The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 201, SHOCKWAVE with Brendan McGinley

Episode Date: November 13, 2024

Seanbaby & Dennard Dayle welcome special guest, Brendan McGinley to the DOGGZZONE to traverse the obscenity that is 2012's SHOCKWAVE, the breakdancing/wrestling/timecop """robot""" This one hurts, strap on-IN. IN!

1-900-HOT-DAUGHT 1-900-HOT-DAUGHT Our podcast slams with maximum hype Say hot dog podcast, word Yeah When you taste that nitrate power You're in the dog zone for an hour Come on

You know the number 1-900 1-900-HOT-otdog podcast. Are you ready to headspin through a movie that will make you think? I'm talking about Shockwave, The Robot, Breakdance, Body Slam, and beyond. Full movie, that's in every version this is released in, they put the words full movie afterwards. There aren't as many Shockwaveologists as there there need to be out there and I am hoping to correct that with this podcast effort.

But yeah, you are listening to the official 1900 hot dog podcast slash breakdancing tutorial zone and we're not here to sell you pills, hatred, the concept of sleep, or a painful stage show. We are here to turn cursed artifacts into joy. It's kind of like psychic recycling, where we're keeping what we can of the intellectual environment alive. Here on the Last Comedy website, aka the only reason to open Firefox because everything

else is either fire or someone holding a gas can, there are five weekdays with five comedy articles. Also these, you know, store releases on Sunday Sunday have pretty funny write ups so it's kind of like 6 articles but it's 5 articles. Essentially these 5 articles are a way to separate commutes from insanity, or meetings from insanity, or shifts from insanity. It kind of just depends how willing you are to be fired. And this week's topics include comics where billionaire children exploit the poor, comics

where a therapist exploits actresses, Nintendo exploiting children, YouTubers exploiting morons, and Jordan Peterson's estate exploiting Jordan Peterson. That is a whole... Oh yeah, that one was mine! ...cracked. Yeah, yeah. This is the great age of piracy for scams only. There's also Big Feats where the three smartest people follow the four dumbest people.

It's a rewatch of Mountain Monsters, which is a show that reinvents larping and improv and mythology in 20 minutes from scratch every time. And they forgot what they did the last time the show is magical The podcast is double magic and if you like today's party or format you will like big feats basically, it's a it's one of those again, like I said last time the Venn diagrams a fucking circle and I am here with Sean baby writer of many jokes that are now genres, which must be weird to observe in your time. I many jokes that are now genres, which must be weird to observe in your time. I guess that's true. I did invent, I guess not with the internet you know now, but the good internet. That was me. Yeah, like that nice period before everyone was really just staple gunned to trying the same three tweets in different formations. That was him. And his partner, Robert Brockway, is currently

training an all-hunk breakdancing team to win a dance contest to save a community center. That one's not even a joke. That's literally what he's doing. Yeah, yeah, I hope they win. I hope they win. It kind of hurts that I wasn't like invited, but I kind of get it. My top rock was never that good. I was sort of just more like the stunt guy the camera pans to for a second to do a backflip. Right. He's all finger-tuts. It's just straight Jabberwockies or like a K-pop music video from 2017. I shouldn't say from 2017 because they are still spamming that, but whatever.

Finger-tutting is one of nature's greatest punchlines. I thought I was name-dropping something super cool. I'm also here with writer, comedian, critic, and Verotica survivor, Brendan McGinley. Hello, Interbaby. I'm Brocknet from the Seanway, and you're listening to the Dog Zone 9999. We only leave you one point from 10,000, so you have somewhere to go. I've been sitting on that for like three years. This is our...

I love it. It's the weirdest show intro. Fantastic. It's nice to have you back on, Brendan's been forever. It's good to be here. Yeah, yeah. Uh, the many-time contributor to the 1900 hot dogs. Oh yes, he's a long-time contributor here, he is very active at the tasting table, and

is there anything from your Doe Decahedron of talents that you would like to plug, Brendan? I have nothing to plug. Buy Dinnard's book, or if I'm broadcasting from the future maybe by the Carrier Wave sequel or Calculord's 2, which I'm still pushing for. That production has actually morphed into Calculord's Cubed, which is a very different thing. Making games is hard and writing jokes is a delight. So I kind of shifted all my creative endeavors to the jokes.

You can build a video game or you can run a website and you wisely chose to the thing with these. Right. I did both, but there was a string of ex-girlfriends that said I worked too much and I have a family now. I got to stick to the one job. All right, so it's good to keep your personal life from becoming a flaming disaster. Yeah, that's the lesson that I took from making video games.

Please support 1900hotdogs so that Sean doesn't crash his personal life to keep writing comedy for you. Please just get it to a sustainable level. I need this personally. This is the only thing keeping me afloat. We make it sound like it's about robotics and dancing and pro wrestling, but it's really about love. Are we talking Shockwave the Robot? We are talking Shockwave the Robot. And I have an intro question for both of you.

If in this grand whirling tour of life you needed to come up with a break dancing name, what would you go with? There's a movie I love called Master of the Flying Guillotine, and there's a guy and it's called win without a knife and they're like, oh hey, win without a knife and then suddenly he grabs a knife and he stabs somebody and I love that and the guy, the master of the tournament says, oh, so he does use a knife and so I think I would be dance without a knife, but it's a lie. Do not trust that name. Breakdancing is one of those hyper nerd spheres where they would get it as soon as the knife comes out. Somebody there would get it. They're like, oh, that's awesome.

And then we would talk master the flying guillotine while we danced. And then we would kiss all night long. That's how breakdancing works, right? It's good, it's good. It's like a dating format. Yeah, it's basically like that. I mean, you know I'm part of the community

because I knew what finger tutting was earlier. That's like a it's like a dating format. Yeah, it's basically like that. I mean, I you know, I'm part of the community because I knew what finger tutting was earlier. That's again why I said that. It is the best way to win a break dance battle, because normally the other guy will just sort of leave as soon as the squares start forming. Yeah, I'm doing Dr. Strange spells over here. They're like, we got to get the fuck out of here. Plus, I think he has a knife. Ed, Brendan, what is your break dance identity?

I mean, I, you know, I'm a child of the 80s. So I would probably just go very retro and be like a ex parenthetical 321z parenthetical calm. I dig it. I dig it. Like if the announcer can't finish your name, you can't lose the battle. Can't be the clear the loser. I like turbo because it also works. It's a breakdancing name but it's also an American gladiator name. I think you should go with something like that. You want a breakdancing name that could also be a gladiator name if you had to shift careers. Honestly, if I had known

the Transformers names were on the menu, I might have gone with like, yeah, Starscream. Omega Supreme without a knife. Well, you got to earn Omega Supreme. Oh man, I wonder how many beyond like shockwave being one step away from how many sound waves there are just at breakdance jams to this point. Danar, you suggested this this fucking movie shockwave the robot. What a gem. There was something in the credits after the credits rolled. It said, I think it said Breakdance, Body Slam and Beyond, but the very second that subtitle showed up, they exploded off the screen. So maybe it didn't say something cool, but I'm pretty sure I saw the words Breakdance, Body Slam and Beyond.

Yeah, that is the subtitle. It is incredibly easy to miss because this movie is determined to sprint through everything that is considered set up in like the mortal world. What an unmitigated terrible disaster produced by Shockwave the robot it says so I guess we know who to blame for this. He is a intergalactic killing machine because I do find Shockwave the robot in the forest just chilling I guess. Yeah so he like if I'm understanding this correctly the start of this movie he crash lands it starts with this like overexposed shot of some woods filmed on a camcorder and then like an army man is running through the woods

um but not like an action hero like uh like a baby trying to outrun a full diaper that's what it says in my notes I'm just reading what I wrote down. And so he like goes inside the spaceship. And what really struck me about this scene is he keeps talking into his walkie talkie, but he's not using like the correct terminology for fucking anything. And then the things he says doesn't make sense. He's like, I need this area cordoned off.

And I'm like, what do you talk about the outside? Nobody knows where you are, buddy. Just the kind of, just the little details where you're like, oh, the person who made this a fucking idiot. Maybe in a good way. The guy on the other end of the walkie talkie sounds like a sex pervert. He almost certainly is. He agreed to be to work for free in a pro wrestling robot. As he runs through the infinite forest, I just see the words like based on the comic book shockwave, the robot journey to the center of the ring. Oh, adorable.

I've never heard of those words. And I realized the entire middle range of like grades for this movie have been erased. I am only watching an F or an A film. Yes, that was funny to me because it shows how this guy whose idea is what if I was a pro wrestler and a robot decided that was like a full cinematic universe. He's like, there are going to be comic books, there are going to be movies. And and like, he's like wrestling in front of high school. There's a lot of ambition you can sense here in a way that's really funny. He's just way ahead of himself, is my point.

Learn how to make a movie before you plan the entire universe. He is in the best way. It's bold to announce future endeavors before this movie isn't finished. It's just not a done product. The first 15 minutes of this movie are a first-person perspective heads-up display. Yes, because they've seen Robocop and Terminators. It is a beautiful screen. It's got like the cheap night vision thing going, the little matrix numbers scrolling

in a box that says nothing in the corner. Yeah, but not enough random numbers. There's so few that like you can tell it's stupid, right? It's like power levels 11, 112, 14, 11. It looks like the fucking aliens didn't finish making him. Okay, so where are we in this movie? The army man goes into the ship, and he's very astonished and mesmerized. And then we're in the POV of, of the robot, the army man's telling him he's going to be a multimillion dollar

killing machine. I just put that in my notes because like, no, he's not he's free. He came from space, you took him. He's $0. No, he cost them the GNP of Africa. Well, that's a nation. I have that in my notes as well. So I stared. I stared at that quote for like three minutes because here's what I can't figure out.

Like is this the normal kind of bad where they just wrote Africa as a country, but this is also like a bad comedy. Is one of its six genres. So is it doing the stock joke about someone calling Africa a country? And I'm trying to figure out the exact level fucking stupid here. I give it no credit. I was not generous. calling Africa a country and I'm trying to figure out the exact level of fucking stupid here. I give it no credit. I was not generous. In any case, I always assume they fucked up just because they fuck up so often.

But you're right. It could have been a very funny joke. There's a lot to this movie where you're like, do they know? Are they going to the top of it and just falling downhill or are they climbing the mountain and then losing their grip? Right. It's an amazing, almost like Russian montage film from like the first two months that cameras existed

where they're just shooting shit because it jumps genres six times. Like you talked about him running in the forest and then it enters this like man's eye comedy sketch thing. Yeah, they're doing like a vaudeville routine where they're doing like com vaudeville routine where they're doing like misunderstand comical misunderstandings with the programming. Like he's like, hey, go over there and, and grab that guy.

And the robots like, okay, grab me. He's like disarm him and he tears his arm off like, oh, right. We should have put that a better way. It's hard to describe how stupid it is. I think what, what sucks about this right now, the movie does get fun, but right now it's the part of the movie no one wants to do. Like you have this idea

that make a break dancing robot movie and that sounds so fun. And then you get together and you realize theater is kind of hard and nobody can act and your friends don't want to be there. They have to keep saying the dumb lines till everyone gets them mostly right.

So you could like tell these people are not having fun. They didn't know it'd suck this hard. It's not like watching a Rudy Ray Moore movie go off the rails where you're like, oh, these guys are having the time of their lives. This is just people miserably doing something that they realize they hate. I think that's very accurate for like the first two segments of this because this movie is very schizophrenic. And I think, I think movie three and movie six they're like this is

the greatest thing we've ever done we're fucking geniuses I am so happy this is real yeah you it's that's interesting because you think there's six movies and I have down here there are three movies and it's got it's not act one act two act three it's not hegelian thesis antithesis, synthesis. It is very specifically a short circuit, a save the last dance, and a universal soldier. Yeah, that makes sense. I think that is a totally fair summary of it. I guess I am tracking it more by literal plot or tonal shifts, but in the the jump cuts I think you could say those

three snakes are winding into a fucking knot hair. I did take a clip try to explain this first part. Let me just play this. use for the firing purpose for today's experiment and when I command you on my command I will say fire I will press the button you will fire at the target are you ready? ETR 1, fire! What the? She's just really good dialogue. ETR, fire! ETR, fire at the enemy!

What? No, no ETR, fire. Ah! Ah! Ah! Okay, he shouldn't have said enemy because there was a private that was designated enemy. So you can see how the comedy is like set up and then the punch line is that a guy gets shot.

Now I did spoil this one. You would have seen it coming anyway, but I'll play the clip of how this escalates. Okay, ETR-1. This is your enemy. He has a weapon. He has a weapon. And we need you to disarm the enemy. The robot kind of screams when it moves. There you go.

It's like that. Santa! Santa! Santa! Santa! Santa! Yeah, so they're doing like a fucking like a Gilligan thing like Gilligan like I don't I don't know. When they were hunting for a Justin Roiland replacement, he accidentally has that screechy lemon grab voice. Yep.

Also probably has some sex crime problems if I I'm guessing, if I had to guess. I wrote down private weed dealer, but yes. No, private weed dealer is cool. He presents something other than military discipline. This has fallouts all over this department. This is called the Department of US Illegal Aliens or something? I can't remember. But here.

Do you want to end up like Sanders? Sir, no, no. I have a wife and two kids to take care of. You've got to understand, my office has done everything we possibly can. We've done everything we can. Doyle, I must be having hearing problems. Are you telling me that after we've spent more money than the gross national product of Africa,

this robot is a paperweight? Sir, we have our top men working around the clock double shifts and we still have not managed to breach his primary protocol! Breach a protocol? Doyle! Breach a protocol? Do you want to see a breach a protocol? Wait a minute Doyle. Wait a minute. You know something? I'm not being fair to you. You're right. I'm asking too much of you.

I know you're overworked. I'll tell you what. Why don't you take a couple weeks off. You can feel the menace building. Spend some time with the family. Don't be fooled by this. Throw some burgers on the grill for the kids. When you come back, you can then give me a status update on the

robot. Does that sound fair to you? Yes sir. Put it there pal. You're gonna learn the lesson that Sanders learned! You son of a bitch! You son of a bitch! You son of a bitch! So, so you can't see it, but he's pro-wrestle murdering him. That's where the first sign comes in that this is a little bit more than the low production level. Like the physical fights are pretty good. Yeah, they're all pro-wrestlers. Every actor here is a pro wrestler. So when they fight, it's pretty good. Just a

beautiful dropkick will come out of nowhere from a guy who who just flubbed a line about fucking four words long. Can't land a joke, but they can spin you around a fire escape. And it's weird because they that they can't even fucking land a promo like I'll show you a breach of protocol like that should be something a pro wrestler could say and mean, but no. Well, there is a chance that this movie was not written as much as it was felt. Yeah, I do think there's some improv going on. But again, I feel like that scene could have been better with another take, at least. Just give it another shot. I don't know.

Yeah, it's very strange for something that is as much of a ego project as this is because this guy like this shockwave guy now that we've dropped the pro wrestling veil one of seven in this fucking movie shockwave the robot was like a wrestler in Japan and America like all the sort of not literally JCW, but like that tier of promotion. He like ran the circuit. This is his sort of mid to late career. It's time to take Shockwave to the next level. Yeah. And he very much is not taking Shockwave to the next level.

Shockwave is already way above his level. The wrestling is fine. I like if I was at a local wrestling show and Shockwave, the robot came out. I'd be like, oh, I like Shockwave the Robot. He's better than Generic Guy in Blue Panties. That is true. Context is kind of everything. If he can move in that suit, I could see him being a diversion in a lot of places.

He looks like AliExpress33VO. Yeah. That's a really good way to describe him. The way that he moves is, unfortunately, imagine like a popper as in a dance popping, imitating Robocop and being very proud of every step. Yeah. So we're not cutting any of this. Every single...

Like, there are some fucking scenes where he will walk across the entire room. It will cut to him in a hallway. He'll get on a whole hallway. And his robot walk is, I mean, whatever. It's a five out of 10, it's fine. I think what's funny to me is his butt jiggles a lot when he walks. He's got, you know, a jiggly butt, not in a bad way, but it's a very not robot way.

So as he's like robo-copping around, he's like twerking at us. The movie needs to get the plot going. And for some reason, they're like, they want to do a time jump. So they give the robot to the dumbest soldier. He's like, derpy derp, I'll deliver the robot. He does a voice like that too. Yes, he does. He's got cross eyes, immediately fucks it up, delivers it to the wrong spot. Ten years later, like a Mike Judge character delivers it. And it's so weird, like there's a dusty door that says robot parts. Again, I feel

like it's tried to they're trying to do a laugh thing, but it's mostly just confusing. I'm just like, what? What am I supposed to be looking at? It's that total jackknife from like that thriller opening and then they're doing these comedy sketches. Yeah, it's, it's so confusing. I like that delivery guy. I thought he was a good dude. He said that he and the private weed dealer, they're, they're, they're cool guys. So he gets delivered to electric general, which is, I guess, the start of a

pun. Mostly looks like a mistake. But if I was a defense trial lawyer for this fucking movie. Some of its funnier fuck ups, I would try to paint as like part of the comedy, half of the action comedy thing to go for half the time. But the sense of failure is too strong around everything for me to give a lot of these things too much credit. Yeah, that's a bad job. Don't don't take defense attorney for this movie. I have the reveal of the robot. It's he pops out of a box in some guy's office that some guy takes the refrigerator box. And he's like, All right, I'll take this refrigerator box of computer parts. And he gets back to work. And then he just

bursts out of the sound effects in. I just really like those. I am so glad that Adobe Premiere was easily piratable by the public. Just giving people powers that they did not have the self-control to handle. This is when, what you were saying, Denard, he like, he's looking around for instructions. So he's doing a short circuit and he finds a drawer and he pulls out like a homemade break dance VHS. I said the words out loud, fucking hell yes. Like this is the greatest thing a robot can find.

And it's some guy in a playground in a tracksuit and he's going to break it down for you. And Shockwave is just so fucking into it. He learns footwork, half a backspin. It's a really interesting choice, I thought, to hire someone who couldn't break dance for this role. It was kind of crazy. He teaches him the breakdance set that I teach children when I want to leave a place quickly. He teaches them the breakdance set that I would try to teach you. Just be like, hey, I know you're better at this than me, but here's how I will make us even.

These are the exact... If you see me doing these moves, I know you're better at this than me. But here's how I will make us even. These are the exact... If you see me doing these moves, I've had too much to drink. Yeah. That's fine. I'll fake it. Yeah, I'll eventually get there. This is the exact 20-something minute mark where I went from trying to rip into this movie to writing in all caps in handwritten notes. Breakdance! I'm back in.

Yep. So when I say this is six movies, I really need to clarify that movie three is fucking awesome. Yeah, I'm sure people listening are like, they must hate this movie. Like, no, no, no, no, it's good now. It came back around. Mm-hmm.

What happens next cracked me up so hard because it cuts to like a printer and it prints out the words urgent classified documents. ETR well cited at Electric General. Yeah, like we're watching it print. Obviously, I think this is supposed to be a fax machine, but this is so profoundly not how you would send a top secret document.

The person, and I'm saying like, yeah, OK, whoever made this movie didn't go to the military. They're not a spy. But this person hasn't even seen a fucking movie about those things. They are inventing technology to get one character to say a thing to another character. It's so funny. Our army guy is now, he says, our old friend is back.

Take Alpha Team and go eliminate the problem. Instead of trying to get the robot back, which again is worth more than Africa, the country of Africa, he's's gonna just kill it. They go right for it. The second they see this thing, he goes for a spin kick, which the confidence in your soul to see an alien robot. I put that in my notes too. This fucking guy just tried to tap kick the robot in the face

for learning how to break dance! There's another important element I think we need to bring up here. I have a clip of it. Oh, Mr. Buckner, Dr. Burton said it's time for your anti-aging serum. I'll be waiting in status. The fucking adrenal crumb. Oh, William Nelson? Yes, sir. Remember, I don't tolerate failure. Yes, sir.

Okay, so there's a 10-year time jump, and I guess they decided, oh, we're not going to be able to explain away how the actor looks the same 10 years later. So they add an entire completely pointless anti aging thing, cracked me up. He like there's a scene of him jamming it into his neck and be like, I fucking hate this. See, I had a different take on this because they already had the Nova Sordo cyclorum CGI poster on the door because they couldn't even print it out and put it up on the office they were renting. And I was like, Oh, this movie legitimately believes in all the conspiracy stuff that's about to happen.

Wait, you think they rented an office? This is absolutely a condemned building they found. What whatever direction they went, I know that they were like, but we're not kidding about the conspiracy. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. They are all in on that nonsense. It is such a wonderful answer to a question that no one asked that is just crazier than

what I was thinking before it. When it comes to his breakdance tutelage, I think some of the language is important. Specifically, yo, this is B-Boy Ronnie. And I have one question to ask y'all. Can you break it down on the dance floor? I thought that was authentic. That's not authentic B-Boy super fly fresh talk. It sounds like somebody who was out of touch in the 80s and alive then,

being asked to impersonate like a neighbor. Yeah, this is real fucking youth pastor vibe from this guy. This is like- If you try to teach a child to break dance for 20 minutes, they will run circles around what this man does in this video footage. It is-

100%. Magical. Yeah, when my daughter was six, she took break dancing at her grade school and she's better than this dude. I bet. Okay, what are we adding to things? So now the robot is running around I was six, she took break dancing at her grade school and she's better than this dude. I bet. Okay, what are we adding to things? So now the robot is running around and he finds a tape of a local pro wrestling show and I love, I think this is how all stories should start. A robot

finds two random VHS tapes and then combines them and that's the robot's thing. Like I would watch every variation of this. He added break dancing to combat, to wrestling and was like, now that's the robots thing. Like I would watch every variation of this. He added break dancing to combat, to wrestling, and was like, now I'm a vigilante. Fuck yes. The best compliment I can give this six movies is that it did legitimately teach me something about just art and giving a shit about what you're doing at the moment.

That first part you can just feel the waves of not giving a fuck radiating off of these little vaudeville sketches. Now they're getting into it. Now they're getting into it. People are doing spin kicks that don't need to be there. He's pro wrestling these three mercenaries with half their midcard costumes still on. It's kind of golden. Yeah, so he is now fighting Alpha Team. The first guy does, as we mentioned, comes in and kicks him in the face.

It does not work. Anyone who's ever fought a robot knows you don't start with a face kick. He headbutts that guy out cold. His name was Zaymott, we find out. And there's a nerd with them and his name is Tomax. Great stuff. I don't know if you caught that. I can't imagine you didn't. You know, just subtle nods there. Yeah. The main assistant finds the computer nerd who fainted. And so I wrote down that this man has been unconscious for a robot stroll, a prank dancing instructional video, a pro wrestling tape, and a robot fist fight. Like this guy has been unconscious for just, he saw a robot and he fainted

and he was out for hours. So Shockwave grabs the next guy's gun, knocks him out and he completely wrecks Tomax with like a backflip into a body slam. He's just doing stuff. He just has his way with these pathetic humans. It was a bad plan to send Alpha Team after this robot, especially since they know the robot is already a deadly space combat robot. And now he has the power of pro wrestling and break dancing. No chance. I would count sending them after Shockwave toward like the main villains,

just minion murders, because he kills one of these guys every 10 minutes. He is addicted to this shit. I want to talk a little about the set design here because he does suplex the next guy into a pile of garbage bags. But this is supposed to be electric general. This is supposed to be like a computer place, but it's just a condemned home literally filled with trash bags. I don't know. It's just worth mentioning. Everything looks like a sort of variation of a dilapidated hotel. Right. But I don't think they're going for that. But you can't mistake a pile of garbage bags. If you're setting a design, you can't be like, OK, the viewers are going to think this looks like something else.

It's like, no, no, this is a pile of garbage bags. Yeah, it stands out. I mean, I'm happy for the team's spines and the like, but it kind of takes away from the evil department of evil. That's moonlighting, I guess, as a sanitation plant. Right. When you work at the general factory, there's a lot of waste. I guess that's true. You'd have a lot of like, paper waste. Every document that comes in has to get slowly printed out. You're gonna have to throw a lot of paper away. Shockwave gets full on monkey flipped in the next scene,

and then he like turns it into a, he lands it on his feet and then turns it into a clothesline. They have no chance, is my point. I've mentioned this. But one of the agents puts a tracker on him. Oh yeah, they make a complete face roll. Yeah. Yeah.

He just runs right through him. So now they can track the undisguised robot moving at maybe one mile an hour just outside in a modern city. Good luck, guys. So he's just strutting along on the sidewalk and then he comes across some real break dancers and just kind of struts right in and starts popping, finger tutting, all manner of breaking what not. Yeah, it's supposed to be the dance version of Alpha Team getting wiped only it's my god we cannot stand before his funky fresh rhythms And bear in mind at this point the robot only knows two things

He knows dance and me things could go haywire real fast Oh, yeah, if shockwave loses this battle, they're going to be at least ten people dead These people are technically his enemies. Now that you mention it, I didn't realize how much danger these men were in, but at the end he gives three different men the secret, if I'm understanding it, it's the secret breakdancing handshake, which is a dap and then sort of a butt wiggle and then a half hug and then you leave. I wrote this off as just a white a white guy not understanding, you know,

this community, but it could have been the robot trying to kill these guys. This movie is very confusing to me. It's very possible. One thing I would like to note from my stupid insider perspective, and please do not hurt me, Shockwave the Robot, when your name search inevitably pulls this up,

we have made this movie about Shockwave the breakdancing robot. We have built this gimmick to tour internationally as Shockwave the breakdancing robot. You have bet everything on Shockwave the breakdancing robot, right? We established that. Smart. And he finally breakdances and it's the most submit shit I've seen in a while. You dedicated your fucking life to this man. You're doing Broncos.

I'm glad that you know the name. He's doing the cow version of like the kangaroo thing. We're not kidding that like if your knees work and your hips work, you can do these moves five minutes after learning what break dancing is. And also this is where his movements get a lot. There's more structure. He's got more of a cockier movement than is very robotic.

Yeah, there's a smugness to his butt jiggle. I think it gets confident as he kills. Yeah, he like absorbs just a little confidence every time he murders. Or like he sees our human joints exposed like, oh, they move more like this, okay. Maybe I'll learn to do a fucking windmill before this movie ends. I know it sounds like I'm being mean,

but it's called the break dancing robot. I was also really frustrated by how bad his break dancing was. It's like, this is your entire thing. Also, he breaks robot character. Like Brendan said, he gets real limber. He gets like super fluid. He's like, I'm RoboCop.

And now he's like, okay, cool. Now I'm just a really shitty human breakdancing. There's a creep following a woman and he's like Jason, like she's running away from him. And he like appears in front of her somehow. Give me that money. Yeah, he teleports. And then Shockwave sees him, just dumps him into garbage. He doesn't even do a movie, just picks him up, puts him in the trash.

And so she says, what are you? And we see from his POV, no data found. So now we realize we don't know the name of our main character. We're like 40 minutes into this fucking thing. And so our Shockwave, the robot with no name, he finds a friendly hobo eating beans from a can and he powers down to sleep next to him. And he's on the news.

I took the clip of the news. Amish farmers are up in arms, claiming that the chip is the mark of the beast and they refuse to have their cattle tagged for asset tracking. This is real foreshadowing. In other news, police were left baffled over a dozen eyewitnesses claimed to have seen a robot break dancing on the sidewalk in downtown Electric City. Bob Bailey is on the scene.

This robot guy is dancing around and... Yo it's crazy it's like a break dancing robot is locking and popping. I haven't seen moves like that since the 80s. Oh, Lord have mercy, I don't know where these people come from. Thanks, Bob. Police are still investigating. Now, here's the weather with Jeff Prest. Great report, Bob. Mr. Ville, bring in the chair. Which chair, Mr. Buckner?

Oh, I left the chair stuff in. THE chair! Mr. Buckner, we have lots of chairs. Which chair? THE PINK ONE! It's just good. I wasn't going to cut that. Let the people hear the joke. So there are two things from this takeaway. The first is that this film absolutely believes in X-Files shit. And the second is that this film absolutely believes in X-Files shit and the second is that

it is at its best when it just hires some cuckoo locals and just lets them come it up and they do a better job than everybody that was like actively involved in this and wasn't pulled aside for one day. Toothless meme guy fucking steals the movie. I felt bad for a second for like the first vagrant but he comes at it with such a buoyance, I'm glad he at least enjoyed that moment where they decided to exploit this man for this shit, Phil. That brings back that joy that we saw when he dumped the guy in the trash can. Everyone's like, ah, bring me my chair, like this sucks, get this the fuck out of the movie.

When the backup citizen says, I haven't seen moves like that since the 80s. I just thought, yeah, because his boobs are that fucking dated. I also, that's true. I think I also like the news report was like fully on board of this thing being a robot. They're like, they saw a robot. There's a fucking robot walking the streets. But then they interviewed these people like, yeah, this guy was so cool. He was the guy in a robot suit. I mean, obviously you fucking idiot news. With that other guy says, where do they get these people? Like he specifically called the robot a people.

This is where I realized this is why I'm here. This is when I was like, oh, there's a huge conspiracy through line. This is shit I understand and can speak to. And then it turned out I was wrong because it came from a completely different place that is yet to be revealed. Yeah, the you know, it looks like it's going into a bored ultimatum kind of place, and no, it's not gonna be quite that smart. Shockwave wakes up next to the homeless guy, they're snuggling. It's not quite implied that they fucked, but a little bit. Can you ever really fuck a robot? It's like a sex toy, you know?

Hell yeah, you can! It fucks you, you can't fuck it. If you're living right, you can. So there's a new element that we haven't mentioned about Shockwave, the robot that gets revealed here that I'd actually forgotten about. Like, Dinnard, you told me this was happening and I just completely forgotten. But they go to church. They have a long scene of church music. Shockwave finds a flyer for God. And it's exactly what he craves instructions. So we see from his POV, he's like, yes, instructions, instructions.

And you're like, God, this is the worst case scenario for a robot. He goes- Just murdering everybody that wears mixed fabrics. This robot is going to start wiping restaurants that serve selfish. The robot goes into an empty church. All that singing I guess was just for like the viewers to enjoy. There was like 10 minutes of fucking church music. Totally unrelated to anything we'll see in the rest of the movie. I fully believe all of the equipment for this movie was lent to them by their church. Like I was watching this for like minute three and I was like, oh, they let them have their camcorder in exchange

for featuring them. Yep, so he's in the pastor's office and he's like learning hymns, reading books, but not the Bible. There's a Bible front and center, but he hasn't got to it yet. A pastor comes in and he is not surprised to see a robot in his office.

I have a clip of that. Hey, hear that robot from the news. Where are the basic instructions before leaving Earth? Oh, you mean the good book. It rolls with everything. I cannot find the coordinates in here. Why have I not received directions to go home yet? Gotta work some mysterious ways.

Trust him. He has a plan for you before you leave Earth. But you can't stay here. The police are looking for you now. How will I know what my plan is? How will I know what to do? He'll show you a sign. This is so embarrassing for me, but like I just realized that we spent basically the whole first scene of the movie with them trying to teach the robot how to do stuff and all they had to do was just leave a flyer or a VHS tape in front of him that whole time. God damn it. That's so frustrating that I didn't even notice how dumb that was until. I think any philosophy or movies book could have just been left before Killbot first. He could have run into the Communist Manifesto first and just nuked Wall Street or whatever weapons are hiding in him. You know, he's very literal, like the judges in the award-winning Carrier Wave by Robert

Crockway. That's a really good plug. I'm telling you, I love that book so much. He would love to be associated with Shockwave the Robot. I'm gonna tell you. Read it now. That's my plug. We get introduced to the Universal Soldier now because off-camera the bad guy is calling

for Project 447, which is just like a big buff super-android. Yeah, they just find the Intercontinental Champion from this pro-wrestling connection that's still hooked up to this movie and they ask it to beat the Jesus out of him. What else happens? There's a wrestling promoter driving around and he's like, oh, I need somebody who can beat the Russian, somebody tough like a robot. He literally says those words, looks out the window and he sees Shockwave the robot on the sidewalk. That's really lucky for this guy.

So Shockwave is completely powered off and the wrestling promoter gets out and sees a robot that's out of juice. So he does what anybody would do. He hooks up his jumper cables to him. It's stupid, but like I say, it's exactly what I would do. If you're ever dressed like a robot near me and pretending not to move, I will either recharge your robot systems or stop your human heart. I just want to warn you right now, do not prank me with this. But he does it wrong because you're supposed to hook up red to the positive and then black

to the terminal and then the other end goes to the robot's dick. It's black left nipple right nipple red. It goes to the robot's dick. Yeah, okay. Oh, I know. You put it on the dick. Yeah. Everybody's jumping off difference.

I don't do a lot of robot foreplay. I go straight to it. You go straight for the laser beak. The Russian that they talk about being so tough is a really normal sized dude in red panties. They're wrestling in front of about 30 people, which is a pretty good crowd for a local wrestling show. And then Shockwave comes in and it's just not fair. Nothing hurts him because he's a robot. And now he's combined his breakdancing, his wrestling with his impenetrable armor. He's completely unstoppable. It's wonderful. Like they shoot the first 10 seconds, like they're going to do an

underdog thing for Shockwave and maybe he'll learn to believe in like rhythm or Christ or something. And it turns out he believes in titanium and pain. And this poor man, this robot has not been informed that pro wrestling is fake, as far as I can tell. Backstage, one of the wrestlers gets five dollars, which is like a pretty good appearance for a local wrestling show. But he won't give the money to the robot.

The robot's he's like, what are you you gonna do with the money, you fucking robot? But then he does give him money and he goes off to buy a sandwich. And I have a clip of that. Brother, how are you? Yo, chickeny chicken, I need a fresh ham sandwich. All right, bro, thank you. Thank you.

All right. He doesn't care that guy's a robot. I like that chickeny chicken. I could have gone for more than this perfectly adopted our way of b-boy speaking. But it's like one of the rare times he does it during the movie. I feel like they could have had a lot of bits where the robot is talking to people like that. When he meets the promoter, he does say, where's my funky fresh money? Okay, I can't understand him. So shockwave now meets like a talent scout who saw him wrestle he's like you got to come to LA to a dojo and he decides he goes through his like multiple choice options of how to get to LA and he decides to hitchhike because it's the cheapest and Then they just cut to him in LA

like there's there's no silly interaction with a truck driver, a pervert or whatever. Like I would have loved to see a cross country road trip with Shockwave. So he goes to this pro wrestling training and it's like the world's greatest filmmakers set out to make pro wrestling training look really dumb and boring. And they do a pretty good job, it sucks. And one guy gets a phone call

and gets like 720 elbow the fuck out. And then the coach beats up everybody, but for real. So this is not going to help the robot understand that this is fake. I don't think it is in this universe. This might be one of those wrestling movies where the wrestling is real. No Holtz Bards, I think the wrestling was real. It happened a lot in the 80s.

The kayfabe was like it infected all the fiction about wrestling movies. That's a great point that it's kind of back and forth about that. Like during the in the first promotion, I kind of thought that shockwave thought it was real and the other guy wasn't quite plugged in. But I think this is a delivery issue, but it might just be their universe. I think we should also note at this stage, I'm coming around to the Nards theory of six movies because we went from a vorat to now we are doing in a rare hot dog reversal.

This is there's a Street Fighter two happening. OK, but it's after Street Fighter two. So it's inspired by Street Fighter two instead of it's like one of the inspirations for Street Fighter two. And it's just fighters from around the world getting their asses kicked by like the supreme martial artist. Yeah. They have that savage pineapple man. That guy felt like a Street Fighter character. There's like a guy with full on like African war paint holding a pineapple. I was like, man, I love this guy. What's his deal? I mean, who doesn't know pineapple? I love this guy. What's his deal? We knew he doesn't know pineapple.

Sure. But it's like that part of his character, is he just at craft services? Does he take a pineapple to the ring? They liked him in post too, because they cut to him whenever things start to dry out in this part of the movie. Yep. I feel like you could really wreck somebody with a pineapple. For sure. Like more than most fruit.

Yeah, it's a slashing weapon. It's a bashing weapon. It's got acid. You bash them up with a pineapple and then it stings. It's a great weapon. It is. Nothing about this says these people come from anything in the same sphere of combat. Yes. And they all get rejected by the promoters. And that's when Shockwave comes in and they're like, okay, I like this robot gimmick. And then he shakes someone's hand and he crushes them with his robot strength. They're like, you're in kid. So now the Colonel, the bad guy shows up

because they have a tracker on him. Oh, I'm sorry. No, he goes to Japan first. Am I right or is he not in Japan yet? I can't remember. He's about to go through Japan and then standing in the way of his God given dream. And then the Colonel's like, I am looking good, right? Because it's because they want to call back to that anti aging

serum. But it's only been 10 years. A lot of people kind of look the same after 10 years. Where are we at here? The bad guy has a device that the makes robots hurt. I didn't they don't explain it. And shockwave just slaps it away and it just starts strutting up a fire escape. But he can't climb like a robot. So so so he's just looks like a dude dressed like C-3PO climbing a fire escape. Which is what they were thinking when the uninvited extra showed up in the window. It was like, what is happening outside of my window?

So an evil android shows up. They have like an evil android showdown. This part was a little stiff. It looks like children doing their first wrestling match. Yeah, he does those like three power moves they teach you in the dojo, I guess. Right, right. It's the same moves you learn with your little brother.

So Shockwave gets up and starts praying. They know exactly what he's doing. When he first got up, I thought, oh, he's begging for mercy. This fucking sucks. But no, they're like, you're praying to God. And this is what uh what our guy says so now you're praying that's really gonna help

picking unbelievable let me tell you something robot you You want to pray to God? You think God is gonna help you? Well, I got news for you. There is no God! You see a God here? The only God I see is me! I took your technology and I created him and I created the RFI chip and with those things I'm gonna rule the world I'll be in control of everything you want to pray to God then you better start praying to me because I am God If you got a fucking vaccinator you've got shockwave chips in you.

That is the reveal of all the conspiracy stuff. It's just such deep evangelical brain. But also the most effective, like Christian, we're kind of cool pop, like I've never seen one this effective where I'm not rolling my eyes. I'm like, yeah, no, I'm still in it. Like win it, dude. Yeah, this rules. Yep.

So I have a sub revelation for you guys Shockwave is actually an integral part of the fucking armor of God force. Oh, no That's hilarious in the last three episodes. There was a modified slightly not very version of the shockwave suit That's fucking what comes together That's so fucking... What? It all comes together. What? I am serious.

How did he get in there? They all know the same god. This guy has had one idea in his life and it is Jesus armor robot. Yep. The robot POV reads, Jesus save me, which is just crack me up. It's not quite as funny as when Terminator said, fuck you asshole, but it's pretty funny. At the end of that guy's speech, he gets hit with a lightning bolt and God really does give him armor. I do want to talk about that guy's speech for a little while. I thought this is one of those things that his pro wrestling training should have worked,

because this was just a wrestling promo and he should have been prepared for it, but it totally sucks. I think Ultimate Warrior would have killed that in one take. Well, Ultimate Warrior would have killed that. Anyone from just a Superstars era could just be handed this ad, give you gold. Jake the Snake would be good. Because if you're on a Christian movie production, they don't give you cocaine. So... Oh yeah, that's probably true. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Are we separating hypocrisy in Christian movie productions? Because that's an insult to their creative method here, Matt. I just said they don't give you cocaine. I didn't say they don't have cocaine. We've all seen Ted Haggard camping around Jesus again. Your God cannot save you, for there is only one God, and he is the soul of combat, a soul only I can breathe. Oh man, I would love to see the Randys.

Let me tell you something, robot. You wanna pray to God? You think God is gonna help you. Well I got news for you. There is no God. You see a God here? The only God I see. Me is the beautiful Elizabeth. Do you wanna do maybe a Jake the Snake, Brendan? You know, honestly I was just gonna say out of respect for the listener, Mr. McGinley will not be attempting to pretend he follows WCW or WW. Are we at the Armor of God point yet?

Or do you want to play that? Yes, we are right there. God's armor upgrade received. So I'm the only one pushing this idea. But if you go to the meat parties, there's a moment in every single movie where everyone just types in all caps, what? And I call that the hot dog moment. That's when it truly becomes a hot dog artifact. And we are here and I am ready for it. It's the fucking best. He like, he struts it out. There's green magic behind him and he like gets fully transformed into it into a Gundam or whatever

Like he's it says specifically God armor received Yeah, it's deep best and he comes out Just one laser blast kills the evil Android just down to the boots Whomp every Christian movie does this where they're just like, and then God fixed it. But this is the only one that instead of a deus ex machina, we have a deus in machina. God damn it, Brendan. Thank you for bringing that pun into my life. I will say out of all the Christian garbage that I've absorbed, which is too much and

still probably a quarter of what you guys have done in your time, I really just enjoyed the lack of patronizing bullshit being replaced with just more incoherent bullshit, and I recommend that to any Christian propagandists out there. More nonsense, less anger, you'll catch more flies with honey. If you want to be the actually cool pastor, just do dope shit. And people will be like, yeah, I came around on this movie. I came back. It's like, what was the post-apocalyptic motorcycle one you guys did? Rollerblade 7?

He was just so nice in the comments that we kind of came back around and realized, yeah, Oh, right. That's right. Yeah. Like he answered every question that that was an article Liddy wrote and he sold us. He sold us. I love when you make fun of someone and they come back in and they're like, they're okay with it. Like even Uwe Boll was okay with it when I when I dumped on him. But yeah, in here with this like armor of God thing, activate thing, it is it is the moment when the movie glows. I kind of want to see this nonsense method staple gun to other genres. Like, imagine a Godzilla or halfway through, Godzilla just kneels down or,

you know, knockoff Godzilla. Obviously, Jesus, Zilla kneels down, starts praying and just, you know, doubles in Kaiju size with a big fucking cross on its stomach. Do you see how this is how this is more magical than just retelling the Marine story? Every genre should do an exact version of this. Again, I feel like the structure of this of a robot, just finding VHS tapes and putting together the abilities of those tapes, doesn't have to be Jesus. It could be three different things besides breakdancing, pro wrestling and Jesus.

These are the three best, obviously. This is the apex. It's all downhill from here, but... I like this idea of just switching the video taste around. Like, okay, this time we're gonna do cheerleading, MMA, and like, finger paint. And it's going to be the artsy, back-flipping, Superman punching version of Shockwave. I'm gonna go yo-yo, yo-yo, yo-yo. It has to have the cross on it. The movie realizes at this exact point it overpowered him because they're like, laser's

gone immediately. Yeah, yeah. And he just gets the one laser. He's like a misfits of science robot. But then the bad guy is like, what the fuck? So he leaves and that's kind of funny. But then he decides, no, I'm going to fight the robot. Here's the thing is I'm confused by everyone's motivation. He is so determined to kill this

robot and he gives a speech about how Shockwave is all, yeah, he wants the revenge. But again, it's just a project that didn't work out and then he didn't think about it for 10 years. But and he says Shockwave is all that stands between him and world domination. But like what, how the fuck is that possible? The robot had to hitchhike to get to wrestling tryouts. He's a homeless break dancer with dreams of one day becoming a gimmick wrestler for high school gymnasiums like leave him alone. And dominate the world.

I guess what we're missing in his plan is that random muggers in the greater Detroit area are essential to him dominating the world. That was not explained to me, the viewer though, that is not in the text of this art. He's about to kill him with a stick, which is a really funny weapon to choose against a titanium robot. And then, after kind of bonking on him with a stick,

he says, no, he wraps his leg around the stick, like all fucking weird. Like he's got like some monkey kung fu style that he didn't tell us about. And he says, let's do this the right way. And he pulls out some brand new num chucks that were in the back pocket. This fight does not go well, believe it or not,

for the guy with the num chucks against the invincible robot who has since becoming already invincible was upgraded by God. So once the robot lands a shot, it's completely over. The robot has decided it can't kill the guy. He's got him on the ropes, but the robot's like, I can't kill. The bad guy charges him and the robot's POV says, James Brown. He does the James Brown move. Apparently, somewhere along the way, he watches some James Brown VHS. he does the splits

to dodge the stick, and the Colonel hits a fuse box and electrocutes himself. Well, all robots are born knowing James Brown. That's just in the bias. You're probably right. I'd say like an ethicist, I have to say, using your dodge parry is still murder. That's true. Yeah, that's some real Batman Dark Knight. I think James Brown is legally responsible, though. That's true. Yeah, it's some real Batman Dark Knight. I think James Brown is legally responsible though.

That's true. I'm no lawyer. The RFI chip company that now controls society, even though they're CEOs that just replace the fucker, is going to sue to James Brown Estate for everything they are worth. Can I get a redo? That robot is a sex machine. So now we cut to Japan and Shockwave is wrestling in front of nearly a hundred people. This is his dream. Quite an upgrade from the high school gym.

He's also named Dynamo now, if you noticed that. Yeah, that seems to be a side effect of them just using footage from his life again. I like to think that he finally found the name that he wanted and not just the one that was upheld onto him. Oh, self-actualization. I feel it. Yeah. He also did presumably have a name when he was in space, right? Before he landed here, they must have called him something. The Colonel sees this information about his wrestling in like a Japanese newspaper somehow. He's just reading like Japanese wrestling

newsletters. And then he smirks directly into the camera. He's like, Aha, I see that Dynamo is wrestling. And then he looks at us and smirks. I'm like, what the fuck? He's a smirk. Like, I'm gonna get my ass beat. I know. Yeah, you got no chance against this. It's, it's because he died when he hit the electrical panel with the axe. And then sure, they revived him as the next universal soldier. You're reading the paper through his heads up display and then you see whose point of view it is and he's like I'll be back for the sequel which will only be 22 minutes. I'll allow it. Yeah. I will defend this movie because it made me come around and be like damn

finally a Christian movie got me. Yeah, I think you're right. Like so much of what it does just doesn't get communicated well. But I think that's probably what they were going for. I wasn't ready to fall in love. OK, you did that. You found me. This is all really about healing Brennan's heart, everyone. I hope you're this love intervention has been good for her.

But it is bold to set up a sequel to a movie that is not finished. Right. Like you don't know that you're going to earn another $500. I have here in my notes that the main bad guy, Damien Buckner, is played by Hot Bod Todd Taylor. Fucking fantastic name. While we're on that topic, Private Weed Dealer is played by Vance Savage. The best name I've ever heard. Vance Savage?

Very nice. Yeah, I want to see Vandal Savage's fail, son. That sounds good. You know, when he does that little jazz split at the end after all the Armor of God stuff, God's power actually kind of failed him. Only breakdancing could save his life. So breakdancing is stronger than God. That might just be because he put all of his points into that talent tree because he did get breakdancing first and then he

suspect into Pro wrestling and then way way late in the game. He took some points in God. Oh man, he's stuck on that classic Bioware thing where all the crazy shit comes in at the end It's like I put everything into like Jade Golem or something. Sorry. I'm so just gonna plink away When you're breakdancing for earthly reasons, you're gonna fail but when breakdancers to glorify God Nothing can stop you, man Einstein 100 Frankfurt Our podcast is great! And with Maximillian Chao Does Frankfurt podcast say correct?

Yes! The power is not without Send it to the dog zone For an hour Come on, you know the number Einstein 100 Einstein 100 Frankfurt I, Brokell the Brocain, proclaim myself ruler of all Hot Dog-o-Me! From each of your kingdoms, send to me your finest warriors, your champions, your...

...supremes! Aaron Crosston Adrian H Aidan Mouat From the Kingdom of Nolanburg, it's... Alex Nolanburg, a mighty little meat alpha scientist Java on Andy Armando Navar Bim Talter do not disgrace your kind yeah you're not raising your kind right now aren't you

Brendan Garlock Brian sailor burrito, Cheddar Wolf from the Kingdom of Cheddar Wolfia, who had a really cool design but just never got a moment. Clementine Danger, Common Sense, Greg Lemoine, Half-Man, Half-Horse, All-Man, Quavers, Daniel Sloane, Diffin, the Rogue Supreme, David Schull has a sword that commands God. That really fucks up the stakes. Can you leave it at home? Dean Costello. Delta Foxtrot.

Doug Redmond, wild and free, who has vowed not to disgrace his kind. Oh, God damn it, Doug Redmond, already? Drayson. Dusty's rad title is a swamp hag, who looks pretty good when you're drunk. Fancy Shark Gareth

Chilla Ho Good Satan and his hot witches comes with special wings. Special decorative wings not for flight. Greg Cunningham Haraka Harvey Penguini King of Honkonia Where the mighty honkies live and play. Jaber Al Aiden, James Boyd, Jared Mountainman, Jared Ruiz, just your classic hallway panther,

you better have a panther pass. Jeff Oraskey, John Dean, John McCammon, John Minkoff. Joseph Sears. Josh S. Joshua Graves. From the Kingdom of Justonia, Justin V is beautiful. And no other thing, it's what the B stands for. Ken Basley. K&M.

Kummutsas. Lane Hagood. Lisa is a magician who put her mind in the body of a hawk just so she wouldn't have to walk M. Jahe Chapelle Mark Mahoney has vowed not to disgrace his ga- Ah, just kidding, just kidding, what a disgrace Matt Riley, Max Faroi Mercenary Cissad Min

Michael Dillon is a hawk trapped in the body of a magician Don't deny it, be proud of who you are. Screa! Michael Lehr, Mickey Loman, Mike Stiles, Mort, Moju, Mr. Bob Gray is leader of the Mighty Lizardmen. Mr. Bob Gray has been slain. ND, Neil Bailey, Neal Schaeffer, Neku104, Onri Weevil from the Onri Kingdom of Weevonia, Champion of the Weevonia Warrior Games by Forfit, Ozzy Olin, Patrick Kupst, Rhiannon, Sarkovsky, Shulchase, Cid is a magical lightning hawk, whose purpose remains unclear.

Go to school, lightning hawk! Spotty reception? So what not? Tator's Tales from the noble Tator Kingdom of Tatornia, with a sword that makes polite requests of God. That's more reasonable. Teth-H? Thomas Cavazos. Tibulehi? Toasty God. Tommagee? Thomas Kavatzos, Divi-Leyhi, Toasty-God, Tommy G,

Velo turns into a mighty Chimera when angered, or aroused, or confused. He might actually just be a Chimera. Wooster, Wayland Brussels, Zack and Ava, wild and free centaur champions who ride into battle on one another.

Each of their human parts on the horse parts but not their own. It's complicated. And finally from Danonia comes young quick and deadly Dan B. Hooray Dan B! You only have seconds to do something cool before this whole thing gets cancelled!