The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 141, WMAC Masters Ladies' Night with Merritt K

Episode Date: September 20, 2023

Brockway challenges Seanbaby and guest, horror author Merritt K, to podcast in Doom City! It's the conclusion of the WMAC Masters Saga, with Season 2, Episode 3: Ladies' Night. The one where you learn that new panties don't make you better at karate!

1900 hot dog 1900 hot dog A podcast slammed with maximum height Say hot dog podcast worked Yeah We need to taste that nitrate power you're in the dog zone for an hour Come on you know the number 1900 1900 hot dog America's

last comedy website. We're living comedians, stress living, right jokes that know robot is the boss of. If you remember the emotion that humans call joy, we're doing that. We're doing that. Support us on patreon.com slash 1900 hot dog and support joy instead of, instead of robots lotter.

I'm Robert Brockway and my martial arts weapon is a car. I have a seventh Dan black belt in hitting you with my car and my co-host martial arts weapon is an invincible body with a flaming axe. It's axe tank shron baby. Yay. That's our Bangkok knockout references. The greatest movie no one should ever watch because it was made by stunt people and so the stunts and the fights are awesome but that's only six minutes of a very very difficult 90 minutes to get through. And our guest, Merritt Kay, whose martial arts weapon is being comedy Samo Hong and betrayal.

Sweet betrayal. Yeah, I have a new outfit. To be clear, in your role now, you have a page boy haircut and Matrix glasses and a little schoolboy uniform. Beautiful, with a lightning bolt on it. No, just a little butler's schoolboy uniform. Beautiful with a lighting bolt on it. No, just a little butler's schoolboy uniform and you're very, you're very gregiously Rob Schneider-ish until you put your ass all

and turn out to be the villain. Well, just like Rob Schneider did. Yes, but in a fun way this time. This is in a much more fun way and they'll, so they do kill him at the end. Just like we did to Rosh. Just like we're going to do. Like if everything goes to plan, when you're listening to this, oh my God, could you imagine

if Rob Schneider really died? Oh my God. Not actionable in my car. I'm telling you right now, if Rob Schneider dies like the day this podcast releases, I'm still running it. Absolutely. Absolutely. He would want to back away. He's a good censorship. if Rob Snyder dies like the day this podcast releases, I'm still running it. I'm not gonna postpone it. Absolutely, he would wanna back away. He's a good censorship.

He's a good censorship. He's a free speech. I'm out of honor for, I might actually do that just so I could say, I can respect for Rob Snyder and we can all laugh and laugh. All right, so anything you wanna to plug today, Marit. Patreon.com slash Marit K. I've been posting more writing there. Posted a sneak peek at a novella that I just finished draft of a couple weeks ago and sent

to my agent. So fingers crossed, that'll be something. But in the meantime, you can read part of it on there. People still do novellas. People still do novellas. Pairly novellas are a thing and like sci-fi and horror right now because I don't know. People's attention spans are too bad. They don't want to read a whole novel. And that's fine for me because I don't want to write a whole no.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm excited like fuck yeah, I can write 30,000 words on settlement and then just. Hell yeah. That's what I'm excited like fuck yeah, I can write 30,000 words on sentiment and then just hell yeah collided I could write 30,000 words on fucking Rob Schneider That's easy. You should So where can we people find that? Yeah, that's at patreon.com slash American And are you mostly are you mostly a horror or sci-fi or you just bounce to whatever? Yeah, I mean I'm mostly doing horror stuff lately A lot of my stuff is about 90s or 2000s

era internet stuff because I'm just that kind of millennial where I'm hopelessly looking back at the way things could have been. So I've read a lot, you know, a rate horror stories about like forum culture and like malls. And that all that kind of like millennial bait, I guess. But I think I try to do it in a way that isn't just like you know so cynical it's maybe a little

cynical but I don't know it sounds fucking red to me I don't want to live in this future yeah it's us we're hanging on the red one point out as hard as we can yeah it's we got we have to go back if we can if we can bomb this internet down and start a new one, it's going to be just like, we'll just cap it. We'll cap it at like 2004. Yeah, everyone gets one geosities page, you get a web ring, there's maybe some forums, but nothing to be. We can mention the joy of the world if you search for something on the internet and you just got a site with that information with like no ads and pop-ups and cookie notifications. And it was just a guy who was willing to do that. Yeah, it's just someone explaining something.

It's not a robot trolling Reddit forums to create a fake article to God, that'd be beautiful. It's not Google making up that Shrek 5 is real. He's telling you it's Rodentomator's score. God, that'd be beautiful. It's not Google making up that Shrek 5 is real telling you it's with Rodentomator score It's just some nerd in Dakota who's really fucking into Forks and you're like I just need I just need fork information I can see that website right now like Jamie's Forks site and it's just like I I really difficult Really difficult to, like, to put our background. Like a brown text to background.

Yeah, with just like the smallest thumbnails of Forks in like a, like a table. Brown text to background with like yellow text. You're like, fucking, what does that say? You got to highlight it to read it. Copping and pasting this in a no pad, so I can read your website. Coming soon is the only thing technically on the site.

Yeah. Beautiful. Let's go back. We got to go back. Sean, anything you want to talk about? Oh, we already talked about Starfield and Remnant, which was like what I did this week. I had a pretty good video game week. I got done with my writing early and the six year old

is in school, so that sort of frees up my day a lot. And I just fucking adults If you want to plug your on a play my Xbox Pugs education. It's good for the kids. It's good for the parents Staying school kids not not for yourselves, but so daddy can get in it fucking nap So daddy can romance an alien On the Xbox. Gotta specify.

Right. I'm gonna go ahead and plug our other podcast, Big Feats, that's me, Sean Baby, and Jason Pargin, watching all mountain monsters, the hillbilly monster hunting reality show that gets better every single episode. It's so good. They can't be a bad one.

Sorry, I love that show. It's great. Are you doing every episode? Every single episode. Nine seasons, maybe. So you're gonna be doing this show for the next decade. Yeah, it releases every two weeks, so at least, at least the next decade. And that's partly why I finally was like, we got to pull the trigger on this because we'll never end. Right. We'll have material forever. And I flashed through and I was still checking out episodes on like season six, season

seven. Like, man, these are still so good. These are still like, they really raised the bar on how fucking stupid they're going to be every single episode. And it's, it's a joy. We've already got more in the can and more coming up. And honestly, every single one is more fun than less. So check out big feats. Leave us a review or something. Do something useful.

There are no ads on it. You got to do something. You got to pay for it somehow. But that's not today. You don't have to pay for anything. Today we're talking, we're giving you a gift. We're talking about one more time. The last time, part three, WMAC Masters. Yeah, we're doing it again. I love that we got together to do one podcast episode and it has turned a joke back. We're like, we just talk. It's 20 minute episode.

It's not a sea. Yeah, we're like, yeah, that's about enough. We watch it and then I think we are complaining about this and I have the two episodes, but we all have so much to say about these ninjas. And I feel like it has not stopped. I feel like we not going to get through the intro of this show because they do a previously on, they're like, hey, welcome to the AC Masters, previously on. And then it's just the fucking,

the horizon dimension opens. And if we're going to, that there is a special part where we just break down every scene of that. You are right, that that is exactly in my notes First if you haven't listened to the other WMAC masters you don't have to Probably one and a half hours or so is enough But we did much more than that. So WMAC masters stands for World Martial Arts Council Masters it was a live action Marshall Arts Council, Masters. It was a live action.

Marshall Arts Tournament show, you know, it all scripted not an actual tournament that ran for two seasons from 1995 to 97. I'm gonna say, it's kind of, and they all live together in their friends. It's like the Mickey Mouse Club holds a kumate. Only it all takes place on the lot of universal studios Florida, which they think is an entire world,

an insane world that they live in. Every fighter, once they do fight, every fighter has a power bar on screen. Once again, these are actual people, and then they have a little power bar, and then if they get hit, some amount of that power bar comes off. It can only be filled with ninjas.

They eat ninjas for fuel. It rules as terrible. Nobody thought through any part of it and it may be the best show ever made. I agree. So one of my favorite parts of it is they focus on, like little morals, little morality plays kind of in there that teach the kids a lesson because I think they legally

had to at this point in time. Like you can't tell children how to jump kick something without also telling them to drink their milk. It's just, it was illegal. Right. Yeah, the more majority was like, they found out about violence, I think, around this time. Like before, it was all like sex and like, the occult.

And then in the early 90s, it like oh my god these kids are watching a fuck ton of violence this probably can't be good right and I think they shifted to that so yeah yeah yeah cuz it's a very similar video game stuff too thanks to Mortal Kombat so I think that was that was pretty pretty firmly and this is you know clearly more like four kids right G-rated Mortal Kombat where rainbows come out instead of blood. So we're talking about season two, episode three, ladies night. And I did bring this one because it's great on its own merits, and there's a lot to talk about.

But also, it has the best recap of the recaps they've done so far that talk about all the drama that happened just before this. So yes, Shawn Baby's right, we aren't going to do an episode or the recap. This is the episode. It's just on the recap of an episode or episodes that I have not seen. We're laughing.

I'm gonna bet we're not calling our own bluffs. That's what's really gonna happen. I love it because I do speak this language like I grew up in this era. I love this exact type of shit and I have no fucking idea what's going on. I've seen a lot of the episodes that I think they're referencing.

I have no idea what's going on. It's the most useless previously on that may have ever been made. It is just a firehose of madness. It does, it's, it's trying to catch you up on almost everything. Like, it's not one story arc. It's like everything that happened up until now,

which if you put it all together, you're like, I don't know what the fuck we're doing. Right, and then everybody knows now. The thing is, yeah, so I think what's maybe not immediately clear is that in the first season, it sort of seems like a more just normal tournament, and Shannon Lee is there, and she's announcing. And then I think by the end of the second season and into the second, they're like, no, no, no, no. What we're doing, Shannon Lee is gone. We're doing a computerized lady voice as the announcer

and we're doing like really crazy plot lines. Like people like interfering in matches, mass ninja, aren't all ninja, mass ninja. Yeah, this is fucking WMAC Game of Thrones. Like this side, we're gonna do political intrigue within the University of Spain. There's like a poor case. There's, okay.

There's a lot of trash. All right, that's the stuff at the beginning. Okay, so last time on WMAC Masters, machine was in a championship match with superstar, I believe it was, and that was sabotaged at the last minute by the masked ninja resulting in the impossible because masked ninjas are not people as we were at best like one-third of a person illegally within the cerebral war.

They're freshmen in their ninja academy. All these guys are graduates up. So I guess the masked ninja was like obviously an advanced student and that's what was illegal about it yes it's a cast violation ninjas are not allowed to occupy this social strata yeah so they have a martial arts trial where they all everybody involved is also martial artists for star warrior who is superstars brother who they think was secretly the mask ninja and this trial is complete with turbo judge uh... that's a judge who's also turbo

his name is turbo and is wearing a leather vest and holding a gavel and holding a get an actual gavill this is a legal process works within the true and experiment that this is become. He's karate master. I want to talk about his hair. I feel like mentioning his jacket is important because he's got this sleeveless jacket, but his hair is so flowing in full of body. He looks like when you're making like a custom

character and you're scrolling through the very last of the haircuts, like the lady haircuts, and you just stop at the one that makes you laugh hardest. So he's like a gorgeous lion, but something's off. He's a metalhead who had a cut his hair for fucking work three months ago and it's just not growing back as fast as I want. That's what he looks like. And he's got this real serious look on his face

because he's a judge, but he also looks completely ridiculous. And I would argue that their problem should be solved with karate and not Right he is a karate judge So I think in a way Technically this might be true somebody has to set the excessive bylaws that plague WMAC masters and we are seeing that legal system Okay, in action speaking of the system like yes, they should they have a clip of him and he's like

He drops his bombshell of evidence. So like the judge himself is like, hey, Star Warrior was with me at the academy. So in this law of dystopia and karate hellscape, the neat, beautiful universal studios Orlando, the judge could just enter evidence into a case he's presiding over. And so like, yeah, and he knew from the presumably from the start, of course, unless he remembered later that he was. You think the American legal system with all its checks and balances is gonna survive the collapse of society and the gradual rebuilding of it under universal studios

or land, then you're sadly mistaken. Because it's just not gonna have, the fact that they have courts at all or at least the fact, similarly of a court, they once heard of a court or saw an episode of Night Court and now they're like sort of yes a cargo cult like recreating these structures and images.

The Night Court cargo cult of course everybody knows that old trope. The Night Court. Night Court cargo cult. Cargo cult located in the post-apocalyptic bunker underneath the University of New Jersey was Florida, which is the only thing to survive the end of the world, right? I love that it's always been a farce like you

and the judge were, you can't have the judge reveal that because he would do that first thing. Like, oh, first thing I need to have this trial. I call to the witness, Dan, me, the judge. I'm best friends with a defendant, and I was there when he didn't do a case closed. Okay. But it is terrible.

The law desires an in-genome, you ninja clowns. However, I think what I'm sure it was part of the trial somehow, or maybe it was just unrelated flights, because they cut to in the middle of the trial scene, part of this involves superstar bashing a seesaw with his fists so hard that it launches an ninja through a target like a WMAC carney game. Oh God, it's fucking amazing.

That like they're not dehumanized enough that their food, they're now fucking tossing them for competition. Again, these are supposed to be the WMAC Academy first year students. They're whaty. They're whaty. They're not like a fucking docky con country enemy.

The bullets. Your pellets now. It was a we learned last podcast. This was a real school that they're talking about. So these are like children that enrolled in their strip mall dojo and like machine pops up in his PSA. And we like remember the key is discipline. We need ammunition,

join up. The indignity of this means that this is probably their detention, like to just get launched through a hoop by a seesaw, that's like, all right, you fucked up in class, you got to, you got to do that. You're legal ammunition, yeah. Yeah, you've been demoted. If he gets you through the smallest ring, he's innocent and he also wins a duck

Yeah, I mean, it's sort of like medieval witch trial rules, right? Abel Cardi rule without bleeding if you can watch the stinger through this hoop Then God believes in you. He's so comfortable. He shoots him through the hoop And he's like yeah, I fucking did it implying that there was hundreds of ninjas that missed that like died against the law Finally got one. And the stakes were so high. So anyway, this is still a recap, everybody. This all happened by a second.

This is not, this is episode. And I do want to just say the one line that I wrote down on my notes, because it's fucking incredible. I forget who says this, but someone really angrily says, if it wasn't for Star Warrior, we'd have the Mast Ninja in Call of City by now.

I'm a fucking Star Warrior. That's why he's on trial. Let's see, let the Mast Ninja skip. So somehow something is established here. The Dragon Star rematch can now take place. Now that everybody's cleared. So it takes place at, they say, the underground transit system. And you won't believe this unless you were a child

in the 1990s watching any kind of television and bothering your parents. It's just the earthquake ride at Universal Studios Florida. So you're looking at it being like, I know exactly how this goes. And sure enough, there's an earthquake. My God. So you're looking at it being like I know exactly how this goes And sure enough There's an earthquake my god at the earthquake simulator I love fighting inside of because Akim is is the machine

He's fully gotten to the stage where he's picking up ninjas and beating the other ninjas with them And that's feel like wonderful like that's like how you kill a ferret, you know what I mean? Like that's fucking fantastic. He throws one onto the tracks at one point, I think. Yeah, they throw one like 40 feet onto the tracks, like not holding any mercy back for these fucking white boats that are clear that they have said canonically in this show our Justin School are in the academy to learn how to do this. Like, fuck you, I'm gonna kill you.

I'm gonna kill you with your best friend. Like, this is how you prove to a crab that you're God. Like, you just beat him with other crabs until they understand. He is so, so they absolutely dismantled these. I'm gonna say they're children. These canonically terrified teenagers who have joined the wrong fucking karate school.

They were having the best time until they realized, oh no, we're being beaten to death. They got the coolest ride they've ever been on. They were quite so. But then, you know, clearly somebody starts the ride, like, because they have to film this shit at night in between, and when everybody goes to ride the ride. So somebody, they film late, the ride starts while they're still on it. The ceiling collapses that fuel tanker, if you were born, if you were alive,

if you were kid in the 90s, you know that fuel tanker sliding down. Yeah, I thought I was gonna die when I was on Earthquake and I was a kid. It's a very convincing, that haunts my dreams. It's come for me. So a water main breaks and washes them away

and here's where they fucked up and they showed the turnstiles because Superstar was holding on to like the staircase to enter the ride. Like, oh no, I'm gonna wash them right and then just beyond the turnstiles, machine is trapped behind them. Like he doesn't have a ticket, so he's gonna die.

Yeah. I love your ticket. I love this because suddenly instead of a fight, it's who can hold onto the turnstile longest while getting sprayed with water. And it's so... That's a hockey wins. It's like, so even the robot announcer

like no, it's okay, yeah, now I get what the rules are now. So like, I agree with one, because he held onto the wet car wheel ride longer, but it's fucking crazy that those can suddenly become like the official rules of the fight. Mm-hmm. You've received, It's rule 917B in the subsection of WMAC bylaws that matches in the event of an earthquake shall be determined by grip strength on the rides by ride grip strength athletes shall find

similar items to grip and then in the spring water, may the... At least wet wind, I think. However, if you make it past the turn style, it goes into sudden death. Right. If you have super pass, you can skip past the water spray, and get to the taco truck.

If you, if you sign up. And he, so he wants anyway, and becomes the champion, and that's like all, that's all the recaps, and becomes the champion. That's all the recaps. That's still recap. And I presumably did this to help set up the story, but also to set up the vibe of tension

in the WMAC clubhouse, because in this universe, in fiction, in the world, they not only all stay and fight together on the Universal Studios floor to a lot, they live together in a clubhouse and have like best friends and maybe romantic partners with here, their whole life is in here. I feel like they're coded like children.

I don't think they know what sex is. Because we watched that one with Chris Casamasa. They're very, I do think that's the best thing. I've discovered sex for the first time. Well, I mean, they live with chameleon. They're constantly reminded. But I feel like these characters are just entry and puberty. They're played by 30.

I understand they might not know the mechanics of sex. Okay. But like, they know what fucking is. I just realized what this reminds me of, like them all hanging out in this clubhouse and just sort of walking around in a days and acting like children. Did you ever see that terrible,

Joss Weeden showed dollhouse? I know what it is, I know what it is. They're all like brainwashed, like children walking around, waiting to have some personality implanted into them. That's what this feels like, but like I want to see like keepers coming around like, okay, super star.

Let's go take a nap now. Like let's. This is an early trash. It's like karate into you. The personalities didn't take. They're like, okay, you're gonna be the karate. I'm like karate into your brain. And they're like, no, it does not compute.

Right, yeah. Taken blank ninjas. And now, okay, you're super star now. It's just a personality. They put them on a ninja template. Yep. So this whole world is crumbling. Turbo has gone mad with karate, judge power.

The ninja cast are rising up. It's gonna be the ninja box of rebellion up in here. It's grim. That's the mood as we enter the clubhouse. Yeah. Says that recap. And then as we, okay, we're ready. We're ready to enter.

The first thing we see is Lady Lightning coming down the stairs with her magnificent corn puff, the dazzle, moth-side-shaped mullet. I don't know what I'm saying. I'm so much glitter in her hair. You can see her hair sparkle in 240i. It's just the most sparkly haircut, but it's also in impossible shape.

It's like a Q-tip, but it's also in impossible shape. It's like a cute tip, but much wider than you're picturing. Uh. It's like a paintbrush, like a fan brush, but not like a mohawk. It's like sideways. It's like the white person's 1970s Afro-Karate mohawk. What also be dazzled. It's too many things. It's what it is.

You know when you're trying to draw... Her head is too many things. When you're trying to draw like a human hand pointing at you and your mind knows what a hand looks like but when you're looking at it doesn't make sense. That's like what her hair is like. It's like at an angle that it's in a direction you can't point. You're like, I don't know.

I don't understand. It's God. It's God's finger pointing at you in four dimensions, and your brain is just, I see it. I see the finger of God. It's a biblically accurate angel on top for head. Except she's throwing her clothes away because she lost the Dragon Star match to Black Widow, who is then the champion of the women's division.

I feel like this is insane. Yeah, this is men writing women. I think this is a male writer trying to think what a what a woman would do. Right. Like a woman would blame her clothes for her failure. Like it's a poor martial artist who blames their failure on their underwear. That's not a thing. That's the lesson of the entire show.

It's the lesson of the entire show. This is the plot. The plot's the lesson of the entire show. It's the lesson of the entire show. This is the plot, the plot and the lesson of the entire show is you can't blame failure on underwear, ladies. I love this way. Like they do the strip tease reveal, they're like the down and, and, and. Oh, hold on, I have that. Oh, okay, okay, please.

Of course. So to set the stage, she is defeated She's depressed about it and she thinks One thing will make it up And that's a new outfit And she's going to show it to her friends So she says like,OK guys help me out And holds her arm out

So her male friends can come in Singing the sexy burlesque song And disrobe her in front of the rest of her friends And this is that clip. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh his lips and look down at it. Again, I feel like that was in violation of the director's command. And perhaps set rule, set a protocol.

I like it too, because it's just a fucking real sensible karate leotard with just the stupidest light-able hot glued like across the chest. It's just, it's not a reveal. You're like, you're expecting some big thing. And then to make it worse, they cut away to Camillean, who's got the shiny swimsuit, it worse, they cut away to Camillean, who's got this shiny swimsuit,

just a full tornado of Ninja sex Camillean. I'm a big Camillean fan. And so to juxtapose those together, it's almost like it's a joke. Like it's like, here's something. Like the gag is that she can't dress herself, is what I took it to me. Everybody kind of agrees with you,

because first of all, it is very much, it's just a tank top of the lightning bolt. Where her last costume that she threw away was more than this, and so this is less. And everybody kind of scoffs at her for thinking of the outfit will help. They're like, no, that's fine, but this isn't really gonna do anything.

Yeah, but it's just, we know. Why would we think it would? Do you fucking karate maniacs? It's just forward. It's just like Queen you fucking karate maniacs? It was just forward. It was just like Queen March. What is this? It's like a- It looks like something you would wear

to like a disco, like a roller disco event. Yeah, if you're dead, you can tear it off with that. Yeah, that your mom made because you really like David Bowie. Yeah, it's like this. With Puffy Paint, then maybe not, maybe old Puffy Paint. Yeah. It doesn't look quite right.

It's uncrafty parent Halloween costume for a seven year old David Bowie fan. I think it's Halloween. It's a Halloween costume that you have to like, somebody goes, oh, what are you? And then you explain what it is. They still don't get it. I'm gonna lay you lightning.

I don't know what that is. She's a lightning lad, I think. Mom. No. The glitter. No, what are you? So even super star, I think these people are still choking on microplastics to this day. Like, she is just shedding it. She's died of some sort of dazzled poison. Whatever they used to make it out of, that was poison to the human body, that killed her. It certainly killed her. So even superstar scoffing at this,

he's just like, that's not gonna make a difference. And Star Warrior, his brother appears behind him, just like out of the shadows and is like, a painful past, isn't easy to forget. Like his fucking martial art style is passive aggression. And superstar immediately like slaps him in the chest and says, hey, drop it already. Just was like three days ago when he tried to like

get his brother wrongfully convicted. And he's like, we'll get all over it. This is the classic mask ninja debate. One side is always like, I'm very obsessed with mask ninja. The other side is like, I don't give a shit about mask ninja. And that's like the eternal struggle. We've seen it so many times. And it's really disappointing that they would use

such a well-worn trope in a show like those. It's COVID. It's exactly COVID. How we're debating about COVID is what the 1995's had was a mask ninjas instead of COVID. I like that all this arguing pisses off Cyclone who's in a wheelchair because he has a hurt foot and The only person who he cyclone speaks Japanese exclusively and the only White person who could speak Japanese. Oh, I'm sorry the only American person because Willie the BAM Johnson is black

He's the only one who could speak Japanese so he has to translate everything so cyclones like Telling these guys something and then Willie the BAM Johnson translates, he goes, he'd rather watch the match in the arena than the two of you fight. And then he waits like, what I would say five beats too long and then he does a little fist pound on the table. Like that was a necessary step to properly translate. He's like, no, I really want to let you know what Cyclone's saying and I'm going to do it like hitting the table.

So I would say Willie the BAMamshawson's the worst actor in these very competitive circumstances. And I love this acting choice. Like this is such a powerful performance. I think he probably just forgot. And somebody like one of the interns offscreen was like, mimeing a fist pounding. He's like, oh, fuck.

Get mad. Oh, I got it. I can do that. I can play mad. I think that guy's jacking. No, oh shit, I forgot. And then we find out how like Cyclone broke his foot. Yes, right?

Right. They're like talking like, how do you do that anyway? And it's like, oh, he was really plating at 80 miles an hour, which is screaming for a man to get out of his way, but in Japanese, and I guess the guy just stood there. So this missile hurtled to one team on the field. Right, there are two, they're like two sides to this coin, and you're wrong on both sides, because like on the one hand,

maybe you cyclone shouldn't be slapping on fucking rocket skates in a crowded city where you don't speak the language, you know, the traffic rules, but also like if there's one thing that's a universal language, it's a man flying at you and rocket skates going, I don't know how to sound these rockets' gates. And you know what that is. Just to throw one more hand. One more monkey wrench into everyone's understanding of the situation.

Cyclone is listening to them talk about him in English and laughing along with them because he fully understands what they're saying The moral of this story as said by Tiger Claw. I just wish he would learn some English I have that my note and he's not the bad guy because they all laugh and not like yeah this fucking Japanese asshole doesn't speak That's the button on that scene I know note that that's the button on that scene is this fucking Jack has needs to speak our language We all love him because that's also the what the antagonist so the good guys and the antagonists are on the same side and this in this little B plot story that he's gonna run. This is the fucking we be a stream that has ever been. Like all these guys have a fucking yin yang floor mat at their homes.

And here they meet a real life Japanese and they're like, fucking this fucking sucks. Learn to talk to them, which are go home. Like no, dude, you guys, what, how do I say fucking karate chop and Japanese? That's all day long, they there on this guy's dick. So we cut to the next fight, which is a murmur, Chan, whose name is Princess,

Strangin Bouchou, one of the others, along with Inying Man. We haven't seen him before. She's dressed in a unitarred with a gold table cloth over it, loosely sewn together. It looks like garbage. It does look like trash. All these costumes were made by a real disinterested dad on October 31st. Like the day is with no previous skills.

It was just like, yeah, I got it. I got it. You want to be a fucking princess? Fuck. Here's a Chinese princess as what she'll be. So she does demonstration with her three stick weapon in this, in this, you have this pit like Kung Fu arena,

which we will never use for its proper purpose. Christine Rodriguez, Lady Lightning. Lady Lightning. She knows Kenpo and she's, what I didn't, well we forgot to mention, she's got a little tinsel fringe on her pants, which does not help anything. It's still just fringe on pants. It's the lazyest costume.

Maybe she believes in herself like 10% more now, but it can't be more than that. She does a demonstration of two swords. An outfit does not make you a better fighter. I feel like you missed the entire lesson of the show. I haven't learned that lesson yet. Maybe I will by the time we get to the end of the story. I believe so. After they do these bad ass like weapon demonstrations and they face off in the Kung Fu arena, it's time to leave the Kung Fu arena. I want to just I want to say something nice

about Lady Lighting because she does a one-handed cartwheel with a floppy sword and she makes the fucking best mean faces. I think I think she's awesome. I love what you like. Also, when Princess is spinning around that triple stick, I'm just like, this is what everyone thinks they look like. When they've got like a swiffer or broom or something, and they're just like swinging it around. Perseus. This is what I look like. And it's like, no one has ever looked like that.

She's a good guy. Yeah, she's amazing. I thought they were gonna fight with weapons, but no, that's interesting. No, but no. They gotta leave the Kung Fu for ya, to go to the actual fight zone, which is Battle Zone Doom City.

Another disaster ride, of course, from Universal Studios, Florida. But in their world, in their fiction, this is a completely destroyed city, like freshly destroyed, it's still on fire, the cars are on their side. Some sort of Godzilla just fucking came through here, and they're fighting in between like Fima teams, rescue exevellions, trouble. Like this is just fucking hell.

Use your powers to help us, WMAC masters. I'm sorry. I law 406c dictates. If you put on an engine costume, I'll kill you. That's all I could do. This show, oh god, they have rules now that they explain. So instead of Shannon Lee, the robot lady comes in and she's like explaining how you get points for stuff, but like weirdly subjective way is like it has clean hits speed defensive ability and Overall technique and I would argue That three of those are real hard to like quantify

Yes, but not in terms of a power bar There are backup systems. They're now two narrators just for the fights like Shannon Lee left their replaced her with a female robot because they already had a robot that can only do half the fights, I guess. You need to know their abs. So now they have, you know, play by play. Yeah, so now they also have like rules, but also the power bar, like,

I worried that, like, they were worried kids wouldn't understand it and corrected so hard that they made sure kids wouldn't understand it. But the fuck are you, that is a work. Yeah, I thought I got what a power bar was, but maybe I don't. I just, all I know is that it's fueled by Ninja. I'm not sure. It's a vice-based scoring system.

Yeah. It's sort of like, you know, did you have a good energy? Did you look like you'd have a good breakfast? Are you sort of bringing yourself like flourish? Yeah, flourish. Showmanship. pizzazz. Like when that guy, did you see that guy punched the seesaw

and said that ninja threw a target? That's showmanship, we judge on that. That was a nine. There was room for improvement, but not a lot. That ninja died and it was supposed to happen that way. And it was beautiful, no ninja could ask for a bad guy. I just kicked this ninja in the stomach and he vomited until he died.

That's nothing. Not at one point. Don't even get a college credit for that. His life was worth one point. You think he likes that? There's a jealous of ten point ninja. They all want to be ten point ninja. There's something that happens here that doesn't happen often enough for my taste.

Oh my god. Where the robot uses robot syntax. So the robot will say, because I guess it's faster, the robot will go, when Power Bar is drained, athlete loses. And I feel like, she could have said, when they're Power Bar strain, the athlete loses, but no, no, no, it doesn't sound robot enough.

I feel like nothing, but this is how they gave Mickey Mouse three fingers and over the years, it saved Disney millions of dollars. So I feel like after a decade taking all of the particles out of the sentences would have saved WBC masters like a fortune. Like $40 in voice at $40.50. Absolutely. Which is that that's like four rides in the 1990s. Yeah. You can that's all that's that's a season. A day at the theme park baby. A whole season on four rides. We'll find proof it. So it battles at the doomed city. The doomed city, there's no one is rescuing. Kabuki ninjas populate that. They're different flavors of ninja.

Right. So they're, they're going to eat kabuki flavored ninja this time around. The poorest ninjas who thought they were signing up for theater class and then got sent into doom city to get eaten by a machine or in this case five to women were like, oh, thank God. And then just got fucking destroyed. I don't know how you're late. So they remember they have the real power bar if you'll do it by ninjas. And the stakes are here.

They're fighting for the right to go to the electrified dome, which their chili can be known in jizz. How would they even get in there? The domes electrified. It would be a good place. They'd have to have some sort of a, I don't know, this is gonna sound crazy, like a treatment on their clothing.

And it'll never work! You're a maniac, I keep telling you, you're a maniac. I love the reverse masks, like the return to Oz style extra like Malignant, I guess. Where they're doing Malignant. They're doing Malignant. Ninja Warriors Malignant. But I think it has backwards. It's so cool. Like they added all these new elements. Like there's more camera cuts. There's more choreography.

It's it's just so improved in season two. It's so it's so satisfying. I will say that their move is right to see them like spin kick a guy And then he does the stunt thing where he just spins over and over and only's got twice the faces to spin around Why is it so fast no matter where you kick him you hit a face He's just He's oscillating at speeds on no demand It's gonna Set him off like a top. There's a thing that happens here where lady lightning throws a sweep at one of the

ninjas and he gets out of the way and she looks so legitimately pissed about it. She goes like a 360 tornado kick. Every single one of those faces gets annihilated. What the fuck? What the fuck? No, he's food. You don't get cute, dude. There's so many spin kicks in this scene, like even for in this episode this episode I want to say like the spin kick ratio is

Impressive I think it has like women I think women are like men are allowed to occasionally hammer pons or jump kick right but women They have to get that force up by spinning Princess takes a guy out with a full-on like uppercut just like a straight-up like Queensborough rules uppercut. Fuck all this, Confusion. Pretty fucking sweet. Dr. fucking hit off. Princess does this move where she frisbee's a garbage can. Oh my god. And we do the Sam Revy cam. Yeah. Which kid. That's what we're talking about. That's rib cage. It flies like 80 feet. It's so much better than Susan Munn.

Just like, he paid belt fees for this. He paid belt fees to be here. It's incredible. It's perfect. And I love Christine Rodriguez, lady lightning her, like a lifetime of karate demonstration has given her the best mean karate face. So just all these spin kicks are punctuated

with just like this perfect ninja killing drama. Yeah, I love it. It's pretty solid. At some arbitrary point, I have no idea why the Kabuki warriors disengage. They know everything. For like two seconds. They go on on one and then Lady Lightning lands one kick and then all the ninjas reengage. Like they're on princesses side. They're like, oh, fuck no, you can't do that. You're racist against Kempo.

I don't know, it's like when you're driving on the highway and you see a deer sign, and then you look behind you and there's a deer sign like 10 feet later and you're like, wait, so there's just like a 10 foot deer zone, like that's what this kabuki warrior. 10 foot ninjas on. 10 foot ninjas on.

They're like, ladies, you get one second to yourselves. It's, I can't be emphasized how short that is. It really is just a couple of seconds. Yeah. And then they're right back in there fighting each other, fighting the ninjas. Who are just tenacens. We're just, just an obstacle.

Imagine entering this school and training your hardest and then being thrown into a doom city and mustering up your courage. And then you're treated like fucking get away from me. God damn it. I'm trying to do something. Like your whole life is destroyed in that attitude. The attitude you would like, she went at.

I feel like I have an important question here for both of you. There's a spot in here where she jumps over, lady letting jumps over Princess, and then she does the Pee We Hermann, like, toe touch, like the tequila dance toe touch. They do a full insert of a new shot. Like, it's a very important thing.

Like, but it's not the set up to a super move. She just kind of swaps to Pee We Hermann to keyless dance for a moment and continue the fight. I wanna know what that said to you as a viewer. Like, to me, that felt to you as a viewer. Like, to me that felt like a mistake. Showmanship. Just showmanship. She just was like, yeah, we're rated on showmanship. Okay. She wasn't, she was giving him hammer punch and she's like, yeah, this one's, you know, it's a lot of fancy. It's like I can do a toe touch. Oh, good. Get camera to on that toe touch. I don't know. It's fucking, it was super fucking weird to me.

It's one of many crazy decisions. So she wins with a spin kick. Of course, she beats Princess, and we cut back to the clubhouse where the best. They hugged the hug, they're very... The hug they hugged because they're gentle huggers. When we cut back to the clubhouse where the best and the most balanced man, Yinyang Man, Dressen Ful Yinyang, whose eye patches Yan Yang, is bombed that Princess Lost because they both use Wu Shu style.

And he's trying to explain that when they all turn it once to Glier at Tracer, I'm assuming is the antagonist of this whole series, everybody's super annoyed at him for sipping his water too loudly, and I do have a clip of that Let's sweat it in you maybe you'll flood your master blaster today and still make it a double one Two don't stay on it. Tracey. Nobody calls me Tracey. It's Tracer. Yeah. I know. Yeah. I love bunchline marimba. Punchline marimba. Can we expense a punchline marimba? Like a little guy, they can just be big like a child I authorized it this is just such a dense scene here because we have the line this

is another line like that one from the beginning don't sweat it yin yang maybe you'll club your master blaster and still make it a double. So fucking weird. Say that to any fl- They'll know you're in the club. I love it. They'll know you're in the secret club. I guess the master blaster is what they call it when they just swing their swords around? Yeah, it's their cotta. It's like-

Oh, I didn't even get that. I thought he was just like a crazy man. It's like- I'm so not by the unsthinkableable root that's of slipping his water. I'm fucking so pissed about that still. I see my favorite part. Everybody has a favorite part of this two-second scene. My favorite part is when he says, yeah, I know.

And so, like, undercut his entire punchline. I like to explain to the children, like, I actually was doing that on purpose in case they didn't get a comedy joke And as if the punchline marimba didn't do that job fucking excellently What an insult to the punchline marimba's and I said really the bad job was the worst actor But like if someone said no, it's Yin Yang man. I'd say okay. I would like immediately concede that argument Like yeah, I see your point. I don't know if you're completely right, but I respect it.

Yeah. He is, like cannot deliver a single line. I don't know if he's trying for tough or cowed. I guess that's the Yin Yang. That's the Yin Yang. That's the Yin Yang. So he speaks good and bad at the same time. He looks like, so first of all, I have to say,

RIP Richard Brandon, he died 10 years ago. But it has to be said that he looks completely fucking insane. He's like even with all these people. He looks like 80s Ben Stiller. Like, if someone did like a horrible prank to him. Like, and he looks and sounds like Ben Stiller, like if someone did like a horrible prank to him. Like, and he looks and sounds like Ben Stiller. He looks like a local, I know. Like a local church is putting on a teenage mutant in a turtle's play,

and he's like the pastor who got shredder. Right. He looks like a grumpy sous chef who's laundry just got really, really ruined. This is what I guess. The only thing he had clean was this bunch of tin foil. It's amazing that he looks out of place and ridiculous in a way full of people in just like, felt costumes

to make them look like racial stereotypes. As Bizarre's costume is, someone in the Discord point this out, and I was gonna bring it up anyway later on, but there is a book on this show that someone wrote because they were so obsessed with the show that's an oral history of WMBC masters and it has some of the original costume designs for the characters and Yin Yang Man is like covered in head to toe white and black spandex

oh yeah he looks like he's like a comic book see by your way you know that you could not have pulled off. I am a Lee Loose and floppy. I can't believe this is second draft of anything. I can't believe this. Probably like the fourth and fifth draft because they had a long ways to go from that. It was just black and white spandex. Fucking great wolf was full headdress and warpaint on an Indian motorcycle on an Indian brand motorcycle with two huge

knives. I think the motorcycle makes it work for me. I think that would make the headdress sarcastic enough that I don't allow it. In case you didn't get that he's an Indian, he's also writing an Indian. What if it was a triumph? You would never understand. They like formed the motorcycle like a buffalo. Like I I just say go all the way why not It's amazing that there were drafts for these costumes and characters and they wound up with this like it would be your first lazy Impulse you to do any of these costumes and to think that they're somebody somebody was suffering for their art Undergoing the creative process throwing crumpling the design and throwing it in the waste basket. It'll never be perfect. I think what's great about the season is they're

in costumes more. The first season felt like they had civilian clothes they changed into more on them. And this one, it's like they go backstage to their Disney Channel Clubhouse and they're like still full on like Ninja Turtle shit. But the drama has completely bottled out in this childlike space. So these musclemen are slurping sodas, giving each other rated G nicknames. Well, everything else is just maximum mortal combat. And so again, I feel like it came together to create something perfect, but every decision that led here was bad. Yes, that's why I love it so much. It's wrong in so many directions that it, one of them has to be right. Yeah. Shotgun blasted wrong and one of the pellets hit right in the Yin Yang eyeball. Oh my god, okay. This is, I think, the greatest reveal in like the entire Show as far as the episode I have seen yeah, yeah, just period the greatest reveal of all time He's talking about him doing they cut away from that scene

He goes to the Kung Fu parlor to do his master blaster, which is just kind of a kind of a karate Look what I can do to first of all they call it they say he's gonna demonstrate the quote nonviolent uses of the weapons of mishu and he's fucking swinging swords around that's yes he's demonstrating the most violent and i can hardly tell anybody he's doing fucking dynasty warriors like he's killing hundreds of guys but to introduce that you start on a tight shot of yin yang man looking super

intense with his y Yang eye patch. And then he whips it up to reveal his Yin Yang eyeball. Dun dun dun. My heart fucking stopped. He's got a fake eye and it's Yin Yang. I was legally dead for 10, 15 seconds. Yeah. And then we pull out again, double reveal.

He's doing the splits on top of two boxes. No, the reveal was the eye. Like that rules, but do that reverse. Yeah, you're guilty of the only a little. Yep, that shot should have been hanging on. Pan across his foot to his crotch to reveal that he is doing the full splits. Snap cut to his eye. Snap cut to the eye patch.

Lifting up. Yes, that's exactly how you lifting up. That's the shot. That's exactly how you structure that. That's the shot. What the fuck is that? The lotion cut. It only sees in black and white. What is the story here?

Like is this in-in universe? Is this purely decorative? Is it just a contact that he put in? Is it a glass eye? Did he lose that eye and he replaced it with the ink? Does it have some kind of spiritual powers? Does it like him like? The power of his brain is cheap. It fires balanced means. I'm here, plays it with the game. I just have some kind of spiritual powers. Does it like him like harness his cheese?

It fires balance beams. Yeah, I think it's a cheap battery for his skull probably. Like if you take, if you take his eye out, he shuts down like a robot. Right. Yeah. So the new computer who I guess is running this terrible experiment on avoiding karate morons. She introduces all these weapons by

first their name, then a Chinese name, I'm pretty sure they made up, and then how the weapons would make love if they were. So first up is Broad Sword, the tiger swift fierce, forceful. And it is a floppy tin foil sword. This is like a little like a swift fierce horseful. And it is a floppy tin foil sword. This is like a little roach. They're all floppy tin foil swords. It's 100% not forceful. If you stab someone with this,

it would crinkle up like a half-eaten potato. So he shows his nonviolent motions of slashing and stabbing. I thought it was gonna be like carpentry or crafts. Like you're, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you, you can, you, and so it just embeds itself in a ninja they died, and then he can go get it later. You know, it's where it is. They know the sheath ninjas.

Next is the cudgel, also known as the grandfather, which is legendary for its enormous attack radius. That's how I describe it, too, tastefully, amongst mixed company. Grandfather was known for his girth and leg Is great girth and he could use both sides to attack I don't think you stretch that metaphor too long too far at all. I get it No, not nearly as long or far as grand father stick That's what they say about the cut really can use both sides to attack and I liked. And I liked that, it's specifying that you can do the benefit of a- Right, a stick, see with the stick, both sides can be hit with. Then it's double broadsword, known as the parents, because they're always protecting you.

Oh, no. It's so hard. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see.

I see. I see. I proud of you son. I'm very proud of you. I'm sorry, these blagues. It's okay that you grew up to be a casual. We still accept you. I think the named Dr. Family members, because I think Ninjas have been lonely latchkey kids and sad orphans since the ancient orient. I think these are authentic legends of these weapons. Like, yeah, this is my sword, dad,

and my num-chucks, actual best friends. My num-chuck lovers. In the middle of this, he's doing a lot of cool moves in these things. He's doing his kata. In the middle of double broadsword, he does half a front flip and lands intentionally on his back and then goes into bridge position and starts doing head spins, just head spins. It looks like a really performative nut I meant to do that, watch me break dance now. It's on purpose, but it's specifically to let your enemies kill you in 16 times and

you're holding for you to attack. It does show that if you do this wrong, it all looks like an accident. When you see a good Wu-Shiu performer, they'll do a front bump and dance around on the ground or butt hop over their own chain whip. And it looks like break dancing. It looks really intentional. I don't think that Yin-Yang-Man pulled it off here. I'm sure he's good on some days, but this is not his best day.

It looked like it knocked the wind out of him a little bit. Yeah. There was a little bit of up face. It's cool. There was no second take. There was no one who was much snap in those head spins. That's the way we showed it. That was, that was a man trying to, trying to get his breath back because he was supposed to head spin. So next is the three section cudgel, a legendary warrior, broke his staff and created this powerful new weapon from the pieces. It's such a...

It's like a 80s toy marketer came up with a story, like a third grader. It's just total nonsense. It's such a fancy way of saying you can't break a stick, you can only make smaller sticks. Right. This guy, this ancient guy really loves a stick, any fix this stick. He's not good at fixing sticks. He had a real floppy stick Do we made it work by the backstory of like how a guy broke his step and was like I can still hit you places of this I feel like at the end of this segment

I know more about these weapons than I do about any of the people who are fighting you know the story behind you You know you don't know what you know back story You know the relationship and how his weapons fuck each and every one of them Three-section staff or two though. I bet the origin is someone made numb chucks and some other assholes As doodong gonna make double numb chucks and then they tried and they're like that's too many I'm gonna just go down to three I can't deal with it. I got more than I can chew One of those cases of your eyes be bigger than your stomach, but with that

chucks. So my favorite is the spear and the computer says it's festive tassels. Protect the warrior from getting sprayed in the face with his enemies broad. So amazing. A little, a little lot of hair on your skin. Right. That's what tassels do. That's why strippers have them on their nipples. Kids to protect them from the surprise. Oh, it is perturbed neck from the sprays, but not blood.

That does make sense. I can't make sense. That's why they world them. That is why we grew nipple-on-er. Nipple hair. I find the robot is so weird and conversational, but it's still in that spooky robot voice. So it's like, this sword is for farming probably

Sword historians have other ideas. They're all sort of stupid if you ask me if I think it was for haircut not even a ninja. Oh shit I miss my cute ninjas penetrate everything Doing fucking robot ninja. It's just a little loose Ninja's kind of trade everything was that I think, the name of the adult film that Richard Brandon starred in shortly after. Do you ever see that? I was watching that. My heavy metal band after this, that you guys are gonna start with me.

It's called Ninja's Penetrate Everything, The Hair on My Spear, Protect Me from Miami's Fluids. I don't give a shit who's lead singer, but I'm playing the punchline barimba. It looks nice, so much fun. I don't give a shit whose lead singer, but I'm playing the punchline barimba. Yeah, okay. It looks nice so much fun. So, so then there's Kwon Do, which is a double-ended halberd thing. And in this one, I brought this one,

not because there's anything funny, but he does this fucking completely sweet move, where he like lifts his hand up to the sky in superstar pose and then lets it roll all the way down his body to his foot and then kicks it and it rolls all the way back up like in rewind. I mean, it's just, it's just contact juggling but like super bad ass. Yeah, I love that they reverse the footage to add like this element of magic because, but

it's also kind of got like a sexy burlesque thing to like roll this dynasty warrior spear down his body. It's a little erotic. Like if this was the ending to fame, you would be so fucking pumped. Yeah, they're gonna make it. But before he's doing all the regular weapon stuff and then it just, it takes a little turn where I'm like, oh, where are you going with this,

you young man? Yeah, they should play that for less so I'm like the little guy again. Yeah, down, down, down, down. Tassels, shaking his tassels, shaking the old grandfather, That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's to be a muggy, like a door. He does all the adorable stuff. Not just the moves. He climbs up to the top of the staff and does this like little alert monkey looking out for fruit thing that is just there's no kung fu purpose for that except for making your opponent go, aw, tradition dictates. You must do it. You must act and move like a monkey. If you touch this stick, you have to be a monkey. You're breaking the rules. This is bad improv. I would love it if it was like, if he didn't want it for it, he's like, he was just trying to do like his regular,

regular cudgel routine, but he's like, no, I can't resist it. Somebody thought that Ninja throws the monkey's up and angry, disgruntled Ninja throws the monkey's stick in and where by reflex it catches it. God damn it. Fine, monkey climbs the pole Monkey looks for fruit. Monkey tickles balls. Are you happy?

That was a real one from Shell and Dool. Oh my God. That was a real book. When it is finished, this is his dance of death. He sheets his eyeball. I love it so much. And he like, but okay, what is the purpose of this? His eyeball I love it so much and uh he Like but okay, what is the purpose of this like obviously? It's like for the show and it looks cool But like within the fiction of like they're competing for the badges from each other this

There's no point in that if you have fucked it up what they would have made fun of him a little Like he was even a little nervous for it earlier when he was in the clubhouse, like I think it's their little performance time. I'm like, oh, I gotta show the other guys what I can do. I feel like there should be like an intercontinental title in this world where like sure there's the main one

you get from fighting, but then the best weapon demonstration gets like their own belt. This is not as good as the main belt, but it's still an honor. Just because it's merits right, there's no point to this in the universe. And so, you know, is this what I was like?

You're probably clubbing his master blaster have even entailed. Well, we're the consequences for that. Yeah, none. Zero. There was nothing. Somebody would replace his eyeball like a friend. Maybe to move it to Kabuki ninja, but no, you're getting really good job

It's a star eyeball. Oh Gold star eyeball anyway, she's the eyeball that only comes out when it's time to kill Longer time to kill if they went too hard in that direction and these karate fighters were like a toy line Where you could pop their eyes out and trade their eyes. Like, fuck. That'd be so sweet. That looks great. So I'm on board with that rules.

You need to say one dumb thing for a toy. He's like this window into a world where things could have been better. But not this world, this terrible world, this post-apocalyptic bunker they live in, that they're being experimented on by evil computers. So they come back to their clubhouse where superstars still can't believe his brother Star Warrior is hung up on his betrayal from yesterday Star Warrior is even he's so chill he's even like

Give me time and superstars just like hey fuck you fuck you with your time forgive me right now you dipshit And then they do It's like who comes in they do this bit Sorry Bantastic drum on everyone incorrect on every I love that you picked up on the sound cues because it goes into a racist musical sting Into punchline marimba. Yes, yes God elegance the casual Offensiveness of this era and the show in particular, I love it. I would just like to break down that singing and explain why that's incorrect.

Not even just like Ron or offensive, it's incorrect. What's notable here is that this is Cyclone, he's a Japanese man, doing this bit to two, I believe they're supposed to be Korean brothers. This bit that he's doing is very old. This, I say a bunch of stuff, equals something short. It's very old, and it's at the expense of every single Asian. It's used on any kind of Asian.

Doesn't matter. Yeah. That's the joke. It's a shitty joke, but the hard quote marks joke is that Asian people take a long time to say something that's not very complicated. I would like to tell you not English. Part of this can work. It's an ethnocentric style of joke, but there's a concept that's super easy to understand in a different culture. Very difficult in the other. That's when you use this.

So this case is fucking broken because saying out is just not taking 15 very calm sentences in Japanese. That's very strange. It's incorrect on many, many levels. And he's doing it to two other Asian people. Right. And then it's punctuated with an oriental, with like a welcome to the orient riff and then the punchline marimba and then a big and he does the like wipe sweat from my brow and like how many fucking buttons do you think he comes out and drags him off that's a bad thing cloud. We get it. The joke is over.

We understand. Okay, like comedy wise what they did here is they created a situation that can't happen with a punchline that can't exist being delivered by four karate masters through a translator I can't believe they didn't make that work based on an ethnic joke Yes, I and against the same ethnicities. I'm very racist and that you will be offended by it by today's standards I think most people probably they would allow it back then even though the think they botched it so badly that you won't be offended I think it's so incomprehensible that it is not like I don't think it even can be Offensive if no one actually understands like that's true

What it's supposed to be if you do it this badly. It's not actually offensive I mean it's offensive to Comedians, or writers, so that we have to try and become. Also, they're sort of gesturing towards a post-racial utopia by having this Japanese guy do this joke to Korean guys through the medium of a black guy interpreting. So it's sort of like imagining a better world, you know? It's the one good thing that came from this apocalypse.

And the racist is the clear villain, except for the good guy earlier, who's a good guy. Except for the good guy. He was talking to you, Who say the exact same place? We'll get to that. So we're in the final fight in the electro dome. The dome lowers on lady lightning and a chameleon

who's kind of, we haven't talked about her yet. She's a, she's so mean. She's so mean. She's, I'll talk about her. I'll talk about her. Yeah, I'm officially like, talked about her character. She's, it's kind of a spirit Halloween dazzler, kind of a, the placement so mean blade. I will talk about you. I will talk about you. I will talk about you. I will talk about you. I will talk about you. I will talk about you.

I will talk about you. I will talk about you. I will talk about you. I will talk about you. I will talk about you. I will talk about you. I will talk about you. I will talk about you.

I will talk about you. I will talk about you. I will talk about you. I will talk about you. I will talk about you. I will talk about you. I will talk about you. I will talk about you.

I will talk about you. I will talk about you. I will talk about you. I will talk about you. I will talk about you. It's just like, I'm gonna do an accent. Nobody knows. Nobody just, yeah. Anyway, I know what you're thinking. That dome is electrified. They'll never get ninjas in there. Ninja clothing specially treated to render them invisible

to dome's electrosensors, which will activate from the slightest touch or either competitor. Yeah, invisible. They didn't think of that. They upgraded competitor. Why? Invisible. They didn't think of that. They upgraded it to invisible. Invisible. You're invisible to electricity.

What the fuck? No, no, you're invisible to electricity because of the fabric we have treated in the clothing. They have invisibility cloaks on, but only for electricity. They're freaking electricity. So we can't see that. Electricity can't see them. Like it says, look over there electricity and they're freaking electricity. So it can't see them. Electricity can't see them.

Like it says look over there electricity and they sneak past it. I've seen nothing. What? This didn't need to be it. Like no kid was asking, hey wait a second, but that ninja touched the dome. Why didn't it go off?

Somebody was so insecure about this. Somebody got one comment, like meant in jest. Like why doesn't the ninja set it off and they just fucking, they ruined their lives? Am I going crazy? We all know that like, they, they're close were treated in season one, but they just weren't invisible to electricity. Like, they

could touch it. Yeah, no, they added that. Yeah, they added that. Yeah. They're, they're trying to explain it in such a different way that it came out stupid and like, they can sell something else up. Like, they because this is six and two, they're still explaining it. Right. They're still explaining it every time. They're trying to find new ways. And they were

running out of synonyms. I think it's cool. I think it's cool to say that they just have electricity proof costumes. I think saying they're visible to electricity is like an element that I will think about forever. Is it a mistake? Is it a whole new power? How can they use it? Can they use the phone or is the phone just have no idea there and not making a sound? I'm trying to shoot him with a taser and it gets lost along the way.

So good. I don't know what you mean. A superpower that like a really shitty X-Men would have in like the 70s, but then some writer would pick it up in the 2000s and be like, actually, this means that he's God Right, he walks inside the electric life, right? Yeah, everything's electric now. Yeah You see it is you who are the fool. There was all those years where the X-Men couldn't be seen by cameras

Vaguely related, but like that's fucked up, right? Like feels like for a decades, the X-Men just couldn't be photographed. And that was just part of their can. They were all Dracula's. They were all Dracula's, right? Electro-Draculus, there it is. We're gonna be here all day if we try to get to the bottom. I just, I just, I just, I just, I just wall in here with two nerds.

I wanted to bring that up and see if I can. What the fuck, what's that? The karate commander, computer, the karate experiment, explains that a bunch of the rules, but mostly what she adds here is something I love, that if the score is tied, no, it's not. The match just continues and nothing special happens. Why did you even say it?

You can bring it up. The other thing that's still here. The score is tied, the match continues. The lady robot. Yeah, that's how points work. The lady robot doesn't have like a thing to announce. She doesn't get to tell the ninja's to penetrate the dome so she goes, color change.

And I don't know why I don't know what this does. What is it? It doesn't happen right now. I wonder what it is. Also, yes, it does. Like her outfit changes colors, chameleons. Is it the outfit? Yeah, yeah.

I was looking at like the dome blocks. No, no, no. So that's chameleon. Chameleon's super power, which none of the rest of them have, is that she can do a flip and then her costume changes colors because her name is chameleon and that's what chameleon does. God damn it. I didn't catch that.

It says color change and nothing, it impacts nothing. So she would be so upset that the narrator, that they all can hear is saying that it's supposed to be camouflage. She's changing. I'm so unclear on what the purpose of, like does she switch into like, now she can copy some zeroes moves

and before she could copy reptiles move. That would kick too much ass. Right. That would be sweet. Is it like an entrepreneur did something? It just emotional states. If each color, if she did a flip and it's pink and like, now my kicks are double the power but my punches are half.

Right. I don't know, make some shit up. No. It's not the only judge, and it's right, the don't. That's the same urgency as color change. We're changing the light jails, everybody. We're also ninjas. Penetrating everything you love. If you feel like it.

You're invisible to electricity, touch whatever you want. They're just spraying psychedelic gas inside this fucking saying shit and seeing what they can prompt ninjas penetrated. Oh god, yep, he's hit the freak out point. Let's, uh, let's sedate him. Get him out of there. Uh, Chameleon gets a point. She gets a point. So, uh, Ninja's penetrated the dome. We have to, uh, we have to eat that healthy ninja energy to gain the, the carbs to fight. Uh, after lady lightning kicks two ninjas at once and then turns around and

kicks three ninjas at once. Fuck yeah. And Chameleon whips a ninja with her hair and then uses another one as a pommel horse. It's clear they're just embarrassing themselves so ninjas leave the dome. Yeah, I love this fight because, like I say, the choreography is a step up from season one. They do a lot more camera cuts so you can set things up like three ninjas getting kicked in the face and it looks fucking sweet. And Lady Lightning is like this beefy swan just tearing

through them. And I think Camille is really good. Like she's a strong stunt performer, but you can kind of tell she's acting like she's in a dance routine where I think Lady Lightning is like an unleashed bioweapon. And so I feel like I just want to talk about how Lady Lightning is the best once again. But I'm in that hair. The hair is the finger of God, poking through, poking, poking through, for its dimensional time. And Camille and Lance, a cheap shot after Lady Lightning kicks three ninjas in the face, and I kind of hate her for it. So after they say ninjas leave the dome, there's something that I love a lot. It's

only a half second, but the ninjas have a little pet door. Yeah, they have a tiny, not at all human size flap on the ground that they have to crawl and scurry through like naughty raccoons who snuck into the fight and are now being chased out because somebody turned on the light. They're just like, just carry out of the dome. I was going to clip this and send it to you because there's a really funny part where the lady robots his color change again, but then the other robot, the guy robots his ninjas leave the dome and he like almost interrupts her. She's like, color change just leave the dome.

You're like, what are you like? Things are getting real. Stop interrupting the lady robot. That was a chameleon. Chameleon wins, but this is just like she's in the middle of kind of a transition, transitional role. Like it's not a dramatic moment. Time ran out on the match. That's how it's just like. Yeah, just kind of runs out. So once again, the crazy dedication to to quote unquote, realness at the cost of dramatic stakes. Yeah, you could write a client. You could write a client. You could write a client. You could write a client. You could write a client.

You could write a client. You could write a client. You could write a client. You could write a client. You could write a client. You could write a client. You could write a client. You could write a client.

You could write a client. You could write a client. You could write a client. You could write a client. You could write a client. You could write a client. You could write a client. You could write a client.

You could write a client. You could write a client. You could write a client. You could write a client. You could write a client. You could write a climax. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. The woman who is sitting on the throne watching this happen and at one moment she like leans in and is like Yeah Attention right

Uh, tonight's that time ran out. That was an excellent way to win this Anyway, I don't know why we're bothering talking about this because the craziest No, let me do this before we get to this crazy thing because that thing isn't way too I will never be able to follow that but no one knows who black widow is it's mystery Yeah, even the guy who wrote the book on this show does not know who black widow was so her name is not real The woman that played yes, yeah That fucking yes, she's like totally Unfindable her name. I think shows up as like Lynette Naguchi or something on IMDb and stuff and in the credits

Not her she was supposed to be someone's sister not their sister her name, I think shows up as like Lynette Naguchi or something on IMDB and stuff. And in the credits, not her. She was supposed to be someone's sister, not their sister. She's just some cool lady on the earthquake ride. Yeah, right. So it's you now. So it's you now. So it's you now. So it's you now.

Please get in touch. That's the dream, isn't it? Isn't the dream to like, if I hop off the ride, right when it turns this corner and I hide into the theme park closes, Then all of a sudden you come out and all these ninjas and warriors sneak out to do battle and you join their ninja circus and run away from home forever. That's every child's trip.

That's what you hope with. But okay, it happened for somebody. And that's inspirational. Let's talk about this because. Okay, the craziest fucking shit. It's like, dear listener, you were there when Red Dragon told machine he had a dream that he was a female astronaut and they made out.

You were there when we learned a lesson about pranks via apocalyptic martial arts tournament. You were here when Ninja's first penetrated dome. So when I say, the weirdest goddamn thing happens next, I want you to write down on a piece of paper, what you think that means, pause it right now. What do you think that means? I'm so glad we haven't spoiled this. You're so fucking wrong. You didn't get it.

You didn't get it. Here's what I actually have. To help celebrate a million first battle dome victory. Now entering the world, Marshal Arts Council Arena. Baby. Who peddlers? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

You can be crazy. you can be a mama. You see mama with a five. Busting. Now entering the arena. Oh, there you go. I'm excited to kick a guana because every inch of this shit is crazy. Wait, I think one of the human women is also named baby.

This is gonna get confusing on the call sheet by the end of season three someone's gonna have a fight booked against the iguana color change. Shut up. I wasn't done Yeah, like if you just if you just heard that clip and you're like, oh entering baby You'd be like, oh, it's like a little dog. It's baby dog This baby dog the competitor can be anything. No, it is a fucking lizard. Yeah, it's an iguana Yeah, so they give it the full treatment when he says now entering the ring iguana. A section of the cage rises up, it walks out from backstage down the ramp. A fraction of the tree. Like it has a fucking key symbol.

This is the ring of a lizard. It just struck into the arena. It's struts in. She picks it up and starts baby talking to it while it flails It's not somebody's pet it looks like being there Not a trained reptile regular is good and that's her if you I don't know how clear it comes across in the podcast because it's real Distant even in the show, but that's her saying hello Hello like full cockney voice hello, baby. Did you say mama win the fight?

Lizard is trying to try to explain it for its life like it was backstage watching the monitors and trying to Understand the mechanics of dome ninjas Off the dog Lizard whatever I don't know how to talk English, y'all fucking dog. Lizard, whatever I don't care. It's a deal, okay. It's a deal, okay. A full martial arts entrance to celebrate her running out the clock on a fight.

Don't worry, Aguana's are treated, they will not set off the dome. Ah. Ah. So, and Lady Lighting has to watch it. She has to watch, so, and later, later, I have to watch it. She has to watch. She's like standing right there watching all of this

looking defeated. Like this is fucking embarrassing. I would have thrown that lizard right into the dome. Just spike it right into the ground. Barbecue that I can want to. Uh, she has to hand over her badge. Uh, so no, her new outfit did not help her at all. Of course not, nobody in the

world ever thought it would. I don't know why we're proving this as a moral. Nobody, nobody thought this to be wrong. You don't have to teach children that clothes don't give you superpowers. Like even the guys, they cut back to the clubhouse, even the guys of the clubhouse are mocking her openly. Like I think it's a, maybe it's super sorry I was like, guess you'll need another new outfit. Did shit. That's the moral. That's the moral.

That's what we've been building there. They thought we proved it. They thought we proved it right there. But we need a good fucking wacky joke to go out on and we have to also close Cyclone's xenophobic rocket skating injury arc. So we go ahead and we do this. Kickluchun! What are you going to do?

You know, I'm getting sick and tired of your Japanese mumbo jumbo. You're broken down, Midget. Can't you say anything in English? Get out of my face. Tracey. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER That's what I was saying. They added one.

They added a stint. So it was, it was, it was, welcome to the Oriental riff. It was punchline brimba, a little bit of tropical flair, and then like some drums. I think it could have used 55 gongs. There are now four little clips. They use a gong just for an hour, just gongs while everyone rolls on the floor. It's punished Tracy.

If the clip wasn't clear enough, Cyclone is just talking to his friends, nothing involving Tracer at all. Tracer walks across the room to be like, I hear several slurs of a row. Even though what I'm saying is functionally no different than what Tiger Cross said and everybody laughed, which is that I wish you would speak English.

So the lesson here is nothing. Nobody learns anything. Everybody just wishes he would speak English is how we end this art. If anything, the lesson is not to have your weak spot like out in the open like tracer, he let everyone know too early that he gets upset when you call him Tracy.

And now you can just win any argument. Now everybody's just got the big fuck you, but I'm gonna push in any conversation. Just real lazily slap it. All right, go away. Mom, big, big king comes out, drags him off. I'd walk there, say, say kick a guana comes in to... He comes in to

He comes in doing the doing the Warner Brothers frog dance with the hat Everybody everybody forget about what just happened look at the look at the guana. Look at the dancing iguana So we think we proved several lessons in this episode. I'm not kidding They thought there were several weapons and lessons in this absolutely insane mess of words that don't go together. Don't worry if you might have missed the lesson. Lady Lightning does a PSA at the end, very sensible. She comes up, you know, looks right in the camera like I'm gonna get real with you kids and she says this. Have you ever heard the saying you can't judge a book by its cover?

Changing your appearance, that won't make you a winner. Work on developing what's in here and here. That's what counts. Hey, I like my new costume, but it's practice that makes perfect. What's weird is she pointed to her belly button and her left knee. And that was, I don't get it. No part of any of this do you get. Like, she thought she might have proven that like appearances don't make you like confident or attractive.

But that's not what you proved. You got in there and fought another woman in front of a bunch of ninjas and then met in a guana. You proved that clothes don't make you good at karate, which was never something anybody assumed except for karate schools, because that is their entire business. Oh yeah, I get you right. They don't make any profits without that. You got to pay your belt fees. It's, yeah, it's fundamentally the exact wrong message they should be giving their prospective customers for their, you know, chain of failed karate schools. Don't buy a new key. It won't make you better at karate.

Wait, fuck. All of our money comes from our franchise karate schools. Yep. Join in, we'll make you a ninja, wait, fuck, we killed ninjas, fuck in what are we doing? Meanwhile, somebody, do you wanna bring out the iguana? Bring out the dancing iguana. Frank Dukes is making like 200 bucks a year

selling blue karate geese. He's got the right idea. That's one karate geek. Sent to Dukes, come a Frank Frank what a crazy mess that will never modern TV will never allow that to happen again Too many people know what they're doing for us to try this yeah, and that's a shame This would be really bad if it was competent and and that's weird as it is very competent in certain ways like the fights and The camera worker strong. It's just that everything else is insane.

It did they write it themselves too? You've got to assume. This is like, always this is this why I was using Bangkok Knockout references and that this was a movie conceived of written and performed by stuntman. We're like, we could do it. We don't need all that story framework stuff.

It does feel like a children's show, like a that's so Ravenscript, and then they just casually replaced all the children with mortal combat characters and just said, just stick to the script and see what happens. To me, it kinda just feels like an old school porn where they're like, they just have, like, they fight, written like three times on the page,

and then they're just like, all right, we just got to fill in whatever it's doing before then, and then they fight, and then a little more something happens else, and then they fight, and then we're out. So if you replace the fighting with sex, like, yeah, I guess it would have the structure of a really good porn with high quality costumes

Mm-hmm. I'd be very interested in it And you're eating man. It would also have a man. All of those things have you. I feel like that would be my fetish. That would be like my new thing I Only take out the eyeball when it's time to fight or come and it's always time to do both. Podcast, Kundeck, ja! Die Kraft ist nicht trakt, ist nicht uner! Schick die in der Hundezung, die ohre in der Stunde! Kupchon, du kitzst ihn mal! I'm not a hunder!

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