The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 136, Troom Troom Self Defense with Napoleon Blownapart

Episode Date: August 16, 2023

Brockway abducts Seanbaby and guest, Napoleon Blownapart, and will not release them until they discuss Troom Troom Self Defense, a bizarre and dangerous YouTube show teaching children how to be murdered in memorable ways.

1900 hot dog 1900 hot dog Applicance slammed with maximum height say hot dog podcast word Yeah When you taste that nitrate power you're in the dog zone for hour come on You know the number Welcome to the Dog Zone 9000, the official podcast of 1900Hotdog.com, America's Last Comedy website. We are the final comedy line of defense against

algorithmically generated articles by Chinese sock selling robots. If you love high effort, carefully crafted comedy by humans and or you're simply full up on a on morally corrupt robot socks Please support us on patreon.com slash one nine hundred hot dog. It's hilarious We'll we'll make socks if you want if that's a deal breaker to you We will we'll pivot to socks as we have so many times before I'm sockpot Robert Brockway and with me is Hamfu flat shoe best product 100% sure baby

That's a perfect way to describe me. Hi, I love socks. Our guest is a comedian and YouTuber, a thoughtful fight expert whose talents we have vowed to never use correctly. Napoleon blowed apart. Thank you. Thank you. I am ambivalent when it comes to socks. When the sock warts start, you will not be spared. That attitude will not spare you. Arland's a neutral con. First and a neutral socks. Yeah, that's fine. Napoleon, your new Frank Duke's video is so good. I want everyone to go watch it. Let me do your plug for you. Thank you. I was really impressed because that dude is such a dense mind of insanity. And we did a podcast on him entirely about a different podcast he appeared on. He just showed up on an engine podcast once it's so much crazy shit on the other course of like 20 minutes.

That was our full podcast. And you're like, why don't I put a soul fucking career into one video? And I was like, woman impossible task and I learned a lot. How long was I haven't watched you? How long was that video? I think it was like an hour or 12 or something maybe. I mean, know. I think it could have been longer. You fit a survey, a survey of Frank Dukes' lies into an hour and 12 minutes. Even Bloodsport didn't manage that. It was tough going, but I managed to sum that.

I think what the advantage you have, though, is he hasn't told a new lie in about 30 years. Like once everyone realized Bloodsport was fake, he just spent the rest of his life like debunking each of the debunks. He's like, no, no, no, technically, okay. Yeah, I said I got 240 knockouts, but like here's what they did.

They just kept waking the guys up and then I would knock about again and you do that 12, 15 times an hour and you can knock out that when people turn around. It's pretty amazing that it has taken this long to debunk all of his myths. I mean, what is it like 30 years since Bloodsport and we're still going. There is still shit to be mined from Frank Duke's house of lies.

It's still so. Oh, yeah. Did you get to the, did you get to the speaking of? Here's our airs of segue. Did you get to the, his sock tips, his ninja sock tips? I can't see. I did. That must have passed. I'm not. That's not a ridiculous thing I'm making up on the, on ninja sock tips. I can't see it, I did it, that must have passed by.

I'm not. That's not a ridiculous thing I'm making up on the ninja podcast. He talked about how Navajo White is like the perfect shade to blend in with like if you're spying in a hotel. And so you always want to wear Navajo White socks so that you can put them over your hands and people won't see your hands as you slip them around doorways. So that's why I got busted the last time I was trying to infiltrate a hotel.

I wasn't wearing my Navajo socks. But yeah, but like, here's the problem with Frank Durk's lie is obviously, if you have socks in your hands, people can see the rest of you unless it's also Navajo white. But also the doors aren't generally painted the same colors as the walls. So you're not gonna find a lot of Navajo White. But also the doors aren't generally painted, the same colors as the walls.

So you're not gonna find a lot of Navajo White doors. It's just this thing that pops out of his mouth that it's so stupid, but he's been lying for his entire life. So he can't stop and reason whether or not the thing coming out is gonna be, you know, reasonable. It's too late for him to walk any of this shit back. He is in way too deep. It's such a commitment though, when he says something like that, because now he's going

to spend the next 20 years of his life, track tracking and double checking and double downing on the Navajo white sock ride. Like, no, here's what I meant. For another half hour appearance by Frank Dukes, explaining why the doors, why the Navajo white, because there are two tones, you see. There are tones. The toes are a different color. The toes are doored colored. He has that thing that makes a good liar

where he believes it so quickly himself. He gets really offended at people who don't, like it hurts him personally. So the idea of like saying that Navajo socks on your hands is a good idea, like feels like wisdom to him. It's the way the second comes out of his mouth and he will defend it. When we were doing that podcast, the funniest

one about that was that he was talking about how people make fun of him for being such an idiot liar and how like, he negotiates prisoner exchanges in North Korea and every time people make fun of him, like, people die. People lose their sons and daughters because the negotiators like don't have respect for him anymore. And he's like, feeling that, he's like, so fucking mad at you for killing these kids. I mean, wouldn't you be mad? I mean, you just got a kid killed, Jesus. Yeah. Yeah. When you put it like that, he did save all those kids from Somali pirates by selling them in the kumatai sword. But then he went on record as saying that, you know, those kids are now so loyal to him.

They would kill for him. He just has to, he's got to get child- Yeah, get child- The armid ways and that kid's gonna murder that person. That's an actual Duke's quote. He has an army of murderous children just following him around, just killing people.

He bought a child army with a novelty sword. That's the best deal anybody's ever made. You say what you want about Frank Dukes He is a negotiator. He's a bargain hunter. Doesn't fuck about this sword from the mall and now I have a child army Do that do that fucking 500 trades for a paper clip to a car thing, but it's Frank Dukes with a child army And you always pass through Corgan Bernside being from the child army. And you always pass through Corbin Bernson being from that out of the way. Okay, so someone started the paperclip and they did a bunch of trades in the middle of it. They got a snow globe and famous actor from of course major league and LA law Corbin Bernson collects snow globes. So he traded the

snow globe to him for like a part in a movie. And then he traded that part in a movie to like some town for a fucking like manufactured home. Takes the army of kids to be honest. The children, any day, is better than a snow globe or a home. You know, going to the Corbin Birdson's apartment, you're like, give us all the snow globes. What's he gonna do? Trade my child army for Corbin Birdson's commemorative stamp collection. You don't know how much that's worth.

No Corbin Birdson has got a child army. What's he got to do with it? There's a real frankly, it's logic to that story. The idea that movies and parts are like on this piece of paper, this is good for one movie part. It's terrible. It's terrible. I mean, anyone who is that committed to his bullshit

hats off like seriously, absolutely. If you look at it from some philosophical, like, points of view, he gave us Bloodsport, which gave us so much more joy than, like, his stupid little lies are frustrating to anyone. So, like, net good from Frank Duke's, I would say, is astronomical. Yeah, it's been worth it, I think. Yeah. It's off the charts. I can't believe, believe like they're so stupid

I can't believe his lies have ever actually harmed anybody like every time he goes to court and tries to sue somebody They're like shout out Frank. And then he's just fucking left it left out of the building He gives everybody a good everybody has a good time dunking on him to court them the judge the lawyers That's like fucking what a a great day this has been. Get out. I sat through his entire court videos from when he was suing the quest. The fandom, yeah.

Oh god, everybody was don't get on him like seriously. If I recall, like his story was that he had the contract that he was supposed to get like an insane amount of money, like 15% of the gross, like a deal no one had with a story by credit had ever gotten. And then he claimed to fire burned it up in his attic, but it like only burned this one safe of documents and nothing else. It's a very localized fire. The fucking the video, the court video was probably one of the most frustrating things I've ever watched in my life because like every two seconds he was just like, I don't understand the question. I don't understand the question. Can you rephrase the question, he was just like, I don't understand the question.

I don't understand the question. Can you rephrase the question? He was just like, he was trying to focus them so much, and they was just painful to watch him. Master of psychological warfare, Frank Dukes. I mean, they're a liar and idiot. Maybe the only warfare reason he's been this through.

I'm sorry. Yep. Just sue us. sue us. For the love of God, what do we have to do? We've been than this for real. Yep. Just sue us. sue us. For the love of God, what do we have to do? We've been at this so long. Half of it. We had a...

It's all yours. When we had Josh Barnett on the show, we mentioned it. Because we're like, you're wrestling league. It's called Bloodsport. Like, are you worried about Frank's dude suing you? And he like, like, a switch went off at him. Like, he's like, I'd like to see that little motherfucker try. Like, he's like waiting us all out to fuck up Frank Dukes.

Like, oh, Jesus, Josh, take it easy. Oh. Maybe one day he'll believe a hard enough to actually fight somebody. And we'll get even more joy out of his death as we did from his life. I feel like the athletic commission that would allow Josh Barnett versus Frank Duke's like every single one of those guys would be arrested for manslaughter. Yeah, you'd have to negotiate in Korea for that one.

That's definitely an offshore Korean MMA. Have you got any contacts in Korea? We could ask. Just one Frank dukes. Is that, are we going with that as you plugged? Do you want to do you want to plug your specific name? That is fine. I mean, anybody who, you know, I'm sure you all know who Frank Dukes is at this point,

but if you don't, I did some might say too long video on his life and exploits. And, you know, it's up there on YouTube for you to watch. All right. Well speaking of child armies, we're talking about truem-trume self-defense. Truem-trume, here's what I know, okay, here's what I know for sure about truem-trume. It is a YouTube channel. That's it, that's all I know for sure about truem-trume.

Is it even a YouTube channel or where we all just have some like group hallucination? Okay, here's what I know about truem-trume. Even a YouTube channel or where we all just having some like group hallucination. Because I'm okay. Here's what I know about true and true. Nothing. I can be sure of nothing. End of list. End of list. I think, okay, here's what I think.

I think it's for kids. I think it's in earnest. I think it was possibly ripped from an alternate dimension where like mankind evolved from, I don't know, jellyfish, some kind of bird. I can maybe speak to this because I do have a six-year-old daughter and this, trim-shrimp feels like maybe three or four algorithms ago, like what people were chasing.

So it's all like flashy colors and quick cuts. And a lot of like really stupid little skits where like I am coming into the room and I have a thing. Oh I have a different thing and then like those stories don't quite mesh and then you're on to something else and it's something that like toddlers really like my god it was not similar. We never got this, but this is like a 2018 YouTube algorithm, like jackpot. My big takeaway from this was that it was basically like those frozen Elsa gets impregnated with spider man videos, but with a bigger budget. Right.

Well, those I think were exploiting that and then adding like an evil intentionality, that like we're going to take this algorithm and hijack it for our own like mean spirited prank and this this I don't think has that I feel like this is like sincere they're like want to maybe even teach self-defense but all they're going for is traffic so that they're teaching self-defense to four-year-olds I don't know yeah is it I guess if I'm gonna get all asamandius right now, like the current algorithm that my daughter gets caught in is like really manufactured shared experiences.

Like I feel like the pandemic broke everyone. So now it'll like take you to reaction videos of the thing you just watched and then reaction videos to that and like just sort of this, or a morose of like people trying, sort of this url-boros of people trying sort of sharing things together. Just to fucking trap your child in a YouTube hollow of mirrors forever. So if you're trying to make a true, true, today, what you would want to do is have a move and then have people watch that move and then have fun of that

and that's the hit. That's what YouTube wants to do. Did she watch any of this when you were watching it? Did you test it? Did you test it? Did you show him on your child? I asked her if she'd heard of it, but she hadn't heard of it. I do usually supervisors, so I was pretty sure what the answer was. And you would slap this, you would slap the television right on the ground if this came up. She genuinely would know that she wasn't allowed to watch this, because, this has a lot of sincerity and vanity. I know I might have contradict what I said earlier, but so let me try to explain. Like, these people are phonies.

Like, they're coming in and doing skits. They think are fucking stupid. And they're trying to look like cool and pretty. And so it's really not very likeable. And it's exactly what I hate in kids programming. And so when my daughter gets caught like in a... I can't remember the fucking guy's name. There's a guy really hate.

Mr. Beast is sort of like this. Oh my god. Yeah. But like, she'll hit a video where I'm like, oh no, this shit isn't real. These are bunch of phonies. and she like kind of gets that vibe and would have known to turn this off before I see it. This shit has a depressing amount of views though if you look at it like absolutely. Oh yes.

Oh my god. Like I mean by someone who tries to make their living from YouTube I have never wanted YouTube to exist less than when I was watching true videos I was, shut the shit down. We're fucking dull. I'll burn myself down with it. I don't care. I'll die from true with me. It's worth it. Burn down the house from inside. It's a shameless robot trap. It's kind of infuriating that it worked. But I imagine anyone who saw this was either two years old or saw it and said, who the fuck do I call the stop this? This is a monstrosity.

When we're referring to their view count, what we mean is not just, oh, this is a lot of views, what we mean is possibly the most views out of anything that has ever been. Like you'll watch an absolutely nothing video targeted to nobody with no point, and then you'll look at the bottom and it will be 36 million views. And they put out a video like every day they have for the past like, I don't know, seven years. The amount of money that that TroomTroom has made as a media dynasty has to dwarf all but like the largest studios that are on YouTube.

It's quite it's quite mad that it exists. And I worry, I'll show everything, Sean said, about it being insulting and exploitative and just built very ignorantly to manipulate children that don't exist and are smarter than that. It all makes it sound too sane because there is an edge of genuine madness that I think comes from

The culture clash because here's another thing I think I know about Trum Trum They are based in the Ukraine. They are based in Odessa, Ukraine So some of this sometimes when I see a Cultural I'm that just I have no way to understand I assume There's some sort of folklore or like standard in that culture that is responsible for the misunderstanding. I could not point to where that is with this fucking trim, trim shit. I don't understand any part of it.

And I don't think being Ukrainian would help, but I think there was some sort of translation software that glitched out between their algorithm bot searching what children love because it's crazy. It's not actually capturing like that frozen shit. I mean, that was a whole trend in videos. Like we're gonna capture somebody searching for frozen, somebody searching for Elsa. They're not doing that.

They'll just be like rich vampire. Like kids love rich vampire. And then they'll do like 15 videos about like rich and poor vampire twin twin trouble and mermaids, Skisky mermaid, you know, like what? This isn't coming. It's not coming from a search term. What algorithm, what is happening with your algorithm? Like they're trying to start it somehow. That's not how spawned like an entire fucking genre though. Because I like, I mean, I was watching it last night. Thank you again for forcing me to watch this shit.

I hate to post. But there was like into the sidebar. There is just a video after video of like fucking pregnant vampires and fucking rich vampires. I was like, what? And they weren't true, true videos. Like this is a thing now. Yeah, that's the other thing. It's fucking weird.

It's impenetrable. Is that it was so successful, you can search for this true-mterm shit and be like, why does this exist? And now you will find several that aren't true-mterm that are doing this exact same thing, that are trying to be quite as insane. And if you watch them, and I have watched quite a few of them, because there's something very wrong with me,

if you watch them, you will see that they're truly struggling to be as crazy as true-mterm. because there's something very wrong with me. If you watch them, you will see that they're truly struggling to be as crazy as Room-Troom. They're like, you can see that they have too much coherency in their brain, but they're trying. They're trying to be like, oh, let's make this random jump. But it comes across as like, oh, aren't I being random? Whereas Room-Troom seems to have a truly broken internal logic

like of a madman. Yeah. It's almost like it was written by a robot, and these are just the most loyal human slaves to that robot. Nobody wants to make it happy. Here's one of my theories. No, go ahead before I get into this. No, I was just going to say I was about to click on a thumbnail for a video of a pregnant woman who was having her belly soaked by vampires and this was all on YouTube and I decided against it in the end because my algorithm had already

been completely fucked sideways from watching Trum Trum. So I was like, it doesn't need, I don't think I can withstand any more of this shit. I watched them. I made them. I watched a bunch of these like rip off to room-term ones and they like, they tried to, the room-term will try to start a trend. It'll just be like, fucking it's vampires and then they'll do 12 videos in a week about that

and then never again, they'll do whatever else. So that leaves these other channels like a month later to do, what are we doing about vampires? The pregnant vampire attack? And then it's all geared towards children and you're like, what, what are we doing about vampires, pregnant vampire attack? And then it's all geared towards children. And you're like, what the fuck are you doing?

What are we doing with our lives? I feel like the easiest way to trick the robot is the robot wants to give you videos that are like the video you just watched. So if something gets a lot of traffic for whatever reason, vampire, someone's just like, well, I have like two days to make a vampire video and YouTube will absolutely fucking love it. They'll tell everybody about it and

After three days, you're like well, it's too late for that. I got to move on to the next thing and I just feel like that's that That it's as simple as that and then that sort of mutates like everything, but Yes, we are several several thousand generations down the mutation line into this dead end of evolution that has become true and true. I think it's kind of like the vibe that I get is that do you guys remember that story about I think it was a I think it was Cree had assassins where they created like a fake prank show and tricked just innocent bystanders into like poisoning a man to death. You remember that story?

Yeah. I think that's what room-troom is. There's some sort of criminal element that these people are doing crimes, whether they know it or not. I see. There's definitely a criminal element to this. Well, like, there's money laundering or some shit going on behind this. There's a shady feeling to it. You can't shake it.

There's like, this is a crime somehow. I felt wrong after watching this. I don't know, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, a subway. They would take it. Absolutely. Oh, I'm sorry. That's better. Is that one guy in the videos? You know, the bad guy, like he's definitely the murder. Someone like you. Throw a few quid.

He'll stab a guy. What a really nice back words because they have so much footage of him choking women. He's just always there. I'm going to tell you this video. So you're choking women. I hold this. It's going to sound crazy. Let's turn into a kid's show.

All right. So what what else I mentioned, Trum Trum is had cordoned in Odessa, Ukraine. Here's the thing. They didn't stop because of their country getting invaded and a whole war starting out. They released they continued releasing videos. They released a video, the day Russia invaded called all of us are zombies in real life.

Two days later, they dropped a video called My Parents Disappeared. They have never, ever missed a post. They even as their city was being bombed, they didn't take a single day off for war. So whatever this is, whatever's happening, it's really important it cannot be stopped.

Nothing. So this train, no, nothing fucking stops. I'd also like to make it in the creators of the listeners that these are kind of high-efort videos. Like they're bullshit and they're terrible, but like there's a lot of makeup, set design, camera cuts, editing, like this, I don't know, I don't want to make it terrible but they're good. Well, man, you can feel like someone who spent a lot of time making them. like this, I don't know, I don't want to make terrible, but the world might just say, you can feel like someone spent a lot of time making them. Yeah, they're definitely not good,

but money has gone into these things, which is again, is why I think this is some kind of a fucking pyramid scheme or money laundering or something. I don't know, there's some shit going on here. But now that we've established a baseline of it, it's definitely geared towards, my feeling was children too young to know better. It's just shapes and noises, because if they understand anything, this is just an a brain assault. This will take language away from a

developing brain. It's very dangerous. But if they're just like, oh, I need some, I need a weird cute voice and shapes and stuff, that's their target audience. But, that, they started a self-defense section, not one video, many, many, many videos. They should not have a self-defense section because at the very least that's aimed towards what teams, like even if it's young teams and you're generous, that is 10 years

older than anybody should be able to stand these videos. At least maybe 15. Yeah, like these are for two year olds. Some of the references they'll make, some of some of like the tips they'll give are firmly for adult women. And you're like, what the fuck are you doing? I don't imagine that to make an adult lesson to a child. Like, get this in your memory young and then you'll remember it as an adult.

Like how to get out of a zip tie, but I would say maybe one out of every 20 or 30 of their tips were even like based in reality. You know what I mean? Like you can solve your zip tie with your shoe laces. And maybe you'll need that someday. But the other stuff like how to get out of a hammer lock with a fucking toe pick is just that's not sane. Well, that's like it would interspers.

Like not that it was good self-defense, but it would be like how to stop a knife attack or how to get out of zip ties. And then in between it would be like, shove a clothes peg up someone's nose if they're attacking you while you're hanging your laundry. It's like, the fuck? Yeah. Yeah. And by mixing those two, it becomes so fucking dangerous that you're like, okay, here are your tips for self-defense. Here's how to defend against knife attack, and now here's how to give someone a wedgie while they're attacking you. I was like, okay, but-

She'd admit a self-defense part of one of their videos was, you know, stop your attacker with a wedgie. Like, no, that's not working. You will die if you follow this. It tricks you into thinking like, I'll remember this if you're soft-brained and vulnerable to covers. You're really thinking that like tiny child's idea,

like that home-alone style of self-defense where it's like something strange will like bewilder your attacker. So you'll be like, act like a chimpanzee and they'll be like, what's going on? And then in that time, you'll like put a bag over their head and wrap them up in duct tape. You're like, it's totally cartoonish.

And then like, we do have so many different like self-defense methods per video. It's like, you know, one time a video will have, you know, 17 self-defense tips that may save your life. It's like, it's sensory overload. You're not going to remember any of this shit. I mean, that's probably a good thing. But like, yes, Christ guy is like, let me have some time to absorb your garbage, fucking self defense. I feel like we watched enough of them that I sort of got the tropes. And there was, there's usually one about getting out of duct tape or zip ties that's sort of one of the top five things you would get if you googled how to do that right and

then there's a couple that are just like I don't fucking hit them in the head like you're holding the umbrella hit him with the umbrella I don't fucking know and then there's a few that are like very intensely practiced like martial arts moves like if if they're doing this punch, do this exact counter in a way that's like very 1970s self-defense book and would require like a ton of drilling to even try. It would require your opponent's arms to be made out of limp noodles or something. Yeah, there's a lot where you do the thing, you've probably seen this in our Schwarzenegger movies where a guy will throw a punch and Arnold will like catch it with an overhook

and then they'll be like paralyzed by that and then he'll like headbutt and I've probably seen this in our Schwarzenegger movies where a guy will throw a punch and Arnold to like catch it with an overhook. And then they'll be like paralyzed by that. And then he'll like headbutt and rehid him with the other hand. They tell you to do that like as a tiny woman, which is, I mean, it's almost suicidal. But again, I mean, it's literally from professional wrestling that move. Yeah, it's like it doesn't actually stun somebody

to gently entrap their arm and no second thing. They're like, that's, that's them pretending. doesn't actually stun somebody to gently entrap their arm and no second thing. Right. That's what you've, that's them pretending. Speaking as, you know, from a fighting perspective, like what you've done is you've given your, you've initiated a grapple and given your opponent under hooks, which is not the worst thing you could do, but it's up there. It's up there with one of the dumbest things a small woman could do to an attacker. A Spanish player for your old.

Right. Now we are yourself. Nope. Go use a wizard to block your. Also, don't say kid. Keep in mind a toddler trying all of these things. All of these things are directed towards the top. We're trying to convince you of a vibe and a tone.

Nothing is going to do it better than Troom Troom itself. So I have a first clip here. Hit that clip. Sometimes you can feel unsafe even when you're at home. Here comes a thief breaking into your house. Thinking this is going to be so easy. Tighten my head, just like a real professional.

And here is the first witness she needs to be neutralized. I think she didn't even notice me. She was too caught up by a sad scene in a movie. Do you want an apple? Thank you. Not right now. Actually, I'm on a mission. You can watch your melladrama later. Ah! Somebody help! What are you going to do to me? Well, first I'll tie your hands. The villain uses an ordinary plastic cable tie. No matter how hard you fight back, it'll hold your hands tight. Calling a friend for help won't work either. The thief sticks tape over her mouth.

How can I get free? I didn't mash that together. That's just the audio from a video. Yeah, the combination of screaming combined with the jaundiness with which the narrator and speaks is just it's it's very great and I've got to say. Imagine the decision to say it in that tone of voice when you when you are delivered a line like screaming won't help your friend can't hear you at all. You're like I know exactly how to do this. Screaming won't help your friend can't hear you at all. Oh're like, I know exactly how to do this. Screaming won't help. Your friend can't hear you at all. Oh, what's the like, you're out of your eyes. And then there's like a bit they do with like apples

in the middle of it. It's the robot malfunctioning. Like you can't eat through the pantyhose on his head. And it's like, isn't that Zaini? A robber would do this. I don't know. And then they'd teach you how to get out of a zip tie by like tying a shoelace around them

and bicycling your feet with it. And it's like, okay, sure, that works. That's how you can get out of a zip tie. That mean like, I can verify that that does work. I've also busted out a zip ties just with a standard knee strike. Again, that's a thing. to zip ties just with a standard knee strike. Again, that's a thing. My knees are measured in megatons,

so that might not work for everybody. The standard is to make the zip tie really tight, put your elbows at and then do like a pelvic thrust, and that should break it. Jack Reacher did one that kinda works where you like turn your palm into the other hand and then you can just sort of torque them up like you lift your elbows and just natural leverage can pop them off.

It's really easy to get at a zip ties at the point. I'm not following you. Could you say all that again like this? Jack Reacher did one where he lifted his hands. Jack Reacher is not hear you plop. Jack Reacher sits on your lap. Jack Reacher has a lollipop. Jack Reacher popped off. I think the robot would have picked that up. It'll just make that shit in. Like the immediately following. Next we got to confirm, Jack Reacher is gonna be the number one thing.

Jack Reacher being soaked off by a vampire or something. So immediately after that whole zip tie thing, she gets duct tape, they teach you how to stab your way and I duct tape. But then the tip after that is like, oh no, taking off the tape hurts your mouth because you pull it off and it pulls a little bit. Here's how to rub it off without like

pulling up little hairs. You rub it with your fingers to warm the glue up. So it's throwing in like how to remove a band-aid tips. Yeah, like that would work. Yeah, and also I mean, if you're like, you know, handcuffed to a radiator or whatever with tape over your mouth, that like, are you really worried about

some mild discomfort in removing room with a tape. That's what they're doing at a time to make this as pleasant as possible, right? Let's hang out here on the radiator. That's their number three tip is like, okay, here's how to break out of the duct tape. You've just been kidnapped. And now here's how to remove it gently

as though that should be your priority. It's madness and it's dangerous and it's not the craziest thing they do. Let's get to our second clip. We'll just play it first and then talk about it. The thief searches on the shelves and goes through the books. When suddenly, he sees a teddy bear on the stool. Wow, I had the exact same one when I was little. It was exactly the same.

Aww, it's so cute! The thief leaves the house. The deed is done. Which means you can take on a bullet and map and turn into a regular passer-by. The bad guy runs away from the crime scene, but all of a sudden he starts remembering his past. A bright memory from his childhood appears in his mind. A bear and sweet popsicles.

The teddy bear is a messy eater, but that's okay. We were so happy together. When we talk to a radiator, the thief turns around and runs back. That was all from the point of view of the kidnapper who tied her to a radiator. He sees the teddy bear and then all of a sudden we need to do a story beat for the thief, flashing back to when he was a more innocent child, eating popsicles with a teddy bear. We give him a brief tip of like, if you just take off all your gloves and masks,

you can blend in. So we're giving tips to the kidnapper. Right. And it's really a part of me. We know you're chasing some traumatic childhood memory of a very sticky bear go back into the kidnapped girl's house to get her bear it will replace the bear you lost she's gonna die today she's gonna die today I was watching the bear one and I thought it can't get any worse than this Yeah, I thought the exact same thing I thought well like we've reached the peak This is we can only go sideways from here, but I know I would say there's three or four times at least where I'm like

Yeah, that's worse than the teddy bear. Yeah, that's worse than the teddy bear so this is one of the first videos I had you guys watch worse than the teddy bear. So this is one of the first videos I had you guys watch. And well, let's pause here. I had you guys watch exactly one and a half hours of truem, truem. How long did that feel? Thanks for coming by the way.

How long did that experience feel to you? Oh my God, so long. Each of these videos feels at least three times longer. I'm not exaggerating, at least three times longer than they are. Yeah, no, 100% I swear to God, I was so fucking mad at you guys. I was, I was, I was, I was, this was all wrong way. It took me an entire week to watch all five videos, I think.

It was rough, it was real rough. And I watched Monster Trox one in like two sittings. That was fine. This shit, oh my God. I'm gonna lose. I took all of my notes fully prepared for one or both of you, till I have watched possibly not a full 10 minute video and be like, fuck this, I'm not doing it.

So we go to, we go to, we could have gotten through without it. We're MMA fans, we're used to something just suddenly sucking for 45 minutes straight. Okay. Okay. Yeah, you've been prepared for this. Yeah, it's torture. It's torture trying to get through a 10 minute video when it's this non-stop barrage of

saccharine just over the top colors. It's clockwork orange shit. It is definitely intended as some sort of for sure device to break down the defenses that some fucking ludive goes technique bullshit. Yeah, it was bad. So yeah, I managed to make like three whole A4 pages of notes about this shit. Oh, yeah, I have 5,000 words.

No, we won't get through them, but I have 5,000 words of notes. Most of them are me talking to myself about how awful this is. I love when you put a trail off where I just like completely zoned out and couldn't do it anymore like for the video we just watched there. One of my notes just says is the burglar made of and stops because I just lost a little to live. I'm like I need a fucking ride a joke for my own notes. I don just the part I don't know.

This is defeated me. It's being sent to me. He comes in. The burglar comes in. I don't want to get a head of your broccoli, but there's one where he comes in and it says like he always returns to the crime scene. So the plan is since your home intruder will probably come back to create a bunch of home alone traps, but the home alone traps at least had a deadliness to them

like they would hurt. These little girls, they make like sticky paper on the floor and then they stand over the door with a bowl of water. So when he comes through, he's like, oh, I'm stepping on tape. Then they pour water on his head. He's like, oh no, I'm wet. And then they like fill a box of feathers

and use a hairdryer not like rigged anything like someone has to sit there and fucking hit the button on the hairdryer next to the home intruder to like shoot a little bit of feathers on him while he's like arg tape on my feet and like that's the fucking plan uh this is the man that just tied you to a radiator like you got out of this you got out of this he's got of this because he's a little bit damp. I'm like, come on. Yes. So they're mixing like in reach.

And like he might kill them just at a sheer like slailing panic. Like if this plan works and he's like, there's something on my foot, I don't know what it is. Like he might just bump this girl into the wall. They make fake wacky roller skates. They like tripping with fishing line into a teddy bear. It's it's very a fucking a slingshot out of rubber bands and shoot pillows at him.

Just pillows. So it's devolved into a prank war, but it did start out as like you've been abducted as a young woman. Here's what to do. Follow our step by step guide. And then yada yada yada, you're shooting a rubber band slingshot full of pillows at a man that's going to fucking murder you. Guaranteed.

I don't know if you're just trying to make it fun for him, but he's going to kill you. I feel what they're doing is like locking in a confession for a future event. Like they're going to die. That's happening. But there's no way he's not gonna tell people about this. He's gonna like, there's this one time I murdered a couple of kids and like they shot me with pillows before. Like it's just so adorable. I felt bad about it. Your murder will be solved because he will be confessing to anyone who will listen. Like seriously, pretty much an alternate title for any of these videos would be like 17

ways to get killed in the most embarrassing manner possible. And now here's the wild veer at the end, so they teach you all of these harmless pranks and then there is this one. Now take a hot pad, thumbtacks, and a hot glue gun. Coat the cap of the thumbtack with Hot Glue and fasten it to the fabric. Glue the buttons in rows. Cover the entire thing with spikes. Put it on the window cell.

The thief rushes to the window to get away, but falls into a prickly trap. His screams of pain and despair can be heard for miles. His face is bruised. And sad. It's time to handcuff him. Let's chain his leg to the radio. The beast on the beef is harmless now. I wonder, does he at least feel bad? Okay, okay. As a consolation prize, you can have your bear.

They give him the fucking teddy bear. They give him the teddy bear. They give him a murderous attack. the teddy bear. The give them my surprise. I'm just a tear echo through eternity. I'm so good. Let's tie him to a, let's tie him to a radiating. They fought his escape. He's trying to get out of the home and they're like, no, no, no, we have cal trop to the window. He will not get through that. But this is following like a series of harmless pranks that at that point, I was thinking like, okay, maybe they fucked up and now they're trying to walk it back to like, okay, we're playing a prank war on our little brother.

But then they fucked that up again by veering back to like now main his hands. You're like, what? Where are we going? What, I can't follow. What is happening? It's just a smile, you're on the airs. Take your few masks.

You can see it out of the wardrobe. Ha ha ha. Don't it. Live as your victim for days and days. His wife made her happy for the first time in years. Come back, tell him about it while he's only got the bear. No, but like, you skipped past one. I really liked where they took their phones out.

They had phones the whole time. And instead of calling the police, they play a fake siren on their phone Why don't you call the police? Why do you have to pretend? Oh, they got the police over there in that other bedroom But like this is some some Michael Winslow shit where it's just like oh I hear the sound effects of police Better go the tinny phone base From the next room. Somebody throw a

cop car into the bathroom. But you put the cops hard, man. They're just playing sound effects instead of freaking. They're a little puddle of the stuff. I'm celebrity wrestler, Hulk Hogan, brother. I'm here in the other room. Let me know if you're going to beat up the home insurer. It's not more absurd than what they actually do! They give a... Anyway, the bad guy gets a happy ending.

He gets his teddy bear back and that video has 14 million views. 14 million views! And you know what? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, YouTube, that means those fucking scam artists earned about 140 ground off this video. One video, awful one video and they do, they do at least three a week. So this is over judging by that and by their content, their output and the millions of views almost everyone those has at least for a few years. We're talking like in hundreds of millions of dollars.

I am making the wrong content for YouTube seriously. Yes, that is, I've already spoiled the ending. That was the ending of our podcast was I was going to propose that all of us quit our jobs and make, I don't know, make algorithm garbage to hypnotize toddlers. I'll glue any one of you guys to a fucking right. If you will get me 140 grand, that's all I'm talking. algorithm garbage to hypnotize toddlers. I'll glue any one of you guys to a fucking right. We'll get me 140 ground. That's all.

Well, dress up like a dickhead and strangle women all day if you're going to pay me. You fucking put me on that. You have to dress up like a dickhead to do that. I mean, all right. So we're moving here to the next one. It's all clap, Sean. It's all claps all the way down.

We should have had a content warning for everything in this episode about a child's YouTube channel. Our next video, 15 self-defense tips that may save your life. This is one with the Wedgie. They suggest that if you get in a fight with your boyfriend's lover, so again, geared at adults, at adult women with boyfriends and jealous wives that have found you cheating on them, you should get her in a headlock and snap her thong, like that's one genuine piece of advice.

And the very next one is how to escape zip tie handcuffs again. This one works a bit. Yeah, it's like, keep a safety pin on the inside of your shirt at all times, just in case you get zip tied so that you can poke through and pick the lock with the safety pin. How fucking dire are things in the Ukraine that you are accessorizing or zip tie handcuffs? That's the only thing these YouTube creators are good at is getting at a zip ties and that's troubling in its own way. Most of these videos require you to have like say either a fucking safety pin like tucked into your belt. I think one requires you to have like like a steel nail file in your shoe. Yes. Carries this shit around like in these concealed areas. Oh, it's telling you how to accessorize for terror. Right. Yeah, because some of these

are like improvisational to like get out of stuff using what you have. And then later it's like, okay, you knew this was going to happen. So you've carefully planned and like created a thing. Anyway, yeah, that's where it's going to go. Keeping the safety pin on your shirt. And then they'll throw into because they make some of their mobs popular videos on TroomTroom are how to do weird pranks that are not funny and they don't even like inconvenience your victim. They just make them go like, what the fuck is wrong with you? No, what the fuck is wrong with you? Why would you do that? And

the other one is crafts that make people go, what the fuck is wrong with you? Why would you do that? And the other one is crafts that make people go, what the fuck is wrong with you? Why would you do that? So they're incorporating all of that into their, they're like incorporating their expertise on weird pranks and crafts into self-defense videos and telling you to defend yourself with them. There's another bit I love about you.

So inhuman, and I think we've already gotten to the point where anyone like capitalist brain will look at this and say, oh, I should do this too because this is the best way to make money. And so that's just going to keep expanding. I'm just saying this is making the world worse in a demonstrable way and it's infectious. And it is. It's a virus.

It's a brain virus that we're giving to toddlers Through YouTube There's another tip here where a woman is attacked in an alleyway So what she does is she throws her loose headphones at him and then thunder claps as ears She fucking backs him. It's great. I feel like throwing something at somebody and then punching him is fucking fine That's great self-defense tip. Well, no, sheers claps his ears. She makes little cups and gives him the thunders. The one goalhand chop. Yeah, fucking trash. That's your first first resort. Like, be prepared to mongolian chop and toss your headphones. It's stuck up. I would did that to hoist crazy. It's fucking loose. Did it work? Really, but it was no one I really did he throw

headphones first oh that's what that's what it was missing that's what that's what it was all right here's our next completely insane scenario they start to get very specific in scenarios I'm assuming I can only assume because of like some sort of algorithm pollution like before there was just like a random apple bit like somebody was googling apples and it confused the robot. Here, uh, well, you'll figure out what it is on this clip. Sunday morning, we have got pancakes on the agenda. Nothing will ruin my delicious breakfast, but don't relax yet. Here comes my roommate.

He seems aggressive today. What? I used too much water in the bathroom? Whoa, whoa, E.K. I'm a fucking cheerleader. I have to defend myself with what I have right here. Throw a handful of flour in his face. Grab his upper lip and hit him with a frying pan.

I win. And you lie down and think about what you did. Ha, finished the jail. Bashes fucking brains in. I would you did Frank Bush his fucking brains in We were riffing a little bit there, but that that clip ends with her go like ah Pancake Well, he believes that blood on the pan. It's fine You might notice that all of this is

the pan, it's fine. You might notice that all of this is specifically and only if you are being attacked by your roommate while making pancakes. It is not good. You have to blind him with flour and then have a frying pan at the ready. You grab his upper lip for some reason. Yeah. And then bash his head in. I'm assuming tearing off his lip with the frying pan and then you sell it with pancakes. tensile strength you can rip it lower lip off. Yeah, it's got to be the top lip. It's got to be the top lip. Everybody knows that. I would argue it's too specific and doesn't work.

Like you can try this at home, grab your upper lip and pull and your fingers just slide off of your upper lip. Yes, you know, you can wait. If you watch out them, what if your hands are flowered? Does that it? The glue with the way that creates a very sticky glue It's and it starts off you this wacky fucking bugs bunny shit But it starts off with like you're a young woman and your large male roommate is going to fucking kill you

What do you do? Here's the skip we've done about that. There's this real dark undercurrent all this shit, like seriously. Now you've said the keywords here, dark undercurrent, they start becoming very much an overcurrent. This next one. Sometimes dangerous strikes and broad daylight. Someone grabbed your hand. What is he thinking? Something evil. Obviously, he messed with the wrong girl.

A sharp kick in the jaw, and while the villain is trying to get over it, take a nail file out of your sneaker. A small file won't interfere with walking, but it'll really save you in a situation like this. Cold metal to his carotid artery. The criminal won't even understand that you are threatening him with a regular manicure tool. Okay, okay, please take the knife away from my neck. Wow, a regular mini accessory turned out to be a great weapon. Wow, he'll

bring it in. Cold Metal to his carotid artery delivered like that is the fucking wildest thing. It's so funny. I love all of it because she could just have a real knife in there. But no, she's got like a fake, this is just for deceit. Like you put that to their neck and hope they don't call you on your bluff. And then hope that after he's like, please let me have my life. He doesn't like say, hey, wait, that's a nail file. I'm I read I've reevaluated the situation I am going to murder you Speaking of exactly that the tip the tip that follows this is a man steals a woman's backpack So she she pretends to be blind

It's it suggests if Further suggests that you bring dark glasses ahead of time for your blindness gambit to play on purse thieves. And what that's going to do is not like bring somebody to your assistance because they feel bad for you. It brings the thief, but it says specifically, the thief feels bad and comes back to help. Then she attacks him. It's morally bad, but very effective.

That's all a direct quote. Incredible. Because you want to play on the pity of the robber, the armed robber, the murderer, kidnap or whatever. They're very empathic people when you get right down to it. But then to lure him over with the blind act, which I, it's questionable whether that would work. She like, hits him with a shoulder throw, which I thought was a really funny move.

She's like, let me wrap my neck up in your arm and then do the attack. I mean, like, more like go to the whole hog and just pretend to be completely mentally impaired and really play on the burglar's sympathies or the robber's sympathies, you know. It's morally bad, but very effective. Exactly, you.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. There's, please, I actually need the things in the backpack. I'm very sad and poor. I'd be like, oh, shh, okay, I'm sorry. This is Ukraine, remember? And they're, oh, you're right, you're right, we all, we all, we all, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

You are blind, little. I'm so sorry, to take a blind, to pick, pick. Nice vampire voice, let's marry back. This is the one where they start teaching you pressure point karate. They do some pressure point karate moves where they teach you to like poke them behind the jaw. It self defense bedrock. Yeah, it's pretty good. That's a triangle joke in here. After the shoulder throw, I wrote down the triangle was like the worst thing I've ever seen in my life. It was real rough. Yeah.

I love how bad it was. And there's notice as well, but the guy doing the triangle, he's like the main bad guy who's been in, you know, every video. He has a Nate Diaz tattoo, like a full portrait of Nate Diaz on his arm. I'm like, you can even notice that's incredible. It's like Nate Diaz, he's the find this guy and kick the shit at him until he gets it over up because this is the shit does not fly You can't be advertising me like that It had the stink of someone who watches you have seen sometimes but like I've never like he doesn't have his white belt yet

I guess it's wrong He doesn't have his white belt yet. I guess it's wrong. Yeah, yeah You do hold on you do what on video you you do strangle women for toddlers on video. No, you can't you can't you have to blur my tattoo You can't do that That's not what the two more nine is all about Yeah, here's where we hit absolute absolute rock bottom and start also teaching pressure point karate, which Which try that fucking toddler's try pressure point karate might as well might as well Let's get to I do well. I'm just

The thumb to the ear and then she does like an arm drag to throw the thief into the wall after she's like Like poked his hard skull with her Gentile little lady thumb. And then like, and then she does it, she like kicks him, she kicks him in the dick if I remember. But then after that, she does like a Superman face show off the wall. Like she kicks off of the wall with one foot. And then like, just kind of like shoves the space. And I was like, everything about this is fucking incredible

It's a Chun Leimu. It's literally a Chun Leimu It asks you to bounce off the side of the screen for extra height on your jump kick after pressure I'm off the wall after you fucking shut down his nervous system with with your thumb and arm dragged him into the wall. It's like incredible just Can't get enough And arm dragged him into the wall. It's like incredible. Just can't get enough. Well, then let's do more 16 self defense tips that may save your life. Oh, the last one I don't want to make sure that people know the last one ended with her squirting a rubber clumps in the window She squirts him in the face of water. And the narrator probably takes like five lines to like explain how like, oh my god, you'd be so fucked up.

Does somebody squirted you with water? You have no idea what's going on. Like seriously, water and a face? Well, he's like, just trying to understand what wet is as a general concept. She like gouges both his eyes out, Steven Sagold's time. And then she almost took me to where he goes. And then he falls backwards out the windows. and the implication is clearly like, well now he's dead.

He's blind. Time it takes. Alright, let's move on to the next video which starts off, they've been escalating sticks. So the next video already starts off with very high sticks. Megan is in a good mood and doesn't expect anything bad. But here it comes. A criminal is on the other side of the fence.

Then he jumps into the yard. And he attacks the girl, even putting a handkerchief on her mouth. The chloroforms are in seconds. Megan finds herself in the backseat of the car. With her hands wrapped in duct tape. What's she doing now? With her hands wrapped in duct tape. It could not be more clear that the stakes of this

are you're going to end your day in three separate suitcases. Like, it's, he chloroformed her, which like, okay, that doesn't work in real life, whatever. Like, the stakes of this skit are that she has been drugged unconscious and bound in the backseat of a car. Like, this is the opening seconds of this video. Yes. Four children. Four children. We're going to watch this woman die to royalty free YouTube song number four.

But it's okay. She gets out of it by taking off her earring and puncturing the duct tape, which okay, like more accessorizing for terror, for you to be terrorized specifically. Then she, what she does is she throws her scarf around his neck, ties it to the seat, and then runs away. So again, we have planned our outfit fully for a bunch of like, I like that at the end, they're like it's worth the scarf to keep your freedom. They're like, we get to get a

miss that scarf. Yeah, how many? Maybe the scarf. So I mean, really? Yeah, what's a human life against a nice scarf? This is a lady. Don't go over that scarf.

Then this this extremely high stakes practical advice, like it's not good advice, but they're trying to be practical. Here's how to get out of duct tape and temporarily immobilize the man who is going to kill you. The very next tip is the one that Paulian mentioned

where a friend wraps herself up in a sheet and scares you so you put a clothespin on her nose and she goes, whoa, oh no, that hurts. That's the next tip after beginning chloroform in a truck. Yeah. It's a tonal whip lash guys like seriously. According to my notes, there were two before that.

There's one where two girls were attacking a guy, one of them as a bat, and he fakes a heart attack. And the girls are like, oh shit, oh shit, he's having a heart attack. Let's not beat him to death at the bat. And then they have like they turn their backs to discuss what's happening. And then while they're doing that, he leaves again counting on the people they were going to kill you with a bat to have so much empathy for the second one did. And then hard to throw very underutilized form of self defense. I'm having a heart attack. Sweet, that makes it way easier for me to hit you with this bat.

I'm also blind. I feel like these are, like a lot of self-defense books do this where they try to social, they try to socially engineer a situation where it's like, this is how you get out of this kind of a self-defense move. It's like you fake a heart attack and then this will throw them off a balance and it's like, will it like have enough people been attacked and done this that you can get any kind of statistics on whether or not it's better to fake a heart attack or not fake a heart attack. It feels like it would just not work.

It feels like it just adds an element of whimsy to a situation that's pretty serious. Yeah, are you just making this easier for your attacker? Like really? Like the blind thing, it wouldn't work for the guy stealing your backpack. But the stakes there are that you give the guy who just stole your backpack a really good laugh. Like that's a way to accomplish in your own murder, essentially. But in this, the stakes here are you're about to be attacked with a bat, make yourself as helpless as possible before the bat.

I feel like your time would be better spent doing almost anything else. Literally, literally anything else. Who knows? Just try. Just try. Next one after that was a girl's getting harassed by some creep in her class and she just hits him with a book. I'm like, yeah, okay. See, that's a good tip, I guess, because you're... You're hitting someone with a thing. You might hurt a little.

Sure. Why not? There's another tip here where it's like if you're wearing high heels, maybe that would hurt more if you give you kicked him in like a sensitive part. Like, yeah, maybe. All right. At least you're just kicking. Because that one was in the office and like someone's up, hey, I'm going to attack you in your office. And she's like, oh, yeah, well, face kick with my high heels, which is to fucking, if so if you can just face kick someone with your high heels and they're right, you're awesome. Go do it.

I like that the video in that one. There's a quote where she says that'll teach you to think women are weak. I guess it's like a feminist video in that one. There's a quote where she says that'll teach you to think women are weak I guess it's like what it's just it's like a feminist move to just fucking kick a guy in the face I like I guess when you think about it that way if you're wearing a very feminine shoe Why not if you're good enough to be able to kick somebody directly in the face with fucking high heels on You're not watching true to himself to fans fucking high heels on, you're not watching TrueMTroom self-defense. Right. I don't fucking black belts.

Yeah, you're a full ninja. The other thing is, if you're telling someone, hey, if you're in a street fight encounter and you're wearing high heels, throw a high kick, like that person shouldn't be trusted. I feel like that. 100% of the time, you're just going to fall down. And maybe that's bad. Again, it seems like it's mostly about making your attacker have just like a real good day.

It's like, yeah, yeah. Inchuring they'll have a good story to tell you when they're in the joint. With Redville, remember you. And that way you'll live for everybody. Fucking go for it is what I say. Not in the normal way, you'll die today, but in, you know, a figurative it would you'll live forever in his memory.

There's another. Sorry, I'm pretty sure this video it ends with, you know, the super cheery narrator being like, have you ever used any of these self-defense tricks? Are you having a fucking stroke? Nobody's ever used these self-defense tricks. And you would not hear from them if they did. You're all dead. What are you, Liji? In the comments.

Did people laugh at your funeral after you tried this? Let us know if you like and subscribe. Alright, let's skip ahead too. Donuts! Finally, my favorite donuts! Put the donuts on the plate and place the empty box in the trash. Remember to take those steps. I have a covered door.

But Nikki doesn't see it yet. Oh! Here I come! She's not scared. She's determined. Let's start the show! Growing plates is a great way to confuse them. That's not where you're looking at the wrong one. Most importantly, it's a best hit. What a place!

But the donuts will have to be moved. Remember to move the donuts. Remember to move the donuts. We can use one instead of a gag. Here comes the final plate. And then gag him with the donut. Duff the donut in his mouth. None of this works if you aren't in a room full of plates

and donuts, so this is how to be attacked at breakfast, I guess, we've done two how to be attacked at breakfast in your own home videos and again, some dire implications for life in the Ukraine that I wanna make fun of, but. What if it's true? I don't know. That's true.

There's one another one I wanted to talk about, the escape to where Megan was getting followed by like a ninja lady who's just like creeping around and like Megan finally spotted her. And so she takes a phone call where she's like, oh, hello, super tough man. Yes, oh, you'll be here in one minute with your doberman dog. And I'm sorry, this is so fucking stupid. That was the end. That one was like one step away from

you doing the whole cogan fucking whole water. I'm on my way to fuck you up. Yeah, it was it fully the bit I was doing earlier but like presented seriously. But yeah, the don't gang him with the donut. That absolute work. I've seen that work. People eat the donut. It's hard for them to talk. Throwing plates, very confusing. Not sure I say. I like that they take a little pause there to be like, and now move the donuts. As though the implication is that all of this is unfolding step by step exactly as they anticipated. Like you will now have pushed yourself backwards to step and be near the donut plate.

Watch out, you'll need those donuts. I have a few trained for this as well. Like, I mean, is there a class you can take, you know, you go to a gym and there's just like stacks of plates and donuts like a regular breakfast. Right, we're doing the donut defense. Yep. You're gonna drill that shit until you get sick.

Well, the key is an intruder can only move two squares of movement per turn. You actually have unlimited movement points when you're dealing with donuts. You have like your time units, I should say. So you just, you can, whatever, take six donut actions to his two movement squares. If you will, the next one, there's a home of Trader and it says to wave your flashlight in his eyes, to throw him off his rhythm. Those are their words. And then you put him in a wrist lock and then you call for help. Great advice, all of it. I don't know how you call for help while you have him in the wrist lock. I mean, he'd

kind of need both your hands for the phone, but I mean, I think I don't know. I'm not sure that I got the idea of it to make sense out of this shit anymore. I got the idea that the wrist lock like just disrupted his entire nervous system. Like how is that? How do you work? I have been doing this wrong apparently. Yeah. Yeah. If you do it right, your attacker will die for at least a couple of minutes.

I don't want to be racist, but it works on those weak-rested Ukrainians. You're creating it, I'm sorry. I know you have the strongest, of a proud warrior people. I'm saying, this room is insulting to all of us. Right? And the YouTube ethics of a serial rapist. I'd clap, I'd clap, but the next tip after that

is how to defend yourself against domestic violence. Like your boyfriend gets furious with her and starts trying to kill her. This is a real scenario, domestic violence against women. And her tip is to like fake the guy out when he tries to get back in, you pull him inside and then pinch his head with the door and then push him out. I don't think he will think that situation is over. I'll go do something else now. Yeah, I don't think he wants he's pulled inside. I'm sure he will wait for the door to be

close on him. This murderous man in your home. Well, you move the door to inches into a him, this murderous man in your home. Well, you move the door two inches into a human head, that human head just completely gets to capitated. That's just the way physics work. So even if it doesn't, and then you shove him back out, he'll be like, you know, the maniac with a key to your house is right outside the door, just live it with you. I feel like that's, the situation is done. You go about your day.

It is how to get killed. It is how to get murdered in his and his few and his whimsical way as pos- how to make murder front again is what this is. The next one is artists are delicate and defenseless. People take advantage of that. The intruder is about to take an unfinished painting for a handful of coins. Like, the status, it seems like made a whole business deal in a state. It's like, I'm going to give you just a 78 cents because this painting's not done. No, that's the setup. That was all direct quote. She was painting alone and the quote that the setup is that all artists are, of course,

delicate and defenseless and people will attack. Will attack them not for anything else but their unfinished paintings and they will still try to compensate you for that as they are attacking you. But don't settle for that bad deal instead bash him with an easel. This one fucked me up a little not just because it's so specific, but because it added this element of sarcasm where it's just like, oh no, are they being sarcastic in some of these? Fuck. Yeah, there's no way to tell.

There's no way to tell what the tone is. I'm not sure. If it was this one as well, but I don't know if I'm getting too deep into the lore of Droom Droom here, but the bad guy, again, the same bad guy who's in every video, the one with an ADS tattoo, he was also wearing a Justin Bieber sweatshirt.

And not like, not like a regular sweatshirt. It was like tour merchandise, which meant that Nate Diaz here had been to a Bieber concert and bought Bieber merchandise before filming these scenes. And I just found that weird. Ah. I strongly agree that those shouldn't coexist. Justin Bieber calls him.

You don't want for a living. I think Nate and you strangle women. This guy's Justin Bieber shirt is the point. And I feel like Justin Bieber wouldn't appreciate his Nate Diaz tattoo. Like if these aren't like clicks that mingle. I don't know unless it just really shows the duality of man that you know you're able to appreciate the d s strangling women and just this is so many red flags like this was this guy's dating profile. It's like I love me. Yes. I love Justin Bieber and I'm really good at

strangling women. Bring your own zip ties. That third one, ladies, might not have probably. I'd like to let you know, on a professional level, I make $3 million a year doing this. You're so wealthy from it. Most of my expenditure goes on zip ties, but They're cheap. I was gonna skip ahead through this video. Anything else you want to cover? I do want to say that Just to reassure everyone that when you're the artist and someone's trying to do this to you Obviously hit them with your easel. That's the defense move. They teach you in the video

You pick up your easel smash them with your easel. I wrote holy fuck this rules like suddenly I turned my whole attitude around from this. I was like, I love how it's just, how specific this was, how stupid it was. They're just having fun with it now. Whereas it felt like before, they were just following the whims of the robot algorithm. And now they're just like, you know what? Let's just do one for ourselves. I want to talk about the bag thief. The bag thief. Okay.

Do the bag thief. Because grabs the bag and the self defense for the bag is just to pull back harder than the guy pulling your bag. It's like that's really the whole tip. Just kind of pull it and like angle it down. It's just like just play tug-a-woe with the thief and win. I just, what a great tip. You're stronger than your attacker.

The one everybody would try accidentally. The one after that I love for the accessorizing angle. It suggests that you always buy a purse with a chain so that you can use it as press notes. Yes. Yeah, totally. But by the video's own logic, this should pop your head off.

Like, this should, since you have the other part of the chain around your neck and shoulder, like, it should 100% the movement of your arm pull your head off. By the logic they're using to defeat criminals. Yeah, for users. The door logic, you know, if the guy goes ahead, exploded from being stuck in a door, then, yeah, clearly, you know, the chain around the bag is going to remove somebody's Ukrainian easily. Somebody collect all of the defensive fashion, Ukrainian

defensive fashion advice and assemble the ultimate fighting outfit from their tips. I would love to see what that looks like. What's your last name, fans? Donut. Donuts. The next video, the quote, was, it's great to sit in a chair with a book, which says, it was funny to me. And then the situation was there's a noisy guy having a phone call next to her

and she's like, hey, shut the fuck up buddy. And he attacks her. And she does a tricep. Pinch. And then she does a full on Mr. Spock Vulcan nerve pinch. And like, he's fucking laid out from it. We're doing full pressure point magic. It's not even like karate now. It is pressure point magic. Dillman would be fucking too massive to watching these videos. Somehow he got wrapped up in

their algorithms that are like everybody's really keen on getting out of zip ties in the Ukraine. And also this one guy has been googling fucking pressure point karate a lot. Let's work that in. Maybe like Dylan could be to Ukraine. What's the guy is to Russia? He could go there and start teaching them all this pressure point shit. Well, the guy is, you know, on the opposite side teaching them shitty Ikeido or something. Together will collapse the effectiveness of their armies. Yeah, when their armies collide and they're trying pressure point karate versus like you know, that's the proper size. The war would never end.

Whoever we lose. This video, when I got to the end of this video, the suggested video after it was, it was called my boyfriend became a dog and it was a video of, it was a picture of this guy with a NDS tattoo peeing on the furniture and a Dalmatian costume and licking the girl's cheek. And she was like, Oh, I don't like that he's licking the cheek. And I was like, what the fuck? How are these? Like that he pissed on your furniture and never mind the fucking cheese. So here's, okay, here's another good break into TroomTrum Psychology. All of these people playing the victims,

of course, and for that measure, the attackers are very attractive young adults, maybe not teenagers, but certainly 20s. Almost universally, at least at some point in the video, are in like mini skirts and fish nets, or like crocks. I'm trying to be pretty.

So that they can use that as a thumbnail to pull in the pervert likes, what's the next step? Like what happens if, is this what the pervert, do you think the pervert likes this? Does the pervert become a fan of Truman Truman and then they cater to him with fucking human dog pissing videos? Is that what happened? There's a market for everything, man.

Yeah, I don't like this with an added pervert element. It's not a very sexual thing. You could tell they're trying to be cute in a lot of their outfits and stuff, but I didn't spot anything that was like, okay, here's what you're supposed to jerk off to. But he didn't. I'm kind of a vanilla dude. I guess. You weren't looking at art, no, it's my friend.

Yeah. The next one had a sexy part where he attacks her in like a movie theater and she like kicks him in the legs until he's doing the Sean Klubman dance. Yeah, let's go through this. Okay, so she's in an art gallery just admiring the art. And we do, we close in on the ideas here and his molesting beret, I guess.

That's the application. Is he does this like headwaggle with that beret? Like, yeah, I'm going to get some now. You can only buy that in the molesting section. And so he approaches her and she, I'm going to try to describe it. She like kick juggles his knees out. She like, she's soccer.

She's soccer dribbles his legs from side to side until he is doing the complete splits. But it's worth mentioning as well. He does the Vince McMahon, Billy Strut, in his molester hat, while he like struts towards her. Yeah, it's so fucked up. How viable would you say this move would be in a UFC championship match? To kick, truck, somebody into the complete splits.

That an 80% chance of success. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty neat. Yeah. It's clearly it worked for him when he was on holidays and you great. I mean, it doesn't it doesn't work on him because they show him. You threaten your opponent with the guillotine. I don't want to move in. So then while they're like concerned with that, you kick him into the splits. It doesn't even work. If you're listening, try it out because he starts bouncing while doing the splits and like crotch hopping after her like a little Belgian frogman. I'm trying to show everyone you could do the splits and they're just like, you know, what the fuck, why not? As low to still continue attacking her and the Truman Truman narrator describes this

as, he's back on track and ready for new adventures. This is the molester. Yeah, that is ready for new adventures. We're hoping he'd destroy his groin in this attack. And I'm like, no, he'll be back next season with more molesting. With this video, it took a weird turn because they now like will cut to the gym

and show you how to do the move like yourself. So like, yes. Like there's one where he danced up on a girl and he throws a kick at her. And then she like spinning roundhouse kick. Yeah. And she like catches it and then sweeps him, which is very much not a self defense movie. This is it's like a standard kickboxing defense. And then they're like, let's cut to the gym and show you how to do it. And I'm like, what the what the fuck are we doing now? He has a knife in this one, and she like, and like if an attacker comes at you with a knife, it would generally be bad advice to say, hey, much smaller person, grab his knife hand and put him in a hammer lock.

And the video says, while he's humiliated, run. The attacker already picked her out as his victim He's coming to take her by surprise This is unexpected and very bad. He's got a knife just stay calm and attack first And humiliated let's run So there's a lot that's one of shortest clips. There's a lot there. First of all, they steal the metal gear surprise noise to show a woman being attacked. That's the woman going, oh no, I'm going to die.

He pulls out a full fucking, just a full like eight inch blade. Like it's not a cute knife. It's like it's a murderous knife. It's a professional a cute knife. It's like it's a murderer's knife. It's a professional murderer's knife. And he comes at her with an overhand Jason stab, like he's just going to butcher her. And their advice is if you see this attack first and just lunge into that knife, grab his knife arm

and fucking martial arts him, just do it. Just fucking headbutt that knife, just ram your face right into it. Hopefully your attacker will die of embarrassment and you can walk away. This is at best a desperate suicide attempt in the middle of a murder. Like this is just trying to change the way people will describe your dead body. That's how you would argue your defense. You would write you would be like, I, okay, to be

fair, I was going to murder her and then she killed herself on my knife. I was, I was gonna do it, but I didn't. She took control of her own narrative and turned this murder into a suicide. She was in control of this situation. I promise you. Her last words were metal gear noise. Okay.

Okay. The next one was like, he throws another round kick into her and she catched it. And then does like a twirling spinning leg chop and his other leg. She fucking Jackie Chan's around his thighs. What I loved about that one was that the attacker though, like, you know, if you watch, you know, they're, they're set up for it. I think he was like harassing her in a coffee shop or something, or wherever the fuck I don't know. But like his escalation process was like,

you know, I'll go over and maybe, you know, sexually harassed this woman a little bit, get rejected, and immediately proceeds to roundhouse kicking this fool like you to rat face. Kick him in the wall. He's so cool. He's so cool.

He's so cool. In a public place like in line at a Starbucks, I'm gonna just do a spinning fucking roundhouse kick to this lady's head. I just wanna come over and say, you're looking really good. I don't know if you're single, but like, oh, you're rejecting me? Fucking, don't call me a burry! The quest taught me this one. And also the fucking answer to that is just a catch it and then parkour spin around his fives like a tiny like a tiny Jackie Chan.

It's insane. Something you do like in boy tit training we do a lot of leg catching drills and like after you've done it for like an hour you start fucking around and this is deep into that fuck around hour when you're like what if I did like a spinning what under this leg and backfisted the back of your knee and then you just got you're just laugh with your friends and you're like oh of course that wouldn't work these guys are like no this is what would you do yeah all, the next one. Here's where you start to think I'm fucking with you. I didn't take a clip, so you're really going to have to believe me.

She's in like an empty parking lot when a mug of murder grabs her from behind and the advice is freak out and go wild. Turn around, scratch his face, take his hat and pretend to be crazy. And what she does is she grabs the hat off his head, tries to eat it, makes monkey arms, and then runs around in a circle. Again, this is just giving your murder a really good story. Like seriously, if it's a choice between enacting any of these and getting murdered, like, I've got life insurance.

My wife's going to be just fine. Like, I'll take the fucking murder. I'm going to eat. This would in this would invalidate life insurance for sure. You should have tried something. We're not paying. There's a clause in there you can't die like an ape. The CSI team came back and said you died doing the monkey dance while eating a hat. They say you actually choked on the hat. So no, that does not. Yeah. The breader goes to the brain. Uh, he's got another chimpanzee technicality. Let's, let's go to the, let's go to the, I think I have old one.

I have to brace, brace up for the next one. Oh, I did a peek-a-boo one. Oh, getting captured by a criminal is the worst thing that could possibly happen. Where am I? How do I get out of here? I can't get my hands free. Dealing with the cups took all my energy. There he is.

Dark clothes, mask on his face. He looks scary. Keep your mouth shut. He dropped the gun. He is so clumsy. It's a good excuse to get away. Especially as it turns out, the cuffs aren't tight at all. She's not going to hurt him, just give him his gun back.

And while he is amazed by how kind his victim is, she runs away. He should have prepared better for the crime of the century. Okay, I'm skipping one we're going to get to. I see you worried. We're skipping that one. I want to get to because somehow that one's more insane than this one. And this one is completely insane because to recap what just happened there. She realizes she's in this terrible sparse room and is going to die alone and unmoorned. And the man comes in with a gun this time. We're now dealing with a murder with a gun who has abducted her and tied her to a radiator. She is almost escaped.

And what she does is she waits for him to be clumsy and drop the gun. That's the only way the rest of this tip works is if he is clumsy and has dropped the gun. Then she grabs the gun and instead of using it gives it back to him and he will be so confused by her generosity that he won't murder her while she runs away. Yeah, it's a desperate gambit at best. Also, it's a toy gun in a fiction. They're like, maybe next time, maybe nobody has gun at a toy store. So, so the gun was fake even in this scenario.

He's like, that's where I went wrong. Shit. Goddamn it. It's so weird. It's all, it's all fucking insane. But the, the peekaboo one was like, you get a pack like in a parking garage. I can't remember where it was. And then you play Pika Buu,

you like cover your face and you play Pika Buu, and he's like, what the fuck? And then she turns her back to him. And he's like, what? And they all this embarrassing, like, he'll be so embarrassed. Cause it's like, yeah, he's a part of a very strange situation. And then she covers up his eyes

and plays Pika Buu with his face, and and then he leaves and after she takes her hands off He's still like blind from that somehow and he's like what? Just confirming that like muggers in Ukraine have the intelligence level of toddlers apparently I don't they're not aware of object permanence, you know if you close your eyes Just stops existing Like we've done we've done a couple wacky ones in a row, but I want to remind people this is all the same video and it starts out with like how to deal with being stabbed, how to be attacked by a knife.

And then in the middle of it, it suggests if you're going to be murdered, put your hands over your eyes and say, Peekaboo, and wait for him to be confused, then turn your back to him and say, Peekaboo again, and he'll be so confused that you're playing Peekaboo, he won't kill you. Like, this is how you tell a murder or happy birthday, I got you something. And I would say it's the exact same level of realism as the 70s karate moves, but somehow that stuff we gave a pass to just

because it's in 5,000 books. Like, I don't know. Like, for example, someone gets grabbed here and she does like a spinning wizard into a palm strike. And I tried to explain earlier how this is likely just to put you in a much worse spot in the fist fight. But the last tip was peekaboo. But the last tip was peekaboo, right? But I feel like they're both on the same level of like just categorically would never work. It was just make the things you do,

the situation you're in, sillier and more dangerous. I don't know. There's one word she speaks with an umbrella where she uses one of those extending umbrellas and she uses that slap them in the dog. And you can like test this at home, but those do not come out hard enough to like cave in a human girl. Barely a light breeze brushes you groin if that happens. And the narrator is like in his, oh, guys don't like that. We're being coy with dick strikes now. He does a leaping knife attack and then she like full on climbs up the mother fucker like all box style and then does like a little monkey slap from blood sport. The little yep. That was so John Wick shit that one I was impressed with this one I gotta say I wrote down the steps on this one

He lunges at her with a knife and what it this only works if your knife attacker uses a full fencing stance and Like lunges at you leaning into like a full runner's lunge so that you can use his leg as a step ladder You step up his leg Throw one of your thighs over his neck, and at this point, your murder is thinking, again, oh, happy birthday, happy birthday to me. You put your other thigh on the other side of his neck, and then you karate chop the sides of his skull with open palms. And this, I guess, shuts him down.

I guess this is the off button for for Ukrainian murder because he's done. Like, I said, just be Jackie Chan. Yeah, like at this point, why not just have them like say, use fucking magic, like I mean, yeah, we're, we're, we're one step away from that. It's so like deliberate. Like it's such a, like a move that they've clearly practiced this karate move.

But if you practice this karate move 10,000 hours, you would still get step 15 times before you said it. It's just like, it's just a certain amount of time this will take to finish. Even if you manage to climb your unwilling attacker. All right, there's another one where somebody tries to slither throat and she had butts in the nose with the back of her head.

Okay, put it. Push the knife away with your chin, head button with the back of your head. That's fine. Totally would work. You can try this on. Slit your own throat on its knife. We're going to move on to the second full one of these. The very last one, we're just going to touch on really briefly for we're not going to

go through it line by line. But this one is 17 self-defense tips that may save your life. really briefly for we're not gonna go through it line by line but uh okay this one is 17 self-defense tips that may save your life this one uh 18 million views 18 million views uh it starts off with two girls like fake jazz or size fighting and it says fatality you can never learn too much self-defense when I don't know why I'm doing it except for it sounded like fun because I do have a clip. Don't you work? I won't make a sound, but I will kick you the first chance I get. And then I'll make a break for it. This little birdie got caught. No cage though, just getting the truck is the darkest fucking thing.

Couldn't write something darker in a genuine horror novel. And they delivered it in the most saccharin voice for toddlers. It's the purest madness I've ever done. These are like secret genius, man. Seriously. Yeah. It's a hilarious mix up where like you're watching an 80s comedy where a woman who doesn't speak English is like reading words phonetically and she picked up on, she accidentally picked up like a hostage note instead of a

of a script and so we're like in this this zany situation that took like this whole scene to set up where she reads like get just get in the trunk bitch I'll fucking kill you and it's like it's like full of like air movie gag except all the visuals are also a woman being seized bound and gagged. It's thrown into track. Yeah, like more went wrong than I'm describing. I don't know how you say it. More went wrong than that. When the ridiculous real world made me live it. Like it really happened. It's not a zany airplane gag. It fucking really happened and there's a video on it. And they made it and it got 18 million views. Yeah. There's a video on it. And they made it and it got 18 million views.

Yeah. It's so crazy. This one, I felt like was the closest one to like a standard female survival guide, which I have a lot of books like this where they give like really condescending comments and advice like watch your belongings and watch out for strange men following you.

Where it's like, sure, but it's stuff women like either learn when they're a child or they die. But like there's like a, I don't know. Like none of this works right up to the point where it completely doesn't. And the safety tips sort of feel like paranoia. And it's obviously better to watch your stuff than not, but who's on the other end of the conversation,

I guess is my point. Like is there someone saying, like no, you should always just abandon your belongings. Yeah? If someone's following you, it's probably fine. I guess that's my point is that, like, who could possibly not know this? And obviously, it's for kids, but is it, I feel like this is for just babies. Right, like babies would get nothing out of this. So it's right, ost ostensibly the audience is an adult, but if you talk to an adult like this, they would instinctively punch you in the face.

Like if you came up and talked to me like this and add like a karate class I signed up for, it would physically attack you. And there's a move like the second move in this video. So she's like checking her phone. It's like, don't do this. And they show you why someone just puts in a rear naked choke. And she's like, oh, it's cool.

It's cool. I got a lighter in my pocket. So she reads it lies the lighter and then like You know puts his puts the flame on his arm. He's like argh and he like let's let's go over Because he had He had no second step aside from choke like I'm just going to continue choking. This is my goal Yeah, what I liked about that one was you know know, the guy runs up when he grabs her and the rear naked, I like the narrator in her super cheery voice is like, he already has her by the neck, now he's choking her.

And in my grappling instinct was like, no, you fucking isn't. It's like tighten that shit up, put your cheater here. Squeeze. Now you're choking her. I'm like, the more she's hurt, you're like, the lighter. Sir, I know Nate Diaz, Justin Bieber murder. And you sir, are no neat. The idea is Justin Bieber murder. He puts effort. Shoken lady. Oh, God, there's a few of just like hide your fanny pack under

your shirt. There's a really ridiculous one like hide your fanny pack under your shirt. There's a really ridiculous one where you bring an umbrella and then ask the thief to hold your umbrella and then twist his arm around it. Hope he doesn't let go of the umbrella. Yeah, it requires him to hold on to the umbrella the whole time. Then you turn it into a hammer lock and he'll like kick his leg out. It's like, what the fuck? It's just putting together all the knowledge you've gathered over the last, you know, 76 self-defense tips or whatever we've watched, you know, it incorporates the umbrella, the little laymas leg taps,

a little bit of everything hammer locks, knife defense. It's kind of like the black belt test of true and true, I think, was there? Yep. There's another tip that tells you how to craft a phone chain, a little like a wallet chain for your phone, which is clearly the next step in fashion. And this is- Totally switches like to a full crafting video. And it switches to a full crafting video.

I have that. I have that clip. This is like, but it's them switching gears because they do these crafting videos. And so well, let's let's turn let's give this over to the crafting division Let's give this over to the prank division and so they'll do like I guess a crafting skit I guess But the one after this is you know, here's how to make a phone chain I took the clip the one after this which is a uh, right? This girl's walking to her car, not suspecting a thing. Boom!

What? You thought you were safe? Ha! I've been waiting for you! Finding yourself in a car with an attacker is terrifying! If he grabs your scarf and starts strangling you, there's nowhere to go! Or, you can quickly tear off the scarf. Will the attacker is stunned by your agility? Push the seat backwards to crush him and run as fast as you can for help. The secret of the scarf is simple.

So some bell grow to the ends. With a clasp like that, you can tear it off in seconds. So... So incredible. So it's teaching you how to make an anti-strangling scarf because this comes up that often that you need to. If you're at the point where you have to knit breakaway scarves to candlelight all the rampant car lurkers in your city, like you might want to put some tone into looking moving. My God.

The conversation has failed you. There's so many steps of just you're being strangled in your car. Crush him with the seat. I, that's not how that works. Like it will, it will link to minions. It's like, I know that you can test it home. I feel like everyone's had a seat fall into their lap. Well, in front of them and we're all alive. It's just, it's the segue into, okay.

Now it's time to do crafts. She was being strangled and you're pausing it for craft time Your own wallet chain you could just buy a pair of rave pants in 1997. It's like I'm come free I'm terribly scarf again. I feel like a lot of the self-defense is so unlikely to be useful. People should be told that if you know how to fight and you're good at fighting, you might be able to survive a fight. If you know how to run fast and you can run faster than bad guys, you might survive that

way. But other than that, there's no magical way to get out of these situations. You're kind of at the mercy of the chaos of life and you need to sort of count on civilization to protect you. So the idea of building a special scarf that makes it so guys in the backseat can't choke you is just like adding steps to your paranoia. Like maybe it will save you. It certainly will not though.

Like you're going to die knowing that you wasted 45 minutes building this glove. I guess. All it takes is for the murder to bring his own strangulation tool. Right. Like this doesn't. This isn't getting the car and thought, I'll improvise. I'm just going to hope you don't want to scar. In a wildly unlikely situation, this changes your survival chances.

0% is my point. Yeah. Like you have to hope that your, you know, murder shows you based on the scarf you were wearing. That looks like a real strangly scarf. She's wearing, yeah. Oh, I guess my track point is strangler. What's that? It's stuff. It best just turns you into a person who thinks about getting murdered a lot. It's all right. I was going the segway straight into the next strangulation tip, but there's a few between here and there if you want to get to any of those.

There was one to spray him twice with your perfume. You go on your purse if he's grabbing your purse, you spray him with perfume and then it says twice to control him, like the double spray. That's what I'm saying. Well, I'm to hypnotize him and twice to make him fall in love. There's another where they're tied together in a white void, which is a little existential despair. And it teaches you like a fun riddle to do with knots. Like a very, very specific knot. Yeah. it not. Yeah, very specific not. Yeah, but the Ukrainian teen abducting not that is traditional

in Ukraine society. I guess. I just want to really like what she was taped up and it says, calm down. Are you tied up with scotch tape? And if you are great, then you just like fucking basher way out of it because it's got. Scotch tape. Just go fucking hammer that shit. Then he fucked up. Why are you watching this video? I think I'm pretty sure it was that video ended with the line. We practice martial arts every day to fuck you dude.

Yeah, fuck you, dude. That was great too, because they put a button on that scene with a door holding a teddy bear and they like gently shove him onto a couch like you could be as mighty as us warriors with enough practice and they're just like it ended with such an elaborate one like there's an argument where they grabbed it by the hair and then she like put them in a wrist lock into a knee strike and then had this like unsecure on bar like that is one of the clips are you getting strangled?

It's terrifying, but not deadly if you know what to do. So it's deadly. Grab the assailant by the pinkies and take his hands off your neck. Just that. There you go. If you're being strangled and I love the comical wacky strangulation sounds

they put to a beautiful young woman being murdered just grab his pinkies pinky lock him and then invert his pinkies and he will become helpless before you yeah it's deadly she says there if you know what to do it's it's not deadly so the application plainly there is like yeah you're dead you're gonna die. By the time it got to video 5 this one I had had enough I did not watch this video. I did mocked by true and true. I was on the dance. That's crazy. That's a lot of work. Yeah the next one was basically just the woman getting recapsured by the same like villains over and over and like yeah the next video

okay this is from all kinds of different restraints. Again some of them the kind the kind of escape tips you get if you googled how to get out of these restraints and some of them were just very very strange and now now this last this last video I brought because it it sheds a little bit of light into whatever the fuck-troom-troom is. So they did all of these self-defense tips and they're all basically named the same title with different numbers and they all every one of them worked. Everyone got millions of millions of views, but

Trum Trum starts facing a little bit of a shake-up and so this next one comes years after that called Survival Hacks that may save your life and it's it's not self-defense movements, it's all about like escaping. But for some reason, it's one solid skit. It's not a bunch of these little scenarios with the tip. They decided to make a funny skit with like a story and a series of wacky burglars, they keep calling them burglars, even though what they have burglbled is a woman's life. And so they just take her and bind her and gag her and throw her in the trunk of their car and then drive into the wilderness. It could not be more clear what's about to happen.

But then all of the tips they give from this point on are like only if a specific scenario as outlined in this video. And So one of their tips starts with, but their car breaks down. What's she gonna do? She's not gonna give up so easily. Good things her hands aren't tied. So all of this assumes that that's true. And if that's not exactly true,

if you haven't wound up in this miracle scenario, you're dead, you're a dead young woman. And that's tragic that you spent some portion of the scant few years you got on this earth watching Trum Trum videos that did not come in handy. The definition of a wasted life. Yeah. I don't, I might have mentioned this in my podcast, but my stepdad, he was a prepper and it was just so pathetic and stupid. Like after he died going through his stuff, when we just had to throw away jars of like garbage food

he'd made for like Depocalypse and all these, this bottled water shit and just tons and tons of crap that was like, this fucking embarrassing is my point. It's just all just real embarrassing. You're gonna die having wasted a whole bunch of your life. Okay, that's my bookmarks folder with these room-troom videos. That should probably be the tagline on Trim Trim's YouTube channel as well, you know, you kind of die knowing you wasted your whole fucking life. God, if I get murdered and something like similar to one of these scenarios and somebody goes through my history and finds

something like similar to one of these scenarios and somebody goes through my history and finds this and is like, this is why he died, he tried this fucking true true shit. So what's that? This last video, again, they made into another series. So then they start making multiple skits of these survival hacks. Only they make the insane decision to keep all of the characters and start giving them names including the kidnappers. They're like Ryan and Emily and then they try to make them like, oh you know these guys, this is my favorite character, the murderer Ryan, he hates women. And they just keep trying to kill this woman while she keeps like veering wildly back and

forth between like, here's a harmless prank to do on somebody who's abducted you. And also like, here's what's what to do with to get out of zip cuffs in a trunk, which is where you're going to wind up. And so they made this a series, but then they kind of run out of content. And so they'll do long sections where they give tips to the kidnappers. They follow the kidnappers point of views who have names now It's like David and Ryan or something and they'll be a David at Ryan of lost her But don't worry they can find her by following her tracks in the fort like what the what the fuck are you doing? What the fuck are you doing now because these ha she's not actually crazy. She's just pretending

Specifically to counter the true true survival tips that they've just given. It's some good, TroomTroom's guy to murder. There was a thing I like in this video where she's handcuffed and she pops the underwear out of her bra and just picks the cuffs with that and that part they yada yada. They're not like, here's how you pick locks. They're like, we know you know how to pick a lock with an underwear bra and

that's how she gets out. Hey, how's your faith in humanity doing right now? Oh, it's very low. Oh, good. Because guess where the Jason Pargin, Jack Off, traffic bar is on this video. It's the one right before this where they get a nice thigh shot of Priskirt as they strap her in with belts and the one after this where she reaches into her bra. Of course. Let's clap that one. We're not ending on that part. We don't need to know that.

I'm saying hooter Frankfurt. I'm saying hooter Frankfurt. It's a podcast. Can I hold me back some time? I'll let me show. I'm saying hooter Frankfurt. It's a podcast. Can I hold me back some time?

I'm saying hooter Frankfurt. I'm saying hooter Frankfurt. It's a podcast. Can I hold me back some time? I'll let me show. Imsdain hovdder, Frankfort! Unsiprakas, kenalams! Un mēk smalim šā! Dāk Frankfort, podcast! Konek! Jaa! Ekrafis, nitratis, nit unas! Šikdi, inda hundezau, dio ena štundas! Kupšā, dūkītis, dūmā! Imsdain hovdder!

Imsdain hovdder, Frankfort! Imsdain hovdder, Frankfort! I'm Stag Hoondah! I'm Stag Hoondah! I'm Stag Hoondah! I'm Stag Hoondah! I'm Stag Hoondah! I'm Stag Hoondah! I'm Stag Hoondah! I'm Stag Hoondah! Yeah!

Noy Towson! It's the 9,000th annual Monster Dog Rally Super-Eem! The only Monster Truck Rally where the trucks are also huge Angry men and also hot dogs plus at least one other thing maybe more always more all your favorites are here Three finger-lui the only truck that plays the blues. Aaron, Cruston, Adrian, H, Aiden, Moat, Alpha, Scientist, Javo, Sworn, Truck, Enemy, of Dr. Truckopolis. Un-Andy, Armando, Navar, Bad, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Cerelle, Rev, Chance, McDermott, Chris Brower, Clementine Danger, the truck who sees a therapist,

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