The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 143, Pink Lady with Dan McQuade

Episode Date: October 4, 2023

Seanbaby teams up with disco superstars Brockway and Dan McQuade to talk about Pink Lady, the 1980 Jeff Altman musical variety show that killed off an entire genre. Dance us out, we don't have a punchline!

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You know the number! 1,900! 1,900 hot dog! 1,900 for your own! Come on, you got the number Welcome to the doc's own000, the official zone of 1900HotDoc.com, the final comedy website. We have an all-star cast of writers. From all the previous dead and AI corrupted comedy websites, we are supported by listeners like you. The final comedy business model, go to patreon.com slash 1900HotDoc to do it, or read weirdly wrong lists of user reviews reviews recited by a robot

until the internet dies speaking of I'm enduring world web to like Sean baby and my partner is joke trunks to time uncle the chunk which is what they call November they're great rubber broccoli they call November the chunk okay all right I'll roll it I'll take that one here's a rock way fact I much like the subject of today's podcast, have also marred my otherwise perfect record with one stupid Japanese thing. No fallup questions. I definitely don't have any.

Returning, as our guest is Philadelphia's leading Andrew McCarthy expert, his work can be seen on de facto, where he is a writer, editor, and co-founder, the illustrious Stan McQuade. Hey, welcome back. Yeah, very happy to be back to watch another very, very strange piece of media. I also like that we're continuing a theme of Jeff Altman. Oh, yeah, this is the third item in our Jeff Altman trilogy.

I like to think that you just kept pitching things. And then to your own surprise, you were like, there's a lot of Jeff Altman in here. So I pitch the, I pitch like, why don't we do the episode of Thunder and Paradise where they win the Civil War for the South? Right. Fantastic. Then when I was like, let's do a Baywatch episode, I was like,

there's a couple with Jeff Altman. What's the weirdest one? And I thought there was. Definitely the right one. I just had to do Pink Lady because of how this is maybe stranger than either of the previous two things I just put out. It's a great one. This is maybe stranger than then either of the previous two things which is a high bar Jeff Alvin has been in some wild fucking shit

He's he it seems like the biggest thing he's ever been in I'm just saying like every time I would not have foreseen this Knowing vaguely just vaguely from the 90s from every 90s show that he guest started on, who he was. I would never have assumed that Jeff Altman is the wild card in the production that, oh, Jeff Altman's on. This is going to be a crazy fucking episode, but he must bring some weird energy to set. I feel like he does. Like, today we are talking about a Pink Lady and Jeff, which was a 70s variety show, started with Jeff Altman as a lead.

This has to be the only time he was ever like a lead, right? I mean, is he the lead? I kind of think Pink Lady is the lead. Well, okay. The lead. Absolutely, Pink Lady is the lead and the appeal. Yeah, but he's sort of the co, I have read some stuff where they couldn't

decide on the title, whether it was going to just be called Pink Lady or Pink Lady and Jeff. I would say neither is a very good title. I like like Pink Lady and Jeff because it brings to mind some sort of crime fighting odd couple. Yeah, yeah, or perhaps radio morning DJs. I think lady and the Jeff. It sounds filthy. If you have those a morning radio show, Pink Lady and the Jeff would be disgusting. Yeah, they're, they've, they've, they've definitely have some scandals in their, in their history. They have some, some not their history. They have some not really apologies they have issued.

I think Jeff Altman was on paper when they pitched this to whoever the fuck approved this fucking wild concept. I think they pitched it as like, okay, here's our host Jeff Altman and Jeff Altman then gave the lead to Pink Lady or perhaps they took it from him, but he definitely came in as like third fiddle in the show where he's the only one who fully speaks the language, which was incredible to see. Yeah, they clearly built it around Pink Lady. I feel like Jeff is just like, they needed a guy who speaks English, of course, but they also just kind of needed a guy who can do the he-haw sketches. They're like, Jeff, what impressions can you do? And he's like, you know, the same, the same seven rich little ones everyone can do.

None at all, zero. But I won't stop me, much like me, and won't stop him from trying. So I guess I can like explain the, I don't know if I can explain the show, but I can explain the history of the show because I did some research in old newspapers because that's the kind of stuff I like to do. So, you know, variety shows were sort of on TV from the beginning of TV,

but they were always sort of like separated, right? There would be a show where there were musical guests. There would be a show that was just talk shows. There would be a show that was like more just comedy. But by the 70s, they sort of like started just combining them. And so we got like Sunny and Share had several variety shows. I believe they also each had their own, when they divorced, that each had their own separate solo variety shows. I believe they also each had their own, when they divorced, that each had their own

separate solo variety shows. There was, there was Donnie and Marie. There's like, there's a somewhat famous, at least infamous Brady Bunch variety hour where Jan was recast. And there's one that was like this group called the Hudson Brothers that everyone's forgotten had a show called the Hudson Brothers Razzle Dazzle Show. They were a musical group. It's the one of the Hudson Brothers is the father of Kate Hudson. That's the only notable thing. I feel like a... Fucking nepotism man, that razzle-tazzle name. Yeah, so this premiered in the spring of 1980, or maybe the winter of 1980. This was reality shows were already dying at this time. I found a story from when the show launched, there was like a review by Noel Holston

in the Orlando Sentinel. And here's the first sentence of the story. Or Ben Verine, Gladys Knight in the Pips, Mac Davis, Cher, Mel Tillis, Dick Van Dyke, Dolly Parton, the list of popular American musical entertainers who've gone down in flames, fronting comedy variety series, and these are the videos.

Could go on and on. That is shit. So all of these people, most of whom, I think I've heard of all of these people, so they're all way more famous than Pink Lady or Jeff, and they had variety shows that failed. So the world had decided we do not like this. Yeah, we are done with this type of television show.

And so NBC's Fred Silverman, he was an executive there. He was the one who came up with the show. And in 1979, he approached Sid and Marty Croft. That's who made this show. The Crofts did puff and stuff, far out space knots, like a few other. They did mostly kids things, but they also did sort of go back and forth

between kids and adult entertainment. So Fred Silverman came to them and said, do you know who Pig Lady is? I'm going to try and negotiate a deal because I want to do a television show with them. To which they said no. And I guess. That is how it started.

Also in this Associated Press interview, I said, this is going to complete side note, but whatever. Sid Kroff says that he and Marty got big because at the World's Fair in Seattle in 1962, Billy Graham gave a big speech about how gross their puppet show was because the lady puppets didn't wear bras. The road to start-up begins there. Yeah, so it's with topless puppets didn't wear bras. The road to start-up begins there.

Yeah, so it's with topless puppets. So that same AP story said that like, Silverin was able to get this show greenlit because he had a lot of success in putting like pretty ladies on TV. He was the one responsible for Charlie's Angels. He invented it. And he had like a lot of success with Susan

Anton Anton, hosted like variety specials. She was like a famous for being famous woman in the 70s. She is of course a recurrent she plays a recurrent character on Baywatch. Because of course she does. The 20 minute test tape for the show cost $350,000. Good God. That's like $50 billion today. Yeah, Jeff Altman was a magician and comedian. He still is.

I think he mainly does like magic for like corporate events and stuff now. Okay. He studied behavioral sciences at Johns Hopkins. And I found this s-quire story from not that long ago that called him the funniest stand-up you've never heard of. That's definitely not true, but it did interview, well, we've heard of them now. But they interviewed David Letterman and he was on Letterman pretty regularly. If you like search him on YouTube, most of the clips are like an old clip on him,

of him on Letterman. He's got that big on Letterman vibe. There's like a certain vibe I associate with that. Yeah, yeah, so he said, Letterman said that like, Altman was the one who showed him it's important to be silly as a comedian, which like, oh, I do think I can see Letterman being influenced by this like, doofus.

So the story is, I taught David Letterman how to be silly. Like this man who's already working as a comedian, it never considered incorporating silliness into his style. Somehow, somehow that is the story that David Letterman tells. Um. Okay. Altman got the job and this was in one of the stories because he wound executives with his disco dick Nixon character.

Oh fuck. That's the spirit. Which we will get to that. We will get to that. Yeah. There's like so much we can talk about that that we'll get to it. The only other notes I have about this show was a story from the United Press International Wire Service, which still exists, but it's not as real as it used to be.

Said that Pink Lady were homesick, but they did not act like stars, and here's a quote from the actual story. Me and Kai are thoroughly Japanese women and as such are still light years behind liberated Western women. Oh, I guess I know what that means. Yeah, I got that vibe from a show. The story also said they were too skinny

for American clothes. Okay. Pink, Lady was planned as a limited series. I'm not sure how many episodes actually aired. There are like six floating around online, but NBC canceled it after a very brief time because its ratings were so bad. They thought that like canceling it would improve their overall ratings. They replaced what I think was going to be supposed to be the last episode shown.

They replace it to show a pilot episode of a show called Alex and the Doberman gang, which was about a detective name Alex who had, uh, this was a quote that I found from some NBC wiki five smart doberman Pinchers that helped him solve crimes I mean I got that from the title. Yes, that's what I would call a show this show was not picked up there there was only a pilot it sounds Like a shallow concept like I kind of like the idea of it as like a show you would see in another show. Like if you're like walking through 30 rock and like somebody was pitching that show. But like the idea of like a fifth or six, the episode of that that

you got these dobermans. Every single episode ends with the man getting episode. It's every single episode. It's every single episode. It's every single episode. It's every single episode. It's every single episode. It's every single episode. It's every single episode. It's every single episode. It's every single episode. It's every single episode.

It's every single episode. It's every single episode. It's every single episode. It's every single episode. It's every single episode. It's every single episode. It's every single episode. It's every single episode. It's every single episode.

It's every single episode. It's every single episode. It's every single episode. It's every single episode. It's every single episode. It's every single episode. It's every single episode. It's every single episode. It ends with the man getting mulled by five doughroom minutes at the same time. It ends with the man getting mulled by five doughroom minutes at the same time. It ends with the man getting mulled by five doughroom minutes at the same time. It ends with the man getting mulled by five doughroom minutes at the same time. It ends with the man getting mulled by five doughroom minutes at the same time. It ends with the man getting mulled by five doughroom minutes at the same time. It ends with the man getting mulled by five doughroom minutes at the same time. It ends with the man getting mulled by five doughroom minutes at the same time. It ends with the man getting mulled by five doughroom minutes at the same time. It ends with the man getting mulled by five doughroom minutes at the same time. It ends They did such a first draft of an idea. Like, they took pick lady, which is, they fill stadiums, these two disco ladies, just doing cover songs as far as like, not here.

In Japan, right. Not here. Very, very important distinction. And they're like, let's bring them here. Like, what do we do? And like, some really out of touch executives, like, how about a variety show? Like, like a 10 years at a date disco variety show it just feels like no one in

the room improved on that idea or said no to that idea. At the turn of 1980 let's do two things disco and a variety show we're going to live forever nobody can kill me I have become a mortal. Shoot me. Watch what happens. It's just I like it so it's just such hubris We need to attach a recognizable star Doesn't matter what in what country no wait shit. Why did I say no? It's too late to take that back I guess in the intro of this it has like like zany scenes and one of them is like Jeff Altman slapping one of the women in the intro of this, it has like, like, zany scenes and one of them is like Jeff Altman slapping one of the women in the head and then one of them is him ogling boobs and that's it for Jeff Altman. That's how they introduce him to the audience.

I mean, these are scenes from the show and to be fair. No, they're 100% correct. Yeah, it's very representative. But I think what's fascinating to me is all of it feels like half of an idea. The idea of a guy singing boobs and going like, go boi-ing boobs, that's the start of something, right? That's a genre of comedy, but I don't think you're done writing that scene. And just like how I just don't think you're done writing it when your idea is like, let's put the ladies on stage and sing three songs,

and then cut to a sketch of a guy looking at boobs and then back to the songs, like, no, like that needs some fleshing out, all of this. I think that's the tag point for the show. I don't think you're done writing it. I think that's the thesis that runs throughout the show. That was what I had too, was like, wait, hold on, where are they going?

Wait, come back. No, this isn't the end of the sketch. Yeah, what are you just, you just got here. Yes, I reacted every, sometimes they end up in like five seconds, you're like, whoa, whoa, you need to even establish the fucking premise. What is going on? They like, they have like basically two bits in the show.

Pink Lady is Japanese and no one knows who Jeff Altman is Right those are the recurring bits that they keep coming back to And I do know it's just an unfinished like sketch pitch. I do have a clip from though. Yeah, I buy them too I have a clip from the monologue here, I'd love to play. I was doing small clubs and maybe occasionally a talk show or something, and I guess the thing I regret is that I just wish my mom and dad could have been here at a night there. Share this moment with me, but their next door in the studio B watching Merv Griffin interview as soon as possible. You know you've got producers directors, cameramen crew coming up the all day long and they all ask the same question

Pardon me son, but who the hell are you? That's just the first of the who the fuck is Jeff Altman jokes Well, that thing is movie executive cowboy Yeah, yeah, yeah, I am Hollywood. I can do that voice, so I'm gonna bring that one out. Also while telling these jokes, he's wearing a bow tie, the size of a Buick, like he's in a really, really real tux. That's yeah, like he's wearing like clown clothes, but it's just black and white, so it's like a tux, yeah.

Yeah, he's just like maybe he didn't know how to tie it. Yeah, did he say Merv Griffin is interviewing his soup or a suit? I'm not sure. I couldn't, I couldn't tell. I was thinking the same thing. Neither one. It honestly doesn't matter.

It works. Yeah, it doesn't change the gel at all. Like, it's not a good sign. Like neither of them are very like make much sense. I feel like there was a better bit they could have. They could have, like it need to be something silly or punchy, like it could have been Nipsey Russell is a funny name,

Shamu is a funny concept. Like, the word multiple K's in it. Like the ball was real low back then. You could just say, you could say Kukumanga and get a laugh. Yeah. Ongobongo, babe. That's what you're facing.

That's what you're facing. That's what you're just struggling so hard. Like watching him, which is watching a man die in a rip tide. He's watching Jeff trying to find these jokes. Like, oh God. We should spend some time later thinking about like, like what if it were Pink Lady and Dennis Miller?

What if it were Pink, like, who would make... Oh my God, God, that's the dream. Who would make a like better or worse first for... Almost anybody would make it. No, no, Broadway's right. It's Rodney Dangerfield. Yeah. Like, he does that Vodvillean like,

Variety Show type of act, but has that contempt for it that makes it like, funny to modern people. Plus even if like the jokes don't land which they won't with this writing because they don't fully exist because they're like they're transparent. You probably danger field can like give you a look that's like I don't know what the fuck that was either and everybody will laugh with him. Exactly. Because he's weird looking. And he at least has that. Jeff Altman looks like an accountant. And so when a joke fails and he looks at you, he's like, I'm being audited, aren't I? Is the vibe you get?

It's just not fun. I love that they start this show off. Here's 100% of my problem with the premise. It's that right after this, he turns, and he says, now I'm here with Japan's biggest recording stars, Pink Lady, and then he has to show the audience a clip of how famous they are in Japan with fame.

He's like, yeah, yeah. Like, okay, so do they do that here? No, no. No, so they're not, you're having to tell people that they're famous and it's a big deal that we got them, but everybody in the audience is like aha Right and what's next? They're not singing or anything. They're like in a car being created in front of a like a baseball stadium

Yeah, like I have in my notes like is this supposed to make me want to watch the show right? Okay, so they're popular there like that's maybe's maybe interesting. Tell me why they're popular. Like, they don't even say that yet. It's just right. Yep. These people are popular. Maybe. They win a contest?

Are they dying? Are they dying? Are they dying? Are they dying? Are they dying? Are they dying? Are they dying? Are they dying?

Are they dying? Are they dying? Are they dying? Are they dying? Are they dying? Are they dying? Are they dying? Are they dying? make a wish scenario. I want to be clear that Jeff Altman doesn't just have bad timing at bad jokes. He's also both a prop comic and way too physical. So he says, I think there's a little comedian at all of us and I swear to God he pulls out like a candle. Not even like quite dressed the same as him.

And he's like, here's mine. Yeah. And it's just like, are you doing a fucking birthday party? You fucking asshole. And then he's like, you ever tried this one? You go to a restaurant. And then he like throws his face into a stool. This is it by like four feet.

Like it's not even a good Joe Rogan bit. But he just like slams us up into his own stool. I'm just saying, top not- That was the setup he came up with. That is his like standard stick is like pretending to his head on stool, I'm just saying, top not- That was the setup he came up with. That is his like standard stick is like pretending to have his head on stool. That, like from what I've read, that was his like big joke that people seem to love.

So it gets by- Somewhere numbers are floating over David Letterman's head. Like, bro, watermelon's off the roof. So, I mean, David Letterman is just like frantically writing all of this down in a darkened room somewhere. Oh my God. I don't know.

I don't hate it. I just, I don't think he did a very good job. I guess it's my criticism for this dual-face smashing. It's just like the first joke about his parents being next door. It's like, oh, this is like a good second draft. You need to do like a third. Sure.

Yeah. And I like that there was a turn, like, oh, his parents are dead. No, they're not. They just don't love him. You're like, oh, that's a fun twist. Yeah. When Pink Lady came out and they came out in like Japanese style dress,

I don't know if it was kimonos or something similar. I was like, I was like, oh, I was like, they are absolutely going to take these off and be wearing like sexy, window-clothes. No, no dresses. No dresses. Because like, I could see that happening now and certainly in 1980. Well, he set it up by going, here to sing a traditional Japanese number and you know 100% of what's going to happen next from that sentence.

You're like, okay, I get it. Do we have to go through with it? Can we just pretend? Yeah, can we skip it? Yeah, it was, it was Boogie Wonderland, like, Earth and the Fire. Earth, yeah, classic. Like, when they started singing, I kinda got it. Like, I'm like, these ladies are like,

they're just hot as fuck. And not just because they're like beautiful women, but they're doing that sexy baby act where it kinda seems like they might die at the airport if you don't help with their luggage Do you know what I mean? We're like Like like your guy instincts kick in you're like oh, I got to protect this tiny sexy lady They like they are it's so thick with that like Like they just need you they can't they have this like oh all big strong man. Please help me. I'll die without you. Anyway, I that's I'm saying that works on me And I have the hell out of that. Like how seals of all seal pups of all big eyes. Yes. Yes.

Cute. It's just evolution trying to protect them from predators. Yeah, they got that. They got that. I want to save them from a bear. What a be clear. That's that's their main appeal. They are not talented singers They're better singers than Jeff Altman is a comedian. I'll at least say that a 100% yes And then in the in the intro they like turn the Can't speak English joke around on Jeff Altman and I thought that was okay And then he says something like, you just love my sexy round eyes.

And I was like, I have clips of that. I do. Before I play that clip though, I just want to talk about the showmanship. I really love all these Vegas showgirls coming out. And again, it feels like you have in a $3 prime rib at Circus Circus.

It's just like, this is so sleazy and stupid, but everybody's really trying. It's clear all these people have spent a life developing the skills on display here. It's just the world decided it didn't want them a decade ago. Anyway, then Jeff gives very deliberate bow to them as if to say, I looked up on the

encyclopedia how to greet your people. So I have the clip when they come out of Boogie Wonderland. Oh, okay. That was a traditional Japanese number. That's what? Doesn't look like an awesome tip. No, no, no, I love this song. It's just that I didn't realize your honorable ancestors had a boogie fever

Ladies and gentlemen, I should tell you at this point that this is me and this is Kay. Right Now you girls do speak English. Oh, yes We spend many many hours in Japan learning We wanted to speak perfect English where we got a year. Oh, and you speak English too. Yes, do you? Yes, I thought you should have ended the minute you go on It's very difficult to learn to speak English properly. Keep trying You get better You got to do the bit twice. Yeah. Why did they do the same joke twice?

Like, uh... Yeah, uh, but then I also, I did clip the uh, I guess you'd call it reverse racists, uh, round eyes joke. Don't mind her. It takes a while to get used to foreigners, but I like it already Jim. You are so So handsome. You just get turned on by my sexy round eyes. Oh brother. Oh Brother, I want to say something that might it might put me out there and this is Exposing my belly right now. I think Kays, they keep giving K the punchline, and I think it's not a great punchline, but she's landing it.

She's got, when she commits to O'Brother later, she says like, wonderful, maybe it's because of the accent, but she's just, she's stealing it from Jeff Altman. Like she's got better comedic timing and delivery than Jeff Altman. And neither of them have a good script, but she's, she lands it every time. I subject it my wife, my pregnant wife to some of this, as I was watching it in preparation.

And she, at one point, she just looks up and she's like, you know, they're holding their own, despite not speaking English. Like, they have pretty good period of time and despite speaking their lines, like phonetically or via the internet. Yes, they've learned. They've clearly learned some of their more complicated lines

phonetically. And I'm just, it's so important to note that because I'm watching Jeff Altman on stage, get up stage by somebody that is just speaking syllables to which they have no context for their meaning. And they're fucking, they're stealing it from him. Just I make the sounds like this. It's easy. I don't even know what those sounds are. Jeff's like, fuck, I'm dying on a riptide here. What do I do? And what's the most, to me the most bonkers thing about the show is that pink lady is are the people who like introduce the guests.

Like why isn't the guy who actually speaks English running down who the guests are? Like how did they make that decision? And Sherman Helmsley is like an eight out of ten difficulty for a Japanese speaker. That's a tough name. I think it's what we're talking about earlier about. We all grew up with all comedy and we need more layers to the jokes and I feel like that's what the broken English brings to it. When it's clear, she doesn't speak the language and she's trying to land this joke and it kind of lands right, but when it's wrong, it's wrong because of this second thing. I feel like it just adds the depth to the comedy that it needed.

Like, know how like, you know, children's movies, you know, have like jokes for the adults too, right? And, you know, some people think like, oh, some of the old Disney movies don't. We watched, we watched Aristocats, that's from 1970. Like, not, it was a, it was a while ago now, because we had gone to the woods to do shrooms, and then when we were done, we came back and somehow I put on aristocats. And it was perfectly good, and it wasn't like offensive or anything at all, despite being a Disney cartoon from like the late 60s,

except in the like everybody wants to be a Disney cartoon from the late 60s, except in the, like, everybody wants to be a cat song at the end. Like, suddenly there's like a Chinese cat character, like, you know, like, speaking in broken English and fake, like, Chinese. And like, I realized it's like, oh, like, the cute cats and the songs are for the kids. And then, like, the adult thing back then was like, oh, we'll throw in some racism for the adults. And I think that's what this is, too. It's like, oh, we got to put in some racism

for the people watching this, because some of them want that. Yeah, I feel like it's kind of hard at racism. Like it's like, look at how Zany, a different place is. I know Walter Cronkite, you know, the guy that does the new, Walter Cronkite. Good evening, this is Walter Cronkite. different places. That's the way it is. Let me try a thing. Roll the crown kite. Roll the crown kite. Roll the crown kite. It sounds exactly like me, but a little bit louder. A little bit louder.

Never heard of him. Again, Kays timing is really good. Again. Adding that pause. Never heard. Let it let the beat hit. Of him. It's funny.

It's funny in that way. It's like that impression comes out of him. It's funny, it's funny in that way. It's like that impression comes out of nowhere and like, I guess I've probably heard more Walter Conqueray, Cronkite impressions than I have a actual Walter Cronkite. Yeah, that's probably safe. And it's like, is it good? I don't know. I feel like it doesn't sound like other Walter Cronkai impressions.

So no. It sounds exactly like Jeff Altman. It's what it sounds like. It sounds like Jeff Altman being about 14% louder and a little bit faster, which is I guess spoilers for the episode almost ever impression. He has one that's not that. It's not good, but it's very different. Yeah. I want to say he's not a talented impersonator, but I think he's better than some, like, where most times you see people

who don't specialize in impressions, so they basically do rich little and Dana Carvey impressions of the impressions. And I don't think he's doing that. I feel like he's kind of drawing on his own observations, which is, you know, a nice thing I want to say about Jeff Altman. Maybe I'm wrong, but...

He has one impression when we get to it, else there was something about it I liked, but we'll have to get to it, because I don't remember off the top of my head. Yeah, I don't know. I feel, my notes say I feel like I'm learning employee safety in a Japanese car factory, because like, there's these long bits of dialogue

where they're just like, just going through the mechanics of a show. Like coming up tonight, we have Sherman Helmsley. And like they're really struggling with the script. So it just, it has that like employee safety vibe. I didn't like when he started like flirting with them. Like he got a little handsy and they kind of have like they tried to do the playful sexual vibe and it like was really misfiring. I took a clip.

The movie? You said that. Hey, we must not. No point in getting an argument here and especially when I have no idea what you're talking about. Now you're in a strange country here and there's a lot of strange men around. So from now on it's just going to be the three of us. No, four. Four. We have with us a Japanese-wisei bodigado. What? bodigado. bodigado. bodigado. Bugee-ga-douk Betty guard Bodyguard I'm good at that Okay, and then you already know this mistake. It's a full sumo guy

Like This show can be tough We have our very special guest, Mr. Sherman Humsley. I got it. I just wanted to give the audience, she got it. In this type of sketch when it goes this badly, even if you don't have him, if you end the sketch with ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Sherman Humsley, it's the best. It's the best.

It's the perfect punchline. He's the best. He's the perfect punchline. He's the perfect punchline. He's the perfect punchline. He's the perfect punchline. He's the perfect punchline. He's the perfect punchline.

He's the perfect punchline. He's the perfect punchline. He's the perfect punchline. He's the perfect punchline. He's the perfect punchline. He's the perfect punchline. He's the perfect punchline. He's the perfect punchline.

He's the perfect punchline. He's the perfect punchline. He's the perfect punchline. He's the perfect punchline. He's the perfect punchline. He's the perfect punchline. He's the perfect punchline. Full sumo guy, I guess you kind of knew it was gonna happen as soon as you knew the show was invented But like he doesn't say anything They hit a gong. I just love it. It's it's it's like a they referred to him as part of his body ghetto from now on as low that's his name which uh I Guess I guess you can I thought lighthearted racism

Yeah, that guy that kind racism I guess you get that flat light hearted racism. Yeah. That kind, that kind racism, I guess you were talking about. It's how you'd phonetically read it. I get, I speak Japanese like that when I'm like reading the packaging on candy. Body God doll. I think this one's a bodyguard, everybody. So God, the opening bit is a fucking Southern of evangelical preacher, which is just, I feel like. Well, there's a thing they do before that.

The girls do, they're here to do musical transitions. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So they are dancing in front of a giant boom box, which I imagine is where 300,000 of that $350,000 went to building this giant boom box. Yeah, it's impressive. One speaker opens and we zoom through the speaker to this other world where the sketch is happening.

And I just want to establish that framework now before we get into the faith healer bit. It's worth bringing up because it's very cool. And I feel like, I don't know. Yeah, I mean it gives us show that nice like 70s variety show vibe that they're feeling like it feels like a ripoff of laughing which I don't really think I've even ever seen but I've experienced through like boomer nostalgia. Sure. Yeah like on laughing they would just kind of cut to a lady and body paint just kind of dancing and then You know, yeah, it's use these wacky transitions. I mean, and I do kind of like the

Intra song like the turn on the radio Yeah, like I was like, oh, all right, and then they went to some bits and they were not as good Yeah, the the bit, I feel like that's how you spot the hack is when someone's like throwing out sketch pitches and someone's like, oh, what about a preacher? You're like, okay, you're fucking fired. We got to get one of those out of the way.

The very first bit. Here's what we're all about folks. And the bit is, yeah. It's not just that it's a preacher curing disco demon. So he like slaps this lady on the on the hairspray and she screams baby whenever he hits her in the head. I'm not leaving anything out. That's the whole fucking sketch. Let me can I read you my notes on what's happening. May is possessed by a disco demon and she can't hear words because she's dancing too loudly.

And then he taps her head and it makes her say, baby. So he starts beat boxing her by tapping her head to the beat of yes sir, that's my baby. No sir, don't make it. That's almost exactly what weren't for word. What you said. This is 100% of the sketch. That's it, that's the whole thing. And then we come back to the ladies and then they sing us into Jeff Altman's boxing character. Now, I think he's trying to do Rocky, but

what he's really doing is Jimmy Kimmel's car on the lone character or he's doing a he's doing Sean Sean's check impression. He's doing my check. That's what yeah. I will. Because I do not black code my shack impression. I dumb code it. I'm an idiot, not a racist. So, okay, okay, this is, I think, my favorite sketch. We mentioned it in the intro. He starts flirting with the reporter who's interviewing him

and it's going well, so she takes off her overcoat and she has boobs. Here's the thing about the boobs. Is there near him? And so he sees them. And then this happens. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa! So how about dinner? No, no, no! So how about dinner? No, I can't. I have promised Roy here I would take him to a Saturday box. You can hit me now. Next time, play it, let's get it. We zoom out of the boom box dimension. And then our carefully escorted back into the boom box dimension.

Yeah, it says what made that in to give the idea of like this show and how it's just five seconds of this. Five seconds of that. None of it's great. So the framework here, the framework here is that, so far they sing their little song and then they escort us through the speaker into the boom box dimension where all the skits happen.

They've done that successfully a few times. And then here they start fucking it up. They now escort us through the boombox to themselves inside the boombox also syncs. And what that does is just transition us to another sketch. It were doubled, we're too deep in the boombox dimension. We're now inceptioning. Yeah, they are, orpourosing themselves. Their heads are going up their own asses to create some sort of a black hole. They call it a bodigado in Japanese.

So they, they sing, stop in the name of love. And then they do that fucking disco, Dick Nixon and the Richard Nixon. So review. Like again, laughing, but also like, stop in the name of love is not a disco song. So why is this the song that disco dick Nixon is in? I mean, and this is also six years after he left office. He does say everything I do is on tape, which again would have been a funny sort of having fun in the show.

That's super current. Seven years earlier. Yeah, I guess this is more of a Motown song that disco song. I think this might be a racial joke because he says like I think one of these guys, he's like Motown dancers behind a racist. I think one of these guys, I didn't recognize the name, but I'm like I think this is an edgy racist joke for nice and edgy.

Oh yeah, it says like one of these guys is and it's some, it's like the mayor, it's like a guy who later became mayor of some city. Yeah, I, I, I look this up and then immediately forgot about it because I was like, you know what? I've already done way too much work for this. I, I need to stop. This is the first framework I recognized as like a skit. I'm like, oh, okay. I'm on familiar ground. Like I've been standing on QuickSand all this time. Now I feel at least solid. Here's Richard Nixon hosting a disco review.

I get the dichotomy of how we're going to get comedy out of this. And then he dances off screen. I was like, what the fuck was that? You just said, Dick Nixon in a disco review, 15 seconds, and then you're out. I'm like, what? Yeah, that's a heavy premise. And then once it's established, there's no joke.

But like literally just dances away. This is what's got to be so sold. I do want you to try to picture this. Like you're in a writer's room and someone pitches disco dick nicks and you're like, okay, that's not the worst idea. It's pretty bad. But then they look at you and they say, okay, you write it up.

Like, that's the fucking worst news you could ever get, right? Like, it's kind of okay in a concept, but then the mechanics of making a disco dick mix in like sketch work, it pisses me off so bad the idea of like sitting down to do that. Well, then in this show, in this fake writers room where he pitches disco, dick, nix, and the head writer says, okay, write it up, the guy who pitched it turns to him and says,

no, I'm done. And then they respect that move. Yeah, so much they just run it. That's what made it into the show. Exactly. They're like, okay, no sketch just premise And then the land so now they have like a big discussion about They need a big star. They're like God. We need somebody because we all we have is Jeff Altman They do that that again, and they're like they've got it Sherman Helmsley and In order to Sherman Helmsley's great. He comes out And he the first thing he says is who the fuck are you, Jeff Altman?

They like, I mean, at least they will commit it to this big. I don't think it's a good one, but they just throw themselves into it. Yeah, they're leading on it. And heavy. Then, okay, they start to, he asked the ladies if they have any questions about America and the first question they have is is the US going to draft women Like into the military which is so heavy in 1980 out of 1980. Yeah Yeah, this is what five years five six years after the draft ended uh and Jeff like looks to cameras like there are two I can think of.

So he's already annoyed with his co-host to the point where he's like, ship these fucking skanks to Vietnam. Die in a war! This is not playful, Riving. Send them to war is not like, uh-huh, you. Uh, okay, so, I thought that's real fucked up. And then they do a sketch about if there was a lady draft, what the army would look like, if it was all ladies and there was a

USO event, they call it a warms sister organization. And now we have, we have the recognizable set, it's a bad one to just do what even in 1980 just gender swap a thing was like played out But there's at least the groundwork of a sketch and you're like this begs the question, okay? Where are we gonna go with this and the answer in the show is always What do you mean? I'm done. Yeah We're done. What if that happens? Here it is happening. See you later It's a whole variety show based around like bad sketch pitches the punchline to every to every skin is goodbye That's what we're doing the skid makes no sense like it opens with them bringing out Jeff Altman

Who's like a like a macho man and the yeah, he's like a Miss America Yeah, the the woman Bobby Hope Sure, like take a look at that one knows what that's represent Talent and then you could Jeff over here, and so like I was like, oh, that's kind of funny like like he's actually like not attractive But then all the women are like super horny for him and he's basically attacked by them and has closed ripped off. And then it gets weirder because Sherman Hemsley comes in and he has dancers and they do

boogie boogie bugle babe of company B. And that's the punchline. That's the punchline. Yeah, that punchline I'm going to skip. Is Sherman Helms like comes on in dances? I feel like this was supposed to be horny too. I feel like this was, because they're all dressed like little boys, I feel like that was like

schoolgirl pervert stuff, gender swapped. And oh, man. I don't know. Kitten, deep in the assumptions here. Yeah, maybe, I guess I don't know. Kitten, deep in the assumptions here. Yeah, baby. I guess I'm just grasping for anything. Because again, it's just they set up the premise and leave. I have a clip from this because we forgot to mention there's another premise here, which

is that the stars of the show are Japanese. So... What a battle! You know, the army isn't too bad except the food is rotten. That is O. S. The army isn't a bad except the food is rotten that is or is Suci on the shingles Amazing If listeners don't know there's a chip beef on crackers is usually called shit on a shingle

And then that got shortened to SOS. I feel like food has gotten better since 1980 But this was a common joke about military rations.'d call it, they'd call it shit on a shingle. So this is like kind of a esoteric reference and then you just add like just this clumsy hammer of Japanese concept onto it and you're just like what the fuck are we doing here? I thought that was very importantly bad joke. I really wanted to share with everybody. Have you guys heard of Burke Parks before this? So, no.

I had not, but then when I looked him up, I was like, oh, that's where the bit comes from. Like the, he was the guy who sang, like there she is, Miss America, after hosting the show. And it felt like this was in the news at the time, because they're talking about how he just got fired like there she is, Miss America, after hosting the show. And it felt like this was in the news at the time because they're talking about how he just got fired from the Miss America pageant.

Okay, so he was the host of Miss America from 1955 to 1979. He found out he had been fired when the Associated Press called him and told him that he had been fired. And like, I would say at least a dozen newspapers had full-page letters pages about him getting fired and how this was bad or maybe good. He was 65 when he was fired.

And the maybe these laws didn't quite exist back then, or maybe it's different for show business, but like the executive of Miss America told the baby, like, yep, we fired him for being too old. Like, okay. Okay, it could have been worse. Yeah. Like our modern sensibility,

like I think I heard Brockweight think this too loud when you're like Oh, this guy got fired from the Miss America page and you're like, okay, yeah like he Yeah, I'm meeting somebody yeah, he put his thumb in somebody's butt It was like how many it wasn't they strangle the lady it was like how many had to go missing over the years before they put it Felt down and my notes. I have Art Nouveau's Culture City, which is Jeff Altman, do one, don't do blue collar guy, I do art, put them like a delivery truck driver,

whatever, look at my fucking art. God, I feel like that's really an art. Once again, they do something that is really good. That was really spot on to the suppression. So it's Art Nouveau selling culture, which is like, again, okay, this is an SNL skit like after the band plays for the second time, we didn't know how to get loose.

But, no, it's the marble columns sketch. But what I found most notable about this is that he pauses in the middle of a sketch to be like, and wouldn't it be funny if I was selling a wildlife documentary? And so we zoom into a T.K. where it's just, he's doing a wildlife documentary and just to do like one liner. And then we pull back at, we're like, instead of punchlines to these jokes, what we're doing is transitioning into other sketches and then back. So instead of like, here's the button where I do something funny, we're saying,

here's a different sketch. Like, I guess it's just to keep you reeling so much that you realize that you're not, you don't realize you're not hearing jokes. Let's go over what they've done so far they got. Preacher Vadesco, they got preacher but disco Richard Nixon but disco gender swap army and culture but not so I I feel like this is sort of like background lore and a video game set in a 70s TV studio like if you were a level designer this is what you would put on a whiteboard to say yeah

deonus and idiot hacks wrote jokes in this room. Like, I just don't feel like this is a fully fleshed out concept. It feels like, I don't know, like a blurry impersonation of a TV show. No, because they literally not fleshed out. Did they didn't write all of it? They wrote 60% of everything. That mutual of Omaha's wild kingdom thing he throws to

has a joke about John Belushi's lack of a career. Yes. Because he made that bad movie 1941. Yeah, yeah. For unsuccessful movie. I don't think I've ever seen it. Which I was like, I mean, like maybe, but like, are you allowed to do that on Pink Lady and Jeff? Like, yeah. Are you allowed to see that on Pink Lady and Jeff? Like, are you allowed to do that, Jeff? What about that? Yeah. And did we have to go through, did we have to transition through Boombox, through two singers into Art Nouveau's culture,

through a TV, to a wildlife documentary, for you to say, John Belushi doesn't have a career, and then that's the kick we pull back out of every layer. Was that was that worth it? Uh, god damn it. Also one thing we didn't say is that when burp parks comes on stage they have like a stunt double who does a pile of it. Oh right. Okay.

But it's a lot of spry news. Yeah, I guess the bit is that he's too old to host Miss America. Yeah. Which again, it was not explained to us as viewers. This is something that Dan had to look up in old newspapers. But so I guess the bit was that he's still so healthy he can do flips and shit. Great. So you shouldn't fire him. It's sad that they can just fire a guy for being old, but especially if his job is standing there and holding a microphone and like not molesting women for decades, which I feel like is a huge accomplishment in Hollywood.

Great job, Bert Parks. I don't know. If you told me Sid and Marty Kraft were producing a comedy variety show, all of these sketches would be like my mean-spirited guesses for what they would do. I would like... I would like... I would have got the disco-rigid Nixon in there, but... ...the fucking Southern preacher. So, uh... Yeah, the mutual o'ah like really broke me. I'm just like, fuck, I can't believe...

I have fucking stupidness all this. Uh, but now Belondi comes out and that's pretty good. Uh, it's... They play a pre-cut music video of Vlondi performing Shala. It's great, but weirdly overproduced because they're... Maybe they recorded it in the studio, but I don't think it's in front of the live audience. I feel like they did this on a different day. But it really made me realize, oh yeah, the audience here is about 40 people.

The crowd shots are very thin. They don't show them very often, but when you see it, you're like, ooh, this is a really small studio. And I would explain why the audience pops like crazy whenever Jeff Flubs aligned, because these aren't great punchlines and the fucking uproarious applause every time. Like, oh, of course, this is all piped in.

This is all fake. Don't think I even considered that until I saw the Blondie act and then I was like, the mechanics of the show started to make sense. Cut, what do we got next? Pink Falcon, do you guys remember this one? Yeah, my only note is, some of the best jokes on the show are just one

of the Pink Lady people threatening to punch Jeff Altman and like Yeah, I like that and have like two of those so Yeah, it's came you threatened to punch him and she's just got killer delivery even though she's learning a lot of these lines phonetically and is just stealing stealing comedy that Jeff Altman has worked on for decades Natural joke genius. Jeff is doing a Humphord Bogart impersonation. He's like, I got two bit gum shoe. God, this one was this one pissed me off because it kind of it does this thing that drives me crazy where like they break the rules of the universe. So their idea to steal a safe is to come in through the window and tie a rope around it.

And then they have someone down on the street who's gonna just pull the safe out the window onto their own head. And so then Jeff Altman is Humphrey Bogart's like, hey, I say what you're gonna do on here. You're gonna signal your friend down. He's gonna pull on the rope here. And then they pull on the rope and he like,

doesn't let go of it. And so he goes out the window and I'm like, but yet we had to take some too huge suspension or disbeliefs to get here. And I don't know. A comedy kind of relies on truth and this is stupid and wrong. Yeah, you need it. A second and a third and a fourth and a fifth at it

for it to let go. Yeah, this was laughing. They would at least have the decency uh, second and a third and a fourth and a fifth added to, for it to let it go away. Yeah. This was laughing. They would at least have the decency for somebody to pop up that window and go, they can't all be winners and then they'd cut away like, yep, yep. You would at least have the one there of somebody. A e-haw guy and the sub. But it's fast.

Yes. Yes. Um, okay. So now they come back to Jeff as Johnny Carson. Again, I don't think this is terrible. Like I knew it was Johnny Carson, it's not good, but it's also not, it's not Rich Little's Johnny Carson and I wanna say congratulations to Jeff Hartford.

I thought actually that he, like I didn't know how much, I have, now Jeff Hartman does a Johnny Carson impression. Is this one good? But then I feel he like exaggerates his mannerisms and like twitchiness. Well, I think, I mean, I'm too young for like really for to know, to like, I don't know, Carson went off the air when I was like 10 or something. But, but like, I've seen him enough and I've seen enough impressions of of him, but I do think he has his sort of general twitchiness down.

And I was like, maybe he should just host the show as Johnny Carson the whole time. And that might be better. It couldn't be worse. At least they'd let a bit play out the completion, maybe. I thought they were going to do a bad bad who's on first riff with like me. Right. But then it just switched back into their standard joke of making fun of nobody knowing who Jeff Altman is.

Yeah, there's some shit that like totally didn't land because he's like, hey, do you know me? And then she says, yes. And I know you too. And I'm like, oh, you mean like you're partner me. But like this is when like the language barrier really did break down, because like they were like looking at the wrong thing

when they're referencing something. I was so confused. I think I just knew what they meant in, you know, let it go, but oh, can I say how this? Yeah, it was rough. How this get ends brought me completely on board with this as revolutionary experimental comedy. Right.

How they end this one is they say the guests on this show say we have brought a stand-up, a Japanese stand-up comedian, no part of that, like, it breaks reality several times just to get that in there. And then the whole stuff here, that what's weird is they introduced this guy as a Japanese stand up comic, but then the real Steve Harvey comes out just a regular ordinary Steve Harvey. And that's the worst Japanese. So hard. But then the joke is that now that nobody understands Japanese, but then the double joke is that

also he's bombing in this broken struggling Japanese that nobody speaks. And then the triple joke is here's a cartoon butterfly. Let's follow that to the next sketch. What the fuck is going on? I love it. This part absolutely works. Yeah, like this, this I feel like was like really close to being good because well,

first off, they throw to like a real, I assume, commercial that Pink Lady did in Japan that had no idea what they're selling. I couldn't not tell. It wasn't a joke commercial. It seemed to be a real commercial. I kind of like the bit where there's this Eddie Isard stand up bit where he talks about about learning French and then does like a whole part of the show in French and like because of what you've learned earlier like the words you know like really it like the bits somehow really works. And this was nowhere near that but it did the standard like how hot is it joke in in Japanese and I was like oh we're like so close here finally yeah yeah I really liked this the fact that he bombed and he turned it into a dance yeah yeah yeah I just dance in it the end like there is yeah like yeah I want to put in butterfly I think I can add an element to it to the Japanese was so broken I couldn't translate it but it ended with him repeating

the words topic out there which means the environment so I feel like The environment the environment the environment like he stopped his comedy to do like a social protest Just some sort of a climate change activism fucking young so no short film like yeah, yeah, it's just wild yeah so goddamn and then they they do I don't know like a voice over sketch that I didn't quite follow and then it cuts to bird parks as a pharmacist who does like a show tune about the legacy of show business and how it calling would is like an artless business, but I think he means it in a good way and then here's here's a fucking thing that happened in this sketch That blew my mind. He after that after that thing I just described he calls off to Henry Kissinger And you hear Jeff Altman doing a Henry Kissinger impersonation from off camera.

And he's like, I'm doing the mopping, but he's fucking mopping back there. And that's it. It's just, no, that's not it because they realize that doesn't land. And then an entire crew of Hollywood dancers crowd the screen. Yes. Because this is what happens when you hit the panic button next to the typewriter. You just fucking, yeah, I have nothing, help, help. You're like, okay, you can only do this once because this is going to cost us $30,000 for you not to have a punchline. Yeah, they got tap dance off by like,

show tap the appologated. So like, this is yet another bit about how Pink Lady is new to America. My notes have, then Bert Park sings a song. I sort of drifted off, maybe Miss America was right to fire him. Desservant, deserving. The Henry Kissinger joke was both,

like it may be angrier than any part of the show, because the joke is like, oh, he's so ruined, he has to work as a janitor, but like, he's still alive and has been a respectable, like, member of certain parts of society for the rest of his life. He still kills 11 people an hour.

And it like, oh, it may be so angry. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha 11 people every hour. He's a busy man. He's fully employed. Yeah, I feel like I just don't get the politics of the era because the next one I had like a Judy Garland impersonator introduced Sherman Helmsley. And then he accepts an award, refusing to make a political. He just wants everyone's money. And then this is told through a sign language interpreter, not an authentic one, just like a woman kind of pantomime. These words, yeah, like making fun of sign language behind him. Yeah, it's like sign language is kind of funny looking if you don't know it,

and maybe even if you do, and so it's like, oh yeah. Was that the bit? I think so. Because I don't know what the bit was. I think the bit is not to make... God, this must have been like when Marlon Brando like had that native woman come up and like, talk shit at the, the, the,

I think that's right. The trust winner on that era. Yeah, so I have a, I was trying to figure out what the bit was and I think the bit is that like, he opens by making fun of politics at award shows. But then all he talks about is like politics while he's giving this speech, but it's like the politics are just all about himself so it's kind of like a parody about how well these Hollywood types like to think they're doing politics

but they're just sort of self-centered and thinking about themselves, but I feel like that's being pretty generous. Yeah, very generous. Or maybe not, but now they've realized that they have one device that works and that's this, let's bail on the sketch and have an entire troupe of Hollywood dancers because they do it again. They dance off the stage too.

It is the most expensive way to end a sketch. They could have hired a writer for a tent of that. But they're just like, I don't have it. I don't have it. Panic. Hit the dance button. They come in and I'm like, all right. You're paying for all of us for a day.

And we cut now, I think everyone of a certain age knew this was going to happen. He's Jeff is doing a Howard, Howard Cocella impersonation. Of course he is. And he's interviewing like a breathy Marilyn Monroe character. And she has one of the few jokes I really like on this show, because she's like, she's talking about how I want to stretch my legs as an actress. I'm going to be a nice and man and I'm going to play. And you're thinking it's Lenny. It's Lenny and she lets it breathe. She lets you think Lenny and then she says,

mice. And I was like, that's the fucking, that's a joke. That's a good joke. Ha ha ha. I didn't get, we are still danced out of this catch. Yep. The dancers come back and dance us off. I didn't think his Howard Cousel impression was good. I think this is maybe the one impression where you should just

impersonate Rich Little because I think his impression is just like dead on what Howard Cousel sounds like. But he had like a funny like like rug on. So, uh uh, Bert now uh, he plays like a director. This is the of all the fucking abrupt endings in the show. This is the one. He's playing a director leading a cast of extras through like a subway disaster scene. So he has all these people on the set, uh, including I think Jim Varni. Yeah, Jim Varnie was in this scene. I thought this was the best skit. Like, oh, he has to cast the whole crowd at once. That's an attempt at something. Sure, that's a silly premise.

That's a elementary school talent show, Skit. Yes. And it's like a team building exercise or something. It's something you do at summer camp to have fun with the kids, but. Yeah. So he's like, you're all scared. You're all lying down.

You're all going left. And then it just like fucking ends. Like I can't believe that's all they did. To get 40 people together for just five seconds of the kid game. The resume they hand over is the phone book. Yeah, one person gave him a phone book. So which probably didn't play on a 16 inch black and white TV back in 1980. Probably for a bassist, it's not a good show.

Yeah, it's not great. It's more confusing than punchy. To get us the fuck out of here. Help! Like, dances. And they're starting to wrap the show up. There's also like a part where they have all of the different characters sort of superimposed in like a line and they're all doing

dancing to end this whole series of sketches. And I was like, it was just so strange. It's just like, they didn't like the Hollywood like line dancers would have been the like hooray for Hollywood dancers were good enough. We didn't need to then see all the characters of the previous sketches come back and dance to the costume budget alone. It's got to be like giant boombox level budgets. So the girls they want to go to Neil Diamond's house. They got invited to a party, but the party invite didn't have a direction. So they're just, oh, hey Jeff, you know where Neil Diamond lives. And he in the bit, like pretends to, he's like, oh, yeah, yeah, fucking like, you know, go this way.

And so I'm like, what are we doing here? Like, they're still doing this sort of like, Jeff doesn't know anybody can it bit and so They get out of it by just starting to lip sync an adult contemporary song into his face. They're just like Hey, you got a friend by karaokeing. Let's just fucking start singing They also briefly put the like purple or pink like Effect around the borders of the screen. It's the same one that saved by the bell uses for its fantasy sequences. Somehow we've forgotten to mention that every once in a while the silhouette of a pink goose will swoop in and honk and that will be the end of a sketch. I don't know how we forgot to mention that because it's been happening throughout the whole show. So just mentally reinsert that back through the show. Like every third sketch, a silhouette of a pink goose flaps over the screen in hogs and then you're just like, okay, that was it.

It's like a home improvement transition. So this, this medley's into don't stop thinking about tomorrow. I have a clip from this of how wild gets. And I like this clip. You'll hear how it's kind of unpolished. Like, anyway, they're adorable. I'm just like a play. I'm not sure. Oh, I would say it's from anything. Yep. I'm really glad. I just wanted to leave all that in. Because I don't know, they're not, their vocal range is kind of limited.

I could see them, they're totally adorable. I could see them coming in like 25th place on Star Search or being the just karaoke stars of the night. But it is, it's so strange that these are like celebrated musical artists. My favorite part of this whole song, Medley, is when they do that like late 70s. I feel like you see it in like laser disc demo discs, is like where you might say it. Like everything sort of becomes inverted and there's like sort of like electric lines around all the people they like cut to a musician playing.

But it's only for like a half second and it only happens once. Yes. Like, did they use up the rest of their budget on effects? And this was all they could afford? Like, it's so strange. Yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about. There's suddenly someone came into the video toaster and like, I'm gonna try something. Oh no, no, I hate it, I hate it, don't, I never exactly what you're talking about. There's suddenly someone came into the video toaster

and like, I'm gonna try something. Oh, no, no, I hate it. I hate it. Don't ever do that again. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Um, so, I mean, that's this kind of wraps up the show. Um, thank you to Special guest, Sherman Helmsley. Uh, and of course, Dan McQuade.

Uh, I have one last clip. Um, I just, you I'm just gonna let it. We do trust you, Jeff. We have Japanese custom. At the end of the day, time to go into HOT TOWN. Time to go into HOT TOWN? No. I don't go into HOT TOWN. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no when I take a hot tub, it was just going to get up and only heat it.

Now they're chasing out of the dresses. Into the tighter ladies. Tiny bikini. Great ad living Jeff. Normal normal thing to say before I hot them. And now he sees another king eats. And he still hates it. It's a fucker we do with him. What we do?

No girls my skin cannot be cinzed or seen. I cannot be seen. The skin cannot be seen. Oh my, what are you doing? They're forcefully stripping and bathing him. This does end with two women forcefully stripping and bathing Jeff all of them. As he starts to find that erotic. Oh, so likable.

Oh. Whoa. Whoa. Oh, you got something to wrestle. Yeah, you can guess, man. I'm sorry, man. You're not. You're not.

Get that gun. Oh, yeah. Oh, look at Sammy. The least appealing way to end the show. I thought we were going to get it. I thought we were going to get it. I thought we were going to get it. I thought we were going to get it. Yeah, I'll look at Sammy. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha It's just funny that he's there. They just need to remind you that there's a new man here somewhere. That's called a callback. Oh yeah, yeah.

We look comedy geniuses. Oh yeah. All right, dance us out. I know why the birds are big and big And I like that when you bite it I want to show you my true love And I love you better But I need a better It's like I'm gonna get wet For generations, the hot dog mountains have had more sight in some mysterious creatures than anywhere else in the United States.

Now hardcore hunter and husky ninja shan baby, along with his partner, that chemically augmented trap his Brockway, or after the most dangerous, most mysterious creatures in the world. The Supremes Refinger Louis Aaron Crosston, known by locals as Medium Foot Adrian H.

Aiden Muwet Unending Armando Knoth Badgers sometimes, Sometimes Called Old Skunkfoot, Benjamin Sirendon, Bume Telsen, Brandon Garth, Brian Saley, Brienne Whitney, Alpha Queen of the Demon Kiles, Demon Kyle's Burrito Serial Chance McDermott Chase The Mothfoot Whose daddy was bigfoot And whose mama was the Mothman

Chris Brower Clementine Danger Craig Lemoan Actually five Chupacabra Snap together like Voltron Dan B Devin The Rogue Supreme

David Schull The Gooseboy of Smackam Halle. Dean Costello, Dr. Otto. Grace, original flavor bigfoot. Dusty's rad title, the new bigfoot who killed original flavor bigfoot. Eric Spongebob, every zig, the ghost of bigfoot. Fancy shock, Garrett, Bigfoot Ghostbusters. Jello.

Greg Cunningham. The Bigfoot Who Kills. Bigfoot Ghostbusters. Hambone. Haraka. Harvey Panguini. The Music City Wolfman. Hot fart.

Hot. Javar Al Aiden. Jeff Araski. Bigfoot's Evil Dovelganger. From the Darkfoot Dimension. Ha! J.A.R.L.A.D.N. J.F.A.R.S.K.B.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F and feet. Josh Fabian. Josh Quixol. Josh Asus. Joshua Graves. Ken Paisley, the Rhode Island boatfoot. K&M.

Lisa, the big foot who got a truck in license and makes $1,500 a week. Go on ahead and ask truck foot how. Am Jrahish Pett, Mac Mizrable, sometimes called Glumfoot, sworn enemy of chucklefoot. Matt Riley, Max Baroy, Michael Lair, Partyfoot, Michael Wells, Mickey Loman, Mike Stiles, Mojoon, and D the Pittsburgh Wampus, the only encrypted known to steal catalytic converters. Neil Bailey, Neil Shaper, Neku 104, Nick Ralson, Aussie Olin, the bigfoot who learned sign

language and won't shut up. Patrick Harps, Rachel, Rev, Riehannon, Sarkoski, the reckless bastard who brought language to the feet. Shalom Chase, spotting reception, Supernall, Ted H. Reverse possessed double bigfoot. That's right, he puts the spirits a two big feet in you. Thomas Kavatsos, Timi Lahi, Toastigal, Tom Sakula, Tom and G. Wailing Russell, The Wailing Wahoo of Walla Walla, that was a cute one, that was just for me. Yannis A. I. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. And the biggest game of all, the last thing Kent was Bigfoot has ever seen in this battle world.

They'd call him the Widowmaker if any bigfoot hunter ever had a wife. He's the bile one, that old enemy. Alpha, scientist, Javbo. Whom locals call when they dare to speak of him at all, jerkfoot.