The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 180, The Beekeeper with David Bell

Episode Date: June 19, 2024

Seanbaby, Brockway, and guest David Bell - henceforth known as The Buzz Boyzz - watch their new favorite movie: The Beekeeper. A gloriously stupid action movie for fearful boomers and bee lovers alike.

1-900-HOT-DAUGHT 1-900-HOT-DAUGHT Our podcast slams with maximum hype Say hot dog podcast, word Yeah When you taste that nitrate power You're in the dog zone for an hour Come on

You know the number 1-900 1-900-HOT-DAUGHT Welcome to the DocZone 9000, the official podcast of 1900hotdog.com. For over four years, we've been doing daily articles about deranged media with an all-star cast of well-paid human comedy writers. We use the only business model left that works, listeners like you. So go to patreon.com slash 1900hotdog to subscribe. You get all the jokes, bonus podcasts, discord events. We're just such delights.

I'm enduring web favorite Sean Baby and my co-host should any of the BuzzFeed 2008 Top 10 Epic Bacon Boys get disgraced or lose their life, he's alternate Epic Bacon Boy, Robert Brockway. Ooh, them bacon boys die mysteriously all the time though. I mean, fingers crossed one doesn't die tomorrow. Be a real tragedy. Really what? Here's a Brockway fact. I'm gonna kill Hunter Biden with bees. No follow-up questions.

I have none. I just saw a documentary on that. I really look forward to the Secret Service call about that. You might actually get contacted for that. I might. I might. And I'm going to explain in detail why I about that. You you might actually get contacted. I might. And I'm going to explain in detail why I said that I can vouch they do not have a sense of humor even when they know it's a joke. They are legally bound to not know it's a joke. In the in a week's time I threatened to blow up a federal building and two podcasts. No one's called me about that yet. So that's good. We're doing like a tie-in. We're doing a crossover Yeah, uh, there's no B kills in this. Sorry. There's no B. There's no actual. Hey, who is this?

Our guests you can hear him now he co-runs the gamefully unemployed podcast network and as the head writer at some more news He's our old friend David Bell. Hey I'm David Bell. How you guys doing? Not bad. What are you working on these days? I just watched the movie Challengers. Oh, that hot MMF action.

Have you guys heard about sex? It's nuts. Start from the beginning. Just tell me all about it. All right, so you get two guys and a gal. You get some tennis rackets. That's how it goes. You gotta play tennis for a while first,

is my understanding of it. And eventually penetration, I do believe. And then a lot of hate. There's a lot of hate involved. Like racial hate or just like normal hate? Just normal sex hate. Oh, I'm sorry. You have to specify. I get racial hate off the table.

It's hard to tell from the movie, but there could be. Yeah, you could to specify. I get it. Is racial hate off the table? It's hard to tell from the movie, but there could be, yeah, you could, you could probably throw that in there. This is going to drag us way off topic, but I've been from my manager, I've been getting a lot of like, these are the scripts that are selling these days. And I want to say 80% of them are about group sex, even when they shouldn't be. So that's really weird. That's the thing we're doing.

That's the next big wave in Hollywood. Like like we had volcano and Dante's peak. And you're like, what's with all the volcano movies? Get ready for all of the group sex movies. All the sex movie. That's funny because it feels like what happened was there was all those think pieces of like, just the young kids don't like sex in movies. And I feel like just all the young people went like,

the hell we don't. Let's get fucking kinky in here. And we're just gonna have a sex boom. Have you guys covered Deepwater, the Ben Affleck hand job movie? No, but we bang chicks together all the time in Brockway. Okay, good. Is it like that?

Is it like the thing we do? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like that. Where I tag out and Sean hits him with a Hurricane Rana? Yeah. Yeah, because we don't know what sex is, but we know it. We don't. But we know it. Big ass.

I love that so many of us from Cracked have gone on to find success, but you ask Brockway what we're working on, we're usually like, oh, I found a karate master who makes potions for my Vermeckton, and he runs a roadside puppet show, and I'm reviewing his pornography you ask like Like you were Cody or Dan O'Brien and you guys are like I'm doing an expose on how insurance companies let

2000 low-income minorities die of pneumonia every 40 seconds. Okay, that's that sounds fun, too But so I'm glad that like you're when I ask you what you're working on, you're like, oh, I'm watching the group sex videos for kids. I'm like, fuck yeah, fuck yeah. It is for work. Yeah, I was a 40 year old man watching these kids have group sex in my office today. Just like this feels I don't know about this. I will say this is really ordinary. We are we're doing a we're doing a bit on college protests. And I helped the shoot and and I don't know when this is coming out. But part of I had to show up for the shoot because we had to do a bunch of slime stop motion for our summer news about college protests. So it's, it's, it's just funny because yeah, it's like on paper. It's like, oh yeah, I wrote this long thing about, you know, modern college protests, but also there's like a goo monster in it, made of slime, and we're trying to make stop motion out of it. There's puppets, there's corn cream, like you make it fun. Yeah, we make it fun. Is the goo monster voter apathy?

You'll see. It's, you know, it's a big plot point, you know, it's almost our Thanos. I've been waiting for some more news end game. You know what else I've been doing? I've been watching Mountain Monsters. Have you guys seen that? Hell yeah. Oh, it's a pretty good show, yeah. David, we do a podcast about that show, Mountain Monsters.

I'll have to check that out. What is it called? I think it's called Mountain Monsters. No, that's the show. Fuck. Can't be it, that's the show. It's called Big Keepers? Big Keepers, yes.

That's it, Big Keepers. It's Big Fates. Real quick. Big Fates. It's the real one. I'm glad that you asked about the allegory of the goo monster because there are some really intense metaphors in the movie we watched this week. Yeah. It's going to be tough to navigate these. And I'm glad we're all going to be able to do it together. We watched the Beekeeper. You can't even say it without me laughing.

So I just want you guys to know you emailed me. Do you want to cover this movie? I had already seen it twice in the last week. Fantastic. Yeah, I was like, yep, I'm good. I can do this. I can cover The Micky Boop. Oh, yeah.

Let's make it clear. We're going to be making fun of this movie, because it is the dumbest goddamn movie. But it's so awesome. Yeah, I don't know. I do think society is a lot like a hive and everything can be solved through B metaphors. All you needed to tell me about this movie and not coincidentally, to get me to watch this movie like immediately was,

it is written by Kurt Wimmer, who wrote Equilibrium. He is my favorite himbo. Do you know offhand what he looks like, David? Yes, he looks like a man who wrote who would invent gun Cotta He does also did ultraviolet. Yeah, he's a real screenplay hunk movie doofus Yeah, I he might have been big like he feels like a 13 year old who's been big He's that's because he's been beautiful since he was 13 and has never had to grow up He's He is gorgeous.

If you don't know who he is, Google Kurt Wimmer. Even like now, it'll give you like Prime Kurt Wimmer and you'll be like, oh my God, what a himbo. He gets more himbo as he ages. He's like 60 now and you're like, oh my God, that's what Fabio should look like. It's not what Fabio looks like. And he's living the dream.

He's like Forrest Gump of films. He should not be doing this and it's amazing. Yeah. He's like Forrest Gump of films. He should not be doing this. And it's amazing. Yeah. It's so good. He writes 13 year old boy ideas for movies and they get made with a lot with big budgets, competent directors. He made Equilibrium because he was having kind of a crisis of faith. And he went to a museum one day. This is many years after becoming a professional screenwriter at the highest level. And while at the museum, he had the epiphany for the first time in his life where he thought, maybe

art could be good? And it just broke him. It's almost an exact quote. He's at like 40 something years old, many years after making a very good living at the most prominent artist's job in human history, I would argue. And he's like, oh my God, are paintings good, you guys? And so he wrote a movie about that and he invented guncada, the gun karate they use in it, and he did that by practicing it by himself in the

backyard while the neighbors watched him. Uh, which, God, I would take video of that. If there's somebody who has video of that, I will give anything for it. I imagine he has to use rubber guns or finger guns. I'm assuming finger guns. And he just went pew pew pew. From the neighbor perspective of watching this jackass do that. And they probably asked him, he's like, for a movie.

And then like a year later, equilibrium comes out and they're like, son of a bitch. That's that's Kurt Wimmer's life. It's just like, oh, I can't believe somebody did that. Somebody once asked him what his dream project is, and he said, I have a prohibitively big budget idea about dolphins. Oh, it's a perfect himbo answer. And my favorite fact, my favorite new fact is about beekeeper in an interview about this movie, somebody said,

now in this movie, Jason Statham is part of a secret agent society called the Beekeepers, but he's also actually a beekeeper. Are all beekeepers literally beekeepers? And Kurt Wimmer said, yes. Yeah. So when you, if you see a beekeeperkeeper like out in the wild in this universe, they're an assassin. I know you're thinking backwards. You're thinking square rectangle.

You're you want to think rectangle square. Because there is a funny part in this movie when like before they really reveal that it's a secret society when they keep saying he's a beekeeper. They're like, oh, no. And it's like, oh, are beekeepers just like notoriously dangerous people. Yes, Kurt Wimmer says. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, I wonder what the inspiration for this was, because it's pretty obviously he was watching something about bees. And it just opened a corridor in his mind of like, what if bees? What if? What if this was karate?

That's every revelation he has. What if this was what if vampires were karate? What if this was karate? That's every revelation he has. What if this was, what if vampires were karate? What if art was karate? What if politics was karate? Holy shit! And he's right, god damn it, it rules every time. It's so awesome. So this movie, it's like he was going for a John Wick. Way overshot it and landed on Steven Seagal's script.

And the closest thing there is to a plot twist in this entire movie is when they reveal that I'm one of the characters of the United States president. I hopped so hard. I watched this movie. So I hadn't heard anything about this movie. Tom had apparently watched it and I texted him

and he was like, yeah, man, beekeeper. I watched this on a day off while waiting for my colonoscopy and I took mushrooms. I was on mushrooms the first time I watched this, not knowing anything about the movie, just thinking like, oh, this is like a middle of the road action movie. It changed me. It changed me by the end. You thought maybe art could be good? Yeah. I thought maybe bees could be art. Are bees art? Yeah. Losing my mind. It's going to maybe bees could be art. I was losing art Yeah, yeah losing my mind. It's gonna sound like we're kidding. I'm sure we're gonna be fucking with the movie

But it's a truly absurd plot when I say Jason Statham walks through everyone like no one lands a shot on him until the very Very final boss. Yeah, I watch the minutes to the last ten minutes of the movie is the first time he gets hit He gets hit like three times Yeah, yes, it's incredible. No, there's no tension whatsoever No, no cotton is not even conflict bulldozes everybody now for a second Do you even think like maybe Jason Statham won't make it out of this one? You're like no and it's not like a reach or kind of situation where everyone like thinks they can take him It's like most of the characters are like that guy's not human. You can't fucking fight a beekeeper, especially that beekeeper. Yeah. Yeah, we're all gonna die. It's very much modern action because that is the thing we now do.

Like I think John Wick was that like meta film where they realized like, he can do this over a dog. And like, we all know he has plot armor. so let's give him the plot armor. And everybody else knows it. And so this very much is like Kurt Wimmer shot at John Wick. I think it's Kurt Wimmer's slasher movie. Yeah. I think this is a slasher movie from the point of view of the slasher and there's no final boy. Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah. It's in a violent nature, but with bees. Yeah. That's great. That's, that's the pull quote. Yeah. Cause he, he fucks up a lot of, of like police and secret service agents. Some of them almost certainly died. He kills almost indiscriminately.

He does treason. He does a little treason. Yeah. Bee treason. Well, let's, let's get into it. Um, it opens on like a very like weird contemplative, like bunch of shots about bees. It's how you would shoot someone doing ancient research, tomes for vampire spells.

It's the spooky lore and legend of the honeybee, the occultic power of the hexagon. It's just bees, but it's shot like you're going through an ancient library. Yeah, a monster movie or something, the beginning of like, what are the new Godzilla's or something where they're showing all this like information on bees like he's an entity like he's a creature in the movie and he is. You know what they were going for with this what I think he what I think, just

knowing as I do Kurt Wimmer so well, he's my boy. He was going for like, maybe look at all of these like actual historical documents with bees in them, like maybe beekeepers have always been a part of society. Right. And like- Combat monks going back. Yeah, man. You didn't like discover a conspiracy. People have actually kept bees for a very long time. Yeah.

But he saw that and was like, oh my God, I can't believe I'm unearthing the Da Vinci codes. Coming together. It is weird to see bees and go, I want those. I want to keep those. I want to, I want to have those bees. What are they shitting out here? How does it taste?

Yeah, that was surprisingly good. Like you look at bees this year, like what secrets are you hiding? And it turns out really delicious secrets. Yeah, you were right. You were right not to trust them and to follow them for their treasure. Yeah. My dad kept bees and he was kind of an inept beekeeper. He had an old suit that often let bees in.

So he'd come back in with like a few bees inside his helmet. And how many people has he killed? To my knowledge, none. But like according to the secret government documents I found buried in a tube deep in the forest, thousands. Yeah, it's gotta be. No one could stop him. My dad actually, it was a very slow man.

One day I watched a hive of bees kick his ass. He was out by the blueberries and the bees just decided, no, those are our blueberries. And so they formed like in a cartoon, they formed like a football shape, like you could see the ball that they formed and they started stinging him. And so I ran home cause I saw the bee attack and I'm like a child with long legs. I got home, my dad is still waddling away

from this bee attack. He must've gotten stung like 40, 50 times, laughing the whole time. Cause he knows what it looks like. Right. His swarm of bees kicking his ass. So yeah, he's killed a lot of people. You know who was a beekeeper?

Lee Harvey Oswald. Oh my God, it's all coming together. Yeah, my dad, Jason Statham, Lee Harvey Oswald, they've all assassinated bad offspring of presidents. We'll get to that, that's part of the metaphor. Little did I know that this was gonna go all the way to the top. My God. I do want to, at the start of this, the movie makes what is secretly the craziest offer. And I think most people don't realize this. It starts in Springfield, Massachusetts.

I am from Western Massachusetts. This is not what Springfield, Massachusetts looks like. It's very funny that their first offer is the rolling hills of Springfield, Massachusetts. It might as well be the rolling hills of Milwaukee, if that makes sense, where it's like this town is suburbs and it's a very... it's not a great town. That's all I'll say. And it's hilarious to think of Jason Statham, fucking British ass Jason Statham, walking around the rolling hills of Springfield, Massachusetts.

So that was a little treat just for me, is that reveal? Fantastic. Just letting you know that, hey, we don't know what we're doing in any way. Right. It's one of those scripts where he clearly like opened up a map and just pointed to a city and said, like, all right, that'll be it. That's the city. That's currently about a half hour away from where I am right now. Like, I have a friend there and visit occasionally.

And it's not just they do have some hills they might be described as rolling. If anybody's like, well, I could it's that it's not the deep rural woods is what he's like. She's like, she even says one of the characters will be introduced here shortly, even says like, this is so rural, like I couldn't go to like a computer place that's hours out. It's so fun. No, Springfield's like a major city. There's a fucking casino in Springfield, Massachusetts. It's a big, it's a big city. Yeah. Yeah, it's, it's a big, it's very funny because Western Mass has like those farmlands.

Yeah. You just have to go like a half hour in another direction. It's just not Springfield. It's, it's very funny. It's a very funny immediate offer. God bless Kurt Wimmer. He's still doing it. He's still doing it like they did in the 90s. He's just like, nobody has the Internet. Yeah, I can do whatever. Yeah, I'll just piss off like just the people in this area. It's fine. Felicia Rashad lives by the Basketball Hall of Fame.

And fun fact, she stood by Bill Cosby all these years. That's just something to keep in mind. Really? Yeah, that is a fun fact. A fun fact is during the press junket, they mentioned many, many times how Jason Statham did all of his own bee stunts. For why? Of all the fucking outfits to wear,

like a stuntman could just put on a bee suit and be anybody. But Jason Statham's like, no. Right. I need to be a beekeeper for the beekeeping beekeeping role. He's a method, man. He's like Daniel Day. It's funny to phrase as bee studs because all he really does is stand by bees a few times in the opening. Sure.

There are impressive stunts in this. He didn't do those. Yeah. He did the bee stuff. He did the bee stuff. Yeah. Also, I want to just point out that he and Felicia Rashad have a weird relationship. I think they wanted it to be like a friendship or maybe a mutual mentorship, but both of the actors decided to go very sexual. Yeah, they did, right? Okay, I'm glad that wasn't, I didn't even write it down because I'm like, that's just me.

Nobody else can see in that. No, no, I was certain that that was something we'd all pick up on. They should have leaned into it more. I feel like the actors decided on the side of like, let's make this a sex thing. They won't write it in the script. Yeah. It's funny because it's a blinker.

You'd miss it. Friendship. We're like, because like it's literally one scene where she like walks up to him. He walks up to her and they're like, we like each other. They like basically have to just say to each other how much they like each other. And I actually have the quote here that sets up all of Jason Statham's complicated feelings that he will reiterate later a couple of times in the movie. He says to her, as a little bit of setup, we open on this farm and

I forget the character's name, but Felicia Rashad is like an elderly woman living there, and he is the beekeeper slash Dalton. He's the Dalton living on her property. And he comes up to her and he says, I just want to thank you for putting up with me and all of my bees. I want that same conversation in like a high rise apartment. Yeah, running a studio. And the landlord would be like, I'm sorry, did you say bees? This is the first time hearing that.

I meant to say bees-ness. I'm sorry. But yeah, bees? This is the first time hearing that. I meant to say bees' nests. I'm sorry. But yeah, he's taking a hornet's nest out of the bee thing, which is a part of our bee metaphor. Sometimes there's a hornet's nest, and they'll kill the hive unless you take care of the hornet's nest. And then, I don't know why they show this, but he takes the paper bag of hornet

and this nest into the barn and kills it with this MacGyver fluorescent taser that he makes. He kills it with the taser. I don't know for that he makes? Kills it with a taser? I don't know for certain that's how you kill a hornet's nest. I've when I've done it, it's with a spray can and running, but... I was going to say a spray can will do it. But to kill them with a taser in a paper bag seems real weird. That actually seems like it won't kill them all.

Like that seems like a bad way to kill the hornets. But what do I know? I'm not a beekeeper. He's the expert. The air in a paper bag conducts electricity is the thing. And that gets them all. This also could have been foreshadowing and it's not. Like he doesn't electrocute anyone later, right? Nope. He doesn't do any MacGyver shit really. He makes a couple of traps, but for the most part he's just really good at punching And that's all there is to it. Yeah. Overall note for this movie is it makes offers.

It foreshadows and sets stuff up and then it refuses to pay them off in a defiant way. We'll get into it later. Kurt Wimmer has not had that revelation yet. Somewhere down the line, he's going to be watching like another movie and be like, wait a minute, that's the necklace from earlier. Things pay off? Well, holy shit. This has the vibe of Kurt Wimmer doesn't know that you can delete words

when writing a script. Yes. Nobody's ever asked him to. You just look into his eyes and you're like, this is fine, Kurt Wimmer. Yeah, he just goes. He just in one shot like it's one day he just sits down and he starts writing and then he finishes and he's like, that's it. That's the movie. That's how movies are made.

You can't you can't like undo that. And by his understanding, he's not wrong because people keep making. Oh, yeah. So Felicia Rashad, she's a signatory on a big charity and she gets a spam alert and she calls the number on the spam alert and we get the hackers. And this is Kurt Wimmer, like seem like he looked up scams or has been scammed because this is like five different scams all smashed into one.

That are like very real internet scams you've certainly heard of. Yeah, in a classic office, classic, this is what it was like in cracks, classic tech office. Yep, just a rave warehouse full of 80s business punks. Just huge floor to ceiling, multimillion dollar screens showing rad CGI from the lawnmower man. Every office has a circus Parker running it.

A scam DJ. Yeah. Yeah. Scam DJ is like, yo, we're evil over here. Hey, I want to. Can we just paint this real quick? He is an actual scam DJ. He is standing in the middle of the call center, this rave call center with a microphone, hyping the scam as it happens. Like, what, what, scamming.

It's amazing. We're doing scams. He literally has an air horn sound effect that he plays when the scam hits the beat drop. It's incredible. I love it so much. Cause the way they set that up, he's doing all the scams at once.

He's doing the refund scam and the fucking fishing scheme. And I think he's doing a Spanish prisoner. He's doing it all. And then the movie decides we don't get it. So then he almost turns to camera, the main barker, and he's like, okay, she's about to put in her super secret ultra password. And then we get everything she has. And then she puts it in her computer goes off and that's what we get the air horn. Yes. Skim, skim, skim. And so she's she's a dingy grandma.

She doesn't get computers. Yeah. She does know she's fucked. She I mean she knows she's fucked because and this is important. She gets a bunch of alerts fraud. Yes. Yes. And I just want to point out. Yeah. Like we get we know what

happened. Don't even worry about it. She's like, Yeah, don't blow your brains out over this or anything. You've been frauded. It's very simple. It happens a lot. We'll get through this. She kills herself over this. She just immediately like spins on her heel is like, well, it's suicide. Bam, kills herself while making dinner. And she's just like, you know what? I should just blow my brains out. She was going to kill herself anyway, right?

That's what I was thinking is like, I was waiting for the reveal where she just like, oh, she had a bunch of other things. Yeah. Like she was a stubbed toe away from suicide. If that's going to set her off. Right. Because this is one of the this is the first setup that isn't offered or isn't paid off because they're like, it's this charity, two million from a charity, she kills herself and I go, oh, okay, the charity is is dirty. Like they killed her or she knew she was so in danger that she

just killed herself. Something's up with this charity. Nope. No, she just killed herself. She's just got one hit point left and they took the last one. Jason Statham, he finds her at night. And so as a screenwriter, he's Kurt Wimmer's thinking, how do I get this beekeeper into into her house to like find her dead body? And so he's like, All right, bring her some night honey. He's bringing her a jar of night honey. That's a metaphor for them. Fuck it. Oh, yeah. He's bringing that night honey for her. And he's like,

oh, something's up. So he grabs a knife, and then a gun gets drawn on him. And it's Felicia Rashad's daughter, who's also an FBI agent. And so of course, here's a maniac in her house with a knife and a jar of honey. She's like, you killed my mom. Right. And again, to her credit, a British man in Springfield, Massachusetts, I'm just not buying it. Just not buying this guy walking around. You're there for murder and nothing else. Maybe honey. So then I guess that's like it. Like they kind of just cut away and they take care of all that off camera. You know how the FBI, when they get the wrong guy, they're like, ah, shit, we fucked up. You can go right now.

Yeah, a witness. They're like, it's fine, man. He probably has nothing to say. Yep, bye. He's free the next morning. He's having a drink with the daughter. And I wrote a quote down. Jason Statham says, it's hard getting old.

You used to be part of the family. You used to be part of the hive, you could say. He should have just turned to camera and said, hey, viewers, get fucking used to be part of the family. You used to be part of the hive, you could say. He should have just turned to Cameron and said, hey, viewers, get fucking used to this. Because a lot of this is gonna get tied back into hives and bees. I understand the world through bees. The world is bees.

Certainly the elderly are bees. We were saying that he's the main character. I don't really feel like he is. It's everybody around him being like, what are we going to do about this beekeeper? And as far as he like he is, he's a very simple man in this. Like, he seems a little touched, like all he kind of talks about is bees, and everything is through the lens of bees. And that's all he really knows. Like, for example, he says, stealing from an old person is terrible. They're left to face the hornets alone. Yep.

Hold on, the full quote is stealing from an elderly person is as bad as stealing from a child. And then he pauses and goes, no, it's worse. Yep. Somebody hurts a child, they have parents. You hurt an elderly person and no one cares. This is him talking directly to the only intended audience for this movie, which is really fearful racist boomers. Like that's-

Of course, who's been scammed over the phone. This is written exclusively. Like the scam thing, that's what a boomer thinks is behind every single phone call. The every, every point he turns in, like you'll notice every villain in this is like a different epitome of what a boomer thinks of as a young person.

Oh yeah. I don't want to skip ahead, but Josh Hutchinson literally skateboards into the scene in his first. Yeah, they're all just the kids. And this is just this is just for grandma. It's grandma's worst fear. It's grandma's movie. This is like if you inception inside a boomer's head, this is what the universe would look like. That's such a good way to describe this. It's new Death Wish, where it's like, oh, yeah, we need to make five of these, because it really is just like old people, like violence fulfillment of like, killing all these these young, like, hip kids doing all the

scams. It's beautiful. It is Jason Statham. Now he's like back on the job. He's like, okay, the FBI agent says, oh, she got cybercrimed. And he's like, tell me more about the cybercrime. Okay, I'm gonna kill all Oh, she got cybercrimed. And he's like, tell me more about the cybercrime. Okay, I'm gonna kill all those guys. So he goes to his hive and gets his beekeeper phone, which is in the fucking hive. He has to pull out the fucking plate of bees. And he calls up the beekeeper headquarters and it is like a 70s detective office with the ladies on a TRS 80. Like that, like it's all like what a boomer thinks

like a computer center might look like. Yeah. But a good guy one, not the evil one where they have actual technology. This is back when you had a Rolodex. Yes. Hard cut immediately to Jason Statham going to the headquarters of the scams with two cans of gasoline, just hopping out of his old pickup truck. And he's like to the two guards, he's oh hi there I'm gonna burn your fucking building down

What and then he insta-kos them thump they're gone. He goes up to the receptionist He's like hi tell all the non criminals here to get out. I'm gonna burn the fucking building down Did you notice what he does there? He walks up to the receptionist and she says you'll have to sign in and he goes Okay, and he signs it first You know, you know, he just drew a little bee. Yeah, he signed bees. He signed the word bees or drew a little bee. It's a very, I mean, again, it's a very old person thing to do.

It's like, you got to follow the rules, though. Oh, yeah, you do have to sign in. Like, they didn't pay that off for doing anything cool with that. It's just like, yes, you have to obey that. I hate how the children don't sign in anymore. Yeah. He walks right into the super hacker room and he just says, repeat after me.

I will never steal from the weak and vulnerable again. They all laugh like, what's this? So he punches Amanda death, just thump, thump, thump, thump, thump. He's dead, there's no question. And now they repeat it. And then he starts pouring gasoline all over them. And all these actors have to stand there

while they wait for Jason Statham to come down their row of desks and pour gasoline on them. And no one can make this look believable. So it's just the funniest fucking scene of people kind of wiggling in place while they wait for Jason Statham to douse them in gasoline. The main bad guy comes and he says, what are you doing? Jason Statham explains, I'm the beekeeper.

I protect the hive. Oh, of course. I know this. And then just Jackie Chan's through four guys. He's stapler uppercutting. He breaks a dude's neck with a laptop. He strangles one with the extremely flexible cord of a landline.

That guy sells getting strangled with the most flexible thing in the room. Yeah, that guy must've known he was going to die. He's like, I'm just going to fake being dead and hope this Jackie Chan maniac doesn't tell me. These are just the guards, right? These are a lot of people who are just kind of doing their job. And we'll get into it because there's other... It's not like this building is just this.

It's an office building. There's an optometrist probably next door. Well, he told the receptionist to tell him to leave. Oh, yeah. And I guess she did a really good job. She's fast. She's fast on the dial. No, but he's right in that these are just the security

guards for the building. And they're like, OK. And they're the he doesn't kill any of the other like scam artists. He's like, you guys can all go because you said you super promise not to do this anymore. He only kills innocent people. He only kills the least deserving people. They make a point. They actually say after he kills them, no, they were definitely dead. Those guys didn't make it out.

Yeah. I don't like all this moral objectivism. He, in the script, said to the guards, you know you're guarding the evil guys, right? And they're like, they made it clear. Yeah, we know, we're in on it. So like it's in the script. I think it's fair that he murdered the security guards. Fair enough. Again, this is for boomers. We're adding all these elements of thought and morality,

but it is good guys and bad guys. And the people in the movie will tell you when they're a bad guy. And an optometrist office, just saying. That office building. All right, fine. They got out. He sets up some charges and he's like,

next time someone calls in from one of your fucking phishing schemes, this goes off. And then your whole office explodes. And the bad guy's like, all right guys, get out of here. But like everyone's unconscious. So he just leaves him to die. Boom, the hall, the whole office building blows up. A hundred people at least dead.

It's the best movie. They do say in the next scene that only four people died. So again, like you have to trust what the movie tells you, but I think it's wrong about some of these details. Only the security guards died. There was at least 12 bodies on the floor, I think. Yeah, you see it like when he's setting the bomb, you can see these people just lying there.

And he's like, get out, everybody get out. And it's like those people aren't dead yet behind you. They're not getting out. No one's dragging them out. I love it. I love it so much. So I guess now we're at Josh Hutcherson and he's in the most tech bro office. There's like massages and meditation bowls and he's got a skateboard. Well, he goes through in order all of the things that boomers hate about the kids. Yes. Yeah. He skateboards in. He skateboards everywhere he goes, like like he's like he just doesn't have working feet outside of it.

He immediately orders a fancy coffee drink and then he skateboards over and orders a massage. And then he skateboards over and participates in some yoga. He must vape in this, right? Yes. OK. He must vape in this, right? Yes. Okay. He does vape. You see him at the end, the president's like, what is this?

And he's like, yeah, that's drugs. That's hard drugs for kids. Vape and heroin. So he's very clearly his role in this, as we will find out later. It's Hunter Biden. Yes. He's supposed to be Hunter Biden, but he's also very clearly the plague from hackers. Yes. And no other things.

Josh Hutchinson, you know, he knew exactly what he was like, what he was supposed to be in this and he's killing it. I love that we laughed at hackers in the late 90s is like, can you believe this is what old people think? And it's 20, 25. And we're like, they're still doing that exact guy. Yeah, they're still mad at skateboarding dudes. At skateboarding hackers? Who? Yeah, that's not a thing. Yeah, there's like 60 year old skateboarders now.

It's really funny that they're like these young kids and they're skateboards. So this has to be this is only 85 plus at this point. Yeah, it's not it's not just boomers. It's it's they're playing this in a nursing home. Yeah. And they're loving it. Oh yeah. He should have done those wheelie shoes.

Like they should have given him those. Yeah. That would have been better. Yeah. Jeremy Irons is in this. Yeah, that was a shocker. He's the former CIA director. Yeah.

It's for the boomers. Everybody loves Jeremy Irons in the nursing home. So he runs over to Jeremy Irons, who's playing this character real casual. Like he's just a bro. And he's like, how Jeremy Irons, this guy in a hat just killed four people and blew up my hacker center. He's like, fuck you, I got a racquetball game. Like he just, he doesn't care. I guess he's his fixer, but like, he is calling it in today. He calls it, he says, I don't care. Keep me a million miles away from your metaverse meth lab or whatever.

Like the most, again, another boomer stand in to just be like, I don't, here's some words I think of you. This is what I think of your shit. Enjoy your Nintendo. And then to leave. I thought he was gonna do something in this movie. Spoilers, he doesn't do anything. He doesn't do shit.

He is just exposition guy. He actively doesn't do shit. Like he will come into a scene and be like, hello, I'm Jeremy Irons. I'm not going to do anything. Listen to me, you all the other characters in this scene. I will do nothing. Goodbye. Goodbye. It's incredible. The first bad guy that Jason Statham punked out, left to die in a building. He escaped, of course, but now he's on his own. Jeremy Irons and Josh Hutcherson is like, dude, go take care of the beekeeper by yourself. Yeah. So he had absolutely no chance against Jason Statham. And now he has to

go up against him again. This is an insane deescalation of stakes because I don't think Kurt Wimmer, I think David was right, knows how to go back in backspace. No. So, Statham's back with his bees and the bad guys just drive up. They're like, he's probably not here, but this is where Felicia Rashad lives. Yeah, they're investigating their targets and they don't even know that she's the person who invoked this. Yeah.

And it's very funny because they're just like, this probably isn't. Oh, there he is. And that's it. He's just there. He immediately leads him into a workshop where he just turns on every single piece of equipment. All the miters, all the skillsaws. You're skipping a big moment. Oh, excuse me. A moment that, again, I thought was like, oh, shit's just getting real. They never pay this back up. Never pay it off. You're right. They assassinate his bees with right with shotguns.

Yeah, that's the best weapon to kill bees. It's so funny because like I was assuming what was going to happen was that they'd never even make it to him. He just find them all dead of bee stings because like they shotgun these beehives point blank practically and the bees just go, oh shit, scatter. Yeah, they're in hive swarm range for sure. That SUV should be completely filled with bees. Yeah, no windows are down. Especially the highly trained bees that Jason Statham raised. Those bees know karate. No one gets attacked by bees. And this is like one of those obvious moments where you're like, have them get attacked by the bees. Nope. Nope. Bees never see justice.

So the next scene is an Arkham Asylum tutorial level because Jason Statham just shows up, wrecks everybody. He like chokes one guy out with a shotgun to the mouth. He makes a man eat his shotgun like on screen. He's like, here, eat this. And the guy's like, I'm trying. Like on screen he's like, here, eat this. And the guy's like, I'm trying. He takes another guy's rifle, like disassembles it, gives him a tracheotomy with a barrel. And then he just insta appears behind the main bad guy, saws his fingers off, drops him in a wheelbarrow and leaves. It's awesome.

It's so good. And then back at the burning building, it's not going very well. Verona, Felicia Rashad's daughter, the FBI agent, she's upset one of the guys didn't confess to everything. So she gets real mad. building, it's not going very well. Verona, Felicia Rashad's daughter, the FBI agent, she's upset one of the guys didn't confess to everything. So she gets real mad. She goes, nice shirt. Did you steal it out of a casket, you dog fucker? Her partner's like, whoa, don't violate his civil rights, but he's serious. This is not a gag. He's like, you can't call

a witness a dog fucker or lead suspect. Right. But also he's the her partner. He figures out that maybe the beekeeper is the one killing everybody because they just heard about the farm fire for a what is apparently a guy who's been like Manchurian, candidated by the government to be a super secret assassin. He is not very secret. No, not even a little bit. He tells everyone who will listen, he keeps these.

Everybody knows. My favorite is the way they tell, the way he tells, the partner tells Verona, because he's low key my favorite character in this movie. I love him. His whole character is, I'm very tired and I don't want to be an FBI agent. Yes. And he has a family. This is another offer where they're showing like, look at him.

He has a family. And I'm like, oh, no, he's going to get killed. And that's going to be a big no, nothing. No, that's why he's tired, though. Yeah, that's that's why he has a family because he's very tired. And the way he explains that, like, there's there's been another fire. He goes, oh, you like fires, huh? And she's like, yeah, I guess I like this one.

He's like, that's good, because your mom's house is on fire. She's like, she goes, oh my God, what? And he goes, yeah, shit's on fire, let's go. Who is this actor? Because he is my favorite in this movie. He is legitimately funny, and they didn't give him funny lines.

He just is able to perform the line. Later when his guns on the ground, he just goes like, oh, I guess that's evidence now. He's so funny, because he's just seems like you said, very exhausted about the movie he's in. He does not want to, he's not happy in his job. At this point in the movie, they do a full repeat

because the guy now with no fingers calls, Josh Hutcherson back. He's like, guys, I keep getting beat up by this beekeeper. And then while he's on the phone, Jason Statham belts him to his truck and drives it off the bridge. This fucking guy dies screaming like a Marlin. He looks like a Muppet getting dragged off the stage by a hook like a stand up comedian Muppet.

It is the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. It is a great kill. It is. That's what I'm saying. This is a slasher movie, and that is a great kill. It is a that's what I'm saying. This is a slasher movie and that is a quality kill. It's amazing. I love that when he first realized when Jason Statham dragged him out of the truck, he says, What do you want? Do you want crypto? Do you want NFTs?

Yes. Like it's just the buzzwords that boomers hate. Those are the only things he offers him. Like he might as well have offered him skibbities. Do you want skibbities? Baby, I got robux, baby. This kill, because he's also he's on the phone with Josh Hutchinson. offered him skibbities. Do you want skibbities? Do you want it? Maybe I got robots, maybe. This kill, because he's also, he's on the phone with Josh Hutchinson.

So Josh Hutchinson is hearing like a winching sound of like a big strap. And then he just hears like, wah! And then he's gone. And he's gotta be like, what? Did you just throw him in a tornado? What the fuck happened to this man?

And what happened was he drives the car off, then yanks him out of the frame. I'm like, wow. It's a fucking joints murder. It is, God, it is such a funny murder. It is top- He's shot in the truck. Top-fun funniest murders.

It really is. It needs to be, it needs to be celebrated. You need a national holiday for this murder of this truck just pulling this guy into the water. It's the set that you win award for sound design to sound and like how they make it just Doppler away. Yeah, next year's Oscars. No, no other awards just award for this scene. That's it. Then we gotta go home. Best fatal yoink in a boomer movie. New award. Incredible. There's another wonderful boomer moment here when he's on the phone threatening,

because now he's got the phone and he's talking to Josh Hutchinson and he's threatening him. And he says, you sound young. You probably don't have a state planning. Like all the boomers in the audience must be like, woo, a state planning. Yeah. OK, here's what's great, though, is Josh Hutcherson goes, I'm 28. Why would I need that?

Now, in any other movie, that would be enough for him to find him. He's like, oh, 28. And this kind of an accent, I'm going to get my hackers on it. No, forget it. Forget all of that. It's just to set up the closer line when he says, why would I need that? And Jason Statham goes, I'm about to show you

why you should do proper estate planning. This is the moment that I was like, oh, this is a film. Josh Hutcherson now calls Jeremy Irons to tell him what's happening in the movie. The super maniac who keeps bees, keeps killing everybody. And Jeremy Irons like, holy shit. Did you say beekeeper? And it's like yes, he said it like 15 times now and he's like, oh you disturbed a beekeeper If a beekeeper says you're gonna die you're gonna die. So he's he's now figured out this is super secret society beekeeper Not just a regular maniac beekeeper

And he's like, oh you can't do anything about that. Sorry. I like that even Josh Hudson said at that point, it looks at him like, why the fuck do I care if he keeps bees? Because he'd never write. He has some resistance to explain. No, no, that's what we call the secret assassin. He insists. No, all beekeepers are very dangerous. No one really explains that. It's again, it's a John Wick sit, right? Where they just sort of throw us into this world that is presumably going to be important. Spoilers for that. And it they just keep saying, Oh

no, it's a beekeeper. And no one ever says like there. This is what we call agents to Josh Hutchinson. He has to like figure that out through context clues. But they're also beekeepers. Yes. And that's why it's confusing because you're like, wait, he is a literal beekeeper though. And they're like, yes, he is a literal beekeeper. Wait a minute. They all are. Yeah.

Jeremy Irons calls Josh Hutcherson's mom and they have a sexual past. Yes. And she offers him a million dollars a year to kill the beekeeper. And he's like, now, I got enough money. Don't worry about it. But you know what? For good times, I'll do it. I will take care of the beekeeper. He calls Mini Driver at the CIA and she's like, beekeeper. Oh, dude, you're fucked.

Nobody can kill a beekeeper. Mini Driver, who I'm pretty sure was just at a party and they showed up with a camera crew and said, can we shoot you real quick? Because she never leaves this party. Even throughout like long stretches of time, she's at this party. She was shot out in an evening. It's very clear.

This was a different movie. She is in a different movie where there is a party scene and it's this. And you can see the cameraman like trying to hide behind some curtains. Yeah. Between takes. Double booked it like a fucking threes company plot. She calls some people and learns that he's a retired beekeeper, which somehow makes it worse. Had pre-range though.

They call an active beekeeper to kill him and she's amazing. She's like a default Fortnite skin. Yeah, she's every young person. She's everything I hate about young people again. She came, if you've seen the, when they went undercover to Burning Man on Reno 911, if you have, you know what she looks like. She's like an old person's idea of someone at a rave. She just drives up to the gas station, and when she slams into his car, he's admiring a jar of honey, because that's the kind of movie this is. Just looking at it, like thinking, God damn, that's good honey.

This is another point in the movie, One of many points where I said, okay, I know what's I know what's up because I you know, I love screenwriting. So I'm always trying to like figure out the movie a little bit where I go like, okay, okay, I see. Because at this point, I was like, all right, this is the mini boss. This is the person. Right. We finally have like a movie where it's like, okay, this is the person who's going to kick

Statham Statham's ass, and he'll have to work up the ladder to like try to kill her in the end. Like, okay, we're gonna get we're gonna get that we figured it out the way john wick where they're like, we've called the new assassin, we're in the world. Okay, the beekeepers, the beekeepers are after him. Got it. Like, who can stop a beekeeper another beekeeper, right? We have a movie. So what happens? Okay, so she's got an M4 with a hundred round drum barrel on the side, which is triple unlimited

ammo in any movie and double that here. So she just saws a cop car in half with it. And then Jason Statham appears and whips her just senseless with a gas hose, sidekicks her into a truck. She has no fucking chance in this fight. So she pulls out a mini gun and I can't remember her exact catchphrase. I think, no, I remember, fuck you! And just sprays the world with a mini gun. But you remember that jar of honey that he was fondling

when she slammed into his car? He throws it at her head. She's like, what is this? Oh, I can't believe it's honey. Ugh, get it off, get it off. And then he burns her alive. Because honey is flammable. They're at a gas station and he throws a jar of honey.

A flammable of hot honey. Throws a jar of spicy honey at her. He bombs her with honey. That's how it happens. She looks at all the honey all over and it's like, what? And then he throws a match down and she bursts into flames. And she's gone. She's gone she's fucked gone

He takes her index finger cuts her index finger off with his pocket knife and leaves with it I like how different they are because Jason Statham is just a freight train taking no pleasure in his vengeance and she is partying She's like be keeping rules. Yeah, like those like those goddamn kids do Yeah, they have no respect for the way the old way we do things. They're all everything they're into is so overstimulating. This lady is introduced and killed within 10 minutes of the film. Oh, we're not spaces. It's like, yeah, it's like two and a half minutes like.

And then the beekeepers, the official mini driver calls back. Fucking Jeremy Irons, it goes, we can't do it. We're out of the. That was it. That was the one shot. Everybody says no. Goodbye. And they give up. Jeremy Irons is just like, what? I'm the guy that's calling you to say I won't do anything. You can't call the guy who says he won't do anything and tell him you're not doing it. The super CIA is just like, no, we can't do it.

So many people in this movie just call to say I'm not doing anything. It's like the super shredder showing up and going like, nah, I'm not into this. And it's like, oh, okay. I thought this was going to be, okay, I guess it's not a thing in the movie. They are never, Mini Driver is gone. He's never seen again. That was her role. Yep.

Why was this in the movie? I really think he wrote a 20 minute movie because the movie should have ended after he killed the first call center. Like that's a complete plot. Jason Statham has no arc. I think the daughter kind of has a character arc a little bit. But for the most part, this is just a revenge story for boomers. Jeremy Irons now, since he doesn't have any beekeepers to help, he has to hire his own mercenaries. And it's a downgrade. Like that's what's so funny about it is like you escalate up to like you look at the Bourne movies where they get other assassins and they're like, oh shit, other Bournes to

get them. That's the escalation. But we go we go to mini boss and then back down to henchmen back down to henchmen and Jeremy irons tells them, in no uncertain terms, hello, you're disposable goons. It's not going to work. Yeah, his speech to pump them all up is you're all going to die today. Before we get to that part of the speech,

he does explain the movie's metaphor to the mercenaries. He's like, listen, everybody, honeybees are sacred. No bees, no agriculture, no agriculture, no civilization. This metaphor you can stretch in any direction. They even have royalty like humans, as Jeremy Irons explains to these hired guns. So if anything's compromised, the hive collapses. So someone a long time ago decided they needed beekeepers

who are super soldiers who exist outside the system to keep the system safe. It's like, this is like a very high child trying to wrap his head around the status quo. Like Jeremy Irons is explaining to the mercenaries that there's a secret order of mega assassins who maintain the status quo. And it's B. Yes, they're very B themed.

They're like like a cobra faction you haven't heard about called Bees. Yeah, they're like the overseeing lords of America, where it's like if they don't like the president, apparently, they're going to bee keep them. No, he specifically says if the queen bee has a rotten son, like that's very specifically said. If they have a deformed male offspring, they might kill the queen. So it's like I monitor society to determine if there is a female president. If she has a shitty son, I get the killer.

That's the metaphor. You're getting it. You're getting it. So one of the mercenary guys, he's like, Jeremy Irons, can't someone just call this guy and tell him to stand down? And Jeremy Irons is like, no, you fucking dumb ass. Are you not listening? He's a bee. Bees keep working until they die. But he's also the keeper. Yes, he's also the keeper. Kurt, when were you fucked up? The first time the first time in history. First fucker. I had this note too, which is like, if he's like, oh, sometimes the bees kill the queen. It's like, but you're the beekeeper. So it's not your job. You're

just here to supervise it. He's beekeeper and a queen slayer, which is a type of bee. So Jeremy Irons, when he says they work until they die, he's like, right, cool, like us mercenaries, he's basically one of us. And Jeremy Irons says, and I quote, No, he's not like you. You're pussies. I left some of it out. But he does say the word. He says you're all pussies.

Imagine Jeremy Irons saying that to you. I'm glad we got that on record before Jeremy Irons passes away. So we can have a soundboard of him somewhere. You're pussies. He totally tells them, you're all going to die. Maybe if all of you attack him at once, you fucking Not but yeah, he's gonna kill his way to the top of the hive like a bee. That's what he's going to do And you cut they cut to the FBI and they're also talking about bees Because they found a bee handbook on the dead beekeepers in the

90% of the dialogue in this movie is It's all about bees. It's all about bees. People aren't going to get the metaphor unless I explain it. So the FBI agents, they explain that some bees are queen slayers who they'll rise up and kill the queen if she fails to produce the right male offspring. So remember that, remember that detail for later in the movie. What's wild is everybody talks about bees constantly and yet I feel like I didn't learn anything about bees at the same

time. I looked up any of this, it would be wrong. Yeah. And they kind of just repeat the same shit too. So it's just- Like parts of it would be right, but never all of them at the same time. Yeah, that's a Kurt Wimmer film, baby. Yeah, like I don't think he read it. I think maybe Wikipedia, maybe for this. Yeah, best. Yeah.

I think it's a half-remembered nature special. He watched when he was a kid. So Jason said that he drives to the Beekeeper base and he uses the index finger to get in. It's completely unattended. He just grabs all the stuff. He gears up with some Kevlar cords and flashbangs. He dot matrix prints some coordinates because their computers are real fucking old.

And... You can't even have a modern printer. That makes you one of the goddamn kids. Yeah, that makes the old scared and confused. Inkjet? No, thank you. At the FBI, they get visited by the deputy director. And they're like, Oh, yeah, this guy's a beekeeper. He keeps killing everybody. The deputy director is like, What? Oh, nothing. I wasn't surprised by that. I don't know what a beekeeper could be. That doesn't mean anything to me. So he says, you guys can have anything you want to stop him.

But he knows it's useless. He knows what a beekeeper is. They go to another super hack center, which is the beekeeper's next target. And it is like a prime time game show. Like it's the it's that Chris Hardwick game show where they play Plinko. It felt like this guy, because he saw it's like he saw the scenes of the other scam DJ and was like, oh, I can outdo that guy. Yeah, you gotta, you gotta be even hipper. It's in another rave space, more cyberpunk lighting, more huge million dollar screens.

But this time there's video game power up graphics each time they scam someone. Yes. And it's over video feeds of smiling innocent boomers. With like dollar signs on them. We took this ass over $38,411. Custom little power up graphics. And then they made the scam MC is wearing an internet suit that just has goats all over it with the word goat right next to it. Because they heard somebody say goat once and they're like, oh, that's for the fucking kids. He's wearing like that free money guy

with the question mark suit. Like he's wearing like a Batman villain suit. And he's standing on a stage made out of screens and what are those screens playing? Bikini babes dancing. Yep. And he's just like, hey, I'm a scum band. Again, this is a call center.

This is what a boomer thinks is on the other side of every phone call. They don't recognize. By the way, I have worked at a call center. Yeah, I wish if it was like this, I would have never left that job. It was the worst job of my life. Instead of like the basement of a strip mall. Yeah, it was awful. I just like the idea of a boomer calling in

and saying like, hey, my computer's broken. And then hearing in the background like, yeah, scammed another one, fuck the old people. It's just air horns. Excuse me, were those scam air horns? No, no, no, that was a bo- Oh, you're- No, no, no.

The FBI shows up because they know the beekeeper is gonna be here and the mercenaries are like, go away FBI. And the FBI is like, oh, God damn it, okay okay and then the mercenaries go up to the call center and the call center guys like oh look a fucking invading army how about you fucking suck my nuts get out of here! The people there to protect him they're like BOOOOO! Fuck you protectors!

They kick him out and they taunt them yeah get out get out of here, little well-armed mercenary fools. Fuck you. This is the part where like Jason Statham, I think Jason Statham realizes at this part in the movie, oh, wait, I have God mode turned on. I forgot. I forgot I put that cheat code in because his plan is he wanders up to the army guys besieging the building and is like, hey, I'm Jason Statham. I'm gonna kill you. Yeah.

Hello, everybody. I'm not really into it anymore. Yeah. He's like, there's no back entrance. The only way in is to beat all you guys up. I'm sure you understand. No one tells the mercenaries that downstairs a man just steamrolled the FBI. That is not information they get.

He's already teleported upstairs. This is the funniest cut of the movie. Cause when they're like, get out of here protectors, they leave, everybody's clapping and they cut to the crowd and Jason Statham's just there. Just in the crowd. With them. He's been there all alone.

So funny. And to be clear, he didn't take them out like stealth mode. He grabbed their own guns and shot them in the body armor to disable them. Yes. And then teleported to the top. I mean, it's a very old person thing. He's not going to kill cops because old people

don't like that. Exactly. Yeah, but he will kill mercenaries. Very interesting. Oh my god, yes. So Jason Statham is now in the room, and all the mercenaries have a gun on him. And there's another brilliant plan by him.

He he says, shoot this guy and then sprints across the room while 20 special forces guys shoot him with a machine gun. He just hopes they miss. They do. They miss. He goes up to a ceiling and does like a Batman vertical take down. It just like drops a little lariat down around a guy's neck through like a fucking light panel. It is totally Arkham Asylum. You're right. He jumps out of vents everywhere. Yes, he's jumping out of vents, hiding behind gargoyles. He grabs the main guy's gun and shoots

six of his own guys with it. And then he like lets him go to take out his tomahawk to be like, okay, take out your little tomahawk, it'll be a fair fight. Knocks him out fucking instantly with a fire hydrant. Just no one can land a shot on this guy. Not a single one. Not an exaggeration. Not a shot has been landed on. There's a detail we left out of this is that he also is a MacGyver. He does not like guns. Every gun he holds, he disassembles like he always if the guns in his hands,

his hands just automatically disassemble the gun while he's talking. Yeah, he'll shoot a few guys in the body armor and then he's like, no, no guns. No guns, yeah. But it's not like MacGyver where he's against killing. It's like, I just like to kill you in a different way. Yeah, he's an expert with guns. We see later he does a lot of shooting in the final scene. Batman's a really good analogy in that both Batman and him are two people who look

extremely noisy, who are somehow stealth, where it's like, I never believe it when Batman's an event. I'm like, that's a man in body armor in event. You're going to hear that like, you know, 10 blocks away of him clanking around. You can't put a soccer hooligan in an event. Yeah. They hate that. Statham is one of those men who is impossibly flexible, where it's like he is flexible. He you know, you watch Transporter and you're like, that guy can move. But he doesn't look like a man who could move. And that's a terrifying thing. How many Stathams are out there just walking around?

It's like watching. It's like if you saw Russell Crowe do a backflip, it'd be like, I did not know that man could make that movement with his body. I think Russell Crowe is getting the better end of that comparison. But I see your point. Yeah. Outside that one of the FBI guys has figured out what's going on. He's like, nobody can do what this man has done. This is obviously the main character in a crank movie. We can't fucking hurt this guy. Yeah.

So almost every single bad guy now knows that the main guy can't lose, which is great. I love it. There's a scene here where he goes up into an elevator and just hides on the side and all the bad guys go in and shoot up to kill him and he's like, hey guys, you missed. He's just fucking with him. And then he explodes the elevator and this is a final destination scene. We're talking about it like it's a slasher, but the elevator comes down and bisects one of the fucking mercenaries.

And then he has it rigged. So like there's a rope like in the hallway that like snaps with the. You get what I'm saying. It like pulls all the guys down into the elevator shaft. Yeah, they get away and he's like, oh, no, no, you're dying today. Yeah, it's all attached on a big old lasso. Yeah, we're making some widows today, motherfuckers. This is murderers mousetrap.

And it drops them down to the bottom floor where the FBI is standing. So just basically he drops like this pile of corpses exploding in front of the FBI. And then he goes back to the call center and tortures the headhacker with a stapler, like so casual, like he's playing it like he's painting a fence.

He's just like, slapity, slapity,ppity he's so bored with it like he wants information right yes he wants to know the next guy up he's like I'm I've killed everybody I just need to know the next guy to kill he shows him a picture of Alicia Rashad on a rocking chair I don't think he knows who this person is also it's weird that he has this she's given real bedroom eyes I don't want to see the rest of that photo roll. You know what? I kind of do.

Yeah. I wouldn't say no. Yeah. I want to sell that scene a little bit more. If you insert the words, ba ba ba ba ba ba ba, every time he hits him with the stapler, you would get the torture scene.

Like he's just fucking around with it. He's playing it like Nicholas Cage. It's really very strange. So the hacker shows him a picture. He's like, Oh, they'll kill me. But this is the guy you need to kill next. He shows him a picture of Josh Hutcherson. And he's we don't know who this is, like, as a viewer, we just know he's a rich dickhead. And he's like, Yes, he he's untouchable. And Jason Statham is like, untouchable.

No, no one's untouchable. So he explains that sometimes when the hive's out of balance, you have to replace the queen. Now you wanna remember that. Yeah, I don't think I get it. It's part of the metaphor. It's just an important detail. Oh, there's a weird part here I wanted to talk about

because we all like Verona's partner, the Iranian guy, I think he was in Bright, I think he was in the other David Ayer movie. Jason Statham just flattens him on the way out. Disassembles his gun. Just disassembles his gun. And he's like, hey, I have four kids. And Jason Statham goes, yeah, I know, three boys and a girl.

And I'm like, what, he's a child wizard now? Because he had to break into a beekeeper armory to Google data centers in Boston earlier. And now he just knows everything about this guy? That's one of the most disturbing moments, because that guy, that's going gonna stay with him to the grave where he's like, why do you know my kids? Why do you know my kids, fucker?

Just kill me. It's never explained, it's never paid off. You're like, oh, did he do research? No, we explicitly know he did not do research. I'm a child wizard. You should rephrase that, you're right. I wanted it to be like a Mrs. Doubtfire situation where he goes home and his wife is just clearly Jason Statham in drag.

And that's the reveal is like he was living the second life or something. He's like, I made you honey for dinner. Oh, that's a weird thing for dinner. Looks at it's all of his all of his kids are Jason Statham. Little British, little British accents, surly little British men. Just do a Batman takedowns from the gargoyles. So Jeremy Irons tells Josh Hutcherson, he's like, OK, everybody's dead. Like FBI and mercenaries, everybody's fucking dead.

Nobody had a chance. I tried to explain. No one listened. So now he says you should call your mother. And he does. And we learn one hour and 15 minutes into this movie, she's the president. Like, yep. And when we say we learn like the movie knows, it goes, wow, the president. It's the fucking best. It's kind of obvious for at least the last 20 minutes, even as a first time viewer. But like, at the first time watching it, I just assumed she was the president from earlier. And here when they reveal it, I just assumed she was the president from earlier.

And here when they reveal it, I was like, that's so funny that that's a reveal. I watched this alone first, and then I watched it a second time in a group setting. And that setting, when like you said, the first 20 minutes, he does a terrorism, he blows up a building, you kind of go like, where the fuck is this going to go? And I remember someone saying, like, is this is he going to like take down the White House at this rate? And the answer is yes. At that rate, he will, in fact, although they can't afford the White House, so they do like a beach house. But it's fine. It's fine.

I just love that it retroactively makes sense for you. Like, oh, my God. And that means the kid is Hunter Biden. Everything I a boomer hate about the kids. It's so it's so funny because the movie is like, you know, that kid, Hunter Biden. Everything I, a boomer, hate about the kids. It's so funny because the movie's like, you know that kid Hunter Biden? He's like what, 60 Hunter Biden? Right. Like I love that they're looking at like

that youth Hunter Biden. That fucking kid with his drugs and his dick. Laptops, yeah. I wanna talk about the metaphor, the masterful metaphor here, because remember, sometimes the Queen Slayer will kill the Queen. Who is a kind of president?

Right. Now- Is that like in this movie? It's complicated. You gotta hear this. So listen, earlier they mentioned how the Queen Slayer would kill the Queen who produces the wrong kind of male offspring,

which, my God, corresponds to the president's male offspring in this movie. Oh my God. Do you see how they connected? It's a metaphor. So he's the bee? Yes. And the keeper.

Oh my God. It's just so fucking deep. It is. Because are we all bees and keepers? Is that what all of us have the potential to be a beekeeper? Is that what they're saying? We're all both the bee and keeper. Holy shit.

The idea is he's a citizen, right? He's now a citizen. So this is he is a bee. You're right. He is a bee. He's just he's not actually a beekeeper. He was a beekeeper. And now he's a bee. Is killing a man with a stapler like voting?

Is it voter apathy again? That's like a sting. It's like his stinger. It's a stinger. Yeah. Damn it, Kurt Wimmer? That's like a sting. It's like his stinger. It's a stinger, yeah. Damn it, Kurt Wimmer. I love you so much. I'm so glad this came out before the election. This is going to turn the election.

This is a big, this is an important film this year, politically. There's a scene here I really like where they're trying to like lay it out. Like this is a real big political scandal because the president's campaign was funded by Josh Hutcherson's tech company, which is also the FBI. Yes, the FBI also uses this software to like, do vote voter detection or something like data, data driven analytics. He explains it perfectly in a quote. He says, I taught CIA software to hunt money instead of terrorists. Right, right. In their kid, their confession argument. But I think what's so funny is in the movie, they're like, oh, geez, we

got to keep this under wraps. But like, if this happened, it would be both very obvious and also kind of happens all the time. Like, oh, a very unethical tech company put a terrible person in office like that happens every day. And this movie acts like if it did, somebody would do something about it. And I just, I feel like 70% of the media would immediately move to protect that. If there's a director's cut and he showed that scene, you know, it would be done by Josh Hutchinson walking in and deleting the word terrorists at the end of a sentence and writing money instead.

Dun, dun, dun. That's, that's how you computer. Boomer horror that this is actually taking money away from terrorism and putting it back into like scamming. Right. Like that's the double. That's the double evil. It really is that boomer because it goes all the way in the election fraud stuff where they're like, they're doing stuff with computers.

They're screwing us with computers. I don't know what it is. That's why. I don't want to know what it is. I just want Jason Statham to stop him. So this can't be right, but my notes say that now Verona explains to the Deputy Director of the FBI that there's a bee called the Queen Slayer in beehives and that will rise up and kill the Queen if she produces defective offspring.

Male offspring. I don't know why she would explain that. She further explains to the Deputy Director of the FBI that the beatkeeper believes that the president's son is that defective offspring of a queen. I'm just worried that the listeners aren't getting it because Kurt Wimmer was really worried that the viewers weren't getting it. Yeah.

That is so clearly, very, very, very clearly what Kurt Wimmer wrote down on a napkin in the middle of the night is like that one sentence that he keeps repeating. That's why he wrote the movie So now the deputy director is like, okay, the keeper is gonna kill the president You have a blank check to protect the president But Jeremy Irons independent of them has also decided to protect the president and her son So they're holding a presidential garden party and it's just crawling with Secret Service, but it's also crawling with Jeremy Irons mercenaries.

So he in fact is giving the orders. So he's like, tell the president to send the Secret Service to the kitchen. I'm going to replace him with my Far Cry mini bosses. Speaking of, there's a South African super mercenary with a prosthetic leg. He lost it killing a beekeeper. He's like the only guy to ever do that. And why wasn't he the first villain? Like we introduced him at the zero hour here of like, by the way, this guy's tough. And it's like, I don't know this guy. You know, you noted that the FBI has a blank check. That results in maybe five agents. Like there is. Yeah, there are no agents here.

He tells Verona you guys have a blank check. Two of those five agents are them. They're like, Okay, well, we'll show up. Yeah, she shows up in a brand new Lamborghini. Check, baby. Yeah, I like how our partner like gets through the Secret Service as he gets out of the car. And he holds his wallet open goes Federal Bureau something or other, whatever. We're good. Yeah, walks right past. secret service is he gets out of the car and he holds his wallet and goes federal bureau something or other. Whatever. We're good. Yeah. Walks right past. Yeah. And these agents are told someone's going to kill the president today is like, yeah,

that's probably fine. Federal Bureau. We're not going to like search their names. You get it. Scan any IDs. Now we got it. So Jason Statham easily infiltrates this party. He takes a tunnel to a manhole, manhole to a skateboard, skateboard to the bottom of a truck, gator choke guard mangle, replace the guard. Nothing to it. He just walks right in and is funny.

Malacava. Because the Secret Service again, they know the president is in peril today. And they're like, do we need anything with this like manhole that goes right out into a tunnel to the ocean? To this open unguarded area now that no, why would he go through that? That's weird. I would eat now We didn't know what you don't want to get wet. Yeah, he's a bee Bees don't like water bees don't like water exactly So Josh is doing cocaine in the president's office and his mom comes in

I'm just gonna say something this is very similar to the note I had about Felicia Rashad and Jason Stason. They're flirting with each other, right? Yep. They have great chemistry, great sexual chemistry. Not the way they thought they would. Like, I think maybe they were cast independently and then they got together and Sparks couldn't help but fly. Yeah. Yeah. Just like, fuck. I want another movie about their like love life. They don't have to play the same character. That's Harold and Maude. just like, fuck. I want another movie about their love life.

They don't have to play the same characters. That's Harold and Maud. Give me that reboot. Yeah. Give me Harry and Minnie over here. Josh Hodgson, my daughter loves hunger games, especially the part where you take your shirt off. Like this.

Rawr rawr rawr. Action. Oh, Jesus. Jesus. So the mercenaries show up, and they're just fucking awesome. Just rowdy GI Joe characters to protect a presidential garden party. And I know how that sounds, but it's weirder and dumber

than you're imagining. It's so funny because there's no press here or anything. But it's like, if there were, there'd be just constant, like, why there like rave dudes at this? One of them is dressed as a skeleton. A neon skeleton. And they're just hanging out with the Secret Service and the President. There's a fedora one, there's a leather cowboy hat one. That's just every like thing you might hate about young people, but could not be bothered to look up.

Yeah. Imagine if Biden was giving a speech and had one of these fuckers just standing behind him. We would never stop wondering. Who's the neon skeleton? Oh, I'm Zartan. These are my friends, Tomax and Zaymott. We're here to protect the president's garden party. Holy shit. So the party itself has like modern juggling and wire dancers.

It's like a Burning Man financier party. It reminds me, this is a weird reference, but in Star Trek, and specifically Deep Space Nine, anytime they need a party, they usually just get contact jugglers and just have them scattered throughout. Yes. And they're like, see, it's a party.

Yeah, it's a party. It's a Star Trek party. I think I saw a Devo hat. Like, there's a lot of hair dye. Yeah. I want to say that the set designer was told, make it look like an expensive party, and they were allowed no follow-up questions. So there's men in suits.

There's the fucking president. There's the entirety of Cobra's lie lieutenants, and then just a bunch of Burning Man extras. And again, at this point, they're like a beacon burst after the president. That's like a final destination. It's like death. And they're like, let's have a party. A lot of open windows.

A lot of strangers. Last strangers. Let's make it like a masquerade party. Fuck it. Let's have some masks. Like it felt like they were just leaning into it of like, yeah, let's get this president killed. Fuck it. To make matters worse, there's a guy at the party that looks exactly like Jason Statham. That's the funniest fucking thing in the world. Because there are kind of a lot of guys. Sure.

Yeah, but he's got the same facial hair. Same suit. Everything. I believe that's literally a Spaceballs gag. Yes, it's his stunt man, you're right. Yeah, so Jason Statham, he emerges from behind a magician to nod at the FBI. He's like, hey, I'm here at the party. They're like, oh shit, there he is.

And then they like pull a bunch of guns on the guy that looks like him. I don't know if this was part of Jason Statham's plan or just the Spaceballs joke. I like to think maybe he was at the party, he saw that guy and he was like, what are the odds? All right, I have to do something with this. Yeah, it does not help his plan. He's right outside He lets all the maniacs pull guns on him. Yeah, this is his plan

I guess and it's not a great plan because sure enough the South African guys like well I'm just gonna shoot him in the head and the FBI's like hey You can't just murder him in front of all these people and he's like in the president's house Yes in the president's house I'm gonna commit this murder and he gets the nod from Jeremy Irons and then this is one of those moments where it's like, in the president's house. Yes. In the president's house, I'm going to commit this murder. And he gets the nod from Jeremy Irons. And this is one of those moments where it's like all he has to do is kill him. Jason Statham plan will go wrong if all he he talks for like a minute. And it's like, just pull the trigger, man.

And I'm imagining it on the news where they're like a man was shot at the president's house and they show the man the killer and it's this guy. And again, we'd have so many questions of like, what was happening? A 90s pro wrestler was seen massacring a guest at the president's garden party, a beekeeper. So since he's a beekeeper, the guy says to be or not to be. Isn't that the bloody question? Now, the sub I had the subtitles on so I want to make it clear that this is be like the bug. Not like the Shakespeare

quote. Don't you dare don't you fucking dare think it's not. I think he says that I think he sees he carries that he to be or not be he makes it extremely clear that that's what he's doing. And then Jason Statham's like, I choose to be. He doesn't really like end the line very well, but he does explode like a car bomb behind him and then kills every single elaborately costumed mercenary, just like grabs the handgun. Pop, pop, pop every single guy in the face, including the South African guy. But he's fine. He's just grouchy about the hole in his cheek.

He absolutely got shot in the head. He's fine though. He's pissed off, but he's fine. It's incredible. And then he just walks right through the last of the mercenaries and secret service guys. He's just like nothing even slows him down. And then they cut to the president in the office with their son and the deputy director of FBI. And they're doing storytelling, but fucking why? Who cares?

We are deep into the climax of the scene and they're like, yeah, right, but like maybe we need to explain the plot some more. Yeah, they're trying to do that. Fight confession, where they're arguing, confessing, and they're just saying like, yeah, no, I did these scams to pay for and the FBI guy is there They're like you didn't hear any of this and I'm like, I'm pretty certain and Here's the thing is that what again my mind is going? Okay, I see what they're doing. They're confessing It's sweaty as hell, but they're confessing so that when Statham wins the FBI guy will be like I didn't see anything

You go off beekeeper No FBI guy will be like, I didn't see anything. You go off beekeeper. No, the FBI guy gets killed by Josh Hutchinson. No one hears the confession. So that by the end of this movie, Statham is just a maniac who tried to kill the president, no one will ever learn that. I guess the president for some reason is like, I'm going to confess. I'm going to tell America I have decided I'm going to be an Aaron Sorkin character and I'm going to confess to everything because I believe in this

country suddenly. Well, the reason is so that it can be entirely Hunter Biden's fault. Like that's that's Kurt Wimmer saying, hold on at the last minute, I'm going to both sides it and be like, no, no, all of the president's rule. It's only Hunter Biden who sucks. It's only the kids. She does explicitly say I am I do not want to do bad things. I did not know all of these bad things were happening. I want to help the world. I tried to break up the company to help others. Like it's she's Yeah, she's all cartoon. It's almost seemed

sarcastic. She's so cartoonish Lee benevolent for the record state them. It doesn't hear any of this. Nope. He doesn't know that she is like she has nothing to do with it. Yeah, we're just missing the good part while this shit is happening. Yeah, we know. It's one of those things where like if the audience says it's good enough, but it's like no other characters need to know certain things in order to make decisions.

No, other characters need to know certain things in order to make decisions. So this next part I really, really like because Statham is maim killing his way through. Like if it's a mercenary, you can tell because they have like a funny outfit on. He murders them. And then if it's a Secret Service agent, he'll just maim them. And he'd like goes back and forth. And it's kind of awesome. Like it is a really well choreographed, awesome fight scene. And he goes back and forth. And it's kind of awesome. It is kind of awesome.

It's a really well-choreographed, awesome fight scene. I don't know if we've made it clear that the fights are really good in this movie. So I take issue with your use of the word fight. Because I would argue the only fight that happens is about to happen. Yeah, there's one.

And that is the only actual fight. Yeah, the rest of the movie, I would argue, are assaults. They're really good war times that he has memorized. An ocean of violence tearing helpless people into the depths. Yes. But we do finally get a fight. Yes. And it's fucking awesome. He gets greeted with a fucking South African brass knuckles punched to the face. And this dude is just a beast.

He's way stronger. He's just shoving Jason Statham around. Then Jason Statham spits up some blood and then comes back up with a shard of glass to the gunshot wound to the face. And all it does is make this guy tougher. He's like, you just that's the reverse weak spot, buddy. I'm hulking out now. Just to let you all know, this is where I was peeking on those mushrooms and I saw God. This is this is going to shape the rest of my life. How could it not?

Is it is it specifically the scene where he stabs the South African guy after knocking his leg off and then starts dragging a one legged man around so the one legged man has to hop to keep up with the knife. Where the fight becomes an assault. Yes. He fucking, he kicks his leg off, takes his brass knuckles off of his hand, stabs him in the heart, drags him by the heart. So that he has to hop. Yes. And then he slash slash slash collarbone stab, brass knuckle uppercut. I still wasn't sure this guy was dead. I'm like, this guy's going to do a die hard reappear. The brass knuckle, by the way, is he when he gets the guy on his knees and his fist like loosens and the brass knuckles, they do the shot

and they kind of slip off of his hand right onto Jason Statham. Yeah, it's like that. It's a little erotic. It's a little like, yeah, if the president and her son had that moment, I'd be powerful. Remember, Jerry Irons is in this. So as Jason Statham is done killing everybody, he runs into Jeremy Irons and Jeremy Irons is like, hey, maybe don't do this.

I don't think you should go kill the president's son, or maybe the president if that's what you're going to do. And so he's like, I'm not going to let you do it. He stands in the way of the breach charge. And Jason just snaps his fingers and throws him in the trash. It's just like snaps his fingers and throws him in the trash. It's just like. He's set up as like at least the secondary antagonist in his final moment of saying, hey, please, please. I was so hoping it would be Jeremy Irons in the hallway and he just like takes

off his shirt and he's red. Right. And he's like, let's fucking do this. Yeah. But no, no, he just he just bends his hand awkwardly. And he's like, oh, it's just a very, very, very, very, very, oh, and so now the climax of the movie, Jason Statham explodes into the

office after the deputy director of the FBI gets murdered by Josh Hutchinson. Josh Hutchinson takes his mom, the president of the United States as a human shield. So he is mother that he seems to love. Honestly, he seems to have a human shield. So he- His mother that he seems to love, honestly, he seems to have a good relationship. He wants to fuck her, it's clear. Yep, they love each other. And he has her at gunpoint.

And now here comes Verona, the FBI agent, and she has Jason Statham at gunpoint. He says, do you work for the law or for justice? And so Josh Hutchinson knows how compelling an argument that seems like, oh, goddamn, and I'm gonna lose. So he hatches a new scheme. He's going to murder his mother. He puts the gun to his mom's head. I don't know. I seriously I don't know what the fuck he's planning here. But he's going to execute the President of the United States to get out of this sticky

situation somehow. Somehow that equals. He says like, fuck it. Bye, mom. And so Jason Statham, quick draw headshot. Josh is dead. Then he jumps out the window. Verona decides not to shoot him because she's decided she works for justice. That's the character arc of the movie is the side character learns that maybe there's like a gray area to the law. Right. And Jason Statham doesn't kill the president after all for some reason.

Yep. Well, she's a good guy. She revealed that she's actually- In't kill the president after all for some reason. Yep. Well, she's a good guy. She revealed that she's actually- In the scene that he wasn't there for, but yes. But he does. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All bees know when the queen is actually good and it's their offspring that's foul. By beekeeper law.

You think, okay, this is a great way to end the movie, just vanishes into the shadows. No, no, no, no. We got just one more little beat to do. He got some scuba gear out of the sand. We watch him put on the whole scuba gear outfit. No one's out there. No Secret Service. Nothing. He's had that backpack out there. It's where he started. I'm pretty sure where that like sewer was. Absolutely nobody looks cool walking down to the water in gigantic swim fins.

You can't help but look like a drunk penguin. And that's the last scene of the movie. It's just waddling. They have to show that he swims away just like a bee. Just like a bee swims away. Turning to the ocean as all bees do. Like seriously, I was waiting for him to put on a jet pack in this scene or something. Like put on a little striped shirt and jet pack and be like, I'm a bee. No.

What if he disappeared into a crowd, just another drone? He should have just walked down a hexagon shaped tunnel into like a bright light. Like that, what am I, a fucking genius? I just came up with that. But instead we watch him like penguin walk into the ocean while we cut back to a bunch of confused secret service agents just like wandering the beach like, hey, where is he boss? Where'd he go? The end like cut like what it pans up a little and a bee does fly by because at the last minute because he can't hit delete he thought, oh, it should end on like a bee symbolism. I didn't even fucking notice that I just I just you might have been high. I don't think that happened.

You might have been high. I don't think that happened. It did. It did. I think he just wrote the letter B at the end and trusted the director to fill it in. Because I think it's like he can't hit backspace. He's like, I should have had a B ending. I'll just have a B flyover. And that's it. Credits. Good enough. It's blinker. You miss it.

I'm handsome enough to write that. Buzz is buying away where I'm like, I'm not even sure if that was added in post. Like that looks legit. Looked like maybe they released a bee for the last shot. I don't know. Trained bee. Bee might have just flown by as though to bless the movie with its presence. Did you check the credits for a bee wrangler?

I guess there would have had to been one anyway. There is. There is a credited beekeeper in the credits who's the real hero. And it's Jason fucking Statham. Ja! The craft is in the trap, it's not without Send it to the dog zone for an hour Come on, you know the number 1-9-HUNDER 1-9-HUNDER-FREYKFURTH 1-9-NEW-NEW-NEW-NEW-NEW

1-9-HUNDER-FREYKFURTH 1-9-HUNDER 1-9-HUNDER-FREYKFURTH 1-9-NEW-NEW-NEW-NEW-NEW-NEW Ja! 9000! Einstein, Hude, Frankfurt! Einstein, you know you knew it! Yah! 9000! As children, they were lost to the wilds of Florida when their parents' yachts were exploded by Skeletor. Raised by wolves, they must now re-enter society with only the help of a manimal, a little person toy genius, and Hulk Hogan on a sentient

speedboat, they are the Supremes. Aaron Crosston, Adrian H, Aiden Moak, Alex Nolenberg, all raised by wolves, Alpha Scientist Jabo, Hun Andy, Armando Nava was raised by wolves. Rich Wolves Bim Talzin Brandon Garlok Brian Saler Burrito All wolf kids, everyone. Serol Chase Cheddar Wolf is one of the wolves who keeps raising these damn kids. Clementine Danger Common Sense was orphaned by a Skeletor and

has vowed revenge on all skeletons. ALL. SKELETONS. Craig Lemoine Quavis Dan B was raised by sentient speedboats who have sadly passed. Vroom vroom Dan B! That means I'm sorry for your loss in speedboat. Daniel Sloan.

Devin the Rogue Supreme. David Shull. Dean Costello was raised by wolves, and violently destroys all clothing. Unless it's from his natural prey animal. The silkworm. Delta Foxtrot. Doug Redmond is raising wolves, that's... Get outta here, Doug Redmond.

Drayson. Dusty's rad title. Eric Rion. Every Zig was raised by coyotes and is frequently a victim of wolf racism. Fancy Shark. Gareth is a little toy genius. For the government. Nice try, narc genius. Get outta here. Jell-o-ho. Good Satan and his Hot Witches. Greg Cunningham. Hambone. Haraka. All Feral Wolf children. It's a real societal problem. Harvey Penguini. Honk. Javer Al-Avin is howling. It sounds sad. Wait, that's not sadness. It's party. It's party, Wolf, everybody! James Boyd. Jared Mountainman. Jeff Araski. Jim Salter was

raised by snakes. Watch him slither Yeah John D John McCann John Minkoff Joseph serves pretty much the whole J section all wolf kids Josh s Joshua Graves Justin B was raised by ants and now with the speed and strength of an ant he faces a lot of difficulty in day to day life. Ken Paisley, K&M, Kumutas, Kyle Campbell.

Lane Haygood is a wolf child psychologist, here to do some potty training. Thank fucking god you're here Lane Haygood, this place, I think it's everyone's territory. Lisa. Lucas Keen is out of control on pure distilled Hulkster scent. It's banned in 92 countries and for good reason. M. Jahee Chapelle. Mark Mahoney. Matt Reilly.

Max Perroy is a sentient speedboat who kills Skeletors. Not so fun now, is it, Skeletors?? Michael Dillon, Michael Lair, Mickey Loman, Mike Stiles, Moju, Mort was raised by wolves. Hot Wolves. What? She's a wolf, Mort, that's all I'm saying. Mr. Bob Gray, ND, Neil Bailey, Neil Schaefer, Neku104, Ornry Weevil was raised by feral toy geniuses and only speaks the language of exploding pterodactyls, Ozzy Olin, Patrick Herbst, Rachel, Rhiannon, Sarkovsky, Sean Chase, Spotty Reception, Static Dust is an adoptive wolf parent taking in unwanted human children and teaching them to bite and snore them. We've got Mother's Day, we've got Father's Day, where's Wolf Day cowards?

Super Knot, Ted H, Thomas Kavatsos, Timmy Leahy, Toasty God was raised by wolves and still speaks fluent wolf to this day. If things go south next election, that wolf passport is gonna come in handy. Tommy G. Velo. Booster can turn into any animal but it hurts. So much don't ask her. Waylon Russell. Zack and Ava. Benjamin Sironin. Boy. Hulk. Boy. Little Person Toy Genius.

Boy. Sentient Speedboat. Boy. Skeletor. Ah, he's not getting it. Let's send him to live with the Navajo, everybody!