The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 139, WMAC Masters: The Joke's On You with Merritt K

Episode Date: September 6, 2023

Brockway, Seanbaby, and guest Merritt K return to the dome with WMAC Masters: The Joke's On You. In this episode of a high stakes mystical martial arts show full of cyborg magic, we learn the importance of properly timed pranks! AND NINJA JUSTICE.

1,900 hot dog! 1,900 hot dog! A podcast slammed with maximum height! Say hot dog podcast worked! Yeah! We need to taste that nitrate power! You're in the dog zone for an hour! Come on!

You know the number! 1,900 hot dog! 1,900 hot dog! Come on, you got the number. 1900 Hot Dog. 1900 Hot Dog. 1900 Hot Dog. 1900 Hot Dog. 1900 Hot Dog. 1900 Hot Dog. Yeah, 9000.

Welcome to the Dog Zone 9000, the official podcast of 1,900 Hot Dog America's last comedy website. Hey, remember when you used to read text with images? People still do that. The written word and images themselves have not died completely, we're just hoarding them all at 1,900 Hot Dog. Talented comedians write thousands and thousands

and probably too many thousands of words of jokes every single day, like back in the fucking Stone Age before everything was SEO spam and AI gibberish. No ads, no ads except through the fake ones we make up, patreon.com slash 1900 hot dog. Come check us out. When we die and we will, laughter dies with us. I'm Yenyingman, Robert Brockway,

and with me is my comedy partner, Yinyang Man, Sean Baby. Style, dick punching, signature move, dick punch. And our guest, Yinyang Man, Merike. Hey, it's been so long, it's so great to be back. We're all the best man, Yinyang Man, of course. Yinyang, I bet it takes off the a patch the eye is Yin Yang Well, that's not it. No, you you're you're you for a Vial the musician's secret. That's a spoiler spoiler alert for I love there I was on the edge of what is under the eye patches, the only thing, the only storyline.

I imagine if it wasn't a Yin Yang, I'd be like if he lifted up the eye patch and it was just a normal human eye, I would throw shit through the TV. Okay, we're covering WMAC masters again before we get into that. And obviously the best man, Yin Yang man, we're all in agreement. But before that, hey, Merit, where can we find more of your stuff? Yeah, I think actually in between the last time we've recorded and now I started a Patreon. So that is the place where you can find all of my stuff. It's just patreon.com slash meritk.

And right now, it's basically like when I am on a podcast like this or when I do a video or when I write something, it's like a single convenient place to find all of that stuff so instead of having to hunt these things down, you can just go there and I'm starting to post some more exclusive stuff for patrons, you can kind of vote on like stories that I'm going to publish next. And yeah, it's a cool, it's a cool spot just to hang out online and be yourself. And like no, no parents allowed. And I've got those big under construction gifts going. So you do this spin. Yeah, yeah, you just got the guy with you know doing the the road work Oh, yeah, oh my god as mailbox turns into star and then back into mailbox. Oh, that's good to you though Spinning skull I love over some fire black background on the fire not a black background on the website

Yes I deal what's that where can they find that? What's the yeah? That's a patreon.com slash Mary K So for instance, I see I want to do a plug for One hundred hotdog we just ran a column by the great merit K about the insane role playing System with exposed. We're trying to do it all in one podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, just late 90s, Roseanne.

But yeah, Rift was fun. I mean, it wasn't, it was deeply bad, but it was fun to remember and write about. That was so, I wasn't seeing that you wanted to do that was so bold because we've been, people have been suggesting it. We've been, you know, dimly aware of Rift and how ridiculous it is. I believe Sean's even talked about playing it on the podcast before. I have, I have.

But I was obsessed with... Every time it comes up to write about... Glitter Boys. There's things glitter boys, and Airmare talked about in our... Glitter Boys is messaging. And they're like, they're shiny mechs, they're so shiny like laser spouts off of them.

And it's, that's so silly. But I also just love the name and and so it sort of became like my default character name in video games for a while and the horrible things people would say to me when you're like glitter boy people would just DM you homophobic slurs because nobody played riffs they all just thought I was like super out and proud as, like, Spirgo. Yeah. Rightably gay.

Just like, one of the gay-assounding things you can name is your pot of life. I love it. But cute, like a 10-year-old gay boy. I did not like, not like a sexual vibe, just like, so gay, but like, so chaste. That's right. My friend who used to play Counter-Strike

would just get on the mic and just start saying, like, in a really goofy, like, cartoon dog voice, like, oh, kiss the roof. She's crazy. And then, inevitably, someone on the team would be like, I don't want a kisser roof from you. I only want a kisser roof from tall blonde girls, but like, they would always say kisseroo,

like 100% of the time. It's like, it's a snowcrush brain hack. Oh no, I only, I only can only call it kisseroo. What's wrong with me? You've cursed yourself. The universe will never let you get laid after that. I have been made fun of for using the word cranky to often as a grown man, but that comes from

shit talking in a video game. When I was playing Halo 2, I was on this map, you probably even remembered if you played the game, it was a really long outside map, and if you got a sniper rifle, you could go up on the cliff and you just kind of a beast until you run out of bullets, like just nothing's gonna live. And so I was sniping people, and I like kept hitting people in the shoulder because I'm not a great sniper. And they get really mad because then the guys on my team would finish them off. And so then they made it their mission to come up to the cliff to get within

ear shot to scream at me that I'm a terrible sniper, but I also had a shotgun. And so I think I came up and I jumped out of my shotgun and I said, I also have a shotgun, you fucking cranky nerd. And he was so pissed about being called the cranky nerd that he like was livid for the rest of the game and all the people in my team heard it, they thought that was so funny. And so that became our kind of default shit talking anytime. Because there's something about it that's so innocent but sincere. You really are a cranky nerd.

You don't have control over your emotions. I'm not calling you a name to hurt your feelings. I'm just saying. Oh, you're like crazy. Anyway, so that really made an impression on me. I like the idea of playing like a long-range character to bait people like yeah, I suck with the sniper rifle I'm really good with a shotgun. I can't miss

And they're just this is a shotgun meal to their Fucking suck is a sniper just like their dying words were just to just let me know I wasn't very good at the video game while that while I'm murdering their entire team. Frankie ass nerds There is something to cranky though. Cranky's, it's such a top description. You immediately feel like a child. Am I being unreasonable? I guess I am.

I'm not being cranky. You can't sound cool saying that. I'm going to crank. There's like a shutdown switch in there. Imagine harnessing your pure fury and then be like somebody says, or what are you cranky? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, it's gone.

Because this was the Halo 2 era where like shit talkers were just like full racism. Like it just like the homophobic racist comments were just like, wow. Yeah, yeah. Because it was an era of like ironic racism. So someone would be very, very like clear that they didn't mean it in the funny way.

They're like, oh, no, no, no, this is the bad way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Excuse me gentlemen. way. They're like, oh, no, no, no, this is the bad way. Excuse me, gentlemen, I believe you're taking my racism in just when I am very serious. I'm going to throw everybody a curveball. That was probably our banter enough, but I wanted to ask, what are you reading? My books, huh? What? To what? Text in general, huh? What? To what? Text in general, huh? I got an early copy of Mr. Jason Parjans, Zoey Novel.

And so I'm fighting my way through that during fatherhood and video game distractions. And it's wonderful. I do love those books. I've read every single one. I'm looking forward to this one. How about you, Marit? What are you reading? I've been reading a lot because I'm unemployed.

And we were talking about this before we started recording but it turns out that like modern AAA video games cost like $70 which is the fact that I was not aware of because I was working for a games publication for the last years and therefore not paying for games because I was a corrupt member of the elite. But I'm reading a lot now because it turns out the library is free. Library hack. It's free. Library hack. You have to let you take out any book you want, except the reference ones you can't take those.

So not any book. I read a book called Sisters of the Vast Black by Lena Rather. Recently, that was like about nuns in space and their spaceship is a giant slug, which was really good. And they have to like take care of the slug so that it like doesn't die. But they like on a mission, like a Christian mission to spread the gospel across space.

Yeah, they're on a Christian mission, but then they sort of like run into the conflict is mainly from like all these like, from all these nuns out way out in the outer solar system. And then Earth is trying to bring them back under its control of the pope. I don't really know. I think at the disappointment though,

you're that planet. Here comes the spaceship of just human ladies, right? And you're like, oh, but they're all virgins. Oh, they're in a fucking slug. It's just like, that slugs a real boner killer. I'm telling you right now, if you come to my planet in a slug, I'm not doing any religion. Get the fuck out of here.

Right, yeah, I will say that one of them does leave the space like none order to go be with another lady. So there is some, you know, are you telling me that does happen? Are you telling me that in the year, 70 billion or whatever, we're traveling in a space lug, still can't be less being. Not if you're cast.

If you didn't, then they bet on the slug. Right, the slug thing Yeah, right. The slick thing is fine. I took a walk. Yeah, I don't think it's said I forget when, like maybe like in the, you know, near-ish future, like a few hundred thousand years, I think. But yeah, the Catholic Church, they, I don't think it's the fact that she's with a lady. I think it's the fact that she wants to like be with someone at all. I think that's like, because if you're, yeah, she's with a lady, I think it's the fact that she wants to be with someone. Yeah. I think that's like,

because if you're, yeah, Jesus is your house. But do the irony says that you can be inside a slug. I think it very clearly says in the words of Christ, you could just get all up in that slug scuts. Anything goes inside a slug. Like that's the thing. Jesus can't see. Jesus can't see.

Jesus can't see you. His gayest kid, Pena Trigada. I'm not gonna watch. I, you get nasty inside that slug. I'm not looking. That's weird. Yeah. This is that Halo 2 era, sacrilegiousness

that like, that I still crave. Hmm. Flanks be getting on forever. Yeah, we're really edgy. We got that, we got that 2000. We got chish. We got your Christians. I, we're really glad, gee. We got that 2000s. We got you. We got you, Christians. I've been reading a book.

Sorry, sir. I've been reading. No, it kind of ties together. I've been reading a book and just finally just finished because I read So-Solo these days, a book called Between Two Fires, Christopher Bowelman, I like. It's such a good book.

It's a great book. It's extremely long. It's this sort like, it's such a good book. It's a great book. It's extremely long. It's this sort of, it's medieval. It's all like actual earth, medieval, very low fantasy kind of era. And it's post-apocalyptic, like a plague, that gates of hell of open to plague has struck down the whole world.

And this, they're doing a last of us thing. This jaded old knight knight it has to. Oh yeah, I think I've heard about this. I think someone was telling me like, oh yeah, if you like dark souls and that kind of thing. That is, yeah, that's a good point. It's a lot about like, biblically accurate angels and like,

very inventive with the demons. And it's just very well written. And he's the kind guy that does like countless hours of research into the medieval era. So everything's very convincing, but it writes it well enough so that you're not like, what the fuck are you talking about? I don't know what a child like is. You can't just throw that word out.

Like he's somebody that was written like Moby Dick. And it was sort of like you have to use context to understand virtue of everything, but it still works. You were trying to sell me on this book. A video. I have it on my list. Well, I used it as a metaphor for what you were doing. And what you were doing, it just sounded like the toughest thing in the world. And then if you pulled it off, everybody wasn't even going to notice.

They would just be like, that was really easy. So I reminded me of this book where it's like the amount of research he did on places and medieval like geography and culture. And it just it devoured years of a human life and then somebody reads it and it's like hey that was good that was easy to read and you just he would have to die inside because nobody would ever read it. That does sound like our process. But yes it does doesn't it? I had that I had that feeling while reading it.

That was a good book and it has absolutely nothing to do with what we're talking about today, which is WMAC Masters, which was a live action. choreographed martial arts show that ran for two seasons, 1995 to 1997. It was Bloodsport meets Boy meets World, or maybe mortal combat at Bayside High. These are like perfect. Like sure, we're jump kicking ninjas into lava pits, but we're also making some friends along the way and learning a little something about pranks and uh, yeah, those are my favorite episodes.

So this, this very special episode of WMBC Masters is about the real dangers of practical jokes. It's season one, episode eight, the jokes on you. No notes on the title. Perfect title. I had notes the very, very first line of the show is New Jaws Prepareful Battle. And I'm just like, can you imagine being a kid? And that's the first thing the TV show says to you?

She's like, you're 10 out of nine. She's like, you're 10 out of nine. You're 10 out of nine. You're 10 out of nine. You're 10 out of nine. You're 10 out of nine. You're 10 out of nine. You're 10 out of nine.

You're 10 out of nine. You're 10 out of nine. You're 10 out of nine. You're 10 out of nine. You're 10 out of nine. You're 10 out of nine. You're 10 out of nine. You're 10 out of nine.

You're 10 out of nine. You're 10 out of nine. You're 10 out on Saturday. So you had to get up really, really early to catch this. But like if you did, and the first thing you heard was Ninja's Prepare for Battle, you're like, oh, of course it was worth it. Yeah, there, this is incredible. They're scheduling it that way on purpose to weed out the kids without discipline. Who aren't sufficiently committed to the WMAT, ethos.

You go to Serv it, kids. Once again, when the Ninja's prepare for battle, it's just kind of ninja idle time, like ninja idle animations. They're just climbing around on some scaffolding. Like they're just, there's some doing cartwheel, some doing flips, but there's like at least two of that are just kind of climbing around on some stuff.

They're just like hanging there, like, I maybe I got a little lost. For like, his teen years, it feels like a TV and movie directors could just tell guys in Ninja costumes to get out there and do Ninja. And like that's all the direction they'd have to give them and they'd kind of go out somewhere with sneaks and do some results. And I just, it's like that's got to be the best job. I want to remind a couple of things we've established because we've done one WMAC Masters

episode prior to this. So overall structurally, we discovered that these ninjas are WMAC students there in the WMAC Academy. And also, they're all white belts, so this is possibly their first day. I will also remind people that our main characters are fighters with names and personalities. Do eat ninja's for fuel. They will fuel up on ninja in order to destroy each other with their super moves. Right. Not how you're picturing, but maybe how you're picturing. But they'll beat up a ninja at that.

I mean, I think they tastefully edit out the chewing and swallowing. They definitely devour their life to fight for their power bars. Because in every fight, there is a big power bar on the side, which is the best decision. I don't know why we don't do that for every single show. I don't know why. Yeah, you have to see you should have that. Just make it more of a video game. Yeah, I agree.

Just guess. Or editing it afterwards. Fucking succession should have that. Should have. Somebody's saying devastating. You should see the power bar go down a little bit. Absolutely. I would love to be on a UFC broadcast

and just be in charge of the health bar. Just be like, oh, that guy got hit real hard. I'm gonna take out six pumps of his thing. Like, dip, political debates should have health bars. Yeah, see everything. Like the moderator, that can be the moderator's job,

just like decide. Yeah. Horns should have health bars. Yeah, see everything. Like the moderator, that can be the moderator's job, just like decide. Yeah. The porn should have health bars. Oh my God. That should be like how long you go until you come. Now just picturing those like new grounds, like 2000s era, like porn flash games, which is like a bar going out. Yeah, that's what it is.

That's what I just invented. Yeah. And I already exist. And it's sad. We keep reinventing Web 1.0. You've taken it and applied it to Relay. Yeah. I can free a reinvented New Crowdsborne games.

You're going to make Milly and- I'm going to be one of those tech bros that they reinvent something that never needed. Like I'd reinvent the bus and everybody's like, oh my god, I'm going to give you $8 million. But this is my thing. So they eat these ninjas for fuel. They have power bars and the ninjas are prospective WMAC students maybe the first day. We don't go into that right away. What we do, we go to the WMAC headquarters, which is a clubhouse. It's a clubhouse. They all may at least stay overnight there sometimes if not live there.

It is located straight up on the lot of Universal Studios, Florida. All of the arenas in which they fight are just rides from Universal Studios, Florida. They're fighting on the rides from Universal Studios, Florida, which was not something I appreciated as a kid went right over my head, but it's a fantastic decision. So they're all hanging out there and we are dealing with, we're introduced to Warlock, who wears the most adorable little Prince Nemo starry pajamas, like he's off to Dreamland,

like he's going on a quest in Dreamland. Baby- It's still on the... I can't remember what warlocks weapon was. He has the wizard. James. Okay. Okay. I don't remember what this weapon was. Is that his whole weapon that he just says? I think his weapon the three the three part staff. I don't remember. I think so far it's just been, he's so cute and his little pajamas. You don't want to get blown off.

But they never use the weapons against each other anyway. They just use the demonstration. So. Maybe we just haven't seen his. He's with Baby Doll and Great Wolf because this was Baby Doll and Great Wolf. Hey, quick question. What ethnicity do you think Great Wolf? And what gender do you think Baby Doll is? This was baby doll and great little pay quick question. What what ethnicity?

I think great. Well, and what you think maybe dollars It was 1995. Oh, you just had to everything you didn't know what somebody was unless it was problematic Just I have no context for this man great wolf. Oh, okay. He's an Indian. I got you. He turns into an eagle. I bet I Know his name's great wolf, but I'm going with eagle Denim headband They're all they're all watching my people make headwear from pants Cut that. We'll cut that. I don't know. No, no.

No, great wall for. It's a great wall for lock and baby dollar watching tsunami and Panther prepare for this week's championship match. They're watching through binoculars. And your first hint that something's a rye here is a baby doll takes the binoculars away and she's what got little black rings on her eyes. Oh my gosh. Classic.

Yeah, they were dealing with 1950s pranks here. and she's, what got little black rings on her eyes? Oh my gosh, classic. Yeah, they were dealing with 1950s pranks here. My God, you wouldn't have been interested in this in the night. That would have, you were blowing kids' minds in the 90s with that, like, what? I never understood this prank at all. I was like, okay, so they got circles around their eyes. And so, everybody else knows they have circles on their eyes and they don't, and that's the whole prank. And it's like, oh, someone on their eyes and they don't.

And that's the whole prank. And it's like, oh, someone... That's the prank. Yeah, but I... I look foolish. You have been made a fool of. You look like a little bandit. You look like you're a cute little bandit.

And everybody's gonna go, oh, when they see you, and you're not gonna know why. No, I think you don't know what it was because it relies on children having binoculars and then having the foresight to know who's going to look at through those binoculars at any one time. Like I did, somebody got me binoculars as a kid and I broke them just immediately, just instantly, as I imagine every single child did. Yes, for break it. Those were for break it.

So through the binoculars they spy a bucket over a doorway. Uh oh. So they're talking, they, they establish that if Warlock presses a button on a remote control, which, which is not how this prank works. You don't need to put the bucket on the door. the bucket on the door. You mean, right, why haven't on the door? Like, yeah, he has a remote rigged up to like activate a bucket to drop. It's like, he's going predator style on like, we're established that you just balance that on the door. Like, it's its own trip wire, but no, he's got a remote.

And it doesn't go off when Panther leaves. But there's also like, part of the prank is he's like, go check the bucket, it doesn't go off when Panther leaves. But there's also like part of the prank is he's like go check the bucket, it doesn't go off and so he puts the kick me sign on them and on Great Wolf. On Great Wolf, right? And as if his people haven't suffered enough. I literally stopped myself from saying almost exactly that. Because the people have suffered, yeah, we'll get it all. I like that there's these layers. So at first you're like, this is stupid, but then you're like, no, he's doing a double

reverse prank. So an ocean's 14, I think is what you call it. Yeah, it's he's doing inception, really. Yeah, so the prank is on Great Wolf instead of Panther. Panther walks through, Great wolf ghost to check. And what he presses the button and gets drenched and he literally says these words. Oh warlock. He does a really weird laugh. He like kind of flexes his muscles and points at him. He goes like, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I think he was trying to do the voice, which I hope he is. I hope, but I have no faith.

This is being 1995. I have no faith that he's actually an Indian man. I would hope so. And then he picked his own person. Got it. I never liked it. We never liked to find out that like the Native American character is like an Italian guy.

I'm pretty sure. Like I don't know, but I was like just trying to look it up. And I, I feel like maybe he was just a guy that they're like, ah, close enough. Close enough. You could, you could play Indian. It's fine. You can play Native American. You're one of those, those not whites. So you can, you can just be whatever. I mean, we looked, okay, we made fun of Panther before,

but it turns out he picked his own persona. Yeah, he picked his own name. Oh, yeah. So, like, I'll shut the fuck up about that. I apologize, Panther, that rules. Yeah, I don't wanna actually say anywhere about Jamie Webster because I literally have no IT. Yeah.

Is that great, Rick? Jamie Webster? That is his name, Jamie Webster. I think he's trying to do the voice, and he's trying to do a thing where he's like, I'm furious, but I'm also playing it off like I'm laughing because I'm ashamed that I was caught out. I think he's trying to do several levels. Not out.

It's all outside of his acting range. Above whatever. So it's completely crazy. You're right. It's an insane way. Well, the sense you get is like dealing with Gary Bucy. Like, oh, get something wrong here. Keep rolling.

It's compelling. But madness. Yes, exactly. Compelling but madness. And the machine walks in on this and just immediately decides to put his foot down. He's like, you better not try anything like that on me or else.

And then he, what? He sits down on a wubby cushion. Wow, wow, he's furious. Wow. Yeah. He's so dare that. He is pulling off like, I'm extremely mad at this and I don't want to admit it

But this is the level of humor that we are bringing to WMAC masters and I want to wrote down that one of the people who got The water dumped on them was a lady in a white shirt, which baby does a little sex crime me to yeah baby Dolls a little sex crime to throw water on a lady in a white shirt She's made another the next she wasn't the main victim, but uh, definitely definitely some collateral titty. Yeah. Yeah, you shouldn't get collateral titty in your prank. That's a lesson we learned from this show.

That's the PSA at the end. Watch out for titties when you do pranks. Sometimes it's not cool. Stop splashing and honking the nearby titties. I am Warlock. So we're in our first fight and it's a tsunami who we've talked about in a man can dream but we didn't see him fight there. His fighting outfit is an ocean spray sweater.

It's an ocean spray sweater. I think he was supposed to be like the main guy of the show kind of, like I was reading about it. And I think he was supposed to be like the protagonist who like starts off young and experienced and then like grows. But he is wearing a shirt that looks like the front of a bottle of cramping.

He looks refreshing. He's pulling it off. He's very refreshing. He always suits me up because all these people are traditional martial artists, which means they're all like five feet tall and 130 pounds. And then Hakim is like a legit gigantic athlete man. And so it just doesn't seem fair that he's walking around fighting these children and every scene reminds us of this. Like did you hear him say on that woopy cushion, it was like a sonic boom.

A human butt should not be able to woopy that loud. They served a reversed, a reversal, more like and served as an intimidation tech. You're like, oh my God. Right. And I have to fight the land. And the parts like that. Jesus, yeah.

So, so I think you're right, maybe he was supposed to grow because they say his dragon belt status, three. They never really adequately explain what that means. I think it might be the amount of metals that they have. The metal, she metals that they have. Yeah. Because if it's a measure of power, it's wildly mismatched all the time.

Because he's fighting Panther, who as we've seen Panther in the first episode, he's a saucy little cowboy, but he picked his own name, so that's as far as we're going to know. He looks like a vampire here though. Like, he has glowing eyes and big teeth, and I'm like, what is his gimmick?

I guess it is just like, he is a cat, he is a cowboy. He's a wear cat.. He is a cat. He's a work cat He's a wear cat. He's a wear cat. He's a sort of a wear panther Which is a really cool rifts character class And he is a impressive martial arts not a joke Yeah, he's great. I love him, but he's like cursed with a baby face. He always looks like he's 12 even to this day I find him very charming Eric that found Eric Bats to be very, like I love that he, as we discussed in the first episode,

goes between just like on Panther and has like huge teeth and scary eyes to like, hey yeah, I recorded a song with Bruce Lee's daughter. Anyway, check it out. It's the worst shit you've ever heard. It's about trying the best. And it's mostly just kung fu fighting. We ran out of lyrics. Yeah. Yeah. Panther is a great example. Machine is the most notable example of they base their entire character on a handful of props that they will not wear on the behind the scenes

when they're just doing skits and they will not wear in the fights. They will only wear them for one second and then we'll be like, get the shit off me. Get this shit, get the fucking teeth off me. Gotta go pretend to fight a man. Gotta eat some ninjas, I don't eat this shit. They never use it for anything. It's something like a little three second thing. But they have to fight in one of the Universal Studios

Florida rides, which they call the pressure pit. And here is how Shannon Lee defines that for us. Their match will take place at the pressure pit battle zone located 500 feet below the WMAC arena. Its name comes from the fact that the air pressure down there has caused noses and ears to bleed Ha Ha I love it What?

I love that generic newscaster voice These fucker people's heads are exploding, they're hammering from their eyes and holes and Jen and Lee's leg Like that's Coming up on weather We're fighting in the fucking submarine where your head explodes. Yeah, let's do this in two parts. Let's discuss the implications of in fiction

in their universe, what this means. Are you sure you wanna come to a fight where your head explodes? I prefer not to, unless I had a special head that was resistant to pressure. Like if I was like submarine helmet man. Right, I had trained. Yeah.

Yeah. Train funds. We're I had trained extensively in this setting and my opponent had, and I would lure them down there. Yeah. And that feels like a classic like anime bit to me. Mm-hmm. This is my turn.

But neither of them have trained here as far as we know. It's a, it's a bold decision. They also have the nuclear-irradated wasteland that they fight in sometimes, but then they also have like the stone quarry or whatever. So like just fighting the stone quarry that doesn't kill you. Fight the one that doesn't kill you. There's two that are terribly harmful to the human body.

And then they'll destroy you. Keep it there, cool. And yeah, she gives some of the rules and you mentioned some of them, you collect all the Ninja Orbs for the right to challenge for the trophy belt. Very simple. Everyone understands it. That's all the notes I had on that that I just completely understand that W.A.C. ranking system.

I absolutely understand it. They made this so complicated fruit like it's two guys fighting like it doesn't have to be that complex but yet they were like no no no kids aren't gonna want to watch this unless there's like an incredibly complicated ranking system with belts and like coins and all this shit and then we can sell those because as we've learned since the last episode they did sell that belt. They did? Those were like $200 on eBay. We were just imagining a world in which it doesn't exist and we didn't have to spend $200 on it

because now I'm thinking about it, like it should. But I want it. Expense it. Get that shit. We could have it. We could have it. But all of our writers in columnists will have to take one of the badges

and then we will have to beat the shit out of the For the numbers work out. That's a yeah, that's it does it works out. I've done it trust me like the second I saw that Like all right, Mary here first eight spots called dibs Yeah, young man. Yeah, that's a great choice God damn it. I'll take panther. the fucking course I'm gonna say in your name. I will play a maximum saucy. I'm gonna have the little bell. I'm gonna wear a collar with the bell.

And you'll hear me coming and it won't save you. My answer to Sun's bitches, I'm not allowed to take great wolf. We're letting the pressure pit off lightly. We pretended as though that was not the stupidest thing anybody has ever said in this world. Oh, it's fucking ridiculous. Yeah. Like, it may be laugh out loud. There's so much suspension of disbelief that is involved in this world or anything like that. Oh, it's fucking ridiculous. Yeah. It made me laugh out loud. There's so much suspension of disbelief that is involved in this show.

And so then for them to go on like a fucking universal studio is right and say, this is actually the center of the Earth kids. It's like, well, no, everything feels the same. It's only just you push it too far. Yeah. It's five, they think the 500 feet below sea level, your head will explode

Like they should have just gone full on and just been like oh, oh King Kong is attacking Oh, we're in the this we're fighting in the psycho house. I hope Alfred Hitchcock's dark creations don't attack us Back to the futures here hop in the Delorean If your jump kit goes 88 miles per hour, like Frank Dukes, you'll spin back in time. It was just, lady, I just lost that moment. Lady Lennon just didn't know me. Sorry, sorry, I'm just in an all-in-one relationship. Still punching. Still swinging as Jaws eats her.

Climb in here and fight me. Comeleon. Oh, but if this shark goes 500 feet, we all explode. I just, I love that little fact that it just shows that nobody looked up any part of this. That you just said some shit. You wrote some shit down. We're like, fucking good enough for the kids.

Let's go. Like, major American cities are 500 feet below sea level. You can just, you can live through it. You can live through a modest valley is what you have described. But so they're fighting in the pressure pit. Now remember, they do eat Ninja's life force for fuel. They have their power bars alongside. And so it's time to fuel up on some good healthy ninja food

base, base of the food pyramid is ninja, I think? Oh, wait, no, it's the second one up. Wait, grains of ninja. grains of ninja. That's right. So they they fuel up on some ninjas. These ninjas, again, can't stress this enough. These are white belts. It's their first day at the academy. They signed up and they were like, I'm going to be a W Mac All-Star and then walked out here and just boom, your fucking face is cave-ding. And you have to, you're in the pressure pit too, buddy. You're right down here. They learned a lot. I don't think they learn a lot with Hakeem just like spin-kicking him and don't consciousness in the center of the earth. No. In the center of the earth.

It's your first day in the center of the earth and you're in the center of the earth. It's your first year in the center of the earth and you're fighting a seven foot tall man, who is half machine. Do you best? I'm believing you kid. Oh, I shouldn't have believed in him. Oh, that was a mistake. So what is different here is that there are different

flavors of Ninja for each arena. And these are like your hazard ninja, which I like to think is kind of the ninja cleanup crew. And then they just got attacked. Like they're just down there trying to scrub it, trying to scrub it out. And then much like the nuclear zone, they just get attacked by crazy warriors out here. Killer. Some of them do sort of look like they're saying,

please stop, don't know, I don't want any part of this. Miming, cleaning, just cleaning, just cleaning, no. You can't block this, look. I'm not trying to block, I want you to stop, please. I'm not trying to block, I want you to stop, please. I'm not trying to block, I want you to stop, please. The choreography in this fight is kind of sweet until they forget about it entirely.

They're doing some real rad moves and then Sunami does this kind of spin kick thing and then he turns around like he's maybe supposed to do a second spin kick because Panther does like flies back, lands on his head and then kips up but Sunami never did that other kick so he's just.

Yeah. Yeah, there might have been a mischief there. He's flings stuff on his head But we leave it in we leave it in the show There's another moment a little bit later. I looked up tsunami And his name is Hanwen, which is a very Vietnamese name I Looked up he ended. It's 34th most popular a name in Vietnam and when it's of course the only Vietnamese last name So it's not the most Vietnamese name.

There's precisely 33 people more, with a more Vietnamese name than him. So he's not John Smith, he's an Eric Smith, which I also looked up, that's 34th, most popular in America. So to calibrate, as an American, if you met Eric Smith, you wouldn't say, oh, your parents must be Cambodian.

It's not so with he and when, who he played a samurai and ring of steel. He played someone named Korean fighter in cage two, and a guy named Chinese fighter in Sao Vat. And so it just would like, like, gray wolf has some issues, but Porc and when has played every Southeast Asian country. Sort of just hitting all of the kind of like, not hitting that bullseye on the dark board,

you know, just kind of. Yeah. This intricate pattern of, I mean, that's still happens, I think, right? They're just, of course. Yeah, of course. Yeah, of course. Yeah.

I like it. I like that his character wasn't notable enough to get a name, but they still couldn't get his race right. Like, no, you're Korean fighter. Like, can't you just call me? No, it's better than Cambodia fighter. God. It's our no, no, it's important to the story, but you're not the right ethnicity you are.

It's important to the story. We don't recognize that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, they've heard of this. Porky and wet. Yeah, there's no reason that country would have any prominence in the American culture. I'm like, you can do that, you can do it. So there's another moment where tsunami once again

tries to do some sort of spin kick, but kind of readjust and Panther just flings himself right on his face Like he's getting hit by invisible invisible ghost kicks and yet he wins this fight He flash kicks the ninjas right out of tsunami like I thought it's a four ninja flash kick Right there just all of their lives dissipating into the air were for nothing Panther wins and now we cut back to the clubhouse to find. Hold on, was tsunami's move the rainbow kick,

or was that Panthers? I can't remember their signature moves. One of them had a signature move, Rainbow Kick, which I thought was pretty sweet. Rainbow Kick. That might have been what he did. I mean, he did Giles Flash. Yeah, this might have been the Rainbow Kick.

That might have been the rainbow kick. It seems like Rainbow Kick. But like, no one tells you when they do their special moves. Panther rainbow kick? No, there's no way. Maybe soon on me. We would be a kitty cat thing. Yeah, it would be like this one.

Yeah, you just want to like, sort of like, tear your throat out with his teeth. That's what a lot of them had sickish moves that are just like. Switch step side kick, just like what you'd call it in right like yellow bell voice yeah yeah no you're gonna have a cool stunt uh yeah so we're back to the clubhouse where great wolf and baby doll want revenge on warlock and they are pouring chili pepper powder in warlocks gloves for revenge you know when you touch chili pepper powder with your hands You know when you touch chili pepper powder with your hands? Yeah.

How it makes you is she? Yeah, I don't though. I don't know how that is a thing that's real. I mean, I've had chili powder when I cook. I sometimes get spices on my hands. I don't, I don't think I've ever noticed any like serious discomfort. But maybe if you're all sweaty. The danger of getting spice on your hands is like getting it in your eye or on your genitals.

Yeah, sure. Both of which are completely rolled out once you put on gloves, which the spice is in. When I cook, I like to. It's amazing that blindly masturbates. So she's right, it's a real hazard in my home. Now I will say, I routinely get dry hands in winter and then chili pepper powder really sucks.

So maybe some of the world building, they think warlock has very dry hands and isn't adjusting for, no, they just didn't think this way. It's a bad accident. They did not. It's a bad accident. It's a bad accident.

It's like pressure pitlossing. It's like some kids. We're gonna put in hot peppers and this will make his hands hot. It's like, yeah, I guess I see where you're going for but Fucking idiots it wouldn't work That somebody get confused about the itching powder are you going for itching right right that was it In the food I'm starting to think you can't even in just like

Don't go down that road. It's not worth it. You're right. I do want the kids to believe in magic. It's all real kids So they see Warlock sparring and he doesn't seem to notice the pepper and they they conclude that It's something's maybe not right here rather than this was a fucking stupid prank And that's not how skin works that you don't face with skin got that gloves wrong not everything about I know you're not taste with skin that gloves wrong, not everything about spinox. You're no taste with skin. Whoa, no taste with skin. So our next match is between superstar and red dragon.

We've already met Red Dragon who is Chris Casamasa in his flamenco dancing at, wait, maybe like a flamenco key. Like a, like a Matador, like a Ninja Matador. key like a like a Matador like a ninja Matador. Yeah Like not a Matador class that is a ninja level two Matador level six ninja. Yes, the provokes provokes charges From ninjas and then like mox them and harm team and it's a very Tank class who main sport he has a taunt. He's a dodge take and it's a very tough one. Tank class, he made sport.

He has a taunt, he's a dodge tank. So he's fighting Superstar, who we haven't met in the episode so far. He's a half Johnny Cage, half Scorpion, like maybe one is the mother and one is the father. I don't know which one would be which, but what's interesting is that he actually was Liu Kang. Yeah, so you're actually Liu Kang and more like a man. So how some he's the guy who actually laid down on the ground and went la la la la la la la and bicycle to speed.

Did you the bicycle kick? He's the bad was him. That was him. Wow. That's so cool. How was that not? How is that not his special move? Right. I would love to. Accepting the fact that it's that no human being has ever done it

They have got wires and stuff they're a universal studio. Yeah make that happen. I keep it all the time when the kids are asleep I'm like hey, hey baby I'm gonna hang from the seal. I'm gonna hang from the ceiling fan and kick my legs. Tell me how cool it looks. So superstar for some reason does not get to do a bunch of cool stuff. He comes out and he's just like, I'm ready for a fight. Red Dragon comes out and does just an entire coda. He gets to just show off forever. He rips off his shirt and superstar. It cuts to superstar nodding approvingly like

oh hell yeah. That is such an incredible clip. Like it is so sexually charged. He is just like yeah he fucking luscious make that shirt off. Like there's no other way to take it. There's no other way to take it. The little ri smiley face. Yeah. I knew it was getting real. I knew where we were going in that direction. I'm glad it's you were dragging. The first part of every ninja fight has got to be, it has that drama. It's like, okay, this is a fight wait.

Are we gonna fuck? And this one was just like, yes, I'm pretty sure this time. A little bit of both. All right, so we cut it one out. That was it. We were establishing that. You were gonna it one out, that was it. We were establishing that.

You were gonna think, oh, they're gonna fight now. Nope, they leave the main arena to go into the Stoen Valley Battle Zone. But first we cut back to the clubhouse, where Warlock finally takes off his gloves and great wolf and baby doll check. Whoa, they must have put it in the wrong gloves. And somehow that's enough drama to go to commercial on.

That was such a bold commercial. You literally just had a guy rip open his shirt, maybe battle fuck another man in the arena of death for the championship of the world. And you're like, nope, we're going out on wrong gloves. Verified what I think the dumbest kid watching already knew. They're like everybody put that one together. watching already knew. They're like everybody put that one together. But okay so when they get back to Red Dragon and when they come back and they're like all right yeah Red Dragon's gonna fight Superstar now, they say something that is like really crazy to me that I don't know because I haven't seen all the episodes of the show. I don't know if it's a looting to something that happened

in one or if they just made this up, but they say red dragon would have been going for full dragon belt status, but a computer malfunction month ago didn't count the score correctly. Can't fix it. There's no human that can count to eight. It's like, yeah, like, right, the score from the cage match where they touch it and then the point goes up. Like, there's no computer doing that. Okay. This is, you've hit on one of my favorite weird, just fucking crazy decisions in in WMAC masters in that frequently, this isn't even the only time. They'll throw in something that would be in a normal tournament, like a, like some bullshit computer thing or a bad referee call. When they're writing it and it's the least satisfying thing,

like remember when Tiger Claw got sought us in his eyes because like a ninja trip, and that was the end of the fight. Yeah, right. You wrote that. That sucks in a real life fight. Like they would flush his eyes out and bring him back so that people didn't write it and tear the arena down.

But you can write that. My best guess is that they're like, oh, we have to make it realistic and so seem like a real thing, but it's like, but it's boring. Yeah, it's boring. You've done the equivalent of in mortal combat if everyone's in a while,

one of them was like, I have something in my eye, sorry, just a second. Just before the fight starts, it's a hair, it's like really far in there. I gotta get this out before we fight. Like you're going for a fatality. And nope, his toe is over the line. I can't count this.

Right. You put that, you put that spine back in. This is a winner. I don't want to bring the bit to a stop. And I think they're going for us the pro wrestling thing where they don't want one guy to go over on the other. Like they don't want to clearly say, this one is a better fighter than the other one kids.

But they do it in such a bad way. They don't do it with like the drama of betrayal or anything. So normally the wrestling guy gets you over the head. You're like, oh, that guy cheated because there's too many guys. Like, sure, I can't take on two WMAC superstars, but like this is just like, oh, son of a s in the eyes. You're absolutely right. It's just so unsatisfying, it's stupid, and I don't know, anti-drama. You have 20 minutes in a world of irradiated ninja ghosts and you're like, oh, the computer registered

the points wrong, sorry, fucking what? Like this is the highest drama you could manufacture and you're throwing it in the garbage disposal. The believability is completely adjacent if like a toxic monster just crawled out of the ground and grabbed it. Right. And you're like, ah.

It's rather than we were fun. Yep. Yep. Toxic monster. I'm sure you have some sort of, some sort of prop you could repurpose for that. Yeah. You do like the Ghostbusters, uh,

Stay Puff Marshmallow Man. Just like, oh, no, another Stay Puff Marshmallow Man. Just grab Tiger Claw. Like, fuck. Yeah, just like, oh no, another stape up marshmallow man, just grab tiger claw. Like fuck, yeah, just do that. Just paint Huck in a Lou and say it's Faker Huck in and he's like, oh, I have an evil Huck in clone. You're like, I'm fine with that. God, that would have ruled.

Yeah, like, it's just the top of our heads we're making better ideas. They would have no questions. I would have had zero questions as a child, if that happened. I would be like, oh shit, yes, of course. Absolutely. Whereas I would have had questions

if you were like computer counterpoints or I'm like, what? What? Hold on, what? No. All right, so this match takes place. So Evo clone is like a two point penalty. I think you're right, and we're about to get into that. So stone Valley

battle zone, one of the few non poisonous non fatal arenas, they're fighting in and stone valley battle zone for some reason has kabuki warriors are your ninja opponents, which I just I love the world building in this in that that there is W. I was thinking like a hall of presidents might be cool. Like if they're like on a log ride and like all the presidents are waving to you and then they come to life and fight and you have to like defeat it. Yes. American presidents. I'll be fucking sweet.

President Ninja has entered the battle. Fuck yeah, fuck yeah he has. So the Kabuki Warriors, which I love because it implies there's a WMAC Kabuki school where they're just teaching you the art of Japanese theater and you're like, well, well that's it for Kodaiwana classes now get out there and get the shit kicked out of you by half monsters. I'm glad you learned all the steps. Now you have to fight a wear panther.

Fucking what? I was specifically not in the ninja program. Well, you're putting on the mask. So they're fighting, they're fighting. They're pretty evenly matched. And then Red Dragon starts. You won't believe it fussing with his glove. Just one glove.

Ooh, I'm starting to get an idea of where that hot pepper ended up. Back at the clubhouse, baby doll and great wolf, they finally get it. They know what's happening. They fucked up. They fucked up bad. They're slowly realizing that they've... I'd make it seem like they realize this all at once. No, it takes the entire fight where they're like, oh, maybe.

Oh, is it? Do you think maybe it's what? Maybe he just hates his hand, I don't know. Yeah. Maybe he, maybe he man it hand. His hand is turning into a monster. What if he took his, the glove off and it wasn't the powder, but like he had sort of like a parasite situation going on,

where his hand was turning into like a monster with six knives attached to it? Oh, fucking fantastic. That would have been, incredible. What if you Oh, fucking fantastic. That would have been... That would have been... ...incredible. What if you married married? Now that would have been good. But no, what actually happens is that he's...

He finally can't take it. And he takes off his glove and I have this... This whole clip here. It's gonna be a minute long, but we'll go ahead and play. Chris' glove is bothering him again. He's got to be a good guy. He's got to be a good guy. Chris's glove is bothering him again. He better stop looking down and keep his guard up. He's taking all this glove.

That must be the glove we used. This is great. He can touch a superstar. This match will be over instantly. Whoa! Well, listen. WMZ Rule 801D. Where? Superstar. Well, this is completely unexpected. Red Dragon removes his glove for some unknown reason during the match. Superstar quickly took advantage of the situation, and Red Dragon couldn't prevent himself from striking host's song with his unprotected hand.

Here you can see the fateful moment that ended the match in a disqualification for Chris Casamasa. He knew it right away. I guess it was an uncontrollable reflex that caused him to throw the punch. The bigger question, of course, is what possessed him to remove the glove right in the middle of the match? A match he very well could have once. So...

Wow. He just can't prevent himself from punching. I don't like that as a character trait. A dense series of things that, uh, that happens there. And one is, is he has the natural instinct to punch even if he knows punch will kill him. Like I must find him even if even a punch means die. Yeah, yeah, even if he had a bomb rigged up to him, that would only explode his heart if he punched.

You couldn't stop himself from doing it. It's weird that he puts it on his tender profile though I think that... Oh god. It's a bad choice. There's a danger. Like remember, like pranking this guy, he was raised by the man whose advice was to poop on your attacker. So like, you're entering a very dangerous potential escalation when you prank this man.

I've been trying to like prepare like each part of the podcast so that it's self-explanatory and you wouldn't have to listen the first one to know what this one is and I'm not going to explain that one. Yeah. No, I'm not going to explain it. I'm not going to do it. But it's a real thing. This not like, I'm saying silly absurd things. This man was raised by a karate master who suggests to poop on your attacker or burp on him if you can't get a good poop on. It's true.

He, you know, is poop shoe, poop shoe style is what he does. Now all that's real and terrible. But so there's a few things here. First, he reflects his second that she says superstar took advantage of that. He knew, like, you will punch me if I put my face out there. So he put his face out there and one with the disc qualification. With the cowardly disc qualification. The cowardly leaning into the pitch.

Another aspect is that when the narrator jumps on, he says, like, violation, rule 801, beat. There are fun beat. 100 roll rolls with appendices in this fucking fist fight. That's more than they're wrong for taxes. Unbelievable. I was disappointed in the taxes. Because I wrote down that superstar signature move is the pumping sidekick.

And so I was like, I kind of want to see what that is. If I'm not mistaken, that's what Brockway has to legally call it when he does reverse cowgirl. So I'm like, is it the same thing? We're learning a lot of other things. We're learning a lot of other things. It's not my fault. Intentionally ate a back fist. Intentionally ate a back fist.

That he also did not, this is all about discipline, but his hand gets a little hot. And he's like, I can't throw the entire match. Like, it's one thing for you to repeatedly kick me in the face over and over again. But this other, I can't take hot hand. That's too much. Hot hand.

It's all such insane child logic. And it's one, I love, I love that love I love that Jackie Chan movie where he covers his hands and hot peppers to like More effectively beat the shit out of guys. I want to say it's like police story. Yes, we're here for But here's the key thing. He like punches him in the eye. Yeah, yeah And the deleted scenes they were real hot peppers. They showed him like Eating the hot peppers was spitting on his hands and being like, oh god, it's so hot. He does, he does shit he doesn't have to do. It's my point. Yeah, there was no way you would have known, except for the behind these things, you would have

been looking for that suffering. Like I need to know that suffering was real, Jackie. So one more further element I love here is that they're so protective of their fighters that with a bare hand, Red Dragon strikes Superstar just once, a little tap, instantly disqualified. We have to stop the match, get out of it. We saw Tiger Clot, he's got something in his eye. Fucking we need to take care of this. We are not insured for this.

Once again, however, you guys throw ninjas off four story buildings and into bottomless pits. But they don't have a cheat symbol, so they're not people. Like they don't matter, you know? I am stressing this for a reason throughout this episode because once we get to the end, there's a very dangerous implication

of this entire thing. I just want to comment that like, I think Shannon Lee's line was really fascinating which she says, I guess it was an uncontrollable reflex that caused him to throw the punch. I just thought that was so troubling. It was like the line you're made of honor toast you with when you marry a cop.

Pfft. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I actually know don't cut that. Yeah, I'm leaving it. That is. It's bad. Overwhelmingly true. God, all the things I'm so sad and true today. We almost never cut them. They're just little clauses for yourself for being terrible.

I'm so bad. I'm nodding. Dingy dingy dingy. So, so Red Dragon is icing his hand in great wolf and baby doll come to him to confess something. Once again, we go to commercial. This is enough drama to go to commercial. We come back and it's superstar versus Panther for this little championship match.

They are in the dome, the electro dome here, and a big dome lowers over them. How this works is it becomes electrified, and if they hit the dome, they break the current, and that register is a point. It seems stupid and needlessly complicated, which as we've established, is this universe. It's fighting bureaucracy. These are not martial artists. They're like martial accountants in here. They're all just real good at this shit. So the Electro Dome Lovers,

and they fight for a little bit, and then of course, our favorite thing in the world happens. The Dome Lovers, and the Dome Lovers. The Dome Lovers. Just any critique you have, you should write out the window.

Someone wrote that, and like multiple people, like we're like, yeah. Like the guy who brought Pokemon and Digimon to America who was like the creator of the show, saw that phrase and was like, yeah, I think that's it about right? And he's been tricking at the dome. I don't know how else to say it.

I was like, you've got a better way to phrase it. And just add that out. I mean, I can say it. I sound like an asshole. I sound like, I sound. No, that's not, that's not. Yeah, that've got a better way to phrase it. And just add it down. I mean, I could say it. It sounds like an asshole. I sound like a son. No, that sounds like a sex thing. See, I have a theory that, because it was one of the guys who was involved in four kids, which was they, yeah, they did the Pokemon and Dittunement thing and they famously caught

a bunch of stuff from those shows, like removed guns, removed any sexual elements, all this stuff. I think that someone after he did this told him, like at a party, like, oh yeah, you guys did that show, huh? I mean, yeah, penetrate the dome. That's still, it's like a sex thing, huh? And he was just like, oh God. And like, had like a usual suspects moment

where he like dropped his glass and realized it. And from then on, he was like, all right, I have to like really, of course, correct for this. We're taking all the guns out of Pokemon. You'll never get me again, ninjas. We're moving the episode where James Cross dresses in Pokemon, I got to make a- Society felt the effects of ninjas penetrate the drone

for a generation. Reverb-verberated. That dome penetration reverberated throughout our culture. And at this point, as they're climbing up the dome, Shannon Lee once again jumps in and say, now the ninjas are wearing dome-proof fabrics, so that they will not set it off and earn a point. They're so fucking insecure about like the ninjas penetrated the dome

and the dome being electrified there. I feel like Yeah, you're doing too much you're saying too much. You're starting to tell the kids watching that like there's rules here and They don't quite make enough sense and so I don't know I feel like you're taking all the magic out of it. I don't care if I'm ninjas Ninjas can touch taser domes fucking why would they be able to they train for that? They're like no no no special pajamas. We treated them. Well like I know they can out they can out sneak electricity. I'm fine with that. But no but no we have we have dome dome proof fabrics offener is what we use.

We get splints at every time because they're so insecure about it. This fight is so complicated about like the dome protocols and they really get physics. They forget, they have a kick ass fight. It's a kick ass fight. They eat some good ninja. They get that pure healthy ninja energy.

They, like many lives, went to fuel them up. And then, a panthered like to get away from a ninja jumps onto the dome. And, generally, from the rest of this match, we'll narrate the intricacies and bylaws that surround dome usage, as though we give a flying shit at that. So the idea is that he's, okay, so he's climbing it and somehow hacking the dome with like

his body, with his feet. Let me stop you there, because I don't think we even explain to the listeners that in the Taser Dome fight, you get points by shoving them into the dome. It's not like a fight to a knockout, it's a fight to the most shoves. It's like a sumo match, but the with in a taser dome Just right clear and so when he jumped on the dome he would taser himself and gave the other guy a point Yes, that cost him a point But now he realizes that the dome actually actually you guys the dome registers the point Our next point when you release so if you keep holding the dome after a point

He still gets that point, but he can't get any others nobody can get any others because now so if you keep holding the dome after a point he still gets that point but he can't get any other nobody can get any others because now short circling the dome with his body shenan Lee's fucking telling us all of this while ninja's are just spinning around down below just eating foot and dying and shenan Lee's like let's get into the the mechanics of the dome so I argue that there's already several ninjas in there. There's two magical karate masters I don't think we need one of whom is a wear Panther elements to the taser dome Yeah, one of them is a wear Panther. There's so much already. He's my point. It's just a hat balancing They're just playing catrace. It's a hat on a hat on a hat, you know, it's like Well on a hat, you know, it's like... Well, Panther is literally the block from above,

because he has now climbed up into the direct ceiling of the dome. For heck, the whole way. As if to escape, as if to say, no one's allowed with this before. It's like I can free myself from this karate hell. From Universal Studios for now. I've heard there's a world out there. I've never seen, I've been raised here. Orlando. God. This is silo rules.

They say the world outside doesn't exist. I don't believe them. Eric Batz was later eating my crocodile. That's why you never try to escape the dome. So I've got a sound clip here. Panthers sacrificed a point so he could use the dome to support against the ninjas, as long as he is holding onto or touching the dome, the sensors are disabled.

Okay, so such an element to conceive and explain, just a ninja-infield fly rule getting introduced in the middle of a fist fight. And for what? Well, I want to... Sorry. And for like half of a point's difference. So towards the end of that clip, it's overshadowed, of course, by, by dome accountants and the bylaws and by mechanics of the dome. But at the end of that clip, there is a gut wrenching

screen because what what Panther is doing is hanging from the dome Which is like 20 feet now above above above above the match floor and he kicks a ninja in the face that climbed up after him And that man falls and apparently lands on his head and I'm just I'm gonna play it one more time listen for the screen at the end Panthers sacrificed a point so he could use the dome for support against the ninjas as as long as he is pulling onto or touching with them, the sensors are disabled. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Wow! So maybe what happened was they killed that ninja. And they're like, let's distract the audience from this horrible death. Correct. It's just an impetitable new rule. At least on his back, if not maybe his neck, screaming in bloody terror the whole way. You know it's his first day.

Like that scream doesn't come from an experienced ninja. That was interesting. And there on the job training was like a VHS tape explaining how the dome is electrified, but don't worry, you're exploding. Just not register a point when you touch it. It's to a wrap. It's to a wrap With too much skid at the start. I just want to know how the way hold on the dome is electric He didn't really explain that

The dome will be new home. I'd be yeah, okay. I'm am I gonna die? You're pajamas and so for auntie don't just hold on tight and you'll make it home Anta don't just hold on tight and you'll make it home. So all of this in all of this turmoil superstar hits the dome. It's the hit into the dome by an engine, but it doesn't count because Panther is fucking up the entire thing. Right. And then Panther jumps back down. He's just so filled with electricity.

There's none left for the dome. He's just killing himself. It's all in his body. It's all so filled electricity, there's none left for the dome. He's just feeling himself. It's all in his body. It's all in his body. Now in a coppin' show, what would happen here is he would have absorbed the electricity and then be able to fire like raided like blasts of like this.

Hell yes, Electro Panther. That would have been so fun. We've basically created an alternate universe where this show was actually much, much better than it was. And it whips ass. Imagine it would have been unstoppable. It would have been completely unstopped. It would have been still running.

Yeah. If any of us had been on the writers team instead of old men doing like fucking little rascals bits. So all of this is to say, once again, needlessly complicated bylaws have decided this fight, so because Panther foot hacked that dome, Superstar's point doesn't count, Panther ends up losing in a satisfying ending

for kids everywhere, like, fucking, what are you doing? Why? I just show that ninja falling on top of Superstar, and then like, that's how Panther wins, is it how you do this and it's another unforced tiger claw ninja sawdust error and it's incredible to keep doing it and thinking thinking it's great uh so panther has to hand over his special cereal box top funnercat badge uh to superstar who plugs it into his belt and i guess absorbs his kitty cat powers

it is like it is literally just i had to like look it up because I was like that looks incredibly familiar. It like literally is the thunder cat's look like it is a hundred percent in old thunder cats logo that they stuck onto a coin. And really yeah, it is exactly that he gave him his favorite thunder cats badge. It's like when your kids and you fight and somebody takes their toy. It's just like, fine, you can have my best toy. I don't want to fight anymore. So we're back to the clubhouse. We're a machine, machine for some reason. I guess because he's the biggest is the daddy of the group. He's the daddy martial artist. He's lecturing them about how a joke is a joke, but you went

way too far with this one. It's about respect and great wealth and baby dollar. Very ashamed. All of these people are grown adults, by the way, it's like they're in their 30s. In their 30s. In their 30s. I feel like we're skipping your old past.

There was like this play by play that they gave at the end of it where Shannon Lee explains how the turning point of the match was when Panther grabbed the one thing you're not supposed to touch in the taser dome fight and And like hung on to it for 30 seconds and made it impossible for the other guy to lose points I'm like you fucking think that's where things went wrong for him Shannon Lee. You don't grab the dome It's like I don't know. It's like, go on, let's go to the replay. And you'll see here where Shaquilo Neal

made the mental error of eating the basketball. Yes. I'm more Malvert now, I bite women. It's, like, also this ending, this cap on the whole episode of like the pranks or pranks, but if you go too far, it's like, so is this a really serious martial arts competition where there are rules about if you hit someone with your glove off, then you get in trouble.

Or is it anything goes like prank-athon where there are no consequences to participants for sabotaging someone else, like, it's you pick one, it can't be, because it's like, their punishment is that machine is like, hey guys, I expect better for me. Like, I'm like, but they have to convene the Marshall Arts Council,

the Marshall Arts Congress in this case. Right. To pass the new, like this is 971. Slow moving, process, yeah. But I mean, the winner of this, is the appendix. The winner of this thing almost certainly like defends the earth realm from some sort of a shadow

karate council. So like there's the stakes are high. So so if you're like pranking someone to the point where they lose fights, it's like you're interfering with like the fate of our entire planet. It's just we right. You gotta take your shoes. I don't know this game.

Canada has fallen to the vampires. I hope the Gilbert was worth it. It's Canada vampires. Merit and Rift is, what is Canada again? It's Mexico. Mexico's vampires. Canada is Stephen Beaver's and the OZP is basically all that one guy from GigioO who did Northern ice operations.

All right, Snowjob. I had a World of Warcraft character named Snowjob and they took it from me. They're like, ah, it's too offensive. I had him for years and they logged in one day and they're like, I can't be Snowjob. Who you fucking asshole? I'm like, Snowjob taught me how to not touch power lines.

Like, Snowjob's are fine thing to say. It was an ode to American hero. Okay, so in the episode, machine is lecturing them. And once I'm gonna hit this point one more time, remember those ninjas or white belts first year in the academy in the first episode we watched. Machine through one off a third story fire escape.

And now he's lecturing them on the safety of pepper based pranks. Okay. Yes. And then can we talk about the fight the PSA that it was almost there. We're almost there because war because great wolf and maybe don't have no, they don't say like, okay, you fucking killed 12 ninjas today. I saw you maybe don't lecture me about pranks. They just say like, we're real sorry.

The prank got out of hand and then Warlock jumps in with a if you'll pardon the pun. Like fucking read the room, mother fucker. They are apologizing for the downfall of Canada. Like a nation died today because of this and these making puns. Red Dragon, of course, says apology, except it and shakes Warlock's hand with a joy buzzer. So what the fuck was the lesson?

Because we're doing pranks again. Yeah, that's a prank. Yes, a master. All right. And now, and now the PSA, sometimes at the end of these episodes, they do a PSA, right? And one of the, what, one at the end of these episodes, they do a PSA, right? And one of the W. Mack Hall stars, well, masters will come out and say,

you know, we had a lot of fun here today, but one thing's not fun, and that's fun. Crossless rate with that, looking both ways, whatever, they, they, generic something. So he's at the end and you think he's gonna be like, sometimes pranks go too far.

Make sure like everybody's having fun if you're gonna, if you're gonna do far. Make sure like everybody's having fun if you're going to, if you're going to do it. But no, he says the remember the road to success begins with just one step. The martial arts can help you pave the way. Kids, look out for a WMA school near you. You never know. You may one day be Dragon Star Champions. It's a real school. What? Yeah. When you were just talking about how the ninjas are white bells, I'm like, that's how they get them.

That's how they get them. From viewers like you. I think you're signing up for like a WMAC Dojo at the Strip Mall. And they're like, all right, so first day of class is, yeah, we're just going to head down to Universal Studios. And yeah, you're going to learn from the champs champs head off like, uh, just hands on, you know, like in front of it, you're going to lecture fight cake. And have your eyes bleed out from the underground pressures of like the battle. Yeah, which one, sorry, little Billy, I know it's, I know you're about to start third grade,

but you've got to go to the pit today. I mean we're making fun of it. I bet the the profit margin for a chain of ninja tacer dome training centers is way better than a live action mortal combat show. I bet all their money came from those schools. The yeah the implication that this was now like some sort of pyram martial arts pyramid scheme, where they were funding this fantastical battle, being funded by Universal Studios Florida to channel children into a ninja school, where they would become fodder for champions. Each of you find five expendable ninjas.

And each of them find five expendable ninjas. And soon that down line will send ninja energy all the way up to you and then you're the one eating their energy. Yeah, then you're a W Mac champion. Yeah, it could be you. So Hakim is just like, I know you're the best salesman. He's just he's just fucking knocking on doors. Got any kids in there? They would like to be taser dome ninjas. What would you do with real skyvasses more of Ninja energy a week from the comfort of your own home. And it's all done done by that one line. I hope Shannon Lee improvised it and just plucked them over where she says like

remember these ninjas are our dummy. We have first years they're our freshman like and somebody in the bag like no no we said that oh fuck they actually have those schools. Bobby can I join the school now what let me see the show you want to be one of those ninjas because he just got kicked by a seven foot tall man I don't want to I don't want you to do that but no I want to be an edible ninja when I grow on it? Anyway, I'll show you how this episode should have ended. You've all seen how Orkos magical tricks don't always go the way he planned. Sometimes they backfire on it. The same thing is true of practical jokes.

Sometimes they don't go the way you planned, and you or someone else can get hurt. So be sure and think twice before playing a joke or a trick on anybody. Might not go the way you planned and someone could wind up losing a finger or an arm or maybe even an eye. And no joke is worth that, is it? See you again soon! Aistaj, hundād frēkfurt! Pinti prākās kanālums, un mēk smalim šā! Dāk frēkfurt, prākās, konek! Ja! Ek prafis, nīt prafis, nīt unas! Šitdi, inda hundas au, dīo, anas stundas!

Kāpšā, dūkītas, inu vā! Aistaj, hundād frēkfurt! Aistaj, hundād frēkfurt! Aistaj, hundād frēkfurt! I'm Staghounder! I'm Staghounder! Frankfurt! I'm Staghounder! I'm Staghounder! Frankfurt! I'm Staghounder! I'm Staghounder! Frankfurt!

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