The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 239, VR.5 with Tom Reimann

Episode Date: July 30, 2025

Tom Reimann joins the DOGGZZONE to discuss... cyber... stuff. Cyber crime mysteries? It's the 90's and just like the 90's none of it makes any sense. Line up for your Virtual Boy helmets, it's time for, "VR.5" Also, BUY ROBERT BROCKWAY'S NEW BOOK, "I Will Kill Your Imaginary Friend for $200" by Robert Brockway, a Rappin' Robert joint, featuring the written word of Robert Brockway. Hardcover: https://www.amazon.com/Will-Kill-Your-Imaginary-Friend/dp/B0DKB68X6F NON-Amazon: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/i-will-kill-your-imaginary-friend-for-200-robert-brockway/1146656963

1,900 hot dog 1,900, hot dog Out podcast slams with maximum hype Say hot dog podcast word Yeah When you taste that nitrate power You're in the dog zone for an hour Come on, you know the number

1,900 1,900 Hot Dog 1190,0,000 Welcome Hot Dog Hot Dog Welcome to America's final hundred hot dog

America's final comedy website I'm the virtual avatar of Robert Brockway which means I cost a lot of money and I look like shit and with me is Cybershawn Baby 9,000 Yes! Here I am in cyberspace! On the World Wide Web! Painted white and very mimish for some reason.

I dress like a mime. They overexposed the footage. Welcome to cyberspace. And our guest today, he's the spider in your worldwide web, the road warrior on your information superhighway. The blowjob when you're trying to swordfish. It's Tom Ryman. I like to think of myself as the most difficult puzzle in Leisure Suit Larry Six. Oh, that's a good one. So, like, so like the, the, they hidden the condom underneath, like, the closet. You got to, like, click on the corner of the closet to go to the condom. Yeah, that's the one.

Yeah. A real Gabriel Knight 3. Brock, well, you're the second hand in a CSI hacking scene on your keyboard. Oh, that's very nice of you to say. Third hand, I guess. I'll make, the fourth hand. You're the fourth hand in a CSI hacking scene. I'll still take it.

I think, in fact, I think the fourth hand's the funniest if you're adding them one of the time. Mm-hmm. That's the true punchline. So I'll take that in the spirit in which it was surely meant, which is complimentary. Yeah. Before we get started on what we're talking about today, any plugs today, Tom. Yeah, check out Gameful Unemployed. It's the podcast and streaming network I do with David Bell, Patreon.com slash Gamefly Unemployed.

We do lots of podcasts and streaming, like I said, movies, movie nights with our patrons, all sorts of fun stuff. So check that out. Do it. John, anything to plug today? Yeah, I guess I'll plug 1,900 hotdog.com, the number you dial for fun. Yeah, come support us. Come support us. If you like this podcast, you get bonus episodes of this podcast on Patreon.com slash 1,900 hotdog.

And also, we're just the last humans doing comedy, like possibly forever. So even if it's only as like a preservational effort, you should probably come support us. Speaking of comedy, can I add one thing real quick? Mm-hmm. Please check out our other show, Badical, B-A-D-I-C-A-L, wherever you listen to your podcasts. That's a new show that we are doing over at Gamefully Unemployed. Okay. And a great show.

There's one episode in particular. Really shines. There's one really good one. Yeah. The rest are trash, but there's one real good shining star there. I've got a plug. I was doing a cute bit early on in this show. Just purely as a scamp.

it was scamp work. I was doing some scamp work where I was refusing to plug an upcoming fiction book that I have because there was a clause in my contract saying like I have to legally promote it on social media. And I'm just, I'm a scamp. That's all I was doing. Scamps, you don't sue scamps. You don't sue scamps. I don't sue scamps. I don't deserve that. I'm not, I'm not legally speaking. I'm not saying I'm being sued right now because side note, did you know you can be sued just for saying somebody is suing you? Like, what the fuck is that? What is that? So legally, legally, speaking, maybe that's not happening. But also legally speaking, my new book is called I Will Kill Your Imaginary Friend for $200. It's up for pre-order right now. Go there right now. Go there and buy it. Buy it or I'm in so much fucking trouble. Do you know? Do you know what they do to guys in prison who are in there for not promoting their book well enough? I'm asking, I don't know. It's probably not good. Do you guys think it's good? You think it might be good? definitely won't let you, won't let you run the library cart. It's probably bad. It's probably not like a pizza party or something. I don't think it's ever happened. I'm going to be the first one.

That's going to be really bad for me. So you have to go buy my book or I'm going to prison. So please, I will kill your imaginary friend for $200. It's coming out January 20th, 2026. Buy it because I have all the passwords for this site. And they don't let you podcast in prison. I'm writing a book. It's called, uh, I, refuse to promote this book for a pizza party. So Sean's going to be in prison with me, and you're going to have nothing to listen to. Go buy the fucking book. All right, today, we brought Tom on because he is our resident expert on the year in 1995,

which is a crazy thing to need a resident expert on, but we do. It was a crazy year. Yeah, I was the only person who selected that as a major. I was the first person to do that. And you're like a professor on, on, on, Pop culture of 1995. I'm like a tattoo-getting professor in the basement of my VR lab. So, VR was like, it was everywhere.

1995 especially was so sure that virtual reality was going to happen. And that's also the year, by the way, that the virtual boy came out. So for some reason, we had our best attempt at virtual reality, and it was fucking garbage. But we were still, but pop culture was still like, yeah. Yeah, but that's... No, this is it. This is it. No, just wait a couple years, maybe.

They put out virtuosity the same year as the virtual boy. The net. The net was also the year. They thought Russell Crow would like, in full high-deaf, just going to be like eating your panties tomorrow. But for today, it's virtual boy. So it was almost inevitable that somebody was going to say, what about X-Files? A glass demon Russell Crow dressed like Eddie Murphy and Boom.

meringue. Let's just... That's what it says on the back of the box. That's right. Let's make this a virtuosity pot. That's so much more fun than this. Let's just do virtuosity. Yeah.

Yeah, let's pivot. I'm fine with it. This podcast is about a show called VR.5, which was X-Files, but virtual reality. It didn't make it a whole season. It was canceled after 10 episodes. And just for any of our younger listeners, that used to be considered. a hilarious failure. Oh, yeah, that's true.

Ten episodes is like a lot now. Yeah. Yeah, that's a miracle success story. To be clear, it's a miracle for this show. I can't, I'm astonished it made it 10 episodes. Yeah. It's pretty amazing. It's pretty amazing.

Kind of blows my mind. Right. Yeah. The fact that anyone saw this. I mean, though. I was like, yes. I need to see where it's going to see where it goes. It is jaw-droppingly stupid in like a couple of serious ways.

Like, as you. you get into it, you're like, oh, that's fucking stupid. And then it, like, goes a different direction. Like, okay, that's dumber than I thought was possible. I thought I was stupid. But then here we are. Yeah, they did really innovate in the field of dog shit. Like, real powerful dog shit innovations happening.

They managed to pitch like six different shows in 42 minutes. None of them work. Yeah, all of them were terrible. And what's weird is, what's weird is it had a pretty, solid cast, too, for what it was for Beelis 90s TV show. It had Lori Singer, had Anthony Head, it had Stephen

Root, Adam Baldwin, of course in this episode. Sean, Marky Post later. I know. There's a Marky Post. I know. I'm a big Marky Post guy. So, the reason nobody's heard about it, partly was because it was canceled so early.

And part of why it was canceled were that the VR effects that were in the show, there were there was like a novel method for doing this they shot everything in black and white and then they brought in like a full staff to hand paint color back onto every frame oh yeah that's how they did tron yeah it's kind of how they did tron this was like on a much larger scale uh it took their artists a full month for every episode much larger scale than tron yes and that what that what that wound up meaning was that every episode of this show,

this show cost $1.5 million in 1994. That's why it's called VR.5. Dude, that's, because see, when I saw the VR scenes, I swear to God, I thought they just put everyone on funny costumes in my paint and then overexposed the camera. And in my notes, I speculate like, obviously this is free, right? anybody could do that for free, which really was, it was pissing me off because that meant that they were kind of just limited by their imagination, right? If all they're going to do

is like film a regular scene and bump up the brightness, like, it doesn't have to be, like, limited to their, what they can make out of CGI. It doesn't have to be limited by that budget. And yet, now to find out that this show had a clearly a giant pile of money they could pull from, it's so fucking crazy. It makes everything. more stupid. And I already thought it was like among the stupidest things I'd ever seen. So like 10 episodes, uh, that's, that's 10 million dollars, right? Well, no, it's because it was 1.5. It was 1.5. Nobody can do that. Nah, no, don't even try. The math's too hard. That's, that's 15% of a Batman forever. It's worse because it was canceled after 10 episodes,

but they made 13 of them. Oh no. So there's just four and a half million dollars. They just burned. As if they're like regular show. 25% of a Jurassic Park. That's 1995 money. Like, I don't know what that is in today's money. I asked Google AI, and it told me to drink poison. But it's probably a, fuck. It's probably like $50.

Tom, they could have made an FRO7 with that kind of cash. You ever seen Freddie as FRO7? No. It is maybe. Take a look. Man, they could have made so many virtuosities for that. No, they could have made one virtuosity for that. Right. Yeah, they could have made virtuosity, too.

Russell Crow goes to Hawaii. I don't know. I don't know what the... Actually, yeah. No, it's that. It's just a tropical version. I was gonna try to beat it, but fuck, no. Russell Crow just surfing. That's where all ideas go. He's surfing the literal, he's literally surfing and the web. Like, that's what, that's what it is. You either die a hero or live long enough to go Hawaiian. You could have made that. It's astonishing. Like, I don't think, even as like, a Brewster's Millions Gambit, I don't think I could have made something look this bad for that

amount of money. Like, I would have thought of something a little bit better. You'd have to have Penn Gillette drive a Porsche. In a hand-painted Mimtron vision, just it's incredible. This will make more sense as we get into the episode. So let's start. You could have taken Marky Post on a million dollar date, 19.5 times. That's, I just wanted to put into perspective. Oh, shit, he's right. You could have taken Markey Post to see virtuosity. Yes, 72.8 million times.

You could have bought her 60 million bikinis. It would have been, I'm just saying like the amount of joy you could have introduced to. You could have taken Markey Post. bikini shopping with Russell Crow. Absolutely. I'd watch that movie for that amount of money. They could each try on different bikinis, zanier than the last.

And Russell Crow in virtuosity would eat every single one off of her. Like that's just his character. He's such an aggressive... While she's in there changing, he's just eating a basket of bikinis. Yeah, that's him. He's just... If it's panty adjacent, he's eating them. that's uh everyone who watch virtuosity what a great movie

what a great movie that is just eating a stack of gift cards to register so we're watching we're talking about the pilot episode of VR5 VR dot 5 uh and it all starts in Pasadena in 1978 with like a really befuddled British father introducing his daughters to the idea of the home computer David McCallum from the man from uncle uh shockingly for what this it was a shockingly a good cast

he just kind of passively invents the idea of the internet while he's explaining computers to them which is what we did to show that somebody knows computers back in the day like any time. He's explaining to his family all the stuff he stole from work. Yeah he's so he

does clarify when his wife asks him like we don't have the money for all of this he's like don't worry darling this is embezzlement right And his wife, who is Louise Fletcher? Her face lights up at that.

Yeah, she thinks that's a really annoying phone. Oh, what a fun gift for the family. Yeah, that's the only way she gets off is like the crimes that they do together. Oh, yeah, that's a lot of catatonic later. That cute little thing where you're like, this is in the past, like in the 80s. So he's like, look at the 16K of memory. Like they're doing this little bit of how like, look at the numbers are so small and funny. But, like, that's exactly what this fucking show turned into in 18 months.

Like, the numbers they rattle off later in the show are both a, like, mysterious and strange, but also comically small. Like, she's like, I got a rig with 40 megs. And I'm like, I don't, Meg's a fucking what? And, like, that seems like not a big number. So they're, like, doing a bit, but it's like what this show turned into by the time it was broadcast, probably. It'll never happen to us. Right. just the confidence

hubris it's hubris the show the whole thing the whole thing start to end is just pure hubris they figured out how to jack into the VR space so after bragging that he's embezzling all of this from work and we see no problem with that one of the daughters whose name is Sidney

she's going to be the main character later she meets with a sinister man outside that wants to talk to their father and he does the like the father sees him and goes I told you never to come here which either which either means he's being blackmailed or they're having an affair. Like, I'm not sure what the vibe was.

The vibe is very dependent. But all of the romantic, like, chemistry seems off on this, in this show. So I didn't trust it. Right. It's like he's having an affair with a mortician. Yes, you know, it makes sense. Which is very British.

That's a real British show. Right. He works with computers, so he doesn't understand the living. Uh-huh. That's how they get along. I get you. Yeah. This is a better show.

the way. I'm going to greenlight this one, but your budget is only $50 million. Right. We only have $50 million for the first half of season one. This part was unnerving because this creep comes up to the little girl and he's like, oh, you're very pretty. And then she like invites him into the house. And I don't know. Right. That's how you introduced himself. If this happened to my daughter, she'd come inside with his arm and say, dad, I bit this off a psychopath outside. Called a get a garbage pickup for the rest of this fucker. No, but I seriously did show this to my daughter. She's like, dude, what the fuck is she doing?

Like, like the amount of the amount of stranger danger happening. It's not like the 80s didn't know not to do this, right? Like, I mean, yeah, they knew. It's like, it's like they accidentally filmed a vampire. Well, we don't see what's wrong with this. Yeah. But they do.

invite them in and like so now later the whole family like they argue they invite them in the father I guess also the mother and the stranger all argue like they have a secret together which a fair it's got to be a fair right to be oh yeah they're a throuple yeah but then he takes the girls

later they're taking the girls out for ice cream to I guess bribe them to forget about all of the thruple stuff yeah at first yeah because it's like Louise Fletcher's like come on girls get your dresses on and they're like but it's practically the middle of the night which confused me because they still had their little boyfriend there. No, he's got to go home,

even though it's really late. Fuck that kid. This little boy, and he leaves, he's like, parting is such sweet sorrow, man. Shut up and leave. I quote Shakespeare back. Kid me? Fuck out of here, kid. Yeah, I cut him from my notes like they should have cut him from this show. Yeah, that's a good point. Jamie, cut that mention of him. Fuck that kid. Let's go on IMDB and copyright strike his name. Get him off the. Nobody needs to know this kid ever. existed. That's what he deserves. Anyway, the point of this whole scene, which it's just a very odd decision

because you think usually how they're going to do this scene is like, oh, the mom's going to take the two daughters out while the guy argues about something secret and like ice cream is the distraction. No, no, no. The girls eavesdrop on the whole conversation and then they reward that with ice cream

in the middle of the night. Except now dad's taking them out instead of mom. So I figured, like at first I figured Louise Fletcher was trying to get him out of the house so they could bang it out or whatever it was they were going to do. But I guess they did that. So tagging her in, I don't know, like, you know. Many inexplicable decisions.

It's a complicated group dynamic, which is why most throuples don't end up working. Guys, I don't want to brag, but I knew all this was bullshit and they didn't know how to tell a story already. So I didn't write down any of this. I was like, all this is going to be fucking wrong and confusing. I wrote the evidence to like, it's amazing. how fast, like, this opening scene where you're like, I get what they're trying to do, but why'd they fuck all of it up so badly?

Like, why is it so confusing? And why are they... So now they're going for ice cream in the middle of the night. But it leads to one scene, which I really like, because they're out there driving out to get ice cream, and the girls start fighting in the backseat. And the dad turns around to talk to her in that, like,

70s, 80s style. We're like, I'm going to turn all the way around and not look at the road. And he instantly goes out of control. Like, that's always the joke, right? Like, you can't turn around like they do in old TV shows and make this prolonged eye contact or he'll crash. And the second he tries it, he's like, whoa, oh, fuck. Like, there's no other car.

There's not a cat running across the road. He's just like, oh, fuck, I fucked up so bad. Right. He's driving straight at the guardrail, and he just, he's like, swerves into it. You know how they tell you to, like, steer into a slide? He just steers into the guardrail. He's steering to the river. That's what they teach you.

Like, he turns all the way around like a person who is trying to kill his family. He turns like he's seen it on TV shows and it's the first time he's tried it. He's like, they always do that on Blossom or whatever. Like, I guess the 70s, they always do that on Welcome Back. I was like in 1995, but this would be the 70s. So, Welcome Back, Cotter?

Wait, this is British. Welcome back, Cotland. Yeah, Cobblesworth. That's what they called it there. Welcome back, Cobblesworth. That's what they do on Welcome Back, Cobblesworth. He'll turn around and talk to Cobblesworth the whole time. The second he tries it, he just crashes and dies right there.

It's incredible crash, too. And they call Blossom Spot a Dick over there. I don't know why. So we flash forward to Los Angeles. Yeah, kills his family. Yeah, kills his entire family. My notes just say the teddy bear floats lifelessly. And I think that's kind of a beautiful note to take for this terrible shitty show.

Kills his whole family trying to sit backwards on a chair. It's what that equates to. Yeah. To be clear, it's not just like there's a spinning spectacular car crash and then it like is fade like 17 years later. No, we park, we sit beneath the water with them and watch them drown. Yes. It's almost a PSA on don't do that thing where you turn around and talk to people in the back seat. I know it looks cool on TV, but it only takes once.

Yeah, it's a 42 minute. I'm just saying it's a 42-minute pilot, and at least 40 seconds of that is two children drowning. Time well spent. So then they cut forward to Los Angeles, the present day in 1995, where a single little girl. Is this when we get the opening credits? Because that's when I started taking notes in our next. That's when the opening credits started. Yeah, go ahead.

Well, just because it's rattling through, like you were saying, it has a pretty great cast. So this first episode, it was just like an increasing. number of jump scares, you know, it's like, oh, fucking Will Patton as Professor Bloom, it's like, what? Adam Baldwin, what? And then it's like, and Penn Gillette as Cravitz. What? Why haven't I heard of this show? Oh, right. Yeah, it's right. All of the evidence I've seen up until now. But it was really coming off like, um, like a, one of those USA action movies or something. Like, and Penn Gillette as Cravitz is 100% one of those credits. Also, five people created this show.

Yeah, that's all never a good side. I just like that it's from like, it's such a time capsule of the point in history where we're like, Pend Gillette can play a normal human being, right? He doesn't have to be Penn Gillette in this. No, no, he absolutely does. He cannot play a normal human being. He felt maximum Pend Gillette in this. Yeah, it's just Pend Gillette every time he's on screen.

He's like a lesser shack in terms of, like, in how he can't be. Right, in terms of how he can't be anything but what he is. Yeah, he's a white shack. shack. I follow you. He's a great, he's a juggling white shack. That's a great way to describe him. Well, that's the white version of basketball. The white version of basketball.

That's everything he does is white shack. So in modern day, Sidney is a telephone line installer, but only just, it's her first week on the job. So it's not like all of the computer trauma of like watching her dad die screaming about embezzling a computer.

It's not like that shaped her or anything. She just happened to stumble into this job 17 years later, which, by the way, would make her like 25 and this is her first job? She says it's her first job. It's a little weird. Plus, she's been an orphan this whole time, right? Yeah.

I feel like orphans work earlier than most. Yeah, I would agree. Adam Baldwin's flirting with her here, and she very clearly hates it. And to me, I thought the scene was trying to, like, illustrate how every. waking moment is a minefield for a woman, like just even in the workplace, dudes are throwing it at them. But like, obviously, as we find out later, she is into it. And like, one of her struggles is like, how do I get this guy to notice me? Right. That was like the other really shocking moment. I was going to bring up something to compare it to as a movie that Dave and I

covered recently, but now I can't even remember what it was. But the point is it was a horror movie. And the male lead was this aggressive shithead that was just clearly the most awful dude ever and the most awful reveal of the horror movie is that he was the good guy and Ninja 3 Ninja 3. It's Ninja 3. It's the cop

and ninja 3. Yes. It's the cop and ninja 3. So this is like classic horror movie. This is the same way where you're like Adam Baldwin is like you're right this first scene like it's so charmless and aggressive you're like well clearly he's supposed to be but like later on she's like Tee I need to call him. I was like wait

I was so, I was the most disappointed in this show at that moment than any other part of it. It's Adam Baldwin. That's like casting shorthand for this guy's a creep. Like even back then, even back then, like, before we knew stuff about Adam Baldwin, you were like, he's just the guy we get to play a creep to play like a handsome creep. Yeah, well, even, yeah, even then if you didn't want to go that far, very clearly he's at least a murderer. Yeah, no question. I mean, spoilers, I guess.

It shouldn't be because you see Adam Baldwin, you're like, oh, that's a murderer. he's Adam Baldwin in a 90s show baby that's a murderer I got it everyone saw it come and except her so so she gets she gets off work and how she relaxes at home is in virtual reality so like just zooming around yeah she's just sitting around she's this is like the virtual reality they show is like the the level of virtual reality we probably would have been capable of in

1995 like it's virtual boy it's just literally it's like a golden eye level Yeah, it's not even that. It's six weird shapes and four colors. I counted. Her avatar is like a formless mound of flesh with part of a leg, and she's like, she's leaning back in her VR headset going, ah, the forest. I was confused about where we are.

I thought we were talking about in a little bit when she's flying through the city. No, no, no. She's on a Turkish trapper keeper, and her weird, she's just chilling out. Not playing it. She's just like, I love to relax. here in this space. Next being of where I can be a mound next to a blue stripe.

I'm this yawning, stretching blob here, next to the triangle. She takes her headset off. She reveals she has a full working AI virtual reality assistant on her computer. And for 1995, it blows up a picture

like a paper cut out of her and starts putting dollhouse clothes on her to determine her optimum outfit. All while robotic voice is reading the weather and the outfit it comes up with is t-shirt blue jeans flannel shirt shoes optional so it's broken is what the scene is trying to say because she leaves the house clearly um share horowitz has the superior version of this software but of course she lives in beverly hills so who knows how much that cost the AI robot that we're supposed to believe is

futuristic the outfit it tells her to leave the house in is what she's already wearing but without shoes. No, that's about right. That's what, like, flash forward 30 years with AI tell you to wear. That's the reality, but, like, you shouldn't know that.

You shouldn't know that in the 1995. It's kind of profiting. A roller skate on your head. To have AI, but, like, no good use for it. It's just this fucking piece of shit that tells you dumb shit. Yeah, that's what you use is for.

That's all it does. That was the limit of our imagination then as well. It's like, we never got any better. It just sits there reading the way. and badly assembling, badly answering a question for you. And telling you to just walk around L.A. without shoes. Like, so passively trying to kill you. Just like the modern ones try to get you to drink poison.

Like, all in all, very prophetic. It's true. So she does leave the house. She realizes her car is blocked in by a Porsche owned by Pendjolette, playing the only role he ever gets to play Pendjolette, which is to say a total fucking dickhead. Yeah, and he won't move his car because he's on the, phone long distance and I don't know, this feels like

obviously psychopath behavior, but like there's protocols in place. Like if someone says, hey, I'm too big a dick to move my car, you just get it towed. Especially because he's parked behind multiple cars in parking spots. He is blocking three people in. It's like it's such like a car, it's

so cartoony of a dickhead that it's like you said, it's psychopathic behavior. Who would do this? Except somebody tried to start fights with six people. This is back, like, this is such an artifact of its time where we're like, yeah, he can act like a, he scans as a normal human being on film, right? No, no, he doesn't. He scans his Benjolette all the time. Just an enormous physical asshole.

Also, he was the voice of Comedy Central at this time, too. So anytime I saw him in a movie or in any other context, it weirded me out. It should weird you out. I would argue that's not a natural thing to see. in any other context. Unless he's on stage in Vegas, you should feel like you're in danger if Pend Gillette's around.

I think that's a natural response. So she's such a loser. She just gives up and takes the bus to work. And the first thing Adam Baldwin says to her at work is, no boyfriend or husband, huh? All alone in the big city. Like, you're a loser, huh? All right.

Mine's because I'm a murderer. What's your deal? I was going to say, yeah. I feel like the scene gives too much away. yeah he's like yeah I'm the same I can't find anybody just uh those evil bitches I can't believe they and their delicious flesh and collectible hair but she loves it she's like so shy like oh I can't

I can't possibly Adam Baldwin I can't wait until you fall off a horse and turn Republican or whatever it is that happened to you it was failing to catch the predator Like that really He never got over that But she's in love with him Like this is a scene where it's established That she's like too shy to ask out

The sexually aggressive dick at her job I do agree that's what the scene What's supposed to happen in that scene It's so hard to get that From what happens in the scene Or like because what plays out in the scene Is these are two horrible people Who hate each other

And can't stand to be around one another And then she goes home and it's like I'm so in love with him What? Right. It has the meat, cute energy of a guy trying to, like, lure a kid into a car with some candy. Uh-huh. That's a good way to describe it. That's where the romance feels. But they really, they are meant for each other because the second she goes home, she hacks into the telephone database, which is a really bizarre scene that looks like vaguely Egyptian hieroglyphics or something on her screen that says ultra.

And that's the, that's the phone book? The first thing she does is hacks in and finds Adam Baldwin's number and calls him only to whisper, wrong number, when then hang up. So like, just a total stalker criminal loser? And like, I guess we're supposed to root for that because she's a woman. It's also weird if she's going to be late for work someday, like she wouldn't have this number already to call like her supervisor. Yeah, also, we used to have a book with Fuller just. numbers. Sure. You could just look his name. That was the thing we did have. I mean, it's just, it's not like, he doesn't work for the Pentagon or anything. Well, this is like,

this is the, this is the future. So like, if we put the book in a computer, it makes it more impressive. Like, remember her dad said in the beginning when he's bragging about all the computer stuff he stole from work, he's like, holds up one of the cassettes. He's like, I can almost fit a whole book. I just wanted to point out that's a great example of how like the screenwriter knows what they need to get to. We need to demonstrate that she's a super cyber hacker and she also needs this guy's phone number, but they didn't figure out a way to make that work.

So they just did it anyway. And that's kind of what this whole show is. They know where they need to get. They just never solve any of the problems that a normal screenwriter would. Super bizarre scene. And one of the things that's so weird about it is the soundtrack. The whole time this is going on,

the hacking music is just a didgerie do playing. like what why is that what's going on and there here's i turns out it's diogenic yeah hold on sorry i took one clip from this show and it's this clip i and it's very important Stealth technology Australian Aboriginal Very primal Some bird No thanks

Beautiful more for me Cairns Uh kitchen So This fucking guy just wanders into her apartment To get her cans It's the weirdest fucking scene He wanders in

And that's when we realize This isn't the soundtrack She's blasting her pop Possibly her hacking is making a didgeridoo noise. She's listening to full on the crash bandicoot soundtrack. To which he says, stealth technology. As though, once again,

as though the word stealth means cool, which I don't think it ever did. I don't think that was real. Is he saying that like the aborigine people that created the didgeridoo, like, we're like secret time travelers maybe? Or this is their version of VR? Is the didgeridoo noise?

I solved it He thinks He's looking at her hacking He's listening to the didger he do And he's thinking Oh you're hacking with the didgerie do Just like the abridgen I don't fucking know

It's so crazy It's one of those things That Jason Pargin could write 9000 words about And he'll be like Uh huh this is necessary I'm glad we're doing this Then he says very primal And she has no response

And then he says Some bird I wrote that down Yeah. Some bird? I just wrote, offers her some bird. Yeah, some bird. And she says, she says no. And then he says cans? Cairns?

Citchin. And you're like, you've given me context for nothing that is happening there. Who is this man? It does. It feels like someone gave themselves a strange, like, writer's assignment. Like, I'm going to have two characters to talk for a full minute without ever saying a full sentence. Just like as a goof, just as a thing. With neither acknowledging each other fully. Like, it's, it's a, again, a really. bizarre scene. And then so he goes into the kitchen and then he starts yammering about how every Australian aboriginie is taught a song at birth that's really a map of Australia. And like,

they must just stand in one place and sing that song 24-7 because that's the only way anybody in Australia navigates is by the sound, the unique song of the Aborigines, which I didn't look that up, but it feels like one of those things that's not true. But it's the 90s so that you can just say whatever shit you want. Oh yeah. I'd like that this, this, this show is spitting things out like that at such a speed. I just assumed it was more, it was just more bullshit. Like all the computer stuff is just like complete. It's like, it's like the German and diehard. It's just complete gibber. I completely bought it. Like all the apparitions just stand at one place and are like mile markers.

It's part of my identity now. If you tell me that's wrong, I will fight you. Okay. All right. I'm just saying, I think it was one of those things that was in the 90s where you're like, what are people going to do? Look it up on the internet, which this show is about. Fuck. Right. That's the other thing is it's showing us technology

that already exists. And being like, what if this technology exists? But it was like magical. Like, dude, we had this. We have this. So she does. She does use virtual reality.

Again, this time it is that 90s shit. You mentioned earlier where it's like, where it's like the city from Grand Theft Auto 3. Right. And she's, she's, I said earlier that, that part like finding out that she has a crush on Adam Baldwin was the most disappointed I got in the show this moment is the least disappointed I was in this show which is where she's

making Superman arms at her desk to fly through the air if it was that if it was all that and you like you just lawnmower manned it like fuck yes I would be fully on board but that's not what happens because pend Gillette calls to yell at her about the car some more for some reason and she gets the brilliant idea, the first person ever, to put the phone call that she's on, down on the modem cradle, and now boom, that's all it takes. She and Pendelet are together in dog shit virtual reality world because she put the phone where a guy was talking into the modem cradle. First time that's ever happened. I actually found what he was saying more notable because he was complaining about the note she put on his car. She's like, hey, maybe don't park here,

even though she already told him not to park there. And then he screamed at her. that she had to go to 7-Eleven to buy tampons all the time. And he's like, don't blame me for your shitty life. You have to go to 7-Eleven buy tampons all the time. And I thought that's such a wild thing to write and say later. I don't know. The fact that she sent him into cyberspace by putting the phone down is like, that's so much less weird than that first part.

I didn't even take note of that because that's just such a, that's a pendulette thing to say. That's why you don't put him in things as a human. It's because he'll say stuff like that. And you're like, oh, that's not right. That's not what a human would do at all. It's almost what he named his child. It's like some sort of charmless white shack. I don't get it.

But she brings him into dog shit virtual reality world. Right. She incepts him into her own virtual reality mind, which is a CD-ROM cut scene. Yeah, it's all, everybody's painted like a mime. It's like, it's Mimtron. It's Mim Tron. It's Mim Tron. It's what it is. I have written down that he looks like the Joker's

piano teacher. That's a good way to put it. And everything is moving in wacky frame, skip motion. And it costs $1.5 million. Yeah, it did. Did they run over a real Porsche or did they use a miniature? God, they better run over a real one for the $1.5 million. That's sure.

Maybe that's where the money went because they did shit like that. It looked like a real steamroller, but a fake car. Right. So he's, he doesn't understand why he's in Joker world now. but he's willing to move his car now that he's been brought now that he's been teleported by a cyber witch into Joker World he's like

fine I'll move my car and then a steamroller comes along at this point in the show it's very confusing because we don't really know if he like why and how he's here but also he doesn't know that he's here like this all happens

subconsciously I guess this is a reveal later But keep in mind that at this point, nothing makes sense in a way that's, like, really aggressive. Yeah, I also want to say, keep in mind that at this point in the pilot for this new series, it is not clear what this show is about. No idea what this show is going to be about. 13 May 10 air. Incredible. God, it was so easy.

It was so easy in the 90s. It was just all free money. by 10 years. I was all fucking free money. God damn it. So a steamroller comes and crushes his car in virtual reality. And then a bus comes by

and Pendelet's just like, guess I'm taking the bus. He tries to sit down on a boombox for some reason. Only the boom box grows spikes. And then I have it in my notes here. Unearthly Manichin children wearing Jared Fogelman's old pants

for a necklace. Tell him they'll move it when they're good and they'll move it when they're good and ready. Everybody else. saw that right that's right yeah yeah that happened okay i guess us reading the harry potter newspaper yeah it's just hell it's just kool-a-kuley man hell it's hell it's yeah it's the same hell where they filmed that money for that thing video and there's like uh there's like a john water's mannequin uh there and he uh he strips nude to say wow and then like uh a woman's

fire has no pupils yeah yeah the bus driver the bus driver takes off his chaise to reveal he has no pupils. And it's like maybe the 250th weirdest thing there, but they play it off like, dear God, he has no pupils. How can this be in this realm of madness? Yeah, the lady just breathed fire at you. You know, it kind of looks like a bubble tape

commercial. I don't know why anybody was threatened. Yeah, this is pretty normal in the 90s. It scans as a nightmare world. It's like a hell world. In every way but one. And that's when Sidney looks up to catch her reflection in the mirror and realizes she's dressed kind of goth and kind of likes it.

Oh my God. Could I pull off a goth look? That's what she takes away from being trapped in the hell dimension. I actually have in my notes, she's not pulling it off. I strongly disagree with her. No, she's not.

She thinks she is. She's like enamored. That's I'm saying. She gasp and is like, oh my God, is that me? I'm so beautiful. I have in my notes. She's not pulling it off.

She's actually leaving this outfit on. that's all I had so apparently it's all worth it because in VR world she washed her hair and has a crop top so she's like oh my god I got to get back there I got to get back to VR world as soon as she's kicked out I just I wanted to say also that like our first introduction to the

inception world that she can make it's not only it's like this weird hellscape but also we're in a fixed point-of-view position with Pend Gillette. Which is never where you want to be. That's never a good... Like any other point of view would be great. He's our Virgil on this journey. See the world like Penjolette does.

No, thank you. No, thank you. I don't need that. Yeah, we're all set. So she immediately realizes, oh my God, I brought that man into the machine. I would not assume any of that is the machine world if I saw John Waters, my mannequin. I would assume that I had died and gone to hell before I assumed that was virtual reality.

I would just buy some bubble taste. She says, she says, somebody's got to know, and then she types into her computer to no particular application. She types, virtual reality is real, and then she leans back like, now they know. Just into her DOS prompt. What does that mean?

What does it mean? It's job. Well done. Somebody's got to know. Like, the product exists? Virtual reality is real. And then the computer returns back like, command unrecognized? What do you mean, bitch?

Jesus. What were you talking to? Cannot find the program. Virtual reality is real. Okay. Plugs itself. Back to square one. She immediately is like, no, no, we have to try this again.

She gets that stoner roommate who thought, who thought, uh, We thought Aborigines were the GPS, were the original GPS, I guess. He was right about that. God damn it, it's like you never listen. Of course. So she recruits him. Is there like a weed for Aborigines? Because I think that's what he is.

Probably knowing Australians, I'm assuming it's unspeakable and I can't. I'm trying to think what you'd call it, but every option is racist. There's no way. It's such a cursed slur. Yeah. It's like the black speech of Mordor, you literally can't say. Nice, nice fucking try, Tom. I'm not getting canceled today.

But so she recruits the neighbor to go to a pay phone. They try it again. It works. And they're in a technical or jungle. Only they're both like corpse gray. And he tells her, I always wanted to shower together. So they do. They shower together in virtual reality, like immediately.

It's like a, I have written down. It's like a poolside shower in the black lodge where you're being spying. on by Phil Collins pretty accurate yeah and then I guess she I guess she force morphs him into Adam Baldwin

which seems like a nightmare yeah that's the worst I think Adam Baldwin may have forced morphed him into Adam Baldwin I don't know either way his identity is a race like she's established this as a mind-to-mind connection

and then she's like hey guess what you're Adam Baldwin now like that's is that what happened to Adam Baldwin is that what made him Republican is like you being John Malkoviched himself somehow? That would make a lot of sense. I think this is where I realized the show was very, very designed for women.

Like, because this is a very woman way to use virtual reality to kill a magician and then have sensual jungle sex. And also for like all this complicated technology, just be like a magic dream. This is one horse away from perfect lady fiction. Let me know in the comments if I have a full understanding of women. Uh, yes Yeah, I know I know up to three And uh, 100% correct

Good All of them have killed a magician I feel like that's the first thing a woman would do With unlimited technology Oh yeah You can't You can't force Baldwin a man You can't go into a man's mind

I strongly agree No, that's a violation of some time That's against some sort of international treaty That's not cool I'd be so pissed You gotta be in the middle of the ocean To do that shit I look down to my hands

I'm like god damn Are these Adam Baldwin's hands This is some bullshit Not again Uh Okay So we Fly only he's turning into Adam Baldwin

We hard cut out of there To the neighbor going Egg cream He just loves to say Like a one sentence question That doesn't have anything to do With anything else He's the most confounding character

I know I feel He starts to start to feel like an escalating dare because each scene it begins with them like entering a place and he's in the middle of saying the most fucking crazy thing you've ever heard and it doesn't connect to anything that's happening. Egg cream, part, can'ts. So he offers her an egg cream from the payphone in the junkyard inside his apartment where he also lives. I have no idea what this physical space there in is supposed to be. It's every every moment of this show is just a confounding mess. She, uh,

She decides she has to tell somebody about this. And luckily, the neighbor, this rudderless stoner who lives in an impossible junkyard, luckily he knows the world's top virtual reality scientist, which is a hell of a way to end that scene. I wish I could get away with ending scenes like that where I just have the loser be like, oh, what, you need to talk to the top scientist in that thing?

Yeah, I know that, dude. Let's go see him. The trick is, the trick is, you just keep going and you never look back. And you be born in the perfect time to write this shit in 1995. So the top VR scientist is Robert Picardo. Also, again, feels like a bigger get than this show deserves. He sure was.

The jump scares continue. He takes her through his own VR program, which is just the lawnmower man fuck simulator. Like, it's exactly that. Oh, yeah. He's very clearly trying to, like, nudge her into it. Uh-huh. Like, yeah.

Like, he brings her in there and it is obvious, it has never been a more obvious sex nasium. Yes, that's like, oh, I get it. You want, you want us to, like, turn into a dragonfly together. I understand what this is. You pervert. He's like, this is my gel. Yeah, he says, he says, touch my hand. The gel makes it feel real.

So he jelled her up. You get gelled up to go in virtual reality. This is like, this is like getting in a, in an old. Econo line with a stranger. Like, don't gel up and hop into whatever VR programming has gone on. What makes it funnier is the actress is she's

conveying disappointment in this scene because she's really underwhelmed with what this guy has and it's not on the level of what she was doing like she hoped. But in the context of what we're talking about, that disappointment comes across. Yeah. And super normal for him.

Yeah, he's a guy, no one ever wants my gel hand. yeah I just for once I wish a VR scientist would gel me up and it wasn't a sex thing I just that's so much dad's yeah he's like because he's got like the marble columns you would see in like the early virtual reality they're playing this really shitty tennis and uh she's like ah this sucks because she did just fucking cyberspace like she is the leading cyber realm you know pioneer she kidnapped pend Gillette yes into cyberspace into cyber space Into cyberspace.

She's the elite. She forced Baldwin demand. That's true, yeah. She's like, is this all you can do? I can turn people into a Baldwin with my mind. You can? Don't. Are you kidding me?

Don't do that. You would, he was, he came so close to getting baldwined. Holy shit. The bullet. I could make a chrome sphere. So she's like disappointed with it. And he's like, oh. Over a checkerboard?

and a marble column. So she's like disappointed and what Robert Picardo says at the end of the scene is oh, I just happen to know the inventor of virtual reality. He's now a virtual philosopher. So like this is now two scenes in a row. We've just been like, oh, I happen to know the number one guy. And don't you worry, he is also within driving distance.

Again, the screenwriter knew where they had to get. They just never figured out an interesting way to do it. or a sensible way to do it. Also, another thing that you could not get away with is, did you guys notice how really bad the dubbing is? Because it's like, it's a VO where he's like, oh, this is where you've got to go to find this professor. But it's like really, really bad audio.

Like they took it out of a bad clip or, like it sounds like when you record a song off the radio by like holding the microphone up to the speaker. It was like noticeably bad VO making this transition. Yeah, they did not plan on. They were just, they thought that scene was going to answer all the questions when really, like, the first producer they showed that to was like, well, what was the point of that? Oh, no, don't worry. There's another scene.

We'll come up with another scene. It's right. It's so, because every time that happens, you know, like, it's like somebody will be driving, oh, this is where we got to go to find this letter or, you know, whatever. But it's, like, so obviously in response to some, like, producer being like, why the fuck are we here? And then you've got to address that. That's true. That's a valid note. She goes to find the professor of virtual philosophy.

And his office, of course, is a gigantic library full of artifacts playing classical music, full of dinosaur bones. It looks like half a gift shop in there. And he's doing this thing where he's talking off screen and she's looking for him. And he tells her, virtual reality is what they're doing right now, man. It's like talking without seeing each other. and she's looking in his back and it's this old man and then she goes to the curtain

and a younger hunk comes out shirtless as if to say, hey, that's virtual reality, man. Yeah. You assume something that wasn't for you. You're leaving out a lot of misogyny because he hears a female voice and he's like, why don't you go back to your sorority? Go back to your tampons, little girl.

And he's right. Let me know in the comments if I nailed it. So she tells him she had a VR experience and he's like, ah, shut up, I know what happened. you played the VR game down at the mall and your boyfriend felt you up and you didn't like it. Yes.

How many times have people come to you with that problem that you assume that's true? And why aren't you doing something? All the way down to your fucking stupid basement? He's never met a second type of woman other than the one who gets felt up with the arcade. I would argue.

It seems like he doesn't seem to have met a woman. Okay. That's possible too. Or he's met a string of virtual. reality sex crimes, and he has not gone to the police. Yep. Was he getting a tattoo? No, he was getting a massage from a very old man, from like an 85-year-old man, which I would again argue.

Oh, okay. I mean, it's all up for interpretation. We got tattooed, I think, massage. He's getting a hand job from the Pixar Toy Maker, you know. She brags about the size of her unit, and he's like, oh, it's a good rig. But then he warns her against pursuing this any further, like, oh, I know something, but you're not going to be able to stop. She's like, it's a nightmare world full of murder mannequins. Why would she not be able to stop?

It seems like the most stoppable thing at this point. Right. It looks like the worst game I've ever played. It's like, well, I'm never going to play this again. In every way but one, it's hell. And that one is that she's a little goth. And she can turn people into Adam Baldwin. No, that's still hell.

That still checks out. What's fucked up is that the fundamental conceit of the show is that virtual reality is not like a little world you make in a computer. It's like a, it's this different realm that you're trying to pierce the membrane of, I guess, like a real like dream world that we are trying to somehow shatter the barrier of and not just like a program. And so like it was hard for me to wrap my head around that being the premise of the show. Is that like that really what you want me to think? that's fucking crazy and stupid. It also approached it like it was like a commonly thing. Like this is like it's a popular

science fiction idea. It's like what? It's like well you guys know how like you guys know how virtual reality is like this place. It's like this higher plane of existence you can go to if we can just like figure out the go, you know it's like Narnia. You guys know it's like Narnia. Okay we're all in the same page. Okay. Fucking what? It's really frustrating. What are the rules of your universe?

Right. I have no idea. It's sort of like proto-inception, I guess. Yeah, basically. But also, I feel like we're at the halfway point of the episode, and we still don't know what this show is going to be. I think we get some answers when she goes home and cybers her mother. Oh, yeah. Hold on, I said that weird. I'm sorry.

What actually happens, she drags her demented vegetative mother into the virtual land of terror mannequins. yeah like that's what she does she has she has her VR powers and she's like I'm I'm gonna bring my comatose mother into into the nightmare world where mannequins breathe fire only this time it's nice it's their old house and mostly human colors her mom asks how virtual reality works and Sidney tells her it's like I program a dream and then bring somebody into it only when I wake up I remember everything and the other person only remembers how it makes them feel which is not how a virtual reality That's not what the virtual boy did. So insane. The virtual boy did not do that. We had the pro-o-virtual reality. All it did was give me a headache. It made me really sweaty.

Like if you're saying that's... It's something a dog would think as it was suffocating to death. It is so fucking stupid. If you're saying in the show, that's her superpower, like, okay, cool. That's her, that she drowned next to a computer and she got the ability to intercept people.

Oh, my God. Is that what you're suggesting? I never even made that connection. No, that's not. I'm saying if that was, that would be one thing. I would be like, fuck it, I'm on board. That's not what they're saying. They're saying, I bought such good technology at the radio shack that I can now

insept people's brains over the phone with my VR rig. I bought so much Super Nintendo. I've now become Super Nintendo. What the fuck are you trying? It's like if you put enough power into your Sega Genesis, you can make love to Sonic the Hedgehog. That's what the show is trying to say, and what I intend to prove. You have just ruined so many people by saying that. No, that's absolutely.

There's like several websites. So many houses are being burned down now because of what you just said. So Sydney is pushing her mother in this virtual reality space for information on the night of the car crash. And her mom instantly runs into the other room to overdose on cyber pills, which she knew were there. And I guess when you over- Virtual reality suicide. So virtual reality, and the rules apparently are when you overdose in virtual reality as a vegetable,

absolutely nothing happens and you just remain a vegetable. Because like, you're like, oh my God, so she died in real life? Then no, she's just still. No, she's fine. Well, no, we learn later that if you die in VR, you go into a coma. So I guess she was, since she was already in a coma, she's now either in the same coma or in a double coma, those rules aren't established yet. Well, she's on the beach with Leo, right?

Yeah, she's all the way. She's on like the deepest, all the way down to the bottom. But her top is wobble it. All just to get out of a conversation. Like, every time you try to get her out of there, she just finds another bottle of those cyber pills. You're like, God damn it.

How'd you find the, on the beach? Where did you, where did you even get him? She's going to take so many pills that she's going to turn into Adam Baldwin. That's what I'm worried about. Oh, yeah. Well, she was, that's why she was taking that way out. So she did before she got turned into Adam Baldwin. So Adam Baldwin,

apparently that was Adam Baldwin like she really fully turned her neighbor into Adam Baldwin in that shower because now he's incepted like love into him and now she's like he asks her out she's not bothered by the morality of cyber love potions or anything she's just like cool awesome is that

what happened I think so I don't know yes I'm fine but he's like he's into her now and the neighbor advises her to like to fully drag Adam Baldwin into Mannequin World as a run for their date. No ethical considerations here just, yeah, are you curious how your date will go?

Violate his mind. It would kidnap a third person into this virtual world. Hire an adult actor who looks a lot like them. Right, yeah, just do the rehearsal. Just do the rehearsal. It's more ethical. Like, it's okay. Make a giant puppet.

That's the way to do it. That's the solution. Have sex with a puppet that looks like them. and then you're ready for your date. Yeah, but no, she does drag him into this horrifying terror world, and she tells him like, oh, God, don't hold back on me, which is like, you get what you deserve at this point. If you're, if you're heading into some,

he immediately turns into a feral monster. Right, it doesn't, it's unclear why. Like, he's like, I thought you were different from the other girls, but clearly you're not. I'm like, what, what happened? All these bitches are constantly trying to incept me. They're just like all of the others. Oh, that's what it is, yeah

Yeah, she's just He turns on her He binds her with her own dress somehow Storm clouds rush in And he chases her down with a knife And tells her he's gonna kill her Because he's actually a serial killer That she inceptioned into loving her

Which is like Sometimes you stumble onto kind of a good concept By just nesting stupid concepts Over and over again Until like one of them's kind of Which is like that could be It's almost something there With like oh you

You would You fucked up And you put the idea that he loves you into the mind of a serial killer. You're like, oh, okay, I'm interested to see where this goes. No, not here, not here. I turned on everything, and I liked the show now that it achieved such a level of stupidity where I'm like, okay, this is great, that she went into a guy's mind and immediately

finds that he's a serial killer. And the possibility of that being, like, on a show like this is already so silly. But to do it in the pilot, to be like, yeah, it's like murder. wrote but like dream cyberspace it's just it's so fucking stupid that i was like yep i'm in this shows amazing well we'll see if you stay feeling that way we're like it's like and they solve murders it's like such a punchline yep of a thing to add to a bad idea it's so funny yeah it's perfect it's perfect so she rushes to ask the virtual philosophy professor about about making force-loving serial killers in the mind space and he's like ah it's

fine. It's probably all fine. Then she asks what happens if you die in virtual reality. I was going to say that this guy's like nine steps ahead of her. And he's stalking her. He has her hacked. Like he, he's been following her progress in the impossible dream realm. He did not know existed. But she says, yeah, and here's the information I got from there. He's like, nah, I don't know. I think I want to hear the other guy's side. Let's hear the sex crime murderers point of view, lady. Like, I don't like these, he said, she said things. Yeah, he thinks It's cool. It's fine. It's all fine. Don't even worry about it, lady. What, he turned feral and was going to murder you in his mind?

Like, who wasn't? I do that all the time here in the 90s. Didn't you hear that shit I said about like women getting molested at the arcade and I thought it was funny? Like, we're all monsters. He did say he was able to recreate his sense of smell and it burned his computer down. He also says he put a pilot into a coma with virtual reality. a real hot shot Israel Flyboy is what he said Did he say Israel?

I thought he said Navy Flyboy Holy shit Israel Flyboy's crazy It's all said like he doesn't have The rig that she does Like he He says that shit about smell Like I got

I barely got like a sense of smell Or because my computer burned down Like I couldn't do what you do But it was still real enough To put a pilot in a coma when he crashed the flight simulator in VR. He wanted to see what it felt like. Yeah.

He wanted to see what it felt like when you fucking lose a Microsoft flight simulator flight? Yeah, but what if it was like closer to my eyes? Just put your eyes up against the screen when you crash. That's fine. That's all this is.

If you die in Microsoft Flight Simulator, you die in Microsoft DOS. So it's just, She got no help. She decides that the only way to do this is to go back on an actual hot date with a virtual serial killer. Oh, so fucking crazy. Oh, did we remember to say that in the virtual realm, Adam Baldwin looks like Rick Astley? I said he looks like a cure video, but yeah, like Rick Astley in a cure video is what they nailed.

But in a 50s, do-op style, it's such a mess. God, this show is nice. $1.5 million to make a real thing. that. I cannot believe that. It dances off the screen, let me tell you. So, so she decides she has to go on this other virtual date and she confronts him with the truth and virtual reality, which I guess is in his brain again. And then she summons the, but he's going to only like have a vague memory of it. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah, she summons, I guess his vague memory is this bitch is fucking with me a lot. Maybe what is he taking home? Maybe he just figures he's getting more obsessed

with her? I don't know. I guess. What must be he thinking? So she summons the angry ghosts of his victims I guess he is a serial killer and I guess the victims are also trapped in virtual reality which is his mind which seems like God to be trapped within Adam Baldwin's mind in the virtual reality world is the worst version

of hell I've ever heard. That's a real brutal black mirror episode. She finds out sort of where he hid the bodies because he sees a shovel next to a tree in the VR world and that's going to help her track down the victims and dig them up in reality

So, I mean, you know, I've never seen a clearer landmark, honestly, Rockway, so it's, how could you not find where this thing is? So you think, that's what you think is going to happen. You know, like, she's like, oh, he buried them by this tree. And then we cut to reality and we're like, okay, her neighbor and her are going out to look for the tree. You're like, okay, okay, I follow where this is going. Like, they're going to find the victims and then get them arrested. This is how they do the virtual reality murder, she wrote thing, right? No. It turns out they're only in this park. The neighbor brought her to a park and she's like, this is a tree like I saw in the dream. It's to explain the concept of tree to him. It's not the tree from the dream. She's like, this, see this? This is like what I saw in the dream, a tree. And he's like, whoa, here's a tree.

And this poor friend zoned guy, his whole brain has been like infected with like sexual fantasies about her, right? Like his subconscious is yearning for her at this point. the show, right? Yeah, apparently. He tried to shower with her as himself. They did that Irish Spring commercial. Yeah. He wanted to be himself, and then she like forced Baldwin to him. She said, exceptioned him, and now he's ruined forever. I mean, that must be the thing he took away.

It's like, am I Baldwin? Within you, within each of us is an Adam Baldwin. It's been awakened. So she decides there's only one thing left to do find the bodies. No, it's go on the date. If we're real with the serial killer.

with no backup plan. They're like, everyone knows. Absolutely no backup plan and I have to find out for real. If he turns out to be a serial killer, I guess I'll die, but we'll all know. It's the rule of threes, right? Like if the serial killer says, I'm going to kill you if you go on a date with me two times and then you go on that third date, I don't know. That feels like consent to me for serial killing, for serial killing.

let us know in the comments if he's right for virtual serial killing that's all we're talking about so she's on the date with him for real and she's like I'm not sure what her plan is here

like I you would suspect interrogating him yeah but there's not you think like maybe the neighbors there to like back her up or like she's on right

she's on like the line with the cops or something right at the very least to have like somebody in the bushes, like in an earpiece or something. Yeah, like you assume something is... 95, we have earpieces. Something is going, or bring a knife or a gun or something. Literally anything. A hammer.

And she doesn't. She's just a just a pure closet baby, and she's out to prove this guy's a serial killer by getting serial killed. It is compelling proof. It is. It is. He pulls a knife on her, and she runs for the payphone. And that payphone, I forgot to mention it,

But the payphone is like, that's how she exits virtual reality. Right. But this is reality reality. So she runs up to the pay phone, grabs it, and he's like literally a step behind her and just knocks her, just knocks her out. It's like, oh, okay. She didn't have time to work at all. Put in the numbers, get someone on the line, tell them there's a serial killer chaser, which I guess what? That was her plan, right?

Yeah, I guess so. That was a, it was a bad plan. It didn't work. And she wakes up to him digging her grave. Yeah. She wakes up looking up at the sky hearing the sounds of a shovel. Sure enough, he's at the tree.

So it was a tree. Yeah, she nailed it. She was right to point it out to her neighbor earlier. Yeah, it was a tree. She was right. It would be a tree like this one. It would be. And it was.

It was a tree. She turns the tables, gets a lucky hidden with a shovel, and starts to run away from him. I think you're skipping some important stuff. She's not tied up or anything. a key to her escape was waiting for him to leave, and then she gets up. And then he shows up, and he says, because the screenwriter wanted him to say something creepy, but didn't come up with anything good, so he just says, I love you, Sidney.

And he went so crazy, so fast. And then she runs and falls into a grave, filled with, like, exposed dead bodies, and hits him with his own shovel. It hits him with his own shovel and starts to run. away, only the virtual philosophy professor is there, and he tackles her into, like, his limo. I guess he's super rich from all the virtual philosophy. He tells her he bugged her system, but he couldn't hack into her VR, but he knew enough to follow her on this date.

So he knew about the serial killer shit? I guess he pieced it together by looking at his internet dossier that everybody had. He reveals he's part of some secret virtual reality society with, with, with, mysterious goals and they're going to use her VR superpowers which again are only given to her by virtue of her having built a really good computer like it's not it's not her mutant superpower and she has to get somebody else on the phone to use it and we didn't stop Adam Baldwin I see I thought he fell on his knife he he fell on his knife yeah oh I didn't get that I thought she just bonked him with the shovel I almost didn't get it it's real but

his his his old knife is there and his little side. Okay. I thought she just conked him one and then jumped in the limo with a virtual reality professor and they're like, well, someone else's problem now. I mean, he could very well still be alive. Yeah, legally speaking, what she did is. She jumped into a grave, rubbed her DNA all over a bunch of dead bodies and then

kill the man. So she might be in some trouble, is what I'm saying. I like that he's been serial killing women in the same spot for decades and burying them in the same grave. Also, just going to put this out here for, like, maybe a potential sequel, she did turn her roommate into Adam Baldwin in his mind, which means he's got like a secret serial killer ghost in his head now. That's a good point.

That's going to be a ticking time bomb of the season. That was actually a good seed to plant. Yeah, that would have actually been cool. If they actually used that, I'm going to be really upset. I cannot believe anyone picked up this pilot. It's incredible. It's incredible how hard you fucked up. And for them to come.

Can you imagine? somebody coming to you with this pilot and like showing you this fucking nonsense that happens here and then at the end of it they say and guess what that only cost us the equivalent of three million dollars to make you'd be like what i'd get a trapdoor in my office the next day right you would beat that person at death with an ashtray it's this has to be like what network was this on it's incredible even fox even for fox it's incredible it's just The 13 episodes at $3 million. So this costs like $39 million to make in the equivalent money, like adjusting for inflation.

Somebody used this. Somebody use this show to steal $40 million. This is like the crime of the century that we've... And they got to meet Marky Post. And they got to meet Marky Post. Wow, man, they're basically bragging about the crime in the very beginning by having the man from Uncle be like, look at all this shit I started. from work. Look at all of my embezzlement.

You stole $40 million. Like this, I guess this has been a true crime podcast. 1,900, Frankfurt. 1,900, Frankfurt. And the podcast can't out. And with maximal in show. Talk Frankfurt podcast? Correct.

Yeah. The craft is nitratis, not under. Shitty in the hunde zone. The year an hour and a stunder. Come, Sean. From kids to do, Mom. 1,900, Frankfurt. 1,900, Frankfurt.

1,900, Frankford. 1,900, Frankford. 1,900, Frankford. 1st, new, you know, you know, yeah. Yeah, 9,000. The historic hot dog club here in beautifuls, connected to New York, welcomes to the stage, our own in-house insult comic,

Jimmy Juggles. Oh, hey, thank you, thank you. Don't applaud too hard. You ain't heard by set yet. Hey, I see a lot of Supremes out there in the crowd today. Aaron Crustin. Adrian H. I see Alex, Nolanberg here.

Hey, Alex. I hope you get hit by a speedboat like a manatee. Oh! Alpha scientist Javo. Unandi, Armando Nava. Autumn Armstrongberg. You look like a volunteer editor for Wiki Feed. Bim Talser, Brandon Garlock, Brian Saylor.

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It's not supposed to be possible. Science is studying it. Dean Costello, Delta Foxtrot. Devin the Rogue Supreme, Doug Redmond, Dusty's rad title. Elizabeth Shope, some people get a bench dedicated to them when they die. You're gonna get the corner chair in a motel six. Oh, double up, oh, oh. Elliot Watson, Eric Christianberg, Fancy Shark, Jella Ho.

Hey, good Satan and his. Hot Witches. You know the way that pace that Dennis used to polish your teeth tastes? No, of course you don't. Oh, Greg Cunningham, Haraka, Harvey Pengweenie. Hey, I see Honk over here, Ong, O'Hournell, Aiden, James Boyd. Hey, James Boyd, I hope you dry, drown in a corn silo. Whoa, oh, oh, oh, sweet child of O. Jared Clack, Jared Mountain Man, Jared Ruiz, it's the Jared's. Oh! Jeff O'Rour John Dean, I bet all the microplastics in your balls is gonna turn your babies into spiders. Spider, oh!

John McCammon, John Minkoff, Joseph Searle, Josh S, Joshua Greaves, A, Justin B, you seem like the kind of guy who's had multiple pets die because of his unmedicated ADHD. Oh, sorry that one got stuck. Ken Paisley, K&M. Kamutsis. KV.H, I heard you got banned from Bumble and not even for a good pervert reason. You just made people too sad. Hold on. Let me load the Ogun. All right, now let me cock it. All right, pull. Oh, oh, oh. Missed all three times. Lane Haygood, Lisa, M. Jahi Chappelle. Hey, Mark Mahoney, you seem like the fourth guy to die trying to rescue a dog.

from a septic tank. Tragic, oh! Matt Riley, Max Broy, Moju. Hey, you guys like politics? I hear the best comedy's political these days. Let's try some. A mercenary Cisidman, Jeff Bezos called, he wants his personality back.

Oh, Michael Lair, Mort, Mr. Bob Gray, N.D. I see Neil Bailey here, I see Neil Schaefer here, I see NECO-104 here. We got Nick Levino. Hey, Nick Levino. Elon Musk called. He wants his weird torso back. Torso.

Outsolete. Henri Weevil, we got Ozzy Olin. Double O. We got Patrick Herbst. Pee Wee's uncle, I hope your spouse leaves you for a Republican. Oh. Reap Randrew, I hope you get the kind of concussion that turns you Republican. Oh.

You and Peewee's uncle's wife deserve each other, and I hope you're very happy. Oh, all right, all right, that's enough politics, we have fun. Oh, hey, Riannan, hey Russell Bauman, hey Sam Kopnik, I recognize this guy. He's the 204th frame in that scene from Total Recall, where Arnold Schwarzenegger gets blasted out the airlock. That's a deep cut, but look it up. It's also an, oh, Zarkovsky, Sean Chase, hey, Seed's Passport, lists their sex as too brief for all the heartache it's caused over the years. We got space champagne here.

Oh, spotty reception. Super knot. Tater's Tales. Hey, Taters Tales. You smell like the sock you find stuck to a teenager's wall when you move the bed. Oh, you're just in there. You're looking for drugs or something because you don't understand the sudden distance between you and the child who used to love you

when, bam! Krusty old Tater's Tales. Oh. Hey, it's Ted H. Thomas Cavato. Timmy Leahy, Toasty God, Tommy G. Velo. Hey, I see Victor Mela Bank in here. You look like you lost a fight to a puff at her who was itself already dying of cholesterol poisoning. Oh!

Hey, Booster. Hey, you got the anti-venom? No, you don't. Hey, Waylon Russell. Hey, you gotta call somebody? No, you aren't. Oh, never mind, though, because of on you. Clapham's here she can just

So it's my time Thanks everyone you've been great Not you Zach and Ava Alright alright don't forget to tip your waitresses We all know Gareth ain't gonna do it Oh ha ha but no seriously You gotta you gotta tip him man You gotta tip them

The law says you can pay them below minimum wage If it's a tip position it's fucked up Capitalism is fucked Oh