The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 216, Rodeo of the Stars with Lydia Bugg

Episode Date: February 25, 2025

Seanbaby & Robert Brockway welcome back special guest, Lydia Bugg to the DOGGZZONE! Ever wanna see Pazuzu whip the horses eyes? Does Klinger's beguilement at equestrian acrobatics tickle your darkest desires? Does the cryptic musings of Bo Derick twist your chaps in knots? The fucks wrong with you? Let's find out as the DOGGZZONE visits the rodeo! Also Pee Wee Herman's there.

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I'm Sean Baby from the World Wide Web, and my partner is Throbbing Ohio's honorary runner-up for Mr. Certified Yum, he's Robert Brockway, very pretty. I'm Robert Brockway, here's a Brockway fact. I can merc a motherfucker better than Pee-wee Herman and I can finally prove that, but no follow-up questions. prove that. But no follow up questions. I have none. Our guest is an author and madness archaeologist right here at 1900hotdog.com. She's online favorite Lydia Bug, very pretty. Thank you so much for having me. I have a vendetta against horses. And that's a Lydia fact. Oh, you're gonna be very happy with our show today. I love it. No, I mean, I don't think they deserve that. I just

think it's weird when people are like, here's a horse. All girls love these. It's your best friend. If you walk behind it, it will kill you. Yeah. You know what, on the show we're talking about today, they did not follow that rule very well. I was legitimately worried for many of 1986's biggest stars. But before we talk about the show, Lydia, let's tell people where they can find more of you. You can find me on TikTok at YouKnowLydia.

It looks like it's staying around, so follow me there. And also on Blue Sky. And every Monday on 1900hotdog.com, I get to write something crazy, and it's the best about usually Elvis or some weird comic book. Sometimes Kareem Abdul-Jabbar Karate. Yes, that's my latest book, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar Teaching Children How to Bully.

Fantastic. You were here only two weeks ago to discuss Circus of the Stars, to which both you and Brockway reacted, what the fuck is this? How could this have ever been? A lot of people reacted that way. Circus of the Stars was not a beloved or well-known institution. But it is high art compared to the spin-off, which is what we're talking about today, the 1986 Wildest West Show of the Stars.

Cowboy town fuck around of the stars. Yeah, I didn't think it was that wild. I'm like, this is the wildest west show? I bet they got up to some wilder stuff in the West. Super tame. It was a really bad TV show. I bet it was kind of a fun afternoon for some of the celebrities. Yeah, some of them looked like a mild amount of fun. I will give them that. Yeah, it was something. Like, it's better than like apple picking. Maybe not as good as like the beer Kate or whatever, but not better than apple picking with a gun though. That's true.

It reminded me of senior field day. Did you guys have that at your high school? Yeah, like, yeah, like that was the vibe. Just everybody's kind of messing around and jumping all over each other like puppies. And it's Yeah, yeah, I don't know. They're they look like the popular kids having a fun time. That's what this was. I'm gonna play an intro so people can hear the star power of the show.

I'm not being sarcastic when it's a pretty severe amount of star power. Here, I'll play it. Cameron, a popular singing star, Mr. Glenn Campbell. From Differents Grove, Danny Crippsey. Airwolf star, Mr. Alex Kord. Beautiful movie actress, airwolf star Mr. Alex Coors, beautiful movie actress Miss Bo Derek, star of Not Slamming, Mr. William Devane,

from Mash and After Mash, Mr. Jamie Farr, nationally known rodeo announcer Bob Fice, Hollywood's glamorous Miss Rhonda Fleming, from TV's Wagon Train, Robert Fuller, star of Days of Our Lives, Miss Deidre Hall. A New Adventure for Pee-wee Herman. Starring in Dallas, Mr. Steve Canale. From Growing Pains, Joey Lawrence.

Co-star of Knight Rider, Patricia McPherson. The Cowboy's Cowboy, Monte Montana. Star of Cover Up, Miss Jennifer O'Neil. Night Court co-star, Miss Markey Foats. From Days of Our Lives, Mr. Peter Reckles. From Silver Spoons, Alfonso Ribeiro. To On the Downs, Miss Melody Rogers. From the Colby's, Miss Tracy Scoggins.

From Growing Pains, Mr. Alan Thicke. Red Dog Weber and Custer's Last Band. Country Singing Star, Miss Tammy Wynette. From the Equestrian Center in Los Angeles, your grand marshal, the internationally famous film star, Mr. James Coburn. Amazing. Now I don't have a spreadsheet

of everyone's Q rating at the time, but these are actual stars. There's some like, you know him from his supporting role in Boing Dangles in there, but like James Coburn and Alan Thicke and Pee Wee Herman, they could share a movie poster and you'd some like, you know him from a supporting role in Boing Dangles in there, but like James Coburn and Alan Thicke and Pee Wee Herman, they could share a movie poster and you'd be like, you know, that looks like a competent movie. Yeah, and Bo Derek.

This was what, 1986? Yeah, 1986, Bo Derek. Bo Derek was peak 1986. Yeah, yeah, she was like, she hasn't done, what was that movie we talked about? Ghost Can't Do It. She didn't do the most freakish fan-ity project of all time. The fall had not been announced yet.

And I've said this before, but it is always worth repeating. Markey Post-Bikini remains the greatest Google search I've ever done. She's here with the other actress who played Electra Woman, Deirdre Hall, but that is trivia just for me and my terrible specialized interests. Who else was here? Carlton from Fresh Prince, of course. But you're right, I think Joey Lawrence was not on Growing Pains. He could have been, but I think he was on like Eight is Enough or some other- Little, little, little child, little child Joey Lawrence in case anybody is picturing something different. He is before you know him.

So he could have, I just assumed he had like some little guess roll or something. No, I Googled him and he was on a different show at the time and later in the show when they introduced him, they said that show, I can't remember what it was called. I think he just read the wrong thing. Nationally known rodeo announcer, Bob Fife. Fucked up. Oh God, nationally known. read the wrong thing. Nationally known rodeo announcer, Bob Fife. Fucked up. Oh God, nationally known. Nationally known for being a dipshit now, Fife.

Woo! Got him. Woo! Got him. You fucking got him. He's probably dead. I'm so sorry to the memory of Bob Fife. Fuck you, memory of Bob Fife. Now you're nationally known as the guy who pissed on Bob Fife's grave. I was going to say, Rockway's the controversial one this time. I'm not talking about OJ Simpson.

Give her time. She would have fucking crushed it on this show. My hands, my broken hands, the horses are stepping on my broken hand! Then four of the horses end up dead. And Night Court's marquee post. My top note was, don't talk about O.J. Simpson, no O.J. Simpson jokes. We ruined it already. It's been like two minutes. I did it. Okay, when they say from the Equestrian Center in Los Angeles, first of all, great, great setting.

That's probably the funniest setting. But then they introduce James Coburn, who, yeah, big, big star, and he rides out in this, like, fine, tailored cowboy villain suit, and he rides down a flank of uniformed, old-timey cavalry holding flags, and he's got a gun in the air, and then they say, and leading the cowboy action from Knott's Berry Farm, the very popular movie and television star, Mr. Dennis Weber, and here comes Dennis Weber rolling up on like a totally empty cowboy playset at Knott's Berry Farm dressed like a Houston grandma out for a night on the town, hanging onto a fucking toy train and waving. I've never seen somebody come this far in second place.

Just cucked. Oh, James. I mean, it is James Coburn. They have him read the most dogshit copy. He's like, here's what a cowboy is. You know, cowboys from paintings and countryside. And also the TV. What you didn't know is life on the range was an all-horsing around of James Coburn. It was just like. All the introductions and transitions were criminally insane here.

They were just so bad rambling. I don't I don't think you're getting a world class writer to write the spin-off of Circus of the Stars, but this was just fucking childlike. Well, all of the banter too, like anytime they asked someone a question, everyone was trying to do puns. There were so many bad puns in this. If Brockway tries to do puns on this episode, I'm gonna be pissed because I've already heard so many bad puns. Only the ones I host. That's my special punishment for making me do work.

Thank God. I didn't do it. There was the episode when Brockway wasn't here and me and Merritt both brought puns. That was fun. Yes, that was great. Just in his honor. Wasn't it, was that Dan, somebody worked, somebody looked up the puns too. So you got like just nonstop puns. Yeah, I hate that fucking pun stereo site.

Uh, the first event here was Bull Riding and they had the Miss Linda Blair. They had Mr. Kirk Cameron, Miss Deirdre Hall, Mr. Alfonso Ribeiro and Miss Melody Rogers. That's Zach's mom on Saved by the Bell. These are real stars. There's, I don't have a ton of notes here. Deirdre Hall needed a. Alfonso Ribero and Miss Melody Rogers. That's Zach's mom, let's say, by the bell. These are real stars. I don't have a ton of notes here. Deirdre Hall needed a little help getting up on the bull, and I noticed there's a lot of nearby men ready to get up in there and help. She was also real visibly unhappy. Like, a lot of people are happy to do this, and she was just like,

fuck this, from start to finish. And was right to do so. I think it was both the nervousness and getting groped by several strange men. And I think bull- writing the bull hurts. I don't think I've ever seen anyone do it unless they're a full writer or very drunk. Kirk Cameron does a little prayer before he gets on the bull and I'm like, oh god damn it, he was like that even when he was a kid? Yeah, he was like that. And it sucks that he was really good too. Like I just think- He was so good.

I think he has more experience writing Buckingham Young Bulls. That's just what it says in Sean's notes. Yeah, I can't believe you guys didn't have any any notes about the way that he wrote the bull. I made a note that said I can't talk about the how he looks writing this bull without deeply regretting it is what my notes say. No, here's literally what my notes says, Lydie. My notes say, he looks like Kermit the Frog waving while he's coming. That's just what it says in my notes. That's such a perfect description.

Because you have that hand up when you're bull riding, his shit was whipping around. It was so floppy. It was so floppy. But perfectly in sync with the bull to counterbalance. It was truly amazing. He was on there like 20 seconds. Carlton gets up there, Alfonso Ribero, and he kind of does like a Michael Jackson bat.

He's doing like a Michael Jackson face, kind of grabbing the saddle like he's grabbing his crotch. And you're like, oh, this is going to be good. No, he gets fucking spiked into the hay bales. Just swap. Linda Blair though, Linda Blair is, she gives a real long grinding shimmy to that bull to kick it off.

Like that's, that was above and beyond. I mean, God bless us all, Linda Blair. She was good at everything. Like I almost wondered if she put this together to show off. She wasn't always great at everything, but she looked like she was having the most fun out of anybody here. I agree. The whole vibe throughout the rest of this, the people were either, I'm taking this way

too seriously because I'm obviously a celebrity and an insane narcissist, or I'm garbage at this and I'm not going to try because I'm an insane celebrity narcissist and I'm above this. She was the only one that's like, let's play some fucking cowboy games. She went on after Kirk Cameron, which I liked, because she's like the exorcist lady. So it really felt like God versus the devil. I really was kind of pissed off that God won so hard. Not everyone though. He doesn't win them all. Yeah, he doesn't win them all. Next up is a fast roping and riding contest.

James Coburn gives us some certainly authentic history of the event where he's like, you know, bored cowboys used to throw random shit outside and race around it. Like, I don't know, barrels or sex. That's the origin of racing barrel sack rope thing. I'm James Coburn. And then they throw it to Mr. Game and Watch. They throw to Mr. Game and Watch animation of a barrel sack race. And they keep doing it.

I'm so glad you said that. Yeah, I wrote a Tiger Electronics LCD handheld game. It doesn't look like anything else. No, it couldn't be anything else. But they refused to say that. They call it a little cartoon every time. It's so strange. What a strange move.

You guys fucking made a Tiger Electronics game. So yeah, this is where Linda Blair came out. She did okay, but then Alex Cord, he's the guy, if you're a million years old, he was on Airwolf. He was the guy that had eyepatch glasses. And he was like born on a horse. I looked him up, he was Kid Ringo and stage coach, which is his pretty big cowboy role. But he comes like full gallop out and like

fucking parking brake slides up next to James Coburn and even Coburn's like, what looking pretty good out here. Like, goddamn buddy. This is, this hardly seems right that you're competing against a Markie. It says here Markie Post from Nightcore. Markie Post, Nightcore. The crowd pops for Marky Post. Marky Post is a crowd pleaser. Alex Skward, I should mention, he is all fucked up. He's got like a wrist brace on and like a bandage on his nose. They say it's from an unrelated fall, like he did not get injured during training, but...

He was training for the circus one and he got, you know, he fell off the trapeze so now he's here. He got handsy with Deirdre Hall, she punched him in the fucking face. Linda Blair came out dressed like a double dragon enemy in this one. So I think she whipped his ass. Yep, there's a whip on set, we know that she could have done that. The fucking Hibbly announcer's like,

after James Coburn's like, all right, let's, good job buckaroos or something, he goes, looks like one buckaroo and three buckarets to me, as if that's a joke, joke. Like this fucking gender identification. There was fury in that. He fucking hates women. Buckaret is not a word either. Like, it's not a word.

They can't be buckaroos. The sanctity of the word buckaroo. We must protect it. It says in the Bible, the buckaroos are in charge. I don't know. I think they set this up for Alex Corden to win because he's obviously a horse maniac and these ladies probably own shares in dressage horses. You know what I mean?

Like they're not buckaroos. According to Linda Blair's Wikipedia page, she's a trained equ crest questrian equestrian. Okay from age six She did pretty good. I thought yeah, I was watching her and I was like, I think she looks like she knows what she's doing So I don't disagree but Alex Kord was like a centaur. Yeah She comes in last because he's there to fucking win and she's there to like I'm just here. She's she's six drinks deep into this this horse parade Alex Kord's out there having already broken his nose Practicing in private in like an alleyway for this

And then pretending that's not what happened. Oh, no, sorry So this they have to ride around in the barrels They explained with a little Tiger electronics game Which I don't think was necessary because like you look at it You're like, yeah, but you're right around that barrel and then rope that bag and yeah, sure enough But that's how it is for all of these get every one of these games you look at it You're like, hey, do they go around that circle? They go around that circle Smash into the barrels. No, no, they actually want to avoid the barrels. Okay, I get it

Worst goddamn games it's totally the tigerronics game you pick up at the gas station on like a long family trip and then you're like, oh, god damn it, I should have got a book or something. You should have got one of those like air pressure water things where you shoot the ring in the water to land on the peg. Yeah, the diseased barrel of monkeys thing. Just a tepid little water box. So they have to rope this thing and it seems kind of hard and so they all kind of just walk over to the bag and lower the rope on it and I'm like okay that's great. But here's where I noticed a pattern. I made a super cut of this.

Move now to Jennifer O'Neil. Very pretty lady. Cover up. That's very pretty in the saddle as well, I might add. Oh Derek, it's ready for her ride. Are you ready? Yep. Very beautiful. Here comes very pretty Melody Rogers to try. She's come to on the town.

And here's our first rider, Miss Linda Blair. Here's Jennifer O'Neill. Start her ride. Every pretty cover girl. Oh, and a gorgeous Andalusian stallion with some basic gavage movement. Isn't that a beautiful sight? Two lovely creatures. We go to the Longhorns' Tears. Now there is really the beauty and the beast, if I ever saw it right there. Now there's a cowboy's dream. Bo Derek riding Roman's side. Linda Blair! Ready?

No, go ahead. This lady is a good sport. I don't know what the fuck this guy had against Linda Blair. I think Linda Blair is very pretty. Yeah. He went out of his way to never say anything about how pretty Linda Blair was. See I came out of this like, am I into Linda Blair? Because she's, yeah, she was the only one that looked like she was having fun out here.

For me it goes Marqueepost, every other woman alive, Linda Blair's top 6,000. Linda Blair is just battling her way up the ranks double dragon style. Just kicking and kneeing her way right up there. Taking away everyone's looks. Does he think we can't see them? Is he just like, for anybody watching at home who doesn't have visuals, she's very pretty. Right. Cause he's not doing like, radio announcer. He's not describing it for a radio audience.

He just can't help himself. When Bo Derek is on, he's like, Oh fuck. Oh Jesus Christ. Anyway, all these ladies are scooping up bags of great. Alex Kord comes out just effortlessly beats everybody. He gets a trophy from the from a lady. The announcer calls very pretty. And he asked her for a kiss.

He just was like, can I have a kiss? And I was like, oh, my God, what? And she just said, yeah, of course you can. As if like, yeah, like, as if like, I? And she just said, yeah, of course you can. As if like- Hell fucking yeah. Yeah, like as if like, I can't say no, we're on TV. So here you go. And then she just said-

She says, you betcha. On the mouth, yeah. On the mouth. Between him and Ernie Borgnine, the air wolf set must've just been filthy with DNA. That dude fucks. 1986, Lydia, asking for consent makes him a hero. That's right, that's way better than Alan Thicke does yeah for the rest of the show if you want if you need to see a

Villain to compare we're gonna see Alan Thicke real quick. Oh, I will wear Yeah, that's just still I was shocked like I can't imagine if someone I gave someone a word I've never met in my life and they were like, can I have a kiss? I'd be like, what? I'd say, sir, you can have a finger in the butt. I like to escalate things. Let's get down to business. For that writing, Alex Kord? Absolutely.

Yeah, I probably would just say, you may not, and then I would leave and it would be really awkward. He'd just be standing there holding his little award, like, oh. Yeah, that's weird, man. I'm here to bring you an award weirdo I think that's why cuz they do something fucking crazy here where they throw to Pee Wee Herman for a one-sentence Interview on horse feelings. Yep Oh you know what? I have a clip of that Tell me how do you and the horses get along?

Well pretty good. They have to be trained pretty good though for me to ride them Otherwise, you know, they get kind of confused Well, pretty good. They have to be trained pretty good though for me to ride them. Otherwise, you know, they get kind of confused. I think they smell my hair pomade or something that makes them go haywire. Haywire? That was it. That was the whole interview. That was the whole interview. I don't think he meant that to be a joke. That guy was like trying to pull a pun from like haywire.

I think he meant it to be cute. Like, a little cute. But then the guy started fucking cracking up and he was just like, yeah, all right. Okay, I'm killing, huh? Well, and then the guy after him tried to make a joke. And it was they said, like, how do you feel about horses? And he said, Oh, I think I'm half horse. Don't ask me which half. I guess it's the left. I think that was Alex Kord. Yeah, I think that was. Yeah, it's the left half. I think that was Alex Kord. Yeah. I think that was, yeah, that's Alex Kord. I think he was trying to pull out of a dick joke. Yeah.

I think he's like, don't ask me which half. And then he's like, oh shit, this is like kids are watching. Yeah. I think he's just constantly horny. The only way I could come up with was I meant the left or right half children. Right, right. Okay, that's actually pretty funny.

I love it. Next is merry-go-round, which is just musical chairs, but you start on a horse. And here is where we really see Alan Thicke shine. He tramples into the ring like, like his horse, he can't control the horse. So he's like stomping all over the fucking ring there walking around. And then he hip checks Deirdre Hall off of a barrel. And he grabs her and picks her up and puts her on his lap. And she's kind of like, ha ha ha, it's fun. But like, this is too much. Yeah. There's also a way even in the 80s, where if you put a woman in your lap that's playful,

and then there's forcing her legs apart and having her straddle one of your knees and just grind in there, where she was just like, he had her weirdly splay legged and you were like, what the fuck is this, Alan? Yeah. Yeah. And then afterwards he said, do you want my horse? And she said, I've seen your horse. No, thanks Yeah, not happy about it. So of course he only goes on to do this to every other woman in this particular

competition he Yeah, he grabs Patricia MacPherson puts her on his lap from she's from Knight Rider and then it's just down to Tracy Scoggins and Alan Thicke. And she's like, Oh, shit, I know a groping is coming. And it is so much worse than anyone could have imagined. He like, fucking pump handle picks her up, and then carries her around, puts her on his lap, which is his signature move, and the judges are like, no, you have to sit on the barrel upright. So like after they collapse onto the ground, he's like giggling. She picks up the barrel, sits on it, and she wins. And so Alan Thicke jumps on her fucking back

like a piggyback ride. He has forgotten all about the rules of the game. He is, I think he's banned for life from merry-go-round. He briefly suplexed her and then picked her stunned body up by the crotch. Well, and she really like hit him to get him off the barrel the first time. Like he was really close sitting down and she like bodied him. And then they have this whole struggle. And when she went one, he also kissed her. Yeah, yeah. So and before he also kissed her yeah yeah so and

before he jumped on her back he gave her a kiss yeah mm-hmm I I know I I know we all do this too much where we audit the morals of the era based on like our own current morals and I would really like no one to do that to my early cracked articles okay okay, but this also, it just seems beyond the pale even for the time. Like, I think sometime around when you suplex the woman and then pick her up by the crotch like a puppet, and then as she tries to escape you leap on her and ride her out like a horse? I think that's a DQ, man. I think if anything- We don't know the full story. Maybe they're fucking, maybe they've been hanging out for a few days and they fucked a few times.

I don't know. If not, it's so much. Then she's pissed off at what he did to the other women, if that's the case. That's true. Although, I don't know, Alan Thicke, he's got that hair. Maybe it was all three. This was his era too. Maybe he was just like, I'm the king of growing pains. Like, yeah, everybody seems to have different strokes too. I mean, like, it's a star

power of Alan Thicke should not be underestimated. So we will next one we have a target acquisition with Pee Wee Herman and face from the A team fucking fantastic. That's like something my my brain would spit out if I was like drowning at 10 years old. Like, I just love this. I took a clip of this. Cause it rules so much. Cause it's not just target practice.

It's like a full-sized Hogan's alley, like with bad guys and civilians and stuff popping out. It rules. Yeah. And I was immediately like, how funny would it be if Pee Wee Herman just like ice these guys? Like the video of like Keanu training for John Wick just goes to absolutely kill. Just fucking flings the gun at one of the targets takes another down with just a flying jump kick. That would have been so sick.

No, he does it in character. He's Pee Wee Herman as a gunfighter, so he's in big stupid chaps and he's like holding it all stupid and giggling. I have a clip. To explain this clip, there is a target they're not allowed to shoot named Little Sis, and then there was a painter they weren't allowed to shoot. Anyway, I'll play this clip. There's Little Sister, a friend our stars cannot shoot or they'll be disqualified. There's Little Sister, don't shoot her. There's Little Sister, don't shoot her. clip. Dirty Jack would actually draw against him.

That is, it's a little confirmation laugh. You better not shoot her, just laugh at her. I love it. I love, I love the laugh after each kill. The peewee laugh to celebrate a kill. That's what he would do, I suppose. After killing each person, you would do the little peewee laugh. So there's like a real shitty dumb hunk from one of the daytime soap operas. I didn't catch his name.

He sucks so bad. Every time they interviewed him, it was like really embarrassing. Peter Reckles, they said. I went back and looked him up. Just what an awkward chore of a man. And then he's put up against Dirk Benedict who fucking, who not only rules at all of this, but looks amazing doing it. Just such a movie star face and clearly grew up with guns. I think he has a little interview about his guns. But yeah, he owns a ranch in Montana now. He's a full country boy.

Yeah, this is like- So he's just gunslinging. Dominating in any of these competitions he's in. And then he's up against Peter Reckle who's just kind of like jogging like he doesn't really like his body. And he's just- Well, I think they interviewed him and were like, how do you feel about guns or something? And he was like, I've never touched a gun before. I live in California. Like, No, he said, I'm a little scared of them. I'm like, okay, like, that's fine. You don't all have to be. But don't, yeah, don't, don't come to gun day.

Yeah. Dumbass. Then we get like a Marky Post sex ride. I don't even know what this is. It's like, she kind of is trying to do like horse tricks, you know, when someone like flips around on a saddle, but she's only been doing it for two weeks. So she kind of is just doing these cute little yoga poses on a horse in a shenny jumpsuit. I love it. You took the clip, I'm assuming. I didn't take any clips from this. I was so sure Sean, maybe with his Marquis Postlust would take, on camera, I'll do just about anything. So I did that. I was just for me. I didn't want to share that with anybody. Just for me. Yeah, this is it was basically her like leaning off of the side of a horse a little bit and then

everybody. Yeah. Good job. You could tell she had some learning to do but whatever. It's better than the fucking wagon packing race. Yeah. Oh my god wagon race. Yeah. So this is just to get a wagon you're driving around you get out, put some boxes in it. This is on paper. It's hard to imagine a less exciting event. There's kind of an impending disaster vibe. You're like, oh, maybe one of them will rattle apart and

they'll fucking kill Bill Devane. But like, no, it's just real boring. I guess it's it's it really proved how bad this was as a TV show. Like there's since been no thought of it as a TV presentation. They were just like the honor of winning a wagon loading contest is enough. People will appreciate this. I could see it being fun as like a like a senior field day. I could see it being fun as like a like a work team building exercise or something.

So you got a few moments of really low-key tension there, but as television watching somebody not even speed load a wagon, because not even really go that fast. They're just very careful about like where the flowers gotta go. And they even had to have like another guy on the wagon with them for like safety issues and they had to tell everyone like, that guy isn't doing anything. Don't look at that guy isn't doing anything. Don't look at that guy.

A wagon daddy. You have to have a little wagon daddy. That's how it's scored, it's fluffer. As far as writer. I don't believe in any way that the wagon daddies did nothing. Like the wagon daddies were clearly in charge of the horses. I think so, yeah.

It sucked, it was terrible. Some guy named Steve comes out with a bullwhip and this next event is just woman whipping. He whips two layers of clothes off of a woman and it's as comfortable as I think I've ever been. I didn't like that, but also like he seems nervous and he's swinging a fucking bullwhip at a woman. Is this showmanship playing up how nervous he is?

Because he actually makes the targets. Right. Or is there a trick that I'm not seeing? Is that woman ripping and dropping the targets no matter how far away he gets? That's entirely possible. Oh, I didn't even think about that, but that seems so likely to me now that you say that. Because if she wasn't, he was really fucking good. Yeah, I think it's that.

Yeah, a lot of that bit too seemed to be like she was pretending to be really uncomfortable, and the audience was like, yeah, I like that, she's scared. She should be. But then at the end she gets a little turn around and she makes him put a put like a match in his mouth and bend way over and then whips him on the ass I don't know why I had a present that way yeah because this is put a cigarette in your mouth he's like oh should I stand like this no no late should I assume the position I know this I know this position no it's

because this is the little bit of it's like this is other stars baby it's the serious catalog cross section it's for the proto perverts. It's for people to jack off before we knew what that looked like. Yeah, they're living up to their reputation. Yeah. I liked the next guy that came out, Monty Montana, the Cowboys Cowboy,

dandy little fella doing rope tricks. It's just not what I picture when you say the Cowboys Cowboy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it could be be from another angle. He did lasso all the female guest stars. Yes. Nobody in this looked like... I missed the pageantry of Circus of the Stars. They could have done Branson Western, you know, like rhinestones and fringe.

There was a little fringe, but not enough. I agree. Linda Blair was the only one coming out to every one of these. She came out to every one of these with like a little something different. She had like a... She had the double dragon outfit and she had like a little bit of a journey thing going on. She had fringe at one point. Yeah, Linda did have costume changes.

She really was like the only one who was so into it. And Dirk Benedict. Dirk Benedict had some fantastic jackets and things. Like they were the only ones that got what this was. Yeah, everybody else is like, here's my plaid shirt. I'm here for the cowboy day. And I was like, fuck you. I wouldn't think it was there for the pussy. Yeah.

Hey, how old do you think Monty Montana was in the show? A real rough 67. It's really close. Oh, okay. I was going to say like, I know that back then people looked a lot older, so I was going to say like 58. The man was 76 years old. Oh my god.

And looking every year of it. Yeah. He didn't look bad. Like, I don't think he actually looked 58. Tracy Scoggins comes out during this part and she does a goddamn backflip off a horse. Fucking brutal. Uh, that was amazing. And then she just did some real shitty beginner rope tricks. Which was so funny.

They were so funny. She does one where she like ties it to her hip and tries to make a little lasso spin with her hip wiggle. Her lasso stops spinning like after half a hip wiggle. It's just, it's so bad. It's the funniest way to come out and do that though. Like you come out in a fucking trans am and you do a back flip off the hood and then you do the thumb pulling off my finger trick to the kids.

They're like, what? I was expecting so much more. But you fuck it up. Yeah, but you fuck it up. You like shit your pants instead of pull your thumb off. Joey Lawrence from Give Me a Break, that's the show. That's the show he was on. Ah, okay. Yes.

That was real, not nationally known rodeo announcer. Grow Me a Break? He and the redhead kid from Different Strokes, they sing Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys, only they change it to like Let Us Grow Up to Be Cowboys. It fucking sucks. It sucks so bad. I skipped through it.

It sucks when they do a cute kid act anyway, but this also just sucks and it ruins what was a somewhat decent country song. And they don't seem like they're having fun. And in fact, they seem somehow like they hated each other. Like I felt like Joey Lawrence kept trying to like step in front of the other kid a little bit. Yeah, they're show business kids. They were really weirdly competitive. Yeah. Like, later they have a little

slingshot shooting competition and Joey Lawrence looks like he's going to cry when he starts to like fall behind Yeah, the next one I guess is a pony express This was like they run around and like pick up bags and put the bags in boxes It's so close to the other thing they just did so but there was something the announcer said that I thought was very very smart Oh fantastic play this. Now just look at the difficulty here. You have to ride with one hand, reach up and grab those bags with the other. And when you grab the second bag, now you've got two in your hand.

No. See, I don't think you're understanding, guys. Oh, shit. I love it because I think we talked about this in Circus of the Stars how so much of the stuff they're doing looks really easy. So you need someone there to say like, no, trust me, it's hard to do the thing they're doing. It looks like they're just walking on a tightrope, but no, it's fucking hard, I promise.

And this is just reaching up and grabbing a bag and he's like, no, now you got to grab a second bag. You got to grab a second bag and then from a brief period of time a third Linda blares in this and she has another costume changed to look like a background dancer for kickboxer the musical and it fucking works It's so good. Yep. She looks great every time never gets a very pretty but She tried to get that very pretty too. No, I'm not about it. Yeah, she deserved it. The best she got was that boy she's she really firecracker of a lady. What a gal. She's trying hard. She sure is. She sure is here. She's got a real handsome, handsome personality. Yeah. Was this uh Bo Derek was in this one, right?

Yeah. On her. I felt very bougie because I was looking at Bo Derek's horse and it started like prancing weird at one point when it got close to the barrel, and I thought, I think that's a dressage horse. I don't know how I knew that. That's some weird, innate knowledge I had, because later she comes out on that horse and does dressage, and I was just very proud of myself for making that assessment somehow.

It's real clear, I wrote down too, she brought that horse from home. This is somebody bringing their pool cue to the bar and you're like, come the fuck on. Hew the broken sticks like everyone else. That horse took a private jet and was wearing ballet slippers moments ago. So this had Alex Corden in it so he's doing awesome. He's way better than everybody.

Bo Derek, the announcer perfs that so hard on her. Like so hard that like it takes the prestige off of all those pretty woman compliments. You know there's a difference between very pretty and oh, God damn it, look at Bo Derek. I think- This is the prettiest woman. I think Bob Fife actually came when she came out riding two horses.

Yeah, that's called Roman style I learned. He got real weird about that. Every cowboy's dream. I don't even know what a cowboy would do that get trampled to death to horses. Are we meant to make love to both Derek while she does it? That's him. That's like carrying two bags with one hand impossible.

She wasn't trying really hard to look pretty though, because she left her hair down which I yeah, you should pull your hair into a braid, Bodhierec, if you're gonna be right around... It was like whipping all around her face, and I was like, yes, this is gorgeous, obviously, but I'm worried about her pulling up the warts. She knows what she's doing. Yeah, she does. Didn't Linda Blair just haul ass in this one and beat Alex Kord? Yeah, I think she did. Yeah.

And she looked like she had fun doing it, which Alex Kord. I think the Blair one is the better. Yeah. And she looked like she had fun doing it with Alex, which Alex Kord never did. I think so. Whoa, that yeah, she could have gotten me. We've seen the pressure on that guy. He would have to say yes. Yeah, give me some of that. God, what's next? We got turkey shooting with Carlton, Pee Wee Herman and Kirk Cameron, a lot of great 80s stars. And it does look fun. They got a turkey on a bunch of balloons. This looks like a lot of fun though. I never actually did that. But yeah, that's a great carnival game. Again, it's a terrible TV show. But if you were like, this feels like you're working at a carnival and a bunch of famous people came by for the afternoon. That's like what it feels like to watch this television show. Really mundane games, but like, wait, I think that's Kirk Cameron. And you're not like, my god, Kirk Cameron's killing it at this.

You're like, yeah, he's trying his best. He looks more confident than if he were on a trapeze at Circus of the Stars. Yeah, he's walking away with like a very small stuffed animal and way too much pride over it, but like Nobody's nobody's getting the big stuffed animal for this for this fucking showing actually very pretty Melody Rogers wins I say very pretty because that's what nationally known radio now rodeo announcer called her and Peewee gets last and they call him A city slicker again, and I'm like why did they just brought him in to be like look at this fucking dork Every time he like does an event. He's the only one that has to do this whole thing in a comedic character.

And he has two options, right, to do this. He comes in fucking first by a mile in every single one. That's the funniest option. If he came out, that's the funniest option. Just absolutely dominating, murking, fucking killing these horses. Like, that's really, really funny, but he can't... Looking down the barrel of the camera the whole time, like making eye contact with the viewer. Not doing the peewee voice once, but wearing the suit.

Like yeah, that would be killer, but he can't guarantee that. And then it just sucks if he comes in second or third. So the only thing he can guarantee, like, he is doomed coming into this. He has to come last, because it's the only thing that's funny that he can guarantee. And they just like, fucking Pee-Wee Herman, and he has to be like, yeah, that's the joke. Alright. Yeah, I suck. I suck, you guys. I feel like they should have had more people come in character. Like, they should have had Hacksaw Jim Duggan. And he like...

That would've ruled. Alex Kord should have had Hacksaw Jim Duggan and he like oh yeah like Alex Kord should have come as this guy from Airwolf like I don't believe that's the guy from Airwolf Linda Blair should have come as the girl from the Exorcist as the possessed girl crawling on ceilings absolutely 100% the next event is goat wrangling there's teams uh Tracy Scoggins uh nearly kills a couple of goats. Like she doesn't know how to move a goat like a normal like, like you'd think most people are like, oh, you get on one side of the goat

and make some noise and chase him. But she's like, what if I like jump on its neck and pull its fucking head off with my legs? Sorry to make it sound sexy. All the while Jamie Farr is, who is is her partner is standing on the side just going go go go go go go go go it's fucking it's one of the craziest like 30 seconds of television out of context because it looks like she's trying to kill him like straight up Jamie far if people don't remember if they're not a million years old he was

on mash and his character wore a dress to get kicked out of the army for being crazy and it didn't work. They knew he was trying to be crazy. So he just wore a dress and that he just had a dress on for like whatever, 25 seasons of MASH. And that was his character. What? I did not know about. I've never seen MASH. Okay. Oh wow. That's a wild big story. Forget how much younger you were. But sometimes he'd do like a fruit hat and be like Carmen Miranda.

Like he jazzed it up, he wasn't just wearing like a grandma's like little dress. But he couldn't drop the act because of some reason? He was still, he was just convinced it would work. Yeah. Eventually, he thought eventually he would convince him. Okay Maybe the idea was that if he stops doing it then they would be like see we knew you weren't crazy Now you're in trouble for trying to be crazy. I Maybe there was a logic to it or maybe they're just really proud of that idea. They're like, what if we put a dude in a dress?

That was really funny back in the day. If you look at the AFI's top 100 comedy movies, like, I think 19 of them are just like, as good as it gets or tootsie, just dudes in a dress. Haha. Oh my god, it's so fucking hot. Yeah. Tracy's Gawkins is trying to kill goats. It's low level animal abuse, but they're goats.

They're nature's shitty assholes. I don't care. Fucking kill a goat. Do it, do it right in front of me. They are jerks. They are jerks. And Alan Thicke yells, necking with a goat, this is an interesting thought.

Yeah, Alan Thicke is really going for it. He's just riding that high. He knows he's got a shot with like three different women. He's manhandled today. He doesn't really go for it when it counts, which is the baby cows. It's his turn next to like, he doesn't get goats, he gets calves, and he's only supposed to like toss a collar on them, which seems fucking way easier than destroying a goat with your bare hands. And he fucks it up so bad like pretend they're unwilling women Alan Thicke you can do this Yeah, absolutely

He's all tentative he won't get these fucking Collars around the cows like he's like never seen a cow before isn't sure what their powers are These are the ones that fly. I'm TV's Alan Thicke. Jamie Farr gets one with like a frisbee shot. Like he's like, what if I just throw it into Cal's head and he fucking bulls-eyed it. Amazing. But I think Alan Thicke really just kind of showed some of the early mistakes animal domesticators made like back in the caveman days. Like that's what Alan Thicke looked like. It's like he a man who's never seen a cow just fucking trying stuff Jamie Farr said I didn't take a clip of this I wrote it down though it says he says he's the torpedo from Toledo not the cow hand from Lebanon

very very bad yeah this was the the section of the show where the puns were the or the attempts at making jokes that they mic'd them up and they're all yelling at each other the whole time and they're being weird and like suggestive and punny and it's so bad. Yeah, they rehearsed some bits to do in here. Don't do bits in front of the goats. Yeah, and you can't hear what they're saying because you're watching a woman like drag a goat by its neck, you know, around and you're not paying attention to Alan Thicke being a dick on the side of the pin. The next they chase some pigs around, and this is terrible. There's a moment where they say that the Humane Society is there to make sure no animals are harmed, but like, where were they when Tracy Scoggins was snapping a goat in half of their legs?

Oh, I have here, don't bother writing down what the announcer says. Sean will have a clip. No, I didn't take a clip. I disappoint you. Okay, hold on. From memory, you can try to pin a piglet, but I'm an old farm boy and there's no good technique for handling hogs. You're right. I should have 100% pulled that. That's my mistake. Alan Thicke starts wheelbarrowing. Oh yeah, he wheelbarrows. He like invents a new pig movement technique. I've been telling you this whole time since the Animal Fighting podcast, it's foolproof. Even the announcer, even Bob Fife is like, see, that's what I'm talking about. Pig farmers are paying attention to this.

Yeah, but it's fine, guys. The Humane Society was there and they were like, oh, we eat those. So you can kind of do whatever you want to of Alan. You can wheelbarrow a pig, Alan Thicke. You can wheelbarrow that pig all you want. Your TV's Alan Thicke! Jamie Farr only did half of a wheelbarrow. He just grabbed one of the pig's back legs and just kind of cranked on it. Yeah, that's worse. Alright, if the Humane Society's not gonna jump in here, what the fuck are they doing? They did say the Humane Society was there. They didn't say they had any power to stop this.

They could have just been hanging over like the fence over on the side going, fuck, what are you doing? Stop. The Humane Society is here. We blindfolded them. Won't somebody stop Alan Thicke? Next week, there's a quick draw contest. And this was a four man tournament and Dirk Benedict was in it. So it's just all him. Like, the speed difference between Dirk Benedict and everyone else is so hilarious. He had this little turn around half twist. Yeah, his technique too, like everybody else is turning all the way around and he's just like hunk posing. He's just giving you the over the shoulder look at my buns. Well, I

instantly demolished like heart shot every one of these targets. And the whole time he's got this fucking fantastic fringe white jacket, like just striking. That was the fringe I needed, yeah. Yeah, like, flowing with every movement, striking his JoJo poses and quick drawing targets, like, goddamn, that's what sex looks like. I don't think anyone else even hit the target. No, he fucking embarrassed him. Yeah, and he hit it twice as fast.

He's an executor. The little boys, like I said, this is when they come on through the slingshot match. I don't know why they thought anyone would want to sit through this. Fuck them for doing this. Give the kids knives and make them fight and the winner gets to do a body-swapping comedy with Sinbad. I'm just reading what it says in my notes. I mean, yeah, that would have been kinder. And they honestly seemed less competitive during this than they did during their song, and they were still very competitive.

Yeah, it's clear they don't like each other very much. The next event, I have a clip to set it up. I was in a western once called the Magnificent Seven. I guess if Bo had been in it, they'd have quality. Magnificent ten. Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Bo Derry. Good one, James Coburn. If I handed James Coburn that copy, I would expect him to fucking shoot me. Yeah, you run before he reads it. Yeah. Like, you can hand him that copy, he'll do it, he's a pro, but you run before he reads that.

You gotta be out of his reach. See, that's some horse dancing. This is definitely somebody's fetish, and she do it. He's a pro, but you run before he reads that you got to be out of his reach See that's some horse dancing. This is definitely somebody's fetish and she knows it. That's Bob Fife's fetish Bob Fife You played the clip he goes now. There's like Cowboys dream Bo Derek writing Roman style It sounds filthier than it is, but it's really filthy to Bob Fife. It's yeah, absolutely I got this VHS rip off the internet and whatever tape it was transferred from was real worn out on this part. Did you notice that? They liked that part a lot. Yup.

I guess it is. I guess it is a cowboy fetish to have like a chick riding two horses at the same time. But not like that. Not that way. She loves horse stuff. They do an interview with her and she is just like, I help around the countryside with branding. I love to brand. But I don't rope because I don't want to like pop my thumb and fingers off, which happens when you rope. She strikes me as like a really weird woman who never had to develop a personality because

she looks like a fuckable angel. You know what I mean? Like, like, what are you going to say to Bo Derek, other than you're my favorite person I've ever met? Yeah, like, when she said that thing about you you can get, you can lose your thumb and finger if you rope. So I think I'll do that, but like, not till I retire. It was such a weird comment. Like, just don't do it, Beau. You don't have to. Okay, I guess I'm the only one that thought it was way weirder that she travels around the country joining branding parties.

Like, just for the joy of branding an animal. Just not, not to like- Love searing. the country joining branding parties? Like just for the joy of branding an animal? Just not to like- Love searing. Yeah, not to do it to like preserve the property ownership of your cattle or whatever is a necessity. She's like, hey, you guys burning animals here? I'm Bo Derek. And they're like, fuck yeah, hop on in. You want to do it Roman style? Two at the same time. Yeah, didn't even clock that that was a strange hobby, honestly. That's the fucking craziest hobby I've ever heard.

Especially for like, just what was at the time the world's most beautiful woman, like Scarlett Johansson out here. I like to go door to door in the Middle East and just torture. Yeah, I love to give circumcisions. I just go around to... It's not a religious thing with me, though. And I don't ask permission. Go around to orphanages and watch children cry about their dead parents. You know, just... It's a... what a strange goddamn thing. It's already happening.

She's just observing it. Oh, she joins in! She said she joins in! Oh, okay. Never mind. Sorry. She specifically joins in. I erased that from my memory because I guess I was just like, Oh, Derek. She's mesmerizing. That's it. Like nobody else remembers the crazy shits he said in this interview. I only do because I wrote it down. Otherwise my only takeaway would be, every

cowboy's dream, Bo Derek writing romance. See, I thought it was weird right away because my heart belongs to Linda Blair. Like, Bo Derek does nothing. Nothing for me. And my heart belongs to Fringe, but she still got me. I'm going Dirk Benedict every time. Even with Marquee Post there. Dirk Benedict deserves it. Wild. Yeah. Um, next up is a bunch of boot scooting.

I skipped a hit. I don't know what the fuck this was. It was just some, some people taking turns clog dancing. Tell me why Nett came out next. It's a big musical block. And she, uh, they say she sings but this was pretty obviously lip syncing. Yeah, and it was a song about how cowboys aren't like good

lays, right? Yeah, cowboys don't shoot straight like they used to. They're lying pieces of shit and she's sick of them. All right. Yep. Bringing the vibe down. And then after that James Coburn is like, fucking cowboys are useless. Why are we, this is the end of the show. Why are we just now getting down on cowboys?

Like the show's been bad, but you're supposed to keep morale up. Yep. Let's see the final event. They do a three animal race. It's real weird. James Coburn says some real weird shit about how all these actors claim they can ride any animal that walks.

Now they have to prove it. And it's the, here comes comes Mash's Jamie Farr. Like, I don't think he's running around making this claim. It's a crazy introduction. Like, James Coburn is getting drunker and drunker throughout the show. And you can see it. You can like physically see it. Yeah, like this guy's main thing is being on Mash.

I don't think he's out here like, I could ride any animal. His credit was Mash and after Mash. Like, you know him from Mash MASH and the spin-off of MASH. Like, yeah, we, not everybody has a huge body of work, man. You're gonna rub it in. So Jamie Farr seems like he almost died on the steer. They make him do a donkey and a longhorn steer. This thing is cranky.

He had no control over it. He basically just jumped off and they're like, yeah, fuck it, I don't know what we're gonna do with it. And they, he's... That or die. Right. Then they had to get on the thousand pound super horse. It's like the Shack of Horses. Yeah, and that's just a regular horse.

So they just ride it, it's just very tall. Yeah, the bull tried to kill Alan Thicke. That's true. Good choice, bull. It just started taking off with him and he had to jump off and like run over the finish line himself. Uh and they were like and they were like, that's good enough. Alan Thick. No, it isn't. Yep. Somebody hold him accountable for anything. He's gonna keep doing this. Why won't anyone

stop Alan Thick? But James Covern promises that they'll be back again next year. It might not shock you that they were not. Yeah, this sucked. This was bad. Yeah, this was such a bad show. Oh my gosh, I'm surprised. This was yeah, this was the did not have the Charm of Circuits, Little Stars, especially because the end is do you have a clip of the end? Am I going to step on that? I can play the bag difficulty one again. Yeah, let's do that. Okay.

Now just look at the difficulty here. You have to ride with one hand, reach up and grab those bags with the other. And when you grab the second bag, now you got two in your hand. Einstein 100 Frankfurt. Einstein 100 Frankfurt. Einstein 100 Frankfurt.

Einstein 100 Frankfurt. Our podcast Knapst und mit Maximillen schau Sag Frankfurt Podcast? Korrekt! Ja! Die Kraft ist nicht trefft, die ist nicht ohne Schick die in die Hundesaal für eine Stunde Komm schon, du kennst die Nummer Einstein 100

Einstein 100 Frankfurt Einstein Neue Neue Einstein 100 Frankfurt From Hot Dog Studios, Orlando, we celebrate the all-new 37th annual Circus of the Supremes with big top performances from Aaron Crosston. Spitting on a silvery web high above ring number two, our next star becomes the lovely spider goddess. It's Adrienne H. Aidan Mouet. Alex Nolenberg. From the TV hit A Different World, it's Alpha Scientist Javo.

Anandi, Armando Nava, Bim Talzer, Brandon Garlak, the pretty young co-star of Just The Ten of us, Ryan Saylor, Burrito, Serrell, Cheddar Wolf, from the young and the restless, handsome leading man Kamen Common Sense will be... Eden by Tigers Craig Lemoine A familiar face to Dynasty viewers... Quavus Dan B.

David Schull Dean Costello Sports Great, the star of TV's First and Ten, and potential double-murderer Delta Foxtrot, Devin the Rogue Supreme, Doug Redmond, Drayson, Dusty's Rad Title, and now a magical duo, the entertaining co-host of Entertainment Tonight, Eric Christian Berg and-ho, a very popular and young comedian, Good Satan and his Hot Witches, Greg Cunningham, Haraka, Harvey Penguini, a new look for the actor who plays Bubba on Mama's Family, Hendrick Sorensen, Honk, Jaber Al-Aden, James Boyd, Here Tonight with a sword swallowing act, the multi-talented singer, actor and

hopefully sword swallower, Jared Clack, Jared Mountain Man, Jared Ruiz, high above the Hot Dog Studios burrito cart, Jeff Araski, John Dean, John McCammon, Mr. Belvedere himself, the amusing John Minkoff, Joseph Searles, Josh S. from the mega hit series Dallas the Mega Beauty, Joshua Graves, Justin B., Ken Paisley, K&M, coming up, Arrows for Kamutsus, Puppies for Lane Haygood, Lisa, M. Jahee Chapelle, Mark Mahoney, on a trebuchet designed to kill specifically and only him, Matt Riley, Max Berroy. Moju. Mercenary Sysadmin. The bright and beautiful co-star of Head of the Class, Michael Lehr. Mort.

Mr. Bob Gray. With the same delightful humor he brings to Newhart, ND. Neil Schaeffer. Nicku104. The delightful co-star of Perfect Strangers, Nick Lovino, Henri Weevil, Ozzy Olin, Patrick Herbst, the beautiful English actress who now co-stars on Dynasty, Rihanna, Sarkovsky, Sean Chase, Cee-id, one of the brightest stars of Night Court, Space Jam fan! Spotty reception, Super Knot, Tater's Tales, On the Trapeze and presumably flying tonight, co-star of Out of This World 10H!

Thomas Kavatsos, Timmy Leahy, from Guiding Light to Circus light, Toasty God. Tommy G. Making sweet, public love to an elephant, please welcome Velo. Booster. Waylon Russell. Zack and Ava. And making their spectacular big top entrances, Your Ringmasters, Neil Bailey and his partner, Mentor, Godmother, Lover, co-pilot, tail gunner, occasional

chauffeur, second for all duels in matters of both heart and honor, the lovely Bea Arthur.