The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 150, Escape From Death Block 13 With Katie Goldin

Episode Date: November 22, 2023

Seanbaby sends Brockway and guest, Katie Goldin, straight to Haunted Insane Asylum Minigun Prison for the crime of loving Escape From Death Block 13 - the prison break movie starring Robert Bronzi, who almost has Charles Bronson's face and will not give it back.

1,900 hot dog! 1,900 hot dog! A podcast slammed with maximum height! Say hot dog podcast worked! Yeah! When you taste that nitrate power, you're in the dog zone for an hour! Come on!

You don't remember! 1,900 hot dog! 1,900 hot dog! Come on, you got the number. 1900 Hot Dog. 1900 Hot Dog. 1900 Hot Dog. 1900 Hot Dog. 1900 Hot Dog. Yeah, 9000. Welcome to the dogzone 9000, the official podcast of 1900Hotdog.com.

Now, the final media website of any kind, we are supported entirely through Patreon. Now it's the perfect time to go visit and help pay our all-star cast of writers Patreon.com. Slash 100 Hotdog. I'm beloved internet mainstay Sean Baby, and my co-host was voted Mr. Congeniality in the 2008 Meet Magazine's beefiest bulge blowout, the great Robert Brockway. Those motherfuckers robbed me. Beefboy Brockway.

I gotta be a Brockway fact. When the original Robert Brockway dies, it is stipulated in his well that he is to be replaced by Robert Brocksy. No follow up questions. Now needed, our guest is a podcaster of great renowned host of Creature Feature and co-host of secretly incredibly fascinating.

She is the whiz kid Katie did. Katie Golden. It's me, I meet Katie. Meet Katie. Meet Katie is my name. And you were a judge at the meat magazine's beefiest bulge blowout why didn't you pick Robert well you know what you made on the spot listen I know me some sirloin and Brockway he's more of like a duke of

loin I don't know that's still high high praise. Mr. Loin. I will accept Duke of Loin on a t-shirt. He's like a Loin dentist. He's like a Loin DDS. Yeah. Dr. Loin. Paging Dr. Loin. Now I plugged both the podcast, Jaron. Is there anything else we should plug?

Where can people find you? No, that's fine. Okay, okay. I guess some more news, of course, you're right. Yeah, right for that when you want to hear about news Yeah, it's never good. Yeah That's what I like about our podcast because we talk about Important issues sure but happy ones. Yeah Like today we're talking about escape from death block 13

That's moving. Which is a really, I'm glad you liked it. Yeah. Now, because you're a science educator and evolutionary biologist, all of these great things. So obviously you want to do on to talk about the 2021 film Escape from Death Block 13. The movie opens with Robert Bronz, he's a great Robert Bronz,

a lone in a room looking through old pictures. These might be of himself, they might be of Charles Bronz and it's hard to say. Then he puts on the exact Charles Bronz and costume from Mr. Majestic and Leaves. So I guess this is an interesting point that in these movies Robert Bronzi wears wardrobes from Charles Bronz and movies. You're talking about this from the state. Death Block 13 yes, we're now in the movie Okay, we're like I have a confession you guys Mm-hmm. I watched it on two-time speed That's fine. Yeah, that's the best way to actually made the movie probably better than what you guys watched because

No question it was fantastic Like the choreography was so good when it was sped up like that. And I slowed it down, and it was so boring, and then I sped it back up to two times speed, and it was incredible. We hold up, like, full two times, not one point two, follow the order.

No, full two times. Look, I was able to understand what they were saying when it was two times, because I think they spoke so slowly. And their sentences were so simple and stupid. And you get a lot of time between those sentences. Right. And like the sentences are things like, did you like the coffee? I like to put honey in my coffee Things around a little different about that scene. Yeah, things are a little different in my prison. Don't you agree? I should do Charles Bronson. Yes Anyway, my name is Mike Charles Bronson

Anyways, I put in the death block before the horse. So let's go back to your schedule. Okay, thank you. So I guess I mentioned this earlier, but the thing about Robert Bronsy is, for about three years, he looked exactly like old Charles Bronson, and now suddenly, he looks like a Charles Bronson impersonator

in a timid Eric sketch. So I want you to picture that while we talk about him doing this Charles Bronson movie. Anyway, he's driving through a small town. He stops in a hardware store for a ball peen hammer. We're in no rush. Katie's watching it two times speed. It probably feels like a normal movie to her. He heads into a tire crushing factory, which I think is a great setting. And turns out to be a Chekov's tire crusher, which is, I did not expect that. When that came back later, I'm like,

oh, of course, this fucking brilliant filmmaking. I think he's being dubbed with his own voice in this movie, or maybe a very sleepy Turkish cab driver. He was so sleepy, the whole movie. You're really very sleepy Turkish cab driver. He was so sleepy the whole movie. Very sleepy. Very sleepy. I just wanted to curl up until a little croissant just go to sleep to his voice. This movie was some real ASMR. I do have a clip here. He must pay the money for my brother. It is the law. It is in his contract with you. So that's like the stakes in the movie.

It is in his contract. His brother died. Well hold on, that's not the stakes of the movie. The stakes of the movie are $12,749 and 75 cents. Now, but you don't use the talent because it is the law. It is the law. It is the law. It is the law. Yeah, a lot of movies, the badass shows up

and he's like, give me the money. And he kind of makes it clear like, that's all I want and that's the principle of this thing. I will kill everybody to get this small amount of money. But like, I play by these rules. And this guy's just like, like a really slow motion Karen. I'm gonna sp- let me speak to your manager. It says here this is double coupon day. And these guys are obviously thugs. They're like we're not gonna give you

money. He's like, fuck you, fuck you, dead brother. He throws him a quarter, which you might have deduced mathematically from what Brockway just said. And any other movie you'd be like, these guys are about to die. But here it really feels like I hear a Mike Kry and threaten a mean yell review. See, here's, there's like a, there's a vibe through this movie where I think they weren't going for,

we want him to be like the simple, uncorrupted foreigner who was facing down corruption, which is like a trope. It's a trope. It's something they're trying to pull off. But they don't pull off. What they do actually pull off is just a complete idiot who is like really good nature and does not understand that he stumbled into a bad situation

because when he asks for the life insurance money on his brother, he thinks his brother died here by accident in the tire crushing factory run by the mafia and just he doesn't even get it from like right there. They're clearly the mafia, he doesn't get it. And he says it's $12,750 that they owe him and like the guys like get the fuck out of here and he flips in my quarter and like there's your money

and he just looks at him and he goes, oh, where's the rest of the money? Like he's starting to pay him and he goes, oh, where's the rest of the money? Like he's starting to pay him and is going to continue flipping him quarters or just like making exact change. It's not like a simple, it's not a simple forward or thing. This guy is on a blissful level of Xanax. This is, I feel like it is, he does, like his face muscles don't really move. Even when he's like getting beaten up, he doesn't really react much. It just feels like he is the walking embodiment of Xanax.

I don't understand why there was the need for this, for many reasons. I don't, because Charles Rotteson fans are all dead, because his legacy was not that impactful. But also, if this is the stunt work and the choreography you're having him do, because it's very careful because he's an old man. He's an old man that being very careful with him, but the reason we still, well, we still,

the reason somebody still watches Stephen Seagull and Bruce Willis is that they used to be really good at this, and they've made like this legacy. So now Stephen Segal can just sit in a chair during a fight, and it's fine, but without having any legacy, like Stephen Segal can't bust on the scene today as a seven year old man that sits in a chair and doesn't do anything.

But so why do we need Robert Bronsi to do exactly that? I would argue we don't, and I think the public agrees. You guys are forgetting a few pivotal scenes in which he, I guess, has an RPG. I guess we'll get to that later, huh? Yeah, we'll get to the RPG. Yeah, I want to be clear that I'm establishing establishing my mood as I watch this movie because there's a point about 20 minutes in 10 minutes in for Katie about 20 minutes in where all of these questions like all my notes up to that point are just the word what When like increasingly large and different colored fonts. It's moving really around.

Yes, after that point. It's real sleepy time, like go to bed early on in the movie, and then it's like getting a little bit of coffee later on when they start arming Robert Bronzi. When they bring in the coffee, yes. They bring in the coffee. That might be the point that might be the point but yeah there's a point where it's just the coffee is narrowed down the coffee isn't metaphor for when the movie gets better fucking kicks ass so I

guess I do want to talk about the fight scene in the in the tire factory because it starts he looks at the quarter and he says and I quote whatever that is the demonic okay and then they take him downstairs they start they start beating him up and I still am pretty sure that he's like secretly a badass right but the movie has now changed my mind I'm convinced for probably a minute and a half that, oh, he's just some old guy. Like, the fucking movie poster tricked me. But then he stands up and he starts beating everybody up

and it is laugh out loud, funny. He's like, it's, at one point, he literally turns his back and he slowly backs into a bear hug. Cause like Brockwood says, he's an old man to try not to hurt him. He grabs one of the guys and he hides behind him while his friend shoots him. And his friend is like three feet away.

It is so fucking funny. His friend almost puts the gun into his buddy's belly and pulls the trigger. They finally get the drop on him and knock him out and they just cut to him and police custody. And now, I'll help you. The rest that you also don't comment on this moment because the movie doesn't comment on this moment,

but they get the drop on him when the main villain, the main mafia guy, literally slides across the floor like risky business. He just zooms into the scene like on wheels and all of a sudden he's there and he has a shotgun. And I was waiting for them to be like, oh, this guy, skateboard, like here's our skateboarding mafia villain,

but nobody ever addresses it. It's what a fucking person would be. I mean, slippery floors in the tire factory. He just knows like from practice, exactly how far to slide. Yeah. To get the drop on a man with a shotgun. Charles Brosson can't detect sliding.

He can hear footsteps, but he's blind to sliding. He's got the wheelies, you know, the sneakers that have a wheelies. Oh yeah, you'd never expect that to happen. Very much that vibe. You'd tell there's a child who leads up to him. Yeah. Ambre Healy.

So now everybody's seen action movies. They kind of know these tropes that, hey, the guy gets arrested and he has special abilities, so then like a secret agency wants him to go undercover for them. Okay, but here's the thing is how would they know he has special abilities? Because from their perspective, he just got his ass beat by the mafia. Exactly. And they also think he might be assuming like, okay, this is just a one off,

and normally he wins his fist fights. They think he's a criminal mastermind because of the crimes he just did. Like, oh, you're an extortion expert. But he didn't even do that. Like, he's being charged with that, but he didn't do that. They're not even real charges.

So these are the worst fucking cops. They're like, here interviewing a guy who got his ass kicked, who didn't do the crimes he's being accused of, by the mafia, the mafia is like, hey, this guy came in here and did a bunch of crimes like, well, I guess he did local mafia boss. That detention.

But then they're trying to take down the mafia. Where you listen to the mafia. It's incredible. It's the dumbness, it's so dense. Well, I can break this down in the most simple terms. You can understand exactly where they're coming from. The CIA agent, which I mean, there should not be a CIA agent here. Oh, they didn't even say his agency.

He's clearly a CIA agent. And his name is Langley. Yes, fantastic. Good secret service agent, Mr. Panacon over here. I'm Detective Linda Cop. And this is Special Agent Langley. Special Agent agent, Mr. Pentecon over here. I'm Detective Linda Cop and this is Special Agent Langley. Special Agent Washington DC. We'd actually, that's a really sweet name. Oh, did you ever mention that this movie was made in 2021?

I did, I think briefly. It's worth hammering around. Okay, I want to, I just, yeah. It's this brand new set in this time too. This is not a set in the 70s. Yeah, I I for me like as I was watching this is like this felt solidly like Done in 2000 by like a film student, but no yeah, but brand new The I what I like is a special agent Langley from an agency. He won't disclose He's holding this big ol' file of papers as if like, he's like Hungary's deadliest sniper,

or some shit, but no. This is just a pile of unrelated papers from some other case. And he's like confused foreigner. You beat up a forklift operator. Your country needs you. Not your country, but you get it, cut to the prison. It's just like, okay, if you didn't watch action movies,

you would have no idea what's going on. But like... The key piece of evidence is a ball peen hammer that he brought with him to go ask the mafia for The money that's owed to his dead brother And the mafia is like why did you bring this ball peen hammer? Are you trying to intimidate us? He's like no, it's a souvenir the ball peen hammer i got it as an american souvenir to bring home to my dead brothers family and then and the investigation scene he kind of reiterates the same thing as they're like why did you show up with a ball peen hammer and he's

like well because the name ball peen hammer has some slits like a pun or something. I don't remember exactly what it is. It's a covax is a blacksmith. And that's what they collect hammers or whatever. But it's so leading. Like this whole scene is leading to think that that's like the line or something.

That's a metaphor. Like I, he even stops and says the hammer lives forever. And you're like, oh, you're the hammer. Are we gonna call this movie the line or something, or that's a metaphor. He even stops and says, the hammer lives forever. And you're like, oh, you're the hammer. Are we gonna call this movie the hammer or whatever? And no, they never get there. There's a moment in this where it's that same thing with the quarter where they're trying to pull off like an action hero trope on this simple foreigner.

And the agent goes like, what if I told you your brother was murdered and knowing this trope you're like oh here's where he's all in and instead he goes what oh no who did that? Tell me his last name please but the movie doesn't even try away from it the the DA who's there the lady DA just looks at him and goes well we don't know that we're trying to find out what happened. It's certainly not a mafia tire, guys. No, couldn't be them. I guess the hammer story kind of had a truth to it

because it was so dumb, but he also said this. Luke, if I wanted to learn that guy, I wouldn't do hammer to do it. So he wouldn't do hammer to do that and then he punches his hand. So this is the first understanding we have that this guy at least thinks he's a badass. Before we duck out of the interrogation scene, I just want to say agent Langley does call him jailbait at one point. I don't think he knew what that word meant. You know what they do to pretty boys like you and

Jail shut up jail bait nope that's not what that is that's not what that is the 70 year old child and a personator is not jailed they're trying to do some kind of like prison rape joke which is like a very pervasive joke and maybe for a guy who's like very old and salty looking not gonna say he's ugly but it's not the the trope is like oh you're you're handsome and you're young and therefore you will be sexually assaulted in prison the trope is disgusting. It's a stupid trope. And they unsuccessfully tried to do it here. Like, by calling what is he like 70-year-old Robert Bronzi jailbait? Not exactly. You bring up a good point that this guy is acting funny because it takes him about 30 minutes to explain to him. We want you to be a CI because he's like, I did not do those things.

I don't understand how it just happened. And then every active choice from Langley is just, it's fucking madness. It's like, he had several ideas for this character. He used every single one of them. He's like, he's doing foghorn leghorn. He's doing Christopher Walk and he's doing Richard Rountry. He's just shady and benevolent and silly and serious

and scary. I was kind of pissed off at the movie at this point where I was just like, what the fuck is this guy doing? And I kept thinking- I actually had a two-time speed. It was actually a really good- Yeah, he's just getting possessed by half a dozen different ghosts. Just cycling through his body.

I bet it would be like a fun Robin Williams bit if it was a two-time speed. It felt kind of like, it was like a it was a Mark's brother. It felt very Mark's brother. Yeah. But the brother's ask. Yeah, but it was pissing me off at regular one-time speed. So anyway, he's now in prison.

What was very strange is at this moment, I think the movie maybe got me thinking along these lines. I was concerned about perception and how like what would this guy look like? He'd look like the most ordinary prisoner, right? Like, like he's such an old prison-looking guy that you would just assume everyone in his last prison died of old age and he's getting transferred or something. But the weirdest thing happens, everyone starts calling him superstar. They don't say the world's world's child's brawls in, but apparently they have Charles Bronson movies in this world, so they like recognize him.

They're like, hey, this guy looks like Charles Bronson, he looks like a movie star. They're actually ranting, like they start ranting about action stars, about how it's like an action star. And I love it so much because it's doing that thing where like he's walking down the long hallway and all the prisoners are up on the railings above him and he's just like walking through all of this pattern that's being directed

at him and it fades away. But the guy's still ranting about action stars and they just kind of faded out as he walks it. Yeah, he's like an action star. So I have a confession. I did not make the connection to Charles Bronson because I forgot Charles Bronson existed. So when I saw this, I just thought this was some kind of weird prison trope that I hadn't heard of.

Yeah, and the new car comes to prison. You're actually star. Tell him he's seen his actually movies. Yeah I've been really fucked with him. Yeah, it sounds like you two are not big Charles Bronson fans But for the record I am I love Charles Bronson and when I see him in old movies He electrifies the screen for me. I get Charles Bronson. I think he has so much charisma and And it's funny seeing a guy like this who almost has his face, but like zero charisma just like this this unlikable lump and so Anyway, I'm just saying that's the dynamic. I'm feeling as I watch this movie So anyway

Katie has been gale grudden us just like, who the fuck is this? I'm fucking in and I don't understand what you guys are talking about. Right, but that's what I'm saying. This was made in 2021. Like, who is this for? Even if you're just a few years younger than me, you don't even know who he is. Yeah, all the travel's from other movies I like are, you know, not something I experienced is growing up. It's like, I'm going to watch some classic movies that I like are, you know, not something I experienced as growing up

It's like I'm gonna watch some classic movies and like oh, this is this is fucking it. I mean I wrecked like I'm looking up I was born. I'm looking up his filmography and I I recognize these movies like I don't think I've seen them But like once upon a time in the West the Magnificent 7 Death Wish yeah seven death wish. Yeah. Two, three, four, and five. You should stop it. You should stop it one. Yeah, death wish. Yeah, so it's too wish to die.

This guy, and then, oh yeah, the like classic, he's got a lot of bullets. He's wearing a lot of bullets. I do recognize that. Mm-hmm. Well, he made a lot of stinkers. Uh, where's a lot of bullets. I do recognize that. Mm-hmm. Well, he made a lot of stinkers. Where he wears a lot of bullets. Oh, that's.

It's not the, could it be the mechanic? The mechanic has a really cool poster that looks like a penetrator book cover. Right, no, I think he's younger. I think that might be once upon a time in the West. Does he wear a lot of bullets in that movie? It's possible, yeah, maybe. Most of his cowboy movies, you know,

at a band-a-layer possibly. Yeah, maybe. Most of his cowboy movies, you know, at a bandelier, possibly. Yeah, yeah. All right. Anyway, he gets warned, hey, just lay down and take it, which really scared me. I did not like that advice from this stranger in prison, but it was not a sex thing. It's just that every night the guards come and get the new guy and just beat the shit out of them. This was another classic rubber bronzy fake out because in the middle of getting beaten and taste,

he makes this big dramatic anime fist and I'm like, oh, he's gonna fuck up these prison guards. And the guy just casually blocks his punch and just beat the shit out of him some more. Yeah, and they've got cattle prods, so they're like tasing him. And again, I emphasize that watching this two times speed really was fun because I had them in so funny.

His like, I'm getting tased face, but really quick was very good. And like they really, they really love throughout the movie, the tasing, and the looking at that I'm getting tased face. And doing it repeatedly, I think there was a little bit of nipple tasing and the looking at that i'm getting tased face and doing it repeatedly i think there was a little bit of nipple tasing you know how um quentin ternetino has like a barely disguised foot fetish that he kind of acts out in his movies uh... i think that the director has a nipple tasing fetish that he is sort of uh... you know

in uh... in his first, in Quentin Tarantino's first acting role, for like major acting role, anyway, uh, was in dust till dawn and he, he put himself in the role of the man who drinks to Keelab off of Selma Hayek's foot. Yeah. I would argue that it is not barely disguised.

It's, uh, I think it's from his very first role. He he was like I want to talk some feet. Everybody watch everybody stop. Everybody watch me try to fuck this foot with my mouth. Yeah. I mean, Gloria Baster, he plays the role of the guy who is a Nazi who has a foot fetish and says like, yeah, I have a foot fetish. Yeah, I like a pediccy. I can't hide that I have a foot fetish. Could you imagine though, it's Sama Hayek in Dusk Tadon,

which is might be like a sexy as anyone's ever looked and he's like, must've done at least five or six takes, right? Like you chasing that high for the rest of your life and you can give a foot fetish. Like that's just, it doesn't get any better than that. There's also no way she didn't know what this was. Yeah. She's like I've met guys like you before. Yeah. It's so gross. It's just like like no no no I swear this is for the movie. It's like oh come on. It's important for both of our characters to establish

this tiny okay but the next thing I have a snake face and like where you just don't see me again. Yeah but but the characters need to suck feet right here and it was all right welcome to wind this things again let's back to the movie this specific scene was when I started having a good time and it's because of the setup where he's like the prisoner next door I'm when he first arrives tells tells bronzy like just lay down and take it and like, oh, all right, here comes the prison rape scene. Yeah. And then the movie's like shows its hand that it's much more innocent than you think where

it's like, oh, he was warning them they're going to come beat him up. Everybody knows what that is. You like, no, you just didn't know what the trope was, did you? Right. You thought it was like your parents, your parents turned off the movie at that point. You're like, yeah, you just didn't know what the trope was. Did you? You thought it was like your parents turned off the movie at that point and you're like, yeah, I know what happens. They beat him up. But also, they're police batons.

Yeah, like don't drop the soap. You might slip because it's slippery. Yeah, because they don't give you really good shoes in prison. Everybody knows that. But it's further that they're police batons like they pull out the actual police batons, and then they have tasers built into the ends of them, and they make futuristic zapping noises.

Yeah, right. And then they turn his skin like gray to signify that like, oh, was super electrocuted. They burn through his shirt. Like it's all of a sudden future prison because they don't fully understand what like an actual police brutality case would look like. So this is a child and that's when I suddenly understood

like, oh, this whole movie is children playing pretend and then it becomes so much more. And then you get it. Yes. Yeah, I mean, like it's a lot of, of where Robert Bronzey gets taste because he goes, oh,

oh, what's he does. I just didn't bother because I can do that. Sounds so perfectly. That's a perfect recreation. They make it like Jim Carrey faces because he's not the only one that gets taste and everybody gets like a long 30 second shot

of them bugging for the camera and just go making Jim Carrey faces. But they only, but it's played seriously. You're like, ah, children, this is adorable. Now I know we should keep moving, but like we maybe should also talk about the coffee scene, which is, was really strange to me. So the next morning, he wakes up in solitary, it is solitary, right? I can't remember, but then the word in comes in. Yes, solitary, yeah. And she offers him coffee. And she's like, would you like something in your coffee?

I have sugar, cane sugar, cream, half and half. She like lists every single brand of our office is sweet, then. Or my favorite honey. Or my favorite? Yes. My honey, here's some details about the honey. Yeah, she describes like that the honey

is like some locally produced honey So weird. I don't does anyone put honey and coffee Not usually Hungarians Yeah, that's possible. I just like how normally Don't be a bitch most movies know not to do this movie characters are like I have a beer and a sandwich and it's like Yeah, we don't need to fucking take his full order because that would be lame. But this movie is like, what if we spent 10 minutes like describing the things you put in a coffee like a four-year-old? Well, the thing is I think that they're trying, unsuccessfully, to have this dichotomy of like,

here he is, he's got taser holes in his shirt, his nipples are fried like pepperonis. And then he's the warden's. Sensing pepperonis. A little cupped up. And delicious smelling. And the warden comes in and she's like talking about organic honey or something. Right. As like this dichotomy of like, look how rough he has it.

And then she's like, but she's so out of touch with the roughness and also rubbing in the situation. Yeah. Because it's like she's living, but she's so out of touch with the roughness and also rubbing in the situation because she's living this great life. Other movies have done a much better job of this than Escape from Death Block 13 because it's just like there's something about the acting and all of it, everything about it that doesn't work. But I think the attempt, an attempt was made of like, look, he's like our innocent foreigner

who just wants the money because des-da-la. And then here's this like savvy, organic, honey-sipping, elite who's sort of looking down her nose at him. But then she says like stuff about like you know just follow the rules of the prison and do your job. And then she said do your job right and it's like wait what job does she think it is because at this point she's not supposed to know he's there under cover like what job is she's telling him to do right just follow the rules is all there's no reason for her to have a mission for him for all she knows

he's he's got a zero-in-one record against used tire bearings or zero-in-two because he also lost a fight to the prison guards she doesn't know that he's a badass. Nobody actually knows that he's a badass. Literally no one in the movie has any idea. But the thing is, he's really only a badass like way later on in the movie. Uh-huh. And it's inexplicable how he comes to be that way. It's not like there's some kind of prison training montage.

He's just suddenly like, well now I'm gonna actually punch hard. I think Sean's right in the universe of this movie, there exists Charles Bronson movies. And so everybody just thinks like, oh you look like Charles Bronson, I'm sure you're equally bad at it. Like it's certain things, but again, that would actually be made by children playing pretend. That would be a fantastic movie like where you have someone who everyone just assumes

is a real badass right like either he looks like a famous actor or looks like you know it a john wick in that universe uh... and then everyone assumes like this guy's a badass and he actually isn't. He can't do anything. Congratulations, it's this movie. I think you're describing Reacher.

Because Reacher is a...he's a Hulk and everybody treats him like he's just some punk they can like... like bully. And then it's like, oh no, it turns out he's a Hulk. So maybe it's not exactly what you're describing. That's the exact opposite. That's the exact opposite. Yes, let's see. It's Bizarro Reacher. She's asking for Bizarro Reacher.

I think Bizarro Reacher would be really funny. And then you could have a bunch of slapstick where like, this guy accidentally kills all these people who are trying to challenge him. But it's just through sheer dumb luck. Now that I'm saying it, it feels like that's a movie, but I can't think of any. I feel like it would star Kevin Hart.

Yeah, well no, because it's got, no, I think it would star like John Cena. Where it's like... Oh, right, you have to look super tough. Right, like he looks real tough. And it's voiced by Kevin Hart. Right, exactly. These are all great ideas,

but in the next day in the cafeteria, a guy shows some eggs to Charles Broughton, and he says, hey, it's my girlfriend! The way I like her, sunny side up! Don't know. Don't know why he brought that eggs. Yeah, don't know why he brought that up. I was not afraid, Nippel joke. Well, though, I think that Sean is right, that this is made by an innocent and therefore,

like he's heard stuff about like, ah, your prison wife and he doesn't really understand like what that actually means, but has inadvertently implied that this guy fucked his scrambled eggs and came in them and now is eating them. This is my girlfriend, I love her. She's sunny side up, flopper or rough.

But confrontationally, like I'm bullying you by telling you how I fucked these eggs. I want to point out also that is the way this movie introduces our main antagonist. That's a bunion. That's the first thing he says. That's our main building. Wait, is it a state bunion or a bunion? It's bunion. Okay. That's hard to hear in two times speed. If he's Bunyan in the streets and Funyan in the dairy section. Now Funyan's that's a wife you can fuck. They tried this on the bag for a little while. It's in the cell. There's a wizard in the prison.

I think that's worth a minute. There's a wizard. He talks like a wizard and he's named wizard. So I appreciate everything like it's a fantasy book. Yes. Only like also rocks like he's the fantasy guy, doing coverage and like a guar intermission. He's just here to be like, they opened the door. I put, well we're just in a prison. Lourless fantasy rules.

Again, it's children playing pretend, but it's so much fun. Like I sort of appreciate a movie where all the lines are weird, right? Like Tarantino movies, like that cocaine bear was like that. But it just feels really artless here. Like it was written by someone whose mind is like actually broken. Like people would say something weird and you're like, oh, I don't think that was a choice. I feel like they're trying to say something very normal.

Like that's how they talk about coffee where they're from. But the wizard breaks character instantly. Like the second Charles Bronson talk, he's like, I do not really fucking wizard. You gotta do like a gimmick though. By the way, he says get yourself a gimmick in prison. Like it's a college improv group. If you wanna stand out, you need to get yourself a gimmick. Right, That's what you want to do in prison. He tells them about the escape tunnels,

over in the Asana Silum, and he told this to a stranger on his first day of prison, so we have to assume the wizard has told every one of these escape tunnels. This can't be a very good, a very well-kept secret anyway. And then we get interrupted by two multicultural gangs scoring up for like a gentleman's champion battle. Bunyan comes out and I really enjoyed his fighting style. He kind of has little T-Rex arms. It looks like he just took his first boxing class this morning. And here's a fun film choice.

We missed the entire fight because they cut to the old guys discussing about writing their congressman about the prison conditions. While the fight is going, literally, you can hear the sound effects. You hear him in the background doing pattern, nonstop. You hear Bunyan, like he's a bad guy in a Spider-Man game. He's just got generic pattern. I wrote down a few of them.

First he says, let's get down to business scrotum skull, but then like his generic pattern is, huh, oh yeah, try that on for size. And my favorite, I'm bunion, I'm bunion. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's fucking moving, it's so good. It's so good. So, but it's not forget to mention this point, we see the prison guards and they all have mini guns like mounted Yes, on there because again, yeah, there's like a bird's nest where there's a prison guard Just like sort of resting on a turret like Ed 209's Ed 209's fucking mini gun. Yeah, they have it mounted all around the prison

There's tons of them but there's miniuns everywhere because they've never seen a prison. They don't know what's going on. It's just wonderful. I was so entrenched in the tropes that they were trying to do that it wasn't until I saw the minigun where I'm like, you know, this is kind of a rough prison to get thrown in for a first-time offender. Like this guy got in one fist fight at a tire factory and they're like, we're putting you in tays to the first night minigun prison. No, but it's also an abandoned the same asylum Yes, but he's being so he's being put this is the thing also he's being placed there right by the FBI or whatever right and But the thing is I think that it's later revealed that they

wrote re-wrote what he was charged with and They changed it from extortion to car theft. Which car-jacking. Doesn't seem like... If you're trying... Yeah, like car-jacking, like, okay, so you're car-jacker, we're gonna throw you into minigun prison. Right.

And this was stupid in a way you can only do if you're really stupid. It doesn't come from laziness or not knowing story structure or prison policy or like script rewrites. This is dumb. The writer of this movie would chase a fake tennis ball. There's no reason to change one crime to another in the fiction of this movie. And it's like the thing that gets the prison guards to be like, oh, this guy's here under

cover because they changed this. Like, it's so fucking stupid. We are skipping over an important part where the detective comes and visits him in prison, like on a second day, to be like, hey, have you found all the drugs yet? You dumb asshole. And it turns into like kind of a love story. I want you to hear this in this chemistry. No, they get flirty. Very, very charged. Hello.

Hello. Hello. Hello. I didn't know you were coming. I didn't know. I like to keep in touch with all the cases I work. I'm sorry, not cases, with the people involved. I know.

It's good to see you. It's good to see you. It's good to see your ability for face. Why thank you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Dooses. Dooses. Just an expression. Do you see my gun, but ugly? Oh, fucking electricity. You know, but ugly. Oh, beautiful. What is it? You cut him immediately after she says, you know, like,

but ugly, he goes, ah, yes. Yeah, he gets that. He gets that. Like, ironically, I ironically understand but ugly. But ugly. I like to check in on my cases I'm sorry when I say cases. I of course mean human beings fully Fledged human beings like you with your nice face You're your eyes are in the right spot

Anyway, remember that she sent him in here on an undercover operation and then visited him on his like second day. Right. Right. Like, hey, isn't that the fucking DA? Like, why is she here? Okay, you know what? I just realized, maybe I'm wrong about the writers this movie being done because the warden does go to the tire barren's warehouse. And she's like his drug drug boss and so maybe they were trying to doctor the files so that Robert Bronzi wasn't connected to this tire warehouse because that might be suspicious. Right.

So anyway, I take it all back about them being dumb. They're actually very smart. Back in prison, there's a nice guy, it's a prison trope, prison movie trope, but there's always a nice guy who has to die somewhere in X2. Right, right, right. But the way this guy dies is fantastic and I love it. Yes, absolutely. Like, he gets full-on story of Ricky killed. He gets, they're teasing him on the top floor and he falls like directly. They tease him more. What I assume is 10 minutes. For me, it was only like three minutes.

Yeah, at one time speed speed it was about four hours. While he makes Jim Carrey faces the entire time. And then he got, oh that's really good. Thank you. And he falls off the railing, lands head first and gets a scanner style head explosion. Oh it's so good. Again, this is, I know exactly what this is. This is 1992 and somebody's big brother brought a video camera over.

And you've all gotten a hold of it. And what do you do? You're making an action movie. Yeah, you're making. That's exactly what this is. And you know, how do you pay everybody? You get a sweet death scene. No matter who you are, every single character in this

gets like a two minute long scene where they go like, ooh, ah, we got you, ah, we got you. Oh my god, what's up? matter who you are every single character in this gets like a two-minute long scene where they go like oh I mean it's I feel like how they taste them it's not just that they taste them to death right they taste them and then he starts slowly kind of tilting over the railing from like the third floor of this prison but they're tasting them some more and he's kind of he's leaning back further and further and tasting them some more and he's kind of he's leaning back further and further and teasing him some more and he's kind of you know teetering a little bit and tays him some more and he's teetering he's teetering he's and then finally he does fall and like sort of does like what's what's I don't know what diving terms are but the dive where you're just

is it a jackknife what is is it? Your face head first, right into the concrete. You call them a brain blaster? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so it's just like, the thing is like, it's almost supposed to be like, oh, will he, won't he fall to his death? Yeah, clearly he's gonna. And then it pays off bigger than anyone could have imagined. Right, which was really good. They seem really proud of it too because they let that head just soak up the scene for, well, for you, it would have been a short amount of time, but for, at one time speed, very, very long time, his brains are all over the floor. They left him out all night so that the next scene, like we could look at it some more,

they flop him onto a stretcher, they really let it linger. That like cracked open skull was really chewing the scenery. Yeah, they were happy about it. It even gets to make a splork noise like later. Just an apropos of nothing, he's just laying on the cart and it goes, war. Yeah, I see the brain, all right? I know, I know he's been a long time on it. So the word now calls the local crime boss, Yeah, I see the brain. All right, I know. I know you spent a long time on it.

So the warden now calls the local crime boss, and I think to the prison, they come in and they, yeah, they're like, sitting in her prison office. Like, I don't know why it's so hard to investigate these guys. Yeah, it seems pretty blatant. But they're discussing the old man

who hasn't done anything to anybody, but seems like he might be tough when he's not getting taste. He does look like Charles Bronson. I loved this. I looked up the warden, her name's Debbie Skeletta, and she wrote her own IMDB. It's very praising of her career. Says she was, Debbie was born and raised in Cleveland, Ohio.

In 2011 2011 on a whim she auditioned for the Marvel movie The Avengers and was booked for a background role. From that she got the acting bug and has then since been booked in over 40 major and independent films several commercials and more recently theater. I don't know if every background actor's name to be is like this but her profile is so long and all of her character names are like Lady holding something footage cut from broadcast or lady behind something uncredited I love her. I remember that from down in Abby lady holding something speaking at chewing scenery. She's like

I don't know. She's like, she's like, just marches into the room and it's like, I'm an evil warden and I run the mafia, and you boys better do your jobs. Yeah. She was a vibe is. It's kind of like a Maya Rudolph SNL character, but But just that but exactly that. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good way to describe it The Warden hires the big bad Bolita

To mess with Robert bronzy right. Right? Yeah, and so, Bonnie is sort of like pet, present. Yeah, her enforcer. So he like bumps into Robert Bronzi and drops his own breakfast on the floor. And then he's like, arg, I can't eat my own breakfast. I'm bullying you.

No, you're forgetting an important plot point, which is that he keeps smelling the breakfast like in this exaggerated like sniff, sniff, sniff, yum, yum. Sure, I'm excited to eat this breakfast, sniff. I really am excited for this breakfast. So everybody knows how much he would have loved that breakfast. Oh, he's real mad now.

And then Bronzi steps on his egg, which, if you remember from earlier, is this girlfriend? I'm not sure if this is a callback or if they think stepping on someone's eggs is like a prison trope. And then like Bunyan's hype man's getting involved. So he's like running around with hype bronzi with his tongue out like, oh, you're gonna fucking die. And then-

And then- And then I mentioned the hype man who is a dog. Yes, he's like- I can't believe we forgot to mention that there's a hype man only he is literally a dog It's like his brain has been taken over by a dog all he can do is howl and bark yeah as tongue is always out of his head I don't yeah, I don't think he has a line. I think he just makes noises Bronzi aboach the tongue out of his head and It changes nothing like bunion's still like just hitting reset on these bully lines. He's like no you

You don't know what you're dealing with. Hey, I Bunyan Bunyan! It changes the day of one prisoner who excitedly raised his coffee and caught Dogman's tongue and then just looked around at both of his friends like, yeah fuck yeah, right? I got a tongue! That's four prison points, motherfucker! Mine or what? It's just like, again, this like insane little two-second, like, why was that there? What does that do? Why did we do that at all?

Check out Tongue. Check out Tongue. Check out Tongue. So then they get in a fight and it's weird. It's kind of, it's hard to tell that they're even fighting for a lot of it. Like it really looks like some grandparents taking a stage fighting class on a cruise.

It's kind of like sort of like this sort of, like if you're trying to hug someone, but then you'd accidentally go at the wrong angle. Like you're both going at the same angle, and then you can't. Yeah, they went for a handshake, and you went for like a hello kiss, and it's, oh geez, we got it.

Right, we got it. It's like when, yeah, like when like in a European and American try to like say hello to each other, and it's like, oh, handshake, oh, kiss, I don't know, is this gay, I don't understand, what? Yeah, so. So, Ronzie's choking him to death because he's a great fighter secretly.

And someone throws a chain in. By the way, the warden's watching. Everyone's watching. And I don't know how the chain is going to help to a guy like almost dead from choking. But it does. He grabs the chain, wraps around his face, punches his way out.

He starts swinging the chain out of, Bronzi has no defense against it. He's just taking straight up chain shots. Then he gets down on the ground and they're doing these awesome CGI sparks whenever the chain misses and hits the floor. Bunyan is weak against two by four, so when someone throws him some wood debris, like that

really turns the fight around. Uh, I envy Katie for watching this at 2x speed, because this did feel like an eternity watching them slowly hit him, circle, slowly hit him, circle. It was bad. It was great at 2x speed. Yeah, I bet it was like a normal fight there. So the Warden who, as I mentioned earlier, has the acting bug, seems perfectly fine

when each man is about to murder the other. Like, it's really hard to tell if she cares who wins this. And then Robert Bronzi refuses to kill him, like, gladiator style. He's like, I will not kill him. If not really crowd pleaser, like, the prisoners hate it, the warden hates it. And later, the old guys, it inspires them,

they're like, hey guys, we're gonna fight back. And then the whole prison's like, yeah, let's all, unite against the prison. So that's how things got turned around. Again, you could tell what they're going for and how far they're missing it by. Yeah. The good guy and the bad guy,

both Paul's sick prisoner routines like simultaneously. And there's a scene I really love where there's an evil doctor who's going to kill. Yeah, so the warden sends both Robert Bronzi and onion into a salter compliment. who's going to kill us so the warden sends both uh... robert bronzy and onion into a soldier can come and uh... like this uh... evil doctor comes in with a syringe and he's like laughing

maniacally uh... which is just it's fantastic it's like in uh... star wars when the orb doctor comes in and threatens the last but this time it's like a wars when the orb doctor comes in and threatens Laya. But this time, it's like a cackling guy, cackling nerd with a syringe. And then somehow onion is just, I don't remember how onion, or sorry, bunion turns up there, but he turns up and say, he's right next door.

He does this sick prisoner. The guy's like, oh, hey, prisoner, are you sick? And then he beats that guard up. Right, right. And then he comes around and he grabs the doctor, stabs him in the neck with his own syringe, and that doctor, even at two times speed, that he must have died for so fucking long.

He died for so long, because they really like showing him like convulsing and foam coming out of his mouth. Yeah, and barking. Yeah. He started like barking and growling as he frothed. So I think he was going to inject a Robert Bronzi with... Chihuahua seabed. Like, rabies or werewolf serum or something?

Like, why do you die like that? That's a wrenchful of Chihuahua come. I get it just. Yeah, it was a major wallet. I completely forgot to set up that like, that the bunion and and and bronzy have reconciled and made some kind of plan. Right. Because now everybody, the prisoners on the outside, both of them, everybody's in sync

that this is like a coordinated escape attempt. And I kept thinking they're gonna do this later. Like they're gonna backfill this in the movie and there's gonna be a flashback scene when like, oh really, this flight was fake and they were in it the whole time. No, everybody just like decides at the same time. Let's all escape and then they do. Pure coincidence according to the film itself.

So now the prisons in full riot, guards are getting killed with their own weapons and Bunyan and Bronzi go up to the chapel, because that's where they keep the arsenal, and they're like, oh, we need the key. And then there's a guy just taunting them with the key chain behind them. So, there's a mini-boss here, and he like puts... It's like a prison guard, like a super prison guard, and he puts a stick down for like some sort of unalterable battle or something.

It's incredible. It's the exact ending of the raid if you've seen the raid. Just a guy who just loves except. Except if the main bad guy was replaced by bull from night court, but overweight. Because he's like seven feet tall. He's bald. He's about 63, I want to say.

And he's got a good punch on him. And this is our villain. And when the fight scene started, I left so hard when it turned out he's a Taekwondo. Yes, the little Taekwondo kick. This is the least likely man to do any of that. It cracked me up so hard. Uh, he couldn't, he's a very old man, so we couldn't kick above the knee. So every move with hilarious, he's just like kicking him in the shins. A fucking bird flies into distract him, like his weakness is pretty bird.

So he's just like, oh no, pretty bird. And that's how they get him. They like, jam a taser down his throat and fry him dead. Because he liked him, Because he liked a bird. Here's the thing that confused me is that bird, I think, showed up twice. And it's from three times. Yeah, it's the bird.

I think here's my theory. I think that bird is supposed to be the spirit of the dead brother. Absolutely. I exactly took a note. Oh, OK. I had that in my notes like, what is this bird represent? Because the bird keeps showing up. And I had like, my notes like what is this bird represent because the bird keeps showing up and I had like maybe it's maybe it's freedom

But the thing is how does a bird get inside a prison? I Think that's why the prison guard was so weak against he took And he was just like he just like he just like birds He's a bird like you know what us bird watchers. We see a bird we drop everything He loves two things like wonder death death matches, and pretty birds, not in that order, reverse that order. Preferably ordered. I don't know, it's the distance between what they're trying to do, and the stupid shit

they actually made is measured in cosmic words. I am so happy I picked this movie almost entirely at random and made us all watch it because this made me laugh so hard when I saw this. But now this movie is full on I just want to insist everyone go watch this movie the first chance they get because at this point in the movie it is it's like dolomite two levels of pure joy like the people making it are having so much fun. They find the army they're loaded. There's assault rifles, there's a mini gun grenade launcher, the prison kicks ass. The prison needs a grenade launcher and a mini gun that only that only an eight foot all now they did have an eight foot tall ball band. Yep. That was his gun. He's the only one who could

wield it. This is the second mini gun because the other one is still mounted outside. So and I want to say the gun fighting is as funny as the fist fighting. Every muzzle flash and blood burst is like a funny little CGI effect. It's like a fraction of a second off, which is always good. Yes. And it decides that this point, because he's saying the song, Rockabye Baby, once earlier. Now Rockabye Baby is his catchphrase. Is his catchphrase? It is his catchphrase. Is this catchphrase? All the time.

This is like, to be clear, there's like 20 minutes left in the movie. He's barely had any lines. He's now a good guy and he's like, also I say Rockabuy Baby all the time. He speaks almost entirely in catchphrase. He's Bunyan. Awesome.

He's Bunyan, I'm Bunyan. I'm Bunyan. As they're traveling through like the maze of stairs and hallways, the doctor who died earlier does a zombie monster jump skate like a Yes, it was absolutely some kind of an undead Frankenstein serum. They shoot the entire top of his head off and they like back away with the minigun Like, what if he gets back up? Like, it's suddenly just a totally different movie, just for that brief moment. But in that brief moment, they cut to the wizard outside and I'm so poked right now. I'm so in love with this movie that I thought,

here we go, he's a real wizard. He was gonna cast a lightning plate, right? Yeah, because he, all that, he's like very, they were building this up during the riot. We cut to wizard and he like sneaks out of his cell and he grabs one of the taser baton lights. And then he smiles like, and he sneaks outside and then when we cut away, we see him in the middle of this field facing off against the mini gun mounted turret above and he's like, got a plan. He's like, I bring down the heavens at the end.

You're like, oh, he's going to like supercharge that baton and shoot lightning or something. No, they kill him for 45 straight seconds with a mini. Just shredded with Adobe After Effects blood spurs. This is what I'm saying in that like everybody involved in this movie got paid in a sweet death scene. They were like even if their character barely had a name or didn't have any lines they're like fine but I get a 30-second death scene where I get to really ham it up. And they all do.

Then Bronzian Bunyan, they storm into the prison yard. Just certain death. It is a killing field covered from every angle by unlimited firepower, and they just casually kill everybody, reload, kill everybody again. There's will help screams, there's stock explosions. It's just a new gonda action movie. If this was a-

Bumpins has the mini-gun, so we get an extended mini-gun on mini-gun gun fight, where they're just both unloading mini-guns at each other about a hundred feet away. It's a funny thing, but all the bullets just hit each other. So neither of them got killed. Perfectly matched mini-gun fight. That's what happens. It's such a periodic joy, I love it. Then they blast their way into the old Insane Asylum, and their plan is to just look around for the tunnels. They're just like, you go that way, I'll go this way. The Warden is somehow, Warden's already killed four guys on the way here. She ambushes

Bunyan, shoots him, I don't know, 40 times, five times, it's really hard to get a number on it. He's only got one like bullet wound though. Yeah, we see blood shooting off of him a lot, but at the end, he just has one in the shoulder. This could just be a rewrite issue, but she's about to shoot him for real. And then Bronzi saves him from the killing shot and now we have a standout Here amidst the climax. I took a clip. It's a long one

Because they really let the dramatic moments breathe. It's the best one of the movie though. Yeah, it's so good Johnny Johnny Now where do you think you're going? Now we had such a good relationship. You only see an extra. You got a... I'm very, very disappointed in you. Why do you have to go and spoil everything?

Happy to disappoint you! Rockabuy, baby! I'm not buying it! Oh, she's out of bronzy's gun. He just came in and shot her. She can't believe it. And she's still holding her gun, and just her arm doesn't work because she has the bullet near her shoulder. I'm over here, and you just second to kill you.

I'm your only hope body here alive. Now get me to the doctor. Sorry, I English is not so good. Can you repeat it? That was not in the script, I don't think. Fast learner, my close. I know you will do what's in your best interest. I don't understand.

We must be lost in trust. Also not in the script. Oh, damn it! I'm getting you one last chance. Now don't blow it! I pulled out an RPG. Yeah, grenade launcher, because she said blow it. So he's like like I understand that. Oh. What? Oh.

Oh. Oh. You can't do this to a woman. A woman wearing glasses. You may be a woman. But you are no late. It's not how that line works at all. Oops.

Oh. Okay. Okay. Oh. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. oops okay okay okay okay so can I break this down please break it down camera as soon as he fires the grenade launcher the camera POV switches to the grenade so we're like writing on the grenade, it flies forwards towards the screaming warden, goes through her belly, that is the splorching noise you heard. We kind of see it carve out like a red,

you know, like a red canyon into her belly. A tunnel of gore. A tunnel of gore, we go through, it's fun, it's like a little Disney ride, we go through the tunnel of Gore And then we're going towards the wall and then it explodes and reveals the escape tunnels And then the pigeon flies through the explosion and causes in front of the camera like fuck yeah right and then flies away this pigeon could not like the pigeon literally pop cuz like i rewound it it pops into frame from nowhere

um... and this bad it's about to come through the explosion right it is bad cg i pigeon comes in through through the explosion it's the spirit of his brother that got eaten up by a tire crunching machine Probably yes definitely and it's now just like yeah Fuck yeah It is artistically speaking adorable. I mean it really is. It's so cute. Oh you guys really you guys really thought this was profound You may be a woman, but you are no lady. I never said I was a lady

You're supposed to hold on. Do you want to take that again? No, I'm dead already. No, don't worry about it. I'm just... So upstairs, there's a standoff. It's the murderous prison guards versus the prisoners. And there's this triumphant music building to a crescendo.

And from like the glowing backlight of Representative for the inmates, he steps forward to give this rousing speech. I took backlight of representative for the inmates he steps forward to give this rousing speech I took a clip of it it's so moving you're gonna love it. We got hostages here. Crept fucking left so hard. I thought he was going to say something. We're not going to take it anymore. He's just like, no, we're going to fucking kill these men if you don't get us some sandwiches.

You can imprison our bodies, but not our minds. Yes. That would have been great. We have a pigeon. The spirit of hope is on our side. Yeah. As you can see from this CGI bird. So I guess they're the good guys.

No, but they're not. Yeah, but then they like don't they just, they get like sort of unceremoniously defeated by a SWAT team. Yeah, like they're not getting out of this alive and then they're and then like out there to feed. They're like, oh, okay, you got me We'll get back in ourselves. Sorry So brought the Abundian escape Into the corn they go mountain of cornfield and it's like a it's a shashink tunnel they

come out of a shashink tunnel well and they get to a cornfield firstly come out in a little gully full of trees and bunions says trees everywhere beautiful ha ha ha ha ha beautiful bunion loves trees ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha But she has that's all a quote a literal point is like Bunyan hasn't spoken in the third person this whole movie So like it's not like a mango from Blazing Saddle situation Like mango speaks in third person to kind of like seem like caveman This is the first time Bunyan has pulled a third person. So he's just like suddenly Bunyan loves cornfield or Bunyan loves trees I So he's just like suddenly Bunyan loves cornfield or Bunyan loves trees. I guess like you know what it says in my notes right here it says don't bother getting a sound clip.

Brockway will have written down this. Yes, you do. But yeah, they come out of Shawshank tunnel. Now they're at a cornfield. Bunyan loves it. Bunyan loves the cornfield. He loves the treesfield he loves it trees yes he's so so happy he's got so many bullets in him he'll be dead by morning

uh... lost forever in this cornfield uh... bronzi is immediately found at the grave of his brother but here's the twist the cops are just there to say good job they're like hey no no no no relax relax He killed three at least three prison cards He killed the warden with a grenade launcher I would I would I would hold on I wrote down exactly the DA steps forward and he and he says what what about the charges and the DA says It's all good

It's all good, baby. It's all Lincoln speaking. It's all good. They hand up like a phone and they're like, have you heard of something called crypto? I thought they were gonna try to sell me crypto coins. They say it's a new crypto currency account and then there's a long pause like they're gonna pitch bronzy coins. Yeah, oh God, I would've bought some bronzy coins.

Listen, you need to, you gotta give your ape slurp juice. That's how you evolve your apes. And then they give him $127,500 in crypto. And then they literally explain money to him, not crypto money, just like the very idea of currency to him. And I argue that they get it wrong. Yeah, this money can be exchanged for goods and services. We don't know how it's done in Hungary.

Like, oh, not in Hungary. Our money is ball-peen hammers. I like that they just also added another zero to the amount he was requesting. Yes. Like, I think he would be upset that they didn't take the quarter off of that. Like, no, I already got quarter.

I am no thief. Ha-ha-ha. They paid him for starting a prison riot. They like they're now they're offering him a job. As fast as an elite, okay, hold up there. Offering him a job as an elite mercenary to work for the government like off the books hitman work. Yes, and he says my brother always said America is land of opportunity. That's a CIA what work? Did he mean for CIA what work?

Because I don't think he meant a CIA what work did he mean for CIA what work because I don't think he meant for CIA what work. I just love that they think this is the guy to do like covert CIA missions. There would be a huge amount of media attention on the fact that someone blew up a prison warden with a grenade launcher with Charles Branson's face And found an explosion proof species of bird. And left numerous witnesses. Ha ha ha. Just thought they made a sit and we're trying to rip off

a simple prison break movie, which they had to template for. And at the end, they're like, we need to set this up as a sequel franchise instead of being like, he's on the run. They're like, he's going to be a super spy now like fucking the sultan precinct 13 and did with Dylan precinct joining the 13 elite super spies that run the United States like it's what do you do they're spinning off 18 different movies here my favorite part is here one of my favorite parts I guess of many of this beautiful movie but like they They do a both a check-offs ball-peen hammer and a check-offs tire exactly

Massorator because there is one last thread to wrap up Bronzi goes back to the tire warehouse with the hammer the exact hammer and The mafia boss pulls a gun, but of course hammer beats gun. He just bashes the gun out of his hand with the hammer. Right. And has him time himself up. He's like, I have you at Hammer Point. Tie yourself up. And then he tosses the end of the rope, just like a nylon toe rope.

He toss it into the tire disposal machine and leaves. And he never figures out a way out of this. He just gets pulled in and eaten hands first. You live by the tire? You die by the tire? Yeah, the evil mafia guy. He's like, our guy, Robert Bronzi just leads him up. And there's a lot of pleading like, no, you're a good guy.

Like you wouldn't have this rope feed me into this tire a massorator machine what'd you sir and Robert bronzy is like no I am the bad son my brother you as the good son me no I feed people to tire eating machine you kill wrong brother You kill wrong brother. You kill wrong brother. Mommy always said to me, son, you are not good like your brother. You look like the man that would feed a man to a tire eating machine. Anyway. And I say, mother, English not so good, but you are no lady.

What a beautiful movie. And then we hold out, we end on a slow zoom to the hammer where it says, I mean hammer. Made in America. And that's the last way to end this movie. Not a real way to end this movie. This movie which was made starring a foreign knockoff of an American human. I'm Stine Hooter, Frankfurt. I'm Stine Hooter, Frankfurt. a foreign knockoff of an American human. Luna, shoot the end of Honda Zone, Theo and Astunda, Cupsha, Do Kids to Do My

I'm not Hunda I'm not Hunda, Frankfurt I'm not Hunda, I'm not Hunda, Frankfurt I'm not Hunda, I'm not Hunda,

Frankfurt I'm not Hunda, I'm not Hunda Ya, No, I Towson Hey, It's Hot Dog Junction, America's last comedy, children's variety, trivia, Keah Laff in For Christ. Now here's Robin Markey.

Thanks, Yodel and Julius. I'm Robin. My friend Markey here wants to tell you all about the supremeicecaph this side of Job 410. Take it away Markey! And Crosstin! Adrian H! It is Robert! Alpha Scientist Jawa! Alpha Scientist Jawa! Alpha Scientist Jawa! Alpha, sir, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, hauler and Suler, Ruler and Ruler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and Suler and Suler, Ruler and Suler and Suler, Ruler and Suler and Suler and Suler and Suler, Ruler and Suler, Ruler and And we're in the wrong side for you! Take it slow! Team Costello! Tristan! Just use Rats all!

Rik, Rion! Every Zigg! Rik, Rik! Oh, you're doing really good! Here it is! Jell-a-ho! I'm cutting him! Hey, I'm running! Harappa-o-ho! Harapum!

Ham-o-ho-ho! Ham-o-ho-ho! Ham-o-ho-ho! Hello? A Harvey Pen Gweedy. Hello, how the heart is in Fuddy? How the fudge! Hock!

Err-err-err-err-err! I'm not gonna get this one. J-B-R-L-Eck! I know what I got here, sir! J-B-R-L-A-D Yeah, okay! She's Lloyd! Jeff! R-L-S-T Jeff Sultor!

John Dean! F-N-F-K-N! John H-F-F! Joseph S-R-L-S! Josh P-S! Josh Walker! And Fussi! and I'm going to have to go to the next place. I'm going to have to go to the next place.

I'm going to have to go to the next place. I'm going to have to go to the next place. I'm going to have to go to the next place. No color! I feel orange! Mox, tiles, houses are really hard! Okay, just close and talk! Close you! And you! Be a little silly! Elf,

Rekal, final floor! Neck, relson, horse, and clothing! Patrick, hurts! Patrick, hurts! Patrick, hurts! Patrick, hurts! What's it holding? Patrick Hertz. Patrick Hertz. Patrick Hertz. Patrick Hertz. Yeah, I know everybody knows what's happening.

Hertz, okay? Rachel, we're in Sparkovsky, Sean Chase, Scotty Recephan, Silverlust, Anten,

Edit, House, Carosoft, I'm not a fan of this. I'm not a fan of this. I'm not a fan of this. I'm not a fan of this. I'm not a fan of this. I'm not a fan of this. I'm not a fan of this. I'm not a fan of this.

I'm not a fan of this. I'm not a fan of this. I'm not a fan of this. I'm not a fan of this. I'm not a fan of this. I'm not a fan of this. Two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, three, two, Okay, hold on, I'm gonna do a good job. See?

See? See? See? See? See? See? See? See?

See? See? I'm just gonna do a fast, real fast. See you down there. See you down there. See you down there. See you down there. See you down there.

See you down there. See you down there. See you down there. See you down there. See you down there. See you down there. See you down there. See you down there.