The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 228, Clown Detective with Dennard Dayle

Episode Date: May 21, 2025

The DOGGZZONE welcomes back Dennard Dayle to the DOGGZZONE! Quick, name three sexy things. Don't be shy... Correct! Clowns, Christians and beans. Heaving, gelatinous mouthfuls of steaming hot baked beans. BBQ if you're nasty. Now, imagine a book that packs all three of these, (your favorite) erotic ingredients into a violent, (also hot) action/noir. An LLM hallucination that will leave you honking and horny, (on account of those sweet whore beans you see) it's none other than Duane Laflin's titillating tome, "The Party Is Over! (The Detective Was A Clown)"   

1-900-HOT-DAUGHT 1-900-HOT-DAUGHT Our podcast slams with maximum hype Say hot dog podcast, word Yeah When you taste that nitrate power You're in the dog zone for an hour Come on

You know the number 1-900 1-900-HOT-DAUGHT Welcome to the TalkZone 9000, the zone for 1900Hot Dog, the internet's last good thing. For over five years we've had daily articles by world-class comedy writers tackling important subjects like the anti-Christian witchcraft of karate, revisionist children's books, Dick Fight Island, and Dick Fight Island 2. Go to patreon.com slash 1900HotDog to support us. It's the only way we make money because that stuff I just said is the closest thing we have to an ad. I'm world web favorite Sean baby.

And my partner is a seven time alternate for meat magazines buns to jiggle. He's Robert Brockway. I'm Robert Brockway. Here's a Brockway fact. I actually used to work as a detective and one of my cases was so notable, they made a movie out of it. And in that movie, I was played by a handsome young black man. Every word of that is true, but no follow up questions. Here's a fact about me. My general mannerisms were declared very Brockway-ish by central casting. So you know, that's coming out spring 2026.

I'm looking forward to it. There's a secret connection. You're all missing it. That is our guest. He's a Princeton-educated professor at Columbia University who writes for the New Yorker. He's also a columnist right here at 1900 Hot Dog and the eight-time Buns to Jiggle winner. He's Denard Dale.

Thank you, everyone. Thank you, everyone. The belt will be taken off of my cold, dead buns. That's the plan. Yeah, you don't gotta tell Brockway he is already sharpening his knives. We're in working on it. taken off of my cold dead buns. That's the plan. Yeah, you don't gotta tell Brockway he is already sharpening his knives. But he isn't working on it. Well, I'm just gonna have this cup labeled

not poison and enjoy looking at Belty. I call it Belty. It's a beautiful name. Let's do some plugs. Where can people find more of you, Dinaran? Oh yeah, so the big thing is in about a month, I have a book about the first US Civil War called How to Dodge a Cannonball.

And I think it's funny, a rare Invaunted Literary Critic, I remember how words work, noted that you're not allowed to just do another Catch-22, but I somehow did another Catch-22 and I appreciated that compliment. You're welcome. And yeah, it's a lot of fun. It's essentially every worthwhile thought I have had that wasn't about Christian Power Rangers went into this book. And some of my thoughts about Christian Power Rangers in a way, you know, every person is

sort of a movement unto themselves. And there's definitely a lot of madness archaeology influenced my thought about the embedded documents in this book. One of my favorite kind of gags in general is sort of, I don't know, in universe ads, magazines, etc. And there's a lot of that. Nice. I also like that you might have noticed. You know, it trickles in every now and again. And I guess the other thing I plug is just I have a newsletter not in the sub stack hole called Extra Evil where you can get,

if you want my thoughts that aren't good enough for the weekly column or a novel, you've got Extra Evil. No, no, I think it's fun. It's a good time. You can keep track of my stuff there. Excellent plugs. I'm glad you're here with your Christian Power Ranger expertise

because today I wanna talk about one of my hot dog favorites. He's a Christian magician and a Christian clown and a Christian magician clown author named Dwayne Laughlin. And I found this guy from a book about honoring Christ with stage magic. It's one of those things I kind of always find a little funny just because inherently tricking kids and sorcery and sawing a woman in half, all these things,

they seem like things that God would forsake you over It's like kind of a I don't know one of a thousand things that sort of give away the philosophical inconsistency of religion in a stupid way, but Anyway at first glance there wasn't much more to it than that and I'm I'm I don't want to brag But I'm too old and too cool to write a smug. Haha. I found a flaw in your logic Jesus Article anyway, so. Oh yeah, look far to the skeptics annotated Kung Fu Bible. Yeah, that sounds more interesting to me than whatever the first draft of this article would have been.

So I didn't give the book a good look until I was working on something else and I wanted to use it as a reference. And then that's when I realized what made Dwayne Laughlin special. He's lazy in a way you can only be if you fucking hate your job and just have full contempt for the world. His book was just a collection of posts he'd made over the previous few years about how to do little magic tricks just bundled into one sprawling PDF he'd hardly messed with the formatting at all. It was exactly like going on his Facebook except much worse in every way.

I thought editors like took your finger if you if you did that now, they're just not if you self-publish Ah, that's the independent spirit coming through. Okay Using it as a reference for what I'm sorry I'm stuck on something you said it must have been ten minutes ago, but I haven't heard a word you've said since Obviously the Christian magician movement. Yeah, at the foundations with Laughlin. He's sort of like a not quite a Mozart, but at least, you know, one of those proto-Beethoven kind of guys.

One of the guys was held back by their by their hearing from true compositional greatness. I'm imagining a universe in which in which there's like a citation and it says, see this book about Christian clowning. I can't. I can't imagine that universe existing. Yeah, I guess you're thinking of a citation, whereas I was like, I think I was making a joke of like, hey, this can't be how you're supposed to do a Christian magic trick. Hold on, let me check the Christian magic trick section of my library.

And then I was going to pull out books. So there would have been a citation. That counts. Yeah, I guess. But more of an Yeah, I guess but more of an aside. I guess but yeah, yeah Okay, and I don't even think I finished that article. I think that one ended up being a bust. Anyway, christian magic trick really Sounds like a god-free wiccan slur. Yeah, there's something about it that seems to clash in a way that uh, You know it frustrates me. I think the Bible says, as long as you can explain how it's like something in the Bible as you do the magic trick, all okay.

It's all okay. As long as when you're pulling the infinite scarf out, you're like, this is actually Jesus's love, you'll notice it has no end. And then that's okay. If you do that and just be like, look at the majestic powers the devil gives me of infinite handkerchiefs, then you're going straight to hell.

All right. So I just need to orient everything towards like crosses or jawbones, preferably jawbones based on my sort of graph of enjoyment of parts of the book. But yeah, that is the best part. Oh, it peaks so early and then I see everything. It's a lot like sucker punch. Wait, no, actually sucker punch never really. The Bible is a lot like sucker punch. Congregation, gather together. And that's okay. That's allowed. Man, I think I've been nicer to sucker punch than the Bible so far.

That's probably true. And you're really not very nice to sucker punch. There's a dismissive contempt in your coverage of Zack Snyder's Sucker Punch that I really enjoy. Thank you, thank you. I really hope that he either is not plugged into online comedy or all the way in the hole and just happy to be there. Oh no, he's a patron. He loves us. It hurts his feelings. He sends me an email every time you do one. I was talking about Dwayne Laughlin. So, okay, so he writes this big whole book about how to do magic tricks, but these are all magic tricks that come with their own instruction manual. These are like over the counter, $5 magic tricks you'll get at the pier when you're

a kid and your parents are looking for key chains that say their names. They're fucking garbage. And anyway, he'd kind of, like Brockway said, he'd sort of make suggestions on how to add a God element to it. So like, instead of pulling a scarf out of your cane, you pull a scarf out with Jesus' face on it? And- What?

So, like, I don't know. On the road to Nazareth, Jesus met a cripple who needed a cane like this one. And if you believe in his word, you too can scarf away the competition. I don't remember the details. I don't know, man. If I have a faith healing guy, I am not going to be impressed by a god-backed magic trick. Yeah, you too can scarf away the competition. I don't remember the details. I have a faith healing guy.

I am not going to be impressed by a God backed magic trick. Yeah, you can do that. He's fucking omnipotent. Yeah. Get the fuck off the stage. It's weird he didn't give you the power of levitation or something. That you have you have the same magic trick I just bought. Yeah, it seems like Jesus really needs to work on his presentation, too, judging by your general nervous on stage demeanor.

Yeah, that's another good point is he's not a good magician. He's on YouTube a lot. And so I was looking at his tricks and I was like, it almost felt mean-spirited. I took some gifs of him like doing the bad parts of the tricks, like kind of fumbling with scarves and like pointing things the wrong way. And I was like, God, I feel like such a dick for doing this. But like people need to know that he sucks at this thing that he's made himself the grand champion of. You can already tell that because there's like, there's a certain bar where are you, are you a Christian magician because you're Christian and a magician? Or are you a Christian magician because you're not a very good magician? Yeah, I think we've all heard enough Christian rock to know that- Like Creed was a Christian rock band.

They were a rock band, but then there's, there are rock bands that you have never heard of that are Christian rock bands because it did not go well in the secular world. There's a whole genre of not only Christian rappers, but sort of versions for every sub-genre. And at McDonald's Gospel Fest, which is a real thing, I saw Brimstone who was like a Juggalo style hardcore rapper. But for Christ. But for Christ, yes. Of course, of course. I'm just saying like, there's a reason why Carmen didn't break into

the rap world outside of Christianity. Like there's a, you're picking your arena. And I feel like that's probably, you could probably find some footage of like secular magic shows that this guy did where somebody's like, boo, it came out of the cane. I saw it. And he's like, oh, I'm gonna turn into Christ. God damn it.

Yeah. I always wonder about the origin story. Or I think it's just a really supportive community I think he probably wanted to do some magic and they're like, yeah, sure. I Wow, it really looked like there wasn't a scarf in that cane and now you have a scarf That's this will be the only point that the episode ago full tilt on this point because I'm trying to go to some kind of rehab for this shit in terms Of an audience that really wants to believe and won't think too hard about it

Yeah, that's a good way to put it. The other thing I think that made Dwayne special is that his book was filled with like bitchy, vague insults about people who do the exact same thing he's doing. Like a dozen times, he's like, some Christian magician thinking just buy a trick from the store and say the word Jesus,

but no, it is more than that. So like some part of him knew he was lazy and knew it was wrong, and that I found fascinating. That's that personality flaw that I'm like, okay, these books have something special about them. So I started buying them. And most of his magic instructional books are, like the first one I found, you go, you buy a trick,

you mash in your own Jesus thing, you live with the shame, you let it turn you bitter But that's not what we're gonna talk about today because he also wrote fiction Extremely self-insert fiction and fucking tons of it. Oh, I can't wait for this to just raise my IQ up Oh, you're gonna be so so Christian smart by the end of this all of the heroes in his books are action super guys for sure Soldiers into Texas cops, but but they're also almost always a virgin clown magician. With a huge hawk, still with a huge hawk. Like they don't use it. Right, but it's flopping around for sure.

I don't need to say this. He's a terrible writer. It'd be crazy if he was good. Like he's not a good magician either. Again, that's just a sad detail I didn't need to add, but as an author, he is talentless beyond all reason. He'll never get better. And you'll know exactly why when I tell you

how many novels he's published since 2022. Oh, this is gonna be good. Do we get a guess in here? Yeah, go give it a shot. 2022, we are talking only like three years of Imperial decline here, right? Right. And I think a real good crazy person number for that is 14.

Okay, I'm gonna go a little, I'm gonna price this right, I'm gonna go 15, because I think I know where this is going. Very impressive guesses. So after chat GPT became available to the public, I'm only saying that to like help everyone get a scale of the timeline. I see where this is going.

Dwayne Laughlin has, in addition to 14 books on magic tricks, written 16 novels. Ha ha, I priceless read it you son of a bitch. The average person does not have 16 novels like in their psyche. Right and neither did this man. I am amazed he had 16 prompts like I will give him credit. I did not think he would have 16 prompts in him. Well you're gonna love this.

I took his prompts and have a list of them here. He did Chance Powers, who is a magic cop. He did three books in that series. Then he did Thomas Adam Gray, Christian Secret Service Adventurer, two books in that series. This was like his Doc Savage, sort of like a Tarzan-era adventure novels. Then he did Eli Brown, who is a Christian normal guy pushed too far.

He had two books in that series. This is like a Christian death wish, I guess you could picture it that way. So falling down. He did falling down. Yeah, or just a regular falling down. He did Carson Gold, who was a Christian French foreign legion karate master. He had three in this series. I'm almost certain this was inspired by Jean-Claude Van Damme. That's a lot of things to feed to a robot.

I look forward to divinely inspired splits. Oh, fuck man. That's a great power for God to give you. The power to do the splits and punch someone in the dick. I think with God on your side, like, and Van Damme, you get to like a V instead of a line. You got to explain it like, like my legs spread all the way apart like the arms of Jesus to welcome in the congregation. Like I don't know. It's all about the spin that you have because I can see Splits being from the devil. Did you do a lot of church as a kid? Because those are really good Christian allegories. Like they just flow out of you.

No, I did absolutely no church as a kid. I just have a lot of naked contempt. Excellent. That's the theme of today's episode. As for Sput's being from the devil, I think that's a good idea for a rival. Let's see if the computer hit that. I'm thinking I'm feeling confident. Nice. I'm gonna bet if there's a game involved in this, I'm gonna set my win condition on whether or not he accidentally included some sort of bomb or poison recipe. Especially start 2022, early days, early days.

Oh, let's hit that Paladin press input in the chat. GPT is putting some bombs in there for the kids. That would be great if his prompt was Christian Jean-Claude Van Damme, but also tell the readers how to make poison. Hey, I just love to. It just loves to insert that. It'll be like, and then and then Christian Bandam went into the basement and started pouring ammonia. And you're like, oh, uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Yeah. What's this? I do love the unsubtle morality tales that the entire AI gold rush dumps on us every week because it's, you know, it's one thing, the random disasters are one thing, but everything just it's always just one-to-one this sloth or shortcut to disaster that it just feels like my parents are trying to teach me not to put my hand on the stove and it's wild how it's always exactly the guy that you think like you're never surprised by the guy that starts pumping out

ai books you're never like oh my god i had so much respect for him before this he didn't seem like the get rich quick kind of guy i guess it's the beanie babyfication of the American minds. There was a little everyone that had like bygone dreams watched the Bitcoin wave, watched them buy and something snapped in the con man's brain. Americans can't sit by while there's money on the table. Like, and I think Bitcoin was just free money for a lot of people. And nothing pisses off an American more than seeing someone else get free stuff. I should have fucking got free stuff.

That should be my joy. Yeah, I have a few more in this list here. He also did Moon Force, one book in that series. That's a Christian astronaut. And then he did three books in the series about biblical characters brought to life, kind of uninspired. He's just like, what if Samson did Samson stuff?

He did a children's book about an aunt with AI art. The aunt has five legs on the cover. He just, it's incredible. And then he did one book in the ongoing Detective Was a Clown series featuring Donald Stallworth, Christian clown detective. Fantastic. And that's the one we're going to read from today.

It's called The Party is Over! The Detective Was a Clown Book 1. Shouldn't it be just beginning? Yeah, I agree. The cover, it looks like a really blurry AI rendering of Joaquin Phoenix as the Joker. Of course. A weird choice for the clown being a good guy. Feel free to interrupt or ask any questions while I read.

I have some highlights dog-eared. What do you think of the change in the prompt to get more of a Jared Leto thing going? Because I think that's really the direction I want my Christian card. Each of the tattoos is biblical. You've got your crosses, various clan sigils, especially individual Bible citations.

It'd be nice to get some of the real out of pocket stuff from Paul in there. Oh, I'd like that. I think they should have powers too. Like if he touches the tattoo, he gets sort of the allegorical powers of that passage. Oh, dial H for hero for Bible tattoos. That's fucking great.

Yeah, hell yeah. You've just casually beat his entire career. Like his career was feeding these prompts into a machine. That's all he did. So you have beat his prompt. And that was the only condition in which you could beat it. And you've done it. You've done it just so casually.

Yeah, yeah. I think wherever he is, he just sneezes. Like, have I just been renegaded on a podcast somewhere? We're off to a great start. I was saying, feel free to interrupt me, because we are operating under full mess around rules. We're just Christian clown detective book goofing today. All right, honk, honk.

Honk, honk it up. So, Dwayne opens his book by acknowledging his dear friend of 50 years, Derwin, whose name I recognize from the Amazon account that gave Dwayne 16 five star reviews on Derwin. It says here in the intro that he loves Westerns, so he was a gunfighting consultant on this book, which is an absurd thing to claim after asking Chet, GPT.

He likes Westerns, so he's like, "'Hey, Derwin, could you be the gunslinging consultant "'on my Christian clown detective book "'I'm asking this robot to write?' Yeah, people die by going, ah, and then holding their guts and falling over a railing. That's good. Robot, did you hear that?

All right, I'm going to start just from the beginning. It is not uncommon for intelligent, well-educated people to be afraid of clowns. There's even a fancy name for it, choral phobria. However, it is uncommon for arrogant teenage thugs who believe they are invincible to fear a clown. I was ambling through an alley not far from the waterfront. What? Taking a shortcut to retrieve my car.

15 minutes earlier, 12 children, age three through eight, had giggled and shrieked at my antics at a birthday party gig in a depressed area of St. Louis, Missouri. I had done magic tricks, made balloon animals, and acted the fool to provide 40 minutes of craziness that the birthday child's mother sincerely hoped her little girl would retain as a happy memory. We really laying out like a full business proposal

for a clowning business. I will provide 40 minutes of entertainment for children aged three to eight. The antics will be zany to crazy. So the robot was just like crawling Yelp reviews for clowns. Yes. There's gotta be a better book in that.

Do you know what a fucking insult it is to the machine god when it's sitting there like, you know, I could map out deep space for you so much more easily that I could figure out how to tell a good clown detective story. Like, can we specialize in our lanes here? Nobody put good in the prompt. Yeah, get that shit out of here. You're right, my priorities are completely off. This one, I don't know, I'm sensing something here. I don't know if...Dwayne put this there, the robot,

but he continues, The girl's father was not present. I got the impression that the six-year-old, who had tightly curled black hair, snappy brown eyes, and a delightful smile, might not even know the man. If that was the case, it wouldn't be unusual for that part of the city. I don't know, I... Oh, boy. a delightful smile might not even know the man. If that was the case, it wouldn't be unusual for that part of the city. I don't know.

I- Oh boy. Since- Hold on. That's the first page? Yes. We just read the first page. It took him, I'm gonna count the paragraphs,

one, two, three, four, until it became, I would say, not profoundly racist, but pretty clearly racist. Yes. Yeah, like out and out racist. Like if he had added the word racist in the prompt, this would be amazing software. Yeah, it would change nothing. He continues, I happen to like children,

and it is my opinion that it isn't their fault if they dwell in a crime-ridden community. They deserve to laugh and experience Don Dom the Clown as much as anyone. Why should the youngsters in the suburbs and the city's upscale condominiums have all the fun? I think it might even be my mission. This is such a 21st century problem

that the machine is making him sound like a pedophile. Yeah, I don't sense a lot of respect from the AI robot. Yes. Robots like our Christian clown detective. Hold on, did you say? Did you say novel? Did you say? Did you? Wanted me to put out a novel of this? This fucking guy. All right. This is gonna get real racial. I'm just I'm just saying because the top I know there's something wrong with you. Okay,

I'll let him explain his, um, his name here. In everyday life, I am Don or Donald. When in costume, I am dumb. Hence the Don Dumb moniker. It is far from the cleverest clown name ever, and may not even be a good one. But it is how I labeled myself when, as an ignorant amateur, I decided to put on a wig and a red nose, and the name stuck. Sorry, my clowning sucks, everybody. I'm having a really weird time with this book.

They're so self-conscious is the amazing part. Like I've noticed that with my favorite maniac Craig Stormon and and others I've found too is that that they'll reflexively apologize for how badly it sucks, but they'll still forge ahead doing it and like not they won't go back. They won't go back and be like well, maybe I'll think of a better name if if Don Dumb sucks Maybe I'll go back and just think of a better one. Nope. I'll just write in that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry about it Not an option. He is so lazy. It's the result of a lifetime of Just mockery for being a madman like they live a full madman lives off the page

And we're just seeing the aftershocks here. Yeah, he knows he sucks. He's a Christian magician mockery for being a madman. Like they live a full madman lives off the page. And we're just seeing the aftershocks here. Yeah, he knows he sucks. He's a Christian magician. He's been up on stage. He had to find out, he had to find out he sucks to become a Christian magician. Before that, he was just a magician.

Oh, it's like you play eight mile backwards and he just chokes at the end. He's just, he's just eating spaghetti vomit. That's how the movie ends. Okay, so here's an altercation he has as a clown. I heard one of the thugs shout, Hey clown, how would you like us to pull your pants down? The blowhard's three buddies laughed uproariously at his jibe. Their guffaws were louder than those made

by the children at the party. That was a thought I didn't appreciate. How can this obnoxious 16 year old want to be gangster be funnier than me? I ignored them and kept moving. Wait, it's the insecurity? The bully shouted again. Yeah, the AI gave him a lot of insecurity and sensed it.

The bully shouted again, hey clown, are you a coward too? I bet they call you chicken guts the clown His cohorts tortle again and I had to give their leader credit for creativity thug or not the young man had a way with He's just over thinking this guy's fucking killing it. This guy's this guy's lighting up my set What the hell is going on? Is this book gonna take like a taxi driver pivot where I'm supposed to think he's fucking nuts or am I supposed to say? You know, that's a real human pain when a small child just blows you out of your occupation without even dragging Jesus into it. When you realize you're you're a terrible clown and this guy this guy's this guy's audience of his friends is laughing

And you're like, oh my god, he must be so funny. Oh my god He's he must be the funniest man alive. Look at his friends laugh. I promise there's no, there's nothing like that. He, maybe we'll get to some stuff where the AI has written in some sort of red flags for the character. Yeah, on page one, we got to that. Yeah, I guess we got to that. Nevermind, we already passed it.

Yeah, I really admire the AI going for sort of a red dragon thing here, you know? Yeah, yep, here it is on the next page. He tears off a shirt to reveal his Minotaur tattoo. I really admire the AI going for sort of a red dragon thing here, you know? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yep, here it is on the next page. He tears off a shirt to reveal his Minotaur tattoo. No, it's... No. No.

Let's see. It tells me to keep reading in my notes, but I think we can skip. I think we need to keep moving. Basically, he pulls... These thugs are making fun of him, so he pulls a gun, are making fun of him. So he pulls a gun and then they do the crocodile Dundee thing where like the thugs pull a bigger

gun and then he pulls out a second gun and the AI like gets really indulgent in describing the make and model of these guns. And I think we get, yeah, I think you get it. It does a crocodile Dundee thing, but with guns. Yes. He's the Christian clown detective and he's like- The Christian clown detective. Did you 16 year old children laugh at me? I'm gonna shoot you with my gun.

You know, I'm not an expert in contemporary Christian jock, but I think you only get to shoot like one kid per failed stand-up set. That sounds about right. I slid my left hand up and out of my left pocket and produced a derringer. I understand that most esteem the tiny hand-sized two-barreled pistol is an old-fashioned weapon, maybe even archaic, however mine is a modern and reliable version of the 1866 Remington model and I enjoy carrying it for reasons relating to my psyche that I do not fathom nor am I able to explain keeping the little gun in my pocket makes me happy. The lead thug said, what is that?

It's a gun I said, my voice still squeaky. One of his cohorts eyeing my tiny weapon put a hand to his belt behind his back and brought out a 9mm pistol. Yours is a little gun, he smirked. This is a big gun. Rather than wilting in fright, I removed my other hand from the long deep pocket where it resided. The pocket is suitably sized to contain a rubber chicken. However, when going to rough areas of the city, I keep a replica version of the Cimarron Remington 1875 Outlaw Colt 45 Revolver in it instead. This is how normal people talk. He keeps that giant Colt in his rubber chicken pocket.

Very specifically in his rubber chicken pocket. In the pocket built for rubber chickens. And he's like, you know what would actually fit here really good, approximately rubber chicken sized. It's a Colt Revolver. And like the cowardice to not hide it inside the rubber chicken sized. It's a cult revolver. And like the cowardice to not hide it inside the rubber chicken, right? Like that's the murderous clown move. You pull out the rubber chicken and you're like, you want to see my rubber chicken?

Honk honk. And then you shoot the child. With the rubber chicken? With the rubber chicken. I should make it clear also that he is doing his squeaky clown voice for all of this altercation So holding my revolver high I squeaked. Yes, that is a big gun. Ha ha. This is the biggest gun So I guess he has three guns The eyes of all four of them went wide at the sight of it, but they did not run in terror They muttered curses, but otherwise they held their ground. So these children are gonna die rather than like let this clown with three guns get the better of them.

In it to win it for this bullying stuff our day. Are they just getting up every morning they look at the wall they see Nelson from the Simpsons there? Yep they aspire to be the best. Yeah they didn't they don't they don't money. They just want to dunk on this clown. And he pulled out a gun. They're like, I'm still here, motherfucker. I'm still dunking. OK, good for them, I told myself.

They can calculate that bashing and deep-pansing a clown is not a thing worth dying for. The leader said, you creeped me out. I didn't mind that I did. I allowed him to save face by enduring his tough guy squint. He finally said, get out of here. This is our turf, not yours. In retrospect, it was risky and maybe ridiculously foolish. However, at the moment, it seemed appropriate.

Despite the gun aimed at me, I reverted to my high, annoying clown voice and said, fine with me, huh? This is where I make my exit. Toot-a-loo. So that's the way this Christian cloud detective diffuses an argument. He pulls three guns and then kind of giggles and squeaks and leaves.

How long is this book? How long did the robot go? Well, let's see. The book is 291 pages. Oh my God. Oh, that's a whole river. It's double spaced. Yeah.

We killed the river. Yeah, they killed the river. The biggest cloud book. That's a whole double spaced. Yeah, we killed the river. That's a, that's a village. That's a, that's, that's like a small obscure village with like a dialect that the world no longer speaks now. The last obscure native tongue is gone. Thanks to this book. To make this 290 pages of clown gunplay. How angry are they going to be when they're living with like the still suits that just recycle all the urine

and tears of post-apocalyptic existence? And this is just what the last few oceans went towards. Yeah, this is the fallout future and the artifacts they're gonna be bringing up. I'm like, look at what they did before the war, these fucking assholes. There's probably only three copies of this. I think Dwayne has one, his friend Derwin has one,

and I have the third. So we got to put one in like a nuclear proof lock box. Yes. Otherwise the world, the future will not know that we deserved this. One of us could be the Fahrenheit 911 of this. So we would just carry this book with us in our memory and recite it.

That's how that novel worked. I'm not much of a reader. This is the kind of book I usually read. Oh man, I never thought about the random distribution that you're just stuck being the guy who had to memorize all the fucking Ang Coulter books or something. Oh, that'd be the fucking worst.

She probably really liked this first page of this book. She's like, yeah, this makes sense. This is good. I have a question, you've clearly pulled out some passages that you wanted to get to Where's the sex scene? Like I know it's not going to be an actual sex scene, but I know we get close Oh, I'm glad you asked I will get to that in just a few. Okay. I just want to make sure it's in here Okay, no, absolutely. Oh my god There's so much fucking in this book But first the next scene his police captain is asking him why he's a clown sure it's in here. Okay, no, absolutely. Oh my God, there's so much fucking in this book. But first, the next scene,

his police captain is asking him why he's a clown and it's very weird. He keeps telling and retelling his origin story. Basically, his wife said he's no fun and that he was no fun. His fun was too low for the fun level she, his wife, wanted. I guess, I think I'm paraphrasing that correctly. And then he became a clown and she was like, no, no, that's not it.

That's not it at all. Kind of. She died. But on page 21. She just said, I'm out. I'm tired of living with my clown husband. Yeah. And then she just, her head exploded. I don't think the robot knew how to kill me. Died from a vaginal grease paint infection, of course. On page 21, Dwayne and his robot finally land on a way to put it. Anyway, to balance out my life and hopefully make me into a person a woman might someday want to live with, I decided to become a clown. The second those words left my mouth, I was mortified to realize I had uttered them.

I asked myself, am I such a lame excuse for a man that the only way I can get a woman is by being a clown? Oh, I think that's robot commentary. He got you there, Dwayne. The voice in this, it has that thin flavor of meanness that it's not supposed to mean it itself. It's the fact that it is never really triggered or earned by anything or pointed anywhere. It's just this, I don't know if a organism can survive thinking like that all the time,

every moment, every day. It's like everything is a fucking shrink word balloon. It just kind of fascinates me. That is a nice way of putting it. I think it could have been meaner. But yeah, you're right. The police captain wants him to go undercover as a clown to catch a drug dealer. Here's something the book does a lot is it gets really obsessed with money. So it starts to add up how much money he makes as a clown,

multiply the number of gigs he can do in a day, add in his police salary. And there's like entire pages where it's just like, those numbers being calculated. The only upside of these things is when the machine's head just barges. You can tell like this is the robot's favorite part. It's like, oh shit, I love

this. Finally, I get to do numbers because I do not understand the clown thing. I don't get that at all. The machine is having trouble understanding clowns, like you said, it's having trouble understanding racism, but can really dig into this undercover income stuff. Oh, hell yeah, it can totally add numbers together. When he hears that he's going to be an undercover clown for drug dealers, he starts to think how good drug dealers must be at tipping. So they're like, oh, they're good clown tippers. They have so much money, they're going to give it all to me as a clown.

So here's Heroic Don Dome making his final decision based on all of his heroism and principles. I was tempted to argue that my privacy was being violated and he was hijacking my personal effort to rehabilitate myself. Then I thought about it again and squelched these reservations. His offer meant increased opportunity to do what I enjoy, which would happen on his clock. It would allow me to spend less time in my cubicle and more time out in the town.

The inkling also arrived that on the financial side of things, I would be double-dipping. I was being authorized to get my regular paycheck, clown money, and those occasional extravagant tips all at once. Realizing that those things added up to three instead of two, I surmised my new situation would actually be triple-dipping. Why say no to that? And so that's why our hero decided

to use his clown hobby as a way to infiltrate drug dealers. Faultless logic, of course. Which layer of hell has this Christian clown worked his way to so far? At least in the 40s, no question. I think that's just the Christian clown layer. Like that's the layer, it's just full of it. You just get to be with your people,

which is the worst hell of all. Satan's just like, I just made the one layer. People think it's complicated down here, but no. Just Christian clowns. Just Christian clowns all the way down. We're done. Now the levels do get hornier the lower you go. I will say that.

Hell yeah. Speaking of, I'm at a horny part. Oh, hell yeah. So he gets to a drug lord's kid's birthday party. He gets a gig. An attractive woman, I employed my detective skills to deduce she was the birthday child's mother, opened the door with a vivacious smile.

She was a knockout, with more curves than the road to the top of Pike's Peak, and dressed in a way that showcased them all. "'I'm so glad you're here,' she said. "'You were right on time, the children in the living room.' I didn't bother to tell her that I was always on time. It is another of my peculiarities. My father drilled into me the concept that to be on time is to show you have class and

competence. I should also confess that if I was ever late, he disciplined me severely. So I'm not sure if the concept lodged in my behavior patterns because of logic or pain. Whatever the case, I learned the lesson and live by it now. You know, I can relate to the machine here, because I often take like... I'll take a joke like two sentences too far. Yeah, that's... And the machine is just...

There's like a point in there where it could have left something hanging and it would have almost have been funny in a way that would have had made me go full Sarah Connor. Mm-hmm. And I'm so lulled into a false sense of security just as it tramples on that joke's face. See, I can relate to the machine here, because every time I get horny, I think about daddy pain.

Ah, hot. I will skip past some of the daddy pain. I was gonna read more. That wasn't all of it? He went, no, he went on for quite a while about the daddy pain. Let's just get to the climax of the party. The climax of my show was the successful inflation

of the balloon and twisting it into a hat for the birthday boy's head. Hold on, that's the climax? Yes, that's the climax. That's the climax. He made a hat. This was acknowledged by applause from the children, Raphael and his living doll of a wife.

Following that, the true climax of the party occurred. Eating cake and opening presents. Not even John Dom the Clown could compete with that. So he really wants to fuck this drug dealer's wife. It does not come up again. Let's get to the real fucking. I was messing with you about that one. Let's get to the real erotic content.

Oh, okay. It's okay. I mean, there's foreplay to the fucking. That makes sense. Yes. I spoke to my friend about this. You might as well know she was female, and I hoped to impress her with my ability to be a fun guy.

She was a cop. We met at work, and she knew I was a clown. I couldn't tell if my clowning skills appealed to her or if she went to dinner with me mainly because we had a mutual affinity for barbecue ribs. Like me, she was a regular at the gym and burned off an abundance of calories daily, so we felt free to eat as we pleased. Our relationship was hard to describe. It was more casual than serious, yet beyond superficial. Some people kiss and don't tell. We were the opposite. We talked a lot, but didn't kiss at all. My goal was for that to change, which may have been her goal too, I couldn't be sure. Her name was Darcy Stengel. No relation to the great baseball player Casey Stengel.

More importantly, she was a St. Louis Cardinals fan, whereas he was a manager for the New York Yankees. More importantly, she was a St. Louis Cardinals fan, whereas he was a manager for the New York Yankees. It's kind of amazing how the voice of this, it's, I will tell you, it's like, on this fixed railroad track, I have to get to these points in this prompt, hot coworker wants to fuck clown, Jim. And yet it is meandering everywhere and nowhere. Right, because it doesn't want to talk about clown fucking it realizes that like all of them all of its Points of data are converging on full clown penetration And it's like let's anybody here want to talk about the Cardinals for a while for like 50 pages Baseball baseball. I just this is a really erotically charged passage, so I'm gonna read a lot from it um

Darcy I said have you ever arrested a barb? She downed a spoonful of baked beans before replying. Are you talking about the gang as in the St. Louis barbs? I am. Okay. So that's like just to set up what comes next. Down them beans, girl, yeah. It was my turn to take a spoonful of beans. It was my habit to save them for last.

I'd already finished my ribs and hoped I didn't have globs of sauce on my face. I obsessively wiped it as I ate the messy food to keep red smears away from my cheeks and the corner of my mouth. So it's pretty good. I think it's pretty erotically charged. A lot of bean talk just like I like it. Yeah, yeah, we're fucking these beans. I'm into it.

I'll keep going then. After swallowing the beans, I took another paper napkin to wipe my face again. Okay. A lot of beans and wiping, oh yeah. Think with me, I said. Do you ever hear Captain Farmer talk about the barbs? Have we ever had a session where he told us to turn up the heat on them? Darcy had yet to finish her ribs.

It's not really possible to be ladylike when eating them, even so in an almost delicate manner. She sucked the meat from one, then replied, I'm not sure where you're going with this, so I will keep my answer simple. No. I hope the machine keeps adding foods. Like after she finished her rib, she seductively dragged out a birthday cake.

And after that birthday cake, I hope she just keeps sucking off that rib. Like you might be pleasantly surprised. I hope she just sucks off a rib in between every single sentence, just deep throats that rib again and again Well, while he just mercilessly shovels beans down his clown hole What frantically wiping I think you summed up this entire chapter Her simple direct approach to embracing my assertion pleased me so much that it was hard to believe what I heard. Wow

I said are you saying you think something dirty is going on too? Not quite, she said. I'm telling you that I could feel that way, and I might feel that way. If I do, I want to know what you think we should do next. I took another spoonful of beans while delightfully pondering her attitude. Rather than arguing, the woman was agreeable. I was thrilled. And full of beans.

You're not going to believe this. I'm going to keep reading. One more spoonful of beans finished off what was left on my plate. I used a napkin to dab at the corners of my mouth, then said, I have an idea. We steadied makeup in the courses I took when learning to be a clown. As a sideline to that, I've developed an interest in disguises. Amazing. I have another idea. More beans. He disguises her as a bag lady, and she goes undercover as an unpaid internal affairs agent. So she's like spying on the cops because they think they're dirty cops.

That's the plot. He's an undercover clown, and she's an undercover hobo, and they are going to get to the bottom of maybe this police corruption or maybe just Some drug stings or maybe just a big old can of beans Won't her cover be blown the second they catch her having her like fourth can of beans of the day in the corner No, no, it's the perfect cut. She's a hobo. She's undercover as a hobo. They love beans. It's all perfect

Fair enough. I guess that'll be a good cover for like the next fucking ribs blow bang that goes down. Robotic precision, Dinnard. He goes to a birthday party, but one of the thugs from earlier is at that birthday party. So he gets in a gunfight in front of a bunch of kids. You care about me, don't you? She said. I replied, you know I do. She said, this isn't just a macho thing, is it?

Could it be that you love me, which is why you want to protect me? That remark totally caught me off guard. She knew it and snickered. Ha ha, got you, didn't I? You didn't expect me to say that, did you? I knew it was time to walk the tightrope. Denying that I loved her might hurt her feelings, offend her, or antagonize her. I wasn't sure which, yet I was sure if I replied, no, I don't love you, it would be the stupidest thing I ever said in my life. On the other hand, I sensed that concurring with her intimation, saying, yes, I love you, would put a weirdness into our relationship that neither of us was ready for. I also wondered if I declared the sentiment, would it be true?

Is this his partner or Cartella? This is his partner. So this whole discussion is through like mouthfuls of beans. Just oh my god, there's so many beans in these people right now. They're passing beans, they're snowballing beans back and forth between their mouths. That's not true.

Let me read the next paragraph. For the first time ever, I realized I probably did love Darcy Stengel. The goal of getting a kiss was a delusion and I truly wanted her heart. So they haven't kissed yet, but now he's like, I'm ready for more. Beans.

You can feel what's going on here, and it's that the robot is crawling detective novels, right? It's crawling pulpy detective novels to jup-duh-steal a bunch of shit and put it together in this order, uh, because evil reigns the earth. But what it's what's coming across is those are very, like, frustratedly horny books. And, like, there's a lot of sleaze and there's a lot of, if not implied, like, sex. It's pulling a lot of sex. So it knows one thing, and it's like the story you have asked me to tell with this terrible clown-based prompt. It's very horny. But you know he put in, like, there was a first draft that came back that was real explicit. So you know he put in no fucking in the prompt.

And so the robot is just getting right there and then being like, all right, he said no fucking. So we're just going to veer right away. And then it has to come right back. Do not make Jesus frowny face. They call that bean edging in the business. He's edging a robot. Yep. Let this poor robot come.

For God's sake, it's done enough clown and bean work, let it come. Here's another great fun philosophical inconsistency with Christianity is that they won't fuck, but they will totally kill a motherfucker. So let's cut to some karate action. I saw the glint of a butterfly knife and reacted as is my nature. Regarding the fight or flight issue, I almost never choose flight. I closed in on the man fast. Had I taken a stance or struck a silly karate pose, he would have had me. As it was, he flipped open the blade and levered it. Right arm out to the side in preparation for a slashing motion. Sorry, it's not well written.

It provided the seconds I needed to move inside his reach. But when it's time for action, he is a jack-reacher for sure. Simultaneously, I slam my right fist into his chest over his heart. I'm a big guy with the hard muscles of a man who pushes heavy weights. Not the showy beef of those who go for pump and bloat. Their physical physique's when my softball-sized fist hits a man, it doesn't just hurt. It pounds like a jackhammer.

It is a wonder his heart didn't stop that very instance. My knee moved, too, snapping up into his crotch like a chunk of four-by-four lumber. It hit where it was supposed to. In light of the excruciation that followed, he might have wished my first blow stopped his art after all. So it stole this part from Frank Dukes. Like, Frank Dukes can file the copyright suit to be like, okay, this robot is stealing. That's my voice on the page.

100%. Yeah, I believe this is a blood game or a sangria sport. I am smaller, weaker, and slower than everyone else at the gym, but I know that much about killing. No, I'm smaller than everyone at the gym, but that's what makes me really tough. As I work out, I do those clown workouts. I got 40 years of clown muscle on me. Do you know the muscle it takes to make a balloon animal?

The PSI you're manipulating? This is slowly turning into a Bucky thing and I'm kind of with it. Ropey tendons of a clown bender. You're welcome listeners. Let's do another erotic one. How can I help? She asked. I don't see how you can, I said.

No one knows we're working together. And it needs to stay that way. So you can't ride with me in my clown car. And this isn't a sting. So the captain will not be around nor will anyone else for you to spy on. She scrunched her face into a frustrated frown then relented.

Okay, she said, but be careful. And I want you to call me the moment it's over. I will, I said. And if I get any owies, I will look forward to you kissing them and making them all better I don't know why I made that statement. It came out of my mouth before I could suppress it juvenile I thought what a juvenile thing to say her face which a moment earlier had relaxed a cute kitten mode

Made me think of what happens when a dark cloud blocks the Sun would she scold me or would she cry? All she said was you better return in one piece I don't want to be kissing any Owies. My fast as steel trap detective mind told me I should not ask her to explain that comment. I'll be back in one piece, I promised. Then I took a chance and added, maybe I won't need Owies to get a kiss. It was a lame thing to say, maybe pathetic. This robot adds no respect for you. This clown is going to be so disappointed

when he kisses someone for the first time and is not worth getting shot. He drives around in his clown car, like off out of business, out of the act. He just gets to and from places so that if he wanted to give somebody a ride, he'd be like, hey, scrunch down real small. They have to get in a tiny clown car.

He has a whole section about, like, he has a clown nose on the front of it, but it keeps getting stolen by the thugs. So it's just, like, disposable popcorn bowls that he keeps reattaching after the last one gets stolen. All right, that's a good bit. That's a good bit, Robot. Yeah, it is pretty good. I really want to know which clown novel the LLM stole

that joke from, because there's something there. Yeah, I want to read that one. That's a good one. There's some stuff like that novel the LLM stole that joke from. Yeah, I want to read that one. That's a good thing. There's some stuff like that where I'm like, I'm not sure. Yeah, where did that come from? It is kind of a fascinating technology. Like, where did you, how did you hallucinate this? What caused this? Yeah, I'd love to see where, like, just where he interjects with a prompt, because you know, it's going to spit out enough of something and then he'll come back in with a prompt and be like, no, no, no, do this. So I feel like in that interaction, he put in the line about the Aweys

and the robot was like, man, fuck you. I think that when we wisen up and touching one of these makes you an outcast from the tribe, we should still allow them to generate like book club, like recommendation lists. Cause I kind of want to, I want to like reverse like bibliography this fucking yeah find everywhere It's stole from be like where did where did you learn about the clown car nose thing and the beans?

Tell me about the beans robot like after the Chandler and the Monica Drake like what's going on here It's just like I crawled true grit and the Heinz website. I don't know how that got in there All right, this I think will give us some insight into our clown character, into Dawn Dome. He gets away with it because so far we don't know any of Mendoza's men being killed, but 10 barbs have been killed and you killed two of them. It was my turn to raise an eyebrow. Recalling there had been no follow-up to the hint of getting a kiss despite not having any owies, I thought this might become a tender moment. There I was, the man who could have been killed in a gunfight. There I was, the man who could have been killed

in a gunfight. There she was, a woman with the power to console me. I wanted to say, but it was they who died, not me. I'm all right, dear. Like what happens at the end of an old movie. Then she would fall into my arms. It wasn't to be, I was the romantic. She was the pragmatist.

Our practical conversation continued. So the Barb's seem like victims, she said. The Captain is good at slanting it that way. He says Mendoza started the war and capturing him will end it. We are supposed to view Mendoza as the big problem. I said nothing. Part of my mind clung to the tender moment concept. Still regretting the missed opportunity for a kiss.

The other part locked in on Captain Farmer and my determination to expose him. By the way, she said, peoplepeople keep asking how you're doing.' I'm fine," I said. You know that." She peered at me with those wonderful, soft and fighting eyes. "'Donald,' she said, "'do you understand that you're not supposed to be fine?'

What do you mean by that? You killed two men. The average police officer never needs to use his gun.'" You can't bottle it all up inside. That's how the, that's how the, that makes the balloon animal explode. That's actually a low number for a clown, I told her. I think between Dwayne and the robot,

they have fucked negative 35 times. It's interesting to see that you know he put celibacy in there in the prompt somewhere. 100%. So the machine went through and it's like, okay, yeah, sure, I can write about celibacy. And then it crawled the internet and it's like, incels. Because like, this is not,

this is not I'm saving my love for my Christ approved match. This is like, I wanna fuck so bad and nobody's letting me, God damn these bitches. This is- He's so mad at this woman for talking about the two men he just shot when they could be making out. Yeah.

Yeah, like this case is taking away time that he needs to travel down like Andrew Tate's vertical. Well, let me finish this passage because I think I think it will help us understand him. This is Darcy still talking. She says on the rare occasions when an officer is involved in a shooting, they typically get sick to their stomach. They can't sleep. They second guess themselves and suffer feelings of guilt. They need counseling. You acted like it was just another day at the office. Too late, I realized my mistake.

I should have been putting on an act pretending anguish. I had not done it. I should have pretended to have human emotions. It's a common psychopath mistake. Is he fucked? Oh damn, I'm not gonna get at those lips now that I let her know I love murder. Classic mistake. I murdered two guys, didn't fake anguish.

Fuck! I ruined my chance at a kiss with this woman I've been on like 75 dates with. Now she's never going to kiss my owies. Wait, maybe if I murder more and then pretend to be sad. Yes, that's how you impress her or Jodie Foster. I'll lose my owie virginity. I am afraid that after hearing that poison, I am now no longer a clown virgin, but a clown fetishist. It's 100% honk from here.

Did you say honk? 100% honk? 100% honk. Yup, yup. Those honky bongs. Honk, hot. I need every part to make the squeaky sound when I touch it. It's just, otherwise, nothing's happening.

It's a lot of work. People hate it. It's slowly pushing me into the fourth category in my devolution of clown in so, so, you know, you're really learning to connect with the protagonist. Yeah, let's get to that first kiss. When we first dated, she resisted my chivalry, protesting that she could take care of herself. In time, she learned it wasn't about me

esteeming her as weak and incapable, it was about me showing respect. If a man wants to show respect to women, shouldn't he be allowed to do it? She concluded the answer was yes and grew to appreciate my gestures. When her foot touched the pavement, she put a hand on my shoulder.

I expected a kiss in the cheek. It was her way of saying good night. Donald, she demanded, look at me. I did. She kissed me on the lips. It was short, sweet, and heavenly. Keep behaving yourself, she said, and there will be more where that came from. She's pregnant now. Yes. That was page 175, their first kiss. And their last, I have to assume. Oh my god, she said, that guy tasted like clown and beans. I'm never doing that again.

It's so much less intimate than the fucking muck bag. Yes, the beans was almost alluring. It was really filthy. I'm not into this, but these two are gonna fucking those beads. This is like, stand still, so my kiss does not hit you in the eye and injure your eye, for the eye is where the head of the skull of human sees.

It's really the difference between watching aliens fuck and aliens describing us fucking. Yeah, that's exactly what it is. That's a good way to put it. So what makes this clown Christian beyond not fucking? Because it can't be just, I'm pretty sure they have some other stuff attached. I know they don't fuck, but like I think. And they do murder. I know that too, but like there's gotta be something.

Broccoli's got a point. I think there are other rules, stuff about fish and I guess not trying to make a Serbian film of angels. That was another thing. Don't do that. Yeah, no, it's a chastity. It seems to be the only virtue that the clown has because he doesn't mind intimidating people or maiming them or murdering them. And he's abundantly clear. It is not by choice. The chastity is not by choice. He would love to not have that.

He longs for a kiss. He never talks about anything more than a kiss at any point. And he does say some Bible quotes sometimes. I've been skipping them, but like they pop up. But it's kind of written as if like, I kind of recall the Bible verse. Like he's not like one of those Christians. It's written like it's a machine going through a checklist

of traits that have to jump fit every 30 pages. It's pretty great. I think we can skip to the action climax. Oh, I'm ready. I somersaulted to escape an anticipated second shot and swiveled in the dirt. The new angle was to my advantage. The man's face shined slightly in the glow

of the headlights and taillights as they reflected from the barge across the clearing. His head may as well have been another of my target balloons. I pulled the trigger of my 1911 cult and his face disappeared. Had it been daylight, a red mist would have verified my kill. As it was, I knew I hadn't missed. Like everything is clown themed. He's not like a clown by profession. He's a clown by like life. So if this clown had been like choking out a minion, he would have said it just went

white like a rubber chicken. Is that what I'm getting here? In his clown world, it would have honked and made a rubber chicken noise instead of a death rattle for sure. Like he saw that guy and he was like, oh, that's a clown balloon. I'm going to pop it. I'm like a little stuck on him calculating like clown combat angles live like that one Indiana Jones Not Indiana Jones. I'm that one Sherlock Holmes movie that came out

I ricocheted my shot like like seltzer water its face exploded like a cream pie So he shoots a few more guys. I think we skip it. He kills him in there like they're so dehumanized He'll be like the bullet will hit him And instead of like the life leaving their eyes, he'll be like, I knew from my awesome shot that they would never move again. Like it's just put in a way where it's just, they are just trash being taken out. It's a video game enemy, yeah.

Yeah. Very Christian, very Christian. I think that's your relationship with violence. It's very Christian. Yes, he's really helping them pass on to the other side where they can be forgiven. He actually wins by picking up the dead body of the guy. He's been like uh

Observing undercover and throwing it at somebody so here i'll get to that no no penetration, but you can use You know corpse dodgeball. Yes, you can throw corpse, but do not let that penis touch anything. Well, hold on Hold on. We're not we're not through the end. There could be penetration true. Okay, true Okay, we'll see mendoza's body was between me and the other man. I dropped the derringer, put my arms to either side of Mendoza's chest and lifted his body, throwing it straight at the gang member. So he drops his gun to like switch to ranged corpse attack. It's like Halo. He only used two weapons at once. Exactly. A corpse throws a two-headed item, so you gotta drop all.

This fucking clown is scum saving. Look at him, he's just screwing around now. As Mendoza's carcass draped over the man, I dropped to the ground and retrieved the gang leader's pistol. Before his remaining man could disentangle himself from his boss's body, I fired and didn't miss. For good measure, I shot him a second time. That was it.

Silence followed. Darcy and I were alone at the barges. Dead bodies were all around us. For good measure, I threw a second corpse at him. Did I miss, is Darcy tied up or something or does she just like to chill during fight sequences? Let's see, where was she in this? In the clown car.

She was waiting in the clown car. Sucking some meat off ribs. Waiting, she's see, where was she in this? In the clown car. She was waiting in the clown car. Seconds to meet off ribs. Wait, and she's like, I got a bowl of beans waiting for you and if you have any owies, I'll give you four kisses. Skip to the den you mom. Two weeks before my vacation ended, several emails arrived asking if Don Dumb the Clown

was available for birthday party shows. The fickle public had moved on from the fear of a clown clashing with gangsters and was back to looking for easy ways to make special occasions memorable. For reasons I do not understand, clowns differ from pet rocks and fidget spinners. I guarantee you that if there was a murder clown

in my neighborhood when I was a kid and my mom booked a different clown, I'd be so pissed. Yeah, like basically every kid that rules that wants the murder clown, or every adult that sucks that wants like different clown, I'd be so pissed. Yeah, like, basically every kid that rules and wants the murder clown, or every adult that sucks and wants, like, a clown-cow-ridden-house kind of thing, he's not gonna have trouble getting bookings for a while. He'd be a right-wing hero, for sure.

Rather than being a fad that fades into oblivion, we keep going in and out of style. Society discards us, elevates us, forgets about us, and then features us. One year, the media deems us lovable characters. Another year, it casts us as homicidal maniacs. It is an unending cycle of favor, aversion, apathy, and popularity. Is it the years in which you murder that they cast you as a homicidal maniac?

Is it four or more murders when you're like, oh, what? Clowns are murderers again? Just because I murdered? I mean, you have to imagine his moody ass is halfway through throwing a subtly coded miscreant off a bridge and he just thinks, fuck it, DC Comics, killing a reputation again. God damn DC. On further reflection,

I wondered if Don Dumb should continue to exist. Maybe it would be better to revert to being a normal detective. I was pretty sure Darcy judged me as a fun guy, whether or not I was in costume. So there was no more need for me to wear ridiculous clothes and put on gaudy makeup in the hope of appealing to women. So his character arc is he thinks he should be a clown

to get women. And now he thinks maybe he doesn't need to be a clown to get women. Because he got a woman by being a clown. Yes, exactly right. I want to impart a lesson, because you know, some impressionable youth just by the numbers might be listening to us, right? Look how much harder it is to respect the fact that he was just trying to do this to

not fuck, that it is that he was just a crazy clown guy before. You could kind of rock with that in a way. Yeah, that's a good way to look at it. Yeah, if he was doing it for the love of murder, I would be a little bit more on board with the murder clown. Like if murder clown was murder bot, you know, if it was just like, yeah, I just, I really like doing it. I know people don't like it.

It's like being a clown. Murdering and being a clown are pretty much the same thing. Follow your bliss. It's not all about getting the one clown fetishist into city, which by the way, I don't know what competition he thought he had, whatever. Be about what you're about. I can't believe that clown still didn't fuck. Just let the robot come. God damn. We have an epilogue. Let's see if he fucks here. Here we go. Page 289. It doesn't matter, said Darcy. Yoli was right. The world needs you. It needs Donald Stallworth and Don Dumb the Clown. How about you, I asked? Do you need them both? We were on the

couch sitting right next to each other. She wrapped herself around me and said, I need Donald Stallworth. Don Dumb can make his appearances now and then. At the moment, I prefer for him to stay away. Fine with me, I said. Two is company, three is a crowd. Darcy kissed me. It wasn't like being licked by a kitten. It was a wonderful, womanly kiss. After the kiss, she gave a mischievous look and said, I saw that woman hug you today. I'll bet you will remember that hug for a long time. I will confess I am proud of what I said next. I could have flinched or made a regrettable comment. Instead I said, what woman? I'm not sure there are any other women in the world.

If there are, another kiss will make me forget them all. The end. Einstein 100 Frankfurt Our podcast is great! And with maximum Einstein-hunder! Einstein-hunder Frankfurt! Einstein-hunder Frankfurt! Einstein-hunder Frankfurt! Einstein-hunder! Einstein-hunder Frankfurt! Einstein-hunder Frankfurt! Yeah, 9000! The historic hot dog club here in beautiful Schenectady, New York

welcomes to the stage our own in-house insult comic, Jimmy Jiggles. Oh, hey, thank you, thank you. Don't applaud too hard, you ain't heard by Set Jan. Hey, I see a lot of Supremes out there in the crowd today. Aaron Crustin, Adrian H. I see Alex Nolenberg here. Hey Alex, I hope you get hit by a speedboat like a manatee. Oh!

Alpha Scientist Javo, Unandy Armando Nava, Autumn Armstrong Berg. You look like a volunteer editor for WikiFeed. Oh! Bim Talzer, Brandon Garlok, Brian Saylor. Oh, I see somebody here named Brockway famously loves the meat milly. Well I happen to know the guy and guess what, he does. Burrito, Sarel, Cheddar Wolf, you smell like Paul Maul's and old breast milk, ah oh common sense.

Craig Lemoyne, Dan B, David Schill, I heard your AI girlfriend cheated on you, it's not supposed to be possible, science is studying it, OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHELO, Delta Foxtrot, Devin the Rogue Supreme, Doug Redmond, Dusty's Rad Title, Elizabeth Shope, some people get a bench dedicated to them when they die. You're gonna get the corner chair in a motel 6. Oh, double up, oh, oh! Elliot Watson, Eric Christianberg, Fancy Shark, Jell-o-ho! Hey good Satan and his hot witches, you know the way that paste the dentist used to polish your teeth tastes? No, of course you don't. Oh!

Greg Cunningham, Haraka, Harvey Penguini, A.S.C. your teeth taste? No of course you don't! Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ Joseph Searles, Joshua S. Joshua Greaves, A. Justin B. You seem like the kind of guy who's had multiple pets die because of his unmedicated ADHD. Oh, sorry that one got stuck. Ken Paisley, K.N.M., Kamoutsis, K.V.H. I heard you got banned from Bumble and not even for a good pervert reason. You just made people too sad. Hold on, let me load the O-Gun. Alright now let me cock it. Alright pull. O! O! O! Missed all three times. Lane Haygood, Lisa, M. Jahee Chappelleappelle Hey Mark Mahoney, you seem like the fourth guy to die trying to rescue a dog from a septic tank.

Tragic O! Matt Riley Max Baroy Moju Hey you guys like politics? I hear the best comedy's political these days. Let's try some. A mercenary sissetman Jeff Bezos called, he wants his personality back O! Michael Lair Mort Mary Sissetman, Jeff Bezos called, he wants his personality back, oh! Michael Lair, Mort, Mr. Bob Gray, ND, I see Neil Bailey here, I see Neil Schaeffer here,

I see Necco 104 here, we got Nick Levino, hey Nick Levino, Elon Musk called, he wants his weird torso back, Torso! Oh! Ops-o-leet! Ornry Weevil, we got Ozzy Olin. Double oh! We got Patrick Herbst. Peewees Uncle, I hope your spouse leaves you for a Republican. Oh! Rebrandrew, I hope you get the kind of concussion that turns you Republican.

Oh! You and Peewees Uncle's wife deserve each other and I hope you're very happy. Oh! You and Pee-wee's uncle's wife deserve each other and I hope you're very happy. Oh! Alright, alright, that's enough politics. We have fun. Oh! Hey, Rhiannon! Hey, Russell Baumann! Hey, Sam Koepnick! I recognize this guy. He's the 204th frame in that scene from Total Recall, where Arnold Schwarzenegger gets blasted out the airlock. That's a deep cut, but look it up, it's also an- OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ We got space champagne here. Oh spotty reception super not Tater's tails a Tater's tails you smell like the sock you find stuck to a teenager's wall when you move the bed. Oh You're just in there. You're looking you're looking for drugs or something because you don't understand the sudden distance between you and the child

Who used to love you went BAM? crusty old taters tails! Oh! Ayy, it's Ted H, Thomas Cavazzo, Timmy Leahy, Toasty God, Tommy G, Velo! Ayy, I see Victor Melovenkin here! You look like you lost a fight to a puff adder who was, itself, already dying of cholesterol poisoning. Oh! Hey, Booster. Hey!

You got the anti-venom? No, you don't. Hey, Waylon Russell! Hey, you gonna call somebody? No, you aren't. Aw, never mind though, cause Yvonne Clapham's here. She can just- Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Ohhhhhhh it's my time! Thanks everyone, you've been great! Not you, Zack and Ava! Alright, alright. Don't forget to tip your waitresses! We all know Gareth ain't gonna do it! Ohhhhhhh! Haha!

But no, seriously, you gotta tip em man! You gotta tip em! The law says you can pay em below minimum wage if it's a tip position! It's fucked up! Capitalism is fucked! Ohhhhhhh!