The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 202, RIKI-OH with Christina H

Episode Date: November 20, 2024

Seanbaby & Merritt K welcome special guest, Christina H to the DOGGZZONE to glaze over in disbelief at the monument to ultra violence that is RIKI-OH, the story of RIKI-OH! If you'd rather human guts remain exactly where they are in a man's body, you prefer your jaws intact and unexploded, if you have any semblance of decency left, RIKI-OH is NOT for you! All other perverts, welcome!

1900 Hot Dog 1900 Hot Dog Our podcast slams with maximum hype Say Hot Dog Podcast Word Yeah When you taste that nitrate power You're in the dog zone for an hour Come on

You know the number 1900 1900 Hot Dog Welcome to the Dog Zone 9000, the official podcast of 1900hotdog.com, the final website. If you aren't familiar, we do new articles about bizarre artifacts every weekday with an all-star cast of comedy writers. There's a free one every week, but getting them all is easy. Go to patreon.com slash 1900hotdog and support us. You'll get jokes sent right to your email, discord movie events, and you'll be keeping alive a media. Robots and billionaires are doing everything they

can to kill. Speaking of, sign up with a browser because if you sign up through Apple, they take 30% of the money just because they can. I'm Sean Baby, the first and last internet funny man. And with Brockway still in hiatus, my co-host today is the glamorous and Canadian writer and game designer, Merit Kay. Merit, welcome back. Hey, what's up? Right before we started recording, I did drop my glasses and fall face-first onto a plane. That's that glamour.

Yeah. I mean, that's what I bring to the podcast, right? I am bleeding kind of a lot, but as long as my son gets that toy train I made him, I'll be fine. You know? Fantastic. Our guest is a longtime columnist for Cracked. She's a writer, animator, and now a coder at Firebase. Christina Holland, thank you for joining us. Hello. Yeah, I'm glad you are making comedy work here when I sold out a long time ago to go join the tech world. Yeah, you did probably make the right financial choice

to lead media for tech development. Are you working on any projects you want to plug or is it you're all hiding from the public and coding? I'm not allowed to talk about the projects I'm working on. Wow, so secret, so mysterious. I love that. That can't be great, right? That can't be great for our future. No, so mysterious. I love that. That can't be great, right? That can't be great for our future. No, probably not.

Some people might call it a death ray. I'm just working on the user interface for the death ray. It's not so much a death ray, it's like an aggravated injury ray. Like it hurts a lot. It won't kill you instantly. It's like, you know, it causes some cancer, but what doesn't, right?

That's very funny that most people who come here want to plug what they're working on and I will probably get in trouble if I say what I'm working on. That's true. Can I steal your plug, then? Yeah. I'm going to do a surprise ninja steal plug. Steal plug. Yeah, so I didn't mention this last time.

I was co-hosting, but I'm working on a game. It's called Fledgling Manor and you can wishlist it on Steam right now. So go do that, please. You don't even have to buy it. I don't even care if you buy it. Just press that button, tell Gabe that you're interested, and that's all. And now I'm gonna throw a smoke bomb and disappear back

into my non-game plugging life. I do wanna plug Christina too, because I do really like your social media posts. I find them to be very wise and curious and thoughtful, like as if you come from some perfect world where social media is for well-meaning people that come together and solve problems. Like I just let you post something, I'll be like, wow, that is fascinating that you're talking to us like we're real people. That's such a nice thing to say. It is, it's a quality I admire. Jason also has it, our friend Jason Pargin,

where I'm like, wow, you two really like, you're like smart in the classical sense. I'm so impressed by people who can do that on social media because as soon as I open Twitter or whatever, my brain just like instantly turns into like really stupid mush and I start making just jokes and I'm like, oh, this site has trained me to know that people like when I do a dumb joke like this over the past 10 years and it's not good for me or for the

public discourse or anything, but I've sunk into the goo. So I admire people who have risen above it. Merritt, you're also wise sometimes, but I also like the thirst traps now lately. Like now that you're getting like kickboxing buff, you're like, Hey everybody, just a little old, little old my karate abs. Just, just from doing the, from hitting things. I mean, yeah, I don't know. That's it's fun.

I feel like it qualifies me. It's slightly more now that I do, you know, now that I've done several hours of kickboxing and watched a bunch of boss written videos that we talk about. I feel like I DM you a lot about boss rootin. Like 50% of our DMs are about that. It's always welcome. Please, anybody listening DM me about boss rootin. But I feel like slightly more qualified to talk about something like what we're

talking about today. Yes. Okay. Yes. Merritt K, Christina H. We're talking about classic movie, Ricky O. The Story of Ricky, the 1991, we're talking about classic movie, Rikky-O, The Story of Rikky, the 1991 kung fu prison monster movie.

I think most listeners have probably seen it or know the basics about it. It's very well known, relentlessly amazing. It's the kung fu movie where fists like ram through jaws and eyeballs fall onto spikes. And we're very lucky today because Christina, you had not seen it. Which is a magical thing.

It's the best to show something this incredible to someone for the first time. Yeah, we had a date night on Saturday, me and my husband, we watched it. Did you both enjoy it? Yeah, we cracked up a lot. Now, had you heard of this before that? No, not at all. Really? Oh, wow.

Okay, wow, because... So like, growing up, I feel like I saw the GIF of Tarzan smashing the guy's head like every couple of months. Yeah, that was on the old Craig Kilburn daily show. The five questions would open with that every night. It was just like everywhere. Like this, I don't know, it was a source of very early GIFs. And this was the second time I'd seen it, but I only saw it for the first time a few months ago. So I'm still also... It took a long time. Sean mentioned that I tweet on social media as if I'm ignoring what's going on.

And that's actually because I'm unaware of what's going on a lot of the time, including cult classics. Yeah, stuff like that. I mostly pretend to have watched most of the movies and TV shows that people are talking about that define culture. And I get away with it most of the time. You can get by because most people just want to hear themselves talk. I grew up in a pretty conservative environment, so I was completely sheltered from anything normal that people were paying attention to.

I've been wallowing in madness since since very, very young age, so I can't relate. Sounds fun. Yeah, no, it's great. I'm making it work. I think what's unique about this film is it kind of feels like it shouldn't be like there's something about the incompetence and insanity that makes it clear this isn't the vision of some genius auteur, but it also sort of is. When I watched it, I wish it was a

genre like, I wish this guy made Story of Ricky 70 more times, like just a mega kung fu guy who liquefies regular humans but has to fight like a series of also super sub bosses. I know it sounds like I'm describing any kung fu movie, but but there's like an element of gross out and superhero to this that just feels very one of a kind. Yeah, I'm coming at it from a gamer perspective, I guess. So the way that the I would describe this, it's about a guy who picked up a perk that converts all blunt damage to piercing damage. Yeah, that's how you would develop this.

Definitely exactly it. And he fights a bunch of bosses who are vulnerable to piercing. Yeah, like most human beings, I would say. Fortunately, yeah. He doesn't have to fight skeletons or else that would have been a disadvantage. That would really screw him up, right? Because he would just go right through the bones. Very lucky for him that he was in a prison and not in like a haunted house. Okay. But that would be incredible though if the sequel was just a haunted house level, right? Like how great would that be?

If he had made 70 more sequels and some of them were in haunted houses and some of them were in dinosaur times and stuff like that. You know what's crazy is there is kind of a sequel. It's called Super Powerful Man and it stars the same guy. It stars Ricky, our Lewis fan,

or Fan Sui Wong sometimes, or sometimes Xiao Huang Fan. Sure. Whatever. He's one of those guys that's weird he never broke through because he looks like a movie star. Yeah, he's very handsome. That's my other observation.

Yeah, I've heard that Liu Kang, Immortal Combat was based on him to some extent. Oh, too bad it wasn't him. Okay, Robin Hsu, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, like just even the character in the game before they adopted the movies. Okay.

Because he has kind of like the hair and the handsomeness and the refusal to wear a shirt ever. Right. And just the powerful kicks and everything. People should know his name, but he just never did anything. He was an Ip Man. Oh, was he?

But you don't, yeah, you wouldn't recognize him. He's got like a buzz cut and he's just, you know, like an old timey monk or whatever. But anyway, like the sequel is trash. It's like a camcorder fan film made a decade and a half after the original with like just terrible special effects. And I say that after seeing the first one. Anyway, Kristina, do you watch a lot of Kung Fu?

I know we've talked about Jackie Chan at least once. I don't. No. I really just need to watch more movies in general. Don't we all? I did create sort of a structure for us to discuss the fight scenes. I've based this system of rating on the name RIKI,

R-I-K-I. The first R stands for realism, which obviously we gotta judge whether or not these fights are real. We can have negative numbers, right? Sure. Now I guess, I get that most people can't crush a human head with a Mongolian chop, and I'm sorry so many of you have to live like that. I myself personally don't.

It's a burden, yeah. But I guess what I mean by realism is, is it believable in the fiction of the world and as a special effect? Because one thing about Ricky Oh is the movie is not super consistent. We were talking about his blunt damage and I think that's a good observation, except for like the 50 times when it's not not because the rules in this movie are not consistent. Very high score of realism would mean that you're like, okay, I know what they were trying to do and it looks like that and a very low score would be like somebody on the effects team fucked up.

As we mentioned, we're dealing with the sensibilities of three very different cultures, manga, Hong Kong cinema and whatever we are, post-ironic alt schlock enthusiasts. So everybody's gonna have their own sense of rad and irony, and we're gonna get very lost in artistic intent, artistic failure, and sarcasm. And I think we all know civilization is doomed and none of this matters anyway. So the I in Ricky is for idiocy. I think I just want us to keep in mind how fucking stupid this movie is and celebrate it. So I think a high idiocy would be a very good score. And now K in Ricky stands for karate. Obviously, is there any art to the martial arts? If people weren't exploding into goo, would this still be a good fight scene?

That's what we're keeping in mind. The second I in Riki is also for idiocy. I just want to make sure that we're counting that twice as much as the realism in Karate. Right. So that's weighted twice as strongly. Yes. So those are the standards just so that we're all kind of speaking the same language when we judge the Riki-o fight scenes.

I guess let's talk about the movie. Let's go through the plot, which I think is pretty incredible. It starts with a cute little bus dropping Ricky and a bunch of sad sacks off in prison and a title card tells us that by 2001, capitalist countries have privatized prisons, which is adorable.

This is a shocking feature. Private prisons, can you imagine that? I love that their idea of dystopia was five years before the movie was made in America. Us just before they made the movie. So Ricky has gotten 10 years for manslaughter. He's so tough that he sets off the metal detector with his abs. That's what it looks like at first, but then they like, they pull him over to the X-ray and he's got a chest full of bullets. They just like left him in.

And they ask him like, dude, why, why you got so many bullets in you? He goes, they're souvenirs. This is so fucking badass. 10 out of 10 character intro. The start of our first fight scene is we meet a bunch of bathroom bullies. They're led by a guy named Wildcat and they, they find find an old guy also known as old Blackie, because everyone in this movie also has three different names in the movie. Yes. And that's just from the one version we got if you watch

all the versions of Story Ricky through the years, like, I think the guy named Hi has been called Oscar and Rambo. Those two very different Sylvester Stallone movies. What are we? Oh, right. Wildcat finds an old guy who's made a little toy train for his, his kid who's he's getting out of prison soon. And they like playing the front of his face off with a wood planer. Uh, and now we get an idea of how they run the prison. Cause like, he's like, ah, my face has been pulled off of me. Jesus sucks. And the prison guard comes in, he says, he's whining like a pig. What a nuisance. There's no crying in prison. That's the only rule.

Right. That's what we've learned. Yeah. It's an important real screenwriting. It's like, you want to take someone's face off in the first five to 10 minutes of the movie, which is why face-off is such a disappointment because it does take them the first half of the movie before that happens. And RickO, we get to that immediately. So like they should trade names, I feel like, right? This should be called Face Off. I would argue Face Off got to it faster because it's in the title.

You're like, I'm going to see the movie Face Off. That's true, on a technicality. Yeah, some movies like get you behind, take off the face of the character to reveal who they really are metaphorically. And some do it literally, and there's nothing wrong with either way. That's what's great about story Ricky is they try both ways so many different times and fail really badly each time.

Yeah. Okay. So we get to meet Ricky here. Ricky says he does not like bullies. So he trips Wildcat like onto a board of nails. Someone in the bathroom at this prison is left like a board of nails. Yeah, and that's him entering the room. So it's unclear that he even saw what was going on at first. True, good point.

And that he's doing this in revenge for the old man or just cause he enjoys tripping people into nails. That's true, that's true. We just see a foot long after this happened. If he was standing there watching this, that's pretty fucked up. Some guy says to Ricky, bastard, are you going to hell? Which I love, I just wrote it down,

cause I love that. I guess they all run away from him. Cause he's like, guys, look at me. I'm obviously the widest guy in this entire prison. He's extremely wide and he does this thing where his eyes open like really slowly and really wide. Yeah. And they're like, oh, he's the protagonist

and he's also insane. So like we need to leave immediately. Lot of good reasons to run away from this man. Yes. There's a funny, I just wrote this down in my notes. It's not important, but they're playing basketball and it might be the worst basketball that anyone will ever see. Like this dude is nine feet from the hoop and he just throws it as hard as he can at the backboard, like four feet to the left of the rim. And then that guy that grabs the rebound, like slaps it to the backcourt.

I'm like, are they inventing a new game? Are these like people that came from the jungle and just found this thing and they're like, we've recreated Civilization's game. It's 2001 privatized prison dystopia basketball rules. It's a completely different game. They're not teaching basketball in schools anymore. Right, yeah.

That's what makes it a real dystopia. So Ricky is causing trouble, so they find an emergency big guy. There's just a room where they have a big guy, I guess attached to a hose of bacon grease or something. They're just saving him for a special occasion. He comes in and he tries to fight Ricky. Yeah, the subtitles tell me the man's name is Silly Long, which

I know Mandarin, I don't know Cantonese. So I don't know how connected the subtitles are to anything anyone's saying in this movie. Right. Okay, we might have all watched different versions of this. I watched it on criterion. Which version did you guys watch? I watched the one that Sean sent me. Oh, okay. Yeah, the torrent one.

So I just watched a different one. Okay. So in the subtitles that I had, they called him Mad Dragon. So I guess silly long is basically... Oh, long. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Long is dragon.

Sure. And he's silly. So that checks out. Oh, silly, yes, in the UK can mean insane. It can. Yes, wow. Wow, we solved it. We got there. Insane dragon can be silly long.

Interesting. Our eclectic backgrounds and skills have led us to solve a Ricky problem already. I'm really impressed. He's not doing very well in this fight. No. God, how does it go? I took notes here. I believe he punches both of his hands into Mad Dragon, right? And gets blood all over them and his guts. But seconds later, he

does not have any blood on his hands. This is a pretty common power for heroes to have to just like instant cleaning power. Yeah, they they teach you this in a lot of martial arts. I skipped that class. I love I'm like, I like to eat the blood off my hands, like my opponent's mana. Right. Yeah.

Well, yeah, Ricky gives you power. Like sometimes we'll do that. Yeah. You can turn it on and off. You can like disable it, right. Um, because sometimes he does want to like lick the blood off of his finger. I never got very far in martial arts. I never got like far in martial arts.

I never got above a yellow or green belt. So I never got to the part where they teach you to either clean your hands quickly or eat the blood of your opponents off of them. My daughter, when she got her green belt, they made her eat an entire human foot. Okay, so that's a green belt. Okay, I should have stuck around one more month.

Yeah, see, uppercuts, silly dragon in the tummy, gallons of goo fly out, and he falls with such a splat. And then Wildcat comes over, and as Christina mentioned, Ricky can be harmed by piercing damage. So he hits Ricky in the hand with a nail. Well, he swings the nail, Ricky just catches it with his hand and just pulls it out of his hand stone-faced.

He's so badass. It's just some Jesus symbolism there. Yeah, I'm glad you caught that very subtle story of Ricky's. And we're joking, but this movie takes the art seriously. There's so much like artistic intent in story of Ricky. There's a literal cross later. Right.

Yes. Yeah. It's a literal cross later. Right. Yes. Yeah. It's basically retelling of the Bible, but with, if Jesus could punch people so hard that they exploded. Yeah. That movie's coming out, The Carpenter, where Jesus like trains MMA with some dude.

Oh no. It's gonna be, we'll get, I'm sure it'll be a podcast. Yeah. What I would love is the end of this fight where the guards come in and they go, hey, stop fighting. And then Ricky waits just long enough for them to know he's not fucking listening

to them. And then he just punches right through Wildcat just fully fist through the man. Oh, amazing. Yeah, that's the guards reaction to all of this seems like more annoyance than anything. Yeah, they've just met a guy with superpowers who's able to punch straight through people and they don't seem concerned or afraid. They're just like, quit it. Stop coming at me.

I gotta clean that up, hey. Everybody in this prison has no chance against Ricky, but they're kind of clinging to this authority. Like that will shield them. They don't seem very scared. No, not scared enough at all. They're like, bring them into people's offices and just leave them there.

No, Ricky can tear your boss apart with his hands. I really think that there should be some sort of protocol for if you're dealing with a Ricky type. But let's rate this fight scene on the Ricky scale. I feel like it rates really, really low on realism. Like when he uppercuts silly dragon in the tummy, they clearly brought in some big plastic tummy. Most of him was off frame and they filled it

with an unrealistic type of goo. Like it does not look like human entrails falling out. It's more like several gallons of corn syrup and oatmeal. Just like splat. He's like 1995 Nickelodeon was given the wish to become a man. So he's just full of goo. Like he's not, doesn't have organs given the wish to become a man. Yeah, that's exactly what it is. He doesn't have organs or blood, he's just slime.

Somebody said the secret word of the day and his guts come out. Yeah, his tummy explodes. It's like a dark Pee-wee Herman. Yeah, so this is like a zero, I feel like, right? Okay, sure. I mean, what do we want to set the bar at? This is setting the bar right now, I suppose. Okay.

It'll all be relative to each other. I would say the idiocy is pretty high. I find this to be very stupid. Everybody's choices are strange. Wildcat tried to take out Ricky with a single nail, nonsense. In the hand too, probably the least effective part. Right, I will say though, that is like a very video game thing,

because I always like, Sean, like you used to play Destiny, right? And I feel like this happens in a lot of games where you like go into an area, and you just like go for the boss and just like wipe the boss out. And there's still just like a bunch of like little guys around and they're taking pot shots at you. It's like, like, we don't have to do like, you could go home, man. You could just leave. We're wasting time here. I have no beef with you, but this is like Wildcat is one of those guys and he's like, no, no, no. He killed Mad Dragon, but I can take him. Definitely.

I got this. It's like you don't. You do not at all. I would say high idiocy, but also very low karate. He really only throws the two moves, tummy uppercut and straight punch through the gut. I feel like this is some real yellow belt karate they taught this guy. Yeah, I'm familiar with punching. Yeah,

yeah, I've heard of it. Okay, that's our standard story of Ricky fight. Not a high score, but that's okay. I don't think the movie would expect us to think that's a high score. That's just a warmup. That's just to show us, you know, still the intro. Get us used to his piercing damage. We're used to punches hitting surfaces of things. Right. I feel like in any other movie, this would be like the last fight where you punch through someone to kill them. You punch so hard that your fist goes into them. Apparently this is table stakes. Yeah, exactly. Like we're setting the bar. He can punch through people. It's only going to get like more upsetting and stupid.

And it sort of does sometimes, but also they go back to that well of punching through somebody a lot. If you could punch through someone, like everything is going to look like a tummy full of goo, right? What do you mean if? Oh, that's true. Yeah, I forgot who I'm talking to. Yeah.

Yeah, if Sean, you know, in his regular life punches through someone. He knows that's not what it looks like. Right. It's not super realistic, depending on who you punch. There are a lot of people just filled with honey and oatmeal. Bears mostly. Ricky, yes, I do punch through a lot of bears. Ricky is back in his cell. He's keeping some sort of dark pain or power in check. While he flashes back. Meditating. Ricky is back in his cell, he's keeping some sort of dark pain or power in check while

he flashes back. Meditating. Yes, very violently. He just can't do anything gently. He flashes back to this weird creepy uncle, teaching him how to do kung fu in a graveyard. And I think this is one of the best lines in the movie. Christina, you actually mentioned this to me when you were like, I don't speak Cantonese, so I have no fucking idea what this could mean. Yeah. What did

he say? He said, I knew you when you were a kid. Your name was Rick then. But you were so strong, I decided to name you Ricky. I'm glad you had the exact quote. It's so beautiful. It's very unclear to me why. Yeah, I couldn't figure it out. What the reasoning behind his nickname is. His name in the movie is Lee Wong, and so I was like, okay, that must mean something, but I don't think it does. Perhaps it's in the Japanese manga. Right. I think there's a Japanese character known as Power Master that might have a name something close to that. But every character in every cartoon is named Power Master. Like, no matter what cartoon it was from any era, somebody there is named Power Master.

So it's like a real tough Google. This is a research project for a Cantonese speaker with more free time than me. So anyway, we'll never know. It's a mystery you can't solve here. His uncle's a weird dick, but he teaches Ricky breath control to turn his kung fu into like mega kung fu.

And they just start wrecking graves. Yeah. The most interesting part of this is his pedagogical technique is normally when you're teaching someone a physical skill, you normally like demonstrate it and have them practice. But he believes in telling, not showing. He just tells him, do a powerful punch and he does. And that's that's the training. It works. Become stronger and he does.

He's like, Oh, I never thought of that before. Yeah. There's no ramping in story Ricky. Like it's just a couple of graveyard maniacs defiling the resting grounds of all these people. Just, they must've thrown plastic graves at this dude for hours and there's, fuck it, that's a scene. Cut it, looks great.

Wait, what was the uncle called in your version? Sa or something, just some like normal Chinese name. Okay, cause in mine they they called him Uncle Nice Ghost. Oh, God, that's so much better. That's a great name. It's a great name, yeah. Uncle Nice Ghost. So speaking of great names, we get to meet the warden

whose name is Cyclops Dan in some versions. Wait, what? Never. Cyclops, Cyclops Dan in some versions. Wait, what? Never. Oh my gosh. Cyclops, Cyclops Dan. Cyclops Dan, the one-eyed man. I don't know why that's cracking me up so badly. This is the idea of a Cyclops with like such a, like a mythological creature with such a generic name.

Fuck, Cyclops Dan. Okay, in mine he was called a When I Dragon, I think. Oh, that's better. Oh my God. Cyclops Dan. Cyclops Dan. That, in mine he was called when I dragon, I think. Oh, that's better. Oh my god. Cyclops Dan. Cyclops Dan. That says a canonical name. Runs the prison with an iron hand.

He is eating a full cruise ship buffet at his desk. They're like, we got to show this guy's are decadent. And it just went so overboard. He's got everything. He's got glass of water with eyeball in it. He's got a 40 ounce raw steak. Wall of pornography. Right.

Oh yeah, my husband was like, he's a big fan of VHS. And I was like squinting at them. And I was like, I think that's poor. They bring Ricky in and they introduce him by like talking about his middle school grades and shit. Like, he used to practice the flute a lot, but I'd say you should lead with how he just put his fist through their two toughest prisoners.

Welcome, welcome Ricky. Got Bs in fourth grade, moved on to A's later. I do want to mention something really quick that we skipped. I know we have a lot of fights to get through, but we flashed back to him playing with a model or like a remote control plane in the park with his girlfriend, Ying Ying. Yes.

It felt like a Don Diebel move to me of having a secret remote control helicopter with a sign that says Ying Ying is like a firefly lighting up the night to me as like a secret romance. Oh, is that what it said in yours? Yeah. What did it say? In ours, it said Ying Ying is the incarnation of two fireflies. Wow, two fireflies.

I couldn't even tell if it was a compliment or not. Yeah, because even in the film, I thought, oh, that's probably something that's meant to be beautiful. But she's really pissed off about it. She's like, no, whatever that says, I hate it. Yeah. She's like, oh, you. You're always giving me a hard time.

Two fireflies. What's it going to be next, mosquitoes? And their chemistry is also great. You can tell they're really in love. It reminded me of the great romance scenes like Star Wars Episode II. Yes, the sparks. Where the director yells, Frolic, Frolic Harger, you really love each other.

That's the energy they're giving off. There's also a lot of funny ones where she'll just like be sitting in a field, like giggling at a camera and like in a graduation hat. There's such an imitation of what a human thinks a human might look like or an alien. I don't know. You know what I'm trying to say. They like taunt Ricky. They're like, the warden says, she's a beautiful bird. Let me take off her clothing. Amazing. What does it say in your version, Merit? God, I don't remember. I think he said he would deal with her or something. They took the implied sex crime out of yours. Right. Yeah. Clearly, they're like, haha, we're gonna use her to hurt you. And he smashes the table. They try to shoot

him. He just blocks it with a lunch tray. Everyone at this point knows he's an impossible badass. So they just leave. And now we have no idea why he's here. He could exit the prison anytime he wanted easily killing anyone they ever send after him forever. The assistant warden, Cyclops Dan, he gives a Rambo knife to Hai, who sometimes is called Rambo, depending on the version. Maybe only when he has the knife. Right, if he has the knife, that's a Rambo move.

Otherwise, you're Oscar. Yeah. Wait, that guy's, okay, wait, so sorry. The North Wing guy in yours is called Oscar or Rambo? He's mostly called High. High? Okay, he's called Roaring Sea in mine. Oh, that's what High means, yeah. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's so beautiful. What a lot of cultures had to come together to give us such a perfect movie. But we're now at minute 35 to get to our next fight. There's a lot that happens in this movie, but it's not a real kung fu movie. There's not a ton of combat. He's sitting on top of a two-story crucifix, waiting for Ricky to come rescue some wimp. But like he never does.

The wimp has died on the cross. And Ricky is just having a snack. He's like wandering through the prison yard. He's like, oh, it's this crucifix here. Whatever plan they had did not work out. Yeah, shitty plan. He's never, in the movie at at least he's never met this guy. And they're sure that Ricky's gonna come for him. And Ricky does seem

very upset after he finds after he rescues him finds out he's dead. Yes. But it's not established that Ricky has ever met this man. Yeah, there's no personal stakes for him. But Ricky is a hero. He does he when he sees a bully, he knows which side to take. This guy challenges Ricky to a fight because this plan just fell apart. And Ricky won't fight back until they let him go off of the cross.

I do not know the rules of this prison or this movie or this fight. The inside the Rambo knife is a bunch of glitter. And so he throws it into Ricky's eyes and now he's bleeding. It's a bloodsport moment, yeah. Yes, he gives him the blinding powder bloodsport moment. He almost cuts Ricky's arm off with a Rambo knife.

So the way Ricky solves this, I love, he just feels around in the dirt until he finds like a sewage line and then smashes it open to clean his eyeballs out. And everyone says, everyone's like cheering for him while he like shoots sewage into his eyes to clean them. They're saying, Ricky, your tops. Yeah, I thought his eyes had taken a lot more damage

than that. And they've been shredded. But it looks like they just needed a good cleaning. Yeah, no, he's good. He's good. Just need some old ditch runoff. We'll clear that right up. And if you're trying to if you want to say Ricky your tops at home in Cantonese, you say that, oh, yeah, oh, yeah. Okay, the other there is another bloodsport parallel here, which is that the guy who plays Hi, his name is Frankie

Chen. And much like Bula Young, he has magnificent breasts. He is just like the widest, shiniest, like tautest man. It's incredible. He is just so yoked. His pecs, like he did not skip pec day, dude. Like it's crazy. Ten out of ten titties. Absolutely. Let's be clear. Now that we're done talking about titties, thank you for bringing that up. Crucial detail, yeah. There's a lot of them considering there's hardly any women in this film. Right, yeah. That's another technicality. There's technically two women in this movie. One of them is playing a man. Right, yeah. Ricky slaps Hai's eyeball out,

and this gives him the opportunity, the little breathing room in the fight, to re-tie his arm tendons with his other hand. This is the grossest part of the movie. He throws a couple of punches. This is like fucking disgusting. He uses his teeth to tie his tendons back together. Yeah, it's pretty good.

Punch, punch, good as new. Then the guy sees this. He's like, okay, I've lost this fight. Ricky, you're great, he says. And then he commits seppuku. Or does he? Yes. It was a trick.

Once he gets close, he chokes him with his own entrails. This is, I would say, as desperate a plan as anyone has ever hatched. See, here's the logic. So yeah, if we're already getting to the eye on the Ricky scale, like the logic behind this is like he's like, I gotta, I gotta attack this guy. I need a weapon. I need a weapon. So I'll take this. I'll take this knife. I'll cut myself open. I've got a weapon inside of me. Take 100% damage to downgrade your main hand weapon to sloppy wet end trail.

That's what that tool tip would say. It's inconceivably bad as a move. So then Ricky toss him in the air and just death punches his skull with like a sunny Chiba x-ray effect. Like they invented a whole new special effect that takes place only in this one second of the movie. Then he pulls up this gigantic cross that must weigh like five tons, lays it gently down, but it's too late. This guy quang, whoever quang as he's dead. On the scale I created the rate fights, with idiocy being rated as double the other stats, there's no way this fight will ever get anything higher than the maximum worst possible fight. Maximum idiocy. Maximum idiocy is, I guess,

is a good way to put it. Maybe a good tagline for this movie. No, I mean, it's basically done, right? And then the prisoners try to revolt and kill one-eyed snake, but then the three minibosses show up. Yes. So yeah, this is where we get to see the Mongolian Chop head crush by Tarzan. He just, this is how they introduced this character. The seven foot tall guy just pops into frame and shatters a ceramic human head. And I gotta shout out to the prisoners. They are never at any point intimidated.

They're like, several of them die in every of these, all of these scenes where they're trying to rise up and stick up for what's right. And at no point do they ever say, oh, what, look at what happened last time. Let's not, let's not take a stand this time. I don't know what I would do in that situation. If someone exploded a head right next to me, I'd be like, shit, I would change gears. Whatever I was doing. I'm like, I'm adjusting to this new variable for sure.

Reality has completely shifted at that point for you. That's, oh, magic is real. Like martial arts magic is real at this point. Yeah. I have to recalibrate completely. But no, everyone in this movie already knows that that's true. They long ago accepted that. They were born into this world.

So there's Tarzan who is seven feet tall and crushes people. What are the other guys called in yours? The next guy they introduce is Bud Bundy with knitting needles from the most awkward season of, of married with children. They introduced him as God, lowercase God. I just sort of left it out. White God. They call him White God and in mine. His name is Brandon in some versions.

Close enough. Or like Baishan, which is like, yeah, like white God, I guess. Yeah. White God would definitely be named Brandon. Close enough. Or like Baishan, which is like, yeah, like white god, I guess. Yeah, white god would definitely be named Brandon. Let's go white god. And then also there's a cute little fella played by a Japanese woman who's just really good at kung fu. Their names either Wang Chung or Rogan.

Okay, I do think it's really funny that he's sometimes called Rogan. I think Rogan actually is white god. Yeah, in a sense. In really funny that he's sometimes called Rogan. I think Rogan actually is White God. Yeah, in a sense. In Mayan, he's called Hell. Oh, very nice. I think in the manga they were called Yomi. Oh. But yeah, it's Yukari Oshima, who is like the...

Well, she's Japanese, but she was like the Filipino Jackie Chan, kind of? Right. Well, I think her mom was Chinese. I think she's Chinese-Japanese. Yeah, yeah, I mean she became popular in the Philippines as sort of like a Jackie Chan type figure. I don't know if he has any special abilities, this character, just good at kung fu. Ricky leaves, like you're like, oh, this is gonna be a good fight.

Nah, he just leaves. He really wants to unchain the dead body from the cross. I guess I didn't mention earlier that he found the dead body of the guy they killed with the plane, and he like broke his handcuffs. He was like really mad that they had a corpse handcuffed. So this is like Ricky's thing. If there's a dead body near him, he needs to make sure it's not chained to something. When Jesus comes back and there's a resurrection, then the corpse will

be able to get up and walk to heaven. That's probably what it is. Wow, that's so true. Because if they were still chained up, they'd just be lying there and they'd have to watch the other souls go to heaven and they'd be, hey, guys. God damn it. Ricky isn't in any danger,

not just because he's unkillable and as soon as he remembers, he can just do whatever he wants, but also the bad guys don't want him dead. They just keep putting him in tiny prisons inside a big prison, but not like a metaphor. Like I don't think. Oh yeah, they keep giving him Looney Tunes style punishments.

Right, but the point is like if Ricky loses a fight, which he can't for so many reasons, like nothing changes for Ricky. He can win, he probably will. And if he loses, they'll just be like, okay, we'll make your afternoon really unpleasant. The main stakes, I guess, of the movie is supposed to be this opium farm

being run out of the prison. But I don't care. I don't think anyone would care. We already have a totally different dystopia going. Adding heroin to it, it's like, dude, yeah, we figured there'd be some heroin in the dystopia. Who gives a shit? Right, yeah.

It's touched on later on that the private prison is run for profit and that the prisoners are doing some kind of work, which I thought was the opium. But my husband said he thought he saw some prisoners working in some kind of steel metal working operation earlier in the movie. And however, none of the main characters are ever working or seem to have to go to work. Whereas you think Ricky would be really valuable. Yeah, Ricky had never touched the steel mill as far as I can tell. There's a guy they asked to kill Ricky, this sheepish little mute guy, the godson of the tattooed, the titty guy.

Of Hai, yeah. Yeah. So like, hey, go kill Ricky. He's like, dude, I can't kill Ricky. Like, how about a rainbow knife? He's like, no, I don't think you understand. I don't want to kill Ricky. So Wang Chung cuts the bottom half of his face off. It's so gross. And yes, it's super gross. And I think this is a moment that was in the manga, which sort of demonstrates like how this movie became so insane as they keep trying to recreate

moments that are kind of ordinary and easy to do at a comic book, but really hard to do with special effects and look super fucking stupid unless you have a lot of time and money. That explains most of the scenes in Story of Ricky. They peel all of his skin off and leave him out in the yard and Ricky feels responsible. I don't know how he's like, I think he talked to this kid for like 20 minutes and tried to teach him how to blow on a leaf. Yep, that's exactly it. Yeah. He gave him his flute. Yeah, he did give him his flute.

He could not blow on the leaf because he didn't have a tongue. Right. So he gave him the flute. Yes. So this is the first guy that has been killed that Ricky has actually met. And he does not take it well. He finds the flute on his dead body and just has flute despair, which turns into flute rage. And he he's just doing angry kung fu. I should have mentioned that earlier earlier, there's a scene where he

does really emotional dramatic, angry kung fu in the rain. But it looks really incompetent in that one scene. It looks like a toddler throwing a tantrum doing kung fu, which is really funny. I guess it's supposed to, but it's just like he's doing angry child kung fu in the rain. Does the actor know how to do kung fu? I think so. Is he good at it normally? Like I said, he's been in many, many movies

where he does kung fu. I think he's pretty good. He is a martial artist. So yeah, I mean, he studied like gymnastics and stuff. So this week we can blame this on the director. I guess, yeah. The director's like, no, no, no, worse. You're more emotional, do worse kung fu.

And he's like, all right. If we give it the credit that like, there's no mistakes in this movie, because I don't think there are, then the Kung Fu is bad because he's so emotional. Like that's his way of expressing. Okay, it's story driven. Yes, story driven incompetence.

So Ricky burns down the opium farm and he picks a fight outside of it with Wang Chung and he crushed a bunch of poppies in his hand. He must be so fucking high right now. He's next to like, yeah. And like, he's like a downer. So shouldn't like, I don't know. I don't know drugs. I'm in I'm on a little opium right now. Just, just, just to party. Just to take the edge off. Yeah. Yeah. But and Wang Chung's kung fu is weird. So Ricky Gimini gets hit with a super move that he hit his heart muscle in a fatal spot. He'll die soon. Wow, I just had I've hit your death spot. That's pretty good, too. This is when a Bud Bundy jumps

in with some knitting needles. And they tie him up. And then here's where like, you're like, okay, Ricky's gonna die because Tarzan grabs him by the neck. But he's like, no, guys, go away. I want to have a fair fight with him. So Tarzan is the honorable guy. And then I guess, they're all still prisoners. So they're not supposed to be doing this. So like the prison starts shooting at them with machine guns. Yeah, just so confused. I said, who side anyone's on? Oh, it's because the warden said there's some protocol where you

just on loose, automatic machine gunfire on the entire yard. Right. And the warden said to do it. Okay. And his men said, where you just on loose automatic machine gun fire on the entire yard. And the warden said to do it. And his men said, but our guys are still out there. And he's like, no, no, no, we got to do it. OK, I get it. We're desperate. Sure.

The Thanos thing, the rain fire, I get it. All things I bring back to Marvel movies. You know that about me. That's my only standard reference. They put Tarzan and Ricky in a cell. And you're like, OK, they're going to have their duel. They're going to fight here. But no, they fill the cell with wet cement. Yeah, the first Looney Tunes punishment. It might be yes. And

then there's the hydraulic press later. Yes. Amazing. So he rescues Tarzan or just dives through a metal door to get out of this trap. Because again, Ricky could at any time just leave anything that they put him in. Something that they had not thought about when they made the trap. This is cement in a world with cartoon rules. So eventually the cement dries and he just completely paralyze. But this is not that much cement.

I get this much cement on me when I do any home improvement project. You don't get paralyzed. You just throw out that shirt. It's really not a big deal, but my world operates by different rules. So where are we at? Now, the warden shows up, the real warden, and he's got this shitty Satan boy who sucks. Oh, my God. His large adult son? Oh, I hate large adult son. Who shows up wearing Halloween pins?

Like, in his first outfit, he's in this little schoolboy outfit, but then he has like two pins with jack-o-lanterns on them. I don't know what the Halloween pins must be in the manga. Yeah, they just got back from Hawaii, so maybe they were celebrating American Halloween. Like maybe it was, this whole movie is just set in like in early November or something. Yeah, it's that age old debate is story of Ricky a Halloween movie. God, I'm so, so tired of having this conversation.

Oh, every year. Yeah. So the kid trips on the red carpet that they've laid out for the prison warden. And and they're like, oh, no prison warden is going to be so mad that his kid trips. And he is they pull out a prisoner who rolled out the carpet and they take his eye out. And this is played like, oh dear God, what a horrifying punishment. But this is like what all of them fucking do every day. So again, I never know what this movie is trying to communicate.

They tell him to the poppy field burnt down, he has a heart attack, enrage, and they treat it with three jars of candy. I don't know why I took such detailed notes. He's just like down it. He's like, bring me my pills. And he's just like, no, I wasn't sure if it was supposed to be candy, or they just didn't like the people who were doing the props just didn't have pills. And they got caught at the last minute. And they're like, we can make this work with some candy. We got all this candy from trick-or-treating,

so we might as well use it, right? If it was a gag about how they keep their pills, like these guys are so evil, they keep their heart pills in giant candy jars. That's weird. You need to communicate that to me if that's what you're fucking doing. That's ridiculous.

This is a man who just ate like a handful of M&Ms to cure his heart attack. Or that he's just imagining that he's having a heart attack and they give him candy as a placebo. Oh, that could be it too. This guy's always having panic attacks and this is how they've dealt with it. So they've strung Ricky up, he's covered in plaster. They're like, oh, we're going to go mess with Ricky.

He just flexes, shatters all the cement, breaks the chains. He grabs the warden. He's going to kill the warden through the bars. And then here comes Tarzan, like Kool-Aid Manning through the wall. Kool-Aid Man's catchphrase was, oh yeah, which should not be confused with Cantonese for Ricky your tops, which is oh yeah. Listeners, if you're traveling in Hong Kong, don't say the Kool-Aid Man catchphrase. You'll sound like an idiot. If you see someone named Ricky that you want to say his talk. Yes! Yes, thank you. Did we miss when he got buried in the ground? Was that earlier?

I think that's coming up. This does set that up because he wraps Ricky up in the bars and he's like punching him. And then finally Ricky remembers that like he can just break out of this. So he does. Also, this entire time there is a human human-sized square hole in the bars. Yes. That's constantly on camera. That's another good point. Then he could escape this situation

in any direction through any of these things, sometimes without superpowers. So now the ceiling is a hydraulic press and it's kind of coming down. And I'd say the set designer did a two at a 10 job at this. It looks real shaky. Ricky, instead of just leaving through any of the holes, either the one the Kool-Aid manhole or the man sized hole in the bars, or his superpower to jump through walls

we've seen many times, he just decides to overpower the hydraulic presses like this is the perfect option to see if I'm stronger than an industrial press. I always wanted to find out. Yes, he is, but he got tased. And so that now he's going to get crushed. But then Tarzan, you know what, we forgot to mention that Tarzan and him do have a brief fight here. Oh, they do fight briefly. And yeah, because Tarzan like beats the shit out of him while he's like, like holding the press up. Yeah.

Well, before that, like he like, bends the bars around his wrist, like traps him and then he's just like, just wailing on the back of his head. And then Ricky, yeah, just breaks, just breaks for you to remember. Oh yeah, I'm the strongest guy in the world. Punches his arm apart and then up,

uppercuts his jaw into his face and then explodes his fist by punching. Yes. Like they do like the punching each other thing and Tarzan's fist explodes. It cannot be more clear that this guy's just on a different level. Like when you punch a guy and the punch and his hand explodes, like, well, it's not a fair fight. Yeah, no.

Yeah. You could just measure how fair that fight is. And it's not. Tarzan's hands were still set to blunt damage. Yes. Riki's OP. Like he's... He had knives for hands. He needs set to blunt damage. Yes. Ricky's OP. Like he's... He had knives for hands.

He needs to be nerfed. Yeah. Tarzan has a hole from his nose to the bottom of his neck from Ricky's uppercut. And he's got no hands, but he's holding up this hydraulic press. Because he's so impressed by Ricky. Yep. He's like, I lost fair and square.

And then Ricky, I think he just dives through the bars just to let us know he could have done that any fucking time he wanted. He's standing right on a trap door. It's a magic trap door though, because when he falls through, he shows up outside and this is where they bury him alive. Cause now he's wrapped in chains,

chains he's already broken at least two times already. I guess we could skip ahead to while he's like buried there, there's a dog, like outside of his hair pipe and fucking Wang Chung just jumps out of the ground and kicks the dog in half. Fucking what? Punishing the dog for enjoying flute music. Oh, that makes sense. You are solving so many Ricky mysteries.

Music is for humans. How dare you! But he does that and then shoves something into the air hole so that Ricky can't breathe. Is that one of the dog's organs? Yeah, like the dog's heart or something. That's so fucking weird. Yeah, and I guess the windpipe splits open. I'm not sure if that's good or bad, if that means he's suffocating now or if he's getting more air. Don't worry about it. We now see a flashback to why Ricky's here. His girlfriend saw some people doing heroin in the park, and some drug dealers saw her see that. They're like, we've got to capture you because you saw people do drugs. And they take her to the drug dealer's house, and she's like, fuck this! And just runs off the roof.

Yeah, there's a lot. There's a chain of decisions here that I'm not entirely sure about. So she's unconscious. The drug dealer wakes her up. Yeah, there's a lot, there's a chain of decisions here that I'm not entirely sure about. So she's unconscious. The drug dealer wakes her up, presumably he's going to sexually assault her. And so she runs out the door. So far, so good. Good decision. Yeah, great. And then she runs up the stairs. So this is the first bad decision.

I think I would have run down the stairs. Yeah. Cause I would have wanted to exit the building. Yes, that's see that's good thinking Yeah, so but she runs up the stairs I'm not sure why maybe because she really is the spirit of two fireflies and she likes to go vertical and and I'm not clear on whether she Intended to kill herself or whether she was trying to jump to the next rooftop, right?

tended to kill herself or whether she was trying to jump to the next rooftop. Right. Or maybe she just didn't consider that she was running off the roof. Like she just wasn't looking down. Yeah, that would be another Looney Tunes logic. I think what actually happened and you have to really read the manga to know this, but she was struck by a curse the moment she stepped foot on the roof where she was replaced with a department store dummy. Oh. And so when you, they shot it really well actually, cause it does look like that. And then she trips. It does not look like that.

It doesn't have motion anymore. She gets hit with a mannequin curse and falls off the roof. And one special effect they got right is they made it look exactly like a mannequin falling off a roof. They nailed it. At least she didn't feel any pain. That's true. Okay, so 10 for realism on this one.

The fight scene of her versus the ground. It's a short fight, but it's masterfully done. Like that is what would happen. Yeah, high realism, low karate, but a lot of idiocy. I think it's a great fight. That might be the best fight of the movie. Never pick a fight with the ground. We all learn something. There's an effect I really liked here. Speaking of great special

effects, where they wanted to make it look like Ricky was buried alive. So they built like this big dirt set. And then the actor just stuck his head through a little hole in the side of it. It's like it's like how a child would draw a picture of someone being buried alive, but it's a feature film. It's been a week, so they backhoe Ricky out, and he's fine, he's just taking a nap, and then he just snaps his chains out,

because he could have done this anytime. Everybody gives the catchphrase, oh yeah! Now they have a little fight. Wang Chung jumps out, hits him with an excavator, jump kicks him, and now he's in a little spike cage where there's re rebar poking him sharp rebar, poking him. And again, this is piercing damage. So he can't just burst out of it. He will. He's gonna think about it first. They beat the hell out of him here. They hit him with a wrench. They fill his mouth with razor blades and slap him. So he looks like a 1970s Halloween apple. So this is a Halloween

movie. The warden makes a really great decision here to go up to the guy whose mouth is full of razor blades and peel the tape off of his mouth and stick his face right into it. Yes, and Ricky is an idiot, but he does think, oh, I should spit all these razor blades on this asshole. And he does. So they wrap him up in chains, dump him in a room.

That should hold him, right? Some guy gives him some rice and then they torture though. These are the really giant chains, right that are too big to actually Hold a real person. So he's actually hanging on to him with his hands. Yes keep them from falling off of him. It's adorable They they really expect the viewer to be Generous with their suspension of disbelief for most of this stuff. They bring a guy to his room, they're going to torture him to haunt Ricky, but he's already escaped his chains and he's hiding on the roof. When he comes down, he says, in our me and Christina's version, he says, you'll die mutilated today. Do you know what he, do you know what he said in years, Mary?

The worst way to die? I don't think I wrote it down, but it was probably something like that. I assume. Maybe not that good. He punches the top of a guy's head off. It's exactly what it sounds like. They made like a half of a human head out of a popcorn bowl and filled it with toy brain. It's so good.

It's like where you put the candy for the Halloween haunted house. Yes, it's exactly what it looks like. This is such a perfect Halloween movie. He slaps the good eye out of Cyclops Dan. And this is another great special effect. They made like a rubber version of this guy's head and they knew it looked like shit. So this it's very brief where he like pops the eye out of it with a slap and they just get cut away as quick as they can.

The guards call for backup. But like what what who could stop this guy? What are you going to do? Bring in the nukes. Yes. The warden is completely eyeless, but still getting around okay. Angry prisoners chop his arm off and they're going to carry him away. But I know I'm going to sound like crazy person, but like now a bunch of riot cops come in,

they're dressed like, might not say Italian road warrior knockoff. Yeah have yeah they have spiked pauldrons yes what is the purpose of this they just look awesome yeah they're they're from the bronx warriors basically yes they're from the bronx warriors it's exactly the the the vhs cover of bronx warriors is exactly the outfit right one of them has a ball and chain they were out trick-or-treating as the warriors and they were called in we're the electric eliminators we a ball and chain. They were out trick-or-treating as the Warriors, and they were called in. We're the electric eliminators. We can't come into work tonight, we're trick-or-treating. We all are wearing our stupid outfits,

we're gonna look ridiculous. We're gonna win best group costume. Ricky is not having any of this. He just opens the fight by kicking one of their hearts out the fucking back of him, just like, poosh. And they're gone, they're like, okay, we did not know it was like that. We're gonna go away. It's the riot gear, it does nothing.

Yes, the riot gear does nothing. The warden is, he's downstairs inspecting the food. He shoves the guy's arm into the meat grinder. This is excellent foreshadowing, just to let everyone know, there's a meat grinder in this room. Try to remember that. That's what that device is. All right, I'll keep that in mind. There's a meat grinder in this room. Try to remember that. That's what that device is. All right. I'll keep that in mind. There's a stage hazard in this level. So just be aware of that. You could use it to your advantage,

possibly, if you're smart. Right. But this is the final fight coming up. Ricky throws Cyclops Dan through a wall. There's plenty of doors, but just Ricky knows how to make an entrance. The warden shoots Cyclops Dan with a bullet. It's not just like a regular bullet. I just remembered the inflating bullet. It's full of the Willy Wonka blueberry juice. I don't feel like, at least in the version we got, there's no warning for this. It's just like, why is this guy like big trouble in little China-ing right now. He's just inflating, inflating. All he says is, this guy used to hunt elephants.

No, no it's not. Like poachers coming out of the jungle with several garbage bags full of liquid elephant. So he explodes, God, Bud Bundy is on the other side of the wall, like throwing knitting needles through little holes and Ricky's like, fuck this. He drop kicks him through the wall. Wing Chun uses a prisoner as a human shield and Ricky completely kills him.

Like he throws a punch and they hold a human body in the way. And that guy dies. There's no emotional impact here. Ricky's like, that's just the cost of throwing punches. He's having some trouble in the fight. He's getting a little beat up. He gets thrown into the steamer. Then Wing Chun throws a kick and Ricky grabs his foot and sticks it in the steamer and then karate chops it the fuck off.

But Bundy's like, this is no, I didn't know it was like this. He leaves and he gets shot with the exploding gun and he dies in like a dumb waiter. He gets shot in the ass, right? Yes, shot in the ass and explodes in a dumb waiter. What a climax. This movie is such a so much joy. So now the warden remembers that Ricky is immune to bullets. So he's like, okay, this elephant gun is not going to work on Ricky. He just throws it away. Plan B. He explains that a warden, a prison warden must be a master of Kung Fu.

Ricky goes flying 30 feet, hits the wall and no, I'm sorry, Ricky kicks him and he goes flying 30 feet. Yes, yeah, it seems like one of those moments where it's like, oh, it's like a 50-something-year-old man who has a soft desk job versus like a kung fu maniac. It's gonna be an easy fight. They can't make us take this seriously. So Ricky does, he just fucking kicks him across the world. All this does is make him flip out.

He's losing it. He goes to his final form. Yes, yeah, he hulks into this Power Rangers demon. Power Rangers demon is like such a good way to put it. Because his face is like rubber. Like he's not a Hulk. Like he's not like a traditional Hulk. Because he is, the top half of him is just rubber, basically.

They didn't really fill out the rubber either. Right. So every time he moves, you can see it collapse in on itself a little bit. He's flopping around like a gamma monster. It's adorable, adorable. Ricky gets bashed through a wall and he's like, God damn it, I'm so tired of getting beat up in this movie.

But then he remembers he can punch through people and that includes demons. So he just punches through the guy. Doesn't do anything. All it does is make him more wet and more floppy. He punches Ricky into like a full figure skating trick, you know, when like they go sideways and spin. Ricky does a somersault, a leg punch, punches both hands into him,

press slams him into the meat grinder. This should be it, right? Like he's in a meat grinder, but Ricky's like, no, I don't fucking trust this. His legs are gone. Yes. He starts pushing down on him like he's a food processor. Yeah. Like all this carrots are really just not going. I think what my husband said was the prisoners are going to be eating good tomorrow. Hell yeah. They made like 800 pounds of ground warden.

Okay. So a strange thing about the last part of this fight is like right before the meat grinder, I feel like there's a moment in my version at least where he hears like his uncle's words. It's like a use the force moment where his uncle's like, like gentleness can overcome hardness. He's like, oh yes, of course, gentleness overcomes hardness. Yes, classic Kung Fu wisdom. I know what that means. It means to lift him off the ground by his dick

and throw him into a meat grinder. It's a full brute force solution. Hold the meat grinder well, make him softer. So yeah, that makes sense. That's what he meant. It tenderizes. Cook him sous vide. Yes. Prior to this, the warden's large adult son got away, right? I think, yeah. I think he's like at large. He's like one of the few survivors of this movie.

One of the prisoners tricked him into helping him escape by pushing the button on the dumb waiter, and then he escaped himself the same way. There's even a moment where his dad, the warden's kind of like, ah, whatever, I don't care. Like, he sees it happening and goes, ah, whatever, I'm fighting Ricky. There's a moment that Ricky almost gets in trouble when he's pushing him down. The warden still has his hand, so he grabs him by the neck.

He's like, I'll pull you into the meat grinder too. And the Ricky's like, no, fuck that. He grabs his hands off his neck and shoves his hands into the meat grinder like Homer Simpson in the quicksand style. And he's just getting, oh, it's so funny. It's so excessive. He grinds them all the way down to a hand. And you see the meat coming out as he's getting ground up. Yes, so indulgent.

He does seem to create more meat than he had. So that's pretty magical. That's how a private prison works. They get the most out of every single bit of human that they put in the meat grinder. You got to grind smarter, not harder. Yeah, another metaphor. Another another wonderful story Ricky metaphor. You'd think that like, they need this prop this head is going to feature pretty heavily in the last minute or two of the movie. You think they'd make a good head, but it looks like dog

shit. Yeah, it looks like a Halloween mask that you buy. Yeah, not even spirit Halloween, but like Dollar General maybe. Yeah, it looks like a Halloween mask that you buy from not even Spirit Halloween, but Dollar General maybe. Yeah. It looks like the mask you would wear if it was the 1970s and you were going as the prison warden from Rikio, sorry, Ricky, and you would have a plastic smock with the letter P on it.

With a full-body drawing of him on it. Yeah, with the letter P for prison warden. There's 10,000 of these sitting in a warehouse somewhere where they thought Ricky O was gonna take off and sell more merchandise than it did. This is like the head the warden would make out of paper mache if he was escaping from his own prison. But Ricky, like, there's like a full low energy

prison riot outside. They're like, hey, all right, Ricky's our hero. We're gonna beat you up now. And they're like, all right, we'll fight you. And Ricky comes out holding up the head and then just throws it like unceremoniously off camera. Just like, well, you know, we gotta get rid of this thing.

And then he knocks down the prison walls with a running fire punch and he screams, we can leave now. He's not really right. And also could have done this earlier. Perfect Nightingale, perfect movie, I'd say. Oh yeah, when he's facing off against the warden in the office, the warden's like, why?

Why are you doing all this? And Ricky's like, the day I tell you will be the day that you die. Like, so you think that right before the warden dies, he's going to reveal some secret. No. But he doesn't. His, the secret is I'm going to put you in a meat grinder. Yep. If anything.

I'm going to kill most of your staff. They're going to punch a hole in the wall until all the prisoners just leave and then dot dot dot. Oh yeah. Einstein Hundert Frankfurt. Einstein Hundert Frankfurt. Einstein Hundert Frankfurt. Our podcast is great and with maximum cheer. Say Frankfurt podcast, correct.

Yes. The power is not without., it is not without you Send it to the dog zone for an hour Come on, you know the number Einstein, dog Einstein, dog, Frankfurt Einstein, dog, new, new, yeah Einstein, dog, Frankfurt

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From each of your kingdoms, send to me your finest warriors, your champions, your... Supremes! Aaron Crosston Adrian H Aiden Mouat From the Kingdom of Nolenberg, it's Alex Nolenberg! A mighty little meat! Alpha Scientist Javo

Unendi Armando Nava Bim Talza Do not disgrace your kind! You're disgracing your kind right now aren't you? Brandon Garlok Brian Saylor Burrito

Serol Cheddar Wolf From the Kingdom of Cheddar Wolfia Who had a really cool design but just never got a moment Clementine Danger, common sense. Greg Lemoine, half man, half horse, all man. Quaibas, Daniel Sloan, given the rogue supreme. David Schull has a sword that commands God.

That really fucks up the stakes, can you leave it at home? Dean Costello, Delta Foxtrot Doug Redmond wild and free who has vowed not to disgrace his kind Oh, god damn it. Doug Redmond already Drayson Dusty's red title is a swamp hag who looks pretty good when you're drunk Fancy shark Gareth Chilla hole good Satan and his hot Witches Comes with Special Wings, Special Decorative Wings not for Flight, Greg Cunningham, Haraka, Harvey Penguini, Honk, King of Honkonia, Where the Mighty Honkies Live and Play, Javer Al Aiden James Boyd Jared Mountain Man

Jared Ruiz Just your classic hallway panther. You better have a panther pass. Jeff Oraski John Dean John McCammon John Minkoff Joseph Sears

Josh S. Joshua Graves From the Kingdom of Justinia, Justin B is beautiful and no other thing. It's what the B stands for. Kit Basely. K&M. Kumutsas. Lane Hagood.

Lisa is a magician who put her mind in the body of a hawk just so she wouldn't have to walk. M. Jahi Chappelle. Mark Mahoney has vowed not to disgrace his ga- Ah, just kidding. Just kidding. What a disgrace. Matt Riley Max Faroi Mercenary Cissad Min Michael Dillon is a hawk trapped in the body of a magician.

Don't deny it. Be proud of who you are. Screa! Michael Lehr Mickey Lohman Mike Stiles Mort Moju Mr. Bob Gray is leader of the mighty

lizard men, Mr. Bob Gray has been slain, ND, Neil Bailey, Neal Schaeffer, Neku104, Onri Weeble from the Onri Kingdom of Wevonia, Champion of the Wevonia Warrior Games by Forfit, Ozzy Olin, Patrick Kupst, Rianan, Sarkovsky, Sean Chase, Cid is a magical lightning hawk whose purpose remains unclear. Go to school lightning hawk. Spotty reception, silver knot, Tater's Tales from the noble Tater Kingdom of Taitonia, with a sword that makes polite requests of God. That's more reasonable. 10H, Thomas Cavazos, Tibulehi, Toasty God, Tameji, Velo turns into a mighty Chimera when angered or aroused or confused.

He might actually just be a Chimera when angered or aroused or confused he might actually just be a chimera. Booster, Wayland Brussels, Zack and Ava, wild and free centaur champions who ride into battle on one another. Each of their human parts on the horse parts but not their own, it's complicated. And finally from Danonia comes young quick and deadly Dan B. Hooray Dan B, you only have seconds to do something cool before this whole thing gets cancelled.