The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 146, The Worst Puppeteer in History with Dennard Dayle and Lydia Bugg

Episode Date: October 25, 2023

Brockway has found the worst puppeteer in history, and he's going to use all of Seanbaby's patience, all of Lydia Bugg's goodness, and all of Dennard Dayle's faith in mankind to prove it! Happy Puppet Week!

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You know the number! 1-900 hot dog! 1-100 hot dog! Welcome to the Dogs of 9000, the official podcast of 1-900 Hot Dog, America's Final Comedy website. We are writing high effort comedy every single day because 2012 will never die. We won't let it. You can support us on 1-900-hotdog.com or patreon.com slash 1-900-hotdog.

And please, if you were waiting for me to say, please, I've done it. Just go there, go there and support us. I'm Robert Brockway and I am very sorry. With me is my writing partner, comedy legends, Sean Baby. Oh, it's a pleasure. Thank you for having me on our podcast.

Are you sorry? Are you also sorry? Oh, for this stuff I wrote in 2012. Yes, absolutely. Just in general, just just just in general. This is a general podcast. And general, you can go fuck yourself. But for the that one specific year, I, I, I, a tone and I am sorry. All right, joining us today are our guests, fellow hotdoggers, Lydia Bug and to our day. Are you guys sorry? I'm mad at you. Why do you keep making the when we accomplish something we get a punishment? What strategy is that?

I think the readers still say, yeah, I'm not sorry, but you should be sorry. I didn't invent that. You know, I spent well, three years in a Catholic school maybe. So I can vibe of original sin. I can just take random punishment like you're generally, pretty, you're generally apologetic. Yeah, just like, hey, you know, you're there.

You're breathing. That's wrong. Stop that shit. Cut it out. Yeah, my wife was raised in a Catholic family. She's, she's always quite sorry too. I don't know. They teach them how to be ashamed of just in a general way. Like you can have a ready state of shame and then wait for something to like come in and

trigger it. And you're like, oh, there it is. I knew I was ashamed for something. It just hasn't happened yet. It's like a... That's actually what we're doing today. We are ashamed for something, but it has not happened yet. We are ashamed because it's puppet week.

It is puppet week. But before we get into puppet week and burn all of our goodwill, let's do our plugs. Sean, do you have anything you want to talk about? You should go to the hit comedy website, 1900Hotdog.com. We're supported on Patreon, 1900Hotdog.com. All right, how about Denard? What are you working on?

Well, let's see, I exist in Stasis, so just like last time I'm going to say the book, everything abridged, it's a funny stuff on paper and there's a digital version. And there's an audiobook that I almost recorded but I think they thought my Voice kind of sounded like I don't know like a depressed Kevin Hart or something. So yeah, they got another guy Next time next time I'll fight for it next time. They get the real Kevin art. They get the happy Kevin art Next time I'll fight for it next time but they get the real Kevin art. They get the happy Kevin art

Yeah, they're gonna get they're gonna get they're gonna get the real one and they're gonna pay in like 60 million dollars And I will never see a cent again I'll just die you know how much money they would have to pay Kevin hard to be happy like I'm we haven't even seen that Lydia Lydia what you working on I have a novella on script for the spooky season. I've mentioned before on here, but since it's like that time of year, I thought I'd mention it again. It's called Healthy Choices, and it's about a group of women in a drug trial

for a transformational new weight loss drug. They get more transformation than they bargained for. And I'm also on TikTok at UNO Lydia, which is starting to do well now, if you wanna see that for some reason. I Red healthy choices and I am an extremely unpleasant person and I liked it. So yeah, it's just that for inflation and it is a great Read healthy choices. Oh my gosh. Thank you so much. No problem.

You have the best plugs. They're so great things. I'm like, I really focus on it. And throw it. We can all learn something from that rather than putting each other on the spotline going, boom, boom. It's like that this podcast, I have plugged the podcast. I am on several times. Yeah, I do that all the time.

That's the amount of plug panic you get when you put me on the spot there. All right, that's it. That's our plugs. That's our goodwill. Go check out any of those things right now if you're going to because by the time we're done, you're not going to want to do any of that. You're not going to want to see any of us again. To back up and give you a little bit of explanation. Our site, one on 100 Hotdog, was doing very well. We were seeing regular, healthy growth of a good chunk a month after month. So we started setting benchmarks and meeting them

and then we're doing theme weeks. And so we'd set a benchmark and do anime week and set a benchmark and do another theme week. And then we finally set a benchmark to do pop thing week. And then we finally set a benchmark to do Puppet Week and funding immediately stopped. That's like, what? The site plateaued four years. Just years, we have only just now barely struggled past

the bar for Puppet Week. I think because of like Patreon tax dodging and not necessarily our own success, but that's fitting for public comment. The Least. The public coincidence, though. Yeah, it's crime adjacent, which is fitting for this week.

The least requested, least asked for and supported week of all weeks. And maybe for good reason, maybe not. I wanted to talk a little bit about the public content. We are, I guess by the time this airs, in the process of bringing you. Lydia, what are you writing about for puppet week? The best and only good puppet movie,

Muppet Treasure Island, I'm gonna rank the faces that Tim Curry makes in that movie. Because usually the strategy in a Muppet movie for a human is to elevate and be the straight man, like Michael Cain in the Christmas carol, you know? Like, but Tim Curry's like, I'm not gonna elevate the Muppets. I'm coming down to the Muppets level.

I'm gonna be a human Muppet for this movie. And it's amazing. That's fucking Muppets's won up stage me. Yeah. Straight man Tim Curry. Are you kidding? Exactly. He's got the strings coming out of him now.

Embrace. Every single one is going to be horny in a different direction. It's just, I don't know. Oh yeah. Every screenshot. Denard, what are you working on for Puppet Week? So mine is a bit of a love story. I went into Thunderbolt fantasy thinking, all right, time for a free drag.

Let's see what's going on here. And I learned that martial arts puppets are just what I'm here for. I am 100% a wuxly of wirefu martial arts puppet supporter. The entire show, I think, basically exists on the pun of wire food, but they agree it's just never say it. I didn't even pick that up. I just thought like you could do super moves with puppets really easy, like low special effects budget.

I see incredible fantasy and the little parts of it here and there, it genuinely whips ass. It is a good Kung Fu film Yeah, I was I was completely positive. I'm surprised I'm looking for the describing its sort of brand of ridiculousness and their Make matrix dodge via puppets. It's it's good times It rules I get away for it Sean you have an entire curse puppet section to your library. I want you to pin down one. But any, well, give us a shot.

I'll probably, I'll probably leave it as a surprise, the final. But it sounds like, Lydia's got the whimsy of puppets covered and did not got the radness of puppets covered. So I'll probably find something dark, which I think is what people default to when they think about puppets. There's some old Charlie McCarthy stuff. I really like this. It was a very famous puppet with a monocle like back in the 30s and they made a few movies, some TV shows. What's great is like all of the technology was low level so even the ventralochism was bad so Charlie McCarty's guy holding me like you never knew when the puppet was supposed to be talking because the guy's in mouth was just fucking a wide open lips

moving and some fascinated by that. But also he had a comic book. And I didn't know how to crack about the comic book, right? I left all of the puppet's lines like the same and had everybody else react to the puppet, you know, it was a weird concept. I did the same thing with Bob Hope, you know, I guess I'm plugging crack.

Go for the crack 20 years ago and get your computer tank by viruses. Do you remember before the dark sign rose? That's right. They probably AI generated both those articles into something less coherent. Which is already madness, but anyway, I think I'm gonna find something dark and scary

just to even the week out probably. General darkness is what Sean is for. General darkness, that's what I'm pitching. The cursed puppet section, so you'll pick something from cursed puppets. Whatever, Croll. That's an an actual till my bed in the night and Chokes me. I'll be like you you are the chosen puppet book. I admire your spunk. It's you It's you for taking initiative. I'm proud of you

I'm writing about something called Kurt hiss the drug-free snake snake. It is legit. It is functionally almost like lost media. We do have full YouTube clips of Kurt his so people will be able to watch it. But like physical tapes or like knowledge of who really made it and why is like halfway lost to time. It's from 1988. It was originally, it looks like a school play with sock puppets. Like the backgrounds are all a big black chalkboard that they draw a background on and they don't have a lot of props and they just have the sock puppets and Kurt Hiss and his friend floaty are out there

and they're talking to the kids about why you shouldn't take drugs and then along the way this sock puppet does some drugs and has his life destroyed and he's taken by the group. Amazing. And there's wrapping. There's wrapping. Lots of wrapping. I think that at the end, there's just a prolonged beatbox sequence, but with the puppet,

the sock puppet doing the beatboxing, which is a really interesting choice. I can't wait to see the puppet drugs that he takes. They had to make little puppet drugs for him. Yeah, he does. He does hit that reaper on the talk puppet. Big puppet. The skirt miss have an accessory. Like I remember the deer lion had the t-shirt

and the gruff head, like the trench coat. Yeah, flavored condoms. They kind of look like puppets snakes, but they glow in the dark. It's very similar. It's more of a learning than a maybe it sounds. He's ribbed. He's ribbed for drugs pleasure.

And laced with so many hallucinogens. You put that on your dick and you're just like, where am I? Oh, that's that gas station shit. Okay, my. Yeah. Oh, that's that gas station shit. Okay, okay. Okay. Okay. Yes. Yes.

Yes. The real twist of that comes with they somehow did a sequel of this and they did like a big budget sequel where they started building backgrounds just for a scene. They started going to separate locations having special facts and prop work. And this time it's like a fucking action movie where Kurt Hiss has just put like a drug kingpin in jail, a drug kingpin sock puppet. And now there's like a legal thriller and he's in love with the lady snake puppet

who's defending the drug kingpin and he's gonna tamper with the evidence and get off Scott free. And so they have to go like, vigilante take down a drug dealer as sock puppets. There's like, there's a corruption. It's always amazing when it sounds fake. It does. It sounds incredibly fake. There's a corrupt policeman who plants drugs. There's like a bomb that needs disarming. There's an explosion. The grim reaper shows up again.

There's stakeouts, undercover operations. It's Miami Vice or like a, or like any Michael Mann movie, but it's a musical about anti-drug sucks. I feel like it'd be less damaging to just give the children drugs. Just like lock them in a room with a bunch of drugs and be like, see what happens. And then I leave that like,

wow, we're not gonna do drugs. I feel like that would be less damaging than watching this fucking puppet thing. I think it would like, if what happens. And then I leave that like, wow, we're not gonna do drugs. I feel like that would be less damaging than watching this fucking puppet say. I think it would like, if you accept attrition, like you're gonna lose a kid, right? And they'll see that and they'll say, okay, that's not for us. Jimmy's gone.

For the cost of just just one kid. Just one kid. Like it sounds awesome, and that's always the problem with those things. It's like, don't do drugs. You'll go on this awesome magical adventure with explosions and a hot lady. Don't do that. You would not want it.

You'll fall in love. You'll become a vigilante. You don't want that, right kids? Fuck yeah, we do. Everybody wants that. It sounds great actually. It's love that they like, they did a sock puppet play and then we're like, no, no. We're onto something here.

All we're missing is a budget. And then they tried to evil dead too. The sock puppet play and they wound up with something a truly special. I love it so much. Nobody's really seen it. It's the views are in the low 1000s on both of them. Oh my God, I wonder why?

I'm looking forward. That's so good. You'll never understand why afterwards. I really don't know what makes the gods decide something goes viral or not, because that feels like something I should have just been belting quotes across Jim class for four years. For sure. You will be after this. Go find a Jim class.

That's not illegal for you to go into. Anyway, the upper part of the cart hissed the drunk freesnake. Fucking rules, soda's thunderbolt fantasy, soda's Tim Curry, soda's whatever, darkness, Sean comes up. It's gonna be a fun week. But that's not today. Today we're talking about Ron and Marty. It's a puppet act from a Christian television show that ran in the 1980s called Joy Junction.

It aired on the Christian television network up to, I think, 93. And then it was syndicated on their block called Kids Club from 1993 to 2005. So it had this, it was a long, like, if anything could be a staple of their fly-by-night children's programming on Christian TV networks, it would be this. Like, this was on... So this is like Jesus' day. For deck-nate?

Yeah, yeah. And it has this long significant presence in Christian media, and yet it's still also kind of one of those things that's sort of lost media. Since most of the actual physical tapes are gone, there are, I think there are like 11 or 12 episodes up on YouTube, but the vast majority of them are just gone, like nobody thought to preserve this.

Why would you? So what we're going to do, we're gonna talk about this and I would like to set some ground rules. Okay. Thank you so much. Good idea. Yes, so what I would like you to do is not look up on eating. Just close any tabs, resist any urge.

Just come along with me as I tell you this little story. This is just the intro. The intro to Joy-Junction. Oh, is it like a... It's like a hit game show kind of. Yeah. You wouldn't even know this question. Look at this song kind of slag.

This is a lot of fun. Yeah. It's a lot of fun for the Christian network. Like a sinful one. Oh shit. Am I wrong? It's literally this baseline is kind of working maybe there maybe there's something out there Your casserole call He doing No! Wait, what's he doing here? Wait, what's he doing here?

Oh, I can't trust that guy. Come and join us for a half hour of fun and games at Joy Junction. Now here in mind of Dahn. We might have laughed over my favorite character, which is Whitland Dan. Whitland Dan's in here. I think Deputy Lester might have some sex crime convictions. Was he the one in the beret? Did Whitland Dan have that?

No, that was Papillon. No, the Frenchman. Okay. This is, it's a wild mix. So Joy Junction is, it's like half game show based. But then there's lots of skits and then they pause sometimes for like country singers. So it's part, it's like part double dare, part he-ha, but Christian and for kids. I get it.

So like I kind of grew up with shows like that. Like when I saw that something like, yeah, this seems totally normal. Yeah, this was what we did. This was what we did before we knew better. I can't believe it. I remember the, basically the best like Christian content that got poured down my weird Baptist area. It basically is just they do something else and then at the end they just turn the camera

and yell Jesus. So I can't see what the show is. They just tag it with Jesus, but otherwise it's a very normal thing. Does anybody watch and has watched the latest season or righteous gemstones? Yes, I just finished it today actually. Okay, baby Billy's Bible bonkers has to be in part based on this

because they have some of the same game. So one of my favorite moments in watching these old episodes was they were, the kids all sit in these pretend cars and then have a trivia show about the Bible and so we'll ask them Bible questions. But then they go really satan-heavy on a lot of them. So the answer will often be the devil and so you'll have a little kid sitting in a big car

and he'll like really excitedly hit a buzzer and go to the devil. I just love that one second snippet of reality of a little child going, being the devil. That sounds a good reaction, Jeff. You should clip that. There's a lot of places you can use that in the conversation. Yeah, that's a TikTok sound waiting to happen. Yep.

So because this is puppet week, we are focusing on Ron and Marty, Ron and his puppet Marty, who was in that role call right there. They're the worst part of Joy Junction. And that's saying a lot because again, this is Christian Heha Game Show for kids. And Ron and Marty, they just, I don't even know how to describe it beyond what he can do himself.

So we're going to, we're going to cut to the next clip. No, Marty, I've been talking to Jerry's dad about the Lord. Really? How's it been going well i don't know you see jerry's dad seems to think that salvation is something we have to work for something we have to earn that's not true or on it's free it's all i know that

that he seems to get nothing in this world he's free but i think that just off not even of camera on the side camera there's a woman like fixing up the set This is how we're they respect this time I was noticing all these flags I didn't see my soul to look They're certainly are a lot awesome. That's right. I don't know if you realize this is not an audience is a big price paid for these flags I thought they were on sale over at the store this will be.

Well I don't mean a price like that Marty. I mean that a lot of people bought it more so that we could enjoy the freedoms and the liberties that we have here. Didn't land with Christian children. Did the American flag cost you anything Ron? No. I guess I have to say it. Did Freedom cost you anything Ron? No. But you know a lot of other people did I want to join a minute Marty. What is it? I just thought of something. You know, I guess a lot of times we get the freedoms and the liberties we have here in

America because it didn't cost us anything. But you know, I was just thinking of a way that I can maybe share something with Jerry's dad. Really? Really? Well, I was just thinking Jerry's dad thinks that salvation is something he has to work for and something he has to earn. Right? Right? Ron, well, maybe I should show him that salvation is right. She's in the back of that audience giving a question.

We have to find the little one. I think I see what you're talking about, Ron. God, Gacy, is only son to die on the cross for us. God, he's fully expressive with his body while he talks for the body. He died on the cross so that we could have eternal life. Yes, he's got. And all we have to do is to fight Jesus Christ coming our life. He's really bad. And we'll have the salvation.

That's great. I'm glad you gave me the idea. Marty, well, I didn't, neither no, I I did it. Well I'm certainly thankful for that. And tonight when we go to the fireworks I'll have something I can share with Jerry's dad. This is so I'll give that puppet one thing. There are two named divine figures and Genesis. They have an argument and I am convinced that puppet is from one of them. There's something really wrong with the puppet but in the way that it actually functions this horror, a lot of ventriloquist dummies, they make them creepy and then you're like,

oh, it doesn't work anymore because you made it creepy. This is just a normal ventriloquist dummy that he's put in a hunter's vest and then gave him just a really hack weird haircut. It just looks like a ventriloquist dummy that needs medication and he's not taking it. It looks like part of his head's been caved in, like they had an argument before the show started and he like fucked up the puppet.

And he's like, stop mouthing out to me puppet. It's mouth is messed up like he punched it. I can't do it. I think he hit that puppet. It's mouth is messed up like he punched it. I think I'm not puppet. We can't go on like that. It's done something to that puppet smile. Everybody's going to know what you've done, aren't you? No.

Does he kind of? So you can watch these at home, but if you don't and don't, Ron himself, he looks like bubbles from trailer park boys, but if he cleaned up his act and got a job at a farm supply store, like he's just really boring, but strange, and still like barely holding it together. And with his freaky little dummy,

and he's so bad at this, he's like technically. I'm not saying like, this is bad, it is bad, but technically, he's so fucking bad at this. Like you can see his lips move about half the time to the extent that he will frequently forget that he's trying to not make his lips move, so he'll just start talking in the dummy's voice. And then catch himself and be like, oh no.

And as Sean mentioned, he acts with his whole body when the dummy's talking. Like you're supposed to not react to that, but he'll like, he'll raise his eyebrows when the dummy's supposed to raise it. I imagine that's like one of the last things you learn as a ventriloquist, but still, like, what do we do?

You're the one who chose to fucking spend your life making a puppet talk, like get good at it. Oh my God, get even competent at it, just. Is this, you can't do. The thing that, like, when someone's impressed by Jeff Dunham, they're just sort of thinking of this guy from their child and they're like,

well, he's changing the game. He's blowing the classics out the fucking water. Yeah, he doesn't, even like the basics. When he, he'll fuck up at constant, like you heard him describe Christ's love as tree. He's trying to say free, but they're like, they're a little ventriloquist tricks to like get around things like that.

And Ron doesn't know any of it. He would be blown away if you said there are tricks to do this. Wow. Like I don't, I don't think he's even read a book. I think you just started doing it. Also, he's, uh, was the point of the segment that you should like annoy your parents,

your friends' parents into being Christians. It was, it was far stranger than that. It was, um, and we see if I can break this down. It was, it was far stranger than that. It was, um, and we see if I can break this down. It felt like it was about entitlement. We talked like about unearned, like, I don't know, like all the rights and freedoms we have. Like, someone died for those, and you're fucking taking them for granted.

Is that a puppet embarrassing it? That debt is shit. Shit. You little kid enjoying your life in the United States of America. Not thinking about Vietnam. All of this follows, all of you are all right in our universe. In our universe, you're correct, but in the universe in which this takes place, no, you're not correct because it should be that. He starts talking about how his friend's dad doesn't really understand Christianity because he thinks that Christ is just given

his love away and nothing good, you have to work for anything good. So there's no sacrifice for it. And he's saying, no, no, no, Christ's love is tree. It's free. And you don't. And so we're on the sides that the best way to explain this to the kids is saying, like, okay, you know war, right? You know how so? And die for our rights. That's what Christ did. Christ went to war and died for our rights. So we don't have to do anything, and that's good. It's good that we're entitled, and we don't gotta do shit, and I'm gonna explain that to Jerry's dad,

the hardworking, presumably war veteran. He's gonna love that. He's gonna be the shit out of you, wrong. If I could drag you through the street. He's gonna do this on the 4th of July. Where's the new rod into the puppet? You're gonna be a puppet, Ron. You're gonna talk like that all your life. And he's gonna do the shadow of 4th July. Like it's this strained metaphor he has to reach forever. He's trying to teach it to the kids. It's not

entertaining. It's not fun. You can see in the audience, you could hear it in a clip. Nobody left. There was ostensibly a Joker too. And I've watched the rest of these shows and like, they're not great at comedy, but they're trying. They're trying to be funny. And then they get to Ron and Marty's get and it's just a fucking drag. And Marty, by the way, did you get full

with all those hot dogs we had a long time? No, I didn't share it done. I gotta get home on stars in the day. Starving to death, Marty, I don't understand. That gave you part of my hot dog. Part of a hot dog. Part of a hot dog. You expect this kid to live on part of a hot dog?

It's a fair argument. I don't understand why you're so hungry, Marty. Thank you so much for this puppy, for sure. I got an idea, Ron, let's go over to the ice cream parlor and get some candy. No, we aren't going to do that. Marty, I want you to have a good decent meal for dinner tonight. But I don't understand why you're so hungry. Didn't you have a good lunch in school today?

Not exactly. I thought it didn't have my lunch money. What do you mean you sort of didn't have your lunch money? Good darn it. You said what do you mean? You said what do you mean? Yeah, but you see, I got real hungry on the way to school today. So I stopped off at the convenience store and I got some nachos and a soda and a candy

bar. And you had that this morning before you got to school. Yeah, you didn't have a good lunch today. Nope. I'm sure it didn't. Nope. Fuck. What are you going to do? Right. This morning before you left, didn't. No, fuck it. What are you gonna do? Right this morning before you left,

didn't you? Oh, they're bruises. Not just your dumb shit. I know this is a story. I might run and all I had time to do is jump out of bed and wash my face and head to school. That's exactly the reason I stopped. I'll sit at the convenience. Just so bad at this. Marty, you're telling me you haven't eaten a decent meal all day. I sure have it. If you talk to me. Well, no wonder you're starving. I'll tell you what we can do. Marty, we'll see what we can do every time. It's such a struggle. It's like he's wrestling not to talk. You know, Marty, this reminds me of the fact is, you know, just like we often get very hungry for physical food, you know, we should become very hungry for spiritual food too. You know, I'm not a lot of people talking about spiritual food. I mean, well, they don't read the Bible.

They don't go to church. They don't pray and pop to the Lord. Marty, we can be fed spiritually by doing all of those things. Well, I'm glad you did. Now, let's go get something neat. No, wait a minute. Marty, we have to do the Bible Pumper before we, okay? Well, the Bible pumper. I think you'll try to hang up for just a few more of me. Right. Yes.

The segment in this called the Bible pumper. I don't know what it is. They don't have that part of the episode, but it can't be good. Oh my God. A history of mixed metaphors like stop putting food in your hole and When you are spiritually hungry put extra Jesus food in your mind hole Why is this the same segment fucking nuts? Jesus is like nachos, which are bad No, Jesus is not like how dare you say Jesus is like nachos So his so his argument to recap that story Marty doesn't it's so hungry because he hasn't eaten all day because what he did was he spent his lunch money in the morning on

An entire thing of 7 11 nachos and a candy bar and like a soda which is food is all food nachos are notoriously food Food is all food. Matthews are notoriously food. Ah, good. We're very, very filling food at that. If you buy the whole goddamn platter from 7-11, we'll f that down. I guarantee you, you're too bloated to eat anything else the rest of the day.

And he's fed this child part of a hot dog and is furious that he's ungrateful for it. So he starts telling him a story of how God's love is incredible. Hit the straight. It takes a second. Speaking of how you can't, hit the straight, takes a second. Speaking of how you can't be full eating unhealthy food, which is not true, it's an insane thing to go ahead and assume.

But just like that, you can't be full spiritually by eating junk, religious junk food. What the fuck is happening fucking about? Yeah, it's a broken metaphor, but also based on two different faulty premises. Being told to an audience who probably doesn't grasp it. Nobody understands. You can see the kids. You'll start watching the kids in the videos. They're so confused, they will start doing physical acts of beef on the mint, like they'll reach up and exaggeratedly scratch their head. Like they're trying to signal him, I don't understand.

I don't get it. It'll like yawn with huge arm movements like this sucks, wrap it up, wrap it up. I think one of the things that Christianity does for the stupid more than anything is it lets them create metaphors whenever they want. I, it's hard to find the comedy in it, but it's one of my favorite things when I go through Christian books.

I did this on the site, there's a book about clowns and Christian clowns, and this guy basically took this idea of clonery and applied every single aspect of the Bible to it. So he's like, oh yeah, Jesus in a way brings joy to people. So he's kind of like the ultimate clown. And I mean, you get what I'm doing already the bit. Now, just extend that out to like all concepts, human experience.

And that's like, I feel like what a bad sermon does is they'll take something they think is relatable to you like nachos You know how you have hot dogs for breakfast kids? Well, it's a lot like how people have Jesus for dinner and you're like Don't I legit don't know what they were supposed to take away from that All right kids it would you I am you've just been through a breakup. You need a big, two person load of spiritual nachos. Or you're going to go, don't fill up on some of those.

What are the spiritual nachos in this metaphor? What, you start with that because you introduce spiritual nachos and you're like, those are bad. What is that that you're talking about? Is that cheap prayer? What makes spiritual bad? You really need to explain the spiritual nachos. That's where the metaphor gets lost.

Like, you start to both teach them not to eat junk food and to love Jesus and you ended up doing neither of those things. No, doing neither of those things. If this fucking head-dented Christian puppet is not like Christian junk food, like what the fuck is? Like how do you get worse than what we're looking at? If this is not spiritual nachos,

I'd say I do not know what spiritual nachos are. So, so he's, these metaphors just die on the vine. When you have these like, go and set ups on the vine. When you have these like, go ahead. Set ups with the puppet. Isn't the whole idea? Isn't the only benefit of this set of is that the puppets either like sort of catter than you or like,

why is it? Yeah, he's usually the one that like makes all the mistakes and then you, you're the person is the guiding like voice. Yeah, because they generally, I don't think they eat human food, right? Like there is sort of a, like we know they're a puppet and then sometimes that comes up like, oh, you're the dummy type of gag.

Frequently, he will like cross-lower with either this, this is a kid that talks about his parents and like how he has a life and everything. And then he'll cross-lower and it will be his kid. It will be his son, bro. Oh. And then, so he doesn't have any like firm grasp of who Marty is supposed to be,

this puppet that he has launched a show with and he's figuring it out as he goes. No, he's not figuring it out as he goes. He's trying. I get the metaphor here. What is he actually doing? He's actually doing. He's actually doing it. What is he actually doing? he's not figuring out as he goes he's trying I get the metaphor here He's actually sex with the puppet that is this puppet's mother. Yeah, it's so creepy for him to be like this is my human son Marty And ignore the smell that comes from the mother puppet They I don't know how to clean those things, kids. It's tricky.

There should be some sort of valve. There is not a valve. I do have a patent pending. Puppet drainage valves. We need to bail on this. Jamie, you can't hit him out saying puppet drainage valve, please. Can you augment it and put re- puppet drainage valve please i can you augment it and put rebarable

please and stess i'm gonna do four calls x2 it so we can't take it out i have got done with god first i think you missed a paper you look like they were having a good time with happy i'm sure it's done marty was telling me a little about the answer problem he was having a school and i want to find out what was going on

what seems to be happening at school, Marty? Is it a big problem? Yes, a very serious one, too. Well, exactly what's going on, Marty? Well, things like I'm here in a lot of swear words. See, it's just straight up talking to you. Oh, God. You're just saying these days.

And I'm the straight one. All of them are going to slip out of none now, for one of these days. Oh, well well Marty can't you just avoid those kids that are using the bad words? No, Lane, it's every player in the gym, in class, stone still. You have to pop, papi on, everybody's laughing. You're hearing kids, you're in bad words. I just don't know what to do about it, Ron. Well Marty, you know, it seems like we do hear a lot of bad work. What is the given the way I just don't know what to do about it Ron Well, Marty, you know, it seems like we do hear a lot of bad language today I know what you're talking about it seems like even when I go into rest places like that I hear people talking like I'm worried. I'm gonna say

What am I gonna do Ron? Well, there's a couple of ideas that come to my mind, Marty. First of all, why don't you try immediately pray? Immediately. And I'm going to be the Lord to take those bad words and thoughts out of your mind. Say, that's a good idea. They're not going to get the real far off. They're not going to get the real far off. They're thinking about some scripture like what? Well, one that comes to my mind right away is Philippians 4.8, which says, whatsoever things are true, honest, just, pure, lovely. Think upon these things. Oh, I see what you're saying, Ron.

You're saying I can love the Lord with my mind. Love the Lord with my mind. You know, good, clean, tiered, false. And by sealing my head full of breakfast here the word exactly right I think fortunately We can fill our minds full You are gonna have love yourself

into associating Jesus I'm ready to go ahead I'm ready to go At the end of that sketch A guy I think that's Whitley and Dan Comes on dressed as like a British guy on so far So they they broke into this off of Papillon where everybody's laughing and having fun, and then fucking dead silence, all of these kids are stone still, nobody's into this at

all, and then they cut back to like, okay, we can have more fun, we've done the run and marting bit. I really like the, the crowd shot because it's just a little clump of nine children. I said six earlier, but it looks like there's nine. And they have, like, they look like they've been styled by 1970s grandmothers. Like, like, one girl has like a full, like, like, beehive hairdo. I don't know, it's very fascinating to me.

How's the hell? It looks, it looks like a cocoon situation where they've taken a bunch of old people and shrunk them down into children, but all they have is their elderly person close in hair. It's crazy watching out. It's got that double retro thing going where like it's a past era sort of trying to recreate like their own past era's tone.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're doing 50s in the 80s. They're doing happy days. They're happy days. Yeah. What if these were shot out of order and there were three less kids every

of us? This is where it gets his puppets. They age, they age until their children and then turn into puppets. And that's how he gets a new puppet. He needs, it's amazing that he manages. Go ahead. He's starting killing better kids that don't know. I'm glad we Got a stop breaking me trash these kids make the worst Buffy look I'm working to the level the one the way the level I got garbage Children barely got any blood in them look at

we've got to feed them more it's then you listen to my sermon on notch I was gotta feed them I promise I'm not being silly here but like try to imagine this being worse than anyway like just try to try to imagine the craft of this being worse like just grab a random fucking person and say I need you to be a venture-liquist I don't have a script I don't have a script. I don't know how any talent. I don't know how to do this. It doesn't matter, you can't be worse than this guy. I think the only option is it has to be,

they get to be brand new every time. Like they can just, whatever passive experience you get from just being on camera once or holding a puppet once, that has to go each time. Yes. I don't know. Like I said, a lot of the knowledge of this has lost. This was on throughout the mid 80s, two early 90s. So I'm going to assume quite a lot of seasons,

since there's no way this isn't a six episode season. And then we need the whole budget to tell the story. This is the kind of seasons that have like 200 episodes because they do this every day. The fact that only 10 survived is amazing. The fact that he gets noticeably worse after everyone, like he's less cool and less competent and like struggling more as time goes on,

it's astonishing. He may be the worst person to ever do this. Maybe they like screamed out about for every episode. They were like, get better or you're fired. And they just got bored more nervous than for the episode. You're the only Christian puppeteer. We don't have a choice. We can't replace you.

We just need to do a better job. It's me, Rii. He loves God. He wants his puppeteer to represent God to bring people to fucking God. And he is coming out here every day, just convincing me that it's all bullshit, nothing's fucking happening here.

Yeah. Are you suggesting he's like an undercover atheist? I think so. He is clearly out here saying, this is all fucking horrid. I do think he is boring children away from the light of price. Oh, for sure. Yeah, like, yeah, God should make him better at puppeting,

is all I'm saying. Like one of those little girls, like she yawned and then she made the motion. We're looking at the backs of their heads in the audience, but she made the motion and it looked like she was rubbing her eyes like a cartoon character, like just, and they're fucking signaling from space how boring this is. We't want to do this girl with the beehive was jerking off with her hand

What's fucking guys And that was Lauren's over Where's that was where she jerks off with her forearm. She just like slap you in the hog with her forearm like Like hacksajim dug in slap you in the hog with a forearm like, like, like, Haksajim Durgin. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm Yeah, I love this new perspective. Do you know how much fun I was in the Bible? Like, damn. Because it feels like we've been sort of making fun of this as art. And like, I like Denard's angle of how like, no, like, this is supposed to be like a spiritual celebration

of their Lord, their God. And it's like, oh, right. And he fails worse at that. Like, this is a, this is really embarrassing for God. Yeah, if God were real, he would smite this man. This man would be smote. This is, this is anytime, I just, I feel like it's unspoken, but I feel like anytime, of religious, not even just Christian, a religious artist steps up and starts performing in the capacity or adjacent to like a religion.

They're saying all things are possible through my God. Look at this. Check this shit out. Like, could I do this without God? And then that's what Ron does. He came up with this puppet and went, Jesus has my back. Check this shit out. And then this is his, this is his second. He says on these expectations, they just drops Chinese democracy here. I'm like, what the hell? This is the Duke Luke, and forever of faith.

This is so tough to be something. All right, we got one left. We're almost through it. And when I got over there, I noticed some of the kids were kind of giggling and laughing, you know, and I wonder how they were doing that. Well, while got over there, I noticed some of the kids were kind of giggling and laughing, you know? And I wonder how they were doing that?

Well, why were they doing that? I just watching him put that pictures. Marty come over here and take a look at our pictures. It's like watching anybody else try to make it look. It looks like it looks so hard. You know what it was? Pictures. What was it Marty?

Well, it wasn't Arizona. I'll take it that right now. It was supposed to be a joke. That's for a joke. They were looking at the picture. Did you hear the kids laugh? No, no, you'll tell you that right now. That was supposed to be a joke, that's for a joke. They were looking at the picture. Did you hear the kids laugh? They were in the picture, and they were in the little room. No, you did.

Well, Marty, what did you do? Well, I said, look, guys, I like you a lot, and I want to play with you. I was on the wrong card, thank you, that was Arizona. So I just can't do it. What did they say, Marty? They said, oh, Marty, come on. Your parents are in the house. No one will see. Sorry about the audience. I said, the Marty, come on. Your parents are in the house. No one will see.

Sorry about the audience. I said, that's the best lady for you. This is Chris Wheeney, but I know someone who will see. And that's God. God knows. You know what, I think it's the puppet actually making a noise. I think it's the first time thinking of in the Bible that's found in 2 Timothy 2.22.

And it says that you should run away from anything that will give you evil thoughts. And when you're from tenions, you should have pure and clean thoughts, and when only gives you good ideas. Well, you know what I decided to do? Watch that Marty. I decided to turn around and go right back home. Well Marty, I'm real proud of you for that. And some of the kids are kind of laughing at me too. Well that's okay Marty. I think they proud of you for that. In some of the kids are kind of laughing at me too. Well that's okay Marty, I think they will respect you for your opinion.

Yeah, I heard you weren't wish-washy. I'm glad you remained firm in your belief that... They're like actually more things are really cool. I'm real proud of you Marty, for the decision you made. I'm proud of you too Marty. I protect her. I protect her. You mean that is...

I got my wishy-washy machine here. I purchased those pictures. You mean that is. I got my wish. You watch the machine. So I got my wish. You will have to a machine. What the fuck was that? Yeah. What before it was let's get you going. That's incredible.

It's like you make your own teachers at home. I also feel like that's not a very creative solution for the situation. Like here's a real situation where like, okay, my Christian values will not let me look at pornography. And here's my friends who are looking at pornography. And he like made such a thing of it that they laughed at him. And I'm like, at the very least, like she should give him a way to escape

such an ordinary situation and adapt it from there. I guess like use your best judgment, but I feel like they're setting these kids up to be bullied is I think my worry. Oh, for sure. Yeah. This is how you get a child beaten. Yeah. Especially in the 80s for savage. The 80s were truly savage. We're gonna beat this shit. And even in his own, he's like, they laughed at me in this fictional situation. And the puppeteers like, well, I'm sure they'll respect your opinion later. It's like his own, he's like, they laughed at me in this fictional situation. And the puppeteers like, well, I'm sure they'll respect your opinion later.

It's like, no, he fucking failed at the hypothetical situation. You have armed these children with literally nothing. Yeah, you would think you would. You had all of the weapons in the world. You'd want to make it seem like this is the cool thing to do. And actually, if you do it, all the kids will be like, you know what, you're right.

And that's cool Thank you so much for correcting us. We are bad and you were good. That makes sense. It's still fantasy, but so much better. Yeah Like give the children a fantasy like give them something fun to think about don't just like Yeah, it's gonna be a real fucking bummer But if you don't do it, guess you're gonna burn and help forever you little bitches like gonna be a real fucking bummer, but if you don't do it, guess you're gonna burn an hell forever, you little bitches. Like, the first time they try this, they will learn that all the kids will laugh at them.

You don't have to tell them that in advance. You should tell them. Our kids, I'm gonna teach you how to breathe through a sorely. This is an important skill. I'm gonna need to tie, you're gonna need to hyperventilate yourself in advance. Trust me.

Now, call me a prude, but I just don't think children should be taught sexual education by a puppet, much less a he-ha puppet. I just don't think that's a good idea. There's a few problems with this. One is the era in which this is taking place. This is 1980's Christian television, and what he's doing is coming on and saying children. Let's talk about what to do when you see porn on. These kids don't even know what that is yet.

They would have no interest. This is truly shelter. He should explain it. Like, let me tell you what pornography is. This skips past sex and assumes all of these kids know what sex is and that you take pictures of that and people will show each other. He's skipped past all of that and he's like, all right kids, you know about porn.

He'll let's talk about it. These children of all children are the least likely children to know that. Like they probably think that's a swear word daddy says sometimes. It's like our kids, we all have our favorite porn star. They are a succubus sitting here, the testus. Now here's what to do when you see her in public so that they don't know.

It's too, it's too impressive this first part and then the second part is what to do when she turns around. Now also remember this is the 1980s, so the porn that these kids are showing each other is like Waterlog newsprint from a drainage ditch. Our porn was terrible. We did not have pornography. All 100% of our porn in the 1980s

was found in like a hobo encampment. And it was exceedingly rare. Children would never encounter this. It was a genuine miracle to encounter pornography as a child in the 1980s. Like it was an event. You would tell all the other kids, just be like, oh my God.

But it did not happen. I like to add a, at this hardcore Christian school that they're going to. No. No, if it does happen, they I like to add a crypt at this hardcore Christian school that they're going to know Now if it does they're driven out the house. They know how to be a real nerd about it They know to physically run away from it or to immediately quote scripture at it just like when someone cusses God these children are so fucking poorly prepared for the world and the thing is They know already, like kids aren't as dumb as this guy fucking thinks,

and so they're watching this guy go and the guy that wouldn't work. You're an idiot, like none of this, I can't run away from pornography. I look like an asshole. I can't physically turn heel and run away from pornography into traffic that can't be the way that I die. Do you have any idea how rare it is Ron

that'd be like looking away from a unicorn? Right. I was jerking off to the curve of a pumpkin last week. That's how starved we are. Yeah. Like I know it's really waterlogged. I can't quite make out if that's a titty or like a local ham competition, but it's something

It's more pornography than your puppet is a boy There's a lot of this is my actual son There's a lot of meat parts inside of the puppet, you know And more with every child that disappears. Anyway, this was the last video. I brought Ron and Marty, not because his puppet shows were like super fucked up, but because I legitimately believe this man,

this puppeteer, a ventriloquist on an obscure Christian children's game show was the most boring, stupidest part of that show. And he was also technically, physically so bad at working the puppets. I think on every level, he might be the worst professional puppeteer who ever lived. I think you would not find him.

I made that so in the last show. I 100% agree. I 100% agree. Yes. I think this is provably the worst puppeteer who was ever lived. And it's not even like he's surprised. Pretty much. It does badly.

It's like there's no effort not to keep his mouth from moving. Like no one fucking told him that was the point. Why do you, like, again, I can't stress how often watch, watch John pointed out. He moves when he acts with his whole body through the puppet's parts. The puppet doesn't do that. He doesn't make the puppet do that. He does that while he's doing the puppet.

All the kids are like, what the fuck is going on? I want to look up at the ceiling and just see ridden in fire from the fucking Holy Spirit, just close your goddamn lips. Practice first, practice first. It would be a better show if he just like said something and then jumped to the left and then put a hat on and then responded to himself. Through the magic of television. What do I do when I find the pornography? Well you run away according to the Bible. Oh yeah that sounds like it should work. We'll know they laugh at you. Oh, okay, sure.

And then maybe someday they'll like you again. Oh, okay, that's a great solution. You seem like you got it all figured out. No, I'm. So wait, hold on, can you just feel quick about this at all? The spiritual nachos. I didn't, I didn't follow the spiritual nachos. Well, I can't explain that.

I was just kind of making shit up. No, I just, I disassociate and find out what I said later. All right, so this has been the worst puppeteer who ever lived. I do have one more thing. There's another link. I want you to scroll to the bottom of the page. Don't click the link quite yet. Scroll to the bottom page. It's where are they now? We're going to catch up with Ron and Marty. All right, three, two, one, click. Three, two, one, click. Oh, no. No! No, of course.

Oh my God. We joked about the audience getting smaller, smaller. You gotta do that. Oh, there's darkness. Please. Just read the headline, close it out, we'll go through the whole story on the bonus. Real Life Horror, the Christian puppeteer who planned to kill and eat children. Imsdain Holter, Frankfort! Unsaprakas, knalds! Un mēmāk smalim šā! Dāk Frankfort, podcast! Konek!

Jaa! Dekrafis, nitratis, nit unas! Šikdi, inda hundezau, fiora, nesstundas! Kupšā, dūkītis, numa! Imsdain Holter, Frankfort! It's hot Dog Junction America's last comedy, children's variety, trivia, Pee-Haw laughing for Christ. Now here's Robin Markey. Thanks, Yodel and Julius.

I'm Robin. My friend Markey here wants to tell you all about the supremeous cats this side of Job 410. Take it away, Markey. And, Crosstin, Adrian H. It is my... Alpha, I'm the show. Alpha, I'm the show.

Alpha, Alpha. Alpha, scientist, Java. Yeah! An ending. An ending. I don't know. It's been German sirenin. So, so, choice! And the high day, you're... Colorado! Clementine Danger? So, let's call it our day. Greg Lemoy!

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J.E.S.D. J.E.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S. And, firstly, Kevin M. We are really fit Lisa! And, Joysha Phil! And, Joysha Phil! That's enough! Half-Royal! Half-Royal! No, Paul Ler! I'll be Lauren!

Max Stiles! House are really hard! Okay, just come and start her! Rose you! And, you! Me! House are really hard! Okay, just close and starter! Love you! And you! Be all very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very Patrick Harps. Patrick Harps. Yeah, I know everybody knows what's going on. Okay, Rachel. William. Markowski. Sean Chase.

Scottie Recephan. Silverna. Antim. Edit. Hush. Hush. Hush. Hush.

Hush. Hush. I can, don't Tommis Kavatsos. Yeah, okay. Tommis Kavatsos. Yeah, okay. Tommis Kavatsos. Yeah, okay. Tommis Kavatsos. Yeah, okay. Tommis Kavatsos.

Yeah, okay. Tommis Kavatsos. Yeah, okay. Tommis Kavatsos. Yeah, okay. Tommis Kavatsos. Yeah, okay. Tommis Kavatsos.

Yeah, okay. Tommis Kavatsos. Yeah, okay. Tommis Kavatsos. Yeah, okay. Tommis Kavatsos. Yeah, okay. Tommis K wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Me too? Me too? Me too? Me too? Me too? Me too? I just gotta do it fast, real fast. Where you going?

I'm just gonna do it fast, real fast. Where you going? I'm just gonna do it fast, real fast. Where you going? I'm just gonna do it fast, real fast. Where you going? I'm just gonna do it fast, real fast. Where you going?

I'm just gonna do it fast, real fast. Where you going? I'm just gonna do it fast, real fast. Where you going? Where you going? Where you going? Where you going? Where you going?

Where you going? Where you going? Where you going? Where you going? Where you going?