The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 186, Herculoids with Dennard Dayle

Episode Date: July 31, 2024

Seanbaby shoots meteors into the sky in the shape of a hot dog, summoning Brockway and guest, Dennard Dayle, to discuss Herculoids - the 1960s cartoon about a drunk family and their four godzillas.

1-900-HOT-DOG Our podcast slams with maximum hype. Say Hot Dog Podcast Word. Yeah. When you taste that nitrate power, you're in the dog zone for an hour. Come on. You know the numbers.

1-900 1-900-HOT-DOG Welcome to the Dog Zone 9000, the official podcast of 1900hotdog.com, a site founded on leap day 2020 from the last survivors of the good internet. We pay a group of talented beloved writers to investigate broken, cursed objects every weekday. You can support us at patreon.com slash 1900hotdog, where subscribers get all the jokes, bonus podcasts,

Discord events with us. It's the best I'm Sean maybe from the internet and my co-host was an alternate for the 2004 Olympic Buns team He's Robert Brockway. The hunk thing was really good, but were we really founded on a leap day? We were oh, that's so us That's so that's so cool of us the weirdest day on the most cursed year That's true. That's true. That was a miserable time for it. I'm Robert Brockway. Here's a Brockway fact. I just took a Buzzfeed quiz from 2011, and it turns out that I'm a gleap in the streets and a gloop in the sheets. No follow-up questions.

I'm a tundra in both, baby. Our guest is the 11-time Olympic Buns champion. He's a Princeton and Columbia educated writer who contributes to the New Yorker and is a weekly columnist for the illustrious and acclaimed comedy website, 1900hotdog.com. He's Dinard Dale. Thank you, yeah. When I'm on like an interview or a date or anything, I kind of like to lead in with the photos of like the soft core Japanese dolls.

Yes. And then like sprinkle all that other stuff in there. I could like hear you're giggling in those pictures. This titty mat laid out in the park. It was so much more fun than it should be. For listeners, D'Nard opened an otaku box, which is I guess what it sounds like. A shame box, a box of shame. opened an otaku box, which is, I guess what it sounds like. A shame box, a box of shame. He has a bunch of titty shame packaged up and sent to him.

Oh, so funny. I was looking for images for the thumbnail for that article. And so I just searched the otaku box, a Google image search, and I got so many YouTube thumbnails of people who unironically opened their otaku box. And those dudes looked exactly like you'd imagine. Just these shrines of loneliness behind them.

Like, what's in my otaku box? Like, I bet it's tiny little titties. Blizzard opened some kind of hell gate with the whole, like, loot box, I don't know, mainstream push thing. Like, I don't know how we go back from hardcore nerd gambling. It feels like mind quicksand. Does it feel like we've gone back? I feel like we're only racing forwards, faster and faster every day.

So I feel like that's appropriate. Yeah, I don't think the bubbles burst on that yet. Yeah, I think in 2030, they'll just be like sending you like a handful of oatmeal, oatmeal box. I'm 100% certain that's already a thing. Type code oatmeal box. It's going to be like what they replace half of like the food support services in the country with. It's just sustenance gambling. I got oatmeal again. I was hoping for something with calories.

We're already off to such a mess around start. Let's plug something, Darn. Maybe your substack, Extra Evil, or your book, Everything Abridged. Yeah, those are two great things to plug for now. Next July, I'll have another book, but that is a year off. And if you remember a product you heard about on a podcast a year later, you're probably my best friend, like like, whoever that person is that buys How to Vi- Dodger Cannonball based on this plug. Thank you. But yeah, for now, on Substack, I do this thing, Extra Evil. It's like partially just weekly thoughts, a lot of splashes of fiction and some nonfiction

stuff. I have a lot of fun with it. So, you know, just if you enjoy my Tuesday punchlines and this lot, it's more of that business, but not so much research-based. I should have left out that not so much research-based because it makes it sound worse, which it probably is, but it's still more. And what you really need is more to fill that chasm within. And then there's the book, Everything Aridged, which I am a fan of. It's a yeah,

satire, sci fi, two things that are relevant to us joking about the Hercules. In fact, probably the most relevant possible thing. So if you are listening, you're an expert. I actually really love switching from the stuff I read for work to your sub stack. Because you give your readers so much credit, you expect so much from your reader. And switching to that from like the books that I read, like, like I just read a sexercise book. And this book was like explaining buttholes. It was explaining breathing. It like it genuinely thought it was like the first thing I'd ever read in my life. And then I get

to yours. And you're like, I'm sure you have a full understanding of this philosophy system and this television show. I'm like, watch, slow down, Dinnard. I just learned what a butthole was an hour ago. Somebody put this, I think it was in the Discord. I don't know. It was shattering is all I remember from it. But he said the difference between Brockway's writing and Dinnard's writing that their example was a joke I made where I The punchline was lost dot dot JPG The famous terrible comic and of course control somebody said that the difference between those two is that Dernard wouldn't have said dot JPG Oh, I saw that because I am a regular name searcher like a crazy person It's just like fuck man, I didn't need that.

It took me a long time to figure out what that meant and then it hurt. Dinnard would have expected his readers to know he meant the JPEG. That is very nice of both of you and thank you to that user as well who is hopefully not Shadow Band or only for like a little while, like, you know, just the slap on the wrist kind of. Yeah, I'm glad you're here for this. I know, Dinaud, I know you and Brockway both like anime and I think anime sucks

and Herculoids is classic American animation. It is what anime wishes it could be. Let's start some Herculoid facts. It ran from 1967 to 1969. When this debuted, women weren't even allowed to own legs They had to watch herculeids from roller skates or strapped to a donkey They got the show we got rebooted in the early 80s I don't think a ton of people watched it then most people when they think of herculeids They think of the 60s version because it gets referenced all the time. There's a Family Guy callout

It was on most of the Cartoon Network shows I think they were regulars on Harvey Birdman and Space Ghost, Coast to Coast. Chumbox. Sometimes you get Hercules figurines in your oatmeal box if you're a subscriber to that. Or is that a real show that you mentioned? No, that's what we call our ads at the end of... Oh, Chumbox.

The Chumbox. Yes, I get you. Did you think I said cumbox and you were trying to roll with it? Yeah. Yes, I was just trying to fucking yes and your cum box. You're so generous to me. I feel like I'm going to be writing about the cum box in like a year.

You put that now and out and now it's going to be a thing. I think it's already a Reddit thing. It's going to be another thing. It's so nice to know how far I can go now. When I say a real thing and then you're like, no, you could have said this far crazier thing and I still would have tried to cover it for you. It's good to know those are my boundaries. Yeah, yeah, the MTA in 2020 would have just blinked at it and said like,

okay, just make sure we spelled Cumbox correctly. Is this the Cumbox font you want? It's like the Just Add Water thing, like we're gonna ship it to you, you're gonna fill it. That will be its natural state. We're getting off track. Oh man, when it comes to this show, it was a big early morning rerun thing if you like were a kid of a weird sleep schedule. Like I just remembered for some reason they decided that 7 a.m. and this show got along. Like it was like a warm-up job for Saturday morning cartoons, I guess, if you're in my age bracket.

Yeah, all the old cartoons were. I fell in love with the show in the early 2000s. There was a Cartoon Network, when they added HD signals to everybody's broadcasting, most people just said, well shit, we don't have HD programming. So they just had all this broadcast signal left and Cartoon Network said, well, fuck it, we'll just make this thing called Boomerang. And they just threw all these old cartoons on Boomerang. And I was like, oh my God, this Herculid show is incredible. I remember it from being a kid too. And I remember it from being like real early times.

I think they've just been doing that forever because these 1960s cartoons are just such a staple. What I didn't realize was how few episodes Herculoid's had for like, in my head it's this monumental influential thing. It's like the Game of Thrones of the 1960s because of how often I saw it. There were only 18 episodes. I think it's like almost a mental sleight of hand thing because every episode moves so fast. I think my like post-Brian Michael Bendis decompressed brain just like stretches it out the four episodes in my brain. These could be an hour long, but I appreciate that they're not an hour long because they just cut out all of the things in between the actions where like

all of those little connective tissues, that their only job is to make this make sense and Herculoid's like, fuck all that. Get that out of here. They have, there's no rules in the show. They're way too powerful. No one ever has any reason to fight them. They're just fucking around.

A hundred percent of the time. More than half the time, they defeated the enemies just by ignoring all narrative structure and inventiveness and then just shooting every weapon they had at it until it exploded. I once watched them kill a volcano like that. They're like, oh no, volcano's blowing up. Have we tried shooting it? Oh shit, that works. The end.

That's what I love about the Raider 8 episode because they are fucked like three minutes in. They're just not gonna get fucked. They're so scared. They spend the rest of that... I guess let's start. Are we starting on that episode? Let's do it. Let's start on Raider Apes. We watched four episodes. I don't have time to get all of them. We might put one or two on the bonus podcast, but... Well, first of all, let's go through the... Do you have the intro sequence on the soundboard? Oh, yeah, yeah. Of course I do.

Somewhere out in space live the Herculoids. Zuck, the laser ray dragon. Iggoo, the giant rock ape. Tundraal, the tremendous. Gloof and Gleek, the formless fearless wonders. With Xandor, their leader. And his wife Tara and son Gornal. They team up to protect their planet from

sinister invaders every hand of a bear sound effected once all strong all bring all heroes. They're the Red Kiloids. I love it. It's such shrieking chaos. It's just, there's just screaming in there. I love so much that the Subwire out in space is just, that's how you told a child in the 1960s to shut the fuck up.

They do give them a name eventually. I think about seven, eight episodes in, they say, fuck it, we live on Amsot. Yeah. And then in the 80s, they're like, no, it's Quasar. Like they just, they don't care. There's no rules. The thing I love about the title sequence,

it's everything, of course. All of the shrieking, booping, bopping chaos in there. But it sells everyone so well. Like you get exactly who they are and what they do. You're like, laser dragon, got it. I know what that is. Rock ape, fuck yeah. I know what that is.

Tundra, I don't know what he is, but he's tremendous. So like, that's all I need to know. That'll do it. And then they get to the humans and they have no justification for why the humans are there. They get to, they cut to Xandor, who is the main like fighting human, the main character, arguably. Everybody else in this title sequence is bashing. They're flying, they're shooting at robots. And every time they cut to Xandor, he's like, what the fuck are you doing?

He's like rubber banding himself backwards across a cave. He's paragliding. Maybe my favorite thing that Xandor does, he's basically a star Tarzan. And so they sort of elevate his vine game by having him bounce between them, like off his feet, off his shoulders, off his feet. And he'll like pinball between a couple of them

to build up speed. He does this maybe three times in the history of the show, and it cracks me up. It's just the fucking weirdest thing to draw, to conceive of, and you're like, well, we can't do anything with these vines. What if everything was made out of rubber band? And they're like, okay, yeah, now we have a shot.

He's just fucking around. The only thing you could ask him upon seeing that is, what the fuck are you doing, Xandor? He paraglides on Gleap for no reason. There's a shot of him just writhing in a void. Like you have no, he does not have a place in this show. It's great, it rules. This is really great training for like how every company

or agency works where you just have like these four brilliant creatures who could, I really think they could pretty much solo every threat on this show except maybe the diesel eater thing. Yeah. And then there's these three humans just, again, as you guys have said, just are just fucking around, just existing.

Just glaring weak spots. But we're talking about the Raider Apes. It opens like all Herculade's episodes, just instant mania. There's chimpanzee Vikings attacking a village. Their leader is named Gotron. And the village is like, oh shit, it's Gotron and the Raider Apes, light the beacon.

And so this calls the Hercules. Xandor sees like the long, the distant light and says, Gotron is attacking from the sea. So he speaks fluent distant signal fire. Fluent light. I understand everything that light has to say. And that light is information dense. Like, they have it down to a specific threat, the nature of the threat.

Far more likely this happens every goddamn day. At 530 every day, the Raider Apes attack and he's like, yep, yeah, I got it. It's like, okay, shitty Vikings are back. We got like 15 minutes. And good for these Vikings because they seem to know who the Herculoids are. So they they already know they have no shot. And yet, when Xandor shows up, they're like, we have an ambush plant and it was like six dudes in trees shooting arrows. And

here's something you'll see on the show all the time is here comes the arrows and then Gloop, one of the jelly beans, he just blocks them all. Nothing can hurt the thing, so all the arrows bounce off and then Igu and Tundru knock the trees down and all six men instantly die like cowards, terribly flung into the ocean like trash. Gloop is basically a god and it's just sort of waiting there to be polite. Yes. Like in case the other ones want to do some stuff. We find that out later. Like that is it the gloop show.

Like there is. Yeah. You cannot argue that eventually. One like once you piss gloop off, it's done. You're fucking done. Absolutely done. Nothing. Gleap could do some playful shit to you. Gloop's going to fucking kill you. Nothing. Gloop could do some playful shit to you.

Gloop's gonna fucking kill you. Yeah, they draw Gloop with... If you haven't seen the show, they're just jelly beans with eyes. And they can change shape to anything they need. And when Gloop murders people, he gets really mean eyes. They're very expressive. He takes a lot of pleasure in murdering, I think. He fucking loves it.

That's not who kills him now. I love this first showdown when they ambush him from the trees, because Xandor takes some sort of credit when what he really does is he just stands there with his fucking jaw open, and then Gleap forms the shield around him, and Xandor stands up and has the nerve to say, say, we were ready for you. No, you weren't. Gleap was ready for you or you would have fucking died. And he says like, we were ready for you.

Here's our attack. And then he just has the other Herculoids mindlessly, wordlessly fuck them up. Like bash him. Yeah. And it's not a master Tactician plan. Here's my counter move. I'm gonna punch you in the face. Yeah, it works. That's good I'm so glad this got made in the decade it did because I think now there would be like 70 collectible herculeids. Yeah, I feel like they'd also do too much clever shit

I feel like that here be an enemy that could fight the Hercules and have to like overcome it with some sort of a Clever use of their powers. Yeah, it's storytelling storytelling This episode has the closest thing to a plot twist Hercules ever had because Gotron the leader the Raider apes goes to the long! And then it cuts to Zoc, the laser ray dragon, just killing all the long boats. So then it cuts back to Gotron and he says, to the caves! It cuts back to Zoc, killing the long boats again.

Like, you think, oh, now Zoc's gonna kill the cave. No, he's still fucking up the boats, because he's a dragon, he has no idea what's going on. I laughed out loud at that. He did not know those were villainous ape boats. Like he was just out there fucking, if those were the village's fishing boats, that scene would have gone exactly the same way.

Just to show how fucked the Raider Apes are, they shoot at Zoc and he blows their arrows out of the sky with his lasers. And then Iggoo seals them inside a cave, like pointlessly. They were trying to follow these guys and Iggoo's like, well, now we can't get to them I swear to God Whoever wrote this Joe is so drunk. I

Just love that. We're like we've been introduced to the Raider apes for the first time and within three minutes They're fucking running for their lives They've yeah, they've abandoned one plan which was get back in the boats and just fucking run. And now they're like, let's hide in that cave and pray to God they get bored or distracted somehow. It's their only shot. Let's pray the birdmen do something even stupider, because otherwise we're fucking dead. They spend the rest of this episode just fleeing deeper and deeper into the caves, trying not to get killed by the Herculeids. So off to a bad start. So the elders like, guys,

you gotta go get them out of the cave. And so they're like, okay, fine. So they move the rock, they go in the cave, run right into another ambush. Goatron's like, ha ha, you fools. And he's like, he drops a rock on them. And you're not gonna believe this, Iggoo just catches the rock and throws it back at them.

And you're also not gonna believe this, they don't chase them or anything, they completely forget all about them and just keep going the opposite direction in the cave. Whoever wrote this episode, as I mentioned, is so fucking drunk. Yeah, this is a Everclear sponsored piece of animation and I kind of love it for it.

Yeah, the 1960s, man, you could just get fucking hammered over lunch and and be like I got this you guys you guys go home I'm just gonna wing this one and everybody be like yeah fuck it what are they they're just kids it's not like they absorb information. It's like this 40k hell world where every villainous plan feels like the equivalent of invading Russia in winter only instead of of snow, it's fucking monsters. It's fucking Herkuloids. Yeah, it's Herkuloids.

And it's how every episode starts. Herkuloids like maybe having lunch, and then bad guys just showing up. Sometimes wordlessly, sometimes robots will just fall out of the sky and attack the Herkuloids and you're like, oh, okay, I guess we're doing this. That was a mistake on part of the robots. And then they get fucked up for seven minutes at the end. So there's some drama here where they have to get over some lava, but this is like how you get to the store on Quasar or Amsot, whatever they're calling it at this point.

And then they get to this ambush cavern and Gotron's like, they approach really loudly. Xandor hears him. He's like, hey, you know what? This is an ambush. So instead of walking into the ambush, they just start shooting exploding meteors in there, which everyone on the team launches exploding meteors, by the way.

So all the guys hiding in ambush are getting fucking exploded by the meteors and they still think they're getting away with it. They're still like, hold on, this plan is working. Just keep hiding as they're dying. Buddy, they see you, they're literally shooting and killing you. Now they're just getting fun with it. So Iggo grabs a boulder and just rolls it like a bowling

ball killing the apes like bowling pins. He kills so many. He kills like eight apes lined up for it. And you got to think like the eighth ape that sees that coming is like that. I mean, he's just got to get the whole set, right? They're sticking to the plan. They're still hiding. I think the Herculoids have enough of an advantage for you start thinking like, yo, do you need to kill that ape? Like, is there some kind of like, scale of force versus useless ape that comes into play? that comes into play. Herkuloids are America. Apes are the Viet Cong. But it does kind of work out for the Raider Apes because Iggoos Boulder knocks open the secret treasure chamber.

And so they start moving the gold to the boat because as I mentioned, whoever wrote this is drunk and the Herkuloids have forgotten about them. So I don't know what they're doing there. Well, they haven't, hold on. They haven't forgot about them because what they do is they seal their own cave in like desperation. They seal it with a boulder and then this is like, okay, the big obstacle the Herculoids have to overcome.

And in any other show, this is the point where you'd be like, oh no, they've, Igoo runs up and he punches the boulder and it doesn't work. And they're like, oh, well, we can't rely on brute force. Let's outthink the Raiders. Yes. and they're like, oh, well, we can't rely on brute force. Let's outthink the Raiders. And then, so what happens in Herculoids is Igoo bunches it, punches it again and again and again. And then that doesn't work. So Tundra comes over and bashes it with his head and that doesn't work. So then Tundra, with no input from anybody,

just starts fucking spinning his head around like a drill and then bashes it again and the third bash works. Yes. So at no point did they switch tactics. I have never seen Tundra do this another time. And you never will again. No, I don't think so. Amazing.

I once saw him make his legs 20 feet long so he could be like an elevator and I don't think he ever did that again either. These things can do anything. They just they get so mad that they can do whatever and I just love that they don't they don't tactic change. It's just no we bash is what we do. And eventually bashing is enough and it always is. Something I love about as it's been put this sort of drunk writing, this way this is approached, is they approach like this sort of, like, I guess like dead money kind of angle from three different ways,

and they give up like twice. Right. At the first time, you know, he's like, he's doing the classic Christopher Columbus, he's interrogating the rock village people about their gold. So you're like, okay, so there probably is not gold. He's just wasting someone's psychotic greed. And then he get the cape and it is full of fucking gold. So I kind of want to talk about this fucking Rock Village leader who cares so much more about this fucking gold than his villagers lives clearly.

This is the Rock Village billionaire class that we're rooting for here. For the fucking apes now. Oh, man, just the Richard Branson of Rock Village. They put all the gold in the boat, the apes, and they're getting away. And now Hercules is like, oh shit, where'd they go? And I have a clip of the amazing detective work here at the end. So, Gotron found the gold cave. But where is he?

Shandor! Oh. That's it. Oh, that's it. the gold cave. But where is he? Oh, that's it. Oh, there. He's over there in that boat. Fucking screaming my name. Gotron has all the gold except for one bag. And Xandor like looks at it. He eyeballs it. He's like, okay, if we put one more bag of gold in that boat, it's gonna sink. So he throws it to Zoc, and Zoc takes the gold, and he's like, sure, I'll put this on the boat.

Headshots, Gotron, just full power headshots with a bag of gold. He gets shot into the ocean, and it is. Xandora was right, this sinks the boat. And all of the gold. All of the gold, all of these, this villager's amassed fortune is in the bottom of the ocean.

Remember, that was the stakes of this episode is we have to save the village's gold because that's what they came in and they said, we want your gold. And they said, no, that's what this whole fight was for. And at the end, the Herkuloids bash everything, including all of the gold. I have a line from Tara here.

Let me play this real quick. It's so good. It's when the final bag of gold sinks the boat. She comes in and really puts a button on the scene. ["The Last Post-Code of the Year"] Ah! What trick is this? Headshot.

That's the sack that broke the back of Gotron's gold ship. Thanks Tara. That golden insight. You know that old saying? This is how sayings are born, by the way. Like a thousand years from now, people will be saying that and have no idea why. That's the sack that broke the back of Gotron's gold ship. Yeah, flows well. I just want to clarify about this headshot, because we're in this audio based video here.

I know it sounds like an irony thing and it's it's in the back of their mind, you know, the last bit of weight and greed or whatever. But this thing fucking volleyball spike, jack shots the gold in such a way where it does not matter at all that there's anything else on this ship. It's like one of those satellite rods or something. Like this thing is going down with this headshot no matter what was on. They erased his head.

It's gone. What I love is that at the end, when they're wrapping up like everything's great, they showed the village elder from the beginning only he looks visibly depressed and I think it's I think it's a mistake But it's so great because he was colored in flesh tones before and they fucked up the coloring So now he's this shaken gray mess with no hope And Zandora like slaps him on the back and says you have to watch out we leave for home now Like fuck you your whole fortune's gone. Absolutely. It's like fucking bye, dude. Actually, you says, You have to watch out! We leave for home now! Like, fuck you, your whole fortune's gone.

Absolutely, it's like fucking bye, dude. Actually, you know, I have a clip of it. The survivors escaped! And you, Corsack, will have to stay alert. As long as there's greed, Goatron will return. We leave for home now. Oh, man. You're from Zok 2. Everybody on the team gets an exit line whether they fucking speak a language or not. It's the worst possible scenario for them.

Like, with this level of technology, they could maybe go and get the gold back from the apes. What they can't do is mine it back from the sea floor. So like, it's for sure. It's a good thing. for them. With this level of technology, they could maybe go and get the gold back from the apes. What they can't do is mine it back from the sea floor. So it's for sure got like, this ends, I mean, this ends with them all just shrieking wordlessly into the sky because of Turculoids. But it should end with the village elder going back and disassembling that Zardon light. Yeah, won't be using this one again.

Yeah, that's a really bad move. What episode should we do next? So I think for my money, I love the time creatures way too much. Not to like just dump it out of my brain as quickly as possible. Let's do it. maybe one of my favorite openings in maybe of anything. It it opens with with Dorno on Tundra there's on a walk and they are being shot at by frame two. I have a clip. It's incredible. This is I swear to God this is from the title card. The time creatures still the title card. The Time Creatures. Still the title card.

Those are the incoming lasers. Hey! What's all that for? Who are you? I am O-Tan. We are from the future. All of you from the past must be eliminated. No time wasted. O-Tan buddy, there's a flaw with your plan. Otan did not think this through at all. Let's go kill the past! No! What? Is Otan just looking around at his future society like,

Ah, fuck this, everything's a remake, I'm going back in time and killing everyone's grandpa. Okay, we do see his future society and they say it's like 5,000 years in the future, and they have built one building. They have one building. They have built one building is different on that planet. And I think Otan's ex-wife got it in the divorce and he's like, you know what, I'm gonna... The only way he could take it from her was to destroy the past. This is 100% confirmed, because there's a line just right after this where I think it's Dorno who's like,

the Herculoids will send all of you back to the future, because that's what happens when they die. Right. And Ohtan just goes, God! Fucking kill me! They're kind of trading shots, and then Ohtan makes the shield that blocks Tundra's face meteors. And so Iggo is like,

oh, I can figure out the shield thing. He throws a tree into two other trees, and then that catapults them back and hits them in the back of their head, knocks them into their own shield and they melt. I mean, this is fucking brilliant. And it's worth mentioning that these creatures are like so much smarter than Xandor and Dornor.

They're, when they have to be, they're tactical geniuses. Yeah, they're doing like sort of that like classic puzzle combat thing, only Herculioids is not about explaining shit and I kind of appreciate that. Look, it ricochets, you get it, right? You get get- I'm not going to expose this for you for four episodes. I, okay, I mostly agree with that. Batman would have absolutely been like, Robin, watch, we'll use the reflective powers of physics to knock- blah blah blah blah. Can I amend this theory a little bit? Like, not deny it, I think it's true. But I think we need to make room for Gleap being a dipshit.

Just Gleap. Right, that's possible. Gleap is a fucking idiot. And like, that happens in this episode. Like, they, the Otan fires a beam at him that turns, that he can turn into an orb. Well, for some reason. Gleap turns into a spring and launches it back at him. Yeah.

And then Otan does it again, and we see that he can turn it back into an orb or a laser at any point. And Gleap's like, I'm just going to stay a spring. I'm just going to hang out here and be a spring. Yeah. Of course, it passes right by him. It's very, it's very irritating. And my only explanation is that in this power curve where the Hercules are already ahead, Gleap is out of that and I think he just is trying to spare their feelings.

He wants to leave enough for the others to do, you feel involved, you get the Hercules team spirit, everyone gets to go to the meeting and pat each other on the back like, hey yeah, remember when he threw the log and Tara stood there and clapped, it really worked. Gloop does not have that does not have that impulse, though. See, that's what I'm saying is if they're the same species capable of the same things, Gloop is showing you what they can do and Gleap looks like shit. Yes. Why did you turn into a spring, buddy? It seems like a crazy thing to turn into for a time bubble already.

Like, here comes the time bubble. Like it will send the spring through time. You generally can't bounce back an energy ball of chronosphere in my understanding of it, but it does work the first time. When you can bounce back a time bubble as a spring, like it's something's broken in like the universe you're living in, I guess.

Yes, everything is. I admire you, Brockway, for trying to explain what happened about a time bubble turning back into a blob to squeeze through a jelly bean spring. Like what? It was real hard. Can you imagine trying to explain that to the animators? I don't think they did.

Yeah, you're right. I think they were trying to describe something else and the animators were like, this is my best guess. This guy's drunk as fuck. Like half of this is just spilled whiskey. They work Dornal back to the future. They put him in a bubble. It's not a time bubble, I guess.

It's a prison bubble. Then they grab Dornal and they take him back to the future. Tara immediately clocks this as a time machine problem. She's like, oh, it's a time machine. They took him to the future with that time machine. Xandor just like, okay, cool, we'll use it. We'll just go to the future. They leave Tara smart move But in hindsight, I think it was I think it's a bad idea for Otan and the time creatures to just leave behind a fully working

Time machine that can carry three dinosaurs and a star Tarzan I just I feel like there's a hole in the plan wasn't an elite they want to die. They want to die Here's a fun thing is when Xandor goes through the time portal, he knows when they are. He's like, oh shit, this is 5000 years from now. Look, I can tell by the one building. Yeah. This next scene has one of my favorite things. I think I might have a fetish for like a sexual, like very erotic fetish for Hanna-Barbera consoles. Because when it shows Otan like opening the trap doors,

he has two levers and he's just cranking these levers. And I'm like, what a weird way to work six different trap doors. It cracks me up. It gives me a sexual pleasure looking at it. We can cut all this, Jamie, we can cut all this. They don't need to know that. It looks great.

It's kind of funny to think that 5,000 years into future, this is still how trapdoors work. There's not been a lot of advancement. We've seen that. They worked on that building for 4000 years. Here's something we learned about Gloop. He took a full power blast from the 5000 year in the future laser cannon. He just pisses him the fuck off.

It just pisses him off. He ate it. He became a party hat laser cannon and then killed one of them with its own blast. Like this is so outrageously overpowered that this fucking jelly bean can become anything, but not just like, like physically, like conceptually, he could just become a laser cannon. It's fucking crazy.

And Gleap became a spring. Yeah, Gleap's like, I think I can get this done with this spring. You see what I mean? This would have been fine if Gloop wasn't here, but Gloop is here. And Gloop is just later on there's like a wall of fire that they try to get them with. And Gloop just like eats the wall of fire and transports it back to them. And later in like the same scene, Gleap turns into a ceiling fan.

Buddy, what the fuck are you doing? It's a crazy skill gap. I guess it's the same way that technically me and Arnold Schwarzenegger are the same species. Oh, you're right. I get it now. Right, like, you know, he- I guess that makes sense.

Yeah, he was one of the world's hugest men. He became governor. He broke some kind of cheating record. And then I, like, photographed, you know, anime porn in the park. And that's the same species, using the same skill set in different ways. They're doing twins. This is Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Gleap DeVito over here. They're rampaging through, right? Otan finally is like, you know, we need two guys with pistols who come out immediately miss, but they leave two big holes in a steel girder.

And this is fucking suicide in a cartoon. If you know anything about cartoons, if there's an object that can fall on you and trap you in a circle like a chandelier or just a formation of stalagmites, just go ahead and climb in it now, because that's how you're ending the scene. And sure enough, Iggo just fucking takes this girder with two holes and like seals them both inside it like cannolis. Two more guys show up and they turn invisible but like not even close to invisible, like you still see their guns and their little- Oh man, the like blanket over them that the jelly bean forms.

Yes. in the history of just forms a second head and slaps them dead. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're saying lateral thinking. I mean, it's great because it's not because you know, just as okay, they're vaguely over. They're vaguely over here. Maybe it can just see them like maybe it just working on the ultraviolet spectrum or Yeah, or or they see all their accessories still floating where they were. Either way, it does not work.

Gloop kills the fuck out of them. Gloop like splits into two Gloops and then like comes at them from either side in his own like bashing movement and then smashes them to death between his various selves. Meanwhile, Gleap again is a ceiling fan. Now, to be fair, this is called Operation Warowind. Xandar calls for Operation Warowind, Gleap. I think this is also the first time he's ever done this. They do not have combat formations. They have 932 different ways to call for help. No lingua franca. But somehow they have this one move, which is Gleap turning into a ceiling fan and jumping on Xandor's shield. Good job, buddy.

But this is to stop the hostage crisis because Otan's like, has Dorno, of course, and he says, surrender or the boy will perish. And Xandor's like, we don't surrender, you fucking asshole. And then he does Operation War 1, slowly throws the shield across the room, headshotting both of the future men while they have a gun to his son's head. It takes like nine seconds and I guess they're just lucky they were bluffing or duck, I guess. People in Herculoids have wildly inconsistent reaction times, so you kind of never know what's going to happen. Sometimes you have time to form a- Why would I give a shit about that kid?

I live on Herculoid planet. You know, I would move. The specific line was so good. He's like, it's something like stop or the boy perishes. He's like, eh, well, you know, but then we'd all be in sort of danger. And no one needs that. Like you could ship the rock creature. We love that guy.

You know what? That that reminds me in the Raiders Ape that like this was the Herculoid's negotiations to not give them the gold. Like we were making fun of the village elder, but like, during negotiations, Xandor interrupted and said, he's not giving you the gold, fucker! He said, I know his answer, it's no! And meanwhile the elder said nothing.

He was like, hey maybe I like gold less than having a numbered house. Maybe we give him half the gold and keep all our village, is that an option? Absolutely not. Operation Whirlwind! Xandorian diplomacy is all our village is that an option like absolutely not operation whirlwind Zandorian diplomacy is him he basically only adds more conflict to these situations and talking to them is his only possible function right he's the only one that speaks English on the team and and the only thing he says is fuck you I'm going to kill you

is he shit yeah I'm gonna kill you. Is he shit? Yeah. Let's, how does this episode end? Zok shows up with his lasers, three sources of lasers on the same dragon. Obviously this kills the remaining bad guys. They just, that's all they did is they showed up

in the future, they stomped it fucking dead. And then they just leave and go home. That's it. There's a little lesson where he says, I don't think you can change the past. Raa! I think you can get the past to kill you And then they just leave and go home. That's it. There's a little lesson where he says, I don't think you can change the past. Raa! I think you can get the past to kill you

if that's what you want. I think this is a successful mission for Otan. Oh my God. Who is fucking dead. What if before the Herculoids 5,000 years, there's like a 5,000 year old Herculoid even tougher, like a predecessor to the Herculoids. The more prehistoric you get, the tougher the dinosaur team is.

The dragon is great because it looks the most like it, like it's just this obvious complete air supremacy situation in situations where that wouldn't even be a factor. The apes are basically Vikings, and then they come in with their fucking black bird that talks. It's such a brutal, overpowered team. That's what I love about them. There's no Act 2 in a Herculoid show. There's no danger or threat.

Maybe Dornow gets captured, but like not in a way that anyone expresses concern about. I think there's an Act 2. I think it's two Act format. I think Act 1 is you fucked up and Act 2 was you just found out. Yes, I guess that's two act format. I think act one is you fucked up and act two was you just found out. Yes, I guess that's true. I meant there's no low point for our heroes. There's no hero's journey, I guess in Hercules. So every Hercules follows a structure of like Death Wish or The Punisher, I guess. Yeah, exactly.

Or a Steven Seagal movie. Any Steven Seagal movie. They're a beekeeper. They're a beekeeper. Okay, so I guess we just need to figure out which- So Ohtan is a great hunter-by-den, and I feel like I'm lying at each episode when I say each villain is the greatest voice actor I've ever heard, but when I hear them speak, they are always the greatest voice actor I've ever heard. Like, I am never dissatisfied with this screaming rasp of a Herkuloid's heavy- It has to all be the same guy, right? Yeah

It's probably just one voice genius. I Fun fact I didn't look up any fun facts for the show I just watched four episodes of Herkuloids and like that's fine. Let's do a podcast. Why the Herkuloids wouldn't exactly right? That's what I thought. What would Xandor do here? He'd shoot an energy rock and get on his laser dragon and kill everything So that's what I did. Do we want to do Beaked People next or what was the other one? Guard the Gladiators. Let's do Beaked People. And then for bonus podcast we'll do the Gladiators of Kyanite. Oh these are these are two very strong ones. The Beaked People have all the confidence in the world and I love that for them.

Based on nothing, man. They are the least prepared. Like, I don't understand how they survive anything on this planet, much less the Herculoids. Like, Otan's there with lasers from the future and shit, and the Raider Apes, like, at the very least they were Vikings. These are just, they're bird guys and they throw sticks. They throw sticks. That's it. That's 100% of their abilities. There's a subtle thing I noticed.

I've seen this episode probably four times in my life. When they take flight, like the start of the show, Krokar and the Beaked People, they're going to enslave the monkeys, the flying monkeys. And the monkeys are making monkey sounds, of course, but then when the beaked people fly after them, they also start making different monkey sounds. And I- It's mocking. Yeah, is that what it is?

I don't know. I think it's so funny. I think those are like bird on monkey slurs or something. It's- Yeah, that's probably what it is. That's probably- Because they don't give a reason for like fucking with the flying monkeys. Like maybe they're just fishing for sky monkeys.

Like you don't really know that this is evil. There's a gap that's missing between enslaving these monkeys and world domination, Ed. Agreed. I don't know if the plan is to like mold them all into just one big clan of flying assholes. Like maybe it's like the plot of that last plan of the Apes film or something, but like. See, I actually I do know the plan. I did put that together and the plan is to piss off the Herculoids. That's no, I'm serious.

That's the plan, because they. Holy shit, you're right. Right. And he leaves one of them, Krokar is the leader and Krokar rules, he's the leader of the bird people. And so they leave one of the flying sky monkeys and then one of them, Krokar is the leader, and Krokar rules, he's the leader of the bird people. And so they leave one of the flying sky monkeys, and one of them's like, one's getting away! And Krokar's like, no! This is what we want! And what he wants is the flying monkey to fly back to the Herculoids and get their help, and call them out to just fuck them up. He's like, everybody just wants to die. Yup. Just suicide by Herkuloid out here.

It has a line. It specifically says like, For a long time we have been planning this move. And I'm looking at this and I'm like, What were you doing this entire time? Jump out of the tree and get them monkeys. Getting sticks! Guys, let's go over the plan again. Jump out of the tree, grab the fucking monkeys.

You can really see how they save money on this show too because when the monkeys change direction the whole sky turns direction with them. It's a very affordable animation and all of the impact happens off camera. The big people fly off camera and then we hear a thump. This was normal when I grew up in the 80s, because there was like an anti violence movement. And so cartoons danced around the punching. So he man and super friends would often make impact with their enemies off camera. But in the 60s, you could totally beat a monkey until it was destroyed.

They didn't care. But it was faster and cheaper to just not draw it. And Hercules turned faster and cheaper. Like, fuck, yeah, do that one. Oh, those are two favorite words. I remember one of my favorite I guess is a general thing But like do you remember that 190 spider-man cartoon where spider-man became judo champion of the world because he couldn't punch people, right? Throw throw throw and then usually impact a wall off-camera then cut to him. They're like Stars over their head. So then we cut back and we see Dorno and Iggo. This is actually, I think, one of the first episodes they aired.

So there's kind of a lot of exposition squeezed in here. Like Dorno calls Xandor Dad, which I think is the only time he's ever done that. He generally calls his father and mother Xandor and Tara. That's just just so we know. I like also that the show keeps everybody's dialogue in the scripts. I guess that's what they make clear here in the scene because everyone's just kind of chatty.

If you've seen all Star Wars holiday special, you might remember how all the Wookiees talked for like 15 minutes in Wookie language. What is that? There's a name for that. Kwashik. It doesn't matter. Hey, nerds. Sorry, I don't know the Wookie language. But yeah, they'll do a full scene of just going, ka-rag, just back and forth for a full minute. And we saw that one episode, they get the show's punchline all the time. They'll go out on a grrrah. I think it's like Friends cast, like when they would get a script and they would get mad if one of them had too many lines. Like everybody's got to have equal lines.

That's got to be it. Zok's over there going like, excuse me, I only screech once in this episode. Yeah. Iggo's the Chandler. I'd love to see the Herkyloids like action movie contract. Like it just says, Zok cannot be, look cannot look weak. Zoc cannot be pinned. Zoc cannot be shown tied up.

So anyway, the flying monkey interrupts their coconuts and explains to Xandor like what happened. Xandor fully understands flying monkey, which I'm not even sure he speaks igoo or tundros. This is a little insulting. And he says, our friends, the flying monkeys are in trouble. Cool. This is the longest it's ever taken., our friends, the flying monkeys are in trouble. Cool.

This is the longest it's ever taken. Can I bring up just a real quick point? How the fuck is everyone supposed to know which ones are your friends? Because they're not a society of flying, they're just flying monkeys. Like these birds could be hungry. And they just brought down hell itself on them.

Like I'm out fishing and all of a sudden the Herculoids are like, our water friends! Oh, fuck! Yeah, like is there anyone you can really beef with on Quasar without bringing the Herculoids down on you? Are the Herculoids like a nuclear deterrent kind of thing? You know, it's funny you ask, there is an episode where they kind of have to just walk

across the planet and it seems like they don't do this very often. Because everything on the planet is very tough. Not as tough as a Herculoid, of course, but they seem constantly surprised. Like, what the fuck is this centipede monster? They kill it, they keep moving, and then they like go home and they're like, wow, let's never do that again. So I feel like the Herculoids live in this one very, very small area of the planet. But again, nothing in this show is canon. They change their minds all the time.

They change the names all the time. Xandor rides the monkey back and rides the monkey back. He fucking he fucking hang glides in on a sky monkey. And I this is skipping ahead a little bit, but we find out that he got so excited to hang glide on the sky monkey. He forgot literally all of his weapons. All of his weapons. He went to war without his weapons.

So now the Beak people, this is all part of the plan. Their plan is to drop a birdcage on this moving target in this one particular spot. It is just an absolute miracle that they catch him. They do. I have a clip. to Trump. Welcome, Xandor. You are the first to meet your planet's new ruler. Naming who? Naming me, Crocar. For a long time we had been planning this move, but you had to be disposed of first. Your friends, the flying monkeys, will be our slaves. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I think okay, okay. Thank God you said that. All right Okay, Crocar's got the most bedroom eyes He's like Crocar's giving you a look all the time

He gives Xandor a look that like if we were fooling around wrestling and somebody gave me that look I'd be like, oh shit It's on. It's just He like I didn't know it was that kind of wrestling match. It is a it is a switch flipping look wrestling match. It is a it is a switch flipping look. Also, Xandor is just really fucking nothing without the Herculoids instantly trapped, forgot all of his weapons, hang glides in on a struggling ass slow sky monkey, doing his best.

It turns out this being like their master plan, by the way, and I know that our entire wave's brain has been broken just some sort of cinema-sin-sass or aftermath whatever but like when he drops this one cage on this one member of this group called like the Herculoids with an S for plural like there are more of them on the weakest member one of well one of the weakest members of that like that you did not capture the danger of the Hercula Whites. Yeah, when the others show up, their plan is to stand in a tree and throw clubs at them. And you could do this for you could do this for 5,000 years and never even wake Igu up from a nap. Like it's specifically the Rock Ape. They chose sticks to throw at the Rock Ape.

To stick. Like that's just the way it is. The animation that they show him makes it so apparently clear. He doesn't flinch or anything. He just looks slightly up like, oh, that was inconvenient for you. I understand. I realize that we're thrown around a lot of sci-fi head of barbarian names, like Krokar and Xandor.

The naming conventions are a little confusing on the show. The leader of the Mole Men was named Markhan, and I don't think you should confuse him with Sarko, who is the leader of the Archmen. They fought a guy named Amak, and Malak, you remember Malak. They fought a guy named Mekor, another named Mekano. They fought a Gorvak, a Torak, there was a Konar, a Voltan, a Mutec, a Zegat, a Lotak, there was a Krytan, an Ogron, and we met a Gotron earlier. These are all real. I wrote them down.

There's so many O's, T's, and K's. Those are like the foundational quasar morphemes. I think they're like, I think that's a logical evolution of the language on the Herculoid planet. Because it's a lot of... we call them the screaming consonants. That's true. Lots of screeches and nose and death rattles and they've just had to build a language out of that. Yeah, so now Tara gets the note from Dorno, who realized that Xandor left without his weapons. So he's left with Zok to go bring the weapons to Xandor.

Brilliant writing, not at all stupid. She also gets the note to get the fuck out of the episode. She's just a total unforced error. It is so wonderful how his reaction to, oh shit, he ran off on his own and got his dumbass captured. I must run off on my own to turn this into like a fuck up cascade. I mean, Zok is just zapping motherfuckers left and right, they're having fun with it.

And Tara just gets clotheslined by a tree and is gone forever. It's just like, Zok does not stop! Zok's like, eh, it doesn't affect what I'm doing. I think I've watched too much stuff where they like, care about what's happening or why. Because like, I'm not just like, okay, the other two humans got captured. This is probably like a Tara episode then or something. And at the end, just say like, no, everyone, yeah. It never is.

There's no such thing as a dark. Never. It's that's what's so refreshing about this show is like, you can't predict it. The people making it are just having a blast. They don't give a shit. There's no going back. Oh, should we like fix that in the earlier scene to make this make more sense? No, they don't care. Like, for example, Dorno finds a double Z on the ground, which is Xandor's trouble sign. This never comes up again.

This is not something they've discussed or used. In fact, the distress calling changes every episode. I once saw Iggo play on a tree to announce trouble. Like he played trees like drums. Dorno once shot a Z into the sky with meteors. One time I watched Xandor just sternly state Zoc into the sky. He just went, Zoc, Zoc, tweet, tweet. And then Zoc came from 4,000 miles away. One of the jelly beans once flew, blew a summoning horn. What? Like, there's no consistent anything.

There's a horn somewhere and the fucking jelly bean went over and blew it. Never again. Never appeared again. That's just hiding inside the jelly beans somewhere like the horn of friend cook no no no no it was a horn specifically there for a jelly bean to blow it it was it lived outside of its physiology it's just in case somebody attacked the camp and the only one who was home was the jelly bean i think i know otan's beef now otan at some point had to take a fucking history class in this setting and he's just like, none of this makes any fucking sense. I'm getting rid of all this shit.

I'm gonna go blow it up. Yeah. I'm gonna go erase it. So let's see, Dorno runs off to rescue Xandor now. I guess I'm... We're jumping around the plot a lot. Dorno's obviously not very useful. Um, the bird people see him, he sees the bird people see him and then he decides to hide. It does not work. I have a clip of this.

Hehehe. Quiet, here he comes. Oh, looks like some of Krokar's bird men. I better take cover. They've locked eyes at this point. Hey, Dan, we didn't see him. Looks like some of Crocar's bird meal. I'd better take cover. Look out! That's Dark Noir! Payton, we didn't see him! We circled and clung to him! They've gone. I'm lucky they didn't see me.

I've gotta be more careful. We will move behind those trees. Procar will be pleased when we capture this prize. Amazing. The voices. Hey, let's go, Ami! And that's it. So, now we have the son of the great Xandor. We will keep him for a slave after you have been put into the river of the Bottomless Pit. A couple notes about the river of the Bottomless Pit.

It's an 80-foot waterfall with the bottom you can look at. Dornal is like a Johnny Quest who has given up on not being captured. Like the resistance is barely there. He never looks amazingly concerned that it's happened to him. It happens all the time. His struggle is just, hey, come on guys, knock, come on.

I just, I love how bad the rescue goes even after this. Like, because Tara flies into a tree and falls, she should probably be dead. We don't know how high the rescue goes even after this. Because Tara flies into a tree and falls. She should probably be dead. We don't know how high the fall is, but then while she's unconscious, one of the Beaked people is about to clobber to death. But then here comes Gloop, who blocks it, and then constricts around him, like crushing his organs.

He's probably got tiny bird bones, just getting splintered inside of him. The Gloop Show. Yeah, his dark, fury fury filled eyes of gloop. Whoops, you're starring in the gloop show tonight. That's a mistake. And we've mentioned this but I have in my notes to mention how gloop and glee are invincible in this episode, they they block lasers, they form donuts around lasers if they don't want to do that. They are parachutes,

they're mattresses, if someone's falling, they're unkillable walls if someone's being shot at their slingshots, bridges, handcuffs, death vices, they can multiply if they want. We saw Gleap turn into a spring and bounce back a time bubble. I once watched him, I don't know if you guys saw this, grab a fucking pile of magic space fire and just move it. Oh man, the rap is so good. I love that time episode so much.

He got hit with a space laser and what it did was make him become a better space laser. Yes. So yeah, he's gonna fuck up a guy with a stick. In addition to Plastic Man, they're also a Kirby. Which is a good thing to be. I remember the most tension I felt in this episode was at this point, it was kind of self-imposed, but as the dragon chases Xandor down, for a second I was convinced they were about, I don't know why I convinced them of this, but I just thought, oh my god, they're about the

Gwen Stacy Xandor. That would be incredible. Yeah, this is not the first Xandor. Like, they they have definitely, of Mice and Men, a few Xandors. Every now and again, like, Tar has to reteach the new Xandor, everyone's names, like, okay, look, just don't get the Rock Ape and the Triceratops names mixed up. They hate that. We've lost three Xandors that way. You'll have a long career if you just like, just write it down on your arm. They can't read, just write it down on your arm. Don't do that for Gleek and Loop. Wait, oh, Zot can read, I guess it down on your arm. Don't do that for Gleap and Gloop. RAAAGH!

Wait, oh, Zok can read, I guess. He just said he can read. Giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity He says in the middle of this fight, he says that when Xandar dies, the fighting will end! Yeah, like, he's the MacGuffin of the planet. Like, they're not even paying attention. Nobody's even really trying to save him. These beasts are just going fucking hardcore mode on you, just out there having a blast with your organs, and you're like, well, if we kill him, something has to stop them, right? Perhaps if it's a vengeful dragon we shall be victorious And no nothing stops them because this episode ends with him

Just screaming over and over again as Tundra runs at him from across like a clearing and he's just screaming at it going Ah, oh god. Oh god, and then sure enough Tundra just fucking clocks him straight off the cliff to his death. He has enough time to understand that he's going to die, to panic, to forget how to work his wings, that he has wings to get knocked off and fall all the way to his death without even trying to use them. It's just the purest expression of fear. I guess it's like this learned helplessness that sets in when you're Psychologically, we're only equipped to fight like three god monsters at once when you drop in the fourth and the fifth Yeah, that seems you're like you're seeing nests shuts down all the cortisol builds up. You curl up It's like the I would say it's like survival instinct, but it's more like your body's saying like it's okay. You do well Christian soldier

Lie back. Yeah. You can rest now. Turn into one of those goats that gets stunned when they're still. Did one of them pick up Tara or something? Or did she just like wake up 10 minutes later and catch up with them? I Yeah, she had to walk home. I bet Zoc like threw her back on his back. It just didn't tell anybody I didn't fly your wife into a branch

Let's not get too mouthy Xandor, you know what happened to Xandor 3 right? That's what I thought, Zendor7. The craft is me trap is me tourne Shick de in de hunde so Fior a ne stunde Komm schon, du kennste die Nummer 1-9-hunde 1-9-hunde, Frankfurt 1-9-hunde, Frankfurt 1-9-hunde, Frankfurt

1-9-hunde 1-9-hunde, Frankfurt 1-9-hunde, Frankfurt Ja, 9000 Frankfurt! I'm so new, you know you knew it! Ja! Neutausend! As children, they were lost to the wilds of Florida when their parents' yachts were exploded by Skeletor. Raised by wolves, they must now re-enter society with only the help of a manimal, a little-person toy genius, and Hulk Hogan on a sentient speedboat, they are the Supremes. Aaron Crosston, Adrian H, Aiden Moak, Alex Nolenberg, all raised by wolves, Alpha Scientist

Jabo, Hun Andy, Armando Nava was raised by wolves. Rich wolves. Bim Talzin. Brandon Garlok. Brian Saylor. Burrito. All wolf kids. Everyone. Cereal. Chase.

Cheddar Wolf is one of the wolves who keeps raising these damn kids. Clementine Danger. Common Sense was orphaned by a Skeletor and has vowed revenge on all skeletons. ALL. SKELETONS. Craig Lemoine. Quavis. Dan B was raised by sentient speedboats who have sadly passed.

Vroom vroom, Dan B! That means I'm sorry for your loss in speedboat. Daniel Sloane. Devon the Rogue Supreme. David Shull. Dean Costello was raised by wolves and violently destroys all clothing, unless it's from his natural prey animal, the silkworm. Delta Foxtrot.

Doug Redmond is raising wolves. That's... Get out of here, Doug Redmond. Drayson. Dusty's Rad title. Eric Rion. Every zig was raised by coyotes and is frequently a victim of wolf racism. Fancy Shark. Gareth is a little toy genius.

For the government? Nice try, narc genius. Get outta here. Jell-o-ho. Good Satan and his hot witches. Greg Cunningham. Hambone. Haraka. All Feral Wolf children. It's a real societal problem. Harvey Penguini. Honk. Javer Al-Aidin is howling. It sounds sad. Wait, that's not sadness. It's party. It's party, Wolf, everybody! James Boyd. Jared Mountainman. Jeff Horaske. Jim Salter was raised by snakes. Watch him slither! Yeah.

Yeah. John Dee, John McCammon, John Minkoff, Joseph Surrows, pretty much the whole J-section all Wolf Kids, Josh S., Joshua Graves, Justin B. was raised by ants, and now with the speed and strength of an ant he faces a A lot of difficulty in day-to-day life. Ken Paisley, K&M, Kumutlus, Kyle Campbell. Lane Haygood is a wolf child psychologist, here to do some potty training. Thank fucking God you're here, Lane Haygood. This place, I think it's everyone's territory.

Lisa, Lucas Keen is out of control on pure distilled Hulkster scent it's banned in 92 countries and for good reason M Jahi Chapelle Mark Mahoney Matt Riley Max Perot is a sentient speedboat who kills Skeletors not so fun now, is it, Skeletorz? Michael Dillon Michael Lair Mickey Loman Mike Stiles Moju Mort was raised by wolves Hot Wolves What? She's a whilf, Mort, that's all I'm saying!

Mr. Bob Gray N.D. Neil Bailey Neil Schaefer Neku104. Ornry Weevil was raised by feral toy geniuses and only speaks the language of exploding pterodactyls. Ozzy Olin, Patrick Herbst, Rachel, Rhiannon, Sarkovsky, Sean Chase, Spotty Reception. Static Dust is an adoptive wolf parent taking in unwanted human children and teaching them to bite and snarl.

We've got Mother's Day, we've got Father's Day, where's Wolf Day cowards? Super Knot, Ted H, Thomas Kavatsos, Timmy Leahy, Toasty God was raised by wolves and still speaks fluent wolf to this day. If things go south next election, that wolf passport is gonna come in handy. Tommy G. Velo. Booster can turn into any animal, but it hurts... so much, don't ask her.

Waylon Russell. Zack and Ava. Benjamin Sironin. Boy. Hulk. Boy. Benjamin Sironin Boy Hulk Boy Little Person Toy Genius Boy

Sentient Speedboat Boy Skeletor Let's send him to live with the Navajo everybody!