The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 20, If Jesus is Radioactive, Call Him a Dinky

Episode Date: April 28, 2021

Seanbaby and Brockway airdrop Jamie French deep behind enemy lines to tackle walking micropenis joke, Doug Giles, and his deeply sad book If Masculinity is Toxic Call Jesus RADIOACTIVE.

One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred hot dog. Out of podcast slams with maximum hype. Say hot dog podcast word. Yeah. When you taste that nitrate power, you're in the dog zone for an hour. Come on.

You know the number. One nine hundred. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine zero zero. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine zero zero zero.

Yeah. Nine thousand. Welcome to the dog zone. Nine thousand. The official podcast of the one hundred hot dog. Comedy hilarity website. I'm TV Shame from the internet. And with me as always is my partner Robert Brockway.

Partner and crime all the time. Robert Brockway. I like that. I think we should keep it. I was trying to prep cuteness all day. All took me all day for that one. And joining us is part of our podcasting team, our audio engineer and adult film entertainer,

the woman I sing to all the time when no one else is listening on the podcast. Jamie French. Hey, how's it going everybody? Not too bad. Not too bad. Okay, great. I mean, that's a start.

I think my pretty good beats here are not too bad. I mean, we'll get there. I won. I won that one. So, uh, Jamie, how would you like to be introduced? I mean, you are an audio engineer and then just like very unrelated to that, uh, an adult film entertainer. But like, like, do you introduce yourself?

Like if you met someone at like, say, like a party, like you live in Vegas, you're at a party and they're like, Oh, what do you do? Do you just straight out the gate? Tell them. Oh, that is so gracious of you to assume I have a social life. Well, you better not right now. Oh, yeah.

I mean, the circle of people I run around with that, we're all in the same business. It rarely ever comes up. Because I do follow you on Twitter, of course. And I'm sorry. There's some, there's some danger close posts there. Like, you know, a lot of adult entertainers on my feed, but like sometimes I'm scrolling through joke, joke,

joke, you know, activism, joke. And then it, then you're just going to town on a butt. There was one a couple of weeks ago, you got thrown into a backflip like mid-coitus. And I'm like, this is a, this is an aggressive post. It's, it is. It does. Generates a lot of sales.

That one. Oh, good. Yeah. This also functions as your plug. Right. This is the plug. Look for Jamie getting tossed into a backflip while she's fucking very impressive sales pitch.

That was take four. We practiced that. That was planned. Okay. I was going to ask, like, if that's something you talked about, or if that's just, cause I've surprised some people with moves like that and it is, it has never ended well. Seven women are dead because of that.

No, we finally nailed it. That's all I could think about. The rest of the scene was, yes, yes, yes. You, you took it like a champ. If I would have landed the mid-coitus backflip, I would have totally like looked at the camera. I wouldn't have played it cool at all. But like, do we got it?

Did we get, oh, damn. We got to do it again without that. You got to do the Mentos freeze after that. Just a big, very professional smile. I've been meaning to like dig up like the outtakes in some of these videos. They're amazing. I got to put together like a little compilation. That's what my Twitter feed needs is full penetration hardcore outtakes.

Yes. I think that's Jackie Chan singing rock songs over at the end. Oh yeah. I love it. So at the top of the show, you probably know this because you've had to edit our disastrous mess before. We like to do a little mess around.

We talk about things we're working on. Are there any projects you'd like to discuss? Any backflips you're training for? No. I'm just kind of, you know, keeping my head down and just knocking out scenes here and there when I can. And yeah, everything's going really smooth. But you know, if anybody wants to find out what I'm up to, there it is.

Go to the Twitter feed. That's where it all happens. That's where the action is. Yeah. More or less. Unexpectedly often. Yeah. Quite literal action.

Sounds like it's fucking action packed. Yeah. Sean, you said we were going to talk about toxic masculinity. We are. That's the main theme of the show. Yeah. You have something about toxic masculinity to bring up. I was just going to tell Robert to back off.

That's all. We're already exhibiting it. And I was going to wildly overreact to that. Robert, what are you working on before we start our, you know, really get into the toxic masculinity? I just finished up a piece. It was, I think counting all the words and images, it was like 1500 words about. Okay.

So not a really long one for you. No, that's pretty medium for me. And it was about a 20 second gum commercial. Okay. So that is pretty long for a gum commercial. For a gum commercial, for a 20 second gum commercial. If it was one of those like Norwegian gum commercials, it's like seven and a half minutes. And it's all just moaning over music and slow pans.

But no, this is a quick 20 seconds with Ashton Kutcher and a sexy pizza. And the pizza was just way too sexy. And it was way too over designed to be sexy. Can I hire you for a Scripps, Robert? It sounds like it's. Yeah, I will only from this day forward write about sexy pizza. So I hope that's not a deal. I can write about a sexy pizza in a lot of scenarios.

Are we married to Ashton Kutcher though? No. It's not a part of every scene that you're going to write. Sadly, no. Okay. I really did like this. I just read this the other day. I love the depth of it, how like you're making fun of the commercial, but then you also have

like this dudes behind the scenes for like the 150 variations of sexy pizza. This poor artist. I went and found his portfolio, his design Bible for sexy pizza. He actually went through and cataloged the entire process of like making this the sexiest pizza pizza he could. And he just had hundreds of drawings and iterations. So many directions to find out. There's just a couple like choices that are like, okay, here's where you went crazy.

Like he put the pizza in real stockings. Like everything else was like a pepperoni dress or a pepperoni bra or like a cheese panties. But this was like a real stocking someone made for a pizza sized sex monster. Because he just needed to see it. He's just had to see where he starts losing that grip on reality. And he's like, maybe, maybe am I going to jerk off to this? I've been fighting for so long.

This is a very lewd episode. This is the lewdest dog zone 9000 we've ever done. The opening especially is just opening. Opening was a 2 out of 10. Talking about Jamie's adult film career was nothing compared to this fuckable pizza. We really, anyway, we really explore the world of fuckable pizza. Everybody's going to hate it and I'm going to be very happy about that. So that's what I did.

Well, mine is probably as disturbing in a different way. I've been working on a child clown book. Fuck you. And it's a real thing. It's a book for children to become clowns. It's so much worse. It's so fucking, it's so much worse than what you probably first pictured. And like, I love Tim and Eric.

You've probably seen Tim and Eric at least a couple of times. There's an episode where they have like a child clown warehouse. And that's kind of the whole bit. Like there's a hook that it's these two brothers that each have rival child clown warehouses. But for the most part, the basic concept of a child clown lives among like diarrhea pants and like urinal showers. Like it's crazy enough on its own to exist in the Tim and Eric universe. And here's a real life book about it.

How to manufacture them. How to mass produce an army of them. This is how clowns are born. It's only 32 pages long because the woman who wrote it knows literally nothing about clowns. Like I read this book. It's for children, sure. Wait, is it a physical book?

It's a physical book with like full color illustrations. 32 pages, like thick cardboard pages, like a child's first book. No, it seems to be written for like fifth grade level children. The language is very adult, not lewd, but like complicated. Like the basic advice is to like exaggerate your movements. And like they have a lot of subjective ways to describe like how your performance as a clown should be, which I think it's a little sophisticated for very young children who theoretically the book is for. Anyway, it's really fucked up.

And I guess please enjoy the article, but I keep finding like little nuggets of insanity. Like stockings on a pizza that's just like, okay, the person who did this is a madman. Like here's a good example. Like they show the gag where you're had a walking invisible dog as a clown. Like you just get a stiff leash and you're like, oh, my dog is invisible and whatever. If you enjoy that kind of thing, you can go fuck yourself, right? Sorry then. Brockway loves it.

I'm not a fan. This is why we make a great team. We disagree on things like that. But someone in the book drew in like a little phantom cartoon dog inside the leash. Like just like a 50% transparency, just a just a madman's decision to draw a ghost dog. This is what you should picture while you're walking the dog. You must picture this specific dog. Make it real in your mind.

And like I always find when I like do the deep dives into these books, this 32 pages books, it took me days, weeks to get through it all. In the index, it has like, here's mimes go to page 14, 15 through 16, 17, 18 through 19, 20, 20. And I'm like, that's all. It's all of them. It's all of them. All the pages. It's a hidden mime on every page.

And I'm, this is a direct quote I'm doing. She's pages 14 through 21 all contain mime information. And she wrote that out like I just said. That's fucking crazy. In a way unrelated to child clouds. Like that's just a person using commas and numbers to express their madness. And that's the kind of thing you find when you really look at these books. She might have been going back to like add more mimes.

Like, oh, is there really not one on page 15? Sneak a quick secret mime in there. Just put index. It's 32 pages. You have to turn the fucking page 16 times to get through the whole book. Just go look for what you're looking for. Oh, you're looking for mime? I don't really like that warrants even a table of contents.

It's the worst choose your own adventure book I've ever heard of. Every single ending is just, you've become a clown. I'm so sorry, you've become a clown. No, I hate this book. It's not a good ending. I have my finger at the other endings and it's all the same ending. Not enough fingers. Don't say that.

That's my take on child clouds. That's what no child in this book says. Oh shit. We already got a cut. Jamie, can you fix that in editing, please? What I want you to make it extra loud. Cut out everyone else's giggling. Yeah, just dead silence afterwards.

Yeah, and a long pause like we all thought about it. Got to put like a low ominous hum under the whole bit. Yeah, you get us. I'm so glad you get it. So today our main topic is toxic masculinity. And I'm bringing to you this book. I'm going to read you some passages. It's called, if masculinity is toxic, call Jesus radioactive.

That's the worst title I've ever heard in my life. It's really attention grabbing though. You hear that and you're like the person who wrote that book is a fucking idiot. And he, I promise is, he's a right wing preacher named Doug Giles. Of course. Yes, of course. And before we talk about it, I do sort of want to establish our expertise in toxic masculinity. I can go first if you'd like.

I think Rambo for rules. Oftentimes when I order meat, I tell the waitress to just make it as raw as they're legally allowed to make it. And I once called a stranger a pussy in a crunch fitness boxing class. So I do kind of want to explain that. Yeah, you got to tell that if you got a couple of minutes. You can understand. Right. Okay.

So, so before the boxing class, it's something I do a couple of times a week or did before the pandemic. I like to go in an hour early and I kick the bag by myself. And some dude comes up and he's like watching me kick the bag, trying to talk to me about karate. And this happens a lot because I don't know, I got nuclear bombs for feet. Like I got karate feet. I can say without ego that no one in crunch fitness has ever kicked as hard as me. Like I, I kick pretty good. If I'm going to, if I'm in an MMA gym, people like, Hey, that guy kicks pretty good.

If I'm at crunch fitness, they're like, what the fuck is wrong with that guy's feet? What's happening to my world right now? So it's, it's a real conversation starter. And this dude's talking to me and I'm, it's clear this dude hasn't done karate since he's like five. You know what I mean? I'm like, this is not a two sided conversation. So he, he thinks we're best pals. The class starts, he takes off his shoes because he's just like me now.

And I'm like, I'm already a little annoyed with this guy, right? I'm the only guy who's barefoot in the class, mostly cause I'm too lazy to put on my shoes after the kicking. Anyway, the point is I don't like him. I'm doing my best to behave myself. We get paired up in sparring and this is crunch fitness sparring. So like we're tapping each other in the head and this guy is like turning his back to me. And I do this class a couple of times a week. Normally I get paired up with like 110 pound women from the ad agency next door, right?

Like I'm not fucking, nobody's fucking each other up. I've never seen anyone like turn away from the punches that are just little tippy taps. Like we're just practicing like our movement and our blocking, right? And this guy is hiding from it like a coward. And so I'm really annoyed by this. And like the bully inside me is like fighting to get out. So I start slapping him in the kidneys, trying to say like, this is why you don't do that, buddy. You can't do this.

And he's like, yeah, yeah, totally, totally. And the class goes on. He continues to do very a number of annoying things I don't need to get into. But it ends and he just collapses on the ground. He's like, he can barely breathe. And he looks up at me and he's like, I would have had you if it wasn't just boxing. And I said, and this is like the last straw for me, right? So I said, buddy, you're almost dead from half my fucking daily workout and you fight like a pussy.

And I thought, okay, that's the meanest thing I ever said. And I was like, I shouldn't have said it. And I had to talk myself into it like, no, that guy deserved it. That guy told you that he could have kicked your ass while he was dying from this gentle workout. So I was like, okay. Well, he was dying from not kicking your ass. Yes. Right.

Well, the whole time we were sparring, he would like kind of paw at my head. And like, if it was anywhere within like a foot of my head, he'd say, oh, I would have got you. Like, okay, buddy. Pretty deadly jab there. Anyway, I'm sure even in telling that story, you can see that there's a lot of toxic masculinity inside me. It's very much my comfort zone. That guy is just broken. He's just weeping, listening to this at home.

This is proudest moment until now. We did talk about that guy for months. He was an unusual case. It's not like every day someone comes in like that, but he was, there's a type like every few classes someone will come in. He's like, yeah, dude, I used to clean up the streets with my street fighting. This boxing stuff is, you know, whatever, you can picture it. He used to clean up the streets. It sounds like he washed out pretty quick.

Is that the case? We never saw him again. Yeah. He was, and like I say, this is just something like you drop in like elderly people drop into the class all the time. It's not a super hard workout. I don't know. So that's, that's me. Hopefully that establishes my expertise as a toxic man.

Well, it's completely changed. Yeah. It's completely changed the way I see it. I don't know if I'm comfortable being here anymore. In fact, yeah. No, it's you're in a lot of danger of me screaming, yelling. I feel it. I feel it.

I feel like I can take you now. I've never felt that before. I have gone 44 years without hitting a woman, aside from of course the ladies of crunch fitness, but like today could be the day. All right. Brockway, do you have them? Yeah. Robert, you go next.

I get a lot of like tangential connections to toxic masculinity. I'm into a lot of things that a lot of dudes I don't like or into like I ride a motorcycle. So every time I get off my motorcycle, I have to talk to another motorcycle guy. Right. It is 100 percent of the time about, I don't know, banging bitches or how good a course tastes while you're going 70 miles an hour through the desert or just lots of like I've done 200 miles an hour, which no, you haven't. Not on a motorcycle, not on city streets.

Helmets are for pussies kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah. Are you comfortable in those conversations? Because honestly, that feels like a really comfortable conversation to have with a stranger to me. I am not. You have to pretend to believe them when they say they've gone 200 miles an hour and

they don't really. They all, like Jamie just pointed out, I wear full gear when I ride and most of the guys, especially when I was in when I was in Arizona, most of the guys do not. And they would love to make it a point of like, I'd wear the helmet, but I just got to feel the wind on my face. Yeah, man. Bugs in my hair. Yeah.

You got bugs in your teeth. Like that's that's one of the reasons you don't, but also like you want, you've come up to me to start a conversation by implying I'm a pussy. Right. While doing this. And it's just, it's just a lot of like, and I had a classic car at a 71 Mustang for a long time. And that was the same thing.

You'd mostly just get old guys talking about the good old days of their toxic masculinity. Their high school car. Like I don't do this anymore, but I used to just, I used to just go around and I'd beat up anybody that looked different and then I'd have sex with them or maybe maybe not that second part. Don't call me out on that second part. Lots of lots of real nasty exposure to old dudes. And so that I can admit a personal wrong as you have just done.

I used to get in a lot of fights when I was a teenager that were not good ideas. I would like to clarify that I'm, I'm not a tough guy. So I didn't win most of those fights. But physical punches are thrown wrestling and. Yeah. I got in a lot of like actual fights. I got expelled from God. What was that ninth grade?

It was my ninth grade year. I got expelled because I was so used to fighting all the time in junior high. Wait, Robert, are you not the guy that Sean kicked the shit out of? I am that guy. See, that's what I'm saying. Have you guys ever been in the same picture together? That was just the change that I needed to really adjust my life. And I've been waiting for a way to thank him.

Well, I'm glad some good came from it. I tell myself every time I kick someone's ass, I'm like, they're going to be stronger because of that. Until they're weaker, which was me. But yeah, yeah, I got, I got expelled from ninth grade for fighting. Cause I was so sure fighting was just what everybody did all the time from my junior high. Right. And then the. So you just didn't have teachers or security or anything in, in junior high?

No, there, there were, but they were just kind of a let them fight situation. I'm really worried that's the kind of teacher I would be too. Like these two, I mean, these two 14 year olds really want to go at it. There's a bedding pool in the teacher's lounge is the whole thing. Nobody's got a knife. They'll be all right. But it was like, it was like my third week. I didn't even make it very long in there.

And I, and some kid was throwing lifesavers at me in study hall. And so I found him in the hall and I, there was a teacher right there cause he knew I was going to try to ambush him. So he was like hugging the teacher and I ambushed him anyway in front of the teacher. I like that there's an element where you're the hero in this though. Like he did instigate something. You got to make that choice as a child. Like if you're, if they're trying to bully you, you need to like, do I need to make it clear that bullying me will be bad for them? You know what I mean?

Yeah, I was working on prison rules for sure. Yeah. They like arrested me immediately. Like brought me to the office and called the cops and the whole time I was just like, wait, wait, what? No, you just sent me home. They didn't hear your side of the story cause I heard your side of the story. I'm like, yeah, you're the, you're on the right, but they didn't hear the lifesaver part and think, yeah, okay, that's justified violence. No, here's the crazy part.

They didn't think that throwing lights, lifesavers at somebody was enough to get punched in the face over. They just don't get it, man. I've come to believe they're right over the years. That person made a choice to go from zero to lifesavers. Now wait a minute. Was it hard lifesavers? They were hard. It was not the 90s gummy lifesavers.

Okay. That's what I was going to ask because I think that's the, that's the decision maker right there. If it's the, if it's the hard ones, you have every right in the world to deck up. Oh yeah, I'm not a monster. I would not hit somebody for throwing soft lifesavers at me for throwing gummies. Throwing gummies is just a good time. That's right. You're supposed to catch them.

I tried to catch them. Yeah. Did you have any interaction with this person before the lifesavers? Was it seriously just a person psychotically throwing lifesavers at someone you didn't know? It was like unfriendly interactions, but nothing escalated to that point. And I wish I could say that fixed all of the fighting in me. It certainly made my life a little easier being out, but I got in a few terrible fights after that and just none of them were ever a good idea.

I've regretted every single one and then obviously nothing for like 22 years now. Yeah. It's hard to get a fist fight going outside of high school. Yeah. Nobody's game. I'm always like, Hey bro, you want to fight? But no, I definitely had that toxic masculinity in me as a teenager, but it definitely died out like as soon as really as soon as the hormones stopped.

And I was like, Oh, thank God. Thank God I can stop doing this. I'm so bad at it. Can you still eat lifesavers? Has it ruined lifesavers for you? You know, I haven't had a single one since then. It hasn't been a conscious decision, but I do have a lot of dreams that I'm drowning and there's just nothing there.

This is the true cost of toxic masculinity. It's a goddamn shame. It's scarring. Yeah. And in ways that you can't expect or anticipate. So Jamie, as an online trans woman. And purveyor of porn and sex worker and all that. Yeah.

I bet you don't have any experience with toxic masculinity. I don't know that I have any, I don't have any fun stories. Okay. I guess. Yeah. That makes sense. If I were to like remark on it briefly for the sake of the podcast, I guess I'd say, I have, I mean obviously being accosted by toxic men is annoying to say the least, but

to put maybe a finer point on a kind of annoyance. When you're on Twitter and you see a performer make a legitimate grievance about toxic masculinity, you find that there's kind of a layer cake of toxic masculinity that gets thrown at this person in the replies. And the first tier is usually a direct attack, which just, you know, proves the point of the grievance. Like, give me an example. What do you mean by that? I'll just be cartoonishly cartoonish about it and just say, rape is bad. And then guys will come in and go, no, rape is like, you know, it's kind of a.

I see. Yeah. Then there's the second tier and it's the not all men. And that's. That's my favorite. Just wicked annoying and they don't realize that yes, they still just by the virtue of saying that. That's part of the problem. I do.

I want to talk about that, though, because it's one of my favorite types of things to say is it's it's almost dumber than dumb. Like it's so basic. You can't think of something dumber than it, but it's presented as if it's like the end game of wisdom. You know what I mean? Right, right. It's like all crimes are hate crimes. You know what I mean? It's just like, OK, say something dumber than that, though.

Right. No, I worked on that for a long time. That's my a material. But like not all men is very much like that. Then there's like this like wicked annoying third tier and it's the least harmful, but it's just a thorn in the side of sex workers or just women, all women in general. And that is the the white knights that come in. And they want to assure you that they would never do anything like what you're talking about. And that if they if you only got to know them, y'all would be just such great friends.

It's just it's just real gross. It's just real gross. And my great friends, they mean casual sex partners. Absolutely. Right. This is my opening this. Yeah. This is my end.

There's my end. Yeah, clearly. Yeah. So that's just that's just one of many kind of annoying things that people that have to confront toxic masculinity deal with. And that could be a that could be a daily thing. See, I'm the fourth kind. I don't like the white knights because they ruin it for me. It's like the good kind of white knight ladies.

You know what, Sean? There's also those guys. I think that's the one that you could just keep repeating taking another step. Another step. Yeah, it just gets watered down until it's you're just actually talking to one of your friends. You're like the 77 player down. I do like legitimately do things like that. Sometimes like if I'm in a club and something's not going well for a girl, I might like go tell her to pretend I'm her cousin or something.

I've done that several times. Walk women home that I don't know just so they don't get killed and things like that. And I do feel myself like trying to be like, OK, how do I express to this woman? I'm not I'm not trying to get with her, but I also don't want her to die. And that's not a trick. And so it is a tough thing to navigate. Yeah, I was going to ask what is your approach in that way? Yeah, it's all it's all in posture.

You got to like raise your arms and make yourself look big. Yeah, I have told the girl to Google me before because she was scared. Sure. And that will set you at ease. Yeah. Well, I mean, she it's just clear who I am and I'm not like fucking with her. And like if she disappears, then like she could tell her friends who she's with. I don't know that.

I mean, if we're going to like to be pragmatic about it and real for just a second, I don't know that there is a comfortable way to like breach that conversation. I know. But you can always defer to staff and say, hey, you know, just tell a bouncer or tell the bartender. Oh, sure, sure. That's probably somebody with a badge, somebody with a thing on their chest that says staff. If it's escalating to that, like, sure. But I'm talking about like a dude's hitting on a girl and she's just not interested. I just like I see that and I'm like, I got to give her now.

What you do is you hit you hip check the dude. Just start a physical confrontation with her and be like, let a real man hit on this girl. Now that that pussy's gone, you want a real man? I worked as a bartender for a long time and I can tell you, if you came to me with a problem like that, I would look for like a seven foot tall guy with a mohawk and be like, hey. Right. All right, sick. You want to get my back here? But let me tell you about this guy who you should worry about.

Can we go back and revisit the title one more time? This book we're talking about today is called If Masculinity is Toxic, called Jesus Radioactive. It's so dumb in so many ways inside the title that there's like nested idiocy. Yes. Well, let me tell you, there's a couple other books I wanted to mention the titles of. He wrote Pussification, The Feminization of the American Male. I didn't even make it past the first word. And he also wrote another book called Raising Boys Feminists Will Hate.

So it's like, you can sort of see his motivators here. Now, is this all vanity press? There's like a Christian, I looked up the publisher and it's called White Feather is what it's called. And it was all like. Some red flags. Yes, some red flags already. And it was all like Christian books and like really a belligerent like right wing stuff. So like a lot of books that are like, here's a book that the Libs will hate that that type of thing.

How to own everyone. It must be so easy to just write stuff like that where all you have to do is be against something like this book Libs will hate it. So you got to buy it. I think this this guy is a good example of how not everybody can do it or how like there's just there's not space in the market for someone to just declare themselves. I'm going to be a belligerent dickhead and become successful. Like I don't think. But it's so easy. The bar is so low to fail it to fail at that.

I think that all the roles are filled. And so I do want to talk about that in a bit. But I was talking about how our friend Robert Evans has a podcast called behind the bastards, which is great. And he does a lot of research into people very much like this. These right wing grifter types. But I wanted to not turn it into a huge research project. So I gave myself one hour to research. Outside of this book.

And I went to his website. It's called. It's called clash daily. And he started like 2012. And it looks like just a WordPress theme nightmare. It's 80 percent of screen ads. It kind of looks like you're downloading Super Nintendo ROMs. Like it's just this assault of ads.

And most of the articles are about 100 words of his like with pasted in articles from somewhere else that about. Something that like outraged him. Right. And then most of the ranting is about how it's the Democrats fault. Whether or not it is. None of it makes a whole lot of sense. He's like legitimately a bad writer. And then you get to the end of these like daily articles. And there's zero comments, which an Internet numbers suggests anywhere between zero and a thousand readers.

If you got zero comments, like you did not get a thousand when people to look at that page generally is how those numbers. Especially with that kind of subject matter. Right. Like if you can't get someone's attention by saying like here's an outrageous thing and why it's the Liberals fault, like you fuck. It is designed only for comments, either for you to join in and your outrage or somebody else to be like, I can't believe you said this. Yes. For you to get zero comments on that. It's just got to be the most damning indicator of failure.

Yes. And so it was paid. I went to the site and it was page one of one thousand six hundred and forty five. That's how many articles this guy has written. And so I went to the all of them have like, of course, twenty articles on each page. So I went to the final page. I did finally find some articles with comments, not very many, but they were mostly like completely deranged like Christians that almost seemed like teenagers fucking with them. Like we're dealing with a lot of pose law when you get into this type of Christianity.

But like, I could not tell what was real and what was people pretending to be like ludicrous Christians. I also found a lot of comments like, oh, you're too cowardly to let my comments stay up. You deleting comment bastard. So it's clearly heavily moderated by Doug Giles. Moderated down to zero. Down to zero. And so my point is, I don't think people care about him. I don't think people look at him and yet he's doing everything right.

Like he's doing Ben Shapiro's exact shtick or, you know, Rush Limbaugh pick a success story where you're like, you look at him and think, oh, all this person had to do is sell their soul and just be an evil idiot or say the things evil idiots want to hear. But there's apparently more to it than that. Apparently there's some luck involved or talent. I'm very hesitant to use that word. But so on his site, there is you can give him money and he has a section called give and here's his sale page. The tolerant in quote society in which you live is intolerant of your biblical worldview. So what are you to do? Well, you could huddle together in a Christian ghetto and pray that Christ would come quickly and rapture you out of this mess.

Or you could compromise your godly principles, become a spiritual chameleon and allow your relationship with Christ to be governed by CNN. Or you can become strategically equipped to move into an anti-theistic environment and effectively influence it for the glory of God. I argue for the last option. So you want to pull like a ninja strike team to combat atheists. You go undercover as a not man of God. And then you're like, surprise motherfuckers, man of God. But he's the noisiest man of God. Like he's out.

He's outrageously aggressive with it. The the smallest amount you could donate is $25 a month and that's for the frontline partners. Oh, it's a 50 dollars a month. Yes. And but you don't get anything. It's not like Patreon. There's no like tears of content. It's just you're just giving him money, which is fine, whatever.

Jackhammer partner is $50 a month. The force of nature partner is $100 a month for $500 a month. You can call yourself a 50 year partner and for $1,000 a month overdrive partner. So I do not think flaming Puma. I know it's a really fucking big letdown. Every one of those is like a wrestling move. Jackhammer, I think should have been the thousand. Jackhammer is the best name.

Yeah, Jackhammer is the best. Jackhammer partner. So this is the kind of grift he's running is that he's just trying to trigger someone hard enough that they're like, OK, here's $1,000 a month, which is whatever. Like what a high schooler makes, you know what I mean? That's a minimum wage job over the course of a year. So I don't think it's working out, but he's he's dreaming big. He might as well say, give me $17 million a day and some asshole is going to do it. I just hope he's he's pushed one guy around enough to be like, oh, I'm not a pussy.

Here's everything I own. Yeah. And then like, what do we do now? Now I say, I say very, very belligerent and stupid things about how Obama's responsible for some housing crash in Arkansas. I don't know. Whatever. He he invests the money well into this outrage. So he also has a section where he did a book tour about this book if masculinity is toxic called Jesus Radioactive.

And he went on a show I'd never heard of called Focus Today with Perry Atkinson. And it was just a hardcore Christian right wing. Like I think it's maybe on YouTube. I don't know what the fuck channel is on. But a clip that was on his website. It's fantastic. So Perry Atkinson, he reports on some liberals in quotes that say the Mount Rushmore glorifies white supremacy. And this was from 4th of July last year.

That's that's how new this book is. It's just about a year old. And so Perry Atkinson is talking about this news story about how some liberals he didn't cite who said that Mount Rushmore glorifies white supremacy, which again is not something anyone I think said, but kind of does right. Like it's a big mountain of white men on Indian. It's so self evident that even these guys realized it when they were making up a story. Yeah, I feel like now that you mentioned it. Yeah, I guess I wouldn't. I guess I wouldn't call it that.

But yeah, now that you mentioned it, you sort of have to admit it is. It's not wrong. It's not how I would put it though. Anyway, so he says it's perfect timing for them to have Doug Giles, the founder and editor of clashdaily.com, the website I was talking about, very popular website. So they cut to the zoom interview and Doug Giles is standing there holding up his book off frame. Like he wasn't holding on the camera, right? And that's pretty good. And he goes, Perry, what's shaking big dog?

And Perry is like a 200 year old like Christian right? Never been prepared to be called big dog. The first time anyone's asked him what's shaking or called him big dog. Wildly inappropriate way to greet this old man. I am not prepared to answer that question at this time. So he just shakes it off. He just says, wow, he starts every sentence with wow, because he's constantly amazed at the outrageous things the liberals do. So he says, tell me about the incident at Mount Rushmore.

So that's his prompt. Please talk about how Mount Rushmore is not a white supremacist monument. And I transcribed the entire interview because it's fantastic. I'm just going to read it to you here with a slight performance. I'm going to try to say it like he did. He goes, uh, yeah, I think it's crap. Uh, Biden, Obama, go to Mount Rushmore. It's the most glorious thing ever, Perry.

Uh, Trump goes to Mount Rushmore. He's trying to suppress Native American voting rights. Uh, he's a racist, you know, let's tear Mount Rushmore down. I say we should add Trump's image to Mount Rushmore. Matter of fact, Perry, I did a painting called Mount Trumpmore where I put Trump's noggin on the end. On the West end of Mount Rushmore. And people can check that out at DougGiles.org. Boom.

Oh, is there, I hope there is a .org. He, well, it's, it's .org as you might imagine. It's .org and he's just pronouncing it like that. .org. I don't, I don't know if he does that all the time or if he's fucked up because he's on TV. No, that's why he chose it when you're choosing your domain. He's like, arg, that's the macho one. That's the aggressive one.

That's how he opens, uh, something he presumably prepared well for to talk about his book. Uh, that gibberish, like it's so fucking unhinged, right? So then Perry Mason, or Perry Atkinson. I was picturing Perry Mason. I was not, I'm glad I'm not allowed in that. Oh, the other thing I want to mention is Doug says Perry's name a lot in like sort of a weird, like, what's that book, the fucking aspects of dominating others. You know what I'm talking about?

I know what you mean. Like you're supposed to say their name a lot to be demeaning to them. Yes. It's absolutely like this, like alpha male, like technique to sort of build rapport. And he says, uh, Perry says, wow, there's a lot of talk of putting Reagan up there at one time. That was his response to that fucking gibberish. That's the last time I was culturally relevant. That was crazy.

And then Doug responds, uh, again, word for word. Yep. But again, it's just a creepy old white dude. You know, it's like, if you're, if you're white and if you're Christian and oh my God, Perry, and if you're conservative, well, you're the anti Christ in this Marxist radical, uh, way to the left of left democratic party nowadays. And, uh, you just got a bow and kiss the Marxist string because you're persona non grata in this country, according to them.

Jesus Christ. That, that impression is getting very wrestler delivering like the heel speech. Right. I'm turning into Machu, man. Like it's like, you could add ultimate warrior at the end of one of those and it would just, it would scan completely. And the bones of the Democrat will fill the rocket ship. So I can't even tell if you've changed the impression.

We're going to be all day. So, um, Perry hears this absolute gibberish and responds, so Doug, where's this going to go? We're sitting there watching anarchy take place. How far is this going to go before we have some major clash here? And, um, okay. So, so the conversation is now turned from, from some liberals writing an article about how the Mount Rushmore is white supremacist. And now it's turned into full on anarchy. Like we're watching anarchy happen.

So this is what sparks the war, right? Right. And he's like, how long are we going to fucking sit here watching the anarchy at Mount Rushmore? Which again, is an article I did not cite talking about how it's problematic. How long are we going to go before we have a clash? And, uh, Doug's response is, uh, I mean, you can look at churches. I mean, they're curling up the fetal position. I don't think Jesus would, ah, take the Lord, little Lord, Fauci's edicts, uh, and obey them.

But churches are doing it. Everybody else is doing it. We got to shut our economy down because of a bad cold. The woo hand weezer. Uh, Jesus laid hands on the sick. He tried to start his own nickname. Yeah, did not stick. And then here, here he's getting into his really complicated God logic.

So try to follow along. Uh, Jesus laid hands on the sick. He cured lepers by touching them. And, uh, the great commission has us, you know, supposedly as Christians supposed to lay hands on the sick. Now we do social distancing. Uh, we obey, you know, everything the government tells us to do. We blow off the commandments of God on how we're to assemble. And we bring on what little mayors and governors tell us to assemble.

And I think it's high time, man. We the people tell these folks that, and I think this is a test run, Perry. I think we the people need to tell these people that we're not going to obey your laws until they become laws again. Because, again, the populace wants it to become a law. And, um, yeah, I think a clash is coming. Snapping to a slim gym. Oh, yeah. Okay.

So I'm bringing a little more macho man, right? Energy to it than he does. He's kind of more of a whimpery sarcastic dude. A lot of the stuff I'm reading, he read as if like, I'm a liberal. Oh, I have to obey the government. Fauci. And so. That's you, Hogan.

That's what you sound like. That's what you sound like, brother. So anyway, I just want to give an example of how this person's mind works. And how going into a prepared interview to talk about his book, and he got a question about Mount Rushmore, and suddenly, like, he's talking about Fauci and how, like, how dare we obey him. And Jesus. They don't let you touch sick people anymore. They don't.

In the Bible, they touch sick people. Why the fuck can't we bring that back? The government. I was doing that all the time before this. I was just running around, touching the six. And what I called it. I do think you're going to run into a lot of problems if you're citing the Bible as, like, your main argument to do something. It's generally, like, someone can just say, yeah, but that's not, like, a real document of what the scientists put together to, like,

make us the healthiest we could be. That's, you know, a series of superstitions and morals and stories. And, you know, that's not real, right? You know, you don't have the powers of Jesus from that storybook. And he's using that as, like, this gotcha. Like, haha. Jesus touched people and made them sick. And you're saying not to, so, I don't know who to believe.

And I think that's crazy in a way that isn't repairable. Like, I don't think in a million years, Doug Giles will ever, like, come back to us as a human. Yeah. And that's sort of sad. Yeah, I'll mourn for him a little bit. I'll play, like, a soft violin for him at one of these twilight evenings. That's sweet. Yeah, I guess when you're that aggressively stupid, like, what do you do, right?

And maybe that's why he's not, like, more popular, because I feel like Ben Shapiro does that sort of, like, college debate team, nerdery, where he sort of, the things he says sometimes aren't exactly wrong. They're just, like, really stupid and a bad take, I guess, if what I'm saying. It takes a long time to explain to, like, a Ben Shapiro listener why something is wrong, because it's, like, I'll give you an example. If the Democrats started the KKK, like, someone might say that. If I'm trying to explain to how racism is bad, she'll say, well, the Democrats started the KKK.

And that's not technically wrong, but it's so wrong. You know what I mean? It's very cherry-picked information. Right. Yeah, it'll take a little bit, and they're not going to listen to a little bit. I was going to ask, maybe, in order to be that kind of douche and to gain traction, there also has to be a bit of, like, a performer. And you, how does this guy, like, represent himself?

Does he dress nice? He's kind of smug and sarcastic. Absolutely not. He kind of looks like a dirtbag that peaked in high school. A lot of his pictures, he sort of dresses up like a weekend warrior. So maybe he has, like, some military experience. Again, I only wanted to do one hour of research, and I did not get to that part of it. But he also strikes me as the kind of guy who doesn't have a sense of how tough he is.

And this is where I think talk- So he has to assume a lot. Yes. Like, that dude I called a pussy at the gym, that dude did not know how tough he was. And I get a feeling that that's how Doug Giles walks around as, like, I think, walking around. I've never been tested, but, brother, I'm confident at all times. Yes.

He's found a community of people that he finds to be very, like... He's just a wrestler in my head. Yeah. Just like a weekend warrior douchebag type, right? Yes. He's like a really weasley weekend warrior Hulk Hogan to me. Yeah. I feel confident that if he listens to this and wants to, like, get in the fist fight,

I'd be like, I'm very comfortable with that. I hope he doesn't come to that. That's a strange thing. Like I say, it's outside of high school. I don't think I've been in a... I don't think I've punched a man in anger. I'm going to throw Life Savers at him. If you threw some Life Savers at him, he's definitely going to go to detention.

But I think you could take him. What I'd like to do now is read some passages from his books. And the reason I talked about toxic masculinity early with us so much, but I think I want us to give notes to this guy on how to make his book more toxic and more masculine. I would like to read you some passages from if masculinity is toxic called Jesus Radioactive. Page 34. Can you imagine actually beholding the incarnate word actually preaching the word?

I don't know about you, but I hope they have videos of him preaching that I can once... that I can watch once I get to heaven because I guarantee that was some epic, holy stuff. One thing is for certain. His sermons weren't muddy and murky, cheeky, and cutesy. Platitudes in Max and Bilstub make people feel good about being an impenetrable sinner. Deluding them into thinking that they're fine and heaven waits for them all the while they're tooling down ACDC's highway to hell.

90 miles per hour! He just sucks so hard. Wow. Throwing in the ACDC reference. I can't say I wrote highway to hell and then I just started singing to myself, highway to hell. So I gotta put it in there. Yeah, it feels like he likes ACDC.

The book gives the tone of a guy who listens to a lot of ACDC. And he apparently thinks they're about Jesus. Which, you know, maybe don't check into that one. Too hard, buddy. The message that Jesus preached wasn't some lame, half-baked, seeker-friendly. What does he mean? Indefinable horse scat. The terrified pastors.

Craft to keep in the good graces of the politically correct thought police who now threaten churches with lawsuits if they preach against their particular pinch aunts. Oh, heck no. Okay, but he's assuming that there were liberal thought police in Jesus' time. I think so? I think that's what that was saying. I mean, it's all like the nonsense from a maniac. But I think he's saying like, Jesus didn't care about these liberals.

Right. I mean, they were mostly just goat herders trying not to die from the plague. He was touching them. They were sick and he would have his hands all over them. Not like this fouchy fucker. The dude said, horse scat. What? What a pussy.

Yeah, I agree. Well put. Yeah, you need to harden up those swears. If we're offering advice here, like less about how you wish you could watch a video of dudes and put in some swears, no notes on the ACDC. He's really bad about picking his battles. At the top, you might have heard my dramatic pause between I guarantee that with some epic, holy stuff. There's ellipses there implying that he's really like carefully not saying shit.

I want to finish this page here. It's great because after the thought police part, he says, oh, heck no, dinky. Jesus' message was repentance. It was turn or burn. It was do a 180. What? Dinky? Dinky.

Wait, who's dinky in this scenario? Am I dinky for listening? I think dinky is like the coward, the small penised cowards who would let the thought police control them. In Jesus' time, the ancient goat herds of political correctness. Heck no, dinky. Heck no, dinky. It's like what a Mormon says when he stows his tongue. Right?

I want heck no dinky on a t-shirt. Heck no, dinky. Yeah, that's a very like 50s sitcom catchphrase. Heck no, dinky. I'd like to quote Jamie French. What a pussy. Oh, there's some more gems here, right? What else?

What else is he? Oh my gosh, yes. Well, chapter eight is an extended salt metaphor. Oh boy. There's two pages of salt history, very badly bullet pointed. And then he makes a very rough metaphor about how like salt. He used to use it to like, you know, tan hides and spice foods. And that's how he likes his food.

It's spicy. Just like he likes his sermons. It's just like buddy. This dude will go on a fucking nine mile hike to find an allegory. But we do still use that for both of those purposes. Right. But like it used to be way more valuable. In Roman times, it was currency.

And like, we need to bring that back. It's really hard to get a handle on this messaging. So, my notes, they go to page 48. And this is probably why I said that. I've spoken at and have attended many, many Christian men's conferences. And that's in quotes. Most, if not all of them usually boil down to one message, which is quit masturbating. Yep.

That's what they all seem to deduce down to. Namely, love God, love your family and stop whipping the bishop. Sell them. If ever have I heard the pastors who chair these men's meetings talk about the sin of worry, which is a big sin in Jesus's eyes. So, that is crazy, right? That's insanity. Jesus was worried about a lot of stuff.

I would think so. He was pretty much constantly worried. That was his like thing. I don't, I guess I see where he's going with worry being a sin. I just don't think that's his like common knowledge as he thinks. Like I don't think that's like people reading the book thinking, yep, the one thing to take away from Jesus is the sin of worry is the thing that will destroy. Stop worrying.

Start masturbating. Start masturbating. That's my sermon. That is the start of his thought. It's not like he talked about masturbation for a while and then like said, okay, forget, I'm done with that. Let's talk about worry now. It's like that was how he transitioned into talking about worry.

I first need to just briefly wrench in masturbation. Totally unrelated. Yes. Take that how you will. I don't know. He continues. It's so much worse when they use cutesy terms for it. It's just, it's a hundred times worse than just saying masturbating or jerking off.

Whipping the bishop. Yeah, that's much grosser. Matter of fact, in the aforementioned text, Jesus jackhammers those who wallow in worry because that vice eviscerates one's trust in the nature and character of God the Father and that ain't cool with Jesus, the son. When Jesus smelled worry, doubt and fear in his boys, he fishlapped that out of them. PDQ. To Jesus, worry was an egregious affront to the faithful love and care of the Father.

Jesus was not subtle of worry. Why wasn't he? Well, it was principally because he wasn't a tinker pot and he knew and trusted his heavenly Father's rock solid dependability. Worry is definitely not masculine. Look at the pathetic and emasculated images that worry and anxiety spawn. His old style is that he wants to swear constantly, but he can't. But he's not going to cut swears out.

He's just going to find. He's going to dance around them. The weirdest shorthand. Right. Like fish, fishlapped. That sounds like the mind goes to unwholesome places for what that could be. That's much, again, much worse. That's like some Romanian sex move.

I also think if you're going to be talking about masturbating, you want to keep the phrase Jesus jackhammers more than two paragraphs away from it. Yeah. Like it should not be next sentence. Can we move this one down? Jesus never moved it down. It's prose. If you want to call it that, it's headache inducing.

It's hard to listen to this. It's really bad. But it also is very genuine. Like watching him on that TV show is just like this dude is just a bunch of nonsense. A bunch of not clearly defined grievances just spilling out of his mind. Yeah. He doesn't care what he's mad about. He knows that somebody else's fault and he knows he can fix it through like no effort.

All it takes is just bold decisions to be a fucking. Just a raw nerve of nonsense. Yes. All you need to do is stop worrying. Just all of this unearned confidence is really the key to. I don't even know his end game. God. And again, start masturbating.

Yes. That's actually my whole next chapter. Replace all of your pansy worries with macho anchors. Using pansy words. Yeah. Yeah, but no swearing. It's nuanced. Now I'm starting to come around on this guy.

Yeah, he's great. Chapter 10 is based on Matthew 7 24 through 28, which I'm sure you're familiar with. Absolutely. And so he says, so what's masculine about the above? I can hear the nasally critical tinker pot carp. Well, Dinky, it's these three days. One. One.

Jesus promises pain. Two. Not everyone makes it. Three. His preaching had a punch. Let's look behind door number one. Shall we? And again, this is the kind of stuff that he says all the time that I hate so much.

Like, let's look behind door number one. Shall we? It's the Monty Hall challenge of aggression. Yeah, he's just, he's like quoting and doing bad impressions of tough guys that he saw in like 80s movies. But those, those 80s movies didn't know tough guys either. So it's like Xerox of a Xerox of a tough guy. It feels like a mean-spirited impression of Joe Biden.

Like, if you were like, listen here, Dinky, you gotta look behind door number one. It's just this. You know what it kind of is? It's like if Mormons got a hold of and then redid the jerky boys tapes. Like, listen here, Dinky. This is the old Mormon jerky boys. All right. Let's hear some more of these Dinky ditties.

He follows up to that with, In contrast to Christ's clear teaching regarding the promise of pain in this life, we have our current crop of ear tickling, butt kissing, of feminine ministers who lie to believers telling them once they say yes to Jesus, life will become an uninterrupted light beer commercial of trouble-free living. One of nonstop pixie dust and candy canes. Jesus nuked that heretical notion in his first podcast. Everyone gets a storm.

I do like, I do like everyone gets a storm. You get a storm and you get a storm. In his first podcast. That's the only thing the kids understand. Right. I gotta call talking to people a podcast. Otherwise the kids would be like, what the fuck is that guy talking about? So another one of his bullet points was how Jesus is preaching packed a punch.

So here he is talking about that. His preaching had a punch and I pray to God that there's video in heaven of him preaching back in the day because I would love to see how he preached compared to the sweeties today that failed pulpits around our nation. I travel a bit preaching around our country and I'm disturbed by the lame, nicer than Christ, sons of shaman, who are supposed to be sons of thunder. There are too many that lack authority. They lack, this is a bullet point list, they lack gravitas. They're like sappy Christian versions of Jimmy Fallon.

They don't scare people. They don't convict the congregation. They're puppets, not prophets. They're echoes and not a voice. They're not John the Baptist. They're Juan the Baptist. And it is some sad and pathetic junk. Jesus Christ.

Wait, so what was with equating pansies with the Spanish? Are you convinced that Spanish and Latino cultures are wussier than you? I would argue that Latino culture is more macho than ours. Yeah. But I'm not an expert. Notoriously problematically macho. I think it's charming that he wants a video in heaven. Gabriel's going to roll out the TV cart.

Right. Because he knows Jesus wouldn't talk to him. Like I couldn't just go see him. Welcome to heaven. You led a life like a total fucking dickhead. So here you get to come inside. Is there anything we can get you? Yeah, actually, I'd really like to see video of Jesus talcant.

Dinky. We love that up here. We all call each other Dinky up here. And then like, see Gabriel like smacks him in the dick. And everyone gets a storm. I've got a t-shirt of that. I mean, it's a crop top, of course. Yes.

We all have sweet abs here in heaven. I swear to God, I'm going to cafe press after this. I'm going to make myself one of those shirts. Heck no, Dinky. Heck no, Dinky. Okay. This is from page 60. I'll wait until my dog stops screaming.

It says, Jesus was a mountain man. I'll never forget attending. I'll never do one sentence. I'll never forget attending a pastor's or cheat in Texas. Many moons ago where I was publicly chastised during a dinner for ordering one course light. That's one course light, not 20, not seven, not two, just one. These are all new. These are all new paragraphs.

That's why I'm pausing. He's so fucking pissed about this like all these years later. I was told by this minister that I was being a, quote, bad witness by drinking beer in public. And then according to him, Jesus was angry with me. What I found ironic was the fact that he was about 200 pounds overweight and had more chins than a Chinese phone book and could barely walk across the restaurant parking lot because he was so out of shape. Another thing I thought was a tad bit weird was him getting fussy about my one silver bullet. When he had 17 pieces of fried catfish and 33 hush puppies, physician healed myself.

Seems a befitting verse for Mr. Busybody. If Jesus were alive today and hanging out on a mountain top, old Chokeybutt would be left in the dust because of his self-imposed obesity and rank inactivity. Meant to be hearty and able-bodied like Jesus. Jesus is often hung out in the mountains. It's so much. There's so much there. It's so much.

I don't even know what he's talking about. This is so much like a dude who left a confrontation thinking of like, oh, I should have said this. He said none of these things out loud. And he just drove home sober and angry. I should have talked. What about you? What about you, Fatty? I counted.

I sat there silently fuming and counting all of the food you ate so that I could think about it in the car ride home. Dinky. Liberals, they eat all that fish. They say not to drink beer, but they eat fish. That's the same thing. I can't believe he bears me so bad for little beer. Jesus would have drank Coors Light. I'm putting that on the record.

Jesus was a silver bullet man. I'm saying a real toxic man. He would have rewritten this story so that like he physically intimidated him or he like beat him up. Right. Or like they did actually go to the parking lot and he died or something. He straight up had a heart attack and he didn't help him. I looked down at him. I knew Jesus would help him, but I'm not as good a man as Jesus.

So I watched his fat. So I just cracked me a Coors and I watched. I just drank enough beers till I had to pee and I pissed all over that dead fat fucker. For Jesus, the way Jesus would. That's how they do it in the mountains. It's tradition. I do love how it just ends with a new paragraph just says Jesus often hung out in the mountains. Just like this dude's brain just fucking takes a hard left without warning.

Yeah, he wasn't safe there either. He was like, what's happening to me? Where am I going? Where am I going with this? Doug, what are you saying here, pal? All right, we got to bring this back to that first sentence anyway. That fucking fat guy telling me I can't have a beer. Bad witness. I just wanted you to have a better beer.

This dude's just a walking fever dream, man. So he's a prolific author. I don't think a successful one and a very prolific like poster online. And again, no one's reading it today. This is hopefully you'll hear this and be very upset. And yet proud that somebody's reading it. Finally, a comment. This is from page 73.

Jesus said his lost mob needs leaders slash shepherds. I love how easy Jesus made solving this big problem. His answer was twofold. They need leaders. And number two, pray that God would raise up leaders, workers to write this ship. FYI to all the indoor city boys. Sheep without shepherds are dead meat to predators. The distressed and dispirited peeps need leaders, shepherds to guide and protect them.

The problem is effeminate, wussified Christians don't want to do jack squat anymore, but be coddled pastors. Very few are looking to dive headfirst into the fray and lead people to Zion. So you should be like equal parts, straight fighter and pastor. He thinks you should be a brawler. I think so. You should knock the word of God into their heads. You should always have a little course light in you.

You should be like eight cores in. And you should just end every sermon by waiting out into the crowd and throwing haymakers. All right, brother's time to fight for Christ. This dude is, he thinks he's so tough for ordering a beer that I would be embarrassed to order in front of beer drinking friends. For attempting. You notice he didn't do it. He didn't even get away with it.

It's just astonishing. Like if he took out a thing, a cocaine and he's just like, Hey, all you Christians, fuck you. We just did like this huge line of cocaine. I'd be like this guy knows how to party. But if he's like years later upset about one course light at dinner, like taking that story to his grave. Yeah, I love it.

It's also there's that Christian thing where it's a kind of a right wing thing, I guess, where being a hero involves just kind of doing the fucking shit you're going to do anyway. Like, you know, no one tells me what to do. I'm going to go to the store without a mask. So literally the laziest option and very not heroic. But like to them, it's like just these fucking wild renegades that can't be tame. Where it's like, I don't think you're as tough as you think you are. Here's my point.

A bunch of loose cannons. This guy's just got these fucking random complaints about how other people are wusses without like, there's only one specific example and it was some fat dude who said he shouldn't drink beer in front of these young Christian boys. Let me sat and counted every single bite he took for the rest of the night. Just fuming. Is that I imagine that's an exaggeration, but maybe not. I feel like I could maybe pack away like like 20.

I think I could eat that many. I just don't think I could count that high and maintain my interest if someone else is eating them. I guess if he's if this guy's leading us to believe that that's a real number that he counted, that's almost more pathetic than exaggerating, I guess. Because picturing him like just sitting there one seething seething. Yeah. And he's still counting.

And they're like, hey, Doug, are you okay? Shut up. I'm counting his hush puppies. I'm going to put this in a book. That bastard. This surely this will get me a comment. Finally, this chapter is a veritable reality check on steroids. This is written in 2020.

I do believe they retired that in 2003. Like I did not know you were still allowed to have something beyond steroids, and I love that he's still doing it. If you were a tinker pot hipster dandy who's into skinny jeans, big screens, smoke machines, chai lattes, and being popular on IG, this chapter will weed you out. PDQ, baby. He'll weed you out. He'll weed you out.

You're 80 pages into this book. You're still like. PDQ. I'm going to start that. Everybody's going to abbreviate because they don't want to say damn. I just love this list. Like what the fuck is he talking about? This is smoke machines.

What does he mean by that? Is he talking about vape pens or is he talking about like. All of those pansies running around just with their smoke machines making grand entrances. Is he in a golf club? What the fuck are you talking about? And then a chai latte is, I don't know. All these things are, they feel 20 years at a date to complain about someone's latte. We at least one time have to mention how crazy tinker pot is.

Yes. I've never heard anybody say that you invented that for this and it means nothing. Like I picture an adorable gnome, like maybe making a watch. I don't know what I'm supposed to look at there. Big screens is another strange thing. I guess skinny jeans. Skinny jeans. I picture a type of person that I imagine this guy was hate, but a big screen.

Like if he comes into your home and you're like, I'm a Christian man. He sees your giant TV. He's like, oh, you are a pussy. Like I don't understand. But you love to watch sports on that. I watch it on a 12 inch black and white TV. That's eight feet high. What if it's weirder and worse than that?

What if he means like screen doors? What if he's that fucking out of it? Yeah, I have a little tiny screen. It's a screen door for like a cat door and that's what I use on my door. I have to step over it every day. It's a pain in my ass, but Jesus suffered on the mountain and so, so must I. He just like he locked himself in. He's like, I'm going to rhyme for four words here.

I don't have any more words. Fuck. Why did I decide to rhyme one word ago? I can't go back on this. He continues, what follows in the next four chapters are my brief notes on a big chunk of this epic chapter. And then this is a Bible quote, which I think he has taken some liberties with. Jesus summoned his 12 disciples and gave them authority over unclean spirits to cast them out and to heal every kind of disease and every kind of sickness. Oh, maybe he did.

That sounds like a real Bible quote. A lot of these Bible quotes in here are him like trying to like jazz it up. So it'd be like Jesus said to his homies, Hey, my man, you don't, you know, that kind of shit like that. I'm the cool pastor. So then he says, so what's masculine about this? Well, I'll tell you what is masculine about this passage. Jesus shared his authority with his 12 amigos. He wanted them to do the supernatural stuff just like he did.

Most insecure, effeminate Christian glory boys. If they have authority slash power, don't want anyone else to have it because that might threaten their place in the spotlight. And a fed, solipsistic me monkeys cannot have that. Oh, heck no. It's all about them. Jesus was a big boy. However, he knew he could get War Kingdom accomplishments checked off if the 12 had his power versus him just schlepping around doing everything. Like I said, most insecure males who get a smidgen of power want everyone looking at and praising him as long as possible.

Is he secretly mad that he never masters like hand magic? It has to be it. Right. Like Jesus has like, like he's Galactus or apocalypse and he can like spread his superpowers out. Like I will grant the cosmic power to the my Herald. And he's like, see, that's the kind of thing Jesus did. Galactus shit. And like most Christians, when they have magic powers, keep it all to themselves.

But then it sort of turned away from that into a metaphor for that and how it's like power. So like a pastor doesn't like hire a second pastor. I honestly, I don't know. I mean, he said the line in there. Jesus was a big boy. Yeah. And I'm pretty sure that keeps you out of heaven. Like right there.

There's no way Jesus liked that. There's nobody that likes being called a big boy. Saint Peter has this book with a highlighted section. Jesus is going to be right there at the gates like big boy, big boy Jesus is a big boy. I didn't like that buddy. Enjoy hell. So that is, those are all the notes I took. We can continue if you'd like.

We could do a few more pages if you'd like. But I think we get the gist of old Doug Giles. Yes. I don't think I need to hear Tinkerpot and PDQ. One more time. And be called a big boy. That's exactly what you need to hear. Dinky.

Heck no, Dinky. We're going to keep going. It reminds me of like Dennis Miller. Sounds like something Dennis Miller would tell us when we're like, hey, hey. Oh, I'm going to do it. I'm doing it for sure. Jesus up there on the mountain has got more disciples than catch. I go on the road with the one go boy and go Dinky.

Dinky will never get old. Dinky was here to stay. I've taken nothing from this, but Dinky. So congratulations to all the dinkies out there. This world is made up of two kinds of people. Dinkies and big goals. Which one are you going to be? The other thing I really like about him is that he's constantly complaining about people complaining.

And by the time you're done with it, like this dude fucking hates everything. He hates liberals, obviously. But he also hates like Christians who aren't like rugged mountain men, which I feel like that's got to be some of them, right? If this guy had his dream society, what would it even look like? Who's allowed in that? This dude's a hard, if there was some sort of a test, like you're like, I'm a real man. And someone said, okay, well, we can like objectively measure some of this.

Like there's no way this guy's getting through. This guy is a full on pussy. No one said Dinky and then done something tough is my point. And PDQ. PDQ. And the only name dropped ACDC one time. What kind of man is that? Like Maximum Overdrive did, I don't know, a hundred ACDC songs.

Yeah, you gotta live up to that. He's just a hard masturbating mountain man that just wants to find other men that like Coors Light and pounding, pounding it out. This Dog Zone 9000 was made possible by contributions from Hot Dog Supremes like Benjamin Syran Dr. Awkward Yosari

Josh S Zachary Evans Adrian Hysbrook Aidan Moat Breanne Whitney Josh Fabian Armando Napa Lyman

Tostigad Neal Schaefer Doug Redman Javer L. Aydin David Forna Mike Stiles Eric Spalding The artist formerly known as Devin

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Jamie Gordon John and Jeremy Neal Well, hold on. Can we take a break real quick? This is normally the part of the podcast. I sing a song for Jamie. Oh, thank you very much. I don't know. Let me turn off my headphones. All right. Now, do not fall in love with me. No promises.

I'm a fan from way back, so... We'll probably beat Brock way back and we'll sing him in. Okay, sounds great. All right. Look at what's happening to me. I can't believe it myself. Suddenly I am on top of the world. It should have been somebody else.

Believe it or not, I'm walking on air. Never thought I could feel so free. Find a way on a wing and a prayer. Who could it be? Believe it or not, it's just me. There you go, Brock. That's way up there. Our musician. That was nice.

That is, I forget how high that core is.