The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 25, The Sound of a Man Yelling Mortal Kombat

Episode Date: June 2, 2021

Seanbaby and Brockway choose Auralnauts' Zak Koonce to be their fighter, as they tackle the entire Mortal Kombat cinematic universe and finish it with an Animality just like their best friend, a Native American, taught them to.

BORTAL COMBAT! Welcome to the Dog Zone 9000, the official podcast of 1900HotDog.com, the comedy-hilarity website. I'm TV Sean Baby from the internet and I always talk like an asshole at the start of these videos, so forgive me. And joining me is my partner in jokes, the legendary cracked editor, Robert Brockway. Hey, I'm talking like an asshole so you don't feel alone. Thank you, thank you!

Aruga Horn. You guys have really sharpened up your radio DJ personality. Yeah, I think. We're fucking nailing it. We're slowly segue into drive time, like morning talk radio. I'm gonna be the chooch. That's my thing. I don't know what it means yet, I'll figure it out.

I'll be fart hooters. Fart hooters and the chooch. The chooch has got more subtlety to it, yeah. I like the mystery presented by the chooch that makes me think. Fart hooters is like, I'm instantly on board, I know exactly what I'm going for, yeah. That's what I was going for. I don't want it to be any mystery about who I am as a person or as a character. I want people to look at my wife and be sad for her when they see her.

I'll say that's Fart Hooters' wife. And wife of Fart Hooters. I see you have brought your child as well. Well, Zach, you're very talkative for someone who has not been introduced yet. Before I get to you, is there a Brockway fact we need to know? Oh, let's see, a Brockway fact for today. Oh, I once got arrested for child vigilanteism. No follow-up questions.

Our guest today on this Mortal Kombat Supercast is one of the craftsmen of our theme song, our very own theme song, and one half of Oral Knotz, Zach Kootz. Yeah, the Kootz. Is there anything you'd like to plug, Zach? Plugin'. We're just, just go visit our channel. That's the best thing you could do for us. Just watch, just binge watch it.

Click a, sort by most popular and just go to town, like that's Oral Knotz over at YouTube. Oral Knotz on YouTube. Oral Knotz. And you just got sued. I do like that part in the theme song where it like goes, like it's just like straight up like eight-bit punching effects. Like it's every part. Yeah, the hocus like most derivative tricks from the 90s all in a collection.

And it's one, it's the best song. And it's the artifact that has perhaps survived best from the 90s. It has aged so well. That's really true. Here's a quick question while we're talking about the song. Are you guys familiar with the entire album that that song comes from? Yeah, a lot of Utah Saints songs. Fuck no.

No, no, no, no, not the Mortal Kombat, the movie soundtrack, but the Mortal Kombat soundtrack that existed before the movie even was a thing. OK, no, I don't know about that. OK, so this is this is homework. This is called OK, it's an album by the Immortals, a band created solely to produce Mortal Kombat soundtracks. Perfect. Every character has their own song, and they're all fucking incredible.

That's amazing. I had heard some of those where it'll be like, ancient Chinese warrior. And then it's sort of like, yeah, yeah, you're not even that far off. It's not even that wrong. Why were there other songs on the soundtrack to the movie if they had the perfect everything? Because that techno syndrome, for whatever reason, just nailed it. It was the lightning in a bottle that that whole album was trying to get.

The Raiden song couldn't even get lightning in a bottle. And that's his whole thing. That's cute. Hey, Zach, Zach, I really like it. You took the Raiden thing out of the lightning. You got clicked so early. That's record early for a click. I didn't even write that down. That's just clicked out of the hot. You got clicked before the intro.

You haven't even had your intro yet. Unprecedented clicking. So, yes, today we're talking about Mortal Kombat. And I think the overall theme, none of us prepared any solid notes on this because that's how we we fucking roll. The overall theme is we're going to think too hard about these films. No one has ever thought about. No one ever should think about. And it should be a fun time.

Because the thing about Mortal Kombat that the each movie makes very clear, they're all very different movies, but they all make it very clear that these are rigid, unflinching, like sacred rules. Like this Mortal Kombat thing is fucking important to the universe, to every realm. And always has been. Always has been. The every movie is about like how it's fucked up,

like the tournament structures fucked up. People are constantly breaking the rules, getting scolded for breaking the rules and then finding out later. No, no, no, you're supposed to break the rules the whole time. There's no sense or reason in a in a thing that seems pretty reasonable. Like I've mentioned this before, the perfect tournament movie has been made. And it's called Bloodsport, starring force Whitaker and Jean-Claude Van Damme. And any movie that doesn't copy that, that has a tournament in it,

is just fucking crazy. And even Street Fighter, a movie starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, based on a game based on Bloodsport, didn't copy it. And so Mortal Kombat to not copy that is absurd. And as we'll find out as we discuss it, created a lot of chaos, right? And you're only making those movies because of Bloodsport. Like Bloodsport came out and everybody's like,

let's make the next Bloodsport, but let's let's learn nothing from it. Let's change everything. Let's spend 90 percent of the movie on like backstories and lower of the contest. That's what people love. I think what happened was that the people that made Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter was like, dude, Bloodsport is my favorite movie. Let's make a video game version of Bloodsport and everybody that made movies based on those games was like, I've never heard of Bloodsport.

You know what people really like? The characters in the games doing absolutely fucking nothing resembling the things they do in the games. The cut scenes, I guess. That's what they like. They want to see that luggage carrying scene go on for a good 20 minutes. That's what they came for. So yeah, he speaking of Johnny Cage, like just sees Liu Kang.

Has to assume that this like athletic Asian man heading to the fucking sacred karate boat is a fighter, right? Full of other athletic Asian men. They're athletic Asian men all around him. Yes, he has to assume these guys are all here for the same karate tournament I'm here for. He says, hey, Dickhead, carry my luggage. Now, this is obviously very rude, but he also offers him real money. Like, I think he knows he's not like there to carry luggage,

because why would there be someone there to carry luggage? He's like, you're just a regular dude. I'm going to give you 100 bucks to fucking move some bags. Liu Kang takes his money and then throws his money in the river. That's a real dickhead move. Like, obviously he's demonstrating he took the insult, but he also took the guy's money. Yeah, Johnny Liu Kang taught him a very important lesson

about the world outside of LA in that one little moment. Yeah, he charged him for the lesson, basically. He's like, this money is not for the bag. I'm charging you for, you know, getting schooled. You just never, never assume that somebody with Steve Perry hair is like beneath you is anything less than a main character. That is main character hair. Main character hair.

Yeah, at least he didn't do it to like Jax or somebody. He's like, well, it's, it's, you know, he was like, he was like American races. Yeah, it's yeah. Yeah, Jax didn't even get on the boat in that movie, right? He he like he was hanging out with Sonya with this sweet ass Billy blanks flat top. And a totally different guy than they got, which is a theme that Mortal Kombat 2 like is very dedicated to just everyone's different. Yeah, they didn't care.

Like, does anyone really want the first Sonya back? Like, man, what? How badly did you fuck up when you can't get Christopher Lambert to return in a role? Like, how badly did that budget get slashed? Because he'll show up. He'll show up. If Robin Shaw came back and just looked around and was like, oh, no, did I mess up? Like, what am I doing here?

I have not been charging enough. Was I the only one that didn't Johnny Cage is where did Johnny Cage go? What has he got going on? Have you seen Patriot, the Amazon show that no one's watched? No, of course not. The second Johnny Cage is in that and he plays like this this really insecure character who's just totally along for the ride whenever the main character does something.

And it's one of the best characters on TV. And I just realized last night when I was rewatching Mortal Kombat in a relation, I'm like, oh, my God, that's that fucking great character from another show. Hot tip for everybody, watch Patriot. There's like Jason Pargent says this a lot on his Twitter. Like, it's an amazing show that no one knows about. Like the main character on that show, the actor has like 300 followers on Twitter.

Like, nobody fucking knows about it. And it's crazy, like high art, good action, funny. I don't know. It's got at least one Johnny Cage in it. It's got one of the Johnny Cage first. It's got maybe both. The only thing I saw first Johnny Cage in after that was one of the resident evils, because I think he's like a West, a West Paul W.S.

Anderson guy. I almost said West Anderson. There's so many Anderson's out there making. Yeah, not not Paul Anderson or Wes Anderson, but Paul. Not P.T. Anderson. Yeah. The P.T. Yeah. I love that P.T. became P.T. Because of the existence of the dude who made Mortal Kombat. Like, yeah, that's so influential.

Like, that's when the guild comes back and says, no, you got to change your name. Why? Who? Who has my name? The guy who made Mortal Kombat. Did you make mortal? You're not the guy that made Mortal Kombat, right? No. Change your fucking name, loser. Yeah. He made a veteran, an alien versus predator, dude. What did you make? Another, another snooze fashion.

Yeah. So I do want to talk about the first Mortal Kombat. Now, obviously, we know a tournament structure. We've all seen whatever, a volleyball tournament or the Ultimate Fighting Championship. We know how they work. So in this movie, it seems like just anybody gets to fight anybody. And if they fight outside of the tournament, like that counts as a tournament fight, but also Shang Tsung, the evil guy very heavily invested in one side winning is clearly in charge of the brackets, right? Right.

He he brings Sonya Blade in through deceit. Like he he lures her there with because she wants to get revenge on Kano. And he's he's just trying to fuck her. Some stuff falls into place later so that like he can use her as a way to win the tournament and take over Earth. But for the most part, he's just trying to get with her. But he yeah, he did not play in that. That was he played Mary fuck kill and he chose Sonya for all three.

Yes, he did. And great choices, all three of them. Yeah. For a lot of reasons. He's also he tricks Johnny Cage into being there. He uses the shape shifting powers to be like, hey, Johnny Cage, I'm your old friend from Hollywood. Master. You got to try this tournament. Yeah. And then he leaves.

And I swear to God, I watched this movie with the full intent of figuring out why the fuck he did that. I have no idea. Because Johnny had to be there. That's that's the real reason. Were they terrible fight? Were they dead like in the in the remake of the new movie? They were like, you're destined, so you have to be there. But in this one, it's just like, I want this.

I want this douchebag. I just like the whole power. Yeah. The whole point was like, nobody believes in this guy. As an actual badass. So why did you like it's utterly inexplicable? And the movie just presented that mystery and was like, yeah. Cherish this mystery. It will never be addressed again.

It would make more sense if Raiden was like, I believe in you. I've I've seen into your soul. And I know that deep down inside, there's an earth champion in there come to Mortal Kombat, but to have the bad guy just find out. It's not even like he was using Johnny Cage's celebrity to like boost awareness of the Mortal Kombat. Exactly. Yeah. There was no reason to get Johnny Cage there.

And that's like on that's an on the set rewrite. That's not even like, oh, we need some pages come back to us in a week. That's like, oh, yeah, we just have fucking is Christopher Lambert here. We could just rewrite this scene right now. Like put a different wig on him, disguise him as Master Boyd. It's really Christopher Lambert. Boom, we're done. Literally the exact same scene.

But just it's it's Raiden instead of Shang Tsung. He'll do it. He'll do it, too. He'll do it for like extra sandwiches from the craft table. If you let him go back twice, more, more head creams, you know, whatever he needs. But he won't do Mortal Kombat, too. No, absolutely not. What was with his decision to sort of be like cute? Like the whole movie is kind of like giggling.

He's like, I don't think so. He like what what was that acting decision? I feel like that's the only thing he does. Yeah, he's he's also played in a mortal before. Guys, if we're on set here and I'm Christopher Lambert, like, is anybody else here played in a mortal before? Oh, raise your hand if you've played in a mortal. I know how they think I've been in there.

I've decided that they're coy. Immortals, it would be they would be coy. All Highlanders, raise your hand. He's like, they have a whimsy. Yeah, they're they're tired of just the the the song and dance of everyday life. They have a little fun like that's what those do. The other thing I'm really fascinated about is the day to day life of people in the world of Mortal Kombat.

Like this is a very important thing. Like basically, the entire universe gets destroyed if they lose it. It happens every generation they say in the movie, so every 20 or 30 years. And there are people who know for a fact it's real. Like Liu Kang grew up in a temple. He watched his brother die in it. Like he knows it's a real thing. Yeah, everyone in that temple is like one day, one of us might have to do this.

Like this is a thing that we live with on a daily basis. Yeah, they met Raiden and they saw him and they're like, oh, oh, shit, you're reading and they all bow to him. They're not like, holy crap, this this shit we're believing is real. Like, I feel like if Jesus walked up to most Christians, they'd be like, oh, my God, for I oh, I can't I was right. And wrong about everything. Oh, man, you'd at least give him like a really.

Yeah, who's this weird white guy with a mane that no human has ever sported? Nobody even really. It's probably the way he looks up to to reveal himself is so. So the Japanese God of Thunder is a what are you like, French? Are you? Yes. Are you like almost wait, French Scottish? What are you doing with this voice? I don't have time to explain.

That was what Transylvania is really good. Yeah, it's in a tournament called Mortal Kombat. I'm only bringing the Christopher. I'm out of here now. I did what I had you work. You work. She gives clearly a fantastic. So they take the boat to the Magic Islands where someone you get so pissed off that a radio isn't working, she just throws it in the ground.

And Liu Kang has to explain to her like, no, it's not like an electrical malfunction, you idiot. Look at your compass. And so she opens up her compass and it's spinning everywhere. Like Liu Kang knows like what this place does to compasses. This isn't like, where are we? It's like, dude, I fucking grew up all my life knowing about this place and what it does to compasses.

They teach us this in third grade in monk school. So I guess the other theme of this is that. So nobody in the world knows about it, except for like eight people. And they don't seem to think it's important enough to like tell others or to like develop some sort of a training program so that the world is like generating the best fighters. Well, the monks, the monks were doing that. Right. Yeah. They were crap at it.

They were utter garbage, but they were doing it. You need to crowdsource that. Like if you watch the Olympics, what is it? Like 70 percent of the events are just fucking stupid. Like it's people just doing a perfect circle on the on the ice. Yeah. And there's like every country has five people doing that at this. At all times. Yeah. Because there's just a talent pool of millions who are like, yeah,

I guess I could dedicate my life to, you know, making a circle. That's what they would do if the fucking universe was at stake. Right. Like every government would have huge subsidies for companies that trained fighters. Like that's the world that they would live in. But instead, it's just like nine people show up at a dock and they're like, yeah, I heard about this karate tournament. Oh, man. That would be.

My name's Gus. Yeah. Art. There's that dude, Art, that was just there to get soul sucked by Goro. All right. Oh, and and to show up as a ghost at the end when they released all of the souls. I was inspirational. I guess I'm in hell now for the rest of my life. Good, good fight.

That really drew me to hear that one time. I love that this cameo came back. You were like, who the fuck is that guy? And then he came back at the end of the movie. You're like, oh, thanks, we got closure on that guy on art, on art, the Mortal Kombat intern. You know what? I'll take art over coal all day. Like, yeah, agreed.

Agreed. Art had a real likeable charm. The other thing about art is I'm going to talk about Goro for a second. I'm going to skip ahead. I'm going to talk about Goro. OK. Shang Tsung comes up to Goro and he's like, OK, Goro, you're a giant forearm to Prince of the Underworld. You can enter the tournament and then Goro proceeds to do like a montage

of fucking up like eight dudes in a row. Yeah. Now, if you're familiar with math, if this one guy has beat eight guys, that tournament has increased to, I think, five hundred and twelve, either two hundred and fifty six or five hundred and twelve participants. Yeah. It's a bracket run. It's like, yeah, from a seed is just like it's insane. Yeah. So this is this is a huge, huge tournament. And now he fights art and art is the only guy who looks at Goro and is like,

wait, what the fuck? Why is this guy nine feet tall with four arms? Everyone else is just like, OK, yeah, yeah, I know Goro. And they're like ordinary dudes. They're like schlubs, ladies. Yeah. Like none of them look really in shape. They're just like, yeah, I'll I'll fight that guy. Well, I know art was in trouble because he was warming up with like bullshit

taekwondo demonstrative moves like the split. Like he was doing the splits and like dip. It's like, oh, boy, you're you're doing gymnasium stuff. You're done. Yeah. He came up. This was an exhibition match. He just got his adult karate black belt and he's going to fight Goro from the strip ball to the to the Prince of Outworld. Yeah. They're interviewing him before the fight.

He's like, yeah, yeah, I got into karate a few months ago. My daughter really loves it. Yeah, I'm here representing Earth, the Earth. Great way to stay in shape. Yeah, it's good for my cardio. I quit smoking. So I run circles around everybody else my age. So I think I'm going to do I'm here to show my stuff and show that these

old guys still got it. He's got how many arms? What? That how much better of a movie would that be if it like like you periodically would visit a different part of the world and like, how were the France delegation coming with their champion? I would love a dude under water like Michael B. Jordan and Creed just like throwing uppercuts under the under the pool.

I feel like if if it was a Resident Evil movie, they would have given us that like six minutes of world building to show like around the world. Here's here's what world they exist in. Because Resident Evil movies take place in a different world than ours. There's like this zombie corporation and they take just a moment to explain that. Whereas Mortal Kombat is just like, no, this is our world. They this is a Jean-Claude Van Damme analog. Everything is the same except there's a secret tournament for this

for the fate of the universe. I'm like, I don't think that would have a small effect. I think that's a huge effect on the world we exist in, especially if this is the ninth one we've lost in a row. Like the governments of the world would get together and be like, we we need to do an education program and teach people about Mortal Kombat. We can't. It'd be like Armageddon.

It's like this meteor is going to hit our planet. We need to train drillers to be astronauts today. Like that's how it happened today. We got one more tournament before this shit is over. OK, everybody stop, drop everything. Like think how many goddamn idiots believe in like Bigfoot or QAnon and like go ahead and cut that number into a tenth. And that's still enough people to like have a fucking big Mortal Kombat

and enthusiast press. Yeah, but you don't want to trust the world of those guys. That's how they wound up with art. That's where art came from. Where did they find art? Did he win? Did he win a gold medal in the forms division? Like, where did he they didn't have any of his credentials? He just shank.

So it was clearly it was up to him entirely to to to feed fill this bracket. And he was allowed to go into somebody that he sent the invitations out, right? He there was at no point was Raiden like giving people invitations. It was just a song picking the worst dudes that he could find to lose his tournament that he was fully in control of. So yes, we must have art. And the only one that was there at Raiden's behest was Liu Kang. And that was it.

It was like it was almost always his job to just win that tournament. And anybody else was just cannon fodder. That's why that's why he's so fucking coy about it. Yeah, he knows. He's like, I know he's like, I'll carry it up. You're there just to tire out Goro for me so I can kick him into the into the abyss. I do like he actually says I am the chosen one later in the movie. Like he fully knows it.

Like he's like, I am this fucking. Narrative device. I already mean, it's fine to know that you're supposed to kind of play with it, though. You're not supposed to just say it. You let other people say it. You deny it is what you do. You let Morpheus say it. You don't fucking say it yourself.

Yeah, he's beginning to believe. So another thing that sort of drives me crazy about Mortal Kombat is I don't understand the world, but also everyone who's not like the main character and the audience knows what's going to happen through some sort of a prophecy. Like I'll give you a good example. Like Leo Kang, he's fighting. He fights that dude with the the dreadlocks who was in all the 90s martial arts movies.

Yeah, I think he's a shoot fighter, if I believe. Yes, shoot, great blood sport remake. So so after that fight, like he fast to fight Katana. Because again, the brackets are just fucked up. So Shang Tsung's like, I'd like to see these two friends fight and they didn't care. Like immediately start warming up. They're like, oh, fuck this lady up. Whatever, whatever.

And then they start getting too chatty. And Shang Tsung's just like, hey, I'm going to call the fight. So it shows in that fight that he can just say that guy's winning. So the fights over he wins. Yeah. Yeah. And she says in your next fight, you was the element that brings life. And this is obviously absurd because there's two elements that bring life. Certainly perfect answer and one that kind of does.

And a fourth you could make a case for. So it's a really bad puzzle. And also water is water, oxygen, blood. And what, right, right. He's going to just jizz all over him. Is that what you're talking about? Somebody, somebody track it and see if she says the word water in that. Because it's not like I can't say I have to hint at it because somebody's

listening or whatever it's my favorite. My favorite part is that he hears her words, maybe telepathically. We're not sure or just in a memory, but in either case, she's there to nod and be like, yes, the thing you're remembering is exactly the thing you should be remembering right now, right? Water, that's what I was trying to say. I just, I couldn't think of it. Good thing this dude was like Raiden in disguise who left it there, right?

Wasn't that his like set up? Like he's not going to be able to defeat us here unless I remember to leave this bucket of water. I thought that might have been Katana that put the water there. It was one of those. Raiden and he made a coy little fucking face. Yeah, you're right. Yes, you're right.

This is going to be a death spear later smug. And he's like, yeah, I'm such a fucking card. Look at me. Look at the water cleaning supplies out here. The point I was trying to get to and got very distracted was that Katana knew who his next opponent would be. She knew that he would get randomly attacked by Sub-Zero in a dining hall later in the movie while he was looking for the bathroom.

Right. And so how did she know that? And you'll see this happen a lot. Like the bad guys will be like, oh, the, the prophecy is set to be true. And they'll be like, no, I don't believe in the prophecy. They're going to be like, I'm going to make sure the prophecy doesn't come true. Whatever. But like, not only is there like this long, complicated series of rules

about if you win 10 in a row, then you take over Earth, right? But also someone thousands of years ago said, here's exactly what's going to happen and there's nothing you can do about it. Like what fucking game are we playing? That's what it is. You know what it is? It's prophecy hair. It's not Steve Perry hair.

It's prophecy. Prophecy. Yes. Prophecy. You've got that hair. There's a fucking prophecy about you just waiting to just waiting to come true. Uh, there's another great moment that throws some chaos into the rules where Johnny Cage goes to Shang Tsung and he's like, okay, I challenge Goro.

And so I guess Shang Tsung is sort of like a Dana White type character where if you just like after your fight, you're like, hey, I want to fight this guy. And Dana White's like, okay, yeah, he's like, call outs. Yeah. Yeah. He's 11 rankings away from you in the fucking top fighters list. But I think it's going to sell some pay-per-views. So let's fucking play together.

And and then, uh, Shang Tsung says in return, uh, I get to challenge the winner. And then the caveat to that was or anyone, wherever for the final. So I'll give you this fight, but I get to fight the winner or someone else somewhere else. Do you agree? And he agreed and like Raiden shows up. He's like, no, wait, don't do it. And like, he's like, no, dude, it's done.

It's a deal. The whole the rules of the tournament is decided by just Johnny Cage's stupidity. And, uh, I just, I really like that. It was like a very wishmaster moment where you like gave him a chance. Like, wouldn't you like to fight Goro? He's like, yeah, it's and he just goes, give me permission to do whatever I want one time. No backsies.

Yeah, we're good. And you get to get yourself your arms ripped off by this guy with four. And like, how shitty would that be? Earth is destroyed. And they find out later, like, oh, you know, it's, it was decided with the karate tournament. And the karate tournament was decided by this one guy named Johnny Cage. He just agreed to literally anything.

And nobody would believe that. They'd be like, wait, wait, Van Damme, Van Damme decided the fate of the, what? It's the guy from the list. It's true to those people that would be like Jean-Claude Van Damme deciding to save the universe. Yeah, or even Steven Seagal. He kind of was a stand in for all of those. Yeah, you're right.

If it was like Steven Seagal ruined the universe. Yeah, that a portal in the sky ripped open and ninjas cartwheeled out of it. That's 100 percent possible. Yeah, because he kind of gets in with like Putin and like evil dictators all the time, like if space dictators came down, they'd be like, we have talked to your king, Steven Seagal, and he has agreed to our terms. God damn it. Down with his delicious beverage named after the elements.

We have come to an agreement. He shared with us your carrots. He held the lofts, your mighty carrots. What are what are his energy drinks called? It's like Boner Thunder or something like that. He's got a couple of. This can't be right, but I want to say Asian lightning. It is Asian lightning.

Asian storm or something like that. Yeah, that was one of the flavors. I wasn't the name of the energy drink, but one of them had an Asian flavor name. Oh, he's a gift that keeps giving. I'm so glad we gave him to Russia. They're going to use him against us any day now. The sky is going to tear open and tear open. Ninjas will fall from it and we'll we'll just be like, fuck, Stephen Seagal.

I knew it. He's got prophecy plugs in. I'm Stephen Seagal from the hit film Under Siege to Dark Territory. Try my new flavor, Moldovan semen on sale now. Your local bodega. My head stores one triangle. So. Another thing I really like about at the end of the first

mode of combat is he's he's captured Sonya. He's kind of got gets what he wants. She's in a cage at his mercy and she won't agree to like fight him or make love with him, but he's sure he's going to like talk her into either one of these because he knows that if she agrees to fight him, then all he has to do is beat up this defenseless, more or less defenseless woman and he wins the tournament. The implication is that she's not really that good. That's the whole.

Because then he challenges her and Liu Kang goes, you are a coward sorcerer. Yes. Like right in front of her. They're talking about her like she's not in the room. Like, guys, she's like, hold up. Why is he a coward all of a sudden? Explain it to me. Walk me through it like I'm stupid.

If she chooses like he was not what he was not prepared for it to be like, OK, let's fuck right then like then his whole plan of like, oh, OK, so I'm not I'm not going to fight you and win the contest. Like, what if she said, sure. What if she said, yeah, you know, you're fair. I understand all the work. He could have early in the movie just fucking shape shifted into Colin Farrell and said like, hey, how's it going, Sonya Blade?

I'm I'm handsome character actor, Colin Farrell. And then she'd be like, OK. Let's yes. Yeah. Oh, no, you're a demon prince from another dimension. What have I done? Shape shifting is lost on the shape shifters only makes him cooler. You know, once the once the relationship is established, I think that small betrayal of being an evil wizard from the outworld.

I think she'd forgive. And also like if he's shaped it from Colin Farrell into Kerry Tagawa, not that much of a loss. I would have been like, hey, I'd be like, yeah, I mean, you know, you lied to me, but yeah, you're still right. Like, you know, yeah, he's still present. Just sort of Kerry Tagawa has like a just kind of resting mean face. Yeah. So like, plus, if she doesn't want to, after that, there's kind of a like,

oh, wait, why are you suddenly not into this? Yeah, what's that about? Let's talk about this, huh? Uh huh. Sonya Blade was it. Sounds a little false Nordic to me. Are you trying to be like Native American with that? What's going on there? I really liked the choice of Shang Tsung to like give her new clothes.

Like he gave her a little leather mini dress. Yeah, like a pebble from Flintstones. Yeah, yeah. And he like teased her hair out like like a glam rock groupie or something. Gem. Yeah. Yeah, she's fucking she's fucking chasing Motley crew. But that's my favorite thing about this movie is that it's totally unsung. But there's a massive support staff for the Mortal Kombat tournament.

Like, right, there there are people that carry luggage. Let's talk about some of the support staff first, because this one guy is a favorite of the Coons family. The the the ripped ninja that it's like faster than lightning that comes out and does like some moves like shadow boxes for a hot second. And it just gets exploded by some zero. Yeah, like this expendable dude. My brother's just like, yo, outside of a magical tournament,

that cat could probably beat anybody on earth just with his speed. They're all standing there. They're all part of that. He was part of like the mechanics of the island. He was one of the like uniformed sidekick guys. So they all know, yeah, that's sub zero. And the thing he does is he shoots fucking ice at you. Yeah. And he just was like, look, I'm going to show my sick kicks.

Yeah. And as long as I don't sit here, I think all I have to do is just rush him and just kick him in the throat before he finishes his like 10 minute ice summons spell, but I'm going to choose to use that time to display my my my muscles, my athleticism. Yeah, I think he knew he was going to go out and he just kind of wanted to go out as cool as possible. I think he did it. He said those little like those those uppercuts he threw were so fast.

We just cracked up at how competent that guy was. Yeah. And just how utterly expendable he ended up being. Well, there's an element of spite to it, too, because he did explode all over him. Like, oh, yeah. At the very least, you got rained on by like bits of that, dude. It didn't. That doesn't. That's not a good look for sub zero. You got frozen carcass all over you. Yeah, you got pelting by that guy, dude's nuts. It's not the man you know, but back there, he like turned them

into a popsicle sauce, bloody intestines and everything that's falling is tested that greasy chicken leg. That was one of the most unnecessarily practical moments. They gave this guy a real piece of greasy turkey to eat. And he just went to town on it. Yeah. Why are the canals always the best part? Canals. Great. That's the best part. And he had the best moves in that scene, too, who's great.

He's just sort of looks like a giant baby, like the dinosaur's baby. He's like the not the mama baby. That's what it is. I was dancing around it like, I don't know, kind of an albino ninja turtle. But no, it's dinosaurs. Yeah, dinosaurs. He's got that same little like toothless underbite that that that baby had. Right. And when he pumps his arms up, he has like a toddler thing going on with his hands and arms.

Yeah. Yeah, they're kind of short in a weird way. Yeah, we've seen that that super ripped toddler like that. Yeah, yeah, the Hercules or whatever his name was. Yeah, yeah, that's Photoshop for four arms onto that kid. And that'll be like our thumbnail for this podcast right up. So while we're talking about support staff, are you guys like noticed as much as I did, like the Goro twins, like those fanboys that just cannot stop?

They love him so much. Yeah, they look right at each other every time. It's just such a weird focus. The film decided to just go to for a little bit. Like we got these twins, right? These guys are going to be the fucking focus of this montage. Every time Goro throws some somebody, these twins are going to lose their shit and people are going to love it.

Because it's a tournament. You're still going to have favorites. Like they're up there holding up like Goro 316 signs. They've come prepared to root when they're at home. They have the same arms. They could play Goro at home if one stood behind the other. They're twins. They totally do that. That's why he's their favorite fighter.

He's like a twin in one body. He's like, yeah, he's like two. I love him so much. He's the best. Like, I wish I could be with you, bro. Assuming this follows regular tournament brackets. This was a 2048 person tournament, probably. Right.

And and so that's why that one day she got killed by Sub-Zero while also working on the island. Like, OK, we got to get that guy. We need some people. We got we didn't get enough people from. That was that was actually round one. Yeah, that was that was Sub-Zero's first seat. Yeah.

Lukaing got like an eight round buy. He fought like twice, right? He pretty much he know he's on Easy Street. He fought Shoot Fighter guy. He fought Shoot Fighter. Kind of like Sub-Zero. What did Johnny have? He had Scorpion and then just straight to Goro, I think.

Yeah, but he had to fight like 20 dudes before. And Johnny Cage had to fight one guy. Right. Well, he went to the commissioner. I think anyone could have gone to Shang Tsung at any time and just said like, hey, just call this. I want to be in the finals. OK, but I get to do anything. It's a deal. But I get it. I get a draw for wild card.

Here's the thing that drives me the most crazy of anything in the entire movie, because it breaks a rule that you instinctively know is wrong. No matter who you are, whether you've played Mortal Kombat, whether you've ever seen a movie, twice in the movie, they say flawless victory after the winner ate at least a few shots. Yeah, absolutely.

How was it said flawless victory themselves? Like, no, no. I don't think anybody said it themselves. I think in the new movie they did. That's what it was. It was the new movie. I think it was Kung Lao. Kung Lao did. That's right. And well, he went flawless.

Like, no, dude. Yeah. I think. Yeah. Straight in the face, Sung said it about. Was it was a Liu Kang's fight or was it Sonya's fight? It was one of those two. The writers just thought it meant cool, like cool victory. That's what the flawless is. Like, it's the kids are using it.

Sonya's fight. That would have been funny because it wasn't flawless. She took one of the biggest, like, gut shots on film. She just like gave up. Yeah, she'd almost just puked on that one. That was like, I think he kicked her in the stomach for real. She's like, go ahead, hit me. Just it'll be great. I know I'm going to.

You're going to feel really bad about it afterwards. But trust me, it's going to be that really makes me feel bad. Like it's a, you know, in a movie, you see a lot of martial arts ladies take a beating, but that one was really like, oh, no, that's just a normal woman that got kicked in the stomach. I felt like I hate crime. You're like, yeah, you almost really uncomfortable. I wish it sucks.

I'm like, bro, come on. It's a woman. What are you doing? There's a lot wrong with that first movie. And I think of all of them. Right. A lot. Right. Yes. And I think that one has the best world building. It's the most fun as well.

I guess it's also very fun. Full of the full, the big picture, full experience. I had the most fun with that movie. I I guess before I rewatch them, I would have said annihilation is the most fun. But after rewatching it, it's so painful. It is. It's hard to get through. I think it might have the worst special effects in a theatrically released movie. Like I went to that in the theater without reading any reviews.

I was just on board for whatever they had. I love the first one so much. Yeah. And I remember being a teenager, watching it and just being so confused about what was happening. I was like, this can't be. What what are they doing? This is these are different actors. There's I didn't know anything about budget.

Like I never thought about films like that. And I immediately understood. That was the first time you were like something went wrong. I need to consider like the economy behind this. I was like, how did they mess this up? They had they they had everything they needed to deliver. Like they even started the second movie at the end of the first one. Yeah, almost unprecedented.

Just years later with that was a real cliffhanger. That wasn't like, yeah, which was funny because it was immediately like the loser just breaking the rules. Yes. Without consequence. Like, yeah, you guys won the tournament. And guess what? Nobody fucking cares. I was like, we were fucking with you. You know, it seemed it seemed funny for a while.

It's not that funny. It did my favorite my favorite thing, which is it had clearly. I don't know, a tenth of the but however much to not afford Christopher Lambert, which is just James Remar's got to be the same amount of money, right? James Remar is like at that point in time. It was it was a down period for James Remar. But his his ticket has gone up a little bit, I think, since then.

He's a lot of ways way over Christopher. Yeah, he's like because he had Dexter kind of brought him back from the fringe. And then he was in some he had some sex in the city action that like he raised his profile. But at the time, you were like, who the fuck is this guy? I was like, oh, the guy from 48 hours. Like, that makes sense. Yeah, it's Ajax from the Warriors.

That's the last cool thing he did. What I do appreciate about the second film is they really tried to stuff it with all of the characters that we thought were cool. They they they brought in the cyborgs, like the cyborg ninjas, all the weird fringe ninjas. Yeah, Irmak. I think we're back. Yeah. Leftovers are fine with me. They try.

They got Motaro, even though they shouldn't have, like, don't put a guy with four legs like you guys can't handle this. Like they had two American gladiators fighting each other, which I loved because Motaro was Malibu. And that's what that's what it is. Such a bro. And I couldn't play like, who is this bro? Jax was Saber. And so that was Saber versus Malibu.

Only Malibu was a centaur. So I mean, that's a dream come true for a lot of nineties kids. The first Guido centaur in existence. I love that they got the bro. And he broed out that part so hard, too. He did not dial that down. Centaur are excellent hunters. And let me make love to you, Shao Khan.

And they had the one guy who is pretty underrated, but is fantastic. The guy who played Sub-Zero in that one. Oh, yeah. I can't remember his name, but he was in King of the Kickboxers. I think he was the guy who was like mangled by Billy Blanks. And he trained the white guy, has like how to deflect his secret kicks. We haven't really mentioned the martial arts of these movies, but it's it's very bad.

Like the choreography is pretty weak. But also there's a lot of slow motion shots where you can literally see the stunt people are struggling. Like, you know, there's like these awkward moments when you like do a flying kick and you land it like, not everybody gets up like Jackie Chan or Jet Lee. And there's kind of like this hoof like getting their balance. A lot of that is in these movies, like captured delicately

in slow motion. It's a realism, man. There's how a real how a real martial arts fight goes. A lot of like exactly what it looks like. Unsure expressions like fucking tore my ACL on that one. So yeah, this Sub-Zero is pretty good in this movie. He's a good movie martial artist. You know what else is weirdly good is Katana. Like she's just sort of like a swimsuit model.

But like she clearly has a lot of dance training, which seems to have served her better than everyone else is like martial arts training. Yeah, it's more dancing. That makes sense. Was it the same Katana in both films? I can't remember. I think so, yeah. All right, I can't remember her name, but but yeah, she was just a just some lunch is gorgeous model. And then Jade in the second movie was a Russian beauty queen.

I think she was in a she's some other stuff. I think she was in Zoolander in a Bond movie. They should have totally necessary part. Yeah, they should have just got the one that played the plate goes or that could have worked. Um, that scene where she shows up in Liu Kang's, I guess, dream in his like in their caveman bikini in his Native American spirit vision. Oh, yeah. By the way, who played who played people who had a scene? Was that a Native American guy?

Yeah, his name is Lightfoot. He's a Native American rapper. Nice. And he and he got to be in this movie just to get just to give a guy a spirit vision. Yeah, about how to change into an animal hitting every single Native American stereotype, the way that was presented as some sort of like vision quest. You have to find your animality.

Yeah. Oh, bro. That was like a joke thing in the game. You're taking this way too seriously. That's the other thing about this movie is it sort of seems like they don't give a shit, but many of the actors were trying things in different directions. Like a lot of them thought they were making like Power Rangers and a lot of them thought they were making like the king of the kickboxers. You know what I mean? Like that no one found this the tone

of what the fuck's going on. Like a great example is a very famous line. If you've seen the movie, you'll remember it where Katana says to Sindel, mother, you're alive and she goes, too bad, you will die. She'll die. She thought she was on a daytime soap opera. She was like that was a third path that she's like fusion. I get I get what this part is.

They're like, no, no, you don't get it at all. I think she actually did get no, no, no, they never said that. They were like, yeah, that's perfect. I love it. Everybody else did the second one. I think that that's an important piece of information that I can't believe I don't know. Michael Mann, I always like it takes me I'm slow. So it always takes me a second. So there's a there's a just a window there.

Well, I'll believe anything you say. And I don't know why Michael Mann. What a foot. What a what a pivot. All right, John R. Leonetti, what has he done? Yeah, that doesn't sound familiar. Annabelle. Wow. He directed the first Annabelle in Mortal Kombat Annihilation. That's about it. That's fantastic.

Yeah. What a what a credit line. What a career. I wish I had either one of those. So, Zach, how'd you feel about Jack's dialogue in this film? I thought it felt a lot like someone who's heard black people talk, but didn't quite know how to do it himself. Like like if a black person said to them, you know, you want us to go back to our crib, he would say, I know what that means.

And then when he tried to recreate it later for this script, you're like, hmm, I think that I'm getting a lot of that. There's a key and peel sketch like that where it's like a gangster film. And there are two gangsters and one of them was a real gangster. The other one was like a Juilliard train. Yes. I am an actor. He's one that had all the notes. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I was getting that kind of vibe. He's like, oh, I could play black. I mean, I am black.

I should be able to do this. Like just give me a chance. I'll I'll find my voice. Yeah, I love I love him as an actor because he reminds me a lot of Dennis Rodman as an actor, like he was an athlete turned actor and and very much seems like a guy with a big personality that did not train that did not translate to theatrics, I guess. We're talking about the new Jacks, right?

This is we're jumping to the. I'm talking about Annihilation Jacks. Oh, OK. Oh, so Saber, right? Saber. Yes. OK, because the new Jacks had some problems, too. I mean, he was at least seemed like he he knew some other black people. But I don't I honestly, I don't know if I remember enough about Saber's there's there's a great scene. You might remember where Raiden shows up and he's like

he talks about his arms like you do not you have no need of these arms. And he goes, you know me two seconds, brother, and you're already dissing me. And it's just it feels like I feel like as the only black person there, you probably should have had some notes like this is it's not technically wrong. But I think we can improve on this line. I don't think. Yeah, it's I wouldn't sound like this.

If I said this, can I just say, you know, you know, he was back there like bouncing lines off a Malibu like that was his go to. It was a set, bro. And I wonder if they like you rise to the level, you know, Malibu's over there. It is like just trying to relax and is like extra pair of like prosthetic legs. Just man, what are we doing here? I didn't know they're going to put a fucking horse suit on. I think he was into it like Malibu at any time.

If the camera was on him, he was like gnashing his teeth. Like that guy fucking brought energy to this movie. Malibu. Centaur's McExplen hunters puts me inside. You shout. He's like, if I nail this, the fucking world is my oyster. I could do whatever I want after this. I could work with Tom Cruise. I'd I'd love to watch more Malibu movies. We should look him up on IMDB later.

My favorite Jack's moment is just what he just takes as when he realizes that he did indeed not need his arms and he just pulled them off. As I was like, what were those attached to that? What were they doing before? Right? You just slid them off like actual sleeves. Where they just they had to have been attached to his nervous system, like, in a pretty severe way.

And he just it didn't seem like he hated it. There's a scene I love where Sonya Blade fights Malina in the mud and it a mud fight. Yeah, they just they just wallowing it. They're like, and I don't mean they wallow in the mud. I mean, like the filmmakers just wallowed in like the fucking perversity of it. They're like filmmakers. We're like, we're going to give the boys something to jack off to.

This is a jackoff break. Sweet. Let's do it. And at the end of it, like this several like like a PlayStation one cut scene jumps out of the ground behind her and it's trying to eat her. And then Jax to save her just starts punching in the ass. They didn't want to like try to Photoshop like interacting with it. We had to punch it low and from behind.

It went on for I swear to God, it went out for 10 minutes. I remember going on 10. I feel like they cut away from it and then back to it. We're like, yeah, yeah, no, it's over. No, he's still punching that. We don't want to waste any of this punching footage. Like he like Chris Redfield from you ever play Resident Evil Five when he just punches this absolute shit out of that.

Boulder. Yes. Yes. But I'm like, is he human? Am I controlling a monster? Throwing body shots in that. That Boulder. Yeah. I mean, his arms are boulders. So technically it's a fair fight, but I don't know what I'm looking at here. That made me laugh out loud.

Probably the first three times I saw that cut scene. I just could not believe they did it even for Resident Evil. We're like, there's a very famous Resident Evil scene where they're shooting each other at point blank range and they're just like rolling on the ground to get out of the way. The bullets. Have you seen it? It's so fucking good. I still think punching the Boulder might be dumber than that. No, that's what the game.

I don't know that I don't know that you beat that one. The game was like, we're going, this is an anime now. Like whatever you thought about horror, like we're this is one punch man now. So what Jacks eventually took his arms off, I think to beat Cyrax or something like that. Wasn't he fighting one of the ninjas? Oh, he's fighting Motaro. Oh, he was fighting Motaro.

It was a gladiator on gladiator action. Gladion, gladiator. I don't need robot arms to beat no horse. I already used that horse red in the ass. I eat horses like you for breakfast. If it's got an ass, point me towards it. I feel like we've talked enough about annihilation. Like annihilation, they that there's no world building

because they're just in the outworld. And I feel like that place sucks so fucking hard that they don't care that it's going to get destroyed when the realms merge. Because a lot of the drama or the lore is this place. I believe it sucks. Believe Katana at one point was like, this place really sucks. They're like, it didn't used to suck, but it does now. So yeah, well, it used to be good.

We did get an awesome Brian Thomas is another great character actor who got fucking completely wasted as a show. Yeah, I was so surprised when he took off the mask. I was like, that's like that guy. And that's all you're doing. You're not going to let him like like he was in Cobra. He had like the deadly Satan knife. Like he's dangerous, man.

Show him breaking a dude in half master. He's not a lion. Yeah, but he was just like a little like twerp and lion heart. He was like a skivvy, fix it guy. You know, he's a fixer or whatever. I feel like he's got a great look. Like you look at him and you're like, oh, that's a bad guy, but not the main bad guy.

Right. And I guess he was a bad guy. I could take. He's here, the honor of getting his fucking chest caved in by the Terminator. He was like one of the first to him and Bill Paxton got wrecked. They fucking had it coming. You don't go up to a fucking 270 pound man, naked. Right. Even if that guy was not a robot, you were fucked.

Counting his fucking 10 pack down to his dick. Like, look at this guy. Look at this guy who could I'm I'm 98 pound Bill Paxton at this point. What am I? I have not hit Bill Paxton puberty. I'm going to fucking take him. I don't do too well on Twitter. Like my tweets never I just put random thoughts in there. Then fuck off.

And one of my better tweets was, you know, who tweets really well is those bad lip reading guys? Motherfucker. I'm out of here. I will leave right now. He goes, Hey, guys, posting a new video today. And that's all he tweets. I was talking about how I never realized until I was grown up

at that Reese, the first thing he did when he arrived was steal a homeless man's dirty pants. And then he ended the movie in those same pants and only took them off to fuck Sarah Connor. She has hepatitis F through Z. The very least she got a UTI from the future. She got. Yeah. They got a UTI through time.

They got caught off guard by the Terminator while he was putting those dirty fucking bum pants back on. Like that was with this bum pants down. No underpants. Just just dick on bum contact. All movie like that. Pants that haven't been washed in years. Yeah.

Longer than Reese has been alive, probably. So the new. That's probably why Ed Furlong sucks so bad. OK, most of his most of his DNA. Oh, yeah. Glick me. Go ahead. Do it. I like how you took the jeans in on yours.

Very unexpected. Zach, I don't get to hit puns very often. I'm proud when I nail that fucking nuclear pun. So so yeah. So Earth is in a lot of trouble because when the realms merge, they squish everything together and fuck it all up. And nobody in Outworld seems to think this is a problem because what the fuck are you going to fuck up?

And now my debris. That's where I keep my my PlayStation one monster. So I keep my future homes of reptiles, those like random statues that could be inhabited by right, like little reptiles that like turn into ninjas. Yeah, you know, we got those. We got a lot of those. They're all around. We didn't mention that Liu Kang fucked up,

fucked up that little reptile guy so hard in the first movie. He like kicked him through the door and he did like 60 flips, which is very Mortal Kombat way to travel. Right. And then he like hits the ground. He turns immediately into maggots and then a little monster comes out and then Liu Kang, like Bruce Lee, murders that monster. Just incredible.

Like he turned him. Yeah, he turned him back into that statue that was full of bugs. And it was like the bugs were coming out. I was like, yo, he kicked that guy so hard, he turned him into a fucking statue, a bug filled statue. And now I annihilation, they all had like a little tattoo that would turn into a dragon and then vanish in a flash of light. Like they clearly don't have any problem adding

very strange lore, but they never really make sense out of it. I guess later in the movie, they say, oh, that's a special pass. So you can pass between realms. Yeah. But like the people pass between realms freely, like all the time. Scorpion just grabs Katana and he's like, suckers. It takes you through a realm portal. That's one of my favorite things to do. Well, it's like, one of my favorite things that the Mortal Kombat movies do

is that Scorpion is only allowed to speak if it's in that weird voice. And most of the time, he's only allowed to say something if he could, if it's about being in one place and then having to go over here. Like that's because he says get down even in the first one. Yeah. Get down here. It's like, oh, well, as long as it's about, you know, travel from point A to point here, he could say it. Are you familiar with like the the Ghana movies or the Ghana movies

where they like they make like a bad action movie and then it's all filmed like in, you know, Kikongo or also or whatever that they're filmed in. And then like some dude will come in in English later and be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, good action, good action. Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK, a lot of Mortal Kombat annihilation feels like that because there's so much ADR, especially from Jax, where they're like, so we're fighting and Jax will come in and say like, yeah, fuck you, man. Oh, yeah. You're nice. Nice explosion there, buddy.

And you're like, what's going on here? And I just love it through the lens of like knowing those Ghana movies. That's what it feels like when you watch Mortal Kombat annihilation now. I need to not only revisit Mortal Kombat annihilation, but also I need your recommendations for the Ghana movies. OK, I need that experience. I want that. OK. Bad Black is the one I saw like at the Alamo Draft House

that kind of got me like hooked. Bad Black like that title. Yeah. And there's one called Who Killed Captain Alex? And less, less good title. Right. Less good. Yeah. I'm not that one's not hooked. Pretty big step down from Bad Black. Here's the thing is that the action is outrageously bad. Like they'll have like a cartoon helicopter

that's like put in with After Effects. It's like Birdemic style. Yes. Like Birdemic style. I've seen clips of this stuff. But their martial arts is fucking way better than Mortal Kombat. Like these dudes are straight up like Kung Fu enthusiasts and they go nuts. So there's in a lot of ways, they're great. And then they'll have like stick machine guns and sometimes real machine guns.

You have to suspend a lot of disbelief. And also the movie is being narrated by this guy who's like, Oh, action, good action. Oh, that girl's hot. Look at the butt. And then sometimes he like makes fun of you. He's like, oh, he missed. Look at that. So it's very strange. The whole thing is like watching it. It's got a riff tracks built in.

Yeah, it's got a riff tracks built into the audio. It's got like I'm the juggernaut bitch type. Yes, you just comment to go over it. Yeah, I love it. Yeah, it's a bad black. That's the only one I remember Mr. Alex or whatever. I'm not who killed Captain Alex. Who killed Captain Alex?

It's like a Jackie Chan movie title. Yeah, it is. That's that's his character name, too. Hi, my name is who killed Captain Alex, Jackie Chan. And then Jackie Chan's on a mountaintop. Good. Who killed. You caught my reference. It's from the film. Who am I?

Who am I? Where Jackie Chan played a character named who am I and Jackie Chan? And he also yelled who am I? We don't want to talk about the new Mortal Kombat so hard. We're hard to look at. You can we've been let's get back to it. No, anything else.

We're not going to do it. No, I'm actually really excited to talk about that because I could really tear into this one. Like the other ones were fun and we have fond memories of them that are nostalgia based. But this one this one fucking shit the bed and like every possible way. Like I didn't even look it up.

But did they add a new guy that was not in a combat to be a cold? That's my least favorite thing. You fucking call. You can't even tell the story with the main character. We don't need a fucking last action hero type avatar that represents us. That would like we all have grown up playing Mortal Kombat.

We know who everybody is. That's who Cyrax is for. I'm Cyrax. I am Cyrax. Show me the world through his lens. It should be about Cyrax. I want to watch him fall in love. I want like a like a district nine type.

Like I want to feel humanity towards this soulless machine as he tries to find himself in this world. But let's talk about Cyrax real quick. We will get to the new Mortal Kombat but Cyrax in annihilation shows up and he just shoots these spiked balls out of his chest that don't fucking do anything. Like they fly off to the random sides

like far away from his enemies. Stick to walls and explode harming no one. That's who Cyrax is. That's why I love him. But we should talk about the new movie. We're going to be all day talking about Cyrax. There's a robot ninja though too. Their lore behind those things is so awesome

that it gave like a free pass to how bad they were because like oh they're here and I appreciate that. Awesome in the best way which is a 12 year old with no notes. When they showed up in video games. What's cool to you. We had to try to figure out everything we could about these new characters.

Cause like that idea that lore, that was kind of a new thing to us when it came to arcade games. Like they didn't, final fight had no lore. It was like we kidnapped your daughter. He's the mayor. How much fucking lore do you need? He's the mayor.

Time to hit the streets. That's a complete story to me. We're lovers. Yeah. We got, the lore we got is, are you a bad enough dude to rescue the president? Like that's all you needed. Yeah.

It's a perfect story. So we found out that he was like Sub-Zero's clan, got into cybernetics and decided that that was the next phase of ninjas. And motocross. We got really into motocross. BMX armor is like top, top gear. That's what they went to to make them a robot.

They just put BMX gear on him. I love it. They don't even fucking put stuff on it. Just straight BMX gear. This one's got predator dreads. That's as high end as we're willing to get. He shoots balls, exploding balls. This guy just shoots oil slick.

I was confused by that. He'd shoot oil on the ground and be like, is that his blood? Like is he using his own lubrication to? Take a shit? Is that excrete? Yeah, I love the robots. I don't love that there are no robots in the new one.

I do love Cabal. Cabal was cool. Basically, Kano and Cabal, the two black dragon dudes. Kano was rad. Kano was the best. Kano stole the whole movie. Kano got all, like what's it rated? Could it even be called?

Was it a peachy? Was it stealing it? Like they left it unattended and he just took it. He just walked away with it and nobody questioned it. I think that's his. Yeah, I think it is his, too. I didn't see anybody else put it there, so. He wants it, I don't want it.

However many F-bombs they're allowed within their rating, he took them all. He's like, how many do I get? And they were like, go for it, dude. Well, we'll add it back. Same and non-sexual fox. Oh, all fucking beauty. I can, how racist can I get?

He's like, Mexicans and that's it. He's like, oh, I take that fucking hat, that sombrero, shove it so far up your ass. You're spanish, fluently. You know what? I called him Kung Pao. Hey, is that, remember? I call that fucking Kung Pao.

So here's why I hate the new Mortal Kombat. Like, so in the original one, it was like only the best warriors got a shot to defend Earth, right? That means they had to work hard. They were the most talented. Like art. They had the spirit, whatever, like art.

Art had the spirit. He didn't, his body wasn't there, but he was, you know. He never gave up. He was noble and he never gave up. Yeah, in this movie, none of that shit matters. All that matters is that you have some sort of inherited fucking thing that you did not have to work for. Unless you murder something for it.

Unless you murdered for it. Yeah, exactly. I was gonna say, murders work. How have your murders been going? Mine have been really fucking tough. So we got one guy who was born with it. It's inherited wealth from his family and he sucks shit. The only time we see him fight prior to the Mortal Kombating,

he loses. It's an MMA fight and he gets wrecked. His corner man is a little girl. Yeah. And to be clear, she's not a talented martial arts coach. Like they're against the coach. He has double underhooks and she says, use your uppercut. Use your uppercut.

Which would require him to like disengage. Let go, yeah. Open himself to attack, then get some distance, then close the distance again. It's a bad idea. It's a bad corner call. The only thing that advice was supposed to do was, A, it was supposed to be like, it's kind of like a Chekhov's

uppercut, but it was also to be like, people aren't clear if this is or is not Johnny Cage yet. So say something about an uppercut, so they still think that maybe it's Johnny Cage. OK, yeah. He's in a cage. Maybe he's in a fucking. Do the splits and punch his dick.

Yeah, I would love to have seen that. So he gets like legitimately submitted. He taps out. He gives up in the most humiliating possible way. And that's it. That's the only time we ever see him fight. He's somehow just chosen because he has the tattoo, even though he doesn't particularly want it or anything

that it has to do with it. He's like, I don't want to I don't want to fight. I don't want to defend the world. He lost in a day MMA tournament in a $200 price fight. Like the stakes were really low. But that's his superpower at the end. His superpower is that he gets stronger when you beat the shit out of him.

Yeah, exactly. Which they thought was way more inspiring than it was. He gets like bootleg Wakanda technology that he could channel into his uppercut because she yells, use your uppercut again. And we go full circle. I'm such a bad fighter. I'm sorry.

Oh, man. So this whole Mark situation was just still burning. It was like, yeah, it was like failed from the beginning. Because obviously, we talked about the world building in the first movie and how it's bad. In this one, it very clearly just using the raw capitalism of this birthmark element. Within two days, only murderers would have this fucking mark.

Only murderers would have it. Just look at it. So like, Liu Kang has one. And he's like, I took it because I murdered a child trafficker. And it's like, why did that child trafficker have it? Who gave him that? He murdered the child. Was he born with it?

Because if he was, that's a shitty system. He might have just murdered a random kid. He might have just murdered a random kid. He didn't know the kid had the birthmark. It was just some kid born to fight in Mortal Kombat who had the bad luck of getting murdered by a child trafficker. And then, oops, you see the problem

with the system, Mortal Kombat? Yeah. He performed a fatality on that child with just like a gun. Yeah, that's a fatality. So the odds of a Liu Kang showing up and then reacquiring the mark for like a noble purpose, it seems really low. Like, it's what you said.

Within two days, it would be nothing but canos at that table. That's it. You get a table full of canos. They're all morally compromised. Your world is fucked. Which would have been such a good movie. Wow, that is amazing.

Just fucking 12 canos wrestling. So here's where you can make the movie even a little more interesting. So what does constitute murder? Like, if Kano got run over by an old lady and he died, does that old lady now have the mark? Or does the car? Like, what?

Wait. It's the car because Mortal Kombat exists in a universe where machines can enter Mortal Kombat. Cyrex? We were just talking about. So the car would be. The car would get it. I wanted to see something like, it's a really obscure movie

from the late 70s. Fred Willards in it. It's called America-Thon. Have you ever seen it? Uh-uh. It's basically trying to save America with a telethon. And it's just like ongoing stupid sketches to. And there's a scene where Meatloaf, the singer,

has to fight a car. And he's like spearing it like a whale. He's like on top of it. Like just being like slung around, like being whipped, tail whipped by it. He's like trying to hang on and it's trying to kill him. And he eventually conquers it. Like it rolls over on his belly and he spears its guts

and oil spraying everywhere. It's a fantastic scene. But I wanted to see, like, I was like, I would have preferred something like that. Like just a car rolls out and Kung Lao has to fight it. I think there's definitely going to be a few wild animals in the tournament if you could get them just by killing someone. Oh, like Kuma from the, from the Tekken series?

Like some Tekken about kangaroo. Yeah, kangaroo. Now you're working animalities back in. Yeah, a little raptor, you know, anything. What if the kangaroo could do a humanality? And then, so it's just like this actor walking around. You get Brian Thompson again. He was playing a kangaroo in a man's body.

He's like a killer kangaroo. He is, he's always been a kangaroo wearing a man's skin. If you were a casting director and you were told, okay, this character is a human with kangaroo mind. And Brian Thompson walks in. Brian Thompson. They're like, fucking dollar sign eyes. Yeah.

Well, iced tea is not available. So I guess Brian Thompson is the way to go. I bet that pisses off iced tea whenever someone mentions the kangaroo character. I don't, I don't do that shit. That's the first thing I would talk to him about. Kangaroo. Kangaroo for like 40 minutes.

I don't have any other questions. That's in my past. I just want to know, did you realize I was a kangaroo guy? Like when you took the part where you're like, I'm like, scripts can move fast. Like they only introduce you once. I think you knew they had to leap around. Like they had to use jump powers.

I was told maybe it's not like a jump really good. This mark. Here's where the next set of problems come in. Now you are unable. So there's magic in the world of Mortal Kombat. And for our entire lives, we were led to believe that if you train hard enough, you could have this magic. Like it comes through practice and just being a badass.

Nope. Nope. You can't do it unless you have this mark that you were either lucked into or you murdered someone for. So Sonya Blade, who is repeatedly shown as the most competent martial artist in this film, she quickly dismantles Johnny Cage or Cole,

whoever the fuck. He tries to break into her little trailer park and she just fucking submits him right away. Same with Kano. She just totally houses Kano. At any point, she has proven to be the most the superior martial artist, but she's like ejected.

She's like, yeah, bitch, bye. Every time she tries to walk in because she doesn't have the mark. So it's like, oh, like there is no talent involved. How great would it be if like in late in act two, they're like, if Cole's like, dude, I can't fucking do this. And Sonya's like, you're the only chance we have.

And he just puts a knife in her hand and like drives it into his own heart. And then he just like, dude. That's a bold decision movie. That's how you make a, you gotta make the tough call. She's like between like horrified and happy that she's gotten, this is what she wanted, but she also like, not like this.

So shocked. Yeah. It has to be you, Sonya. They had to just throw away so many other characters to get to that point. And so that what makes that mark thing stupid is that you have, everybody's got like a little trick and that you can only access that trick

through like negging basically. Just massive trauma. Yeah. So all their training sessions are reduced to them just like being abused until they try to find the right thing that annoys you just in the right way. Except for Kano. Just wants someone to give him a fucking egg roll. And they're like, no.

And Lou Kang and Couglau are looking at each other like, we know what's going on here. This is it, this is it. We cracked it. Yeah, this is it. It's the egg roll code. It's the egg rolls. We've trained for this.

The monks taught us about this, the egg roll technique. And he gets so mad at like the weakest cut downs too. Like Kanglau's got no smoke behind his words. Like it's so lame. Yeah, he's like, you are fat pig. He's like, okay. He's like fucking sombreros and fucking fire fuck. Yeah, like, dude, relax.

It's not that bad. Like escalated. He's had such thick skin up into this point. And now all of a sudden it's just like... He was hungry. He was just frustrated. Because he was hungry. He was hungry, yeah.

That's true. I relate, I relate to it. It's still my favorite character. And so then they beat up Cole for a while and it like just doesn't work. Like they're beating the shit out of him while he like talk about beating the shit out of him. I'm like, oh, this isn't working

while they're punching him in the face. Yeah, he's just like, I'm sorry guys. I don't know what's wrong with me. You can't even get your ass kicked right. Just give up and they just send him home. Yeah. They're like, we tried everything. We tried not giving an egg roll.

We tried beating him up. This is, it's not an exact science. Let's sampling the egg roll thing. Let's send him home and let's tip off the bad guys to send their fucking mutant prince after his family. Maybe that'll work. Like the way Raiden is kind of like, that was my plan the whole time after he shows up.

Like that's messed up, man. He was going to rip his family apart. And I'm a little, he'd Goro emerges from a barn. Like that's just so disappointing. Like the first time we see Goro, he just like slides a stable open and. Right.

He could have dropped from this guy. Annihilation. Another thing it did well is all the ninjas entered through portals in the sky while on fire doing flips. Like. That is so fucking apocalyptic. Falling in the sky like Ninja comments. Ninja apocalypse is like.

Ninja media storm. The best possible. Yeah. Of all apocalypses. And so if they, if they dropped Goro ninja apocalypse style out of a hole in the sky doing flips and he hit the ground superhero pose, no one would say like, oh man, that's stupid.

Like I'm just saying fucking go all out. There's just having an, plus I bet the barn was more work CGI wise. Yeah. Just drop him in the sky. Cowards. You could have at least like dropped him into the barn and he could have blown the whole fucking thing up for scale.

You know, like, oh, this guy's fucking powerful. Like that shockwave blew up a barn. I have a rough idea of the dimensions of a barn. I, that means something to me. But he like gets, he says no words, you know, he's just completely embarrassed by the super shirt that appears out of nowhere because we believe in himself now. It seems so clearly in super turtle black panther,

but like, what the fuck is it? Yeah, it's his punishment shirt. Cole can take a beating. That's his superpower is being able to take a beating long enough to remember, you remember guys how the movie started with him taking a beating? That's called screenwriting. That's just good storytelling.

Yeah, that's foreshadow. It's all the techniques. I'm like poetry at rhymes. And then he's got these like, I don't know if they just decided, he has to attack with something. So, you know, just fart some tonfas out of his hands and call it a day.

Some things like sharp and one's blunt. Like I just didn't get which again, is a bad idea for Mortal Kombat because the worst Mortal Kombat character is a guy named Striker, Striker, who's got a tonfa. And I actually like, do you think that was a nod? Was it a nod?

That's what it felt like it could have been. I don't think it was, but it it it's dangerously close to one. It made all it did was made me think, wow, Striker actually would have been better in this movie. Yes. Like that's I thought about Striker in 10 years. Yeah, what the mall? Can you imagine if it was just a fucking Paul Bart character

who had to enter Mortal Kombat? But no, they get like this this guy who's a real martial artist who's clearly had like a long fight career, like an experienced martial artist. He's just like can't fight for shit. Like that's not a good character, but like that's that's he's like Diego Sanchez, basically. He's had so he's got a history.

He's like respected somewhat. But he's he's on the on the down slide. Oh, my God, it's so perfectly Diego Sanchez. Like he had a good career. Now we can't fight at all. And a lot of it's because he like fell in with these magic people. I'm glad you're caught up on the current Diego situation because it's sad.

It's fucking crazy. Yeah, there's some recent controversy where Diego Sanchez is managers stood up in like a UFC like corporate meeting and went on some insane rant about how people don't like Diego because I guess they were making fun of him. Joe Rogan and what's his name? Not Goldberg anymore, but anyway, the announcers were John Onnick or whatever. Yeah, John Onnick, they were they were making fun of Diego

because he trains with this magic guru, like this yoga teacher. He's like a cult leader, right? Yeah, he's kind of. But Diego is the only guy in the cult. Like he's just yeah. And so anyway, he completely lost his mind. And now he's mad that people are making fun of him for losing his mind. And I don't know. It's an interesting drama.

We could probably get news is that Diego announced that he thinks the UFC is like trying to kill him. That's him. That's perfectly appropriate. Yes. Yeah. So that's that's your hero, folks. That's Cole. Yes. My girlfriend pointed out correctly because I watched it twice. I don't know what's wrong with me. That his shirt is actually a stylistic reproduction of the the rapping

around the Scorpion family, like digging tool, huh? There's like a very specific way that it's like it's like wrapped up. And that's what that was another of my favorite parts of the movie is that now Scorpion's cool hook is a trowel. It's a garden trowel. They had his wife digging with a knife. I was like, no, no, that's not a garden trowel. She's using a knife to dig.

Like what is I don't know how to feel about it. That's a garden trowel. Yeah, you said as a garden trowel. That was the last thing you used it for. Scorpion honey, do we have any garden tools? He's like, I only have ninja weapons. She's like, I guess that'll that'll do. This is fine. Yeah, this is great.

Yeah, you must make the earth submit, stab the earth and it will grow. Honey, you're so dramatic. I'm going to be in the garden. So that opening, I will be opening a portrait to hell. They that we got baited. They released that first seven minutes. Oh, that fucking trailer. First trailer is so good.

They got us the same way that outriders got us. You I know you played outriders with this. It's a game like like riddled with problems now. And they just keep getting worse. They keep trying to fix it. And they just like for every one thing they fix, they break 10. Right. But they released a demo that was incredible.

They got everybody on board. And it was like, oh, that's what this Mortal Kombat tried. The first seven minutes was the outriders demo. And we never got anything like that throughout the rest of the movie. Like stylistically, like choreograph wise, none of that shit came back. And you got Joe Tasleem or Tasleem. I don't know how you pronounce it from the raid.

And I guess that current show warrior that's on HBO, he's in that. He's fucking fantastic. I love that guy. Yeah, he's good. Zero. Is that Hirayuki? Is that the guy who plays Scorpion? That dude from like Sunshine and Last Samurai? Right. They're all fantastic dudes. Like they're they're great.

They're they're far. Yeah, it doesn't have a. Kind of performance issues. It's not like Mortal Kombat one and two, where like there's a lot of performance issues where like, you know, like Malibu is not a great centaur actor, right? He performs well as a human athlete. No, the guy named Malibu is not a multi threat kind of guy.

Right. So so you're constantly reminded that you're watching crossover. You're watching this power rangers thing for adults, whereas this movie like I felt like most of the acting was competent and the special effects were kind of awesome. Which is kind of worse. Like when you have a movie that's really bad, you want to be able to like at least appreciate like if it's campy and a lot of fun, memorable ways

that we'll be talking about it 20 years from now. But I just I don't think that's going to happen. Yeah, we'll forget about this movie pretty quick. Yeah. And the Mark system definitely made an uninteresting. Yes. The worst. That's the worst thing a movie can be. Oh, the other thing that it does that's kind of a death sentence

for a film like this is it takes stuff in the video game and it tries to like explain it. Like how the fuck does someone have a magic power in the video game? No one cared. Like no one's playing the video game like how is this guy throwing a fireball? This is fucking stupid. I don't think anybody asked that question

and he's the best martial artist in that area. Like that's how he throws fireballs. He's good enough to crot. He throws a straw. You dumbass. Why do you fucking ask? The whole movie was about explaining how he did a bunch of push-offs. That's his reward.

And so to spend so much screen time explaining how these particular people got powers. And also it felt like it felt like an apology. Like they couldn't figure out how Sonya, what powers Sonya would have because I don't think she has any in the game. So she didn't have the first 10 or 12 more. She just has like Sonic rings and like that death kiss.

That's it. Right. So then what I think that was a fatality. So that doesn't quite count as their powers because that's like a magic little cartoon. Anyway, the point is it felt like to me most of the movie. It's like, oh, this was someone working really hard to explain why Sonya doesn't have powers.

Everyone else can do this cool stuff. And then later they're like, no, no, no, we'll give her this laser beam she can shoot. Yeah. Because what? It took her two seconds. Once she got the mark, she's like, oh, I got my powers. Didn't even show it just happened off camera. She's like, I have this arcana thing.

It was like a foregone conclusion that she murdered Kano. Like that was just we knew it was going to happen because she already beat him. Even though he's got a laser eye, which doesn't really add anything to the threat level. You're like, I'll just throw water in your face. And apparently it'll short circuit because it's really just machinery, not magic.

Like what is she throwing his eye? I didn't catch it the second time either. It was like, was it hydrogen peroxide or something? I will say it wasn't. Jack's little tiny robot arms were really funny. Yeah, that was some real body horror. That was kind of horrific. I was like, oh, I laughed every time

when he was doing the weak little mini punches. Hit the bag and just like just like wishing he was dead. These things fucking suck. He's like, God damn it. I really did hurt. That was probably just like ramming his like stubs with with metal. Yeah. And then Kano's like, they make him in boys sizes.

It's such an awesome insult for a guy who just walks out of out of the room with the fucking robot arm. Oh, it's just the he hit that elephant in the room like with with everything he had. OK, and he finds your insecurities and just pounces on it. He just digs his thumb in there. Yeah. And he's already got the laser eye at that point. So he's just brimming with gusto.

He's I hope they learn a lesson. Like I heard they were going to make two more of these movies. And I hope they've learned the lesson from this and that the only thing anybody liked about it was Kano. So the next movie, he's back from the dead and he's the main character. Yeah, Kano and the fact that Sub-Zero turned blood into a knife. Like that's the only it's just a fucking comedy until I'm dead. Kano and I and me.

I mentioned that on Twitter. I was like, just make a buddy comedy with Kabal and Kano, because those were the two. Yeah, that's it. The whole film like Kabal had this kind of weird, like maybe it was a Jersey accent. Like this motherfucker was in a real shit head with a bad attitude. I know that guy. And he's your fucking.

He's super speed cyber ninja. He's why I'm in this suit. OK, that's explained. Let's keep moving. Yeah. Yeah. So what is he put you in a magic suit? You just look like a super powered villain. So maybe you need to do is that like a that's a medical iron lung. Like the doctors iron lung.

Yeah, on this evil mercy. You know, like we got to keep him alive at all costs. So that that's clearly like, I guess, outworld magic, right? So that that's the presents another question. This is like going back to what you were saying about the rules and how everyone's just breaking them all the time and that they don't really matter. Right. Like the rules for earthlings

is that you can't learn magic unless you've got this stupid like frat brand. Yeah. So clearly sub zero and Kabal are humans from earth who are just in imbued with magical power because like somebody in Outworld recognized their talent and just bless them with abilities. Like they don't have tattoos or anything like they're not chosen. They were recruited for their tail had freeze powers

just because he was a good ninja. That's what I thought, too. And I think the movie was basically unintentionally said that. OK, like he was always working for Outworld, I think, even back in the day when he's going after Scorpion, because he's what did he say? He said like the Lin Kwai, which I think is the Chinese ninja, which Chinese ninja. Right. That has nothing to do with Outworld as far as I know.

I feel like by saying that, you're saying here's a here's an organization outside of under of the other world, people outworld people. I don't know that. Yeah, it's like they have magic, though. And they never like if they wanted this rule of the brand to stick, they could have done like a quick moment where he rolled up his sleeve. He's like, I'm chosen to ha ha, but I'm bad. So at least it explains his magic powers.

But as far as I know, he's just so bad ass that he could freeze people and has ice powers like that's that was my understanding. All has got this awesome teleport like suit that turns them into like a Tron light bike. Right. And those fish hook things. Yeah. Like, what do you call those? Oh, fuck, there's a name for them. Hookswords. I think they're just called hooks. That sounds right.

I remember you could buy the old martial arts catalogs back in the day was always like a heavy on the wish list of things I thought it would be awesome to have. Maybe somebody was just like looked at all of those flaws and was like, listen, the movie already is just 90% us trying to explain Mortal Kombat in a cool way. Yeah. We can't keep doing this because they already jammed the entire contest until the last like 15 minutes, which was crazy.

I can't believe it ended like that. If I was kept checking the clock, like, how are they going to do this? This is sure is a lot of not Mortal Kombat for a movie named Mortal Kombat. You had one job in a movie about a video game. That's not a tournament. It was just to have some tournament footage. Just even like one fight, but it was not. It was just all negging training that led up to a battle royale

that had no rules, made no sense. Right. Right. It was so fast. Trying to make rules like they don't want a tournament. Let's give them a tournament. And by tournament, they meant like fucking pair off and have to fight. Yeah. Each one minute long. Yeah. And it's not like let's get this.

Let's get this shit out of the way. This fighting shit. And after we each win, we'll fight each other, right? I mean, I said the word tournament. So we all agree to fight each other that winter. So, yeah, yeah, I do appreciate that. Jack's got a like a story of Ricky style move in there. He did the cake head where you smash that dude's

did a guy from Fury Road's fucking head made out of cake. So speaking of Jack's arms, so I want to talk one more one more gripe I had about the magic of the of the brand. So his hidden arcana or whatever they said was robot arms. Yes. So was that always his arcana? And he just had to unlock it. And like, or was it the fact that he had a little baby like feel like constructs arms that like necessitated that power?

Or would he have like, even with regular arms, would he have tapped into his magic power and those arms would have exploded off of his body as they were replaced by better mechanical. I bet he would have been like cyber Goro. He would have gotten an extra pair of arms. Oh, what happened to Goro? Well, Kano got lasers in his in his beat up eye. So maybe the powers it like zeroes in on your main trauma

and gives you a power based on that. And then the other guy's power was just like a shirt to get your ass kicked in. Oh, yeah, he got his whole ass kicked. So his whole body. Yeah, I wonder if it went down wherever you suck. And he sucked all over his whole body sucked. Yeah, it's not the face. And Sonya doesn't suck.

She just got immediate fucking crazy laser. Yeah, that like did invasive spine surgery on that weird winged person. One shot or no, that was Jay. She she got a Kitana or Malina. That was right. It does not explain Kung Lao or Liu Kang. It's the theory doesn't hold up. And that's the problem with thinking too hard about Mortal Kombat

is you're always going to hit a brick wall where you've thought about it more than the other people. Yeah, Kung Lao was like, you see, my hairline is receding and I was very insecure about it. So this cool hat materialized on it from the nether realm. I do like that they call out how shitty that power was with Kano. God, it's Kano's best. You got fucking hat powers.

My frat brother said I was terrible at ultimate. And so now my hat is a frisbee. I have shown them. I show them some trick or two of them in the fucking half. That the woman he saw, the bat woman, she was weird. Like she had no dialogue. All she did was like lustfully moan. Yeah, and get sought in half.

Yeah, then get sought in half. And she was asking for it, baby. And Shang Tsung was like in love with her, right? That was his girlfriend. He's like, look at Nittara. Isn't she a vision? Like, oh, are you introducing her to me because you know that we have no fucking clue she is.

She's from Mortal Kombat 13. You guys played that one, right? The one with Robocop and Rambo. Another face. How fucking sweet would it be if they had the license to have? We have Robocop and Rambo in this movie. Then I'd be like instead of the nameless bat lady, just Robocop walks out from behind him.

Predator shows up. Oh, we were we were going to do a joke trailer about that when the movie came out. We were going to make a trailer where it's like introducing all the characters. We were just going to cut away to like movie footage of all the special guest characters they featured, which would be like John Rambo, like on that 50 cal gun,

just like with like my and my Rambo flying all over it. And then Robocop, like just, you know, ripping someone's arms off or whatever he did. Shot a guy in the dick. That would have been a good shot. A guy in the dick. Yeah. I think I think Leatherface was in it. Alien from Aliens was in it.

Jason isn't it? You might be thinking of Jason instead of was Leatherface in it, too. I think Leatherface was in a version of Mortal Kombat. I'm pretty sure I got to look that up. Yeah, I remember the Jason footage looked really cool because it his his specials were very horror movie themed. So he'd sort of like just appear over there and like hatch hitting you with a machete and anyway.

Did he body bag somebody in a sleeping bag at any point? I don't know. Don't be pretty funny, though. That's great. You're just stuffed Johnny Cage with a sleeping bag. A tree grows out from behind him that he can just bash him into. I'm saying that depending on the licensing agreement for those games, it might have just been a real short negotiation

to get the rights to put Jason, Robocop, Predator and Rambo in this movie. And they didn't even try. They should put like fucking robot jacks into this into the next Mortal Kombat. They should just go all the way. Every Stuart Gordon movie. You know what I think we're doing? I think we're writing Ready Player Three. Yeah.

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