The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 234, The Infernal Dictionary with Dennard Dayle

Episode Date: June 25, 2025

The DOGGZZONE welcomes back Dennard Dayle. Today we're going to help Dennard become the world's next best selling author through cunning use of demonic favors! First we must choose the most helpful demon for our nefarious causes... Who could it possibly be?? Tune in to find out as we scour the Infernal Dictionary for the Secrets to Dennard's Success! Buy Dennard Dayle's book, "How to Dodge a Cannonball: A Novel" https://www.amazon.com/How-Dodge-Cannonball-Dennard-Dayle/dp/1250345677 NYT review: https://www.nytimes.com/2025/06/16/books/review/how-to-dodge-a-cannonball-dennard-dayle.html

1-900-HOT-DAUGHT 1-900-HOT-DAUGHT Our podcast slams with maximum hype Say hot dog podcast, word Yeah When you taste that nitrate power You're in the dog zone for an hour Come on

You know the number 1-900 1-900-HOT-DAUGHT Welcome to the Dogs of 9000, the official podcast of 1900 Hot Dog America's last comedy website. I'm the 16th Lord of Hell, the Infernal Master of the Underworld's Laundry. I ensure the Devil's socks are clean and if appeased I grant a fresh lavender scent. Invoke me, if you dare, with the name Robert Brockway. And with me, the butcher of Balisade. It is he who accounts for Hell's produce storage. Some say he is a demon cursed with a hog so big you have to invoke it separately. Speak Sean baby to summon him and

to summon his hog just say, We're more nutritious! How are you Bobby? I'm Sean baby, summon him and to summon his hog just say How are you Bobby? I'm Sean baby. I brought my hog. We're here to meet the devil. We came to win And our guests the notorious warlock and consort of Satan's lonely grandmother Iris It is he who summons genital magics and the filthy spirits of the Thrift Store's clearance section. Summon him by his pen name, for his real name is forbidden by God. I bring forth Denar Dale. I have emerged from four weeks of concentrated thought-form jerking to change this realm.

How you doing, folks? Concentrated thought form jerking to change this realm. How you doing, folks? Can you say my Omega Beams will annihilate the super powers team? My Omega Beams will annihilate the super powers team until Superman comes in with his hands. Oh God, it hurts so much. He hits me so hard.

He hits me so many times You're a little punchy from launch week, huh? This is your books launch week when we're recording this That is true when we are recording this how to dodge a cannonball has just come out by muscle memory I almost said 1-900 hot hot dog had just come out. It was almost the most confusing opening of all time. Just gotta plug it. But yeah, this is a book. It is, to avoid a lot of rambling, it's a funny book about the Civil War. If you like funny things, you know, like this, I highly recommend it. If my voice or jokes do not annoy you to death, I highly recommend it. If you are someone who just, you know, is part of the sort of sane and alive lobby of humanity, I recommend it. Check it out. Plus it's homework now.

Yeah. You gotta study your history. That is true. That is true. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like live experience people is only half of your Civil War grade. The rest is on the book testing, and you still gotta work at it. I'm telling you, this is the most fun one. It's the most fun Civil War book. It's like, I've got the most fun thing over here. Then like, Ken Burns has

like a really good voice so you will have a good time, but it's not the fucking same. It's this little breezer, you know? It's just not as, it's not as funny. He doesn't make the slaughter as funny. Exactly, exactly. Except I have to give it to him the straight description of Pickett's Charge. It's still fucking hilarious. It still works. It still hits. Sometimes it can go dry with it, you know, and that works. How has Launch Week been going?

Launch Week has been really good in terms of results. In terms of the live experience, I am one of those people who gets things in, but it's this 4am journey. But you know, that's a whole circuitous thing. I'm very happy with how things have come out. I'm a lucky guy. I am amazed at the reviews. I got really lucky with a...

Okay, well, I got really lucky across the board. But one thing I got lucky with is the guy at the New York Times who reviewed it was a guy who wrote incognito Okay, and the funny thing about that I'm super great. I'm super grateful by the way cases Do you really but the funny thing about that is that I read that in like undergrad and it was influential to me So now him reviewing it positively. There's a in my head. There's a bit of a wow Where did this guy who was right about everything come from? It really just got his head on straight. Well, thank you. When I wrote that, I knew the title would be controversial, but...

Yes, yes. One of Sean Baby's many pet names was Matt Johnson. He is in fact the author of Incognito. You will also find that he's also the author of Pink Flamingos. I am more comfortable saying that one. Still not allowed to do the voice. Yes, still not allowed to do the voice. You'd think they would have given me the pass, but.

Nope. Nope. No radio version, no audiobook, only visual. It's two levels of pass, actually. There's the typing pass and then there's a speaking pass, you know? Alright, Sean, anything you want to plug today? Nah, I'm good. I'll go ahead and plug our site that this is for.

Come support us on patreon.com slash 1900 hot dog or don't and watch us watch us die and everything you love disappear those are the stakes i don't make them so um as much fun as you know dying and disappearing is i recommend you support us so we can narrate other things dying and disappearing and it's a really great crossover crew you know from obviously the people here to you know sway them underlining the last bastions of human dignity left in media and indignity, the sort of walnuts thing. Yeah, it comes from both sides. And you know, you have like takes on Otherverse America, which I sort of look down and like, wow, I'm having a salieri moment here, but that's a whole other thing.

Yeah, those are great. Buy our own Merit K. Aren't we wonderful? Aren't we just the best? God, we are a really good website. Let's celebrate us some more. I should have plugged it. You know, it's controversial, but it's just true. I'm not the one who said it.

We do have a full multivitamins worth of nutrition. Yes, full of full of nitrates, everyone. So, Denard has a book out this week, as we record this, of course. And these first few weeks are really important to an author's career. This is, for some reason, it's the window. And it's vital that he make only really high profile,

safe public appearances that give him like the maximum chance at the widest possible audience. Like he can make his niche appearances with us and we can do our goofy stuff. But like right now, it's gotta be, it's gotta reach as many ears and convince them as possible. We wanna help him out.

So we're gonna be summoning as many demons as we possibly can on this podcast. And we're going to ask the best one to bless Denard's book launch. This one goes out to my boy Asmodel. I hope that he's in the lineup. And you know, I thought I was just killing goats for no reason today, but now I'm glad

we've got like a purpose. I'm hoping for a weird sex demon. You both gotta be possibly happy depending on the whims of fate with this. I would be so terrified if I found out a demon had no weird sex party to him. Like what else is he invested in? Like if there is no sex party to him, I'm like oh god this is the genocide devil. He's all about the killing.

It is all murder all day long at no breaks. Yeah you don't trust a demon without a cock. You look for that cock first thing. If it's bladed, fine, but it's gotta be. If it has your mother's face, fine, it's gotta be there. It's gotta be there. A second one, you can feel a little secure, like, okay, this is a one-person spit roast, but we're all gonna live. All right, I won't lie. I'm kind of using you as a guinea pig here. I have a new book coming out eventually too, and it looks like my pre-orders are not doing too great. I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong, so I'm hoping this goes well for you so that I can, you know, follow suit and ask the devil for some advice on how to better market my book.

I know I'm no devil, but I think it might be because you refuse to plug it on every appearance you've made for the last six months. Uh-huh. I mean, that might be it. I really, I don't have the answer. I figure Satan does. Yeah, let's ask Satan. So, well, we'll ask Satan somewhere down the line. What a sex goblin, hopefully. Right now, we're focusing in on Dinard. We're gonna, Dinard, we're gonna find you that demon, and that's literary success. Thank you very much. You know, people always say that entertainment is full of demons and devils, and I think it's about time that I actually met them, like...

Yeah, man. This is like, this is how you get started as an author. You gotta find the demon that likes you. And we're gonna do that with the literary demon Kumite. I have a copy of the Infernal Dictionary here by Diablito Ordo Alguul. Yes. My favorite Devil's Dictionary. I usually use this to choose a patron demon for Dreams of the Witch.

I wrote an early days hot dog article on it. Get a lot of use out of this book. But it's not all joke demons. There are some really good demons in here. So hopefully we wind up with one of them. I don't believe you. I think there might actually be one really good demons in here, so hopefully we wind up with one of them. I don't believe you. I think there might actually be one really good demon. I'm looking forward to the A-list.

I'm looking forward to whoever just collected every heart the Aztecs threw out, like that guy who's been just stacking human souls for a few thousand years. I think if I can get that one on how to dodge a cannonball's side, that'll be good. I got faith! We'll find him! The only one that would be awkward is if I get a slavery demon like does he have like another agenda like is he gonna be looked down at this book like I don't know. There are two slavery demons.

Let's hope we don't land on that one. Then again maybe it's like his redemption arc you know he sees his big brother the genocide demon he's like I I want to be more like that guy just totally acceptable to the modern American maximum safe appearances get the most audience on your side that's what we're doing today so we're gonna hold this literary demon kumite we're gonna pit these demons against one another until only the strongest remains, and then once we find him, we're going to perform a spell guaranteed to work that will bind this demon, and we will ask him for your literary success.

I'm gonna go ahead and assume you're both podcasting from within circles of salt and iron? Oh, for sure. Every time. I kind of just have one left over from last night. It was a whole thing. All right, well then let's go ahead and get into it. Denard, you're gonna go first. You're gonna choose a number from six to 139. Oh, well, I have to go with my good old friend 73.

73? That old chestnut. You have chosen Gamori, mighty duke of hell. This demon appears in the form of a beautiful woman. She has a ducal crown on her head and she rides on a camel. She responds to the present, the past, and the future. She discovers hidden treasures and commands 26 legions. It's just a lady on a camel. You found a lady on a camel.

I like this because I can project pre-orders into the past with that. Oh. Ah. Well, no, it says she responds to the present, the past, and the future. She does not command. Like, you could be like, hey girl, you remember the power team? And she'd be like, yeah. Yeah, all right. You want to get on this camel? She can command her legions to find an old soundtrack. She's like, over there in the dunes is a lost soundtrack of the power team.

Okay, we could really use this. This is the one I know, your hot dog demon. Absolutely. That's a good demon choice for us. A research demon will save half of my week. There you go. But more time to promote your book. So, maybe this might be it. This might be the champion, in which case we're going to get real sick of hearing about it this early. Alright, so Sean. Sean, choose from 6 to 139. Let's see, 120. I know he didn't start with any ideas, but as he ran out of them, I think they got better.

That's my logic, obviously. Your demon is Skaks or maybe Chaks. We don't know. Always a great start. Maybe the second one sounds like a cool name. No guys, call me Chaks. Fuck you, Scots. Duke and Grand Marquis of the underworld.

He has a horse voice, a spirit who lies. It comes in the form of a stork. He steals money from the houses that own it and returns it only after 1200 years. He returns it? He's an investment bank who talks like a horse. It's money that vests after 1200 years. This is frustrating.

OK, so you come to him and you're like, dude, did you just use your stork to steal my money? And he goes, woo-hoo-hoo. And you're like, what the fuck? Did you just say scox? And he goes, woo-hoo-hoo, which is horse for please call me Chax. I go by Chax now. No, it's a horse voice.

Like it's irritated, but you're really onto something here. So hold on, he has a human voice? This is bullshit. Yeah, the next line is he carries the horses off. So he's got a horse voice and he takes horses. Like to the afterlife, like he's a horse Valkyrie or he just steals your horse. Does he give the horses back after 1200 years?

No, I think he just keeps the horses. It says here, he executes all the commandments which he is given when required to act immediately. And even though he promises to obey the exorcist, he doesn't always do it. So this really sounds like a spirit I have to run down to get shit done. Like I'm gonna be... Yeah.

I'm going to be emailing this guy all week. Yeah. He'll take your horse, he'll sometimes lie about it, he'll give your money back after 1200 years. It goes on to say, he lies if he is not in a triangle. Oh, okay, so if he's not in a triangle, these read receipts are gonna say like 459 on them. If on the contrary, he is confined in the triangle, he speaks the truth by talking about supernatural things. Okay.

That's actually pretty handy, like a Pokedex demon that I can bring around to other demons like, hey, what's going on with this guy? Is there something else to skunks who can tell me about? He indicates hidden treasures that are not guarded by evil spirits and commands 30 legions. That is exactly like Denard's demon. Pretty, girl on a camel or a bank store? I think a treasure finding commanding of legions is really specific.

It's a weird thing to have on different demons. Well, she doesn't so much find it. She can reference the treasures. She's the Ernest Cline demon. She's there to talk about all the hot treasures and then no other. She's really good at describing treasures. She's like, this treasure is exactly like the treasure from Indiana Jones, end of description.

And you're like, oh, that sounds like a sweet treasure. Where is it? No, I'm done. That was all I had to offer. The number of stock portfolio demons. Like it's good to see that the Madoffs can ascend after their adventures to like, you know, real afterlife management positions. I'm all about the stork, but it's up to you guys.

What who wins this battle? Is it Scox, maybe Tracks or Gamora? So I am really drawn to the half acidness of changing a vowel on Gamora. So I am really drawn to the half acidness of changing a vowel on Gamora. That's good too. Just a lady on a camel. I'll go with the camel. Yeah, if he really had a horse voice, I might have gone with Skux or Chucks. But yeah, if it's just like, RFK Jr.

Absolutely not. We're going to go with RFK Jr. It's not that I don't think Skux will achieve things. I think he will do them 12,000 years after I ask for them. And it doesn't help. Yeah, it doesn't help me if my book is like, I don't know, a cave painting that gets famous 12,000 years later.

I will be dead. I'll be dust. Whereas Gamori doesn't give you anything, but you get it right now. Exactly. You get some references right now. Round one champion. Got a round one champion. Sean let's have you go first this time. Alright we'll go with Scotty Pippin's number 33. 33. Famous crypto maniac Scotty Pippin. History is getting getting really fun. You have chosen Balin.

Balin, great and terrible king in the underworld. He sometimes has three heads. That of a bull, that of a man, that of a ram. Join this with a snake tail and eyes that throw out flame. All right. I got to pause you right here. This guy's got a Star Wars name, but he's also a Minotaur and a Ram man.

I think this might be the nerdiest guy that's ever been. And he shoots fire out of his eyes. Yeah, that's, I don't know. That's more death metal than nerdy, but I'll take it. It goes both ways. There's a lot of crossover in those two hobbies. Yeah, he's got death metal than nerdy, but I'll take it. It goes both ways. There's a lot of crossover in those two hobbies. Yeah, he's got a real Demogorgon thing going. I'm kind of into it.

But I'm also a Terminal nerd, so I could see how that happened. But mostly he shows himself horned and naked riding on a bear. Ha ha ha, okay. Okay, so he fucks, I love this. This is the best demon. He could could he can be like a super nerds Trapper keeper folder cover. But most of the time he's just naked on a bear, baby

So I've established my canon rules here. The naked is a good sign because it means he is not all murder Yeah, and I am definitely feeling that aspect. The bear sounds bear sounds fun, some utility. I bet the bear has a cock, too. That's two cocks involved in this. So double the safety. Double the safety. Yep. Yep.

Like other horrors, but definitely double the safety. So, you know, I'm it's looking good for Bailin so far. Actually three. He carries a hawk on his fist. Oh, he's got a hawk. He's got a hawk. Oh, good. I'm glad that the king's forests are safe. Oh, but his voice is also horse. His voice is horse.

I'll take it. However, this is this is good for a showdown. He advises on the past, the present and the future. OK, so one demon expounds on the past present future The other one takes in data and this one gives advice on the past. You know what you should have done That's cuz I'd fucking asshole What do you think Hawk ah advice on the present pretty good advice on the future great advice on the past not super helpful, buddy I want more than that out of a demon. Like if I sell my soul and he's just like, I'll tell you what,

you really should have invested in Apple back in like 2006. It was primed. He advises on the past, the present, and the future. This demon, who was once of the order of Dominions, now commands 40 legions of hell. That's more than Gamori. Yeah, that's pretty good. More than Gamori. That is good inflation. That is the demon economics are on his side.

And the good thing is if he's the wrong pick, we can invade another demon and just sort of press gang them into our service. He teaches cunning, finesse, and a convenient way to see without being seen. Okay. Is it hiding? You won't say.

Like, I like the implication that there's a really inconvenient invisibility spell. Like, you gotta have your thumb up your ass the whole time. I'm gonna teach you the way where you don't have to do that. You've gotta kiss the bullhead for eight minutes. It's the only way to get the potion to work. Nobody likes it. I think what sells the cunning to me is that he said it twice as two different features,

but it's one thing, like cunning and finesse. So there is some cunning to him. It is real. Uh-huh. And a new convenient way to see without being seen. All right. This is just a progressive knockout tournament. So it's Balin versus Gamori.

Who are you gonna keep? Oh, no question. We're keeping Balin. Or my vote is Balin. Balin whips ass. Balin does have a lot of heads. Gamori is naked on a camel, which feels like some kind of HR thing is coming through.

But I guess they're both naked. No, no, Balin's naked on the bear. Gamori's fully clothed on that camel, if that some kind of HR thing is coming through but I guess they're both naked. No, no, Balin's naked on the bear. Kamori's fully clothed on that camel if that's the way your boat. When they meet Balin and say, hey Kamori, you know what you should have done? It's gotten 40 legions. If you want my advice on the past. Fucking shut up Balin. Oh my god.

Let's see, I think I'm gonna go with just his raw 40,000 legions. I may go on a legion based hierarchy here I'm gonna be honest my plan for this book is really to invade the world of man I think it's gonna be mandatory reading in demon worlds You know what you could just command all the legions to buy your book and then you're set. There we go. There we go like a Republican senator Yeah, like, uh, the 40 legions. I think that's, I don't know, like 50 books. Yeah, I'm thinking Mike Lee's running

a good 10k. I don't know how many a legion is, like one and a half guys. I don't know. Sounds accurate. I'm going to put it down as a fact. I'm going to go with Balin. Novelty, more guys. Okay. Balin, Dinnard, you're up next to pick a demon. 6 to 139. Ooh, 6 to 139. I'm ready for demon number 7, personally. Demon number 7? Early days. Perhaps they'll be good demons? I'm ready for it. Early in the book? Some quality demonology.

You have chosen... Abagor, demon of a higher order. Already a fancy demon. Grand Duke in the Infernal Monarchy. 60 legions are marching under his command. Damn. Moving up in the world with them legions. Oh yeah, so I'm like this inflation. He shows himself under the figure of a handsome rider carrying a spear, a standard, or maybe a scepter.

We're not fully sure. He skillfully responds to everything about the secrets of war. He knows the future and teaches leaders the means to be loved by their soldiers. Oh, we have a real backseat driver here. Like the entire time you're invading the world of man, he's gonna say, no, no, no, no, no, you gotta go for China first. You cannot hold land in Russia. It's just not gonna work out.

Your soldiers love it when you do lots of pizza breaks. Just take it easy and they have a pizza break. All right, but I need more secrets of war and less Taco Tuesday. I like the morale is great, but we're getting harassed. Here's the secret word. You should have got more legions. I tell that to everybody.

Oh man, if you have him and Balin there at the same, they're just gonna go fucking nuts before even reach South America. It would be like having both of your parents in the car with you. Except one of them has three heads. A collective total of 100 Legions. 100 Legions, hey, yeah, yeah, take the other.

They're just gonna be asking like, hey, why aren't you digging trenches? Like trenches were all the rave when I was invading the world and you haven't done like one, what's up? All right, what are we thinking? Do we like Abagor or Balin? I think I still like Balin.

Balin's your boy. Abagor seems okay. I could maybe get talked into Abogor. I am going on a raw Legion based perspective here. And I am ready to deal with a new breed of nagging from Abogor. I will go along with Abogor if we all agree that he got the name because of his intense love of the Swedish pop group ABBA. He's a handsome man on a horse. Let's take a chance on ABBAgore.

Took a chance, took a chance. We'll do this. If you choose, you choose whether or not to keep that demon. It's Denard's choice, so he's taken ABBAgore. Next time, Sean, you can boot his ass right out of there. And if you change your mind, I'll be the first in line. I Don't know any more ABBA songs can abogor dance is abogor dancing Queen. Is there any of that in the demon?

No, he's just he's got maybe it's maybe the hit song. Is this a scepter spear or standard? Is that one of you guys like that song? No, no, that was the real McCoy you fuck that's the real McCoy six to 139 69 the by far the funniest number ha ha And by far the funniest demon you have chosen furfur

Okay, furfur the demon. Finally we get some furry content. And you do. Count in the underworld. He is seen in the form of a deer with a flaming tail. But not like a real deer, like a foam head for fucking in. Yes, a deer sex helmet is what he has. Deer sex helmet. Do you know how much the Internet has fucking tilted or poisoned my brain before I even remembered any of the sex stuff with a deer head?

I just thought mascot like I just thought this is a Japanese branding thing. It is here to sell me goods. I'm looking at him and he could be, you could be right. Oh, okay, okay, so maybe there is some perfume or something being sold to me. I can't even see the semen anymore. The sex thing is just air, it's like vapor now. You just eat diarrhea medicine.

You're like, I don't know if this guy's here for weird sex or diarrhea medicine, but I'm taking my chance on the medicine. Furfur also only says lies unless he's locked in a triangle. Lot of triangle-based demons. Yeah. He often takes the form of an angel. He also speaks in a horse voice.

Fuck yes. But this time for real it's a horse, right? No, it's a gravelly voice. God damn it. And he maintains the union between husbands and wives. Okay, so he's like an anti-divorce deer monster. This Furfur the fidelity demon. Power of a marriage counselor in the head of a deer. So if you're really fighting and you're not getting along and all of a sudden a deer shows up, put him in a triangle and ask him how to save your marriage.

You know, that's cool, that's cool. You know, the next time I'm just really neglecting someone, I can come to Furfur and he'll say, have you tried listening for more than 30 seconds at a time? Then I throw that triangle, choke him out. Well, I would love it if that was the triangle they were referring to. You gotta pull him into a choke. And everyone, they will tell the truth if you choke them. It's like, if you can beat this demon in the cage, it will totally work with you.

Otherwise, you know, you're kind of dicked. You know, one of the reasons my wife and I have such a strong marriage is we do get together and just beat this shit out of a guy in a deer costume every now and then. It's a real bonding experience. Furfur. Furfur makes fall the thunderbolt, the lightning flash, and the thunder groan. But only in the places he has been ordered to do so. That sounded like a dolomite poem for a second.

It was a little dolomite. I walk the land where the pussy roam. I fuck so good I make the thunder groan. But only when I'm ordered to do so. I do enjoy the demonic power of keeping toxic couples together. I think that's a really good spin on demon work because You know, so there's so much about temptation It's not really I'm glad we find a demon about people who just should not be together

Like getting the Henry the eighth kind of demons in here. I think I'm leaning towards him, too I like the deer head. I like the marriage counseling if this sways anything remember this is Sean's choice this time For for only responds to abstract things. He's a- Oh, that's like a fun puzzle. Marriage counseling, dear demon. And 26 legions are under his command. Oh, okay, so D'Nard's out, I'm sure.

A lot of legions, but it's your choice. This guy or Abagor? It's true, my values are out the window. You could go purely for this triangle choke base marriage system you got here. Choke that deer, baby. I think it's fun, the idea of having to give him commands through abstract means.

Like just telling him a haiku to try to like get him to steer his legions around. Like just only Star Trek references. Yeah. The nice thing about that is no matter what you're trying to do, it's just like an I dream of Genie kind of prompt. Like it's just going to come out weird and wrong. Yep. Yeah. He's going to be orc-o-in all the time. Yeah. I think I'm leaning towards fur-fur.

Also, I'm a raging furry. Everyone knows. Everyone in the community knows. And all about fidelity. Yes. Of course. I just have sex with the one dog monster. Yes, only the one. Different heads sometimes. Keep the spice in the marriage. You gotta mix it up, sure. That first thing Furfur will tell you

is put a different head on your dog monster husband. I guess in terms of like sex stuff, instead of like having like somebody who was like in you know The chair in the corner. It's like a marriage having a jobber when you put it like that. I'm completely sold. Absolutely Like this is the Brooklyn brawler of our marriage. Yeah. Yeah Get one of the local Tacoma wrestlers to come in put on a deer head I think this is the most generous anybody has ever been to Furfur the fidelity demon We're working with the talent we've got you know

As a vision we're here to bring it to the people I have a question Um, did you ever find out if he based any of these demons on like actual like? Witchcraft lore or anything like that or is he just completely making this shit up for the whole book? No, this is kind of one of those things where there's a public domain book out there and he's just really sort of collecting it. Because it's from an actual book called The Dictionnaire Infernal. But then of course there are a bunch of different translations and my theory is he chose the worst one for every single demon. Because it does kind of point to some creativity to have these demons be so weird. So no, that does not come from him.

Yeah, because he doesn't strike me as a creative guy because we've read his dreams book, which is just like saw my ex in a dream. She waved at me. You know what I mean? Like she doesn't even there's nothing strange about his dreams. It's just like a Facebook grandpa. I do think every time he's like, and this demon changes tires in hell. I think that's probably him,

where he just keeps giving demons like really big old jobs. She has the face of my high school crush. That's him, that's him. Has to take heartburn medication every night. D'Nard, six to 139. Six to 139. 6 to 139, I'm gonna go for a straight repetitive run of 111. By the way, what I really like

about your worst translation theory is that's really prime me to expect like, and then there is Lucifang, the evening sun. I'm willing to bet you could go find like, a good translation of each of these demons and be something awesome. Pickles, Pickles is your demon. Pickles. Pickles, a demon revered by the former inhabitants of Prussia,

who consecrated to him the head of a dead man and burned tallow in his honor. This demon was seen in the last days of important characters. Oh shit, Piccolo's is all washed up. Piccolo's has not been doing shit about shit since Gunpowder. The last days of important characters. Uh, if he was not soothed, he would present himself a second time. And when he was given the trouble of appearing a third, one could no longer appease him, except by the shedding of human blood.

So you could fuck with him the first two times he shows up. Uh, okay, so I need to think of like two really good pranks and then just ditch that road altogether before he wipes the country. I guess one, because you can't appease him one the third time, except for by killing. But even then, it doesn't say killing, it says the shedding of human blood. So two real good pranks

and then cut yourself a little bit for him. I kinda like that he exists because it implies that if you die without seeing him, like you weren't that important a character. This chump hasn't even seen Piccolo's. So Piccolo's is like a really snooty society demon. Like it's writing times columns about political fixers' marriage. He is dressed so fancy.

He's got a big feather in his cap. He's got the full Elizabethan collar. He's a really fancy lad. This could be good for my publishing ventures here. Like he's a... It's one that could say like, this is the popular thing now. If you don't like it, there's something wrong with you. Finally, when Piccolus was happy,

he could be heard laughing in his temple, for he had a temple. Is that in the text? For he had a temple? Yes. Let me remind you the first half of this sentence. He does own his own temple. When Piccolus was happy,

he was heard laughing in his temple, for he his own temple. When Piccolus was happy, he was heard laughing in his temple. For he had a temple. I should have mentioned it before I talked about the things. I am now left to assume every other demon so far is homeless. Piccolus is just, guess who's got a temple, baby? Yep. They're all bivouacers. They're all bivouacers. They all have like their, you know, their little satchel that they carry on the rails from like country to country when they're hunting it. Yep.

Maybe Piccolus has a lot of legions. Maybe he doesn't. There's no mention of his legions, if that's your guiding system. So he could be the kind of guy that has a lot of legions and is just like really secure in that and doesn't feel the need to mention it. But he did mention that thing about his temple. So, yeah, he would have brought up the legions. He might have like three legions. How many legions fit in a temple? That's the question. Let's see. I think we started that legion was a one and a half guy. So you can fit a lot of legions in a temple, I think.

Yeah, there's no real excuse for that. So Piccolus or for the fidelity demon. Piccolus is wealthy, and that does make him better than other demons. That's true. Yeah. The fidelity demon does demand loyalty with its loyalty power. So I am slightly under sway of that.

I think what tips me is that I now must be addicted to gambling after doing a gotcha research for you guys, which you know, Pickles' Mystery Box Legion here is, uh... Still there collecting animals, collecting exploding animals. It would be so magical if it cost like a quarter. I would say it was the best game ever. At a dollar, I'm like, this is fucking bullshit. Yeah.

Gags aside, I am... I'm actually kind of feeling Furfur. I'm just sick of Furfur. Furfur the fidelity demon. I agree. He's got legions. He keeps your marriage together. Not that that fucking matters.

Piglis, Piglis is our new champion. Sean, six to 139. 139, let's see how he ends the book. Zabos, the great demon Zabos. They're just alphabetical, Sean. Oh, they're, okay. Zabos. I was about to ask, like, is that a Z or an X?

But yeah, then I figured, oh, it's, yeah, is that a Z or an X? But yeah, then I figured, yeah, I get it. I get what's happening. Xebus, great count of the underworld. He has the figure of a handsome soldier mounted on a crocodile. Oh, crocodile centaur? Croc-

Crocodile, hell yeah. And handsome, a handsome crocodile. Furfur can fuck himself. I don't care what the rest of his powers are. This rules. He's got a real curly beard, got a little fancy helmet. His head is adorned with a dukel crown. He is sweet of character.

That's the end of his entry. He's sweet of character. He's a nice guy. He's got a dukey crown, great attitude. He's a himbo. You found the himbo, demon. Yeah. It takes a lot of work you found the himbo demon. Yeah. It takes a lot of work to maintain your himbo energy in hell.

Keep in mind, everyone is trying to ruin your fucking day there. And he's just sort of backhanding people without not really giving, he's still magic miking his way through hell. That is a power move to be real kind in hell, to be known for your kindness. Yeah, they really hate you for that.

Plus he's a fucking croc, he's a handsome crocator. I'm sold. Like I said, like nothing about his positive attitude changed my attitude about him. Zabos will refer for the fidelity demon. You going with Zabos? You know what Zabos' tone is like? It's like when you read like the old Luke Cage origin story, he's fucking rhyming in this like maximum security prison. It's like how secure in your rank in this prison are you that you are just making couplets? It does have that lower half of a crocodile. So like, you don't want to mess with them too much.

It's a, they're a naturally rhyming animal, the crocodiles. I think that's the rules in prison. It's like the first day you go up to the guy with the biggest crocodile for a lower half and then you punch him. Oh, I always thought you'd say you'd like go up and do like some roadblock rhymes Some dolomite rhymes challenge them to a rap battle. Yeah Zeybos is our current champion. Denard 6 to 139 6 to 139. I'm gonna go for flat 100 on this one That's my instinct. Flat 100 good choice

This is this will surely surely unseat the crocodile, centaur, handsome himbo of hell. Nain Lauren, the elf king. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft.

Pfft. I love the sweet smell of failure in the morning. This one's even written a little different. It is the king of small elves, Kobolds, and other dwarf spirits. Kobolds, spirit of the class of the elves. It is a strange little dwarf of stunted form with motley clothes, a red bonnet on his head.

Honored by valets, the servants and the cooks of Germany. He makes them good offices. This little bitch is the boss of your very He makes them good offices. This little bitch is the boss of your very first D&D adventure. Like he's at the back of the level one cave. Yeah, your paladin might like chuck the office max demon here through the window. This is not a boss character.

This is the joke before the boss character. You kill him and then the real boss comes out. You're like, okay, that's Gans. He makes them good offices. He curry combs their horses, he washes the house, keeps the kitchen in good order, and watches over everything so that we don't need to think about neglecting it. If he doesn't cobble my shoes, then he can get the fuck out of here. He doesn't- it does not say he cobbles your shoes, but uh, this is just- this is just like a maid service demon? He serves the servants. So like if you don't feel like doing your job as a maid, get named Lorin the Elf King.

It seems like some German artisans kicked the shit out of this demon and just sort of kept it in like a service capacity and retired. I was once a king of the gremlins and cobbles. Now I wash their toilets. Were you? No. No. King's my last name. How long would we have him in our service before Abagor just kicked in the door and just took the entire layer of the abyss? He did have 60 legions. 60 legions starting to look pretty good. But we've wronged him, we've wronged Abagor. We have Zabos, Zabos or Nate Lauren, the elf butler.

I'm gonna have to go for our himbo crocodile king here. There's a... Really? Really? I am sorry to disappoint the elf fans of the world, but my my croc-o-tar-fic has its has its star and I can, and I can't turn away from my boys, Abos. All right, Sean, 6 to 139. 75. Haberim, fire demon, also called AIM.

Those are real different names. Yeah. I think maybe there's probably a copyright issue. It's the same name as a toothpaste or something. I used to have the coolest name, and then some fucking toothpaste company came in. It's a diarrhea medicine. It's a diarrhea medicine game. AIM.

They're both really good names for diarrhea medicine. It doesn't fix it. It just really concentrates the stream. It concentrates the stream, and hey, one syllable diarrhea medicine names are good, because that's an urgent thing. You don't have time for that second and third syllable at the desk. You just aim. You got any hammer?

Oh, too late, too late. He bears the title of duke in the underworld. He rides on a viper. He has three heads. One a snake, the other a man, and the third, a cat. I'm looking at the picture, not like a lion, but like a house cat. Like a little kitty cat?

Like a little kitty cat. That'd be a terrifying battle. Can you imagine if you had a snake and a cat for your other heads all day long? You'd be getting messed with. He rides on a snake. In the picture, it's not a big snake. It's an ordinary size snake, so it looks like...

Is it like surfing, it looks like. Is he like surfing on it? No. Like a wheelie shoe? No, he's got his whole dick and balls on it. I'm interested in this snake riding snake, like the recursive snake. Yeah, he's a snake riding snake with a cat head.

The snake head's always gonna take the mount's side in an argument. You're already outvoted. The cat, the cat, you can't trust the cat. Can't get on that cat. The human head is getting really resentful. The human head does have a really terrible mustache and goatee and really greasy hair. Like it just, it looks like a guy that would call himself a wizard.

It says he carries a lighted torch in his hand. Great. Oh, so we have like the LARP sexual harassment guy head. You summon him when there's a dispute. You've seen those terrible videos where like people will scare their cats with a cucumber because cats are like really stupid and they think that's a snake. That's just like a cucumber.

Imagine what a cat head would do if there was just a snake next to him all day. Just constantly hissing and screaming. Constantly hissing, screaming, and jumping. He also commands 26 legions. Okay, so good. 26. Does he delegate commands to the other heads?

Like, do some of the legions work for the cat? I gotta imagine, right? Yeah, I would think so. He probably gets most of the legions, but I would, if I had a crew, I would throw like a courtesy legion to the snake mount. Like, you got a legion, you're part of it, you know? You've got stock in the company. I know, with these cat-snake interactions, I really think there might be three sets of orders coming through. So, what do we think about Haberim, possibly Aym, the snake riding snake? Is he gonna beat Zabos, the himbo-crocodilore?

I think every demon in this book sucks except for Zabos. Who is completely awesome. I'm going to go ahead and agree with you. Our demon is Zabos. Like I've read this book. He's pretty good. He's right up there. He's pretty good. He's right up there. He's like one, there's like three demons that are cool.

Is he like the winner? Was that the finals of the Kumite? Sure! We're not gonna beat Zabos, man. We found a really good demon. I wouldn't mind trying another one. But yeah, I agree. Like it's over. The second we got Crocodile Centaur, it was over.

Now that we have our champion, we must bind him. Oh man, all of these murders, I'm finally... I'm so ready to apply all this human blood. It is just sitting here rotting. It is... This is a great... This is like spring cleaning for me. Good, good. You're prepared. Okay. I am covered in the fluids of nuns. I should be protected from any blowback.

This is a multi-person spell. I'm gonna need your audience participation for parts of it. I'll tell you what to do and when. Just remember, this spell is guaranteed to work, and it is from the world's most prolific wizard, a man so vile, he was banned from amazon.com. I did not make up this book. I did not make up a word of this spell. This is real

dangerous magic. I should mention he was banned from amazon.com because he tried to replace all 700 of his book covers with his own glamour shots and it triggered the spam algorithm. But still this is powerful magic. So this is an S-Rob book? This is an S-Rob spell. Hell yes. Now we have to, it says here, we have to follow these instructions to the letter, or our souls will be forfeit. So I'm gonna open the spell.

Am I supposed to still have my soul? Is that like supposed to be a thing? Cause I- In an ideal world you would, but eh, eh. I've had a crocodile lower body this whole time. I hope that helps. Do you have like a PlayStation? Like a PlayStation's pretty good. I do had a crocodile lower body this whole time. I hope that helps. Do you have like a PlayStation? Like a PlayStation's pretty good.

I do have a PlayStation. I've got a PS3 and a 4 in here. That's like equivalent. Equivalent value to a soul. The 5. You gotta have the 5 Pro? Shit. Janus, powerful Roman god, you with two faces. One with always gazes at the future. I'm reading this verbatim. It's very important for our souls. One with always gazes at the future. I'm reading this verbatim, it's very important for our souls. One with always gazes at the future and the other the past. Janus, you control the doorways.

We ask that you open the doorway that leads to Zabos. Janus, open the doorway, open it right here and right now. Janus opens the doorway, it is wide open. Zabos, you can grant great literary success as you pass into our realm, and we ask that you come through the doorway and be here with us. Zabos comes through the doorway and is here with us. Oh, hell yeah. All right, audience participation.

Sean, you're going to play the role of the penetrator. Done. And as the penetrator, you're going to play the role of the Penetrator. Done. And as the Penetrator, you repeat after me. I have been fucking Zabos this whole time. Zabos, we ask that you help us overcome all difficulties. Zabos, I am the Penetrator. We ask that you help us overcome these difficulties. All of our problems and obstacles.

All of our problems and obstacles, whether they're involving penetration or not. So I'm just doing a little ad lib. The Penetrator doesn't play by rules, baby. And so we offer you this arse. And so we offer you this arse. Wait, no, no, no. The Penetrator is a top.

Just, you finished the line. You're good. All right, Denard. Yep. You're the Penetrated. All right, so repeat after me. As the Penetrated. All right, so who after me as the penetrated cool power bottom Sonny style got it This wonderful arse

Good that's it for you Sean the penetrator again will be my bride, and will power bottom Wonder Woman, until the superpowers team has disbanded in shame. God, these souls are so forfeit. They're so forfeit right now. Sean, repeat after me. This arse. This arse.

All right, and now you slap. Now you slap the penetrated arse. You do a little slap? Uh-huh. Okay, do I have your consent, Denard? Give him a little slap. Half of it. Oh, yes.

I always like to ask permission before. OK. OK, let's do this. This is so much more erotically charged than I thought it'd be. But I love it. It's a twist. It's a twist. Little slap.

Little slap. And now the penetrator and penetrated together repeat after me one last time. This is what we offer you This is what we offer you uh-huh and now you have anal sex What was the rest of that then what was the rest what was the rest so are you done? I mean like 15 minutes here All right, we'll just cut what we we like cleaning out a pumpkin before that? What will we do if that first part wasn't anal sex? What was it?

Yeah. So once you're finished having anal sex, together the both of you say, this is what we have given to you. This is what we have given to you. Anal sex, we've given him anal sex. It's a beautiful gift. It's a beautiful gift. It's a beautiful gift. And I will close it out by saying

Zaboth agrees to help. He's satisfied with his anal sex. And departs back through the doorway. Janus, powerful Roman god, you with two faces. One with always gazes at the future and the other the past. Janus, you control the doorways. We ask that you shut the doorway. Shut the doorway. Shut it right here.

Shut it right now. It seems that Janus really wanted me to open my fucking doorway. Yeah. Yeah. He's asking that you shut it. He's got that post-nut clarity and he's a little like, ooh.

I gotta get the fuck outta here. And that's it. You've got literary success now. This is how you start a career as a successful author. Best of luck. I would like to thank both of you for this riotous, demon-controlling anal sex. I would like to thank Zabos, who I can only assume is an eternity of anal sacrifice to keep this literary success going.

And yeah, like everyone in Hollywood, it is wide open for more success. So thank you very much. A nice, safe, mainstream appearance for all to promote Tenor's new book, How to Dodge a Cannonball, everybody. Yeah, congratulations. Absolutely, and I hope for your sake

that your manager and your agent and your publisher do not hear this podcast. This would definitely be at least the third strangest thing they have heard me say and they would be. Well, let's close this customarily by all giving thanks for anal sex with the devil. Thank you. Thank you, devil. Thanks devil for the anal sex. 1-900-Frankfurt 1-900-Frankfurt

Our podcast is great! And with maximum The historic hot dog club here in beautiful Schenectady, New York. Yeah The Historic hot dog club here in beautiful connected in New York welcomes to the stage our own in-house insult comic Jimmy Jiggles. Oh Hey, thank you. Thank you. Don't applaud too hard. You ain't heard by set yet Hey, I see a lot of Supremes out there in the crowd today Aaron Cruston Supremes out there in the crowd today. Aaron Crustin, Adrian H. I see Alex Nolenberg here. Hey Alex, I hope you get hit by a speedboat like a manatee. Oh, Alpha Scientist Javo, Unandy Armando Nava, Autumn Armstrongberg.

You look like a volunteer editor for WikiFeed. Oh, Bim Talzer. Brandon Garlock. Brian Saylor. Oh I see somebody here named Brockway famously loves the meat milly. Well I happen to know the guy and guess what? He does. Burrito. Serol.

Cheddar Wolf. You smell like Paul Molls and old breast milk. Ohhhh Common Sense. Craig Lemoyne, Dan B. David Schill, I heard your AI girlfriend cheated on you. It's not supposed to be possible! Science is studying it. Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Rogue Supreme, Doug Redmond, Dusty's Rad Title, Elizabeth Shope, some people get a bench dedicated to them when they die.

You're gonna get the corner chair in a Motel 6. Oh, double up, oh, oh! Elliot Watson, Eric Christianberg, Fancy Shark, Jell-o-ho! Hey Good Satan and his Hot Witches, you know the way that paste the dentist used to polish your teeth tastes? No, of course you don't. Oh, Greg Cunningham, Haraka, Harvey Penguini, hey I see honk over here, honk honk, Jaber Alleydon, James Boyd, hey James Boyd, I hope you dry drown in a corn silo.

Whoa, oh, oh, oh, sweet child of oh. Jared Clack, Jared Mountain Man, Jared Ruiz, it's the Jared, oh, Jeff O'Rasky, John Dean, I bet all the microplastics in your balls is gonna turn your babies into spiders. Spider, oh, John McCammon, John Minkoff, Joseph Searles, Josh S., Joshua Greaves, A. Justin B. You seem like the kind of guy who's had multiple pets die because of his unmedicated ADHD.

Oh, sorry that one got stuck. Ken Paisley, KNM, Kamoutsis, KVH, I heard you got banned from Bumble and not even for a good pervert reason. You just made people too sad. Hold on, let me load the O-Gun. Alright now let me cock it. Alright pull. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Jahee Chappelle, hey Mark Mahoney, you seem like the fourth guy to die trying to rescue a dog from a septic tank.

Tragic oh! Matt Riley, Max Baroy, Moju, hey you guys like politics? I hear the best comedy's political these days. Let's try some. A mercenary sisset man. Jeff Bezos called. He wants his personality back. Oh. Michael Lair. Mort.

Mr. Bob Gray. ND. I see Neil Bailey here. I see Neil Schaeffer here. I see NECA 104 here. We got Nick Levino. Hey Nick Levino. Elon Musk called.

He wants his weird torso back. Torso, oh! Obsolete. Henri Weevil. We got Ozzy Olin. Double oh! We got Patrick Herbst. Peewee's uncle.

I hope your spouse leaves you for a Republican. Oh! Rebrandrew. I hope you get the kind of concussion that turns you Republican. Oh! You and Peewee's uncle's wife deserve each other Rebrandrew, I hope you get the kind of concussion that turns you Republican. Oh, you and Pee-wee's uncle's wife deserve each other and I hope you're very happy. Oh, alright, alright, that's enough politics, we have fun.

Oh, hey Rhiannon, hey Russell Bauman, hey Sam Copenick, I recognize this guy. He's the 204th frame in that scene from Total Recall, where Arnold Schwarzenegger gets blasted out the airlock. That's a deep cut, but look it up, it's also over the years. We got space champagne here. Oh, spotty reception. Super not. Tater's tails. Hey, Tater's tails.

You smell like the sock you find stuck to a teenager's wall when you move the bed. Oh, you're just in there. You're looking for drugs or something because you don't understand the sudden distance between you and the child who used to love you and BAM! Krusty old taters tales, OH! Ayy, it's Ted H. Thomas Cavazzo Stimulayhee

Toasty God Tommy G. Velo Ayy, I see Victor Melovenkin here. Oh, hey, I see Victor Melovenkin here. You look like you lost a fight to a puff adder who was, itself, already dying of cholesterol poisoning. Oh, hey, Booster. Hey, you got the anti-venom? No, you don't.

Hey, Waylon Russell. Hey, you gonna call somebody? No, you aren't. Oh, never mind though, because Yvonne Clapham's here, she can just... Oh, it's my time. Thanks everyone, you've been great not you second Ava. All right. All right. Don't forget to tip your waitresses We all know gareth ain't gonna do it. Oh But no seriously you gotta you gotta tip a man Though you gotta tip them the law says you can pay em below minimum wage if it's a tip position.

It's fucked up! Capitalism is fucked! OHHHHH!