The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 24, Golden Age Comic Creature Cwiz, with Creature Feature's Katie Goldin!

Episode Date: May 26, 2021

Cruel taskmaster Seanbaby pits Brockway against special guest Katie Goldin, from Creature Feature! Will her creature knowledge help her in this comic book quiz loosely based on animals? No! Will her last name help her identify bizarre Golden Age characters? Also no!

One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred hot dog. Our podcast slams with maximum hype. Say hot dog podcast work. Yeah. When you taste that nitrate power, you're in the dog zone for an hour. Come on.

You know the number. One nine hundred. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine zero zero. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine zero zero zero.

Yeah. Nine thousand. Heck no dinkies. This is the dog zone nine thousand. The official podcast of one nine hundred hot dog dot com. The comedy hilarity website. I'm TV Sean baby from the internet. Welcome everybody.

I'm here today with Robert Brockway. You don't even get an intro because I want to hear a Brockway fact. Oh a Brockway fact. All right. I see. I once caught Ross Perot stealing a child's umbrella. No follow up questions. No follow up questions Katie.

Our guest is Katie Golden from the podcast Creature Feature and a cracked veteran like ourselves. Welcome Katie. Thank you. It's me Katie. Twitter darling. Twitter darling Katie Golden. Beautiful red hair.

Beautiful smile. And a animal science nerd. And lots of eyes. She has both of them. Yeah. Congratulations. Thank you. On all your features and creature features.

Thank you so much. I'm so excited. What we like to do at the top of the show. We like to talk about projects we're working on. So is there anything fun you'd like to share with us today? Well let's see. So I did make a not an NFT but a GRFT through my pro bird rights account.

It is a gif of a bird on a skateboard rotating around. You can look at it for free but that's naughty. So if you want to look at it with a clear conscience, you have to pay a dollar. Seems a fine deal for a spinning bird on a skateboard. Yeah. You don't get anything. So if you pay a dollar, you get nothing.

You don't get a physical item. You don't get like a token or I don't really even understand how NFTs work. You get some kind of like code. That's right. That's how they work. You get nothing. You get a code.

You don't get any internet code or computer mumbo jumbo. You get nothing except for the good feeling that you're not stealing this gif from me. And how did you make it? Did you put a bird on a skateboard? Yeah. I took a picture of bird on a skateboard doing an Ali 360. I think it's a trick.

You just took a picture of that? So you actually saw that in real life? It's video. It's a video picture. Moving picture. A gif. It's a talkie? Oh my God.

Well, yeah. It's a graphics image. This is a fucking steal. Fiddly doo. Yeah. Graphic interface. Graphics interface. That's gotta be it.

Yes. It's for the birds. Whatever it is, it's for the birds. That's kind of a cute joke we like to do. Give me that click. I can't cast. Where's that click? There's a click.

There's a click. Let me tell you about what I'm working on. Do you remember the book Amelia Bedelia? Maybe from when you were a kid? Yeah. So this is a, I've been revisiting a lot of children's literature with my young daughter. And this book is fucking crazy. She shows up to the house and I feel like the theme of the book is how wacky it is to misunderstand

like idioms. And so she shows up and gets a list of things to do as the housekeeper. And she just, just mangles their home, just fucks up everything our home. She like shreds their towels and like covers their furniture and dust and powder and puts all the light bulbs outside. She's a complete lunatic. So what I did is I tried to recapture that as if she was a bad kind of lunatic, like a real dangerous maniac in their home.

And I struggled with this all week. I tried this. Suffered from my art. Yes. It's what I always talk about. Here's my project. Suffered for an entire week over the dumbest fucking thing you can imagine. So I kept trying to read.

I tried to write like this long tangled narrative where she was like an unreliable narrative, narrator. I guess like the French play La Paix now a major motion picture starring Anthony Hopkins. I tried to do that. So like you couldn't count on the perception being accurate and decided after all these hours of work, you know what I ought to do is just have her say really fucking stupid silly shit. And that was so much better.

And that's how it ended up. It's probably on the site when this goes live. And I hope people like it, but they also might just think this is complete insanity. Which I guess is what I was going for. Which is both true. It's just like a situation where Amelia Bedelia is like someone's like clean the toilet and she's like, okay, so she reaches in there and pulls turds out and just like throws them in the trash or something.

Yes, like that would be. Yeah, that happens in the book. That's almost exactly the type of misunderstanding from the original book. That's the original book. Yeah, I was more like, I was having like objects talk to her and like, she's just very dangerous. They're a little more violent, a little more threatening. Yeah. You know, juxtaposed to me, you take that juxtapose it next to some kids illustrations

and that's funny to me. That's just a good time. Maybe I'm a simple man. Yeah, that's a good time. No, you can't sleep on children. You can't sleep on any children's book. If you really think about the shenanigans that kids get up to in these books, it's actually quite alarming.

Where are the parents? You know, really? Yeah. I just, I get so mad reading children's books. How can you allow this? It came bundled with Danny the dinosaur. That kid just walks into a fucking museum. The dinosaur comes to life.

They just rampage through the city. Everyone reacts to this dinosaur as if it's nothing. I'm like, obviously this is a hallucination. The child went mad in the museum, but maybe not. I don't know. It's hard to understand what the hell is going on in them. They just, they need accountability. Who wouldn't trust a giant dog to a little child?

That dog has probably eaten half of the neighborhood children already. Yeah, that's the sequel to Danny the dinosaur. It's just a Kujo style like dog massacre. Yeah. Yeah. Brockway, are you working on anything crazy? I might, I might have dumb you this time. I spent my entire week watching a video clip of Creed over and over.

Like the band Creed. Not sure. Oh, I thought you meant the character from Office. Not the fantastic movie, but the, the band Creed. I see. They played, maybe you've seen it. It made the rounds a little while ago. It didn't make too big of a splash, but it was their Thanksgiving halftime show.

Anybody familiar with that? I don't recall it. No. Possibly. Football game. Yeah. Yeah. It's for a football game.

And I'm almost certain that it's going to be live by the time we actually get to this. So I don't think I'm spoiling anything when I talk about it, but it's a, it was just a terrible performance all around. It's just such a huge inexplicable mess with like, there's no coherent theme whatsoever, but they just got to have whatever they could think of on the field. So there's like 50 rival troops of theme dancers that are not connected in any way, basically waging small scale war with each other across this field. And like, they don't know how to film it.

So they're constantly like filming the director, filming the cameraman. There's just random people wandering across the stage while they try to do this. And then, and it's Creed. So it's all just terrible. Like he, he sings, you know, take me higher. And then it cuts to like a guy, a curtain dancing and going higher literally. And then they cut to him being like, huh? Huh?

Like it's all just very literal and bad. And then they pause in the middle of it for like about three seconds to show just a couple of stills from 9-11. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Wait, what? And it's not like a put together. Was it a mistake?

It looks, it looks like a mistake because it's right in the middle of it. They don't say anything about it. There's no text on the screen. It's just contextless. Jump to three. Yeah. Ready, four. Jump to four.

Ready to 9-11 footage. 9-11. Three, two, one, we're out. That's it for the 9-11 footage. And it's not even like anything that tells a story. It's, it's like a firefighter standing in the street and it could be anywhere. And then it's, it's like a cop shaking in a guy's hand and it could be anywhere. And then the last footage.

Shit, you know, I was just a guy getting a drink from a food truck. Yeah. Okay. This is like a modern day ride of spring to me. It's, it's just, it's. That's actually the meaning of the lyrics to, can you take me higher? It's just ordering a drink at a food truck. It's, it's so inexplicable that you figure this.

Okay. Maybe you're doing a throwback 9-11 years later. No, this was Thanksgiving in 2001. This was like two months after 9-11. Wow. This is what they do to, I guess, honor it. And, you know, just throw it in a creed video. And it ends.

It ends, of course. I think officially the terrorists won if that happened. Yeah, that's how it ends. It ends with the terrorists winning. They just come on, they come on stage and everybody cheers for them because they know that this is over now. No, it ends with them, of course, releasing a dove as Scott Stap sings, I just believe you can fly.

Uh-oh. Oh no, that poor dove. But yeah, anyway, it's like. It sounds so bad. Can you watch that? Yeah, I watched it so many times to pull out like every little guy in the background that shouldn't have been there. Every little like thing that you just broke and sucked on.

I watched, I probably watched it for like 10 hours. Total. You watched it for 10 hours total. Probably. I had to like do the gifts and I had to cap all the images and then go back and like track it. So yeah. This is the life we chose for ourselves, but we do suffer for our art.

Yeah, that was sounds. It sounds like something that would come out in like some of the leaked documents about the torture techniques we use. Oh yeah. If you if you made somebody watch this creed video and then just kept pausing it and rewinding it for like three or four seconds and watching it again and then again and then again and stopping it and just making them look at it really closely and then watch the whole thing again.

Like they would tell you what you want to know. And then do an analysis. Like what symbolism did you see in this part where they released the dove? I saw myself in my mind leaving my body. I saw I saw freedom which I yearn to have. I will tell you anything. Now I know I can torture you to get the Brockway fact facts. So I don't think you can't.

I think I'm immune to torture. You think you're immune to torture? I think I'm actually building up resistance. I think I'm immune to all physical pain after this. I have not felt anything positive, negative just at all. I might be dead. I'd be more surprised if you lived through that honestly. Right.

That's what I'm thinking. That's what's just occurring to me. This is like a sixth sense scenario. So we're just your imaginations version of me and Katie. In a stunning coincidence, both of you can talk to dead people and you don't know it yet. That makes a lot of sense. Sounds right. Yeah.

Well, I think we should move on to our main event, which is our first ever Golden Age comic book creature feature animal superpower face off. Katie Golden and Robert Brockway. Now Katie, as we mentioned, does creature feature and something we do have in common is I am sort of an animal science nerd. I have two never to be finished major projects I've been working on that both involve like animal superpower type things. So I'm constantly taking notes on weird animals I find out about.

I'm always fascinated by like weird powers that undersea monsters have like a like a pistol shrimper, you know, things out there that do shit. That's crazy. So over the years, many people in comic books have taken those same things and made superheroes and supervillains out of them. And that is what we're going to be quizzing you on today. I'm going to be finding characters from the Golden Age you probably haven't heard of. But using your knowledge of animal science, you might be able to deduce what their powers

or origins might be. Now, Brockway also has some experience with animal science. He also has some experience with me. So he'll know the distractors and which ones I made up. So what I did was I double stepped him and I made up ones that he'll never expect came from me. So most importantly, I want Katie you to understand that your animal knowledge will probably be useless because everyone in the Golden Age was insane.

And your knowledge of me will be useless because I've double stepped you and triple stepped you and triple stepped you. So everything is useless. Everything is useless. Can we just pause real quick here? How long did you spend on this? I don't want to say, but a long time. I should have been working on other things.

Are there consequences to this game? Well, we're already all dead and living in Brockway's mind. So certainly not. OK, good. I'm also dead. So you're a hallucination of a ghost. I mean, really, it can't get much worse. Let's do this.

It's all uphill from here. So the first question is going to go to Katie. All right. And these are all multiple choice A through D. Oh, damn, my weakness. I can't do things in alphabetical order. God damn it. It's about the ferret.

In the last 80 years, there have been four crime fighters named the ferret. Which of these is not one of them? A, a contortionist who can stick to walls. B, a super strong police commissioner who flies and wears a furry mask. C, a private detective with a bulletproof vest and a ferret named nosy. D, a feral man in an orange and green suit with claws. Now, you're trying to find the one that's not real, the one that I made up. The problem is it seems there's some misunderstanding on the part of the comic authors about what a ferret is.

And more than one. So there's only one fake, right? Or is there only one? There's only one fake. Only one fake. Okay, right. Because we've got two that have a major misunderstanding about the physics of ferrets, the first two. Ferrets cannot cling to walls.

That's more of a gecko thing. They don't. Right. They're excellent climbers, but they have no spider powers. Right. Yeah, they can't take advantage of the van der Waals forces like a gecko can. See, that's that animal science nerding I was talking about. Yeah.

So the first one I think is like the least accurate. Well, no, no. The second one is because obviously ferrets cannot fly. That's like if you're looking for a flying mammal, there are plenty. We have bats, but those are overdone in comics, but you've got flying squirrels. You've got sugar gliders. You've got the collugo flying relative of the primate. None of those are ferrets is the problem.

Are any of them police commissioners? I believe that was his other attribute. Yes. Some of them are. Some of them are. A lot of ferrets have a very complicated judicial system and police system. Yeah. Yeah, the police commissioner, but the police commissioner has a ferret friend called nosy.

The private detective has a ferret friend. That's okay. Wait, is the. I'm confused. Which police commissioner? He's super strong and he can fly and he has a furry mask. Very ferret like mask. Okay.

Assuming he's the real one and not the one I made up. Right. And then there's a private detective with a ferret called nosy. And the last one wears a yellow costume and orange and green suit. He looks like Aquaman basically. Okay. With claws. I think.

Okay. I think it's the one with the, it's the private investigator with the ferret called nosy is the fake one. The fake one was the first one. Dang. I thought it was so dumb that it had to be real. Thank you. I made that up. That's why it was so dumb.

I was trying to get inside the mind of a 1942 comic writer. Right. So. That would not have been out of place at all. In fact, you probably would have had a solid career out of that. We would have been watching that movie today. The ferret. Can he weasel his way out of this one?

Already got a tagline. Greenlit. Now, Brock White, your question is about gorillas and this character is called Congo Rilla. Which of these is the true origin story of Congo Rilla? A, after escaping a massacre, Congo Rilla vowed to destroy the poachers who killed her family. B, to escape a cave in Congo bill rubbed a magic ring to switch bodies with the legendary gold gorilla. C, to defeat aliens, a scientist used a time potion to reverse his evolution to a state of powerful gorilla. Or D, Umpupu was blessed with gorilla magic by Congo gods after winning a jungle obstacle course.

Which of those made the most sense in 1940? I mean, they all make a lot of sense to me. Yeah. I really feel all of these. I want to. I'm gonna be heartbroken. I'm gonna be heartbroken when any of them are not real. Alright.

So there's only one real for mine. Is that right? Only one. Only one real for mine. Time travel potion, jungle obstacle course. I think the real one has just got really mad at, no, that's not dumb enough. It's gotta be a little dumber. It's gotta be a little dumber.

See, this is the double stepping I'm talking about. I think. You know me and you know it's got to be dumb. Yeah, I'm trying to. I knew you'd know that. Trying to double step your triple step here. Okay, I'm gonna go out of the limb. It's against my gut, but I'm gonna say it's the one where he switches with the ring.

That's exactly right. Wow. I'm gonna go out of the limb. Rub the magic ring to switch bodies with legendary gold gorilla. I'm inside your fucking head now. That's a bad sign, Katie. Damn it. So yours is about birds.

Oh, cool. This character is from 1941, the American Eagle. He's a crime fighter with the quote, fighting qualities of America's national bird. How did he get his powers? A, he fucking loves his country. B, a soldier was brought back to life by his squadmate's Navajo magic. Oh, no.

C, a scientist was exposed to a black ray infused with eagle blood. D, he pricks his skin with an enchanted eagle feather. Oh, this is hard because they're all very good. Thank you. I made three of them up. Great. Yeah, because the first one I like. I think it, all these makes sense as like, you know,

comic book artists, right? Because the idea that you can just be so patriotic that you, Right. Your muscles turn into bird muscles. I think that's, that's right. That sounds good. But that's how I got my muscles. The second one, I do like the casual appropriation of

Native American iconography. Yeah, that's on point. That's real on point. Yeah. That really feels real because that was so common in the, like the golden era of comics. Right. If you were ever struggling to figure out where your superhero

comes from, just fucking Native Americans or something. Right. Really, honestly, any indigenous people are magic. Yeah, they can just be from like New Mexico. That's fine. Right. Did we do a genocide against them, put it in a comic? Jeez.

Now they're going to help out the white man for once. Right. Let's see. And then the other one was. A scientist exposed to a black ray infused with eagle blood. And then the last one was a magic feather that he pokes his skin with. See, but I like those two as well. This is rough, man.

Yeah, this is a really big problem. Some might say impossible. Pricks his hand with an eagle feather is so dumb. But then a black ray of eagle blood. I'm going to have to go with that one because it's so, it makes so much sense. That's exactly right. It's a scientist exposed to a black ray infused with eagle blood.

Good. That's exactly how he got his powers. I knew it because it's the fact that the ray itself is black. It's like it's got, because it's like not just a regular science ray. This is a black science ray. So we know it's serious. It's very serious. And he spilled a bunch of blood on it.

Infused rays with eagle blood is just. It really opens up the dimension that ray technology can go in. I mean, I know we could have like earthquake rays and mind control rays, but now you can just like infuse rays like vodka. Put like a little lavender in it. Yeah. Nice. Nice bubble bath.

Yeah. I mean, I think people, like if you're like, hey, these are radioactive rays, but we have infused it with some essential oils. People buy it. It's real nice. Yeah. The tumors are healing tumors. Brockway, this is about moths, this question.

Killer moth introduced in 1951 is a longtime enemy of Batman. What are his powers? A, a cocoon gun and razor sonar waves. B, he asked a demon to turn him into an egg-laying moth monster. C, a flying suit. Or D, all of the above. Okay. Well, it can't be D because there's just no way you ask to be turned into an egg-laying

moth monster, but then you also need the suit. You can't also need the suit. He did say only egg-laying. It didn't say flying, specifically only egg-laying. You're right. It could have been like a jerk demon that takes advantage of the technicalities. I want to be a super cool moth. All right.

Granted. Make a bunch of dust and legs. Damn demon. I want to say the cocoon gun and razor sonar waves is just the right kind of stupid for Batman, for early Batman. I wouldn't blink at that. Oh, I forget. What is it?

There's only one right, right? Only one right. Yes. Here. Moth monster. Moth monster flying suit. Or all of the above. My gut says there's no way it can be all of the above because logically you just wouldn't

need the flying suit. So I'm going to say all of the above. That's exactly right. I tried to keep you out of my head, but you're in there. I'm moving in. I brought a couch. All right. It's time to move on to some reptile questions.

Katie, in 1944, they introduced the green turtle in Blazing Comics number one. He's just a great guy with a turtle cape. But what did they add to him decades later? Was it A, an impenetrable armored suit with a biting mechanical mask? B, a shadowy spirit of the turtle that keeps him from getting shot? C, the ability to briefly slow time? Or D, all of the above? They're so good.

They're all so good. I want all of them to be true. I want all of them to be true. I feel like, again, like the earlier one, you wouldn't really need all of these in play, right? You wouldn't need an impenetrable suit of armor with snapping abilities and slow time. And have a turtle spirit. And the anti-bullet spirit turtle, yeah.

Right. And I feel like you would do something to like, you'd try to like throw me off with like, well, I just did an all of the above. So surely there couldn't be another one or could there? See, I knew you'd also try to get in my head. So I might be double stepping you. Right. The psychological warfare of this game.

It's brutal. I can't, regardless of whether it's correct, I cannot say anything but all of the above because of how compelling it is and how much I need that to be true. Okay. Well, it is not all of the above. Damn it. It is a shadowy spirit of the turtle that keeps him from getting shot. Hell yeah.

The dumbest one. Someone looked at this character decades later and they're like, how the fuck did this guy not get shot? You know what? We should rewrite it so that he had a magic turtle spirit with him. Not the shell. The shell's too obvious. What does the magic turtle spirit look like?

It will look like an artistic decision made in the 40s, like it just sort of a big shadowy racist. Just like a propaganda symbol behind him, like he casts a shadow like a turtle just because the artist was like, let's do something turtle like. Turtley pal, I'm here to stab bullets from killing you. Because it's the turtle spirits here. I died before my time and I have unfinished business. Unfinished turtle business.

Dying at 240 years old and had all this unfinished business. Wasn't ready. That's a question about the Black Widow from 1940, not the one you might know from the Avengers movies. What was this psychic's real name and after she was murdered, what was her job? Is it A, Betty Black Spirit Cop? Is it B, Misty Dreams Vampire Spy Smasher? Was it C, Claire Voyant, Satan's Ambassador on Earth?

Or was it D, Maxine Arcana Ghost Detective? Oh, that's rough. Man, most of this podcast is just going to be like silence where you can hear us suffering. Suffer. What was A again? Betty Black Spirit Cop. Yeah, I mean, they're the same title basically. It comes down to the authenticity of the name.

I feel like there's a kind of a double-edged sword if you're talking like in the 40s where Maxine is like too exotic where they'd be like, I don't know, what, is she a communist or something? But also she's a ghost detective. Maybe they were going for like too exotic. But Betty Black is very, very on point. Thank you. I made up at least one of them.

Yeah. I think it's A. Betty Black Spirit Cop. It is Claire Voyant. Damn it. Satan's Ambassador on Earth. Wasn't even there. I actually thought that was probably it.

If this was a game where you could steal, you would have had it. I know. But yeah, Claire Voyant was, it's too irresistible, I think. You can just feel how smug they are with coming up from that. Right. It was the Satan's Ambassador on Earth thing. I didn't think they'd go for that. Oh, hell yeah.

They didn't give a shit. This was pre-comics code. Yeah. In the comics code along, they're like, no Satan, no terror, no horror. You got a factor that they didn't give a shit. They also didn't know what they were doing and also nobody was paying attention. Right. This was back when they would basically write pulp fiction about lesbians where the explanation

is they're like Satan's emissaries and that's why they are lesbians. Yeah. See, that's why I was thinking it would be Satan's Ambassador. It didn't mention that she was a lesbian. That's true. I would have definitely included that. Satan's Lesbian Ambassador on Earth. Ambassador to lesbians?

I'm not sure what the title would be. Not much of a diplomat. So, Katie, this question is for you, another bird question. In crack comics number one from 1940, they introduced a character called the Black Condor. And in the last 80 years, there have been three other crime fighters named Black Condor. Which of these is the fake origin story? An archeologist's baby. He was raised by a condor who learned to fly by watching them.

B, an archeologist's baby who learned to fly by exposure to a radioactive media. C, a man given flight and control of the wind by a Mayan spider goddess. Or D, an army captain who stole a flying suit from a werewolf Nazi scientist. It's got to be either A or D, I think. If it's not D, I want to write D. It's going to be D. Someday. I mean, yeah.

I think I do like A because I just imagine a baby flapping very hard until we get it. It would work, right? It would work, yeah. But also, D is very good. I have to go with D. That's absolutely right. You have tied the game. But yes, the black condor, the original origin story was that he was just raised by a condor

and he just sort of learned how to balance and flap his arms and he just learned to fly from spending enough time around birds. The key is he was a baby, so he didn't know it wouldn't work. Exactly. That's why babies can do anything. These next several questions are about insects or arachnids. And Robert, yours is the red B. And the question is, who is the red B?

Is it A, a woman trained in insect kung fu by a Chinese sorcerer named Ah Chu? B, a boy with trained B's including his favorite Michael, who he keeps in his belt buckle. C, a man-shaped swarm of Nazi B's. Or D, a shrinking scientist who dies and gets reborn whenever he shoots his red sting blast. What's the red B? A, a woman trained in insect kung fu. Yeah. It is a boy who keeps his favorite B, Michael, in a belt buckle.

Yeah. You already knew that one? No, I didn't. I just wanted that one. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I really wanted Michael to be real. There's no justice in this world. C is actually a real character.

Spider-Man fights a guy called Swarm, who is a man-shaped swarm of Nazi B's. I knew that one. Some of these, I did add like a distractor that like you could sort of eliminate. But a lot of these, I'm very cruel and they're all completely plausible. Yeah, I feel like you're mixing some reality in there just enough. So, Katie, your question is about Spider-Man. Not the one you know from 1943 feature comics 66. He's the deadly enemy of Spider Widow.

How would you describe Spider-Man? Is it A, a shadowy masked figure with eight fingers on each hand? B, a guy in a tarantula mask and furry diaper writing a robot spider? C, a socialite who controls a web of criminals? Or D, a spider centaur? Uh, well, hmm. So good, all of them. I can visualize the spider diaper one the best.

Like, I see that in my head. I know exactly, like I know the whole comic book diaper thing where it's like, here's Wolverine, man, but this was before Wolverine. And then it's like a guy and he's got like a big poofy diaper. Right. So that, that lines up with your idea of the fashion of 1943, the furry diaper. Right. There were a lot of battle diapers, a lot of war diapers.

Yeah. I do love the eight fingers on each hand. I think that's great, especially because that's a total of 16 fingers. Right. Not super appropriate for a spider. Two Spider-Man. No. Double Spider-Man.

Right. And then the other one, a web of, I would say no, that's too elegant. What was the last one again? Spider centaur. That's a good one too. But that's like, that's like straight up D&D though, because I've seen, D&D has spider centaurs. I don't remember what they're called.

What does that mean? What, how are you a spider centaur? Come on. You bottom spider, upper part. Upper part horse. Right. If you're a woman, you do still have the boobs in the D&D. But there's no, there's no upper part to the spider.

No, you stick the human part on the part where, where the eyeballs would be on the spider, but now it's human. I would still give the human like eight eyes. I would, my decision. Right. And if I made a centaur cow and it was a lady, she would have like boobs on her tummy on the cow part. I'm going to have to go with the furry diaper one.

Spider diaper. That's 100% right. You've actually pulled in the lead. Three to two. Thank you. I knew cause like, I know they love diapers. They love these comic artists love the diaper look. They love it so much.

The big, they just wish they could, you know? Yeah. Like if I could just be in a big fluffy diaper all the time, if society would tolerate that. So much of comics is just unexplored fetishes, right? Like it's, it's so much of it is people have some kind of thing like with Wonder Woman and it was bondage, you know, with Batman. It was also bondage. Yeah.

Bondage financial domination through Alfred, I think. What's this been doll? I like that you make all these sexy Katie. Let's get, I mean, I'm talking about a guy in a, in a furry scratchy spider hair diaper and you're like, you know what we ought to talk about as elephant titties. And I appreciate it. You know, look, you got a sprinkle, a little bit of heat everywhere. Uh-huh.

It's good. I didn't get them listeners. Speaking of sexy Robert, your question is the spider from 1940 was playboy Tom Holloway. He hates seeing criminals get their own way. So he became the spider. What are his abilities? Is it a bow with frisbee arrows? B, he can spit sticky webs from his mouth.

C, a magic vest with four extra arms. Or D, he can make criminals see spiders. What was D again? He can make criminals see spiders. Oh, that's pretty dumb. Thanks. I might have made it up. That's pretty good.

Shit. I think I got to go with it. I got to go with D. It is frisbee arrows. What does that have to do with anything? He just had a bow and arrow and most of the time you would shoot people in the hand with a big frisbee arrow and then they would drop their gun. I have a question about the frisbee arrow physics.

So frisbee action, as we know frisbees are a disc and its mode of transport is rotation. On the opposite end of the spectrum of projectiles is the arrow, which it is propelled forward by the potential energy stored in a bow string and its aerodynamic design is what sends it forth. So combine them together and you have a lot of force at this point. I'm no physicist. That doesn't sound right to me though because the frisbee spins, but the arrow doesn't spin. I'm not sure the frisbee spins. It's just a big flat disc and the thing about comic book arrows is you can put anything you

want on the front of it. It doesn't change its speed, trajectory. You can put a boxing glove on an arrow and it's perfectly accurate at 200 yards. And also it has the punch. Yes. A boxing glove. When it gets there. It has the ghost of the last punch the boxing glove used.

What I would want would be an arrow with a boxing glove but it has that little, you know like the extindo thing on the boxing glove where it's like you have a boxing glove and then that little stretchy mechanism that springs out. Oh, you get them twice. And then that's also on the end of the arrow. So you shoot the arrow and then it goes towards the criminal. So you've got the power of one arrow, one punch and one spring. Yes.

That's it. Yeah, that'll get you. I want another arrow in my arrow. Not that they split. I'd want you to think that they missed and then you start laughing and then that arrow shoots an arrow at you. I want the boxing glove to like form a finger at the person and then a little arrow comes out of the finger.

Very nice. That's a good way to die. Like they'll like sit there and have a moment right before death where they're like, yep, this is a good way to go out. You know what? Fair enough. Yeah. Love it.

The first question is about Spider Widow, the one who defeated Spider Man. Nice. She was created in 1942 and featured comics number 57. She's a board wealthy athlete who can blank. She wears blank. She calls herself the blank of terror. So complicated. Is it a hypnotized men, roller skates, web spinner, which would make her, she can hypnotize

men. She wears roller skates. She calls herself the web spinner of terror. Okay. Is it B, paralyze her enemies, a silk nightie, scourge or C, control spiders, a witch costume, grandmother, D, see in the dark, a bikini and cape, arachna madame. Those are your options. Very complicated question, but you've got a keen mind.

This is a thinker. She's a board athlete. Board and wealthy. I love that. That's your origin story. You're like, Oh my God. Cable hasn't been invented yet. This fucking books.

I'm not going to do books. My friends suck at tennis. It is the most realistic one though, right? Right. Let's be serious. That is, if we have us ever had a superhero, it'd be a board wealthy person. Yeah. And with that, I've forgotten everything.

The first one is hypnotized men, roller skates, whips, B is paralyze her enemies, silk nightie, scourge, C is control spiders, witch costume, grandmother, D is see in the dark, a bikini and cape, arachna madame. Wait. So grandmother of criminals. Grandmother of terror would be. Grandmother of terror. Would they have someone old enough?

Like, were they woke enough to have a woman over the hill of 25 years old? Right. She's 26 years old. She could have been a grandmother. That's true. According to the 40s. 30s, 40s. Right.

Yeah. Last one again, I'm sorry. See in the dark, a bikini and cape, arachna madame of terror. That's got to be it. It was C. She controls spiders. She wears a witch costume and they call her the grandmother of terror. Ah, damn it. The grandmother of terror was the real one.

She was not a grandmother. It was like part of her disguise was for people to think she was an old lady. See, you left that out though. Well, you know, that's important information. I mean. Wait, wait. In the structure of the question. So she wore a superhero costume and under that she wore an old lady costume.

So she wore a witch costume. But. So she wore a witch costume and an old lady costume. I understand how you think you're being deceived, but I don't know if I agree. I think that a witch costume is implies like a mask or some sort of an elderly element to it. I guess back in those times it was nowadays, which is sort of like Tik Tok. I go to Sexy Witch now. Yeah, it's like, yes, which now is like, I'm on Tik Tok and here's my, I made, put strawberries in water and it's.

That's your potion. This strawberry water potion. And it's somehow poisonous. Right. I've hexed this. I did this. I did this so wrong that you're actually going to get hurt from it. You're going to get cholera from it like in Death and Venice.

Brock, why you get another turtle question is. Fuck yes. All flash 21. Okay. He's been an enemy of the flash for 76 years. What can the turtle do? Is it a, he reduces the velocity of any object. Is it B, he's invulnerable.

C is tortoise metabolism has allowed him to live for thousands of years. Or is it D, he's just very slow. I was really expecting an all of the above option on that one. Give me one more time real quick. Reduces the velocity of any object. Invulnerability tortoise metabolism that has allowed him to live for thousands of years. Or he's just very slow. I can't be the first to because they make a kind of sense to me.

Like if I was designing a turtle superhero, yeah, he could slow other things down or he's, you know, he's got the shell. He's super tough. Right. That's definitely somebody that has seen comics before. It can't be the people making comics in the 40s. Turtle metabolism that allowed him to live for thousands of years, but that doesn't imply any powers. Right. Wisdom.

You're saying wisdom isn't a power. Which would defeat the flash because he's a dipshit. He's just a really quick dipshit. Wisdom is a power. Katie is ahead by one. The flash, sorry. D. That's exactly right.

He is just very slow. That's the turtles whole thing. I assume he's like super naturally slow in a way that fucks with the flash or something. Not really. He just moves really slow. He's kind of a criminal planner, but he's just a lot of foresight. Okay. Well, I didn't think it was that dumb, but all right.

All right, Katie, this question is about one of my favorites, Rex the Wonder Dog from 1952. Hell yeah. What are the two events that transformed an ordinary dog into Rex the Wonder Dog? Is it a super soldier serum and taken to the fountain of youth by a chimpanzee? Is it B, the death of his parents and owner? Is it C, a wish made by a special boy and that special boy falling through a magic portal? Is it D, a future destroyed by Nazi cat men and a desperate scientist's time machine? It's got to be one of the last two.

I'm feeling, there's nothing like the relationship between a boy and his dog, you know, especially when magical portals are involved. Yeah. So I really feel, when was, can I ask, when was it? 1952. Yeah. The 50s was really the boy and his dog era. Yeah.

A lot of boys and their dogs. Did you notice that? Have you ever noticed that about the 50s? You noticed this? You noticed this ever before? You saying this and this? You saying this? Just a lot of boys and their dogs hanging out.

So I'm tempted. God, they could never resist putting Nazis in comics. And time machines. That's tempting. Right, Nazi cats and time machines sounds very good. Maybe a little too good. I've got to go with a special boy. It was the super soldier serum and the fountain of youth.

Oh, come on. He was led to the fountain of youth by a chimpanzee. He and detective, he had detective chimpanzee. They went on an adventure. Detective chimpanzee? Yeah. They didn't say he was a detective. I didn't want to give too much away.

Well, you would have just known then. And they drank from the fountain of youth and that's why Rex the Winterdog is still here. And detective chimpanzee is also immortal. I'm taking it. Yeah, he's still around too. Together, they were best friends and they're just going to hang out together being special animals. I love it. That's pretty good.

Robert, your question is about lizard from 1945 and Green Lantern number 16. Predating the lizard who fought Spider-Man by about 20 years, what could the first lizard do? A, he could match his green battle harness to his green battle panties and green grappling gun. B, he could shed his skin and take on any new form including the vice president of America, Harry S. Truman. C, he had an asbestos lizard costume and he threatened to burn people's houses down with magic salamanders for money. D, he was a strong reptilian creature with a grabby tongue and regeneration powers. I feel like D is too close to the actual lizard. Every time you try to think about this, it sounds like you're passing a stone.

It feels like it. I am. I'm passing a mental stone. Did they even know about asbestos back in the 50s? This was 1945, so I think. Well, they knew it was flame resistant and that's all that's implying. I think asbestos was magical in comic books like into the mid 60s. Like you could just have an asbestos suit and just wear it around.

It made you invulnerable to flames. Right, and so like a lot of little kids would be like, oh boy, and go into their walls and like get all the asbestos out and be like, look at me, I'm super asbestos. Get mesothelioma, yeah. Yeah, but completely flame proof. But yeah, it would give them the super powers. I mean, they were really tough to light on fire. That's why I went to a special class for flame retardant children. If I remember right, that was the name for it.

You can't set me on fire. My lungs feel bad. It's got to be the shape shifter into Truman or the guy that burns down houses with his asbestos suit and magic salamanders. That's where my guts get. They're really appealing. Which power would you rather have? Would you rather have a fireproof suit and magic salamanders or the ability to become Harry S. Truman? Wait, is it only Truman? No, he could take on any new form, but in the comic he became Harry S. Truman.

According to this question, the fiction of this question possibly or the real comic. You don't know, I'm a coy little mischievous elf. Oh, I got to do the Truman one. It was the magic salamanders and asbestos lizard costume. You know, I thought it might be because I know there's folklore about salamanders starting fires. Yeah, they're related to fire. It was virtually unnecessary. His gimmick was he'd say, I'm going to burn your house down unless you give me money.

And then they'd say, oh, okay, here's some money. I mean, it's pretty like a protection racket, but more direct and less, you know. I just didn't get why he had to be in the house with asbestos suit when it burned down. Yeah, somebody I guess had to carry the magic salamander in there. Right, you just put it on like the outside though. Right, you throw them through the window. This was also in comics where only like four pages long, like a whole story was four pages long. And that was his only appearance.

We're hitting and running on every detail. Katie, your question is about a man named Tiger Shark from 1949. This is Detective Comics number 147. He wears a striped diving costume and designed the very device Batman used to capture him. What was it? Was it A, the Bat Sub? B, the Sub Bat Marine? C, the Bat Fishing Net?

Or D, the Sonic Bat Charge? Ah, these are hard. Okay, so the Bat Sub, what was the second one? The Sub Bat Marine. I don't understand the difference between the first and the second one. Well, the Bat's in the middle on the second one. Okay, so the Bat Sub and the Sub Bat Marine. Okay, and then the third one is the Bat Fishing Net.

Bat Fishing Net. And the fourth one is the Sonic Bat Charge. So that was the irony of the Tiger Shark is that he was a scientist and he was an underwater specialist and he designed the very device Batman used to capture him. But did he name it these names? I don't think so. I think he developed it. Okay. So it was like his IP that Batman stole.

I think he developed it with Batman or with Lucius Fox. I don't recall the... I should have read this comic more carefully. And then he went mad with shark DNA and then turned against Batman? No, he I think didn't have any powers. He just had the striped suit and like... I guess I'm trying to figure out when did their relationship sour. He went mad with the striped suit. Well, I think the drama was that like he made this for Batman,

not knowing that Batman would use it against him someday. Right. Like this was just a contract gig and then like later on it turned out, oh my God, I shouldn't have made Batman D. Hoisted by my own Bat Patard. Bat Patard. That's how it should be. It's a Bat Patard. Damn it. Yeah. I feel like it's kind of got to be the Sub-Bat Marine

because I don't know that you would need to invent a net. So, and I know how much Batman does like vehicles. So I think it's got to be that one. I love it. It's exactly right. I also love that you didn't find anything absurd about it. When I saw the name Sub-Bat Marine, I thought that's so fantastically terrible. Oh, no, I thought it was dumb, but that's like a given at this point. Yeah, sure.

Our minds have been broken, Sean. Shattered against the crucible of Golden Age comics. Your agenda has succeeded. We have been gaslit into not knowing what normal is. So congratulations. Brockway, I'm very proud and honored to give you another gorilla question. There were three Gorillaman who held the name Gorillaman, which one of these is not a real Gorillaman origin?

A, a man afraid of death went to Africa to kill Gorillaman to become the immortal Gorillaman who is just a gorilla. Or B, a scientist put his brain in a gorilla. C, a doctor stole organs from gorillas to put in people, but the gorillas got revenge and surgically put his head on a gorilla. Or D, a trained gorilla in a tuxedo. Which of those? This has to be a trick question.

Which of these is not a real gorilla man? That's right, I haven't established the rules. I might just completely fuck with you. You don't know that. You don't know that I won't. Right. Which of those is not? Not. Which of those did I make up? And which three are factual things that happened in real?

I can't believe three are real is the thing I'm trying to think. Which, which of those three? I can't believe any of them are not real. Okay, well, the, the gorillas get their revenge by performing surgery on him to put his head on a gorilla is just there's everything wrong with that. That's even for like the 30s. I want to believe it, but even for the 30s, like, no. The earliest gorilla man was 1954, if that, if that helps you make a decision.

Okay, so 50s are pretty ridiculous. All right. Train gorilla in a tuxedo. Totally, I could totally see that. Sweet as shit. Fucking go into Africa to get your powers by killing a guy is totally in line with 50s comics. Like that's, I feel like that's probably Batman's original story was he went to Africa to kill a guy and be him Batman.

Yeah. Katie, you work with primates, little tamarins. You ever put one in a tuxedo? Not officially. Not in a prosecutable way. Get with us after this and send us some pictures. There's no evidence of it now, is there? Not until you make that NFT.

I'd give you two dollars for a tamarin and a tuxedo NFT. Yeah, that's, that's, that's bumping up the value right there. All right, sorry. Non fuckable tamarin. The hell he is. It's a challenge. What was, what was B? I think B is the one I was saying.

B was a scientist put his brain in a gorilla. Just scientist put his brain in a gorilla. That's gotta be real. Man. Or did I make a very mundane one? Yeah. Yeah, or did you make a mundane one? I'm going to regret this and I'm going to say it's the surgery one.

That can't be real. That one is in fact very real. Damn it. That gorilla man went on to join a group of people called the head men and they were all supervillains with fucked up heads. They're not even called the headliners. No, just the head men and one of them is a woman. Wow.

That's inclusive of them. It was, it was D, a trained gorilla in a tuxedo. I made that one up. I wish there was one like that. That's the one you made up? I felt like it was mundane enough to fuck with you. That was one of my most treacherous questions, I think. That was a good one.

Katie, you get another lizard question? Cool. Katie, your question is about Green Lizard from 1939. Smash comics number four. A man with no powers in a green mask who ran a kidnapping gang. What was Green Lizard's actual day job? Was it A, magician, B, police chief, C, butler, or D, mayor? Hmm.

Knowing what you know about lizards, especially green ones. Yeah, this helps. That helps a lot. Which is the job most likely to be held by a lizard? I mean, wait, but he doesn't have lizard DNA. He's just a guy, right? He's just got a green mask. Okay.

And he kidnaps people. I mean, okay, so magician, police chief. Butler and mayor. Butler and mayor. Hmm. I mean, like police chief and mayor. When was this written? 1939.

I feel like, well, I don't know because it's like, I want to say that that was before you'd really like speak truth to power in a comic, but it wasn't. I feel like fifties was peak bootlicker comics era. Right. It was like maybe a little bit before it was a little more of a Wild West situation where you could have an evil mayor and an evil police chief. So maybe I can't rule those out. And we still trusted magicians in the thirties.

So. Yeah, they were the most trustworthy of professions. So I feel like that there's no way they would not trust the sacred institution of magics and tricks. We were so foolish. The most obvious predator. Right. The thirties.

That was like the Gilded Age, right? Or was that right after the? No. I'm confused about history. Yeah. I'm not sure what you call it. Gilded Age was in the 1800s. Wait, hang on.

I'm going to, I'm not cheating. I'm not cheating. I'm googling the Gilded Age. Green lizard smash comics. The Gilded Age. Yeah. Now that was in the 1870s. Okay.

So that wouldn't apply here. And why did they call it that? Was it like a gold rush or just a fanciful? It was a massive accumulation of wealth, like the railroad tycoons and so on. But there was definitely like a boom bust in the early 1900s that I forgot what the name was, but like you had like the roaring twenties followed by like a boom bust and like great depression. I don't know.

So what you're saying is you came into this game with a lot of general knowledge, a lot of wisdom. No. And none of it is paying off in any way and you're still making a wild guess. I'm probably revealing the opposite that I'm hopefully ignorant about history by the way. I'm going like, was the Gilded Age in the 1900s or the 1800s? Do you eat from the bottom of the banana or the top?

So this was, this is after the roaring twenties. I can say that much. That one you nailed. So knowing that, triangulating that. Oh, and so Butler was one of them. Butler, Mayor, Police Chief and Magician. Butler, Mayor, Police Chief and Magician. Did they even have butlers in the 30s?

So they're in all of the above to this one? Was he a Butler, Mayor? Because like, could he be like, oh, or a Magician Butler? Magician Police Chief. That would be very good. But Alfred's a butler, so they must have had butlers in this period of time. He was like a special forces medic butler, I think. Right.

They had awesome butlers. Yeah, he was great butler. Knowing about lizard biology and the cloaca of a lizard, I have to say butler. Very nice. Your cloaca knowledge is what did it. That's a point. Katie is up by two. Robert, you got to turn this around here.

I knew it. The cloaca is always a dead giveaway. A butler's cloaca is such a wonderful blessing. Yeah. I mean, it saves them the necessary time they need for serving. That's right. But they hate serving ostrich eggs because good God. But your question is about Firefly.

From 1940, Top Notch Comics No. 8, without mistaking him for the much more well-known Batman villain, explain Firefly to me. Is it A, he's an entomologist who trained to use his muscles like insects to get super strength. B, he's a good fighter with a cape of pure, blinding light. Or C, fuck you, I won't. D, she's a circus acrobat who inhaled swamp gas and gained mental powers. Well, it's clearly C, but I feel like you might be messing with me. It might be a trap.

Yeah. So explain Firefly to me. It's irresistible to go for C, though. The siren call of C. Say it. Explain Firefly to me. Just say the words from C. Lock it in.

I'm behind by so much. I can't trust my gut here. I've got to go with my knowledge of, oh shit, I have none. I have no knowledge. It sounds the right kind of stupid that you would train your muscles like insects, because that means nothing. I do also like about that one that it has nothing to do with Firefly specifically. Right.

He'd just train like any insects, and then he picked the one least known for its strength and durability. Right. And not at all for its special ability. The laziness of a guy that fights really good with a bright cape is pretty good, too, though. Well, thank you. I might have made up both of those. Yeah. I really got, I got to go with A.

That's my... That's exactly right. He's an entomologist and he studied insects and he realized they did not have any kind of special powers. It was just they focused their muscles in a certain way. Like, oh, if I could train myself to do that, I would be very strong. And that's how he got his powers. Right, yeah. That's how insects work.

The powers of the Firefly famed for its strength. Famed for its unique muscles. Katie, your question is about the owl from 1940. CrackerjackFunny's number 25. The owl uses these two things to fight crime and his sidekick is blank. He uses steel claws and bulletproof wings. And his sidekick is Junior Detective Speedstone, the barnstormer. Or B.

He uses messages encoded in horoscopes and punching. And his sidekick is Teen Quizmaster Dick Olsen Owl Boy. Or is it C. Gliding Cape and Darkness Beam. And his sidekick is Newspaper Reporter Belle Wayne Owl Girl. Or is it D. Boots talons and a noise dampening belt. And his sidekick is Hooty the Dynamo Owl.

Which of those brutal is real? This is impossible. When was this written? 1940. No way that he had a female sidekick. She could have, well, no, she could have been a bumbling idiot that he had to rescue all the time. Right. Well, maybe she was like, I mean, I don't want to ask for more info because I feel like that's cheating.

But if she was like out doing crime fighting with him, certainly not. That was un-ladylike. But if she was like a reporter who would report on his deeds, then maybe. But, hmm. Okay, so we have. The Newspaper Reporter was also Owl Girl. Yeah, that seems too good for a lady of the 30s. So wait, could you just quickly go through the sidekicks?

A was Junior Detective Speedstone, the barnstormer. B was Teen Quizmaster Dick Olson Owl Boy. C was Newspaper Reporter Belle Wayne Owl Girl. And D was Hooty the Dynamo Owl. Okay. I feel like it's either A or D that the sidekicks seem the best. Now, let's zoom in, enhance on the toolkits of A and D. Okay.

A was Steel Claws and Bulletproof Wings. And D was Booch Talons and a noise-dampening belt. A belt that helped him move in silence. But those tools are too good. That's my problem, because owls are very silent. That's one of their good abilities. Would they have known that in 1940? That's a thing, though.

The Booch Talons are good, too. Would they have given a shit about that in 1940? Bulletproof. We have the Bulletproof Wings, and then what was the other one? Steel Claws. Steel Claws. I'm honest. They're pretty good, though.

Who was the one with the dark rays? C was a Gliding Cape and a Darkness Beam. I think you have a Darkness Beam. But that one had the lady sidekick, so it seems unlikely. And then I'm sorry, but what was B's for? B used messages encoded in horoscopes and punching with the two things. Sidekick was Quizmaster. What I'm going to do is sharp turn and do B, because...

It is not B. It is the Gliding Cape and Darkness Beam. His sidekick was Belle Wayne the Owl Girl. Well, look at me. I'm the sexist now. You've got to re-evaluate everything you think about in 1940. Examine your biases, Jesus. I'm the one who's the sexist.

Rockaway, your question is also about owls. Night Owl from 1948. Night Owl uses these two things to cause crime, and he looks like a blank. A, Night Vision and Darkness Beam, and he looks like a total bird-headed asshole. B, Messages encoded in horoscopes and steel claws, and he looks like a total bird-headed asshole. C, Hypnosis and Regular Gun, and he looks like a total bird-headed asshole. D, Robot Owl and Gyrocopter, and he looks like a total bird-headed asshole. Two, to cause, to cause crimes, so he's a villain.

Two things. Is it Night Vision, Darkness Beam? Messages encoded in horoscopes and steel claws, Hypnosis, Regular Gun, or Robot Owl and Gyrocopter. I feel like Robot Owl and Gyrocopter is too cool, and they'd give that to the hero. Steel claws and the Darkness Beam is pretty criminal, but it might make too much sense. The steel claws and Messages encoded in horoscopes is very stupid, and it has nothing to do with owls, except for some loose tangential association with wisdom. And which one looks like a total bird-headed asshole?

A through B, D, and C also, they all look like total bird-headed assholes. Okay, okay, that helps, thank you. What were the tools on C again? Hypnosis and just a regular gun. Hypnosis and just a regular gun is good too. I gotta go with the horoscopes. It was A, Night Vision and Darkness Beam. Damn, that's too cool.

This is pretty fucking sweet. Katie, your question is about insects. The Queen of Ants from 1946. Great. What were the amazing abilities of the crime boss, the Queen of Ants? A, she could hypnotize evil men. B, she controls an army of ants. C, she can lift 40 times her own weight and squirt acid from her head.

Or D, all of the above. Oh man, all of the above is really throwing me. They're so tempting, but I knew they were tempting. All right, so we've got, can mine control men? I love that one. Evil men. Evil, oh wait, so she's not a... She's a crime boss, but her powers don't work on good guys.

Okay, so she can mine control evil men. She controls an army of ants. Sounds good too. She can squirt acid out of her head and lift things. That sounds good too, but when was this written? 1946. I don't feel like they knew enough about ant biology to squirt acid. Did you see that David Attenborough special,

where he's just fucking hanging out in the giant ant hills? I think so, where he just like intentionally gets bitten by ants. And then they have these scenes where the cows were getting too close to the army ant colonies. And they had these high definition shots of all the ants just squirting acid on the cow. And it was like a bukkake scene. It was so, so sexual and disgusting. It made a really big impression. So I feel like it can't be all of the above simply because that one is too...

It derives too much from actual biology, which I don't have the confidence in the comics writers to be able to do that. So we've got either mind control criminal men or army of ants. Both very appealing. I know this one is like maybe a little tame to be the right answer, but I do think it's probably the mind control, the men thing. It's just controlling army of ants. Another treacherous question. The boring ones, the boring ones are the worst.

You forget that there was boring shit. I thought maybe because like that one is like that's so simple. It's so dumb, which is probably, but then my mistake was trying to get in your head again. Because it's like, well, he's going to know that I'll gravitate towards the dumbest one. Exactly. He's going to throw in a dumb one. I know all your tactics. I've counted them all.

Back in that head. I think you'll really like this question. This is about Armless Tiger Man. Fuck yes. I love it already. Marvel Mysteries, Marvel Mystery Comics, 26 from 1941. Who is he? Who is Armless Tiger Man?

Is he A, a crime fighter with mechanical arms who lost his first set to a tiger? Is it B, a trapeze artist with sharpened teeth and no arms, but he's good with his legs? C, a man who traded his arms for the power of tiger? Or D, I made this one up. Shit. Oh, you threw me D. They're just devastating. I don't even know.

I'm not even in my chair anymore. I'm just on the ground. Oh, man. Armless Tiger Man rules so hard. I really don't want it to be D. Oh, I couldn't. I don't know about the guy that got his arms. Would he name himself in honor of the tiger that tore his arms off?

Probably not. Would he? It's a real gentleman move to name yourself after the tiger that takes your arms. Yeah, that's real ownership. I was bested. Fair and square. Ownership of your mistakes and respect for nature that I don't think they had back then. The trapeze artist with fucking just kicks ass with his legs and uses his teeth.

I just, I love it and I want that to be true. The power of tiger, of course, is just, it's of course, of course, the power of tiger. It makes sense. That's indeed an explanation. You don't even know if that's a direct quote. What is the exact wording on C again? A man who traded his arms for the power of tiger. I did not put any quotes intentionally.

It could be a direct quote from the comic book. It could be completely fabricated. Oh, I can see some logic in them. I really don't want it to be D because it very much seems like D. But I got to go, the boring ones fuck with me. It's either the trapeze artist or the guy that traded his arms for the power of tiger. I'm going to do the trapeze artist. I want it to be true.

That's exactly right. Yes. You've tied the game. Aw, dang it. Thank you, armless tiger man. We're in the closing stretch. You keep on giving. Katie, your question.

You've given your arms and now you've given me this tie. He really gave you a hand, but also attached to the arm as well. Give me that click. She really had you going and then she attached the arms and wrapped it all together. Very nicely done, Katie. Katie, your question is, you have exactly 12 words to describe the moth. Go. Is it A, a racketeer who uses a moth costume to, I'm out of words.

B, a bug exterminator who gained the ability to spray various chemical dusts. C, he can sort of fly and I don't need any more words. Or D, he steals silk to sell to the government and throws explosive cards. He's still selling to the government. That's why they call him the moth. Hypothetically. I'm going to go with my just instinct, trying not to think about it. He can sort of fly and that's it.

That's pretty much it. It's D. He steals silk to sell to the government and he throws explosive cards. That's the best plan. That's why I got into crime. Yeah. I want to steal silk. I'm sad because I was going to make that one my thing.

Yeah, now they're just going to know. They're going to know exactly how to catch you once they remember it. Military comics number seven in 1942. This is the moth. You're doing the moth. Classic the moth. Classic the moth. Just initiate anti-moth protocol.

Now, Brock Williams comes from the same year 1942 in Adventure Comics number 74. Panther Man. A scientist who adds animal heads to people turned him into the super strong, super fast, Panther Man. What was his name before that? Was it A. Kongo Bill. B.

Jumping Jack Jenkins. C. Claw. A. Or D. Before the transformation, Panther Man was a she and her name was Katya Black. All right. Well, Kongo Bill was the guy from the earlier answer.

Swapped with the rings. That would be weird if he came back. But would it be the right kind of weird? I can't rule anything out. Nothing works. There's no system. Yeah. There's no system for you.

Oh. No deducing will help you. If no one step ahead of you every step of the way. Then perhaps no wisdom will help me. Perhaps I just need to go blank and let the universe have its way with me. C. That's exactly right. Claw with a K.

The dude was named Claw. And the scientist who puts animal heads on people put a Panther head on him. And that's how Panther Man was born. You know, after he abducted him, he was just looking at it and was like, well, this one's a freebie. Now, Katie, you get the only character that's not from the Golden Age because he's one of my favorites. He's from 1975's Power Man number 29, Mr.

Fish. A last minute replacement story accompanied by an apology. The half-man, half-fish villain, Mr. Fish, uses what weapon and catchphrase? Is it A. A sonic rifle and you're on my hook now. B. A gadget trident and by the black depths, Mr. Fish shall destroy you.

Or is it C. Harpoon gun and time for a C burial. Or D. Heat ray and nobody laughs at Mr. Fish. That's all good. Can I ask which half of him is Fish? He looks, he's just kind of green and he's got sort of a fish head. He wears like a red jumpsuit. He's just unexplainably Fish.

I see. So it's, the Fish is fully integrated. It's not like- Yeah, he's not like a merman. Right, right. He doesn't have elephant potatoes or something. So I had to go with the nobody laughs at Mr. That's exactly right.

He had a heat ray and he screamed nobody laughs at Mr. Fish on the cover and inside the comic. What everybody does. I just, that does my favorite thing when they have to end with an apology. Yeah. It was, they were in the middle of another storyline and they guess somebody missed a deadline and so they're like,

Hey, we're really sorry, but we have to run this like replacement and so it was just this fucking guy. We've been holding Mr. Fish back because it just, I mean, you'll see. You'll see why. I've been sitting on this gym. Brockway, your question is about the parrot from 1948. Detective number 131, an enemy of the mighty air wave.

Who was the parrot? Was it a, an evil impressionist in a bird costume. A flamboyant dresser who could bite through anything. C, a flying bird wrangler who turned to crime or D, the alter ego of a corrupt police chief with flesh-rending talents. The police chief makes another appearance. See, if I was a mayor, I could see it. I feel like they were all about evil mayors, but police chiefs.

I don't know, not so much. And then there's, there's a flamboyant dresser, which is real good. And then there's the impressionist. Oh, they're all so good. They're all just so wonderful in their own unique way. I'm going to say a, a. It's a, that's exactly right. He's a great impressionist.

He wears a bird costume. Air wave would chase him and he would like hide in a crowd and say like, Oh, air wave. He went that way. And he's like, a woman's voice couldn't be him. Wait a second. And then he turned around and he threw his costume off a cliff. And air waves like, Oh, there he goes off the cliff.

I guess he's dead. Air wave was kind of an idiot, but I just, I love the parrot. I'm glad I got to include him. I love that he had that ability. He's like, I'm pretty good at impressions. He didn't think like I'm going to be an okay comedian that turns annoying after like, I don't know, 20 minutes. Right.

I'm going to start a life of crime with him. Start a life of crime. Yeah. You could just call people and say like, this is Mrs. Devereaux. That's from Alec Baldwin's The Mimic. Oh, Sarah, life sketch. Classic.

Clearly. You know, those, those early 90s SNL references people love. We get it. Yeah. That everybody remembers and loves. We're right here with you in a bit. Jimny Glick earlier too. They're timely.

My impersonations are timely. You're getting the zoomers on board. This, this is a character that no one alive remembers. The porcupine from 1948. The enemy of Captain triumph. Who was the porcupine? Is it a two little people twin brothers operating a mechanical porcupine suit? Is it B, a former boxer with spiked gloves and a spiky truck with spiked tires?

Is it C, a prickly shut in old lady who hunts and robs door to door salesman with a needle gun? Or is it D, a man with quills for hair in a quilled suit who shoots quills and kills anyone who figures out he's the porcupine? Those are your options. Who's the porcupine? What was the, what was the second one? Former boxer with spiked gloves and a spiky truck with spiked tires.

When was this written? 1948. I think it's got to be one of the last two. So we've got a grandma who's got a needle gun. Which he hunts and robs door to door salesman. I think it's got to be D though because I do love that he would kill anyone who would figure out that he's the porcupine. Which seems real easy.

He killed a lot. Yeah. Right. That's exactly right. Yeah. He had distinctly porcupine-like hair, like full-on quills for hair. He wore a giant suit that was covered in quills. Right.

And the comic had several, several times when people were like, whoa, you look kind of like a porcupine. He's like, what? How did you know? And then he would kill them. Like not the porcupine, just like you have a very porcupine-like look and he would flip. You've guessed the theme. Now you must die.

Flip the fuck out. Right. And I love that. So we are tied up with just two questions left. Oh, dang. So, Rockway, the scorpion from 1949, not the Spider-Man villain. The scorpion was a terrorist with no powers in green wizard robes who died in his first appearance.

What were his last words? Is it A, Black Hawk has switched bombs? No. Is it B? It can't end like this. All my plans, I've got to E. Is it the scorpion's final sting, the scorpion's final triumph? Or is it D?

Fuck your racist soul, Black Hawk. You kill like a bitch. Black Hawk had a sidekick named Chop Chop that Robert described as like them just trying out stereotypes. He had like a pinhead with a little bow on it. It's just inconceivable this was a real human stereotype. It was just like, what am I looking at, Black Hawk? Which of these will stick with the Chinese, you think?

Let's just throw some of these out. Very racist. Black Hawk is very racist. I was rooting for the scorpion the whole time. So I'm sad he's dead. I'm going to use all of my knowledge about scorpions to determine what this man's final words were. Give him the first three to me one more time.

And then the fourth with vigor. Black Hawk has switched bombs. No, no. It can't end like this. All my plans, I've got to E. The scorpion's final sting, the scorpion's final triumph. Or D, fuck your racist soul, Black Hawk. You kill like a bitch.

Love the delivery on D. I think it's got to be, it's got to be that he thinks he wins because if they get rid of him after one issue, it's kind of a joke that they just kill him off. So scorpion's final sting. It was B. It can't end like this. All my plans that got to E, E, E, E. So going on using logic again, I should have just trusted the universe.

Katie, this is the final question. If you get this right, you win the first ever Golden Age comic book creature feature animal super power face off. Oh God, I'm sweating a lot. Okay. What are the two most notable things about the criminal octopus? A, he never forgets and he owns a gun. B, the beak on his chest and the tentacles on his back.

C, a green head and a gun that shoots black clouds. Or D, his ability to fit in a trunk and the goon who carries him around in it, the squid. What was the first one again? He never forgets and he owns a gun. I think it's got to be between he never forgets and he owns a gun and he's got a green head and he has a gun that shoots black clouds. The thing though is the black clouds are good though with the biology of the octopus. It's very octopus-y.

So maybe not and fitting in the suitcase, another good thing, a real thing that octopuses can do fit in small spaces. When was this written? 1942. Yeah, it doesn't see it. They never even heard of an octopus. They don't even know what it looks like. So I feel like it's got to be he has a gun and a really good memory.

It was green head and the black cloud gun. Damn it. Oh, so close. I was so close. A fitting end to a great game, a tie. You guys both did fantastic. You each got seven correct out of 15, which is pretty good. Isn't that better than chance?

It is much better than chance because it's a multiple choice of four options. So chance would be 25% and you were very close to 50%. Great. So congratulations to both of you. Thank you. Thanks, universe. Is there anything you'd like to plug before you go, Katie? Yeah.

And if you want to check out my bird GRFT, it's pro bird rights on Twitter where you can pay real money to not get anything in return. Perfect. Oh, that's a cunning plan, like selling silk back to the government. Yeah. I mean, just check out my show if you want to learn about real animal facts. You can listen to creature feature where I talk about incredible evolutionary biology, but don't worry, it's pretty fun and silly.

And yeah, I'm going to try to get these two boys on the show and talk about probably, I'm going to have to figure out a way to torment them for what they've put me through here today. They'll never get me back for what I've done. So swears, Mr. Fish! This Dog Zone 9000 was brought to you by Benjamin Sirenin, Dr. Awkward, Yo Saria, Josh S, Zachary Sons, Adrian Hissbrook, Aidan Moad, Breanne Whitney, Josh Fabian, Armando Navar, Lyman, Toastie God, Neil Schaefer, Jaibur El Aiden, David Forna, Mike Stiles, Eric Spalding, the

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