The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 14, Panic, Satan!

Episode Date: March 17, 2021

Seanbaby and Brockway light five candles rendered from the fat of a treasured goat and lo! They summon Jason Pargin! It's time to talk about the Satanic Panic, and the most ridiculous book to come out of it: Satanic Ritual Abuse - A Therapist's Handbook.

One nine hundred Hot Dog! One nine hundred Hot Dog! Our podcast slams with maximum hype! Say Hot Dog podcast worked! Yeah! When you taste that nitrate power You're in the dog zone for an hour! Come on!

You've got the number! One nine hundred! One nine hundred Hot Dog! One nine zero zero! Welcome to the Dog Zone 9000, the official podcast for 1,900 Hot Dog. I'm the internet's Sean Baby from the internet and with me as always is Robert Brockway also from the internet. Occasionally from the internet, every once in a while from just from my house, a lot from my

house these days. My house is Robert Brockway. And joining us again, our returning guest and old friend, Jason Parge, and no longer David Wong, the novelist, the author of Zoey Punches the Future in the Dick. Welcome back. Just to be clear, I'm still writing novels. They'll just have my actual, my actual name on the cover. That's what I was saying.

And to you, yeah, you didn't imply otherwise, but I know that that's what people are going to to assume. But I should point out that the way to peek behind the curtain here, the way this episode came about was you did this article on a book about satanic ritual abuse. And I said, if you ever do a podcast on this, I cannot be on the show. Because I and so what did we do? And so, yeah, that's that is, of course, what we are here doing today. Yeah, that's I mean, you can't tell us what to do.

Fuck you. Well, before we do that, we do like to at the top of our show now, we sort of talk about recent projects we're working on, or I suppose you could talk about a book you're working on. I imagine you're close to finished with the next one, since that's what hitting shelves at the end of this year and the next year. No, it's due at the end of this year, it will hit shelves and fall of next year because that's the speed at which book publishing works.

So right. So the book is I'm like 108,000 words into it is probably be like 125 by a time it's done. Oh, well, and it will I will have to turn it in before the holidays. And then it takes a full year, a full calendar year just to do cover editing, copy editing, formatting, going back and forth on what what font do you want? Is this a funny font? Do you want to find your font?

This all the little stuff. I don't have that funny font, man. Whereas in, you know, you and I, we're, you know, during our day jobs, we're from the world of internet publishing, where you're still editing the piece like two hours before it goes live, right? And then you click it goes live and then boom, it's now up and the whole world can see it. And if something was wrong, you can just fix it.

It is weird to finish something and think, all right, I've been living with this idea for like three years. I cannot wait for people to read it. Oh, here from now, I've literally never been ahead on a project like this. Like you say you're 108,000 words done and it's due in months. Like I would be in November. Like we're looking at my outline. Like I just can't even imagine being so far ahead on a project.

I yeah, it would not. It takes me a long time to write a book. Well, it's, I think all of us here, I don't think any of us write super fast. Bronco, are you a fast writer? Yeah, I'm pretty fast, but then, then if it gets into, especially like structural edits, when you're like, okay, now you have to take this apart and redo this, this and this, it takes me a long time to figure out how the fuck to do that. After I've already written an entire book, it's like finishing a jigsaw puzzle

and then somebody comes along and slaps it on the floor and it's like, I don't like 30% of these pieces do the same thing again, but without them. Right. Yeah. And it's to be clear for those who are not whatever the half of the audience who are not professional writers. Uh, when I talk about like writing the book and how many hours you have put into writing the book, a huge amount of that time is spent not typing anything.

It would appear to an outside observer, like you're just not doing anything because you're waiting for an idea to occur to you. And so as Brockway says, you've got a note from the publisher. It's like, well, you know, but could this, could the second part have more whatever could have more romance. And so you're, you're now trying to puzzle through how to make that work. Well, you're not sitting down typing that whole time. You, you're doing anything else because until the idea occurs to you, you're

just, you're just kind of stuck. So this is why I think writers have a reputation for either being just out of control, alcoholics or lazy or whatever, because a lot of the writing process just kind of looks like a guy taking a nap on a sofa or some, a few just don't even worry about it. A few were just like, nah, I got this. And then they write whatever first occurs to them and everything works out. And we hate those people.

We hate them and want them to die. There's no way those people exist. They, those, those are terrible people. And every time that happens to them, they brag about it, but I don't think that's a consistent thing. Well, then they're liars. They're liars. Yeah, we hate them for a lot of reasons.

Cowards, sons of bitches. My favorite thing about the extremely long publishing window is how you have to go and do press for a book that you turned in and are done with like a year ago. And I have no idea. I don't even know what I wrote. Well, right, because all of the ideas you scrapped are still in your brain and you don't remember if you left those in or not. So, and I've been usually working on something else for like a solid year.

And I'm entirely in this other thing. And then they're like, Hey, remember, remember every detail of what you did a year ago? Like, no, I don't now go up in front of 500 people and talk about it. You've moved on to the next project. And if you have a day job like we have, you've written 250 articles or edited rather. You know, you have to fit all that into your brain too. So when someone like will quote a line at you or like, this is my favorite part. It's like, boy, I was sure I deleted that.

I, okay, that's great. Yeah, that's I'm glad I left it in. I didn't know that was still in there. Well, I just edited an article from our friend, Alex Schmidt. And normally he's kind of an educator, but he just did an article about us, about being betrayed by the Power Rangers for us. It's a very straight comedy article, which was great. And he gave me a lot of art notes.

Like, I was like, Hey, no, no, I'll take care of the art. Don't even worry about it. So he just gave me a bunch of timestamps for a video thinking, I'll just go in and like, you know, take an hour and a half and I'll just take some screenshots. And here's the kind of thing I do. I'm like, what if instead of just a screenshot, I put it inside a TV, VCR mockup and made a bunch of them GIFs and added like 70 new jokes. And here it was like literally eight hours later after I told Brockway, like, yeah,

I'll be done in the morning. And I've just been like, you know, bloodshot. I had staring at this, but you did. Jason, you actually said something nice on Twitter about like my labor of love there. And now I appreciated that. Yeah, because it comes through anyone who has ever seen it. It comes through anyone who has edited you for years. You probably use a similar method I use to write books and articles, both, which is

you have a draft of it and then you just keep rewriting it. I do that a lot. Yeah. And for one thing, every pass adds another 500 words to it. Sure. Yeah. You never take stuff out. But you just keep trying to beat the joke you came up with and just try and keep improving

wording and you just rewrite, rewrite, like that's my, that's my thing. So you can see that you did not have to put that in there. Like that graphic, you know, the reader doesn't notice if it's not there, but there's such an extra amount of love that on the internet, and this is not insulting anyone else's work on the internet. You don't run into that kind of attention to detail and craftsmanship a lot. You that's probably true. Yeah.

The problem economy of the internet doesn't let writers do that and the people out there who are making their living, like they've got 20 minutes to type at 500 words on the new movie trailer that came out, they're doing their best. They had 20 minutes. Like you're not going to, you're not going to get Shakespeare. Like I get it. I'm not, you know, I've done that job. I'm not mad at those people, but the structure of the job in the way is just volume on top

of everything else. That kind of like, like every line's got a punchline and every little, there's an extra little touch to everything. That's rare. It's extremely rare. Yeah. You see. That's the 1900 hot dog guarantee.

Yeah. It is. And I think people who know like they love comedy and that kind of thing, I think they can tell. I think, you know, it also led to one of my favorite notes I've ever gotten where I sent it off to Alex. I'm like, Hey, I had all these graphics. Let me know if you need some changes.

I'm pretty happy with them. And he says, No, I love it, except there was one joke he made about the yellow ranger. And if you're familiar with Power Rangers, you know that in the early Power Rangers, the yellow ranger was the Asian girl. And the black Power Ranger was the black guy because they just didn't care about stuff like that in the nineties, I guess. And so I found a screenshot of her where it looks like she's taken off her earring and she's super pissed off.

And the word bubble was, bitch, I'm the what ranger now, which I was very happy with, just a nice simple little punchy thing. And Alex writes back, he goes, could you change? I don't like bitch. Could you change it to motherfucker? He said just sweetheart. I didn't want like that gender specific like insult in there. But anybody can be a motherfucker.

Right. Anybody can be a motherfucker. So shout out to Alex for my favorite note in my writing career. Please change bitch to motherfucker. But if anyone, that's one of the free articles, right? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a guess. Yes, pieces are. Yeah. That's one that's a good, like it's a good article, but it's not maybe not necessarily familiar with the site, but for some reasons listening to this because it's something we have all experienced where there's some treasured piece of media from your childhood and you go back and look at it now and realize what a slap dash knockoff like piece of junk they threw together out of spare parts.

Like I I'm of the age where the the cartoons I grew up with were either Transformers or G.I. Joe. I watched them both. And those were toy commercials, but had a they had their thing going there. They were all right. Okay, go back and watch what the actual art looks like on the actual not not the movies, but the G.I.

Joe, the actual half hour series they did from Sunbeam or whatever company that was and how little effort was made put into the background, the animation, everything about it like they again, working under deadline. I don't I don't doubt there's a sweatshop somewhere where, you know, multiple workers died every week from the conditions of having to paint those those animation frames or Korean animators. But at the time, like I thought that was the coolest thing in the world. And then I had, I don't know, I watched I go, but you can go watch them on YouTube as

I did a couple of years ago. It's like, oh my God, like they cared not at all about this. That's kind of what's funny as an adult. Like I think I enjoy them more now than I did as a kid. There's another perspective thing, an adult perspective that Alex mentioned was that there's this weird type of kayfabe that these characters had where the Power Rangers in that article we're talking about, like being real Power Rangers talking about what it felt like when they morphed, but like they're just actors and they showed them behind the scenes

reading scripts. So like the child watching this knows their actors. But here's the actor saying like, oh, yes, hi, I'm the I play this ranger. And also I'm a real Power Ranger in real life, which had this sort of, you know, pro wrestling kayfabe that there's no internal logic. It wouldn't make sense to anyone over the age of like three, right? Like it's, this is some Easter Bunny shit, but here they are, you know, presumably speaking to teenagers.

All right. So it was the conceit that they, the conceit is that they, they are Power Rangers filming a show about being Power Rangers and like that was what it has to be, right? But there's eight levels of things wrong with that. So like they have the superpowers and the lion's swords and everything, but they're just actors. They just like, they just like take them to, to rodeo drive and go shopping in them. In the seventies, like pro wrestling was like that, like, like wrestlers were careful if

they were good guys and bad guys, not to be seen in public together. And I think there's stories about how Ric Flair's wife didn't know wrestling was fake. And so she would get really mad at other guys when they cheated, when they fought Ric Flair. And so like, but, but at least that only requires one kind of story, I'll have to look it up to be sure. Just, but it, that only requires one kind of stupidity, right? Where these are not wrestlers playing wrestlers, playing wrestlers. It's like these are just, you know,

Imagine being Ric Flair and never correcting that being like, yeah, that's son of a bitch. I can't believe he did that. Just let me wipe vent and grow more furious. And I'm like, is this even, does she, can she even consent to this human relationship? Yeah, something's got to, something's got to be morally wrong with that relationship at some point. But that's how bright I am. I'm here insulting Ric Flair's wife.

Okay. I assume they're all good to wrestling tragedy and it's, it's all just in very poor taste. Yeah. It's probably 11 wives ago. I am, I am working on and just finished up a piece about the lawnmower man, which is one of my favorite nineties movies. So he talked about it before and I was just doing the research for it, but that's how long it took me.

And, you know, I'm really happy with it. I really found my angle. It was really funny. And great graphics. You're going to really enjoy these graphics, Jason. I just saw the draft compliment, I was like, hey, great job. These are, these are great frames. They like really elevate and transform this art into something.

And Brock is like, I can't do fucking seven hours. They're very basic. Like once, once you see him, the article will be live and this goes up. Once you see him, you'll be like, oh, that's all right. It's nice that you put in that extra little bit of effort. It took me all day. It took me so long. I feel like I, I feel like I wrestled a snake for like seven hours.

It's just it's exhausting. I don't feel like I won. I don't feel like I won the battle with the snake. Like at best it was a choice by referee. It was decision by points. And see, that was, that was the thing with the cracked, the mobile experience was set up like to save money that they had to do like lazy loading on the images. Like the image images would take a couple of seconds to pop in.

So if you're scrolling through with your thumb, your first impulse and what every reader did is to just, we have that blank where the image is going to be. You just scroll past it to find the next text. Cause you're in the middle of reading the article. You don't want to be interrupted to stop and look at this stock photo joke or whatever, but like on your columns, those were the result of, you know, a lot of time and effort and there's a dialogue bubble or whatever. It doesn't matter.

It's the reader who was trained. I worked there and I was trained to just skip it, just skip past the images. And you could like, we could look, we could see the readers were doing this. And it's something they did because like changing to that type of image loading, they saved like $20,000 a month because when you're a site that huge, you're paying a ton for the CDN services or whatever. I see why they did it. But it was one of the depressing things because everything you kind of would

like to do, like what we liked about the internet, those of us who came up in the early nineties internet is it used to be able to really play with format and do fun stuff and we're going to do, you know, here's an entire article that's in the form of a series of gifts or here's an article that's, it's all stretched out horizontally and you have to scroll side to side. And like now when everything has to be compatible with iOS 14 or whatever and Android and you know, 80% of your users are reading on a phone. That's just stuff for the most part, just goes out the window.

Like it's again, it's not, it's not anybody's fault. There's no grumpy boss say, no, that's too inventive for our site. It's that you, if you try to be too cool with it, they're just not going to look at it because it doesn't come up on their tiny little, their tiny little phone. But that was always one of the most discouraging things about modern internet stuff for me. Yeah. Well, we're trying to fix that best we can.

By ignoring it. That's our game plan. Yeah. It's working spend eight hours making fucking lawnmower man frames. We don't care. Yeah. You'll, you'll like it because that's all you're going to get. Yep.

And then six years from now, we're going to get bought by a big media company and we're going to do viral jokes from four days ago and, uh, we'll have $8,000. All right. So the actual topic for today is, um, satanic ritual abuse. It's a real fun topic. Um, we, we started talking about this because I did find this book called, uh, satanic ritual abuse, a therapist's handbook, and it really is a condensation or a condensing of everything wrong with this.

All of the fucking craziness that, um, that came about from people thinking there was cults of, uh, Satan worshipers. Well, before we start, Jason, could you in five words or less describe the satanic panic of the eighties? Not in five words or less. But see, I do this annoying. I feel like people are annoyed when I do this. I go on people's podcasts and when I'm talking about something from the eighties,

I always stop and say, well, now I don't know if your listeners are familiar because I can't get any sense of, of what parts of the eighties stuck around. And what didn't. This did not, but I feel like people are familiar with it. Okay. Just from the name. It's routine mockery. Like this phenomenon lives on now through QAnon, right?

It's, it's the same inputs where, you know, QAnon, uh, the cult theory that there's a ring of powerful people that are abducting thousands of children. And I think the latest thing was that they are, they're harvesting some hormone from their blood and then they get high off of it. And it's hormone is triggered by terror. So they're like terrifying the children and that they have an island somewhere and that they, they, they alleged that Tom Hanks was one of the ring leaders and that Donald Trump, yeah, Donald Trump became president because he's

secretly an undercover operative, taking it down single-handedly. Like the, you know, his subtlety and grace and espionage makes a kind of sense. And the QAnon, like they still think Donald Trump is president secretly. And he's actually assassinating these trial traffickers in the White House because he's still president. So anyway, the satanic panic of the 80s would be like if actual police and actual like, like mainstream news media, if they all bought in and started like arresting people for QAnon, like if they, if they went and arrested Tom

Hanks, it's like, Hey, we heard about you harvesting these children's fear hormones, like in the, the hit film monsters incorporated that it turns out it was real because there were nationwide, before this was over, there were around 12,000 accusations of some sort of cult sexual abuse, children being abducted and sacrificed in a satanic ritual. And most of the testimony came from children and the people at the time in the middle 80s were like, well, why would they lie about it? Right.

So of these 12,000 accusations, exactly zero of them were true, but many, many people got arrested and some people went to jail and it was my mother would say some of those were true. Sean and I both grew up in households with parents who, my mother was very religious, part of an evangelical church is in a small economically depressed town and those places have a unique type of religion, right? That is very apocalyptic in nature. And it's kind of fascinated with the idea that like Satan is walking the earth.

So these rumors, these, these children that would, if you take a small child and anyone who has lived with a small child knows they just make stuff up. I get, so if you have a case where a child is alleging a crime, trying to figure out what exactly happened, it takes a trained professional with a lot of experience. It is difficult. If you don't know what you're doing, you can accidentally feed that child the narrative because the kid just wants to please you and you're an adult.

And if you freaking bring this kid into a police station and start saying things again, please, what sounded like laughter coming from my voice there. Don't, don't misinterpret that. I'm, I'm going to try not to laugh when I describe this. When the child tells us, the adult tells the child. Now, did they take you and did a bunch of people in black robes start levitating? The child is going to say, yes, because it is clear that the only way he gets to go home is if he tells you the store you want to hear.

And they may even offer some sort of a reward like now, well, now, you know, if you cooperate with us and talk to us, you'll get some candy or whatever out of the, yeah, there's that incentivized nature of it. But also, uh, kids just like they love that type of like whimsy. Like I don't teach my daughter that, that there's an Easter Bunny. I, I do things like, oh, I'm going to pretend to be an Easter Bunny. I'm going to hide a bunch of bags. Some people think there's really an Easter Bunny, but there's not that.

I just don't want her to be like tricked like that. But she'll still just decide there's an Easter Bunny and, and refuse to admit that it's me pretending to be an Easter Bunny. You know what I mean? It's just, it's more fun to believe in like magical things. And she is pretending, but like it's unspoken. I guess this is that kayfabe we were talking about. It's that pro wrestling kayfabe.

As a, as a kid, if you had told me like these, they're secret hooded black figures that levitate, I would have just been like, awesome. I really want that to be true. So let's play this game, whatever this game is, I'm in. So it's true. Exactly. You, they're asking you if you want, if you went on an amazing adventure and fought Satan and got away and got away with, so for example, I'm going

to just cite a couple of cases off the top of my head. Please. No one think that I did a bunch of homework for this episode. You promised you wouldn't. We made you swear. You could Google the McMartin preschool trial. Sure. Seven people arrested based on testimony from children that they were taken

into tunnels under the school to be ritualistically abused by cult leaders and witches who flew on brooms. And that in these tunnels, one of the attackers they ran into was actor Chuck Norris. Your life was actually a go pot. Those seven people were tied up in court for six years before the, the charges were finally dismissed as ridiculous in 1990 from 1983, 84 through 1990. They were continually being accused of having ritualistically abused and

sacrificed children in tunnels that do you want to guess if those tunnels existed? Well, that doesn't. Yes, I'm going to get at hiding tunnels. I'm going to bank on. Yes, it's got to pay off one of these days. And so on. There was the faith. Was it no?

Yeah, no, there were no in none of these cases when they directed the police back to the location where the abuse happened. Did the location even exist as in they're taking them to a barn that had no basement and they described a basement full of baby corpses. Sure. That we're going to get into the graphic graphic description from Sean's book, but that was typical. And again, I know in some cases, probably district attorneys were thinking, well,

maybe the kid was confused about the weird stuff, but maybe they were still like they were just being molested and they made up the other stuff. But no, it was all it was all fake. The faith chapel ritual abuse case. You can Google if you want to read the sad story. The guy being accused of San Diego, he was disabled, could not drive. He was accused of satanic ritual abuse of nine children. The testimony from kids, including that he had killed a giraffe and an

elephant in front of the children and in fact, his bare hands had drank human blood and that all of the stories involved him picking them up in his vehicle to take them to the cult, whatever he could not drive physically was unable to drive. Didn't matter. Now, see, both of you guys are sci-fi novelists. So you you understand the importance of world building and the delicate nature of it. And so could you talk about what would have to happen in order for a person to kill a giraffe, like I'm sure your mind is already like running the scenario of

like, I guess you'd have to call someone who has a giraffe. It's an unusual thing. And then ship a giraffe and presumably feed a giraffe for at least a few days. And like, there's now 40 people involved in this conspiracy and like, like bureaucratic government organizations that oversee, you know, distribution of giraffes. You can't just go get a giraffe and murder it without hundreds of people knowing. Well, as a hack writer, I was just thinking, hang it. OK, I mean, right, you're right.

And of course, and the the legal system agreed with you after a trial that only took nine months, OK, of this guy's life, during which he is being accused of abusing nine children. That on this, these outlandish outlandish stories. And they were all like this. And that's what comes up in your book is because this is a book by a therapist saying, well, now I've run into victims of this. Yes, does these satanic rituals.

And she believes every claim from these kids wholeheartedly and then had, did she have an artist draw the experiences? These weren't drawings from the kids, right? These she actually, for the most part, it seems like she works with adults that have multiple personality disorder. And they got the multiple personality disorder from the ritual abuse. Now, this is kind of a controversial subject, because there are people with like disassociative disease that like is presumably real.

But in the 80s and 90s, people were diagnosed a lot with this condition by the same therapists, because a therapist would sort of like encourage people to be like, oh, man, it'd be super cool if there was like a little girl living inside you. And then these like patients who are kind of eager to please very much like a like a hypnotist victim. And so they sort of just go along with whatever the therapist suggests. And and that's kind of what that condition is.

Now, obviously, there is a lot of ways people deal with trauma and some of it is like disassociating and creating multiple personalities. But it's very, very rare. And if someone says, hey, I know someone with multiple personalities, chances are they got tricked into thinking they had that by a bad therapist. And this woman is maybe the worst therapist that's ever been. Her name is D Brown in this book.

I guess you can buy it yourself on Amazon. It's about nine hundred and eighty bucks. Last time I checked, it's very, very affordable book. But I guess if you think about it, a lot of people go through some rough shit as kids, right? A lot of people get abused. And for the most part, no one wants to talk about that or hear it being talked about. And yet if you add a little Satan to it, everyone wants to hear about it.

So you can sort of see how even at an individual level, like you might be encouraged to just sort of add a little like devil worship to your shitty childhood. And then suddenly people are like, yeah, I would love to hear more about this. I prefer we stick to the phrase, add a little Satan to it. Add a little Satan to it. Add a little Satan to it. This my the reason I initially said like I don't want to do the show about this is because I didn't think I could make jokes about it

because it it upsets me a lot because a massive amount of damage was done, not just people's reputations, but to these kids who, you know, and there was a market for selling books and speaking engagements and whatever on about satanic ritual abuse. There were prosecutors who could get elected promising to stop this kind of thing. There was a lot of motivation on the part of people who absolutely had to know this was not true.

Who were happy to push this and do the same thing that, you know, conspiracy people do now, which is make uneducated people miserable and terrified and to believe that their neighbors are secret satanists and that just throw around these accusations. Because again, for every example in this book, there is some completely innocent person on the other end of that who this therapist who had no idea what she was doing at all. Just blithely saying, oh, yeah, we saw this guy murder 30, 30, 40 infants

in a blood frenzy, which, you know, any experience cop, prosecutor, anybody knows that there's not 40 babies missing from the city. Like it doesn't matter what city, let alone the small town in Nebraska where this person claimed it happened. But there is one giraffe. There's one giraffe we can't find. We're missing one non cult pediatrician to be like, wait a second. Forty of my patients lost a baby this year.

And they all seem kind of weird and devilly. I mean, like, even if you don't jump to the conclusion, like, OK, they're all murdering these babies in devil worship ceremonies. You'd still probably call Guinness and be like, hey, Guinness, do you keep track of super dark records? Because I know a town where a lot of babies die. Like it's going to the secret's going to get out. Like you just can't kill 50 babies a year.

That's my theory anyway, I hope. I guess that's the other trap. We're pretty good. We're pretty good about counting babies. That's one thing we're really good about. But that's the point is that. Look, crime wherever you're at is a real thing. In the small town church where I was from poor community type, you know, it's type of place you've driven through if you didn't happen to live there.

People were committing crimes. There is plenty of drug use. There's plenty of domestic abuse. There was plenty of people getting drunk and beating the crap out of each other. There's plenty of bad things happening. But for whatever reason, as a coping mechanism, they wanted to believe this much more flamboyant bad thing was happening. Right. Because I guess just the everyday evil of the mechanic,

you know, screwing somebody over on their car repairs and charging them an extra 200 bucks for work they didn't even do. But that stuff is boring. And if a preacher goes up and tells the sermon about that, well, then that's like pointing the finger at us sitting out in the pews. But if he goes up there and tells an exotic story about satanic cults who are not succumbing to just everyday greed and impulses and drunkenness, but are rather are just purely serving evil because they like serving evil.

That's what they want to believe in. And you can that's good. Churching. Yeah, you can judge a lot about a person by what horrible thing they choose to believe, right? Because they're kind of they're kind of telling you what you they don't want you to focus on, if that makes sense. Mm hmm. Also, it there's this a thing about that is you can tell that they know in their heart, it's not true, because imagine for a second,

it's literally true. Your parents trained you to be like a baby murderer and you know all these murderers. Like, let's just assume that's really true. That means, you know, fucking 50 murderers and you didn't do shit about it. You total coward. Like, you know what I mean? Like, like you just how could you live with yourself if you knew the names and faces of 50 murderers

and you're just like crying to some therapist about how a little girl lives inside you? Like, it's just cowardice beyond imagining. And so I feel like they couldn't they know it's not real. This is just a game they play that that, you know, eats up too much of their time, maybe. When you try to get my point, right? When you try to boil down what people believe versus what they what it's convenient for them to say they believe. It is a weird rabbit hole, because as I've mentioned on why it's on the crack podcast,

we talked about cults. There's a long history of cult leaders who started the cult, literally telling their friends, I'm only doing this for money, like Elron Hubbard literally laughed at his followers. Toward the end of his days, Elron Hubbard was so obsessed with the aliens living in his bloodstream that when he would do like his e-meter things, he would like turn up the voltage so high that he almost killed himself with it. He repeated courage, he repeated his stupid lie so many times that he reprogrammed himself. Because all of the backstory of Xenu and all that stuff, it came from a bad sci-fi story he wrote. He knew it was fiction. He wrote it.

Imagine believing that about your own books. Imagine living in the world that you just wrote. I think I would do pretty well in the Zoe Punch's The Future of the Dick World. Yeah, but there's something about the human brain where you tell a lie enough times, you do start to believe it. So for example, the church I grew up in, and I think Sean, maybe one of your parents were involved in, I know this is not a show, we all talk about our families. But they talked about like the impending rapture non-stop and thought like, we're not going to last another year before God sucks us off the earth and then burns all the centers alive. We were hardcore preppers, yeah. Well, see, that's the thing.

None of the people in my church were prepping. They just knew it was going to end. They talked about how a disease will come and the pestilence will come and a third of the earth will be destroyed and all of the water will turn poison. But none of them were storing clean water. The goal was to die. The goal was to die or, well, be disappeared. Well, no, see, they believed there'd be a period of tribulation between when things went to hell and before God took them off the earth. And that's why Sean's parents were preppers.

They believed that there would be starvation, like the four horses of the apocalypse, there's starvation and disease and war or whatever. And then you're going to be in some very rough times and then eventually Jesus will take the believers off the earth. But they would hear that sermon, really say they believed it. I think if you hook them up to a lie detector test and said, do you believe it? They'd say, yes, it would show their telling the truth. But when the sermon is over, they just go home and watch football. Right. Like they believed it because in the tribe they were in believing it as part of being in the tribe.

And I think a lot of them would, you know, like the people who stormed the Capitol or whatever, the QAnon believers who thought they were restoring whatever they thought there on some level, they clearly thought it was true. They risked going to jail and everything else. But on the other hand, when you see them like one prediction after another not come to pass, it's like you, some part of their brain knows it's fake. They must, yeah. But it's that's a hard problem figuring out what people actually believe versus what they they've just said. They believe so many times that it's now this is their identity. Like I'm a person who believes this because I have to be right.

I mean, you take out one of these beliefs and suddenly sort of have to admit like, oh, my God, I've been dumb as fuck right in front of all my closest friends and family for 20 years. You know what I mean? Like, there's a real self-defense mechanism to never admit any of this is a lie. Exactly. And the other thing is that there's this, this, the stupid are very scared of being naive. And you'll like, I'm sure you've seen smart people ask questions when they don't know stuff. But like the very stupid, they're concerned that they're being tricked all the time, which makes them, of course, very easy to trick. And so if you say to someone, hey, there's devil worshipers everywhere, obviously that's dumb.

But what if there were, you don't want to get surprised by that? You know what I mean? It feels smarter to just prepare for all the devil worshipers or at least think that they're out there. Right. And, you know, if they're not there, I guess that's OK. But but they are. I mean, you can't prove they're not, which and even if they're not because you were so ready for them, you drove them away. Your vigilance, they knew not to mess with you.

Yeah, because the human brain has infinite fallback positions. As again, any apocalyptic cult, you know, they'll set one date after another after another and they can always like it doesn't matter. It's, you know, it's the Q and on people. They just keep saying like they decided March 4th is going to be the day now that Trump comes back to the White House. Like because they found something in the Federalist Papers or something buried deep in there. Because even the inauguration, even, you know, Biden passing laws, it doesn't matter that there will always be another fallback position. Because like you said, if you are insecure about your intelligence, if people are constantly making fun of you, yeah, there's no way you can admit you're wrong. It's you don't have that off ramp.

And I'm not like I'm not making any jokes here. This is this is what I didn't want to do because this is this bothers me so much. And I've seen people fall down like down these rabbit holes and it's like Rob, their families of this person because they get sucked into this conspiracy stuff. And in the 80s, I believe the stuff because I was a kid and I was in a family that and in a church is like, well, this is the end. And you could turn on the NBC nightly news and hear them like, you know, they all they found, you know, painted pentagrams on this overpass. And it's like, oh, my gosh, that means that they that the, you know, the Satan rituals have spread to here to what do we do? And it was just understood. It was like talking about to deny it existed to be like denying, you know, the coronavirus or whatever.

It's like, well, of course, people are being killed across the country by the Satanist and look, someone painted a pentagram on a bridge. Who else would do that? Certainly not teenagers. Certainly not teenagers who have suddenly found out that if you paint a penis on a bridge, nobody cares. But if you paint a star in a circle, it is headline news across the country and everyone is scared of you like that power and that attention. And then you put your penis right next to it and everybody in the world sees it. And there's the penis right there. Yeah, it's you use that as a way to get people into the art.

You really want them to see. Get eyes on dicks. So it is, it is hard for me to like this article, I left hardest at this of anything I've read in the last few months because of the catharsis. But it is, I'm just scrolling through these drawings. The drawings are so whimsical. Yeah, that it physically hurts me to look at them. It's too funny for me to put through my brain because she did this believing it was true. The people who paid and the original cover price, it says the 1695 and 1980s dollars, which is that's an expensive book for what it is.

The people who bought it or distributed it at their church, the people who paid this person to do, I don't know, speaking engagements. I don't know if they they caught in on that gravy train, but that's real money was presumably written specifically for therapists dealing with these patients. God forbid. But but yeah, everybody looked at this book, thought it was a real serious thing. I thought it was a life or death issue. And then you see these drawings. And I guess I'm sure I assume on the page where you link the podcast, you can display some of these drawings again, or at least link to the article. Describe one of them.

There's there's one where there's a tiny child with just a million lines on her back from the torture marks and she's nude. And then there's a nude woman tied down to a like a surfboard. And there's seven monks surrounding her and a couple of like loose arms because they're very, I don't know, they're not super literal drawings because there's an 11 foot tall guy with like a long wingspan standing over them. And inside his robes are the words kill, kill, kill, kill the baby, kill, kill, kill dozens of times. And then the caption says, power, kill the torture, burn, burn the knife, knife, knife, knife, knife. That's the important part. Then the caption reads, a child performs a ritual sacrifice for the cult. Whitmarks on her back are evidence of the coercion used to make children perform such acts, which again, this is not the caption here I'm talking.

These are the kind of things that you could prove like, oh, yeah, I'm in a Satan cult. Here's all the hundreds of whip marks on my back. Like those don't like go away in an hour and a half. Like you could show someone and they would say, okay, it may be not a devil cult, but somebody is whipping this child. Anyway, it continues. The master presides while other cult members chant and torture the victim. The spider marks the spot where the fatal wound is to be inflicted in the background. A freshly killed baby is providing blood for the ceremony.

Background did just background that baby. Yeah, it's like in a humidifier or something. They throw the baby in the humidifier. It's like a nice blood mist and that like refreshes the cultists so they can do their murder. And no, no, you need to stop right where you're at because every single listener to this podcast just paused to say, did he read in the caption of this drawing, the spider marks the spot where the fatal wound is to be inflicted? What does that mean? I love it because it is not clear from the drawing or the description, whether that's a real trained spider that scurries around on like

your liver to show the child where to stab or if it's like they carefully draw a spider onto the victim. And then of course, the child, you give a kid a knife and say stab the spider like you got about a 10% chance of that hitting the spot. But such, such depth to the madness. And it's such an adorable spider. I mean, it is drawn like a four year old who wants their best friend to be a spider. Just in case, again, I worry that it's not clear because there's a lot in this picture. This is a drawing that was done by speaking to, I do not, it's not clear to me if the drawing was done by the victim who she interviewed of the ritual abuse or if they are therapy.

Okay. So it is a naked woman laying there, the victim being stabbed in the vagina by one sword and then a disembodied hand is stabbing another side of her, no, the sword's on fire, I guess, or maybe. Burn the knife, burn the knife, knife. Yeah, in the, in the abdomen. And then there, the new child with whip marks over her entire body is about to, with like a ceremonial knife is about to stab the woman and right under where the knife is going to come down is a happy little cartoon spider that I swear if you look real close, it's almost got like a smiley face.

Like it's this adorable little cartoon spider there. And the caption just casually mentions, well, the spider marks the spot where the wounds to be inflected. Right. What does that mean? Is it a tattoo you put on there? Is it a spider that like it's trained and then you imagine they, they don't have to use a new spider every time. Like it jumps out of the way at the last minute because it knows. And no one followed up.

No one thought this was a question we would have. Yeah, this is just like, let it stand there. Cool. Oh, they use spiders. Huh, that's a good detail. I had that. Uh, I did it right about, uh, this other book on crack, it was, uh, a book for children who were part of these cults. And it had a lot of details like this where like the kid didn't want to eat chicken and then, and the parents are

like, oh, she won't eat, she won't touch the chicken. They did something with chicken because the author of this just knew that like these Satan cults did things with chicken. And I don't know where she heard that, but it was not explained to me. The reader, it's just sort of like, Hey, this is something I heard. I'm, I'm putting in the book. The chicken marks the place where you were supposed to stab. They like give the kids bad sandwiches and like, oh, I hate these sandwiches. They go home and the parents are like, why won't she hit her chicken because of the devil

cult at my daycare, mom? Wait, I don't know. I don't, these drawings, uh, are all very similar to this. Sorry. Um, this one says cut her, cut her blood, blood is power, blood is power killer, killer. She is our strength. She is our power to us, her power. It's like, um, it's like a grandma trying to explain what she saw in a Dungeons and Dragons game.

It's just, it's so normal headed insanity, I guess. I'm sorry. I'm going to scroll back up to the spider giant again. We're not, we're not done rifted on that one. On the priest that's overseeing this whole thing with the giant arms and the robe. You were acting like the kill, kill, kill, kill, the baby, kill. You're acting like those, that was word balloons. That was dialogue of what was being said.

I thought that was written on the robe because there's no word. It's supposed to be on the side. Yeah. No, you're probably right. That's the cream Abdul Jabbar wearing a robe that says kill, kill, kill. So full pattern robe that says kill, kill, kill, kill. Okay. So on the robe, I'm seeing, if you look closely, I'm seeing kill the baby.

And then below that, kill Kathy. Yeah, you're right. It says kill Kathy. Let me see if Kathy is one of her patients. It must be. I mean, it has to be Kathy's drawing, right? I guess Kathy would be the one she's killing. She would have to be this like whipped little girl.

Oh, but she wouldn't have used the patient's real name, right? And if they know the name of this murder victim, couldn't they just say, oh, you live in it, let's just go look up the town you live in and look at all the missing persons named Kathy. Like it doesn't seem hard to just start solving this crime. There's enough details here. You're looking for cream Abdul Jabbar. You're looking for a missing woman named Kathy.

You're looking for a woman with thousands of whip marks on her back. And I don't know, a barn with a basement that you got to have that. A spider, a well trained spider, several spider wranglers. This goes all the way to the top. I'm scrolling to the other drawings because I scrolled to the one below the cut her blood is power, blood is power. That one, which that one has like a bad drawing of two of the monks with a bowl underneath a dangling infant catching blood out of its slit

throat, I guess, and the one below that, I know that if you draw something, it's hard to not make it whimsical on accident. I get it. If you're not a skilled artist, like a cartoonish style is all you can manage. If you're trying to draw the funniest possible woman being tortured seen, you couldn't beat this next. It's it is like, uh, I guess there's no reason for them to be so bad, like they could bring in a sketch artist or take some extra time.

But this is like their dictionary drawing. It's like, OK, we only got 10 minutes here. I'm a very busy therapist. I have lots of devil worship victims to get through in the day. So hurry up, draw, draw that spider getting stabbed. I'm going to it's I don't want anyone on this podcast to describe this next drawing, do not say what's drawn on it. OK, I'm only going to read the caption.

And I'm going to let the listener in the theater of their mind imagine what is drawn above it. This drawing embodies the theme of cult spin programming with the child trapped inside the spiral. Notice the similarity between the genitals and the goats head symbol used in other illustrations. And you don't want to describe that. My favorite my favorite cap are my favorite little speech bubble of all of them.

It is really good. He says, I will control you. Then he says, totally with no punctuation. And then he says, I can. Yes, I can. I will control you totally. Totally. I can. Yes, I can. He's so happy about it.

He believes in himself and he's going to control you. Which is another element of this where obviously this falls apart if if you just go tell somebody who isn't in the cult. Hey, I know where a cult is. If you if you want to catch 50 murderers, let's go get them. But there's a lot of hypnotic suggestions implanted in these children. So sometimes when they're talking to the therapist, I've been warned by this book, they'll get a phone call like the next day

and someone like tap on the receiver in a certain way. And then their mind will get wiped or they'll like know they have to go home to their cult town or whatever. Because again, I don't want to criticize the opsec of so many double cults that have gone so long without being caught. They're obviously very good at their job. But the idea of like raising a kid to be a murderer and then erasing their brain and then sending them off into the world

and then having like teams of people follow them around while they like go to therapy, while they talk about this. It feels like that's not a great way to keep a secret is my point. And I get. Yeah. That's my criticism for the devil cults and too much baby killing. OK, this is the other thing that upsets me about all conspiracy theories is because many, if not most of them, don't just require a group of ultra evil conspirators.

They require almost everyone outside your church to be in on it or at least OK with it, right? Because like with QAnon, like it's it's basically saying that the entire deep state of the government is part of it, all the actors in Hollywood. And, you know, who knows how many corrupt law enforcement, because they describe things you could not get away with in real life. At least not for for very long. So here it's the same thing where everything that's implausible.

It's like, well, how would this person get a draft through customs? Like if you own a zoo, it's hard to get a draft. Like it's difficult. Like, you know, you don't just go catch one in the woods. But it is you tried to steal a giraffe. It's rough. They do they do not like to go where you were trying to get them to go. Yeah. And if you're if you're trying to terrify a child

with the dark power of Satan and you whip out a giraffe, and no matter how you murder it, I'm sorry, you've created whimsy. The child is going to laugh. Wow. Yeah, the child is going to be delighted no matter what you do. You know, and then you plot an elephant that's like literally the only animal that could top it other than a train spider. I'm not sure I agree. I really think that you could kill a giraffe in a way that would make a kid scream.

I think you could make a kid very upset by killing an elephant, too. But I take your point that there's a large portion of that. That kid's having a great time. But right. I mean, it's just a bad circus. Right. And then, you know, a slightly less cruel circus to be to be from. At least they're suffering into this. Not that they're not having to travel like on a train full of people that are all on meth and having sex with each other,

which is what I imagine goes on with with carnies or or whatever. But right. Oh, yeah, the circus trains. But it's the same thing whether you're talking about this, you're talking about like the 9-11 conspiracy stuff that was all over like 10 or 15 years ago used to be used to running that every comment section you went to every time you had like a picture of the twin towers. Be like, yeah, you know, so I guess you people still think that jet fuel can melt steel beams.

And when you try to pin them down on, OK, well, what do you think happened? It's like, well, is it controlled demolition? And you say, OK, well, to bring down a building, two buildings that size, like when you see those demolitions on TV, like they're comparing it to, it literally takes like six months to wire up the explosives. It takes hundreds of charges because you can't just have the building fall over sideways, you need it to fall straight down. So when did that happen?

And they say, well, you know, the buildings were closed for repairs like a month in August of 2001. It's like, OK, so now start to run down all of the people who have to be in on it. Everyone who works in the building, all of the security guards, everyone who sold them the explosives, all of the hundreds of crew and construction workers that took to install them. Like it's so you have to be trying to get a giraffe installed as a security guard at the World Trade Center. Very difficult.

It ultimately comes down to everyone sucks, but us. And all the people who deny the conspiracy theory, well, you must be in on it. You know, you people at crack, you must have taken George Soros money to promote the propaganda that that planes brought it down because everybody sucks, but us and everyone is like fine with baby murder, but us. I did get a few checks from George Soros while I was there. Did you guys not get those? I only took cash under the table for my stuff.

For the could have been it could have been Soros cash. I did get some Soros bucks would only pay for the man comics. And we never knew why. But there was some agenda that he was sure was being promoted that would destabilize the West. And hasn't it? I mean, look at it. Look at it like five, six years later. Not like not like the world got better.

Yeah, I mean, was he wrong? Man, I think a lot of people are probably concerned they might have been a victim of satanic ritual abuse and had their mind hypnotically erased. So there is a chapter. This woman lists all the symptoms that indicate you've been ritually abused. So if you'd like, I could go through these just these are red flags. The first one is called Jekyll and Hyde syndrome. So if you sometimes lose your temper and have like a shift in personality,

that's one if you've had a lot of like actual abuse. OK, good. Escalating violence. If you get that one's actually pretty bad. Some of these are just like, hey, have you been like terribly abused? Maybe Satan was involved. Then it gets into the very rare one, shame. If you've ever felt shame, that's probably an indicator. I've done that one.

Do you have eating disorders and not just like clinical eating disorders? Just like, do you do like, are you bad with food? Do you do a lot of alcohol? Yeah, a bunch of cookies the other day. I didn't assume that was Satan. Yeah, I didn't assume. But you know what, looking back, could have been saying about how much alcohol do you drink during a day?

Oh, my God, I'm drinking alcohol right now. So Satan, I'm out is what you say. OK. Yeah. History of panic attacks, suicide attempts, self-harm of any kind, chronic depression, persistent chaos. That just means your life's kind of a mess. So obviously, this is very much like a UFO abduction book where they list so many symptoms that by the end of it, even a very ordinary person

has at least 40 percent of these symptoms. And if your life's my number, because I've already I've already got like four. It's pretty suspicious. And like, if your life is a wreck, you could get, you know, basically all of them. And then suddenly you're like, well, certainly I must have been satanically ritually abused. And then that instantly makes you a more interesting person.

So your your brain is just demanding you believe it. Just like this is so much better than just your life was shitty up to this point. So I don't know. I guess there is a plague. There is a plague on there is a plague outside. That seems pretty satanic. I'm going to go satan. It could be. Yeah. Which has nobody blamed the pandemic on satan.

Somebody has to. Let's start that. I guess we live in this world where like the QAnon stuff we mentioned, the nine eleven truthers and these are ludicrous, obviously. But I don't think anything was ever is just clear cut, not even close to possible as this. Like this is the fundamental Christianity of like conspiracy theories. Like it's just nothing about it makes sense.

It seems impossible. Anyone could ever believe it. But it it ate up so many lives like so many people had their lives ruined by this thing that's so so obviously stupid. I mean, the alternative is believing that bad things can happen to people for almost no reason. You see why you don't want to believe that it is pretty troubling. Yeah, see this sucks.

I'd rather it be satan. This is the dark alley. I keep wanting to not go down because thanks for keeping us out of it. Children are absolutely being abused. Yeah, that's a thing that happens very common. They are being abused at the hands of their babysitters or gym coaches or their parents or whoever, people they know, satan. Right.

And shit like this completely trains away your ability to like assess the danger of things like that. Yes, and it changes. It puts a fake face on evil so that when you see the real thing, you don't recognize it because a child abuser, more often than not, it is somebody who themselves were abused or they are unstable or they have substance abuse or in some cases it's they may not even go for children in some cases, the children are just targets of opportunity

because they're small and they can't fight back. It is stunningly ordinary. There are people who have abused children just because they were extremely bored. When you insist that this is what it looks like, the thing you're doing here is, in my view, more evil than what the cult people are doing because the number of lives you can actually do damage to is because it's not just the people that went to jail or got tied up in court or their reputations are ruined.

It's all of this, the everyday paranoia, the people who were made miserable by it. I'm bringing everybody down. This is what I didn't want to do. OK, this will just be like a very special episode of 1900 Hot Dog. It's a very special episode. Well, this is kind of funny. She she has a chapter on approaching like your therapist, obviously, they concede to this book.

And when you're starting to work with a new patient that has multiple personality disorders brought on by satanic racial abuse, one of the things you want to do is sort of not be too perfect, which is a problem this author has, this very smart author. And so you kind of want to mess your office up because if your office is too clean, they'll think you're an agent of the cult disguises as a therapist. And this is real shit that this woman wrote down in her book to educate other mental health workers.

Just that's that's how bad this was. You want to talk smack about the devil like right off. You've got to as soon as they walk in the door, a new client walks in the door, you've got to be like, hey, how about that Satan? Huh? Pretty focus. It's like Gadget Google in the back of a Volkswagen bug. Really, it puts people at ease, the Dennis Miller voice. I wonder if you want to see the kid who's

dollarates big buried underground. That's real from this book. One of the patients says in personalities named CeCe, who whose only job is tolerating being buried alive. That's her. That's her personality type. That's what she's responsible for. Out of context, so much funnier. What you just said is nonsense because you can't without understanding

what book you're reading that it's in the chapter about. Well, of course, when you've got all of the alternate personalities, you know, the thing that literally doesn't exist in the world is the person that has like a dozen people living inside them and they each have a different accent like that's from the movies and they have a role. They have like a superpower that they. Yeah, so that as the therapist, you will need a system that allows you to keep track of the alternate personalities.

For example, I keep one sheet in the in the chart where after each session, you write down the date names of the alterers that come out and brief statements about them. For example, Katie, five years old, holds all the shame. CeCe, six, tolerates being buried underground. Wiley, 45, wise, knows what's going on. Red 10 holds all the rage. That is more insane than anything any of her patients ever said to her. Yes.

Wiley knows what's going on. This fantasy that this person's like, well, yeah, well, you know, I had a patient and she is an adult, but inside her, she had an alternate personality of CeCe, age six, who tolerated being buried underground. Didn't like it. You you would think she had had a stroke halfway through her sentence. What are you talking about? What the fuck, lady?

I kept thinking of like what this lady must talk about with other mental health workers, like if she goes to like there must be conferences for therapists, right, where they go and kind of mingle with other therapy people and she'd be talking to someone like, yeah, how do you deal with like, you know, when a 45 year old comes out and you're talking with a six year old and they're like, what? Wait, what? You know, you know, Wiley, he knows what's going on. Do you not know Wiley?

You're dealing with a patient. They're a multiple murderer. It's all been hypnotically erased by Satan. They bring up how they have one personality that gets buried underground. You know, here's what I like to do. I write their name down on a piece of paper. How do you talk to CC? Like as a therapist, how do you just make

conversation with a girl who just tolerates being buried underground? I just can't find that common interest. Oh, she's six. I guess you'd want to get a puppet out. You want to put that away when the 45 year old comes out? He's like, I don't need one of them puppets. I got this trick knee from Nam. Being buried underground, huh?

I don't do that shit. I don't get buried underground. I call that six year old to take care of that shit. Had enough of that now. And then the therapist is like, oh, I believe every word of this, this is fantastic. And just joins in in this shitty improv. Would you like to be in my book?

Yes. She put that down in a fucking book for mental health workers. Moreover, would you like to have your art in my book? I assume you make art. I've seen the way you draw genitalia on frightened people. And it's both whimsical and instructive, but mostly whimsical. And but that shouldn't be a problem.

It shouldn't ruin the mood at all. OK, what do we said earlier about how sometimes you can tell miserable people by the way they project what they think other people are doing? Because like this came from their imagination, right? Like sometimes when they accuse you, like they accuse you of taking money from a shady government agency to run a comedy site to reprogram the youth, they are, I said, they're telling on themselves. Like this is how they think the world works.

I'm going to read this entire page you scan from. OK, please. What's the the therapist's name? D Brown, D Brown, the same as the 1991 Slam Dunk champion, D Brown, a family in which the members are always operating on the edge of insanity inside the home, raping, torturing and humiliating their children, but cloaking their actions with respectability and normalcy outside the home is one of the major red flags for identifying cult families.

Now, I know that that this she packs so much in a sentence that I know that it kind of flies past you, that she's saying that one of the major red flags to look out for is if you see a family that inside the home is continually raping, torturing and humiliating their children, but they act normal outside the home, that's a red flag that they may be a cult. I mean, you need to look for more red flag. You can't just call it right now. Again, it's just an indication.

A red flag is just a sign that something may be wrong, right? It's like when you're dating someone, a red flag is not a deal breaker, but it's like a sign, like, OK, you know, you know, OK, continued. This outward show of respectability prevents cults from being discovered. In some cases, it appears that a whole small town is involved in some way with the cult, no matter where the child goes. She will be watched by a cult member who would appear to an outsider as a normal person, breaking to speak now in my own voice.

So again, she's speculating their entire towns, entire towns where all of the businesses, all of the political people, all of the police, they're all in the cult. And when a new person moves in, I guess they just have to do an orientation like now this is a cult town. Do you want to be a part of this? You'd think all the real estate agents would be in the cult, too. And and they'd have to. They'd only want to sell the home to other cultists.

They'd be like, now, this is this is a cult home. Just letting you know. It's like an age away where you've got to join in their rules. Yeah, there's a fee. Cult members traditionally seek jobs in areas that put them out in the community in influential positions where they appear to be carrying people. Thus, cults often include people common in a child's world, such as their dentist or doctor, the minister or Sunday school teacher, influential dentist.

The teachers at the school, the school counselor, the neighborhood policeman, as well as the babysitter, the neighbors and the child's relatives, all everybody. All of them, everybody, every person in the world is fine with literally watching 50, 60 infants being split open on an altar. And you called out dentists first. Dentists, especially, are all satanic cultists. A thing about these conspiracy theories is that by the logic they've laid out,

every single one of these people has been tortured their whole life, like whipped on their back and forced to murder babies and they grow up and they're like, yeah, I'm going to stay in this community. I really like these people. Like, no, it's been rough. I've had some some torture, a little bit of humiliation. But, you know, it's what I know. It's hard to find common ground with people.

And so I guess the perspective that this therapist has is so like myopic on just this one victim where every single person here would be super angry and upset and trying to leave, but instead it's like, no, no, no, no. Like they they're all in on it. And I don't know, it just doesn't quite add up that there's one million predators and just one prey doesn't. Yeah, that's a busy prey. Yeah.

Let's focus on her wording. In some cases, some of her cases, it appears that the entire small town was involved in the cult. That means it's not just that there is a town that is entirely a cult top to bottom. She routinely runs into towns. Yeah. Continuing what she said, because this is all so so awful that

this duplicity, she says, creates a very closed community and children learn that nobody can be trusted. They learn not to rely on their own judgment. A person who seems nice, helpful, caring and very respectable may appear at a cult ceremony, naked under a robe, holding a knife and raping the child. Jesus. A recent client remembering being sent to the principal's office after a fight with an older child on the playground.

The principal, a cult member, repeatedly raped her in his office. She was in second grade. The children also learned to look good. They learned to go to school and act attentive and dutiful following a night of murder, rape and abusive and bizarre behavior by the major adult caregivers in their lives. The rules of the cult are very rigid into the young child life threatening. All of this came from the imagination

of D Brown and from the imaginations of equally awful people. Yeah. And normally when I write about a book like this, I try to keep the quotes to just a couple of sentences because I know someone's reading all this. They don't want to read an entire page of a book. I mean, that took us 40 minutes. And a lot of a lot of raw feelings. And so how do you cut something out of that?

Like, I just wanted to demonstrate to the reader that every page of the book is filled with such madness with no follow up questions. Like, if someone said, oh, my God, when I was in second grade, my principal raped me all day long, I'd be like, I'm going to Google what school you went to right now and we're going to go arrest that guy or go to his house and kill him. We're going to vigil any slay this. Now, you're saying this happened, right? But like, you could just look that up.

And she's accusing this, obviously never happened, but she's accusing this real person of just the most unspeakable crime, just without a thought. And this lady put in her book like, yeah. And left that person in that position of power. Yeah, didn't tell anybody. Included it as a detail in her book as just a throwaway way example of the kind of thing you run into.

This this blows my mind so much. And again, I understand there are certain people out there who don't see how you get a comedy article out of this book. You have to see the drawings. When you see the drawings, it all makes sense. It's that text followed up by a cartoon drawing of like a nude man being bisected by a hatchet by another nude man who's frowning and his penis is drawn like in a very comical way.

It's it's madness that overwhelms the brain and that this person was a therapist. She passed the pass the therapy bar. What is the the the gatekeeping to to being a therapist? Could you just be a therapist? Apparently nothing. Apparently nothing. Because I mean she

she might be one of the ability to believe everything somebody says. Right. That's like the key part of a therapist is just to like unvarnished truth to everything they say. I guess that's sort of what this person's still practicing by chance. Do you did you look up? I don't think so. I found a lot of D Browns that were therapists.

I think I found four or five D Browns. I couldn't I couldn't figure out which one this one was. But she didn't write any other books under this name, at least. So yeah, it was kind of a dead end of research. And I didn't want to spend a ton of time on it. You know, that I just wanted to go by the work in the book. Yeah, if she wanted to take like legal action against us, I don't know what she could do.

We're just reading her book. You said it, you're crazy, bitch. Crazy motherfucker in respect to Alex Schmidt. Yeah, no need to gender that insult. It's it wouldn't there were plenty of men involved in this, too. In fact, it's I'm going to guess most of them were. But I don't know. This is this is a subject I'm fascinated by.

I'll be fascinated by it to the end of my days. Because a lot of people who believe this were not dumb in other areas of life, some of them were just opportunists. You know, politicians, obviously, you know, the televangelists, like it's good for ratings. It's good for everything. You know, it's many TV journalists got into this. I remember Geraldo Rivera doing a special about the Satanic ritual disaster.

And it's like the fact that not a single person ever died that we know about, didn't that ever throw a wrench in their plans, like the fact that they never discovered a single corpse that they because I mentioned that 12,000 allegations number earlier. That was based on a study somebody did in the 90s, where they followed up every single one to see if they could just find one, one where even look, it's not impossible for somebody to be in a cult, cult or a thing. Sure, you can buy black robes.

There's satanic culture or thing. In fact, I would say few things in life are more disappointing. Than seeing what real satanists look like after you've grown up believing that they could sacrifice 30 or 40 infants to summon a demon and you actually see what a real group of satanists is. Oh, yeah, been to been to a lot of real sad orgies. I was in a fraternity and there was a ritual where, like they took our blindfolds off and there was like a bunch of dudes in robes.

And these are like the same like drunk hillbillies we, you know, get tore up with every weekend, like stuffing their doughy bodies in these like 40 year old robes. And like a couple of my pledged brothers full on started laughing because it was a ludicrous spectacle. So I feel like if you walked into a satan cult before you saw, of course, the dangling babies and the and notice cream Abdul-Jabbar was there, you'd be like, this is this is hilarious. What is going on here?

Yeah, because these are the saddest nerds in your school. Right. These are not, you know, like I'm going to say right now. It's actually difficult to stab somebody through the chest. It's hard to do like this when they casually mentioned, oh, and then they raised, you know, he raised a ceremonial dagger and plunged into her heart. Yeah, that's difficult. That is a physically strenuous action. I've never seen a satanist that I thought could actually other than like,

I don't know, Glenn Danzig, a satanist, he seemed like he could do it. Yeah, he could, especially with like toddlers and nerds. You're going to have a lot of fuck ups during the like. He's a Danzigist. Knives are going to crane off of chest plates and fall down on the ground like, oh, hold on guys, I got to pick up the knife. OK, start to get get serious again. Oh, OK, you know, the spider, the spider, that's why the spider is there.

Gary ain't for the spider. I don't like spiders. Anyone listening to this, if you are, if you find that you're frightened by seeing a hockey puck sized spider walking across a person, if you feel an urge to to freak out or attack it, you may have been as a child involved in a satanic ritual. That's a good point. That's not even in the book.

That's like a real hot tip. Yeah, I mean, it just makes sense because you're seeing the target spider and you've been trained to stab to stab that location. Jason, I think we got to the bottom of this. I think we solved several conspiracies over the course of this this hour. Is there anything you'd like to plug before we go? Yeah, for the next several years until the next one comes out, it will always be just the last book because it really punches the future in the deck.

You can find my social media by googling my name. I'm on all the platforms except TikTok. I don't know how to work it. I'm scared of doing video. I don't I'm afraid of trying to learn a new one. Are you either of you guys on TikTok yet? No, I'm trying to learn how to dance. It's only one that's growing because

the world is moving away from people that can write jokes to people that can perform like physical acts of talent. So it's going to leave me behind. Otherwise, yeah, that's the last book. The next book will be out fall next year. Now, you've been a novelist for many years. Do you how much do you think your pace has increased since you're no longer doing whatever, you know, 60 hours a week at crack?

See, the problem is I when I left the crack job because what had happened was I was it was clear working that schedule. I was not going to make this next deadline. It just wasn't going to happen. So I knew that I was heading toward having to leave that job. And I had my head like, Jesus, if I didn't have a day job, I bet I could bang out a book in like four months. Because like Stephen King, I think he does say do one like 90 days.

It's like, well, if I literally could just do nothing but this. Well, one, literally the week after I left crack, I sat down to watch a basketball game and then saw them stop the basketball game because a disease had broken out. And the next day they're like, oh, you can't leave your house. So in the in the pandemic era, that was not a great environment for writing unless you're writing a book about the pandemic, which I very much am not.

It's a good idea. So that has been difficult. But also I found that when I said earlier about how you're kind of waiting for ideas to occur to you, ideas still occur to me at the exact same rate. Whether I have a day job or not, I can make myself sit down in front of the keyboard. It doesn't matter that the part of my brain that figures out how to untangle not problems or plot problems where the good things get knotted up and you can't

figure out like how to make this make sense. Because if you've never written a story, those of you at home, you may get stuck for a month on a very simple question of, well, in this scene, the character needs to drive away in a car, but his car exploded in the previous chapter. So I have to come up with a way to get him a car. Or do I move the car explosion to later like mechanical things like that? It's not it's not like interesting,

you know, stuff where I'm doing like dropping acid and trying to be inspired. It's trying to work out the mechanics of, well, where where does he get a gun? How does he get a gun onto the plane? Stuff like that. The speed at which those problems are solved by my brain is it turns out is unaffected by how much spare time I have. That's so ideally I would have a hobby or something to fill the days that I'm just waiting for the next idea to pop into my head. And it turns out, no, I just I'm just scrolling Twitter for Trump,

Trump outrage news and and coronavirus updates. And basically, I don't know how I ever worked a full time job because it's it's it's really I could have just went and gotten a job with, you know, working at an Amazon warehouse or something. Have you tried dropping acid? No, I've heard it works. I've never had a hobby. Any any drugs that apparently objectively makes you more creative.

I mean, really, in my experience, it really helps you figure out where to put the explosions. I've been shopping around for towns to move to that already have like a nice cult established because I feel like that could fill my day if I was like killing giraffes. Apparently, there's like a 50 50 chance you just have to go. It's more just about finding a good school and all that. Like the rest of it is

for me, it's about the people that believed in this at the time. Do they think it stopped? Or do they admit that they were wrong? Like if D Brown is still around, does she think that all of these cult towns just disbanded or they just gave up the cult lifestyle or they think does she think it's still happening? I mean, you kind of age out of it, you know, it was an eighties thing gets to be the nineties.

You're like, eh, maybe cults are over. Maybe it's about the internet now. I would go full flame through on a town made entirely out of Satan cult. I mean, it's so it's so infrequent, you get the permission. Yeah. The whole town. Look, all of us want to go kick ass in a town that's entirely run by Satan. I love it.

That's like I could I could soothe myself to sleep at night, just imagining how I would carry out that assault. Because you have to start a bulldozer. But yeah, that's see, that's literally you took the words out of my mouth. I was going to say, I get I get a bulldozer and then do that. The what the killdozer guy did where you covered an armor plating. And then we dive out of the bulldozer like blocks away. They'd see the bulldozer shoot at the bulldozer,

but I'm already behind them flame thrower charges. I set the week before giraffes everywhere. But that's the thing is there's such an action movie fantasy because Sean, you mentioned in a column a long time ago that like certain gun owners, they pray that they're going to be the victim of a home invasion. Yes. They live for like they've got the AR 15 under the bed. They got a thousand rounds of ammunition and they're dreaming of something that's

never going to happen, which is really narrow circumstance where they're allowed to murder somebody. No, not somebody where like 36 people try to break into their house and they have to fight them off in a very violent like home alone scenario. Only they're actually shooting people. I guess being more of like an assault on a precinct 19 or whatever that movie was where you're just mowing people down because otherwise you're just an idiot with an assault rifle with a thousand rounds of ammo under your bed.

You know, if it's just one guy, you don't need that. Like you've got that because it's like, well, but what if ISIS attacks the house? And that's kind of what this is because, you know, it's like this action movie fantasy where you want it to be true because how bad ass would that be? If you could just have permission to just run wild on it? Just a whole bunch of cultists. So sweet. You know what we did not get to?

We didn't even approach the satanic calendar. Oh, my God, we've got this Christ. All right, how long can these episodes be? As long as we want. There's so much in this book. OK, how many pages was this book? Because I want the whole book now. One hundred and twenty five.

I could I could mail it to you. I mean, we've you can't don't mail me an eight hundred dollar book. Nine hundred and eighty. You may you may need that someday to fund your retirement. Do you know how many Satanists have infiltrated the USPS? Like, that's just a fool there and it'll never arrive. But you're right, it is worth discussing this satanic calendar. A lot of the book, they talk about seasonal depression.

That's one of the signs you've been abused by a satanic called the seasonal depression and I should have got that, too. That's five. Yeah. And in fact, it doesn't have to be seasonal depression by the season you're thinking of, it can be just any time you get depression, like if it's in the middle of April and you're depressed, this therapist is like, wait a second, let me look up the satanic calendar. And yep, here we go, April 21st to the 26th,

preparations for Grand Climax, which is sexual orgies and sacrifices. So she has all these listed so that as as you in your therapy practice, if your patients like, man, I'm just really depressed in the middle of February, you can go through and find all the satanic rituals during February that they were a part of. And that's why they get depressed during that time of the year. Right. And like it happens every day. For example, you said April 21st to the 26th is preparations for Grand Climax.

What's the next satanic holiday? The next Santa holidays, April 26th through the May 1st. And that's the Grand Climax. That's what you were preparing for the six days previous. No gaps there. If it's OK, I would actually just like to run down the dates, if that's all right. Oh, January is for some reason super busy and that it really slows down. But the satanic calendar, for those of you,

if you've noticed things in your town that are around these dates or unusual things, especially the ones that involve human sacrifices, if a lot of people go go missing around a certain day of the year, here's why. I'm just going to fly through these. January 1st, of course, is New Year's Day, but it's also Druid Feast Day. And to the right, there's a column explaining how it's celebrated. Sexual orgies and sacrifices. It's most of them that describe the word sexual superfluous there.

But that's fine. Sexual orgies and sacrifices. I worry that some of the orgies are blood orgies. Oh, OK. I apologize. They'll specify. They specify. January 7th, just a week later, St. Winebald's Day, blood holiday and animal and human torture and sacrifices. Bring your giraffes. Yeah, every every day that year, that's when a lot of animals go missing.

You got a big tortured or found mutilated, killed January 7th. That's the reason why. Yeah, just 10 days later, January 17th, satanic revels, sexual orgies and sacrifices. You may notice the theme and how they celebrate their holidays. I mean, it's really only been a few weeks. You're probably a little burnt on that. But then you got to rally.

You got to rally up because there comes January 29th. Well, I think they got sick of Turkey. They're like, there's too many turkey holidays. What about a sexual orgy sacrifice holiday? And they just went way fucking overboard on it. January 29th, St. Agnes Eve, sexual orgies and sacrifices. Now, strangely, it does not. That St. Agnes Eve, there's no actual.

Thing the next day, right? There's a whole other February 1st holiday. Well, no, but that's on January 29th. So you get a couple of days. Oh, you're right. There's a couple of days. OK, so the Eve does not mean the night before. Oh, no, it's like, man, nobody really celebrates New Year's Day. You know, that's for recovering from the sexual orgies and sacrifices.

February 1st and 2nd is Candlemas. Satanic revels in the Feast of Satan's Bride. Oh, very sexual holiday. Young girls are to be gotten pregnant to provide infants for sacrifice in the fall. So the previous ritual, there you go. The previous sexual orgies, those condoms are mandated protection. Here's one where you actually you're trying to get them pregnant as you can. You can roll it out.

OK, February 25th, St. Well, perjus day, blood holiday, communion of blood and dismemberment. So if you see a lot of people missing hands on February 26th, that's because St. Well, perjus this day, they a lot of the dismemberments happen. Try greeting them, try being like, oh, well, perjus day, huh? And if they're like, you feel like you're Satanist, I'm going to kill you. My least favorite day. Is that a flamethrower?

Sure is. Is that a bulldozer? Is that a kill-dozer? March 1st, St. Eichstadt's Day, blood drinking for power, strength and homage to demons. Oh, that's a good one. That's my favorite one. March 20th, Feast Day. Now, you would think there'd be a feast on this day.

There is not. It's actually marked with sexual orgies and sacrifices. Oh, man, I was hoping we could fuel up for all these sexual orgies and sacrifices. I'm fucking running on dust here. You show up to Feast Day and they're like, did you bring a snack? You're like, of course you didn't fucking bring a snack. It's Feast Day. Well, dude, we're just having sexual orgies and sacrifices. Like, this is the worst cult.

I would have eaten crackers or something, man. March 21st, Spring, Equinox. And what's the, how do you say that second word? That's the witch's Sabbath. It's three days before Ash Wednesday, which is important because you know, to say you don't want to get them crossed. Easter Sunday, also known in the Satanic calendar as Easter. This is where they do a parody of the Christian holiday.

Oh, it's just like a skit. Yeah. So instead of like celebrating the sacrifice and the resurrection of Christ, they parody it with ridiculous things like bunnies and eggs and stuff that like colorful, like jelly beans. Like they just totally make a mockery of it. Easter Capybara and I hide, I don't know, bacon. April 21st to 26th, in addition to make sure you've done your taxes, that is preparation for the Grand Climax, right?

And sacrifices. And it's it's marked by sexual orgies and sacrifices this time. April 26th through May 1st, which you would think actually just be part of the same thing, this is, of course, the Grand Climax goes smoothly right into it. Spring break, two weeks. Sacrifices and rituals leading up to the selection of the final human sacrifice. I'm glad we're getting to an end of it. Yeah. April 30th is Wopper schnatched or May Eve.

And that was marked by I've lost track here. Brockway, do you know what they mark this occasion by? I believe that's sexual orgies and sacrifices. Yeah, it is. It's correct. I see it now, sexual orgies and sacrifices. And then May 1st, Beltan May Day. And this is a festival in honor of Satan, which I thought they all were. And it's a fire infertility ceremony, which to me sounds a lot like another way

of saying, says your Lord Jesus, sexual orgies and sacrifices. Now, Sean, I have a question. Is there are there no events from May through the end of the year? Or did you just give us the first there's a whole other page? If you'd like me to read it? No, that's fine. I think we get where it's going. I feel like I've gotten the pattern down, but I am curious.

What's the very next holiday that's after the June 21st? It's a summer solstice, St. John's Eve and Voodoo High Holiday, which is feast day. Day the sun god has most power, sexual orgies and sacrifices. October 13th, I really like it's called Halloween backwards. And it's a parody of Halloween. We got a pair. Wait, I thought that was already the satanic holiday. So do we parody it by being wholesome?

They don't wear the robes. That is a pretty good gag, though. If I was a satanist and Halloween came around, that's the one day I'd like dress in khakis and hand everybody just like white bread and bologna sandwiches. Have a good day. What could be more evil than on on the creepiest day of the year to do something completely ordinary? That's when we just put a goof on it.

And now time for some sexual orgies and sacrifices. 1,900, Frankfurt. 1,900, Frankfurt. Into the podcast, come out. And with Maximal in the chow. Say Frankfurt podcast. Correct. Yeah.

The craft is not trapped, it's not without. Send it to the doggy. 4 hours. Come on, you do it. 1,900. 1,900, Frankfurt. 1,900, yeah. 1,900, Frankfurt.

1,900. 1,900, Frankfurt. 1,900, yeah. Yeah, 9,000. This Dog Zone 9000 was made possible by contributions from hot dogs of reams like Benjamin Siren, Dr. Awkworth, Yosari, Josh S, Zachary Evans, Adrian Hysbrook, Aidan Moet, Brian Whitnate, Josh Fabian, Armando Navar, Lyman,

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