The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 18, Hot Dog Nights: Megan Wants A Murderer, Episode 4

Episode Date: April 14, 2021

Seanbaby and Brockway desperately need the help of Lydia Bugg to track the real murderer hiding in the real reality show, Megan Wants a Millionaire. Brockway still doesn't know who the murderer is, and nobody will tell him! Even with lives on the line! This is the first unaired episode, pulled right after the murder. The best clue yet! Help Brockway track this murderer through time and cable TV!

One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred hot dog. Our podcast slams with maximum hype. Say hot dog podcast word. Yeah. When you taste that nitrate power, you're in the dog zone for an hour. Come on.

You know the number. One nine hundred. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine zero zero. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine zero zero zero.

Yeah. Nine thousand. Welcome to the dog zone nine thousand. The official podcast of one nine hundred hot dog dot com. The comedy hilarity website. I'm TV Shumbag from the internet. And I'm joined with the whole crew. I'm here with Brockway.

Robert Brockway, my comedy partner. From that thing you like. From the thing you like. And also with us is our very own Lydia Bug, our weekly columnist. Yeah. The illustrious. The sassy.

Also from that thing. The stalwart from the thing. Sorry, you're still introducing me. Go ahead. The renowned dog owner. All the nice things. Thank you so much for having me. I have changed from what I have seen.

So I'm very happy to be here to discuss Megan. It was quite an episode. Now, normally at the top of the show, we sort of talk about our current projects and what we're working on. But I think we can't do that. We can't do that today. We just watched the unerred episode four

of Megan wants a millionaire to catch everyone up. This was a 2009 reality show where Megan from beauty and the geek from I love money from rock a love reality star veteran shows up just to get a millionaire. And here's a bunch of total loser dudes who theoretically have a million dollars. And they're just trying to buy her. And that's the premise.

Very morally bankrupt. And of course, someone on the cast turned out to be a murderer. And this is right when they discovered that. So this is episode four, which never aired because of the murder. And I don't know who it is. I never looked it up. Rockway does not know who it is. Amazing.

That's good. Op sec. Congratulations to everyone on the discord. And on the website for not breaking it to Brockway. I appreciate that. So do you after this episode, do you feel like you have any stronger leads? I feel like I have.

I feel like I have way too many like before this episode, it was like I got my eye on one or two. And now for this specific murder, they're just they're just so many just flooded me with murders. I'm I'm being overwhelmed. It was sort of the theme of the episode. Lady, why don't you just start taking us through the plot and we'll try to go over what happened here because no one saw this.

This this was never on TV. Yeah, dear God. OK, so we were very shocked to find that they the first thing they do is introduce a knife throwing expert named Jack Dagger. Had a lot of credits. He was the 2007 knife performer of the National Tomahawk throwing champion Jack Dagger. Yeah.

Was it was like opened this day. I can't believe that that's not a character that Sean made up. It's like so on the nose that I'd be like, should I name him Jack Dagger? Maybe his name should be like knife fuckmouth or something. I don't know. But like he had no showmanship. Like he's like, hi, I'm Jack Dagger. Here's a bag of knives.

Throw him at that thing. And he looked like a Jiffy Lube mechanic. Like he just he was just a nothing dude. Yeah. Like a displeased Jiffy Lube mechanic because he just scowled the entire time. That was his whole job. Everybody thinks it's so funny that I'm a knife throwing expert.

My name is Jack. It's a family name. I come from a long line of daggers. So this was a James Bond themed contest. So all the men are in tuxedos and Megan comes out in a very small bikini, like aggressively small and it's raining outside. It's pouring rain. It's so cold.

They have somebody with an umbrella. She's miserable. Yes. She seems really unhappy. Her posture is that of a woman freezing to death. And so then the guys meet Jack Dagger and he gives a bag of daggers to two of the men and then they throw it at this target that's got to be what fucking four and a half feet away.

Hold on. Hold on. They have to they have the theme of this is they have to pick their opponent in the murder games like these are multi rounds of murder games and they have to pick who they think they can take in a knife throwing contest. That's how this show that got canceled, this episode that got canceled for having a real life murderer on starts with a knife

fighting competition. You cannot write that in a book. They would be like, it's way too long the nose to have them like physically fight each other in the fourth episode, which is they physically fight each other. It's so perfect. So as far as we know, Jack Dagger didn't give any tips. No.

So these untrained men are throwing knives at a thing four feet from them and just fucking it up. Like they give each of them at least 10 throws. Like it just felt like we were watching this for an hour. Yeah, it's like a 10 minute segment of them like dropping knives in the dirt and like, why are you still showing it? After all of it was over, only one guy even landed a knife. And so he of course won.

And the next competition is just a fucking big metal pole. And they give it to a dude and say, you have to get in a sumo ring and pull the pole away from another man. Which one do you want to fight? The only rules. Those are the only rules. So it's just a straight out fucking brawl. Like they're just throwing elbows and like shoving each other.

It's not a technique. And I was like, OK, no touching. They just said, hey, right, get this pole. However you can. But even like childhood training of wrestling or martial arts would have just completely dominated these men. Like they they're just tugging on it like, I don't know, like apes. Maybe a hip row would have ended this competition.

Yeah, they were really bad at it. But like that's slightly less sad than being bad at the knife throwing thing, which they didn't show them getting like training on. But you would assume that they got some training on, right? Whereas this had no rules and had just a bar. And like it was just like and fight. You just wanted to see who was the most savage. And it was who was it?

It was Corey. Well, who a dead eyed Corey who is being piloted by a fungus. Because Ryan quit. Yeah, and Canadian Ryan. Oh, shit, we already have to rewind. The episode opened with Canadian Ryan. It did a long pan over all of the guys before this started. And Canadian Ryan forgot to mention Ryan's shirt.

Was wearing a t-shirt that said, I'm straight. Nothing else. Straight in all capitals. I'm straight. And it had a line under it. I guess that was maybe the joke that the line is straight. I don't know. Yeah, like that.

I guess it's a straight line. I have seen two men fucking each other in the ass. He does. He does. And that's the gayest thing I've ever seen in my life. Yeah. That shirt. He does kind of ping the gaydar a bit.

Like if you if he said I'm gay, you're like, OK, that makes sense. But like there's no reason to assume he would be a gay man. Until he wore that shirt. And so for this shirt, it feels, yeah, it feels very much like, hmm, like what's that child trafficking shirt? It's like a lot of people are asking questions about my I'm not a sex trafficker shirt, but answered already by my shirt. I'm fucking it up.

You know the tweet. It's very famous. Yeah. Well, the person you would think would wear that in real life is like RuPaul ironically. Right. Right. It is definitely the gayest thing you've ever seen.

It's just a powerful gay statement that he's making on this show. Like if you wore that with a bandit mask at a party, then it'd be like, oh, you're funny. You're like a straight guy tonight. That's a funny costume. A funny costume. Funny in quotes, but like very strange shirt, very suspicious. I can't believe what are the circumstances in which he bought it.

Yeah. Where did he get that? And what occasion was it for? I guess he wore it on TV specifically for this show. He was like, I'm going to come across real gay on this show. I need to do something. Yeah. I sucked off of dude day one.

I really got to make up for this. Mom, can you mail me my I'm straight shirt? I think the fellas are going to make. They're going to talk about me and my dick sucking. Oh, man. I can't believe we have to try to describe the rest of this episode. This is like bringing somebody on a podcast and saying, hey, describe World War Two.

It's really too much. All right. Back to the fucking hunger games that we started off with. Corey wins, but it's also it's like not climactic. It's like, it's not like he like puts his foot on the other man's chest and prized the bar away from it. It's like they kind of twist around on the ground. And one guy takes his hand off and then Jack daggers like,

you have taken your hand off the bar. You have lost. And you're like, oh, OK. Is that the rules? We really have no idea. We're just fucking animals at this point. Next stretch this out too. And they could have included the rules because later it gets a little

boring for a minute. And I don't understand why you didn't just make the beginning the entire episode. Yeah. There's a lot of like just walked away from it because I guess it was too stupid for him. I find that hard to believe. Heard his hands.

Heard his wrist. Yeah. It didn't seem like a pleasant thing. Yeah. Kind of the issue with these guys is that they all want to pretend like they have some dignity and it always gets to like a point where eventually they're like, oh, I can tell that this is like too much for my my pretend dignity.

And I think it just got to that point. Right. This is Megan's like psychological warfare. This is her breaking down these men so that they are sufficiently broken and she marries them to take all their money. Thank you. Look at these guys and say, these are some dudes with some unearned self-confidence.

And here here they are like being tested in just really mild ways. And they're all just shattering instantly. Like they don't know anything about their own limitations, which really came into play in the next competition, which was a swimming competition. No, no. Is that the third one? It was sword fighting.

You're right. Sword fighting was next. That's how fucking crazy this show is. They're like, let's do a James Bond contest. How about sword fighting? And it was big, big Mike the Mafia MOOC versus, I don't know, one of the little guys, he picked a little guy to just.

Yeah. The just handsome guy. We never remember his name. Like he's sort of generically like Superman handsome. Oh, that's the guy that showed up at the end. And he was like, I can't believe I still don't know this guy. Right. Because he did the pinching.

So his face was cut. He had no lines. That'll do it. Made no impression. And so they fought the swords. And neither one of them know what they're doing. So they're just constantly poking each other as they discover how to fence. And it's like nine to nine.

Yeah. Just floppy. So it was slapping. And then there was a move where Mike did where he like after he got the point, he leaned in and then started prison shiving the guy. Like this is a reflex. Fuck you. Fuck you.

My prison shit. My rapid little prison shit reflex. Yeah. Yeah. So I think they're using like electronic foils that like detect when they've impacted somebody because I couldn't find like a fencing judge anywhere. No, nobody explained what fencing was to either of them. And we know that Jack Dagger wasn't doing it.

Jack Dagger isn't going to judge the fencing. That'd be crazy. Yeah. Come on. They just kept cutting to like shots of him in the background. Sighing. Just like Jack Dagger. I bet his personal appearance fee was like 300 bucks too.

Like they wasted it. They could have got a birthday clown for the Jack Dagger money. I bet they did it for the tux. They're going to keep this wardrobe. It just runs off in the tux. So the next one is a swimming competition. If you swim across a moat and then dive under a bridge, then come out and get some keys,

then go back into the water and open up a treasure chest and then get the jewels, then come out of the water and give the jewels to Megan. And I guess they were expecting this to be some sort of like Mark Burnett survivor scene. I mean, this is real like fifth grade swimming class. Right. This is our fun exercise. It's a 20-year-old moat. I thought they could stand up in it.

Yeah. You could stand up in it. No. Yeah. They clearly stood. It's like waist deep. And what we saw was maybe the most like pathetic wallowing like. Wait.

You got to set it up because it's David. It's David the foot collector. You're right. I'll let you set it up. Yeah, do it. I'm doing too much talking. I get so excited about Megan. He's so proud all the time.

He's the biggest braggart on the show. And he's just constantly talking shit about like how he knows how to do everything. So they threw him some goggles and he looks at them with disdain and tosses them back in Jack Dagger's face and says, I'm a professional diver 15 years. I don't need these. You're like, oh. He said he had certifications coming out the ass.

Yeah. Because you're going to get recertified a couple of times in 15 years. So he probably has three certifications at least out his ass. To use the word professional. Professional. And we're like, that's not your job. Yeah. That's.

You make three million dollars scuba diving. What does that mean? Okay. So they line up and they dive into this pool and the second they dive into this pool, David is just completely destroyed. He gets out. He comes to the surface gasping and like wincing. He grabs onto.

He looked like he was crying. He grabs onto the little mini bridge. He stops. He stops. He starts crying. He stops swimming and does a whole ton to the mini bridge and just sobs gently. Hyperventilating going, it's so cold. Oh my God.

Meanwhile, the other guy was swimming clumsily, but like is looking back like, oh, okay. But to be fair at the same pace, like this professional diver was not swimming fast with him at any point in the race. I mean, you could never tell because like as soon as he, this is as soon as he jumped in, he is just immediately destroyed by this small amount of water. And like it spent a good two minutes of just panning over all of the other people laughing at him as he clutches to this bridge and weeps. It was just the most helpless.

I've never seen such a quick justice. My God. Well, and that's how cold it has to be out there and they're letting the guys where these full Texas and Megan is in this little tiny all day. And I felt even worse for her at that point. And I was like, it's so cold. They can't swim because they're like freezing. And you know, they're all happening, but she did make like $600 worth of prizes in that

day. So not to get paid well for it. She just loses one toe to frostbite. It's probably fine. It probably works out. Also, I'm just putting together in my head right now. Were they in a mini golf course? No, they went to like that.

I'm sorry. We skipped again. Again, this is World War II. You can't explain everything. This is all taking place at a castle. They went to like a medieval castle for the James Bond competition. Did they say it was a castle though? They did.

It was like a McMansion style. Yeah. It's a castle themed McMansion. Yeah. I thought it was the magic castle at first. So they're swimming through the moat of like, yeah, like mini golf course level castle. Yeah. I was trying to think where I'd seen that setup and I was like, it looked like a mini golf

course. It could. Like maybe it's turned into that since then. Anyway, Al doesn't get much farther. He starts swimming again and he goes to dive for the box and then he comes up and goes, it's too cold and he swims back to the same bridge and they both just sit there huddled on the bridge. He almost looked like he was going to die.

They both looked like they were going to die. And this waist deep in the water obstacle on a mini golf course level. So, so Canadian Ryan decides this is his time to shine and he dives into the water and David is just like, yes, please take this away from me and he quits. He just gets out of the water and Megan's like, what the fuck is going on? But like, we're just not going to watch two men die. If this guy, if this guy wants to fucking open the box, let him and Al still ends up winning. He still is like, no, he got it together and he grabbed the box.

And it's not like they had to dive down and open it underwater. They both just stood in the water, pick up the box and like tried the different keys. So it's almost as uncompelling as television could be with their intended race. Like the race that they wanted to see was never going to be good. All we're doing is watching two men suck so hard. They almost died. Do terrible at this. Like two damp men try and open a door for 30 seconds.

We should stress Canadian Ryan cheated. He was not entered in this contest and he didn't have to do the swim up to the chest. So he dove in and then he lost. So he lost the bar contest and then he lost in the pool and he got out and Megan said, you were so brave jumping in there, but she did lose twice and then sends him away. And that was where I was like, oh God, I love Megan so much. She's a great TV star. What a piece of shit.

But what a great TV star. She rules so hard. So I there was a competition after that that I think was they had to make martinis. And so one guy gets called up and he has just fucking outrageously stupid. So he has to pick his opponent and Punisher, the millionaire stripper is totally like looking away like, oh, you do do like comically as if like very clearly like a cartoon. They want nobody wanted to pick Punisher for anything because Punisher is buff as hell. And so no one's going to one competition where he wouldn't be good because he's buff as hell.

And they were like, you pick Punisher for that. And yet if as a professional male stripper, you should know how to make a martini. You should know how to make a martini in your ass for that. For sure. I believe that's the first thing they teach you at male stripping school. That's standard. Jump on a lap. He's absolutely right to pick him.

He does not. He leaves the olives out. He pours the olive juice sandwiches. I guess a dirty martini, but it doesn't work and she hates it. Yeah, she didn't like it. He didn't win. And when she said Francisco, you won. And the music came to a crescendo and Francisco was okay.

Okay. I think he said cool. There was like a long silence and he goes, cool. Little meek. Cool. So that, so a professional. He's new Joe. He is the new Joe.

Joe got sent home and it was tragic, but this guy was taking up the reins. Yeah. Can't do anything. Like he was allowed out of the closet on occasion to like watch birds or something. So a professional television producer, that was like their competitions. That was like, okay, this is going to be great. It wasn't. It was very terrible TV, but somehow we loved it.

I think we all agree. This was amazing. It was the best for the episode, for specifically the episode that they pulled for there being a murderer and then they open with the murder games. I just, I guess I can't believe it. Watching it. Tremendous. I felt like someone had to have like come back in time to prevent this episode from coming

out because it would be so damaging to society. And because it's so good that if you're a VH wanting Zach, I feel like one murder is not getting the show canceled. Yeah. Yeah. You realize, you realize all of a sudden like, oh, okay, we have specifically attracted and now our training murderers on this show. Yeah.

And I don't think one murder is the start. Yeah. One murder is like the first season. And then someone came back in time and was like, no, you have to stop. You can't do this. I can't even tell you what's going to happen to the timeline if this show airs. The entire future is murder. For our next challenge, you're hunting Megan through a hedge maze.

I did make the point in the very first episode that this, the show is so immoral and such like jumping off the slippery slope of like reality TV that I really felt like it could have taken us to that running man future. It could have. This is the first. That we all really love. There are several steps. But this is the first one.

Have you seen this episode? When you said that, have you seen this one? No, I watched it. I had, this is the first time I watched it with you today. I just checked the file to make sure it worked and I wanted to save it so we'd all go into it cold. Yeah. This is how running man starts.

This is the most running man one. If we can, if we can get a groundswell with this podcast and get this, you know, air, just get more eyes on it. I think we can still get that running man ball rolling. I feel like we have to start from scratch. Like we got to start back at like rock of love, flavor of love. I love New York. Like we have to go through the whole process again.

Yeah. It's a little burn to get to running man. You can't just. We can't breed another Megan. Yeah. What happened? There's only one. I think we can use the same one.

She's gotten a plastic surgery to look basically the same. She does. Yeah. Just age everyone up 10 years. I think it'll be fine. Just make it like 40 something. Actually, I haven't seen pictures of her now, but I would be surprised if she looks even slightly different.

Like she's already banking on plastic surgery at like 26 or however she old she is. She's already got all of it. Yeah. Speaking of something, speaking of plastic surgery, I do want to talk about a moment in the show where she's sitting alone with a guy named Alex who we described as a inbred Nicholas Cage. No, no, no. We said Nicholas Cage is disappointing son because we were all like imagine how difficult

it would be to disappoint Nicholas Cage. But yeah, this guy will. He disappointed all of us. Tell it. No. Lydia, I want you to explain what this guy did. I want a female perspective on his sweet move. Oh, God.

Okay. So they sit down together to have like a serious heart to heart as happens on the show. And the thing that he has to tell her is that he has a penile implant and she responds to this by saying why and he says because it was small, it had to make it bigger. Incredible. I literally gasped. Like. Yeah.

Me too. And you think this is a crazy enough moment. But. But then he wants to show her and for a second he stands up and we're all like, oh, God. Is he going to just take it out because that's what it seems like and they like tease that in the ad. But thankfully, I guess he's on his phone and in real life shows her a picture of his dick.

He does a real life dick pic. He did. I feel like it's more acceptable to take it out at that point. Like it's not acceptable to take. I'm not saying that, but maybe more so than showing them like standing there with the phone and showing them a picture of your dick is somehow somehow more vulgar than just flashing. Yeah.

I agree. I agree 100%. If he would have taken a stick out, I think Megan would have liked it a little bit more. I don't think she would have liked it, but I don't think it would have been this because Megan again, I think she's a piece of shit, but she was right in saying like, this is not acceptable. What you're doing here is not acceptable and it does not go well. And then he tells the camera later during his testimonial like, yeah, I think it's,

I think it was a pretty good move. I've never gone wrong when I show my dick. Every time I've showed somebody my dick, it's worked out really good. It's gone well. It's worked out. Every time I've showed someone my dick, good things have happened because I was like, I want a shirt that says that. Yes.

My God. I just, I can't believe he admitted to having a peanut implant than it gone on like, no, no, no, hold on. I have to explain. It was a really small dick, naturally. It was a small dick. You didn't understand. Stay with me.

Stay with me. It was not very big. Okay. You're still on the leave. I've got a picture of it. I put another line that he says, I just, he says, I feel very lucky. I feel very blessed because he like got the idea to make his dick bigger with surgery. So he says, I feel very, like, feel very blessed.

And he says, I think you deserve to feel blessed. Like that was his transition from, from I have a giant dick and you should put it in you. Like that quickly. You deserve to feel amazing. You deserve to feel like a giant dick. What the question is, does it look noticeable or something? Does he think he has to share this with her because it's obviously an implant because

otherwise why tell her? Why not just be like, I have a big dick. Here's a picture of my big dick. It just, it just looks like a twigail. I still have problems with that, but I agree it's better. Yeah. And plus Megan is clearly, that's the ideal is that he would just show her his dick. He should just do that.

And this is a, maybe a double standard and this is a different thing, but Megan has had work done. I feel like she would be understanding if it came out later, like, oh yeah, this giant dick. It's not, I wasn't born with this. Yeah. These are not the tits I used to have either. Like, yeah, this is mostly 40% of my face too.

Yeah. A lot of his face is butt skin. Yeah. And was it like a butt? Did it fork at the end? Why do you have to warn somebody in advance? I can't believe this fucking happened. I can't believe it opened with murder.

Oh, it was a picture you get before and now I am. Did it fork at the end? You were just picturing a small normal dick. Oh God. What, what's in your brain now? Just like distended. Like a Franken-dick? Like you can tell it was made of other, of other dicks or something.

It takes like a 45 degree turn towards the end. And speaking of Frankenstein, these are all great transitions. If you're learning how to do podcasts at home, speaking of Frankenstein, the guy we call Tom Jane Frankenstein on the show is actually named Sex Toy Dave and they ran into some drama because Sex Toy Dave is clearly promoting his line of sex products. So whenever he's talking to Megan, he's like, Hey, my name is Sex Toy Dave because of my affordable and great dildos. And she's like, dude, are you here to date me?

And he's like, I'm here to date you and to sell subpar dildos. And so that was the drama of that, that Sex Toy Dave was just there to promote. And so they had a little one-on-one date because he, I'm skipping ahead a little bit, but he won botchy ball because she took everyone to play botchy ball and there's no more to say about it than that. Skip the botchy ball. Oh my God. The pacing on this show to go from like the fucking Hunger Games to like, OK, well, now

a botchy ball. Right. Yeah. The back of this show took me 15 minutes stabbing each other and then like five minutes playing botchy ball is amazing. We should say like she was showing them all the colors and she came to Al and she's like, and Al, you get blue balls. And he was just like, yeah.

Yeah. I've had a boner for seven days straight, Megan. I'm used to that. It doesn't feel right if they don't hurt. The TV producers said, we need some competition games. And they said, I got it. Knife throwing, fencing, underwater box opening, sumo, martini making and botchy ball. Like, yeah, that seems like the right order to do those things in, too.

Do you think that was part of the James Bond thing? Like, does James Bond play botchy ball? Because he's in Italy. James Bond doesn't do any of those things. None of those things are James. The martini, the martini. I feel like he has it. Sure.

I feel like he's fenced before. I feel like there's one where he fenced. I'm not a Bond expert. Maybe I guess I had to have thrown a knife over the course of like 50 movies. He had to have thrown a knife. Definitely hasn't just spaz wrestled somebody for a bar. Like, yeah, he doesn't know. I'm gripped onto a mini golf.

I feel like those were the Sean Connery fight scenes. I think the Connery fight scenes, they said, hey, just grab Sean Connery and we're going to film you guys kind of like grimacing at each other for a few minutes. I think that's how they choreographed those. Just shake. So that was probably sex toy Dave. After the date, she goes home and like Googles him and on his own website. He has an interview he did where he was like, yeah, I've been on two dating shows,

but I only went on the dating shows to like promote my sex deal. I can't even I can't believe I could ever find love on a reality show. What a silly idea. And he left that he left that on the website while going on the show. So like to me, that says someone who would definitely get caught if he did a murder because he does not know how to clean up his tracks. That's true. And we are looking for a murderer who got I must I think I get the impression

very quickly caught or at least not with a lot of difficulty. So yeah, if he murders, this is a man that does not know if he they're all murderers. We're looking for one specific murder. I think I think he's good job for the showrunners to like to do the research. And here they they have this guy who clearly would never be interested in the star of your show and another one is a murderer. So like it's good research by the research that yeah, just top notch fitting. Well, the idea that they found this out in the middle of production

and it was like, OK, we'll save this and like bring it out when we need it. And they pick this episode. Yeah, this episode, which is already is already 15 episodes. This is an entire reality show and you would not be disappointed in this episode. And then you're like, no, this needs another one. Yeah, I'm like, what's going to happen later that was more interesting than like this guy getting kicked off for just saying, oh, I'm never going to fall in love in a reality TV show like I'm doing this just for for attention.

Like something is coming up that's more cooler than that. And and that's scary a little bit like we have to go to death races after this. It has to be just straight up like hit somebody with your car for points in the future episodes. There's no how do you go from from opening an episode with knife throwing competitions? I and then two men drowning in a mini golf course. You can't you can't beat that. It's the best reality TV that's ever been.

And then I got literally showing his dick like somehow. It's like real life dick pick. The only real life dick pick I've ever seen in my life. It's it's amazing. Yeah, like so that guy producers pushed him into doing that, like you've got to tell her about your dick right now. I don't think so. That dude clearly has done that a lot.

Yeah, he had a lot of mentioned it twice. How often he does it? This is always gone really. This is my go to move. Oh, so so he got kicked off the dick pick guy. And she also kicked off. God, I'm blanking. Who else she kicked off? She almost actually did.

She almost kicked off David, a foot collector, David, who drowned in the mini golf course, because he further. No, no, David, David, the foot collector, the guy that talks to her like a baby. And that almost drowned. That's a different guy from sex to a day sex toy. Dave is Tom Jane Frankenstein, which I mean, imagine. Having a name like sex toy Dave and then somebody has to call you Tom Jane Frankenstein.

Imagine how much you look like Tom Jane Frankenstein for that to take over sex toy. They imagine having both of those names ascribed to you. And I still forget him and still being forgettable. It's true. I literally just did that. That wasn't a bit. I full on fucking forgot him. Two minutes after we talked about it. But like David, David comes back. It's not enough that he failed embarrassingly after bragging

that he's a professional diver and then just washing out immediately. He cornered her in the hallway and like sat down and was like, let me explain, I'm I'm a huge pussy and it was really cold. Like she was just not at all impressed. She was like, yeah, I got that from when he started crying on the bridge. Like I got this. And he told the producers that he wasn't there. We should mention that she was in her underwear for that scene,

which was really bizarre because it was like they banned her from wearing clothing for the entire episode, except when they played bocce ball, where she was in a very appropriate like pastel, you know, khakis kind of outfit. But in the beginning, she was in the bikini for the whole thing. And in this conversation, she was wearing literal lingerie. I had like she's coming. She's coming straight from we've completely forgotten about the date with Corey, who won one of them, dead eyes, Corey, fungus, fungus vessel,

fungus, mech, Corey being controlled by a fungus. That's the expression. Right. And for their date, they fucked in a hot tub. Like that was the date. Yeah, he brought her to water because that's that's what the fungus compelled. Yes, that's what it means to spore. So I love this guy because he said he wasn't a quitter to the TV.

He was like during his testimonials, like I'm not a quitter. And then he explained like, OK, I just need to do what's like best for me in situations. So like sometimes it's not it's not like best to keep going. And so it's just amazing that he quit and just says I'm not a quitter, which which is that unearned self confidence in the middle of quitting. He pauses. Yes, I'm not a quitter. I'm just quitting. This doesn't make you a quitter.

What the fuck conceivably ever could. And then he goes up to Megan, he says, hey, I'm not a quitter. And even she's like, buddy, you're a you just quit the thing. Like the one thing. Sugar coated for him. She's the one thing we've asked you to do and you have quit. 100 you have a 100 percent quit rate with high stakes, high. Like you're not going to win the thing you're trying to win.

It was very humiliating. So people are looking at you right now than ever before. This is the time not to quit. You know, you quit. You know what else surprised me in the show was how many people that one didn't spend any money. Do you remember that? That was insane. Yes. Well, wait, sex toy Dave didn't spend any money.

And Corey didn't spend any money. I think those were the. Francisco Francisco didn't spend any money. So like three out of the five winners because there were five winners. I have no idea how this fucking show works. There were five winners, I guess. And they have the option to like buy her things. And they're like in episode two, I think somebody went home

because they didn't buy her something. And like three of these guys are like, no, I'm not going to buy her any. Motherfucker, the whole point of the show is you buy Megan things. That's the name of the show is by Megan. Al bought her like two thousand dollar botchy balls. Like when what the fuck? Well, in 620 Dave specifically was like, I don't. I'm not going to buy her anything because I want her to like me for me,

which is like, right, you know, she's not going to A and B. He's not even here for the right reasons. So he obviously doesn't want. Yeah, he didn't want to throw throw money on her. Well, it is to get the ROI, you know what I mean? Like like you don't want to go on a show to promote your sex toys and like get a net loss. That's he's he's a businessman, not a lover. Yeah, you're in the budget on that.

He's obviously a shitty businessman because if he wants to stay longer, he needs to like, you know, what is it? You got to spend money to make money, dude. Yeah, you got to spend five thousand dollars buying Megan like another facelift if you want to hawk your subpar dildos. That's that's business 101. That's what that is. That's what business is. What's great about the show and kind of this era of reality shows

is there is a lot of like metasnark, like so while that dude is saying goodbye, he's like plugging his websites and they just beep them, which is just a really funny thing to not edit it out, but to leave it in and beep it just to sort of say like, yeah, we the producers, you know, fuck this guy, this guy. Yeah, that was great. That's so great. Oh, I got to say, Corey Corey won that date. He was one of the guys that didn't spend any money. He didn't spend money for sure that he was gone.

And he fucked and he got to fuck her in a hot tub. I'm saying the lure of the fungus is strong. I won't buy anything, but I will plant my spores in your mind. Yeah, it's less surprising if Corey is a fungus man than any other possible outcome for the show. Because we were like, oh, Corey didn't spend any money, Corey is gone. Although this is the episode where the guy showed her his dick and the other guy admitted that he was there for the wrong reasons.

So this was such a race to like, like there was who do you not cut? It was it was everybody trying to lose as hard as they can and Megan was up there just like, really? None of them started off well. Like it's not not a real deep genetic pool with these fellows. Right. These are the worst men I've ever seen and you're somehow disappointing me. Yeah, everybody sucks so hard on the show. This episode really just like underscored that like no one's winning here.

No, I'm not even Megan is winning. If she ends up with any of these guys, she is solidly lost. Even four millions of dollars. She's running the hourly rate in her head and it's just like, no, no, it'd be better to work in Charlie's juice. They really explain that too, that like all the competitions were like the knife throwing is just whichever guy's fucking stuck one knife one and the underwater thing, it's just like it all came to a halt until someone finally

like stood there and tried all these keys. The fencing was like 10 to 10 because they're both just smacking each other with with the stick for the first time. I don't know. Right. You can't have any you can't have any competitions in this show because none of these men have ever had to like do or learn or earn anything. And now you're asking them, hey, do a thing. They're just utterly all their stats are fucking minimum cat.

They're like, they swim around. I can't do that. I can't swim. Can't sword fight. What's a night to see who is the biggest alpha male? And the answer is none of them. No one is the biggest alpha male. None of them can do anything.

I think it's the butler. It's like watching a cooking show. Excellent. Like there's no where they're like having to drum up like things for them to do with things that are exciting because everyone is so bad at everything they try to get them to do. And it's so it's so good to watch. I don't know. I've never I never assumed that I would enjoy watching

everybody fail at everything in every direction so much. It's a it's a magic show. I love it. The world was deprived of not just this but everything that would have come after it. But the the next step towards running man from this would have been unspeakable and we would have loved it. And so Brockway, the two men eliminated,

sex toy Dave and Dick pick Alex. Do you think either one of those men were the murderer? Oh, man, I mean, are they the murderer we're looking for? Like they're obviously murders. But are they the murder like let me let me let me walk you through. This is my parlor scene. Let me walk you through what I know. I know the woman who was killed had her teeth pulled out

and her hands and feet chopped off. And to me, that says like you're you're not just murdering in like a fit of passion like that's a messed up murder. Yeah, that's sex. So Dave strikes TV watchers murder. It's a very it's gruesome. But like there's a puzzle solving aspect to it. There's like someone who watches too much TV aspects to.

Yeah, there's like like you think you're in silence, the lambs or something. There is there is another twist to it. It's not just somebody that killed their wife in a fit of rage or it's is that the kind of murder that sex toy Dave who was opportunist. He's a he's a murder of opportunity. Like if if he was somewhere with a woman, $10,000, he'd kill your wife. Yeah, like a scrappy mob guy.

If you were going to bring like a sexual harassment suit against him and he was alone with you in an elevator, he would kill you without a second thought and then like try to cover it up hastily. And then we're we're in like a John Grisham book now. He's that guy. He's the bad guy. See, I'm not sex toy Dave. I'm Tom Jane Frankenstein and it cost to be like you you absolutely are. No one would call you a second thing now that I see you go home.

I don't get on the way. So yeah, I don't think I don't think he's our murderer. I don't think so. OK, who is the murderer? Right. So you don't think it's Dick Pig, Alex? Yeah, I don't think there's something going on there. Right. There's definitely something going on there. That was that was just such a disconnect from like society

and what it's OK to do. Yeah. That like, yeah, I'm sure that that was a good idea. And it's just this one time it didn't work. Now, again, we saw this earlier when that guy said, I'm not a quitter after he quit. Is that what we're dealing with here? Is he has he shown this dick pic to hundreds of disgusted women and every single time he thinks it never fails? Well, it failed this time, but it never fails percent.

And then if it fails, he kills them, the women's perspective here. That does not work. There's no way that's ever worked once. It doesn't. It also showed a card that said I have three million dollars next to it or whatever. Even then, that's how you vote. That's how you violate that card. That's how you soften it.

So, yeah, I mean, he's I mean, it's clearly like I said, he's clearly a murderer. Is he the murderer here? Yeah, he could be for like that. That strikes me as like such a disconnect for somebody to think that they can get away with that. I don't know that there's it's so much more obliviousness than it is sadism, though. I think that's he's so much more likely to kill almost by accident and then just not feel anything like he's. Yeah, he's kind of your hit and run.

Like he'll hit somebody. He's your he's your Phil Collins murderer. Right. He's like a he's a dog murderer. He's like Mike Huckabee's son. He'll kill a dog. Yeah, he'll kill a dog. And like maybe, you know, it's a person that he doesn't think is much better than a dog.

But like maybe he'll he'll pay some kids to like beat up a bomb until he dies. And then he'll he'll not feel anything about that. It's like a thing you said about Joe. And I feel like you're kind of kind of an optimist about murders. Yeah, about these specific millionaire murders. I'd see now, I think Joe Joe was like, I will kill by accident. Like, I think he doesn't understand what human consequences are. So he's going to like put a plastic bag over a child's head and be like,

it's funny, you're you're an astronaut. And then he won't understand when they stop moving and you'll have to like explain it to him and he just won't get it. Like he's he's a closet, baby. So, yeah, that's it's pretty dark. But I agree. Writes for stories. This is look, have you seen Hannibal?

I have to become the murderer to catch the murder. I'm willing to getting too close to it now. I think you need to take a break. There's no such thing as too close. So left on the show, it seems like between the two, you think Dick pick Alex could still be one of your leading suspects for the murderer we're looking for. Yeah, I think I think he's capable of this murder.

I think he's definitely in the running. I'm still I just I'm uneasy with like Canadian Ryan, but he he quit out and lost washed out so badly in those competitions. I don't know if he has that murderous drive. All we really know about him is that he's straight. Yeah, like there's psychological. There's some weird psychological shit going on. Sure, it says he's straight.

I have no no follow up questions. Great shirt. I know what you're trying to say there, buddy. I'm not willing to watch him entirely buying it. I'm sure that's still a little somewhere. I will be that's one of our that's one of our tear appreciative shirts now making that sending you a shirt that just says, I'm straight in all capitals and you're going to if he turns out to be the murderer

and we sell the shirt that the murderer wore that says, I'm straight. That is the darkest, the darkest comedy shirt of all time. Yeah, that would that would get us on some local news for sure. All right, let's hope he's not the murderer because we are doing that. But he's one of your leading suspects. No, I don't know that he's a leading suspect after this. He's just on the list. Like there are some people that I don't think are this specific murder.

And right, he's still on the list. And how do you feel about Big Mike? He's another guy. See, now I'm standing by that's like a hitman murder. That's like a low rent. You get into a car with that guy in like a Walmart parking lot and you're like, I will I have five thousand dollars. Will you kill my husband, murderer? Right.

I don't think that guy gets caught, right? I think that guy might get caught. He probably won't serve a lot of time and he'll be really good at it. But I don't I don't think he's got the perversion for this kind of murder. I think he's a little better than that. He's but he's above that as a murderer. Right. I feel like he wouldn't like do anything to like hide the hide the body or hide the traces of it.

I think he would just his cover would be that he's not associated with that person in any way. So he wouldn't be up on the list of suspects talking about him. He'll hope the family. Whereas the murderer we're looking for killed their actual wife. So when they identified her, they're like, OK, we have one extremely lead suspect. Yeah, this is there.

There's some scenarios in this. Mm hmm. So who else do we have? That we have David, the foot guy. Yeah, the feet were missing. The feet were missing on this court swim. Yes. And that's David is still in the running. He's we've been calling him the foot collector. OK, there were some feet that have been collected.

He's he's not he's not exed out yet. And eliminate anyone or is everyone a suspect? I don't think it's sex toy, Dave. And sex toy, Dave is out. And how do you feel about Punisher? You know what? I think Punisher is out, too. Like I said, I think everybody on the show is a murderer, but I think this is he seems like an maybe an anger murder.

Like maybe like killer murder. An elderly woman with a lap dance. Yeah, Punisher seems like a decent guy. As far as this show has available to Megan, like this is a Greek. He's the only guy left that I'm like, he seems OK. I don't know why he's here. But if Megan ended up with him, that would probably be fine with me. He's here because he's a murderer.

They all have to be. I mean, like they've added this show, you know that they're all murderers. Punisher seems sort of like a cocky dick, but it also sort of seems like that's something he's doing because he thinks he's supposed to do on the show. Right. I think maybe shoot somebody. Punisher, like you're going to feel pretty cocky. Yeah, like we're talking about there's no alpha males

and we just completely forgot about Punisher. Like Punisher. Yeah. Yeah, the sexiest alpha male in most rooms that he's in. I think this room, especially. I think I think he's capable of murder because he's on this show. If for no other reason. I think if it is, it would be a crime of passion. It would be he would shoot somebody or perhaps, you know what?

Here's here's the most credit I will give to any man who went on this show. Maybe he killed somebody with excessive force in self-defense. OK. Yeah, maybe he's got like the Chuck Norris. Like Nicholas Cage and Con Air. Yeah, like he goes to jail because they're like, look at you, Punisher. You're a living weapon. Yeah, he's a living weapon and he's going to get in a bar fight and take it too far and then he's going to live to regret it

and have to redeem himself by tackling a plane full of violence. That's that's it. That does that does check out for him because all the other men in this competition are clearly terrified as well, they should be. Yes, there is one. I mean, he didn't even have to be ripped. If he was just a capable male, they would be in awe.

Yeah, he seems like he could function in society. So they're afraid of him. Right. Like if he could like fix a wobbling table, they would be like, oh, my God. And these are 40 something affluent men. There's they're carrying around a fear of the black man already, whether he's a giant buff man or not. Like they let's not dance around it. Yeah, just any capable man.

Like you just any capable of doing this. He's got like one or two skills and that's just a depth that they cannot even comprehend. I want to go through the rest of them. There's Francisco who were calling New Joe because he's sort of like a white eyed puppy dog of a man. Yeah, who also takes off a shirt. Any time Punisher takes off a shirt.

You know, we're calling him New Joe. I don't think he's got that that closet baby attitude enough to take it to murder. Like he's certainly oblivious. He's going to have some big faux paws. He he might he might end up killing somebody's dog by feeding them something that they're not supposed to eat. I don't. OK, I don't think he's the kill. I don't think he's a murderer.

I don't think he belongs to give a dog a chocolate bar, but he won't like saw your head off. Right. Like he is clearly doesn't know anything about the society that he currently finds himself in. But he doesn't mean well, he just doesn't mean anything. Yeah, he's I'm OK with him, too. I kind of like him. I was shocked that when we saw that little cutaway ad for the show

that they had the foot collector guy do the ad and not him. Yeah, Punisher. Right. That's their most charming guy. You thought that guy was lovable enough to like sell your show. That's the guy. Maybe they rotated it. Maybe they rotated them. But that is the first promo like that with that we've seen. That's the first ad we've seen.

Like they just thought, you know, this guy is so good on camera and he's not. He's just. And there's three guys left on that show. There's only three cute guys and they didn't use any of those three guys. They use you. You think the cute guys are Punisher and Corey and Francisco, Francisco. You don't like the Clark Kent kind of guy? No, he's. No, he is.

Two square. Yeah. His head is two square. And his head is a perfect rectangle. And I think he's like kind of older, too, isn't he? Yeah, it's not really an age appropriate. He's probably 50 now. You know what he's doing so good, just not being seen. He's high on the murder list.

Whoever this guy is, that's like one of my prime picks for murder. He's still see. Yeah, he's so good at this. That's like a ninja skill that they teach you. Not in the books. It's like you can just become invisible in a room, just standing in planes. Like I'm talking about him right now and I have no idea who he is. No idea who he is. He could be behind you.

He's a ghost. I was trying to think of how to describe him. And I thought he looks like everyone. You just. Yes, he's an unnoticeable. He's got a just blurry face. Naturally, he was born with it. That dude can't turn on his iPhone for shit.

Who else? Who else is left here? I think that's everybody. I think, oh, wait, there's Al, the one with no lips. Yeah, I still think like somebody's going to laugh at Al one too many times. Somebody's going to make that blue balls comment when there's not enough witnesses around and Al's going to snap and murder. I don't know he's got decades of being bullied. Yeah, built up inside of him.

I don't think he's our murder. I don't think he's this murder. All right. He has that murder in him, so I'm not crossing him off the list. I don't think he's this murder. So gun to your head. Who do you think it is? Brockway's top murderers.

You know what? I think it's the non entity this this episode. I've convinced myself like he is vanished into the shadows. He is the night. I think I think that's my top pick and second. Yeah, Dick pick. What is it? Alex, Dick pick, Alex, Dick pick, Alex.

Yeah, strong choices. That was that was some fucking crazy dark shit. I think those two are my pick for this episode. Like, I don't think I've ever gasped like that in my life when he said that that he he got the Penel implant because it was small and then he offered to show it to her. I I was watching it like a cartoon bunny. I went like, and then I went and then I went and then I went.

He just hyperventilating over here. Like you can't like Sean gasped and then I gasped and then we were all like. It was incredible. Nothing like that has ever happened on another reality TV show. It's a true original moment that they they got for this show. And it just happened to be a man in reality showing a woman his dick on his phone to like let her know. I can't even like it's still blowing my mind.

My brain is melting, thinking about the world's first Penile implant. Real life, Dick pick. And we were denied it because of one measly murder. One hundred, Frank first, one hundred, Frank first. And the podcast came out. And with Maximalim, ciao! Say Frank first podcast. Correct.

Yeah. The practice is not trapped, it's not without. Send it to the dog. Four, one hour. Come on Sean, you can do it. One hundred. One hundred, Frank first. One hundred, Frank first.

One hundred. One hundred, Frank first. One hundred, Frank first. Yeah, nine thousand. Neil Schaefer. Jaeber Al-Aidan. David Forna. Mike Stiles.

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