The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 155, T Force With Dirk Marshall

Episode Date: December 27, 2023

Seanbaby builds the ultimate killing robots, Brockway and guest, Dirk Marshall, then programs them to discuss the 1994 action movie T Force. It seems like a waste of killer robots, Seanbaby!

1,900 hot dog! 1,900 hot dog! A podcast slammed with maximum height! Say hot dog podcast worked! Yeah! We need to taste that nitrate power! You're in the dog zone for an hour! Come on!

You know the number! 1,900 hot dog! 1,900 hot dog! Welcome to the dogzone 9000, the official podcast of 1900HopDog.com. We are a comedy and humor website for laughs. We are a haunted website cursed with the unknowable. Give generously on our Patreon or watch all media die. I'm enduring webmaster, TV's Sean Baby from the internet. And my host was voted Buns on Buns or not.com.

He's Bobby the Buns, Brockway. Triple Buns, there were three buns out of a possible five, but I'll get all of the... Did they get the triple buns? Triple Buns, a three-bun contender. I'm Robert Brockway, here's Brockway Fact. I have also made tender love to a robot in the woods. No follow-up questions.

I was there for that, I have none. Our guest today is a hot sauce man and a red movie man. You can listen to him discuss the second one on the VHS podcast or see the first one on this season of Hot Ones. It's our dear friend, Dirk Marshall. Hello, thanks for having me back. Welcome back, it's always great to have you.

This was, this is real, I wasn't messing around. Your ghost pepper, martial hot sauce is, I think, the fifth chicken wing on the season of hot ones. So, yeah, we're number six. Number six. Right. We're serious. One of the hotter ones. How does hold on? I need to know how, how does it feel as a hot sauce man? Yeah. To witness Does it feel as a hot sauce man to witness the pain you cause to an unwedding person? You know, when it's just normal people, it goes on a range from exciting to not that exciting. But when it's somebody like Justin Timberlake or Mark Ruffalo, it's really satisfying to like see them.

Did you inflict pain on both of those people? Well, the way that my wife designed the sauce was like, it's really flavorful up front, and then the heat comes in like, when you don't expect it to. And so it causes this reaction where they start talking again, and then they have to be like, wait a minute.

And that got Justin Timberlake and Bobby Flay, both had times where they literally like, give me a minute. And that got Justin Timberlake and Bobby Flee both had times where they literally like give me a second. And that feels great. Now, last time I was over at your play, Sturk, we actually went through and ate every sauce from the show. I felt like a very normy thing to do. Yeah, yeah. But I had fun. And I was kind of surprised at how food like they were, because the show does make it look like these people are just being fucking hollowed out mouth first, but, um, I don't know. I should say that this is probably

because of some masculine vitality within me. I can barely control, but I just don't think they were that serious. I'm saying this to the listeners, no of my power, my mouth is in the idea of weapons, my teeth and tongue. Standing against any opponent. But, on trust, I would have literally died.

They would have, they like three, three in. You're like, I'm out of three. There would have just been an ambulance to that. No, I would have been dead. I would have just been dead on the floor, frothing. Yeah, frothing spicy foam. At this time of year, I'm doing all these holiday events. And so people are sampling stuff.

They normally wouldn't try because they want to like, you know, get it for their dad or grandpa or whatever. And the first sauce we have, which is the mildest, the smoked habanero barbecue, which is, I think, sweet and smoky, is too spicy for so many people. And I just go, well, then you can't try these other nine. They're all, well, then get out.

Yeah. Get, get out. I do legitimately run into problems when I'm cooking because my wife will be like Oh, is this spicy? I'm like not even a little bit not not even tiny bit and I should be like what the fuck did you make? Yeah, I do the same. I used to like spicy food I liked I loved your hot sauce It's probably my favorite hot sauce specifically the the Habanero smoke-cutting arrow barbecue. It was so good. I can't eat it anymore. My guts have Rebelled no against me. I can't eat really anything spicy.

But my wife was the same way I would make something spicy or eat something spicy and I would chew it. Is it spicy and I'd have to go no, but for you? Right. Yes. Yeah. For like a coward. For like a coward for like a coward my dear true love It's bad for sales, but I do just constantly shout coward at people You're telling me that some guys will come up to you at food festivals and be like they're like man up on you No, these are fucking spicy enough Yeah, this is the worst they come up and they just bark at you

What's the hottest in you go? Well, we're like a mile this to and then they try the spices where they go. It's not hot and then they march away And you're like that was fun to cry behind the port of potting So I mean that's me. I did build my entire personality around it I act like I'm too cool for it But no when I go to the restaurant I'm like just give me something to make snot pour to my fucking head. I want to spend the whole meal talking about the spice level of this shit. Yeah, that's gross. That's a good way to do it. Today we're talking about T-Force and this is a movie you brought to us, Dirk.

Yes. 1994. This was a great find. I fucking loved this movie. Brock, what are your high level thoughts on this before we start? I enjoyed how it was just open theft. Start to finish. Yeah, start to finish. Nobody, there was absolutely no original idea except for one which we'll get to. I don't want to jump ahead. Yeah. Which was a very bold move that made me a lot of bleak ass. But otherwise it was exactly die hard for the first half hour and then exactly terminator for the rest of it except for the parts where it was exactly who framed Roger Rabbit. I mean, you can't ask for better influences.

No, you can't ask for better influences. No, you can't. But it was just, it's watching somebody steal and you just gotta admire their technique. You're like, damn, I really needed that scooter, but that was that wheelie, that was fucking slick. Yeah, you can have a breath. Yeah, beef. This director, he's done a lot of cyborg-y movies.

So if you're down, down I mean if you're not familiar with Cybertracker one and two uh strap in for some some classic classic action. Cybertracker action. Was that Gary Daniels or Don the Dragon Wilson? Don the Dragon Wilson. Oh fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. And the second one there's two Don the Dragon Wilson's. Oh double fuck yeah. Yep. See I feel like Don the Dragon Wilson should have had several movies like that. But yeah, I bet Sean Claude is still leading in the most hymns for movie. Oh for sure. I don't even go through the list, but I think he's been in five of them and I think that even Arnold never did five multiple Arnold movies. I wish they only recently found out that the Jackie Chan

did a double to the double Chan movie. I somehow, my whole life, I missed that one. It was over there. What were their character names? Jackie Chan and Jackie Chan? Well, I think one was Jackie and the other was Chan. Okay, that makes sense. I wish that Jean-Claude would remake the movie Jr.

but give birth to a smaller Jean Claude Van Damne. Fuck I'd watch that. Just probably a child, but they're all Jean Claude Van Dam. The name's right there. Oh shit, pitch it. What does he do? He's not doing shit. Let's do it. Consider this my official pitch, Jean Claude Van Damne, I know you're listening. pledges like legally his lawyer, at least asked you because he has many restraining orders against me. He pledges to us at the Sean Claude bandam tier, the specialty here, just for him.

You know, when I left Belgium last time, Sean Claude bandam arrived like two minutes later. Like I saw, I was on the airplane just going online, just summing through Twitter and I saw Sean Claude bandam Twitter, the tweet that he was in the airport. Like I missed I was on the airplane just going online just summing through Twitter and I saw Sean Floddband and Twitter the tweet that he was in the airport. Like I missed him by like two minutes, which I don't think was a coincidence. I think he's like, okay, good, he's gone. I can. I know that to a human, the same country at the same time.

David, statue over there. Why wouldn't they? They only won. It's yeah, I was. What else do they have? It's just the one. Waffles. It's in the bathroom. David Waffles else do they have? It's just the one waffles. It's in a little at the end of the game. And waffles, he should have at least as many statues as waffles.

You should drive under his splits like under every fucking bridge. Oh, fuck yeah, it should be a tunnel. Under the splits one way out, the splits the other. Wait, wait, wait, one from double impact, each one on each slide. Oh, that's kind of their names were Jackie Chan and Jackie Chan. The intro for this movie was fucking crazy. It was like three hunks in a hot girl, all cyborg doubt, walking onto the ruins of the world,

and an explosion goes off behind them, and then the fucking nobody says anything. And the logo comes up. And it's just like, it's like an advertisement for the breakfast sale or something. It's the fucking weirdest way to start a movie. Yeah, I love it. And it has the vibes of, do you remember that there was an 80s toy

that you would buy that you could shoot at the TV during the TV show? And I did Captain Power. Yeah, Captain Power, thank you. I was like, I just was watching this again, and was thinking like this really feels like captain power. Yeah, you should have been light gunning at that scene. Well, you should have been pressing the trigger to light gun and then it wouldn't respond. Yes.

In captain power tradition, that technology was supposed to have worked, but I that was not my experience. No, it did not work. No, it did not work. Okay, so as Brockway said, it starts, it's just die hard. So there, there's a big office building we find out as an embassy. It's like a 30 story embassy, which is kind of weird, but income is Vernon Wells. You, everyone knows this guy from the bad guy from commando, weird science, rogue warrior. And he's up to something. Hena's crew were planning a bomb. They have the exact

crew from diehard almost down to down to race. Yes. Yeah, they have a budget ring rames. He's their hacker. They have a muscle Mr. Bean, which I thought was an interesting choice. And then there's a bunch of generic commandos. They're like, we got three characters. That's enough. Everyone else is just like ski mask generic, commando villain. Um, there's, the first thing that struck me, I guess, from the movie is how weird everything was. Like the desk clerk is very polite. And he's like, hi, can I help you? And they just like, hold on his face in this tight close-up where he just sort of gives a friendly smile for what felt like two and a half hours to me. It was a long time. He was a little awkward. He had to have been somebody's like brother

and law or something. I think they hired like real hospitality workers or something. And I didn't realize how long it was because I just couldn't stop thinking about Vernon Wells' chin strap beard. He has in this movie. Yeah. Everybody's chin strap beard. Oh man. and Wells Chin strap beard he has in this movie. Yeah. Everybody's Chin strap beard. Oh man. Everybody's got one. I, his head, I don't know.

I don't like to comment on people's heads being weird shapes, but like when you draw like a triangle around the bottom part of your face, it like really accentuates how your head's not human. I guess this is my point. Sure. I don't, I don't know. That's not a nice thing to say.

I'm sorry Vernon. So yeah, I don't know. That's not a nice thing to say. I'm sorry, Vernon. So yeah, I don't think this is an accident that they just made die hard. No, they installed like direct shots. They stole the exact shot of like when the single police car comes up and the black police officer gets out and looks up. Yep. And then they stole the exact shot where he leaps off of the roof even down to the angle. I love the cop in the car because he goes, oh no, and he gets in the car that's about

to be exploded. Oh, it's great as he saw the grenade launcher. From like, what, it must have been a million miles away. It's just a weird shadow on top of the building and he's like, oh shit, that's a 203 grenade launcher. And directly in my patrol car, I better get inside. Loved it. Vernon and the muscle mister being, they take out the entire lobby of security guards

with handguns. And now the movie like, somebody just felt like chaos because there's a bunch of plain clothes guys. Like the, just a bunch of dudes secretly security guards at the embassy and they start gunfighting or maybe they're just like hanging out there for the day and it's just like, the country we live in,

like everyone's got a hand gun, they're like, oh, I gotta get it on this gunfight. I love it in this scene, like everyone's being shot. It's total chaos, you don't know who's good or who's bad, really. And then there's one shot, one little insert of an Uzi pointed up and it fires one bullet and I was like, I've never seen an Uzi fire one bullet. Do they do that? That was amazing. It is, you bring up a good point because like it

is just a lot of shots of people shooting in random direction. Like it's so lazy in every storytelling way. But then every single security guard gets hit through every single piece of art. So it's like a lot of high effort like death scenes, but no, no effort put into explaining where those people are or why they might be getting shot. Again, interesting choice. They get the big ambasquer boss secured in his office like all the guys are like, okay, boss get in here.

And you're thinking, oh, there's going to be like a little siege, but no, there's just a helicopter outside the window, shredding them with a minigun. Yeah. It's, let's see, my notes say that that's when the guy gets hit by the grenade launcher outside. So they're just, they're doing a die hard. Well, they're doing a die hard except for, they make a really bold decision where they look at die hard

and they say, what separates this movie from other movies like it? Well, it's about this very likable, every man underdog against this impossible force. And they said, what if instead of that, we had extremely unlikeable, invincible super robots? And the answer was it sucks. I don't disagree that this whole scene sucks. I'm so proud of us for the pace that we're making because this is a half hour into the

movie. Yeah, no, we're really cooking. And I'm glad because the themes they tackled later in the movie are complicated and rich and we need to really get in. Apart here, we're Vernon Wells is marching through the hallways and they're shoving all the office workers behind them, like taking them all to the to the place to be killed I guess and there's a guy doing the craziest overacting in the front of the group who's like he keeps getting shoved and he's

doing this clown walk and it is the most amazing I had to rewind it because I'm like what is he doing it is it is unbelievable I think that the director just said guys, I want everybody's boldest acting choices. Just do crazy shit. What's all going on in the movie? Yup. Because like there's a lady at the same scene

that she like throws herself into the floor. Yeah. And then the guy picks her up and you're like, okay, that little sequence is over. But no, then he fucking shoves her into the wall. Ha. Like, like I don't think this woman was a trained that little sequence is over, but no, then he fucking shoves her into the wall. Ha! Like, I don't think this woman was a trained stunt actress, but he is fucking throws her in like Hacksaw Jim Duggan.

Oh, yeah. It's the best throw that happens until the lady gets thrown out the window. Yeah, that's, that's fucking fantastic. There's a part I want to talk about, because they take a video phone to the police searching outside and he's seen die hard So he knows what his role is he's like out of fucking care. Not of this means anything these guys are too serious And so here is talking to Vernon Wells and Vernon was like hello. I am the evil villain

I'm going. I've obviously killed like 30 people already. He's like yeah, whatever the fuck. I don't know and he's like I feel like I'm not being taken seriously the fuck, I don't know. And he's like, I feel like I'm not being taken seriously. You're not. And the guy's like, you live fucking maybe not, pal. And so he's like, I don't know. Nobody can shoot in dem hostages. We'll be home in time for the game.

And so he demonstrates this by throwing a woman out the window. And the police chief actually looks up at this woman's falling a certain death against a crap. It's so good. He's so over it. Yeah. But I do love that character that's in every die hard. That's like, no matter how much evidence

you bring them, they're like, no, no, no, they're not real terrorists. They're like, kids playing Halloween breaks. Like, no, he knew what a fake idea was. He's probably a bartender, Reginald. Is this also the part where it shows the commissioner or chief for whatever, and he's in a room with just monitors that are not even on?

Yeah, like another theme of the movie. It's just every prop they could find. They just sort of fill the room. They just go to Radio Shackle, say we tell it to everything. Because of this takes place in the far-flung dystopian year of 1998. Yes. Yeah, this was four in the Far Flung dystopian year of 1998. Yes. Yeah, this was four years ahead of when they filmed it, though, I guess.

We'll have complete robots by then. Everyone will live in a closet full of TVs. I did take a clip of this scene. I don't know why, because it's so fucking stupid, but here it is. But the devil is Jack Floyd. Chief Richmond, I'm Peter Deserick, city alderman. And know who you are. You sir do not have authority to call in the terminal force.

The terminal force is a last resort option only. You may not believe this alderman, but this is a last resort. It's just to give you a taste of what the movie's like. The guy's talking about Colin and the cyborgs, which summons the snivily nerd into his office. Like, just he hears someone, oh, someone's about to summon the terminal force. I must get there and talk about the budget.

And so that happens. And then I guess there's sort of a subjective last resort that people quibble over before you send in the cyborgs. I don't know, I don't know what an alderman is or does. I wouldn't have assumed they were the robot Wrangler. Yeah. I. This guy is, I don't know, like a dead guy. You're in charge of water. What are you doing? And it's such a such a title that they don't even call him his name. The whole movie they call him Alderman in any conversation, as if like, it's a title thought for.

I don't know if it's for a fact, but I feel like Jack Scally's character being called Jack is Jack Floyd is because he was originally Floyd and he never responded. So they're like, we're going to have to call Jack. Exactly. He, I did not even know who Jack Scalia was coming into this. I looked him up and like, well, he's some guy on Dallas. Like, why did he get fucking lead credit over Malibu?

He made like five of these movies with this director too. Not this, not T-Force, but they're all like Jack Scalier action movies. And it's all pretty similar. I think it's great. I mean, don't get me wrong. It's weird. It's weird. I didn't know who he was. He seems like a very competent movie star type. Yeah, but like sad. I feel like this movie's equal parts, like a cyborg being half human, half cyborg. This movie is like half horny, half sad. Yes, I agree. A cyborg of this movie is like half horny, half sad. Yes, I agree. A cyborg of horny and sad. Yeah.

I have that in my notes a lot that like, God, this is almost good. Like, it's, it's, there's moments where I'm like, this, this feels like a lot of effort in one direction and none in the other. And if they would have just put that in, they would either be a more sincere, bad movie or, you know, maybe a real good movie.

I've never, I've never seen a movie set up either be a more sincere bad movie or maybe a real good movie. I've never, I've never seen a movie set up and repeat enough scenes that this movie does. And it does it different every single time. Like it should be a callback or a consistent or like a closure to an arc or something that you're doing this same scene again. But they always forget what they did the first time.

I just fucking wing it. So there's like absolutely no logic to anything that had anything could happen when you do anything when he shoved that woman into the wall, she could have exploded in a pile of springs. It doesn't know what I love that. Maybe that's just so if they need to take 20 minutes out of the movie, they can just pick any 20 minutes pop it right out to do like, let's say, now I'm getting ahead of myself.

it right out. To do like, let's say, now I'm getting ahead of myself. But okay, so back to the movie, the demand, a bunch of prisoners and the cops came to the demands and release the prisoners and transport them to the building faster than T-Force can get there. So that's like how quickly things are happening. The cops are like, whatever you say, Mr. Terrorist, they have bags on the prisoner's heads, which is a super weird thing to do because this is not a secret location. No one was going to put it down. Yes. It does come in very handy later because later they bring in the next set of prisoners and when they take the bag off of the first guy's head, tada, fucking Malibu. He and the T-Forcer, they easily punch out

all the guards downstairs. Most of it's off camera, so weird choice. And then here comes Jack Scalia, who's, I love that he set it up, because they're like, oh, classic Jack, you got a trunk full of criminals. Don't you? He's like, yeah, I do actually he did. He had criminals in his trunk because that's just like the shit he gets up to before he arrives at places. Um, I love the thermal camera view that we get in this part too. It's like I got this 80s arcade feel that kind of continues that captain power vibe where I was like, if this was a standup cabinet game, I would have played so much T-Force in the arcade.

Yeah, it really feels like a pinball cutscene almost. Just like, oh, okay. Here we're on to the next level. Yeah, T-Force shoots another room of guards to death. Let's see, I guess we'll go through the team. They've Malibu is Zeus. Everyone knows Malibu from American Gladiators or Mortal Kombat. Yeah, he's Malibu. Yeah, he's Malibu There's a hot girl named mandragora who they call gora for short

There's another hunk named Kane and then there's a main hunk named Adam Also, there's some weird fifth guy who just kind of has very sad eyes named Athens. And now there's no way to verify this. You can't know if I'm telling the truth or not. But I wrote here, Athens is fucking dead. This guy was not in the intro explosion. Marked my words at 13 minutes and 35 seconds, this fucker is toast. That's in my notes.

Spoiler alert, I was 100% right. He actually, I feel like he knew he was in the movie for too long at that point. He was doing nothing. It's very clear he's going to be the dead one. And then he dies by just walking up to a guy, putting a shotgun in his face and being like, fucking kill me. I mean, the guy.

What are you waiting for, uh, which up in the head, maybe one scene, I guess. There's something I want to talk about because they cut to that high tech control room with every prop they could find from Radio Shack and they talk about how they started with 31 terrorists and terminal forces already knocked them down to 26. But we have watched them kill. I don't know. 50 people them kill, I don't know, 50 people, 60? I don't know. Maybe I'm crazy, but I counted a lot more than 10. Maybe it's just me. Yeah, there's no, like I said, there's no internal logic to this movie.

Yeah, I guess it's. Nobody has paid attention to any previous scene that has happened. It's like one of those movies where as an art project, they pass it around to a different director that hasn't seen any of the other scenes and then you just kind of clip it all together and make something out of it. That game where you write two sentences and then you fold the paper over and you can only read the last sentence. That's like T-Force. Yeah, it's a generation quilt of a movie. And everyone writes shit like, I don't know, fucking die hard for a few minutes. Yeah, yeah.

And then the next guy writes, I don't know, how about die hard for a few minutes? You get like five of those little rows. It's like, great. Yeah, okay, well, this is 35 minutes of die hard. That's a little, I don't know, legally actionable, I guess. The terrorists really suck. Like, some of this is because of the filmmaking but like they are being just casually murdered by T force

There's one that Malibu kills who didn't hear his his friend die right behind it Like they're just kind of jogging down a hall Malibu guns one down and the guy ahead of him is like La la la la and then he gets killed. I mean I get their cyber They were always gonna win but I think a couple regular cops get it on this one rookie cop in a like a very brave dog Maybe six kids and like a detective team of kids A cartoon rabbit cartoon rabbit a fuck these guys up. I think one There's a part where one of the bad guys even is running away and goes no, please have to get he gets killed away and goes, no, please, I'm gonna get he gets killed. Yeah, it's like they're begging for their life.

They have one where they all get in a hallway, just 10, 15 feet apart, and they start shooting each other. And we see T-Force just eat bullets. They barely even blink. They're just completely bulletproof. There's no stakes in this. They execute those two. Can't eat a grenade. there's no stakes in this. They execute those two.

Kane eats a grenade. The first appearance of a grenade launcher, which makes I would say 280 appearances in this movie. This is the fucking grenade launcher lobby like funded this movie. Kane flies out the window and he lands perfectly in a van, kicks his way out heads right back in. These guys are fucking awesome. And he lands perfectly in a van, kicks his way out heads right back in. These guys are fucking awesome. Yeah, and in the terrorist defense, they do aim only at the tits of the cyborgs. Right. That's a heavily armored, lusciously chrome tits. All the aimers. Even the guys. Like they don't look like pectoral muscles like they're like, no, we want luscious lady boobs.

There's a moment I really like because they keep doing all the beats from diehard and the Their vingrams hacker guy runs into jacks galea and he's like, oh, hello. I'm just a janitor I don't hold buildings exploding and he's like, I'm just a jack and he explodes with a secret mob strike didn't work jack kills him That it took longer for me to describe that scene that it happened. They just were like, dude, we're doing this. It wasn't die hard, we have to do it. They do attempt it a one liner here too, where he's like, don't move, and then he kills him,

and he goes, you moved. God, yeah, I didn't even put that in my notes, it was just like, it made me so sad. No need of an empty ender, pun. You'd be glad that he was dead, and there was nobody else around. And be like, ah, that was a freebie. I'll be there next time.

Yeah, fuck. Because the cleanup on aisle, whatever is pretty classic. And you just kill the janitor. Like, fucking make it work, buddy. One of the terrorists is like a real, a privatebie lady. Like she like takes off her mask. She's like, I'm just like a lady.

I thought, oh my god. Did they like dress up the hostages as terrorists? Like no, she's just a lady terrorist who like is having a real emotional breakdown here in her dying moments. And then Adam, the dark-haired cyborg, I'll just murder her after she gives up the hostages. Like she's like, oh please, just let me live. I'll tell you where all the hostages. Like, she's like, oh, please, just let me live.

I'll tell you where all the hostages are. And now we start to realize, like, oh, maybe these T-4 Cyborgs are too bad ass. Like they just murdered a whimpering lady who was cooperating. Yeah, Adam was by, he plays by Highlander rules where there can be only one chin strap beard. So he he's killed everything that everything dies except for Adam.

I think he needs it more. I think Adam of the two is more of a human thumb. Like that is a load bearing retaining beard that is that is keeping his flesh from being just a complete thumb. Well, we're talking about hair on cyborgs. Why ponytails? Like, why? It's just so weird. I feel like that's 1994. I think when they're just making the cyborg,

you're like, what hair to select? They're like, well, just default, whatever you got. Okay, so blonde ponytail? Yeah, absolutely. So renegade hair? Yep. Oh, yeah, renegade hair. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Renegade hair. Yeah, that's who you would make a cyborg out of this Lorenzo Lomas. It's making her. Yes.

So Scalia rescues the hostages. One of them is tied to a bomb. Don't know why now that I think about it. I don't know what anyone got out of this. So Kane comes in and because she's like got out of this. So, Kane comes in, and because she's like on one of those pressure bombs, if you get off the bomb it explodes. So like at any moment, the whole plan could have gone to shit if this hostage just left or fell over, whatever. So, Kane comes in and he's got like cybernetics,

so he can, you know, apply the exact proper amount of pressure. So we see they have like all kinds of like math going on in their brains. But before that, Jack is going to shoot the door down and then came like, explodes the door in on the terror, on the hostage, standing on the delicate bomb. This should have gone off, off I guess is my point. They have a big shootout where Adam Omega creates like a little doorway in the dry wall so we can walk through which I thought was adorable because everyone else on T-Force just jumps through the fucking wall.

He come on you baby. This is the part where they're like bursting through walls, ripping through the floor, dropping down through the ceiling, it's like almost horrific, the amount of chaos that they're putting into these people. And now we get Athens's death scene, which is just beautiful. So we're sort of going into the Terminator part. So Athens takes a grenade to the hand and it gives him like terminator hand like the exact scene where Arnold's Repairing his arm in the movie. Oh, yeah, and he looks over and seems really sad about it like the choice He made as an actor was to almost cry. I think that's just I think that's every choice that guy is capable of making I think he's just got a real sadness that he carries with him throughout life

And then they cast him the cyborg movie and he's like, do you need a bomber cyborg? And they're like, yeah, yeah, we do. Actually, so I've always played divorce court shoot. I really and characters. All right. If I just cry a little bit, it's like the two choices they have are confused or sad. Yeah, basically what happens through the whole movie. are confused or sad. Basically what happens through the whole movie. Speaking of confused, that's what everyone decides to do as be very confused.

So they all stop and watch this guy reload his grenade launcher and like they take their guns off of him to like, oh Athens has got this. They want to let Athens get this kill. So he walks over with his new now robot hand and he slowly starts to choke him, which gives him plenty of time to reload the grenade launcher. Aim it directly at his robot head and shoot at the fuck off. Yeah, and it doesn't even kill the guy.

He shoots a robot head off with a grenade launcher while it's choking him. Doesn't even get hurt. He's that good at grenades. This is actually the hero of our movie. Yeah, I love this guy. So seven minutes ago, I was exactly right. Athens's toast, his head just got blown off by the greatest robot killer who's ever been.

He fucking first grenade, handskin, second grenade, robot head, completely immune to AOE damage. I don't even think we see that guy die. Like he gets out of their clean, I bet. He just goes on vacation after that. I did, they hired me to fuck up a robot. I did it. Go home.

What is it? 4.30? I'm taking off early. I got divorced, of course, that's what I'm so sad. Okay, so what do we have now? Jack rescue's a lady, but she doesn't, she dies. She dies like from a straight bullet. And-

He's carrying her on his shoulder, like pointing at where the person is shooting at him. Like he's basically using her like a human shield. Yes, and it worked. And then she dies and he apologizes to her and closes her eyes. It is a lie. It is so good.

Because he also asked if she can walk. She's like, ah, I don't think so. I think she just didn't want to. They didn't make it clear what her problem was. I don't know. There's a scene here where he seems to regret like his human frailty. I thought that we were gonna go is like,

oh, he realizes he needs to be cybernetic-lineetic lane hands. I thought that's where the movie was going is this guy is going to learn from this moment Like god I'm just a weak human. I need to be as strong as T-Force but absolutely not the opposite T-Force needs to be as weak as me. Yes, and sad and hard and they will and they will. The bad guys get a bunch of hostages in the helicopter so it's like this is quite a pickle, but Adam the main cy of the movie. They have a board remaining about how badly this one. The several hostages killed directly by the guns of the robots they sent to rescue them. I thought they did okay. You could make the case that they did a pretty bad job, but like most of them got

out. If you dialed back the kick ass meter that you have to like 130% like right here, when you crashed through the ceiling, could you have saved a hostage instead of do that? Yes, but my meter is set to kick ass 130% of what my hands were tied. Yeah, they come off the factory line like that. That's basically the argument that that that doctor,

Dr. Frump, I don't remember his name. Fucking doctor Frank instead. Tower, a carpe of a man just in there, just in their frowning and shaking. He's the inventor of them and, uh, and you won't believe this. A lot of sadness. Yeah. Yeah, he's like really thanks to them as his children and he does this performative them in a meeting with the mayor and like the chief of police.

He's like, they're my children, they love the field. It's so fucking weird. He thought he was auditioning for a different movie. Yeah. The mayor is Aaron Gray from Buck Rogers. I love her. This is a true story. I gave her a kiss once at Comic Con.

I asked her if I could give her a kiss. And we were vibing. She said, yes. The next year I reminded her of that. She had no recollection. So I don't know if I caught her on like a fucking ambient moment, where she's like, I will kiss anybody if they ask nicely. But it was a one-sided romance,

but I felt it. It was really important to me. So Jack doesn't think robots have souls despite this doctor really insisting they do. And this was surprising to me because I thought they were rogocops, but they are full robots. Like, yes.

Yes. Cyber knots. Yes, cyber knots. You racist piece of shit. And Jack, like me, is very sexually aggressive with the mayor. And she's not not into it, much like she was with me,

but definitely it's a hard no. Much like it was for you. Much like it was for me. Much like it was for me. I feel like if you asked her about this movie, she'd also not remember it. Yes. Well, when we were watching tracks, I told the story about Priscilla Barnes and when I met her at Comic Con, I told her how much I love tracks and she had no idea what I was talking about.

So that's just like the effect I have on women at Comic-Con. So back at Robo HQ, all the cyber knots, they're getting worse paired, they're sharing some laughs. It's weird. They're kind of doing some training. There's a moment I had in my notes that just says weird because Kane is shooting the targets. He's incredible. They're incredible robot marksmen. And then Adam Omega comes in and he's like a smug dick robot.

So he's like, let me show you how it's done does exactly the same thing only much much slower And I'm like, yeah, okay, okay, that's fucking weird, right? He looks so many You can't have a scene where everyone's so bad as they succeed 100% of the time and then be like yeah, we prove something there Yeah, don't know what you what the filmmakers are trying to tell us. They cut to a strip part and we see the saddest stripper like she's, she's married to Athens or something. She looks like a mother of six and she's a real robot right now.

Maybe that's why she's so depressed. So she's a robot. She like in the middle of the dance. And when I say sad, I mean like she looks so sad. I'm glad we all agree. She has like really big panties on that are like kind of pulled up high wasted. She's not, she's past a prime, but like not dancing erotically. She is dancing like a drunk ant in a wedding. She is just her moves are like those Those noodle things outside of like tire repair places, but like on slow Much more subdued

Everybody's like yeah, I love this almost entirely clothes Sad said woman who is not doing not quite doing the two steps. The one point five step. So sad. But that's what you get with robot precision. You can designer to do anything. Somebody requested that she be sad. The owner of the spars like they're in to like real. We're a lot of blaster to a two.

I want to just kind of hunched over and bored. Could you give her like a how, I wanna say like a 15% schooliosis? I want five more C-section scars. The bartender loves it. They do, they fuck everyone in the bar, cannot believe how much they love it. Literally applauding the sad dancer until she like collapses in on herself.

The bartender is a maniac little person who jumps up on the bar and runs across it. He's so angry. He's so angry, he's so scampory. Very, very weird choice to make. And Jack is at here, he's at with boys complaining about robot prostitutes. He fucking hates robots.

And dammit, his waitress is a robot, she's one of them. He and his friends leave him. And she loves it for the record. She's like, oh, are you racist against me? I can't wait, can't wait to get on top of you. She is programmed to change his mind. So yeah, she's making a pretty intense move on him. This is fucking crazy world building because early at the diehard embassy, it seemed like robots were like a real special thing. Like we're going to send in robots to kill these bad guys. And now they're just stripping and serving drinks. And there's like this human versus robot debate that like buddies have with her out drinking.

It was in 1998. These robots are everywhere, right? Hello. Can I get you a drink? I am a robot. Goddamn it, they're everywhere. Please, Lowsak your dick if you change your mind about robots. No. My sadness must be preserved.

And also, this is a whole world where robots exist and we're back at the Robo HQ and Dr. Frank inside is explaining to the surviving members of T-Force that Athens is dead and they like they don't get it. They're like does that mean he will be back later? And they're like no he's fucking dead like no. Oh my god what have we been doing to these people? What are life? So the doc explains that they will also die or the cops are gonna turn them off because they killed too many hostages on purpose. And they're like, no, fuck that. And this is a really complicated dilemma that the robots have to go through, right?

I took a clip of this. Oh, thank God. Jonathan. Do you threaten our self-preservation? I'm stopped, I'm stopped, I'm stopped, I'm stopped now! Directive, eliminate self-preservation threats. Directive, obey authority. Directive, self-preservation.

Obey authority. Self-preservation. Obey authority. Self-preservation. Self-preservation. Self-preservation. Oh, they are for it. Self-preservation. Self-preservation. Self-preservation. Oh, they. Self-preservation.

Ad out. Self-fuck. Huh. Self. Self. So fucking good. So they killed Dr. Frankenstein through like complicated robot logic

that like if we don't kill him, they're gonna turn us off. So. So down that whenever somebody doesn't get something, Malibu double doesn't get it. He still doesn't get it when that scene ends. So is he coming back later? He wears him as a backpack for the rest of the film. One of them mentions the first law of robotics.

So if you thought you were getting an Isaac Asimov thing, that's what they were going for, to the point where they accidentally quote, like, I robot. They cut back to Jack and he is in a jerk off helmet, getting seduced by an expert to reality helmet. It's fucking awesome. It's like this giant sphere that goes around his head. This is what this movie does that I find so confusing. And I like this director and I own this movie,

but you would think by their cyber knot outfits that they would be like, oh, we're going for like a wild fun tone. But then they're like, no, everything sad and serious. And you know, what? I'm just so like, because then I laugh at the helmet. And then I'm instantly sad again. And it's just like, oh, man, I don't know.

Yeah. As soon as it breaks, he gets a code read from the, from the Genesis lab. They're like, oh, so robots gone crazy and killed their creator again. God, what are we at in this movie? Fucking, they cut to the robots I have that they're still arguing in my notes that like they're still like, should we kill all the police?

And Malibu still doesn't get it. Brock was right, he's just constantly confused. I'm surprised he's like the robot that's like, oh, I get it. And then when you go's like the robot that's like, oh, I get it. And then when we go to do it, he's like, ah, what was this again? Ken, Ken and Jack are having like a meeting of the humans in the robots. They're philosophical meeting. And Ken's like, I am robot, not unlike you.

And then Jack's like, fuck it, bullshit. What? Wait, maybe we agree on the law? What of the law? On that we agree, human. And so they're kind of on the same side in that they need to get the three bad robots and like stop them from doing all the killings.

I made a quick movie game here. Adam Omega is the name of the main T-Force bad guy and it's obviously an awesome name. He's played by Evan Lury. I want you to try to guess his name in these other films. Dirk you might know of these cold. What is his name in the film, Expect to Die? You're playing together? Make any guess you'd like. Autumn Aimega. Oh, that's very close. In that movie, in Expect to Die, his name is Stone.

Let's bet. He was also in a film called Hologram Man, which he wrote himself. Oh, what? What do you think his name wasn't that? Thumbs McNulty. That's actually really close. Steel razor? Steel razor?

Oh, shit, I love that, but no. No, his name was slash Gallagher. Oh, yeah. I think you guys were both like exactly half right. I'm between the two. What was that called invisible? What? Hologram man was the name of the movie.

The little thing I was gonna do. The little flag on the mailbox of Derks Head just pops up. Yeah. What was that? He's our not Amazon. We're not gonna hear from him for like two minutes. Well, he orders H hall of Graham Dan. You say he wrote it.

He did? And he wrote that name for himself. For that reason, I will own so much. I shall play Slash Gelligo. He was in a movie called Ring of Fire 2, Blood and Steel. Can you guess his name in that? Ringo Fire. It's close. Cold forge. Just predator. He was in Jean-Claude Van Damme's double impact. What do you think his name was in that?

Jean-Claude Van Damme. Oh god, that's really close. Blade. think his name was in that. John Club Beddamn. Oh god, that's really close. Blade. Climax Club Bouncer. Didn't get a character name. I just love that. All right, we're gonna do one more.

He was in a movie called Death Game. Name that Evan Laurie character. Yes, Ethan Death. His name in that film was Crap. Really, you took the game you ruined for me and turned it inside out and gave it back. Fuck you, buddy. Yeah, enjoy.

We're playing that again before the podcast is over. Adam is killing the police station. This is fucking, yes, from Terminator. They're doing Terminator now. I saw Don the Dragon Wilson poster in this cop station. I think the cop station has all the directors of the movies on the wall. Like that's fucking incredible detail.

When you thought you earned that, the right to be metta. Like you created a cinematic universe. In a couple of his movies, he does that. Where he's like, this is what people would have in their home. Posters know whenever had in their home. Yeah, you cannot buy that poster. I love this.

Adam finally gets like the main cop and he tears off his hand skin and he's got like a little poker on his finger. And I'm like, what's this? Is this like truth serum or something? No, it's a lightsaber ramrod. Yes. It's just like true serum or something. No, it's a lightsaber ramrod. Yes. It's fucking incredible.

It's like if a lightsaber could be a butter knife. But please tell me that that's his name in a different movie. I'd say for a ramrod, like saber ramrod. God, I wish. I found one that he was Johann Davard, which I really liked, but I had to make cuts. Like Saver Ramrod, really is a perfect name for this guy. So they killed the police chief, they blow up the police station, take a chopper, and they

have the good robot back in custody, rigged with a bomb, which never comes up later. Like they have an Amanda Waller bomb in his neck, and they're like, you fuck with us, we're gonna blow it up. They're asking about the bad three. They're like, where are they? And he's like, I don't fucking know. They're like, you're a robot. You should know.

And he kind of implies that that's sort of a racist way to think. So they don't, again, this theme is not really revisited. This is the only people in this world who hate robots are jack and no one else. So it's not really a race allegory. And everyone else just wants to fuck them. Right, that's what they're literally there for. They're just horny strippers and dancers and waitresses. And they're robots.

Like what else would you do with them? You bring them to kill enemies and have wonderful, beautiful love making. So they do a shot where you see this a lot in movies where they kind of spin around two characters as like their worlds intertwine. They over did this like a Mexican variety show. Like the cameraman just runs around them in a circle for like 20 minutes. Like way faster for the tone of the scene. It's just like why are you doing this?

So they kind of reluctantly decide they need to work together. This race is against robots, cops, and this walking bomb, I guess in two ways, because he literally has a bomb, but he's also like a time bomb and that at any moment, his logic center might say, Oh, I must kill all the humans because, you know, I, I have the wrong fucking if then statement. It has happened to three out of four robots. Three out of four killbots. I love that this scene ends.

Do you have, am I jumping on your clip or something? No, no, no, I don't have a clip for Wes. So they agree that they have to team up and join forces. And Jack says, heaven help us, he's one of us now. And then he thinks this is his like trailer moment. So he lifts up his huge hand cannon and he pulls the trigger and it makes a gun cocking sound. You don't even know how guts work.

That was an incredible, you've never even seen a gun. You don't even have a guess as to what the trigger part does. And the sound effects guys just like, I know what to do here. It is weird because it's a reverse check-ups gun because earlier in the movie he hands off his like nine millimeter to the lady who he got killed and then he pulls out this giant Python revolver. And he never does shit with it. You're like, oh, that would actually probably kill a robot. That is that gun. It's crazy big. And I don't think he ever hits anything with it. And here it is, making weird clicking sounds that don't really apply.

He doesn't hit anything with it because it's not function. It's a lighter. Yeah. Yeah. It's just a lighter. It has a crazy scope on it too. That's just completely unnecessary for what that is. Right. It's a lighter. Nobody told me it's like you can't give him a real gun. It's on the company. The DVD. Yeah. The DVD is great because it has the explosion with only three of the cyber

knots on there, the TV. Right. And then the guy that teams up with Jack with the rip in his cheek, and then Jack holding his gun improperly, which is amazing. That is, I mean, that's the movie. If you had to pick three things with some of the movie, it's a gun no one ever shoots anybody with. No one remembers. And then the best part, the interest. Some of the robot team. So the bad three robots are like trying to get guns. And so they haven't seen where they meet with a bandit gang and what a bandit leader is

like. Last cop that came down here, yum yum yum, he was super yummy. Like, that's just the eight of cops. Yeah, that was good. And they talk about like a similar to Ryze Zone or something like that. Like this future is so dystopian There are sections that count as the wasteland in the city the year

So Manjagora in the middle of this conversation just to like Fucking show everyone the size of ridiculous. Throat's the guy's gun Yes, and I think she made him pull the trigger and then like spits the bullet out so he made him blow his bullet wand and her mouth and then spittered out that's what that's it's very specifically what killed Athens this is act and she goes sorry I'm not very hungry like he had made some line or something before there was no, you just put a gun in her mouth, spit the bullet out, goes, I'm not hungry. I'm sorry. My, my make for it's predicted with 98% accuracy that you would say eat this.

So I, I'm sorry. I apologize. I thought, yeah, maybe they cut it, but I do think she just had that conversation in her head. It's so weird. So they're killing all the bad guys. The main big bad guy, the Ada Copy tries to punch one of them, which is hilarious to me. Like, no, it never cursed any of them to run from these obviously invincible killing machines. She just gave a gun a blowjob. What are you gonna do? They have like this Native American guy who's like, come on, come on, come on.

Oh, this guy's gonna do some shit. He jumps out with like a tiny little pistol and gets close enough that the robot can just like grab the gun and kill him. I just love this gang. I think every choice they make is good. Gang of Optimus. They didn't eat that one cop.

So I mean, they sometimes get... High on that. We're invincible. We got cop blood. We're when to go, right? Anyway, the Jack asks the mayor if he can have the robot sent him a bitch as a partner. He's like, back with Aaron Gray. He's like, I need that robot to help me solve the crimes. He's like, fine.

He's your partner. He's like, wait, no, fuck. I don't want a robot partner. I hate robots. I have no idea what happened in the script, but that's what fucking happened in the thing I was like. Specifically asked for it. Yeah. Yeah. And she's all smug about it. She's like, I know you hate robots. Because I guess we also find out here they used to date.

It's important, important, blah, blah. Yeah, not really. Doesn't come back. No. So we come back to the robots. They're reading the newspaper and they decide to kill the mayor. They're like, oh, the mayor is going to be at a boat today.

And I'm like, we should kill her. Yes, if we kill her, then the law will not try to kill robots. You made the dumbest fucking robot. Yeah, they really are. And so, Zeus, Malibu, he's like, let's fucking kill that. He's super, super convinced that they should kill the mayor. Not super convinced. Very confused.

Things they should kill the mayor. And then Kane says, or not Kane, Adam, he says, oh, you have the sweet taste of blood on your lips. And Zeus is like, oh hell yeah. So like that's the type of dialogue we have. I didn't take a clip because I knew that you could picture that in your head so perfectly. Also, none of that matters because there's something

coming up in the movie that's gonna make this something that everyone will want to own. That's true. I do have a clip with that. But before that, Jack and his new partner are driving off the robot and Jack, the fucking dumbass, tells the robot they're the fucking dumbass tells the robot they're gonna kill him after the mission.

He makes it very clear like as soon as you're done helping me we're gonna disassemble you and I know that turns you into a killing machine but I'm saying it anyway because I fucking hate you you're a robot. And now we cut back to the robots the exact same spot that's how this movie bounces around. Mandra Goural finds some pornography, and she learns what love is. Hold on, hold on. First, first, she gently bounces into the room, holding a ball and asks Zeus Malibu to play fetch with her. And he says, I'm too busy modifying guns

and throws the ball away, like, get this away from me. And she trots after it, like a dog. Yes, and that's where she finds. And that's where she finds abandoned hobo pornography treasure as we knew it in the 1990s. Yes, Malibu, I guess you make a good point that Malibu is a killing machine and she's decided I'm a puppy now and I have a clip of this. Fight with me, Zeus. There's no time for playing, Mandargurl, while I'm modifying these weapons.

What are these two people doing? It appears as though they're procreating. Can we procreating Can we Oh, try oh yeah, oh no, I think you have to take your clothes off first girl Judging by the picture you would too Exactly what you think is happening is happening happening is happening. It's your end. I'll make you sound very gentle.

I'm touching. Amazing. Amazing. They go out. Dirk, do you want to describe this erotic scene for listeners? So they're outside under a tree and Malibu's watching through the window. It's like super softcore porn vibes. It's broad daylight.

It's broad daylight. It's broad daylight. And then the saxophone swells. And for a second, you forget you're watching T-Force. It is. It is. It is. It is so erotic.

That awesome thing that happens in a soft core films where people touch each other in ways they wouldn't like the hand on a nipple or something. If you did that to another person, they'd be like, what the hell are you doing? What are you doing here, buddy? I just wanna rub your collarbone, the very famously erogenous-owned collarbone.

For about five minutes. Well, another woman comes in and stands here where you were, because she agreed to take her shirt off, mandra gora. Some of us like to fuck and make good film. And it ends with Malibu turning the magazine sideways. Like, like he's so confused still. He doesn't get it. He's watching them penetrate each other and he's like,

and yeah, I get it. I get it. But later he'll be like, what, so what were you doing? It's definitely the beginning. But this isn't world where people fuck robots. That's what's, in a way, this is amazing because that means this Dr. Frankenstein guy legitimately wasn't fucking his robots. He's like, these are my children.

I'm not going to do any weird sex stuff with them. I'm going to make them killing machines. And I wouldn't even occur to me to have sex with him, even though he can just download the fucking software from like any robot site. I don't know. And gave him all dogs. Yeah, I mean, that's... Yeah.

Bouncing boners. Well, like Saber, Ramrod boners. That's... We're bad all. Battle, battle. That's why Malibu was so confused. And like, very natural motherly, like, you would have think that if it's a robot,

you'd have like bolted on like breast implants. But no, they're just, they they're they're regular human boobs. Yeah Interesting choice. I just can't believe I Can't believe we cut back to just the villains of the movie to watch Yes, sender saxophone latent romance. See what the fuck are we doing? What's happening? Very good point should it not have been Jack and like the mayor or something? What what are we doing? What's happening? It's a very good point. Should it not have been Jack and the mayor or something? What are you doing? I like that.

Adam also was just like, you feel like he was waiting for her to ask that question. Like, he put the magazine there something because he wasn't confused at all. He's just like, well, this is how we'd have to do it. And she's like, all right. You know what this is exactly like? Exactly if like you were watching Die Hard

and in the middle of it, it cut away from Bruce Willis and two of the terrorists just started tenderly making love in a closet and then the saxophone's all up and then we cut away from it and just never meant to do it again. You're the Jaina, is toast. Okay. Okay.

What an insane decision. My God. What an insane decision. Oh my god. Now I have a direction. Oh, oh. I'm going to be doing that all day. We'll just cut Jamie cut the next three hours and be doing exactly that. Okay, so they go to a liquor store and a store, which was robbed by the T-Force. They stole a bunch of mercury and Cain's like,

oh, that means they're wounded. So somehow in that fist bite, they had with the bandits. They like gun, all fucked up. And thermometers heal them. And thermometers heal them. I love that. No notes on that.

Cain smells nitric glycerin on the g-glerx hands. He's like grabbing the dude and sniffing him. So he's also made the choice that his robot is a puppy. And the guy has like a full bomb lab in the back and laughs at the cop when he's like, dude, I don't think you have homemade bomb permits. He's like, fuck you cop, you can't do anything about this bomb lab. We're staying at the cop-beaten zone and you know it. And then he's like, oh, they also took on my red food coloring.

And Jack, a genius detective says, what are you going to make a cake? So that's where Jack's head is. And now they're back on the boat where the mayor is going to be. And we know the robots want to kill her here. And the alderman is laying out their boat defenses. So whatever this alderman's job is, it's budget, budgetary and it's also boat defense. I think they're in charge of plants. That's what I mean. I don't think they're boat defense and robot Wranglers. I'm only pretty sure about that. I think the boat has enough wood on it that it counts as a plant which puts it in

aldermen jurisdiction. It does like water like a plant. Like a plant. Boats like water. So they have their defenses set up. They're like, okay, we got guns that won't kill them here. We got some guns that won't kill them set up here. And then Kane says, sirenots don't need oxygen. You fucking idiot Alderman. You need to have people in the water. And so they send a bunch of guys in the water. That nothing comes to that, that doesn't come up later. He's just brought him.

He's just brought him up. So the mayor sees Kane, the killer robot who's working for the police that she personally assigned to her former lover as a police partner, and loses her mind. She's like, get it away. What is it doing? Who get it away? Everyone pulls their guns. This, I just wrote, fucking weird. What is happening in this movie? Nobody watched the scene where she did that.

Right. They were in charge of that. Somebody was in charge of these five minutes. Somebody that had directed like one episode of three's company one time. Got these five minutes, somebody that had directed like one episode of three's company one time, got these five minutes and was like, I get the gist, the mayor hates robots. What, no, no, no. We didn't say that she is personally the one who was signed, they're never gonna communicate that. Yeah.

It also seems like an overreaction for everyone to pull a gun. I just don't think this is how... Jack points a gun at the mayor. Yeah, he's gonna kill the mayor. So tell them they didn't stop saying get it away. If she says get it away, I will fucking blow her head off. So Kane is played by an actor named Bobby Johnston. Can the two of you guess his name and these other incredible films and television shows? Johnny Boston.

That's close. Johnny Boston. That's close. Billy Bobby. We left off where let's see, Grep was the final character name from Evan Loury. That's a clue. What do you think Bobby Johnston's name is in Passion's Peak? Grove. Oh, that's really close.

Chip! We were looking for Chip. But can you name his character name in Tracker? Also Chip? Track. Tramp. Damn, damn. That's exactly a combination of our two guesses.

To the phonic. Exactly a combination of our two guesses To the phonic this matter of marriage was a film he was in can you name his character Reverend Billy killbot divorce Kip Devor's isn't good character. He played a character on Melrose Place. Can you name that character? Bip.

Skip. Cump. Damn. And he was also in Robocop Prime Directives. Can you name his character and that? Slap. Cump. Coral book.

God, God damn it. Wild card! Catch it with a wild card. I'm gonna give you guys 50 points. You can take it to the bonus podcast where we're gonna play many games exactly like that. Okay, so the robots here, they're infiltrating the boat, they're going in quiet, because they're unstoppable kill monsters, so that's what they have to do. They kill three guards with Karate. Like real mean Karate, it sort of seems like they're dragging it out on purpose. Like that guy, there's this one guy, they kicked it that so slowly and purposefully.

I don't know, I had that in my notes, I thought that was funny. Ah, Mandragora, she poses a waitress to get close to the mayor. I don't know how this would work. She looks like a cyborg even in her plane clothes. I imagine everyone on the boat is looking out for a cyborg. Okay, so here's where like, I feel like they laid it out a little too thick because the mayor comes on and she starts giving a speech and she says, you see how I like to enter with a bang wait till you see how I go out and I I don't know what this could mean other than I'm about to explode. I just don't I don't know why you'd ever say this Everyone loves it too. Yeah, I get that joke. You're making a reference. How you're about to explode in this film

Jack finds mandrara Gore in a hallway and he pulls his Python out on her. Gun, the gun. It's gun, right. I just realized that totally sounds like a fucking limp-ass dick joke and I was like, I didn't mean it like that, I promise, I promise. Back on the dick, the mayor is about to chrysan the ship.

So she's like, I'm gonna break the ship, I'm gonna break to christen the ship so she's like I'm gonna break the ship I'm gonna break this bottle of the ship right everybody get ready this wine boy I love wine. Oh here I go on about the wine It's like what what the fuck would this be other than setting up an exploding bottle of wine, right? But surely it's not an exploding bottle of wine in the pivotal scene. That would be absurd. It would only be more absurd if like, I don't know, Tarzan came in to stop it. Yes, so Chip, Kane comes swooping out on a rope and knocks this bottle like 400 yards out of her hands into a car next county that explodes. So that's what their plan

was. Tarzan's the exploding wine out of the mayor's hands. That's that's some that's a Batman ship. That is some Batman ship like some Adam West Batman. Some Adam West Batman ship. Yes. So T-forces plan was not to use their invincible cyber bodies to walk through all their enemies and kill the mayor. It was this undercover exploding wine plan. That's what the red food coloring was for. Oh, yes. And Jack here's this this distant explosion and I don't quite know what happens. I don't know if I looked away from the TV, but he has somehow left. He had mandra gora at, like at gunpoint, and then he just leaves to check out the explosion. Well, he tells her he shows her the gun and he says, I only have six

bullets, but I'll make him count. And he does not. They just bounce off her and then he runs away. But he had, he decides to go back to the explosion, but then also decides to go back and have a gunfight with her. Then they play hide and seek, and she just immediately finds them hiding behind a crate and misses him. So I guess she doesn't have the same tactical targeting systems as the other two robots. And then he shoots a crate down on her, which is a pretty sweet shot. Like fucking Wily Coyote. I swear to God, it's the exact Acme cartoon box from Looney Toons.

Like pull it off of her and she would just be flat and she would have to like put her thumb in her mouth and blow to it, read it for yourself. It kills her as a cartoon. Yes, it's not a shit. I'm sorry. She ate a bullet earlier, but here's the fucking crate being dangled over this boat.

Over a dinner party, they're like, oh, the mayor's here. Make sure to dangle the 18 ton crate. It's full of wine. She loves it. Oh, wine. Exploding wine, her favorite. Cain shoots Adam in the head during all this kerfuffle. Oh wine, the exploding wine, her favorite. Cain shoots Adam in the head during all this kerfuffle and Adam's just like, next shot.

And then, God, what happens next? Malibu shoots a grenade launcher, Cain from the helicopter, and he lands in the water water and he's in sheer robot panic going Jack, Jack I'm singing! Which is not his weakness. He just said. Just fucking explains. Literally that character that said the words you fucking idiots. Robots don't need oxygen. They can come from the water.

Everybody send your guys in there and then you end the scene with him. Oh no, I can't swim. from the water, every send your guys in there. And then you end the scene with him, oh no, I can't swim. Nobody pays attention. But this shows how the theme was more important and Jack's character arc was more important because now he jumps into the water to save the robot who he should hate, but he's learning to respect.

And so that. And if you can't swim because he's too heavy, what the fuck are you gonna do, Chad? He's gonna go to the bottom with him. He's a very strong swimmer. And now Malibu and Adam hit reset on their talk about whether or not they or the law are corrupt. They're like, who's corrupt us?

I told you Malibu couldn't get it. And yeah, Malibu is still very confused. But like, I worry that he's gonna start losing these arguments because eventually Malibu might be, I think we should be good guys. But for now, Malibu's still on the side of evil. Okay, where are we on this movie now? We are at the point after he leaves talking to Malibu

where Adam goes back to his bunk and grabs Mantr Gore's favorite ball because it reminds him of her. Yes. So fucking good. I do think all that would take is a full rewrite of all the dialogue and plot and this would be a pretty great movie. This would be cyberbud.

Yeah, they just didn't realize how fun it was. That's the thing about cyber tracker one and two is they get like, oh, this is fun action. Like big explosions, making it wild. And this just has this drape of sadness on it that just keeps it from reaching those high parts because they go and drink next, doesn't that the next scene?

Yeah, they go to the pool hall. Jack takes his robot out for nine on the town with his buddies and his friends are like wait your race is to get through what's in there your buddy and up with the robot um the robot asks if this is jack's home because sometimes he can assess high level threats and sarcasm but sometimes he just dumb as fucking shit it's like that's supposed to be funny right and this drinking bee is supposed to See, it's like that's supposed to be funny, right? And this drinking bee is supposed to be funny. Yeah. And the pool part's supposed to be funny,

but it just feels very sad and matter of fact. Yeah. Like in any other movie, the robot would be like, oh, cool. And then he do like fucking trigonometry on the fucking table and hit all the balls at once and knock them all in. But here, he's just like reasonably pretty good at pool. Also, it's 1998 and the balls rack themselves. That's weird. Yeah, they man it into a triangle. We should have that tech by now, right? 1990 eggs. Cool, malls. Shell

racked themselves. The robot says, I can't drink with you like alcohol has no effect on me So he pours him a pint of Jack Daniels as if like he's gonna outsmart science with volume And then Jack takes him home for a nightcap of beer and auto repair He's like I'm out of beer. Yo, I forgot you fucking kick it drunk. He's shit. Let's go fix some cars my dad's car He's my back story Let's go fix McCartes, Matt Dad's car. He's my back story. Well, he falls asleep under the car. Telling the story of his dad coming to suicide. Yes, this is so much character development.

Maybe it's too much. Maybe this writing is too good. He wakes up in Canis been watching him sleep for seven hours, but he secretly fixed the car while he was under it. And they wake up in the morning and Jack's like, gets the car starts, he's like, well, the car is running well. I must have fixed it.

He's like, yes, last night you were drunk and fixed your car. He's like, man, this is so cool. I'm really good at fixing cars. He's a detective. This character is a detective. This character is a detective. Yeah. Uh. That's such a great point I didn't even think about. He's just so quickly fooled and never figures it out. Like between him and the robot, they are just the dumbest fucking idiots.

Um, back at the lab, Kane is taking a screwdriver to, uh, Mangilagora's corpse and that crate shredded her like she is She is like two feet tall and like has half her skin gone From robots robots are weak to wine. It just dissolved her They pull out they pull out the Nicholas Cage bomb from the rock, which is inside her head They this is her positron annex. Great name. They plug it into a box and they start speaking to her.

And she is in full existential despair. She's like, this is death. All is black. There is nothing. They make it so clear specifically to Kane and Kane, the actor playing, and looks like makes the choice. I'm going to play this really disturbed and hurt by how much this is held for robots.

I just really wanna drive that home. That was the whole point of the scene was like, they put this robot woman in hell just to interrogate her and Kane's like, my God. My God. Remember that, because that does come back. We're not the way you think. Not the way you think. Not the way you think.

Jack gets a exploding bullet upgrade in what has to be a two second scene. He's just like, oh, look, my gun has exploding bullets now next. The fuck were we using them all this time? We can just have them. Incredible. Were they daddy's, were those the bullets daddy used to kill himself? Were they special to you? Is that the arc paying off? The movies really coming together here they have like upgrade scenes they have like existential robot death character development. It's like all of a sudden it's a movie just here in the last

Fucking final moments. So they go to a show down in the final factory because the existential robot mind says oh sure I'll tell you where my friends are I don't care I guess she was a loyal puppy the whole time there's a scene I really love where they're like oh look everything a bunch of stuff here there's all their weapons and can says, yep, guns, bomb, Ingecos, what? It Kane goes, bomb, and then Jekyll goes, oh, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, run. Brilliant. I didn't take a clip of that because I wanted to perform that.

We know for a fact that Robot understands bombs. He disarmed a bomb and the very first scene. He knows what a bomb is. He has one inside him right now, everyone including the screenwriter forgot about. So let's see. They are now facing off with Malibu who has a minigun and Adam who has the grenade launcher. I probably should have mentioned, has been used five or six times that I haven't said.

Like just every four minutes the grenade launcher goes off. Our good guys run while they get wildly missed at by Malibu and Adam with two guns that are like really just spilling the world with explosions and bullets and then they split up and Kane uses a super cyber hearing of brand new power. He has to say, oh, they have split up. And there's a part I really like here where Jack flips a coin. And Kane is back to being fucking stupid. So he not only doesn't know what a bomb is, he doesn't know what coin flipping is. So he's like, call it, does that compute? The coin comes up in Jack's favor, so he gets the main bad guy,

because obviously the loser has to fight Malibu. Yeah, that's against. Fight or race. I mean, you don't feel good about killing Malibu. It's like killing a horse. It doesn't understand. You can't teach it. I do think Malibu is at least 40% horse DNA. It's a centaur one time. That's true. Maybe that's why I think of him that way. But even when he was a centaur. I would say he's half horse, half man who was 40% horse. I can't do the math on that in my head.

160% horse. But Dirk doesn't make a good point that this is a race. When they split up, Adam is like, okay, I'm going to stay here and gunfight. And Malibu is like, I see Dunebuggies. I'm gonna leave on a dude. That looks like fucking fun. And he's right, it's a cyber knot. It's a cyber knot.

Malibu Dunebuggie robot chase. That's great. That's great to put in your movie. This is what Richard Peppin does really well. It's like, you know what's cool? Dunebuggies. And also constant explosions. And for the next like 10 minutes, that's what you cool? Doombuggies. And also constant explosions. And for the next like 10 minutes,

that's what you get. He delivers on it. I can't believe he had this explosion budget. Like, because this movie does not look like it, I feel like he had to decide between like a real camera and 100 explosions, and he made the right choice. Yeah, he does that in cyber tracker

and other films as well. It's like the explosions look so good and they're so huge You're just like that must have been all of the money Yeah, I and also they pulled the trigger on titties. I'm like, why are there not more titties and Less plot more explosions like this could have been an anti-sideris movie with cyborgs and it's It's not it's it'srobat and Diehard and Terminator. Anyway, okay, so we got Grenade Shelling everywhere cause Adam is just thumping Grenades into the garbage.

He cannot hit Jack. There's a scene here I love where they show a full slow motion shot of Jack's face while he runs from the Grenades and it's obviously not him. I maybe wouldn't have noticed this on my 1994 TV, but in 480p, I genuinely thought a third guy was running through the grenade fight. It looks so nothing like him. And then we go back to the Dunebugge chase, which I think we're making it sound kind

of awesome before, but it's kind of tame at first. It's sort of, there's just a couple of pals driving Dunebuggies. It's because it gets awesome. It ends awesome. Yeah, they have to build to it. It's, SWAT is arriving, I guess, so it's like, we have some more stakes, like there's human cops arriving.

Grenade, grenade, grenade, that's what says in my notes. Jack starts missing him with this exploding bullets he realizes all i can shoot that guy with my exploding bullets like he is just within a stationary target by dozens of feet so um... i don't know if he just can't because earlier he had that fucking crates broke in the middle of like taking fire for mandarin board so

he can shoot a gun he's i think it's just the exploding bullets are really inaccurate, which that's just me apologizing for the film. Some random awesome guy jumps out of the cop car and misses a bunch of shots. It gets Adam. The whole every policeman has decided to shoot at the robot with their side arms. Like none of the cops even brought like assault rifles or bazookas, just guys use your 9mm, it's the only thing that can take down the unkillable robot. They die. Like, Adam just fucking shoots their SWAT van with a grenade launcher. God, what else? I feel like every detail of this is pretty important.

Can you just say more explosions, more slow-mo walking. Yeah, a lot of ass. The gunfight between the main bad guy and Jack is like, they kind of slowly move through the debris and then miss each other with a grenade launcher and exploding bullet and then reposition a little cane meanwhile is chasing down Malibu's Dune Buggy and shooting at him with another tiny sight arm.

This heavily armored cyber Dune Buggy, but eventually he hits the part of the armor that explodes and fucking kaboom. Malibu's Dune Buggy lights up, flies into the air, and the other dune bug crashes into it. Incredible rolling dune buggy scene. Blows up this little logic there of like, then he blows up the dune buggy, and they're like, ah, that'd be pretty cool.

What if we blew up both dune buggy? Yeah, fuck it. Hell, yes. And like, I have no notes on this scene. Like, it looks incredible. Like, yes. And I have no notes on this scene. It looks incredible. If I think it shows, it's probably better than a Michael Bay scene, because if Michael Bay did this scene, a tire would have hit the camera or something, you know what I mean? It would have been too much, but this is just like clearly awesome dudes went into the

fucking junkyard and exploded two new bungies and just filmed it. It's just a practical effect. It's all you need. That's all you need out of life. That's all you need out of life. So let's see what else. I guess we have a final, final showdown now. Well, first they switch.

Right, they just tried to switch enemies halfway through like, like like Fred boys sharing the dorm room just We're in Angerbora. Sharon a robot waitress for no reason they don't give any reason to just like yeah I did already did the good part of the Malibu fight you go have fun so yeah Jack now has to face off against Malibu while he's like trapped in the exploded car helpless. With one eye.

Yes, one eye. And this effect for one eye is like they took a racket ball and like glued it to the side of Malibu's head and put some like goo on it. They're like, oh yeah, totally looks real. So he, Malibu like pulls up his robot hand. Yes. And Jack's like, hey, fuck you. And he walks away with his lighter. He's gonna light the gas lane on fire and explode the car. And Malibu, trying to describe the scene, Dirk, it's just still making magic. Malibu with his gaping mouth in panic. He flips off Jack with his terminator hand and explodes

and it's amazing. It is amazing and Jack responds, flipping him off while he walks away from the explosion. It's uh it's another thing stolen from from terminator this time terminator two instead of the thumbs up. It's a finger up. Yeah. It was weird how they set it up, but I'm glad we got there. So now we have Adam and Kane facing off and way to fucking miss that opportunity name guy. At this point in the Bible, there's only what, like four people, you can't like fucking get the names right? Like, I'm just saying, change Adam to Abel and you got yourself real freshman level film

project, I guess. There's this there's this moment in this fist fight they have that I was so charmed by where Adam gets the drop on Kane and he pounces exactly like Heathcliff in the comics like he just belly all the way forward our back hands all the way back like he's just going to claw him he's going to scratch him really hard. It's just, it's a wonderful like, this is how, this is how like an eight year old would do it.

If like ambush him, an eight year old would do exactly that motion. It's like a Rob Lifeel drawing of an attack. So Adam and Kane, which again, I'm very frustrated with. It's like having two guys named Peter Butter and Jake. So Adam and Kane, which again, I'm very frustrated with. It's like having two guys named Peter Butter and Jake. So like fucking, damn it. They have a Chevy fight next to a Styrofoam building. I'm just, I'm like, they just keep Chevy Joe this way.

Clear impact foam, which I loved. I'm like, just fucking 20 more minutes of this, please. But they don't. Adam lands a super uppercut To to not came out and then he pulls out his finger Ramrod his finger lightsaber the Ramrod and A lot of finger stuff in this movie. Yeah very erotic. Yeah, he ran around some He so he kills Kane if he thought he was some. So, he kills Kane. If he thought he was gonna live through this, he does not. And I almost clipped this, but I think we could just like

perform the energy of it. There's a part where they lock eyes where I was like, for a second, I thought that saxophone was gonna swell up again. Yes. Jack, can I procreate? No, go down the cane. you're not dying on me. You all can picture this. Jack finds Kane with his severed energy matrix and he's like, you're my partner only friend, what is friendship? Oh no, the darkness. So it's very powerful. The movie is so fucking off the rails here. Adam is like back in the mayor's office and he grabs her and surprise his hand goes right through her.

Fucking mayor hologram. then Jack pops out. Again, this was not set up at all. We didn't even know they had holograms in this universe. Yeah, they did the virtual reality thing. It's what they thought they were setting it up with Jack's Jack-off helmet, but he was wearing the helmet to see it. It's not a hologram.

Yeah. It's a very specifically showed. It's not a hologram. You're like's a, it's a, they're very specifically showed. It's not a hologram. So you're like, no, you, somebody just kind of loosely told you about what happened in that scene. And you took the, you took a guess and it was wrong. Uh, so the, the mayor is there too. Like it's a trap, but the real mayor is there in the room, like within like grabbing distance. And Jack has the exploding bullets. Again, in this very enclosed space. And he's like, hey, this was a trap to trick you into that side of the room. So I could kill you with an exploding bullet. And the mayor's like, kill him now,

shoot him fucking now. But Jack has decided he wants to talk him into like Robo surrender. He wants to like outsmart his logic center to get him to admit that doing bad stuff is bad and give up. It doesn't work. He jumps out the window into Jack's dad's fucking car. Right into it. And okay, they've established this exact thing again at the start of the movie when Kane was blown out

of this guy's Gregory falls And he hits the van and the van just fucking shreds just exposed Here he leaps out of like the 30th story window Falls and then just hit the back seat and bounces right out of it into the driver's seat and dress away There's no impact. there's no physics. That car just takes it completely. And he just like bounces off like, yeah, all right. And there's no line in the script to help the audience

through this. Obviously we recognize Jack's car, but I think in 1994, you might not have recognized in the shadowy night, you're like, wait, that can't be his car, right? There's no line that says, hey, that's sort of a bitch. It's taking my car. But anyway, Jack knows what to do. He looks out the window from again, like 30 stories up while the car is speeding away at cyborg speed,

and he shoots it with the gun. We watched him miss everything with that until that. It's it with an exploding bullet. One shots it. The only thing this guy could ever hit was a moving target for 400 yards away because it was all he had left of his father. Again, this better writing than we deserved, and maybe not even intentional, but this is really profound that this guy is like letting go of his father's memory with one last bullet. Okay, the filmmaker did not intend it. No, because if it was intended, it would have been to save his robot friend, and that's his arc.

Instead, he used it to kill a robot, which is how he started the movie anyway. Exactly. He started off saying, I want to kill robots. And then he told the story of the time robots killed his father, basically. And it's like, and then I, so I killed a robot. Okay. That sounds, it sounds like everything went as expected, then didn't quite an arc, very unexpected.

That's a lot. It's such a good movie. Where we at now, we're back at the lab and Jack is visiting Kane's dead body or or is it I'm like oh this is coming to life for sure but no he takes he steals the positron annex from the dead robot and takes it home from work at the very least this would be like owned by someone else or evidence or to be studied by robot scientists, but no. It is now a desk clock in Jax living room forever and ever and he is going to teach it how to play Blackjack.

It's so sad. It's so sad that he's going to enslaved this robot to forever live in his sad little home and he's going to play cards on his corpse. It's just like dark ending. We know from this very text. This is crushing infinite despair. Yes. And it's not like we're reading into it. The movie showed us Kane, Flugging,

Mandragora and like being so wounded by like, my God, the hell that she's in. And she's even like, oh, everything's black. It's awful. And is this death? Is this what death is? So, so, so, so Kane goes to hell. Yeah.

Jack sends his robot partner to hell forever. To be the devil's solitaire machine. That's the movie, that's where we go out on that on something that's so clearly the worst possible ending for the main good guy. My only friend is that someone trapped in hell. It would have been, if anybody, if anybody involved in this movie

would have watched the movie at any point, it might have been less of a disaster. Maybe. You think you could fix this with editing? I guess you could just cut off the last part. Most of the rest of it. Yeah, you could be. I think this would be a fine like 20-minute episode of McGiver. Like if this was an episode of just an 80's show, you'd be like, God, that was a really fucking good episode of TNT. I think if you just kept the first 40 minutes, which were die hard.

Right. And then the 20 minutes robot sexy. Like just, they all, like invincible robots wipe out every day in die hard. And then bam, Woods, Pornow, robot sex with the half dogbot. Yes, we've killed everyone. Let's fuck the end. Yeah, I'd watch that. That's a good, that's a better movie.

I just wish the bartender came back every time they killed one of the cyber knots. Like he was just the person in charge of keeping up a lot of those. Scampaging to every scene to turn him back on. He's the real villain. Oh, God. And's the real villain. Oh, God.

And then they take his cybernetic matrix out and he scampers forever in a blackness of infinite despair. I'm standing hooded Frankfurt! I'm standing hooded Frankfurt! It's a podcast, can I? Put me back to my lame job! Dog Frankfurt podcast Ice-Nidehundas, Frankfort! Pinti, protkās, kās, un mēk smalim, šā!

Tāk Frankfort, protkās, koneks! Jā! Ek prafis, nietratis, niet unas! Šitdi, indi hundas, au, dīvā neshtundas! Kupšā, dūkītis, dūmā! Ice-Nidehundas! Ice-Nidehundas, Frankfort! Ice-Nidehundas, Frankfort! Ice-Nidehundas, Frankfort! Ice-Nidehundas! I'm Stagwanda! I'm Stagwanda, Frankfurt!

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