The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 140, Threatin with Rodney Anonymous

Episode Date: September 13, 2023

Seanbaby has a game for Brockway and guest, Rodney Anonymous of The Dead Milkmen: Can you outgrift the dumbest heavy metal grifter of all time? The winner gets to be sad!

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Welcome to the Doxo 9000, the official podcast for 1900HotDoc.com, the final comedy website. We do daily articles about broken artifacts that fell into our world from our own dimension and you can support our important work on Patreon. It is the only ethical way left to support our all-star cast of writers. I'm enduring classic Sean Baby from the internet and my partner is both halves of Boll's Digest Christmas hunk for the month of March Roman Brockway Hell yeah, we're back to hunk in troze. I love the hunk in troze Those are those are my favorite I I frame every single one and put them on my office of my wall in case

I ever doubt myself which has not happened yet I'm Robert Brockway. He's a Brockway fact. I have been shot at by and owe my life to a little person sex worker. No follow-up questions. No, I know her. You know our guest from his Saturday walks to zipper head. He's the lead singer of the Dev Milkman Rodney Anonymous. Welcome to the show. Hello, gentlemen.

Thanks for coming. I want to say right off the top, I had B.A.L.S.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A.B.A. And I am a renowned impressionist. I would like to make you aware of our no refunds policy. I think it's a small print on the back of every album. And you're not getting your money back. Why would I want it? I, like I say, listened to that album so much. Loved it, and I'm a big fan.

We had a nice little mini chat. The first probably I won't get to hear. We had a nice little mini chat. They brought folks probably won't get here We were discussing the classic romantic comedy also a bit of a musical green room Right and yeah, Mr. Brockway was saying that he had he had experienced it first hand Oh, yeah, I mean growing up in in Redmond, Oregon and just anywhere outside outside of Portland especially in like late 90s early 2000s you would go to that's, early 2000s, you would go to, that's where the punk shows were. You would go to somebody's strange lodge for a society you've never heard of.

And then it was just like, hey, are we making out of this one alive? And odds are no, but somehow you usually did. And frequently Nazis would show up because the Pacific Northwest is not as quirky a place as they would love for you to believe. I don't know if I would be in the punk if I had to go to something like that, because we went to punk shows that were in the back of restaurants. And these were, I'm using restaurant and it's broad as possible terms.

There was a menu and you could get food, but would you want to eat it probably not? So like Abe Stinks was a place where we would go to shows, but I'm thinking if I had to go to a cabin in the woods, no, I'd probably chose another genre to plant my feet in. One time I went to somebody kept telling me about this show at the slaughterhouse, and I was like, okay, cool. And we're going to go to the slaughterhouse and we kept telling me about this show at the slaughterhouse. I was like, okay, cool. And we're gonna go to the slaughterhouse and we kept telling the slaughterhouse. And finally, we drove out there and it was like 45 minutes from anywhere. And then it turns out the slaughterhouse had no name. It was actually a slaughterhouse.

We were just, we were there to watch somebody's bay and in like a functioning slaughterhouse. And, uh, were they, it's like, no nonsense. No, it's just like a like a punk rock slag. There's like a leader on stat. Yeah, it was job rock. We were. The captain is have a song you can't make a silk purse from a sal's ear or something. I know too much about Linda on stat. My head just holds backs. Um, um, just got a lot of slaughterhouse. He wants to play the ping farm with no effects out in like Amarillo, Texas or something. An actual thing.

That's how I get like you. We thought it was a venue name. Oh, the pig. It's a great name, right? It's a great. It's a surprise. Yeah. Surprise.

The way it's snatched it's up right now. Well, then you show up and you go, oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. This one's on me on me guys I had every single warning welcome to the slaughterhouse Now it was it was just some sort of rock band. I did a personal appearance at a bar called new midch is house and that also turned out not to be a venue. Creepy weight man. Oh it's a hatchery of venue. And Rodney I'm glad you're here because today is a music episode. We're going to see if you with your decades of music experience and Brockweight with his natural scheming ability can outgift a heavy metal liar. So what I'm going to tell you to

the story of Threaten, a notorious and fake metal band, started by a guy named Jared Eames. He was from Missouri, the heartland's home of hardcore metal. And you're going to see if you can on the fly come up with a better plan for success than this maniac who dedicated his life to it. So these are the doings of a terrible liar, I should say at the top and sock puppet owners. So some of the details might get hazy. I tried to build as accurate a timeline as I could with reporting from role-known anomaly documentaries and metal sucks.

So here we go. We're going to start with step one, the backstory. You're some country kid from Missouri. How do you create a metal backstory? What do you gentlemen think? Mr. Brock, where you wanna go first? I've gotten a mini plan. I'm some dipshit from Backwoods, Missouri.

I'm trying to represent myself as hardcore. Definitely not gonna tell everybody about my rich father who owns the county. Right. I think I'm gonna wear kind of like a sleazy overalls hip-hop thing and I'm gonna call myself Kid Rock. Ooh, that's a really good plan. So, guaranteed success.

We've seen that. I'm going to more material route. My plan is to get cables, like, you know, the cables from a suspension bridge. I am going to string them up on the St. Louis arch with some sort of stomp box. I mean, it's going to have to be a stomp box, the size of a track comb. And then that's what I will use to draw it by its attention. I will find some way to play that. And then everybody will respect my metal. I don't know how I might have to play.

I might have to hire a helicopter brush up against it. It's not going to be safe. It's not going to end well, particularly for the arch. But that is that is my way to enter the metal world in the Missouri State of Missouri. Can we just stop the podcast and do that? That's a better idea than we've ever done already. I'll meet you guys at the arch. What? Nine hours? I'll see you in nine hours. I'll get to the bridge. It's going to take me a little longer to get there from Philly. All right. No, actually, he just made up a story

about how he taught himself how to play guitar, bass, drums, and piano at the age of 10. And he performed in bars and clubs across the Midwest. So this would make him teenager with no connections, doing a multi-state tour of buildings. He could not go inside. So that's a story. I love that.

The innocence of that in that era. It used to be like, I of course am a child genius and it took me, you know, year all of my childhood sacrifice to master my craft. Isn't that also Prince's backstory though? Because now it's Prince. Like now he can kind of sad over here. Like maybe Prince made everything up.

Was this Prince is like metal band? Was this his? Yes, this is all Prince's like metal band? Was this his... Yes, this is all his... It's Prince Diamond. You already solved the trick. It's Prince Diamond, King Diamond's young son, Prince Diamond. Air to the metal dynasty. Uh, he was also born on 9-11, but I don't think that's a lie.

I think that's just a dark coincidence. And he formed a band with his older brother Scott and they called themselves Say Tiff and they were devilish shit. Their first album was called Say Tiff. SAE TITH. Their first album was called The King Heads of the Holy

and his brother was lead guitarist and vocalist and Jared did keyboard and bass. So Jared, however, he learned how to play play these instruments he does know how to play. This metal instrument, the keyboard. The keyboard. I honestly can't tell. You take one of those and you strap it up onto the St. Louis Arch and it's metal. It's the most metal keyboard. John Teschel blow you away. Oh, we gotta get Tesch for a band. I can't tell if their death metal is good. It's so deep into the genre that it kind of sounds like sarcastic noise to me,

but I think I could be wrong, but if you were talking about Prince, I think if Purple Rain was a movie about death metal, these guys would be more staying the time. Like they're not good, but if you had to pretend they're good for like the plot to make sense, you'd be like, okay, I can pretend these guys are better than Prince for like, act one of this film. Is that a question?

I do they have a gimmick because I always think of what's in the metal band that has, you know, the roadkill when they're driving along, they stop and they pick up the roadkill and they wear the roadkill and they they decorate the stage with it. Does this band have a gimmick? Nothing close to that. I would say this is as hard-court generic as you can get. They're kind of red and black. They all have the Dungeons & Dragons hair. They all have it looks like a dictionary drawing of death metal. Even if you're a poser and your gimmick is I'm gonna pick up whatever roadkill I find in the where it is clothing, I think you're legit. I think that makes it really legit. I don't even think that's a gimmick really. I

should have said lifestyle. Do they have a lifestyle? Yeah, that's a commitment. Yes, it's called Puping Lights. To the plague. It's getting reviving the black leg. Anyway, that's the best explanation I can do. It's probably mediocre to below average death metal. I wouldn't know. And it's impossible to see if anyone agrees because if you Google them, all you get is 40 result pages of this stupid scandal. So no music this guy ever makes or will make will be more interesting than stupid shit

he did to trick people into listening to it. So now we're at step two. Establishing your talent. How do you get people to think you are the most important member of this satanic band? Like keyboard. Now I would say this, okay. I would say either if you don't have a girlfriend,

pay someone to pretend you're your girlfriend, so just get like an old, an old, systematic camera or something. Stand on a chair in like front of the stage and then take your picture and shout your name. Because I used to see this at the end of the year and look at it. I have a girlfriend is the boyfriend.

It's not, it might be a sister. I don't, I'm not asking. But yeah, I used to use this, particularly with bands with names like Trickster and stuff like that. You'd see that a lot. So that is my winning strategy. Excellent. I think yours is better. What Jared did is he went onto their Facebook page and he just changed it so he was lead guitar and lead vocals. Why not? He's the official band darker from the free throw line. Fuck it.

So it was the opposite of my life and then saying trying to play for like the Sixers or something, it's not the same. There's nobody else. There's no reality. It's like, here's where you kind of get the idea because you can't fake this unless your band is so obscure no one has ever seen them. Like this life falls apart the moment someone who can identify

faces comes and watches one of your show. It's like, oh, I thought you said you were the lead singer, but that person singing lead is a different person than you. Well, that kind of happened, and I hate to go up on this, but there was a band that was touring the country pretending to be the animals at one point. And they had no keyboard player, and they would say, well, our keyboard player got busted in Texas and stuff. But then, people would point out that their lead singer was about five, six, I think. And I think the lead singer for the animals, which wouldn't have been Eric Burton, and would have been somebody else or something that the band was like six feet

tall. So they're asking if the person is drunk. So yeah. But back in the day before people knew what bands look like, you could get away with this. Yeah, I imagine you could, but on a Facebook page, it feels hard because the other members might say, hey, why did you change the Facebook page? And that is what happened and his brother got pissed off in the band broke up. So like many of our uncles and grandparents, he chose fake information on Facebook over a relationship with his family.

Now we're at step three, establishing credentials. How do you build a metal resume alone and without a band? Okay, this is a loan and without a band, you're gonna need some sort of denim jacket. You're gonna need a denim jacket with all, like the best patches. You need like a goat whore patch. Like yeah, you need the fly, fly those colors, and don't wash that damn jacket.

All you have to do then is show up, and people say, well, this guy knows it's shit. That's smart. That would work on me. I think it's just, like, basic resume tricks. Like, okay, just having a resume in general. So, I think maybe you get a friend to pretend to be the metal band in case anybody calls and use them as a reference. And make sure everything is in kind of an obscure font, a little hard to look at font. So you can say, so it looks like you're saying I was in Guar, but it's really like I was in Guar. So

they check, no, no, it's Guan. It's a different band. I understand your confusion. That's funny. But you can point to any metal name using those fonts and just say that's us. Look, we're headlining. If no one can read it, then you can say that is us at the top of the bill. Yeah, I was in Martaillaca. Yeah. I understand your confusion. Yeah, I was in Mataya Yaka. Yeah. I understand your confusion. It's where Mexican Metallica. You guys are actually, Roni's idea was much better

and Brock was idea was exactly this guy's idea only stronger. He just said he was in a popular band. He just, he joined the metal band Abigail Williams. But in many ways, no, he didn't. He's exactly them for a few days while they're working on an album in 2010 Theoretically adding some thoughts on bass lines They didn't think much of it and then eight years later when they're Google

There's one crazy from the viral story of this guy's fake band and his claims who was in them They're like wait. This is that weird guy who ate all those soy sauce packets. That's some real shit. That's how they're not at him. They're like, we like to say bad is a joke. Like something a weird guy would do. Of course, I understand. They didn't recognize him and then someone in the band is like, no, remember he hung out with us those few days eight years ago. I'd eat all the soy sauce packets. Just selling soy sauce packets 24 seven, like 80, 80 an hour. Oh, the guy peed on the rug. Yeah, I remember him.

Of course. Road guy. Oh, yeah. Man, that was pure soy sauce. It smelled like soy sauce on that rug for days. So they did verify the new him, but and it's not possible. Something he wrote made it into some of their music, but he was not in the band Abelgate Williams. So here's the problem. He might be getting too big at this point, right?

He ate Panda Express, Nira Band, and played every instrument in Satyth, Citation Needed. So he knew his fans would see him as maybe too much larger in the life. So now step four, building a relatable personality. Someone you can sympathize with. What do you do? What do you do? A card. I'm going to guess that he runs into a burning amplifier factory.

Maybe Marshall, I don't know, to send the help. I was looking at you. And save some metal orphans. Because metal orphans, we're always collecting money for them. We're going to the mines. Yeah, it's rough for the metal orphans. It's like more, sir, and all you get more,

it's like more volume thrown at. I need more volume, sir. Yeah. So my plan is, endure yourself to some sort of brain, act of bravery, like running into the fire and the factory and saving the metal orphans. That's probably better than my denim cardigan with band patches and slippers. Well, what he did is he made up a story about almost dying from an undiagnosed nothing.

His story, which he told the Rolling Stone, he said he was with his girlfriend and he was laughing. And suddenly he started coughing up blood. And it wasn't like a small amount, he said. So while he was just blasting liquid lung into his girlfriend's sink, she told him to go to the doctor and he said, no, I have a quote from him here, he said, those people are inadequate, they won't know what they're doing.

That's a quote from him telling the story, not what he actually said during the situation, which totally happened. Anyway. That's a Batman plot. This has been Gene Simmons' original plan. Gene Simmons used to cough up blood on stage. Like the plan I've been,

I'm just gonna tell her right away that I'm sick and they'll buy me beers or maybe with the fire. Yeah, I have some sort of indigestion, the tariffle, and I breathe fire, I cough blood, I won't have much longer. I wronged the Joker, it was a mistake, I won't have much longer. I wronged the Joker, it was a mistake, I'm paying for it now.

You know, what was, hold on, if they were inadequate that implies somebody else's attic, is it like a shaman situation? What was he gonna do? I don't know. This must have been when they're in Missouri and he's just like, I'm not going to a Missouri doctor, they won't be able to diagnose.

Well, if you play every instrument in the band, you probably have some sort of medical degree. You know, they're not quite as up to par as I am. Give me a musical doctor. I need you to have the only one. The irrelevant news is he's fine. It was probably just his dark, satanic, harbinger body responding to the joy of the laughter.

So let's not worry about it. The point is this known liar once almost died in her freak, liquid-organ incident, and then got better with no time or treatment. So he and his girlfriend, who seems to be real because she was in on the scheme with him, they move a couple hours outside of L.A. to get serious about his career. So now step five, putting in the work. How do you grind out a career? career. So now step five, putting in the work. How do you grind out a career? And the answer is not grind one out. This already feels foolish, but get good at an instrument. Yeah. Now, in the first place, he's a couple hours outside of LA. So this, there's nobody out there. This is what you have to work with right there. Like you're out in the desert and the only musician who was out there before was I think

Manson. So I would do at this point, I would say I have moved to the desert outside of LA to work on my music. This is how seriously I take my music, I need solitude to work on my music. And that's why I'm at Spawn Ranch in a French jacket. That old cliche, you know, when you have to get serious about your musical career and get away from Los Angeles? We got to get out of here.

I got to get, I got to, I got to go where the connections are. The, the salt and sea. The desert, the high desert. Ronnie's exactly right. He went out there to get the solitude. He told Rolling Stone he wrote over 70 songs, but that does seem like I made up. No, in one year.

It seems like I made up. I can't find myself right now. They're not on his YouTube channel. I'm not sure that this known liar wrote 70 songs. And again, I'll never be sure because searching for this guy will always and forever give you only this scandal. So in the same interview, he complained that Say Tith proved to him that grinding was bullshit. So he grinded out a career in the desert, but he also knows that grinding

is bullshit because they did everything right. They gigged. They nagged record companies. They changed their Facebook information to say the bass player was every bad member. They still never made it. Anyway. They had countless keyboards. By the end, it was a 12 keyboard band. He should have gone the wakeman route and gotten a cape. If he had gotten a cape, the whole keyboard thing would have worked.

He claimed that he spent $10,000 on equipment, but he gets really defensive about this. So he's like, I got it through fruit living, the most metal of all living. Yeah. I think like many liars, he had a very supportive girlfriend. So I think she just sort of supported them while he hard air quotes worked on his music.

I honestly think some of this is still within the acceptable range of hustle or self actualization. I think he might have worked on, he might have made 70 songs, but anyway, he's a liar but most of them to himself at this point. He hasn't crossed the line yet, but I get the feeling that line is about to be crossed. I mean, back in the 80s, he would have been, he would have had like a rock opera by now. You could just lie and do what he seems like. He had the one ability you needed for success, which was no shame.

There should be a rock opera about him. That way it would come full circle. Well, by the time we get done with this, maybe that will be in the works. He changed his name from Jared Amames to Jared Threaten. Oh, yeah. Only with an eye. And right after he said this, uh, what has to be a burn by the editor of the article, the Rolling Stone interviewer, he gives this quote right after that.

He says, fuck what other people think I'm willing to do what it takes to bring rock into the spotlight, which is, it's just really funny how he made it sound like, dude, I changed my fucking spelling of my name. I don't care at all. Well, the same thing happened to my grandfather, Ellis Island. He was threatened now, and they changed it. They Americanized it when he came in.

He brought the spirit of rock to America. He did what it took. And congratulations to him. Right, right? Right. Is it not before E situation? Or is it an A? It's written.

If it's written. Okay, he's paid his dues. This is step six, you've made it. Yeah. What? How? So this is your question. You've got to convince people you've made it.

How to convince people we've made. Not how to actually make it. They're one and the same for him. There's seem to be a step missing. I'm like, how? How did he make it? We're all acting for that. What was it?

Yeah, I would say, I would say, you've just got a front you got a you know Gittle-Limo and I don't I don't want to go this route I want to think so I know I'm gonna go I'm gonna go differently prison turn I'm gonna say yeah yeah you got to have some sort of prison turn as a musician you haven't made it until you've been locked up so I'll go with that the the ultimate symbol of success to me is a monster truck. If you just bought a monster truck with his name and face on it, called it Thriighten

and drove it to show, I would be like, that is the biggest rock star I've ever seen. Yeah, I would say that guy must really be somebody. You guys need to think much more child like what he did is he took blurry footage of himself on a stage and he cut it together with crowd shots from different concerts and then posted it on on social media with captions like wow a fan took this video me performing the big show at an unspecified location. Oh this guy. That's not so sad.'m not having fun anymore. Well, so okay, today he has 4,000 Twitter followers and that's after this nuclear explosion of like viral humiliation.

So I can't even imagine how few we had years before anyone had heard of him. So these were huge lies being told into a void and the moment anyone looked at it, they're like, oh hey, that's a crowd shot from this video or this show and these are these people are in a different venue or a tiny baby in a box yeah I've seen that giant pig floating somewhere before before but where do I know that problem? God this guy puts on a good show That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people.

That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people.

That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people.

That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. That's a Their history goes back to 1964. He made up fake websites for them and his fake publicists Magnified media PR. He had a booking agency that he invented named Stageright. He was managed by a lined artist management All of this made up all of this I'm all right. I'm back on board. Yeah Music industry I applaud this man. Now he whips ass for real I was especially the balls of calling it superlative. The least metal name. That's all suspicion. It's the fakes name of

real records. We're real, we're a real record company and real good records. Fancy Boy Stack Cracker recordings. So this one I think you'll get step seven awards. How get them? Oh, just make your own make your own. It's like making your own congressional metal honor. I've got paper mache. Yeah, I got six or seven of them laying around this joint. I'm macaroni and glitter. He just made him up. He gave himself the 2017 artist of the year from a publication with no paper trail. He also got the Bravis oil. Do you have the name of that publication? I don't think I wrote it down. It's not on my notes. He told Rolling Stone that he had to use a wheelchair around this time because he heard his knee practicing

his metal choreography. That's a real story. He told journalists after he got caught in all these lies. He's like, okay, you know I'm a total liar? Let me tell you about my wheelchair. It's from rocking so hard. No, it's from my metal choreography, which is immediately get your what, sir, you are a lawyer. You fucked up.

You just fucked up. I think it's what happened at the R. I think at the R, you used to say the same thing. I was practicing my metal choreography. You don't just get the Roth split kick, you know. You got to work on that. Earn it. It doesn't always work.

To be clear, those are my words. He said he was like just jumping around and rocking so hard. Trans. In my blood luck is to handle it. I'll do a embarrassment. So here we go, step eight, forming the band. You got to have a band. How do you do it? Yourself in various costumes that you change into quickly.

I was thinking exactly the same thing, but probably darker and more frightening images that will pop into my head as I tried to drift off to sleep tonight. I was thinking like, what's the session, Wigg? Digging up his dead brother. It's what he wanted. It's the first song they wrote, did we up one of dead? Okay, now this part he actually had to do. He had to go actually form a real band. He found people on YouTube. That's the last thing I would have guessed. Yeah, he found people on YouTube and paid them. He pretending to be a publicist named Lisa, complete with clip art, and he offered them a spot on a European tour. They're going to get all their expenses paid and $300. And exposure, of course, and the honor of pushing Jared's wheel chair because of that time

he bumped his knee. So now you have a European tour planned and three people who believe you, and you're rehearsing, you're getting ready for the big shows. What now? And keep in mind, the blood coughing is back around this time. He claims he's spent four days in the hospital because of something real doctors called, quote, an abnormal heart condition.

That caused you to have another quote from him. He said the abnormal heart condition could cause him to internally bleed to death. So I don't believe him, but it would be pretty funny of him to prove I'm wrong by coughing out half a heart and dying. I will bet on my notes. But yes, figure out death is a great idea.

But if you're metal death, like implode or something, just put it, put it, put it, make your own obituary and saying, you know, he imploded and he know, and he has survived by metal artists everywhere. I don't know, survived by Ronnie James D. Oh, I don't know. Eatin' by six-feral pigs. Yeah. Right now, we need to book the European tour. That seems hard. How do we do that? Wait, aren't we dead? Yeah, I thought we were pretending to be dead. He's not thinkin' stuff. He did not think his death.

This was just a story to just every now and then the story he'll add details to the timeline of how he was like incapacitated from too hard rocking or his mortality. Also, this is like the thing that's driving this blood coughing thing that he made up. It's like, remind some of his mortality and let's him know he has to become a superstar quick before like he's dead

Well, I pretended so hard. I believed myself Now I need your ideas on how to book a European tour Yeah, well the Europeans don't know he's not famous and other words He's built this up so you know and you know these are people that went with Hasselhoff. So I'm, you're up. Yeah, it can't be that hard to sell them something. So I'm basically going to say all you have to do is say, you know, like, you're a huge American metal band.

You don't need anything other than that. That's Europe. Exactly right. It's super expensive. So my idea is to just blindfold all the members of the band and take them to come back. Good idea. That's a very good idea. I think that's the best idea about Rodney's was exactly right. I hate myself. I hate myself. He used to speak book and company to contact the venues. He bought a bunch of fake followers for his Facebook and his YouTube. So it would look like to the media illiterate, like those Europeans that he was very popular. He told them his single was number one in multiple countries and his label also represented all these big bands.

Motorhead was one of the ones I recognize, but the rest were like just a word slurry of made up bands. Like, do you know that, that Japanese baseball game that has all those American names? Like those are the names. Yeah, like Doug nut and moist jorks and those were his bands. At this point, it would have been easier

to learn to play a bunch of instruments and to go to the regular route. For you, it was more fun. Yeah, to not play guitar. Like, I get it, it's hard. I tried to play guitar when I was 14. I gave up after two weeks, but this is a bit much. Just do it.

It's like, instead of taking acting lessons, your plan to become an actor, it to like become fishing buddies with Steven Spielberg and then save is like it's just so much work. If I like that every other actor, I'll be the biggest actor in the world. Okay, so so now we need press. Um, how get it? How get it? How get press? How get press? Me ghost station get press. And that's probably the way he phrased it in his mind.

Me and me he pressed, how get it? I'm going to get to your opinion, right? Well, I guess this is general. Just to like help, in case any of those bookers get curious and they're like, ooh, is this a real band? Right, I'm guessing the answer wasn't tasteful news. It's awesome. It's awesome.

I was going tasteless news. I was thinking higher a celebrity impersonator and release a sex tape, like maybe get like a Vince Neal impersonator and release a sex tape with maybe get like a Vince Neal impersonator and release a sex tape with him. Or pretend to be your own press agent. So you would call them up and you would say, oh yes, you know, I will be putting Mr. Threaten on the phone right now or Threaten.

Now you're in such danger of sharing yet another neural pathway with this guy. I am. I might be him. I'm pretty sure he's slowly turning into him. Yeah, the Scooby-Doo gang is going to mask me at the end of this. And you guys are on the evil henchmen, there we go. Perfect. I can't verify that he did that, but there's no way he didn't. There's no way he didn't do that. But he just made it up. He faked an entire news website called Top Rock Press, and it was just a stunning amount of work. Even assuming he used the most basic WordPress template

and copying pasted all the articles, which is exactly what he did. It's still hours and hours of work. Every day, he had eight burner phones, and God knows how many fake accounts all posting is a spand. So you just, I mean, obviously sucks, but you know he must stuff,

because faking five different companies is all your hobbies. From the second Jared wakes up to the second he coughs blood to sleep. He is lying to the internet. It's his only hobby. But the press is the goal. You can't make up the fake press because your goal is to get actual... Yes, though. You want the effect. Somebody needs to explain to him how lies work You can't just the point of the lie isn't to just say the lie and then basket I've got it feels well Preserve you the easiest to get to pick up on you because they have space. They need to fill and you've ever looked at interviews with musicians You realize they will fill it with anything

Right. Why are you trying this hard? Yeah, I think at one point they were like, you know, oh, look, so and so magazine, even though they don't know it exists or not, have written about him. Maybe we should have an article about him. We've got, you know, 10 column inches to fill. So let's do that. And you call up a music magazine and say, I've got, you can do 300 words on this easy and they'll be like, oh my god, we need that so bad. He also went crazy on his own Wikipedia. He claimed he was one of the most influential figures in rock, shit like that. A ton of changes were made by the

publicist Lisa that he used to book all the shows. So people suspected this was fraudulent, even before anyone knew who he was. People were like, this Wikipedia is very suspicious. Don't break my heart here. Is there any point in the story where he gets on the phone and has to do a woman's voice to put it in the belly, Lisa? Oh my God, I would love that, but I can't verify. I can't verify that happened.

That'd be quite though. People asked him, and people said, is your Wikipedia page fake? And he said, hang on one moment and they're like, hello, this is Mr. Wikipedia. I can't help you. The veracity of this young man's Wikipedia page. And they're like, okay, that works for me. Oh, you can tell from the Rolling Stone interview that he thinks he invented this shit. Like they interviewed him long after this was all revealed as fake

and he thinks he's just this mastermind. This is the dumbest idea that dumbest idiot with any media project ever thought of and he's like, what is truth? Ha-ha! So, do you think if you introduced him to Frank Dukes, would they be best friends or mortal enemies?

Because it's one of the tips. Good question. It's a very good question. There's only one way to find out. We got to get them together. I always want to know if Ninja Tews could be heavy metal in a battle. I went to Mr. Threaten's Dogell and I learned quite a lot there. You can see this on my Wikipedia page.

Now, I've always wanted to do a blood sport rock-up. Oh no I can't even make fun of that. That's the best idea I've ever had. Yeah that's fun fucking watch the shit. Pretty nice. So so far all this is easy. He's lying to nobody to get nothing but capitalism is hardened against this exact type of child like to see. So assuming he can book these shows, how is he going to sell tickets? It's going to buy them. It's going to buy them. It's going to buy them.

It's going to buy them from the venue. It's going to be like a pay to play sort of thing. He'll say, I will take so many of these. He will probably go around in order to pack the venue. If you just give them out to the sort of people, find like the worst movie in town and say, hey, after you're done watching this, come see my band because clearly there's nothing in your head that says this is good.

This is bad. That's smart. You just want to chair into the board. Surely you want to come. Yeah, sure free time meets nothing to you. I think you're going to enjoy this. I don't think he even went as far as buying them. He just lied to them.

He took his agent character and he told the venues that he already pre-sold a bunch of tickets. This part of the story doesn't make a ton of sense to me because I don't see anyone falling for this, but even if they believed it, it kind of feels like sold a bunch of tickets. This part of the story doesn't make a ton of sense to me because I don't see anyone falling for this, but even if they believed it, it kind of feels like it's not standard protocol to just have like the bands tell the bar, oh hey, yeah, we sold a bunch of tickets already because that's not how like, okay, where's the money? I know we get it. Yeah, like, right, like unless they get a hundred percent of the door, like,

this is not how we do things. So it's worse than the idiots plan of just buying them all to pretend It's significantly worse than the dumbest plan or you you just say the money is out there in my private jet with my friend Mr. Wikipedia they fall in for everything so far you don't have to take it that much further to keep pulling people I've got you pretend to be the money. You dress up in a big money sign on you. Or you don't want to touch that dirty money. There's a pandemic, don't know. No. I'm the money.

I am the money. And then you sneak away later. I'm from the puts you in the vault in the back of the bar. And then you rob a blind. It's an ocean's three. But like I this crazy plan, but I guess it happened because there's a very funny comment on a social media from the underworld Camden, which is a London venue where he played and they're like, Hey, dickhead, what happened to the 300

tickets you said you sold? There were three people, all caps that turned up to the show, and then they added, please, please don't contact us again. Was it really three people? That's what they claimed. They said three people in all caps. No, at least one of these were what I thought would have been there. I was amazing at three people.

I mean, almost just want to dry place to be. You know, there's a recruitment tool in existence for for community service thing. Like the judge has said, okay, look, you know, you gotta go teach kids to drive or something or you go to this concert. You go to this concert. So there were others like it.

He might have been the first one to actually do this, but everyone instantly knew exactly what happened. Like, the second he, three people showed up the concert, they're like, oh, I know what this scheme was. We fall, I know what he has tried this in so long that I can't believe it. I know I saw one again. Right, because most people wouldn't do it because how would he get anything out of it? He lost money because he did pay the booking fees and all the rest of the places he was scheduled at canceled because the other bars are like, yeah, hey,

everybody, this guy is a fucking liar. So he wasn't good at making a paper trail, but he was also bad at hiding a paper trail. So at this point of the story, everyone has figured him out. And in addition to that, this kind of thing is fascinating to people. So they're just digging into every aspect of a social media and finding out that, oh my god, this guy is every single one of his own fans. Oh yeah, you're just speaking to somebody's favorite hobby. So here's Step 12. Your band is starting to piece things together.

What do you do? I tend to say, look over there and then run. Yeah, fake my own stuff again. Yeah, they fell for this much. That won't want to work. Fake my own death for the second time. Yeah, I keep being... They did threats and manipulation.

The band was kind of suspicious because the venues were small and they became more suspicious when they were empty and they were also being very weirdly policed like they were being true and showed. One of them gave an interview where he talked about how Jared and his wife were demanding to know where they were at all times. As if wandering down the wrong street in London

would reveal like a Missouri metal band was a lie. Jared's wife threatened to get their visas revoked if they ever wandered off on their own So you know standard real-band stuff and They were very sad and embarrassed they figured out very quickly and they're very sad and embarrassed so two of them quit and went home And I guess one of them was so broke He just kind of hang out with them because he couldn't afford the plane ticket home So I guess he's just Hoping to play a metal duo to empty your life. I'm not a sure life where that's an option.

I'm gonna be here on the loser visa. I gotta, I gotta, but this is the loser that sponsored me and I'm stuck with him. Please don't strike me sir. Please everybody has on the plane. So now we're at step 13. Everybody knows what do you do? I wish I had saved faking my own death. Yeah, I'm gonna, you own that shit. You say, oh yeah, that's what I meant to do. I've taught you all valuable lesson

about how fake the industry is. And then you just wait for the accolades to come rolling in. That's what actually happened, isn't it? It's precisely what happened, but not at this step. Not at hate myself. At this point, he said he was an honest mistake by the booking agent or the publicist or whoever,

those silly dummies, they really blew it. And now, it's not a demo, does it? No, no, that's my word. So now we're at step 14. That didn't work out of you spin this and that's exactly when he says, ha ha, this was all part of my plan. This was all the rules. You've fallen into my master trap, which has cost me 15 years of my life and thousands of thousands of dollars.

You know, attention to the man behind the St. Louis Arch. It was all a trick. We got how many tweeted out. What is fake news? I turn the empty room into an international headline. If you are reading this, your part of the illusion. And that's, is that a direct quote? A direct quote.

And that was, and it was, it was, it was, it's worse than that. It had a picture of him looking into a pain of broken glass reflected back next to an image of all that text I read you In graphic form attributed to him in his own tweet So in the 1970s magician would say in the same photography This is a plot that doesn't work on spider-man This is a plot that doesn't work on Spider-Man. He told anyone who would listen that he was a media master supermind, and that this was his end game. Played like puppets by his sinister strings.

He said he was sending out tips to website to get like caught. And this was easy to check, so they checked those websites. They're like, what? what no he didn't what and Anyway, he says this viral humiliation that cost him like Brockway said probably 30 grand and years and years of his life was on purpose He did all this work to be a less likable. I like turtles kid or a more likable grape stomp lady Like okay, if I only had 10 seconds to describe him might say try to imagine if the grape stomp lady stood up after the paramedics arrived and said Ha, I meant too long for 30 minutes you fools You get it Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, You fool! So he thinks he's like a villain of rock. He thinks this is like an Alice Cooper-style character

He talked a lot of shit about the band members that he hired those poor people he tricked at the going to Europe He's like they were that good anyway. They were ponds play things He knew that I would be playing to empty rooms, and I didn't care if they were good so now Next step that didn't work either. What do you do? Take it off from the top. Let's try it again. I was going to say right a book, but this guy's never read a book. I just get that feeling. So yeah, he's got to tell a story to

somebody. So maybe he is doing that. Maybe he is working on the rock opera of his life. Wow. Okay. Brock, we you're precisely right right now, and Rodney, your rights in the next step. Oh my God. This is, I just, man, I'm, here's a therapy. I'm going to, here's a therapy, he's from this, this one, chef. I love this game of think of the stupidest thing you can think of.

And we've awarded. You can be rewarded. It's the easiest game anyone's ever played. So he started a new band and booked a new European tour really fucking did He put on and he put on and that did not say Hey, I'm the world famous mind master. He said who wants to go to London? Not again, who wants to be part of the ultimate mind fuck that will change the concept of truth and media Nope free trip for desperate or board guitarist available.

So this had this, an insane list of criteria that it's like meant to be funny. It's the whole thing is dedicated to Zany, LOL, so random things. Like real indoor teenager shit, I have it here. It's gonna piss you off and I'm gonna read it. So here we go. You cannot live with your mother have more than one lazy eye Be someone who reads self-help books and think it's helping be someone who says spoiler alert while talking about something

I don't care about be vegan be someone who thinks high-fiving is ever okay? Have a forehead larger than the rest of your face Someone who thinks high-fiving is ever okay, have a forehead larger than the rest of your face. Be someone who doesn't have the webcam on their computer covered in tape. That one's funny because it's true. Be from Montana, akin, hilarious. Be someone who types the letter U to replace a three-letter word. Have ever said LOL out loud.

I guess I'm disqualified because I just did that. Be someone that describes themselves as a people person. And finally, be wider than me. If you're going to start a religion, this might be a good starting point. Antibes, you would be sued for anti-forehead discrimination. Yeah, that's true. The forehead lobbyists. The forehead people would come right for you. What are the self-know book you're reading or how not to live with your mother and how not to have a lazy eye? Oh, shit. Because you really know what the other way on that. Yeah, they contradict each other when you really apply some logic to it.

He sounds, he writes exactly like like GoDec or one of the one of your self-help people. Like it's like it's like a calendar kind of cutesy. It's like 1,000 things you didn't know about your mother or something, about being a mother in cutesy. It's like just, it feels like all the people who would write like this have died generations ago. And here he is like doing it. After that, it's said you must have proficient guitar skills,

become comfortable being on camera, slash in front of a film crew, have a valid passport, be available for rehearsals and Los Angeles, and be able to understand that some of these requirements may or may not be a joke. So he's a real arbiter of comedic sensibilities, I would say. I would give Jimmy Page looking at this ad going, that's me! I can do this!

I'm really vibing with this guy, it says heavy metal lover. This is like the least looked at match.com profile. Yes, it's a terrible dating profile. It's not quite funny enough to show people. It's not like you've got to see this guy's profile. It's just like, oh, this is the most ordinary person. I fucking hate this person. It's got real like hot topic shopper, pet peeves on it.

It's like, but has that attitude. Like people are such stupid shape, you can farm this. He's like 34 when he fucking wrote this. He should be cringing at this in his 20 year old diary, not posting it as the follow up to his carefully planned publicity campaign. It's like everyone's looking at me finally. You ever read someone who needs me time?

What's the deal with these people? Like what the fuck was all of this for? So anyway, it supports my theory that a person with no hobbies sucks. He spent so much time thinking an entire band's career that he never learned how to tell a joke or make good music more importantly. I don't know, maybe he's okay at music.

To be fair, people said he's like fine. It'd be funny if he was completely inept, but his song, there's not very many of them, but they could sort of pass for bland, badly produced 80s metal. Townlok did a just strong word for him, but he could maybe teach guitar to kids. You know, if he wasn't world famous

for being a terrible liar. Where'd we get around that town, I'm sure. Step 16, your band is soon as you for tricking them into a fake European music tour and trapping them in a hotel. What do you do? Counter-sue. You've got to go big on this one.

You've got to counter-sue them for owning self-help books, having lazy eyes, living with their mothers, and everything on that list. You counter-sue for. My answer is agree that what you did to them was fucked up and offer some sort of compensation via arbitration, get them to meet up and then trap them in a hotel again. I was waiting for the turn. I was like, there's no way this is a real answer. Well, what he did was nothing and hoped it went away. It did not and he lost the suit by default.

So he had to pay thousands of dollars to pay them back for their flights home. In hot topic coupons. I am reeling that countersuit was not the correct answer. That is like the, that is the narcissistic liar's playbook. I mean, you have to bring a frivolous lawsuit against your detractors. What are you even doing if not?

Feel like he just doesn't have the time or money anymore Like he's he's dealing with so much other stuff that the idea of this lawsuit is like, oh come on I got I'm thinking all these publicists Okay, we're now at the final stage everyone's starting to look away now what you've got to bring that attention back to you So I would say this this this involves Hollywood dating Everyone's starting to look away now what? You've got to bring that attention back to you. So I would say this involves Hollywood dating. I think like Amber Herb, or something, you find somebody who has been in the news. And you begin dating them and you get photographed with them. Maybe that sounds kind of like the higher

a celebrity impersonator and make a sex tape. Maybe it's just kind of a combination like of everything you've learned along your journey. Like you get the monster truck, you get the celebrity impersonator, you start fucking in it, you drive it through a hotel in Europe, just drive through some European hotel and explode it and fake your own death. These are both great plans. He basically just told everyone about all these awesome things he was going to do. And for example, he said he's been secretly working on a bunch of fake bands. So the same thing he did, he says, haha, I have 10 more of those.

Congratulations, world, I lied about existing again, I guess his his threat. So I get you mentioned Scooby Doo villains, he's kind of like that, but instead of owning a haunted amusement park He's just been alone in his basement for 10 years and he pops out and says I got away with the kids and I wasn't a band Now who's the fool so he did promise an album with two new guys It was supposed to come out three years ago. It has not he said he was working with the Gotham group Well known production company to make a documentary about himself and in addition, a feature film, not a rock opera,

only a feature film. I actually watched a documentary he produced to himself. A well-produced documentary of a liar made by a liar would be hilarious. Not like, as funny as listing which cliches you hate, but like, that pretty funny. Eternal Mondays. I would do it as split screen.

So on one side, you see what he's saying. You know, like, oh, we're playing fun. And then on the other side, the reality. I would totally watch that. So he did actually go back on tour. He did a small show, I can't remember, where somewhere in the UK and Someone tweeted it out and gave all the details basically everyone there. It's a very very small crowd

They were either a very online gocker or a journalist He put a couple of mannequins on the stage because like what even is real man? And not at all because everybody refuse to play with them. Right. Even the Maddy can walk off. They're like, yeah. Doing the voices for him. This one's Lisa.

He probably thought they were real. Like, he'd been seeing each other for a while. You may recognize this one as my girlfriend. Notice the sweet dickhole. We can cut that. He does, he does like little bits with them where we'll have them sing. Like he'll put the microphone up for the mannequin's mouth.

It's so fucking stupid. And it was all for this. Like this was the end game of the media mastermind who a show no one went to featuring a mostly mannequin band. And that outrageous list of pet peeves, your move world. It's a mostly mannequin band would have been enough, like if you would just committed to it. And you just call that too, mostly mannequin band. If you see this as performance art, you know, if he had tackled his performance art from the beginning, this is fantastic. I'd

go see this guy. I'd probably have a back piece. You know, just celebrate. Oh, you would have such an active fan base. If you were just, if literally, it could be almost, it could be entirely just set only mannequins out there and do all the voices from offstage. You're only about to be part of it. That would be so much more rewarding in ever like artistically, financially, spiritually,

than anything you have ever done in your life is if you just checked out, if you weren't involved with it at all. Or if it's entire fan base, it was just mannequins. Like, mannequins, outside his home, reading catcher in the rock, just waiting to meet him. They're all slowly falling apart from the head banging as the show goes on.

Fill the venue with mannequins to the one real person shows up. What the fuck is this? What did I get it, what kind of green room shit is this? Hahaha. So that's the whole story of Threaten. You guys did amazing, let me tell you up the points.

You are 17% smarter on the fly than this grifter was after an entire lifetime of training. So congratulations. You're natural. Thank you. Heavy metal grifters. If you ever choose to do that. Oh, he'll be. I'm doing this mannequin thing. I was playing for charity. So I need to know where to send the check. Ice Night Holder, Frankfurt! Nesaprakas, kinaums! Un mēk smalim šā! Dāk Frankfurt, podcast! Kolek! Jā! Dek prafis, nietrātis, niet unas!

Šikdi, niet hundezau, dīvā neskundas! Kupšā, dūkistidu vā! Ice Night Holder, Frankfurt! Ice Night Holder, Frankfurt! I'm Staghounder! I'm Staghounder! I'm Staghounder! I'm Staghounder! I'm Staghounder! I'm Staghounder! I'm Staghounder!

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