The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 242: CHiPS Force Seven with Eddie Doty

Episode Date: August 27, 2025

Who likes highway patrolman secret ninja force hijinks? Trade in your guns for shurikens and fingertip suction, because we're talking CHiPS: FORCE SEVEN with pretend ninja expert Eddie Doty.

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Welcome to the dog zone 9,000 The official podcast of 1,900 hot dog dot com, the final website For fun, the 1,900 hot dog for laughs This sentence right here is the entirety of ads we do On the podcast, go to patreon.com slash 1,900 hot dog To subscribe, you get the bonus,

podcasts, daily articles, it's good for you. Do it. I'm Sean Baby from the internet, and my partner was recently voted second-wettest buns of the sky on a Delta Airlines commuter flight. He is Ninja Eye Patch cop Robert Brockway. Robert Brockway. Here's a Brockway fact. If Jonathan Reese Davies and I took a trip to Tijuana together, we would spend our money in the exact same way and I can prove it. No follow-up questions, though. I have none. Our guest is a producer, Ninja flute cop and ninja ventriloquist cop He's Eddie Doty! Listen, it's too many skills.

I really should have only, I should have dropped ninja flute probably a long time ago. I don't know. I think it'll come in handy if you need to kill a dog or something. It's just that the credits cross over to the rest of ninjitsu so well. Like, you'd be a fool not to, frankly. As long as you're going for your ninja associates. Like, if you got a team of four ninjas, you're like,

okay, so you got the big ventriloquist ninja, you got the flute ninja. You got all the classics, of course. We're getting way too far ahead of ourselves. Eddie, I know you just got back from Comic-Con and Gen Con. Too many cons. What are you working on these days? What can you plug? I can plug some stuff.

So dropping this week, I work at an agency called Compadre, and we just did a bunch of videos for NBA 2K 26 or 5 where it is. So we just did a bunch of those, and I can't say too much, but I'm working on something with Bandai right now. And that's the stuff I can say right now. Say more. Say more about it. Oh, dang it. No, I wish I could. Sometimes I get you. Sometimes I get you with that.

Brockway, do you have anything urgent need to plug for desperate legal reasons? I am legally obligated to promote my new book. It's called I Will Kill Your Imaginary Friend for $200. It's coming out January 20th, 2026. You might notice I'm not joking about it. I'm not doing a funny joke. Just a funny joke I did where I refused to promote it. even though it was like legally required of me to do so it was a bit

it was a sketch you don't you don't you don't sue a bit you applaud at worst give some constructive feedback not yeah not a lawsuit man so uh you buy that book or I'm going to book prison I'm going to whatever I'm going to federal book prison and I'm going to take the whole operation with me if you do not buy my book if you do everything's good

everything can stay the same Maybe. You get everything you love. Just buy that book. Today we're talking about the Ninja episode of Chips, of course. Be more specific. It was called 4-7. It was episode Season 5, episode 27 from 1982, the 117th episode of Chips, which means it took them 117 episodes to think, hey, what if ninjas? In the 80s. That can't be right.

Is that right? It shows either impossible restraint or a complete lack of creative inspiration. I think TNT did it in the first season. One can make the argument that every episode's perfunctory Mr. T's zipping up his streetclothes montage, which I'm not joking, happened at a minimum of once per episode, qualifies as ninjasity. Like, you could make that argument. I think he carries the spirit of ninja with him in his silence. But to be perfectly clear, he did also fight a ninja. Right.

So, I mean, so that's what I'm saying at least once for episode you were guaranteed. like a baseline level of ninja and then in some episodes it was a treat you got either more montages or in fact actual ninjas he confronted it so i think i think i would argue i think you and i are on opposite sides of this debate club because i'm going to say mr t is is the opposite of a ninja in every way he's as far away as you can get from ninjitsu in everything i was doing you could make you get from a certain point of view you could say he's a ninja just bad at it and yet still found ways I don't know. I feel like

I see that neither of us are wrong. And neither was Mr. T. Wait in in the comments. Is Mr. Tia ninja? Just doing backflips and the gold clanking and all the samurai's turn around.

Like, what the fuck are you? Come on, man. Try to get Ninja on the plane and it's there, you get real squirly. But this, we don't get the ninjas right at the beginning.

It looks like an ordinary episode of chips. It starts with a car chase, just a real chill car chase. Like a grouchy guy in an oldsmobile is just kind of weaving a little and then Ponch is like, that dude's definitely drunk.

And they pull him over and he's an engineer. And he's so drunk, he like drops his confidential plans for a nuclear missile guidance system. And Larry Wilcox, the other cop, picks it up. And he's sort of confused what to do. They definitely shouldn't be reading these top secret files, but they do. And then Ponch says something totally awesome.

I have a clip. And it's going to take us right on the theme song. So we'll just sit back and enjoy it. Maybe we ought to put him in the chain and let somebody who knows the case decided this guy is righteous, or if he's dangerous. Hell yeah. I wish that just happened every time I said something cool.

It could, you could just carry this with you. What is that instrument, do you think? I think it's just a synthesizer, but just like a, it's a laser, yeah, he plays the laser. Yeah. There we go Yeah It's just so much flame And one theme song

Yeah It's like Okay, we can't just listen to the theme song I mean I love how it only dawns on me now that the composer for that said had a great idea. He's like, let's put every single instrument through a flanger pedal

and just crank flange up to ten and that way everything is just flange. They're fucking rules. I wish I don't understand a word you said, but I'm all on board with flange. It's that it makes every instrument go whew, it like oscillates it. So like in 80s guitar,

it was like mandatory for a lot of songs. But it just sounds like he put the trumpet through a flanger. Yeah, fuck yeah, he did. They just had Eric Estrada play it on the motorbike, and that's why it sounds. See, that technology didn't exist, but I just looked it up. You can buy a recordable talking button like Ice Cube had in the hit movie Amazon Prime War of the Worlds. Oh, my God.

It rewards 30 seconds of audio for only $14. And I would argue it is worth it to just, after you say something cool, you slap that button down, smack it, turn around, walk out the door. Let them just enjoy that theme song for 30 seconds. That's worth 14 bucks You can take with you A similar tip I used to have a gong That I'd bring with me to party sometimes

And if I said something awesome I would hit the gong And people would crowd around the gong And just try to say awesome shit The whole night And it was so fun And it was also great When someone fucked it up

And they said something They thought was gong worthy And hit the gong And the crowd turns on you so hard That's a don't abuse the gong I have been your friend and your brother in combat for north of 20 years now. I have no memory of your gong. It was something I did in San Francisco.

I probably did it link four times when I say, I don't want you to think I just carried a gong with me all the time. I was just, uh, Jamie, can you cut him saying he didn't do that all the time? Jamie, can you go back and cut him saying that? I don't want to think that. I was happy you're believing that you just walked around like with it tied to your back like a backpack. Right. Like a cosmetic in a fighting game You just have like this giant gong

Yeah, you unlock Sitting around waiting Is this a gongworthy party? I'm like, no, you guys aren't gong-worthy. Nobody here's going to say anything awesome. Good, because it's a pain to get it on the bar. Fucking play Catan or something. Dude, I went to the Catan party at Gen Con.

Oh, yeah. Did they play Catan at the Catan party? Oh, did they? And Roland Wright Catan, it was a whole thing. That's when the party moves outside to the smoking porch. I would have hired like 40 go-go dancers. Yes. No, I do feel like I do feel like I need to set the context here with some TV insider terms here.

This episode is what we call a backdoor pilot, meaning it's an episode of chips, but they were clearly, they wanted, the creators wanted to set up a spinoff. And so they do, they dedicate a whole episode to this other thing that's happening. A really good famous example of this is private practice being a backdoor pilot first as an episode of Grey's Anatomy. That's like a good example of that. What's interesting here is that this is the last season of Chips, and Chips tried to do two backdoor pilots in one season, which is in my, as far as I know, the only time in television history this has happened, where they had two failed backdoor pilots for two separate series that never took off. Are you talking about Mitchell and Woods? Yes. two female CHP officers

and I remember the only thing I remember about it is that the editor hated them because after any time any of them said anything in like a single shot and yeah the Mitchell and Woods were two female CHP officers

the only time they ever anytime they said anything the editor would hang on their face after their line completed for about a second too long and it just made them both seem like idiots who just didn't know how to communicate that's so mean Chips has a strange editing style

because they will like you heard how Ponce just barely finished that line before it jumped into and every episode ends in someone saying something kind of weird freeze frame

someone kind of reacting to it freeze frame and then a way too long a beat and then something else like a shot of all of them together at freeze frame and they do that at the end of those episodes that was a five freeze frame ending

yes that was crazy and they had the one episode where they thanked the Special Olympics in one of the freeze frames I can remember that oh shit Yeah. Chips is a great show.

That they have a chance to start in their last season, their last ditch Hail Mary chance to start a spinoff pilot. They're like, oh, fuck, we got to turn chips into something. We got to turn chips into something quick. And they're like, how do we get there? How do we get there? How do we get 2A setup for a spinoff? I know your classic drunk engineer carrying top secret missile documents arrest.

That opening scene takes, I don't know, 30 seconds? they're just a drunk driver he gets out like you fucking cops and drops top secret missile plans and they're like uh oh this is a job for ninjas fuck yes how did this not get mixed up you want to hear something even crazier is a lot of that car chase is footage from season two

like that is repackaged old timey car chase and then they shot the pickup shot of him dropping the documents our second favorite cop show T.J Hooker by season four I don't think they shot an original exterior of Hooker and Zmede driving around. No, they just literally, they had enough footage.

Yeah, yeah. And again, we'll eventually do a T.J. Hooker episode, but it's the best part about that if you're, if you've spent any time in Los Angeles is that that show did not give a fuck, they would be, there'd be an exterior of them on Sunset Boulevard, and they'd like, all right, turn right in there in Long Beach, like, it's just like an hour away. It's the best. The best thing about that, in the era in which they were making those shows, nobody was like

you would have to be a total pervert to be out there recording that off of TV nobody was doing that you would just have to trust like well I'm pretty sure I saw that scene before I guess I'll have to wait an unknown amount of time to see if that other episode ever shows up again and then hope I'll remember it

that's the only way you could get called out on your bullshit as a director and a writer that was just such a magical time and I miss it all the time we've been recording for several minutes now and we have encountered very few ninjas. I just want to put that out there. It's, it's ninja time right now. That's a good point.

It's, yeah, it's ninja time. The credits are still rolling, and we see a cop go into, like, an abandoned precinct, and he finds a cop and a cop, but not a karate guy, like a karate geek cop uniform. It's a spirit Halloween costume karate key cop uniform.

Yes. Like, if you, do you have anything for karate cop? They're like, I've never heard of that. Oh, shit. Yeah, we do. All right. There you go. Karate cop.

And this is Fred Dreyer. He's a defensive ed for L.A. Rams. Wearing a little plastic bib with his picture on it. Yes, it's the best. He would go on to make 152 episodes of something called Hunter, where he played Hunter. Oh, my God. You don't remember Hunter? Hunter Root.

I loved Hunter. Hunter was... Fred Dreyer fucking kicks ass. I laughed so hard when he stepped out of the shadows of a juvenile hall building in an eye patch and karate costume. Like, fucking... Yeah. I'm on...

It's pretty funny. You got Hunter. To any of our younger audiences who were listening to this, who have ever wondered, what's so wrong? Like, how did Gen X become the way we are? Hunter was family viewing in my household. Mom, Dad, brothers. We all gathered around the television to watch Hunter, a television show where his female partner was essayed twice in the course of the series. And he was just insane.

It was just like an insanely ridiculous view of like, of law enforcement. I mean, that said. Fred Dreyer was pretty amazing. in it. I prefer him as the ninja rather than hunter. Yes. I'll give him that. The main guy we're following, he's a hunk named Rick Nichols, and he

is in trouble for something. His punishment is he has to join the secret ninja cop force. And he comes in and he immediately gets thrown this karate gine. He's like, okay, fine, I'll change into this. And behind him is a sign. I swear to God, it says this. I wrote it down. Police use of force,

force one, verbal. Force two. Pain compliance. Force Three. Control holds. Force four, body kicks. Force five, baton. Four six, deadly force maximum. Force seven, the preservation of human life and a step beyond killing the martial arts. That is on the wall. That's why they're called force seven. I've watched this episode a dozen times in my life, including like, it's one of my first television memories, period. That is, I've never noticed that sign before. It's somehow to escape my, I don't know. Body kicks.

I like the ninjitsu and the martial arts in general. Karate, let's just say it. In the 80s, it was all karate. Karate is a step beyond killing a man with a gun. Like, you kill a man with a gun, that's fine. But if that doesn't work, you go to karate. Then you can kill his soul. Eddie, we went to that shooting range together and there was a sign on the outside of the door that says,

Like karate my ass, try to karate chop a bullet. Like the gun people and the karate people are natural enemies. Well, and I kind of like, like looking back on it now, like our friend, mutual friend, Adrian Hilton, for my 40th birthday, gave me one of the best gifts I've ever had, which is this tabletop. It's like a coffee table book of nothing but 80s movies, VHS covers. And going through that and listening to podcasts like 80s all over, like I've forgotten how often in this period of time. where this episode takes place, that the premise of a movie or a show was like treating someone

who had a brown belt and karate as if they were like a tier one operator in special forces. There was a trailer for some movie and it was like, this is this guy, he's a black belt. And that was enough.

That was enough to like, to airdrop him into Laos and like kill a million people. Like, they've never heard of the martial arts in Asia. They're not prepared. I know, right? Exactly. I think by the time I was out of,

fourth grade, five of our six of us were black belts? Yeah, I don't know. I don't remember. It was just such a normal thing to be. Oh, man. Okay, so this is obviously, plainly obvious. It's the most obvious shit that I'll ever be. It's karate cops.

But Fred Dreyer's still trying to be mysterious. I'll let him explain. Until we get funded, it's four seven's home. Four seven. Never heard of me. That's what it's supposed to be. Here, put these on. What for?

Because I said so. Secret unit, secret codes. Sure, this is one of those slick outfits the brass likes to put together. Not slick, just special. If you can handle it. Cracking around, doing my own thing. No three strippers looking over my shoulder?

I can handle it. If I knew what this 4-7 does for a living. Let's start with what we do. Let's start with what we don't do. We don't carry guns for a living. God, the sexual chemistry is so powerful there. All of that jangling was just them stripping out of all their clothes, just ripping off each other's clothes the whole time.

Just buttons banging against boners. He never explains why they don't use guns. He's just like, here's what we don't know. Use guns. That's Force 6. Force level 6. Those guys are pussies. Is it a...

No, Force 6 was deadly. force maximum. So yeah, I would think that would include bullets. Yeah. Yeah. But here's the thing. They do, as we'll see later on, they carry three sectional staffs, they carry swords, they carry a ton of ninja stars. Like, clearly you have no problem with killing. Flutes?

Flutes? Puppets, which we'll get to. If you can't kill a guy with a puppet, fuck you, man. And magic apparently, as we're going to get to. Yeah. Oh yeah, there's a little sorcery. But first it cuts to beginner scream of class. There's a big guy, stick fighting, a little lady.

And he just falls on his butt, decides to just do a screamer from there. So they're just, you know, bonk and sticks for like five straight minutes. I know. Yeah. And the boss walks in and instead of saying, hey, get the fuck up. Why are you sitting down? He's like, he's just saying weird like coaching platitudes. Like, hey, come on.

Wider angles. Keep it flowing. Good try. Good job. But our guy walks straight up to the ninja lady who named Cindy Davis. And he starts putting the moves on a real thick. and you're not going to believe this, but the big guy who's fighting from his butt,

he pulls out a racist puppet. Second biggest laugh since Fred Dreyer stepped out of the shadows on an eye patch. And it's only like a minute later. You're like, I deposit and just back away like, I have to recalibrate. I'm not ready for this. I'm going to hurt myself. He's got a racist karate puppet?

Oh, my God. Yeah, he's like a little Confucius, say, like racist Chinese guy. Why are you explaining? Play the clip. Yeah, okay, I took a clip. It's kind of long because people just kept saying awesome shit, but I'll play it. Nice to see you. Yeah, I remember you.

You were the turkey who impersonated a vice cop at a topus bar your first week on the job. I haven't changed much, have you? I am third member of Distinguished Martial Arts team. Well, tell him your name, dummy. I am known as Ying of Yang, thank you. Terrific. Puppets, pajamas, sticks. We gotta sell some regular circus here.

Hey, old Yang here is one thing, but I wanna put down the sticks, pal. They might just save you from getting your butt kicked one of these days. These are all I need, friend. Your art's the best art. You did the bio on me, Lieutenant. And from the look at this place, I guess my arts have reason took me on. I've done karate since I was seven. I'm a fifth Don Shodo Khan.

third degree taekwondo Ying of Yang impressed karate can't always defang in the snake well I haven't met any snakes who can beat it want to try yeah he hit his button

he said something cool he hit his button yep they're all trying to get that gong moment I have a little anecdote about Yenna Vang Sean, do you remember my friend and former roommate, Eric? Sure. Yeah, so we grew up together. And I saw this episode when I was very young, like four or five.

And Eric calls me up one day. We're like, I think we're 16. He is at home and high. And he's like, I'm like, what are you doing? He's like, oh, I'm watching some show. I'm like, what show are you watching? I'm like, I don't know, it's like cops, but they're ninjas. I'm like, oh, yeah, it's chips.

He's like, no, I know what chips is. This isn't chips. I'm like, trust me. you're watching chips. He's like, all right. And so we're having this conversation while this episode is in the background. 10 minutes goes by.

And then he's mid-sentence and he just stops and goes, what the fuck? He just pulled out a puppet. And I'm like, yep. And he's like, how is this chips? I'm like, just wait. There's a little bumper at the end.

Like, you'll see it's chips. But yeah, I don't even know where to, that's like the first thing that I remember that this was, the end of the hang is how I remembered this show later on when I like was looking for it. I'm like, ninja show, ninja cop show, and then I finally typed in Ninja Cop Show

puppet into Google, and that's when it popped up again. There it is. And I think it demonstrates that, like, there was no time in human history where it was okay to just pull out a racist puppet. And there's, it's not like just because it was the 80s, we're like, oh, cool, I get it. He's a ventriloquist. That'll come in handy. It's like, no, what the fuck is he doing with a puppet? He's also the big guy. And I guess they're like, big ninja is enough for me. Like, if you got a group of ninjas, one of them is big, that's fine. They're like, what If he's more importantly, they've been Triloquist. He's more than big.

He's the big Italian guy. So he's also their mook, which was like a trope in the 80s things. He's there to like say big Italian guy things. Like, hey, it's like I'm a ghoul or whatever. And he's got a racist puppet. It's so many things. And, uh, they have a fight. Like, does he ever forget and do racist Italian things through the racist Asian puppet?

Nope. Never eats pizza. Never has a calzone. Never goes disco dancing. Like, none of it. Uh, they do have a fight here to prove his correct. Roddy is good, and it's not. Fred Dreyer comes over and, like, beats him.

I don't think Fred Dreyer has taken a single course in martial arts. He is, like, swatting at him with these crazy bear paws. It looks like an orangutan, like, trying to land a plane. I don't know what he's going for. He's doing the Seagall, like, he's doing the Seagall. I refuse to move as much, as little as possible. Like, it's like they're paying him per inch he moves, and he doesn't want to, like, make the show go over budget like oh yeah i'm definitely i'm here i'm an ally don't worry that even

applies to his acting because he like keeps one hand like tucked behind him and he gestures with that little fucking racing baton that he has in his hand the entire time and the other arm just i like that i like that's just because it's red dryer this efficiency of movement that i like um he he just can't fight for shit but um he anyway our hunk gets beat up and the racist puppets like welcome to force five hawk You're like, it was just like every fucking accent at once. I didn't take a clip of that because I'm such a master of that dialect. Also, he's not a real ventriloquist.

I'm 100% sure. He is just smiling and then they are ADRing the puppets voice. He is taking a job from a real puppet master. This is like when they hired Gary Oldman play a little person. But I think what makes me mad is that once you break the seal on this, like why bother with ventriloquism as an art form, period? Just go on stage with a puppet and just have someone in with a microphone somewhere else. Like, it's so fundamentally, like, infuriating. You know what?

Jeff Dunham was trying to break into the scene right at this time. He was right there. You took a job from a racist puppeteer who was doing the work. Think how racist he must have been in 1982, too. Jeff Dunham was hard aurs on his racial slurs. He was out there putting in the racist puppet work. and you took his job from him. And you basically gave it to AI.

That's what this is. I would pay an absurd amount of money to see Jeff Dunham's sketchbook of puppets he decided to not actually make. Because, man, that, oh, boy. And not just at any given time, like of all time. I would just love to see the cutting room floor of Jeff Dunham. Yeah, like today. Like the idea he had this morning is probably pretty fucked up. Okay, so they have like their own Falcon 7 guy that they have video conferencing with.

And the guy that Larry and Ponch arrested earlier is on it. He's like a nuclear mercenary or something. But we have a much more important bomb to drop. I took another clip here. There's something special about him. Yeah, well, what I heard from his IAD rap sheet, his only specialty is big trouble. More than that. You going to tell me?

The gift of chi. He's going to fucking shoot fireballs. it's the best god damn show i'm so mad i have so many questions i have so many questions firstly how would his internal affairs file on the los angeles california highway patrol have it where how do you even document oh yes chi it's like the mortal combat legal status cards it's like every single cop has one but all of them say it has no chi except for one guy it's like has a little bit of chain i just got my real ID and my real ID says has chi oh shit you're the guy I think, yeah, you legally have to put it on there if you have cheat.

So they set off to do an undercover op to get information. And so they send the two who look most like cops to just walk up to some guys in a loading dock and say, hey, give us a job. We want a job at your crime place. Including one with an eye patch. Oh, I remember you. You're the guy with the eye patch. I don't see a lot of those guys. So I remembered you.

And they're like, no, dude, fuck off. And they're like, no, we can prove we can lift heavy things, as if that was the question. It's like, no, we have our criminal organization here. But so they, they grab a forklift, the big guy shoves a forklift down. And then the I patch guy picks up a big box. They're like, oh, shit, you guys are hired. $4 an hour. They're like, $20.

They're like, no, four. Okay, we're in. I don't know. But while they're doing this, this is the distraction for Cindy and the hunk to creep in. Hold on. It's a distraction. like you everything about the scene you're like okay they're going to get in on the ground level as warehouse workers and then you see the other member is a 4-7 sneaking by in the background you're like wait this is all just a distraction

we're just lifting heavy boxes as a distraction and then they'd sign to give them the job and they're like no dice you could have gone undercover with them they were going to hire you for the more dollars an hour weeks of until gathering at all it's so funny it's the lady and nichols who sneak in and they're instantly caught You should have just taken the job. God damn it. Through clumsiness, too. Like, he just, like, drops some shit. Or, like, he also doesn't seem to know that they're supposed to be sneaky.

He's just, he's chatty. He has to spin kick his way out. And this dude has never even seen a spin kick. I do not know why they left this in. See, everything, I think they cut to a stuntman every time Nichols does karate. And it's very funny that the stuntman also can't do karate. Like, why cut to it? Yeah, I'm not being a dick.

I think these men, him and his stuntman, should have told the producers, I don't know how to do one of those things. Did you say spin kick? I don't know what that is. It's beyond crazy me. I don't want to bury the lead, but one of the henchmen in this was also served as the fight choreographer

and Mr. Dan Inasanto who was legitimately Bruce Lee's best friend. And like, and it's just, and for younger folks, if you watched The Mandalorian and you saw that cool crime chick, I forget her name, but Diana and Asano, that's her dad.

And he's like, one of the, he's like the torchbearer of Jukundo and like a legitimately amazing martial artist and firefighterographer who's worked on a bunch of stuff himself and everything in the show is just horrific. None of these stunt people could do. Like you can, nope, you can give him Bruce Lee himself there and you can't make that guy do. You can't make that guy's legs. Is that the axe guy? It's the guy with the curvy swords later on. Oh, okay. So Cindy ducks off to like a little spring closet. It's just a closet filled the spring. She puts on her full ninja outfit and so she can vanish into any shadow. So she like just gets out that way. Even though our guy cleared us cleared away

with his spin kicks. So anyway, that's how their mission went. A lot of bad decisions that led to a narrow escape. The one kind of cool thing about 4-7 and the thing that I remembered most as a kid and I thought was really kind of cool was that their ninja outfits were reversible. So like literally it was whatever clothes they were wearing reversible into ninja outfits. And I was like, that's kind of sick. I think it's extremely funny to try to break in somewhere and then when you fuck it up and get caught, you just change into ninja clothes in front of them and then run away and they're like, you did that backwards. Yeah.

I don't disagree. They are really bad ninjas, though. They're horrible. The idea is that they wouldn't have been able to get there if they were dressed like ninjas. People would have been like, oh, hi, ninja. Like, oh, shut. Or you go in at night, which is why you have the black ninja costume. That's a great idea, too.

No, it's broad. It's like noon. It's like the sun is directly above them. Try going in at noon while everyone was working inside there without being disguised and were caught instantly. And then they changed into ninja clothes to run away, leaving them wildly confused and with a really funny story to tell. Back at the base, Nichols has no idea why Cindy's mad. She's like, dude, no one's ever fucked up anything worse than that. He's like, come on.

a little fun. Let's loosen up. It's like, you... This guy's got a puppet. He's like, come on, it was just an undercover op to stop a nuclear missile. What's the big deal? I'm going to honk your tinnies now. So she's like, buddy, my husband died on the job. Human life is precious, dummy. And anyway, she finally eventually says enough things like that that he feels like a dick. And he's getting another lecture about teamwork. Like, they're really down on them. They're really working this character arc. And also, it should be noted that we have not seen our main character since the credits. Is this not like a backdoor pilot where it's

like we check back in with the chips guys? Like, no, they're gone the full episode until like the last 61 seconds. So let's see. What's their next mission? They're in their full ninja outfits before the mission starts, which means Fred Dreyer is in a ninja costume with an eyepatch, meaning he just has one visible eye and it's fucking awesome. It's the coolest anyone's ever looked. And again, as soon as the construction workers catch them and see like,

one of the ninjas only has one eye, you're like, oh, hey, you were the guy earlier that lifted all the boxes in a very notable way that made me remember you. Also, the iPad. You had a ninja friend robbing the warehouse while we were watching you load. Yeah, yeah, it's all coming back to me.

He had a puppet too. I can't remember if the puppet has a ninja outfit. No, no, the puppet has a really racist, like, uh, Kung Fu Master outfit. Yeah, he should. When he goes ninja mode, he should have a ninja puppet. I think this kind of show, I think they would have got there if they had gotten picked up. That's the reason this episode was bullshit, because the puppet, the racist puppet didn't have his own ninja outfit. He should have an Eskimo Parker for Archimissions.

He should have a pizza man outfit for Italian missions. You gotta buy them all. You gotta buy them all as the toys. They're different toys. But yeah, the rookie gets caught immediately against. and he's like, they can just see his flashlight. He's like, I don't care how ninja you are. You got to, they saw the flashlight. And there's a really funny moment where they're chasing him.

He runs into a four-foot fence and he's like, no, there's no way over that thing. I forgot about the flashlight. God, they are really such bad ninjas. They corner him and he does a karate pose. They laugh at him. Like, they just, these warehouse workers. Exactly as you would do. If you courted somebody dressed as ninja and they did a karate pose, you would laugh.

Not in an 80s TV show. An 80s TV show, you make a karate pose. Post people are like, oh shit, it's serious now, but no, it is a joke to them. I patch comes in with two collapsing batons. Both of them suck real hard at martial arts, but they win the fight. I patch comes in and says something like, well, good job, Rick. No, you good job. You just called him Rick.

Yep. Officer dumbass. We get a sudden John Reese Davies. I have a clip. Well done again. Nakoda Love it God fucking he's so good

He was just John Reis Davies was born to quietly walk out of the shadows and say shit Like, well done, Laguerre Like yes Instant You know again, just want to point out that John Rees Dave is Very British With the name Nakura He has played, I believe he's played every ethnicity

There's probably, you can probably find one where he's playing a black man Yeah. Like that was what we considered ethnic in the 80s. We're like Jonathan Restatis. They do sort of a predator handshake here, which is excellent. Like they do like a kung fu version of it where their their hands are back of the hand to the back of the hand doing like a chi fight. Yeah, they're doing a chi fight. Jonathan Restabies is a fucking Chi master.

God damn it, this show rules. It's so good. I patch is just cowed. Like he gets outchied and he's just like fully defeated. Like sad, pouty. We didn't have the term cucked by that back then. but it's apt. He's giving a full cucked.

John Rees-Davie takes one inch of his penis, just absorbs it into himself. That's what the handshake was. Yes. Now a couple of middle-aged fishermen coming with Uzi's and tie up our heroes. They don't work for Jonathan Rized Davies. They're just walking around.

Yeah. And they get special orders to like finish your work, finish loading all this stuff, then come back and kill them. Just to give us, give our guys a little time to like. Hey, boss, I just cocked this Uzi. do it right now so i've never been more ready no no no no load the truck in defense of johnson rizavis if i ain't if i captured ninjas that bad i too would be like you know what kill them

when you get around to it they're not going anywhere they're not escaping they're just they'll like don't even worry about tying them up they're not leave it i'd be like i would be overcome with pity and be like we have to give them another chance just tie them up maybe they'll do something cool like they get smoke bomb or something i don't know like this i'm not i'm not even going to tell anybody about this if like we just killed them after that. That's not even a story. It's not even an anecdote. Just a normal day at work. No, that's an anecdote. He brought a fucking flashlight. I'm going to tell him the time I killed the ninja with the flashlight. He's going to hit him with this little dagger that he has and then the ninja like hits the ropes against the dagger

and escapes. It's pretty standard. And then like he takes a throwing star for spilt and turns off the lights with throwing star and then picks up the guy's own knife and says like, I have have your knife. And these guys are out. They're like, shit, the ninja has a knife. And so they leave. And then a nickel says to iPatch, he's like, hey, why didn't you do your cool karate shit against your friend, Nakura?

And he's so embarrassed, he can't even answer. He's just like, God damn it. No, every, they cut to him every time, like, the hit that, like, what is your history with Nakura? They cut to Fred Dreyer, and he's got such like a natural resting tough guy face. and he does a full, just like embarrassed aid face? It's like a, like a, just a real bashful monkey. And he's just like, ooh, oh, no.

It's so funny every single time he does it. Like, what did he do to you? Back in Nakara's office, they're hanging the corpses of the guys who ran away. Like they ran away. They're like, boss, he had a knife. You don't get it. Killed them instantly off camera. The engineer comes in.

It's time to arm the warhead. And John Reeceiv is having so much fun. Like, he thinks this show is for nine-year-olds. He's not wrong. He's not wrong. But he, I, this is where I, like, have in my notes where I was trying to figure out what he's supposed to be. Is he supposed to be Asian?

They gave him, like, kind of racist eyeliner, like. Yeah, he's supposed to be Japanese. And T-House of the August moon. Okay. I looked up, Nakura, it means boss in Malaysian, or Malay. And so I thought, is he supposed to be, like... This is, like, all of the... There's a moment.

later on where Dan Inasano's character does like a ceremonial, I'm going to give you a knife moment. And it's very, it's Filipino. So like Inasano is a Filipino martial arts expert. It's a lot of it's a lot of our niece. It's a lot of penchax a lot, a lot of Indonesian, Southeast Asian stuff. You would not be able to determine any of that by the outfit we later see Johnson and Reese Davis in. Again, I'm sure we'll get to it. But there's like, it is kind of a hodgepodge of definitely not Japanese, definitely not Chinese, just anything else like in the in the Southeast Asian Peninsula is kind of like all jammed into one. He's not white is the important thing. We cast this guy. We cast basically a white guy. We're going to insist he's not white. Because we're not hiring a Japanese guy.

We're not going to get the 80s. And he's not really disguising his voice. He's not doing like a racial accent or anything. He's just full John Rhys Davies. No, the Italian guy is though. Yeah, that's true. They arm the missile. It's pretty cool. It's pretty cool. got like this tube of red goo core that he like moves into the missile and it's just it's nonsense but it's like really cool nonsense and uh they start the 14 hour countdown they're gonna ask asking the city for ransom um back at four seven base they're watching the ransom video and fred dryer says and i quote give me a visual blow up 100 times i like when he's when he's when he's delivering the like the threat when he's telling the city of like what i'm when i

launch this missile. It's going to release this gas, and then all the officials gasp, and one of them goes like, the lady goes, well, the death count may be nominal, but tens of thousands will suffer the consequences. So he's just going to make a bunch of people sick. Yeah. This is a junior villain. He's not a fully licensed villain yet.

It's like, I will unleash the seasonal flu upon you all. Everybody's going to have a real bad time for two weeks. Calling the puppets. Actually, no, they don't get called in that they're just going to send in the military. And then they call the mayor. They're like, no, dude, we made this whole karate cop outfit to do stuff like this. And the mayor's like, you know, you're kind of right. You know, that's a good point.

Why don't you guys do it, four seven? The mayor's like ashamed. He's like, oh, you're right. All right. Yeah, it's just the sunk cost fallacy. You're like, yeah, we put in like $400 into this fucking whole program. And for a penny and for a pound and a racist puppet apparently. So they take the new guy

They make a big deal of it Like are we taking everybody Like yeah everybody Including the guy who fucked up both the first missions There's three of them Why? There's no who else are they going to take Who else?

But yeah now you want this rookie Because with all of San Mateo at stake This is when you want the idiot And they put their ninja outfits on And they basically just jog up to the lawn Of the bad guy Again in full broad daylight I have in my notes

that the nuclear engineer asks to get paid. And so John Rees Davies, like, yeah, pay the man. And the axe murderer, the sky with an axe comes over and that presumably murders him. Like, it's very threatening music. They cut away. I think he's dead. Our nuclear engineer is dead because he wanted to get paid. That was the impression I got, yeah.

Right. And the main dilemma they have now is they can't get past the dogs. Ninjas are weak to dogs. And so, Ninja Cindy plays the flute to enrage the dog. Dogs ate flutes. We know that one. Dogs hate flutes. Yes.

So they run away from their handlers to kill the flute. They're just like wherever that's coming from, we're going to kill it. So she repositions like a sniper and flutes again.

And the dogs are so fucking pissed. And then they get close and she blows dog comic powder on the dog and then runs away. It's just cocaine. I figured that too. I thought this was just cocaine.

Because the dog doesn't like lay down and go to sleep. The dog runs back to his owner and is like, let's fucking play. It starts jumping back and forth over him and spinning around wagging his tail, knocks the guy over,

it starts licking him. It's like, that dog's high as shit. That dog's just in a great space. I heard some flute. I got some coke. I love that lady. I patch has a ninja bull whip, and he does like the swing kick to take out of guard.

It is so awesome. It is like something a child would conceive of and execute in a whole movie, but in slower motion than that. Like, it is adorable. All this is happening in a very lovely Mediterranean mid-century Los Angeles. home, mind you. It's like somebody's really obsessed with, like, stucco in this whole, like, evil layer.

It's the producer's home, for sure. Ninja Cindy doesn't move where she does, like, 50 handsprings into a diving centon. I love it. This might be the birth of, like, the fight choreography where they have the lady fighter just jump onto somebody's face. That's how Black Widow kills everybody in the Avengers movies. I love how in both scenarios, when Fred Dreyer throws his whip up to wrap around the tree branch. And when the lady cop starts, like, sees a guy across the lawn and she starts doing

backflips, both of the guards hear that and turn around. So they're like, was that a fucking bullwhip? Oh, no, Fred Dreyer. Is somebody back flipping back there? Is there a noisier weapon than the fucking bullwhip? Like, flute is, you know, I guess seems ninja in a way, in a way that's just like... And is there a noisier way to travel than rapid backflips? rapid hand springs across a lawn you're like, what is that just fluttering? Somebody, somebody doing laundry? Oh.

And the ventriloquist one is he's just running around with a boast afflicking for somebody to bog. He's like, come on, there's got to be a guy for me to hit with the fucking stick. He finally sees a couple guys. And instead of hitting it up with a stick. As soon as they zoomed in on his eyes, I said he's going to use the puppet. Yes, yes. I don't know, he gave that, he gave that look with his acting.

Like, it zooms in on his eyes and somehow you know, like, that's a man who's about to use a puppet. Yeah, that's a puppet look. It did fail the Chekhov's puppet rule of storytelling. Like, we see it, but we never like, we see it set up, but it never fully pays off. I don't know. I'd say this pays off because he puts it in a tree and throws his voice. That's right.

The puppets like, racist noises, racist noises. And they're like, what the fuck? Is that puppet in the tree talking? Yeah, I was wondering what the fuck you were talking about. That's the most payoff I could have ever expected. I forgot about the fact they put him in a pub in the tree. How would you forget? Wow, you forgot that's crazy, Eddie.

The racist puppet landmine? You got hit by that dog cocaine. Jamie, please add it out my shame. Eddie's jumping on us and licking. He's clearly on the dog cocaine. Play that flute. On the dog cocaine is my favorite song by the Baja, man. I just want to say that.

But this attack was really funny because he like jumps onto them with a stick, barely hits them, and it looks like he almost dies. It's like the way he lands it is like, oh, dude, I think he shattered every bone from the neck down. Doesn't he hit him like on the shoulder or something like that? It's like the most innocuous place to hit somebody too. But both of his things exploded. Like you can't do that as a big guy. He really fucked it out.

I patches just going straight up a cement wall with this ninja claws. No notes. Sweet. But John Reis Davis like knows. He's somewhere like with ninja magic like, oh, somebody's climbing the walls at this building I'm in. Yep. Fred Dreyer specifically. Knowing this was Nakura, knowing he is the one man who can cheek-huck him from a thousand yards.

He was like, mayor, you're not going to send in the military. You have a ninja outfit who can do this quietly. They'll never even realize we're here. And then the second he gets within a thousand feet of Jonathan Reese Davies, Jonathan Rees-Davies has a psychic alarm who's like, oh, Fred Dreyer's here. I can sense you with my mind. Why didn't you tell the mayor that, asshole? My God, they'd be there all day.

Like, you know what he could sense you. Who knew that's, like, they do hint at the fact that these two guys were, like, trained together or kind of came up together. We're absolutely lovers. Yeah, 100%. I mean. In each other's minds in an internet way. Jonathan Rice Davies designed the uniforms, you know? I mean, it's just like, but like, that's an important detail to leave out.

He saved the best uniform for himself, though. Oh, here we go. Good transition. Well, thank you. I guess, yeah, let's talk about his uniform. He's got, like, a full, like, silk pajamas kung fu thing, but with, like, like an executioner, silver mask. It's not a ninja mask.

It's the inverse. It covers the eyes and the skull and it leaves the mouth and jaw open. And it's a different color than the rest of the uniform. It's like blue and silver. It was my desktop wallpaper for a number of years. It is madness. See, the way that they play this is so fucking cool. Because it's like Jonathan Reese Davies intercut with the ninjas doing shit.

So they're still infiltrating the compound. They're going to the missiles. But then every time it cuts back to Jonathan Reese Davies, he's doing something even ratter than the last time you saw him. Like it cuts away, cuts back, and he's got fucking swords. He's got like mall ninja swords that he's just standing there crossed with. And you're like, holy shit, cuts away, cuts back. Now he's fully dressed in karate pajamas.

Cuts away to the ninjas or whatever. Cuts back and he's putting on the luchador mask. Yep. There's a moment where, like, there's no dialogue. So it's just left to your imagination. But there's a whole thing where Dan Asano, like, solemnly presents two giant Chris blades, which is, like, the big curvy swords. And, like, on the ground and does, like, a whole, like, you know, like, ceremonial thing to him.

And all John Ries Davis does is just, they grab the swords, stand up, and just cross him in front of his chest and, like, look forward. Meanwhile, ninjas are invading the compound. But it's just, and there's dialogue with us. And he knows this. See, he's just like, I'm, he's just, I'm going to go back here with my friend. I'm just going to, just going to aura farm for the next hour and a half while you do your ninja shit. I got, I got swords. I got a luchador mask.

Also, he hasn't told anybody. There's no alarm. Like, basically the ninjas take turns like killing guys from behind for 40 minutes. And it's kind of like, I wrote down on my notes, this is like a Godfrey home movie with 50 times the money and one tenth the training. And then I decided that's the meanest thing I've ever said about it. anybody and I was like, do I, do I mean that? I think I do. Because it's, once the fights start, it's like, God, this sucks so hard. But everything before the fights rules so much. Yes. I agree. Everything around it. Maybe even rules that the fights suck. Like, it maybe it'd be weird if they

were good. Man, you just can't live up to it, though. You can't live up to like what you're, what you're building up in the scenes because that final cuts away to the ninjas cuts back to Jonathan Reese Davies. Jonathan Ries has just thrown those swords, I guess, in the trash. he's now got dual butterfly knives. That's even cool, that's even cool than the swords, man. Yep. I wrote down a couple other gags before we get to the final fight, because there's one where the ventriloquist throws Cindy,

like a full city block. It looks so bad. It looks like a big ventriloquist waving at an unrelated circus. It's just like, was that, were you, was that supposed to look like you threw it? Because it just, and then there's one where the rookie guy is tightrope walking over some guards, and he has to stop right over their heads. And it's that fucking Simpsons gang of like,

if it's not a fucking solar eclipse, I'm not looking up. The Godfrey home movies have kind of the inverse problem because like the outfits in Godfrey home movies like absolutely suck. Hilarious. They're just Thorbott ninja outfits with a bandana that says ninja or as you pointed out to me, Sean, the silhouette of the ninja in the center.

So it's nin, ninja, ja. If you read it like hieroglyphically. but these but like the fights are good they have backflips and frisbees and all sorts of stuff but this is all like again I maintain those reversible ninja outfits are legitimately a cool thing

and Jonathan Reese Davies I feel like that would win an episode of Project Runway but when it comes to the actual fighting it is just barely get your leg up for a kick to make the tiniest bit of contact and then cut to a stunt performer like throwing himself 50 feet

but what's great is all of them across the entire show every single person is terrible equally terrible at martial arts none of them have ever even heard of karate like they're just this is their first day learning about kicks they're like you can you can punch with a foot

like what is that I don't understand so funny that they're like we are all the masters we are the greatest in the world and then there's so much awesome fucking buildup there's so much just power opposing and butterfly knives spinning and luchador mask coming on. And then it gets time to fight and one guy spins around like half an inch and then

falls over. That's the best goddamn punchline. I think it's really funny that our main guy has everything except for one eye covered and they still don't replace him with a competent stunt man. So he's like toppling and punching and kick and just fully, fully wrong, fully stupid. But it's really him. So good for them, I guess. Good for Fred Dreyer. I think that might be Jonathan Reese, Davies, too. He's got a very distinct body. Yeah, this is, this, this, this may come off as a little bit of a brag, but really it's more just like a proud, like, dad moment, right? Like, I just pulled up a clip of a fight scene from 4-7, and I have it side by side with my 14-year-old son who bought a meteor hammer two weeks ago. And in two weeks' time, my son has gotten better with the meteor hammer than these guys are at literally anything.

Like, it's, it's, it's, you can tell they put in the, the, the number of time spent in the training should be measured in hour. and not days because it's just it's kind of insane like you could accidentally do karate and look better than like half the guys in the show that's so generous of you to assume there was training I don't think that happened at all I think they just started shooting and they're like you were gonna kick and you're gonna dodge and they're like yeah sure that's how that looks here's like what's a kick it's like a punch with your foot just do it's a foot rolling go oh I gotcha Sean your former nemesis of a bowl I remember one time when you and I were watching I think the blood rain movie um we made the observation that instead of doing choreography like sword choreography what ube would do and and it's it's kind of a mad genius move he would just go extremely close up on the faces of the actors yes and literally just like smacking the swords together and just add a bunch of sound design and it just cut from like extreme close up a face to extreme close up a face six times in a row and all you hear is just like clang clang clang clang clang and it would like trick you into thinking a fight was happening he's a filmmaking genius

And I don't care what anybody says. Fair enough. Fair enough. Let's get to where Nakara has two butterfly knives and just sucks. It has a real like sad dad yellow belt fight energy with Nakra, mostly running away upstairs and throwing little kicks. He tries to do like an Anthony Pettis off the wall, bitch slap. Both of them jump off the roof and use two confused guards to break their fault. There's still some guys out there who don't know this ninja fight is happening.

And they're just turning their back to the action. and looking like, trying to look busy. And they're just stuck bags now. That's your job. There's like a minute left on the rocket. And iPatch ties up his wrist. He grabs John Rees-Davie's wrist and he says, your life for the code.

And so they're doing like another Chi battle. And this time, Fred Dreyer wins. And so John Rees-Davis has to give up the code. And it's six, six, six. Well, I could have guessed that. God damn it. It's a fake out, though. The warhead's going to go off, and they already killed the nuclear engineer.

But to be clear, that was the real code. He said, like, that nuclear engineer had asked him like, okay, now what do you want me to put the code as? And Jonathan Restafes was like 666. And he's like, really? Because that's like the third thing they're going to guess. I will sort of give this episode a tiny bit of compliment, which is this is right around the time of both the apex of Ninja Obsession in the early 80s and Satanic Panic. and not too many entertainment properties explore the possibility of satanic ninjas.

And we only get a hint of it here. But it is sort of like fertile ground that I'm kind of shocked and never got touched on at all. But with the light touch of magic and the reference to the Antichrist, to me, I hope that in the second or third season of 4-7 the series,

we would have gotten some answers to these questions. You would see Fred Dreyer fighting the actual devil and he would have two butterfly knives. Dude, Punky Brewster fucking fought a demon in a spider king. Like, I mean, there's no, there's no way Fred Dreyer was not going to punch the devil. This show was going to be so fucking good. They would have had to recruit a priest ninja.

Oh, cool that would be. No, it would be another puppet. Oh, shit. You would get different puppets, different things. You get a priest puppet. And like, maybe, oh, man, just imagine the scene where we, like, see a giant, like, Halliburton case that opens up with all the different, like, puppets laid out. He's got a puppet for every occasion. He's got to select the right one.

Yeah. Brings out the priest. It makes the puppet cross himself. and bow his head. Fuck yeah. Just imagine the accents now. Doing a really racist Irish accent through his racist Italian accent. Where's me tiny boy puppet?

And there, then he would enter. His other hand's got a little tiny boy puppet. He's working. Jamie, leave that in. Leave it in. Yeah, leave that in. We've got, we just came over like four seasons of television for this too. They're going to use that on the reboot.

You can. Anybody wants to reboot this show. All of our ideas are free. So they need, they're trying to call back to my favorite moment of the show and when they reveal that our main guy has Chi powers. And so they can't quite get to the thing inside the warhead. They're like, oh, this go's going to go off all over us and we're going to die or get very sick.

It's a transparent film canister, like for 35-millimeter film. That's all it is. Right. So they can't get it out without some sort of a magnet or whatever, but they're like, wait a second, you have chi. So he pokes his finger in there and uses his chi to stick to the little warhead. Now, hold on. We didn't set this up properly.

I forgot about it, too. but I'm realizing just right now when Fred Dreyer first said that clip like about oh I think he has chi power like the big Italian guy was like I saw a video or I saw a demonstration where like an old master

put his hand on a barrel like this flat palm and then used his chi like to lift it up with his suction powers and that was the one example they gave us of what you can do with chi and now flash forward to the end of the episode they need him to use his chi to suction something

so they think chi can only is like gecko powers it's only there for suction magic yeah i fully confess at five years old trying this shit for years like i fully confess to like just like pressing my finger hard against something and just trying to like make it i a hundred and there's a couple times where like my skin was oily and it kind of stuck for like a quarter of a second and i was you're learning it oh man maybe i got some chi going on i'm getting there this changes a lot of the like context of his troubled relationship with his other Chi master Nakamura or Nakura. Like that's why he always looks off into the side all weird. Like we were doing some experimenting with suction powers that I've never matched to this day.

I have in my notes that John Reeves did have a little device to do this earlier without Chi and he's there. He could have he could have said, oh, you just need this little fucking literally anybody with pliers or like tongs. Needle in those pliers, totally acceptable. Chopsticks could have done it. Turn upside down, might have worked? Turn it upside down. I don't think you needed to make the hero suck it out. They use their ninja powers to, like, lift up like a giant heavy crate and shit,

just like a few, like 30 minutes ago. Why couldn't they get like four ninjas to tip it over? Music builds to final climax hero sucks it out. All right. I was hoping for a better hero moment, but I'll take it. And so with barely just more than a minute to go, we finally go back to Pontch and Larry getting congratulated for pulling that guy over like an entire episode of TV ago

and like I said some of that was recycled footage from an earlier show they filmed when the chief says it the chief runs out and he says hey you guys remember that case with the missile papers and Pontch is like

oh yeah what about it it's gone from their fucking heads they've had so much shit go down like that was the least interesting part of their week top secret missile reports and they're like I didn't even remember that at all imagine what the chief would have had to say, it would be like, you're not going to

fucking believe the crazy shit that happened with that case. There were racist puppets. There was an eye patch ninja. There's a guy you could suck off, suck things off with his fingers. Like, oh shit, I want to meet that guy. Butterfly knife, luchador, Jonathan Reese Davies. Holy shit, you guys. That was fucking crazy.

And all the main characters of chips could do would be like, wow. I guess I wish you would have seen that. We judged a wet t-shirt contest. One last little bit from Yen and Yang, or Yen of Yang is that afterwards when they have their like, then they just have their like celebratory moment then it's like, all right, things are settled down.

Cool. Here comes the puppet folks. And like, and it just appears. Like, the camera's on him, cuts away to the rookie, cuts back, puppet fully on. And he's, he has him say, it is said he who has chi is divine. No shit. Like,

just thank you for that contribution. Yeah. Whoever has magic is a magician. He thought he was going to get the chips freeze with that fucking puppet. Nope. Yeah, you could tell there was like a moment where they thought, yeah, there was like a moment where they considered that. You can tell, because there's, there's a group shot, there's a group laughing shot. Yeah, they thought like, like, we're going to, we're going to get their chips freeze and the people are like, no, no, no, call Estrada back in. Not worthy.

This was Larry Wilcox's last episode, by the way. He got bumped from his own farewell episode for four ninjas who didn't get their pilot picked up. Ninjas in 1982. Do you know how shitty a ninja has to be for TV executives to say no to them in 1982? It gets worse because Larry Wilcox got replaced by Nichols in this very show, and they changed his name to Officer Bobby Hot Dog Nelson. Did he still suck things off with his fingers? No, he's not a ninja.

His fingers can't suck. His name is Bobby Hot Dog. I always forget that bit of trivia that this was Larry Wilcox's last episode. God, what a way to go out. Jesus. He was in it for like 45 seconds, three lines maybe. God, man, you know, it's such a lot. a missed opportunity. Do you know what I would give to see what Jonathan Reese Davies could do with

the chips freeze? That is a master. Just, yeah. We had five seasons of T.J. Hooker. I would gladly trade the last two for one season of four seven. For one, Jonathan Reese Davies, multiple freeze frame chips ending. He's got swords. He's got butter fly knives. You look back at him. He's freezing with the luchador mask on. They could have turned him into, like, the Hannibal Lecter of the series, like, just have him appear every now and then to, like, they go visit him in jail and, like, ask him to, like, a hundred percent of it was going to be that. Yeah, that was the arc.

And, like, then season one ending, he breaks out of jail. I've just, I've just mapped out, like, a four-season arc for this whole thing. Like, God damn it, Hollywood. Let's do it. Let's fucking do it. I've got one. Double butterfly knives. He's looking all cool.

And then the puppet pops up behind him, dressed like him, silk executioner hat, little kung fu-fid pajamas. And he does a double take. looks real mad and then lets out a little laugh freeze frame on the laugh and then unfreeze and everybody's like wait

are we still going and then we freeze on them being uncertain if we're still going and that's the chips ending where they're like I don't understand why we did another one

and then come back wet t-shirt contest freeze frame on the wet titties at the special Olympics no no cut that one no that's the ending no we're out before that no

1,900 hot down oh beep beep boop 1.900, Frankford. 1.900, Frankfurt. Our podcast, can out. And with maximal in show.

Talk Frankfurt podcast? Correct. Yeah. The craft is nitratis not under. Shig thee in the hundersaw. 4 an hour of a stunder. Come on. You kid's the number.

1.900. 1.900, Frankfurt. 1.9, no, yeah. Einstein, Hundred, Frankfurt. Einstein, Hundred, Frankfurt. Einstein, No, you know, you're new, you're new, yeah. Yeah, 9,000. The historic hot dog club here in Beautiful's Connected to New York,

welcomes to the stage, our own in-house insult comic, Jimmy Juggles. Oh, hey, thank you, thank you. Don't applaud too hard. You ain't heard by Set-Jad. Hey, I see a lot of Supreme. out there in the crowd today, Aaron Crustin, Adrian H, I see Alex Nolanberg here, hey Alex, I hope you get hit by a speedboat like a manatee, oh, Alpha Scientist Javo, Anandhi, Armando Nava, Autumn Armstrongberg, you look like a volunteer editor for Wiki Feed, oh, Bim Tazer,

Brandon Garlock, Brian Sailor, oh I see somebody here named Brockway famously loves the Meat Millie, Well, I happen to know the guy, and guess what? He does. Burrito! Cyril. Cheddar wolf. You smell like palm all's an old breast milk. A ho!

Common sense. Craig Lemoyne, Dan B. David Schill, I heard your AI girlfriend cheated on you. It's not supposed to be possible. Science is studying it. Oh! Dean Costello. Delta Fox Trot.

Devin the Roe. Supreme, Doug Redmond, Dusty's rad title, Elizabeth Shope, some people get a bench dedicated to them when they die. You're gonna get the corner chair in a motel six. Oh, double up, oh, oh! Elliot Watson, Eric Christianberg, Fancy Shark, Jella Ho! Hey, good Satan and his hot witches. You know the way that pace the dentist used to polish your teeth tastes? No, of course you don't.

Oh! Greg Cunningham, Haraka. Harvey Pengweenie. Hey, I see honk over here, honk, hank. Jabberal, Aiden, James Boyd. Hey, James Boyd, I hope you dry, drown in a corn silo. Whoa, oh, oh, oh, sweet child of... Oh!

Jared Clack, Jared Mountain Man, Jared Ruiz, it's the Jared's... Oh, Jeff O'Raskey. John Dean, I bet all the microplastics in your balls is gonna turn your babies into spiders. Spider-oh! John McCammon, John Minkoff, Joseph Searle, Josh S, Joshua Greaves, A, Justin B, you seem like the kind of guy who's had multiple pets die because of his unmedicated ADHD. Oh, sorry that one got stuck. Ken Paisley, K&M, Kamutsis, KVH, I heard you got banned from Bumble and not even for a good pervert reason.

You just made people too sad. Hold on, let me load the O gun. All right, now let me cock it. All right, pull. Oh, oh, oh. Missed all three times. Lane Haygood, Lisa, M. Jahi Chappelle. Hey, Mark Mahoney, you seem like the fourth guy to die trying to rescue a dog from a septic tank.

Tragic, oh! Matt Riley, Max Barroy, Mojo. Hey, you guys like politics? I hear the best comedy's political these days. Let's try some. A mercenary sysidman. Jeff Bezos called. He wants his personality back.

Oh. Michael Lair. Mort. Mr. Bob Gray. N.D. I see Neil Bailey here. I see Neil Schaefer here. I see NECO 104 here.

We got Nick Levino. Hey, Nick Levino. Elon Musk called. He wants his weird torso back. Tors. Oh. Opsolete, Henri Weevil, we got Ozzie Olin, double O, we got Patrick Herbst, Pee Wee's uncle, I hope your spouse leaves you for a Republican.

Oh, re-brandrew, I hope you get the kind of concussion that turns you, Republican. Oh, you and Peewee's uncle's wife deserve each other, and I hope you're very happy. Oh! All right, all right, that's enough politics, we have fun. Oh, hey, Riannan, A. Russell, Bauer. Hey, Sam Kopnick. I recognize this guy. He's the 204th frame in that scene from Total Recall, where Arnold Schwarzenegger gets blasted out the airlock. That's a deep cut, but look it up. It's also an... Oh!

Zarkovsky, Sean Chase. Hey, Seed's Passport lists their sex as too brief for all the heartache it's calls over the years. We got space champ in here. Oh! Oh, spotty reception, super knot. Tater's Tales, hey, Tater's Tales, you smell like the sock you find stuck to a teenager's wall when you move the bed. Oh, you're just in there, you're looking, you're looking for drugs or something because you don't understand the sudden distance between you and the child who used to love you when, bam, crusty old Tater's Tales.

Oh, hey, it's Ted H, Thomas Cavato, Stimmy Lehi. Toasty God Tommy G. Veelo Hey, I see Victor Mela Vank in here. You look like you lost a fight to a puff at her who was itself already dying of cholesterol poisoning.

Oh! Hey, Booster, hey, you got the anti-venom? No, you don't. Hey, Waylon Russell. Hey, you gotta call somebody? No, you aren't. Oh, never mind, though, because of Von Clapham's here. She can just... Oh, it's my time. Thanks, everyone. You've been.

great. Not you, Zach and Ava. All right, all right. Don't forget to tip your waitresses. We all know Gareth ain't gonna do it. Oh! But no, seriously, you gotta, you gotta tip him, man. You gotta tip them.

The law says you can pay them below minimum wage if it's a tip position. It's fucked up. Capitalism is fucked. Oh!