The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 222, EXTRA LARGE with Merritt K

Episode Date: April 9, 2025

The DOGGZZONE welcomes back Merritt K! Extra Italian, extra sleepy, extra Estrada, EXTRA LARGE! From the depths of Italian television obscurity comes a spiritual successor to Hunk Week's sweaty slabs of beefy nonsense! Ingredients include extra PUNCH, extra OLD and extra... Winslow? YES! Never before has one man's singular "talent" ever been so underutilized to such great effect! A lumbering clobberfest awaits, set to the extra Euro New Jack Funk of Italy's very own, EXTRA LARGE!

1-900-HOT-DAUGHT 1-900-HOT-DAUGHT Our podcast slams with maximum hype Say hot dog podcast, word Yeah When you taste that nitrate power You're in the dog zone for an hour Come on

You know the number 1-900 1-900-HOT-DAUGHT Welcome to the Dog Zone 9000, the official podcast of 1900hotdog.com. We are the last website paying people for daily articles on deranged things. Nothing like it exists anywhere else anymore. And we can only do it if you support us at patreon.com slash 1900hotdog. You also get bonus podcasts, Discord events. That's the whole pitch. That stuff I just said is the entirety of advertisement we do across all our things we are not good at monetizing. I'm Sean Baby from the internet,

and my partner has a 78% Zowie rating at boysboysboys.boys.ru. He's a gigantic detective, a master of punch and seduction. He's Robert Brockway. Here's a Brockway fact. I have also been in a movie called Detective Extra Large, but it was a very different kind of movie. No follow up questions. I have no follow up questions. One follow up answer. Yes, there were a lot of Italians in it. My favorite Brockway fact. Our co-host, our guest is an author.

Oh, wow. You know what? Don't I just get fucking demoted? You know what? Did I just get fucking demoted? Our full main president, CEO, is an author, game developer, social media favorite, and columnist right here at 1900hotdog. She's a gigantic detective, a master of sound effects and seduction. She's Merritt Kay.

Woof woof, choo choo. Hey, what's up everybody? I'm crossing the street at night talking on my huge 90 cell phone. I hope nothing bad happens to me. Errr. That was me doing sound effects. I'm also a master of sound effects. Both of you exactly as good.

Both as good as the Italian guy they got to dub Michael Winslow. This will all make sense eventually. Yes, before we have a loose machinery sound effects face-off, let's plug Merit. I want to talk about Fledgling Manor. It now has over 100 reviews on Steam, a very positive rating. That's pretty fantastic.

Yeah, it's cool. I think what's happened is that our reach has yet to exceed people who know us. Everyone who's reviewing it likes it. And you know, the dream is to one day break out into like the wider world where people will start calling us woke and like screaming obscenities at us in the Steam forums. But you know, one day, one day, but yeah, it's cool.

It's a fun, you know, text narrative game about a vampire reality show and people seem to like it. And I had a good time making it with my friends. So yeah, you can check it out on Steam. Is it woke? Is this a fucking woke podcast? We tried to figure it out when we were making it cause we were like, well, there are black people in it.

So by default, I think kind of that. And then it's also a visual novel, which I think is a woke genre, unless it's about having sex with 17 year old school girls. So, and it's not about that. It's we thought about it, but I mean, is there like a, is there a woke slider? Can I adjust it? There should be a woke mod that you, well, there are, I mean, they've,

they've done that, right. It's just, it's just desaturation. They've had to like, on like the modding sites though, they've had to like take stuff down because people will make anti-woke mods for games. And they're just like, yeah, I don't know if we want the thing that takes off the, you know, the pride flags in Spider-Man.

I think we're good not hosting that one. Yeah. I could use a little more side boob in Spider-Man. I think we're good not hosting that one. Yeah. I could use a little more Syboob in Spider-Man. Is there an anti-woke mod that can give me a little more Syboob? I feel like that is a service that you will be well-served by mod DB for. Okay, I'll look at it. If literally every other game is any indication, then... Speaking of Syboob, that's my transition.

We're talking about Detective Extra Large today. Let's see, Merritt, you pitched this as an article on the same week I discovered it, because I was researching the Eric Estrada film Light Blast, and the director of that also created this show. Light Blast is an Italian cop movie about a villain who makes billboards explode with a laser. And I turned it into a board game to simulate Brock Way while he was away working on his novel because that's the life I've chosen for myself and it rules. That's how you feed your family. That's exactly how I feed my family. So we both discovered Extra Large. So when you pitched that I'm like, we got to do a team working article. So we wrote it together.

Do you want to do the very, very easy job of describing the show, Detective Extra Large? Yeah. A shaven Italian yeti kind of goes on a rampage. And I think in the process, like happens to solve a crime. But it's not like, I don't know that there's intent on his behalf. It's kind of just, he just clobbers things. He's sort of like a sweatier Hulk. Like, and when I say Hulk, I mean like Lufarigno Hulk, but also like not Jim Buff. He's like, he's the guy you would bet on

in a fight against a guy who is Jim Buff, because he is just like, he's like in Punch Out, like the bear guy, the Canadian, in this Super Nintendo one uh and he just clobbers people like he doesn't know how to fight he's just kind of swings his giant arms at them and it's more than enough my favorite thing I learned uh researching this uh was that he's called Detective Extra Large because in the show they find him so ridiculous that a cartoonist started drawing a cartoon of him, just his life, this huge detective's life, and called him Detective Extra Large. And then everybody in Italy just started calling him Detective Extra

Large. So he's like, he's out there trying to exist. And then he's also like, he's also fucking Charlie Brown or something. And they're all just like, what's up, Marmad exist and then he's also like, he's also fucking Charlie Brown or something and they're always like, what's up Marmaduke? And he's like fucking. It does add a real sadness to it, doesn't it? God. And then the cartoonist turns into a private detective that starts helping him in cases.

Right, he's not in the one we watched, I don't think that's a different guy. He always has a black sidekick, but it's like a different guy every time, or like there's like two or three different guys. And crucially also, this was an Italian show, but it's a Miami Vice. It's set in Miami, and it's just a Miami Vice. Hilariously set in Miami. Except there's this dangerous ogre who's just crushing the bones of lesser men.

See, the whole premise doesn't make any sense if you set this in America. Because there's so many detective extra larges in America. Like this is only unique in Italy where everybody is five foot five. Like, then it's a superpower to be a huge fat guy. Yeah, you see this guy at every buffet, nine of this guy at every buffet. His name is Bud Spencer. He's not a big star in America, but he seems absurdly beloved in Europe. After he died, they put up a bronze statue of him in downtown Budapest.

There's a German beat him up video game based on him. And he was an Olympic swimmer and water polo player for Italy. And he's made like 300 movies about different big guys punching people. I'm not the guy to explain him because I didn't discover him until he was like a sleepy 62 year old swatting his way through stunt guys in this knockoff Miami Vice. But he is completely adored by the people who made this show and presumably the people watching the show. So like there's that disconnect when you look at it, like who's this gigantic old guy? And then every one of the shows like,

oh, you're the sexiest man I've ever seen. He was a straight fucking hunk when he was a swim, when he was young. This is directly a Marlon Brando. This is a cheesesteak Marlon Brando. Yeah, that's our closest equivalent I would say. I wanna play the theme song for season one. It's incredible.

I want you to just picture jet skis jumping in and out of the water because that's all they're playing. It's not like here's the cast. It's every instrument. Extra heart. That's so much funkier than I would have assumed. They do not have the same cultural shorthand for here's a show about a big fat guy that America does. We would have used a lot of tubas, some trombones, and a guy with a real deep voice going, you the big man around the house.

And they're like, no, no, this guy fucking fucks. You got to watch out. Technica extra large. Was that the James Bond sting? Were there like a few notes of the James Bond theme? There was. And there was also some It Takes Two to Make a Thing Go Right. Yes, in the one we watched, season two, it opens with it takes two.

It's not though, it's not it takes two to make it, it's the Italian IP theft version. It's a little shaft too. It's a spiritual successor to the shaft theme. Season two, they went a little bit of a different direction, but not too different. I'm gonna play that too. Everybody knows that sample. You can't use that. Just frantic early 90s club mix mixed with, at first the gunshots are kind of rhythmic

and then they just said fuck it and there's just gunshots. And those are not all from clips from the show. Some of those gunshots are happening way off frame. Sean cut 90% of that song and it's all gunshots. It's just gunshots throughout the whole thing. My favorite song though is one I didn't even have on the soundboard until Merit reminded me. This is the closing theme where they actually use a gun as one of the instruments. Someone in the band is just throwing rounds into the crowd. That's how they play it live.

You gotta bring like a Gallagher bib to cover I took the whole thing. The whole thing is like this. There's a part here where I like the double shot. That cracked me up so bad. I watched the whole thing. This is like a TV movie. It's like 80 minutes long. And I had it at like 1.5 speed for most of it,

but I watched the whole thing and I don't speak Italian. So I was just kind of guessing what was happening, but that, like the punchline of that song, just with like the two gunshots at the end there, just made the entire thing completely worthwhile. Okay, this- Absolutely. This answers a question I only realized like right before we recorded this podcast, when you started playing the song and I was like,

wait a minute, did you guys have a subtitled version? It's like, no, I did. I did not have a subtitled version, and it never occurred to me to ask for it. Like the title sequence, I the title sequence was just it told me, I speak this language. It was just, it's Eric Estrada, it's saxophones, it's ninjas. It's a big guy on a little motorcycle at one point. And I was just like, yeah, yeah, I get it. You don't have to, I don't have to understand a fucking word.

Say no more. Yeah, the whole show is just made out of like American 80s debris. Like the other guest stars that we mentioned Lou Ferrigno, there's Pat Marita, Eric Estrada. His sidekick in season one is Philip Michael Thomas, and then they replace him with Michael Winslow. By the way, at least 20% of this podcast is going to be me talking about Michael Winslow. We'll get to him. But I guess what I'm what I'm trying to say is you do speak the

language of XRRLRD even if you don't know Italian because it is just what they think by the numbers Miami Vice is, but then they kind of mess everything up in a way that I love. It's perfect. I would actually, I guess I would like subs, like somebody's subtitle is some bring it over. It's just like if I, if I ever get to retire, which obviously not. Like this should, this should be on TV all day at the rest home. Like this is what, this is what it takes to get me, to keep me from getting too riled up, like this is, this is my comfort watch. No one, it feels like very few people, like we were saying earlier, like no one in the States has seen these or I mean, probably a few people have, but like, when I went on Letterboxd to see if they were on here, I logged this one and like the only reviews of it were either in Italian or like

Dutch. So like Europeans again, crazy for this guy, but we just, I don't know, like no one, even when we posted the article, like there were a few people in the discord being like, oh yeah, no, I love Bud Spencer from the Terrence and Slaps and Beans video game or whatever. But yeah, it's bizarre. Well, when we did the article, I framed it like we were learning how to fight from extra large because I loved my favorite trope of the show is despite his lumbering non-speed, he solves every problem with just sudden punch. So if a guy has him at gunpoint, his solution every single time

is just grab the gun and bonk him. But I'm making it sound way too fast. Like he's like, oh, god damn it. I'm fucking get up for this. These old bones. And then he grabs the gun. He's like 60 here, right? Yeah.

There's real exertion. He's over 62, I want to say. In every movement. Yeah. Anyway, I just like the ogre paw bonk is so funny to me. But again, the show is written and produced by people who love him. And so he's put in these scenes where women like swoon over him while he plays the saxophone.

And when I say saxophone, I mean, he plays like a gigantic. He plays the Monster Hunter saxophone. It is this gigantic. But they gave him the one instrument that makes him look normal size. I say I think they should have given a ukulele or a triangle or something to play it up. Yeah, I didn't know they made big and tall instruments. I mean, I guess it checks out. He has those hands. You gotta have special like valves for those hands. He is not playing a normal instrument with those hands. Those fucking rock-biter hands.

The point that keeps, I keep getting reminded of as I watch it is that they still picture him as some water polo beef Adonis while this old man is like mumbling his lines from a chair. He's literally Don Johnson in this show like this opens with them in the him and Michael Winslow in the actual like Miami Vice suits. And they come out coming off of a boat to have like a fancy lunch. It's it's very clear he's Don Johnson in this. Absolutely. He's wearing a Hawaiian shirt,

but it's an undersea scene, such as you might see on a child's bedspread or like, I don't know. And then also his eyes. That was given to him by the King of Atlantis in season one, episode four. And also I realized in this first scene and, like, throughout, his eyes are, like, not even fully open.

No, he's just a sun-cured ham. He's just wrinkles and freckles and eyes swollen, completely shut, like he's having an allergic reaction. Two hot dogs. Two hot dogs out of five. Yeah, I made fun of the lost, the King of Atlantis thing, but that's kind of the plot lines they run. Like it's so 80s.

It was made in like early 90s, but obviously that means it's just maximum 80s. But they did a mystical ninja episode, but actually wrote that one with Pat Morita. And I mean, the ninja teleports, they have like psychic combat it's fucking awesome. I gotta watch that. Yeah it's really good. There's one where he dresses up like an Indian. Of course. There's one where they fight a voodoo cult, there's a demon cult.

It's just the best. I would have told you all of these? Absolutely. You would have been able to name all these if I said you know just put a gun to your head but of course your extra-large instincts would have grabbed the gun and bonked me and completely incapacitated. And just straight hammed you. Just hammed you into a wall. Yeah, I love it. But anyway, he's also kind of a reacher,

which means that like nobody in the show, character wise knows that he's invincible. Yes. So there's like all these normal sized dudes with no chance. He's like an obvious death ham. And they're just like, you'll never, we're gonna put a stop to you.

Oh, what the fuck's happening? I've been bonked. A gentle little Italian man. Just let me enrage the American monster. Like, it's like there are scenarios that would happen in a show like Reacher in this episode, but then there's also stuff where like, you know, like an elderly governor tries to attack him. in a show like Reacher in this episode, but then there's also stuff where like,

like an elderly governor tries to attack him. And it's like, what was your ideal outcome here, sir? Like he has 200 pounds on you. Also, you know, within the universe, even if you're like, okay, yeah, that's a 60 year old man who has seen better days. In the universe, you know, he's just an invincible murder machine. Everybody knows. Do you remember how that scene ended? They like hold him back. And then what

does Extra Large do? What does Extra Large do? I don't remember. Can I steal? He box. He actually, he grabs the lady, the nearest beautiful lady by the hand and gives her a little kiss. And he is forever in love. Right, yes. Like they're dragging the evil governor away and he's like, oh, hey, it's a lady. He's already moved on. Like the mind of the evil governor like, yes, I will fight this human landslide. Like, yes, yeah, I'm gonna fight this human natural disaster

that buried a small village in like rural Italy, absolutely. He doesn't even flinch, they hold him back and he's like, just let him go, let him bounce off of me. One other thing I like about these fight scenes is they're really aggressively not complicated. Like grabbing punchers is only moves. There's one scene I found in the article where he's fighting four guys and they jump him near a power box.

Now, I've seen enough TV to know what's about to happen. That's like a fish tank, like that thing that the clock is ticking until somebody's getting put through that. There's only one question you have when you see that and that's are they going to do the see-through bones effect or not? That's the only question. But no, he like deliberately grabs two guys and aims them away from the power box. He's like this reverse Jackie Chan. Like he's walking through a world of ladders and ignoring every single one of them to just hand bash alone. At some point, I just wonder if it

was deliberate to just make it like just a gag, like a running gag where like, we're just, or like, do they just not have a lot of prop budget? Like they can't destroy the set because they have to reuse it for the Italian UT next week. There's not a lot of rules in, in, around filming in Italy. Like, yeah. That's true. I learned that from Light Blessed. There's no way they're paying for it to like film in any of these places.

They're just showing up. Yeah. I mentioned Light Blessed. There's no way they're paying for it to like film in any of these places. They're just showing up. Yep. I mentioned Light Blessed because there are scenes that they film in San Francisco and scenes they film in Italy. And you can tell the ones in Italy, like they had a little less value for the life of the stunt man.

Like there's some where you're like, okay, what was, like a guy will get hit by a car. You're like, did they even tell him they were going to do that? Like that guy is fucking dead. I guess we can kind of go through the episode we watched, even though none of us speak Italian. But just as a framework for our extra large discussion, we talked about the opening scene where the evil governor tries to pick a fight. We should also mention Michael Winslow again, because he did replace Philip Michael Thomas, who was the hunk from Miami Vice, not Don Johnson.

He was the smoldering hunk with two R&B albums and they replaced him with the whoop whoop guy from Police Academy. And I think it's the right choice. Crucially, they dub him. They dub the sound. The only thing that guy has is sound effects. That's the only reason he's a thing is his incredible sound effects and they dub him with not only an Italian man, but an Italian man doing a naughty

little British fop accent. Like he's like, Oh, yeah. Like what the fuck are you doing? And then they make him, they don't even cut the dub to do the sound effects. Right. That's true. They make the Italian guy do the Italian version of the sound effects. It's true. That's the craziest thing. They make the Italian guy do the Italian version of the sound effects and he's just going like, whoop, whoop bark, bark, bark. There's nothing like it. It is such insanity. But I think they did need a silly guy

because his character is not a seduction expert. Extra large is the team sex appeal, the elderly obese man, of course. So I guess if you're adding it all up, extra large is the muscle, the charm, the saxophone, the wild obese man, of course. So I guess if you're adding it all up extra large is the muscle, the charm, the saxophone, the wild card and the brains. So the only thing they need from the sidekick is zany.

And Philip Michael Thomas is like a hundred percent hunk. Like you can't, he's pulling away the sex appeal onto his side. Anyway, I'm just saying it's a good direction they went. Yeah, you need a Michael Winslow, a Rob Schneider would have been good. You can slip a Rob Schneider or David Spade in there. Absolutely.

I feel like you get a David Spade, you're gonna have all fat jokes. Yeah, but I think he'd be scared enough of Detective Extra Large. Like there's not the control of a Chris Farley there. That's true, yeah. Yeah, I think what I would like about that is as the season progresses,

more and more limbs would have been torn off of David Spade. Yeah, you would just see him more beaten down and polite until at the very end, he's just not talking at all. He's just a head in a jar saying sorry a lot. I'm trying to think what happens in this episode. I'm not a reliable witness, obviously, but Eric Estrada is plotting revenge from prison. He's a recurring character in this. An extra-large is playing saxophone in the bar.

This is where we first see Michael Winslow doing sound effects. And that's when, obviously, the strangest thing I've ever seen where the the man who's famous for sound effects is being dubbed by someone going boop boop I am picking up the phone now boop boop I actually took a clip of it you can hear how bad this is We can't answer right now. Please leave a message after the signal. Like, like the Italians could be like, no, he did the wrong boop. I, we boop differently over here. It's not even like dubbed right. Like he's shaking his face around and then you hear this boop. Uh, it's world class nonsense. Champion insanity.

Uh, also when I was a kid, police academy, Michael Winslow did this thing where he did the full like kung fu scene where scene where his speech wasn't dubbed correctly. So he'd move his mouth and then say the words. And I thought that was such an amazing display of physical comedy. And at whatever I was, eight, I thought it was maybe the funniest thing that could ever be. I still think it's really good.

So for him to do that unironically, it's just such an extra layer of tragedy for him to sort of call back to one of my favorite bits as a child but back to this Eric Estrada he breaks out of prison he frames extra large for something I couldn't understand any of this but it happens fast like three minutes of like Eric Estrada getting out and then them arresting extra large putting him in prison they're doing a prince in the pauper thing, which is incredible When you're when the entire premise of your show is fucking nobody looks like this guy

Nobody's this huge. It's Reacher except for they're like, okay, and now there's a second Reacher. Who do you cast? We found a guy who vaguely looks like Reacher if we put a pillow on his tummy like 30 30 years younger, easily. Okay, so what happens, as I remember it, is that there's this woman who is running against the shitty current governor who everyone hates because he gets booed on a talk show. And then this lady Vance is running against him. Extra Large is running against him.

Extra large is like friends with her. And so they hit her with a car. Like, can we pause the car scene? Cause I don't, I don't think they, they didn't hit her with it. She got hit by a car. She was walking across the street, on the phone, never looked in any direction in the middle of the night. And here's the incredible part, as the car is bearing down on her,

if they were trying to kill her, why did they honk? That was Michael Winslow trying to save her. Just the worst possible sound effect he could have made. Yeah, no, it truly looks like she did not want to live. And she really, and it doesn't cut away. Like you see her fly over the hood. You see her like apparently lifeless body like tumble off the back.

It's pretty violent. Yeah, that was filmed in Italy. That's how you know it was filmed in Italy. Yeah, they killed a stuntman in a wig for that one. But so they then like, I don't know if this is all part of the plan, because I don't speak Italian, but she's in the hospital. And then they assume that the evil governor did it, I think. And then it seems like extra large drives his car up onto the governor's lawn

and walks inside and just like shoots him a few times, but they don't show his face. So it's like, oh, it's obviously not him. It's this imposter. But then that this is all Eric Estrada's plan to get revenge on Extra Large. Yeah. He hired an Extra Large clone, which is, again, an outlandish for this is the only premise of your show is that nobody is this guy. They do have a couple of bullies in prison. Then I really like because they do a scene where extra large has to pick a bed and they're like, no, you can't have that bed. And they like really make a meal out of it like, like, no, you can't have that bed either.

Let's do 11 more of these. And then it just sort of fades out like, oh, is this how bad it is in an Italian prison? Like, a couple of bulls. How do they tell him you can't have that bed? For like 20 minutes, they're just gently tutting him. And like, I was like, yeah, I guess this probably scans for Italian prisons.

Wait, this is supposed to take place in America? Like, they don't touch ya. They don't touch ya. I mean, they touch ya. They do show up that night and try to murder him in his sleep. And he bashes him to sleep so easily. Like maybe one guy lands a shot before extra large catches one of his punches and punches him with it, his own hand.

It's one of his signature moves. There's like bone crackling sound effects. He's like doing the thing that like someone in a superhero movie does where like you block the punch by just grabbing the fist and then make them bend over by like crushing their hand. Like he is so overpowered. It's crazy. Like does he have to at the end? Does he have to pose them? Like like skanks in a Boris Vallejo painting. Yeah, so it looks like a Conan cover. He's sitting, he's reclining back on the table very opulently, and he poses both of the defeated men as clutching his legs with their faces resting gently in his lap.

And his huge meaty hands on each of their heads, like, these are my women now. No one has ever taken over a prison harder. It's so, it's so King Conan. There's one thing during the like booking of extra large, they put him up against the wall for the mugshot and it appears that he's six foot two. Yeah, he's not a shack. That's all it takes to be Reacher in Italy.

He's one inch taller than me. Yeah, the exchange rate was really bad in Italy in the nineties. You're telling me if I stood on my tiptoes, I could have been Italy's reacher. You would have been great as Italy's reacher. When they book him, they do a little gag where he can't quite fit into the cell door. He has to turn sideways. And also the scenes where Eric Estrada is breaking out of jail

and then when he is put in jail are sort of right next to each other. And the cops sneak up on him in his house while he's sleeping in his little undershirt and there's like 20 cops pointing guns at him and he's just like, Oh man, what is it this time? Like, come on, I'm trying to sleep here. I'm so sleepy. He's so sleepy. And what I like in the Eric Estrada jailbreak,

first he forces two guards to shoot each other up with presumably like morphine or something at gun points, they fall asleep, and he can make an escape. And then he escapes by jumping off the roof, smashing through the covered roof of a truck and landing right next to a beautiful woman and like three bottles of champagne and just starts laughing maniacally. It's fucking baller.

It's baller. Although if he was an inch off, he would have drop kicked that woman to death. Yeah, or gotten a champagne right up the ass. Or both. Just murdered a woman and got it in a champagne enema from three stories. That's the only way I can finish. One thing I love about this show is everyone throws spin kicks.

It's such a karate universe. One of the oafish guys in the prison, this 300 pound doofus, tries a spinning crescent kick in his fist fight with Extra Large. It does not work, but I just like that everyone in the universe is in orange belt. And then, um, and Extra Large crushes both his hands. It's a great fighting style. Um, where are we at now? He gets out of prison and he has to fight like an evil Extra Large, just a guy who has to- he beats the shit out of him for like five minutes rather than two seconds. Wait, wait, wait, hold on. Because there's a whole like prison arc. I don't know if you scrubbed past it, but like there's a whole thing of he's just like dominating the prison.

He just starts stealing the food from his cell mates because they don't give him enough food to remain extra large. And then how's these like- I can't be normal large. There's one shot where like it shows him from the side and he has the biggest pit stains I have ever seen. It's like, it was kind of distracting. I said there's, they normally, they, Sean said this at the start, they treat him

and it's so surprising coming from like America, the way America would deal with this in the nineties, they treat him like all of his fatness is majestic and it's just all of it is pure strength, of course. And so they make a couple of fat jokes. It's still the 90s. But they don't make a lot. I think it was the cell. Like, you have to go in sideways through the cell was like one. And there's one where he like steals all the other prisoners' food because like he's the boss now.

I don't think the pit stains were a fat joke. I think that's just a tragic reality. Yeah, yeah. I think it was just hot in Italy that day. But I did notice that because this is an Italian prison, even though they're pretending it's an American prison, there are pictures of lovely lemon water on each of the prison tables? Well, Eric Estrada had wine in his jail cell. Right. And you were thinking like, that's because he's the fucking kingpin. I get that shorthand. We do that shit all the time. Like he's living it up in prison. No, on all of the tables,

there's a pitcher of water with like lemon slices in it. You're like, no, the prisoners don't they don't get that here You guys we don't do the lemon water Cucumber what no They don't get water. It's adorable. He does Get taken prisoner They a bunch of guys show up and they're smart enough to stand far enough away from from grab distance that he's taken prisoner And they take him to a warehouse But Michael Winslow is spotting on them

from the trunk of his tiny red car. His car is so fucking funny. I think that is not supposed to be funny. He escaped with a bumper car from a family fun center is what he did. They think that's so, it's literally supposed to be cool though. Like that shows up a bunch of times in the episode.

And the first time he pulls to a stop, he has to grab his own knees and pull them up to his chest in order to swivel out of this tiny, tiny car. But then later he like drives up and there's like a cool cool city kid who's like, Oh, shit, what a fucking fine ass car. I didn't, I don't have the subtitles, but I know that's what he said. Really? Do you know how he escapes with that tiny car? They said, hey, you can't take that car. And he said, whoop, whoop, whoop. And they said, holy shit, that's the sound of that car being behind me.

And then he left with the car. Works every time. Eric Estrada shows up and he throws drugs everywhere. I love Eric Estrada's character so much. My notes say he makes a salt circle of cocaine around himself to keep out straight edge demons in an episode of Angel that everyone hated. Can't get to me, nerd-ass demon. They had him, so all the mooks come and they barge in on the fight

when he finds his body double, when he finds normal large, and they face off, and it turns out he's not large enough. It turns out you have to be extra large in order to take extra large. But like the mooks grab him and take him from this like clearly zoned for murder warehouse and bring him all the way to the Kingpin's cocaine storage center. Like let's bring him to the one place where there's all of the evidence in the world and like already laughing about that. And then Eric Estrada gets there and just pulls out cocaine and starts showing it to him like look at all of my cocaine What are you doing? They also bring the pretender lurch with them and I couldn't tell at first because obviously I

Was like wait is this because they can't tell which is what I thought they were gonna do the shoot the wrong one Yeah, because they have both of them at gunpoint. He's so good. Oh, wait, no, he's not in his 30s. I remember that much. I think the thing that stuck with me most about the scene was how Michael Winslow sneaks in to like hatch his scheme, but like he's from the wrong genre. Like everyone else is like prison stabbers and cocaine murderers.

And then Michael Winslow is like tiptoeing in like a cartoon kitty cat trying to steal a pie. And then he saves the day, of course, because he's Michael Winslow, by doing the sound effects over the PA system of the cops being here. But again, they have the Italian guy dubbing him who can't do sound effects. So he's just making, he's going, wee-oo, wee-oo, come on, I'm a cop, come on. You're not gonna believe this, Brockway. I have a clip. Oh, okay. Arrivederci al mondo, Jack. Portatelo via.

Pfft, pfft, pfft. Pfft. Ha ha ha ha ha. Pfft. Pfft. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha.

Il magazino è circondato. Circondato. Puffate le albi. Albi. Puffate le albi. Puffate le albi. Puffate le albi. Puffate le albi. Puffate le albi. Puffate le albi. Puffate le albi. Puffate le albi. You're a bastard! You're a bastard! You're a bastard! You're a bastard! You're a bastard! You're a bastard! You're a bastard!

You're a bastard! You're a bastard! You're a bastard! You're a bastard! You're a bastard! You're a bastard! You're a bastard! You're a bastard!

You're a bastard! You're a bastard! You're a bastard! You're a bastard! You're a bastard! You're a bastard! You're a bastard! You're a bastard!

You're a bastard! You're a bastard! You're a bastard! You're a bastard! You're a bastard! You're a bastard! You're a bastard! You're a bastard! You're a bastard! You're a bastard! You're a bastard! You're a bastard! of filming, I'm assuming they didn't know there was gonna be dub. So they all scattered. They're like, it looks like they're the biggest idiots in the fucking world.

Like somebody got on a PA and went, wee-oo, wee-oo, and they went, fuck, the cops are here. What are we gonna do? Cause it is, he's doing like morning DJ sounds mixed with machine guns and dogs. An actual clip of dogs, like small dogs. Yeah, I guess his sound effects are so good. They thought there was a tiny DJ getting killed by machine guns and dogs in the intercom speaker.

There's no way. Like he wouldn't have put any effort, he wouldn't have bothered doing the sound effects if Michael Winslow knew they were going to dub him when he was filming this. So he must have found out when he got like the clip, when he saw the show, he was like what? Exactly. Okay, I didn't know they were gonna dub me but surely they won't did they jump over the sound effects why did they have me like italy now just thinks that michael winslow is a goofy guy who tries to do sound effects and just kind of can't it was intentionally bad at sound effects that's why they oh that's funny it's funny he can't do the sound effect but he tried to do it anywhere.

He found a microphone. Because this was huge there. What if like some what if he goes there and somebody recognizes him and they're like oh it's the guy that does the terrible sound effects it would hurt his feelings so much. It would eat him alive. And then he would make incredible sound effects and they'd be like why didn't you do that on the fucking show that's amazing. Yeah that sounds crazy.

It takes them like a full two minutes to think, oh, we should go kill whoever's fucking around in the office right next to us. Like that someone's making sound effects on our PA system. The office where you would do that is literally right here. I can look in the window here. I'm going to play more of this clip because it wasn't even close to done and I don't think anyone will believe me unless I play this. The fucking muppets are invading. So one of those last gunshots they finally found where Michael Winslow was. The only office in this tiny warehouse where you could do what he's doing and they started shooting at him. That's 51 seconds and that wasn't even all of it. Just a child playing with action figures. Yeah or like did you ever have like that that one kind of like toy laser in the 80s and 90s

that would just make three sounds that rotated through them and one of them was just like that would just make three sounds that rotated through them. And one of them was just like, pew, pow. I mean, he's clearly got like a kazoo or something at one point. Like the police, I don't use the kazoo so much. I don't know. I mean, I'm not from maybe in Italy in the nineties,

there was such thing as a police kazoo. I feel like if you just did the machine guns and it sounded like a machine gun, people might think we're being shot at by a machine gun. But the dogs and the morning DJ, I feel like it can't be anything other than someone fucking around on a PA. That's just like, I don't know, maybe I was raised different. And then the snork voices. Right? The snork.

I wouldn't think, my god, also the snorks are here. We've got to take cover. It was fucking incredible. For a full minute, a full minute, he does it. Anyway, they start shooting at him and he runs away. But then he fires back. He misses with every bullet he fires. I'm 99% certain he never hits a single thing he's ever aimed at in the show. And there is an episode where he opens fire next to grade school. He misses

point blank rage. Thank God, I think it's time to talk about Michael Winslow. He hasn't done a ton since police academy. And that's okay. I think he was really beloved when he made those. They were super fun and original that to have sound effect powers. But there's only enough applications of that for maybe one movie, you can make it, you know, sound like someone noisy is nearby or do a prank phone call, but that's kind of it. That's the limits of your power. But Police Academy, they'd have him do things like he'd make a fart sound and people would be like, oh no, I think I farted.

So I guess my point with that is that trying to find a use for this ability, it broke the police academy writers brains. And it might have broken Michael Winslow because he went on to be more famous for having an absurd ego. Which brings me to punsteria's 200 plus puns about Michael Winslow that will whoop you in the, I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding. For a second there, I really thought they would do it. I wouldn't put it past them.

Yeah. I wouldn't have been surprised. I could have gotten 10 or 12 in and you'd never know I was kidding. There's a story Nick Swartzen told about him that went viral. It inspired a 2024 cracked article that is just 100 words transcribing it with an embedded video. You all remember that classic 2024 cracked article about it. Anyway, I have a clip. I remember I brought up Michael Winslow from Police Academy. He's the guy that does sound effects. And I went up to him and I'm like, hey, I'm emceeing.

What do you want for your intro? And he goes, don't talk to me, please get it for my manager. And I'm like, OK, but you like you're right here. Yeah. They can just tell me. So I go to his manager. He's like, yeah, don't do that. And I'm like, OK, OK, OK, what the fuck? I swear to God, he goes, write this down.

Police Academy one, Police Academy two, Police Academy three, Police Academy four, Police Academy five. I was like, can I just say Police Academy? All the police academies? Yeah. But I have to fucking number them. What do you fucking? The fuck out of here? Okay.

So I tried to find more videos from, because I figured Michael Winslow would have reacted to this. I didn't really find anything. He doesn't really have an online presence. There was a clip that goes around him every now and then. He was on a Norwegian talk show like 15 years ago, and you can really get a sense of his ego, but also his talent

I'm gonna play a clip it's incredible if you haven't watched this. Let me set up the drums here. Yeah, which song is it? That's my Owens look. And that's exactly the real guitar. Yeah, what do you want to do? And that's like that with the real guitar. Yeah. What do you want to do? Legs up and you want to do the original artist's key of E? Yeah.

Alright. Like this. That's my crew. So incredible, right? It's amazing they didn't cut that and substitute him with a Dutch guy. Just going boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, drum, drum. But you could hear that ego at the start where he's like, let's play Led Zeppelin in, do you think maybe in the original artist's key of E? Like, what the fuck, dude? Get the fuck out of here.

But here's the thing is you could tell from that he thinks his gift is like a little too precious and valuable to waste except on special occasions, which is why I think he must have been eaten alive by the dubbing that they did in extra large. He's not like on TikTok cranking out bird calls and machine gun noises. The first video I found was one he posted pretty recently called, and I quote, sound effects extraordinaire and comedy genius with two S's. It's exactly one minute long because I think it was required of him to make a video that was one minute long. It's amazing. I'm going to play the whole thing even though he runs out of things to say in 30 seconds. Everybody, Michael Winslow, noisy man here. Good to see you all. And to all of the troops in Poland, I'm coming somewhere near the military base, near you, live. Looking forward to seeing you all. I'm coming to Poland. I'm going to do some great shows. We're going to do music. We're going to do comedy.

What am I going to do? Well, of course, there's going to be the noises, but of course there's going to be noises but of course it's gonna be gonna be that too music comedy and of course tune in and it's gonna be a lot more of everything get ready to enjoy the show this is gonna be a good one I look forward to seeing you all so make sure you tune in and you know where to go look at the bottom of your screen for more information and of course MichaelWinslowMedia.com. So if you don't mind, I'm going to get my AI in. You may start your message now.

Major. He made me look at what? What? How did he run out of things to say so soon? I don't know. It was like 15 seconds in. But like American troops stationed at Poland, he's like, hey, all 11 of you for this warfront we're not engaged in.

And when he says look at the bottom of your screen for more information, first of all, there's nothing on the bottom of the screen. Second of all, you're going to the military base where they live. Or he said, I'll be near the military base where you live. Oh, it's unofficial. I don't even know. He's just cruising around Poland doing volunteer USO

shows off base. But I just also love that the not. I'm sorry, Merrick. I'm sorry to do this to you. Yeah, give me another clip. Just coming on and being like, we're going to do some of this. What the fuck was that, Michael? Also a little bit of...

Oh, wait, was there no visual on those? No, that was just him sucking on a microphone. Holy shit. Okay, I assumed he showed a clip while he was doing that that made it make sense in context. No, no, we're just supposed to be impressed that he made a windy noise with his mouth. It's amazing that he doesn't realize what he has when he only has one thing.

You have the sound, you can make sound effects of things. Don't just make sound effects. It's like of things. Right, yeah. That was not a thing. Yeah,. It's like of things. Right, yeah. Yeah. That was not a thing. Yeah. No thing has ever made that sound effect. And like the context is people think it's the thing.

Right. That's what's impressive. I can make sounds that aren't a thing. You make really interesting sounds, but like if it's just a weird noise, it's nothing. People are like, yeah, that's weird. Do one that I know. Can you play one of the hits like Police Siren? Or Dog Barking?

Yeah, ooh, Dog Barking? Mixed with radio, DJ, and machine gun? How do you not know what you have when you've only had one thing for like 40 years? AI bloop. Beep. Made your luck. At the computer?

What? We thought a real robot was here. I have to assume at this point, like, obviously this is, it's a really cool talent and it's genuinely impressive when he's making sounds that are of things. That said, I have to assume if I go on TikTok or YouTube now and search like, dark guy doing sound effects and find a way to filter out the Michael Winslow stuff, there are going to be at least dozens of people who, who do this now, right? Because this is one of those things that's like really impressive on like a talk show or in a movie in the eighties and nineties.

And, uh, you're like, well, I can't do that. And then it's like, yeah, but it turns out there are like a lot of people in the world and more than one of them can probably do that. So like, I don't know, maybe he's self-conscious about that. Maybe someone came up to him one time after a show and was like, hey, Michael, big inspiration to me and I learned how to do this. And he was just like, never do that again. I own police siren. Right. I challenge you to a siren off.

This doesn't seem like the kind of talent where you welcome other people, like a community of people doing it. Those people seem to be more like threats rather than kind of a creative community of people. You say that, but I do own two books about making sound effects. And I like them because I don't know as a reader if I'm doing it

Right, which is very funny to me. Yeah, it's not a but it's not a book thing. Put your lips together and go I'm like, all right. I'm nailing this. Here's another thing I noticed the very last credited person on the cast and crew is the assistant to Michael Winslow I think it's maybe because that's the most vital job on the set is keeping this guy's baby ego in check Speaking of closing credits. I think we can go out on this. That's enough podcasting for the day. Now. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Wait for it. Here it comes. Aw, shit. It's a shotgun. Bring in the big gun. Double up. Yes!

He he he he he he he. BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! I am a bird! I am a bird! That's enough pistol shots, time to bring in the zany fucking clown music again.

Oh, what a show. Yeah! The craft is not trapped, it's not empty! Send it to the dog zone, for an hour! Come on, you know the number! 1-900 1-900-Frankfurt 1-900-Loyer-Loyer 1-900-Frankfurt 1-900 1-900-Frankfurt

1-900-Loyer-Loyer Yeah! 9000! Einstein, who did Frankfurt? Einstein, no, you know, you knew it! Yeah, 9000! On Hot Dog Beach, you're never alone. Somebody's always got your back. And if you're ever in trouble, just look for... The Supremes. Aaron Crosston. Adrian H.

Alex Nolenberg. AlphaSciencesJavo. Anandi. Armando Nava. Aaron Crosston Adrian H Alex Nolenberg Alpha Scientist Javo Anandine Armando Nava Autumn Armstrong-Berg is helping a lost child return to their family. Finn Talzer Brandon Garlok Brian Saylor

Brockway famously loves the meat millie, is fighting a gang of fentanyl addicted dolphins. Burrito Seryl is dealing with the festive aftermath of a birthday hang gliding accident. Cheddarwool Common Sense Craig Lemoine Quavis is escorting the President of the United States of America on his annual beach jog. Dan B David Schull Dean Costello

Delta Foxtrot Devin the Rogue Supreme Doug Redmond is helping a lost family return to their child. Drayson Dusty's Rad Title Elizabeth Shope just taught a suicidal swimming hobo that life is worth living again. Elliot Watson was that suicidal swimming hobo. Now he's the CEO of a jet ski company. Eric Christian Berg. Eric Rhea. Fancy Shark.

Gareth is trying to save beach Christmas from jaded elves just here to party. Jell-o-ho. Good Satan and his Hot Witches. Greg Cunningham. Haraka. Harvey Penguini. Hendrick Sorensen is getting beach audited by beach accountants.

Honk. Jaber Al Aydin. James Boyd. Jared Clack is helping a lost child and family return to their dog. Jared Mountain Man Jared Ruiz Jeff O'Rasky John Dean John McCammon John Minkoff

Joseph Searls is trying to warn those teens their volleyball is actually a bomb. Josh S Joshua Graves Justin B Ken Paisley K&M Kamutsus KVH has to assassinate the Jogging President to prove to the Party Elves there's still magic at the beach! Lane Haygood

Lisa M. Jahee Chappelle Mark Mahoney Matt Reilly Max Beroy is trying to return a lost Jogkeying president to his worried secret service agents Moju Mercenary sysadmin Michael Lair Mort Mr Bob Gray just had his lifeguard truck stolen by a lost child ND Neil Bailey Neil Schaeffer

Neku104. Nick Lavino. Orn Rewievel has collected all 7000 Lost Beach children. Into an ad hoc army and declared war on hot dog beach. Ozzy Olin. Patrick Herbst. Rhiannon. Russell Baumann's suicidal swim hobo Bran Jetski just exploded. It's not a good company, folks. Sarkovsky. Sean Chase. Seed. Space Jam fan is now helping the jaded party elves revenge themselves upon Beach Santa.

Spotty Reception. Super Knot. Tater's Tales. Ted H. Timmy Leahy owes so much money in fucking beach taxes, there's just no way up at the sea, Toasty God, Tommy G, Velo, Vuster, Waylon Russell, Yvonne Clapham just saved another suicidal swimming hobo and taught him that the real beach taxes

a little something called love and friendship everybody Zach and Ava Thomas Kovatsos is just trying to do a classic gender swapped Prince and the popper scam to save his grifter mother but this beach is fucking crazy some people stay in the darkness