The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 164, Gorilla Flow With Jason Pargin

Episode Date: February 28, 2024

Brockway admits his weak piss power to Seanbaby and guest, award-winning author Jason Pargin. Luckily there's a solution: Gorilla Flow, an insane hour long infomercial for peeforce enhancing pills tha...t veers wildly from pissplay to patricide to the extinction of the mountain gorilla. It's completely fucking insane.

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred hot dog. Our podcast slams with maximum hype. Say hot dog podcast word. Yeah. When you taste that nitrate power, you're in the dog zone for an hour. Come on.
Starting point is 00:00:22 You know the number. One nine hundred. One nine hundred official podcast of One,900 Hot Dog. We are America's last website. We're not an app. We're not a series of robots operated by SEO scam artists. We're not a recap of popular Twitter threads. It's insane, but we actually still read jokes. Bespoke, comedy artisans, hand researching,
Starting point is 00:01:04 organically grown madness, bringing you several thousand informative, ridiculous words every weekday. It's the business model. Every single website on earth decided was completely ruinous. And we're still doing it. We're doing it. You can read a lot of our articles for free. That's actually a worse business model than they offered. But come support us on patreon.com slash 1900 hotdog anyway. If you love joy and you think the people who bring it to you should be able to afford a burrito every third day, let's say. I am haunted by my father's urine based death and my name is Robert Brockway. And with me is my co-host who has wiped out the Noble Mountain Gorilla.
Starting point is 00:01:45 It's Sean, baby. I'm ready to piss like a gorilla, Robert Brockway. I'm so glad to hear it. You'd be kicked right off this fucking podcast if you weren't. And our guest today, who's piss is registered as a deadly weapon in 47 U.S. states and Guam? Award-winning author, Jason Parjan. I know we always have some housekeeping stuff that we do at the front of every podcast. I want to let the listeners know the thing we're going to talk about today, I know that I can tend to oversell the subject of a podcast. There is an alternate universe where
Starting point is 00:02:16 this is the most viral video ever made. Yeah. It should be this universe. The version we're looking at has fewer than 100 views as of an hour ago. We'll get to it. First, before we, before, before we get into what is going to be the strangest podcast that has possibly ever been recorded, uh, let's burn our goodwill here. Uh, Jason, where can people find more of you? Hot dog listeners, I have a new book to promote for the first time in a year. It is coming out later this year.
Starting point is 00:02:48 It is up for pre-order now in every possible format. The title is, I am starting to worry about this black box of doom as a standalone ticking clock thriller that goes off the rails in exactly the manner of everything I write. And you need to pre-order it. You need to pre-order it. It doesn't come out for a while, but you have to pre-order it or it will never get made.
Starting point is 00:03:12 For some reason, that's how the book industry works. I don't know why. I know that it sounds like a catch 22, but the books to sell are the ones that the sellers decide to stock a lot of, the ones they stock a lot of are the ones that have already sold. The way you defeat the catch 22 is with pre-orders.
Starting point is 00:03:29 The only reason I'm able to write books full-time as an author and do things like this completely free of charge is because I'm very good at drumming at pre-orders, mostly because 10 months prior to the book coming out, I relentlessly tell people about it. So that's what I'm doing now. We have another podcast together that we do called Big Feets, where we watch every single episode of The Insane Mountain Monster Show in order. In case you're not listening to that, or this, but not that, I don't know why you would be doing that. It's
Starting point is 00:04:01 probably nobody. But if you are and you want Jason to continue doing that podcast, you got to buy his book or he's going to have to do something else. And we've got, let me check, nine years of that left to do. So you got some bank rolling to do, man. All right. We have gathered these esteemed gentlemen here today to discuss Gorilla Flow. Now this is a 47 minute, would you call it an infomercial? I think, yeah. It was originally an embed on the order page of a website that now doesn't exist. I suspect it was taken down for legal reasons, but this product is still for sale.
Starting point is 00:04:43 But I want the listeners to understand when we start talking about this, and we say it is a wanky YouTube infomercial for a, for some sort of a piss medicine that helps your dick. Ostensibly prostate pills. That's what the program quote. You're going to think very quickly that you've got the idea. It's like, okay, yeah, it's funny. Listen, this takes a turn so bizarre and so dark that I have thought for a long time about how to discuss it.
Starting point is 00:05:18 It's impossible. Without accidentally canceling myself, because I believe this man behind this video, he is a actual doctor and an expert. I believe that he stumbled upon an entirely new kind of racism. A racial fetish, I would say. At least one new type of racial fetish. There's so much, but we have to take it from the top. This video is 47 minutes long. Yeah, I want to point out that this is a Sarat Live premise in its entirety. Like there was a Jason Sudeikis sketch about a guy who wants
Starting point is 00:05:56 a pill that makes him piss harder. And that's the whole bit. There's no twists, there's no turns. And that's just the start of one of 20 things in this video we're talking about today. I think Jason undersold it when he said it takes a dark turn. I would argue this video takes, I would say it's 47 minutes long, so 47 dark turns. Oh yeah, it's a minute-tart film. Within the look of this video.
Starting point is 00:06:17 Fuckin' maze. Nobody has seen this. This is ours. We own it. We have it. A member of our Discord first found this on, I think it's AliExpress is the congregate product YouTube channel. And when he found it as part of, his name's Velo, when he found it as part of, I think his job, it had a total of 32 views.
Starting point is 00:06:40 It now has just short of 100. That's all from us. We watched this for one of our community meat parties and everybody couldn't believe it and went back and watched it like on their own. 32 people had seen this fucking video and it's the craziest thing that has maybe ever been produced.
Starting point is 00:06:55 And they have been kind enough to not spread it around and get the credit for it going viral or whatever prior to us being able to do a show about it because there is an alternate universe where college age guys are all quoting lines from this video to each other at parties at the way they used to quote like Anchorman back in the olden days. Like there are so many lines and moments in this. I cannot find another upload of this video anywhere because when I saw it, I thought, okay, well, yeah, this reseller has just grabbed the video off the dead website and just uploaded it because
Starting point is 00:07:31 they're just reselling this supplement. I can't find it anywhere, not on daily motion or live leak or anywhere. It's this only this one that again had 97 views as of earlier today. I found a few reviews of Gorilla Flow from people that were like ostensibly just bots. They were just like Eastern European like tubers that were reading copy that were like, yes, these is Gorilla Flow helps your prostate. And there's like women reading these reviews of,
Starting point is 00:08:02 so it's like, okay. But those are the only traces I could find on the internet is just these obvious descriptive marketing. I will say, I've done the legwork here on the actual company and some of their other advertising efforts. It is legit or rather it is absolutely not legit. It's a scam, but it's not a parody.
Starting point is 00:08:23 It's not a joke and it's a bit. This is all meant to be totally serious, totally deadly serious tone all throughout. And it thinks this is going to sell millions of dollars of gorilla supplements. Let's just get into it. It starts with a real high octane countdown, just burning letters doing five, four, three, two, one.
Starting point is 00:08:43 And the first thing we see is a Movavi video editor watermark that you can pay to remove for like $10, but this official commercial did not. It's throughout the entire video, the 47 minutes nonstop watermark. It's incredible. It's right off the top, right off the jump. It's the best joke you could have made.
Starting point is 00:09:04 It really is funny. A man we don't know yet, but will come to know, begins telling us the story of how his beloved father pissed himself to death. I have this clip. Oh, that's the wrong one. Damn it. Oh, damn.
Starting point is 00:09:23 When I found my father lying unconscious in a pool of his own urine I Instantly saw my worst fears come true. My father Jim was everything I wanted to be a respected Selfless veteran who'd fought and survived two wars So it pained me to see him rushed into the ER and unloaded on the operating table like a helpless lamb I watched as nurses rammed a catheter the size of my arm down his pee hole. It's too late. I don't think that's medically sad. His kidneys are shot.
Starting point is 00:09:51 A toxic urine buildup in his bladder has caused irreversible damage. His dad right away, top of the order, his dad has pissed himself to death. This is the most dire stakes that have ever happened. Let me say something. has pissed himself to death. This is the most dire stakes that have ever happened. Let me say something. I'm very, very big in the world of novel writing on opening lines. I really am into writers that are really great
Starting point is 00:10:15 at having a opening line that grabs you. This guy who is not a writer, as far as I know, has no writing credits to his name, was just trying to write a thing about his prostate supplement. When I found my father lying motionless in a pool of his own urine, I instantly saw my worst fears come true. How could you dare stop watching whatever, wherever you ran into this. How could you turn away from that,
Starting point is 00:10:47 regardless of what you were doing? If you were in mortal danger and this started playing, you would risk your life to hear what comes next. And it does not disappoint. The stakes in this, the drama of this, literally only escalate from here, from his father dying in a pool of his own urine, all we go is up, nonstop for 47 minutes.
Starting point is 00:11:11 That voice is Dr. Leo Shub. I think it's supposed to be Leo, but the voice actor they paid on Fiverr does not do second takes. Dr. Leo explains all of this. It started so innocently with his father just going to the bathroom a bit more often. Actually, what he says is that his father's urine came out as pitiful dribbles. Pitiful dribbles. I think pitiful dribbles.
Starting point is 00:11:35 One of the things we'll find about Dr. Leo Shubb's writing style is that he's kind of forest gumping through this in a way where he's doing the most basic thing you could do at the maximum amount that a normal person wouldn't. So like Jason says, this is a great opening line. He probably heard from someone, you need to have a catchy and grabby opening line. And he's like, cool, got it. And then wrote it so hard in a direction
Starting point is 00:12:02 that most people wouldn't go because that's fucking crazy. Why would you start with your dead father in a pool of the same girth? Why would you start with that? And later you'll see like he'll do these sales techniques where he's taken it to such a basic extreme. Like someone will sort of explain him the basic premise of a sales technique.
Starting point is 00:12:20 And he's like, cool, like this. And they're like, wow, that is way too much. And the whole video is like that. And so I feel like this is a guy who bought a book on how to sell and how to make a video and just did each of these things like a very excitable child would. With no restraint.
Starting point is 00:12:37 Just add a thousand percent, redlining his brain the entire time. It's very quickly after saying the phrase, as I watched as nurses rammed a catheter the size of my arm down his peal. Peal, right? I'm saying that about his dad. He's going to come back and say that by divine revelation, he ran into a product that not only shrink his prostate, but rekindle the dying relationship with his wife. He doesn't explain the details yet. He's going to get into it, but he's already teasing that God was involved.
Starting point is 00:13:11 Well, we're jumping the gun a little bit because we skipped the true tragedy here, which is that Dr. Leo Shubb is now himself also looking at terminal bladder explosion disease, just like his dad. You know what's weird is that there's no medical term for P-hole. Like that's, I think maybe an oversight. There's been a doctor for 30 years. You gotta sell it for the backstands. You gotta sell it to the distant seats.
Starting point is 00:13:41 That's true. You know that tube thing on the front of your pelvis? The flopping thing. God, what do you call it? It's got a hole in it. The dick tunnel. You know. It speaks to you at night.
Starting point is 00:13:52 It dribbles pitiful, pathetic piss out. The old dick tunnel. All of this is presented visually. This is a video, remember? The audio is masterful. It's a wonderful audio book. But it's presented visually very well through a video, remember, that audio is masterful. It's a wonderful audio book, but it's presented visually very well through a masterful, just operatic curation of stock
Starting point is 00:14:11 image footage. Just old men for right now, it's just old men clutching their hair in frustration while diverse supermodel doctors poke at a tablet and look before like, medicine can't explain pissing yourself to death. And that's when Dr. Leo Shubb says, by divine intervention, I stumbled upon a prostate shrinking miracle. Stock footage of prayer hands,
Starting point is 00:14:36 supernovaing into light over like a desert sunset. It's fucking beautiful. No restraint, no fucking restraint. It's beautiful. Now, here's the weird thing. They're going to have clips of a man who I believe is Dr. Shub because he's wearing a lab coat with a name tag that says Dr. Leo Shub, it's monogrammed on his lab coat.
Starting point is 00:14:59 So he pops up. He comes up. It's like a guy are shopped our shot exactly like the stock footage. So later, for example, when his magical super pissing black friend enters the video, every time they mention the black friend, they're going to use a different stock video of a, they just search for older black man who looks like he pisses well. But then it will come back to Dr. Leo and it's, it's him. So he has made a stock video of himself.
Starting point is 00:15:29 It's very strange the way this is put together. If he made that himself, it is, you're right. It's in the directorial style of this stock footage. Like it uses the same lens, uses the same camera and the same. So it's, he seamlessly wove that together because this is just stock footage and like provably so, but that is the actual guy unless they've just taken and then I guess doctored the film to put the name tag on the guy, but that's the guy they use in all of the other products and all over. That's what they say Dr. Leo Shubb is. He says this not only fixed his prostate and bladder,
Starting point is 00:16:06 but the dying relationship with his wife. And he promises in the course of this video to reveal the true cause of prostate disease, which he discovered in, I quote here, the dark underbelly of modern medical institutions. Again, just fantastic Dark Horse comic book writing. Just 1990s Batman writing. And that Dark Secret is a feminizing hormone snuck into our everyday products, robbing us of everything that makes a man a man. So we started with like, just helps you P less frequently and now we are at deep state medical conspiracies to demasculinize
Starting point is 00:16:51 the modern man. It's amazing. Drain us of our energy, motivation and of our lust. But not our piss. We're keeping too much of it. His challenge here, because I, for example, am one of the oldest people in the world. I was born in 1975, so I, you know, all of these things, I can feel myself heading toward 50. I'm not a young man anymore. I mean, I know that Sean might be ageless. Robert, you have the body of a 107-year-old man, where it's all of us regarded as a medical miracle that you're able to function at all. But the whole issue of having like urinate more frequently or not being able to watch a three hour long film
Starting point is 00:17:34 without getting up and going, that's definitely something I've noticed about myself that I could not do that at H25. It is an incredibly minor inconvenience. So his first challenge is to elevate this thing that most men just manage because it's a thing that happens. You get to be 50, 60, like, you know, I get up in the middle of the night, like, once a week I have to do that because whatever and you think, I drank some coffee after 6 p.m.
Starting point is 00:17:58 I had to get up and pee in the middle of the night. It's not a life or anything. So his challenge is to take this minor inconvenience and elevate it to a war for the soul of masculinity itself. The God himself is going to intervene to try to save us from this. From this massive conspiracy. The stock footage is doing ace work as he warns of these feminizing harm ones.
Starting point is 00:18:25 It's ticking clocks spinning over just medical commercial footage of CGI bladders. Well, shocked doctors, just gasp and old men grip their faces in horror and waterfalls, cascade down. It's incredible. We watch blood cells just zoom through tunnels. It looks like hacking in like a 1990s movie. It's wonderful.
Starting point is 00:18:48 Already, we're like four minutes in. And we have a war hero who popped like a piss balloon and his son is looking at his own tragic year-in-bomb future. We have a direct intervention from Jesus Christ against this dark medical conspiracy to swell the bowels of American patriots. There's a love interest? Forcing astonishing.
Starting point is 00:19:16 There's a conflicted love interest, a dying relationship. And now it's time to introduce the Namibian tribesmen. The secret to saving your piss is a Namibian tribal secret, only Leo Shub has been privileged to discover from them. It's implied that they have, yeah, I would say it's implied greedily,
Starting point is 00:19:40 hoarded the cure for prostate explosions from modern medicine, these Namibian tribesmen. I feel like this is one of Leo Shubb's great racisms in that, like, he discovers a thing that exists. It just doesn't count unless an American discovers it. That's so this is where the racism stuff starts. And it goes in weird directions. But as he's showing pictures of black men, he's saying, my secret can restore the powerful fire hose flow
Starting point is 00:20:09 of a 20 year old. And it's like only showing like black men and this weird like recovering my youth kind of misplaced worship. It's very strange and it only gets, it only gets very explicitly stranger. So, uh... I would prefer to say nothing during this section.
Starting point is 00:20:31 Okay. I don't know how familiar with racism some of our listeners are because some of us grew up in more racist parts of the country than others. And racism comes in a rich tapestry of varieties. It is truly a 31 flavors type of thing. They're always thinking up new, new things. And so, like, ha ha, black people are criminals or they're dumb or whatever. That's the kind we know. But there is this other type of racism that you run into that you see it on porn sites, but you also see it among like true races where it's like weird jealous of the manhood of black people.
Starting point is 00:21:12 This was the thing. Do you remember the scandal with the guy who owned the Clippers, Donald Sterling? And he had that girlfriend. He had to sell the team. He was forced to sell the team because he had these recordings he had made with his ex-wife. This was his deal. He used to like invite his peers and his other wealthy businessmen into the locker room with
Starting point is 00:21:32 the players when they were in their showering, like showing them off. Like look at, look at these men that I possess. Hey, like his type of racism was not, you know, these people are committing all the crimes because he owned an NBA team. It would be weird to be that kind of a racist. His type of racism was, I'm just seething with rage over the virility that I will never possess.
Starting point is 00:22:00 And when you heard him talking about it, it was weird. Like weird, it was part fetish, but you, cause you don't say, well, it's not hateful. He had this weird obsession. It's like, no, it's hateful. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's almost the darkest thing you can imagine. So when Broadway sent me this link or he shared it in, in the Slack and I watched it in this very funny this opening.
Starting point is 00:22:26 He's like, you will piss like a fire hose and my dad exploded from not pissing enough. And if you want to piss too, and then when it transitioned to, and I discovered the secret from the Namibian tribesmen of Africa who pissed like a fire hose, I paused the video was like, Oh, no. Oh, this is one of those guys. This is one of those weirdos. And I don't want to use the phrase, it did not disappoint. It very much disappointed me in that what I want to believe about humanity, but
Starting point is 00:22:59 the path that was going down. Jesus Christ. So let's, you talk about the tapestry of racism. I think they're all represented here. This is a quilt, a beautiful quilt of intolerance. Yes. So just all of the various ways you could be racist, including, I think, several new ones. He's a pioneer.
Starting point is 00:23:21 He's a true pioneer. Dr. Laoshabh establishes his credentials. He says he's a medical doctor of 32 years, which I think is probably true. And he has saved hundreds of lives by giving medical advice to corporations like Pepsi, Walmart, Citibank and the FBI. The FBI. Already. He was the FBI's piss doctor. How who are we? Who are we to question the federal?
Starting point is 00:23:50 The surgeon of piss, the surgeon general of piss, the man who consulted with the FBI about the secret chemical snuck into our pop tarts that has just been popping old men for decades. Uh, he promises Leo promises to tell us the most humiliating. into our pop tarts that has just been popping old men for decades. He promises, Leo promises to tell us the most humiliating, emasculating moment of his life and how he risked and almost lost everything to bring this discovery to us. And while he's saying this, so the stock footage flashes to a single frame of like a suburban man twisting a pistol in his lap like he's contemplating suicide or murder. So the stock footage flashes to a single frame of like a suburban man
Starting point is 00:24:25 twisting a pistol in his lap like he's contemplating suicide or murder. The stakes of this and then animation of blood flying. It's like the after effects blood spider from a shot skull. I think that's later. That's later when he doubles down here to they do it both places. I have watched this moment 275 times. I can The sticks just could not be higher. Like this is no longer just piss. This is a murderous conspiracy affecting the soul of manhood. And he says even warranty, like people are going to come
Starting point is 00:24:58 for him for this. He says these words, watch this video right now before I'm forced to take it down for good. Before they find him in his bunker, the piss mansors, and just ruin him. He says, when you start this off by saying, if you have any pride as a man, you'll know how humiliated I was when I pissed my pants like a six-year-old and realized I was going to die and diapers just like my dad and as he says that a man's groin fills the screen and huge Quentin Tarantino style text slams on top of it reading I pissed my pants. I have his humiliating. This must be a 10 minute clip. It's a four minute clip Hopefully they allow us to play the whole thing. We were at the movies some new Marvel flick
Starting point is 00:25:54 I'd begged her to be ready on time begged her to get there early So I claim an hour seat like the rest of the old man Just turned 52 her fault before but no and Marvel's there, the previews were already roaring on the screen. I scanned every corner of the theater and felt icy horror in my chest as I realized the only seats where we could sit next to the stabbing ache in my bladder became too much. I ignored the urinals, shut myself in a stall, sat down like a woman, and strained as hard as I could for every pitiful drop. And remembered the good old days when I had a flow that could knock over soup cans at 20 yards.
Starting point is 00:26:37 So specific. Sorry, I whispered again on my back to my seat. 10 minutes went by, then 20, and I could already feel it again. That ache, that urgency, that need to go. I tried to focus on the movie. I tried to ignore the growing desperation in my groin. I looked left, then right, and I saw him.
Starting point is 00:26:56 Some young guy in his 20s, a hot blonde with pneumatic breasts on his arm, a grin on his face, a super-sized cup of coke held casually in his hand, not a worry in the world. Son of a bitch! Yeah, what was coming the luckiest son of a bitch? Just like I was when I was young and stupid and took sleeping through the night without getting up to pee every two hours for grin. Just wait, buddy, I thought. Wait if you'll fucking catch yours. When 93% of men end up just like me, and then we'll talk.
Starting point is 00:27:23 How much longer can this damn movie be? I thought to myself as I clamped down as hard as I could, too prideful and ashamed to get up to go again. I thought I could do it. I thought I could hold out. But then, do you smell that, Leo? My wife whispered as my worst nightmare came true and I felt that sickening heat stain my pants. We have to go. Right now, we have to go. I whispered that. We have to go. And failed to keep the pan.
Starting point is 00:27:48 The facility is going to explode. We have to go. But I want to watch the rest of the she started. And then stopped, sniffed the air, scanned my face, and then nodded, donning horror in her eyes. And did I imagine her respect for me as a man trickling down my leg too? No!
Starting point is 00:28:03 I held my coat over my groin, crawled between people's annoyed legs like there were some sick, humiliating obstacle court. Sick! Come on, Grandpa, get out of the way. The cocky kid with the coke grunted just like I would have at his age, and it was all I could do not to grab him by the throat and choke the cockiness out of him. Just a little bit. As I tried to swallow his smile and jealousy I fell for him. Sorry, sorry, I said just a few seats to go, and then, Son of a bitch! Disgusted gasps spread like a wave through the theater. Gasp and then the most horrible mocking laughter I've ever heard.
Starting point is 00:28:47 I was used to being respected. I am a doctor, I screamed at them. I am a doctor, I screamed at them. Powerful men and companies in the world. But at that moment, I was just a man who pissed himself in public like a little girl on a long car ride. And for the first time in my life, I wished I could just die. I drove home on a pile of gold towers, wondering what the piss would do to my leather seats.
Starting point is 00:29:08 The windows of my BMW Y-O-B-R-E-S-W. Fucking Brad Easton Ellis book over here. It's okay, it's okay, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. She lied. She lied. Let's just rain check. This is our vault. She said as kindly as she could.
Starting point is 00:29:22 And I felt not disappointment, but relief in my chest. Relief that I wouldn't have to try to perform and end up disappointing her again. I showered through the $200 jeans she had got me for my birth money and trash. And then I locked myself in my office with a bottle of Woodford Reserve and thought about my father and how his prostate had destroyed so much of his life and how it was about to destroy mine too. He just fucking relentless.
Starting point is 00:29:47 Those were his birthday pants. Relentless 24-style nonstop escalating stakes. There are several hundred things I would like to point out about that quick. But I know that we have to keep moving. For one thing, the video when the sequence events, of course, he tries to urinate, he can't, and then the urine, you know, unleashes itself during the show. And then he tells his wife, he has to get out. She doesn't believe him, which both of you are married. If you're in the middle of a movie and your wife leaned over and said, I need to go now, would you say,
Starting point is 00:30:27 but I have to finish watching the Avengers Age of Ultron? Like, no, she means she's sick. Like, like she needs to get out of there because she's not feeling well. Like, you don't question it if, you know. Or she's been called away on a spy mission. I mean, one of those two things. To be fair, he does seem to hate her. He because it's her fault. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:51 So all of this, he has, he went to the bathroom squatted and while he, the year was dribbling out, he dreamed back to the good old days when he quote had a flow that could knock over soup cans at 20 yards. I love it. I love so he wants to evoke that image of him like lining up soup cans on the kind of football field. Pissing him right in half. Yes.
Starting point is 00:31:16 60 sharp shooter. 60 feet away. And I assume these soup cans were full. And then just blasted him. He in my aim was impeccable because again, as we're going to establish later, cause he, this guy just almost spoiled something. This guy has multiple products and they all have elaborate backstories. They're all conflict.
Starting point is 00:31:34 It's the, this is all fiction. The whole thing, the whole thing topped the bottom. This guy does not actually have any of these problems. This whole event, the whole thing is fiction. Everything we're about to tell you. He sat down and dreamed up. So inserting his nemesis, the young 20-something cocky man who's sitting there just with his giant Coca-Cola.
Starting point is 00:31:53 That's just the 20-ounce. The son of a bitch lording over him, his own ability to withhold urine in his bladder, just sitting there every second thinking, man, I am so glad that I can piss like a young man. My dad is what makes me a man. Leaning over to his girlfriend, his hot blonde girlfriend and saying baby I'm so full of piss right now and I'm not even gonna go. A hot blonde with pneumatic breasts. With pneumatic with with air filled breasts. So he pisses himself.
Starting point is 00:32:25 He imagines his wife's respect for him trickling down his leg. Like it's his, you know, his marriage just is over. She of course she is ashamed of him. He tells her needs to go. She's like, but I need to watch the movie and then smells the year and it's like, oh, we have to go because you've you've pissed my respect for you down your $200 jeans. I knew it. I knew it, Laura. As he is shuffling past to get out,
Starting point is 00:32:54 the cocky young man says, come on, grandpa, get out of the way. Just as I would have said at his age. So think how revealing that is. When we've all been to movies before, I cannot fathom, I can't fathom in a million years saying to a 60 year old man, come on, grandpa, get out. People are getting up to go and leave all the time.
Starting point is 00:33:22 It's a common thing that occurs in a theater. And then the young hot blonde with pneumatic breasts says, oh my God, did you piss yourself? I can't do the accent. He does like a Valley Girl accent or something. Perfectly, a perfect Valley Girl accent. This causes disgusted gasps to spread throughout the audience. Again, they're watching a Marvel movie,
Starting point is 00:33:44 a movie so loud that you can't hear the person right next to you. And instead, the entire theater starts laughing at him and the stock video they use is of everyone in the three theater throwing garbage at him. Throwing garbage at him. While the filter turns everything is sickening yellow and it goes all Dutch ankles because this is a horse.
Starting point is 00:34:05 He is the hunchback of Notre Dame. He calls the people watching this movie a sick human obstacle course. For fucking sick bastards. In my way, I love, okay, what happens here is he sees this cocky young man not pissing just in his arrogance. And he decides all in his own brain. Well, I could out hold it over this young man. And that's the reason he pisses himself is because he has created a piss race in his mind against a nearby young man who does not know he's in a piss race and lost it.
Starting point is 00:34:38 He's projected so many of his failings and insecurities onto this imaginary boy. So many of his failings and insecurities onto this imaginary boy. So he goes on out of the scene. He goes on to explain that his own father was a cold and distant man. Everything a man should be. He didn't even tell, he didn't even tell me he loved me until I was in my 40s. Dr. Leo proudly says he didn't have to put this right after the fucking peep story. As a positive as an example of the masculine statue that this man was, he did not succumb.
Starting point is 00:35:11 His love bladder was so strong that he did not release the piss of his love until I was in my 40s. He sat there and did it for 40 years. Four decades he could hold his love. Meanwhile, the emasculated men of this country. And one day when Leo was rummaging through his dad's stuff, he found his shameful forbidden secret, adult diapers. And then his dad laid it all out for him,
Starting point is 00:35:36 a lifetime of covert urination, rubber sheets, diapers. It specifically said his inability to maintain an erection while he was plowing his mom that couldn't even be helped with Viagra His dick was so limp it was immune to Viagra. That's immune to medicine fucking Jim. Shub Jim. Shub you used to be my hero Sitting there watching his father dying in diapers Leo thought just for a moment about the nine millimeter he kept in the wall safe. The combination, his dad's birthday. He gave up. He gives up the combination to his safe in the video.
Starting point is 00:36:18 Now hold on. Let's stop and pause this. So when, let me lay the scene out. The stock footage again appears that we saw a flash of the desperate businessman holding a pistol in his lap But we can see it now. Yeah, and there are two slow clicks Like a gun being cocked and then a gunshot and CGI blood splatter fills the screen like so Because this story was explained so poorly It's not entirely clear But only one of two things could happen.
Starting point is 00:36:45 And I think what he was going for, he was saying, I was contemplating suicide because I was looking at my father and I realized, like, I would end up like him. But what he actually says is I was sitting there watching my father dying in diapers, and I thought about the nine millimeter in my safe. He was going to shoot his father in the fucking head rather than see him piss himself to death. He's going to put him out of his misery. Like a sick horse. Do it, son. Do it. You know what? It's all I wish for.
Starting point is 00:37:14 Finally, he prayed to God for help with his bladder to never accept his swollen prostate and his traitorous bladder as he says it. Traitors and their stock footage of just fists clenching men rising to their feet in front of the rising sun. Dr. Leo knows as a medical doctor that you can't trust medical doctors. Everything they prescribe is a scam and he shows himself. So he went, he retreated to his study with his bourbon, which might be one of the reasons he has pissed himself so often.
Starting point is 00:37:46 He retreated to his study with his bourbon where he had a research breakthrough. He realized all modern prostate medications are wrong. It's really about estrogenic inflammation and your body's desperate fight to, quote, keep you a man as you age. Estrogen has been feminizing your body every day, and obviously it's the environment it's been inserted into you by sunscreen, by bottled water. He calls it manhood killers and says, the world is conspiring against you to make you more ladylike every day. He could not crack this. He could not crack this estrogenic inflammation.
Starting point is 00:38:26 And then he had a mystical breakthrough. I got the clip. Okay. Do you want to say anything before it or do you want to wait for it? I don't think I need. I think let's hear the clip. Okay. I just, I want to say one thing before it.
Starting point is 00:38:38 And that's when we are introduced to Kwame, the stock footage is an extreme close up of his eyes as he's slowly looking up from the ground, appraising us predatorally. It's very sinister and powerful. Check out my stream, Kwame. Here is his medical breakthrough. Buckle up. Until one day, I stumbled onto the Alpha Gorilla secret that changed everything. My friend Kwame has been in America for a long time, but he was born in a small village in Namibia in Africa.
Starting point is 00:39:08 Kwame is about 58 now, and in really good shape, for a man his age. And he over the years, we'd become friends. And one day, Kwame and his wife had come over to hang out with Laura and I. We were laughing and drinking like we usually did. And as usual, Kwame chewed his strange red jerky and right on schedule, every 20 to 40 minutes or so, I was running off to the bathroom we usually did. And as usual, Kwame chewed his strange red- It's a good red jerk. Look at this thing.
Starting point is 00:39:26 Every 20 to 40 minutes or so, I was running off to the bathroom to try to push out a few pitiful drops. But here's the weird thing. Kwame was matching me drink for drink all night. But even after four hours, he hadn't gotten up to go even once. But finally. Around 11pm, as he and his wife were getting ready to leave, Kwame asked if he could use the bathroom at my house. I let him down the hall and showed him where the guest bathroom was and then I don't know why but instead of walking I know I keep the ladies company I just waited and I listen and my jaw almost hit the floor when I heard a flow like a waterfall
Starting point is 00:39:57 it was almost disturbing how loud it was and Intimidating rush of fluid crashing like a wave and while I had to strain to push out just a little bit of urine, Kwame's powerful stream just kept going and going. I glanced at my watch and stared in awe as 10 seconds went by, then 20, then an amazing 30 seconds of the most powerful, relieving flow I'd ever heard, especially in a man who was older than me. Kwame had a weird look on his face when he found me waiting for an outside bathroom door, but I needed to know what was going on. I needed to know his secret. And eventually, after I begged and promised not to listen to him in the bathroom door, Kwame explained that nobody
Starting point is 00:40:35 in his village in Africa ever had any kind of prostate issues at all. In fact, the men in his village were known far and wide for the sheer and astonishing power of their flesh and their virility even into old age. And judging by the satisfied look his much younger wife always had on her face when Kwame talked about virility, I believed him. And then he told me about a mysterious fruit that the men of his village had used for untold generations. A fruit that only grows in the most sweltering regions of Africa,
Starting point is 00:41:05 regions where many scientists believe that life itself began, and only between 3,000 and 10,000 feet above sea level, making it extremely rare. A super fruit that scientists had recently discovered could be the most powerful weapon against the curse of estrogenic inflammation on the planet. He called this fruit Gorilla Cherry, because it's the fruit of a rare cherry tree that's the primary food source of endangered mountain gorillas. According to local legend, Kwame's ancestors had started eating the Gorilla Cherry as a way to absorb the gorilla's strength and dominance, and had continued to eat it for generation after generation as a way of maintaining masculinity and virility into old age.
Starting point is 00:41:45 But then the ever-chirful Kwame got extremely serious. Leo, Gorilla Cherry is too potent. Tribes have fought each other for centuries to stockpile it, and many believe this is the main reason the gorillas are becoming extinct. I felt a pang of guilt in my chest as I asked him. Well, Kwame, I care about gorillas as much as the next guy, but is there a way I could try this gorilla cherry for myself? Where can I get some Kwame gave me a mischievous smile and then opened his mouth wide so I could see the chewed up pieces of red
Starting point is 00:42:11 Jerky strewn across his teeth and tongue you are looking at it right now boss. Okay death of one generation of gorillas Okay, there's a million you see it's bewildering. So there's just a million things. Every sentence is fucking is a, is a right, right cross from Mike Tyson. Just punching you right in the fucking head. Just knocking you on the ground. I need to make it clear to all of the listeners, to anyone who works at my publisher, we did not make this video. We found it. It's where to go.
Starting point is 00:42:44 We're telling people about it because we are astonished. This is one of the most offensive things I've ever seen in my entire life. We did not make this. We would not have made this. We did not, we did not know this man. We're not profiting from any, any part of this, this venture. We, we're showing it to you. Absolutely don't buy this. It's poison what he's going to try to sell you.
Starting point is 00:43:08 But the way he tries to sell it to you is fucking the craziest thing. Okay, we have to start. I just so, I wanna start with, this is not the primary food source of the mountain gorilla. Gorilla needs to eat 40 pounds of leaves every day.
Starting point is 00:43:24 It does not eat fucking. In case it was not clear to the listeners, I'm saying that because you need this context. This guy, this Leo Shubb, he sells many different supplements. They all have a different back store and they offer, like the another one is he, it was a tribe in Brazil. Right.
Starting point is 00:43:43 Had the mysterious thing that, that there had awesome virility of all of God. And they make tea out of this. Everything about this, the black friend, the story, him waiting, listening to him piss for, by the way, someone pissing very hard for 30, 30 straight seconds. That would be like a Guinness World Record. That's, that would be astonishing if you ever saw that. This, reaction is accurate that all of this is fiction. It's important to understand this is not some guy who actually did have a black friend and then try to make some sort of, you know, snake oil. This is all made up, including him listening to him piss.
Starting point is 00:44:22 And including, he included the moment where Kwame opens the door and is like, what the fuck are you doing? I will only tell you the secrets of my mystical African piss, Mansi. If you stop listening to me pee, you fucking freak. I also want to point out, I think most people know this, but gorillas have, not just relatively,
Starting point is 00:44:44 but very small penises. They're like four centimeter penises. Dong to body ratio, you listening right now with your human penis, it's probably eight times bigger than a gorillas. So the idea of like putting all this gorilla energy onto the dong is like, I don't get it. I think there's maybe some other connection between, I don't know, like gorillas, black men in Africa.
Starting point is 00:45:09 And I think your brain can connect the dots if you're racist, I guess, but. So he, so he listed that this is their primary food source, as Sean said. No, it's not. Nope. Uh, but within the fiction that he has invented, wars have been fought over guerrilla cherry wars. This tribe, this tribe in Africa that Kwame hails from is renowned, there are legends that echo all throughout the dark continent
Starting point is 00:45:36 of their untold weaponized piss force. Like everybody is just in awe of it. And wars have been fought over the chemical that lets them maintain this this self-defensive piss force that they have and And not only that the noble mountain gorilla is being wiped out Is being wiped out is being driven to extinction by our over-gathering of gorilla cherry. This is all fake,
Starting point is 00:46:06 but why would you wipe out the mountain gorilla to make your supplement? Yeah. If you could write anything to sell it to somebody, I wouldn't say, hey, and I wiped out the gorillas for this. I like, you know, I care about the gorillas as much as anybody, man,
Starting point is 00:46:21 but, but I do want to knock over those soup cans I have set up over there. Every time he mentions the village in Namibia, it cuts to generic stock video of African tribe, African tribal dance, but to make it like a dancing around a fire or something as if it cuts again in this guy's mind. That's all of Africa. It's straw huts. It's, it's the same thing he would see in like a cartoon from the 80s,
Starting point is 00:46:47 where they, they're playing crash lanes in Africa. It's like, Oh yeah, it's all just straw huts. And, and, and the whole thing with like, well, my village, they wanted to absorb the virility of the gorilla. Like that is, that's, that you don't hear how racist that sounds. When you say it is itself weird that he thinks that this is a connection that, well, yeah, this is a little logical. That's how they, they are over there.
Starting point is 00:47:14 They commune with the primates like for it to, for him to not like say, okay, there are neo Nazis in the United States that if they said this, they would release a statement saying they were taken out of context. Like there are unapologetic races who don't say stuff like this. But then I, for some reason, I think this is the worst part because then he says that and judging from the satisfied look on his much younger wife's face, talking about Kwame, his much younger wife, when he talked about virility, I believed him. And we get a stock photo of a completely different older black man hugging a woman that's, again,
Starting point is 00:47:59 we were introduced to Kwame earlier where they just looked up stock video. Yeah. And this guy does not look anything like him. They looked up to stock video of older black man. And just when mentioning Kwame, just insert a different black guy every time. Every time, every single time. It's and throughout, I want to add this throughout this whole video. Every, every, I want to say every other time they say the word gorilla
Starting point is 00:48:25 because the word gorilla appears a lot. They just flash a picture of a random black man from a sock. Like it's, it is dire. It is so dire. And I, I guess ostensibly didn't realize he was doing it. It's incredible. This whole thing is just, it leaves you breathless
Starting point is 00:48:46 from start to finish and every sentence is crazier than the last one. We're very caught in the racism, I think, because it's so big. Because of this part, this is where it really blossoms. But I do want to point out, his science is also very childlike, where he basically is like, I made it my life's mission to discover
Starting point is 00:49:02 how to fix my prostate. And what he did is he like looked into medical journals and then he decided like, no, I'm so much better than other people who look in medical journals that I found that they're all wrong except for this one medical journal that I found that had this, you know, information about something that wasn't DHT.
Starting point is 00:49:21 See, you guys are focused on the DHT, but what that's a mistake. And this is a technique you see in a lot of conspiracy theories where they give the listener just a little factoid that makes them smarter than everyone else. Like they'll say like, oh, you know, here's what steel melts at.
Starting point is 00:49:38 And so 9-11 had to have been an inside job because you can't melt steel beams at this temperature. And like that fact makes that person like, oh, well, now I know this thing that no one else knows. And this allows them to like rely on their own like super smarts. And I think that's what he's trying to do here is he's like, oh, CC, there's this ingredient that other prostate medicine has. No, no, no, ours doesn't have that because we're smarter than all of them.
Starting point is 00:50:04 And I don't know. It's the same technique you get to make someone believe you fixed the moon landing and he's doing it for Gorilla Piss. And just to take a step back, his method was starting from the very, very beginning was he came home from having pissed himself and became the laughing stock of the entire city. He retired to his room away from his wife with a bottle of bourbon or whatever he said he had, drank alone, he prayed to God for an answer, and then God told him, go with your bottle of alcohol and sit in front of your computer and research what's causing these problems. He hit a dead end in his research.
Starting point is 00:50:49 Then by blind coincidence, his one friend from Africa went to the bathroom and he just had a hunch to stand outside the door while he pissed. I want to add a detail to that. You should always listen to black men piss. His very close friend who they often drank with, but he had to show him where the bathroom was. Right. And leave him down the hallway and then, yeah, don't worry, I'll be right here.
Starting point is 00:51:15 And then he pissed for 30, 30 straight, he's pissed four or five gallons of liquid. And then the friend explained to him, quote, that the men in his village were known far and wide for their sheer and astonishing power of their flows. So all around Africa, you hear the legend of this one village where they can piss better than anyone else.
Starting point is 00:51:39 And I love that he has established that on top of put the racism stuff, stuff aside for the moment, that he has set up a universe that's kind of like the karate kid universe where the only thing that matters in that town is how good you are in karate. And you know, and then like the, the roadhouse university, only thing that matters, how good you are at bouncing in his world, every man is obsessed with how well they can piss. And you are mean that that young Buck at the movie theater challenged him to a piss off like mentally challenged him to a piss off at any point.
Starting point is 00:52:14 You could be attacked. Yes. So this extends to Africa. And so it does not catch him. He's like, well, yeah, the men in my village that are known all around the continent for the sheer and astonishing power of their urine flows. That is a thing that if you knew about a friend, you would hopefully would forget it very quickly. It would be weird if you had somebody you knew, let alone an entire village of people where it's like, oh yeah, those are the
Starting point is 00:52:42 guys that can piss really hard. He said that to somebody. Ideally they would say, what? Why do you know that? You don't know about the African piss man. Everybody knows about the African piss man. Why do you, why did that come up? Why did you ask? Like, well, no, one time we were all pissing together and they could piss
Starting point is 00:53:01 harder than anybody. It's like, okay, what? Yeah, but what? Well, yeah, but that's because they're, that means they're more virile. They have the piss powers of a gorilla, which we're going to get to. But anyway, and they've driven the gorillas to extinction, uh, just so they can piss that hard. It's, it's incredible. So Kwame, of course, immediately hands over the secret. His ancestors have gone to war to protect and have wiped out the mountain gorilla for. Just hands it right over to Dr. Leo.
Starting point is 00:53:30 Dr. Leo didn't want to believe this would work. I don't know why he didn't want to believe that would work from his black friend. So he stayed up all night thinking about Kwame's powerful waterfall flow compared to his pitiful little tinkle. Like I have every night since I saw this video. Yes, every night just thinking about Kwame's powerful waterfall flow. My wife will wake me up at night and she'll say, you were screaming piss on me Kwame, piss on me Kwame in your sleep. Only because of the force. I wanted to experience the force and measure it
Starting point is 00:54:05 with my face, my naughty face. Oh no! Oh, God. So, God, this is fucking insane. Nothing, all right, so nothing happened at first when Dr. Leo started Kwame's Gorilla Cherry. Great sentence. But after a week, he woke up and he broke down weeping
Starting point is 00:54:23 when he realized he slept through the night. And then after several months, he was able to make it through an entire meal with his wife without getting up to use the bathroom. And she was so impressed with this that initially she laughed, but quickly it turned to a womanly mode. Oh my. When he took her home
Starting point is 00:54:41 and was able to perform with her the way he had 25 years ago. Suddenly they were too busy making love to have their nightly fight. I loved that line. Like, obviously this is all fiction but like so telling of what this guy's real life must be like. You're so impotent she has to fight with you about it every single night. And that she actually laughed out loud when she noticed that he made it through the entire meal without pissing.
Starting point is 00:55:10 And then got so horny, she's like, God, all I've ever wanted is somebody with bladder retention. Because again, in his world, that's the only thing women use to judge men. Can I call you Kwame? You know it, you know you can! I just love that they fight every night against me every time. This scheduled fight is so fucking weird. Because everything he keeps letting parts, the character he wrote for himself in this fiction,
Starting point is 00:55:35 this short story he wrote or at this novella he wrote about discovering his piss superpowers makes him sound like a dick at every stage. Like yeah. Until it's all because his life was being ruined by piss and he was a good person once he got his piss force back. To be fair, his dad didn't tell him he loved him until he was fucking mentally frail. He's kind of taken the dad's side on that.
Starting point is 00:56:00 He's fucking random sentences that he throws out. He's just like, how can I prove my dad was a tough guy? He didn't love me till he was 40. No, no, no, hold on. That's a whole thing to unpack. And then he throws out like, oh, we didn't have our nightly fight. Why are you fighting with your wife every day?
Starting point is 00:56:15 What? Just like when he gets home after peeing his pants. And by the way, he mentions that he threw his $200 jeans in the trash. The birthday jeans. The jeans that his wife got him for his birthday200 jeans in the trash. The jeans. The jeans that his wife got on for his birthday. You can wash them. Well, just throw them right in the trash.
Starting point is 00:56:31 You know, my shame. My jeans all the time. And the phrase, the phrase she says, or there's nothing to be ashamed of, she lied. She lied, that bitch. She lied to me. Because he himself lost all respect for his father when his father's piss powers went down. It's like, no, he's nothing. He's a piece of, he's a worthless piece of meat.
Starting point is 00:56:54 I should put him out of his misery. He should put a fucking bullet in his head like a lame horse. This is incredible. So Dr. Leo knew after plowing his wife with a full bladder, tearing it slosh around with every thrust, he knew this was earth shaking. And he contacted in his words, my science friend. So good. Does he have a name in the story?
Starting point is 00:57:20 No, it's just a science friend who had a state of the art piss lab and they found out it's phytosterols that make this work. So he dedicated his life. You skipped over my favorite part where he, his science friend has the microscope. So like we knew we had to look at that under a powerful microscope. It's the fucking baby's idea of science. Science friend with his super microscope that saw it so good. Look at this really close. Anybody we've got it. The correct.
Starting point is 00:57:50 So he dedicated his life to unearthing other phytosterol sources to amp up the power of Gorilla Cherry, which was, remember, so powerful, all of Africa shook at the mention of its name. And Kwame was a thundering pissmanster who obliterated his toilet. And he's just like no, I'm gonna amp that shit up off the chair off the charts. Jet fuel. Jet fuel can't melt steel beams. Shut up, baby. Piss can't piss. Can't cut right.
Starting point is 00:58:19 Kwame's piss. Saw a ring. What are you? Kwame, you son of a bitch. You pissed 9-11. Oh, I want to be able to urinate for four straight minutes. So I'm like, to be clear, when he says he like, did this dedicated his life to phytostereal research,
Starting point is 00:58:38 he googled what fucking supplements had phytostereal in them. And that was, yeah. He says specifically, he says the amount of science he did, which was 200 entire hours. That doesn't seem like enough science to me. That seems like a Baldur's Gate run through. And I feel like, I feel like this is, uh, at this point, maybe racism nitpicking. But the idea that they, the African tribe been using this supplement for centuries, that he and his science friend spent over 200 hours researching
Starting point is 00:59:14 it, which is a number he pulled out of his ass to sound like a lot when that's, it's not enough. It's a couple months. And, and immediately found something that worked eight times better. So he and his white scientist friend in a couple months immediately just totally dominated this traditional medicine that, yeah. Just piss all over them.
Starting point is 00:59:34 Despite all of his like, you know, crazy wording and racism, it basically he's describing someone Googling supplements and then mixing those supplements together over the course of a couple months. Until you get to it. describing someone Googling supplements and then mixing those supplements together over the course of a couple of months until you. No understanding of how they may counter each other or what side effects they may have or what the exact dosage should be or how is, is there any, is there a point at which you can overdose is, you know,
Starting point is 00:59:59 do we need to go through the FDA because if it's this powerful, this kind of effect on your system, can no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you would want to know that's not just, okay, let's mix together all of the supplements that have known piss properties. Now, that's a lot of questions. I think I'll let Dr. Leo explain. I named this one-of-a-kind formula, gorilla flow, because the ingredients work together to help you fight estrogenic inflammation, supercharge your manhood, and piss like a gorilla. Fuck yes.
Starting point is 01:00:51 That's right there. Fuck yes. That's what you need to know. You say that to the FDA, they just stamp approved. No, I don't. Are you saving the nation's manhood, sir? Yes. Yes.
Starting point is 01:01:02 Those Africans pissed our buildings straight to the ground. We have to, we have to come back at them. I would watch a show where they had, you know, they had those man versus animal shows where like the guy, the guy tried to swim against a shark. I would love to see a man in a gorilla have a fucking piss off. Because they're not, that's not a stereotype of gorillas. No, he's mixing up.
Starting point is 01:01:27 Right. He is. We haven't even mentioned that. He's just made it up. He's like, I have no stereotype that says gorillas piss super hard. Why would I have that fucking stereotype? That's crazy. Where would it have come from? I don't know. Was there a sequel to Congo that was all about pissing?
Starting point is 01:01:45 There's probably a porn parody about Congo about pissing. That's probably what it's from. I don't know. Was there a sequel to Congo that was all about pissing? There's probably a porn parody about Congo about pissing. That's probably what it's from. Do they? I don't even know enough about gorillas to know if they piss super hard because again, even if they do, why the fuck would I want to know? There's no value to me whatsoever. It's madness. All of this is over stock footage of blurry gorillas looking at like fire hose streams like damn You've got damn humans. Look at look at what you're doing Uses a lot of pseudoscience to explain why your prostate is shrinking how you can supercharge your bladder Dick work real good. It's a real good chunk of this video just scientists doing science stuff and
Starting point is 01:02:23 It's all intercut with happy men drinking coffee and looking at these faucets next to the gorillas being like, yeah, that's right, gorilla. You fucking, you suck at gorilla. Look how hard I can piss. The virility stuff, it's funny because it kind of just kind of sneaks that in that it also cures erectile dysfunction, but it's like a lot of those supplements that kind of just hints at it because it's like, well, if it's fighting the estrogens in your system, then it will bring back your virility. But obviously, if you're having erectile dysfunction,
Starting point is 01:02:53 there are other issues there. There's blood flow, there's all sorts. It can be a side effect of medications. It's not as simple as, you know, the supplement will block the estrogen in your system or whatever. But then in the course of, as he said, there's this long section of the video where it's like 15 straight minutes of
Starting point is 01:03:09 talking about, well, this supplement, it's like pumpkin seed does this. But then it will occasionally will throw in a phrase like that it will make men feel like King Kong in the bedroom. feel like King Kong in the bedroom. I see you have a lot of questions, Jason, and again, Dr. Leo has the answers. I don't know why you're not listening. Here, I'll play it for you. This rare fruit is the main food source of mountain gorillas. Not sure.
Starting point is 01:03:38 Who, by the way, have no recorded instances of frosty issues. Yeah. Before you write that off as unimportant, you should know that humans and gorillas actually share nearly 99% of lost issues. Before you write that off as unimportant, you should know that humans and gorillas actually share nearly 99% of our DNA. In other words, what works for gorillas works for humans. Boom. In every circumstance. There you go. Right there. If it's good enough for gorillas, Jason Parjan, it's good enough for you. We're about that level of similarity to tapeworms too. So just just for fun fact. I really fuck up if it works for gorillas.
Starting point is 01:04:10 It's good enough for you. Are you better than a gorilla? Let me see you piss. I will decide. It is funny how like tacked on all the erectile dysfunction stuff is because it's just the video is so focused on the piss. And then it's also like also Cures Boner stuff. But it never quite says that I feel like it's just the video is so focused on the piss. And then it's also like, oh, I also curious, boner stuff. But it never quite says that.
Starting point is 01:04:27 I feel like it's just implied that like the idea of saying to a woman, hey, I have not pissed my pants the whole evening is so erotic that it just sort of like leads to like a sexual dominance, just because of the nature of how alluring your dry pants are, your dry birthday pants. He has told, he's shown us in stock footage, figures moaning under blankets. It works for his wife. His wife's into that. She's into bladder retention play. And he can finally, he can finally join her and not just watch Kwame. Other phrases that come out during the section at one point, he says,
Starting point is 01:05:07 you will pee like an alpha gorilla marking his territory. He also says, pee like an alpha gorilla marking his territory. And just imagine walking up to the urinal and unleashing a brutal flow every time. Unleashing a brutal flow fucking crack in that porcelain. The language he uses brutalizing obliterating destroying just weaponizing your piss like a real man. Listeners out there. Let me know one our alpha grill is a thing? Two, are Grill is marking territory with urine a thing? Three, is it Alpha Grill's job to mark the territory with his urine?
Starting point is 01:05:53 Or is all of this just made up by this guy based on what he thinks probably happens? See, I don't know enough about those things. We should have had Katie Golden on the podcast. She would have both hated this and had answers to all that. She would have. We would have had to expose her to so much to get to this point. And then at the end, we would have asked her.
Starting point is 01:06:14 So that thing about Gorilla is this true. And she would have been like, what the fuck did you just say to me? It felt like an hour. What is this? Dr. Leo goes on to explain that Gorilla flow will give you the power to just piss a man's eye out. He could go, he could go to his grave happy if that was it, but it's not it because it will also give you guerrilla confidence in bed.
Starting point is 01:06:40 What does that mean? I would love to show you. If you think that Brockway was joking about the eye out thing, it's no, the quote from the video is, gives you a stream so powerful it could knock your eye out. You could piss a man's eye out or your own eye out, I guess, if you've, if you've become ashamed of something and you want to give up like the coward Dr. Leo chubb,
Starting point is 01:07:04 it gives you gorilla confidence in bed is just insane statement after insane statement. And of course it cuts the stock footage of like a happy older black man as soon as he says the word gorilla. Yeah, I didn't like that. So we know what kind, we know what kind of kind. But of all the gorilla imagery,
Starting point is 01:07:20 like the idea of a dominant gorilla in bed was like, yeah, okay, I get that one, I guess. You get the gorilla, you were immediately on board with gorilla confidence. That's helped me. I like the position where the man sits up and then breaky eights just pounds his chest with his fists like that. I feel like that's like a very erotic thing. A loving couple can share. Well, is that doggy style?
Starting point is 01:07:43 You start pounding your chest like Tarzan. It works in a lot of can share. Well, is that doggy style? You start pounding your chest like Tarzan. It works in a lot of different ways. Is it like, like cowgirl and she has to dodge. As long as you're not supporting it with your arms, you can just pop up and do that anytime. All right, I'm learning. So he says this, he says, Gorilla Flow will work so well.
Starting point is 01:08:03 And I quote here, your girlfriend will accuse you of taking boner pills, even if you never touched him in your life. So he's used pee hole in boner pills, this doctor. All of it comes off like it was written by a, like a 16 year old boy, all of it, every single aspect of this. It is a 16 year old's boy's understanding of medicine, of science, of Africa, of this. It is a 16 year olds boys understanding of medicine, of science, of Africa, of animals.
Starting point is 01:08:28 Like it's all the way a teenage kid would think of all of it. The way research works, like you just have a science friend that he uses a, the one tool they had was a microscope. And they looked under and saw. And that's how they cracked it. And saw under the microscope the chemical that solves estrogen poisoning. Like it's all written at such a high school freshman level.
Starting point is 01:08:52 Just look through the microscope and solve little cells, pissing onto other cells. There's a moment in this. You're probably familiar with the sales technique, price anchoring, where you go into a place and they're like, oh, this new car costs $50,000. And then that like lets you as the customer know, oh, that's what a car costs.
Starting point is 01:09:09 And then they say like, oh, but this one's 37,000. You're like, oh, that's really good deal. Cause I know the car costs 50,000, blah, blah, blah. You get it. So like if you were to explain this to a child, the first thing they would do would be like, okay. So I tell them it costs a million dollars. And then actually it only costs $40 and they're like, wow, what a deal.
Starting point is 01:09:30 And that's fucking word for word with this video does. They're like, how much would you spend to get a big p-stream? $500, $1,000, $10,000, $1 million? It goes so much harder than that. You have just said the stupidest thing on earth. You have said literally a punchline in Austin Powers. Yes. It's just the dumbest thing you could possibly say. And it goes so much harder than what you just said. So he, well, first of all, he starts saying, now you're going to have to order this right now because Gorilla Cherry is so rare,
Starting point is 01:10:06 the gorillas are going extinct, piss wars are destroying its environment. Everybody in the world wants this. I know you wanna frantically buy all these bottles. You can't, you can't. You won't let you, unless you buy, you've gotta buy at least three bottles now, probably six bottles total,
Starting point is 01:10:23 which is again insane sales tactic. And then he says, how much would you pay for that? Like the ability to piss like a monster again, a million dollars? And like, no, the answer is not a million dollars. Same number. He goes so much harder. He says, he says his uncle Don with tears in his eyes told him he would have gladly given up both of his pinkies for the ability that Gorilla Falo gives you. You fucking uncle would gave you both of his pinkies. What the fuck kind of statement is that listen if you come close come close and let me tell you about my inadequate pee pee. He gets a real, the one real customer statement is from a guy named Joey, just Joey, who
Starting point is 01:11:09 starts his email saying, when I was younger, I used to laugh at old men who had prostate issues. Did you? All day long. Ha ha ha. Look at that. He's created this piss-based world. Young men will just go around and giggle it like old men with prostate issues.
Starting point is 01:11:30 There's just piss-bullying everywhere. And now poor Joey is no longer the piss-bullying but the piss victim until he found Gorilla Flow and he can once again just brutalize any upstart youth with the sheer force of his urine. That's come on. That's worth two pinkies, right? In this, in the fiction of this world to be a pinkie and a half, pinkie and a half for that, but this guy does not care about money. He's not in it for the money.
Starting point is 01:11:57 No, he says, yeah. So yeah, because all of his partners are saying, Hey, a thousand bucks a bottle is like the minimum you should be charging for this. Best we can do. Yeah. That shit's got stinging nettle and gorilla cherries in it. That's the gorilla's main food source. But Dr. Leo is a piss saint.
Starting point is 01:12:18 He's a urine saint and he will let you buy a bottle for just the giggle price of $69 or six bottles for a mere $300. Such a good deal. And the phrase is, you could be pissing like a silverback gorilla for just $1.63 a day. It's like what you would use to save a child in Africa for only a dollar at 63 cents a day. The most inconsequential thing.
Starting point is 01:12:51 I would rather have the dollar. Can I just have the dollar 63? I think that's... I want to bring up something quite mad even in the context of this video. In this entire video, he has not given you the ability to purchase this yet. Now, as Jason said, this was probably embedded on his website, so you could have probably stopped and gone to get it, but the point of these videos
Starting point is 01:13:16 is to hit you with that sell point. Like here, that's why you have to buy this, let's pause, sell you, he specifically tells you throughout this video, don't buy it yet. I'm not fucking done yet. You have to watch this 47 minute long ad about my dead father, about the extinction of the mountain gorilla, about African piss mansors, and the quality of my plowing my wife.
Starting point is 01:13:38 You just have to watch all of it or you won't understand. You won't deserve it. And if, and then if you've heard all of that and you still won't buy it, you have been chemically castrated by the deep state. I'm just gonna play the clip. So please don't email me begging to get this deal later if you're too shy or the feminization of your body has progressed too far to pull the trigger right now. Oh, and just to take away every excuse your brain can come up with not to do this for
Starting point is 01:14:04 yourself. Let me back everything I've said here up with my astonishing 60-day you'll piss like a gorilla or you don't pay a dime guarantee That's the name of the guarantee It's amazing The name of the guarantees, piss like a gorilla or you don't pay a dime Any lawyer could tell you that like there's a lot of ways to dance around that like or someone calls you open says Hey, I didn't piss like like gorilla on my money back like a good lawyer can get you out of paying that guaranteed money back Let us show you an actual video of how a gorilla pisses
Starting point is 01:14:36 Notice that has a very dainty stream A twin stream they piss in they piss like like a contra power up. Do you do that? Oh. So he challenges any pussy whose batter is too bashful to purchase the scam poison that is wiping out gorillas. And he further explains another weird move. He explains that hot girl Tiffany on his staff is waiting to mail it to you
Starting point is 01:15:05 discreetly. I don't know what that does. Like, is that, is that appealing that a woman will, that a sexy woman will mail you your his foul back? You'll know she touched it. Hornburner. Like, right, that's the implication. It's, it's like, yeah, Tiffany, why would you bring out the name Tiffany at this point if that wasn't supposed to do something psychological, because what you have to do if it doesn't work, and he says it again, just email Tiffany and tell her you want your money back.
Starting point is 01:15:32 Admit you pissed like a little baby to hot Tiffany. She'll love that. Got you. And the fact that he showed the restraint to not unveil that, oh, by the way, you know how I met Tiffany? She was the hot blonde with the cocky young man. Oh, God, that was a great thing.
Starting point is 01:15:51 I found them at another showing of Captain America's Civil War or whatever, and I stood up and pissed in front of her. I've swapped my dick right to his 20 ounce Coke, and I filled it to the top. And Tiffany was mine. I pissed for the entire runtime, the entire two hour and 46-minute runtime, because you know these Marvel films have gotten long as hell.
Starting point is 01:16:17 They're too long. This is a complaint that he includes in this fucking piss trauma tragedy. God damn it. Doctor, okay, so Doctor Leo knows what you're thinking right now. You're worried this is too generous. He's making it too easy for you at home to steal from him. At this rate, I will have killed all the gorillas
Starting point is 01:16:37 by the time I've pissed a third time. But old Jim Shove raised him right. He's putting his trust in you weak-blattered men who have been girl poisoned by cancel culture that you will not steal from him. And fucking don't worry because he says, everyone around the world is buying him out of this. They're driving the gorilla to extinction,
Starting point is 01:16:58 causing wars in Africa. And he is the war-profiting multi-billionaire behind all of it. He's doing just fucking fine. Don't even worry about it. We're entering the wrap-up stage here, and Dr. Leo says one of the craziest things yet. He says, I don't want to get dramatic here. Motherfucker, you shot your father in the head over piss.
Starting point is 01:17:23 You took your uncle's pinkies. You wiped out the mountain gorilla. It's the most dramatic thing I've ever seen. You've had your mouth wrapped around a gun for 40% of this video. You opened it. And God told you to do all of this, including the weird sex stuff. This is all one God. This is a revelation from God.
Starting point is 01:17:44 We've got wars and government coups and just, I don't wanna get dramatic here. Anyway, not to get dramatic and then he goes on to say, and I quote, not to get dramatic here, but literally everything that makes you a man is at stake right now and you have two options. Do nothing and choose to give up your masculinity. Resign yourself to a humiliating life
Starting point is 01:18:09 of a masculating urination as a slave to your bladder, where younger guys wonder why that old man in front of him doesn't just die. Just ignore the disgust of your unsatisfied, urine drenched wife slowly growing to despise you. You will, he says this, you will have to get a surgery that takes away your ability to ejaculate entirely, not to get dramatic here.
Starting point is 01:18:34 Not to get dramatic. If you wanna do that, he goes on to say, that's fine, you just get out of the way so better men can take your gorilla flow. The gorilla flow that was yours, the men are going to take it from you. And remember he started this site by saying you have two options here. And the second option he forgot about because he got too carried away. He got too excited.
Starting point is 01:18:53 There is no second option. You just do that. Now, I did a really funny thing. I googled sales techniques and I just clicked on the first link and it was just like the top 10 sales techniques you need to know. And what was so funny is I think Leo shoved Google the same thing because the video almost chronologically goes through the same things. I didn't like take them all down. I didn't think it was worth it. But like, it's just he does the dumbest version of each of the sales techniques you would find on a list like this.
Starting point is 01:19:22 All every single one. Yeah. And it just cracks me up. the dumbest version of each of the sales techniques you would find on a list like this. All every single one. Yeah, and it just cracks me up. Like this for scarcity thing, like, oh gosh, I'm kind of running low, guys. It's like he spends 15 minutes explaining how tribal warfare and guerrilla extinction is like, really cutting into my supplies,
Starting point is 01:19:37 plus lots of people are buying them. Oh my gosh, they're telling me I can only charge $1,000 for these, but you know what, guys, it's cool. We can charge less, but like you gotta do it now. You know, it's just like a baby. Just absolutely shaking the engine of his brain apart, trying to sell you piss pills. It's an incredible thing to watch.
Starting point is 01:19:58 He says, he has one final twist for us. He says, now I know what you're saying. I don't feel good about wiping out gorillas to steal their piss power. But even though that's what he told you what was happening earlier, there's good news. Does ordering gorilla flow cause problems for gorillas? No, and I'll tell you why. Although admittedly there is a shortage of gorilla cherry right now. We've decided to fight back, not just against estrogenic inflammation, but against the poaching
Starting point is 01:20:29 and deforestation of this rare and highly potent fruit. That way, not only do we help preserve the gorilla population's habitat and most important food source, but we're actually protecting our ability to procure future supply of this estrogen-slaying super ingredient so we can make more gorilla flow and not continue to run out of stock so frequently. And that's why when you invest in gorilla flow right now, a portion of your proceeds will be donated to Gorilla Conservation and will help protect this beautiful animal's most cherished food source.
Starting point is 01:20:59 Amazing. You're saving. You're actually, actually, if you buy my piss pills, you're a hero saving gorillas. Think about that. Just think about that. You can obliterate a toilet every fourth day, which is the when you'll pee and save the noble mountain gorilla. What kind of monster could say no to that?
Starting point is 01:21:23 It's flawless logic. We were taking the gorillas food, but we'll take a portion of what you paid for that to preserve the Gorilla's food. It says between tribal warfare, government coups and aggressive deforestation, despite our best efforts, like he's implying they're the only people trying to save the Gorillas from this. Right. Uh, he says Gorilla, Gorilla Cherry will just become rarer and rarer. Like he's implying they're the only people trying to save the gorillas from this. Right. He says gorilla, gorilla cherry will just become rarer and rarer.
Starting point is 01:21:48 I guess, I guess it's the cause of the piss wars that destroy the earth. He says you can act now for just 49 bucks, the price of a dinner out. It's nothing. And then explains, if there was even a 10% chance that would work, wouldn't you give up dinners forever? No! absolutely not. Hunger strike. Would I give up? Until everyone pisses right. That's my vow. Until Robert Brockway can knock over a soup can at 20 yards, I will never eat again.
Starting point is 01:22:20 I would give up dinners forever to get the powerful force of my piss back. I would give up dinners forever to get the powerful force of my piss back. For a 10% chance that I could get the power of my piss back, I would live off of a thousand calories a day. I would just wither and die knowing that I could launch myself into the air with just the force of my own piss. And then he ends that statement saying, saying a wonderful thing. He says, but don't worry, it's higher than 10%. It might be a hundred percent. Who knows? Why did I even bring it up?
Starting point is 01:22:57 Yeah, we don't have a microscope for that. We put a stethoscope up to the gorilla cherry and listened for hundreds of hours. You know that. You have the piss like a gorilla guarantee that it will work. You named a guarantee after Tiffany is on the hook to handle this. It might be 100%. I don't fucking know. So obviously you listening at home, you're sold. You're sold on this bizarre piss enhancing pill by a doctor whose father exploded from too much piss,
Starting point is 01:23:32 who has been shamed by young bucks in piss holding contests held within his mind, who has wiped out the mountain gorilla, who has saved the mountain gorilla from himself, who has robbed mystical mountain gorilla from himself who has robbed mystical secrets from the deepest Africa to steal the virile piss force all black men are hiding from you who mercy killed his own father. I know he said he died from piss but he mercy killed him he shot him the fucking head he stole his uncle's pinkies just to bring you enough bladder force to piss a hole through God,
Starting point is 01:24:09 you can click the button right now and let guerrilla flow give you back the pride and control over. Yeah, that's the end. It ends in mid sentence. It is the most beautiful punchline. The whoever uploaded this, they got two points like, yeah, that's fine. That's a f***ing error. Just f***ing big old Mo Vavi watermark on the screen, just in mid-sentence. It's the least effort and the most effort I've ever seen anybody put into anything. Like all the best art, it just leaves you asking questions with no answers. If you listen to like songs that used to do this, it used to be a much bigger thing to
Starting point is 01:24:40 do the long fade out. And it was always like, so you could imagine that song never ends. Like we're just going to keep rocking forever. We're just moving on to like the long fade out. And it was always like so you could imagine that song never ends. Like we're just going to keep rocking forever. We're just moving on to like the next town. And I like to think that of, I like to think that of Dr. Leo and Gorilla Flow. Like it's just, just somewhere out there wandering Kansas. He's just stream of conscious talking about silver back gorillas, pissing holes into the earth earth and the greatest dramatic tragedies that have ever happened about his dead father in pissing security, just wandering town to town like the Incredible Hulk. A piss stream of conscious. So I hope this does not ruin the illusion because I did
Starting point is 01:25:16 immediately after watching this when you showed her to me first time went and tried to find out if Dr. Leo Shubb was a real person because I thought they've like that name it just sounds kind of I person, cause I thought they've like that name, it just sounds kind of, I don't know. And thought that's like, I see they got a guy with a lab coat that says that, but that couldn't have been that expensive. So I found him on LinkedIn as just a doctor,
Starting point is 01:25:37 as just like not, not as something he put there to promote this, but just as like listing what he does. And found where it mentions that he had, he was in charge of a company sell something called 2PT, T-U-P-I-T, like T. And then sure enough, I would Google that and found it is a sexual virility T and it's the same pitch that he's the doctor that worked with the FBI and with Pepsi and, and cured their sexual virility problems. And then here, this is the, this is the, what it says on the website.
Starting point is 01:26:17 As the name suggests, 2PT is a combination of natural ingredients that are derived from the indigenous people of the 2P tribe. They're in Brazil. Famous. The founder of the supplement, Dr. Shub developed a product after suffering from erectile dysfunction issues with his wife. He was so desperate to find a solution that he nearly burned his house down while researching cures for ED.
Starting point is 01:26:45 How would you, how would you do that? How would you burn your house down? down while researching cures for ED. How would you, how would you do that? How would you burn your house down? Fortunately, He saved a few books and used his years of medical training and research to create 2pt. His recipe is based on ancient tribal remedies and it is formulated to include ingredients that can help address a variety of symptoms associated with ED. And he's selling this, this was not a previous enterprise.
Starting point is 01:27:12 He's selling this simultaneously with the gorilla flow under the same name on just different websites with a totally different, and I would argue funny or backstory. There is no video that I can find associated with this. I think the same thing with that you found Sean, they went out and paid some YouTubers who have like 300 subscribers to go on camera with very poor sound quality and say, yeah, I just wanted to talk about 2pt
Starting point is 01:27:42 and my husband tried it and he had really good results. It really, really works guys. It really really works guys It just really make they just riff for like a minute and I don't know what he paid them But and these videos again have 127 views from people who watched it on accident but again Nearly burned his house down while researching a boner cure House down while researching a boner cure.
Starting point is 01:28:10 I love the idea this presents so much of these things both being simultaneously true, of this just being the most put upon man on earth. I love him like running up to you frantically, like you and a group of your friends being like, my life's a fucking disaster. You have to listen to me only I could save your dick. Also, and I guess maybe this is kind of obvious, when he talks about turning the gorilla flow into a massive company and he's got an entire factory that sells it and he's got Tiffany mailing out just orders, so many they can't keep up with. Does he ever mention cutting his friend Kwame in on the action? Does he come back into the story at all once he has turned his peoples, their native, that plant into a multi-billion dollar operation?
Starting point is 01:28:54 Does he ever mention like, and of course I cut in Kwame and he was able to retire from his job and he now has. I have an answer and it's, it's no, he didn't cut them in. This is, this is the white man coming in to steal the mystical resources of the ultra powerful native tribesmen. That's right. It's piss avatar. Even in his own fiction, that's the thing.
Starting point is 01:29:19 Even in his own fictional story, he makes himself sound like the worst person alive. Like everything about it. You fucking shot your father in the head. You took your uncle's pinkies, you son of a bitch. Why make the grill is endangered? Like that plot point is only there to do it. Is only there to sell the rarity of the plant.
Starting point is 01:29:41 And therefore you better order now because it's going to be gone because these grill is going to be extinct soon because my people are there with the giant avatar plows just crushing their trees. They were there with flamethrowers just burning gorillas non-stop. Yeah, they just got a laser just slicing the gorillas in half. Fucking gonga out here. In the cave. Like all of that was totally unnecessary.
Starting point is 01:30:07 There's all these plot turns where it just makes them look worse. I don't want to ever speak to this man. I don't want to know more about him. But on the other hand, I have so many questions that I don't want to take to my grave. If I had the chance to speak to him,
Starting point is 01:30:25 it would be a Joe Rogan length podcast. In fact, if I could arrange for this guy to go on Rogan, I would actually listen to all five hours of that episode. That'd be really good. I think it would go to some places. Now, it would immediately be illegal to broadcast that episode and Spotify would cancel their contract with Joe Ogans
Starting point is 01:30:45 because they'd be like, yeah, that's the thing with Alec Jones, you know, claiming that Sandy Hook was a hoax and that the parents were on it. That's fine. But there were 183 different kinds of racism in this episode. He claimed that Pepsi is wiping out the gorillas to maintain its boner. I don't even know what that is. Surely he's not allowed to keep saying Pepsi, right? I think he has a non-racist version of the pill. There's one that's just called Endo Pump that was a lot like 2PT and a lot like Gorilla Flow. It's just sort of a generic pile of like snake oil words like virility, stamina, libido.
Starting point is 01:31:22 So I'm just saying there is a is a non racist option for the good people who also want to have no effect on the peepee hole. This guy does not own a factory at all. Right. Like the way these supplements work, there's just some companies selling ground up powder from whatever that all the different, the nettles and the pumpkin seeds and the whatever cherries.
Starting point is 01:31:40 And it's just like, you can take that supplement and then put your own label on it. Yeah. Because you could find that supplement and then put your own label on it. Because you can find a million and one similar supplements that crime, they will boost virility or your ability to urinate, all sorts of things. And they all, it's all just a giant list of extracts and stuff that's not regulated. It's not going to do anything. So it's fine. And then you can just, like this guy just invented his own lore. That's the way I understand this works.
Starting point is 01:32:08 There's just some wholesaler, you buy that material and then you get to put your own label on it and you just invent whatever store you want. He's killed thousands of gorillas, but it's completely unrelated to the product. That's the only thing that's real is this, this man goes to Africa and kills the mountain gorilla every day. I want to make it clear. I'm trying to be nice to this guy by claiming he made it all up. If any element of this is actually true, Jesus Christ, God help you. The world needs to come together to hunt down this monster, but we'll never take him because he pisses like a fucking laser.
Starting point is 01:32:44 No one's getting him. To be absolutely clear, my theory is that this guy made up a story to sell a supplement as part of a side scam he has going on. And just in the course of writing this thing that he wrote, staying up drunk one night, he revealed a bunch of weird insecurities and latent racism within himself and brought in a bunch of tropes that he probably does not even know are racist. It's just that he's like, wow, you tell a bunch of old white men that you can make them viral again. There's only one way to do it. And just went to the darkest possible place. If any part of this is true, that's so much worse. Like, I'm not accusing him when I claim he's lying. I'm trying to let him off the hook to some degree,
Starting point is 01:33:28 that this is all from his weird imagination. You would absolutely get the death penalty for wiping out the mountain gorilla to augment your piss force. Like, if any part of this is true, so many crimes have happened, like, I'm gonna dig up your dad. I'm gonna look into that, dad.
Starting point is 01:33:44 He didn't die from exploded pee pee at all you like suffer bitch all right somewhere in there is we got we have to stop yeah we got a cutoff mid-sent Und mit Maximale im Tchau! Sag Freigverd-Punkast? Korrekt! Ja! Der Kraft ist nicht trakt, ist nicht ohne! Schick die in die Hunde saub! 4 eine Stunde! Komm schon!
Starting point is 01:34:13 Du kippst die Nummer! 1,9, 100! 1,9, 100! Freigverd! 1,9, 100! Freigverd! 1,9, 100! Freigverd! 1,9, 100! Freigverd! 1,9, 100! Freigverd! 1,9, Frankfurt! Einstein, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Rui, Cyberspacically, simgeneered the greatest warriors in history. We call them the Supremes.
Starting point is 01:34:51 Aaron Crosston. Adrian H. Aiden Moat. Alpha Scientist Jaffo. Unanti aka The Battlehunk. Armando Navarra. Benjamin Sironin. Bim Talzer. Brandon Garlock.
Starting point is 01:35:10 Brian Saylor. Burrito. Cerell. Chase, history's greatest sandwich assassin. Clementine Danger. Craig Lemoy. Quavus. Dan B
Starting point is 01:35:25 Daniel Sloan, master of mimicry. He could be any man-shaped tree, roughly the size of one Daniel Sloan. Devon the Rogue Supreme David Schull Dean Costello Dracen, who comes with sword and shield, battle platform with real squirting action sold separately. Dusty's rad title. Eric Riaw.
Starting point is 01:35:50 Every zig. Fancy shark. Gareth, whose kick force has been modeled at roughly six and a half end of Blood Sports. Jell-O. Greg Cunningham. Ham Bone, the Sultan of Insultan, A Devastating Master, A Battlefield Insult Comedy, and War Improv. Haraka, Harvey Ben-Gweeney, Honk, Jaibur-Al-Aden, James Boyd, Jared Mountain Man, who actually
Starting point is 01:36:23 was supposed to be in a different simulation and just wants to know. What's going on here guys? Jeff Orasky. Jim Salter. Joc Dean. John McCammon. John Minkoff. Joseph Searls. His weapons are the javelin and the javelina. Say hello to the spear pig, you dead motherfucker! Josh S. Joshua Graves Justin B. Ken Paisley K&M Kyle Campbell throws a set of keys on the ground and ambushes you in the brief moment you stop to Consider shit. Are those my keys? Lisa M. Jahi Chapelle Mark Mahoney Matt Riley Max Baroi Michael Dillon is so dangerous because of two words.
Starting point is 01:37:15 Spartan Swirly Michael Lair Mickey Lohman Mike Stiles Mojoo Mort was raised from the age of 8 years old on a diet of punches and okra. Mr Bob Gray, N.D. Neil Bailey, Neil Schaefer, Nekka104, whose primary weapon, ranged weapon, and special weapon is… Love?
Starting point is 01:37:47 Nick Ralston Ozzy Olin Patrick Herbst Rachel needs a mere 15 seconds to kill any opponent, and 14 of those are just gloating. Riannon Sarkovsky Sean Chase Spotty Reception
Starting point is 01:38:05 Supernaught Ted H. Thomas Kovatsos, the force of his spear strike, can only be measured in atrocities. It's 1.7 atrocities. Timi Lehi Tosti God Tommy G.
Starting point is 01:38:23 Velo Booster Whalen, Deannis Ionitis, Good Satan and his Hot Witches Nose. It's actually easy to kill a man, but it's hard to teach a man to fully live. And then kill him!

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