The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 13, Nightman Vs. The Werewolf on... DANGER ISLAND.

Episode Date: March 10, 2021

Seanbaby and Brockway shanghai Tom Reimann of Gamefully Unemployed and will not release him until he explains the worst TV show that he still loves. We talk Nightman, we talk Werewolf, we talk Danger Island, we talk Chongo. We talk a lotta Chongo, folks.

One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred hot dog. Our podcast slams with maximum hype. Say Hot Dog Podcast Word. Yeah. When you taste that nitrate power, You're in the dog zone for an hour. Come on.

You know the number. One nine hundred. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine zero zero. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine zero zero zero.

Yeah. Nine thousand. Welcome to the dog zone. Nine thousand. I'm the internet's Sean baby. And this is the official podcast for one nine hundred hot dog dot com. Welcome back everybody. I'm joined with as always with Brockway,

Robert Brockway, my partner and colleague in hilarity. I'm not sure when you're going to stop. When do I come in? It's my best intro. You got to keep me off guard. And this is my Christopher Walken impression of Robert Brockway learning a Boston accent.

Inside jokes to things we didn't put in the podcast. Bold start. Bold proposition. The old news. I thought how could I make this worse? How about how about like this? I don't know. I'm probably nailed it.

How about our guests? No, I have zero notes. I have no notes. Our guest is Tom Rayman from the internet. Tom Reiman. Welcome. It's great to have you. I think we've we've each been on your podcast

and it's good to have you on ours finally. Indeed. Yeah. No, I'm excited to do it. It's been great. God, what an assault of an introduction. Yeah. Great man.

No, no. I've really enjoyed listening to your podcast as it's been coming out. Whatever it is that podcast do. Why the fuck is the energy so weird in this opening? I don't know. I feel like before we started recording, we were best pals and now it's just like,

what the fuck are we doing? Yeah. I blame myself in my broadcast skills. I've never met before. We're just like. You brought in walking tour. The last three guys in a bar. There's there's one girl left on the dance floor.

We're like, action like we're cool, but we all know we're going to have to fight soon. Oh, yeah. Well, we don't have to fight. We've all been there. There are other options left to us. I like where this is going. Tell me more.

Fucking. I was I was kind of hitting and fucking. Okay. I was being coy about it, but I guess I don't have to. I like to just lay it all out there. Yeah. More.

More 80s high school movies should have ended with the hero just fucking the bully. The hero and the bully. Like they settle their differences and they're like. Just. Yes. I guess I mean. Like, you know,

you know, passionately romantically, but still like with a little bit of that animalistic in there. You know, it's owing to their relationship that they've had for the for the previous 90 minutes of the film. That's good energy. You can't push me around anymore.

Butch. Wait, what? What are we doing? Butch? What's this? Oh, butch. I think I'd watch that. Yeah.

How would that? Would that make the karate kid worse? I think not. No. That would make that's a perfect example of where it would make it much better. Yeah. Yeah.

That's the. The character, the narrative arcs, they all close. On them fucking. Yeah. Tenderly on on top of a classic car. And think of the tension it would add to like the

the current Caesar series. Like if these characters like have this moment that they don't want to talk about, they don't know how to process. Oh my God. It would be so good. That would be like the series finale is them embracing the moment that they've been trying to deny all their lives.

We have to write this now. Johnny, remember that night? No shit. This is fan fiction. I just realized it's fan fiction. We're writing. Yeah. That's why that's why we just invented slash fiction.

Yeah. That's what all slash fiction is about. We just figured it out. Yeah. Welcome back to the show. We just invented a slash fan fiction just now in 2021. Honestly, good for us. You know,

I feel like people would have been circling it for years and then we finally cracked it. We cracked that case. Broke the seal. Mm hmm. You guys are welcome. Yeah. You can use it.

You can use it on almost anything, I think. I mean, as long as it's karate kid properties. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think this would go to like cartoons or anything. I don't think this would work on that. What if they were karate kid people, but also Centars? Just.

Mm hmm. That's a good loophole. Okay. Centar sex is rough because like I'm just, is it the horse? Is it the guy? I don't know. I think this is another problem we could solve.

We just spend 40 more minutes hammering at it. Mm hmm. Yeah. Is that. That's also where we go. I mean, we sort of have something planned, but like this sounds pretty fun. Incidentally, spending 40 minutes hammering at it

is also the solution to Centar sex. That's how you make it through that. And the title of my fan. I think we already solved it. Boom. Normally we like to talk at the top of the show about our current projects will work on. Do you have anything, Tom, that you'd like to talk?

Maybe we could help break that too. Oh, shit. No. I mean, outside of just, you know, the normal stuff we do over at gameplay unemployed, I have, I have nothing I'm working on. I'm like wasting the pandemic. But you guys are going at like breakneck speed, right?

You're doing podcasts. Yeah. You do like eight podcasts. That's true. Yeah. We do record every single day. So I guess I can take it a little easier on myself. But yeah, I've really, like I keep seeing friends

and, you know, professional acquaintances and stuff, like posting on social media about, I just finished my third script. I'm like, I haven't done a fucking thing all year. Hey, I just finished my third script. Congratulations. I'm on page six of like 11 or 12. I was feeling pretty bad about it.

Hopefully our conversation today will, you know, the centaurs and the Cobra Kai, that'll at least get you a couple more pages along. Yeah, that's what I meant by just finished a script. I just figured out where it was going, that one I was having so much trouble with. And like, of course they fuck at the end, both of them centaurs.

I get it now. That's perfect. Centaurs. Centaurs. You pronounce Centaur like Christopher Walken pronounces Centaurs. I think you got my head with that one. I think he's in my head now.

I don't know where I'm going. Now I'm just picturing a movie where Christopher Walken is the only person in a land of Centaurs. And he's like, what am I going to do about all these centaurs? Everywhere. Would he have to conquer them or is he trying to get back home? I don't know.

He'd have to like, for at least a part of the portion of it, he would have to learn how to like get by in their world because like everything would be designed for four legs and he only has two. I think he's trying to change one to race. I think he's trying to inspire one. It's kind of a finding forest or vibe but he's got to teach him to be the best Centaur.

You have two legs but you run like that of one with six. You're the man horse now. Because legs are in your heart. In Christopher Walken, there are four extra legs in his heart. Just thrashing around. Centaur have a good kick in him in the rib cage in the back of the ribs. I mean, I know I put that in our notes

but I was kind of joking. I didn't think we were going to go so hard on the Centaurs. That's how we go. We go hard. We go hard. Well, I just finished up a big project about, I say big project, I made fun of a fucking old VHS tape but it did take me a weird amount of time.

For like 8,000 words. Yeah, it was excessive. But it's about this little boy named Beesbow who comes from space as a star traveler on a solo mission, crash lands and immediately transforms into a human child and starts to learn manners from two very obnoxious children. And that's like the premise of the whole movie. It was produced by Danny Bonaducci's sister Celia,

Bonaducci. And as Brockway was saying to me earlier, it's just this sort of thing that feels like an auteur piece. It's like a Kubrick film in that no one gave her notes. They couldn't have. They couldn't have possibly. It's so clear-minded in its vision of absolute fucking terrible bullshit. And this alien misunderstands every possible idiom.

Like if someone says like, God, I don't know. That sure is cool. Beesbow, he'll make it snow. And they're like, oh, Beesbow. Or somebody says, I'm all ears and he'll give him some fucking big ears. It's that kind of thing just hammered into the ground. Hey, just hammered like a centaur having sex. Like Christopher Walken just banging a centaur into the earth.

And I'm sure you run into this problem a lot where you're like, OK, I get an idea of what this is. I'm going to make fun of it or talk about it. And then there's just so much depth to it that you just, I can't leave this out. So like Beesbow would do something. I'm like, well, I fucking have to put that in the article, don't I? Stop doing things, Beesbow.

And by the end, I don't know, it was something like 3,600 words on this 40-minute video on manners that no one saw. I thought. Absolutely necessary. No, yeah, that's couldn't cut a simple word. Yeah, that's the perfect number of words to write about that. I couldn't pull any out. I went in and like, I got to cut some of this,

but I couldn't figure out what to cut. And that's the nice thing about our site. We can be very indulgent. See, I thought right from the beginning, I have contention because I don't think he's a little boy from space. That is not the sense that I got. I think he's a fully grown pervert alien who became a little boy with his shape-shifting powers.

Four reasons. I agree. This is a dark DHS. I was skipping ahead when I called him a little boy. When he landed, he was a full-grown star commander. Like he was on a solo mission in space. You don't get your own spaceship if you're like a little boy, you know what I mean?

So he was here for some reason. He just crashed anyway. Plus the character design. They gave him just like lifeless, evil static for eyes, like a fucking Neil Gaiman demon. Yeah, like there's no, that's the easiest way you can tell me that that alien is here for child murders. Yeah, it's the most unsettling choice they could have made

and like kind of a cost-intensive effect. Like that's kind of a lot of work. It's like the first choice they made. It's the very, that's your introduction. It's like, should we have snakes come out of his eyes? You're like, no, let's like lighten it up a little. It's some demonic static. Static.

Yeah. Something should be coming out of or obscuring his eyes. Right, we got to show that there's no soul in there. Yeah, so then he, he and the child like link souls and do like pelvic thrusts at each other and he takes the form of a human child. Not the same human child, just sort of a similar DNA. Except he's kind of got like an Afro wig,

like Amy Cideris' character in The Mandalorian. Oh, sure, yeah. And yeah, just sort of an aggressively ugly wig. What a good short hand for that wig. Thank you. Immediately picture that. And they gave him the giant bat ears. I think they might be the source of his star magic.

I should have mentioned he has limitless star magic. But I also think that his star magic might be sort of linked to the idiom misunderstanding, like the family circus jokes. It's not like he can say, oh, I'd like to eat a bunch of food. He has to wait until someone says like, I could eat a horse. And then he gets like now suddenly he has horse food related. It's sort of like the wishmasters power where he has to wait around for somebody to say something that could be construed

as a wish before he's able to use his magic. Got it. It is very, it is very much like dickhead genie. But, but really loose. Like one dude says, I'm going to blow the whistle on this old alien here. And because he's going to tell the FBI about the alien. And so he said the word whistle. And so Beesbow just conjures a giant whistle around his neck.

And so like, I think he could just pull a random word out of the sentence. Nothing. It does nothing. It doesn't turn him into a whistle. It just gives him a whistle. Okay. I'm still going to do that thing though. Celia Bonaducci found a big whistle and she's like, oh, shit guys.

This gives me an idea. And I'm like, God damn it. Celia Bonaducci. She's just a fountain head of ideas. That's what, that's what I, you hear. What if everything was literal? I'm just going to run with it. Nobody stopped me.

Yeah. No, we're just trying to get through the workday. Just whatever you say. Giant novelty whistle from the stars. Got it. Got it. I'll, I'll whip that right up. I love my job.

This is the best job. I think that's all I have to say about Beesbow. I think it's a good article. If I, you know what I can say without ego, I'm a complete genius and you should all read it and enjoy it. So Brockway, what do you think? I agree. I agree that you're a complete genius and everybody.

That's very nice. That's what I should know for sure. Wholehearted. What are you working on? Your own genius works. I am working on, or well, mostly just wrapped up a piece on Malibu comics. Tom, do you know Malibu comics? Do you remember that?

Yeah, for sure. Becca, what are your impressions of Malibu comics? I'm trying to remember, did, I tend to get, I think the biggest thing I remember about Malibu comics were their Mortal Kombat comics. I think that was Malibu. Yes. Good start. All right.

Good start. Yes, that was indeed. And so they got Street Fighter as well. Malibu is just, if you're not familiar, pretty much 90s only. I think they might have survived into early 2000s, but not too much longer than that. And just terrible. Just everything wrong with all of comic books, plus all of just everything. Everything may be wrong with humanity condensed into one imprint.

It's a real like awkward moment in the art. Like there's this section of the 90s that I don't think is going to age into classics. It's just this like, we were really lame. We did, you know, people talk about the pouches and the giant weapons and the all the life held stuff. It's very much of that era. That was, it's like people learning from life held. Yes.

Like, oh, is that how you're supposed to do it? Let me, let me give this a shot. Yeah, there was a, it's from like 90, I want to say like 92, 93 to like 96 was all that really exaggerated musculature of Rob Liefeld. And like, we got some primal real God awful comics out of the mid 90s. But from artists who, who didn't take anatomy class. No, that's a, are you, I'm obsessed with the, the 1995 Marvel trading card game overpower.

Are you guys familiar with it? I know, I don't know. It, it features, if you're interested, it features some of the most God awful art. Yeah. Is it like the fully painted art? It was like some of it, some of it they used, fuck, Jeff would be better at explaining where it came from.

Some of it was like preexisting art that they just colored and added some kind of like effects with digitally. And then some of the other stuff was just produced specifically for the cards, but they're all. And from the 90s. So, you know, it worked really well. You know, we definitely had the technology to pull that off. Fucking hell.

It's some of the worst art imaginable. God, I really got to look it up now. I'm going to find one in particular for you guys real quick. You should come on the hot dog site, write an article about. About how shitty the art is. I would love to do that. Yeah. For sure.

That is prime hot dog right there. There was that era where comic book art on cards especially was painted, but it was sort of pre Alex Ross. So there was like an effort to sort of make it look realistic, but you stood massive failure. And they all had to feel so bad when Alex Ross came around. They're like, oh, okay. You just paint dudes in costumes that kind of look like doughy old men.

All right. I feel like we tried this. But yeah, something about the way he does it. I liked the Hildebrandt brothers, too. They did, I think a marble master. I've just seen the car. Captain America about to eat his own shield and just terrified about it. My favorite part of this is his, I think I tweeted this like six years ago, but like

my favorite part is his expression. Intellect six. That expression really does. Completely deranged. And yet energy too. I feel like he's bringing some high energy for that too. Right. That is definitely.

It, he looks, it's problematic to even try to describe his facial expression. Like, I feel like I could have in 1993, but I'm not comfortable doing it today. But it's, you're not getting through it without some ablest languages. I really can't. It's so bad. I think he's about to eat a sandwich that's a little too big for his mouth right as somebody electrocutes him. That is like he's going apt description.

That's my polite description. There's a touch of sarcasm to it though. Like, like he might be someone who's not fully dumb pretending to be dumb. Yeah, like he's really, he's really going for an Oscar. And the anatomy is there's sort of a hand coming in from off frame. Clearly the artist didn't think about how that might be attached to the shoulder and upper arm. He's just got random lumps of sort of ribs and pecs.

It's, it's very 90s. It's, it's, it makes me think back to drawings. I didn't like every card. Just every card wildly under qualified to draw this. It's just, oh my God. But also like lovingly rendered, like, like the sketch was just a terrible framework to begin from. He's like, oh, I got to shade this fucking blue.

So good. That's what I mean. Like you had to do your best work. It's so obvious where the computer came in to try to fix your human weaknesses. And it did not. The robots didn't save this one. Nice. It's cap.

He's, he's, he's making a good show. It's not too bad. Energy to always thought of this more of like a, a candy strategist, not really like, I guess it's tough. You only have four stats. You got to give him a high intelligence, but like, like he's, he's got a good plan. But if you're like, cap, we need someone to hack into the mainframe. He's not your, he's not your guy for that.

I do like fighting, fighting eight though. I like fighting. Fighting is one of my favorite stats. Like they gave you that to choose from. And, uh, oh God, what is that road to Sturgis? Is that though? You could just, I was going to say, was it the motorcycle game where you took anyway? What do you do?

I fight. I fight mostly. Do you know how to start your motorcycle? I mean, how would you, how would you describe it? How would somebody ask him to do it? I would say 80% fighting. Use whole days fighting. Anyway, going back, going back to Malibu, good, good diversion, I prove of it.

Going back to Malibu, they were the worst. Like they were so unqualified. The writing, plotting, they never knew where they were going. Next panel, if not next issue. All of the characters were just really blind ripoffs of other characters. Like they're, their Avengers X-Men team is called the protectors. The ferret. They have like a blatant Wolverine ripoff called the ferret.

It was, it was just, it was like your worst idea and like no notes just had, I'm throwing it out there. Good, we're going with it. Do you have a Shazam that was produced by like what turned out to be, you know, an actual child predator? Oh, I see. I thought we weren't allowed to talk about this. Okay, I'll cut it all out.

It's too dark. Yes, they did. They did have prime and it was, it was way more dark in tone. You shouldn't go to prison in that direction. In that direction than Shazam. Right. Like everybody makes that joke about Shazam. Shazam actually did what those jokes say and then maybe he went to prison deservedly.

Yeah, basically, that's you telling the world, hey, I might like prison. Like what if Shazam was ripped and the boy was real sexy? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. What if he could instantly age up to the age of consent and then go back? No, no, this is bad. The police are on their way, sir. All of your notes are worse than the notes you have just given. I don't know how you're doing this.

Yeah, Malibu didn't just approve that. That was their flagship title. That was their best title. And so, so they got, somehow they got the rights to Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat, which I would love, I would love so much to know that story. I cannot imagine how those meetings went. Anyway, am I to wrap it up since we're, we're dragging on on the, you know, this is important. It does, it does my favorite thing, which is the Street Fighter.

It fails every character. Every character is completely ruined. I think, I think it's probably safe to go into spoilers. I think the column will be out before this runs. But Ryu's kind of, kind of a little molesty. They try to walk it back, but it's not a great first appearance. Chunli's kind of a dangerous slut, which is, I mean, that's okay. That's, there's nothing terribly wrong with that, but it's maybe not the best look for your only female character.

Right. And Ken, the other main character of Street Fighter, gets scalped in the first issue. So he's out there. And then they, and then they get, they get to issue number three, number three, and then set up this, you know, this, they finally finished the introductions and set up the story. And then you turn the page and there's a full page, written apology for everything that proceeded as they announced their own death. And did they, uh, set the issue three? Uh, yeah.

Issue number three, and they didn't, they didn't even wrap it up. No, they didn't wrap up anything. They got to the introductions and then they had to say, uh, I don't remember the exact quote, but it's like due to, due to Capcom basically hating this, uh, we got fired and we're sorry. And then they, they spend the last three pages of the comic book detailing the terrible story that they just got fired for telling. It's such a magical story. And here's my favorite part about that. It's not the only Malibu series that ends that way.

Several Malibu series end with a written apology and the announcement of a cancellation. Sorry. Well, we fucked it up. We thought, we were trying, we did it again. We fucked it up too bad. We'll get the next one, I swear. What was the one you wrote about where like they all just died and the apology at the end was like, you know, sometimes things have shitty endings and like we just killed them, you know? It was exiles.

Right. I think like five issues of it and then all of a sudden all of the characters just drop dead within like two or three pages. And then the last page is they're like, hey, sorry. We did that. Not everything works out. You know, they, they died. I know you think this isn't the end. This couldn't possibly, it's the end.

It's over. Goodbye. Listen, you just go, you just go wherever the story takes you and sometimes it doesn't take you to the places you expected. Anyway, they're all dead. Sometimes you abruptly realize it's shit and you're like, nope, whatever, they're all dead. I'm walking away, walking away from this one. That's a great character arc. You do some stuff, nothing happens and then you die and then someone comes in and explains that it was all for nothing. It's all for nothing and you're the asshole for thinking otherwise.

How dare you? I need to read every Malibu comic now. They're pretty great. I'm going, I'm going through them. Just fucking give up halfway through issue three. I just, I still can't believe they cited, like specifically cited that Capcom fired them for being bad at this. Like you could have said anything. They could have spun a million ways.

We went different directions. It's so easy to just gloss over that, but they specifically said in the first sentence, Capcom fired us for doing a bad job. Oh man, were they, were they trying to be punk rock at all? Like, hey, Capcom didn't want you to see this story because it was too real. No, they weren't. Actually not. No, there was kind of a like. Yeah, this is, this is horseshit.

I don't know what we were thinking, man. Yeah, they fired, we honestly, we got to. That's such a valid reason though. Like I feel like just my natural insecurity would be like that. Like dude, we, we cut off Ken's head, you know what I mean? Like they just can't handle our extremeness. Like I feel like that's what I would tell myself and absolutely I would tell the readers. It was too extreme, especially in the 90s.

If you're Malibu comics in the 90s, you could have 100% gotten away with we were too extreme for Capcom. I feel like that really appealed to a lot of shitty kids. That probably would have appealed to me. I would have been like, yes, just show me what, what you were going to do. And then they were, well no, they were just like, yeah, we shit the bed and rolled around in it and now we're going to leave. Capcom was right. Just like they were with a cover of Mega Man one. They didn't fire that guy.

That's their bar. Yeah. That guy kept his job. I want to believe that both pieces of art went across the same person's desk. Like, yeah, like the same person like saw the Mega Man one. I was like, no, no, yeah, this, this, this Logan's run dude is exactly what I was picturing for Mega Man. Yeah. They tried their best.

This like is evocative of the Mega Man experience and then gets to the Street Fighter comic and it's just like absolutely not. He shit the bed for one issue. Yeah. I like that. I like that it went for two issues. Like they saw the first two and they were like, okay, well let's see where this goes. And then part way into issue three and they're like, absolutely not. This must be stopped.

Our main topic we'd like to talk about today is trash TV that is actually wonderful and endearing and awesome. And so we've each brought our own show. So who would like to start? I would like to start. I would also like for you to start. Because I have, because I have the best segue. Anyway, talking about Malibu, they did get some TV deals and one of them is Night Man, the show I am bringing today. Nicely done.

I go back to the, yeah, I go back to the Malibu well a lot. To be fair, it's the deepest well that anybody has ever dug. Just every single piece. It's good to associate yourself with that because sometimes when you become known for things, you know, that's, you spend a lot of time talking about that. So like, if you were to run into a fan and they're like, oh, Brockway, I love you stuff. Let's talk about Malibu for five minutes. You'd be like, oh, hey, yeah, I like this a lot. Please talk to me about Malibu for five minutes as opposed to almost anything else you're going to say.

Like, imagine our dear friend Cody running into a fan and they're like, Cody, I'd love to talk with you about problematic and dry politics for five minutes. He's like, oh, God damn it. No, he's like, oh, at last. Finally, my favorite thing. It hasn't been slowly killing me for years. You can watch it happen in real time. I would love to just die a little more. We love the sacrifices you make for us.

Oh, for sure. God bless him. All right. I have no idea if this is going to be good watching, good podcasting, probably bad practice, but I'm going to do it anyway. I'm going to post the intro tonight, man. For sure. I mean, it already rules. This thumbnail is incredible.

Yeah, the thumbnail is great. Hit play at the same time. At the same time, are you going to show your screen how we want to do this? I just posted it into the Discord. We'll just all hit play at the same time. Ready? So on three. Three, two, one.

Play it. The saxophone. That's his thing, right? He's a saxophonist. He is a saxophone player because the 90s thought that was really cool. There's a hologram of him playing saxophone as he smiles and walks away from it. They did think the Plymouth prowler was the best thing about the show. That kind of rules.

Shirtless in a towel. I mean, we've got it all. We've got attack helicopters. Yeah. Again, saxophone. Very insistent saxophone. Well, we jumped out of the panel. Foam rubber suits.

We've got to remember this. Yeah, it wasn't not a big deal. It was a thing. It was on actual TV. It ran for, I think, two seasons. So they did it on purpose and then they did some more. Okay. That's it for you.

You don't have to watch the credits. Even though that song is obviously amazing and you want to keep listening to it. So Nightman is a saxophonist turned superhero. Yeah, he is. I think I have the, here we go. Hunky Jazz musician, Johnny Domino. Pause for laughter. Develop superpowers.

There's nothing funny about that name. Hunky Jazz musician, Johnny Domino. I couldn't write a better sentence. Develop superpowers after being struck by lightning while playing the saxophone on a cable car. Fucking awesome. That's his superhero origin. Because he's also from San Francisco, right? He's like, oh, we got it.

His origin has to involve a trolley car. He's struck by lightning. Struck by lightning while playing saxophone on a cable car. Okay. Now he can tune into the frequency of evil. Is that really what he can do? That's really what he can do. It sounds like I'm making fun of him.

He gets psychic. How does that look in the show? He mostly just looks at the camera in a very smoldering way while somebody whispers something evil that's happening. Like somebody will just be like, I'm going to steal that car and you're not going to stop me. Oh, night man. But of course, he didn't get any other powers.

It's just that power? Yeah. The first episode, the pilot deals with him using that power to steal a superpowered suit which can do everything else. I'm not a prosecuting attorney, but it feels like the discovery of that case would just be night man beating the shit out of someone who hasn't done anything. Yeah. Well, they think he's going to use it for evil.

So he stole it from the evil to use against the evil. It's like he didn't get the ability to tune into moral gray areas. All right. He got the ability to tune his mental radio to evil. I'm not questioning the ethics of what he's doing. If they're going to steal a car, fuck them up. But I'm saying it must be hard for night man later when the police, when the guy just goes free, right?

Like he would either have to kill that guy or that guy would just get out of the hospital and they'd say, man, it's too bad that terrible guy, night man, beat the shit out of you. It's too bad that. For doing nothing. Jazz musician, Jonathan Domino beat the hell out of him. He looks just like this guy, Johnny Domino. My grandma jerks it too. Honkiest jazz musician in San Francisco.

He rides on top of the trolley car everywhere. I don't know why. Evil one. He seems to be. Absolutely seen him in his purple Plymouth prowler. I mean, can't miss him. So immediately I have notes about. Let's hear him.

So his ability is to tune into the frequency of evil. But in order to actually fight crime, he has to steal a suit that gives him actual useful superpowers. Yeah. That's the first episode is him getting useful superpowers. Okay. Well, I've got this useless super power. So to make the most of it, I have to get some useful superpowers.

See already right off the bat, you've added an unnecessary complication. Maybe just give him powers that are actually helpful. Right. Make him a saxophonist who knows karate. Right. Kind of done, right? Like he can fly using the fucking sound waves or I don't know. Like.

A saxophone that would be the best. Give him the powers of a trolley car. What, that logically? Absolutely. There is an X man named Banshee who can only fly when he's screaming. So there's like a universe precedent of him needing to play the saxophone to fly. That worked so well in the comic. And like, I never questioned that.

Yeah. And then, and then he appeared briefly in the animated series and you were like, oh, that's really dumb. I see the problem here. We need fewer Banshee scenes. Yeah. I never questioned that in text form. He was an Irish X man, which means he grew up in a castle filled with leprechauns and

he had a drinking problem because all non-American, non-white X men are just every stereotype of that thing in one guy. Because that was how we did inclusive back in the day. Oh, you want to be in this? That's exactly right. All right. Well, I'm not looking up anything about you. Just going by what my uncle says about you.

Mixed with like probably some other ethnicities. I don't know much about. I dropped, I dropped some of Banshee's hero cards. Wait, in that second one, he has the same expression as Captain America. They gave him an intellect of five. Fucking guy can't even talk. He has to scream all day. He has to scream while he's doing anything.

What is the point of intellect? Yeah. It's like, I got a smart idea, but if I fucking say it out loud, I will fall to my death. Ridiculous. He's a ludicrous superhero. I love their dead, tiny eyes. That's the best part. Yep.

None of them want to be doing this. That is such seventh grader art. It's incredible. Yeah, both of them are just amazing. The art in this fucking thing. Anyway. You kind of get a sense of what Nightman's about just from that intro, right? You remember that the 90s were all about these low-budget, off-brand heroes.

Wolverine didn't get his own jokes. They weren't doing that. They would give obscure bullshit. They give like, what was it? Like Black Mantis? No, it was just Mantis. Mantis and Black Scorpion were other like super low-budget foam rubber suit. Barely remember that it was on kind of shows, right?

Right. Okay. Well, a guy saw this article and came to talk to me on Twitter and he worked on this show and he had all these behind-the-scenes like stories about the making of Nightman. And first of all- This is what I was talking about. How you get to talk with this guy who made Nightman and that's, I mean, obviously a dream come true. Like this sounds fun.

I'm jealous of this whole thing. It's so much fun. It was the best. He came to me and was like, I don't know if you want to hear this. I was like, fuck yes, I want to hear this. This is all I want to hear. And so he worked on the show and it was first of all, it was produced by a guy named Glenn Larson, who was just, he was the 80s.

If you remember the 80s, Glenn Larson brought that to you. He, amongst other things, did Magnum P.I., Knight Rider, Battlestar Galactico. Like he's just everything you remember about the 80s. And then this was his other show that he started doing in, I want to say late 90s, probably 97. And what was his job on the show again? He was the producer. He was the fluffer? Oh, the hair feather?

The fluffers were for him and nobody else. And everybody else had to just watch while he gave direction. So he got, the guy told me he got the rights for Night Man and they put in an order for 13 episodes at $1 million per episode. And that was a good budget back then I imagine. In the 90s, 490s TV, that was an enormous budget. And just to look at it, you would never know that, especially since he then spent the entire $13 million on the first 4 episodes. Goddamn. Jesus.

All right. So you can see some money on the screen, but you don't see like that kind of money on the screen. Especially in the 90s, you don't see anything like that money on the screen. You have no idea where it all went. And like, it's not, I mean, there were effects. They weren't good, even really by the time. And it's just, it's baffling that they did this. He blew on the first 4 episodes, but he did use it.

I mean, well, we won't know if he really stole all of it, if he's very good at his job, but he used it for the show just not very well. They built enormous sets that like you would see for like a second and like a small part of and then they would just throw them all away. Like there was, there was an episode that, I can't do the episode descriptions without laughing. There was an episode that had him, somebody built a San Francisco development on top of what used to be ancient Chinatown. So they were like poltergeist haunted by ancient Chinese ghosts of San Francisco. So he built like this huge underground cave that contained like three blocks of old Chinatown, somewhat historically accurate to how they were buried. And then you saw them in like one scene. And that was it.

Just never, never used again, scrapped them. And they, it worked so well that when he brought the cuts to like tell the people back in the show, he brought the four episodes to them. They were like, yeah, that's pretty good. All right, we'll give you, we'll give you more for a few more episodes. They gave him 9 million more dollars for the next nine episodes for a full series of 18 episodes. And then he did the entire rest of the show with those episodes. So that like he did four episodes with 13 million dollars. And then he did like 15 more episodes with 9 million dollars.

So he blew all of his budget and the first couple of episodes and then like shoestring it all the way to the end. It sounds like he's a genius. That sounds like the perfect creative environment in which Nightman could thrive. Wait, it's not good for the show. And yet despite everything, he did not. So he had to get super creative to get around not having any money for all of the episodes he promised. Apparently he almost got in quite a bit of trouble while they were filming with the Guild because he wanted to literally just use a show from a script from a show he did called Highwayman. Basically unchanged for superheroes in San Francisco.

Okay. Even use some original footage from the show. Wow. And yeah, he tried to hide it like everybody was sworn to secrecy because he wanted to hide it until the very last minute so they wouldn't get in trouble with the Guilds. So everybody had to prep for an episode that they had not seen yet. And this like violated union rules. Yeah, big time. I mean, couldn't do any single part of this would absolutely get kicked out of the Guild.

I mean, you don't own the rights to everything you've ever worked on. You can't just like use footage from your old show without, you know, not without asking. I hope I'm making a picture of him. Power Rangers do it all the fucking time. Yeah, just fucking hustling. Just absolutely hustling to make this show that was just nothing. It was just so bizarre and it came across like the lowest budget. I remember it in the 90s and I remember it not.

What I remember wasn't looking at and thinking, wow, what crazy special effects. Right. Yeah, because a million dollars an episode, you'd expect like a ton of effect shots. Like an episode of Xena couldn't have been that much, right? No, no, no, no. I mean, I don't know what the number would be, but it's probably isn't a million dollars. That's why they filmed it all in the woods in New Zealand. I feel like they just didn't give you very much money for TV back in the day.

So for them to do this and there was if you look it up, there was so much hype about the star Matt McComb being specifically the next Schwarzenegger. Because he was like a stuntman turned actor and they wanted to play up like he's got the body for it. He's got the charm. He's going to be the next big thing and then they put him in. Don't disagree. Did he ever go on to do anything? No. No, this was it.

He went on to... Poor Matt McComb. They gave him a shot. They gave him quite a canvas to paint on. He went on to get into scammy real estate deals. McComb. Had it off. You had the bod.

You had the looks. He's cute all the way. For real estate games. I mean, he let it get straight to his head. He told me the guy that worked on it told me another story about how they wanted to do a ski episode. And so they were going to go shoot on the mountain and then Matt announces like, Well, you know what? I'm bringing my whole family and we need our own cabin and we're going skiing.

So they had to like bump people's reservations to get them there. And then they all got up there and they went to like get them for the first day of filming. And they found out that he just skipped all the filming to go skiing. So he was not in that part of the episode. Huh. Man, I sort of respect that in a weird way. It's every because you had if you're the star of the television series. Nightman you probably let's I I I'm giving him the benefit of that out here probably.

But like you at some point might recognize that the writings on the wall here. I mean, it would be a while before we get like the Arrowverse or like superhero TV shows for an actual thing. Like we had a lot of the flashes before this, the flash. You know what I mean? In one version of the story, he's probably just like, Well, I got to take advantage of this while it still exists. So my family and I are getting a ski trip. I feel like everybody involved with this hustled every angle hustled every angle except. Right.

Nobody that was like at the bottom of everybody's list of priorities was actually making a good show. But everybody was bringing so much hustle. It's just it's great. It's my favorite part about it is like you see it on screen. You're like, Oh, all right. I mean, this is pretty awful. It's hilarious in a way that you didn't intend. And then you look into it and it's like some of the biggest names and millions of dollars and they're all just side hustling away.

I respect the grift. I respect the grift. You got to respect the grift. I feel like the saxophone is sort of aged into like this fabio of musical instruments. Like it's sort of sexy, but in an ironic, funny way. I think it ended in 1997 with Hunky Jazz musician, Johnny Domino. I think everybody's like, Well, that's it. Can't top it.

Look, I wanted to fuck saxophones after Lost Boys. Like Lost Boys guy. Yeah, I mean, he did get it. But this Johnny Domino shit. If the show had been about that guy. Tubas. Tubas are where it's at now. And they just couldn't get that guy.

They couldn't get Lost Boys saxophone, dude. Look, we want a Lost Boys saxophone type is what they said. This is as close as they got. Oh, hey, Tommy, you have any more Marvel overpower cards for this? Man, what do you want? I don't know. Hit me with like the blob. He's a specially grotesque.

No matter which version. Wow. They really like that facial expression. It's just like a mouth in the center of like 400 bulges. Just lovingly rendered roundness. He is very bulgy. Not. It's like bending a hot dog.

Just just the part where it bends. But it's like someone. It's like someone made the nook of a hot dog. Someone tried to make a beach ball out of a hot dog using like balloon animal techniques. That's that's what I'm going to describe. This is a really great one. I'm going to drop one more in here. Or wobbly, wobbly is one inch.

Oh, it's Hulk. Look at this. This is the shattered remains of a whole corpse. Look at this Hulk. Looks like he's. It looks like he's being dry cleaned. What the hell is going on with this Hulk? I think he's got one giant vein going from his neck down to his tricep.

Overlapping all of his musculature and bones. Look at where if you can see it, like if you click on it, you can zoom in. Look at where his pupils are. Yeah, this is a. This is a Hulk corpse for sure. I like that all the other cards get energy fighting strength and intellect and he just gets energy fighting and strength. Yeah, no intellect.

We're not even putting it on there. You get it. Guys, it's the Hulk. Here, I'll show you. Before we hold on before we move on. I just real quick want to read you a couple of night man episodes synopses. Oh, please. Are you ready?

Fucking am ready. All right, let's start with a reasonable 90s episode. Johnny jumps through hoops to save a basketball hopeful from falling in with a crime boss. However, night man may have a better shot at saving the kids career. Oh, that's good. Right. That's like, I feel like that was almost every 90s show. Don't turn to crime.

I could teach you saxophone. It's a lucrative career. You've seen it. All right. All right. Raleigh. He's the computer whiz guy. Raleigh encounters a face from the past.

Well, night man combats a group of thieves using high tech roller blades. Yes. Very 90s. Very standard 90s. You wrote about that episode on the site, right? I did. And it was great. It was fucking genius.

Like the crux of it is that he has to show up all the rollerbladers, all of these punk kids. So he, his computer guy invents a really good rollerblading microchip. Sure. As you do. And then it makes him the best at rollerblading so that he does like 18 flips in the air and spins around. And then all of a sudden this like 40 year old man is welcomed into the teenage gang of rollerbladers because he's the best rollerblader. That's the dream of every 40 year old man, right? I mean, in the 90s?

Yeah. I mean, it was all put on because one of the men, one of Raleigh's friends, spent his life savings trying to start a rollerblading competition. And was rightfully crushed and bankrupted. Maybe that was an allegory for night man's like behind the scenes budget issues. I think it was an allegory for the 90s. Yeah, maybe so. Like all of the 90s. But here's where we go a little off the rails.

A descendant of J. Edgar Hoover, freeze Al Capone, John Dillinger and Bonnie Parker from suspended animation. That was an unexpected development. Yeah, we start escalating. We start escalating real quick. If that kind of story is an option, like you'd have to feel like such an asshole turning in like the basketball player script, right? Right. I feel like there wasn't like nobody had like a consistent show Bible or something. Like, okay, wait, I'm sorry.

We could do ghosts. They're like in the writer's room. One guy's like, okay, here, Johnny Domino gets taken in by a tax scheme. And the guy's like, okay, Johnny Domino wakes up in the lost city of Atlantis with a fish bite. He's destined to marry the princess of the undersea kingdom. Like, whoa. Can I redo mine? It's way better than mine.

Do we have the budget for that? See, I thought, I thought we had like, I thought we blew $13 million on the first four episodes. You're shooting for the moon still. I'm shooting for next door. The moon, that's it. All right. Johnny Domino fights the moon. All right, a couple more.

Nightman makes the ultimate sacrifice to save his father from two vampires who are fighting for control of the man's soul. The fuck, sure. Yes. Add a, add a, hey, I got a note. Add a vampire. Add a second vampire. A rival one. They both want the dad.

It's not even about Nightman. It's just about his dad. He's not even in the show. His dad's fighting vampires. That's the highwayman script. That's the one they have to pull. All right. The last two, because I love the way they escalate.

An alien hunter comes to earth to put a stop to an alien cult leader from placing the youth of Bay City under her control. This episode also states that the lightning bolt that gave Johnny his power was not a random accident, but the workings of a higher power. Well, then they should have given him a better power. Psychic, psychic radio. Well, I gave him the power knowing that he would go steal a better power right away. Yeah. All right. When you say higher power, is that a Jesus thing or is that just these aliens?

Are you ready for the next episode? Okay, okay. Yeah. Season finale. Season finale of season one. After a saxophonist friend. Because, you know, yes, they all run together in a big pack. After a saxophonist friend is shot and killed during a gas station robbery, Johnny feels he is not doing anything effective to protect Bay City as Nightman.

However, when he is killed in a car accident and goes to heaven, will an angel's touch be able to send him back to earth to carry on as Nightman? Oh, fuck. First, he has to win the big saxophone contest against St. Peter. Oh, man. I love that fucking show. That's fucking awesome. I had no idea. I love the backstory.

I love every direction that it takes. I love that there's just no coherency from one episode to the next. Sometimes Nightman has like a stolen puppy ring and sometimes he's got to fight the fucking king in the werewolves. You never know. It's like a bonanza where they would just like take random pilots and just throw it into the main script. I think that's what we're dealing with because those are all, yeah, they're all from different shows, the scripts. That was their show Bible was just maybe this one? Yeah, why the fuck not?

Listen, the only condition is that there has to be a saxophone player in every episode. Listen, they're not going to give him the saxophone backstory if they're not going to tap it, you know? You got to delve deep into the rich world of saxophone players. There can't be that many jobs for saxophone players. I think when I see a saxophone player die, my lead suspect would be the other saxophone players. Yeah. It's a cutthroat world. I mean, they're not friends.

Tom, you've got to follow that now with the show you brought. Oh, gosh, I feel like such a fool. I had no idea that I'd be following something like Night Man. See, this is why I wanted to go first is to shame you. Yeah, no, I was just put a really good Hulk in the discord though. Look at his bicep. He's got a little shoulder that's about one-tenth the size of the bicep. God, it was so hard for them to do perspective.

That's the number one struggle. Speaking as a kid who sucked at drawing in seventh grade, what clearly happened here was the guy worked really hard to draw a head, took like a five-week break, came in and worked really hard to draw a shoulder, took a two-year break, came back and drew the rest of the arm, and I think that's what we're dealing with. This is something that should have been erased and started over, but here it is. Very delicately rendered. As soon as that arm started to bolt. I should have pulled the plug on this.

Great Hulk. It's a very strong Hulk. Top-notch Hulk, Tom. Well, the show I decided to bring, it's the 1987 series Werewolf. It ran for one season on, I don't know, Fox or some shit. I don't even know if Fox existed at this point. But it's basically, this is a- Should we play this thing?

Yeah. Let's play it. Yeah, actually, let me shut up and just let everybody watch the trailer. We'll watch the trailer for Werewolf. Shit gets real when that announcer comes on. Eric Howard was just an ordinary college student, not for long. He was a non-Werewolf until he became a Werewolf. Then he was a Werewolf.

Oh, fuck yeah. Oh, yep. Eyepatch, guy with an eyepatch. You know what? I'm going to go ahead and venture that that's a Werewolf. Oh, yeah. Eric Hunt's Werewolves, for sure. Either that or he is a Werewolf.

Yeah, okay, so Eyepatch Guy is like the Werewolf, he's the evil Werewolf. No. That turns our main character. You don't say. Yeah. The Werewolf Hunter character is named Alamo Joe. Fuck yes. Fantastic.

No notes. Yeah, and he pursued- Greenlit. Yeah, he pursued a hapless college student, Eric Cord, for an entire season of television. But this accidental segue here, it's essentially the Incredible Hulk TV show, except he turns into a Werewolf instead of the Hulk.

So it's about a dude who's wandering from town to town, solves some local problem, and then moves on at the end of the episode. Why mess with that structure so quickly? Pretty much. Like every problem he encounters happens to be a problem you can solve with a Werewolf. To be fair, there are not many problems that you can't solve

with a Werewolf. Honestly. I had to do the dishes earlier. Yeah. And I was like, you know what, make these dishes easier. I'll fucking the Werewolf. And then here comes Johnny Cord. What's his name?

Eric Cord. Eric Cord comes in, he's like, ah, something was calling to me in here. And I go, hey, can you do the dishes? Ah, not in the light of this moon. No, not now. Fucking trashed my kitchen. Yeah.

Dishes are not a concern anymore. Obviously, then you don't even need to worry about the dishes anymore. Right. It's not the way you wanted the problem solved, but you can't dispute that the problem was solved. Problem's gone. It's out of my life. Yeah, it no longer matters.

Every episode. Yeah. I owe the IRS money. Guess what? Fucking Werewolves. It must have been so great to legitimately have an eye patch in the 80s. Fucking everybody was so awesome.

And they're like, every show had a guy with an eye patch and it was so cool. Yeah. This character's name is Janice Scorzeny. Not a fan. Yeah. It's not the best name. It's no Alamo Joe.

No. It's not Alamo Joe. No Johnny Domino. It's not even a fucking Eric Cord. Cord's pretty bad, though. Yeah. He's also... You were looking around for a thing to name him after,

and you couldn't think of one cool thing. He's the fucking... I got Plug. Jonathan Plug. My Harvey Power Strip. I'm looking at Gary Lamp dangly thing that you pulled to turn it on. I'm blanking.

All right. Dirty Dishes Werewolf. Dirty Dishes Werewolf. What? What's going on? They're holding my pants up. Eric Belt. No.

Eric Cord. Cord Belt. Gotta get a real fucking belt. So the series was created by a man named... This is his actual name, Frank Lupo. It's perfect. So... So that's where he got the name.

That's where he got the idea. This is my wolf. My wife, Full Moon Monster. Right. I'm pretty sure this series was created by a werewolf. Right. If you're going to buy a series about a werewolf, you buy it from a guy that's clearly a werewolf.

Right. Expertise. I just want to tell my side of the story. He tried to sell the pilot the year of previous as Stan Werewolf, and that was two on the nose. Frank Lupo, it was. Werewolf? Herewolf.

So dryly, I was like for a second thinking, oh, okay. All right. I like that. It's the real story of the making of this television show. So it was, like I said, it ran for one season in 1987. 29 episodes, but it is extremely hard to find. 29 episodes in one season.

Yeah. Yeah. They were 22 minutes. Strangely. Like you would assume a show like this would be like an hour long drama, but was it a sitcom? No, but it was 22 minute format. It really.

It's a very accelerated like problem solving because like the incredible Hulk, they take a whole hour, but like you'd think a werewolf just they fucking get it done quick. Right. Like he sets up the problem and then they start to think of a solution. Then he turns into a werewolf. Everybody's mauled and he's like, oh, on to the next town.

Pretty much like, like I mentioned, I only was able to find, you can find, there is a French DVD release of this that is possible to purchase. But other than that, there's no official release. I hope it's, I hope it's fucking huge in France. I hope they love, they love a werewolf to this day. You could drop a werewolf quote and any random Frenchman will be like, yeah, yeah.

It's just social currency over there is how well versed are you in werewolf? Um, but a couple of werewolf questions. Yeah. Yeah. When he turns back into a human, does he have a clothes on or is he like stranded and nude and has to figure out like, or are they cowards?

I'm glad you asked that. Yeah. Um, in the episode, in the one episode I was able to see, uh, he woke up fully clothed with not a hair out of place. Okay. Cowards. Yeah. That's cowardice.

It was a different outfit. Oh, okay. And when he, so the werewolf is courteous. Right. So like, and also when he transformed, it was very like, cause I can tell they probably do, you know, they probably went big on the, I watched episode 17. So it's right there in the middle.

They probably went big on the transformation scene and like the pilot. Um, but when he turns into a werewolf in, in this episode that I watched, it's literally like a guy looks over and shoots at a regular wolf, then turns back and he, and our, our man Eric Court is just full on werewolf. Okay. So he did it like a magic trick.

And can he do it by choice? Or is it just a full moon thing? It's like his hands. It's some kind of like, I'm not clear on the rules. Um, and the Wikipedia entry is not super clear on it either. We're going to get Frank Lupo in here. Apparently. Yeah.

We got to find Frank Lupo. So here's how it works on TV. I've got a stress just on TV, not a real werewolf everybody. That's, that might be why like the werewolf floor is so weird in this is he's trying to, he's trying to throw people off. So like his, his, he's got like a red panogram on his hand that starts glowing when he's going to turn into a werewolf. It doesn't seem to be tied to the full moon, at least not in

this episode. He gets a little warning. Yeah. Like his, his hand starts glowing. So he knows it's, it's, it's like T minus werewolf time when that happens. I have to use the werewolf. I mean the bathroom.

Um, so I will give you money if that doesn't happen. Somewhere. It might. There's so many episodes, but the episode I watched was pretty incredible. Um, it just starts with him with our man just, just getting chased by dudes on horseback. Uh, just as a dude or as a dude.

As a dude. Like it's, he, they must know, right? A unique. Yeah. He wakes up on like some bonanza ranch. Uh, he's just surrounded by bean cans out in the brush, uh, wearing, wearing a complete chambray ensemble because it's 1987. Um, so many beans, so many beans and denim and feathered hair.

This wolf likes beans. What can I say? The wolf wants beans. That was their catchphrase for the show. I ain't getting on no plane. I want my beans. The A team makes a lot more sense if, if, if, if B.A. Parabas is a werewolf.

Honestly. You could make like five edits to each other. Make that look so. You wouldn't need to change all that much to make him a werewolf. Um. God, I'd love that. So he wakes up. Fan it.

Fan it at request. Yes. Please do that. He wakes up on this ranch. He gets chased by dudes on horseback and sees that they're hunting this wolf that is caught in a trap. So he releases it cause they're, you know, they're brothers. Sure.

Uh, so the hunters. They fuck. Yeah. Not, they, it seems like they're going to at one point. Is it implied that? Yeah. Okay. The hunters like yell at him, uh, for letting the wolf go.

Uh, and then they beat his ass. It was a prime fucking wolf. Yeah. And they're like, we could, one of the, the, like the main evil rancher has like a really fucked up face. Okay. And he's like, the wolf did this to my face and you let the wolf go. Uh, and if you show your face back here on my ranch, I'll kill you.

And nobody in the county will notice. And then Eric cord gets like a really sad face. Like, it's, I'm like really, I thought we were going to be friends. It's, it's either like he really wanted to hang out here or just like the stone cold fact that these guys could murder him right now and nobody would care. Just really hit him in the soul really hard right there. Yeah. He's like, oh, town America.

People used to be good here, man. I don't have any connections. I've been a, I've been a lone wolf, but before now I never felt alone. The life of a werewolf on the road is a lonely one. Uh, so yeah. So they're chasing him because he let a wolf get out of a trap or is there more? Yes. They chasing him just because he let the wolf out of the trap.

Then he and the wolf hang out for like a couple of scenes. And it reminded me of, um, the first like 10 minutes of the Star Wars holiday special, you know, when it's just Chewbacca's family screaming at each other. Right. Cause it's, it's, it's just. So they just had a lot of like all wolf dialogue. Yeah. Yeah.

There's no subtitle. Uh, it's just him sitting there having a conversation with this wolf. And like it's because I haven't seen the rest of the show. I really can't tell if he's just doing a fun bit cause he's alone or if he can really understand what the wolf is saying to him. It is completely impossible to tell. Uh, the wolf, the wolf like feeds him, like brings him. I'm going to do the rest of my, uh, podcast in wolf.

Right. Yeah. No, please do. I'll do subtitles. Um, at one point he's creeping through this fucking incredible moment. It cuts. We're sitting with the evil ranchers who are stewing about their next plan to go get this wolf.

And then we come back to Eric cord, who's like creeping gently through the underbrush. And then he steps on this embankment and loses his balance and falls all the way down this really steep hill and then literally flies head first into a very small body of water. And then we see him float back up, face down, and then the scene ends. That's the, that's the danger. He just falls down a hill and goes, Jerry, the lowest style cluts just head first into a tight, like a two foot deep creek. So he's paralyzed.

No, he next time on the adventures of dipshit werewolf. He has to change into a werewolf to repair his spine. He's like changing a tire. He drops it on his fucking foot. Oh, tune in next week. Twist is that the werewolf is like sick of cleaning up after him. Like fell into a goddamn truck full of horse shit again. I just, and then you were wolf out.

You were wolf out for that is what you do. So we learned that the evil ranchers vendetta with this wolf is there. There's a very awkward flashback that barely lets itself be known as a flashback. So at first you just think it's something that's happening. So we see this, this evil rancher like finds this litter of wolf puppies and then like really sprightly leaps off of his horse and beats the puppies to death with a log. Like he's, I really emphasize that he like springs gaily off of his horse. Like he's, he is very excited to beat these puppies to death.

Sounds like there's a lot of strange acting choices everywhere. Oh my God. The main guy is like really bad. He's like kid necessarily commercial is how he delivers his lines. Like when they asked, when the rancher asked him why he let the wolf go, he's like, I felt sorry for it. That's like exactly how he delivers it. So we learn why the wolf and this rancher has a vendetta.

He comes back at night to kill them both. He's about to shoot Eric. The wolf leaps in and attacks the rancher. The rancher shoots the wolf. He turns back to Eric. Eric is now full on werewolf kills him. Then we cut to the next morning with Eric in a different outfit. Like I said, not a hair out of place.

Buries the wolf uses the rancher's rifle as a gravestone and leaves. And as we're seeing the end credits roll, we see that he's just left the rancher's body just like face down on the ground. Buried the wolf. So he should end with you having to raise all of those puppies, whether you settle in down. That's like legitimately awesome. Yeah.

So that's 22 minutes of werewolf. I need to see the rest of this TV show. Sounds like some effective storytelling. It sounds like that's 22 minutes. Like no bullshit. That sounds like pretty good like visual storytelling at the end of that. That sounds like high art. It's strange the show didn't make it.

Yeah. No, it should have. Here's an episode I absolutely have to see. It's called the boy who cried werewolf. Already got me. Rogan is Alamo Joe Rogan. The Alamo Joe's last name is Rogan. So his name is Joe Rogan.

Okay. What? Yeah. All right. Just amazing. Injured by Rogan, Eric seeks shelter in a young boy's tree house and soon runs afoul of his mother's abusive boyfriend. So like he's going to werewolf out on kid's mom's abusive boyfriend.

All right. It sounds like a lot of these problems that could have been solved by a solid punch to the face or instead solved by werewolf. Full level of escalation. Here's one that should appeal to Brockway. Working at a small diner to make ends meet, Eric gets more than he bargained for when a cutthroat motorcycle gang rides into town. Hell yes.

See that's a werewolf problem. That's more than one dude. That's true. You have to find a whole motorcycle gang. I'm not even watching this unless he joins. Honestly. And then we've got werewolf on a motorcycle. Honestly, if you're not a bunch of werewolves and you don't form a biker gang,

like what you're wasting the gift of the werewolf. I mean, listen, you don't even have to like join their gang. You just have to be, you have to like have the lone wolves on your back, riding your hog around town as a werewolf. I'd like it if the gang came in, they're causing problem in the diner. They see Eric Corden. They're like, hey, if you're not a werewolf, you can fuck right off. And Eric Corden goes, well, I got some good news for you, pal.

I'm a werewolf. They're like, oh, we finally found one. We've been doing this at diners up and down the goddamn highway looking for werewolves. How many werewolves have you found? Not a lot. We found one, boys. Oh, man. So just a couple of quick more things.

The series ultimately ends with Eric Corden discovering that the person he needs to destroy to sever his werewolf bloodline and become human again is Brian Thompson, who, in addition to being the villain from Cobra, is the alien bounty hunter in the X-Files. He also played Shao Kahn in the second Mortal Kombat movie. So that gigantic dude is a werewolf on this program, and that makes me want to watch it even more. Yeah, he's great.

Not even like just playing himself. Yeah. You've got to take down Brian Thompson. Yeah, no, if he walked into a room and said, by the way, I am a werewolf, I'd be like, yeah. I am the lead werewolf. You sure are. Yeah, buddy.

We know. Like the A-team, you could make very minor edits to the film Cobra and make his character a werewolf. Just a well-placed case for it. And the last thing I wanted to bring up is, like I said, the show's very hard to find. I found only one full episode. And then a bunch of really brief clips that don't appear to have any rhyme or reasons. Some of them have werewolves that have him,

like a werewolf transformation in them, but some of them don't. They're just like random scenes. And every single clip of this show that I have found are on two YouTube users. Two specific YouTube users have uploaded all of the werewolf clips I've seen. I've clicked on both users' profiles. For both of these people, every single video they've uploaded to YouTube involves werewolves. That's Frank Lupo for sure. Yep, I'm just going to say.

Frank Lupo. One of them, F Lupo. Frank L for life. Yeah. Frank is not a werewolf Lupo. I like that his transformation is instant. I feel like a lot of times I watch werewolf movies and I think, dude, I would never become a werewolf.

Like you watch their dudes, like their bones re-knit, and it just looks really painful. And I just know enough about myself that I'm like, I don't even work if I have a hangover. You know what I mean? If I had to fucking have all my shit get turned inside out to become a werewolf, I just wouldn't do it. Yeah.

I am surprised and impressed that they didn't, that they filmed one transformation sequence and they didn't just use it to kill four minutes every episode. Yeah, because of that. That's how you do it. You blow all your budget on the one transformation sequence and then like magical girl style, you just play it over. Zoom in on the whole ripping out of his shirt.

In fairness, they didn't do that in this episode. It might happen in 20 of these episodes. Fair enough. It'd be weird if it didn't. Yeah. Because it's right there. Like, oh, that can save us a bunch of money. Anyway, that's my thing.

That's all I have. That's all I have on werewolf. And it was great. I might get this French DVD just so I can see this entire show. It's got to be somewhere through it. We got to find it. Yeah, I didn't look too super hard. Like I didn't try to look for torrents or anything.

You could probably find it that way. It's one of those places on the internet where you're going to have to do it. Yeah. Yeah, it was one of those things. Like, oh, I'm going to have to like actually give up something you don't want to give up. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to have to get a pentagram on my hand.

The show I brought is called Danger Island. And the bit we're going to do here, I'm going to play the intro. It's a minute long. And Brock, I want you to just try your best to explain everything you're seeing as it gets displayed to you. Okay. So, yeah. You ready?

I'm going to hit play. Here we go. Looking at an island. A shark. Back to island. Jaguar. Snake. Fuck.

People are laughing natives. Now angry natives. Jesus Christ. Rapid zooms on everybody in the world. It's punching a native that does nothing. This is writing. We're physically writing the natives around like horses. And now just a wacky food fight complete with monkeys.

We are still beating on the native. All right. Stop eating on the natives. Now we've got some pirates. We're underwater. This is the most jump cuts that has ever been. Oh my God. We're in a river.

We've been on a river for a long time. It must be significant. Pies. Everybody got hit with pies. I'm not sure why. Still back on the river. Nothing has happened on the river. Somebody fell on the river.

A lot of river time. Zooming on the asses of the natives. Baby kitty. No baby kitty in here. Benny Hill fast motion chase scene. Zipline baseball. More pirates. I think they're supposed to be pirates.

Just everybody's having a real good time on ropes. Good time on ropes going on through here. And now a friendly water wrestling match. Cougar. There's a sudden cougar. That's the worst kind of cougar. Jesus Christ. Danger.

There was not. The longest scene in that was a shot of them paddling a boat on a river while nothing happens. And it was maybe three seconds. Right. That is the most jump cuts I've ever seen. That's the intro to Danger Island, which was a part of the banana splits super hour. And that was a 1970 show.

And the banana splits would. It was just like four like misfit. Muppety things. And they a lot of the segments would they would just kind of go to a theme park and fuck around. And then they would speed up the camera work. And that would be it. They would just play a song over that for four minutes.

They also did some animated shows. They had Arabian Nights. A lot of it was a Hanna-Barbera production. So it was that like type of animation and Danger Island was something they did. According to Wikipedia to keep the budget low. And because this was cheaper than the Muppets. The Muppets were eating up some budget. Right.

Which that seems like one of those things that can't possibly be true because this is like budget. Those Muppets. Right. It seems like this show is maybe the highest production I've seen on a kids show ever. Like they're on location in Mexico in this beautiful tropical beach. They have probably 40 stunt performers. Yeah.

There was like 80 people in that intro. Yeah. And they have crane shots and helicopter shots. In the opening episode they explode a boat. And the animal stunts are like legitimately amazing. Like in the second episode a dude wrestles a shark. Like actually wrestles a shark. And I don't know if they got like random footage of that.

Like stock footage. But it seems like at least the same stunt guy as they use in the show. I love he gets on the beach. I love when they do that when they find like an awesome clip and they're like I'm going to write the episode around it. Yes. And it could be that situation but later he gets on the beach and like wrestles a Jaguar. And it's just a dude that kind of looks like Jan Michael Vincent who's the star of the

show. Just head tucked into a Jaguar's armpit rolling around on a fucking beach with a live angry Jaguar. Right. But that was cheap. That was cheap back in the day because all you had to do was be like hey Jan Michael Vincent. He's like I got it. I got it.

I'm ready. I'm always ready. One of the stars is of course Jan Michael Vincent and everyone probably knows him from Airwolf. And when he filmed this he was I guess the word is a twink. Like he's fit but more like he just has zero body fat. Like he's just like this lean like sexy cougar of a man. Right.

And he's kind of got this like sort of distance about him. You know what I mean. Like I guess the way I try to describe him is if if you were writing a movie and it was about a character like an Oklahoma farm boy who gets off in the valley on a bus and gets out right in front of like a gay porn studio and you need to cast for that character. And then Jan Michael Vincent walks in your casting director's eyes turn to dollar signs. Like he's just the perfect off the bus twink and he solves every problem with a punch. And the thing about this show is that it's probably 60 percent fighting.

Most of the scripts call for a lot of violence. But one of the stars is a little girl and none of them seem to be trained like stage actors. Not only that there's no choreography. And the script calls for someone to punch someone. They just punch them really, really gently. And that doesn't look like anything other than what that is. Right.

And so this show that clearly someone spent so much money designing sets and getting people out there and blowing stuff up and hiring animal wranglers. And they're like, OK, just just kind of fucking do you go fight, you know. And so every you get it. Every episode is a hilarious mess. And the amount of joy you can get from a Danger Island fight scene is it's so total because there's the failure of what they're doing. But also like the plot generally involves these children and terrible like death defying

circumstances. Like these are actual pirates who killed all the off screen actors. Like two of the people are there on the island because these pirates killed everyone. And they have like the main characters, little girl. And so there's a lot of like implied like like she's in a lot of peril. And then a fist fight will break out and they'll just kind of have a really gentlemanly fist fight. And then they'll kind of go back to what they was.

OK, thanks for the fist fight. We'll just keep her prisoner and everything's fine. You're talking fast because that that trailer was nuts. Exactly. I'm trying to get through all of it. Right. There's not too much to talk about. So there were 846 scenes in that 50 minute, 50 second.

And early in the second episode were introduced to another character. There's the main guy and he's like a research scientist who's trying to find the lost city of Tabania. And he's there with his daughter who I mentioned and Jan Michael Vincent who I think is not his son, but like like his sort of utility fellow for the ship. Just his twink, his sexy young tweak. And when Jan Michael Vincent wakes up on the beach, he meets a dude named Lincoln or Link. And they have a fist fight, of course.

Link knocks him the fuck out, then wakes him up and Jan Michael Vincent is about to fight him again. He's like, hey, stop. And like you realize, oh my God, they can both talk and they both speak English. Why didn't they do this earlier? But that's like the way the show goes. Did they just assume they couldn't talk? Right.

Like they just said, no, we'll decide this with fists, stranger on the beach. And I mean, when you're on Danger Island, you punch first and. Exactly. Ask questions the next day. Yeah. And Link has been shipwrecked there. As I mentioned, everyone he knows has been killed by these pirates except for a young boy named Chongo.

And he calls Chongo by screaming. He screams, oh, Chongo. And when he does that, Chongo just sort of magically appears. And Chongo, despite being a normal person, somehow in the process of being shipwrecked here, lost the ability to speak. So he can only speak in like monkey sounds and bird sounds, but he's also like the world's greatest fighter. So he's always just giggling and screaming like a bird and just fucking the fuck up all

of the pirates, the natives, whatever you got. He's always swinging in from crazy angles to knock everybody over. Yeah, he's doing a lot of that in the fight saw guy doing that. It's like, why is this guy swinging in from crazy angles to knock everybody over? That's Chongo. And he's basically, if you're losing a fight, you say, oh, Chongo into the night and he'll just appear and have a great time. I'm going to fucking try that.

Yeah. As soon as we're done recording. It would probably work. I'm going to pick a fight and then, oh, Chongo. At the very least, they'll be confused long enough for me to run. If they're like an elderly person, they might remember the show and they'll be like, oh, hey, I remember that. Another star attached to the show.

This was filmed in 1970. The director made this eight years before he made another movie you might have heard of called Superman. Richard Donner. This is a Richard Donner directed. Holy shit. I didn't see that one coming. That's the fun Danger Island twist.

He must have learned a lot of lessons making this. I too, I feel like I have really learned this about myself. I am a failure learner. I have to like make every mistake myself and just get in there and fuck it up. And then somebody says, like, no, you did all this wrong. Or I just, you know, instinctively say, well, I blew that up. Let's not do that again. He must be.

I can tell. He must be a failure learner. And he just, my God, he learned so much. Well, I think not a single person on this show can act. Jan Michael Vincent can, but he only says about one line every three episodes. So he's dealing with some, some terrible performers. And then every time there's an action sequence, as I mentioned, it's just sort of like, guys, just have some fun with it.

Chongo's going to swing in. You won't know when he's going to hit one of you. When he, when he hits you, you're going to fall over. All right, action. Here's a fun thing. Try, try writing the black people around. All of the white people now ride the black people. That's a fun thing that we can do in whatever fucking year this is.

It is very problematic. I mean, the natives on this island are full Uga Booga Looney Tunes natives. Geez. How long are these episodes? Like you said, they were just a full time. They're like 10 minutes. They're five minutes long. Oh my God.

I was not prepared for that. I want to say like six hours of it. So it went on for a very, very long time. Oh my God. This is epic. Yeah. But also you never knew when they do this, they could fill a minute 20 with just that intro we looked at.

They sometimes play that, which is, you know, 20% of the entire episode. The rest is just writing around the natives and then Chongo comes in to kill everybody. Exactly. And a fight could take three minutes and that's it. You're done. You got a whole danger island. Oh man. I would have fucking loved that.

Yeah. This sort of sounds like the greatest show. Yeah. Yeah. Not now, but then absolutely. Yeah. No, you couldn't watch this. Your dream show.

Yeah. That's somebody that understands children of, I don't know, probably before the 90s saying. Mm hmm. And it's kind of one of those Hannah Barbera things where it feels like all the decisions were governed by having no money and no real research done on what children want. It's just like someone had the idea like kids love beating the shit out of natives. Let's let's do that.

And it turns out. Yeah. Sure. They love it. And then maybe they like theme parks. Okay. We'll try that. They like Arabia.

Kids love Arabian Nights cartoons. What about Muppets? We know they like Muppets. Yeah. Fucking get them in there. Try some Muppets. Who can afford Muppets? Thousands of dollars a minute just to operate those things.

Yeah. Let's take a couple of helicopters and crane boats out to the Mexican islands and film a giant sprawling epic. I got an island we can blow up. It's cheaper than Muppets. Can we put a Muppet in that helicopter? I don't know. Let's try it.

Well, I encourage everyone to go watch Danger Island. I'm sure there's some shit on YouTube. It should be easy to find. It's the best. If you just watch the opening, I'm pretty sure you've watched the entire show. I think like every scene from the show is in that opening. Right. It sounded like everything you described, Sean then explained.

Yeah. Everything I did was useless. In fact, we'll probably cut all of it and we'll just leave in the one minute where Brock Wayne is explaining the entire show. I was just delighted to learn that everything he was calling out was indeed what was happening. It's the greatest supercut ever edited together. It is no more sophisticated than exactly what it looks like. Right.

Add like 40% more like snap zooms than you were picturing and that's it. You got it. I feel like it's that old meme where you look at a word and then it starts flashing single words faster and faster and it's like you can read faster than you think. If we just keep flashing words at you like this and like you can process television so much faster than you think. We just keep flashing things like this. Look how fast we're going.

You can digest all of this. It's in your brain now. It's true. It is in my brain now. And it worked. I got it. Why isn't all CB delivered like this? Compressed six hours of Danger Island into our brains.

So Tom, before we go, is there anything you could plug for us? Yeah, for sure. I've got my Patreon and podcast network with David Bell called Gamefully Unemployed. It's patreon.com slash Gamefully Unemployed. You can also find us at by searching Gamefully Unemployed or GU or Story Mode, which is what we decided to call our podcast before we decided to just mostly do podcasts. So now it's a confusing naming thing. I don't know.

It's all out there. So yeah, please check that stuff out. I would appreciate it. Sweet. And I think we should leave with it out. Oh, Chango. Uh-oh. Chango!

The craft is not trapped. It is not without. Send it to the dogs. Four hours. Come on, Chango. You can do it. One hundred. One hundred, Frankfurt. One hundred, New York.

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