The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 187, Saban Moon with Lydia Bugg

Episode Date: August 7, 2024

After three decades, someone has finally uncovered the pilot for the lost 1990s American live action adaptation of Sailor Moon. Brockway shines the Magical Girl Signal. Seanbaby and Lydia Bugg solemnly answer.

1900 hot dog, secret number I'll put it in the log zone I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Let's start the journey to the beginning If it's dark, let's fill our stomachs with mystery Is the hot dog real or a lie? But it doesn't matter, if you're happy, that's fine The answer is right there Hot dog of the passengers, the secret number The answer is right there 1,900 hot dogs 3 numbers Please, please, please, please

1,900 hot dogs Our number It's exciting to be a fool It's exciting to be a fool Welcome to the Dog Zone 9000, the official podcast of 1900HOTDOG, America's final comedy website. Our dedicated garbage archaeologists unearth cursed media and write thousands of words of jokes about it every single day. Come support us on patreon.com slash 1900 hot dog or die drowning in AI spam. Those are your two options. I'm Moon Princess Robert Brockway and with me is a very handsome but objectively unnecessary man.

It's Sean Baby. I've been called that so many times. There are worse things to be. And our guest, the pedicurist who turns into a nail monster to teach young girls not to yearn. It's Lydia Bug. Rawr, thank you for having me. I won a contest. Oh no. I get so mad when young girls yearn. Yearn above your station. Today, we're talking about Sailor Moon, which reminds me of

these 10 moon puns from our remaining comedy competition, Punsteria.com. You thought you got away, you sons of bitches. I was about to say, what great intros today. No AI puns, nothing. Wow. Hey, did you hear that everybody on Earth has to take a step forward because we're one step closer to the moon? Please tell me that's like the end of it. That's the whole thing? That's the end of it. That's the whole thing.

Oh, what the fuck? Why the please? Moon is up. Moon is up though. Does it make any sense? You need to brace up because for some reason of all the things AI does not understand, apparently the moon is real high. It's real high up there.

Why the please? Why is that troubling to me? I always thought the moon was a bit of a diva. She's always up in the sky, shining like she's the sun. That's a moon pun? I mean, yeah. That's like a thing that's objectively true about the moon. Yeah, it's like, it's just some shade. It's a moon shade. See, that's a moon pun. God damn it, Prokwe.

It's almost like humans can do this better than the computer. You did a good job. On accident. I knew a guy who stole the moon. He was over the Luna. Whoa. I don't like it. Sometimes I try to retrace the robot's, like, thinking.

That one is, that's a true black box. We will never understand how the robot came to that conclusion. You're not going gonna like this one. I can't wait for the next full moon. It'll be un-beer-leavable. Okay, because it takes its butt out when it gets drunk. See, I understand that one. It's a beer pun.

I can't do moon puns. I could do beer ones. Have you seen me do beer ones? Come on, robot. The moon is a great astronomical body, but I think it is a little overrated. At the end of the day, it is just a phase. Oh, I kind of like that that counts as a moon pun. A little closer. You can feel it trying for something there. It still needs a little work. Yeah. A little closer. You can feel it trying for something there. It still needs a little work.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't even know if there's edges to grind off. I'm saying we'll throw it out, but it's good to get your mind thinking in that direction. You can keep the punchline and just restructure the whole beginning. Yeah. I think the metric is if that would fool somebody who doesn't speak English, then it's good enough like the robot. The robot did it. Like if you said that to somebody who doesn't speak English, then it's good enough. Like the robot. The robot did it. Like if you said that's somebody who doesn't speak English, they'd know like, oh, he just, he just did something. I should nod. What? Like that's, that's what the most

it could hope to achieve. They're like A plus. Great. If it gets a nod from a confused foreigner, 10 out of 10. Raging success for AI. I thought I saw a werewolf, but it was just a full moon night. Okay. That's nothing. Yeah. That's absolutely nothing. Well, Marvel did produce a moon night show and a werewolf night show.

Specifically not spelled that way. Okay. Then it is nothing. It is- That's absolutely nothing. If it were a full moon night, that's just more- you would be more likely to see a werewolf. Like, I don't understand i'm so mad why don't scientists trust the moon because it's been known to be a meteor character

and uh in parentheses after meteor they have also spelled the word meteor oh wait wait wait is it like meteor no specifically no it's the word meteor as in the one in space twice. God damn it. Put it in parentheses to let you know. No, no, not the pun. Not the pun. Not like a pasta sauce, like a planetoid. I can't believe astronauts are some of the coolest people around. They travel to the moon and they don't even boastronaut about it. Whoa, that's not even true.

Those guys will not fucking shut up about it. Yeah, famously. Your pun was boastronaut? Of all the things you just said, boastronaut? Why did the moon go to the bank? To get some lunar sea. Lunar sea? See, there's something with like, you could have done current sea, because it has to do with tides. It's not quite there, but that's something.

That's better. Instead you want lunar sea. Lunar sea, which is much closer to lunacy. Like, it's crazy that we have this economic system. You get it. Like, why would you get lunacy at the bank? That's where I'm lost. You lost me. You ever try to get a home loan? You'll get a little lunacy at the bank. That's my, we need a Rodney Danger-field like tie adjustment sound effect. That was my best one.

That's pretty good. Yeah. Your final pun. I once had a dream that I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted and realized it was just an in-tail pipe. Hmm. I guess half points for that. At least muffler and tailpipe go together. Can we, uh, can we just real quick? These are moon puns. Yeah.

So no points, I believe is what you meant to say. It's a palate cleanser. Like, it doesn't usually even make a pun, so I feel like it made a pun. It wasn't related to the moon, but I'm gonna give it half a point. This is un-beer-lievable all over again. It's like, I can do other things. Do you want to see a different one? I don't know what the fuck the moon is.

They didn't put the moon in me. But I think I know what a muffler is. If AI learns about the moon, we're fucked. Yeah, that's... okay, that's the weak point. It doesn't know about the moon. We gotta go and launch our attacks from the moon. We're learning something valuable here. It thinks it's that direction, though. It thinks it knows where the moon is.

Please just move one step closer to the moon. That's the end of my concept. Kk-k-k- we went, and then it was like, okay, so the moon is that direction. The moon is forward? Because we can't do the up one. So, I don't know. If you hated that and you did, remember to support us. Patreon.com slash 1900 hot dog. Hundreds of bonus podcasts, exclusive team up articles, a bustling and joyous community, and most importantly, fuck the robots. Fuck them robots.

Today we're talking about Sailor Moon, but not the one you're thinking of. We are talking about the 1990s live action American adaptation nobody thought existed. It turns out it is real. There's a long story behind this. Way back in the early 2000s was the first time this sort of went around, made the rounds. And that's because parts of a storyboard and a few pages of a script were found when one of the original producers for this pilot could not pay for their storage locker anymore and And the contents were auctioned off including Apparently destroyed scraps of of this pilot. So he's doing about as good as you would expect It seems stunning that there's a worse version of what we saw that there was a rough draft of this pilot, so he's doing about as good as you'd expect. It seems stunning that there's a worse version of what we saw.

That there was a rough draft of this in any way. That somebody planned this. Somebody meant to do this. It wasn't an accident that just happened one day. We thought that's all there was for a very long time. People didn't really believe that was real. Like somebody was kicking it around. And then eventually someone unearthed a promotional music video music video was only like a minute and a half long It didn't show hardly any of this stuff. It could have been it looked like it was it looked like a joke

I mean this still looks like a joke. It's impossible to tell this away from the joke you would make about this But that circulated for a bit too. That's the last I had heard of it for a very long time. And like years and years ago, I believed I was still like, ah, it's probably an urban legend. Fairly recently, back in 2022, a YouTuber named Ray Mona, that's Ray space Mona, if you want to find her channel. That's a boon pun. She did some just truly wonderful garbage journalism and managed to recover the pilot, the actual pilot episode from the Library of Congress. And here's the crazy part, she got permission from all relevant copyright holders to upload it. That should not have been possible.

Yeah, that sounds... That's amazing. If you go watch this, imagine convincing the copyright holders, let me put this online for everyone to make fun of forever. But she did it! She did it! Go check out her channel, it kicks a lot of ass in general. She has a fucking four-hour documentary on her hunt for this pilot and this is just all she does. She finds like lost cartoon spin-offs, mistaken anime adaptations, cancelled like DS games for the mean girls. It rules. It's exactly your kind of shit if you're listening to this, so check it out.

So back in 1993, well before the actual cartoon, the actual Sailor Moon cartoon even came over here, back when we called it Japanimation, which, uh, that feels like a slur. That's a slur now, right? Mm-hmm. You're not allowed to say that. Bandai and Toei teamed up for what they called Project Y, which was, it feels like a military call sign for what they were doing, which was just to get Sailor Moon into America at any cost. And that was it.

They're like, Project Y, we need to get fucking Sailor Moon into America. What does that look like? We don't know. We have no idea. It turns out it looks like shit is the answer. But at the time, they didn't know that, obviously. I don't know why they were so adamant on this, but they teamed up with two studios, one called Toon Makers, which that's not a good sign.

Yeah. And one called Renaissance Atlantic Entertainment. That sounds classy. Actually, they pulled off this trick later with Power Rangers. They were the ones that pulled Power Rangers, probably with inspiration from this. The fact that they allowed this woman to upload it implies they're proud of this. Or at least not as sorry as they should be.

This would have been so much better if they did it Power Rangers style. The animation really kind of ruins it. It's not great anyway, but I mean the animation is definitely so bad. They actually got pretty far along the process. They were set to air this adaptation on Fox in 1994 and they encountered one problem. You already know it. It was fucking garbage was the problem. I guess they didn't realize it until later. But we're going to talk about the episode first. So the actual pilot episode, it opens with some real heavy-handed exposition for idiot

children. You say it's for idiot children. This made me like Sailor Moon. I've never watched Sailor Moon. I've seen the intro when it was on Cartoon Network or whatever. I had no idea that Sailor Moon had bad guys. There's like an evil queen capturing like the outer planets. I thought the whole show was just an FBI sting to catch perverts. And so here's this intro telling me, oh, no, there's like conflict

and bad guys. And I don't know, just all the years I've been soaking in nerd culture, I don't think I've ever heard a Sailor Moon enemy get mentioned. There is, but the lore of Sailor Moon is so insane, it's very hard to explain because it involves aliens and reincarnation. I've seen a fair amount of Sailor Moon when I was younger, and there are definitely very basic questions about Sailor Moon that I still could not answer to this day. Do they have memories of their past lives? I don't know. I don't know how much they know. I don't know if the creators know. So this is a very surface level of kind of in, it has something in common with Sailor Moon, the anime. But this is, this is not, Sean, if you were going to go watch like, I'm intrigued by this, I wanna go watch Sailor Moon. This is the 90s American adaptation version, for sure. This is definitely the dumbed-down, streamlined, westernized version.

It's kinda similar. There's some, like, the general outline is there. The Sailor Moon villains were the best part of it. They were like, the sailors would always win some contest that would teach them to like, they would have ambition beyond their station. And they'd go there and be like, I want to buy some nice shoes. And then they, the villain would turn into like a killer shoe and fucking kill somebody. And they'd be like, I was wrong to like shoes. Okay. I think I covered one for the site where the villain owned an evil gym, and they all wanted

to go to the gym and it was like, how dare you exercise children. Yeah, what is your problem? Don't stay in the house. I had no idea that was a pattern or a trope. Yeah. I mean, a lot of people argue it will have some sort of independence for young women. I think it achieved the opposite from what I know of it. But alright, let's let's let I'll let the exposition, the very heavy-handed exposition speak for me. Once upon another time, once upon another place, our solar system was besieged. Wicked Queen Beryl and her evil forces of darkness captured the outer planet and seized their jewels of power. The Princess Warriors ruled Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, and the Earth's moon. To become absolute ruler, Queen Beryl must defeat the Princess Warriors

and obtain the remaining cosmic jewels of power. The royal families of the five inner planets, led by beautiful Queen Serenity, formed an alliance to defeat Queen Beryl, making the moon their capital. To affirm the new confederation, Queen Serenity announced the betrothal of her only daughter, Sailor Moon, to Darion, Prince of the Earth. So a couple changes.

First, they're no longer sailors because that means nothing. They are now Princess Warriors, which is very He-Man. It looks very He-Man too. Like, this is 93, 94 when they're working on it. So this style of animation that they're doing is like a decade out of date. It is very, very early 80s animation. Real bad. I think making them princesses was a good note because this sounds like how little girls play, where they're like, okay, I'm going to be the prince. No, I'm also going to be the prince.

No, I'm the fifth princess. And then one girl's like, okay, but I'm the queen of the princesses. And there is like a queen of the princesses. So I don't think there's a non princess character. There's a boy princess. Fair enough. Yeah, there's an idiot hunk. He's here. We'll meet him soon. And I think it's a good note because like they have like an infinity gauntlet type of thing. And I can get behind that. That's very GI Joe. It's very idiot punk. He's here. We'll meet him soon. And I think it's a good note because they have an Infinity Gauntlet type of thing, and I can get behind that. That's very G.I. Joe. It's very Marvel Comics.

Because I thought they were singers or high schoolers or something. So the fact that they're star princesses with an Infinity Gauntlet is already better. I care about this one out of ten, which is a huge increase from my previous interest in Sailor Moon. Actually, both are right because they are, I believe junior high students in the anime. But they are also not that and space princesses instead. It's Japan. It's fine. They're both 14 and 47 years old. Aren't we all. So our actual cast, Sailor Mercury. She is now a redhead in a wheelchair who loves to party.

That fucking rules. That's a great change. I love wheelchair girl. I just like how obviously like they we know she loves to party because she says I'm the one who loves to party. Over and over again at every opportunity. Hey, do you guys remember partying? Yeah. Yeah, we know. Sailor Venus is like a vapid Latina ditz valley girl type. I guess we need that. Sailor Jupiter is a black nerd who I read did comedic impressions every week. Sadly missed that. Sadly missed out on those. Sailor Mars was an Asian tomboy and of course they changed Sailor Moon who in the anime was kind of gawky and skinny and undersized and really awkward.

They changed her into like a gorgeous faultless Barbie doll. She's everything you would expect. She's She-Ra in this animated universe that they're showing us here. Yeah, and if we're talking about what they look like, we have got to mention the wig on the tomboy girl. It was upsetting and distracting. I can't imagine being 12 and showing up to shoot that and then giving you that wig. It's the worst wig on the planet. It implies she refused the haircut. They're like, all right, we're going to give you a little bowl cut. She's like, no. Okay, wig it is. Oh, dead cat, we're going to staple this half an animal to your head. I think they did it to make her match the cartoon because the cartoon has weird like

curvy bangs, curvy spiky bangs that I don't think you could get with weird hair, with real hair. Like I think you can only get it with a bad wig. That could be it. But they didn't try to match anything else anywhere else, so they surely were not very concerned with that. I think they just had something marked Asian wig. You could probably trace it back to early racism, sure. I'm sure it's leftover from Jerry Lewis somewhere. It's a crime, that's for sure.

We open on our Sailor Moon Barbie marrying a totally dead-eyed hunk. That's, as you heard at the end of that exposition, Earth Prince Darien. You know what, let's hear a little bit from Darien. A great celebration was held on the moon to honor the momentous occasion. Sailor Moon was surrounded by her closest friends the Princess Boreas. Sailor Mars, Sailor Mercury, Sailor Venus, and Sailor Jupiter. Oh, Darien, I've so looked forward to this day. At last we will be together. Darien placed a star pendant around Sailor Moon's neck

and presented her with a single rose. A symbol of my everlasting love. So he sounds like he's making fun of this from like inside a shower. This whole wedding ceremony sucks. Just bad greeting card writing and he gives her a flower. They're on the moon, they should stab each other with moon rocks or merge into a triangle or something.

I feel like an exchange of flowers. Such a yesterday earth idea. I don't know, that's my note. That's my note for you, 40-year-old Sailor Moon show. J. My note is why was Darien recorded on substantially worse equipment than everybody else? L. The original guy quit halfway through reading the script and they had to really quickly replace him with somebody's nephew, that's what it sounds like. J. Queen Barrel, Evil Queen Barrel, invades the ceremony.

She is a blue-skinned space queen. She has the face of Grace Jones and she interrupts the ceremony by flying in on Robosaurus, but with her own face on Robosaurus, it kicks ass. She rides on the front of the face on the outside of the spaceship. That's like a sweet tattoo. It's fucking cool. I didn't like her name. I think that Barrel is like barely a name. It's like naming something Jargerid or Chone or something. It's just like, I'm fucking villain of space. These are my minions.

Beth? Gury? Just fucking nonsense name, Beryl. Chone is better than Beryl, I heard you. Yeah. Especially since they called them sailors out of nowhere and then named them after planets. Like, creativity was not the issue.

And then it gets to the villain. They're like, eh. Her name is Chair. Her name is Office Desk. I don't know. I want to make it. I want to say that this is also very good pacing at this point because it's almost Hercules-like in its stupid efficiency.

Because we've only been on the cartoon for, you basically played the entire cartoon so far in those clips and They're like, oh no, the Evil Queen found us but this is literally the only building on the moon you dumb fucks so like if This wedding anywhere else barrel would have never found them I think anywhere on the moon she would have looked because as we learned the moon is the capital of space I don't think she can hold her breath that long though Remember she rides on the windshield she would have looked because as we learned the moon is the capital of space. I don't think she can hold her breath that long, though. Remember, she rides on the windshield of her space face.

Standing on the outside of the space robo. Yes. But speaking of, she opens her mouth and by she, I mean, the spaceship opens her mouth and a bunch of putty patrol motherfuckers, just faceless disposable cannon fodder pours out plus two guys who kick ass. One is like Black Panther if Black Panther wasn't inbred pug. Yeah, I had that in mind. I said pugminatar, but it fucked a Chinese New Year parade.

And the other one is MC scat cat, but like dirt bag MC Scat. Like if MC Scat Cat was into Skinner instead of Paul Abdul, this is MC Scat Cat. He's a member of Heathcliff's gang. He's one of the junkyard cats. I couldn't tell. The cat does not speak English. The cat just goes, and that's it's,

that's the cat's reaction to everything. It is a werecat. It's standing, it has hands, it's fighting, it's wearing sunglasses, but it can only meow exactly like a cat, which I found very funny. I also want to make it clear that when this thing opens its mouth, it's not very big. So what comes out is like six people.

It's not like an army has unleashed like a fountain from this star-ish craft. Six putties, Pug Panther, and MC Skinnerd Cat. Did you take a clip of what the Prince of Earth says? Yeah, I believe. Well, I mean, we gotta set the stage here. So these guys are ruining everything and we have to stop this. I'll let Darian explain.

We must stop them! Such a sexy little pant. I'm glad you have a clip of this. One more, one more, wait. We must stop them! We must stop them! I don't know why he's the funniest one. It's how you'd make fun of, like, your little brother.

Yes, it's like you're mocking someone else, yeah. We must stop them! While trapped in a half-'re mocking someone else, yeah. We must stop them. While trapped in a half-empty hot tub, yes. If you were paralyzed in a half-empty hot tub and you overheard your little brother playing outside and he said something stupid, you'd be like, yeah, we must stop them. Can you call an ambulance? So Sailor Moon leaps into action saying, princesses, to your sky flyers, because you better fucking believe we got sky flyers.

They gave Spider-Man a motorcycle. Why do they do this? Because they don't have weapons on these things. They're just like windsurfing boards. And when they get on it, they just start swooping around. These are moon ski dudes. There's no lasers on them. And I watched the intro.

These are Star Warriors, right? Like, here comes the enemies. Luckily, we have every princess Star Warrior here. But then they leave to get on their fucking surfboards. This is the equivalent of like Hulk Hogan leaving a fist fight to get his roller skates. It's not, it's not a, it's a weird move. Strategically it's a strange move is my point.

They also don't do anything on them. They're like, quick, let's precariously balance on this and shoot into space. Perfect, that'll win're like, quick, let's precariously balance on this and shoot into space. Perfect, that'll win. I should explain, let's paint the visual picture. When Sean said they're windsurfing boards, they're windsurfing boards. It's exactly that, yeah, no modifications at all.

No other things. No, it's not us making fun of them. It's a surfboard with a sail on it and a handle that they hold onto. And I guess the 90s thought like, oh, the next extreme sport, it's going to be windsurfing. All the kids are going to want to buy this fucking windsurf board. Let's make sure it doesn't do anything in the big fight sequence. I should say they all hop on their windsurf boards except for the redheaded disabled princess

who goes from a wheelchair to a flying wheelchair. Yeah, I did not like that. Give her a fucking unicorn or something. I felt like they could have done anything other than space wheelchair. You shouldn't get a wheelchair upgrade when everybody else gets fucking flying surfboards. Like a little spacecraft, like one of them needs a little spacecraft. It's like they just didn't want any any of the kids to forget that she's disabled for even a second. They're like, remember this is the broken one, kids. I had a note here that the prince, he kind of talks a little

wispy but he fights like a motherfucker. He grabs a flagpole and he just brains the kitty cat. Just like thump, it is dead. Never to appear in another episode ever. Meanwhile all the princesses are just zipping around on surfboards above him. They're catching some moon waves. Get to fucking work! What are you doing? It's not time to shred. And that's like 15% of the forces there, just that one flagpole bonk. Like, he's winning! A couple more of those and the tide has turned. Because he's fucking ripped. He's a big dude. He's definitely old-school He-Man-Hunk drawing.

He's huge, he's ripped, he looks about 38. Next to his 14-year-old wife. So uncomfortable. Well, she, to be fair, she looks like mid-20s there. That is not a teenage girl, and they are not trying. Oh yeah, they definitely age them up in the animation. Yeah, it's not like in the anime. They age them way up in the cartoon. Queen Serenity, who is the good queen, grants them these ultra-powerful pendants and starts delivering a long speech about how all of the princesses will be safe once she opens this portal into a different dimension. And I don't know, Sailor Moon is not paying attention to this because she keeps looking

down at the cat next to Queen Serenity, whose eyes are fucking glowing and flickering, and she's got this crazy look on her face like, Yeah, yeah, dimension stuff. Hey, what's your fucking cat doing? I mean to be fair, she just attacked with a bunch of cat people, so I thought that it was gonna be like, hey, that cat is clearly evil. Mm-hmm. Suspicious. She's just, just she doesn't have any lines in that scene when she should. And she's just looking at the cat going nuts like, uh, somebody got to do something? That's not,

that's not normal. I was really troubled by this because so the Queen gives her all these powerful jewels. I heard from the intro, they already had these jewels. So I'm confused. But then instead of using these ultimate weapons of the universe she says run away with them but like there's like seven easily killable idiots or three or so now because the prince by now has definitely brained a couple more but like instead they hide with them like you know dimension vortex blah blah blah it's a long exposition to dump in the middle of a fight but also like I feel like they could have won if they gave the Star Warriors the super weapons and they turned around and each killed half a guy.

They're done. No show. All they do is take the pendants and flee. They don't fight on their little surfboards. The only person fighting is the prince, and he's just down there kicking ass. So, this isn't great for female empowerment so far. Yeah, they're complete cowards. Yes, you're right. There's no pushback. They're not like, oh, you got to run through the vortex. She's not like, no, lady, I must battle those three fragile guys with the most powerful pendants in the universe. She's like, no, no, I totally agree. I've got to retreat. The cat barely makes it onto her surfboard. She's like, I'm out of here. The cat's like, wait, wait, wait, I think I'm supposed to come.

I don't think he was supposed to come with that. I think that's just a fucked up weird cat. And she was trying to come with that. I think that's just a fucked up weird cat. She was trying to get away from it and she failed. But anyway, she explains all of this to the other princesses immediately because they're all zipping pointlessly around in the air. She flies up to them and says, we're going to the vortex and beyond oblivion.

Look at what? Hold up. I guess let's give it the reverence it gave in the cartoon. Everybody blows up, her husband, her people, they're all gone, they're all dead. Okay, that's enough of that. Her dipshit prince gets exploded on his space boat. He gets exploded, she sheds one tear and then is like,

okay, we're going beyond oblivion, which doesn't, I don't think that's what the queen said. She never said you have to go beyond oblivion. Well, and they end up in like Ohio or something. To be fair, that's beyond oblivion. I agree. So anyway, at this point, we cut to live action. It stops being a cartoon all of a sudden.

And we reveal that this full-figured blonde space Barbie warrior who was just marrying her adult prince space hunk was actually a 13-year-old girl in America. So that's not good. Beyond oblivion, Ohio. I mean, they should have girl in America. So that's not good. Beyond Oblivion, Ohio. I mean, they should have thought that one through because that's not good. It also implies that like none of it's happening, that she's just a kid picturing cartoons in her brain. Yeah, I thought she was maybe supposed to be daydreaming.

I'm like, I know this is Sailor Moon, but it seems like the setup is that she's just imagining this. Well, we hear her thoughts and her inner inner narrative she's sitting there looking at space and just miserably pining for her exploded dipshit love and the destroyed universe she used to know. Yeah, that's her fan fiction that she's writing. And then Sailor Venus comes in and asks to borrow lipstick for the big dance. So Sailor Moon drops the cat, Luna, who is telepathic and delivers a real fun sitcom quip.

There goes one of my nine lives. And then this happens. It's a long one. Oh, Luna, home seems so far away now. Hey, Vic. Vicky. Victoria, can I borrow your lipstick? What? Sure. Where are you going? Don't tell me you forgot.

Whoa! There goes one of my nine lives. The dance! She looks like an angel flying high The dance! Sailor, sailor boot She's got a life in the sky And another here on earth Sailor, sailor boot Be honest

Should I be smashing in white Or sophisticated in black? What happened to pretty and pink? Her talking cannibalism Gives her advice The princess fighters stand by her side I'm black Statistically speaking I am going to find the cutest guy at the dance. I know you are. And why not? Because he'll be dancing with me.

She's ready to fight for all that she believes. Sailor, Sailor Moon! She's gonna stop evil forces and save this galaxy. Sailor, Sailor Moon! I have absolutely nothing to offer! It's still going! Crush crime! Moon crime! I'm really gonna crush any crime.

I'm sure you could actually hear most of those antics. But that was just jam-packed with antics. Let's review. Let's review some antics. We've got dancing in the school hallways. We've got trying to pick out dresses dresses but none of them are right and throwing them all on top of the increasingly annoyed cat. Classic. A classic. We've got all of the princess warriors doing facial treatments while singing in the mirror. It's a very very bosom buddies.

And during that one there is a girl who's applying a loofah to her face as if it's a powder puff, like just slamming it into her face. Well, they are aliens, remember? They've just landed in Ohio. Okay, that makes sense then. That's how they do it on the moon, Lydia. Geez. They have a wrestling match over shoes.

They have a dance party in their dorms. There's a hat montage, an extended hat montage. There's the actual scene ripped from the breakfast club, a dance scene, an extended hat montage. There's the actual scene ripped from the Breakfast Club dance scene, an extended jewelry montage. I think you heard part of it there, but Sailor Mars, the tomboy, the Asian tomboy, she gets a little tomboy moment where she's picking out what jerseys to wear to the dance. And she says, should I be smashing and white or sophisticated and black and sailor mercury the the one in the wheelchair goes what happened to pretty and pink she's got clearly to

find gender roles be a girl yeah idiot yeah this is supposed to be for the girls it loses some of the progressive pretension here sailor jupiter gets an Urkel moment where she calculates the odds of getting a boyfriend. Just, mm, calculating boyfriend! I love that. That's such a dumb person's idea of how smart people talk. Statistically speaking, I'm going to find the cutest guy in the dance. I like the tall ones like, no you're not, cuz he's dancing with me. I guess she's just the bitch. She's like the Brenda Walsh. And then they stop, like, that's it for the personalities. I thought, oh, cool, let's go through all of them.

Like, but then they, like, they got a smart one and a horny backstabber. Like, I feel like they could have had one of them go like, what's a boy? My only date is gonna be with the Lord or something. Or have the wheelchair one be like. Oh, that's the wheelchair one. Yeah, she's what happened to traditional gender roles.

Shut up. I thought she was the party one. Like, I'm gonna kick my wheels up tonight girls and pull out a flask of gin. That's only the cartoon. That's the animated version. Once she transforms, she transforms into a, she's like only down with the Lord

and then she transforms into a party girl much like every Christian girl after two wine coolers. I don't think I didn't notice during the hat scene, the black girl pulled out an African pillbox hat, which shows that the costume designer thought, you know, what kind of hats do black people wear? And instead of thinking, oh my God, what's wrong with me? They thought, no, no, I came up with something. I thought I thought of one.

Okay, that proves it. That was an Asian wig. Yeah, I think we cracked it. Their headgear person was racist. we can assume this. I had one note from a long time ago we've already passed this but when she drops the cat and the cat's like whoa there goes one of my nine lives obviously this is a child actor like gently dumping a cat onto a carpet from two feet up it's not the cat's not really any danger but also she dropped the cat before she remembered the dance like it really shows the progression of how like, Hey, did you forget something? She's like, Oh my god, did

I forget something? Throw the cat, then stop and think, Oh my god, I did forget something. It was the dance. And for some something about that cracked me up because it feels like a child should be able to like perform this correctly. And like nobody on set said like, cut, no, remember the dance and then drop the cat no she just threw the cat for no reason she just turned around through the cat and it was like oh my god the dance To be fair in the in the cartoon if this is the same person all she did was see this fucking freaky space cat get Really weirded out by it try to run and then it climbs on a surfboard I don't think she's a fan the theme song says it gives her advice is this happening right after like did they just run and then it climbs on a surfboard. I don't think she's a fan. The theme song says it gives her advice.

Is this happening right after? Like, did they just escape and then appear on Earth and now they're going to dance after their whole planet has been murdered? I think maybe there's some time, but certainly it's an ongoing thing as we find out right now. The cat stops the tape of the theme song and it's like That's fucking quite enough montage. Remember the universe is being destroyed and it is Queen Beryl is attacking Jupiter and they have to go Oh shit, okay So Sailor Moon activates her magic pendant which I think I'm not totally sure but I think is an actual Sailor Moon toy like from the Japan cartoon that they sold to children

Yeah, it looked like very much like a thing I would have owned in the 90s like a big plastic Jewel that goes in the center of a big plastic Polly pocket Yeah, it looks like shit and they use the actual toy as the prop in the show Adaptation which is just something else. So she uses that to go into her magical girl transformation sequence. Here's another let's stop and worry point. Let's all just stop and worry about this because that's illegal to do outside of anime. It's like partially illegal to do inside of anime. In the anime this magical girl transformation sequence they get star-stripped and become like cosmically naked.

You cannot do that with a real live 12 year old girl in the United States. Good for us. Yeah. I think they handle it okay, because like when the girls change clothes, it's like, let's just do hand and foot stuff. And you're like, okay, I guess I'll allow it. And then when there's the full transformation, that's cartoon. Yes, they're transforming. That's the other twist here, is that the transformation sequence is them transforming back into cartoons.

That was the structure of this show, was they would have their on-Earth antics live action in this boarding school, going to dances and talking about boys. And then when they need to fight in space space they transform into cartoons and fly into space. Which kind of rules, I think? No, it's like, any time they do something cool they're a cartoon. I like Power Rangers style better, where it's just like other actors in different suits. I would have gone for live action the whole time. The cartoon really sucks. Yeah. Well, it's obviously because they don't have any sort of budget.

They had to buy the Sailor Moon toys to use as props. Sure. But I don't know. I found that at least in theory, not in practice, but in theory could have been a creative workaround if that had been... If, say, for example, the cartoon had looked any better. Yeah, maybe. But the cartoon does not look any better. Like if they'd done the actual Power Rangers and used clips dubbed over of Sailor Moon,

the cartoon, you'd be like, all right, that's... Ooh, yeah, that'd be kind of fun. But no, that's struggling-ass animation. I will agree, it's better than showing the actual... If it was live action and you showed that transformation sequence, you're under arrest for child pornography. Like, you're not allowed to do that. showing the actual, if it was live action and you showed that transformation sequence, you're under arrest for child pornography. Like you're not allowed to do that.

I feel like there's ways to have people in a show or movie change clothes without it being like sexualized. Not in an anime. They could have found a way. Like Wonder Woman is one of the sexiest women alive. Linda Carter would transform and it wasn't like a sexual thing. She spun around and it exploded and then she was in a Wonder Woman costume.

And like, if they could figure that out 20 years before, I feel like they could have done it here with a bunch of children. Well, anime did figure it out, and it was to strip children naked and have them spin around in roses. That's what I mean. I feel like of all the notes to give someone adapting this

for TV, for America, like maybe take out the new children in the stars. I feel like they were doing this chronologically and they came to that part and were like, okay, well live action time to transform and then partway through they're like, okay, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Draw me a picture of that child, nude.

What? No. What? How is that your note? How is that better than what I was doing? The answer being like, okay, just real close on her feet. All these notes are real suspicious. Okay, so they get they and they transform they go to they go to space and they get into a fight with Queen Barrel's forces and it kind of rules.'ll just listen to clip and then talk about it So this is what I missed the dance for you guys are in for it. And if I break a nail you're really in for it Why don't we have a party right here sounds good to me, but I think you guys are too out of shape

Why don't we burn off a few pounds? But I think you guys are too out of shape to dance. Why don't we burn off a few pounds? Ha ha ha! Uh! A little high voltage, boys. Uh! Gangway for the original party girl.

Uh! Oh, I like your style. Let me teach you a new skill. Uh-oh! This creep is mine! Take that, tall, dark, and gruesome! Watch out! Are you alright? Hey, somebody answer that phone!

Wow. That gives you just a good sense of the pacing of the show and the voice actors. Somebody answer that phone! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha who says, why don't we burn off a few pounds? And she has fire powers, so she says, why don't we burn off a few pounds and then shoots a huge fireball and burns several of them. Like, that's a cute pun, but you just killed them. You burned them. Fire powers that would have been great for her to use earlier, but no, didn't have them then. And like at the beginning, you heard Sailor Venus go, oh my God, if I break a nail doing this, and then what she meant by doing this

is firing a huge fucking laser beam and like Just blasting the shit out of there. Just murdering these guys with elemental powers any other cartoon would have been like hey I shoot you with fire powers, then they get a ring of fire around them right though. I'm trapped in the ring of fire This fully executed. They're dead. They burned they burned they gave them personalities that that one was just a cat I don't know what happened to him, but he could only meow and you burned him. But anyway, they have these awesome elemental powers and are taking them not as seriously as they should. And then Sailor Mercury, the wheelchair bound one, who can never forget her disability. Of course, she being another Princess Warrior

uses her powers granted to her by the shifting powers of the planets of our solar system to get guns on her wheelchair. GUNS? Was it guns? Oh yeah, they're like laser guns. It was guns. They were laser. They were laser guns. She got laser guns on her wheelchair is her special power. According to my notes, the lasers first missed everyone. She just completely whiffed it. And then when the big lava monster showed up, that's when she says, take that tall, dark and gruesome.

She shoots him with a laser. It does nothing. So she has lasers. It has to be a very big target for her to hit. And also, it doesn't hurt. And then she is immediately swatted out of the sky. And so she's like, kind of a liability in this fight. They all run over to her because they've forgotten

they're in a fight. And they're like, hey, are you OK? And she's hot. She's not. She's like, hey, somebody answer that phone. Like, no, she has a serious concussion. Yeah, I wrote she has brain damage. Yeah, it's the pilot and the disabled girl got humiliated and killed after a lot

of real questionable wheelchair choices. I'm just saying if someone said, I really hate people in wheelchairs, I'm gonna make a show about it. This is very close to what they would make. I feel like they let one person in a wheelchair watch the show and that person was like, I felt like she didn't have any personality.

And so they added that one line where she was like, hey, I like to party and I'm here to kill monsters. What if I told you she's incompetent, not because she's disabled, but because she's drunk? Okay, that's something. That's Tony Stark right there. Either way, she gets her big line is this creep is mine stand back and then she blasts it It's not even it doesn't even annoy it not even for a second and and just destroyed

I get is it is a deeply embarrassing showing and I'll remind you all of the other sailors have had a private moment here to be Like okay boys. Let's burn off a few calories And I'll remind you all of the other sailors have had a private moment here to be like Okay, boys, let's burn off a few calories. Okay, I won't break a nail shooting you with my goddamn lasers Like everybody else gets something cool and she gets to crash a wheelchair Is her moment Fucking sucks. So in the middle of the battle luckily a rose is thrown down and the princesses look up to see So in the middle of the battle, luckily, a rose is thrown down and the princesses look up to see Tuxedo Mask, only the American version, so it's Denim Jacket Mask. He's so much more useless in this than he even is in the cartoon where he's famously very useless. Oh, opposite! It's totally the opposite, they fucked up in a different direction.

Because like, in the cartoon, he's a joke. he's like a running joke and it's great it's one of my favorite jokes in a cartoon is that the man shows up to dramatically like stop the scene they all go oh my god such a beautiful man he throws a rose and then he's like okay see you later and he just leaves and they're like all right he was great and he didn't do anything he never does anything he doesn't do anything here either he threw a rose and then she remembered that she had superpowers. No, no. The rose flashes in time with her amulet. So the rose gives her a power boost.

And then when it's when she's done, she like flips out with this power boost and throws her her moon T.R. Oh, my God, I had no idea that was what happened. I did not connect those two things at all. After that takes down the monster, she's powered up on Manjuice and takes... It's gotta be, by the way, I say that. After she gets powered... Let's cut that.

No, I'm doubling down. We can just go back. After she powers up on Manjuice... We can rewind, and you never said that, and that's okay. We can do that. She blasts the monster, and then it shows her pendant with the rose in it flashing and powering down, and she's like, Oh my god, what was that? So she can only save the day here with the power of the man believing in her.

So it completely fucking ruins that joke and instead finds a new way to make all the female heroes of the show look useless. Okay, I didn't know that he juiced her up with the rose somehow. I think that's what I mean all of it's it's all garbage, but that's what I thought was happening. That's how I read it. Tuxedo masks is a support class. He throws you a rose buff. Boom, you got forehead boomerang. It all just made sense to me. Yeah, I literally thought you just popped up and was like, oh shit, I do have a forehead boomerang that I haven't used. Okay. But no, that the correlation there makes more

sense. Nope, it's man juice. I like it. She started to show that she's powered up. She starts figure skating. I thought that was pretty good. Because to me that communicated. Oh, she's fucking she's moon charged. She's moon charged on her on her moon skates. The lunar skates. Yeah, the mud monster just kind of watched her do a little twirl before she totally annihilated him and he was like, oh that's pretty- oh god, oh no. He did just swat a girl out of the sky and realized, oh my god, I think I just killed

a disabled girl. Ugh, wait, was that- was that a space wheelchair? Oh fuck! Jesus Christ! Oh, well hold on. I thought you were like a Star Warrior or something, god damn it. I did not mean to knock over your space wheelchair, that's really fucked up. You shot me with it, it didn't even hurt, ugh. It takes a lot of agency away from you in your own show

I'm really sorry about that So that's enough for the fight to she's now wondering who who denim jacket mask could possibly be who? who and as she's wondering that it cuts back to her once again daydreaming in math class and She says this. I don't know. I just don't know. Where are you daydreaming this time, Victoria? Outer space? No, Miss Scrimp. I'm right here. On Earth.

To credits on that line? She looked right into the camera. I think everyone listening knew. Everyone knew that she turned the camera for that. Whatever you just imagined, that's exactly what happened. She says, no, I'm here on earth being a real girl credits And like and she knows that her husband is the prince of earth and she's like who the hell could that guy be?

Yeah, he just threw her the rose from their wedding ceremony This is be like if my wife threw her wedding ring at me in the middle of fistfight And I looked down at it said my wife's wedding ring and then I looked off and I saw my wife in goggles. And then I just stopped the fist fight to go, who are you? Who are you? Who are you? And then I woke up on Earth. And then I looked right into the fourth wall and said, I'm here on Earth.

And then credits rolled. That's what fucking happened. That's what happened. I mean, I feel like they had to tell you, like, by the way, this is Earth. In case you didn't know, at the end of this pilot episode, she is on Earth now. Like, it's pretty confusing what's going on here. So if that seems short, that's because it's a 10-minute pilot.

Closer to six after you take out theme song and credits. It's the least faith I've ever seen anybody have in any property. Just one quarter of the way through a standard pilot link, they're like, ah, this was dumb. This isn't working. This was in the Library of Congress. Like the fucking, our government document. Okay, this was hidden in the Library of Congress. They didn't want anybody to find it. They weren't proud of it. And honestly, like, the core concept of, like, four princesses and a queen princess should be unruinable in the 90s for little girls.

I agree. Oh, they found a way. I feel like if this show got aired, it would be a hit. There's no reason it wouldn't be. No! Sean! It's dumb as shit, but so is everything. Like, this is... I think it was dumb as shit in a kind of a Herculoid's way, in a way where it's like, at a certain age, you're like, this is, I think it was dumb as shit in a kind of a Herkuloids way, in a way where it's like, at a certain age, you're like, this is fun and stupid to watch. And you know, if you're five, what do you care?

I think I would have eaten up the middle part where there, the live action part, I think I would have loved. But the cartoon would have been too weird. And I would have been too confused. I am 35. And I don't know what happened in the cartoon. I displayed multiple times during this podcast that I had no clue what was fucking going on. How do you think 13-year-old me would have handled that?

Okay. It's a good point. All in all, if this had run, if this had gone to series, I think it would have done a measurable harm to teenage girls in America, but it would have done a lot of favors to 35-year-old men dating those teenage girls. Giving them a lot to talk about together. I think I liked that all of the decisions were crazy. I liked that they clearly were going off of the template of like, hey, here's what a cartoon should be. But then they added murder. They added madness.

They added wheelchairs. And then in the live action, they're like, we know what little girl shows should look like. But then they're like, what if we multiplied them? Remember that scene where we didn't even talk about this yet, but while they're dancing and kind of getting ready for the dance, like the girls multiply. Oh, yeah.

Why? Like there's just three of each of them dancing around. And I was like, see, this is the decision made by a lunatic. And I think that's why I like it. I think with this many strange creative decisions happening so fast, it'd have no choice but to really resonate with weirdos. And there's just a lot of weirdos. I feel like one out of every 10 people would have said, oh my god, this is the most important

show in the world. And we could have arrested those people. You're right. Yeah. You're right. it would have done some good. Anyway, I looked up a lot of fun facts about this. None of them turned out to be nearly as fun as I thought, so here's just my one favorite fact. God damn it. They had to keep the cat they used for Luna in the live action sequences drugged to the absolute tits,

otherwise it would, quote, piss on everything. Get a different cat! Yeah, cats, cats, cats suck. You can't find one cat wrangler? I hate cat wrangling. Yeah, they don't pee on everything get a different cat cats You can't find one cat wrangler hey cat wrangler, yeah, they that don't pee on everything sorry no We we just have the cats that pee But we can drug them. I just love that you can tell looking at those sets those look like they reek of cat piss and you Would be a hundred percent correct correct. For an hour! Come on, you can do it! 1,900! 1,900 Frankfurt! 1,900! 1,900 Frankfurt! 1,900! 1,900 Frankfurt!

1,900! Yeah! 9,000! As children, they were lost to the wilds of Florida YAH! 9000! As children, they were lost to the wilds of Florida when their parents' yachts were exploded by Skeletor. Raised by wolves, they must now re-enter society with only the help of a manimal, a little person toy genius, and Hulk Hogan on a sentient speedboat. They are... Bim Talzin, Brandon Garlok, Brian Saylor, Burrito, All Wolfkit, Everyone, Ceral, Chase, Cheddar Wolf is one of the wolves who keeps raising these damn kids. Clementine Danger, Common Sense was orphaned by a Skeletor and has vowed revenge on all skeletons.

ALL SKELETONS. Craig Lemoine. Quavis. Dan B was raised by sentient speedboats who have sadly passed. Vroom vroom Dan B. That means I'm sorry for your loss in speedboat. Daniel Sloan. Devin the Rogue Supreme. David Shullull Dean Costello was raised by wolves and violently destroys all clothing unless it's from his natural prey animal the silkworm Delta Foxtrot Doug Redmond is raising wolves that's... Get out of here Doug Redmond

Drayson Dusty's Rad Title Eric Rion. Every Zig was raised by coyotes and is frequently a victim of wolf racism. Fancy Shark, Gareth is a little toy genius. For the government? Nice try, narc genius. Get out of here.

Jell-o-ho, Good Satan and his Hot Witches. Greg Cunningham. Hambone. Haraka. All Feral Wolf children. It's a real societal problem. Harvey Panguini. Honk. Javer Al-Aidin is howling. It sounds sad. Wait, that's not sadness. It's party. It's party, Wolf, everybody! James Boyd. Jared Mountainman. Jeff Horaski. Jim Salter was raised by snakes.

Watch him slither! Ooh, yeah. John Dee. John McCammon. John Minkoff. Joseph Surrows. Pretty much the whole J-section all wolf kids, Josh S, Joshua Graves, Justin B was raised by ants, and now with the speed and strength of an ant he faces a lot of difficulty in day-to-day life. Ken Paisley, K&M, Kumutas, Kyle Campbell.

Lane Haygood is a wolf child psychologist, here to do some potty training. Thank fucking God you're here Lane Haygood, this place, I think it's everyone's territory. Lisa, Lucas Keen is out of control on pure distilled Hulkster scent. It's banned in 92 countries and for good reason. M. Jahee Chapelle, Mark Mahoney, Matt Riley, Max Perroy is a sentient speedboat who kills Skeletors. Not so fun now, is it, Skeletors? Michael Dillon, Michael Lair, Mickey Mickey Loman Mike Stiles Moju

Mort was raised by wolves Hot Wolves What? She's a wolf, Mort. That's all I'm saying. Mr. Bob Gray N.D. Neil Bailey Neil Schaeffer Necu104

Ornery Weevil was raised by feral toy geniuses and only speaks the language of exploding pterodactyls Ozzy Olin Patrick Herbst Rachel Rhiannon Sarkovsky Sean Chase Spotty Reception

Static Dust is an adoptive wolf parent taking in unwanted human children and teaching them to bite and snore them. We've got Mother's Day, we've got Father's Day, where's Wolf Day cowards? Super Knot, Ted H, Thomas Kavatsos, Timmy Leahy, Toasty God was raised by wolves and still speaks fluent wolf to this day. If things go south next election that wolf passport is gonna come in handy. Tommy G. Velo. Booster can turn into any animal, but it hurts... so much, don't ask her.

Waylon Russell. Zak and Ava. Benjamin Sironin. Boy. Hulk. Boy. Little Person Toy Genius Borg

Sentient Speedboat Borg Skeletor, ah he's not getting it. Let's send him to live with the Navajo everybody!