The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 203, ROBOTJOX with Lydia Bugg

Episode Date: November 27, 2024

Seanbaby & Zack Koontz welcome back special guest, Lydia Bugg to the DOGGZZONE to battle inadvisable robots for the sake of continental dominance and sparse hotdog rations under the looming shadow of ROBOTJOX! Two robots enter, one robot falls over...spies are involved, there's fake baby adults, nut hugging body suits... something for kids of all ages!

1-900-HOT-DAUGHT 1-900-HOT-DAUGHT Our podcast slams with maximum hype Say hot dog podcast, word Yeah When you taste that nitrate power You're in the dog zone for an hour Come on

You know the number 1-900 1-900-HOT-DAUGHT Hello everyone and welcome to the Dog Zone 9000, the official podcast of 1900Hot Dog, America's last comedy website. Listen, the year is 2024. Comedy is a battleground. 1900Hot Dog is the only surviving pilot of a once elite robot fighting force, proudly standing amongst the wreckage of their fallen allies. Staring down, they're probably Russian back-depressor,

ready to do whatever it takes to win, even though for some reason they can't even read. Yes, I'm still talking about 1900 Hot Dog and not the incredible 1989 movie Robot Jocks, so please go to 1900hotdog.com and support the only remaining champion of comedy. I am your guest host, Human Rattle Room's Zack Koontz, doing my best to make people lose their grip on the point, with my too slippery to hang onto tangents and my surprise breakaway anecdotes. With me on his own show, I'm happy to say he's not an imposter, and I know this because I slapped his ass, like I do every time.

It's tradition at this point. Not only was his reaction to the slap in accordance with what I expected, but the shape of his ass also conformed to my intimate knowledge of it. Please welcome Sean Baby and his familiar ass. I have been ass verified. It's a pleasure to be on my show. Thank you. Our guest today is no stranger to the comedy battlefield. In fact, she's one of the only people to make it through her entire contract and live long enough to become Earth's last remaining cowboy. It's Lydia Bug. Thank you so much for having me in this robot fight zone.

Hell yeah. Catch us up on what you've been up to. Oh god, what have I been up to? I moved to Chicago. Oh. I heavily I moved to Chicago. I heavily endorse moving to Chicago. Chicago's nice. Yeah, I love it here. And I, on Halloween, released my novella Healthy Choices on Amazon. So if you want to read a spooky book by me, you can now without having to go specifically to script because the contract I signed there was weird and I got the rights back after a year.

Fantastic. Yeah. Healthy choices. For a second there, I was just thrown off a little bit because I thought you did comedy and horror and I was like, is she doing health shit now too? Like this is okay. No, it's body horror about like how people view women's bodies, that specifically because when I was epic first was starting to be talked about I was like if there was a 1% chance this

made you into a cannibal all women would still be expected to take it. They're like we could deal with that when it happens. Yeah they'd be like it's fine you should still take it and that's the premise of the novel. Hell yeah. So the 1% chance of cannibalism? Yeah, like 1% chance of you becoming a horrific monster, essentially. That's like a video game drop rate for a really good item. I feel like eventually I would witness it. It's on

I'd grind for that. Yeah. It would be so many people. We still wouldn't care. We'd be like, worth it to never see a fat person again. She was hot though, right? Like conventionally? All right. Yeah, that's good. All right. I'm checking that out. I've been listening to the show for as long as it's existed. And one of my favorite reoccurring bits is Lydia watching a movie that most of us grew up with for the first time. And I kind of think you've had a little easy. You've got some Arnold films to start off with. And like that dude can his like unrelenting psychotic charm

can pretty much carry a movie. And I thought it'd be neat to have you watch a movie that has nobody like that. It has to be Gary Graham. Doesn't have the juice. You know, useless, Gary Graham, even though he's one drunk guy, he doesn't quite have the sauce. I called him Billy Zane from Wish. Oh, he's Wish Zane for sure. Yeah, he's T. Mu Zane.

There's a period where there was like three actors that looked like him. And I still not sure who is who. Like, who's the guy from Silverado? There's like an actor that looks... Scott Glenn. Scott Glenn. Scott Glenn, yeah. And then probably Jan Michael Vincent would hang out next to those two. You could just like, I could be talking to one of them and if I turned my back and they

switched, I'd be totally fooled. You'd be like, something's going on here. Let me check your ass. One know, one solid identifying slap. This is a real thing in this movie. I just will get to it. But like there's a there's a Chekhov's ass slap in this movie. It's so good. It's my favorite.

It pays off. It makes me so happy every time. I guess if we start from the beginning, Robot Jocks is a Stuart Gordon movie. And I've been kind of on a Stuart Gordon kick. That dude, every time I watch an old movie, I'm like, oh, that sucked. It sucked a lot more than I thought it did. That has never happened with a Stuart Gordon movie.

Okay. So for a little background, the writer of this film worked with Stuart Gordon to come up with the concept and flesh it out. And the writer was like, this is gonna be a dead serious, hard sci-fi, political, politically driven. And Stuart Gordon was like, how about none of that shit?

How about it's fun? I guess the gist of it was the writer wanted to make an adult movie that kids would like. And then Stuart Gordon was like, no, we should make a kids movie that adults would like. You could see the ruins of that first idea, though. Absolutely. Yeah.

It's not so it's the market. And he's got some world building in there that reeks of hard sci-fi, which I don't think the effects existed at the time to pull that off. I think Stuart Gordon made the right choice. I think he's really smart, even though he's kind of like a campy dude. I actually have in my notes that the world building was pretty good. It was during a scene where like the special effects were failing. Like the set design was failing, but it's also like, I know exactly what they're trying to tell me, which is kind of unusual for like a movie of this level.

There's like a prank caller that like wants to shit on the main character at his home and they have video phones. So when the woman answers it, there's like a hand covering the camera and I was like, it's a nice little tug. They thought about that. That's like a thing that most schlocky directors wouldn't think about, you know, and it was just, I appreciated it. Yeah, I like the direction.

I think my favorite thing that kept me engaged with it was like the set design and the fact that it was really colorful. You know, most future movies, they go with that really drab palette of like metallics and stuff, and they had some of that But then what they had a lot of red they just had a lot of like fun looking Sets and fun looking robots and honestly if something looks like cool and practical effect II And that's what that's the whole movie for me I grew up watching Tim Burton movies like a good set will really engage me in a movie

I bet you timber and loves this movie if I had to guess. Yes, I think he would. Yes, Stuart Gordon, I was looking on IMDB. He was just coming off a real hot gig where he wrote and direct a kid's safety video. So he was his star was shining bright when he took on Robot Shox. He probably did that as a favor to a friend because he also did Reanimator and From Beyond, two fantastic movies that also were horrors with this veneer of complete goofiness.

I feel like he knows how to be unserious in a way that's really helpful for the concept. Honey, I Shrunk the Kids was his. Yeah, he was actually going to direct it and he was ready to go. They had started production, but he got sick, so they replaced him last minute, which probably was for the best. So unfortunately, this film I think think, is responsible for sinking Charles Bann's first company, which was Empire International Pictures, which also did Arena and Reanimator, like most of Stuart Gordon's early movies.

Yeah, the whole movie feels like too expensive for what it was like it the whole time. You're like, Gary Graham is holding up your fucking tentpole franchise, huh? No, Gary Graham was an alien nation and one episode of the show's your grandparents watch. Just name a show your grandparents watch and he was there for one episode. His IMDB is like 9,000 credits. You're like, what the 9,000 credits? You're like, oh, right. You were fucking Hank Henchman on CSI episode 782. Yeah, I wrote down like, this was a good movie, except for that acting. Yeah, I guess not a big part of movies for me.

Yeah. This is this was a weird cast too, because then you have Anne Marie Johnson, who I grew up with, basically. She's been in part of like, the Waynes Brothers stratosphere, you know, Hollywood Shuffle, I'm gonna get you sucka in Living Color. Like she's definitely a comedy actress. And then to see her just this dead serious, emotionless, like, genetically engineered warrior human. It was just like really- With the worst haircut on Earth.

I noted that. I was like, I'm watching it. This Padawan haircut. I will bet $1 million that they did not have a black stylist on set. And it was in Italy, they didn't. It was not, the person did not know how to do anything with black hair.

I did like that they have bred the ultimate human warrior and it's not all white guys. It was like 50 elder barges, everyone's mixed race, light skin. I just like that choice. It took the politics out of it. You're like, yeah, I guess in the future, they wouldn't be bogged down with white supremacy. Then there was a guy that did some racial slurs. Yeah, maybe Earth's last racist. We're not sure. Yeah, Earth's last racist and he was the bad guy. He was also like horribly sexist. And then I saw, I was suspicious of him.

I'm like, okay, actually this movie is pretty good because it does have some racism and sexism, but it's all from a character who's clearly like the bad guy. The worst. Yeah. Yeah, okay. I think he was trying to ham up just being so American that he edged into that old timey racism and sexism. He's like, I'm definitely, listen, I'm no spy. I'm as American as he can get. Listen to this racism, for instance.

Yeah, that was definitely the vibe. Even his friends, he's like, I don't trust that, you know, he drops a hard J in reference to an Asian person. Co-workers and friends. Yeah, his coworkers-workers. Yeah. He's also really into his own non-jokes. He'll say something that is funny to him, and he'll barely be containing the laughter of it.

Yeah, he got us. It's good American criticism. Yeah. I felt bad. You nailed us, buddy. I guess for anyone who's never seen this movie before, Robot Jocks is a film that takes place in a nuclear post-apocalypse. The world has come to an accord where from now on, all territory

disputes will be settled in the just raddest and just dumbest way possible. Two robots will stand in front of each other and just unload their entire arsenal on each other. Yeah, there's no tactics or guile. They try to pay it lip service. Like, ooh, we got to counter their weapons. Like, no, they stand right in front of each other and just hit every button on their fucking robot. They can't move good.

So that's part of it. It's like, they've invented these super weapons, but do not invent how to make the robots run. I think that was on the poster. I said, robot shocks coming this summer. They do not move good. That was... They don't even look like they do in the picture.

It's a very dynamic video cover. Like it's in motion, but it's like that thing's not moving around too well. Those joints are not designed for speed. They look like when your grandpa is like walking around at Thanksgiving and you're like, oh, no, don't trip. Yeah. That's the belly full of turkey walk. I got to go watch the football game now.

Walk. Because my grandpa was a Jason and the Argonaut skeleton, so he didn't move a lot like these robots. Yeah. Full stop motion. I would also say the director of Armored Corps, the video game, is a fan of this movie because there's a lot of like just direct design influences in it.

So, you know, in the head of the people that created this one, they pictured Armored Corps, even though it didn't exist yet. Like these things are going to skate from side to side. Oh, yeah. Gravity. It's like the motion guy was like, I'm going to stop you right there. I can do waddle. I can do kind of punch. You want to if you want to kick. Oh, that's going to be all fucking weekend.

You like Jason, the Argonauts pick one skeleton and I will give you that. That's it. You get one skeleton. I think it's a perfect plot. I love that all of the political fates down to robot fighting. It seems smart and awesome, which is weird because I think this is the plot of a lot of anime. And you know me, in general, I think anime is always the wrong choice.

Sorry, I sound like I'm making a PSA. Whether you're deciding what to watch, which hobby to pursue, or what user profile you should look like, anime is always the wrong decision. Watch robot jokes instead clearly influenced a lot of anime. Cut all this, Jamie. This opening is rad too, because you get some good set work.

The sound design, I want to give props to as well, because when that big piece of robot body part hits the snow, it thumps, this really reverberates in a nice, satisfying way. This environment feels big. These things actually feel like they're giant. But I just right away don't understand the rules. Like this guy's like, dude, my back's broken. I give up. And he's like, and the judges are like, he gave up. And the guy's like, I don't care. And they're like, shit, nothing we could do. Like, let him die, I guess. And yeah, I do have a clip of that actually. Enough! Alexander! You win! Alexander!

I can't move! I think my back's broken! Judgment. I would like judgment. If you please. The judgment is victory for the confederation. Alexander, hold your position. If you please. The judgment is victory for the confederation. Alexander, hold your position.

My heels! My heels! You're next! Achilles! Bastard. He didn't have to kill him. You surprised? Picture just the robot with the tiniest little forearms, like holding his arms up in the air too when he does that. It's so adorable, this little robot arms. By the way, if you need it, I did clip just that part.

You're next! Akiles! Just call it out. Call it out if you need it. Akiles! But you're right though, there's no fucking rules. It feels like a big danger of deciding all the world's fate with combat robot is that the guys in the combat robots, they might just decide to do whatever they want.

Yeah. And then what? And that's like what happens here instantly. So many times. So many times, every time with this guy, like it's, it's like clockwork. You put Alexander behind the wheel of a giant robot, he's going to go off the off script every time. I do feel like if we did this in real life, if we said Anderson Silva, you represent Brazil over the territory of Alaska and Chael Sonnen,

you're representing America and then Anderson Silva wins and they're like, okay, cool. Brazil owns Alaska and then Anderson Civil killed Chael Sonnen and then threw a grenade into the crowd. We'd be like, hold on a second. Yeah. Are you telling me there's no rules against A, dogs playing basketball and B, this? He's writing these fucking movie rule books.

If everyone handles the presence of a clear psycho with no boundaries with just sort of a grain of salt, you know, he's allowed to do whatever he wants. I blame the fact that instead of like dressing the judges as like judges in a court in like robes, they dress them as referees in the NFL. And they have little karate helmets on, little adorable like just taekwondo point sparring helmets. That'll stop the robot foot for sure.

Yeah, like who's gonna respect that? They have the gravitas of bad actors choosing to act like space judges. Like they're like, okay, I'm gonna play this referee like I am the fucking Kryptonian council sentinezy to the fan's job. I'm one of the watchers from Marvel. Yes, yeah.

Yeah, he's the new Attu. Yeah, in our little stripy shirts. They're trying to command that respect. All right, I'm gonna stop you right there. That's not a shirt, it is a full onesie. It's a full onesie. They have feet, they have little footies. With like the puffiness of an 80s superhero movie.

Like it's kind of... Hamburgers, judges. It's definitely Spirit of Halloween referee costume for the kids. The hamburger. I guess one plot point that gets dropped here is they have spies stealing information. So they're like, oh, we got a secret laser, but they knew about our secret laser.

But other than that, like you get the movie, that you fully understand the movie. It's Cold War shit settled with robot fighting. So now we cut to Gary Graham fighting a whole room of karate nerds. I'm glad you said that because I wrote in my notes, this is the nerdiest future I've ever seen. Even the karate is nerdy.

Like this is, when you watch one of those YouTube videos where it's a street fight and one of the kids is finally going to test his strip mall karate for the first time and he takes a stance, that's everyone here's stance. That's the whole universe. Yes, they're all doing the Shotokan karate stance. They got Chuck Norris point karate mitts on. I love it. It's the best.

This is like how you thought fighting worked when you were eight. Just like huge in blocks and out blocks. So, our guy, Gary Graham just fucks the whole room up. He's great. And then he gets sucker kicked by some guy, by one of the elder barges. And then they have like a little clash of philosophies because this guy, Gary Graham's like, hey, cool, let's have a nice warmup. We're bros. No, we should fight to the death during sparring practice. I took a clip.

To be workouts over. It isn't over until one of us is defeated. In training. That's the lead actor for this feature film. In training. In training. That's probably the most realistic part of that one, because I've definitely trained with some guys that treat every rolling session like it's Pride, like it's the Pride finals, and I'm like, bro, just please tap out.

Your arm breaking today does nothing for anyone. What are you doing? You put me to sleep. You've got to put me to sleep. I'm not tapping. Yeah, I feel like that guy does like Disney Channel acting where screaming is the best acting. So just when he needs to be acting a lot, he just does a big scream. Hell yeah. Does it work for me? I can tell when he's serious because he's screaming.

We get a pretty good exposition dump from the doctor here. She looks like a Dr. Ruth type. I don't know if that's what they were going for. She just, that's just who she is. She's the inventor of the gene jocks. They're test tube babies, but they don't ever call them that though. That's a racist term or ableist or whatever, tubies. They call them tubies, right? Yeah, they're tubies.

Was that the term we're not supposed to say? Yeah. I apologize if any clones are listening. Yeah. I think this is what they call us YouTube people now. That sounds right. I like how sort of professional she is about it too. She just hands them sample tubes and just like, I appreciate you boys were just, you know, drop loads in these tubes for us for our science. And they're like,

they're like little boys about it because they're, they're regular old humans, you know, they don't, this stuff is funny to them. Yep. Well, yeah, and she asked in front of the children, the adult children, I guess, like, this is how you guys were born. I'm just going to ask them real quick while we're in the middle of training to just like jerk off in this too. Well, Gary Graham offers, well, first he's already hit on our girl, Athena, real aggressive,

and it doesn't go well. She's sort of a sexy toddler, like we say. They're these age-accelerated, like, lion-o monsters. They're clones with the minds of children. Yeah, I needed them to be more specific about if they had a childhood or if they're not like three years old. Yes, I wasn't sure. I do think they're sexy toddlers. I think so too. And so when he hits on her, but she understands like, I'm being hit on, fuck this, fuck you.

And so it's like the tone of it, it's really wrong. This was 89. So like, you could still like just go grab a titty in a movie and you could still be the good guy. But like, you could tell like she took the acting in a different direction. She's like, no, absolutely fuck this guy. She treats him like a subway pervert. And then when he gets the sperm cup, he's like,

why don't I just go pork it into the fucking sexy topper over there? The old fashioned way. The old fashioned. And she's like, same reaction, like no, absolutely not. This is an HR violation. And the viewer at home is like, that is the hero of this movie?

That's the same thing at home? But here's what's fucking crazy is from this moment on, that energy is gone. They're like, oh, we can't do this movie. But but here's what's fucking crazy is from this moment on, that energy is gone. They're like, you can't do this anymore. The rest of the movie, you're like a super good guy. She's doesn't quite know what a penis is like, what just we're gonna totally different direction. Yeah, she like, can't she could barely contain her smiles. Whatever she they make eye contact. Like it's just so, so cute from here on

out. Yeah, it becomes much more of a normal movie romance after this. They talk a little bit about, or they set up the spy, because the racist cowboy in their group, Athena, says, hey, you want a robot fight back in the day with this super last minute crazy laser. You just crit hit this guy. How did you know how to do that?

Where to hit him with that laser? He's like, oh, geez. Oh, like pulling on his collar. Fighting skill, lady. Look. Yeah. Mother, look. Try luck.

Train in your luck. And so we're like, OK. Spec into look. I was suspicious of him from the beginning of that scene because she also asked him like, oh, I didn't know that you had a job or that your job was relevant. I thought it was just the guy in the robot. He's really defensive. He's like, I do stuff. I do. This is it's a team effort. He would lose without me out there. All right. And I was like, oh, okay, this guy has a huge chip on his shoulder. I'm immediately suspicious.

It's a good scene though. Again, like this sort of speaks to the, even though it's silly, the craft of the team, because when she says that, Doc Matsumoto kind of glances over and he's like, this sort of speaks to the, even though it's silly, the craft of the team, because when she says that, Doc Matsumoto kind of glances over and he's like, he clocks that shit and is like, oh yeah, you're right. Like that was bullshit. That was an impossible shot. Also Tex is not necessarily wrong, because then we get a fight and these robot jocks are kind of fucking dumbasses.

Like they don't seem to understand what to do from moment to moment. He's like, try the green laser. He's like, okay, yeah, sure. Yeah, and it's like. Oh, that's right boss. Yeah. They're not really making decisions on their own

from moment to moment. And if I'm not mistaken, they set it up basically, you get four weapons on your robot and they change those in and out, but basically you get four buttons. Yeah. It's adorable that they think there's some sort of a strategy to like, when to shoot the green laser, because there's not.

I guess Fast and the Furious was worse with like you had the one nitrous button, and now they made a whole movie about that and when you push that one button. So Robot Jax is four times better than Fast and the Furious, is what I've just mathematically proven. And it doesn't matter what secret weapon they have, because every fight ends the same way. They use the weapon on Alexander, and then he just bum rushes them and just beats the piss out of them with overhands. That's it. He just clobbers them with Hulk smash. That's how every one of these fights is gone. Hulk smash is overpowered. Here's what I just made the note

that the world building in this is pretty good. They cut outside and there's a bunch of destitute locals and medical masks and they're betting on the fights. And this is their whole world, but you can tell they're being placated. These are the masses being placated. And you're like, wow, they really, it's set sucks and none of these people can act, but they're really telling a story effectively.

This is a clip of him getting into his robots. Right, there may be a little lag in this right laser. They fix the ankle joint, okay? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I'm gonna stomp with it. Crash and burn. Crash and burn. Crash and burn.

I think that's cool as shit. I'm gonna stomp with it. I'm gonna stomp with it, you fucking idiot. What do you think I'm gonna do? Hell yeah, Gary. This is robot dancing. And this is Chekhov's butt slap. And they make like a deliberate show of it. The guy like hits him on the butt in a way where I'm like, oh, that's the first time that guy's hit a guy in the butt.

He's awkward about it. But no, that was to let us know that that's important. That's important. That was one of the most key moments in the movie. Some of the world building is, if we go back to that scene with the guys on the street, they're watching a newscast and there's a commentator on their name, Ajax, and Ajax has got this really fucked up presentation. He's got a neck brace on.

He's speaking like there's a new secret weapon. So he's like because of his name, you know, he was a jock, too. And he they all seem to get their neck or back back broken. Like if they live, they do not live good lives. And I think that there could there could be some design flaws in the in the seat. You see that later when Anne Marie Johnson is in the jock and she's just being flung from her upper body like just rotating around like a gyroscope. And I'm like, there's

got to be better back support for these things. That's that look like it's gonna to break your back? It did break a guy's back at the beginning of the movie. Yeah, we had seatbelts in the 70s. And I'm just going to throw a monkey wrench in the whole plan. We had joysticks like, yeah, there's no reason to stand in there and control it virtually like, yeah, on a treadmill, you could just have a forward button.

And four buttons that someone tells you when to push them. Yeah, I'll go even one further. They didn't even need to be in those robots. It's that's a great point. Yes. Or build the robots. They could just have a boxing match. They could just, right, they could just kick fight

until one of them decides to kill the other one or not. That's what you call it. Kick fighting. Kick fighter. It would be way less expensive and they could use some of those resources to help the people that are betting on the robot fight. Yeah. All of these are great ideas. Who don't care if they live or die because they... This is what I mean about the world building. How evocative it is that we're here discussing

the universe in which these people live in ways to make it better. They did it. Well done, robot jocks. You were the wild stallions in fucking hard sci-fi comedies. I was always confused by this. There's like the stands. There's a stadium. People are there.

Yes. Sitting around. They do acknowledge in the movie that this is silly. They call them bench monkeys or something, you know, derogatory. Yeah. They clearly don't have a lot to live for. Yeah. I don't know.

I'm just curious. It got me thinking about, like, are they there because they do they not think that there's a chance they'll die? Because they all seem really surprised when a lot of people die. Yeah. Well, they said they signed a waiver. They said at one point, they all had to sign a waiver. Yeah.

I think it's one of those things they knew it would eventually happen, but it hasn't happened yet in their universe. Which is wild. But they are shooting missiles at each other, because it starts out in the robots walk up a little bit, and then they have a long range phase where whatever they brought that shoots, they just go crazy. And the robots cannot dodge.

I mean, they could, but like they physically cannot. So they're just getting pummeled with missiles and lasers. And then it's like, they call a timeout and then no more long-range weapons. It's, I think you call it kick fighting. Yes. So they go up and they have to have a kick fight. But here's where we also see where the spies come in

because our guy has a secret green laser. And when he shoots the green laser, Alexander the bad guy also has a green fight. But here's where we also see where the spies come in because our guy has a secret green laser and when he shoots the green laser, Alexander the bad guy also has a green laser. It's like, oh, shit, they both got green lasers. What? When they call the long range phase off and they go into melee range, this is my favorite delivery. One of the referees goes, it's no more range missiles now. Now it's man to man. He sexed it up way more than he needed to and I really appreciate it. It was like he was selling cologne or something. It was so silky. Technically, it's giant robot to giant robot. That's not as sexy. You're right. Man to man. Skin to skin.

To the ejaculation, brother. Fastest way to warm up a man. There's a point I like where somebody's in our boy's ear, Achilles' ear, and he goes, watch for that kick. He's tricky. And then here comes the world's slowest kick. Just knocks his robot over with a blow. Just a Jenga tower.

Like he's closing the door with his hip. Like he's got a bunch of groceries, and he kind of just bumps the door closed with his hip. Like that's closing the door with his hip. Like he's got a bunch of groceries and he kind of just bumps the door closed with his hip. Like that's how they take out our guy. Yeah. And he just, that's where he stays there for a while. Yeah. It's over, right? Like there's no 10 count.

They're like, no, dude, you got to go over and kill his robot while he's asleep. He hits him with, he cuts a leg off or something. He has a blow torch, I think. And he's- I don't think he fully cuts it off, but he hurts him enough that Alexander falls. Yeah, he activates an illegal move, which is a, it's a fist, but it's a ranged weapon,

which is not allowed. It's also at the crowd. Like Alexander shoots the rocket punch away from the fight and into the crowd. So Achilles like heroically jumps in the way of the punch and gets, and it does not help at all. It turns the punch into a falling robot. Everyone's dead.

Yeah. And it's so dramatic. Like the, the audience, they literally do a closeup of a charred futuristic teddy bear. Yeah. He's like laying in the stands and there's like a child that's dead and his mother is like crying.

In this funny robot movie, there's a dead child. They do some like T-animated square shit. And it's like, all right, this is from the hard sci-fi stuff left over from that other guy's script. We didn't do this. Do you mean the whole movie could have been like this? No, thank you. Yeah. They don't really play it up like that outside of the scene either. Like this is really heavy handed. You must be sad. That's a huge tragedy. And then the rest of the movie is if like, yeah, well, it was bad, but like it happened

yesterday, dude. What the fuck? What the fuck are you worried about? Yeah. He gets out of his room. He like gives up the fight and he's like, oh my God, I got to get out and look at this carnage. Yeah.

And now I feel like this is how it would really go in real life. They have like a big argument about the results. They're like, hey, you can't use a rocket punch. That was the man to man section. You can't shoot a hand. You have to forfeit. And so they bicker, bicker, bicker. And they decide it's a draw, not a forfeit,

because the refs make it very clear. They do not care that people died or that Achilles saved them. You don't get disqualified for attempted murder. And you don't get points for attempted murder prevention. I think that was a bullshit call, though, because he did use a ranged weapon. All of that other shit, fine. You don't care about human life, great. That's still a rocket. And I don't care if it's in the shape of a fist.

It's a rocket. He loses. That's illegal. If you're watching a fight and Conor McGregor throws a grenade into the crowd, and he would, if it occurred to him and he had a grenade, he would just throw it in. I was the ref, I'd stop the fight and I'd say, you've, that's a disqualification. You lose the fight. At the very least, you lose the fight. Come on, I just threw a grenade in the crowd, I'd say. It's my call.

I think it's a fair call. It'd be different if you'd left the cage and you punched the crowd. Those are the tools that you're allowed to use. You've got a grenade. Yeah, I'd be like, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're,

we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, wequalification. Those Hamburglar-ass judges, they were like, no, this is a draw. We're fine with all of it, actually. I'm glad they get their little flying saucer bashed at the end of the movie. Fuck those guys. They go out pretty hard. They don't even get like that.

You know when you crush a spaceship, you've got to cut inside that spaceship to see them scream, right? That's just fucking movie 101. These guys don't even get that. Their spaceship gets crushed. You're like, I'm sure they're screaming in there. Who gives a shit? They got folded. Who cares? Don't even do the insert shot. So yeah, Achilles retires. He says that was my 10th fight. And they're like,

no, you're a bitch. That wasn't a full fight. You got to fight again. He's like, no, my life is drinking now. So we go to this totally sweet-ass future bar. I love these. It's totally an arena future bar. I love, this is where you get the silver foil dresses and the crazy-ass whatever they think future music is going to sound like. I loved the dancing here so much. You know, you're watching a movie, you're like, obviously the people dancing, they don't know what music's gonna get piped in later. But every person made a different decision on what that rhythm is gonna look like. But they're still making really big choices with their arms and legs. So it's just- They're all white Italians.

It looks like malfunctioning. Yes. They're all very, very white, malfunctioning Italian robots. But also, this is weird that they're all celebrating because they almost lost Alaska. They had 10% of a 9-11 like this afternoon. And they're like, huge win for us guys. We should all be drinking. We didn't lose Alaska. We didn't get it. But you know, it's also this seems like the jock bar because you got like the Confederate table over there, too. So I think it's just it's just a mishmash of whoever there. You got groupies there trying to pick up, you know, the market.

I call them American Russian. That's what it's supposed to be. I think by the time they produced it, they were like, you know what? The Cold War is a little out of fashion now. Let's change this up. So now they're the Confederacy in the market. But we all know what the fuck's going on. This was like a year after the Berlin Wall came down, I think.

I'm bad with history, but yeah, I feel like the Cold War was dying down. American gladiators fixed it. We won? Rocky IV sure fixed it if that didn't work. Yeah, Rocky IV, yeah. Like, we won a lot of different ways. It's kind of embarrassing how fucking hard Russia lost that. Because where's

there Rocky IV? Sons of bitches. We need a robot jocks now more than ever, if anything. And Achilles is just drunk off his ass. And I don't think Gary Graham is familiar with alcohol. I don't think his dad drank. I don't think he drinks. He's just like, I'm a drunk actor. He's got one delivery that I really appreciated though, cause they're going alphabetically through all the booze, right? That's their thing between him and this bartender. He just drinks 24 drinks. And I guess this is how he learns how to read.

His character can't read for some stupid, silly reason. I don't know why. Well, and his brother's job is reading. He's a writer. No, he says, how's the reading going? I think he just said that cause he doesn't understand how writing works. How's the reading going? He's a reader. I think he just said that because he doesn't understand how writing works.

How's the reading business going? I thought it was some terrible future job. They're like, oh, dystopia of the future. He's just going to read. He was writer-coded. He had the sweater, his office. He looked like maybe he was doing a Stephen King novel or something like that.

But he can't read. He's doing the alphabet with the booze. And he's just relying on this bartender to be honest with him about what letter they're on. He's like, we're on J. He's like, what about a julep? He's like, yeah, give me julep. And I just, I thought that was really sweet how he said that. Jimmy Julep. Give me julep. Alexander shows up here. That's the bad Russian that just indiscriminately kills his competitors. He shows up and I dig his vibe in this. He's a good snide little villain. He comes in and he does this gesture.

He just holds up his two fingers without saying anything like, give me this much booze. And then he's just like... They're like, I know you're Russian. It's definitely gonna be vodka. Don't even have to ask. He drains a couple and then he picks a fight with some tubies and he just demonstrates complete domination over them. Just every flaw that could possibly exist

and their coding is exhibited. The whole scene was like a lot of things you never see people do in real life, but also a lot of things people don't do in movies. Like just a whole bunch of things all mashed together in a way that barely makes sense, but it kind of works. You're like, that's the bad guy. And this was a bar fight in like hard quotes, but like, it wasn't, it very much wasn't anything. And nobody did anything that resembles human behavior. But it still somehow says what it's trying

to say. I think that's the magic of robot jocks. You don't think it's human behavior when Alexander told one of them, you make my drink taste like blah. You make my drink taste like blah. I was like, wait, what are we doing here? Are we Russian still or are we Dracula now? Are we Tommy Wiseau? Tastes like blah.

Here, I'll play it. Please. I never thought that I would say this. But I'm glad to see you. Blah. Very glad. Very glad. Wish I could say the same. You're making my beer curdle.

Oh. And you. You make my drink taste like blood. I knew you would have clipped that. I knew it. What the fuck could it mean? Like, I get you're trying to be threatening, but how? Did I come in earlier and bleed in your vodka? Why would I do that?

Like, I think it's like I'm excited to drink your blood. You know, a bad guy thinking about drinking your blood. You make me blood thirsty. And so every week, yeah. Okay. I'm so excited. I bit my tongue. Unrelated to this conversation, I bit my tongue.

I think someone dropped a bunch of pennies in my drink. I don't know what's going on. And we do have the bartender too. This was like one of those stupid like throwaway lines that my brothers and I always reference to each other. But the bartender is like, Achilles, I'm not allowed to serve drunk people and you got to admit you are one drunk guy. He like didn't know what to say or he forgot his line for a second there.

Yeah, fucking drunk. He was gonna call me an asshole. He's like, no, no, no. We're not there yet. He's a guy. Yeah, fucking drunk. He was gonna call me an asshole. He's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, because the population has been diminished so much, that to lose 300 people in an afternoon would be a huge blow. It would be a huge blow because then there's a big emphasis on incentivizing breeding. They make a throwaway line about, we're having another kid because with six kids you get three bedrooms. They need people. So I don't feel like they would set up stadiums on the borders of a giant robot fight.

They also pass a poster, I'm sure you saw this, where there's a very pregnant woman, and it just says, robot jocks. What am I looking at? Yes. You're looking at Kinko's finest last-minute work, is what's going on there. We jump ahead because he gets so tore up

that he just wakes up at home completely nude. Fully nude. Athena brought him home, undressed him, and just watched him sleep nakedly all night. Very toddler, confused toddler thing to do. Yeah. So she went from like, hey, do not sexually harass me, I'm your colleague and friend, to I am a tube child.

What is a penis? Yeah. There is no. She goes- I studied your body. She delivers her lines like Bruce Leroy. Maybe that's why I was thinking El the Barge. It just all keeps going back to Last Dragon. Yeah, she's like, I just studied your body. I detected no hero essence emanating from your pores.

Like it's very adorable. She thought he'd have some prophesized birthmark or something. I don't know. Yeah, something like that. But then she like follows him around like a dog, like literally six inches behind him, like, ooh, how do you make coffee? You're like, no, lady, this is,

you've known this guy for so long. And he's charmed, he's charmed by her weird baby captain. Yeah. There's another good delivery there, cause he's like, wow, I'm just a regular guy, you know, two legs, two arms. He looks at his dick and he goes, one hangover. That's like all my penis, too, buddy. Yeah.

With the hang and hangover. But this was like the 80s movie Dream Woman. Like she's a full grown sexy adult, but but just doesn't know what's going on. With the mind of a baby. Like the Splash. Yeah, the sexy baby. Exactly. Jamie, I know we never met each other, but cut the sexy baby part out.

["Sexy Baby"] Yeah, he just wants his juice. He just wants his orange juice. He comically does whatever he... If you've ever been hungover, you've done this. You've fallen over and hit your head on a shelf. Just a comedy of errors one after another. Yeah. Derp-a-derp. This scene could have used maybe some old Chinese food. Like a grizzled detective. They could have dressed up his apartment to look a little his apartment. All right. Down on his look. So his apartment fucking sucks. It's like, he's got one decorative thing and it's that weird like glowy table like that giant light

bright board that just makes an annoying sound the whole time. This this ambient noise. His apartment reminds me of whenever there's like, like No Man's Sky, for instance, where like, you gotta build a base. I'm like, Jesus Christ. And this is, his room is what my base lives. Exactly. Yeah, for sure. 100% my No Man's Sky base. I fulfilled the four walls that are ceiling requirement

that I needed to finish the quest and I'm done. I'm going, I'm gonna do more. This counts as valid housing game. Can I fucking stop now? You forgot bed and glowy light bright. Okay, there. I mean, it's his bachelor pad. He's he's his whole life is just robot jockein. He's not gonna buy a base. And he has like a big like samurai scroll which totally checks out. This is a very wee. Yes. Uh yeah. He's

weeby. You can tell by his kicks that he would have a scroll. Yes, I can tell by his Taekwondo spin kicks, this motherfucker's got scrolls on as well. I don't get this character at all. Like, I don't get what motivates him. He keeps getting told what motivates him and he doesn't care. He's like, yeah, not you're not exactly right, but fine. Whatever. I don't care.

He seems to like hate everything. I don't know, because he's like, I don't want to fight anymore. It's like, but why is like, I don't know. Like, are you? Are you tired of being exploited? Do you feel exploited? Are you sad to watch other jocks dying all the time? Like, any one of those is a fine motivation, but you do not identify with any of them. Yeah, don't even worry about it. Just just keep it. Keep it

moving. I have a karate scroll. That's enough, right? I'm capable. I'm going to throw it all away to go eat beans and sausage with my family. He seemed to even hate that when they have the beans and sausage. Like he immediately was like, I made a huge mistake. Yeah, he's like, I should have kept jocking. You know, when I was a kid, I understood it. But as an adult, I'm like, that shit looks fantastic.

That is a hood classic meal right there. You got black eyed peas, a bratwurst, and it looks piping hot, like throw some seasoning on that and it's gonna be good times. It is one bratwurst for eight people, nine people. And you know they're gonna do the polite thing and like give Achilles most of it. The kids are just gonna have to watch him eat bratwurst

while they eat a plate of beans. He did almost save Alaska while he toppled into 300 people earlier that day. He earned half a hot dog. Give him that wet meat. Oh, yeah. That's also where we find out that Achilles' real name is

Jim. Jim. Yeah. Jim the robot jock. Oh, yeah. Jim the jock. I wonder if that's how they did that. Jim jock.

So that's his family's house. He lives amongst the commoners now. They live in big ghettos. They're nice. They lives amongst the commoners now. They live in like big ghettos. They're nice. They're not like ghettos, you know, they're not like war torn. Everybody's just kind of going about their business using the elevators. It's not quite Judge Dredd Mega Block, but it's that it'll be there in a generation for sure. They're trying to figure out who's going to fight next since he retired. So the Tubis are going to race to the top of a jungle gym. That's the Rattle Room is my favorite thing in existence. I fucking love the Rattle Room.

That's my favorite seat too. I was like, this fucking rules. I wanted it to be like a series of trials, and we would see it. I was like, settle in. There's a series of trials baked into the Rattle Room. You've got wet pipes. You've got hot pipes.

You've got trick pipes. Trick pipe. Trick pipe is my favorite thing. Whatever like my buddy and I, whatever one of us would fall down or just something happened like we got trick piped. Like that's just when the bottom drops out for no reason, that's a trick pipe. Yeah, it was like the thing that ants in your pants. I don't know if you guys see ants in your pants. Yeah, it's 100% ants in my pants. It just vibrates. Yes, I love that thing ants in your pants, you go up to the top

and you like go with it, but let yourself fall to the bottom. But like dangerous, like that's the dream. Yeah. Yeah. This was I want to do the rattle room. I think I could do it. You'd crush it unless I was there and that would kick you right out of the trick. And then your hubris would cause you to fucking fall in the trick pipe and I would call out right after you. You just us out the remaining dangers.

I would be at the bottom already dead after two minutes, but I still want to do it. It does look like someone put together like a dome, like a jungle gym dome, but like didn't follow directions and just fucked it all up. Yeah. And then when they were done, they're like, dude, this looks like shit.

They're like, no, check this out. Grab the camera and then shake it. It will look awesome. And they're like, dude, this looks like shit. They're like, no, check this out. Grab the camera and then shake it. It will look awesome. And they're like, I don't think you're right. And they weren't. It looks like shit. It's so good. I love that everything hinges.

The fate of the country hinges on who could climb up this vibrating jungle gym the fastest. And not get unlucky. Yeah. How else do you test luck? Like we've discussed many times, the main problem with the robots is that you get shaken around a bunch of them. Oh, yeah. To pick the best robot fighter. They shake them around the whole bunch and see who doesn't die. Whose back doesn't just snap into.

Yeah. Who's the best at vibrating? You got the job. That's all you need to do. You don't have to know what the weapons are. You don't even have to fucking need to know how to drive one of these things. Just vibrate real good. Yeah, just maintain your balance. That's all you need to do in the robot. This is like it's like totally unfair.

You like you could be the peak of physical perfection. If you're just the fastest one, you're fucked because you you're gonna be the first one to touch the hot pipe, and you're gonna be the first one to step on the trick pipe. It's a breakaway pipe. These guys don't die, but they show them comically in the next scene with like, in full traction. They've got broken necks, broken arms. You've been calling it trick pipe your whole life,

but check this out. In my notes, it says, he steps on trick pipe, falls all the way down, Athena wins. Like, I called it trick pipe your whole life. But check this out. In my notes, it says he steps on trick pipe, falls all the way down. Athena wins. Like I called it trick pipe in my notes. There's no other thing to call it. It's all it is. It's a trick. It's not fair. It's rigged. I don't know. It's like, I don't know what the point of this is. Like, so the person that's the most athletic and the fastest and the most aggressive is the first one to hit trick pipe. And what is the lesson of

trick pipe? Other than life sucks to be you. Like, I don't know. Yeah, fuck you, buddy. It's like spread your weight out. We should explain to people what trick pipe does is simply disappear. Yeah. So you put all your weight on this one pipe and it's just gone. It just disappears. Yeah. And then launched to the ground.

Yeah. So yeah. You fall several stories. This thing is not small. To be fair, by then, we've already seen hot pipe and lube pipe. So you should know not to put too much faith in a pipe. Don't grab it with your full hand. Don't put your whole foot on it. There's the hot pipe too. It steams up like a steam whistle.

It makes a fun little noise and it just turns bright red. What does any of that teach you about robot fighting? Nothing. I mean, it maybe teaches you how to re-enter the atmosphere because Achilles' cockpit gets up to 400 fucking degrees at one point. It's told to us in the, what is the melting temperature of human skin? Like, I don't understand. We're already 9-11 truthing robochocks. Ah, yeah. It's true. And we're already 9-11 truthing robo-chocks. Oh, yeah.

It's true. You know what this reminds me of? I may lose you, Lydia, depending on your knowledge of the ultimate fighter. But Sean, do you remember the season where Rich Franklin and Matt Hughes were coaching opposite each other? I do.

There was that one challenge where they had the treetop drill where one big person has to stand there, planted and anchored themselves while a smaller person like climbs around their body without touching the ground. I think we talked about this. Matt Hughes went first and he made his team go, do not quit. I don't care what pain you're in. Don't you fucking quit.

They got like 200 reps and then Franklin just laughs and goes, we forfeit. And he didn't even do it. That's what I think that's the correct approach to the rattle room. Like you just wait till everybody comes up. And then you're like, good job, superior athlete. I'm still pissed off about that all these years later. I thought like, dude, you're on TV. Your fucking dad can see you and you're going to do this snively, like anti sportsmanship shit on TV.

He's to be a champion. His own guy like wouldn't pouted in an outhouse. He was right to do it. That is a hard that is very physically. Thank you for bringing up that frustrating painful memory. So, yeah, Athena wins. She's second. So that means that she's not the first person to hit trick pipe.

She watches it happen. She passes it. She's second. So that means that she's not the first person to hit trick pipe. She watches it happen. She passes it. She gets into the little tightrope walk at the end. Yeah, she does a little tightrope walk. My gracefulness will come in handy here. Yeah, my cat-like mobility gets me across. Maybe she walked on a trick pipe and it had no effect on her. It seems odd that there were no other crazy pipes. Yeah.

Next to the ceiling, what you want is an eject pipe. Shoot them into the ceiling. Shoot that tube into the fucking roof. Well, and it seems weird that she was the only one with any balance, too, because the first guy that went up was so shaky. They made a quarter show you being like, whoa. And then she just went right up, boop, into that hole. So I'm like, were they training them on balance, or did they not?

And then make them climb the shaky jungle gym. It's a skill she picked up from a night of penis gazing. She's like, she stared at Gary Graham's dong all night. She's like, I'm learning balance. Maybe? I don't know. I might be retconning that. As a woman just born with natural grace that no one else had. I guess that's a way to take it. She definitely like is being sort of poisoned, quote unquote, by Achilles and his like thoughts on luck and just, you know, general and fear, right? There's a general vibe of a human.

Yeah, fear, you know, which creates caution and hubris and blah, blah, blah. Because all these other gene jocks are they're kind of dicks, you know? They're cocky for no reason. Achilles just completely disables one with some bullshido. He does the little Steven Seagal backwards hand push, you know, with the defense of which is just to move your hand out of the way. But yeah, these guys suck and they're full of themselves in a weird way. I'd say the world building here kind of falls apart because if you're breeding people for a purpose, they all seem like they make fun of Athena. They do seem very human in all the wrong ways. They're a little antagonistic.

Right. I also feel like that's your politics is like, hey, don't forget about us, the natural humans with our flaws and foibles. We're stopped trying to replace us with tube babies, sexy elder barges. They tried to do a Gattaca. We already have our own elder barge. Yeah, they made this world post-nuclear war

that's supposed to be better and more peaceful, but there's very much still racism and sexism, and there's only one robot jock that's a woman. Why make one? Either make zero or give her someone to hang out with. I agree. I agree. They do the Star Trek troopers thing where they like, you know, they all shower together and then Achilles and Tex are like, whoa, I saw a woman's behind. This ain't right. It's something not right about this. You know how these tubies are. Fucking Tex, man. He's just the sweatiest upper lip of all time.

Yeah, he's a real sweaty dude. He's in Matsumoto's office and now we learn that he's the spy. What a shock. Crazy because he spent so much of the movie talking about how someone's got to be the spy. Yeah. And it can't be me because I'm the most American. I got the only cowboy hat left in America. How can I be a goddamn spy?

Yeah. I'm the one who said four or five racial slurs. This scene. I couldn't be the bad guy. I also won some fights, but you know, like the racism, I think, it stands for itself. It stands on its own. He has, he has that like like villain slipperiness that I like where Matsumoto pulls a gun on him.

It's like over. He's like, dude, I know you're a spy. I got a gun on you. Just like, let's wrap this up. He goes, I'll be damned. You got me. Takes off his hat and he like, he slaps the gun out of his head with the cowboy hat.

Yeah. That's how American he is. Yeah. That's how undefeated American brashness is. Cowboy hat slap. Yeah. And's how American he is. Yeah, that's how undefeated American brashness is. Cowboy hat slap. Yeah. And he tries to fake him. He shoots him in the head. And he's like, I know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna fake a suicide. Yeah, a Matsumoto had filmed the entire thing. You're like, okay, that's yeah. Well, I know you have the line where he says, meet the real tech, right? I love that line. right? I love that line. It is really good.

Meet the real Tex. It was just so heavy handed. I was like, I don't know. I found your damn spot. So that would have earlier when Athena brought up to Tex that this your last victory was she was impressed by it. She was excited to talk to him about it. But Doc Matsumoto was like, no, you're right.

That was bullshit. And so he pulls up video of it and shows the text and he's like, look how impossible this was. He's like, no, you're right. That was bullshit. And so he pulls up video of it and shows the text. And he's like, Look how impossible this was. He's like, what? You know, it's look good old USA look. And he's like, No, no, no, no. Let's zoom in. I love this moment, too. He's like, let's take another look. And he goes, Okay, quietly. He's like, I'll go on this walk with you, I guess for a little bit, even though I know where it's going. I know what you're trying to say here. I'm sweating already. But okay, let's do it. Let's look at it.

He had insider knowledge of the robot. They gave him that. They gave Tex the victory to make him look good because what better spy than a hero? A brilliant plan. Yeah. And they did say at some point that they've lost more fights to their leaks than to actual robot fighting. The other team is not good at robot fighting. So they always win by cheating. Yeah, they always win by cheating. Which again is kind of like if you're putting all of human politics and war and land occupation

in the hands of like this battle, it feels like it would be really, I don't know, sacred. Like you wouldn't let people fuck with it. And if someone did fuck with it, you're like, OK, well, now we're just going to have a regular war then back to regular war, I guess. Yeah. Like you wanted you want spies. All right. That you don't come with that missiles and armies. Murders like what are we doing here?

If we're not going to decide it with a fistfight, the one plot hole here, too, is that Alexander, even though he's like just a weird Dracula dick, does seem to genuinely enjoy robot fighting. And- Oh, I think he's the only one who does. Right. I think he's having a ball. But he's also benefiting from these leaks.

So I don't think he would approve of the leaks. They needed to have something in the movie where he found out there were leaks. He's like, what? No, fuck that. We're fighting man to man. No leaks. Like, let's just, you know, just face or whatever. But he's they don't address it like he's definitely winning with these.

He deflects the green laser, you know, like he knows when it's coming and he stops it. So he's definitely like using the leak information. But he's also like, I'm the last real robot jock out here. So add that to the list of characters with no clear motivations. Yeah. He just likes all of those. Speaking of Athena goes back to Achilles place to apologize because earlier she was like, you are a coward. Yeah. And the ultimate apology. He doesn't give a shit. He's like, dude, people talk shit at me all day. I do not care. I don't

care about anything. They didn't write this part of He's like, dude, people talk shit at me all day. I do not care. I don't care about anything. They didn't write this part of my character. She goes, OK, I got a present for you. I like silver jumpsuits, and that's it. That's all I know. Yeah. They were done. She pulls out a hot glue gun.

And when I say hot glue gun, I mean. Hot glue it on my notes. It is a hot glue gun. They left the hot glue cartridge in it. Yes. It says like, it says fucking Elmer's on glue cartridge in it. Yes. It says like. It says fucking Elmer's on the side of it. Yeah. Janice's fabrics and cutlery, it says right on the side.

She tranks him with the hot glue gun. He has enough fight left for some karate though. He's like, oh, I've been tranked with future tranquil. It doesn't matter. Like I drink so much. This has no effect on me. So they have a karate fight. He throws her on the bed.

He thinks this is a scene where the fist fight's gonna turn into lovemaking. He is wrong. She fights this. She's shit out of his lower lip. It's so good. And then she has the only good fight move in the whole movie.

She just grabs him by the head and just knee blasts him right in the face. That awesome. Fuck the tranquilizer. That's what did the job. That's the knockout. Yeah, I love that. I was like, oh, man, are they gonna like, no, okay, no, she's kicking his ass. She bit him. Bitten him right on the kiss. Yeah. So, she, her plan is to disguise herself as Achilles and make her way in, but she still kind of got like a sexy lady walk. So, everyone's like, has that, what's the,

Achilles got a little spring in his step today. Yeah, something a little sexier today than usual. What's going on with that thing? Like the way you're moving, get it, Graham? They give him a butt slap, and this guy, butt slap instantly, instantly knows. Chekhov's ass slap is like the greatest, that's how I learned what Chekov's anything was.

I was like, somebody explained Chekov's. I was like, oh, like the ass slap and robot jocks. Like I instantly knew what they were talking about. Exactly. That guy was so mad too. He was so betrayed. He was like, that is not my ass. Like, are you fucking kidding me?

Who are you? This guy's like, I'm the guy that slaps a killy's ass before he gets in that robot. And then she took it from him. She took it from him. Hey! Hey! He's going to complain to the fucking manager about it. He's so mad.

So Athena's just going to steal the whole robot and just go fight. And her Dr. Ruth mother is like, you are bred to obey. How could you possibly reject your programming? Don't even think they're going to go anywhere with that. Like, that's it. They're done exploring that. We already know why, because she did because the penis gazing like that change. She's a she's her own person now.

I like how her response to it is just like, no. And then she does like a straight up villainous cackle. Like she's like probably killing people. Like a lot of shit gets broken in that scene. Like there's no way like some of those cranes didn't have dudes in them, you know. And this is another one of those situations where the referees are like,

we do not care who is in the robot, that's up to you. I'm like, no dude, this is fucking call a timeout. Dude, what if a kid stole that robot? If someone ran from the crowd during a football game and grabbed a quarterback's helmet, they don't be like, you got to keep playing. That guy's got your hat. You got to fucking play.

He doesn't know the plays, though. He scored. We do not care. The ball has reached the end zone. It is not up to us who scores. Yeah, like when I was playing roller derby when they were still figuring out what the roles of roller derby were gonna be. They change all the time still, I think. But like, part

of the problem that we had was someone would find a way to break the rules that was boring and not fun to watch. But then everybody had to play that way. Because it was the easiest way to win. The rules to prevent that, right. So I feel like now that they know that just anyone can take the robot, it's going to be a game of stealing each other's robots. That's it. That's all politics is going to come down to who

can steal the robot best. Yeah. Which is kind of cooler. Some American tubie is going to bum rush the Russian silo and just be like, haha, I got your robot. What are you going to do? I took the field. It's too late. It's too late.

And then they just punch themselves in the head until they pass out. Rocket fist to my own face. My back is broken. America wins again. Hell yeah. So Doc, before he got, you know, shot in the face by the traitor, was recording the instructions for the new weapon. His plan was to avoid any leaks was to just not tell anyone what the new weapon was and then record a video and then just upload it directly to the pilot's cockpit. And this big secret weapon is just the

biggest fart bomb in the world. It doesn't do fucking anything. Like it's a it's a light several times brighter than the sun. Yeah. And then Alexander goes, ah, Hulk Punch. Like he just immediately shakes it off and just she just proceeds to clobber. Yeah. She just goes, yeah. She could have done something. She just stood there while and like laugh while he was like, ah, my eyes. She just stood there and laughed while she was like, oh, my eyes. She's like, hee hee. And then he's like, OK, I'm recovered from that. Yep.

Bucket punches her. And then she just spends the rest of the fight just vibrating. The rattle room could not prepare her for this amount of tussling. If these are supposed to be our heroes, this is a bad guy weapon. Blinding your opponent, that's like a bloodsport, story of Ricky, gladiator, kickboxer, undercover brother.

This is something a bad guy does to the hero. And what's funny is that Tex spends the whole time being really upset that all this chaos is happening, even though he wants America to lose. He's there as a spy, but he's like, shit, we gotta stop her. I still hate women. I don't want us to win, but I'm still mad that there's a spy, but he's like, we got to stop her. Like, I still hate women. I don't want us to win. I'm still mad.

What do I hate more? I'm a racist first, a sexist second, a spy third. I just love watching a good robot fight for America. That's great when they're showing the video of him killing Matsumoto. They're like, oh, no, you're the spy. He's like, yeah, check it out of him killing Matsumoto. They're like, oh no, you're the spy. He's like, yeah, check it out. I'm about to kill him. This part's coming up. You're going to love this. I'm going to shoot him in the head. He's like super excited for the incriminating evidence to show. That's a pretty good the jig is up response. I appreciate it. He's like, he's like, tax you didn't. He's like, sure as hell did. Watch. All right. He's feeling it. He

knows he's about to jump out that window. He's fucking, he's calculated it already. He knows what's happening next. And yeah, so he's got two guys holding him. And then the main commissioner says, I'll see you hang for this. He goes, nope. He does like a little wiggle, a little elbow strike, and then escapes and just jumps to his death.

He's just a slippery little piggy. This is literally like the second time in like two scenes where they've had like a big emotional appeal to someone like, please, you know, don't do this or I'm going to kill you and that person just responds, no. That's it. Like, it feels like placeholder. They're like, we'll have them say something cool here. Yeah, in many ways, that appeal to humanity is the only character in the movie that has an arc because that is going to work out later for that appeal to humanity is the only character in the movie that has an arc because that is going to work out later for that appeal to humanity. It doesn't work. It doesn't work. And then totally does.

I don't want to spoil the end. We got out of nowhere. I guess we're kind of close to the ending. There's a couple of things we need to talk about. Achilles shows up in his little flying saucer, takes the field and he- He's like Star Hatchback. Yeah, little Star Hatchback.

Oh my God, his little outfit thing, he's in like skin tight silver suit where his penis is like distracting. That David Bowie onesie that he's got going on there. Yeah. It's a fucking sweet unit. He shouldn't have complained about that. People are like, people put him in that and they're like, are you sure you're okay with this?

He's like, I don't give a fuck. I've had a whole, I've had a tiny dick my whole life. I don't care. Who knows? Let them see. I've had a whole I've had a tiny dick my whole life. I don't care who knows That he circumcised that's how fucking tight that I Was so distracted. It was like, oh my god, you could see his nutsack You could see where his one his shaft ends and then the balls begin. It's like, okay, that's it

You are shrink wrapped in that thing brother One, his shaft ends and then the balls begin. It's like, OK, that's it. You are shrink wrapped in that thing, brother. Yeah, that thing is got to get a dance. I had to mention that that was important. It's tight. He gets it. He gets out. Alexander realizes that he's been hoodwinked. He's not fighting Achilles and he's really upset about it.

But he's still like, maybe I crush you like bags. You know, he's the referees are like, don't crush him like BANGS. Like, maybe I kill you too. I'm a giant robot. Who fucking cares? No one can stop me. I know I missed the last couple call outs, but I did take a clip of that. Let me play that.

Why don't I judge us? Come on. You. Squirrel. Alexander, final judgment is for the confederation. You must leave the field or be held in contempt of process. Why? You let him kill someone. Squirrel.

Squash you bones. This rules now. Bones. I kill. You know, you're a lot of things Alexander, but you're not a coward. I'm gonna get in this thing, and I'm gonna kick your ass! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

I wish she would have said butt, but with like a pregnant pause. Yeah. I'm gonna kick your butt! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! You make my foot taste like blood! Ha ha ha ha ha! Okay, that kinda makes sense. Yeah. Okay, that kind of makes sense. So it's all off the rails. The rules mean nothing. The entire world is writing on this honorable match of sportsmen.

Both sides are conniving fucks. The match is over. Russia owns Alaska. No, they lost it. They called it. They were like, no, if you don't leave the field now, Russia loses. Oh, you're right. He's like, fine. He had one, and then he forfeited. Yeah, like a Harkonnen shows up on screen. He's like, Alexander, no. Yeah, and he's like, I don't give a shit about Russia. I just want to fist fight.

I'm an impulsive narcissist, and I'm here for me. And so now Achilles has a shot with the lady, because she has been vibrated so much that her brain isn't quite connected to the rest of her nervous system. She's mostly dead. So here's where he takes the opportunity to really share a nice kiss with her. The woman who cost America Alaska.

Luckily, it got back on a technicality. But now Alexander isn't like, OK, I'll honorably wait for you to get up. No, just get in the robot and I will crush you while you're getting your engines started. I'm fucking you dead. I want to take it back a little bit, though. I do like that he recognized he'd been hoodwinked

because he recognized the sweet sultry lips of Anne Marie Johnson. Just a little bit. Her helmet kind of shifted. You just saw the mouth. He's like the woman. He knew right away. That's what those are. Achilles sweet lips. It'd be better if he got it from the robot walk. He's like, I know.

I know the movement of Achilles and your moves are far too sexy. You move like a woman. I've seen the outline of his penis. We all have. We all know what Achilles' penis looks like. This is not the cock walk that I am familiar with. I mean, it's kind of like the ass slap. It's like he saw her mouth and was like, oh, I know Achilles' mouth real well.

Oh yeah. I love it. I look at it a lot. I never thought I'd say this, but I like to see your mouth again. So I would say this next thing that happens is it's up there with the dumbest things that could ever be. Like the most, in the history of man,

the most pointless endeavors. Oh my God. This stands among all of them. It's the weirdest ending to a movie I think I've ever seen. Yeah, this is big in the field of just because you can doesn't mean you should. Like this is full blown. Achilles jet jumps into the sky with so much G-force

his fucking face can barely take it. The smoke coming out of the robot is black, like the thing runs on coal. I don't think it's meant to do this. It shoots into space. I don't even know why they designed these things to do this. It's fucking crazy. Just like think of all the systems you'd have to have in place

for one of these robots to go into space. All of it. Yeah, just in his cockpit alone, like just the life support involved in this. He just has his motorcycle helmet on. It's fine. It's fine. He'll be fine. Alexander does the same thing. Okay, cool. We're going to space. Let's do this in space. Alexander starts flying behind him. Now, he shoots a missile, hits Achilles in the foot, blows his foot right off. His foot's fucked. You're like, okay, here's his comeback. No, Achilles is like, well, whatever this plan was, forget it. I'm just going to go back to Earth.

I don't have a foot now. I can't operate in space without a foot. But he's not communicating to us like, okay, plan B. No, he's like, no, this whole thing is plan A. He crash lands on Earth, bam. In the exact same spot they took off from. The exact same spot. Really impressive. Yeah.

Beautiful picturesque wilderness in the nuclear holocaust. That's how off the rails we are. They forgot this was a nuclear holocaust planet. Achilles' robot completely toast. Alexander's fine. He's missing an arm from earlier, but no big deal. He's still got like five limbs left. Also, the fight is over officially.

The stakes here are just Achilles' life, just this one madman's life in the robot. That's the only reason anyone has to care about anything. And Achilles is like, got one last move. He turns into like a tank, but a real shitty tank. Like a cross-leg style. Do you remember Transformers Jump Starter? I thought it was like a...

It was just like a Transformer. I love that part, because I was I was like that make a fun toy But like a transformer sucking his own dick, right? He's trying really hard. He's like I'm going for that lap They did want to make a transform. They saw Transformers know like this would be really awesome as a live action film We're gonna try to do it and this is we got this They're like, let's have him go to space Let's have him turn into a tank and they're like what if both those things were pointless and stupid? Yeah, I think, okay, just get it in. They wanted to make that rule. If they go to

space, there should have been like, Gundam wings up there, like they could like rig into and then they have a fucking sweet some wing fight, just a fight. Don't just fly up and then fly back down to the exact same spot for no reason. That's weird. I will give them credit for this, the stupidest thing they could have like done right, but they did space correctly. There's no sound, which I thought was impressive. Like, okay, cool.

Out of all this dumb shit you decided to do, you got space right. Congratulations, I guess. It almost feels small. It definitely feels like they ran on a budget. Like I think they went to space and then they were like, we don't have the budget for space. Well, good news. We don't need a sound guy. So that's some savings right there. I feel like this was a real smug seventh grader move.

Technically, there would be no sound of space. Because there's no sound in a jarring way. Not like in Battlestar Galactica when the sound becomes very faint. It's just like someone hit the mute button. There's no music. It's just like, oh, this sounds like a mistake. But you can tell someone's like, no, no, actually, actually. So I like this. His tank mode is great. So yeah, tank mode is him just sitting cross-legged style, but he has little tank trends on his hamstrings.

So he's just a little upright sitting tank now. He's just rolling around. And Alexander is completely perplexed by this. He can't land a shot. Little tank boy is just zigzagging every one of his moves and he's shooting him in the dick. It brings up an important point, though. I want to talk about that because why

do they fight as men when they could be birds or tanks? Yeah, exactly. You know, rules, I guess. Like, I don't know. There was no. All right. Now is the the the long range portion of the fight is over. Now time for space. Like it's they were all geared up to go to space, but like they didn't seem to be a space segment of the fight. So yeah, man shaped is is not a good shape for the robots.

They fall over too much. You're right. They should be just big tanks. I did just realize that the big man tank walked over to the tank and the tank tank and just grabbed it and threw it over on its side. So maybe that's why. He's so frustrated with the long-range attempts. He can't hit him with his guns and he's flipping out.

He can't stand this. He's like, this little tank is unbelievable. I can't believe he could do this. And he shoot him in the dick. And then so he's just like, I only got one move left. I'm just going to reach down. I'm just going to tip him over. Like that's it.

And it works. Achilles is completely fucked. He's like, oh, I tried. That's all I had. I think he's done after that point. The dick saw comes out, right? Is that when the dick saw comes out? Yeah. And then that goes into the cockpit

and Achilles just jumps out of his robot. Alexander's like, you've lost Achilles. And he has. He's just dodging foot stomps at this point. You have no robot. Like, that's it. That's the end of the robot fight. He does grab a foot on the way up. You're like, oh, cool. He's going to like climb into the guy's robot. But no, Achilles can't do a pull up.

So he drops down and he starts doing the most adorable, like flag football, fucking juke maneuvers. Like just to. He's like trying to talk bullets. So he just he's trying to get to this. The old robot hand, the arm that got cut off. And he's going to obviously rocket punch it. But to get to it, he has to run.

And he just decides to jump face first into the ground, halfway there, is like, oh, this is the perfect way to get there faster. He can't shoot me if I'm laying down. That's always a good video game thing, too. Like, if you're just laying down, you're invincible. No one can shoot you. Totally invincible.

Yeah. That fist on the ground was the giveaway that they landed in the exact same spot, too. I was like, not sure. It was like, did they go into space, fly a little bit around the globe, and then just land perfectly back in the same spot? Or am I crazy? And then you see the fist and you're like, God damn it, this is the same fucking spot. That's Alexander's fist. Unless there's some other conveniently placed robot fist, discarded robot fist. I got distracted during this part of the movie

because it was, my husband came home from work. And so I like paused it. I'm in like the last 10 minutes. I explained the whole movie to my husband and then I tell him how I think it's going to end. Were you right? No. You're going to be shocked to hear that I was like devastating the world. I was like, well, the moral of the movie, I think, is that sometimes you just gotta kill people. Yeah, man. Because they had that one guy who was like, the fight's only over when somebody wins or whatever. They kept saying that over and over again.

The fight's only over when somebody wins. So I was like, I think the moral of this movie is you just gotta kill really bad people sometimes. Some bad people just, there's no- That sexy baby was wrong. Yeah. Yeah. Trust the philosophies of a tubie. Yeah. And then we turn it back on and then the actual ending happens. And I'm like, well, OK.

It's an incredible turn by almost unbelievable by Alexander, where he's just like, he's like, let's stop fighting. And he's like, you old son of a bitch, I'm in. You know, and they do their their crash and burn, you know. Yeah. Let's get there, because he does hot wire the arm and shoot the rocket punch. Boom, that robot's fucked.

This is Alexander's fist. So Achilles knows that he's a rocket punch guy. He's got a rocket punch in this thing. Yeah, he put all of his points into rocket punch. So his robot's dead. Alexander jumps out with a pipe. Achilles is better at karate. He beats him. And they're like, come on, it's over. They keep telling each other it's dead. Alexander jumps out with a pipe. Achilles is like better at karate. He beats him and they're like, come on, it's over. They keep telling each other it's over. Like, I don't know, man. You guys both,

it might be over for both of you guys. I really think you're coming home to a lot of criminal charges, a lot of disappointed countries and fans. You probably lost all your health insurance benefits. That arm is just broken from now on. You've done multiple war crimes. This is kind of a visual ending. So we might have to describe what's happening, but here's the finale of Robot Jocks. You can live through his pipe away Yes, if I kill you We can both live We are dead We're Robot Jocks

Appeals to his humanity. And then Alexander thinks about it. And then he does the appeal to humanity worked. And then, Lydia, would you like to describe how this movie ends? Yes. And then Achilles does a thumbs up. And then Alexander pauses and returns the thumbs up. And then they bump their fists together. End of movie.

End of movie. Crash and burn. That's the robot jock's call sign. They dumb up and they punch their thumbs ups together and that's it. I love his like, we are dead already. We are robot jocks. Like it's a vampire's curse. Like we are cursed.

It's the life of the robot jocks. I like the final line is we can live. And then Alexander goes, which is actually technically the last line of the movie. Yeah. I mean, it ends on a close up of two thumbs ups, like fist bumping, two thumbs up fist bumps. Who could have guessed that was going to happen?

Like, never in a million years. Yeah. That was like the promotion, the poster for Rocky IV. Like, that was just like an image we lived with in the 80s of like East and West like punching together to unite. That, it had like, it had the stink of like, East and West like punching together to unite. Kite That had like, had the stink of like, a Return of the King ending where they're all just kind of laughing. And you're just like, what is happening here? This is weird. Does no one else think this is weird?

Dave I could have gone for 40 more minutes of fist bumps. Kandalf Thumbs up fist bump. Yeah. All right, get on a boat. This is the fist bump. So you better bring that fist bump. There's so much that's left unresolved. Like, how can it just it's like, yeah, these two men have finally settled this personal disagreement that was sort of between them, but was also between like, the two continents that make up the world now. I picture a meeting that's like, okay, this robot thing, one man should not have that much power. So I propose a lot of men and you have your own group of a lot of men. So the power is dispersed through armies. Just reinvent war. That's what I'm getting at. Try to picture this. Osama bin Laden

is on a plane and one of the passengers gets up and fistfights Osama bin Laden is on a plane and one of the passengers gets up and fist fights Osama bin Laden and takes control of the cockpit. Still does 9-11, still flies right into that building. But then the two of them survive and then they do a handshake, cut to credits. I like the style, kid. Like who the fuck owns Alaska? We never said that. I think America gets it. Like who the fuck owns Alaska? We never said that. I think America gets it.

I think the Confederacy forfeited it when Alexander broke the rules somehow doing the same shit he always does, which was fine up until this moment. He did kill the refs too. He did murder the refs. Does that invalidate their decision? It probably does. The next ref is probably like, look, those guys made a ruling, but then they exploded. So like by the bylaws state, if you exploded in one minute of Alaska is still uncontested. The only thing I could really say, you know, there's it's relevant. There's a Mike Tyson fight tonight. There was a documentary Mike Tyson did. He interviewed

a Vanderholle field and they're both like, they had a contentious period, you know, because Mike Tyson did try to bite his entire ear off, but they both realized that like we're boxers, we're not on a team. We're just alone out there. No, you know, like we have no one to support each other. Like the only person that I have anything in common with is the guy on the other side of the ring. We should be friends. And like, so that's the only if I'm really stretching it. But this Mike Tyson documentary came out like decades after Robot Shocks. So I don't know that they called that.

I don't think they didn't learn the lessons from Robot Shocks. It's fucking I think they did, actually. I think Mike Tyson embraced the we can live of Robot Shocks and squashed that. A Vander Allafield be I normally don't speak to women unless I'm fornicating with them. My favorite. I do. He said that to a female reporter That was not a robot jocks joke. You didn't twist it to make sense in our in the context of what we're doing He said that

Yeah, wild. I do it the old-fashioned way I never fucked to be That I made up, that was fake, that was a robot jock's... Feel that sexy baby with my sperm! I never fucked tubies. Frankfurt Podcast? Correct! Yeah! The craft is not trapped, it's not empty! Send it to the dog zoo for an hour! Come on, you know the number! 1-900 1-900-FREITFURTH 1-900-LUJEN

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