The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 205, GARBAGE PAIL KIDS with Tom Reimann

Episode Date: December 11, 2024

Seanbaby & Jamie Kelly welcome back special guest, Tom Reimann to the DOGGZZONE to do a little dumpster diving! Oh what treasures were found! Widely regarded as one of the most infamous bad movies ever to be put to celuloid, GARBAGE PAIL KIDS the MOVIE will hurt you. Never fear as the DOGGZZONE gang are here on their ATVs of hilarity to help salve the pain. Get your snot rags ready, things are about to get gross!

1-900-HOT-DAUGHT 1-900-HOT-DAUGHT Our podcast slams with maximum hype Say hot dog podcast, word Yeah When you taste that nitrate power You're in the dog zone for an hour Come on

You know the number 1-900 1-900-HOT-DAUGHT Welcome to the Dog Zone 9000, the official podcast of 1-900-HOT-DOG, America's last comedy website. Go to 1-900-HOT-DOG.COM and join us back in 2004 where you can rediscover the joys of laughter. Be sure to join our Patreon at Patreon.com slash 1-900-HOT-DOG to support the last of the internet's comedy writers. They are starving. I'm your host Jamie Kelly and with me as always for the first time ever

is the man who has fatally suplexed more ninjas than you have memories in your skull. It's Sean Baby. What a beautiful intro and it's true. I have left a trail of ninja destruction. Since the day I turned 12, it has been following me and has not slowed down. You already plugged my thing, so I'm good. Murder for hire, Sean Baby. Hire me for any ninja murder you need. Has the mayor's daughter been kidnapped? I'm your man, Sean Baby, from the internet.

He is an A-Team, yes. He is a bad enough dude to save the president from nin internet. He is an A-Team, yes. He is a bad enough dude to save the president from ninjas. That voice you're hearing, that is the super sexy, always illustrious, Tom Reimann. Oh hi, that was a delightful and unexpected intro. Thank you. Tom, you're friend of the show. Everybody knows you. Our podcast, your podcast, we all run the same circle. So everybody's, we're in familiar territory with everybody here. So would you go ahead and plug your Tom Ryman things? Absolutely. Gamefly Unemployed, go to patreon.com slash Gamefly Unemployed. That's the podcast

and streaming network I co-founded with David Bell. We do fun stuff there. Check that out. And oh, check out our new show, Battical, wherever you consume podcasts. It's its own thing. So you have to follow it on your own and like and subscribe. I just listened to Brock Wade's appearance on there. He really, he steamrolled the whole show. Dude, dude.

Okay. So he did not stop talking. He was so good. He really, he steamrolled the whole show. Dude, dude, okay, so. He did not stop talking. A little fourth wall breaking. So I edit the Baticals, and that was one of my favorite things to edit. I was laughing the whole way through, and as soon as I got done with it, I rendered it out and just drove around in the car

and listened to it immediately. I loved it. Everybody go listen to in the car and listened to it immediately. I loved it. Everybody go listen to Batical. Aw, thank you. I think Batical is one of my favorite ideas for a podcast, like ever. It's really cool. Oh, thanks, man.

Thanks. I'm super excited to do your episode. I'm doing your episode right now, so. Oh, shit. I have to follow up Rockwaves. I'm excited for that one. My character was not even a tenth as realized as his. I'm just like, cool, yeah, I can be there tomorrow.

I'll do some improv comedy. I'm trained for that. I'm super not. None of us are trained for it. It was incredibly bold for me to attempt this, actually. All right, so guys, we are, I'm just going to apologize right off the bat. We're doing Garbage Pail Kids, the bat. We're doing garbage pail kids the movie

1987's garbage pail kids the movie and on paper because I came up with this idea about a month and a half ago on paper it seemed like a really sweet idea and then I Watched the movie again for the first time since 1987 I saw this in the theaters as a kid. I didn't realize the punishment that I was going to be putting us through. I mean, I love bad movies, but- I do not believe this was in a movie theater. It's unreal how bad this movie is. I'm going to have some notes about where it went wrong,

but it's not like wrong like, oh, this person's a bad actor or this line was stupid. It's like, no, something fucking went terribly wrong at least once during the production of this movie. There's like a rot that runs through this movie. There is. This is a children's movie for children you have given up on. Yeah. It's a parody of a genre that doesn't exist, made accidentally very sincerely.

The word that just kept pumping in my brain as I was watching this thing was inexplicable, top to bottom, in front, right, behind the camera, in the universe of the movie, every decision is inexplicable. I was just, yeah, every decision is fascinating. Just entirely fascinating. It is the picture perfect ideal of what it is to have what a bad movie is. It's the most felonious I've felt watching a movie

in a long time. Yes, it's fucking lawless. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like not just criminally, but like what are the rules of their universe? It's the seno bite of films.

I knew it was going to be bad when I saw a Topps chewing gum production. I thought I've never seen that before. There's going to be a substantial percentage of listeners who are not going to know what this even is. Oh yeah, let's explain. I guess we should explain this was a trading card line in the 80s. I think let's go back just one more because there was Cabbage Patch dolls and that was like this phenomenon.

Like everyone wanted a Cabbage Patch doll and they had like unique personalities of each thing. That was their bit. And then Garbage Pail Kids came along and there was a satire of that. So instead of a cute kid who liked skateboarding, it would be like, I shoot diarrhea into the sky and he'd be like, diarrhea spout Danny or something. Right. They're really subversive. All three of us, we're on the, just on the downslope of life. We're five to seven years. So we we we all

grew up. Listen, we're on our way out. We're we're all tops here. We're we're all we're all tops talking tops chewing gum. Um um um piss running down a freak alien kid's leg. These the trading cards uh very subversive. They were super fun but I imagine we all have a history with these things, right, like who did y'all? I was forbidden from watching this movie or getting the trading cards.

Yeah, my mom was really against how foul these fucking things were, but it's very Mars attacks. Mars attacks was rad. Yeah, but like also designed to upset parents, very much like these for her but in a different way like Mars attacks were like really violent and Mars attacks like came to play. Yeah, this is all like boogers and farts. Yeah, these are gross Yeah, really gross, but they were banned at my school. I had no interest in them

So yeah, I didn't I didn't have much of a connection with these at all. Oh, you didn't. Okay. So I was a young child of divorce in the 80s, which meant I was like just free range kid. And so I was like toys, cards, whatever it was, I was given anything I want to kind of like smooth over the drama. Right? So I had full access to Garbage Pail Kids, whoever had custody of me at the time, we like go take, we'd go up to the 7-Eleven, and I could just get Garbage Pail Kids. Anything that silenced me, right? So I remember collecting from the ages of like six to maybe ten-ish years old. I had like series like two through eight.

Damn. Wow, they made that many series? Oh, dude. No, they stopped making them in like 2013. Wow. What? Really? Yeah.

Yeah. Absolutely. That went that long? Holy cow. I had no idea. The fact that this movie did not kill the franchise is pretty impressive. This is a repellent movie.

Yeah. This is one of the most unpleasant movies I've ever watched and I've seen kids, I've seen Henry, a portrait of a serial killer. This rivals Harmony Kareen's movie. Yes, it does. Yeah, should we talk a little bit about some behind the scenes of the movie, like how it even came to be or should we just dive right into it? I mean, I didn't look anything up.

So if you guys, I'm delighted to hear anything about this movie. Okay. Well, it's kind of, there's not a whole lot there as you can tell by like just looking at the movie. Uh, so the director of the movie is a guy named Rom, I'm sorry, Rod Amato Amato. He was kind of a journeyman's director from like the 40s all the way up to the 80s just kind of a I saw he did seven episodes of Dukes of Hazard. I was like, okay, exactly. So they got top of the line, top of the line director

for this. Right somewhere around 1986 1986, 1987-ish, he needed to do a project, I guess, to keep his union card. He had some money in his pocket and he approached TOPS to license the Garbage Pail Kids to make a movie out of because he felt that, I guess, they were a relevant thing to make a movie out of. And he thought that if he could make a quote unquote kids movie, what that it would be easy money and he could like make sequels and stuff. So he approached tops. They gave him licensing. He had like a million dollar budget, like almost exactly a million dollars. And about a month for all the preparation and, uh, well not, no, I think it was like 60 days, bought

the got the licensing, wrote a script two weeks later, and then had like, I think two or three months for all the pre production and then it was go time. Honestly, that is 13 more days than I thought someone spent on this script. Yeah, right. Every bit of that shows up on screen. Yes, the chaos of that shows up on screen. Yes. The chaos of that is definitely there. A million dollars, I actually would have guessed higher.

It looks like a more expensive movie than that sometimes. It does, just because of lighting. But what they saved on was they shot in two locations. They shot in an alleyway in Van Nuys. They just kept redressing whatever little empty shitty shops were on that tiny little corner of that back lot in Van Nuys. I think they also had a location shoot, probably I imagine like Griffith Park, but that was basically it. So they saved there, they saved on, there's no nobody stars in this film. They got Valerie Vomit. I mean, there's an Aston.

They got an Aston. Yeah, they did. They did get an Aston. That's probably one of the only interesting stories is the our protagonist is a character named Dodger and he's played by Mackenzie Aston, son of, uh, was it John Aston? John, John Aston. Brother to the other Ain brother sean astin sean

astin's brother he was a goony yeah and a hobbit everyone knows but i guess oh mckenzie or astin liked the idea of the garbage pail kids um vied for the script got the script really want to take the movie got the role and then john astin looked at the script and did everything in his power to try to get his kid not to be in the movie. Smart. Yeah, smart. Good dad, too. Well, but it didn't take. Obviously. Mackenzie Aston at the time was 14 years old, so I guess his rebellion won out and he did the movie anyway.

To large regret after its opening. Yeah, and it's not just like, hey, this will be bad for your career. It's like, no, no, there's a lot of sex crimes being committed against children. Yeah. Being played by you in this film. Yeah. I don't want to spoil anything. It's a real weird movie that way.

Yeah, it is. There's a lot of casual sex crimes. Yeah. There are. Some of which are committed by puppets. That does soften it, I admit. If a space puppet rips your bra off, I'll allow it. That's true.

I'm just fucking, yeah. If he fingers you in a fucking Roger Rabbit safe. Everybody in this movie is after this little fun boy. This weird little twink. Let's do a roll call of the, we got, I mentioned Valerie Vomit. In her card, the credits are the actual cards. Maybe not the actual cards, but mock cards of them. She's puking into a saucepan while she's cooking it.

It's almost accidentally art. It's like, oh, is this the cycle of consumption? No, no, no. It's really gross. Wendy Winston, he's on a stage. It's like something that the fucking John Doe would have had in his notebook in seven. Also about Valerie Vomit, the most disturbing animatronic I've ever seen. I think this is the most disturbing of all the Garbage Pail kids. Oh, they're hideous. They're all hideous.

They're just a horror show. But if we're going to do a roll call of the, I guess, seven garbage pail kids that are in this movie, one of the first ones you're introduced to is, I just, I forget his name. It's Eric Estrada. Oh, Greaser Greig? Yeah.

Greaser Greig, yeah. Which is just a baby with a knife? Yeah. Just a 50s baby. He has the powers of Andrew Dice Clay. Number two is Messy Tessie. I couldn't look at Messy Tessie because they got this whole snot thing going on and I had body horror issues. I had to look away every time that fucking thing was on the screen. Well, you're missing a lot of great physical comedy because she put snot on like 11 different things.

Yeah. You wouldn't believe how many things she puts snot on like 11 different things. Yeah, you wouldn't believe how many things she puts snot on. All the things, the entire movie is just covered in snot. Everything, yeah. The third in line is Wendy Winston, Wendy as in W-I-N-D Wendy Winston. So just guess what that's all about. What's the special power there? I don't like Wendy Winston because he looked like a white doll in blackface. Oh, yeah, he did.

Right, even though the trading card character is supposed to be black, it is a black character. It's kind of a chubby checker. This homunculus that they made for this film. Yeah, it's like a farting chubby checker. He's on stage on the card, like he does a stage performance of farting is apparently his backstory.

The fourth is foul Phil a baby whose special power is orphan It's just a non He stinks to their credit. He does have stink powers. It's a it's a bad breath monster. Is that what it is? Yeah, he's a bad breath ugly baby. Yeah, that's it. They all look like death row serial killers They all have they all have John Wayne Gacy face It's like if if the Ghostbusters like

If the Ghostbusters fought abortions, like this would be a first draft. That's exactly it. Oh shit. The fifth one we got is what is it Nat Nerd? Yeah, Nat Nerd. Oh my god. I hated him so much. He's just all pimple. Man, he's a pubescent piss monster and he stretches the boundaries. These are garbage pail kids. This if he's pubescent and has acne. He's like nine years old.

He's as tall as Dodger. Yeah. We spoke of Valerie Vomit, special power vomit. And then just, I don't, I couldn't make heads or tails of this. This was again inexplicable. Allie Gator, so you get the pun. Superpower is being, oh, in my notes I have, Magg is description of a liquor store robber. I also have, I don't know, the voice is problematic. He's a gator with the closed eyes and hair of a man. It's a weird one.

Yeah, but he speaks in a bonic slang. Yeah. He's like Peter Falk if he was a cannibal alligator. Okay, yeah, that's a really good description. You got Columbo out of it. A little, the voice. I just got racist out of it. Okay.

That's how dodgy the accents are in this right? Yeah, someone's going for Peter Falk or jazz from Transformers. Yeah Who apparently and I mean we'll get over this again But there's absolutely no reason to believe that he is the leader of the garbage pail kids But we find out that he comes out of nowhere the garbage pail kids, but we find out that he is. Right, that comes out of nowhere. Fucking nowhere. That floored me.

The alligator is? Yeah. I didn't even notice. They're kindly magician benefactors, like you're the leader of the group. I was like, fucking what? Okay, I don't even think we've started the movie yet, and I feel like we've already got everyone very confused.

Yeah, we're just doing roll call over the garbage pail kids themselves. And that was it. Those are the seven humunculi, these weird fucking golems. But let's let's go into the movie. We'll start at the top. Bam. Right on the screen. Tops bubblegum productions.

Is that what it is? Yeah, something like that. It's like a tops trading. Yeah. Tops chewing gum production. Again, inexplicable. So you're real darn fartons there. We are in space and we see a garbage pail with thrusters kind of hovering over earth and a big space field. And this is like,

this is a perfect opening, right? It's the only kind of quasi explanation that we get as to where these... And this, I feel like this is never referenced again. Like does anyone ever mention that they're from space? No, I was gonna say that... The trash can is their spaceship? If you're saying, hey, a bunch of weird aliens crashed on earth, I'm like, cool, that's the movie.

But no, that this is unrelated to film, I think. I think this is a different production company made the credits and they're like, well, obviously they're going to be from space. So they just did this space thing. Well, I have an idea as to why, again, this is as inexplicable as it is. The production was shut halfway through. The whole movie was using non-union labor and they were caught and they had to shut down production. So there was probably, this might have been a lot more fleshed out. Okay, yeah, that's true. This movie feels like it was just using what they shot. That does explain some of the things that I had questions about.

The Garbage Pail Kids little spaceship, trash pail, kind of fucks off out of the way of the screen and we just see the earth and then the earth fades out because I guess the editor thought well we got a fade to the rest of the movie But they just removed the earth so we're still in space so that doesn't make sense. I feel like this could be art I feel like It says do away with what you know of Earth. We're entering a whole new realm of lawless sex crimes and puppets. Someone was bearing their soul here.

We fade into the movie proper and it starts, we open on like a Curio shop, an antique shop, and it's nighttime and there's rustling within the store and the garbage pail kids, apparently they escape from their pail. They kind of get the late night zoomies. The person in charge of the store, a character named Captain Manzikki, we see that he's like, his eyes are spying through a painting, watching the goings on in this store as the

garbage pail kids kind of run amok. Is that what that was? Yeah. So I see what the way I interpret it is that we were just in sort of a magical place where all the items were alive. That's what I thought too, but I had to watch it two or three times to my peril. Whenever you hear this, like, you don't see the guy,

you just hear his voice going, what's going on down there? Kind of shit. It's always when the eyes in the painting. So it's like he has a spy a spy window into a shop through the pain Is what I got from it as all this nonsense and chaos is going on The first we have a clip of this is a clip one Sean if you would let me let me hit just a weird fucking line If I catch anybody up here, I'll be very surprised. What the fuck does that mean? I don't know, man. I had that in my notes too. I'll be very

surprised. What? I guess he doesn't expect there to be space puppets running around. He'll be like, if there's space puppets running around. I have a lot of questions about this magician in general. Yes. That's like the weird intro into, I guess, the chaos that the Garbage Pail Kids is. We get a flavor of their nonsense. Then we cut to what is like scene one, completely different. It's daylight, we're out in the park and our protagonist, Dodger, is being chased down by a bunch of grown men in the park. Just adult men.

Yeah, it's weird. Yeah, a bunch of gang-style cronies. And it's to get his little boy money. They're like, give us your 75 cents or whatever a child has on him in 1987. This movie is the quintessential 80s Casioio demo soundtrack. So that's the first like that's the music that's playing in the background is just like Casio demo number two. The lead gang member kind of shows up out of nowhere like just appears from behind like a pillar or something. His name is Juice. Yeah. Juice. Tommy, you want to

try to describe Juice? I had written down that he looks like Rob Marsden. The cross between Rob Lowe and James Marsden. Okay. Right. In my notes, Juice appears to be looking like every bit a lost boy. He's like a hunky lost boy, for sure. I have written down that his gang looks like final fight thugs. Yes. Absolutely.

For sure. Poison is 100% one of those ladies. Yeah. Right. They got a poison. And then like a skinny guy that definitely has a knife. Absolutely. For sure. Poison is 100% in one of those ladies, yeah. Right. They got a poison, and then like a skinny guy that definitely has a knife. Yeah. So Juice shakes down Dodger,

which I never thought I'd say those words altogether like that. They want his, I guess money. They want money from him. They're trying to shake him down. Yeah, they robbed him. Yeah, want this little boy money. Right, Juice holds him upside down,

or his gang members hold him upside down. They throw him in some water. They find some money in his back pocket. And I think that money was meant to be spent on magic supplies for Dodger's boss, who's the guy that runs the antique shop. Right, that makes sense. And they show people watching.

It's like, so- Oh yeah. This is a world where there's just like no law, even magic law. Like you would think a sorcerer would be like, did you just rob my guy going to buy me my magic supplies? Like, he doesn't care. You can just do whatever you want in this world, is the point, and they really established that early.

Two girls are there. They're like gang member groupies. One of them is a main character, a girl that goes by the name of Tangerine, and her like little crony whose name escapes me. But they are just loving that Juice and the gang are essentially murdering this kid for pocket money. Right.

It's like a substantial part of his income that he depends on. He depends on this money that he takes from this 14 year old. Right. I think what surprised me is that he goes back to the wizard and the wizard is using actual magic to turn on washing machines. So I'm like, oh, so he's like an actual sorcerer. Right. He has real magic.

He gave the kid a daishiki to wear and the kid's like, oh yeah, because he's all muddy. So he's like, oh, you need some new clothes. Here's a fucking daishiki and the kid wears it. I thought that's just not quite a hate crime. In 1987, I think you'd get away with it. But now you now you're like really making a bold choice if you if you take the little white boy and put him in an African daishi. Yeah. So after after our guy gets beat up, he winds back up at the antique shop where he's he works there. He's been working there for like two months for this this old Captain Manzikhi person who is a magician. We see their first interactions

like Captain is flirting hard with this little 14 year old boy. He sees that Dodger's been beat up. He says, who did this to you? Dodger says some guys and he's immediately like touching the boys face and like the gentlest sweetest. I mean he wants to fuck him, right? This guy wants to fuck. I did not have that in my notes, but yeah. I have written down that there's a lot of obvious jokes we could make about the elderly magician befriending the 10-year-old boy who comes and cleans up his simple little boy body of mud in the middle of the night.

But this is just a wholesome relationship between a man and a boy. Yeah, I got a little distracted with the Daishiki, but I did notice that there was a strange energy. This is all just kind of set up to where we're introduced to the promise of the garbage pail kids. Apparently Dodger kind of backs up into this just garbage pail that's sitting in the middle of the store.

Captain warns him against accidentally knocking over this thing and gives him a kind of parable about Pandora's box as he puts the garbage pail away out of like tripping distance. I would argue that like a garbage pail filled with seven disgusting baby monsters is not the same thing as Pandora's Box. You unleash the garbage pail kids and a couple of rooms get trashed. He keeps describing it like all the world's evil is contained in this garbage pail and you need to... They also conspicuously keep saying pail instead of can.

Nobody on the planet Earth calls it a garbage pail. But yeah, he keeps saying it's all like, you can't open this pail because it'll damn the world or whatever, but when the garbage pail kids get out, it becomes a totally different movie about friendship. Kind of. About accepting the other. Right, and about how like the garbage pail kids are good, benevolent beings and we need

to protect them. It's such a weird movie. They're not, but spoiler alert, they're absolutely not. So Dodger is fucking around in the store. He's been warned about the garbage pail kids or about, don't know some entity that's contained within the pail sure He's fuck around the shop and our lady I guess our second main protagonist Tangerine is window shopping Dodger and her have eye contact

He apparently like it's he has a super crush on this lady. He like begs her into the store She's not impressed with this kid at all He's just showing her stupid shit. He's like look look buttons. Look at our shiny Nothing's beads right like be right like she's a hamster It's super lame. You see what they're going for apparently he gets close enough to her to weirdly sniff her hair apparently he gets close enough to her to weirdly sniff her hair. Oh, I definitely have that. Oh, man. Yeah, I have that written down.

Like this, he leans in and smells her hair, and then this sweet music starts playing. Yeah, I did not agree. And then like Tangerine, yeah. And then Tangerine looks at him like, oh, you little scamp. Yeah. Right. It's like, this is a joke that the movie is making,

and it's the creepiest thing he could have possibly done. It's how you would sniff someone's hair like in a stage production. Like he's like it was right. The full body language of hair sniffing for the back row. Oh, yeah, he came in his pants. Yeah, that's 100% what happened. Right at the height of Dodger's flirtation, who happens by the store but our buddy Juice and the gang,

he ducks into the store and immediately needs to murder Dodger because that's his favorite pastime, I suppose. Because hell yeah. Yeah, a fight ensues, there's a lot of scrambling and chaos within the store. It doesn't make any sense. I don't know why this guy wants to kill, it doesn't make any sense. This fight is super weird. guy wants to kill. It doesn't make any sense.

This fight is super weird. Yeah. It turns real Looney Tunes. The kid in the middle of it dodging, he grabs a basketball. He does a catwoman basketball thing and that somehow is his fighting style. And then the big girl tries to kick him. Yeah, he trips me on a skateboard. It's very like Marty McFly, but missing. Someone saw Back to the Future and like, oh, let's do a fight scene sort of like that. Like he's kind of scrappy and athletic and he's going to escape on a skateboard. It's like Marty McFly, but it feels diseased a little bit.

Yeah, right. It's like a slapstick bit in the middle of illegal pornography. I don't know how else to describe it. It just feels like vaguely cursed. Yep. Like. Juice ha ha. Juice raises the stakes, because he doesn't just

want to pummel him within his store, which would be embarrassing enough. But they pull Dodger out of the store, and for, again, inexplicably, they drag him down into the fucking sewer. They drag him down into the sewer through a little manhole that's just outside the store. And they decide that that's the best way to kill this kid, because they beat the shit out of him once he's down the sewer through a little manhole that's just outside the store and they decide that that's the best way to kill this kid because they beat the shit out of them once he's down the sewer.

The whole gang follows down. They freaking do. It's incredible. I like there's a line he says, why don't you just leave me alone? And then they like kick him almost to death and just- They just beat him more savagely after that. Loosen his sewage valve to just cover him in filth. They're just, we'll let the feces of the city finish you off.

Yep. It's like in his eyes and mouth. He has turds on him. He has turds on his face. Shunks. It's brutal. They leave him down there to fester, to just- Beat him within an inch of his life

and then open the city's shit vein on him. What did you do, Dodger? Also contained in this scene in this short little tiny little sewer set, there's pipes in the background and they're all labeled with things that will come off as some sort of, I guess it's meant to be a payoff later. Yeah, it's Chekhov's shit pipe. Right. They're all labeled with like weird little like where the pipes go. One says hot tub, one's pointing to the city zoo. One says it's labeled and the direction of the pipe is going to primetime TV. Yeah. Oh, that's biting commentary. Yeah, it's very biting commentary. Anyway, this is the ametus that gets us to actually meeting the Garbage Pail kids.

Yeah, so they secret him away. They scurry down and grab the kid. Here's where you're like, they're going to incorporate all their gross baby powers into the plot. They're going to use vomit to do stuff. It doesn't happen very often, but they do use it here because the farting one farts him awake. They're like, here's how we incorporate their special abilities.

Now, he's unconscious. They drag him up out of the sewer and back into the antique shop. They're all kind of gathered. They put him in a chair. They're all gathered around him, just like administering first aid. He's just coming to. He wakes up and instead of screaming in abject horror at the visages that are surrounding him, he just kind of goes, who are you guys?

I think he says what, he goes, what are you? And then they find it very offensive. That's like, yeah, and fair enough, I guess. But they seem to know they're disgusting space babies. They live in a garbage can. Yeah, how could they not? They immediately dispersed throughout the shop now that he's come to and he immediately starts chasing him around and trying to like quell the chaos that's ensuing. So it's just, again, I felt so assaulted by what I was looking at because nothing makes any fucking sense. Captain Manzini arrives.

He has a habit of just appearing out of nowhere for scenes. Well, he's a wizard who spies on people through paintings, which was... Yeah. You're the one who told me about that I didn't know about that. The first thing is is disappointed that the garbage pail kids have been released How did they get released by the way? Did they just oh they tipped over in the fight in the store They were in the fight. Yeah, okay ball fight. That's right. They were held This is gonna sound stupid if you're listening

But there's like a diving helmet and he just put the diving helmet on top of the pail and as long as that diving helmet's there, then they can't get out but somebody knocked that over. That was enough. That was enough. It's so fucking weird. I thought they were like a military unit because he comes in, he's like makes some standard attention and they respond to him like they're soldiers, but I guess they're sorcery slaves because he's not like a military commander.

The nerd pieces pants. The captain's immediate concern is to get these things back into their pail and says that he needs like a magic incantation or something. He needs to play the right song on his Casio Harpsichord in order to send them back into their garbage pail. And I think they don't want to go back. Yeah. And so like, again, like, I guess he's the bad guy, Captain Mancini, but he but in the script, he's not supposed to be. In a normal movie, this is Bilo, and they all kind of do their special abilities.

Like, ah, my ability is I can puke and blah, blah, blah. The only one who really does anything is the nerd who pees, and then the alligator's like, oh, right, I'm an alligator monster. I eat eyeballs, like raw eyeballs from a lunchbox. That's my thing. Yeah, and he actually has raw eyeballs. Yeah, he's just got a box full of eyeballs.

Yeah, just eyeballs, fingers, toes. Yeah, he's just got a box full of eyeballs. Yep, just eyeballs fingers toes He's just so fucking weird a horrible little monster. Anyway, the old man gives the little boy a bath, right? He just has a claw bath in the middle of his shop. They all watch All of them watch this boy bait. Yeah alligator about to turn the movie into an illegal fetish film He's going right after the little boy's feet. Right. And we're tap dancing on that razor's edge already. Yeah. In a sane world, this would be an illegal fetish film.

And the fucking puppets, they're not good puppets, so they can't really make human faces. They look so terrible. But the operator of these puppets tries to make it look like these puppets are very aroused. They're like, ooh, this kid's getting out of the tub. So he like carefully covers himself with a towel as he gets out. So they don't get a good shot out of it. Right.

But the old man magician is there too. Yep. Oh yeah. It's not like we're reading into something. It's like, no, they intentionally, it's an erotically charged scene of a underage boy getting a bath. They didn't have to do that.

Nope. They could have made one puppet a pervert, but no, they're like, everybody in this room is complicit in the perversion. Cause you know, you're like, ha ha, that puppet's a pedophile. How hilarious, right? I don't like seven pedophile puppets.

That's where I draw the line. That's too many pedophiles. There shouldn't be seven pedophiles in your children's movie. One is too many. Right. There's a reason there's like a thousand articles written about child catcher.

We shouldn't have pedophiles in children's movie. There's a line here just to show how coherent the theme is. They say, we cannot choose the way we look, but we can choose the way we behave. And the response to this was the farting puppet, really, really farting. Just to let you know what we're dealing with the captain being satisfied with his boylust After the kid dries off He says if they won't go back to the pale because apparently he has to find just the right incantations to do it

They got to at least stay away from the quote-unquote normies, right? So everybody hang out and chill just stay away from the quote-unquote normies. Right. So everybody hang out and chill. Just stay away from folks. And then the captain proceeds to drop what I think is supposed to be the moral of the story. And he's really shitty about it. And that's where Clip 2 comes in. Since you won't go back into the pale,

you must at least promise me that you will stay away from the normies. What are normies? Normies? They're normal people. We got to hide from them. They hate us. Yeah, they think we're ugly.

Ugliness is not in a mirror. Ugliness is cruelty, meanness of spirit, greed. To be blessed with unusual features is an adventure. Yeah! Yeah! What a dick. Undercutting his own message. It's an adventure to have a fucked up snotty face. They take away the Daishiki, it's gone. They give the kid a rhinestone jean jacket.

Oh hell yeah. He looks like one of the Golden Girls on her way to a knife fight. I'm just reading what it says in my notes. Right. It cuts to next day, I suppose. Dodger runs into Tangerine. Tangerine apologizes for what was attempted murder back down in the sewer. She was there. She was a part of it. In my notes, it says Dodger pesters Tangerine as she's trying to leave.

She has to deliver clothes that she's made. This is a big part of Tangerine's whole deal. She has to deliver clothes that she's made. This is a big part of Tangerine's whole deal. She has to deliver clothes that she's made to clients at a dance club. So she's a seamstress, a fashionista of sorts. A startling amount of this Garbage Pail Kids movie is devoted to selling your homemade clothes to people at dance clubs. Yeah. Yeah.

You sell used clothes out of a duffel bag outside of a nightclub. What you do is normal people, they go to a nightclub, they wear whatever they had at work and then they wait for the salesperson to come out on the sidewalk and then they go get their nightclub clothes after they've already gone in the nightclub. This is weird. I feel like they could have given her a job that exists in reality without all this. They couldn't even bother to give her a name that exists in reality. No.

I feel like she looks like a tangerine. I feel like this is like if there was a, I don't know, like an Alabama prince, he would have a stable of- I was about to say, is she hanging out with the revolution? She's like a knockoff, knockoff prince girl. She's a Sheila E. You know what I'm trying to say. This is a weird scene. She's just counting like 8,000 ones. And then her street guy, her gang leader comes up and just like takes the whole thing. I guess it's a hundred percent.

Takes his pimp cut. It's a big pimp cut. Is this the one that Dodger rode with her too? Yeah. I wanted to talk about this part because like she pulls up to the shop and he comes out and she's like do you want to come with me? He's like, yeah, I do and he hops in the car And it's like she it's daytime And then it cuts and they're driving and it's the middle of the night. Yeah, they're still trying

I know I got the same thing. I said that eight hours past it is night My notes just say cut to whoops night. He just now asks what they'll be doing when they get to their destination. Tangerine explains her grift, sells clothes on the cheap, and says, you can help me sell clothes. Just don't be a putz about it. Don't take a lower cut.

They arrive at the dance club. The clubgoers flood around her convertible from inside the club and purchase her wares. Tangerine makes fives of dollars. So many dollars. She could buy two to three Happy Meals. When she takes off her shirt to sell it to one of the club goers for 12 bucks, Dodger sees the bra and shrinks away to hide his shame. Right. He recoils in terror.

Can't even deal with it. Right. Yeah. Is that his first with it. Right. Yeah. Is that his first boner? Right. Is it the first time it's happening? Does he not understand what's happening to his body? Is that why he's reacting this way?

For no reason, a background character, some chick says, Tangerine, you have a bad attitude. Propo of nothing, she must be held back from mauling Tangerine and is dragged off into the night. And this is where juice pulls up and takes his cut. Then tangerine leaves the club with juice and leaves Dodger stranded in a duffel bag because he's hiding away from juice about 225 miles away from home. Insane. They were in the car for a very long time.

So now the Monster Dolls they're out looking for food. They're on their own. And they decide to take it with knife crime. They're like, how are we going to find food? And the baby entered ice clay, pulls out a knife. It does. They steal. They split up and just like ransack the world.

One of them comes back with a Pepsi truck. Yeah, they steal a Pepsi delivery truck to Yeah, to eat some Pepsi. They're monsters They drive over a car. They are just horrible crime I remember juice's van and flatten it like cartoon style. Yeah, Warner Brothers style They swore them screams were the Pepsi generation which again, it's not a joke It's just in the 80s You would just scream things from commercials and it would have like sort of the tone of a joke, right? They have a cookout with their stolen food and I'm sure there's just such a

trail of destruction leading back to each food source. They eat so much to get a food hangover. So that's like this whole new system we need to deal with. The dolls know that tangerine's into fashion. So they're trying to help this little boy get late. That's now the main plot of the movie. That's what it is. They make him like a Michael Jackson concert blazer and he's like, I don't

know, I don't know about this shit. Right. It's like a military jacket. It has actual service ribbons on it. It's a Sergeant Pepper's jacket. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I zoomed in on it. This kid participated in the Air Force Liberation

of the Philippines while also being a member of the New Hampshire National Guard. So that's a pretty, kid's been all over the place. He doesn't like the idea of the jacket at first. Immediately changes his mind. It puts on the jacket. And then he starts jamming all the way down in ill-advised Boulevard in the idea of the jacket at first, immediately changes his mind and puts on the jacket. Then he starts jamming all the way down in ill-advised boulevard in the dead of night and he is wrapped like pervert candy.

Yeah. Then he passes Tangerine's window. He looks like a golden girl got a job at a goat rodeo. I'm just reading my notes again. I'm just reading my notes. He passes by Tangerine's window because Tangerine lives, I guess, immediately next door to the fucking antique shop. Tangerine goes nuts over Dodger's new threads.

Dodger says that he lies. He says that he made the jacket and Tangerine proposes to sell Dodger's wares. I do not like this. She says he looks maybe 16, implying that if he makes enough of these jackets, he's old enough to consent to sex. It's like the only way to take what she's implying that if he makes enough of these jackets, he's old enough to consent to sex. It's like the only way to take what she's implying here. Incredible. He is a little boy and she is an adult woman.

It's super unclear how old they want us to think Tangerine is. Right, but she's using all of her sexy wiles to convince him to make these clothes and it absolutely works, immediately works. He's super horny and he fucks off to go get the garbage pail kids to make some clothes. He needs 12 outfits in three days and they're like, that's impossible. And they're like, wait, wait, whisper, whisper, we can do it maybe.

So to be clear, the plot of this movie is a little boy is starting a sweatshop with gross crime monsters so he can get molested by a girl at a street game. That's the hero of our film. He turns his space friends into sweatshop workers. Yeah, he does. Just to be clear, they do actually go and break into a sweatshop. It says... Yeah, it literally says non-union sweatshop.

Yeah, these tiny expired hot dog ghouls are just busting into this. I wrote down some stuff in my notes here. I don't think I was making a lot of sense, but it felt like a sincere 80s kids movie as if they hadn't invented satire yet. It has the skeleton of a psycho Gorman or the FP, if you're familiar with those movies, but it left out 80% of what you need to make it a parody of what it's parodying. It feels like there were eight writers and one of them thought, oh, we should skewer the tropes of this type of film.

And the other seven thought, this is the easiest goddamn paycheck I'll ever have. The tone of this is so off and that it sometimes feels purposeful and it's trying to be silly. And other times it's just like, oh yeah, we just don't know how anything works in society or movies.

Those are the exact thoughts that I had. The Garbage Spill Kids leave Dodger on the fence about whether or not they're gonna make the clothes. They already actually decided that they are going to. They say, Dodger, you fuck off. We'll have your answer when you come back in the morning, but you gotta bring us breakfast. I don't, okay.

Uh, I guess this is demon law. Fucking immediately, fuck your face in the mouth, here's a song, and go to clip three. This happens now. Why should we do something nice? Let's quit now, that's my advice. We can do anything by working with each other. I ain't gonna work for free, tell me what's in this for me.

We can do anything by working with each other. Come on kids, take a shot, show them what we really got. We can do anything by working with each other. We can do anything by working with each other. Come on kids, take a shot, show them what we really got. We can do anything by working with each other. We can do anything by working with each other. We can do anything by working with each other.

Come on kids, take a shot, show them what we really got. We can do anything by working with each other. We can do anything by working with each other. Come on kids, take a shot, show them what we really got. We can do anything by working with each other. We can do anything by working with each other. Come on kids, take a shot, show them what we really got. We can do anything by working with each other. We can do anything by working with each other. We can do anything by working with each other. We can do anything by working with each other. We can do anything by working with each other. Come on, kids. Take a shot. Show them what we really got.

We can do anything by working with each other. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, can't stop now. We've got a job to do. And we are me and you We can do anything by working with each other Help a friend out of a mess

Put your friendship to the test We can do anything by working with each other La la la la la la la la la La la la la la la la la la We can't stop Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay But this is where you're absolutely right, Sean. This is a Care Bears song. Most of the writers thought this is the kind of movie we're making, but the lyrics would point that maybe it's a goof on this kind of thing. So it's not clear at all.

But it's super not. Yeah. Yeah, the whiplash of the fucking germ switchblade garbage tale kid going like, eh, we shouldn't, boy, yay. like, I'm a witch blade garbage to do the work but actually they completed the clothing that he requested overnight. Right. So Captain Mancini, I guess that's yeah, that's how you say that. He returns to the shop again, mysteriously, then immediately leaves to find magic sheet music designed to put the garbage pile kids back in their pail. pale. There's a bunch of terrifying cutaways to close-ups of these mechanized undead. The garbage pail kids find a TV for very important to them and then proceed to hide it from Dodger.

They all gather around it. Yeah, he's a taskmaster boss that's going to kill them if he finds them watching TV. Right. Dodger fucks off and- And he's doing all of this because he really, really wants to get laid. Right. Old messy Tessie decides that she knows how to fix a TV by rubbing snot on it, obviously. The TV blows up, they're all disappointed. I was impressed with them for having this not work.

Like, that's when I was like, wait a second, is this like a satire? Because in a gremlins, this would have worked. Yeah. Yeah. But no. Yeah. This. But no. Yeah. This movie hates you.

This movie's like, no, we know. We wrote the movie. We know that Snot does not fix TVs. That would be crazy. Yep. So this pisses them off. This raises their ire. They decide to get dressed in completely ineffectual disguises.

The Garbage Pail Kids make their way out to the night. I thought they were pretty good. They wore the trench coat like when Ben Grimm goes out in the public. Yeah, when Raphael goes to see a movie. Yeah, no, they look pretty good. That's fine. To me, that's shorthand for this monster is in disguise. I'm glad they know at least one rule of cinema. Right. In order to escape out to the night, they fucking have ATVs. The Garbage Pell kids have fucking ATVs. Again, no problem with that. That rules. The garbage-pilled kids have fucking ATVs. Again, no problem with that. That rules. Totally awesome.

They just fucking have them. Shut up. Why wouldn't they? They're magic creatures from space and they have a sorcerer leader. The fact that they don't have more stuff like ATVs is what's stupid. Oh, they actually do that bit where a homeless homeless person sees them and like throws his liquor away. Cause oh, what must be seeing? I'm like, oh Jesus. Then they go to a movie theater that's showing old Three Stooges episode.

I was showing the Three Stooges in the middle of the night. And the theater is inexplicably full. Every person in there is a pervert. Including first and foremost, the garbage pail kids. Especially the garbage pail kids. And whoever made this three stooges, this three stooges is, Curly chops off a dog's tail with a window

and then serves it to two men. Like two racial stereotypes. He's like, hey, racial stereotypes, you want a dog tail with your food? I'm like, what the fuck is this episode? Amazing. Yeah, and they linger on the episode too. It feels like they're padding. They're padding the movie because they got shut down halfway through.

But then they go to the toughest bar in the world. Yeah. A couple of them break off from the crowd. It's Alligator and Wendy Winston or whatever his name is. They fuck off to a bar to have a, they're trying to go for a fucking Pee-Wee's Big Adventure fish out of water bar scene. Did you spot the bouncer in this, Tom? I didn't. It's a Judo Gene LaBelle was the main bouncer at this bar. Oh shit.

Okay. The great Judo Gene LaBelle. Who's that? He allegedly choked Seagal until he shit his pants. Yep. Oh, okay. Trained Rhonda Rousey. He's a very famous tough guy.

Ah, gotcha. But yeah, so Alligator goes in and he's there to eat feet, or maybe ass, he checks out an ass too, but then he like fucking straight up eats a biker foot. And Gino G like... Can we talk about what this biker is wearing? Please. I have it all written down.

He is wearing a bandana around his head and another bandana around his neck, a second bandana. He has a long long knotted ponytail, like he's in a commercial about cleaning up the environment. He's wearing a sleeveless t-shirt that is a tuxedo shirt. It is a sleeveless tuxedo t-shirt, a brown vest, a pinky skull ring, John Lennon sunglasses, and open toe Roman sandals.

It's the best. And he has velociraptor toenails. sunglasses and open toe Roman sandals. And he has velociraptor toenails. He has the grossest feet. They were not camera ready. I cannot think of a less appealing foot to eat than this one. An alligator just fucking creeps up on him and eats his foot. Right for it. Right for it. Bad. It was a bad plan. He notices that something has eaten his foot and everyone in the bar pulls the knife on

him and so Wendy Winston, you're like, oh no, Alligator's going to die as if we give a shit. Then Wendy Winston jumps through the window with an ATV and just starts fucking people up like little puppet kicks and knockout farts. And then one guy runs up and just stops the fight. He's like, guys, no, he's a good farter. We accept him. Drinks for everybody.

He's guessing good dude. Yeah, these little suckers got guts and now they're with me, a non-union stunt man. Everyone winds up happy. It's incredible. The movie finally found its legs. It is bonkers at this point. I'm like, whatever they're doing now, I winds up happy. It's incredible. The movie finally found its legs. It is bonkers at this point. I'm like, whatever they're doing now, I kind of get.

It will not last. But in this moment, I'm like, these guys are making fun of in a movie when someone just earns the respect of someone else in the middle of a fist fight. But I don't think they are. I don't think it was intentional. The fight scene is like super cut for time,

is what it feels like. Right. Back in the theater, the snotty one is just sneezing popcorn all over the entire crowd. Eventually they leave. These puppets have been sexually harassing the other people in the theater, touching them and breathing on them, whispering in their ears. Yeah. The baby kisses a lady on the mouth and then asks, are you my mommy? Yeah. So it's all kinds of Freudian

sexual harassment. It's really disturbing. It's worst case scenario. If you're watching a movie and a space monster comes up that stinks of like farts and garlic and says, are you my mommy? And kiss you on the mouth. You're like, well, that's it. That's far worse than what I thought that was going to be. Listen, you get to explore a lot of darkness when you're locked inside a garbage pail. So the Garbage Pail Kids arrive back at the Antique Shop, dropped off by the biker bar bikers. They're drunks, they're disheveled, and troubles afoot because Juice and his gang are spying on the Garbage Pail Kids entering the Antique Shop.

Right. Why? We don't know. No, we have no fucking idea why. They just are. We'll barely find out why later. Captain Manzini pulls Alligator aside to reprimand him for sneaking the Garbage Pail Kids out amongst the normies.

Alligator, we find out, is the leader. As the natural leader of the children, you are setting a horrible example. Thanks. I'm that kind of guy. In the whole universe, there is only one place where you and the children, you are setting a horrible example. Thanks, I'm the kind of guy. In the whole universe, there is only one place where you and the children are safe, whether you like it or not, and that is in the garbage bin.

Now until I can find a spell that will get you back in there, you are all in grave danger. We can take care of ourselves. Maybe so. Nevertheless, I want you to swear on a solemn oath that you will stay out of trouble. Now, say after me. I, state your name. I, Alligator. Do solemnly swear. Do solemnly swear. To obey Captain Manzini. To obey Captain Manzini. And refrain Refrain from eating people's toes

And to refrain from eating people's toes right now don't you feel better Chuck and Jill went up the hill and they fucked in the water pail. Oh And then I fucking ate their toes. I guess they're all a little bit anodized, Clay, huh? Yay. Right. So despite all this, we hard cut to a montage of the Garbage Pail Kids getting into trouble in the sewer for fuck all reason. I thought they were like getting revenge on the gang because they like-

They're getting revenge. Yeah, they put like poop in the gang member's hot tub. Yeah, which is pretty sweet. That's a solid gag. It's a solid gag, but we did not know that they were at poop in the gang members hot tub. Yeah, which is pretty sweet. That's a solid gag. It's a solid gag, but we did not know that they were at war with the gang members. Like this is all news to us. Absolutely not. The viewer.

Yeah. They do the Goonies toilet gag. Yeah. Or juices. Yeah. It's so stupid. It's infuriating. It's like that, yeah, something has been chopped out of this movie. Whatever was supposed to link this scene with the last one is gone. I feel like it's the opposite. I feel like they added stuff. No.

I feel like they had the movie and they're like, oh, this movie fucking sucks and is horrible and there's not a lot of garbage kids in it. Maybe we should go add them in here. Here's my theory. Okay, so now we're introduced to the state home for the ugly. And they have other garbage pail kids that are already locked up there. And the captain's like, yeah, dude, I never even bothered to look for it because I couldn't believe humans would do that. That's such a bummer.

But anyway, now they have a plan. They're going to go find the state home for the ugly where the others are imprisoned because this is 55 minutes in. I think someone wrote a TV pilot and then they turned it into a feature by just adding 30 pages. It goes against what Jamie said, but I feel like this guy maybe was not prepared for a full 90 minute movie. This is the weird thing is that previously in the movie, we didn't touch on it, but it is mentioned that there were more garbage pail kids, which leads me to my point that

there were probably more garbage pail kids that were meant to be built and in the movie and the movie got cut in half and so that this is like this mentioning of off-screen additional garbage pail kids is a way for them to still kind of keep the same script and still kind of keep the same script and still pad out their movie. So this idea of the state home for the ugly is brought up where we are meant to believe these additional garbage pile kids may have wound up. So now it turns into a rescue movie. Also, they're holding Gandhi there.

Yeah, Gandhi's there. Weird Al Yankovic and Santa. They show like the next scene there's a girl in an ugly mask and these guys come like grab her in a net and she's like, no, I'm not actually ugly. I'm wearing a weird mask. There's two old men catching children in a big butterfly net. Two man catchers, yeah.

Yeah, the rules of this universe have unraveled in a way that's different from the way they were unraveling before. And the people who live in this universe do not know them. This is an abrupt descent, yeah. So they can't wait for night, so they're going to just go do a daring daylight break-in to the ugly prison. But then, nope, they forgot. They remembered the thing about the clothes for Tangerine, so Dodger runs back to get the clothes, abandoning the other Garbage

Pail kids. That's what I mean. Like, it's hard to take notes on something because it's completely fallen apart. It's a bunch of scenes that go like back and forth and back and forth and back and forth that accomplish essentially nothing. There's no like narrative thread that would have all these cuts make sense. Tangerine prepares to take off to sell clothes at the dance club, I guess, again. Dodger catches her just in time to tag along again. He does a stupid butt swipe across the back of her car because he hates her car. He's tried to do that cool Marty McFly sweep across the hood of a car thing.

There's a montage of more closed sales and the two arrive back in front of the antique shop. Tangerine Parks entices Dodger. Oh, this is, okay, this is where it gets creepy. Is this where she makes out with the side of his head? Mm-hmm. Yep. Oh, yeah. That was weird. He where it gets really- Is this where she makes out with the side of his head? Mm-hmm, yep. Oh yeah, yeah. That was weird.

He just ran away in astonishment and fear. She like licks his ear and he's like, What the fuck? I think I just had sex! Yeah, Tangerine parks the car and entices Dodger to sew more clothes by clever use of a sex crime. Dodger comes, Dodger still- Expert sex sex crime. Yep. Dodger comes. Uh, Dodger still- Expert sex crime deployment.

Right. Dodger still doesn't use the fucking car door and gets his shitty British knights everywhere. Uh, fuck Dodger and his disrespect for people's cars. Psh. Uh, cut to Juice's van. Apparently, his- he made his van better. He unflattened it somehow.

Right. We see him counting his pimped cut of Tangerine's clothing grift again. Let's see, he really wants to murder Dodger, and then just like fucks off again. It's a lot of people coming and going for no reason. Yeah, I'm surprised you took such detailed notes because I caught on quick that, oh, there's no point to keeping track of any of this. Great stretches of this don't matter.

I wrote it all down because I'm trying to find out where we can like take entertaining tangents because none of it goes anywhere. My big thing that I wanted to talk about next is when it's when it cuts to Greaser Greg and what's the gross one's name? Fucking all of them. The booger one, the snot one. Tessie, Tessie. Tessie. They walk out of the safe and Greaser Gregg's like, hey, I haven't finished your exam yet. And he's like, yes you have. And she elbows him.

Like, he was straight up fingering her in that safe. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha What? Just literally playing doctor. Oh my gosh. Very erotic film. Just a baby with a knife. It was really authentically playing his part, Greaser Greg. Fucking hell. Oh shit. Just a real top tier scumbag. To be clear, Tangerine is evil.

Like the movie keeps hinting that, oh, she might be a good guy, but no, she is playing the kid the whole time. Yeah. Yeah. She's made out of dog shit. She's a shit fuck person. Yeah.

Terrible person. The plan was they were going to start a clothing line with these puppet monsters as the sweatshop workers by honeypotting a little boy. All this happened off camera when they hatched this scheme. The puppets are kind of getting mad that they're not rescuing their friends, that we're still dealing with this fashion line crap. This plot line maybe should be abandoned for the more important rescue the friends thing. They think they threatened to eat Dodger's toes to get him to agree.

So it's the same kind of deal that they made last time, same as before, except this time Dodger's under threat of like red room foot fetish action from alligator. Right. Yeah, save our friends or else kind of deal. So Dodger fucks off. Right. The plan is he and the wizard go, the kids like, hey, let's break in. The wizard's like, no, dude, I got this. They go straight to the front door and the guard's like, get the fuck out of here. And he's like, OK. And they drive away.

He gets back in his car and leaves. It's like, oh shit, they have a dog. They have a dog. Did you see that? We got to get out of here. And so the puppets want to go to the fashion show because I think this was two different episodes of a planned TV show. And they're just showing us two pages of each script back to back, back and forth. And they shuffle them.

Until they run out of film. Tangerine locks the garbage pail kids in the basement because she doesn't want a bunch of weird little freaks interrupting her fashion show she's been made to promise by Dodger not to tell anybody about the garbage pail kids this very soon will come up to be some sort of double cross on tangerines part because she does end up telling juice about the garbage pail kids apparently Apparently, Juice is collecting... Oh, yeah. There's a bounty for ugly people. That's fucking weird.

He has a lot of unusual revenue streams, Juice does. Yeah. Delivering people to the state home for the ugly, shaking down a 10-year-old. Having women sell clothes for them outside of their clubs. Selling clothes outside the fucking prom. It's a very diversified portfolio. They're planning to get the garbage pile kids, by the way,

so they go to the top of the stairs of the basement and they whistle. And then the puppets go and they put them in a bag. And I guess they just did that for each of them. Just one by one, they put them in a bag as they got to the top of the stairs. Yeah, the cut here is so weird. Yeah, God, the fucking stay-at-home for the uglies.

Again, they have Weird Al, they got Gandhi. Everyone's labeled like too fat or too weird or too skinny. One of them says too crippled. So some of them are like, really miss the tone of a joke. And it's just like, oh, oh, that's really sad and dark. I think they were going for commentary and just like really whiffed it. Overestimated. Aggressively not funny. A weird vibe. It's like someone's first political cartoon. It's something you'd write if you were trying

to fuck a girl with nine fingers. I'm just reading what it says in my notes. While we're at the facility for the ugly and insane, I suppose, we cut to those same man catchers that were fucking around with the children from a few scenes back. And they're talking shop and they're talking about the garbage pail kids missing friends who were indeed at the facility, but were recently crushed to death. A fate that awaits all the prisoners at the house for the fucking

whatever. Just straight up murder. They're just murdering undesirables. I have this written down in my notes. I actually wish they would throw these garbage pill kids in their trash compact. With the rest of the garbage. It's in the name. It's right there in the name. Oh, man. What do we got? We got the fashion show. The fashion show was really indulgent. Like they like filmed 30 minutes of fashion show and did not waste a second of it. I love what Dodger is wearing to the fashion show.

He's wearing a sparkly jacket, a Bruce Willis under shirt and a stripper's bow tie. Yep. It's pretty good. I got that he's dressed like a Sultan's birthday present. I said he's dressed like a knockoff Chippendales MC who got reversed bigged by his old tar machine. Just reading my notes. Fuck.

So they're still at the goddamn. Hold on, hold on. I don't know who put this on my notes, but it says he looks like he came in last place in a middle school talent show and his talent was dildo magic. I'm sorry. I didn't write that one. Oh man. Yeah, Jesus Christ, dude. I probably brain zapped that one to you. Magic for the divorced.

He has got like a little bow tie and a wife beater and then like the razzle-dazzle jacket. Yeah and actually this plays because although Dodger you know makes a big fucking presentation in this new scene this is where we find out. Sorry I have one more. Okay. It looks like the activities director on L. Ron Hubbard's boat. Wait, you're not going to believe this. I have. He looks like a riverboat juggler twink. I'm just reading my notes. I like that we both had boat ones.

There is something boat-like about it. Oh, God. I think it's the absence of laws. Yes, I think that's what it is. It's like he's putting on a show for people who cannot escape. It's like the vibe you get. Oh, shit. What the fuck happens next?

I think the captain goes back to the prison. Oh shit. What the fuck happens next? Oh, okay. I think the captain goes back to the prison. He like distracts a guard with some flash powder. We're almost there. We're almost there, but a quote unquote important part of the story happens back at the fashion show where Dodger arrives in his very, very sexy clothing. And that is that's where he finds out that Tangerine fucking squealed and got the kids taken away by way of Jews and his cronies yeah right and she's sitting there in in front of a fucking dressing mirror and is fucking stonewalling Dodger with this new

information that she is the actual the evilest person in the world and just waits for him to fuck off in disappointment He does that there's nothing left to say that you know He found out about the double cross juice and and the gang follow him because they Have to kill him, but they don't they decide to throw him into a garbage bin So yeah fucking half measure. They just chuck him into a garbage bin. And that's the trick. That's the gentlest they've been to him all movie.

Right. Like he can just leave. They have like thunderously fucked him up each time though. It's like so decisive. Completely humiliating. Like any one of these is a life ruining experience. Like you wouldn't recover from any single one of these. And he said like three of them in the course of 90 minutes.

So he's been thrown in the fucking dumpster. They leave. He just gets out of the dumpster. He decides that he's going to do his part to go save the garbage pill kids. So he fucks off to that same bar that we were at with the bikers and enlists their help by saying something like the little guys are in trouble and all seven of Hell's Angels go and follow them out to the asylum, which was unnecessary because the wizard was already freeing them.

Very, very little happens. They ran out of budget at the exact same like they had no money in the budget for tension or suspense. So everybody just files out like. Yeah, they free clown. There's no escape. They just leave. Yeah, there's no like ugly uprising. They just like unlock a couple of cages. A guard gets punched and that's it.

Yeah, they do take the pants off the guard. I was going to say one of the guards runs outside with his pants off in a second. And I was like, I guess I missed that. What was that? The wizard when he knocks him out, he's like, this will slow him down. He pulls his pants down. You missed the part where they were yanking the pants off the unconscious man?

I guess I looked away. I don't know. But yes, that happens. Listen, I have a five-month-old infant. I have to juggle a lot of things while I'm watching the garbage truck. I understand. I have to juggle a lot of things while I'm watching the garbage truck kids. But also, I had it in my notes simply because the farting one farted on his head while he was unconscious.

Not to wake him up though, it's like to keep him unconscious. And I thought that's a very diverse power this guy's butthole has. All right, just the concussive force is just further damaging that man's brain. Right. Pummelling him into deeper unconsciousness. Yes. So they all escape. There's also this totally unnecessary rescue where the bikers are there. And Velociraptor Sandal Guy is the leader of the biker gang, apparently. Yeah. They pull some bars out of a window and that's nothing. Nothing happens.

Here's where we find out we're too late to save the rest of the Garbage Pail Kids. Like they've already been smashed in the garbage truck, and it's delivered with just like the most yada yada. Like just, you know, look, those other guys, they got smashed in the garbage truck. We're a little too late. Sorry. Probably shouldn't have waited months and months and months. If you were making up a movie as you went along... Couldn't bother.

Yeah. Why even include it? I get that five more costumes would have been out of the reach of their budget, but writing the line, they were moved, we'll find them someday as free. Just say, yeah, they're not here, we'll get them in the sequel maybe. It's so fucking bad, this movie. It's so fucking broken and rotten. So after the escape, they're all just kind of crowded around the front of the asylum

and Dodger says to Captain, how do we wrap up this movie? Captain says, fashion show. Let's go back to the fashion show and wreak revenge. Might as well. He essentially says might as well because we do have to end this movie. How many locations do we have left? Right, right. Just the one. And we got 20 minutes. It's already lit. Let's go. They already called the cops on us.

We don't got a lot of time. So, all right. Get those horrible waxing heads on. Let's do this scene. So, we find ourselves back at the fashion show and things seem to be going well. Uh-oh, the garbage pail kids sneak around backstage as to make their way to the catwalk where they can do the most damage.

Eric Estrada tarsands his way through the backstage area, kicks a goon, and the fire extinguisher falls and grazes juice on the shoulder and kills him immediately. Yeah, he gets bonked to death in a wide shot. He's just sort of a shape in the crowd. And you're like, what's that? The main bad guy? I guess that was Jews.

Yeah, there goes. It's just chaos ensues. They fuck everything up. Yeah, I have in my notes, they tear off all the models' clothes because we had to get some titties in this movie. Yeah. I noticed that. There's a scene where Wendy goes up and he just

farts on the crowd. And they just sort of sit there and enjoy the fart for all 90 seconds of it. And afterwards they're like, oh no, something crazy is happening. And then they panic and just run in every direction. Yeah, that's what I have. Windy farts on the movie and everyone fucks off. Yes.

They molest the gang to death. I have that in my notes. Valerie gets punched in the stomach and 68% of the movie's budget tumbles directly out of a rubber puppet's gaping mall. Chekov's debt has been paid. Finally. Yeah. We were waiting the whole movie, man. She hasn't thrown up once. She kept teasing it. There's a fight scene here between Juice and the little boy where they replace the little boy with a stunt man like a full two feet taller than him.

where they replaced the little boy with a stuntman like a full two feet taller than him. I love he does this move where he runs up and Wendy Winston gives Dodger like a boost so he can front flip through the air. Yeah, like a like a senton bomb or a Hurricane Rana. But basically he just shoves his dick right into Rob Marston's face and adduces his face. That's what I have. And just crushes him to the earth with his dick. He's just cock smashing right in the face. Right. Smothers him with his dick.

Yep. And then the punching. Wild haymakers. Right where delicious boy nethers once held sway. Yes. Juice will never know the sweet release of death as Captain Price Dodger's fury from the mangled face of a late 80s archetype. Let's see, a raging animal no more, in its place, a tender man's boy. You took beautiful notes. Wow. Yeah, really poetic.

Poetic notes. Dude, this was like three in the morning and I just started making my own fun. You really throed this. My notes for this just say, there are no police, this is a broken universe. That's, I guess that's kind of poetic. There's some poetry to that. I have, Dodger starts crying like Ralphie in a Christmas story and the magician

has to lead him away and that's how the scene ends. Yes. Yeah, it does. That's how the scene ends. Yep. Fade to black. Here's how they wrap up Tangerine. Tangerine comes out and she's like,

This is fucking incredible. Sorry for all the times I beat you and left you for dead. Sorry about betraying you like the 11 times I betrayed you. She offers to be friends and he says, Tom, why don't you explain? He says, no thanks. And he should have just left it at that because that was a real mature thing to say. It would have shown like his growth. It's like, oh, I saw through this lady

was just leading me on. But no, then he has to add, I don't think you're pretty anymore. Oh, it's fucking- Implying that the only reason he ever wanted to hang out with Tangerine or was interested in her as a person at all is because of how she looks. It's the exact opposite of the message this movie

was purporting to teach us. And she is a pretty competent actress and she performs this well. It hurts her hard. She's blown away by this. Crushes her soul. In my notes it says she does stupid bitch face and fades into nothingness.

I bet she smells like rotten sherbert. Wow. I don't know. Jamie does not care for Tangerine. Jamie has been burned by a Tangerine before. Oh my gosh. So hard to peel. There's a little factoid about that will add a little odd energy to this scene tangerine and Dodger in real life were dating and broke up during the filming of this Fucking way. She looks ten years older than him. She I know it and they fucking played that They played it to a fucking tee. She was born in 73. He was born in like 74 So they were only a year apart. Wow. But that hate is real. That hate is fucking real. Because you know they shot this sequentially.

Probably, yeah. Fuck. So yeah, it's fucking bitter. That is wild. That feels like a crime. Because I had all those nice things to say about her acting. I guess it was just really authentic. Like this feels voyeuristic now. It feels like more of a crime now that I know that. Yeah. Everything about this has an actual layer of scum on it. Just spying on these teens' relationship. There's no element of this movie that doesn't have something terribly wrong with it.

So we're cutting to the very end of the movie. We cut back to the inside of the antique shop where everybody is gathered. The Garbage Pail kids surround the captain who's sitting at a piano. He found the magic song that's gonna put them all away. He starts to play that magical tune that's finally gonna send them back into the pail. He, for fucking some reason, like everything else

in this movie, closes his eyes and kind of waves his fingers around the keyboard. Some weird backwards music plays off stage that's supposed to be emanating from his piano. The garbage pail kids just quietly fucking sneak off out the door. They don't want to go to the trash prison and I think that's fair. It doesn't seem like it was fucking working anyway because they weren't like getting sucked into the pail. They just fucked off. He fucking plays the goddamn song so hard that he shits himself into their pale. I don't understand how any of that worked, but...

He might not be a wizard. He might just be a crazy person. I think he's just a madman. A madman with a garbage can. He's just a card carrying member of fucking NAMBLA. Sorry. The monsters are loose in the world. There's a moment here where he says to the little boy, he says, as you taught me, you can't change the world by locking yourself away from it. But like, I'm no expert on literary devices, but that's not related to anything that happened in the plot or relevant in any way to the theme of the movie. No fucking way. Related to anything that happened in the plot or relevant in any way to the theme of the movie No fucking way fucking madness. So the yeah, the captain realized he's been hoodwinked

Just fucking shrugs your shoulders because there's zero budget left Dodger says some smart alec shit what you just said and that seems to smooth everything over the garbage pail kids right off Into an obsidian void with no money and perhaps two gallons of gas upon the ATVs that are prone to mechanical failure at the fucking end fart. Expository theme song. They ride off into like minimalist Shakespeare. It's just insanity. What a disaster.

Now, Jamie, you made a, there's a sound clip that I haven't listened to fully yet. Okay, so this is just a little treat to kind of sum up the problematic nature of Captain Marvelous, whatever the fuck his name is. I just did a little kind of smash cut of all the suspect lines that he gave throughout the movie. Alright. Yeah. So it lasts about maybe a minute and a half. Let's hit it. Let's go out on this. Good Lord, you smell like a fire hydrant. I had an accident. Come, boy.

How long have you worked for me, boy? A couple months. Have I ever forbidden you to touch any of my treasures? Here, try this on. A dress? Losing is relative, my dear boy. What matters is conceding with grace. Patience is a bit of vine, dear Dudley.

I'm not sure I'm a good boy. I'm not sure I'm a good boy. I'm not sure I'm a good boy. I'm not sure I'm a good boy. I'm not sure I'm a good boy. I'm not sure I'm a good boy. I'm not sure I'm a good boy. I'm not sure I'm a good boy. I'm not sure I'm a good boy. I'm not sure I'm a good boy. I'm not sure is relative my dear boy. What matters is conceding with grace. Patience is a bit of vine dear Dodger, but it bears sweet fruit. That's from the

Greek. It loses a little something in translation. Tell me about this Captain Manzini. Ah, an early form of air conditioning. Also a tool of romance. could beckon or rebuff. Did you ever get beckoned? Yes, I also got rebuffed. According to legend all the troubles in the world were once squeezed into one tiny little box. Alright children, we've had our fun. You are forcing me to lay some very heavy magic on you. Dodger, I want the tooth of a crocodile, a bottle of English fog, the hair of a goat, the shadow of your smile. But first of all we've got to get you cleaned up. You could do with a bath.

Tastes elegant toes too. To be blessed with unusual features is an adventure. Dodger, you're early. How are things below stair? Do solemnly swear... Do solemnly swear... To obey Captain Mancini... To obey Captain Mancini...

And refrain from eating people's toes. Dodger! I Captain I got you worry Dodger. I've been stuck in tighter places. Oh my hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahh ahdak Frankford The craft is no trap, it's no shit, send it to the dog-sauce for an hour Come on, you know the number 1-9-100 1-9-100 Frankfurt 1-9-9-9

1-9-100 Frankfurt 1-9-100 1-9-100 Frankfurt 1-9-9-9 Frankfurt Yes, 9000 I'm so new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new supreme's, Aaron Crosston, Adrian H, Aiden Moet, from the kingdom of Nolanburg, it's Alex Nolanburg, a mighty little meat, Alpha Scientist Javo, Unendi, Armando Nava, Bim Talza, do not disgrace your kind. You're disgracing your kind right now, aren't you? Brendan Garlok, Brian Saylor, Burrito, Serol, Cheddar Wolf from the Kingdom of Cheddar

Wolfia, who had a really cool design but just never got a moment. Clementine Danger, Common Sense, Greg Lemoine, Half-Man, Half-Horse, All-Man. Quavers. Daniel Sloan. Devin the Rogue Supreme. David Schull has a sword that commands God. That really fucks up the stakes, can you leave it at home? Dean Costello. Delta Foxtrot. Doug Redmond, Wild and and Free Who has vowed not to disgrace his kind Oh god damn it Doug Redmond already Drayson Dusty's Rad title is a swamp hag who looks pretty good when you're drunk

Fancy Shark Gareth Chilla Hole Good Satan and his hot witches comes with special wings Special decorative wings not for flight! Greg Cunningham, a rocker. Harvey Penguiny, honk, king of Honkonia, where the mighty honkies live and play.

Javer Al Aiden, James Boyd, Jared Mountain Man, Jared Ruiz, just your classic hallway panther. You better have a panther pass Jeff Oraski John Dean John McCammon John Minkoff Joseph Sears

Josh S Joshua Graves From the Kingdom of Justinia Justin V is beautiful And no other thing, it's what the B stands for Ken Basely! K&M. Kumutsas.

Lane Hagood. Lisa is a magician who put her mind in the body of a hawk just so she wouldn't have to walk. M. Jahi Chappelle. Mark Mahoney has vowed not to disgrace his ga- ah just kidding, just kidding, what a disgrace. Matt Reilly. Max Faroi. Mercenary Sisad Min. Ah, just kidding. Just Gray has been slain.

N.D. Neil Bailey. Neil Schaeffer. Neku104. Ornry Weeble from the Ornry Kingdom of Weevonia. Champion of the Weevonia Warrior Games. By Forfit. Ozzy Olin. Patrick Kupst. Rhiannon. Sarkovsky. Sean Chase. Cid is a magical lightning hawk,

whose purpose remains unclear. Go to school, lightning hawk! Spotty reception. Sobernaut. Tater's Tales from the noble Tater Kingdom of Tatornia, with a sword that makes polite requests of God. That's more reasonable. Ted H.

Thomas Kavatsos Tibby Lahey Toasty God Tommy G Velo turns into a mighty Chimera when angered or aroused or confused. He might actually just be a Chimera. Booster Wayland Brussels Zack and Ava Wild wild and free Centaur champions

who ride into battle on one another. Each of their human parts on the horse parts but not their own, it's complicated. And finally from Danonia comes young quick and deadly Dan B. Hooray Dan B! You only have seconds to do something cool before this whole thing gets cancelled!