The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 225, The Milky Life with David Bell

Episode Date: April 30, 2025

The DOGGZZONE welcomes back David Bell! After "Child of Peach" back in episode 223, the DOGGZZONE was undoubtedly put on MOST federal watch lists. Not good enough. We aim to be on ALL watch lists, so we dug up David Bell to join us as we recap, "The Milky Life" featuring everyone's favorite infant elder, Micky Rooney! Make no mistake, these podcasts are crimes and you're implicit... not to worry, there's plenty of commissary to go around on our tab... and it's allll MILK. Strap on your diaper, we're going to hell.

1-900-HOT-DAUGHT 1-900-HOT-DAUGHT Our podcast slams with maximum hype Say hot dog podcast, word Yeah When you taste that nitrate power You're in the dog zone for an hour Come on

You know the number 1-900 1-900-HOT-DAUGHT Welcome to the Dog Zone 9000, the official podcast of 1900 Hot Dog America's last comedy website. I'm Robert Brockway, the other guy is Sean Baby, our guest is David Bell, fuck you. Fuck you for listening to our podcast. Here are 10 milk puns from the AI pun site, punsteria.com. God, oh, you're trying to keep them from listening smart.

Yes. Smart. Duck out now, you don't wanna keep them from listening smart. Yes smart Duck duck out now. You don't want to be here when this ends First one. I told my friends not to cry over spilled milk. It's a waste of good dairy product That's just sensible it's like you think it's gonna be a joke, but it's not it's just really solid advice Uh, you know, what's better than milking humor? Nothing. There is nothing butter. Oh. Oh, no.

Oh, that's a double reverse. It's a double reverse for a somewhat relevant pun. Yeah, that's kind of ended on a Laffy Taffy type, but after faking you out, after like, Oh, I'm a robot. I don't know how to do jokes. Ha Haha, I do. Like, what the fuck? Keep shitting your toes. What does a nosy pepper do? It fucks off. It gets jalapeño business. It forgot the milk. It forgot about the milk.

Yeah, it forgot what it was doing. Maybe, uh, cause- That's not a milk pun at all. was doing. Maybe. No, there's nothing milk. It's a jalapeno pun. It was just like, you know what? I'm gonna put it in there. You can milk a jalapeno. Yeah, you know, I bet you can. Where did you get these? The AI pun site, punsteria.com.

Okay, because I also found foodiegiggle's 99 milk puns. This is the worrying thing. There's more than one now. Yep Pun number three isn't a milk pun. They got they got to number three and they gave up Are there any jalapenos jalapeno puns? That's an intriguing development are the knockoff AI pun sites stealing puns from the original I mean, I would. I mean, that's what they do, right? Yeah. That's what they're programmed to do.

I have a site that's just all of the top AI generated milk puns, just in one easy place for readers. A collection. There's a matter of time, a matter of probably weeks before we reach that point in in culture. Here's the next one. And you're going to you're going to think I'm not done. But when I when I stop talking, believe me, I'm done. OK, I can't believe it's not better to drink skim milk. Oh, that was it. That was it. I think are they doing I can't believe it's not butter. They didn't say it. It's better. It's not butter. Son of a bitch. Hmm. Maybe that's the pun. Maybe it's like a pun on our expectations of pun.

I feel empty. The amount of credit you're giving the robot, Sean. I try to be generous. The dairy farmer told me to stop milking the cows and get a life. But then again, I guess he just doesn't understand my moos. Oh no. There's one like that in this list I found that is I love milk. So mooch. And that's it. Then that's it.

I dare you to find someone who hates that. That's fucking wonderful. How much do you love it? I don't know. I don't have a second part. You really put me on the spot here. I'm just a fucking robot. What do you want? I just have to read the second one on this list because this one infuriates me. This is a back and forth.

What's a cow's favorite type of music? Music. Yep, it's music. You can't fucking, you can't use music twice. There's any number of setups to that. What does a cow listen to? What does a cow dance to? Yeah, yeah.

Anything. You sons of bitches. Yeah, that pisses me off. I like the aggressive, insane energy of bringing rival puns to the puns. Yeah, we're having a pun off. It's just getting... Alright, uh... When a cow laughs, milk comes out of its nose, especially if they're drinking while browsing

Reddit. What the fuck? That felt mean. There's something like, I don't know, hostile. It's like hostile-y anti-humor. Where did Reddit come from? It came from the AI's brain. I feel like no matter who you were,

if you said that to me, I'd punch you in the face. If you were like an eight-year-old, I would be in handcuffs and they'd have to explain to me what I'd done. Yeah, but the kid will have learned something that they will take with them to adulthood that's valuable. Whereas we have learned nothing. What did the milk say to the cow during their date?

I think I'm falling curdle over heels for you. That doesn't, that's nothing. That's absolutely nothing. It doesn't really even share letters in common. Yeah, God, that's just nothing. That's, that's the space between like sleep, where we don't remember. We aren't dream, a dreamless state. The void of consciousness, it's turning you into a philosopher. These ones are so bad. They are forcing you to study and discover philosophy. I tried to milk a cow once, but it wasn't very up-peeling. Of course, it wasn't really a cow either.

Oh, okay. I like the little button on the end. Well, it's appealing, so I think he jerked off like a pear or a banana. Wait, what? But of course, it wasn't really a cow either. I think that's the robot being like, I found a pun. It's not about milk. I'm sorry. Here's the I'm sorry. I want to know that food giggles 99 milk puns, I believe is also AI generated because I'm

starting to read some of these are also... This one says I'm not saying milk is the best drink ever, but it's definitely in my top 3.14. Does anybody know what that was trying? That's like a pie? It's definitely in my top pie. I think you drink milk with pie sometimes. I don't know. This one says milk the only drink you can cry cry over before it's even spilled.

Oh, that's getting philosophical again. I guess. Are you still crying over spilled milk if you cry before spilling the milk? I think Buddha said that. While I was milking him. I think Buddha said that. While I was milking him. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I know I'm bringing competing ones, but this one is why did the cows start a band? To make music. And you already did a fucking music now, but they can't do two musics.

You're watching it learn, like, wait, no, that last one was not right. I'm sorry, let me try again. Why did the farmer feed his cows money? He wanted to turn their milk into cold hard cash. I don't wait. Am I having a stroke? Oh, I've entered the maze of that one. Oh, no, I never return. There needs to be a point. And everyone where you're just like, wait, no, no, what just happened to my brain? You've done

something. You need to take it back. Can you undo it? Fuck. Because some of them you're like, could it be just that? And other ones where you're like, wait, what is words? Like, who am I? Because you're so tempted to think you took this from something. You must have been inspired by something. But no, it's just madness. It's like those pictures on the internet where nothing in the picture is identifiable.

Have you seen those? Yeah. It's like those pictures on the internet where nothing in the picture is identifiable. Have you seen those? Yeah. It's like that, where it's like a sentence, but it's not really a sentence anymore. For an older reference, there's an old Italian song that a guy made because he was pissed off that people kept... Then Americans kept getting top hits on Italian radio, and he was like, here's what fucking English sounds like to me.

And he just made a bunch of sounds that he... Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. But the thing is, having no concept of English, he got very close to what the noises you think would be, so you're like, almost... Okay, that was... No, that's a word. I can almost make that out. And the whole time your brain is just like attacking you. Yeah, that's what these puns do. For your last one, a dairy truck crashed on the highway last night, spilling its milk. Everyone came to take selfies and would not take no for an answer. So nothing about crying like the nation didn't come together to cry.

Just a story. Just a story. No puns. If somehow the pun robot forgot to make a pun, forgot to even try. Just like, yeah, I can make a sentence. You want to see me go? No, no, robot. I'm proud of you, robot, I guess. I guess. Well, now that we've culled the week, let's do our plugs.

Wait, shit, I just realized the reason we don't do it this way. The weak buy things too. All right, if you're weak and you're still here, stick around for the plugs. Where can people find more from you, David? I have a podcast network with Tom Ryman called Gamefully Unemployed, G-A-M-E-F-U-L-L-Y, Unemployed. We do mostly movie stuff. We have like an X-Files podcast called Fox Molders,

a Maniac. We just started a supernatural podcast called Himboos. It is what it sounds like. Check it out. We're doing a Marvel retrospective right now called Marvelin. I'm also the head writer for some more news. That's a different thing.

The real different thing, real, real, real different thing. Google that as well. It's getting tired these days. Yeah, it is not a fun job. I like how you guys have the podcast has gone biweekly so you can catch up on the news and still every time a podcast comes out, it's like, guys, we recorded this like during one other crisis. It's like there's no way to keep up with it. No, there's no way to fucking keep up anymore. It's simply not gonna.

We're just qualifying episodes and stuff and being like, listen, in case we still have a country when this comes out, here's our episode about taxes and stuff. There's no way to keep up with it just within the span of a day. Like I keep a little scratch pad where I write down the things I'm going to either call or write my representatives about. Like I'll check the news in the morning and write something down and then I'll check it again in the evening and be like, no, I can't talk about any of these things. So much, so much has happened. I've got to do all of the new things that have happened. You need to call and do like a real time ticker at them. Yeah, you would just never stop talking.

And this thing I'm reading right now. Speaking of the opposite of horror, how about you Sean? Anything to plug? Anything joyous? Oh, yeah. I'm a co-founder and columnist at a wonderful place called 1900hotdog.com, where we do daily articles about very, very strange things. Yeah, we're at patreon.com slash 1900hotdog. We've got world-class comedy writers and

no robot pun makers. Yeah. Except for on our associated podcast, this one, where we do it to you all the time. Right! We do it all the time, absolutely. But like, yeah, I don't know why I said that because it was a lie. And I'll plug nothing. I just finished a new book. I'm supposed to be promoting that, but I'm not going, because I technically don't have to yet. Uh, so fuck you. Fuck you once again, uh, for listening to me in good faith. I dare you! I dare you to find it! You can't! God, we're good at plugs. Today, we're talking about The Milky Life. It's a 1993 Spanish film starring Mickey Rooney.

They've seen it, they know. Yeah, you know it. They know yeah, you know it beloved classic 1993 classic like all the best movies It's an hour and 17 minutes long including some generous credit time and the version you sent me I believe is dubbed in Spanish I don't think there's a non dubbed in Spanish version. I think this is the original audio. It was like a merit English subtitles through the original audio. It was like American English subtitles through Spanish, maybe through Italian. I'm not certain.

Yeah, they were layered, layered over subtitles that I'm not sure why that happened. But it was like, I'm not sure what language Mickey Rooney knows how to speak to make this movie. So it's like, does he know Italian or was he saying it in English and it's just dubbed in Spanish? But it's, it's part of me was like, surely maybe this is lost in translation. But I don't think, I don't think there's certain things that- There's probably not a good translation of whatever this movie was. Yeah, there's no way to lose an old man nursing an adult woman in translation, you don't

lose that. I don't know. Brockway, did you do outside research? I think it was made in Spain, but clearly filmed in English, like the actors, at least the white actors are speaking, speaking English, then dubbed over in Spanish, and then subtitled in something and then on top of those subtitles is the copy we got where they have the English. Yes, deep fried, I believe is called.

That is very, very accurate. This may have invented being Deep Fried because this is legitimately just like the pinnacle of that whole meme style. And it's not intentional. It's got real like cursed media vibe, right? Yeah, there's a section, because the tapes are just so worn out. There's a section where like all the audio cuts out and goes slow motion and the screen goes black and Mickey Rooney just starts going, whoa, like, sure, this is fine. I thought that just happened in my head.

It's what I imagine the VHS tape and True Detective showed. Yep. When they're all like horrified. I think it might be this movie. when they're all horrified, I think it might be this movie. It would be. The reactions match up. Certainly like the Pink Floyd Wizard of Oz. You could just match up the reactions straight to this movie. It's directed by a guy named Juan Estelric Jr. He has lots of assistant director credits, only a few written and directed credits.

Most of those are TV specials, except for this movie and two others that are very normally artsy, like a couple moves in together and they they find a bunch of messages on the wall, or a writer and a woman are stuck together on a train. And then this, this movie, this was his first movie and they let him make more movies. So yeah, that's an inspiring story, I think. In a way. Yeah, I mean, this should have resulted in several arrests, like, obviously. So that is kind of wild that he was allowed to, like, exist with normal society after. Yeah, wild. Inappropriate is another word. Yeah.

Certainly a mistake. Certainly a mistake. I found one major review of this, only one major review of this movie, and it was from Variety. Here's the first paragraph. The Milky Life is one of the most bizarre concepts in memory, and one of the worst executed. This tasteless and painfully unfunny film, a Euro pudding with no distinguishing features, will probably emerge as a cult item because of its very awfulness. I can't think about putting that in the video. painfully unfunny film, a euro pudding with no distinguishing features will probably emerge as a cult item because of its very awfulness. I can't think about pudding while thinking about this movie.

Yeah, I mean, I love that they're like, it's really weird, but at least it's terrible. Yeah, it's terrible. And they were wrong. Like, like, no one's heard of this movie. This is not a cult movie. Well, they correctly called that if you talk about it, like outside of this moment when it was filmed, it's only to talk about how bad it is. Sure.

And they were right in that respect. We're not gonna mention its goodness. It has like a Lovecraftian element to it where I think nobody will want, like nobody is going to remember this movie because your brain is gonna do a thing to protect you from that memory. Like, I took notes in this morning. I literally was like, you wake up and like it's like post 9 11 where you wake up and you look at the ceiling and you have like a moment of of like happiness.

And then you remember that this thing happened like the other day. Like, like, and you're like, oh, right. I'm dragged back down. Like you have these, I have these beautiful moments in my life now where I don't remember this movie. And I'm hoping I'm kind of, I think I'd do anything to get that back, you know? That's the appropriate response. Sure.

Yeah. So this is the opposite of happiness to you right now. This directly engaging with it is your worst nightmare. I mean, it's it's might be therapeutic, right? But yeah, I think if there's any consolation to be had, it's that you're right, your brain does protect you because we watched this for one of our community movie nights on the discord. And somehow people didn't quit. They weren't happy, but they didn't quit. And I had forgotten so much of it. And I think like I kept as stuff popped up, I was like, Oh, right. How did I forget about that? Because my

brain wants to live is of course the answer. Exactly. Yeah, I watched this with Hana who I think you already know, but wants you to know that they're going to get to you. Yeah, they're gonna they want to hurt you. Understandable. Yeah, they want to hurt you like you hurt them. Of course. So watch out, I guess. I'm not sure what's going to happen.

We deserve absolutely. We deserve all their vengeance. Yeah. No arguments. Full, full, get our full support. Come get us. We don't want to be here anymore. Like, let's mercy.

No, not in a world where the milky life lives. Also, the subtitles called it the milky way. And I'm not, now I don't know what to believe. Yeah. Neither are fun. Neither are fun titles. Life and Way weren't the thing I didn't want in that title. Yeah, it was Milky. Yeah, there's only three options.

One of them's Milky. I'll let you choose which one we don't want. Yeah. Oh, you chose incorrectly multiple times. Okay. Okay. I mean, the first title had to be Pervert Baby Grandpa, right? Okay, so this amongst the many crimes, this movie was filmed in a gorgeous castle on the Portuguese coast, which, like that castle is gone now, right? It's tainted. Nobody's going to that.

Yeah, preset to burn it to the ground. gone now, right? It's tainted. Nobody's going to that. Yeah, pre-set a burner to the ground. Yeah, it's it's like Hitler's bunker. You just you pave over that. You don't you don't preserve that. No, no, there's nobody. Nobody's gonna buy that castle after this movie. It's like it's like haunting. You know, they have to the realtor has to tell you. Yeah. Oh, by the way, we filmed a giant baby Mickey Rooney pervert movie here about grandpas

and their love for breast milk. They're like, oh, okay, well, I'm not. Why did you show me this? Don't know. No is your answer. Man, I feel like listeners don't fully understand what's about to happen. We'll get into it. Let's get into it. Okay, Mickey Rooney plays Barry Cortez Riley, a name as confused as Mickey Rooney is in this movie. He does not look like he's in this movie on purpose. He's a freshly retired billionaire, so it's okay to hate him right out of the gate, is what the movie's telling you. It opens at his fancy retirement party where they have four crossdressers singing and dancing. I feel like it's worth mentioning that everything Brockway's saying so far is delivered by a newscaster directly to the audience. We're all writers here. We know that this is probably the

greatest way a writer can introduce stuff is just to have a newscaster directly tell the viewer all the backstory they need to know. It's called subtle exposition. And he's watching it on his six TVs. Yes. This is a device they will use, I think about eight times in the movie, and they'll just stop and have like a newscaster say, okay, this guy really likes Teddy Milk. And you'll be like, that's not on the news. Like, I don't know. I know Europe's weird, but that's not on their news. No, I think if I worked at that TV station, I'd pitch the story. I think I'd be like, guys, I got a story about this old guy who loves titty milk.

I mean, I would watch the news more if this was what the news was. Trying to make sense out of whatever this guy's doing. So his whole family's at this retirement party talking about how much they love mooching off of him. Again, no subtlety. No subtlety here. One of the grandkids is trying to trying to grift stock shares in his recycled gum breast implant company. If you're wondering about

like the subtlety of this. This is one of those haunting moments where it kind of teases you like, oh, it's a comedy. This is a comedy movie. And then it will have just nothing but dark misery for 40 minutes. Right. It's it's a comedy movie question, like where like, I'm not sure what they wanted me to feel in the end. They introduced a lot of characters here that I thought were going to matter in some way. And I guess they're technically there. It's kind of a fugue state where like, if you... I'm not entirely sure what happened in this movie and what like the side plots were like you're already Surprising me with the plot Where I'm like, oh, yeah, that was a thing that guy said, uh-huh

Yeah, so chewing gum breast implants. Yeah, and but his dad interrupts the scheme Italian Chris Farley. Yeah, Italian Chris Farley is pretty good. I have Hot Dog Don Johnson. Ah, yeah, that's better. I have Piggy Porkins, because this is the actor who plays Piggy Porkins. This is, like, that's not a joke. He really plays Porkins in the movie Star Wars. This is Porkins?

That's Porkins. Holy shit. No, that's not actually him. All right, it's not actually him. All right. It's it's it's it's it's Porkins. All right. Dog Johnson is played by Piggy Porkins. Oh my God. So Mickey Rooney joins his own party looking like a like a like a gassy bulldog in a tuxedo

just real. He looks like he doesn't want to be in the movie. No, he just is reluctant. That's what I'm saying. He's very I don't think this movie was ever fully translated to him in the movie, right? He just is reluctant. That's what I'm saying. He's very, I don't think this movie was ever fully translated to him in a way that he believed. He must have, as they were describing it, he must have constantly been saying,

oh, I didn't hear that part, right? Here's, I guess, my hot take. And it actually makes the movie worse. When we get to the baby stuff, I actually think he nails it. He nails baby. And I don't and that made it worse because he looks like a big baby. And then he's he is he's got the expressions of a baby.

And I wish he didn't like I that may not great. Add to that. I think you're right. I think it's on accident, though. I think Mickey Rooney is whether you think he's a talented actor or not. I think he hated right. I think it's on accident though. I think Mickey Rooney is Whether you think he's a talented actor or not I think he hated being here and could not or didn't even try to hide that and so that did translate into grouchy baby Every scene did feel like everybody was being held hostage, but it was hard to figure out like who was holding them hostage, right? So but it did yeah, there's a feeling of under duress. I think here's my theory. I think he showed up on set thinking this was going to be animated. Ah, that would have gone down a lot smoother.

Yeah, and then he's like, okay, so like, where's the where's the booth? I like booth. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Here's here's all diaper We made it what what it do, you know, your diaper size offhand and he was like, oh, oh Yes, I do. But also he's like no, but am I translating around booth booth? Oh, oh booth. Oh the audio They're like no El diaper day adult It's either animated or he showed up and he's like listen my agent told me this is a movie where I get to suck some tips. And they're like, yes, that's technically true. Two paths diverge in the wood. You're right. You're not going down the one you think. But at what a cost.

Hot Dog Johnson explains that not only is Mickey Rooney rich, he was the personal advisor to every president since Roosevelt, so they, right off the bat, they're like, here's a multi-billionaire, also, he's Kissinger. So, so you fuck, you can't, you cannot make me hate somebody more than this in shorthand of a movie. And you're right, you're right, I hate this guy immediately.

So he ducks out of the party to hang out with his great-granddaughter granddaughter's baby Ringo. Hang out is this is a jump scare. Well, it's it's literal. He strips nude. There's a moment where he goes and he goes to the babysitter. He's like, I'll take it from here. And I was like, you need to stay. I don't even know what's going to happen. But I feel like something really bad is going to happen.

And then I was right. Imagine being that babysitter who's thinking like, well, what's the worst that could happen and then cut directly to the next scene where with him standing in an infinite hall of mirrors, fully nude, holding the baby. You're like, oh, that's the worst thing. Yeah, that was the worst thing that happens in this movie. And also imagine being that baby, that baby is an adult right now. Unless they're dead, and that would be great. That would be great.

Otherwise, they have to exist in a world where this footage is there. I feel like someone isn't talking to their parents anymore because of this movie. This is a betrayal. Right. Like that's like they there is footage of them as a baby being held by naked miffy in an infinity. Yeah. In an infinite hall of mirrors while he says, Oh, my baby, we're both pleasantly plump. I wrote down more of that quote. He continues. He says, And you have a full set of teeth.

Well, my teeth are false. We look so much alike, yet so different. Why am I telling you this? You already know it. You know it, baby. You know you look like Mickey Rudy. I think, correct me if I'm wrong, but is the point of this movie about how we infantilize the elderly? Is that what we're getting around to? And is it supposed to be about getting older and you feel like a baby and you're grasping on to life? No, I don't think so. Okay. Because it really just feels like something for the director to masturbate to later. I feel like, I don't know, we can get to it. At the very end, they stop and just take a minute of Okay. Because it really just feels like something for the director that Matt's related to. I feel like, I don't know if we can get to it,

at the very end they stop and just take a minute of voiceover to try to explain the moral of the movie. And it is fucking gibberish. It is incoherent philosophy. I think what happened is someone had this fleeting idea, like, wouldn't it be cool if you could go back and be a baby all over again, but you had like infinite money this time? And then they thought, oh shit, that is an idea for a movie. And

they were really wrong. And this proves that. I forgot about the ending narration literally being like, okay, guys, stick with us. And it is like the expo. It's like if someone sent an interview to the director and was like, what's this about? And he's like, well, you see, I shit in my hand, right? And I'm going to run, I'm going gonna smear the shit on the wall and let me just draw you a diagram where the answer is just like, oh, okay, this is nonsense. This is just pure.

But it has the intent of art. Like you can tell like they, whether it's intentional on their end or if they think, oh, this is so profound, they will find meaning in this. It has the pretentiousness of art sometimes. Yeah. And then the sloppy zany, titty sucking comedy other times.

Somebody somebody told this director, we can get Mickey Rooney, what do you want to do with him? And this director immediately before he had any thoughts in his head just answered, I want to put him in a diaper. Yeah. Or the directors like, well, you know, 20 years ago, he accidentally dinged my car and drove off. So I got an idea here. I've been thinking about this for a long time.

I got about 50 ideas and you know what? We're gonna do them all. So this is enough for Mickey Rudy to know what he wants. The next day he tells his family, I want to be a baby again. Dave When you told me what this movie was about, and this is a little bit of a spoiler, but you said like Mickey Rudy plays an old man who hits his head and wants and like becomes a baby. That's not the order of what happens. He decides as like,

just as a guy who has all his marbles, he's like, family meeting, I'm gonna role play as a baby, and you're all gonna allow this because you can't say no, because you'll be written out of my will. And let me clarify, let us all pause, my dear family, to take a moment to clarify, yes, it's a sex thing. Yeah. I have a fetish, a diaper and milk fetish that I will now carry out while telling you all about it.

That's part of the fetish. I want to make it clear, I don't think it's a sex thing yet. I had that in my notes that you hear this and you're like, oh, it's a sex thing, but I don't think anyone involved in it thinks it's a sex act, a sex thing until like act two. Well, I think once the milkmaid, once the boobs come out, I think that's the moment he's like, oh yeah. Okay, that's like, it occurs to the characters that they could make this into a sex thing,

but I don't think that was anyone's intent. Okay, so the lawyer at the end of this meeting, whenever he tells them he's gonna be a baby, and you all gotta fucking deal with it, he says, the lawyer says, and oh yeah, one more thing, he's going to have a wet nurse, and the whole family reacts in shock when it should be the, okay, I know what this is, mom.

Right. This is also like the last time the family's going to be this shocked. They really get used to it real fast. Also, I love that the lawyer is like going through and he's like, well, my hands are tied where they're just like, there's nothing I can do. Yeah, it's all totally legal here in Spain. This is how the Spanish legal system works.

Right. Because the family is like, can we institutionalize? I mean, it's like, no, it says right here. And you can't institutionalize. He under he underlined it, which means you really can't. Classic lie, if you do a crime, if you put in writing, you can't put me in jail for this. Then they're just like, well, he said it, he wrote it down. There was a moment here that made me hate Mickey Rooney even more. Like already he's like a nude baby kidnapper. He's a billionaire. He's a Kissinger. And then his grandkid says,

dude, this is absurd. And then Mickey Rooney goes, oh, oh, so happiness is absurd. Oh, then I guess I'm absurd. I'm like, oh my god, this is the fucking worst character I've ever seen. So at the end of this, Mickey Rooney, next scene, he has to interview the wet nurses. The very first one that shows up is a German named Aloha who practices sexology in Los Angeles. I love it. So Aloha is like, I don't know if it's lost in translation. She is the saddest person ever. Because like, this is her rock bottom, right? Oh, like this is her at the end of a rope. She just

she he feels her nipples to eject some milk. and she says, I lost my baby. Yeah. And it's just like the most tragic moment of this old bastard filling her up while she talks about her dead baby. We will find that it's a little bit of a spoiler. We find out she does have a pimp who sent her here. So the pimp sent her on a baby gig and she perverted old billionaire milked her as she talked about her lost baby. This is a comedy.

And the pimps in love with her. And the pimp later is like, Come on, man, I love her, dude. Like it's he's very he's not very good as a pimp. I will say he's real bad as a pimp. I think we're skipping past some important notes like he did cut everyone off from their money. And that is like, it becomes an important B plot in the movie. Cause he's like, all right, bad news guys, there's no more money. Good news, I do get to drink human breast milk.

They take no comfort in that. So anyway, I just didn't want to skip past that. Oh yeah. There's somehow, and it's exactly a sitcom B plot that they don't have their money. Cause it will only come in for a joke. Like it doesn't it doesn't do anything else. It's just like, let's throw to the B plot for a couple of giggles. And then back to Mickey Rooney sucking on a titty. After he like he hires the guy does Gallagher's big couch and like does a bunch of because it's not enough that he's a baby. Everything around him has to be large. It has to scale.

He takes her to the giant crib he's had built and she just so the way she nods at him makes me makes me think like, okay, she this is not a first for her. She just nods at him like, yeah, I know about the big crib. This is better than what she's used to. It feels like again, saddest saddest person. Oh, you didn't make it out of cardboard. So like, that's what money gets you. She's like, at least I'm not at the like the bottom of a well.

Like, at least I have. He's wearing a diaper and I just I'm sorry, I want to I want to know he's shitting. Absolutely. He's doing whiskey. Old man shits in that he's still doing his business. He's like, I don't mean he's shitting in there. Absolutely. He's doing whiskey shit. Old man shits in that diaper. Because he's still doing his business. He's like, I don't mean like shit business. I mean, he's like trading stocks and making phone calls while he's living as a baby. It's not like he's not a baby the whole day.

He doesn't want to absolve himself of responsibility. He just wants to shit in a diaper and suck up to the habit. It's just a fetish. And I don't know why he had to involve the whole family. It really seems like he could just go home after doing stuff. Does everybody just live in this house? Because it also just feels like this whole like, like, did we get to the, you know, it starts with the birthday, which I thought was like a business wedding. Like everybody's always just celebrating and eating and hanging out in this one big house together. And like, that's how I picture Spain. They clearly didn't have anything but this house to film in. But it was like,

like, I don't care what he does in the comfort of his home, I guess. But it seems like his, everybody just lives in his home. I think there's no escaping it. Yeah. The moment where it becomes a sex thing, you can almost feel it. It's when he first meets the Wet Nurse, and again, I can't tell if he's bad at acting or just really hate fucking the action lines of the script, but he asks her to take her boobs out,

and then he does this really bad pantomime of like, oh, geez, titties. And so he's like wiping sweat off his brow and wiping drool off his chin. And then he squeezes some milk out. And it's in this exact moment where it goes from just mechanical, like, well, let me test these titties out to like, oh, oh, this is this is my sex thing. And then that's, oh, I have an erection.

And that's when she takes the moment to say, I lost my baby. And that so and he's like, I have even more of an erection. Yeah, yeah, I feel like that's part of it for him. That that sadness, the prostitute sadness. Yeah. Because when he says sexology, I think that was badly translated prostitute, because obviously she has a pan. I think it's just more respectful in Europe. They call them sexologists. Okay, they get a degree in hand jobs. Fantastic degree in old man lactation. She's not Dr. Ruth. Like she's like, she doesn't have any background in like psychology here.

I just really like this job interview. Like, let me see them titties, Hong Kong squirt, squirt. So you know, sorry, you're not right for the company. That's how we hired Brendan McGinley for his hot dog home. Oh, yeah. Yeah. First, first hire. She walks in like you lost that baby. Great. That's what a fun bonus. I like the hopelessness in your eyes. Your eyes. Yeah, I love the sadness. I can taste it in your milk. That's too far. Cut that. Absolutely. Cut that. Absolutely. Cut that. Absolutely. Cut anything.

So his family, Mickey Rooney's family is outside talking about what a disaster this is. And we should talk about the nun, right? There's an old nun. Why not? Okay. There's like a pope there all the time too. The idea is, right, it's a wealthy family. He has lots of influence, so they have just like clergy friends and stuff. But the social events later, I think later. Isn't there like like a gospel scene? There's a gospel scene.

After they eat a peacock that someone killed with their bare hands. Yeah, it's the fact that with like the thing, the fact of the matter is, is that this man is dressed like a giant baby and he kind of fits with the family. Like it doesn't. It's like the Addams family where it's like everybody seems like off and there's like you said, there's just a nun there. Like it's a costume party or something. Yeah, but she doesn't have a line and all she does is laugh. And I just I'm I guess I'm mostly just glad that you guys saw her too.

Well, she gives up being a nun later. Yeah. But so she can like retire to Florida and it's Oh, yeah. To to get that sweet social security. Yeah. Hell, yeah. I I don't think that's how that works. I'm starting to wonder if she's a nun. Like, maybe they're just people in the family who's like, I'm going to dress like this now. Right. And they're used to it. Well, if he's going to be a baby, I'm going to be a nun. Like maybe they're just people in the family who's like, I'm going to dress like this now. Right. And they're used to it.

Well, if he's going to be a baby, I'm going to be a nun. That's way more normal. The diaper. Yes. But then in later scenes, he's going to be in PJs and a cap. And maybe this is controversial, but I actually think that was worse than the diaper. Like there was something that disturbed me more about Mickey Rooney in like a little boys PJs. Let's dive into what that something might be because when we see that it's in a montage of his baby life, his life as a baby, where his new wet nurse takes him to like go play and get food and do all the things that a baby would do. And then at the end, he like wordlessly tugs on her sleeve like sleeve like baby wants something and so she whips out that titty and starts breastfeeding Mickey Rooney graphically and on camera as an opera place.

No as she sings. As she sings an opera. Beautiful soprano opera. If people are wondering you see Mickey Rooney's mouth around a nipple like you're just seeing that that's just what you're seeing. It's there. It's there in the movie. And then this lady is singing opera. And the worst part is that she's good at it. Because it means that she doesn't have to be here. She had a dream. Yeah.

This isn't just some piece of trash. Like this was a woman with hopes and dreams. Right. And she's just silently bearing this humiliation. I think the worst part is that it ends with him crawling into bed and fucking her. I mean, all that poetic stuff you said about dreams, but it's the Mickey Rooney dressed as a baby and his little baby PJs crawling in to say, baby wants fuck fuck. And she says- Now, you say fuck. I want people to picture this.

So the montage, they, it's really heavy handed. She's looking upon him with like a mother's love. So it's like, okay, her effect, she's really into this role as like mommy. And he is just a baby. Like he's pretending not to know how to eat food and like, oh, what's an earring? Like he's, he's really into this character. Then he climbs into bed with her and they have this really charged like eye contact and you don't know what it means because neither of them is a great performer here.

I don't think they know what they're supposed to be doing in the scene. They don't have a motivation. Then they give a tiny little kiss, little peck on the mouth and then go to sleep. And there's a darkness to it. But I don't think they're fucking yet. Like, you mean, it's like a darkness, like maybe they took a suicide pill to get Yes, like that's kind of the tone of the scene is that he he's coming to bed and looking his eyes like, is he gonna like, tell her it's time to fuck? And is she trying to

accept this terrible fate? And then it's like, smooch, nope, we're just mommy and baby. There's definitely a part where they're in bed and you can hear him groaning out in orgasm. Well, yeah, like, they're fucking later. I guess I assumed you're right, they cut away as they begin to kiss and I assumed that's them fucking but you're right, I'm the weird one here for making that assumption. Later on, they do explicitly play penetration noises for your enjoyment. 100%.

I'm just saying if we're not there yet, cause now we cut to him dressed like a giant baby at he and his great grandsons baptism. Okay, well this is the magic of movies, cause I think they probably, I think it's implied they fucked as soon as she said, I lost my baby. I think they've been fucking the whole time.

Yeah. You're about to lose three inches of this baby. So the family is selling off the furniture and the jewels and stuff in this B plot. And for some reason, the butler is buying it all. Yeah. Right. It's like dream logic. I have to go back to the baptism because I did the family need like he's like, treat me like a baby. Do they have to baptize him with their actual kid? Like, again, it feels like a betrayal, right? Of like, like, did he order them to do that?

And he's got such a little guy serious face the whole time. It's funny. It's like such a little serious guy. the whole time. It's so funny. It's like such a little serious guy. He's a little scared of the water. Did they have to have matching outfits? Him and the baby. Like it feels like the family is now into it. It's very much like I'm going to get married at your wedding.

Yes. I think they're just trying to save money. They don't they they're they're cut off. They got to find their savings where they can. For some reason, the butler is rich now. We haven't covered that. Is he the one with all the watches? Yes, the butler. Okay. So Hot Dog Johnson tries to sell him his fancy watch and the butler rolls up both sleeves to reveal he's covered his whole body in watches.

And he says, I can't possibly use any more, as though the only reason he has so many fancy watches is to tell the time 18 times. I think the idea, maybe I'm really doing the movie's work, is that the baby, man baby is favoring the butler, like giving him stuff instead of the family. Okay. Maybe? They should have showed that part instead of maybe one of the scenes where Mickey Rooney sucks milk out of an adult woman's nipple

Yeah, I mean that's the really the the milk sucking is the only thing I really retained if there's a note I hated this because it's such a comedy bit like to have seven watches is very absurd and you're like, okay So they think this is a joke. But why like it's like a fucking milk pun by a robot You're like I get that you went into this trying to make a fucking joke. But what is this? Look at what you've done. Look at look at this earth you've scorched. Do people used to wear a lot of watches? Was that a thing? I don't think so. You just need the one, right? You just need the one. And if you have more,

you put them in like a box. Right? Sure. Yeah. Or like if you were selling like, hey, buddy, I got some watches to buy. Right. But this is not bad. You have to establish why the butler is the rich one now. Like it's like somebody told them it's funny when people do role reversals and they're like, OK, got it. And they're like, wait, wait, let me explain the rest of this concept.

And they're like, shut the fuck up. I got to get over here. Mickey Rooney's sucking Teddy and nobody's filming it. To the none point, I'm wondering now if this isn't the butler is just a cousin who said I am a butler now. And they were like, okay. That's true. That could be it too.

Anything goes. So his wet nurse wants to bring her boyfriend over to stay, which feels like an unusual request for a live-in sexologist. I feel like that's probably poor manners. Is this where they talk about Christmas suicides and going to ball pit? Uh huh. It was another one of those, or it's almost worse, that they were just, there's a scene where they just talk to each other like adults. Like they're at a diner and just catching up.

But they're still like doing baby roleplay. And there's a ball pit. And it's right before they fuck in the sex scene where you can hear where you can hear the full penetration. There's her like throwing balls at Mickey Rooney, him trying to catch them in his mouth and laughing hysterically when he can't do that. And just repeating that beat. But like they fade in and out of this thing like 10 times as if to say like, this is weeks. They spent weeks in this pit. I think that is correct.

Like it is kind of a time jump, right? As they montage through this. So each time you're supposed to they're like, they're fucking that ball pit. Absolutely filthy. I mean, just a biohazard. Lousy with semen and old diapers. Yeah. So after they fuck, he confesses his love for Aloha and she says, it's weird.

What should we do? She says, I love you too, Barry, even though you're bad for me. It's weird, Barry. For the full quote. It's weird, Barry. To which he responds, I don't know, I'm an old man trying to be a baby. To which she responds, uh-huh. And then he says, I'm afraid the baby is in love. The worst thing I've ever heard Mickey Rooney say. Yeah. Yeah. If you know Mickey Rooney, you know this is this is the worst Mickey Rooney I've ever seen.

Yeah, this is the most offensive he's ever been. It's hard to imagine a worse Mickey Rooney. I was watching Breakfast at Tiffany's and I was like, God, this isn't even close to the worst thing I've seen. It's hilarious what you think is bad, Mickey Rooney. Yeah. Your scale is off. Let me recalibrate it. So yeah, classic baby mistake.

He fell in love with this prostitute wet nurse. The guy shows up. He's dressed kind of like Bane. He's dressed like he's a pimp dressed like Bane and also a little bit of Max Headroom. Yeah. I said he's dressed like Craven the Hunter's landlord. There you go. Yeah, because he's also like accountant.

He's got accountant energy. He's got like a little smear of hair on the back of his head. He's got a little mustache. And for the rest of the movie, Wardrobe dressed him like a used car dealer in a Kool-Aid commercial. I'm just reading what it says in my notes. Yeah. Well, he comes in at the most awkward moment as the rest of this family are trying to hunt and kill peacocks with wooden stakes. Yes.

They've as though a peacock can only be killed by a wooden stake. Wait a minute. Why are we hunting peacocks? Again, the whole family, I get like this movie could have ended like the Monty Python, the Holy Grail, where it's just everybody arrested, where it's like, Oh, no, the actual family who lives here is in the basement. Right? Their bodies are in the basement. None of these people should be here. So she's she's a she's bathing Mickey Rooney, and she has to go somewhere. So she asks the pimp boyfriend, will you bathe my

sex baby? Which he does? Does? And he does.'s when Mickey tells him we're in love with each other. Your girlfriend and I are fucking. And you're right. And he goes, oh, come on, man. Like, he's just so whiny about it. Yeah, it's this like at the very least should be stabbing. But he's just like fucking God damn it. Right. He the way he's acting, he's like's like, I can't compete with you, man. Look at you.

You're a beautiful sexy baby. It's a rough moment to be told your girlfriend is leaving you for me, the man you're bathing. It's escalating people at rock bottom. Where you keep seeing people where you're like, certainly this is the lowest it gets.

And then you meet this guy and you're like, well, okay. So I guess him. He doesn't even have a counter. At the end of this conversation, he just sits back down and starts playing Game Boy. Yeah. Like literally pulls up a Game Boy and is like, well, this giant baby has cuckolded me back to Mario.

He does admit that she's all he has. Like I guess he's a pimp with the one prostitute and he's in love with her. And so he's taking everything from him. Anyway, I'm gonna go play Game Boy. And then go have a peacock Thanksgiving dinner and listen to gospel music. At the dinner the pimp drinks out of the wet nurse's shoe on and this enrages baby Mickey Rooney so that he smacks his Thanksgiving, his Christmas slop all over hot dog Johnson. There's a... that sentence makes that makes sense in context, right? Beautiful sentence. Okay, okay I just want to make sure I'm not dying. I have one thing to add. He

drinks his cocktail out of her shoe like in an I got your girl kind of way. Like he drinks out of the shoe looking right at Mickey Rooney like yeah fuck her I drink, I drink out of her shoes still. So that's why he got mad. And then Porkin slaps the baby, slaps the old man baby. Porkin slaps the baby. The nun gets her, this is where the nun gets her first speaking line, and she announces she's no longer a nun, she's going to Florida to live on on social security, to which the family says, awesome. Not even close to the weirdest news we got this week. And then there's the gospel breakdown. And we just do like a full, I don't know, it felt like five minutes of gospel music.

Yes, it's just here's a song. It there's this movie has the feeling of like, we need we need to get this over 70 minutes, right? We need to make this legally a full length. I mean, they really struggled to do it. I would argue without credits. I'm not sure they did. No, yeah, for sure. So here's the thing that occurred to me while I was watching this is that this is Spanish Billy Madison, because

it is like a rich guy going back to being a baby. And then he also has like a gospel singing maid. You're right. I don't know. It's just this one thing was this is too much Billy Madison. And I'm like, Oh my god, is this this movie is Billy Madison. Yeah. Oh, Billy Madison 1995. Billy Madison is technically a remake of this Mickey Roo and Giant Baby fucking movie. Incredible. This is alright. So gospel, turkey, the the slop fight. This is of course leading to where people assume a three way.

The slop fight. This is of course leading to where people assume a three way. Kind of. Uh huh. A Christmas night, giant baby Mickey Rooney in a pimp three way with a wet nurse. But no, they're just in bed and like Mickey Rooney is going for it. He's in the middle. Yes.

And then the pimp sits up and he's like, no, no, no. And then it kind of fades out. Like that's the comedy bit. Like, like he's going to watch. I'm going to watch. Do not have sex with my girlfriend in the bed with me you rascal you giant Mickey Rooney, baby You you Mickey Rooney naughty, baby. I don't know. It's the tone of this movie is broken. They should all be under arrest I feel like I should be under arrest like I feel like I shouldn't be able to watch this. Yeah, you're right I agree completely so the next day the pimp announ able to watch this. Yeah, you're right. I agree completely.

So the next day, the pimp announces out of nowhere, well, you've won. I guess he's gonna retire from pimping. He does take a check for the woman, so a woman is purchased. Yes. He did sell his sexologist. It seems like a minor crime to note at this point in the movie, but it's still there. It's still human trafficking. It's not good. It's not good.

There are grander crimes on display, but still. Yeah. We gotta mention it. So the family leaves baby Mickey alone with his granddaughter, and she has hired and is in love with the lead of a gang of crooks who come to rob the castle. And now here's the turn, in a movie that did not need a fucking turn. They conk Mickey Rooney into magically becoming a baby. This is so sad because like, again, when you when you told me, oh, it's about an old man

who hits his head and he thinks he's a baby, I was imagining like a well a baby's day out or like, you know, there's a lot of movies where people magically think they're a thing, right? Yeah, there's a reason why I phrased it like that. It was a trap. It was to trick you Yeah, but this is like sad. This is like someone slowly watching a movie about someone slowly dying or something It's like watching million dollar baby and like it's it's got that turn where it just it's like, I want to be a baby. Look at me. I'm a baby. And then he's hit and he becomes trapped in his own mind in a horrifying way where he just simply has the intelligence of a baby now because he is. I assume his brain is bleeding and he has brain damage.

They don't really bring him to a doctor. They sort of just go like, well, he's a baby now. And I'm like, that's not what he is. He's a grown man with brain injury. That's what he is. Like, if someone gets like half of their fucking skull, like, caved in, we don't go, oh, they're a baby now. It's like, no, they need help help they need a lot of help we're

just watching a man trapped in his own body for the rest of the movie but we're not it's explicitly explained he's a baby now science science says that to david's credit there's like i feel like there's 15 20 minutes there where the they don't or they're just like yeah he got knocked fucking stupid and he's acting like a baby even more than usual We're not gonna look into that. It's only when he gets his first baby tooth that they're like wait, hold on Is this yeah, he's is this real? I was just waiting for him to die. I thought this is taking a long time for him right So as a baby everybody speaks like a robot suddenly from his perspective when he gets knocked out

Yeah baby, everybody speaks like a robot suddenly from his perspective when he gets knocked out. Yeah, he no longer understands language and he can't speak it except to the other baby. Right. And that is done in captions that I assume were so vile, the movie could not show them. Because it's just a black box that says baby talk. The just giant words that say baby talk over it. And the wet nurse is it's the funniest turn because she's like, man, this isn't doing it for me anymore. She won't make love. She's like, listen, I was here for the sex. This was a I was also enjoying this fetish. And now he's just a baby. Yeah, I came here to pretend to fuck a baby. Now. I'm actually I might actually be fucking a baby. Yeah, it's not cool anymore. Right, this is not consensual anymore. I loved it because she was confessing this

to like one of the other characters. She's like, the baby, the old man baby, I'm here to breastfeed. It doesn't make love to me anymore. I feel like that's a conversation stopper. If someone said that to me, I'm like, dude, I do not, don't talk to me about this shit. Get the fuck out of here.

That other character was his great granddaughter. No, his granddaughter. Yes. That other character was his great granddaughter. No, his granddaughter. Yes. So she's telling his own granddaughter, like, man, I really liked fucking your grandpa when he was pretending to be a baby. But now he's magically become a baby. I don't want to have sex with him anymore.

And the granddaughter is just like, hey, I want to die. I want to die to get out of this conversation. I think the granddaughter can legally shoot her under most standard ground laws after she says that. The thing that she finds the most weird is she says that he doesn't even like his favorite cigarettes. I gave him one of his cigarettes and he coughed. If you can't give a baby cigarettes, something's wrong with that baby, is what she's saying. This is Europe. This is Spain.

Because they're also like, is he eating anything else but her milk? Because it just feels like elder abuse at this point, right? Where they're just like, I stuffed cigarettes at this guy and we're just making him drink milk. And he has a brain injury and like, it's not fun anymore. I'm not like, not enjoying it as much. I think you're right though. This old man, they do a quick little montage of everyone's life is falling apart. Like even the butler is broke now. But then they cut to

Mickey drinking out of the boob like by the gallon. Like he is guzzling. He's a growing boy. Yeah. And she's just begging for a sign that he loves her like anything other than titty sucking. Just please give me a sign that you're still in there.

Man on my breast. It's a haunting escalation because it's like, it's mean. It's like, I don't know. Whoever wanted to watch this movie right based on the first premise based on the what with a fetish yeah it's like they're betraying even those people who are like hey I wanted a baby fetish movie and now you're just giving me this this nightmare like this is nobody wants this not even weird perverts this is the you've you were you were being john Malkovich in into a

into an old man's baby fetish and somebody closed the door. Yeah, no, no, no. And this is where like Mickey Rooney is acting really shines because I do think he really nails like the way he walks. His like, his expression has that like, baby. It just looks like a big baby. He didn't want to be there for the first part of this movie. He was very cranky. I think because he wanted to get to this part.

He was like, Yes. I need to get to the part where I can show my chops. I've been really practicing being a big baby in a way that will make nobody able to look me in the eye again after this. Yeah. This is, no, yeah. I don't know what, maybe he was going for an Oscar here,

you know? Yeah. Well, he better have gotten something for it, because nobody would hire you or talk to you or touch you again. No, I would not touch him. So Mickey Rooney talks to his great grandson, Ringo, about how hard it was for Ringo to be born over graphic footage of an actual birth.

We needed to see life getting made for this movie. Is this way, is this before, after someone calls a pediatrician? They call a pediatrician for his tooth and then the news once again announces, scientifically speaking, Mickey Rooney is, I believe the quote is, running so fast that death can't catch him. He's a baby. He's a baby. So they use Alice in Wonderland, a scientist is like is like you see he's a real baby because I read Allison Wonderland on acid once and

I have decided this I just when they call the pediatrician. I'm like He's not literally a baby yet Like it's what it's wild that they keep role-playing this man with a head injury But then yes, the revelation is by role playing so hard as a baby, he is going to live another 80 years. Yes. And I have a few questions. One, he is an adult man size.

So let's say this is true. Does that mean he is going to be like 40 feet tall? Yeah, try this is how you get a giant Mickey Rooney. Right. Mickey Rooney Kaiju, this is the birth. Yeah. And then does that mean in this world, other people are going to do this to defeat death are going to start role playing as babies and getting head injuries. And we will have a two like a, like a system where there's little, there's like little humans, and big humans who've lived double lives?

And then are they going to live a double life? And are we going to exponentially keep getting bigger and bigger every 80 years until, I don't know why, it's just one big baby? This is the prequel to Attack on Titan. This is how that world developed. You're right. It's a Billy Madison and an Attack on Titan. So yeah, they announced that he is unlocked, specifically announced that he has unlocked the secret to eternal life by rebecoming a baby and he will live for

another 80 years and that they do think this is repeatable in this world. This is now how you live forever as you rebecome a baby at 80 years old. And that that's enough for Hot Dog Johnson to just go fucking nuts. His mind is broken. He pulls a gun on his Mickey Rooney baby father and is just like, I gotta kill this thing, man. Most relatable action in the whole movie. You're like, yes, yes you do, sir.

So disappointing he didn't shoot that baby. He doesn't do it. He's like, no, I can't. I just love this huge baby too much. No, I don't believe that. The gun was too much. He could have just left out some sharp toys. There's like, nah, I can't. I just love this huge baby too much. No, I don't believe that. The gun was too much. He could have just left out some sharp toys or some uncovered electric outlets. He's like, I'm going to full on shoot this baby in the face. Like there's- Yeah, I wrote down, is he going to die of SIDS? And then I was almost correct.

Almost right. I'm not sure how this got in my notes, but leering clowns giggleless into an all baby Mickey Rooney picnic? I have that in my notes too. leering clowns giggle us into an all-baby Mickey Rooney picnic? I have that in my notes too, yeah. Okay. Word for word, exactly those words. They also have a swinger party around him having like dinner while he's a depressed baby. Like for a little bit life just goes on, where they're like, our immortal baby grandpa, cool, let's just keep on, keep on going now.

Yeah. But he's feeling left out of this party, so of course he hallucinates another opera about his giant wet nurse. In lingerie. In lingerie, coming to, I guess, save him. And as they have this party, he follows her out to sea, where he falls in the water and drowns and dies. He drowns in the water, like just a really grounded way a baby would die. Yeah. It's haunting. They show a shot of his little pudgy legs with the diaper just like in the water.

You think it's going to be tastefully off screen and implied by the way they cut away. And then they hard cut back to show Mickey Rooney's wet ass just floating in the sea. Right. In a diaper. And you're like, all right. Right. Or you think like he's going to evolve into like, you know, the baby from 2001 or something, like something magical, some magical realism. And they're like, no, just like most babies, he drowns because no one's watching him. Yeah. You need to watch your babies.

Even if it's a giant old pervert baby, you need to watch that baby. Yeah. That is not the lesson in the movie though. No. They have the old man baby funeral. Yeah, they have the old man baby funeral, and it's all very sad until the wet nurse arrives with a parade of adult baby perverts, all of them, to pay tribute.

And the family loves it. They react like the moment the Grinch came back with the Christmas presents. They're like, oh my God, thank God you got the entire Spanish diaper fetish community. I also want to know is when they found his drowned body, no one even thinks about saving him? No.

No one even checks? They just go, oh, thank you. I mean, would you? Fuck no. No. It was the driving motivation the whole movie. They're like, God, when he dies, we get money. And so they're all just waiting for him to die. That was when he said, Oh, he's gonna live another 80 years. The doctors were like,

he's gonna live 80 years. They were pissed off about it, because they wanted the money. I would I would give tribute to the sea. I would feel honor bound to give tribute to the sea for doing me that that kindness. Yes, great Poseidon. So she leaves him. And was she like, I didn't want a literal baby. I wanted a fuck baby. You know what? I'm going to get more fuck baby. I'm going to get so many fuck babies. And then she got a bunch of fuck babies.

She probably runs an agency. Yeah. Yeah. And then she heard about like, oh, the original baby died. I need to go to his funeral. I need a date. I'll just bring all my fuck babies. original baby died, I need to go to his funeral, I need a date, I'll just bring all my fuck babies. Is that what are they just because I don't think her character doesn't want a real baby, right? So like, is it like I guess it's is she did she have a turn and she's leading a cult of eternal babies who are all trying to live forever? Or more likely, they're just a bunch of dudes who want to fuck as babies.

I think this was just really moving to the Spanish diaper fetish community. They're like, we have lost a hero this day. And she reached out to say, you all have to come out in your best diaper and little bib to the funeral. The family will love it. Yeah, you're right. It's sort of like of like maybe she she doesn't even know these guys. She's just like, I know that I want to reach out to these people. Like, it's sort of like I don't know if you've ever dealt with a funeral, but like, you know, you call a lot of people and you have to tell people and like you have to organize things. And so it's sort of that vibe maybe where she's just like, I'm

going to bring these diaper people. They're not really with me, but they need some sort of some bridge between them and the family. And I'm that bridge. She responded with a plus 80 and then in parentheses diaper perverts. Right. Because she's like, you know, like they have to take like a bus or they're all taking multiple cars. She's she must have drew them up a map. Like they're they must have had a meetup location. I feel like they all took giant walkers. They all took giant baby walkers and just waddled down the street. Yeah. Oh, little babies. And anyway, that was the end of that movie somehow.

Well, the moral is that death awaits us all. So we might as well be big babies or something. Kind of. They say they're like it's art or something. It's something about how he was a baby. He was young to the end. You can do this to all it takes is a positive attitude to think like a baby. In a way, like aside from the acting and the photography, the plot, the wanton perversion. You know, I kind of like the movie.

Yum, yum. Give me that human breast milk sex, mommy. Are we doing final reviews? That was mine. I think that was mine. I'm not going to beat that one. All right. This movie made me want to schmooot myself. Einstein 100 Frankfurt Unser Podcast knalt und mit Maximillen schau Sag Frankfurt Podcast, korrekt

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