The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 169, Yesterday With Daniel O'Brien

Episode Date: April 3, 2024

Seanbaby got hit by a bus and woke up in a universe where he's the only one who gives a shit about the Beatles portal fantasy movie, Yesterday. He tries to explain it to Brockway and guest, Daniel O'Brien, but they just don't believe him!

1-900-HOT-DOG 1-900-HOT-DOG Our podcast slams with maximum hype. Say Hot Dog Podcast Word. Yeah. When you taste that nitrate power, you're in the dog zone for an hour. Come on.

You know the number. 1-900 1-900-HOT-DOG Welcome to the DogZone 9000, the official podcast of 1900hotdog.com, the final website. We are a growing team of garbage archaeologists writing well-researched, joke-dense articles every day, and we're the last ones to do it. We are AdLess. Thanks to our subscribers on Patreon, and that could be you. Patreon.com slash 1900hotdog, sign up and you get all the hilarity bonus podcasts, Discord movie events, it's the best. I'm Sean Baby, I invented being funny on the internet, my partner is Bunz Magazine's

runner-up. Yes, boy, in 2017, the great Robert Brockway! Always runner-up, man. I just... And you know what? What kills me? It's that it's always you. It's always you that wins it.

That wins every single one of these, and I'm just on the other side of the page looking not good enough. Looking just not good enough. I'm Robert Brockway. Here is a Brockway fact. I am from an alternate universe where nobody remembers the world-changing band White Zombie. No follow-up questions. Okay. Our guest is the Emmy-winning senior writer for Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, co-host of the Quick Question podcast with Sorin and Daniel and Bunz Magazine's Maximum Yes Boy, eight years running, Daniel O'Brien. Welcome back. Hello, hello. Thank you so much for having me. I love my recognition for, geez, Bunz magazine? Maximum Yes Boy?

Yeah, absolutely. Great. Let's hear those prize winning buns. My, my. There you go. Listen to them clap. Listen to those. That's why he's the best.

My brain short circuits when I hear magazine close enough to Maxim, and I'm thrown back into a terrible time working at Sports Authority and selling Maxim magazines at our front kiosks as part of our jobs. Where people were like, I want to buy a fishing license and some running shoes and what is that? The hometown hotties edition? Oh yeah, Maxim's hometown hotties, you gotta get that.

The lightest pornography you have, yeah. Didn't they do one on like female writers or something, like female comics? No. I think they did. There's definitely a possibility that they did that. My memory of Max, and one of the ones that sticks out in my head is featuring a very horned up Michelle Branch

on the cover, and that was, at the time, seemed as something somewhat more progressive. That's certainly what they were going for, because they were like, we're not gonna go with these trashy, hot pop stars. We want Michelle Branch, and also unequally like insanely beautiful woman. But she plays guitar, so we think

we're progressive for putting her on our cover. I'm sold. Is that what you guys wanted to talk about? Show me your underpants, and I'll feel good about myself. You know, I pretty deserve to die. I'm just going to say it. It was the right thing. I'm glad we did it.

Yeah. I used to write for this magazine called Electronic Gaming Monthly, and they shut that magazine down. And then everyone who had a subscription to it, they just switched it over to Maxim. So if you had another few months going on EGM, you got Maxim in the mail. Oh, man. Some poor kids got real punished for that. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that ruined some fans. That got somebody sent to like a Christian camp. Yeah, real different vibe. That made some kind of bomber, like a Unabomber. I don't know which subtype of bomber that made, but one of them.

Dan, is there something you'd like to plug here at the top of the show? As always, watched last week tonight with John Oliver. That's on Max, the one to watch. I think that's what it's called now. That is a great show. It's our slogan. Always feels very important. I love the Clarence Thomas Winnebago thing. God, it's fucking brutal. Oh, thank you. It's fun. It's a very serious show to work on. But I am wheeled out specifically just

for really dumb, silly jokes. I'm out of my depth there with all the smarty pants around me. I'm sure that's not true. I love it when people come on our podcast to plug something wildly more successful. That's it. Well, then I'll bring things down.

The podcast, quick question with Sorin and Daniel. I am mostly kept in the dark with how it's doing, but it can't be doing as well as your guys' podcast, for sure. Or your Patreon, or your InfoWorks. I don't even think that's true, Daniel. Well, to be fair, it could be true if none of us know how any of our things are doing, which is the case.

That's true. Yeah, that's the case. We don't check people next to us. I have that back in the crack days when we had somebody that would come in with metrics and we would all nod and be like, oh, yes, metrics, of course. I do believe there was a chance in a period right after crack.com fired a big chunk of us that it was just the same $5 being handed across one Patreon to the other every single month. And like mostly just talking to each other, just like paying $5 to check in with Tom Ryman

and Cody Johnson every once in a while. Audiences have since expanded, but for a while we were just like sharing a couple of bucks together. Yeah, for all I know. That's the dream business model. if you never look into it, that's still how it works. And I think Cracked is now just sharing the same five articles back and forth.

That's right. I think they're sharing the same $5 back and forth, too. I think that's how that pay scale works now. We have veered off into the frivolous. Well, you went and did important work last week tonight. And we focus on fringe nonsense most of the time. We try to find things no one's seen before that are totally pointless and useless. But that's kind of the case today, but obviously not fringe because today we're talking about a movie most

people know about. It's a 2019 movie, Yesterday. It's about a universe where the Beatles didn't exist, but one guy remembers it. It had a $26 million budget. It made six times that. Lots of people saw that. It's on Netflix right now. It's probably promoted on Netflix. Directed by the very competent Oscar-winning Danny Boyle from Slumdog Millionaire.

I did not look into this because why would I? This was Danny Boyle. It was. It's a very competently directed movie. Every shot is pretty beautiful. It was written by the creator of Mr. Bean, which I bet that makes more sense than the Danny Boyle thing. Yeah.

But again, this should be kind of normal. You're like, that's a couple of talented normal credits, right? But no, this is, I'm just going to say right here at the top, it's a very fucking stupid and weird movie. And I'm glad you're here to talk about it with me. Yeah, I am. I'm fascinated by this movie. I would love to, well, I guess my first question as the new host of this show is, is there a specific reason that you picked me for this? Is it because I've mentioned this podcast before, loudly into, or this movie before, loudly into another podcast? Or is it just something that

I'm very flattered? I didn't actually know about that. Really? No, I honestly just thought you'd vibe with it. I know we've talked about the movie Powder, and of course, I've seen your video about Gremlins. And this sort of feels like that type of vibe where someone like a madman with like a real competent staff like made something insane that came just from their own broken brain. Yeah. And I just thought, yeah, I thought

you'd vibe with this. It's the kind of movie that could only be made if you either do it with zero budget, or you invest all of your own money into it. Or, and I think Danny Boyle's case, you have so much goodwill and so much clout that people are just like, well, yes, of course, that premise seems kind of baddie to me, but you wouldn't pick this one if you didn't have a great idea for how you're gonna pull it off. See, I worry up top the hype that is going into this, so that people who have not seen this and are interested in us telling them about an insane artifact are like,

it sounds like it's gonna be duets. Like when you told me about the movie Duets, which is all about the dark underworld society that exists in professional karaoke, and just an insane premise executed brilliantly and in every direction you possibly could. I thought when you suggested yesterday to me like, oh, this must be like duets where I dismissed this as something totally basic and not worthwhile, but really it's gonna be fucking crazy. And I worry we're giving off that vibe

because that is not what's about to happen. That is not. It's crazy. This is crazy. But this is like first level crazy. This is the kind of crazy that, I don't know, a very sheltered youth pastor would go. It's kind of an 80s movie crazy in that it's

a really, really dumb premise that most people would say that sounds really stupid. And we just kind of stopped making movies like this for the most part. Like Weekend to Bernie's is a deranged movie, like Mannequin. We just used to make movies like that. Those are genuinely, yes, genuinely deranged. But then they also executed on them in an interesting way.

They actually had an idea for that. Whereas this had an idea. They were made at a time when I think audiences were more okay with in this movie the mannequin comes to life because in this movie the mannequin comes to life and it's like all right say no more. We've I don't know if we've sophisticated or if we've gotten worse but when I hear the premise I hear about this movie from the premise stage and again to be as clear as we can up top, a singer-songwriter in the present gets into an accident, gets

knocked out. When he wakes up, he is in a reality that is almost identical to his except the Beatles never existed and a few other things never existed but very crucially the Beatles never existed so he can now Write quote-unquote every Beatles song and see what that does for his career as a struggling singer-songwriter that's very basically the elevator pitch of this movie as I understand it and That's the kind of thing that I think in Mannequin times or the 80s, I guess, is how most people refer to that period. You could get away with something like that and just like get the ball rolling and have wacky fun.

As a shittier audience, which is what we are today, we hear that premise and it's like, okay, I have a lot of questions and I am excited for how you answer them. And the movie is not interested in engaging with that. Absolutely not. I have a lot of notes about the other things the movie fails to do properly. Like right at the top of the movie we meet Himesh Patel who plays Jack and he's as Daniel said a singer-songwriter but he's not very good at it. That's not his career. He stock shelves in a Costco and his boss is an insane dick. So like the script called for the boss to be an insane a songwriter, but he's not very good at it. That's not his career. He stockshelves in a Costco. And his boss is an insane dick.

So the script called for the boss to be an insane dick. So he basically comes over to him while he's working. He says, I do not like you. Says those words to him, just like, fuck you, idiot. You're like, it feels like shorthand, like TBD. That's an even more alien scene than you're even making. You're giving it too much credit. Because the scene is he comes up and he says,

customers really like you. I don't like you. I don't like your beard. I don't like the following things about you. But again, customers really like you. I kind of hate you. Do you want a promotion? Yeah, it's completely crazy. So that's the movie. The whole thing is like that.

But okay, this guy's life is okay. He's got friends who love him. And another view into how this movie thinks movies work. A guy pops up and he's like, hello, I am your old friend. Oh, I see you're making love to this character Ellie still. And she's like, what? No, not once. Never, not once. Yes, making every acting choice. Like it is nine seasons of Will They, Won't They?

Like compressed into two lines of dialogue. Yeah. Because I don't know. Because we have to burn through all of this character stuff to get to our killer premise. Yes. So we can really explore every facet offered. Why would you think we were fucking? Because I saw him sing when we were 14 and I've been his manager at music ever since. That's nuts.

Yes, we're both very attractive and spend all day together. It feels like the entire screenplay was like they accidentally pasted their raw notes for story beats into the final draft stock. And then they accidentally filmed that. Because, yeah, you mentioned that 14-year-old talent show, which is really in the movie. He's like, god, I can't remember what it says.

It says, I can't be that star you thought I'd be at 14 at the talent show when I sang Wonderwall. OK, OK, buddy. So it's kind of the rare movie you can explain in one sentence, but it still feels like they're constructing it so you don't have to answer any of grandma's questions. Like, who's that girl? Like, the movie is just like, we've got you, grandma. but it still feels like they're constructing it so you don't have to answer any of grandma's questions. Like, who's that girl?

Like, the movie is just like, we've got you grandma. We're happy to explain constantly. So we're only 10 minutes in and like, we're done with the premise, right? Like he gets hit by a bus on the way home and wakes up. I knew immediately. Like you, Dan, I'm assuming you're not into anime. You're a reasonable person. Uh, that's fair. Not to the anime community.

Yeah, no, it is fair. Uh, see, I'm part of them. I've watched many anime. I recognize this as exactly anime. This is a genre of anime called isekai. And it's portal fantasy,'s the it's the western term for it and it is literally beat for beat this that in 2019 They knew that and stole this from anime. This is an anime framework To the point that it is a joke like it's a it's such a cliche that there are now animes that make fun Of this premise and the premise is literally I get on a bike I go and I get hit by a bus, and I get knocked into an alternate world,

where the skills that I have in this world that are not remarkable, make me remarkable in that world. That's oftentimes like literally the title of the anime, everything I just said to that point. They make fun of it as like so cliche, we now have to like iterate on that premise. And this is like an open mic loser portal fantasy, what they've done. And that should be so interesting. I was so on board. As soon as I saw him put on that helmet, I was like, oh,

I know what happens next. This is fucking crazy. Yeah. There's also something crucial that I think our listeners need to understand if they haven't seen this movie. Because if you're even a mildly competent movie viewer, when you hear us say,

he hits his head when he gets hit by a bus, wakes up the next day, and he's in a universe where the Beatles never existed, so now he gets to be the Beatles in the present, you're probably thinking, ah, I know how this ends. This ends with him learning a lesson and then waking up back in his reality. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. The know how this ends. This ends with him learning a lesson and then waking up back in his reality. No, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no. The Beatles are gone forever. We'll just never have the Beatles. That bus killed all of the Beatles. Yes, through time. Yes, I don't want to get too ahead of us, because, you know, spoilers. Right.

There's a scene here when he wakes up in this reality, because we know what happened. We saw the poster for the movie. We came to watch it. Well, Daniel was out in the theaters, which is amazing to me. But he says to his not girlfriend, but will they won't they girl, he says, will you still need me? Will you still feed me when I'm 64? Everybody knows that classic Beatle lyric. People are always quoting three lines from the 1057th most played Beatle song, rather than goodbye. Right.

And she's like, what the fuck does that mean? Which I think is what you would say in this reality. If someone said that to you, they're like, what the hell was that? After waking up from a bus accident, you would be rightfully concerned. She said, why did you pick 64 specifically? And he's like, what? Right. She's like, nevermind. And then walks away. It's a scene that could- That's the problem. It's a scene that would only exist specifically

in this world. It wouldn't exist in real life. It wouldn't exist in any movie unless you needed to get your protagonist from A to C as quickly as possible. And you knew that A is he woke up in a hospital and C is He realizes he's in the world where everyone forgot the Beatles. He's like, what's the quickest possible way I could do this Oh, he should quote Three lines of a Beatles song and then like see how she reacts to it Inconclusively because when they get in the parking lot, he's like, I didn't ask to be the Beatles. And she goes, Be the what? Still, he's like, hmm. And then they cut.

For the grandma seats. Saying it loud for the grandma seats. So then they give him, he's recovering. He gets his teeth knocked out, which is actually kind of a good choice, because I think Himesh Patel's maybe a little too handsome to play like the schlubby character that they They write that the character needs to be so they're like, let's knock some of his teeth out and fuck him up a little So they give him a guitar and he's like, oh great guitar needs a great song So he plays yesterday, which I think we all agree is a great song

Yeah, and his friends maybe not this great where his friends are like, what the fuck is that? What is this song? What did you do? He's like, I didn't write that song. This is the Beatles. And they're, of course, what? What are you talking about? What?

But they think he's talking about like a hipster band that only he knows about. And he thinks they're fucking with him. And I think this is the movie. I think this should have been the movie. It's just both groups certain that their reality is the right one. And they just two hours of them like, no, the Beatles, they're a real band. They're huge. They're famous. They're like, dude, shut up. Nobody knows them. Right. And there's also- Two hours. There's some elements in that scene that I think are very funny because when he says that's,

they're like, when did you write that? And he says, I didn't write that. Paul McCartney wrote that. The Beatles wrote that. And they're like, well, you write that? And he says, I didn't write that. Paul McCartney wrote that. The Beatles wrote that. And they're like, well, you don't know who that is. But it's really good. And he's like, no, it's not just really good. It's a masterpiece. And then it becomes a scene where it's like, well, this guy's being a prick now.

If you treat the rules of the movie that they are presenting to you, I like it a whole lot more. And the characters are like, well, let's slow down. It's just better than your other shit. It's not great. We still do not buy the premise that you're a genius at this stage. Right. See, this part, that part makes me bad because so many times this will happen over and over in this movie, but this is the first time they did it where they had an Interesting direction where I sat up a little bit and was like, oh, that's interesting So they're like the Beatles are only just a little bit better

Then then the rest of this guy's shit what is gonna come of that? That's an interesting take that like the Beatles everybody's forgotten the Beatles, but you know what and I weren't that great. They were fine That's what I thought was the most fascinating thing you could do with this premise that they never truly explored. Exactly. The thing that going into this movie, that again, I paid for it because I am sold by the premise of it.

The thing that is most intriguing to me is like, the Beatles get to be the Beatles today because of who the Beatles were when they came out and what else was going on in the music scene. Like so many very specific things needed to fall into place for us to recognize the Beatles as giants today. This movie is hinges on the premise that the Beatles music is so good, that Beatlemania could happen again in 2019 with, please, please me and love me do, and I want to hold your hand. Hold on, it's even worse than that.

That is a thing that I was like, they're going to have to, I don't know that they, that is a viable premise. I'm excited for the movie to engage with it, which of course they didn't, but it was a tough premise because like this for himesh to come out and Get as big as he does in this movie. He doesn't need to be as good at songwriting as the Beatles were in 1963 or he doesn't need to be as different as the Beatles were he needs to be better right now than or he doesn't need to be as different as the Beatles were. He needs to be better right now than Ed Sheeran,

a character in the movie playing Ed Sheeran, and Harry Styles. And we assume almost all of like, because even if it doesn't make sense, the movie presumes that most rock and pop culture has flowed forward in time the way that we understand it too. So Oasis isn't there for whatever reason, but like Ed Sheeran exists today in this universe.

So presumably, and Coldplay exists. So presumably all of these other acts that would not and could not have existed without the Beatles do in this universe. And Himesh Patel is just some fucking guy who in 2019 is like, I want to hold your hand and people like yeah we're gonna make you a bigger pop star then yes Ed Sheeran and Harry Styles and Lady Gaga right now. There were so many more interesting ways to do it's again like they hit that point and there was this

pivotal like crossroads you could go down where if you're gonna do an alternate history thing the point is to explore, explore all the effects of like, what does this world look like without the Beatles? And this movie's answer was, it looks exactly the fucking same in every way, except the Beatles aren't there. Like, so the Beatles had no influence on music. They had no effect whatsoever.

I feel like Oasis not being there is the very first joke that anyone had come up with for this premise. Like, oh, no Beatles, then like the band Fam famous for kind of sounding like the Beatles would not be there. Ha ha. But it would be so much funnier if they were, though, if like the way this was there. And it was just like they were like Nirvana. They were like all grunge or something or rappers if they were. I just like if it's just like parallel thinking like, no, they would have come up with it

like the Beatles had no effect on them. Yeah, that was that was the thing that they were doing. It was just coincidence. So we are saying that this movie is almost exactly like our world, and we're being cute about almost. I clocked four things excluding the Beatles that are different. This is a world in which the Beatles don't exist,

Coca-Cola doesn't exist, but Pepsi does, cigarettes don't exist, Oasis doesn't exist. Oh, I can't find it. Forgive me. And it's Thursday Night Live instead of Saturday Night Live. And then to spoil the button at the end of this movie, J.K. Rowling or at least the Harry Potter series doesn't exist.

Yeah. And none of that had any effect. It's basically like every 15 minutes, they have to remind us that, oh, right, there was a time ripple when we erased the Beatles from history. Yeah. But like, I don't know. And it had no effect, nothing.

Like cigarettes, cigarettes gone from this world has no effect on the outcome of this world. Everybody that died from lung cancer did nothing. Had no potential to their lives. That's a bold stance to take in your movie real early, where you're like, hey, remember everyone that died of lung cancer? They were pieces of shit. They weren't going to their lives. That's a bold stance to take in your movie real early where you're like, hey, remember everyone that died of lung cancer? They were pieces of shit. They weren't going to do anything.

But I do feel like the movie is kind of cruising along, but I'd argue it's not fast enough to stop your mind from wandering. Because like we're discussing here, this is what was happening in my mind while this dude's Googling Oasis. I'm like, oh my god. What an evocative concept. And here they are just dragging their feet during the information gathering stage. For instance, it occurred to me that the better movie is I

want to give you my pitch. Comic flies over a Vegas casino, and a Michael Jackson, Dolly Parton, and Elvis impersonator are pulled into a universe where none of those people existed. Fucking boom. That's your movie, Mr. Bean. That's so much more fun, Mr. Bean. I did that while I was Googling Oasis.

Yeah. They could fight Bigfoot. I don't care. I really don't care what their adventure is. I just. It's just, there's an even an interest, even with this, it's not even this premise. There's an interesting way to do this premise

where you like, if you don't wanna examine and I guess the movie isn't interested it's so amazing the things this movie isn't interested in doing absolutely we're like the effects the beetles have on the world which is the first thing i assume that they were going to do but even if you're going to take that tack you can still be interesting and say like let's explore okay you do have this brilliant you have the whole beetles catalog in your head you do have this brilliant, you have the whole Beatles catalog in your head. It is going, it's gonna be amazing.

The world has never seen it before. Is it going, are you going to be as successful while doing it? The movie like flirts with that thinking like, oh, you know, it turns out he doesn't have that superstar quality. He doesn't have that connections. He's not there at that correct moment in time.

It flirts with that for a second and then it's like, nevermind. Maybe music isn't even a meritocracy at all. And there's lots of people out there as talented as the Beatles who would never hear of it. I thought that was what it was gonna do. I'm like, okay, well, you've abandoned a couple of interesting things,

but that's interesting that we're gonna explore whether or not merit even has anything to do with it, and how frustrating and heartbroken you'd be if you knew, I know these are, as every artist feels, I know this is the thing. I know it's good. I know it's like the best art I could do at this point. Like he has this what if you had that independent proof, that could be a very interesting movie. And this movie, it frustrates me that they see that that they start to set that up and then are like, but actually, no. Without doing that, I think all they have is,

I want to say the D plot of Hot Tub Time Machine, Craig Robinson's like... That's right. Where he becomes the Black Eyed Peas, where he writes the Black Eyed Peas songs. And Lisa Loeb. Oh, much better, Joe. Right. And a better character arc because at the end of Hot Tub Tamasheem 2, he actually learns to write his own songs, which is what you'd think would happen in this movie, but does

not. And in fact, they get close with that at one point where once Jack has picked up some steam in the industry and everyone is clamoring for an album from him now. He records a bunch of Beatles tunes and then slips a song that that is one of his originals that is about the summer that he's played a few times in the movie and the manager record producer are like, all of these are great bangers except this one about the summer. It just sucks. Get it the fuck out of here. It's bad. So it's like, oh, okay. So the movie just agrees that like,

it has nothing to do with him. And it has nothing to do with like anything other than no, we just agree that the Beatles music are, every Beatles song is inherently a hit, period. No matter what time you drop it in. And that's just the facts of this movie. That was what this movie set out to prove. Every movie has at least something minor

they're setting out to prove. And what this movie set out and accomplished proving was, I think the Beatles are good. Yeah. That's it. That's the whole thing. You can make a Beatles documentary about that. They didn't even try to bother with, like,

he writes a Beatles song and then changes it to improve it or changes it to make it worse in like a meaningful way. They flirt with it by changing, hey Jude to hey dude. But even that is played as a joke. But everything else is like- And then instantly forgotten, never brought up again. Right.

Like make that a failure or something. Do something. Do something. Everything else just like, I need to write this Beatles song. Not only do I have to write the Beatles song, but like they devote way too much time with him not remembering the lyrics to Beatles songs and then traveling to Liverpool so he can like remind himself the lyrics for Eleanor Rigby or Penny Lane or whatever. It's so bad. But that actually had a Deus Ex Machina anyway. Someone showed up and handed him the lyrics to Eleanor.

We're getting way ahead of ourselves. Here in my notes, I guess I wrote that it's actually destroying his life. At the beginning here, he's really wrecked by this and he runs over to Ellie, his friend's house or classroom and he sticks his head in to these children trying to learn. And he's like, ha, just babbling like a madman. Like, I know the Beatles. And they're like, what are you talking about? And then he still has this job as a shelf stalker, which

I thought was weird. Fun Chronosphere fact, if you erase the Beatles from time, everybody has the exact same job except for very specifically the guys from Oasis. And cigarettes. And all the cigarette lawyers and manufacturers. Literally billions of lives. And then the gags are just dogshit stupid. Like when he's at the dentist and the dentist says something about,

I'm going to get by with a little help from my friends. And he's like, oh, right. Oh, that one. I just got another Beatles song. There's something I had in my notes that this is because a great tension in the movie is he doesn't tell anyone this weird phenomenon that he's experiencing and he gets panicked a little bit later in the film as he's getting more successful thinking any minute now someone is gonna say you didn't write these songs the

Beatles wrote these songs and in fact here the Beatles are he doesn't even tell his love interest where these songs are coming from because people who've known him his whole life are acknowledging that like his quality of songwriting has improved. How did that happen? When did you write these? I think a person could easily describe

what he thinks has happened to him in this movie. Because very often, not to get too artsy fartsy up our own asses or anything like that, but very often we don't always know where things we come from, where things we write come from. And sometimes things, if you've been writing a long enough time, I've certainly thought like I've stolen this from someone. I must have, like there's no way it came out too easy or it surprised me too much. I must have stolen it from someone.

Surely Douglas Adams or Donald Wesley wrote this. And you can go through a bunch of books to find out, no, this is weirdly original. Like that's not, it's not crazy for him to say, you know, my songwriting process is interesting. In my head, these songs have existed for 60 years. I can hear it clear as a bell. In my head, these songs have existed for 60 years. I can hear it clear as a bell. These songs have just been like in my head.

I don't know where they came from. No one else knows where they came from. So I have to assume that's just how the muse works. That is how inspiration speaks through me. Everyone's process is different, but that's how it works through me. No one would have had a problem with him saying that. Yeah, he also was hit by a bus that...

Who knows what that does to the brain? Maybe it just unlocked the part of his brain that's good at writing Beatles songs. You could say, you could be totally honest and say, I was hit by a bus and now I think this group named the Beatles existed, but I looked around and they don't. So like, I'm dying of a brain hemorrhage and I'm trying to get this art out as fast as I can. People in the movie would have just been like,

what an eccentric artist. That's the best thing I've ever heard. Of course. I mean, like, I'm sure if you ask Jack White or Lady Gaga where their songs come from, they'd say weird shit like that. They'd say all kinds of stupid stuff. And it'd be like, all right, there he goes. There's just another weird artist

with some weird fake story for where his ideas come from. If Lady Gaga's from the wrong universe, it's our duty to defeat her. I just want everyone to know. Nobody would doubt that for a second. They'd just be like, yeah, right. I mean, that's gay. I think what bothers me about the movie

is how normal-headed it is. I use this analogy a lot, but this is Ready Player One, but for non-nerds. The Beatles are sort of generically the most popular band ever, and this movie creates a universe where someone with just absolutely default taste is suddenly a magical superhero. Because I know who the Beatles are,

so I'm the fucking coolest. It's just like fantasy for someone with no imagination. Again, that's what Isekai is. It's usually a video game thing. It's usually, I'm really good at video games. Obviously in our reality, that's fucking useless. There's tons of people that are, I'm not special. What if I went to a world where I was special

and that's, it's very sad that that's what the thing is, but it does have that appeal. And they were like, what about that? But for, for those people's uninteresting fathers, what about? I kind of, I like, I like when Martin Lawrence traveled through time and Black Knight, I could put myself in his shoes. Like With my modern funkiness, I could teach medieval times how to get down. Buck Rogers did the same thing in reverse. We all, the three of us, come from a time and place where just being normal is so awesome. Take us, put us anywhere in the time stream and we're successful. I just feel like this is such a diet version of that. They show him doing a montage and performing Beatle songs and like,

nobody cares. It's like what we were talking about earlier, like just, yeah, okay, sure, you're a guy in the coffee shop singing songs that sound kind of nice, but you're still just some guy. Which was again, like we all said, the interesting version of this movie that they just briefly flirted with and then they're like, nah, we're just kidding. Everyone knows Let It Be would be a hit, no matter who wrote it and when they wrote it. I just hate that you know that would be the interesting thing to do and you choose not to do it. And they do that over and over again. It's insane.

Like I could at least give you credit if you didn't know that, but it's so much worse that you do. It did. One of the joys that this movie brings for me is a thought experiment that I played with Soren. Like even if you discard the movie as like, as a very flimsy dogshit premise, what is the thing that you yourself think you could most easily and thoroughly recreate if you hit your head and suddenly an artist's entire body of work was, A, was gone and B, was something that you knew well enough

that like waking up the next day you thought, I can recreate this and make some money off it. Frank Dukes. Jackie Chan, but I'd die the first day. No, I'd be a great Frank Dukes if I go back to a universe where blood sport never existed and I told everyone I was a Grandmaster Ninja, I'd be like, this is the easiest grift in the world for me. It's a fun thing to engage with.

I think Sorin's answer was he could because he's not a very musical guy. So even if he knew like a whole lot of one particular artist, he couldn't just one day start singing Beatles tunes and he couldn't play Beatles tunes on his guitar. So his answer was Raymond Chandler, which I don't even know if you like, A, we don't know if Raymond Chandler, who, a famous noir detective writer. I don't know if that would go over as well today. And B, it would be such a strange thing for like-year-old Sorin to suddenly start writing with very specific knowledge of 1950s Los Angeles crime world. Yeah.

I could maybe do it with Donald Westlake. You mentioned Donald Westlake earlier. I feel like I could be the next... I could be Richard Stark if I jumped into a universe with no Richard Stark. He's top of mind because I've been reading all of the Dortmunder books. I love this. I've just been devouring them.

I had no idea what they were until like five months ago and now I'm probably six books deep into it, which was more impressive before I said all those numbers. I know how well- well you guys are. Have you seen the movies? They did the Hot Rock. They did a Martin Lawrence Dortmunder. I did not see any of the movies. I want to get through all the books first. And then I want to dig into the movies because Dortmunder is like my dream.

If I had lots of clout in this industry, which fun fact I don't, but if I did and they were like, what IP do you want to develop? It would be like, give me Dortmunder. Let me do a different book as a season of television each year. And then I did some Googling, and I realized, oh, they've made so many different adaptations of Dort. Robert Redford, Martin Lawrence, George C. Scott, there have been so many Dortmunders. Yeah.

And they're all great. Are they really? Yeah. Good. Well. They're not going to change your life, but we'll keep all this in. People love 60s detective books.

Honey, honey, honey, turn it up. They're talking about Westlake. Himesh Patel sort of sucks in this movie as a character. He gives up, what, at this point in the movie five times now? He does a bad gig at a coffee shop, he's like, fuck it, I don't care if I know all the Beatles songs, I'm giving up again. Like, they haven't even dealt with the ethics of it yet.

That he is stealing all this. I don't even think he's said a single thing about how maybe he shouldn't be doing this. His eyeballs just turned to dollar signs immediately, and then just flopped like a limp dick out of his head, because he gave up again. We don't explicitly show any scenes of him fucking groupies after one of his concerts, but you have to imagine it's happened. And that's another like ethics question where

you're getting these groupies because you've stolen the music of better artists. And he's like, yeah, well, I'm a rock star now and I don't need to think about the details. La la la la la. No, this is a sexless movie. This is a movie you watched with your grandma and they knew it. Ellie, his childhood sweetheart who has been friend zoned for what, 30 years, they're both attractive as far as we know as a viewer. Neither of them has ever dated anyone because as soon as she starts dating someone in this movie, he's like, I must have her. So this has not happened before.

I think most people in this situation would have had casual sex 150 times at this point in their lives. That's just what would have happened. The person that she decides to date, I mean, first, it's also insane. His friend group is like a couple that's together. His best friend and manager who he for some reason has like the idea of having sex with her has never crossed his mind. His screw up buddy who is also his roadie. And we meet one guy who likes his music so much that he lets them use his cheap, shitty recording studio for free

so they could put out their demo. And the demo was the thing that like helps him skyrocket to fame. Right. When Ellie decides, like, I'm gonna call you with some good news. One, this old concert hall you wanted to play that was closed, they're opening up again.

Two, here's the bad news. I'm dating someone. And I thought I would call you in the middle of your tour to tell you that I'm dating someone. I want you to hear it from me and not anyone else as if that were possible. And who am I dating? Why? The other male introduced in the movie, the guy from the recording studio. Right. And you shouldn't have, you shouldn't care. I've theoretically done this before during our lifetime together. Like, does she call him every boyfriend she gets? That's fucking weird, right?

Trying to sell that she's the worst and most toxic woman alive. She is just an absolute nightmare. They seem to think that this is charming and cute and they're like, no, you have created a very compelling arch villain, like a very manipulative evil, evil woman. But it's a totally normal thing. Just about a week ago, I had to do a series of phone calls where I was like, hey, I've got good news and bad news. Good news, Sam Bankman Fried is going to jail for 25 years. Bad news, I got engaged. I know we've never dated, but I just wanted you to know

that I think this is bad news for you. All right, I have 600 more phone calls to make of other friends. A lot of friends I gotta tell about this. Shit, I didn't tell my manager that I'm married. He's gonna be heartbroken. You know, we talked about, they're doing the demo, right, in this guy's small little studio.

And they do a bit here where they're clapping it on the microphone and they get some kitchen gloves. And you're like, oh, that's cute. They're going to do like a low rent version of big time studio sound effects. But no, it's like the rest of the movie. They just do this one bit 20 different times. So it's like the rest of the movie, they just do this one bit 20 different times. So they keep changing the colors of the kitchen gloves, but they're not like,

all right, let's bring it. We need to make a sound like this with no budget. No, you see it in your brain what the movie should look like. And they're just like, fuck it, kitchen gloves, we're done. It's also like, we're going to record Beatles tunes, but just in a dinky studio. And so the percussion is going to be clapping and maracas and banging on garbage cans and rubber gloves. And it's like, OK, so I've clocked six percussion instruments. There was a lot more stuff happening in the Beatles.

You need an additional instrument. Even if you do the same bit and it's just like a cheaper version of a bass, just have someone going, a dum dum dum, just have someone doing that in lieu of a bass, but you can't just do like different things slamming together to be claps. Wasn't The Beatles just like 19 people with triangles? If I remember. That's the other thing that they do is they decide this isn't a band, he's not gonna

front a band, he's gonna be a solo folk act. So it's also insisting, even if you take everything about the sound of the Beatles, who were very – had a very dense soundscape and very varied and did a lot of strange things, if you took all that out and put this as like a guy that you hate to listen to at a cafe, he would still be a megastar. And like, that's again, the least interesting thing you could say about that.

Yeah, because everyone's favorite appeal of the Beatles was that you only had to have one favorite. There was never any discussion of who your favorite was or who you thought the best was. That's why the Beatles were so successful. They also, just to create, it's just done to manufacture more guilt in his mind is once he does start to skyrocket to success and fame, the running kudos for him is the record producers, James Corden, other artists,

they can't believe how many songs he's written just by himself. Like this is a world where The Beatles don't exist, but for reasons that are impossible to decipher, people are really impressed by the idea of a solo songwriter. And again, I know it's only done there to like plant guilt in Jack's head, but it's such another example of a movie being written by a complete alien who has never even like interviewed someone who has worked in the record industry. But he also like the movie, it was another scenario where the movie brings that up and it's like, oh, okay, well, because he says, you know, what about like Bruce Springsteen? Like lots of people do that. And then the movie is

like, okay, nevermind. Yeah. Like, you could have at least backspaced that you could have at least deleted the one interesting idea that you did not want to talk about. Well, here's how music industry works. Ed Sheeran watches you on public access, walks over to your house, and gives you a job without any details of schedule, pay, or logistics. He's just like, hey, I saw you on the fucking local warehouse show. Right. I love that not only is he still Ed Sheeran and is still famous, but they're still the same songs as if to really cement the Beatles meant nothing to Ed Sheeran.

No, he would have done it without the Beatles. That's what I, it makes me come away with his liking Ed Sheeran a whole lot more. He doesn't even know who they are. He couldn't name a single song. I'm so pissed off that like nothing is different. Like he gets on Ed Sheeran's private plane, he's like, I'll have a Coke. They're like, what the hell is Coke? Like, that's not enough. Like the prime minister should be a fucking dog.

Like it needs to get crazy. Right, dude, it's just so uninterested in its own premise. I've never met, like it put forth the question, what would the world look like if the Beatles had never existed? And then it put forth the question What would the world look like if the Beatles had never existed and then it stared at the audience for like 45 straight minutes I went oh Fucking how do you get across 20 pages if the Beatles never existed the? What's the opposite of Saturday Night Live Thursday Night Live

Thursday Night Live. What? Put that in. Put that in the script. Put that in the script. That's too crazy. Call one music nerd. It will never make it past the producers. Who did they inspire?

Who did they cut out of popularity? Does grunge happen 20 years earlier? What happened with MC Hammer? Is he still? I don't know. It's frustrating to me. Also, at this point, there's no villain in the film. He should have run into a predatory

record executive in a way that, okay, now he's got an enemy, they're going to steal all the Beatles songs and that's the conflict. But no, it's just a... Kate McKinnon, whose character is perfectly named Deborah Hammer, she is sort of an asshole in the film, but doesn't go beyond asshole. She's the manager who signs him. Doesn't even steal him away from his childhood friend manager. His childhood friend manager is like, I can't manage your career. I'm a school teacher.

I can't travel and go to LA with you. You should get another manager, a better manager. Okay, I will. I'll pick this one. There's no conflict in this movie at all up until this point. Nobody has faced any adversity. Everybody just agrees that this is the right thing to do at every single stage. It's just like, you're kind of ugly, you're kind of schlubby.

You weren't doing anything that successful a couple of years ago, but your songwriting is so good that I'm just gonna make you a star and I'm gonna make you really rich and I'm going to make you really rich and I'm going to make me really rich. And it was like, this is so spelled out. This is the closest thing we have to a villain because she wants money, I guess. But I don't know. She's a little unpleasant. She's a little too straightforward. But also for him, but also for her artists.

Right. Okay, but now he's in the USSR. so he sings back in the USSR and people love it because of course that's the timeless classic. And now we realized something's off because there's like a time cop in the crowd, like some sort of fellow dimension travelers. He knows the fucking Beatles, it's clear. And he's this like 18 foot tall, like serial killer looking guy. He's Rasputin. Any other movie this guy's Rasputin or a serial killer.

And now it's the movie's kind of haunted, right? Like who's this guy? Any minute now this giant is going to catch up to him and the giant is going to be like, I know you stole those fucking songs. I want my cut or I'm going to kill you because spoiler alert in the other universe, I know you stole those fucking songs. I want my cut. Or I'm going to kill you because, spoiler alert, in the other universe, I killed John Lennon. And because I didn't get to do that, now I got to kill someone. I've got all this Mark David Chapman rage and I don't know where to put it. So much better. Fucking Boris David Chapman over here. I want to talk about the dumbest

There's David Chapman over here. I want to talk about the dumbest thing in the movie, because after that show, Ed Sheeran challenges him to a 10-minute songwriting contest. This is a normal thing all the best musicians do. They do a little improv song, Koumete. We've heard of this. Yeah. He says, it has to be all new, nothing you've

been secretly working on. We each go in a room for 10 minutes. The party's like, oh, this is going to be great. Another one of these, Ed Sheeran's always doing this to the top singer-songwriters. Yeah. The serial killer, meanwhile. Just stomping them.

To show us the passage of the time, the camera cuts to the serial killer out on the main stage floor, just staring at the stage. Like, while they're cleaning up the floor, he's just motionless. Then we cut back and Ed Sheeran plays a song about penguins, which is fine. It's a little weird, but it definitely

it doesn't make any of it less weird. That is what you write in 10 minutes. Yeah, no, it's fine. And then Himesh plays the long and winding road. I guess what's frustrating about this is he cheated, right? Ed Sheeran said, write something new, and he didn't. He copied another Beatles song. So, this is an improv song contest to win nothing. It's just to make Ed Sheeran feel bad. And so this is the first test of our hero's ethics in that I guess if he is truly in a universe with no Beatles, go ahead

and steal their songs. I guess it doesn't matter. But like, here's a chance for him to do good. And he doesn't for no reason. Ed Sheeran deserves it. At the end of this, when after he's done playing his beautiful Beatles song Ed Sheeran is like, no, there will be no vote. No vote. You've clearly won this and he says, I've always been told someday someone will come along that is better than me. So this implies that nobody is a better singer-songwriter than Ed Sheeran in the history of this world, which is again, I will reiterate, no different in any other way. But they show specifically David Bowie exists and has the same albums in this world. And then Ed Sheeran is like, no, I'm the best. I'm the best in this world.

I hope that's in Ed Sheeran's contract where he's like, I'll do your movie where I play like kind of a shat upon version of myself under two conditions. One, all of my stuff is not influenced by the Beatles. It is exactly as good as it is in this real world. I don't need the Beatles. I don't need anyone. And two, the only person who could beat me

in a songwriting contest is a cheater using magic. That's it. Using Beatles time magic. He's got. Using Weedle's time magic. He's got that fucking Vin Diesel writer in his contract. I can't lose, but it's only for music kumatais. Right. Oh, I love it. All right, so now we're in Fast Forward.

He goes to LA. Kate McKinnon catches up on the plot. She's like, you fucking suck. You're ugly. She actually says these words, what I'm offering you is the great and glorious poisoned chalice of money and fame. So like grandma gets it at this point, right? There's nothing this movie cannot spell out in a more obvious way than has ever been done. It's just that's how they approach every single plot point. And even grandma in the audience at this point

has got to be saying like, oh, say no to the poison chalice. You gotta say no to that. Right. And if you don't, surely there will be consequences. No, nothing like that. Says yes, no consequences. The first conflict other than like,

there's a haunting serial killer, is he can't remember Eleanor Rigby. We mentioned that earlier. This is another one-third of a hot tub time machine bit. So he goes to Liverpool and he's trying to fill in the gaps of the Beatles lyrics. And now there's an old lady stalking him at Eleanor Rigby's grave and she like looks at him knowingly like she's another time cop. How great would it be if this had nothing to do with them knowing about the Beatles or

anything like that? Like they were just time hunters. Like they knew he had been an aberration through time. And they're like, he's like, oh, you know, I'm stealing from the Beatles. They're like, I don't know who that is. You're fucking with time. You've got to die. Wait, that's time cops.

Just a slider script they filmed. They're like, we found this old slider script. What do you want to do with it? I don't know. Flesh it out. Let's make half of it about the Beatles, but then keep the other, the last half is the same. Where like, they all have to fight Hitler.

There's a scene here that really bothered me where Ellie visits and they're in a tunnel just kind of goofing around. And the CGI Beatle lyrics drive towards them, which is weird to me because it lets us know as the viewer, they didn't throw out a single idea. Right. Because that's fucking crazy.

And anyone who shared that idea with anyone, the second person would say, why? Yeah. Get that out of the movie. It would have been real compelling if they had just like the lyrics are driving at them. You get that they're supposed to be on ketamine at that point, so. They're just tripping, and then he's just fucking creamed, and like, that's just what he was seeing the cars as, that would have been great.

I would have loved that, yes. Just Eleanor Rigby fucking hits him, he's teleported into another world where MC Hammer didn't exist there. Now we'll find out the answer to your question, Sean, which is a much more compelling question. I would love it. It feels like this movie needs 20 more guest stars. Like Bruce Springsteen should have been in it. Oasis should have been in it.

Even if it's a gag, Oasis takes his ticket at the parking garage or something. Or for someone else in the movie to get hit by a bus and like is a huge Bruce Springsteen fan and then he wakes up and finds out Nirvana never existed. It's like, oh, I mean, I guess I kind of how can I make money off this? I've got Nirvana never existed. There's got to be money in this for me. Just someone who's like very, very desperately trying to do the same premise, but doesn't have the same knowledge base

of the material that they're ripping off. That would have been a fun gag to play with. You would have to watch them like throw themselves in front of various boats and tuk-tuks, just trying to get at their head injuries so they can land in the universe where they know the thing. Like, nah, it's not the Bruce Springsteen universe. God damn it.

It's stabbing Westward. Stabbing Westward's gone, I don't even remember them. Nobody here knows happy birthday. Oh my God, I'm gonna break it in. They are finally, okay, it's like an hour into the movie and he and Ellie are finally about to fuck. And she just stops in the middle of it like no We cannot do this and he's like wait what and she's like, no, it's gonna be a one-night stand

I don't like one-night stands and she runs away. These are like childhood friends I'm frustrated with this because he has unlimited resources and She's a schoolteacher which means she does get three months off every year. I feel like they could make a long distance relationship work. Yeah, they could at least like give it a shot. They could find some middle ground between one night stand where we never talk to each other again and let's define this relationship right now.

He could say like, yeah, I understand. I'm not going to ask you to go on tour with me or anything, but let's not throw this away completely. Let's just not waste this whole boner. Let's at least not have you run away after one single kiss and a perfect evening. Right. The beautiful ketamine evening, writing CGI letters in the tunnel. Yeah, so she actually says the words like, you have to choose right now. The next scene that he chases her down at the bus station and she's like,

you have to choose to stay here and not pursue this Beatles career. All you have to do is sacrifice your career, your future, all of your art, anything you've ever wanted for no reason, for no specified reason. Absolutely no reason. Also, in that scene, Kate McKinnon's FaceTiming him, just to let the viewer know, yeah, that's right. We also live in a world with FaceTime, so they could just talk every day, all day.

There's. Yes. The FaceTime is another helpful bit. I found myself Googling a few times during this movie, just to make absolutely sure I was I was being fair and playing by its rules just to see that like did this is the movie set in 1999 or something crazy like that because every once in a while like like like you mentioned he gets famous because Ed Sheeran saw him on a public access television show

that seems to be dedicated to the wholesale shopping mart where he works. Right. And that's how he gets famous. And he's like, you could have saved yourself an act of this movie if you filmed him and put it on YouTube, which is how people get famous now. filmed him and put it on YouTube, which is how people get famous now. So I thought, surely this movie is set in 1999 or in a universe where we don't have phones that can film things. Nope. 2019, here's Kate McKinnon on FaceTime, Justin Bieber exists.

Sorry everybody else. That was one of the things. That was one of the things the Beatles, you can't have YouTube without the Beatles. You can't have Coca-Cola, cigarettes, or YouTube without the Beatles could you can't have YouTube without the Beatles you can't have Coca-Cola cigarettes or YouTube without the Beatles it just doesn't work we know how the Beatles invented cigarettes I've been saying that uh there's another thing they did weird here because they have a big marketing team to like promote his album and they don't like his his idea of naming it Sargent Pepper's lonely heart cup Reasonable. Yeah, that's fine. But I guess what they should have played with is how the Beatles would be presented today

through a modern marketing lens. And certainly differently, but the pitch they give him is fine. It's not a terrible artless thing that they're like, look at this. It's like you're Hamish Patel as presented by Doritos. It's like just a different style than the 60s albums that he's picturing. So again, I... Yeah, they market him like Jack Johnson or something. They're just like, you're going to be the solo act sensitive singer songwriter guy. Like, yeah, that's Gans. Why is that the soulless evil thing to do? I don't get it.

Right, it seems like, and this is also another strange thing they didn't, they could have played with that they didn't, is that this is a world where they acknowledge that professional songwriters exist. They make a complaint that like, in a world where every song has 16 songwriters, you are a rare person who does it all by yourself. I think in that world where every song has 16 songwriters, you are a rare person who does it all by yourself.

I think in that world, the record label would hire him as a songwriter. You can just be Jack Antonoff. You can just write songs for all the existing pop stars. Lots of people do it. It's very lucrative. They, again, just force themselves into this strange place where they have to pretend they do and don't understand how record companies exist. But like, they've given you just enough clues to let you know that, oh, this, they don't,

if the problem is they don't know how to market this guy who looks like shit and he's kind of schlubby and he comes from nowhere, but he's a great songwriter, have him write a couple of songs for Ed Sheeran to sing. You goons, that happens in your movie. Where are we at? In this movie now, he does a press conference and the time cops are in the audience and they start screaming out Beatles questions like, who's our favorite Ringo or Paul? But they know they're in the wrong universe.

So they they know they're going to sound like Mad Men. And later, the Mad Men give a yellow submarine to the roadie as a secret message to say, like, please talk to us, the crazy people who just ruined your press conference. And he does. He's like, OK. And he thinks they're going to kill him or arrest him or something. Like what? He's ready for his fate now.

He's ready for his punishment. Because he knows, even he knows in the movie, like this is the part of the movie. Wait, hold on, there's only 30 minutes left in the movie. This should have been an hour ago in the movie. Where the fuck have you guys been? We've had no conflict whatsoever. His roadie is like, hey, we, uh, some two, and I'm,

by the way, I've been estranged this whole movie. Some two real weirdos want to see you. And I can send them away easily if you'd like. And Jack, who comes from a world where they kill beetles. It's like, yes, please. Right this way. Like I thought at the very least, there's going to be somebody. Now that we've established, OK, somebody else has the same superpower.

Maybe they've that could be an interesting thing to do. They tried it. Somebody else actually has the copyright on the songs. And they didn't like get that big break. OK, so now you have conflict. No, they think it's great. They all they want to do is come in and shake his hand and say, you're the best. They don't even want to cut.

What the fuck are you doing, movie? They're not even like, we're going to go public with this unless you cut us in, which is a plot point that you could have done 45 minutes earlier in the movie if that's the way that you want it to go. But no, they don't want to do that. They're just like, hey, we also know the Beatles exists and we thank you for keeping their songs alive.

We can't, because neither of us can sing. We just we've also found each other. That's not weird. And we just think the world is better with Beatles music in it, which if you didn't know was the premise of this movie. Yellow submarine. That's what they do. They all sing yellow submarine together.

They do, they hold hands. And then the big guy speaks for the first time. We realize he can barely speak. He's like, I live in octopus garden, comrade. You're like, what the fuck was that? This guy that we thought was so scary, who now that we realize his whole thing is he's one of three people who knows

who the Beatles used to be, he has spent his time going alone to Ed Sheeran concerts, hoping to catch someone. Like, what was he doing? In Russia, also, he was in Russia. How does he know the British lady? How did they find each other? Unclear.

Yeah, they don't. Just waiting for him to answer the wrong questions at trivia night. They're probably on the same Reddit, the same subreddit, since they didn't say that doesn't exist. They're just like, does anyone remember the Beatles? Does anyone remember the fucking Beatles? And then the other person found that.

r slash the Beatles, two members, one online, and it's just always him. So yeah, but they know what he's doing. When she saw him in Liverpool, she's like, oh, this dude's trying to remember all the Beatles lyrics. So they write down the lyrics to Eleanor Rigby, hand it to him. So this is what I mentioned earlier. There's no downside to this wild fantasy. There's no brick wall he's speeding towards. But it's still like a really unhappy movie. And I want to say the second dumbest thing in the movie comes up where he visits John Lennon, who's not dead. And John Lennon's like, I had a job and struggles. They keep everything like so fucking weirdly vague.

He's like, I did things, had goods and bads, details and not details. Like, I feel like this is a good place for a hot take. And this is just not even a take. It's like, what would John Lennon be without the Beatles? And they just like, dude, I don't, I don't fucking know. The whole movie is just a big shrug. 51% is what he is. It does really feel like the movie was, this is the scene the movie was building to, the scene where in a world where the Beatles never became the Beatles, John Lennon got to live to be a 78 year old man and he is humble and at peace and doesn't talk about who his wife is, doesn't, maybe doesn't do music, maybe we don't know, he just did a job, he did some things, he had some struggles,

but he's fine now and the movie plays it as like, I bet you thought we were gonna get one of the living Beatles to make a cameo in this, but no, we're going to tug at your heartstrings. I'll show you what John Lennon would have looked like at 78 years old, and he's going to be a calming presence. And at that point in the movie, I don't think any of us are in love with this film enough to be moved by that. But that's like my best guess is like, you have this idea for this moment and then you build a movie around it.

I don't know if that's what they did. That's just what like movie vocabulary teaches me. But they didn't have anything to say again. They're like, let's check in with John Lennon. And he says, doing fine. And then the scene ends. Okay.

Glad we- He should have been in like solitary confinement or something. They should have like rolled him out like Hannibal Lecter. And you're like, damn, what the fuck did John Lennon do? He should have been trying to get an MC Hammer rap career started. Stranger showing up to his house,

be like, John, tell me about your life. Well, it was the same as in the other universe. I did a bunch of heroin and beat my wife, but I'm not famous. So now I dig graves. So it didn't work out. Let me have your teeth. It didn't work out. Let me have your tennis court. Let me have your teeth. So he calls up Ed Sheeran, and he

wants to join Ed Sheeran's show. He goes to Wembley Stadium, and Jack goes up and sings a Beatles song no one's ever heard before that starts with, she was just 17. Yeah, doesn't work in the modern day. It's not a 2019 song, pal. And then it looks like he's going to propose to Ellie. He tricks her into going backstage

and puts her on the big screen. But instead, he confesses that he stole all these songs from a different dimension, and no one could have any possible idea what the fuck he's talking about. He says he's going to give away all the money. Again, they don't care. They must think this is a bit. He's uploading all the songs for free in a real yada yada like the world gets Beatles songs. They're not mine. Free songs. As low piracy doesn't exist. Right.

Yeah, they're free if we want them. Sure. You understand that. And then he's going to steal Ellie from her new boyfriend. He confesses his love. He's like, Ellie, by the way, also, I am stealing you from your current boyfriend. Let's check in with the boyfriend. Doing fine.

End of scene. He's fine. I do love that audience because they really went on the journey that the filmmaker assumes they would go on, even though it's also the way that aliens behave. Where he's like, I have a confession. I stole all these songs from the Beatles, a band with these four people's names. And the audience booze.

They don't think it's a joke. They're not confused. They're just like, music thief. Boozer. And he's like, but I think everyone should have these music so I'm uploading them to the internet and They're really excited about that. Even though everyone in that crowd would be like it's not I Don't have to pay per song that I listened to right At the end somebody even yells like we still love you anyway for nothing

For nothing. They should have cut to Paul McCartney at his home watching TV going, what the fuck is this guy talking about? Right, we've established they exist. John Lennon, he says he credits John Lennon, who he talked to. So John Lennon is now sitting at home going, wait, I didn't write that. What the fuck is this guy? Some internet-

I knew that guy was crazy. Track down the real Paul McCartney and be like, yeah, I mean, I didn't, I used to play bass. I didn't write any of those songs, but if someone wants to give me money, that would be great. I'm not really sure what the rules are anymore. But luckily Gavin is the new boyfriend's name, Ellie's new boyfriend.

He has a new girlfriend like when they cut away, like when they cut back to them, she's like, Hey Gavin. You actually see her in the breakup scene. They pan over really quickly. You can almost blink and miss it them, she's like, hey, damn it. You actually see her in the breakup scene. They pan over really quickly. You can almost blink and miss it, but she's like peeking around the corner. Like, is it my time to come in and be the girlfriend yet?

She seems so, so enthralled with the fact that he says, Ellie, I only want you to be happy. So of course you can have this other boyfriend and new girlfriend is like, ah. Someday he'll reject me like that. Excuse me, who are you? We're trying to have a moment here. Peeking around like a meerkat, come on.

So, poor Gavin's just getting bounced all over the place. They don't do any, Gavin is a wonderful guy. He does not deserve any of this. Any other screenwriter would have had this guy be just a little bit of an asshole so we can watch him suffer, but no. Here, it's just everything about this movie is so unpleasant, but I don't think they meant for it to be that way. But then he drives off with Ellie to live a beautiful, ordinary life, and they montage together like 10 years of time.

She's a schoolteacher, he's a disgraced megastar. But since the people he stole from don't exist or care, I feel like that's a new cycle maybe like other dimensions are real. These four guys that were never in a band called the Beatles, they don't know what he's talking about. Like someone, New Edition would go interview these four men, right? Right. Yeah, they would find them immediately. That would be the first thing. So again, that might be interesting. So we don't address that. And then when all that died down, when New Edition is like, we tracked down the four

guys, they say he's crazy. So we caught up with the original guy and we told him it's okay if he wants to play Beatles music some more. No one really knows what he's going on about. You're allowed to play that music, buddy. Then we found out he got hit by a bus and we're like, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, okay. It's so tragic. Then we realized it was a Gary Busey thing and well, we exploited it like we did with him too.

Except in this universe, he's called Duck Busey and he's a duck. I got hit by a bus and I'm in the one universe. I'm the only man who remembers Gary Busey. Time to recreate all of his catalogs, starting with Predator 2. Starting with Predator 2. I didn't realize it until our discussion of the movie that there's a real missed opportunity to cut away to Ed Sheeran when all this is being revealed for him to be like, I fucking knew I was the best songwriter in the book. I knew he was cheating, god damn it! Back to number one, baby!

Okay, but I think this might be... Ten minutes, Billy, you and me! Frankfurt! Our podcast is great! And with maximum Einstein, who did Frankfurt? Einstein, who did New York? Yeah, 9000! It's supreme day here on Hot Dog Prime, the day where all hot dog denizens stand tall and proudly salute the heroes who made the ultimate sacrifice in our never-ending meat war against the vile burger race. Aaron Crosston Adrian H

Aidan Mouat Alex Nolenberg who held on to a grenade too long. That's a lesson for you new recruits. If you love something, like a hand grenade, gotta let it go. who held on to a grenade too long. That's a lesson for you new recruits. If you love something, like a hand grenade, gotta let it go. Alpha Scientist Javo. Un-Andy.

Armando Nava. Benjamin Sironin died from flamethrower wounds received at the Platoon Barbecue, but let the record show his hot dogs were cooked to perfection and in record time. Bim Tullzer Brandon Garlok Brian Saylor Burrito

Serral Chase Clementi Danger never opened his parachute. He's convinced you don't take fall damage if you land on the enemy. We applaud the sentiment, even as we mourn the result. Greg Lemoy Qu Quavis, Dan B., Daniel Sloane, Devin the Rogue Supreme, David Schull, Dean Costello. Delta Foxtrot found out his own wife was a burger and turned her in without a second thought. Some say he died when the Swat Dogs raided his house. We know it was really a broken heart. Drayson. Dusty's rad title.

Eric Riaw. Every zig. Fancy shark. Gareth tried teen-wulthing a burger tank. Tried. I do dishonor to the man, he teen-wulfed that burger tank. It still counts if you crash it into a lake. Jell-o-ho. Good Satan and his hot witches. Greg Cunningham. Hem-bone. Haraka died from potato poisoning. Just regular old potato poisoning. Wash those potatoes, no job too small. Harvey Benguini Honk Jaber Alladin James Bored

Jared Mountain Mad Jeff Oreski fatally crashed the Dodge Hyperchallenger he bought with his signing bonus. How many good soldiers will we lose to the Dodge Hyper Challenger? Jim Salter John Dean John McCammon John Minkoff Joseph Searles Josh Hess Joshua Graves Justin B. K & M

Kamutsas was hollowed out and had his animated corpse used as a honeypot trapped by the burgers. Remember to wrap those wieners, hot dogs. Kyle Campbell Lisa M. Jahi Chapelle Mark Mahoney Matt Riley butt-dialed an air strike on himself at a gender reveal party. It's a girl, and she's already enlisted to avenge her daddy.

Max Beroy Michael Dillon Michael Lair Mickey Lowman Mike Stiles Moju Mort is actually a burger who saw the freedoms and benefit packages we offer and was won over. Don't shoot the skinny burger in the long bun. He's on our side. Mr Bob Gray Indeed

Neil Bailey Neil Schaefer Necku104 held a machine gun nest against a 4000 strong burger horde, only to die of diabetes at this very awards ceremony. Proper nutrition isn't just a good idea, it's your duty. Ozzy Olu Patrick Herbst Rachel Rhiannon

Sarkovsky hollowed out a sexy burger and climbed inside to use it as a honey pot trap. It worked a little too well, but good initiative, soldier. Sean Chase. Spotty reception. Supernaut. Ted H. Thomas Kvatsos. Timmy Leahy knows if you see two buns, you start shooting. It's a tragedy what happened at that hunk convention, but vigilance is always market

price. Tommy G. Velo. Booster. Waylon Russell. Zack and Ava both simultaneously choked to death on Footlongs, but that was one hell of a USO show, wasn't it, dogs? And finally, Hot Dog Prime hereby posthumously bestows the medal of misguided valor on Sergeant Ken Paisley, who died in a kamikaze run on a burger nest.

It turned out it was just an old Pizza Hut. They're shaped a lot alike. Remember cadets, if it's flat and cheesy, say pizza pleasey. If it's beefy and round, you bomb it to the ground.