The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 144, Cake Boss: Spirits & Spumoni with Natalie Dee and Drew Toothpaste

Episode Date: October 11, 2023

Brockway bakes an erotic podcast cake to lure out Seanbaby, Drew Toothpaste, and Natalie Dee! Now they must discuss the episode of Cake Boss where they bake a life-size fuckable crytpid cake for the Jersey Devil!

1,900 hot dog! 1,900 hot dog! A podcast slammed with maximum height! Say hot dog podcast worked! Yeah! We need to taste that nitrate power! You're in the dog zone for an hour! Come on!

You're gonna be numbered! 1,900 hot dog! 1,900 hot dog! Welcome to the Dog Zone 9000, the official podcast of 1-900 Hot Dog, America's Final Comedy website. We're still doing written comedy. It's basically an archival effort at this point, so history won't forget that we were here and that we made Dick Chokes one time, and it was beautiful.

If you want to fund our tech space comedy, Dick Choke Museum, go to patreon.com slash 1900 hot dog and support the arts, I guess. I'm the tormented ghost of a pastry magnate. Robert Brockway and with me is quite the fuckable cake Sean. Thanks. I was working on my neck moves. Meet me in the woods and you're 60 Chevy.

That's my plug. That's fitting for the Jersey devil. I'm assuming you're talking, you're addressing this. Yeah, speaking directly to the Jersey devil. I will be dressed as a cake. But we'll come fuck me in the woods. Little known fact, nightmoves was written about a powerfully sexual Jersey devil. Our guest today from the podcast, Everything Is Real, which is about everything being real. It's Natalie D. Andrew Toothbase. Hi. Hey, what's up guys?

Hi. Welcome back. No, just podcasted podcast. Just podcasting stuff. Always always a pleasure to be in the dog zone. We love it. We're podcasting. We clean it up just for you. We dusted. I wasted night everything in his place. I like the idea that we get the clean edit. Oh, the content will be filthy, just the actual space. Just the actual space will be clean. It will need to be, especially this episode, it's going to need some good hosem down afterwards.

Before we get started, just go and wild on this cake. What do you want to plug? I'm assuming the podcast, which is fantastic. Yeah, we've been hosting garbage brain university for about four years. That's just garbagebrainuniversity.com and lately we've been doing a series called Everything is Real about the occult aliens, paranormal, quantum mechanics, just everything all tied together. You guys, I listen to podcasts sometimes,

and what I like about it is I can never tell how real you think things are. Like if it's a big, I'm just fully on board. I'm like, yeah, they think aliens are real. And then I talk to you, I'm like, no, they're reasonable people. They know aliens aren't real. Well, we keep it up in the air,

because we don't score until the end. Yeah, no, I love it. I, it's, it's, it's, it's, But I will say that I do think aliens are real. Okay, good. Just for the record. Not the, not the one from Peru, the mummy. I don't believe in that one.

That little tiny dried up in the tea monster. I don't think that's the real, but just the one. Just the one is too far. Let's all the rest on the table. Let's all agree on the count of three, say fuckable or not fuckable. Okay, we're all gonna do it together soon. No one can like the little guy. Yeah, the little guy. Okay. Okay. One, two, three. Oh, absolutely fuckable. On the only one. I'm saving it for the for the dancing ones from communion. Oh, yeah I would say no to the grace from communion, but I would say yes to the little short dancing

Little blue doctors. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm holding I'm holding out for them Just in case they want to be like exclusive. I don't want to ruin it. Right. I would want them to be like a hot Earth slut. I would not fuck any alien. Like I feel like most of them probably are like radioactive or something and the mummy guy has too many corners and he's too dusty. I can't see it. To be clear, I was talking about him in his prime.

Like when he's moisturized and like youthful. Some of those dusty corners, nothing. I also, I feel like if you were to meet an alien, they would probably like not even be sure who the real you was. Because what are we like 40% human and 60% like just bacteria and like mitochondria or whatever, whatever we have crawling all over us. That's what they're attracted to. Yeah.

They like the, they like the bog colonies within us. We're just like a shell. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That was hot bog colonies. Oh, we totally are. And that's like something that we talk about on and off line all the time, which is the fact that you know, you have roughly as many bacterial cells in your body as you do human cells. So like,

which one are you? You might be the bacteria. Right. Yeah, it's a I'm the bacteria So I feel like I identify more the alien I always picture them as being sort of just one entity Maybe a couple of lamp rays stuck to them somewhere, but like for the most part That's the aliens so if you were to make contact with them the no the amount of bacteria you'd be washing them and I think would be Really disgusting to them. So I feel like we're getting the better end of the deal. If in an alien human sexual relationship. Look at us on our high horse being like, would I fuck the alien? Would the alien fuck you? That's the question. I'm like filled with alien rage and like terror. And so if I was ever confronted with an alien,

I would probably just start kicking it. Oh, absolutely. Like that fire in the sky guy. I watched him give a talk. And he was like, I jumped out of that chair and I did a karate pose at the alien. I'm like, hell, yes. That's exactly what I would do.

He was talking about taking some parts of the ship and like pulling them off the shelf and then whacking them with it. Yeah, he was just... I'm taking this shit home. He was starting shit. It's my Yeah, he was just I'm taking this shit. Oh, he was starting shit Yeah, he was just immediately causing trouble. He was showing him was a new America That guy's

Story really hurts the aliens case because if I recall that dude was a logger and like they were way behind on some logging deadline Because they were a bunch of drunk assholes and they're, we need a cover story for why we're so late. And they're like, what about space monsters? And like, it just, the story just kind of took off. So that's like the backstory of that fire in the sky guy. He might not have been a star karate master. He might have just been like a drunk asshole. Sounds ridiculous.

That would be your cover story. But I could see myself at some jobs, like the crew there just being like, that's pretty funny. We should roll this. We gotta do it. We just gotta sell it. If you got a good crew, a good lumberjack crew,

you could come in. It's a real log, bro. It's what you call them. I like the, I like the can't pin down vibe of everything is real, because it's gotten several people from our Discord who are very good to their credit about like supporting people that they like on the show

and have gone into your Discord and been like, I don't know what the vibe is. I thought, where are we making fun of this? Do we believe in this? I would tell them it's a bit of a deal. Yes. Some of them bounce right off and are like, I couldn't figure how to read about it. I have a lot of them. Yes. Some of them bounce right off

and are like, I couldn't figure out how to live. How to live in that place. I think that the vibe in our discord is like, it is a bunch of people who at a baseline are pretty smart and they just don't give a shit. And so they will accept it or reject it and they don't have like a dogma attached to it. It's just like whatever is fine. That's to me with the virus. I like it. That's how I am too. I'm like, I'm sure it's true.

So if that sounds like you join their discord and find a community of like my delimitants. That's what I'm talking about. My friendly is discord on the internet probably. See, I feel like 100 hot dog dog I feel like we maybe lay it out too much how like we oh here's what's ironic about this and here's what's crazy about this and it's hard to like like lose yourself in the madness. We do sometimes of course but like I sort of like being on the outside of something where I don't quite get the vibe reminds me this time I was talking to my uncle who was watching Beavis and Butthead and did not get it.

And to him, like when Beavis and Butthead would declare that something rules or when something sucks seemed to him completely arbitrary. Like he was just like, yes, sometimes it's just completely flip a coin and something rules and something sucks in my, no, no, that's not how they decide, but I could see he was enjoying it so much more than anyone I'd ever met. And I was like, how do I find that? How do I, how do I, and so I, this is the worst review show I've ever seen. I don't understand their criteria. I saw it because I really resonate with Beavis's text. And he thinks they seem to think it ruled.

Right. I like the idea that somebody would be watching that show and be like, yeah, that Beavis, he's really got his finger on the pulse. You know, that butt head is something else. I'm just watching it for Beavis. He's the e-burt of the syscule in E-burt. I don't like that butt head quite frankly. That's the problem.

When Beavis is vibing with something, that's the good thing, right? It's got that good Beavis one. It's the pure part. So at some point, we have to discuss cake boss, which is what this podcast is about, by the way. I really can't wait. This is brought to our attention just last week. We were on this immediately by a discord.

Somebody signed up to this cord called a, their name was simply can't remember. Was their handle? And they just stormed into this discord. They kicked down the door of our discord. They literally got the welcome message of like, hey, welcome to the community. Say hi and they were like, yeah, shut up. Cake Boston, a cryptid episode.

Yeah, just. She called that a cake grenade. And they were right to do so. That's it. Everybody was immediately like, oh, that's great energy. I love it. I love it.

Yeah. Like you have found your people. You were correct. Just blind firing into the room and hitting every single person right in the forehead. Like, ah, okay, that was a freebie. It's the episode in particular that we're talking about of Cake Boss

is season six, episode eight, spirits and spamoning. And before we get to that, before we talk about anything, Cake Boss related, we have to talk about the Cake Boss story. I was hoping you would. I was hoping you would. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. What's the Cake Boss story? The story is the Cake Boss star, the main guy, Buddy, Folesero. He was pulled over back in 2014, real late at night in his bright yellow Corvette, which in case you needed to know what car that, Kedrow, you could have guessed,

you could have guessed it would be bright yellow Corvette. He failed the field sobriety test and the police went to arrest him and he said, he looked them straight in the eye and he said, you can't arrest me. I'm the cake horse. That's amazing. That's the whole thing. That's amazing.

That's my favorite story about you can't arrest me. I'm the cake boss. Oh my God. And I just, if I could get some line reads, that's how I chose to say it this one time. But I feel like it's one of those things that changes every time I say it it based on where the emphasis is. So Sean give me a you can't ask me on the cake boss. There's a moment I really liked in Breaking Bad when Walter White tried to get tough and he was,

and I think I want to try it like that. I want to try to do tough, but like a total pussy trying to be tough. It's like, okay, you can't arrest me. I'm the cake boss. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm I'm thinking way more there's no way he kept his cool He was already he was losing his shit He was probably like punching the steering wheel of his Corvette and like probably the airbag went off And he's like punching the sagging airbag and saying fucking stuff and then the cop comes up He's probably like you can't arrest me in the cake boss Do you have do you have any idea what this would do to the cake community? It would collapse.

Natalie, what's yours? I think it would, in my vision of the cake boss story, he would be like a very very whiny and petulant middle school kid. And he'd be like, you can't arrest me, I'm the cake boss. I'm the cake boss. Like gingerbread man energy. Yeah. I'm the gingerbread man. Little sing-song-ass.

I think it's maybe, I like to think it's like, oh, you can't arrest me, I like to think it's like, oh, you can't arrest me, I'm the cake boss. It's like matter of fact. I'm not matter of fact. I'm sorry, oh, you might not have known this. I'm being cool, I'm being cool about it, is what I'm being, but I am the cake boss. Somebody should have told you that.

They did arrest him, you won't believe it, they did arrest him, they did arrest the cake boss. Turns out you can arrest the cake boss turns out you can arrest Lucky that's all they did I feel like I don't know if I was a cop that's the I would have been saving my police brutality for that one That'd be like here's it. I've been saving it all up for now What's the exchange rate? Well, she's changed rate on the police brutality. Like how many like... I think you get one away.

How many dogs, like if you're shooting dogs, like how many dogs that you shoot. Oh no, dog counts is like four. One cake boss. Yeah, like four dogs. Four cake bosses. Yeah, four cake bosses. If you taste a dog, they like don't even fill the battery up.

Whereas if you taste a kick boss, they'll like bring you a battery in the middle of it. They'll be like, oh you're still tasting the kick boss. Let me go get you a new battery, sir. He's got a thick layer of frosting. I just underneath the skin. It's real electricity. Oh yeah, there's no way the kick boss is not at least 50% fondant. He better be, he better be with the name Kank boss. I will not accept, you're a fucking poser. And it's not, it's not like a diet joke.

I'm just saying, you know, like how most of us have microplastics, he's just got like fat and sugar. Like a macro fondant, yeah. Yeah, macro fondant. He is a macro fondant. He's, all right. So we're on, Spirits and some Spamoning, where you're talking about Buddy Valester, the cake boss and his family. It's a family business called Carlos Bakery.

It started by his father and they are taking it big because of this show. But I think multiple sisters, some cousins, like this is this whole MOOC family works in this one, rather large factory bakery that they run. This feels like a lot of really non-charming people who are given the note much more Italian, bringing that Italian way out of this. This is...

We have cranked, I mean, they opened the show on just offensively, offensively Italian music. Like, I am, I think you could probably be about as racist as you want against Italians. I think they're one of those privileged majorities. It is the 90s post-doc commercial. Like, like the English, but something about that, something about that, that organ grinder song that you're just like me. Yeah. No.

It's just like the first thing when you go to the stock music, and when you go to the stock music site and you type Italian, like it's whatever pops up first is what they used, yeah. No second track. I'm worried people are picturing like the soundtrack of the Godfather? No, that's tasteful. Just say, this is circus.

This is circus. Yeah, that's Italianful. Just say, this is circus. This is circus. That's Italian culture. This is an Italian caricature. I love these shows because they start with a pre-roll that tells you every good part of the show. And in that case, you only want to watch the first 30 seconds. But the way they condensed this down is that, is that they show the ghost hunt.

And they're out there and the EMF starts to go off and buddy sister immediately asks, is it my photo? It's in my pocket. EMF beeps and the ghost hunter just looks at her and goes, yeah, that's your dad, cut away. Now, how did you spell that in your notes?

That's exactly how ghost hunt goes. It doesn't happen quite that quick. How did you spell that in your notes? F-O-D-D-A. Okay, I had an F-A-D-D-A. I'll altered it. That sounds like South of town. Natalie and I had been on some ghost hunts, like years, years ago, over the years, and

it was actually really similar to a real life ghost hunt. Okay. Yeah. I believe it. Like, once they get in the actual show, when they get started, it takes a little life ghost hunt. Okay, yeah. I believe it. Once they get in the actual show, when they get started, it takes a little more than that, but in the pre-roll,

just in the pre-roll, they cut it together so that they walk around a corner and they're like, beep, beep, is that my photo? Yeah, that's your name. That's your photo. Well, you have a little hand baby.

You have the little technology, and if you have that, and it beeps, it'll tell you who the ghost is. Yeah. It'll tell you if it's blood relation. It's a ghost pretend. It's a father's danger and other. Those are the three buttons they light up like the top of the fountain soda.

They have to carry a separate, they have to carry a separate meter for determining how fuckable the ghost is. But yeah, that's its own device and it always says extreme people every single time. It only goes from yes to hell yes. It looks like a big old game boy accessory. The whole cake part of this is the Jersey devil thing, but they're also making Spamoney, which I didn't give quite as much a shit about.

To me, this Spamoney was the headliner. I was here for this Bimoney, honestly. Oh, that's all right. Okay, I was wondering. See, I was curious if everybody was like, Where is this going with this Bimoney? What happened? If everybody was like, I'm into this or what? Right.

Bimoney was into it, because the very first line of the episode, Buddy comes in and sees like his friend and fellow baker, Joey, making something and goes, ah, nice, soar and try. I had that in my nose. They were so proud of using ingredients. Like, they were like, no one does it like this by using an ingredient. No one puts food in the ice cream anymore.

I want to stop there. They're really proud of using ingredients. Just the beginning of this, my notes, I just wrote, what is this fucking show? Like, it's kind of more than anything just made me think like that's too much TV The fact that this is on at any point in human history demonstrates like Maybe we're just doing too many channels too many shows

This is season six episode eight and they're they're talking about how like Crazy it is that they're gonna have a ghost hunting cake. And I'm like, no, what would be crazy is if you've made 120 totally normal cakes and you're still a show. This has to have been at least your 50th crazy cake, right? It's outrageous that there haven't been a billion weird ones by now.

Sean, have you seen this show before? Cause this is the first time I've ever watched an entire episode? I knew of it like maybe from the soup or something but or just like cultural osmosis, but yeah never watched it I knew of it from you can't I know I've seen you know I've seen like 10 minutes of it before like in the gym or something, but I've never paid attention to an entire episode one time and this is not on purpose. We didn't know until we showed up. We went and stayed at a casino in Pennsylvania and it's not in Philadelphia. It's

like up in the Lehigh Valley. It's this casino and it has this entire wing that is cake boss themed. It had murals. So there's like this main casino, there's this weird little shopping mall attached to it. And none of the shops are like quite right. It's called like Women's Pleasures or something, and it's just like shirts.

It's just like, no. They had a store that was... They love it. They had a store that was just beef jerky. Right. It was like off-brand mall, right? It was totally off-brand, but there's like a side wing and they have a little cake boss store and then going all the way down the hallway, they have all of these murals of cake

boss. Right. Is it the actual cake boss man? Yeah. Is it buddy? He's doing her own things. He's like discovering America. He's discovering countries. He's fighting sharks on the moon.

I'll say that. You can't, obviously, if you have a kid, you can't bring him past that mural twice a day when you're staying at a hotel You have to go get a fucking piece of cake, right? Yeah, that makes sense. That's a good commercial That's what this show feels like. It's a commercial. He's like hey, here's our we make cakes. I'm like yeah, okay I need one of those I suppose But I'll say that you know the cake was not that good Oh, it was like very unimpressive. It was very like oily. It was like not a good

cake. While sold out. Yeah, it wasn't great. You earned that wing and then sold out. He just did you find out the story behind the wing? No, no. I see like was he born in that casino or something And they're just really proud of that. That would make a lot of sense. I just can't imagine that has to be a story. I just can't picture someone liking this show. Like there's a lot of fandoms. I'm like, oh, I don't get that, but I could see someone enjoying that.

But like this is like, yeah. This is like a poor man. This is like a poor man's ace of cakes. Right, which I also haven't seen. But I love that it's not even like good for a cake show. Like that's funny to me. So as Sheldt said, each one has to start with some sort of novelty

because they're a hundred episodes in. You cannot just bake a cake anymore. Like we are proving that with the bee plot of the Spamoni, where they're just baking Spamoni and trying to like bring drama and it's not working. So they bring in the crazy A plot. Wait, wait, wait, hold on. There's his story. There was some drama because they start sharing that little story about the Spamoni. They're like, yeah, my dad used to make this and he would do like, he would call up everybody and they'd say, hey, what are you going to charge for Spamoni? And like, so they're just, they have a price fixing racket that they just talk about.

Like, yeah, they have a racket. Yeah, they're like, you know, just just some gentle price fix, little corruption, a little ice cream corruption. My dad used to cut up bodies and hide them across 50 or 60. Look at it. It's little pieces in the middle of the Spamoni. It's like a prize.

Yeah. So it's after they admit to racketeering. Sister comes in with the two ghost hunters, Pat and Doug. And she explains, I brought them over here because they're ghost hunters. I love how naked we're being with like, here's the fucking novelty of this episode. Yeah, I found some weirdos.

I love this so much because like, here's comes fucking Pat and Doug and Doug. He looks kind of mean. Like, he looks like he's wishing a motherfucker would laugh at him. And Pat is clearly like sexually aroused from humiliation. And he's like, let's go, hey, Doug, let's go to an industrial kitchen and tell him we search for spooky ghosts. And we're wearing little shirts that say ghost soldiers, which is real. They're wearing those and then dogs like Well, that's the thing All right, there's a steady paycheck and it keeps my parole officer off my ass. I'll go to the kitchen you say buddy

But that's the vibe that these guys bring is well, you know if you have a paranormal Investigation group 50% of it is making the cool t-shirt. Yep. I'd say they're not there yet. I'd say ghost soldiers, it's like you, you faster font. I think they need some work. Like, God, they're just such fucking nerds.

But I don't think Doug is. Doug is cosplaying as a nerd. I really think he stabbed somebody before. Yeah, he's a regular that is not your favorite regular in a bike or bar. He's like the guy that I'm gonna need. I know what he's gonna get up to in about two hours. Somebody here needs to have my back.

Doug, somebody's gonna put the wrong song on the jukebox. They're gonna put ACDC on. It's gonna get him fired up. And you need help. You need to help when don't get like that. With the guy. I wrote down what Pat said when he even when he came in. I don't know if you have audio clips, but I wrote it down for Beto. Because again, it feels like they've been given the plot like an episode of Kirby Enthusiasts and they told all the performers, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna improv them here. And then Pat comes and he says, quote, what we're doing buddy is,

we have a Jersey Devil Hunt coming up. We're actually gonna go and hunt down the Jersey Devil. So we'd like to get a kick from you guys. I love it because he kept delivering this stuff like it was just the most unique and zany thing. Like he's the most manic pixie dream girl in the whole Jesuit school. And nobody's biting, like nobody thinks he's cute or weird.

It's just, he needs a cake, no one fucking needs the details. Tell him what kind of cake you want. Oh, he's like, no, listen, ah, this is gonna sound crazy, but we hunt ghosts. Mm-hmm. Oh, it seemed like they were coming in. I'm trying to encourage mockers, right? It seemed like at least Pat was coming in.

Like, we're gonna be real silly, let's get ready. And nobody else was really on board with that. They had the dumb dumb music cue when they walked in, which is always, they show their hand immediately. It's like, you don't even need to interpret the scene at all. They're like, okay, here come the dumbasses. Yeah, I think that was the editor trying to save it,

because like, just nobody, they're like, oh, you come the dumbasses. Yeah, I think that was the editor trying to save it. Cause like just nobody, they're like, oh, you need a cake for a ghost, don't you? Sure, sure. That's a number seven here at the industrial cake factory. I think what would have been better to set the scene is instead of like the boom, boom, boom. Instead of doing that, they should have just cut all the music cues and brought up the level of the background noise

and just had like the industrial line of all of the mixers. And like the buzz of the refrigeration unit and the guy just trying to shout over it like, eh, I have an idea. I have an idea. I have an idea. Maybe the neutron dance.

I just, I'm throwing it out there. What if he came in to the neutron dance get it real hype? I like the idea that they were that this is just a factory and that they have that this show is truly and inconvenience like clearly it's the entire way of their existence But if they were a business first and then this show is like well, we found some ghost hunters And then the show is like, well, we found some ghost hunters. God, what is this happening? I gotta make, here's the challenge of this episode. I gotta make 800 identical cakes for just today

and also deal with ghost hunter bullshit. Yeah, I feel like a bride and groom bring in that like a whole Dungeons and Dragons group. But I like, hi, we like to play Dungeons and Dragons. We're all here in full cosplay. Like just tell me what fucking kind of cake you want and get out of my office. Let me guess this is dice, it's 20-sided dice.

Oh, oh, oh. What, like, yeah. We do things a little different, we got go. It's, so what up, my favorite part of this is that they come in ready to be, they're so ready to be the absurd part of this episode. Like Pat wants to be, Pat's like, to be the absurd part of this episode. Like Pat wants to be. Pat's like, oh, shame me.

Make me look dirty. And it's, it's cake boss who with like such casual contempt escalates this absurd premise so many times that they are just immediately out of their depth. It's literally the sentence after he says, we want a cake that looks like the Jersey Devil. And cake boss like scans them up and down and says, what made a cake to try to attract the devil? He was like, you've seen Bugs Bunny when he's hunting pot and number five.

What if that was a cake? They're like, yes, anding it clearly, but they're also like, wait, are we not the fault ones? Yeah, we're not the fault ones. Because that's way stranger to what we said. And Pat actually says, oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Doug's like, and then Kate false again, again with pure contempt, elevates the premise one more time because he's so jaded with cakes, I's been trying to get the best of his life. And he's been trying to get the best of his life. And he's been trying to get the best of his life. And he's been trying to get the best of his life.

And he's been trying to get the best of his life. And he's been trying to get the best of his life. And he's been trying to get the best of his life. And he's been trying to get the best of his life. And he's been trying to get the best of his life. What do we, we wanted a cake for our ghost hunt, or a Jersey devil hunt, and you're like, now you want the Jersey devil to fuck the cake? I'm putting your bakery. I've been in your bakery for three minutes, sir. They definitely, they came in with one kind of idea

and I'm certain that the producers reached out to like everybody in like the Jersey City area Who does anything interesting at all has been roped into the cake boss? Yeah, like show structure like everybody like I'm sure there's a there's probably a clown They made a balloon animal cake form that you could fuck Roller derby magicians. Oh Yeah, every single hobby that exists. I'm magicians. Oh yeah every single hobby that exists I'm a hundred percent certain just like you said they made a D20 cake I'm sure they have there's no way they

haven't that's like one of the most common shapes. It's one of the top shapes. I know that it's editing but buddy comes back without missing a beat and he's like, what if the devil fucks the cake? And these guys have presumably, I mean, like, we listen to your show before we got, before we got on here the first time. Like, if I was gonna be on cake boss, I would watch it. Yeah. To, to know like what the twist was gonna be and they were still like what the fuck man They were they had this episode in their heads where they were like we know we've seen reality TV where they feature the ghosts hunters And we know we know you're gonna make fun of us a little bit. We're ready. We're coming in had no idea They had no idea who they were fucking with because he's not even done.

At the end, he's like, uh, make a life size. I just, yeah. Like, with that life size, like a human life size. Yeah, like, like seven tall. What the fuck are you doing? You're gonna make a seven foot tall fuckable, Jars, I came in for, Wow, we're, we're the normal ones.

We're the normal ones in this episode. Didn't see that, didn't see that one coming. See, my take on it, I feel like you guys are right, but when I was watching it, it felt to me like that part was planned way ahead of time. You're like, guys, we need you to get to this point of the story where you're making a seven foot tall lady cake for the Jersey devil to fuck. And they just didn't like let any of it breathe long enough to get there like

Like I they didn't build the scene the cake box just oh hey, I'm gonna make this giant cake with the titties Now like whoa, whoa, you're skipping like seven or eight lines, buddy Well, this is this is the thing I notice is that most of these shows it'll be like a 40 minute show like you'll come in They'll give the premise they'll have you know the main challenge then they'll have some conflicts They'll have a B storyline that resolved the conflicts everybody's happy they did this in like 21 minutes Right And so they're like with band to band yes, yes. So there was no dead air. It was just beat after beat.

The cake boss was absolutely slack-jawed and seemingly listening to nobody. Like he was not paying attention. He was just saying shit. That's true. They might have filmed him on a completely different day. Right. And he had like,

That's what in my head I got him is like, J did internet pervert. Like, like you've come in with a sexy woman Yeah, but that's where I that's what in my head I got him is like jaded internet pervert like Like you've come in with with a sexy woman and he's like Yeah, what if what if she was half robot? Maybe maybe this he's got like snake parts I need something I need something more than this Like maybe she can hit me with a crowbar. I don't I think that's right because and that's why like the

The manic pixie dream girl vibe of Pat like didn't land with him, because he's like, guys, oh my God, I have a whole wall of just photos of Bronson Pinchel. My roommates are like, what? And cake boss is just like, I don't give a shit about any of this. I made a death row cake.

I made a cake for a man on death row that was shaped like death wrong. Any more, any more than this. We got to fuck the Jersey devil. They put that the episode and put that cake into the veins of a man and killed him. They seem to my reading. They seem so grateful to be out of there where they're so instantly outclassed that one buddy suggests, like, hey, maybe you do a ghost hunt here. That's the part they're prepared for. They're like, okay, okay. I thought it was really shocking that Jesus Christ, you know, in a show like this, you got to explain what the hell a Jersey devil is because the lore is different everywhere. Some people obviously may have not have heard of him. But the cake boss is the one who takes that role.

They don't cut to the ghost hunters. It's like, yeah, I'm from Jersey, everybody knows that Jersey devil. He's got the wings of a bat and the face of a horse. Where are you getting this cake boss? That is a cake maker. I've seen my share of monsters. I have in my notes that he was rolling his eyes

really bad about the Jersey devil, but it was clear that he believed in it. I agree, yeah. He was trying to seem tough, but he believed in it. I'm not scared of him. I don't think he's a real... Yeah, the Jersey devil. The Jersey... Yeah, he'd never get the best of me, however he is known to be seven feet tall and have a long tongue.

In the face of a horse! That's right. He get the stupid little details. No one's ever seen him, but I bet his tongue is so wet and long. And like, I don't even need to say about the tits, right? Because he's got the biggest tits. Which, God, they hold nothing back. They really do make a real thick Jersey devil cake. They send the ghost hunters off to the beam,

to their home planet, to go go stunt, where they're more comfortable and in controlled situation. And he tells them, of course, this very bakery is haunted so that you don't have to drive to another location. Which is a season six episode eight, by the way, are fucking places haunted.

Is never came up with one. By the way, this newly built cake warehouse is totally haunted. Yeah, also my grandpa is Abraham Lincoln. The way that they've filmed it is such that it looks like they genuinely do do, they really have started a bakery in like a Scooby Doo set. Like one-tenth of this set is a bakery and then nine-tenths of it are spooky haunted

mansion. They go through the ghost hunt and it's just completely abandoned. It's this massive empty like decaying space that you're like, yeah, this is the rest of the bakery. Like, what the fuck are you doing over here? Why do you have this building, the size of a block where that used to be like an insane asylum? And you're like, yeah, we're gonna use this one little part

to do, it never came up, it never came up before. But yeah, the ghost of the dead. The ghost of the dead are here, that dead in the dam, the mad, they're here. Well, then he brings up, he brings up, he's like, oh yeah, no, there's always been weird noises in power interruptions and I also believe we are cursed. Right, because the explanation for the curse is like,

yeah, the electric guy said that like, there's some electric issues. That could be a curse, right? I don't know, I don't know. That's probably my dead head. That's a wrap. Let's cut this. Yeah, that's probably.

I like this. So they start making the cake. Yeah, there's a part when they're making the cake where he's sculpting the horse head of the Jersey Devil. And the PVC skeleton breaks and he catches it with his crotch. Now, if I was an industrial cake factory and they were filming one of my guys making cake and he like used his dick to catch the falling cake,

I'd ask him to cut that. But instead it becomes like a central part of the thing because they're like, oh, this fell because of the Jersey Devil curse. Like, you know, and then a cake boss adds to the lore, you didn't know, like if you mess with a Jersey Devil, he puts a curse on you. So the Jersey devil knows that they're honeypotting him

with this fucking sexy Bugs Bunny cake, and he's now cursed them, but the curse is to almost drop 120th of a custom cake. So I'm gonna go on the record right now, if that's your curse, you're a fucking pussy, Jersey devil. I can take that curse all day long. I've I've dropped 120th of a cake and it like didn't even make an impact on my day I was like I'll go back and get another 5% of cake You call that a curse you fucking chupa-cabra

I've dropped a slice of cake and what I do is immediately scream ghost Buy a window That is classic ghost behavior you will not get that you daddy I was my dad he hated what I had cake I like that the two guys they've given it to that are in charge of making this cake are the most fine hungover guys in the whole It's like like shit I'm really sick the fucking guy. He says that he says that like He doesn't believe in the Jersey devil and he thinks that's why the Jersey devil made the cake fall and And he's like wow maybe

Maybe that maybe I shouldn't believe in him or I'm stuck in the logic. Or I'm really viciously hungover. And this is just the best. Who, when am I gonna get the chance to use this excuse again? The Jersey Devil cursed me. Yep. I need to go home.

I could say I'm hungover. The Jersey Devil's curse is that, you know, your mouth is real dry. The bright lights are really getting to you. You know, you got cookie tummy. He's got like, he's just like, uh, I fucking, I need, I need like, Gatorade. I'd, that's the Jersey Devil. It's the only way to chase out the Jersey Devil and he hates Gatorade.

He hates electrolytes. It takes a breath of spirit. It sounds pretty good. That's quite a curse. But, butting, of of course for the episode plays right into it and a little testimony It'll go so you know some people say if you mess with the Jersey devil He'll put curse on you and that's that's like Well like that's his curse is the curse What happens if you trick him into fucking this

If he's gonna curse you for mentioning his job, he'll drop an entire piece out. He looks this cat. It's the curse. When you least expect it. There's some personal drama here with like, they go to, he goes to Joey is, is right hand man. And Joey's having a dilemma, whether or not he's going to be a baker or a firefighter.

Right. Which, he's a citizen. And then he decides that the bakery needs him more than the fire. I guess. Like kids can burn out like, right now. I got to make sexy cryptic kicks. But I love that show is such nothing. I love that that's like a six year old conception of the job market.

It's like, I can't decide if I want to be a cake baker or a firefighter. I want to manually masturbate zebras. You could do anything in the in the wonderland that is America. You could have any job. Cupcakes for astronauts. I love that like this is played up like it's drama, but even the cake boss is like, all right, whatever you want to do buddy. But like he's stirring Spamoni.

Like fucking, I think they could get a guy to do that or train a second guy to be a fireman. I don't know. The idea that this is drama for anybody is, go ahead, go be a fireman. It's such manufactured drama and what they decide is nothing. He's like, well, I've decided I'm gonna keep doing both. And like, all right. So, how is this the B plot to your excellent A plot

of like, you're just dunking on these ghost hunters and making them a fucked-all cake of the Jersey devil that they're gonna have to bring into the woods and show to their friends. How are you cutting away from that? The writers are to be embarrassed. To go from. That was the emotional story in this episode.

Like to tug at people's heartstrings and get them to identify with his plate. Like everyone feels torn between their two loves. That's a good point. Right? Well, the emotional part is when they, is the next part where they go ghost hunting into the abandoned warehouse section of the bakery,

and they bring like the whole, the whole Velestro family, the sister, and the kids and everybody goes in there to hunt the ghosts as like a family affair. And Pat says these abandoned places are where ghosts will hang out. I just want to have that noted for later. They give the whole family the EMF gear

and the sister asks, do you have mice? They bring a child to this. I made a note of this that, I guess the cake sister said literally literally the quote I wrote down is, do you have mace? I love that of all the weapons to use against a ghost. She goes with it. It kind of makes sense because it's like an aerosol, you know,

yeah, you got to, you got to go with something that would only give the more power. You got to, you got to use something less corper real. You can't use like a halberd or like a, if it was a laks, or a sword. I feel like that would do it. I don't know, I don't know who would go to a bacterial. Why would you go to a ghost hunt without a consecrated weapon or some holy one? Agreed, 100%.

I wouldn't. I'm gonna stick with antibacterial. a consecrated weapon or some holy water. Agreed, 100%. I wouldn't. I'm going to stick with antibacterial. When we used to go to this ghost hunt that was in an abandoned prison, we would always bring a deck of cards to see if you could get the ghost to play cards with you, which is what they suggested. Okay. But you would also bring holy water.

Yes. Because if they're real at all, you need it. What you want to do is you want to bring an innocent child, like they did on the show. And then the ghost is irresistible. They'll go inside the innocent child. And then innocent child, you just throw the kid in the cage or tie him up.

It's real easy to restrain an innocent child, whereas keeping a ghost locked up is a lot harder. I mean, that's the plot of the exorcist. That kid is going to say some shit, man. Yeah, no, you've got to really steal yourself from some insides. So the next thing the sister asks is, should we separate? To be fair, she's clearly trying to up the drama. It's like, let's make this interesting. And Pat is like, no.

No. Just a medium of the increase. This is how you get killed by bakery ghosts. Yeah. We only brought the one camera. I mean, the ghosts, if you split up the ghost, will ambush the, yeah. They've, what's nice.

A medium. Immediately find a spirit. Yeah. Like, oh, hey, look. Immediately find the spirit. Yeah, like oh, hey look immediately find the spirit And I like how he's like it even surprised the K boss He's like you can tell there's a spirit because the camera's out of focus, but he's holding the camera so I just if this was I'm not saying he's being dishonest, but if he was being dishonest I think I know how we did this trick

But if he was being dishonest, I think I know how he did this trick. I just like that the, that the, that the cake boss in charge of this bit is still like, why are you really rushing this? I thought we were gonna, I think we were gonna make a little family out of it. Really rushing this. We turn the corner and you're like, we got a contact and he's like, shit. Dude, you hatched a scheme to build the fuckable cake. Two sentences into the ghost hiding conversation. Don't give us, don't give us this rushing it. A little, a little foreplay would be nice. No. No.

Do you, do you get the feeling that they almost did this in real time? Like the whole thing was just so rushed. They go from the factory, like the clean, painted, rehabbed part of the factory, they go into the old bomb shelter part and immediately the guys like 0.8, that's a ghost, 1.2, that's a ghost.

Like, but they didn't real, they didn't put all ghosts. Yeah, they did it in real time. There was no standing around, they crossed through the door, they made sure everybody was in front of the camera and they're like, okay, what do you want to tell your dad? Yeah, because it's her dad, because immediately, like the camera and they're like, okay, what do you wanna tell your dad? Yeah. Because it's her dad.

Because immediately, like it beeps and he's like, his first question is, hey, are you related to buddy and you can see buddy in the background like, what? What? And the sister is immediately, is it my father? Like that?

It wasn't before, it is now. Yeah, yeah, the worst old reader in the entire world is like, yes, it's, what have you said no to that? What happens next? Clearly, clearly it's going to be her dad. So they do the EVP thing where they record it and then they listen to it back and they hear a little, which the sister is,

oh my God, oh my God, that's my dad and that is me, yeah, that's totally your dad, that's your dad. Say hi to your dad. So I just noted that before Pat, Pat noted that the spirits are trapped and they abandoned part of these factories and it comforts you that your father has been trapped. It's all the sorts.

It's internal solace, it's just locked over here in this dark corner by this that by this bimony Joe far far from the story Just outside the smell range of this bimony just the ultimate torture Like what's the assotable bitch what did he do to deserve this? I like that you say like did he say I love you? Did he I say daddy? I love you and he's like? Oh? I love you, I say it, daddy, I love you. And he's like, oh, I think he said I love you back. And she's like, all that totally,

that's totally something my ghost dad would say. Like, what a fucking mark this lady was. I think once you get into this sort of corner of cinema that Cake Boss is part of, I think that everybody has sort of a knowledge that the more you do yes and, and like the more reactions you give and the more credulous you are of whatever the premises, then the more screen time you'll have. Yes.

We really see this later when they reveal the cake. Yes. The cake marks. I have something similar in my notes, how that sort of is the theme of the cake. Yes. The cake marks. I have, I have like something similar that in my notes, how, how that, that sort of is the theme of the show, how everyone is sort of desperately trying to be the dumbest dumb flock so they can get the most green time. I think it's the sister. I think the sister took, took this one. I think she turned it from being a mark into like being something humiliated. Yeah. Like, I think the other ghost hunters

are gonna make fun of Pat after this. Like, you let her dominate. She just walked over. She told you, hey, this is my dad. He just said, I love you. I love you. Back boom, we're out. Ghost hunt.

Don, that's how you do it. My crop. I love, and let me tell you, I love. Okay, so I'm a father and I know that one thing I will do in the future after I'm dead is I will try to predict which abandoned factory my daughter will buy. Yes. And then to signal to her that I'm there, I'm going to make her camera go out of focus. Right.

This is a pretty good plan. I'm gonna wait for a decade in tortured silence. Yeah. I hope that's my plan. The plan goes to Hunter in as part of a cake show. I'll let her. Because when you... I hope he got released.

I hope this was... I hope he can go to heaven now. Or wherever he's going to go. All this happens, and this is like crossing over with John Edwards, and the dad doesn't get a cake to eat. What? Eh. They could have at least made a beautiful nude cake

of her mother. Ah! Right size to lure out the father. Leave it in the factory. It's like you're out of father ghosts. Close the doors, let the ghost alone with a cake come back in a couple days there'll be some half ghost half cake babies I love that so how we how we wrap all of this up is cake boss comes in and says

all in all it makes me feel even better that we're bringing back my dance That's good writing. Fucking ten at it said. I had a quote. Ty the eight. Where he eats. You know where they said, I'm not saying that we heard my father, but it was a nice little moment to remember how great he was. Maybe we were just listening to him squawking electric on a camera, but God, that's what

my dad would have wanted. God, he was great. They just put a little asterisk on it and they're like, well, who knows? It coulda been anyone or a ghost or my dad or no one but my dad was cool. But we are, we are bringing back spamoting. That's the important part, that's the takeaway.

All I'm saying is two strangers came in, we gave my cake to fuck and they would not shut up about my dad and I'm really happy about all of it. So we're cut away from that, and they're cutting the curbs into that devil, they're cutting the sexy right into a rice crispy treats, which is, it sounds fucked up, and that's what's happening. They're cutting real fuckable curbs,

and titties into some rice crispy treats and pound cake. And this is where the cake sculptor hung over, the hungover guy says, oh, I'm gonna throw up or pass out. That's the curse of the Jersey devil. And you won't believe it, he gets to go home. He gets to go home because of the curse. What a curse.

The devil, which I'm so jealous. Like he's a legend. Come on, that's the best. It still feels like this is a commercial for this guy's line of cakes. And here's this guy just pawing at this cake with his filthy hands, dropping it on his jeans, talking about how basically sick he is.

And I'm like, I can't, plus I'm like genuinely, I was offended by the dad's stuff. Like if Pat came into my spamoni factory and said he found my dead relatives, I would tell that grifter son of a bitch a bitch to, I would desperately ask him where they hit the secret gold. I'm just, I'm trying to act like I'm fucking better than this, but I would totally think

that was my dad. First blurry camera. Sorry, I got really distracted. Where's the treasure? Where's the cake treasure? I know the dynasty is here. My favorite part of this little flash of them assembling the cake is it's blink, it's blink on your miss it.

It's just a second, but we do see one of the bakers with his hand up carefully sculpting some she-delete. Oh, yeah. Because you know that moment has to happen. You know somebody has to be in there like just molding and grouping. At least 45 minutes of this cake was titty grabbing. Absolutely.

It's so long to be spent doing such a strange, uncomfortable thing, and we do get to see just like a half second of that moment, and I'm grateful, I'm grateful they included that, because that was my number one question going into this, is like, are we going to see that poor guy grow up, she'd have titty, into some rice crust. I like that they replaced that guy with some dude who just, like, super generic, like bald big guy,

and he just was not on the level. Like, he's just not feeling the bit. They're like, what do you think? Would you go after this? He's like, what the fuck are you talking about? He's like, like, a few in a jersey devil. Would you like be interested? He's like, I have no idea what you mean.

I'm not even gonna pretend to know what you mean. He's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he Well Sean, I actually wrote down a quote. This was one of three quotes that I wrote down and I'm quoting one of the guys. He says, if there's a male devil out there and he doesn't go for this, there's something wrong with him. That's Pat.

That's Pat that says that. Pat, when he sees the cake, it just, I know that he's trying to sell like Ron Thuzyasm so that he gets a bigger part in the show. But you have to be so careful of that because what that's coming across as, I really want to fuck this devil cake. Yeah. The level of wrong.

Sounds like you got a shot. Well, everybody in the reveal scene of this episode, everybody was like, oh yeah, totally fuckable. I would totally fuck that sexy cake Yeah, except for that one guy except for the replacement the hangover replacement guy Yeah, who is just like His friend is trying to get him in and it's like, you know, what you made me like what mate? Yeah, I don't even know what that means That's what they do they make

Famous That's what they do, they make. Yes. Jersey Devils. Famously sexual Jersey Devils. How dare you act like I'm the weird one for bringing that up? Right, that's not the... I wasn't like he was like, no that's gross to talk about having sex with the monster cake. He was like, no I genuinely don't, I don't know what you're talking about.

Like Jersey Devils don't have genitals. You're an idiot. I feel like they brought that guy in because he was like a really good baker and he was not aware of your premise. I feel like they brought him in because he's the biggest mook I've ever seen. Like they're both huge mooks, the biggest stereotypes.

And I feel like you need them in the episode to meet some sort of requirement. Otherwise this is not Italian. Like this isn't Italian enough. You need two mooks going, hey, Jersey devil. Ah, forget about it. You know what's incredible is that Italian desserts are good. Everybody agrees that Italian food, amazing Italian desserts are great and the cakes that

are being made on this show are awful and the whole thing is like Spamoni. This is such a delectable treat. We got to bring it back and I'm like fuck what is even in Spamoni, right? What is in this and I'm watching them make it and they're like yeah we get commodity grade vanilla and chocolate. We mush in a piece of cake and then we put on the most radioactive, red and green cherries you've ever seen. Then we freeze it all to make sure it's completely covered

in freezer burn, and then you eat it like a... Yeah, you just hack at it with a butcher knife. Yeah, yeah, you eat the slap off old piece of butcher paper. I'll say I looked at pictures of Spamoni, because I was curious if that's what it was supposed to look like in the box What is it supposed to be? It looks like a lovely little dessert and they are nicely shaped and this and that they did not look like The guys were just making like really unattractive Spamoni

So it's a good thing. It's not on national television or anything. Right. Right. I'm gonna throw up. It's my fucking promoting eating. So they're delivering the cake and how they deliver this cake is they just set it upright in a box truck and then drive it into the woods. Oh, I'm thinking of you. I'm thinking of you like, before they open the door, my notes said, well, that's just amazing.

Yeah, it's too great to start. Because it has bat wings. They made rice crispy treat bat wings. Like a child would be able to tell you that shit wasn't gonna stay on. It's gonna be destroyed, no doubt. But before they do the reveal, cake boss comes out, and like he introduces this concept to all of the new hunters

who were not there for him to escalate this premise into Into Shaq's size fuckable Jersey devil cakes. He said he comes out and says okay. We got a Jersey devil cake We made a girl devil. She's real beautiful very sexy like this is the first time you're hearing about it I would make a citizen's arrest and then there's a I would just run up and punch him in the neck and I'd say I got him guys We want fuck. We want fuck. We want fuck. We want fuck. We want fuck. We want fuck. We want fuck. We want fuck. We want fuck.

We want fuck. We want fuck. We want fuck. We want fuck. We want fuck. We want fuck. We want fuck. We want fuck.

We want fuck. We want fuck. We want fuck. We want fuck. We want fuck. We want fuck. We want fuck. We want fuck. We want fuck. We want fuck. We want fuck. We want fuck. your life with no warning. Like, come on. So when you into the woods, like there's this is the ceremony.

This is a right. This is something that some in some sort of long dead pastry father. Not a part of this, sir. Who are you? Don't worry. She's real beautiful, very sexy. Like some of those people look worried. They look a little worried.

Do you remember, they hear a thump from inside the trunk? I remember the beta ray bill, truck remember for the radar bill horse face But a skull horse face. That's what this thing looks like so while this guy's talking about yeah, but sexy real beautiful very sexy Long a tongue in him More masculine jawline. It's got it's got that Prehensile tongue those big lips you gave it the big tits the big wasones Big lips gave it the big tits, the big bozums. I don't worry. We got the big bozums on the devil.

I thought they were tits, but they were like, you're a thump for them. They were normal size Jersey devil boobs. They were like a, they were a string. They were like G-cups if anything. They were, those were enormous. Those were a bazooka. I would have made three sets of like puppy style hanging

bazoos if I was making this cake. Because I'm not a coward. Like interchangeable? Like interchangeable? No, no, no, six boobs. Like a- No, like a-an-road. Yeah, like teats going down.

I'm not talking about swapping them out. Swapping them out based on your- Jersey Devils have litters. Yeah, but yeah, that's a good idea. My toes don't worry. I got many other tits we could swap in I got a guy all he did all day make Jersey devil tits I'm on a diet I can't eat a whole

I can't eat a whole damn idiot. I need a quirky one. I just need a whole one. Although to be honest, if you cut off that tin and put it on a plate, I could not finish that. That's how big it is. Yeah, you're right. That's too much cake. That's too much cake.

That's what I wanted to touch on with this is that I don't understand why you need a cake so big for like, people. That's the other thing. OK, so he brings it out. What he's revealing it to is about 10 people There's about 10 people on this hunt in the woods and they're in the middle of the fucking woods Presumably they just took their cars out here and what he's done is curse them with an eight-foot tall Cake that could feed a hundred people and they're just in the middle of the woods like hey, here you go

Here it is. What if you had to pay for that? Then you paid like $7,000 for this cake. That you have no way to talk about that. That's insane. Anyway, about the size of this group. Because obviously you're not gonna get a bunch of takers to just wander through the park looking for the Jersey Devil. He doesn't exist. This is a silly thing to do.

But this is a top rated cake show. This is one of the top 12 cake shows probably. And like, everyone wants to be on TV kind of, like in an enormous way I would imagine. Anyone in this crew wants to be on TV. So the idea that they called all their friends and said, hey, come be on cake boss. We're just gonna wander around the woods,

it's gonna be fun day. And they got like seven people to show up. It just, I think it's a testament to how unpopular these people are, but also just how stupid the club is, how dumb this whole thing is. Well, I think there's so much, Sean, there's so much paranormal stuff online that if you posted in any ghost hunting group, which by the way, these are all on Facebook, if you're wondering like the social media flavor okay these guys they're not on blue sky. They're not on Facebook and if you posted on Facebook and you were like

look we are going to mix your two favorite things really awful like cakes that taste like food coloring and glue. You love those. You love looking for the Jersey devil. Well, what if you do both? I mean, this is a new Jersey. This is not like an area like Wyoming. Okay. There's millions of people. There would have readily been like a hundred people there. And if you would include it, don't worry, it's sexy. Oh yeah, just so many perverts. There are so many perverts who would love to be here

for this, for them to not be here. It's a testament to something. Try this at home, write fuckable cake, put it on a light post, and see how many takers you get. Well, here's what I was going to say is that what I'm getting at is I think that all the people who showed up are poor. Yeah. Because they did not show any footage of them eating the cake. That's a good point. So who wants a taste? They left them alone. They left them alone with that cake and they said whatever happens between you and the cake,

is because of the cake. I bet they really tried to use it to, like, honeypot the Jersey devil. They probably waited there all night. It's like three in the morning, someone's smiling like, guys, I guess, because he's not showing up. Man, I thought this was gonna work.

What do you and Pat's just there, like, what do you think he didn't like about it? What is that? What is that? And then one of them says, I don't know, but this is all I have in my life. I'm gonna wait longer. All right, well, so not taking this cake home,

but I am taking this cake. You know, we've established the cake is not edible at all. I would need it. It was assembled by a... Just filled the hand by a sick man. It dropped structurally. It dropped structure like it's got like, it's got like an inch of fondling covering the entire thing to like cut into it.

And that's a recipe. It's almost all PVC. Yeah, a lot of PVC by Rice Criss-Bee Treats. But yeah, the second they open the truck, they hear a thump, the fucking wings fall off. It does not matter to these people. These people are full on cake marks. They're like, oh my God, off. It does not matter to these people. These people are full on cake marks. They're like, oh my god, it's the best cake I've ever seen. Ah!

Ah! And, and yeah, Pat, Pat, over your cells, and cake enthusiasm into a horny, yes, like just well into the horny realms. And cake bosses like, it climbs up into the truck and like smashes these bat wings back on with the the bare hands he was just touching a steering wheel with like this cake is so fucking gross and he tells them all about like well I didn't believe any of this at first but then like my hungover baker got sick now the wings fell off and he says this line I don't know maybe this cake is haunted. Let's be a curse.

I don't know. Then he took the cake out and put it down in the dirt. There's the guy with the binoc and the dirt. And the dirt. There's the guy with the binoculars like, like this is his moment. He kind of like levels with everybody. Guys, the Jersey Devil's a negative thing, even a cake of him. So like, if you're like fucking with the Jersey Devil, like, trust me. Things start falling apart. Like listen, guys, the moment I started hunting

Jersey Devil full-time, my whole life fell apart. This thing is not to be tripled with. I can't. Anyway, let's eat this cake in its energy. This food poisoning cake. So they leave this like, Noro virus coated cake in the woods. And it's made out of like,

some sort of like wheat-paste paper mache glue made out of rice crispies and like the reused cooking fat from the dumpsters that they usually make into lipstick. And like, if you leave this in the woods, it's gonna be there. It's like when they put the McDonald hamburger in the, in the, in the bell jar and they come back 40 years later and it's the same That is gonna be the Jersey devil in the woods kids are gonna stumble across that in 15 years and it will not have biodegraded at all I think I'll have a little ecosystem in and around it. I think I like some animals Decaoties this circle around

To survive within its environments like Chernobyl Anyway, Pat's last one of Pat's last lines as he's looking at this cake He says what we saw was the most frightening yet cool thing I've ever seen in my life and I'm a paranormal investigator Pat because do you know what she just did? It's hard so perfect. Because he really, if that's his thing, if he's a, that means he's leaving, spends his day looking

at nothing. Like, he's never seen anything in his life. If that's all we, if that's all we know about him, like, it's literally and completely as you can take that. A fuckable horsecake is everything to him. It's, I scream and air all day long, and I've never seen anything as frightening yet cool as this. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe on the ladies are, these ungrateful wenches, how dare they? They want more big, more things. Whatever, it's a disappointing ending.

I really think they should have gone out on Pat just like slowly realizing what he said, when he said that. Yeah, whatever I done. I'd love to, at the end, they just kept showing the cake. They like smash cut to it and like, but they're all talking about how terrifying and awesome it is, and they keep showing it, and it's so fucking stupid. It's something that's like bags and angels

to kill it. It's like, I'm getting very, I'm very suffering. It's just the shes cake. And they're all talking about it like it's rad. And I'm like, I don't think you're right about that. It's a bad, I don't know how it could have ended. Aside from, I guess, just like Pat coming tenderly

up to the cake and placing one hand on his sheet and like the circle closes and it fades to black. Because you'd be tasteful, you don't need to see what happens next. I feel like it should have ended with like a shadowy surveillance camera footage of the big guy who just didn't even know what mating was from earlier. He's like, what fuck the cake?

That's crazy. What are you talking about? Just him coming up on the cake and dropping his pants and then just fade out on that. Right. Right. I think they ought to, I think they should have done like as they rolled the credits, they had, they had the women in the cake shop eating the spamoni and talking about the other free cakes. They wanted to get from the cake box. I think what they should have done is they should have had like a night vision camera. You know, like there was a movie that came out like 15 years ago called bike, paranormal encounters or something. There's a night vision. I think they should have showed

a night vision of like the factory, 3am, everybody's gone home and the Jersey devil just strolls through the cake factory. Yes. And makes love to her ghost dad. Within the realm of budget, I really think they should have ended by just Joey telling him, oh, hey, yeah, we found you dead. Turns out he's been trapped in the back of the bakery all the sudden. He's been like dead haunting the bakery.

I guess he was really nasty in life or something. He can't move on. That was the bad thing. I did look up a little bit of information about the ghost soldiers. I went to their website and it looks like a Dr. Ronner's bottle. It's wonderful. Oh. Should go check it out.

They said their mission is to help people dead or alive. Ghost Soldiers are willing to fight for what is right. Don't forget ghosts are people too. I love it. But we fight that. And they link to some of their favorite ghost hunts and what it is seems to mostly be them going to like tourists.

Right. So they say, we went to the Burlington County Prison Museum. If you're looking for a fun time and a great ghost hunt, check out the Burlington County Prison Museum. This place is loaded with paranormal activity. And during October, they hold a haunted maze in the prison yacht. So like, like, this is the ghost hunt. Right. Every single ghost hunt is the same. It's always in a abandoned building. And during Halloween season, they

make all of their money that basically like pays for the preservation of the prison. Right. Right. Because they're all like historical buildings like any money from the government So they have to do like weird ghost stuff in order to make any money to maintain building at all Do you know what this means that means that these ghosts are bored like 360 days a year? Yeah, yeah He said he does say that he saw a ghost there and what he says is the cook was still chopping carrots in the kitchen. So when you go there, listen for chopping sounds. This place rocks and will not just a lot. Hear them chops. By the way, this place rocks and will not disappoint is the best

review anybody's ever given to a prison. Best, the Best present I've ever been to. He also says he's been to the Al-Tuna, well, the whole group, I guess the Pat and Doug, the whole group. They've been to the Al-Tuna Railroaders Memorial Museum. And he says, as I was alone filming the back section of the train car, I paned across a cabin, and as I turned to go, an object came down out of the top of the car,

reverse direction and flew back at tremendous speed. It appeared to flap moth. You don't see a lot of moths and early spring in western Pennsylvania. It can be a moth. That's absurd. And I don't remember seeing a single one, but still a possibility. It looked more like a back.

But if so, it is a very fast, rare albino band. You decide. Could be. Did you know Al Tuna is Spanish for it? To the tuna. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Not this time. I hope not. This is the story sucks. This is a bad story. That's all a moth one time is my story. He also has one for Lakehurst, New Jersey, the crash site of the Hindenburg, and he ends it by saying

ghost soldiers completed several missions for the military at this base, including helping the souls of the Hindenburg get peace. The military contract. What an escalation. The military contracted them to settle the ghosts. You saw them all at one time. And also the military contracted you

to settle the furious ghosts of the Hindenburg. You know, in Brockway, there's one thing I know about the US military, it's that they want souls to be at peace. They're definitely, yeah, very invested in like the the psychic outcome of all the souls all over the world. I just can't tolerate it when when people aren't at rest, you know, when people aren't, aren't spiritually at peace. It's like a big conflict. I remember the Dick Cheney Obama debates where Obama's like, we've got to torment the souls of the dead.

And Dick Cheney's like, no, no. We've gotta give him peace. What we do about our furious blimp goes, God damn you, sir, you will answer my question. The people wanna know, I propose a budget to hire outside contractors to deal with the furious book. I know just the people, one time they saw a mom and then the website also has my favorite

part, which is a guide to vampires. I'm going to read you a little bit of it. Vampires are big right now. There are TV shows and movies that show vampires in a more modern, sexy way. But in fact, vampire stories from around the world tell a different tale. And then he lists off some vampires. One is Vlad the Impaler, considered to be the role model for drag. I wanna stop right here.

I love this so much because they haven't given any examples. They're just saying like vampires are on television, but also there's vampire legends. Like it's it's so hard to say less than this. Like, you know what I mean? Like I don't think you could go into the world and and ever ever find someone that could say something dumber than what he has said so far. Well, I the sentence I just said is my favorite because it sounds fine at first glance, and then you stop.

Vlad the Impaler was considered to be the role model for Dracula. That was meant to say. What? The role model. The role model? He was like his mentor. He goes on to say in the early 1900s,

some of the earliest horror films were about vampires. Oh really? They depicted a pale, emaciated man who drank blood and often had long fingernails. This is all new information. This is all new information. It's murkulosis, patients. Okay.

The people would have seen more pale in color and often spat out blood. Thus the 1920s vampires, a pale blood-slavery in corpse. It was also known that during the potato famine in Ireland, people were in such need for food that they would drain blood from the throat of their cattle and mix it with greens and whatever else they had and make blood cakes and a paragraph.

Oh. You know what is, and now hearing this, this makes it even more astonishing that like the production crew for cake bosses like, okay, we need the top, we need the top. We need the top shelf paranormal investigators. This is a big budget show. We are working for the cake boss.

Yeah, right. And these guys were the best ones they found. Best of the best. Nothing but the best. The best ghost centers in all of Jersey. He put together a guy about vampires and he went, let's see, let's see, Irish people. see Irish people though Irish eat blood those blood pudding. That's that's vampires and he finishes I'm not kidding in the 1960s

We were treated to a friendlier vampire named grandpa from the TV series the month This was this was a playboy vampire who enjoyed cooking things up in his lab and making his son and law herman act more like he wanted him to But even grandpa had a sinister side in the open of the show when lily is saying goodbye to the family as they go off to work in school Don't know where a vampire might be going in the daytime as grandpa goes to kiss his daughter's hand He makes an attempt to bite it for exclamation points This just goes to show that you cannot trust someone who drinks blood to get Citation is the monstros I will say in all of our time of

Podcasting about weird shit like this. I think that vampires have the all-time low score for me. Like I can't give them the credibility points at all. I don't believe you. What happened to you? I've never seen the opening to the monsters? Probably, but I wish. I feel like there has been an inordinate focus on the introduction to the monsters I feel like that is really what all of this was leading to Yep, he just saw it episode of the monsters And he's like printed on it. Yeah, no one wants to talk to me about the monsters

But I think I know where I can squeeze it in But I've noticed something grandpa goes to bite the hand in the intro you can't trust a vampire Something grandpa goes to bite the hand in the intro. You can't trust a vampire Anyway, that's uh that's written by the guy who wanted to fuck that cake. So that's some Chad G Chad CPT say something Inoffensive about vampires It reminds me of like Christian apologists when they're like they'll find a line in the bible and try to be like no, no, no, cc This is a dinosaur in the bible. They to be like, no, no, no, C, C, this is a dinosaur in the Bible.

They don't say that we're dinosaur, but like tree trunks, like legs, that's definitely a brachia's or it's, you know, it just feels like this wild, like motivated reasoning as opposed to the scientific vampire hunters, I guess. Well, the thing with vampires is so funny because the premise with a ghost or the premise with something paranormal is like,

hey, this is in another dimension. It's in another plane of reality. So that's why you have to look so hard and that's why you never see it. A vampire, you can see. They're guys, they have cloaks and fangs. They won't even come in your place unless you invite them. They're very, very easy to detect.

This guy should have- They're in a castle. Yeah, just go to the castle. Yeah, he should have started a vampire hunting agency. We're vampire hunters, and what we need is a sexy cake to lure out directives. We found this bat and then the cake ladies, like, is that my flada?

Yep, that's your net. Ich bin ein Kundeck. Ja! Ich traf die Strasse mit Unern, schick die in der Hundezau, die oder eine Stunde. Kupschau, du Kitsin du war. Ich bin ein Kundeck. Ich bin ein Kundeck.

Ich bin ein Kundeck. Ich bin ein Kundeck. Ich bin ein Kundeck. Ich bin ein Kundeck. Ich bin ein Kundeck. Ja! For generations, the hot dog mountains have had more sight in some mysterious creatures than anywhere else in the United States. Now hardcore hunter and husky ninja shong baby, along with his partner, the chemically

augmented trapeze broccoli, or after the most dangerous, most mysterious creatures in the world. The Supremes Brief finger-liwy Airing crosting, known by locals as Medium Foot Adrian H. Aiden Moeth Unending Armando Noth, Badger, sometimes called old skunk foot, Benjamin Siren, Bume Talson, Brandon Garth, Brian Saelor, Brienne Whitney, Alpha Queen of the Demon Kylons. Burrito, Serial, Chance McDermott, Chase, the Mothfoot, whose daddy was bigfoot, and whose

mama was the Mothman. Chris Brower, Clementine Danger, Craig Lemoan, actually five Chupacabra snapped together like Voltron. Dan B, Devinth, the rogue supreme. David Schull, the gooseboy of Smackam Halle. Dean Costello, Dr. Otto. Grayson, original flavor bigfoot. Dusty's rad title, the new bigfoot, who killed original flavor bigfoot.

Eric Spongebob, every Zee, the ghost, a bigfoot. Fancy Shark, Garrett ghost, a bigfoot. Fancy Shock, Garret, Bigfoot Ghostbusters, Jello, Greg Cunningham, the bigfoot who kills Bigfoot Ghostbusters. Hambo, Haraka, Harvey Panguini, the music-city wolfman, Hotfart, H Hot. Javar Al Aden. Jeff Araski. Bigfoot's evil doppelganger from the dark foot dimension. Jim Sultor. John Dean.

John Hectorman Farland. John McCannan. John Minkoff. Joseph Surles, whom locals call Chucklefoot for his amiable nature and smiling feet. Josh Fabian, Josh Kwikson, Josh Ases, Joshua Graves, Ken Paisley, the Rhode Island boat foot. K&M, Lisa, the big foot who got a truck in license and makes $1,500 a week, go on ahead

and ask truck food how. Amjahish Femme. Mack miserable. Sometimes called glum food. Sworn enemy of chuckle food. Matt Riley. Max Baroy. Michael Lair. Party food. Michael Wells. Mickey Loman. Mike Stiles. Mojoon. Andee the Pittsburgh Wampus. The only encrypted known to steal catalytic converters. Neil Bailey, Neil Shafer, Neku 104, Nick Ralsy, Aussie Olin, the bigfoot who learned sign language and won't shut up. Patrick Harps, Rachel, Rev, Rihanna, Sarkovsky, the reckless bastard who brought language to the feet.

Sean Chase, spotting reception, Supernove, Ted H. Reverse possessed double bigfoot. That's right, he puts the spirits a two big feet in you. Thomas Kovatsos, Timi Leahy, Toigal, Tom Sakula, Tom and G, Whaling Russell and the Whaling Wahoo of Walla Walla. That was a cute one, that was just for me. Janissai and Nivas, Yosari, and the biggest game of all, the last thing Kent was Bigfoot as ever seen in this battle world. They'd call him the Widowmaker if any bigfoot has ever seen in this battle world.

They'd call him the Widowmaker if any bigfoot hunter ever had a wife. He's the vile one, that old enemy. Alpha, scientist, Javbo. Whom locals call when they dare to speak of him at all? Jerkfoot.