing his eyes and dodging kicks and shit. In a cha cha way, like in a bugsy bunny way. Like he's flipping his hips to the side to dodge stuff. Then he dropped kicks, Sawyer, threw offense

and into the death cactus. Just dead as hell. This is not a Tai Chi move That we hear some police sirens for maybe two seconds and it's the only time I think in the entire movie that cops are mentioned at all Like this this might have been a mistake. This might have just been like a noisy set There's also a moment when he when he punches Sawyer when he punches him and you know it's getting serious because they flash cut to a watermelon. Yes.

That's sweet. Totally sweet. They waste no second of this footage. But I forgot to mention that he had hit Angel earlier and so she's dying and Jack gets there in time to kind of say goodbye but he doesn't care Like I'll miss her a lot, but no character in this movie cares that Angel died She's just like it gives it gives kind of a lip service like yeah, hey, you're a hero and then before like that line is even finished He just turns up like he walks out of the box She's like still kind of dying like whoa no Thank you. Yeah, I'm done. Can I get a little bit groin she come back.

She my groin. I can still have. It's just what I needed. I'm the one who taught you that. Then grandfather comes in and he's like oh good I'm glad you're okay Sally. And he says, Jack you are are an American hero, go! MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Oh, I'm sorry. Hence, straight to the song. Carole the credits. By the way, I recorded the whole song. We're adding the podcasts like this.

Of course, there could be no other way. You're supposed to fight her! Look at you! Go, K- You're supposed to fight her! Get to the sex mode! Oh! This is the first time they see these lyrics. I'm a rapper, you start as a rapper I'm a rapper, you start as a rapper I'm a rapper, you start as a rapper I'm a rapper, you start as a rapper I'm a rapper, you start as a rapper I'm a rapper, you start as a rapper

I'm a rapper, you start as a rapper I'm a rapper, you start as a rapper I'm a rapper, you start as a rapper I'm a rapper, you start as a rapper I'm a rapper, you start as a rapper I'm a rapper, you start as a rapper I'm a rapper, you start as a rapper I'm a rapper, you start as a rapper I'm a rapper, you start as a rapper I'm a rapper, you start as a rapper Oh, I like the song has a sexy So real low confidence rap. We're practically saying sorry.

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Benjamin, Sirenon, Bim, Tulzer Eyes, you can tame a truck. You can't! Benjamin Sironon, Bim Talser, Brandon Garlock, the truck magician. What's that behind your ear? It's a truck! Brian Sailor, Brian Whitney,

Barry Tumat, the adult truck, a full-grown truck! Sarah, Rev, Chance, McDermott, Chris Brower, Clement, Clementine, Danger, The Trock Who Sees, A Thera Pist, Curious Glare, Dan B, Trock Thera Pist, Dat FM Entertainment, Dean Castello,

Donald Finney, Doctor, Aquard, Dusty's Red Title, Three Child trucks in a trench coat trying to sneak into this R-rated truck rally. Eric's balding, every zig, fancy shark. Jelahoe, the well-hung truck, and theig-Cunningham. Ham-Bone! Oh, Raka! Harvey-Peng-Gweening the Hot Truck! That's not a sex thing, it's overheating! Hot fart! The Hot Truck! Also, not a sex thing, it's...

Dolan... Hock! The Hot Truck! Who doesn't know it, so it's still... Pretty attainable! Jaber-L-Aiden! Jet, Orozki, Jim, Salter, AKA Dr. Truckopolis. John Dean, John Hector McFarlane, John McCammon,

the truck who graduated college. John Minkoff, Joseph Sears, Josh Fabian, Josh Quixole, the truck, whose a billionaire? Not the driver, it's the truck itself. Josh, S, Josh, who are great. Can, Paisley. K, N, M, M, Jahi, Chapelle. Knows truck, Jitsu. Mac, miserable, is the only truck. Who knows how to counter truck, Jitsu? Who knows how to counter truck Jitsu? Matt Riley, Max Baroy, the man whose war revenge, on all truck kind. Nobody tell him he's also a truck.

Michael Lair, Michael Wells, Mickey Loman, Mike Styles, AKA Dr. Truck and Stein. Moshew, AKA, Truck and Stein's Monster, truck, Mojoo, aka, truck and stuns monster. Truck! ND, Neel Bailey, Neel Shaper, Neku-101, The truck, who's a man, who's a jungle cat, who's an urban vigilante, who's a little bit sassy. Nick, Ralston, Aussie, Olen, Patrick, Herbs, Rachel, the Mood Truck, don't assume you know what the colors mean.

Pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pink is for destruction. Rianan, Sarkovsky, Sean Chase, Spoddy Reception, SuperNot, the Funkadelic Truck, who became Boston Time, and is now King of the dinosaurs and prefers to be called King, Funk Alicia's Troca Sores, Rex the Third Ted H the coward, Troc who assassinated the great King, Funk Alicia's Troca Sores, Rex the Third Thomas Kavatsu's Timmy Lehi, Tom Circula, Tommy G, Wheylin Russell, Yannis Ionitis, the only truck to discover a new type of cave salamander. Yosarian air featuring the truck sensation sweeping truck nation, kids loving, moms wanting,

dead, but grudgingly respected, even if they'll never admit it. Come on down this Sunday and see the one and only. Toasty God! The truck eating truck!