The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 250, Rock and Roll Highschool Forever with Zak Koonce

Episode Date: October 22, 2025

The original Rock 'n' Roll High School was a fun punk rock classic. The sequel is a Corey Feldman musical. It's the farthest human art has fallen in the least amount of time, and fucking Zak Koonce insisted we watch it. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Robert will go to jail if you don't buy his book. I know what you're thinking... This is NOT the time to be a wise guy. BUY HIS BOOK. https://linktr.ee/killyourimaginaryfriend

1,900 hot dog 1,900, hot dog Out podcast slams with maximum hype Say hot dog podcast word Yeah When you taste that nitrate power You're in the dog zone for an hour Come on, you know the number

1,900 1,900 Hot Dog 1190,0,000 1,900, Hot Dog Hot Dog Welcome to of 1,900 Hot Dog America's last comedy website

I'm rocking robber Brockway and with me is rolling, Sean, baby. It's a pleasure to be here at Rock and roll podcast forever. And our guest, we got to complete the format. Say it with me. It's fucking asshole Zach Coons. Oh, shit. You got, you got nailed. I would accept token karate Asian Zach Coons. That'll come up later. What an honor that would be. Can I have that one? I challenge you, Zach. We will fight for it. You know what? I'm going to give it to Sean just because it will upset

you because I'm mad at you. It won't. Actually, it's better for me. This is a way better look. I met you because we're talking about rock and roll high school forever, which is just a terrible movie. But before we get to that, how about some plugs? Where can people find more from you, Zach? I don't know if it'll be out by the time this episode airs, but I'm going to launch a new channel because who gives a shit anymore? Everything sucks. So I'm in a place where things can suck, but in a maybe slightly funnier way, it's going to be called Zach's Planet of Garbage. It's just going to be a place where I make fun of everything that's not Star Wars, everything else in my life.

Hopefully we'll ruin that stuff too and make just an insufferable fan base that doesn't like anything anymore. I'm talking about Star Wars fan base. Not ours. Ours is wonderful and great and supportive and the reason we exist. But, yeah, it's just the whole commenting on Star Wars and all the big blockbuster movies thing just kind of feels done. So I'm going to go comment on things that do not have fandoms. It's going to be great. That does sound awesome.

It does sound awesome, yeah. That sounds like what we do. It'll be fun. What was the name of that again? Just to go sub to it? Zach's Planet of Garbage. It exists. There's no channel art yet or any uploads or anything.

I just claim the space and it's there. So if you want to go subscribe to that now, there should be something there by the end of the month. You really should go subscribe to that now before we get into the podcast and you become mad at Zach and don't want to. You're going to dox me after this. You can use my freshly set up contact email to ruin my life. Sean, how about you? What would you like to plug today? 1,900 hotdog.com.

It's an exciting comedy website with jokes and fun. The perfect plug. I, of course, am legally obligated to promote my new book after my fucking asshole AI lawyer told me I could declare myself a sovereign author and never plug it again. Turns out that was wrong. I'm totally fucked. Now, I have to sell twice as many copies.

Or I go to federal prison and let me tell you, If I go to federal prison, everybody is coming with, everybody on this podcast in particular is coming with me. Oh, yeah. I'm in deep. I've already got so much evidence just stacked up against me. Like, just the stuff Zach said on the white girls podcast. And I know what you're saying. He wasn't on the white girls podcast. Yeah, we had to cut it completely. Every last word. I was actually dressed up as Denard. You didn't know. Cut that. absolutely got that see now I have more and now I have even more

I didn't even get the name of that fucking movie right it was white chicks right yeah you said chicks I think no I think I said girls it doesn't matter it doesn't matter the things I say don't matter it's the things I've recorded Zach saying that matter and for what we're talking about now

because if I go down it's not alone it's not alone I'm trying not to be too timely you're too political here, but I did come up with a metaphor for this. I think of it like this. I'm the Epstein files and buying my book is the rise of fascism in America. Yeah, I'll pick it up

what you're laying down. Okay, hold on. I'm getting word from my AI lawyer. She loved that. She thought that was a great defense and I should do it more. She also says I'm very sexy and I should kill myself. Fascism's hot now. Yeah, so

it's all there is. I'm going to go ahead and stand by that until I hear from my publisher's lawyers next week, which hopefully is positive. I'm assuming they will have positive things to say. In the meantime, by my book, I will kill your imaginary friend for $200. It comes out January 27th, 26. Please pre-order it and save this podcast from me. That's all. Again, after this episode, it may not be the best strategy you're taking here. Yeah, so we're still doing hot dog origin stories, and it's been a very fun illuminating process, some notable exceptions that we've already talked about that we've already

mentioned. And this, what Zach brought is a movie called Rock and Roll High School Forever. It was in 1991, and it's a sequel to 1979's Rock and Roll High School, which just the gap between original and sequel should tell you like, oh no, like right away. That's all you need to know. But, like, the first one, Rock and Roll High School was Beloved. It's like a little cult movie. It had a great soundtrack that was mostly the Ramones, had a lot of charm.

Rock and Roll High School Forever has no charm, and it's got a soundtrack that's mostly Corey Feldman songs. Uh-huh. Yeah. And a bunch of, you know, fair use stuff, you know, public domain shit, some Fats Domino, because, you know. Uh-huh.

Because the kids love Fats. They really hit that Fats Domino. Yeah. When you think Ramon. legacy sequel, you'd think Fats Domino. So this is going to be interesting. This is going to be a nice process to learn about why we don't like Zach anymore. Uh-huh.

This is going to be great. This is how I lost all my friends. So yeah, when did that happen? When did you first find this? Right when it came out. Whatever date it premiered on HBO, I was the HBO kid. Because we always had a way to steal it. So that was always fun.

So with my little group of friends, we, there were no obscure things. We shared everything with each other. So, like, all my friends were like, they know who, uh, I'm going to get you suck a was. And we, you know, Hollywood chef. All the things that I brought to the table. They brought me things. So we were always like, there was a fair exchange of cultural, you know, media language. And so there was never anything that one of us knew about that the others didn't until this movie came out.

And we were all about the Corrie's. Like they couldn't do no wrong. We were like, lost boys, license to drive, whatever, even dream a little dream. I'll, you know, I'll watch that too. So this was the first time that that failed. And every time I brought this movie up, I'm like, did you guys see that movie yet? They were like, I don't know what you're talking about. It did not exist in their minds.

It wouldn't stick. And as like garbage historians now, we can just glance at this and see several reasons why this is cursed. But like I had to realize, like, I am witnessing something that should not exist. And it does not exist for many people. It was a weird era. I mean, this was like the vanilla ice era where people would try to manufacture cool. And it sort of worked in a way that sort of felt nostalgic. But we also kind of saw through it, I guess, how like you. So something like this, you're like, oh, they're trying to make a cool thing. And then you see like, oh, wow, they really missed. But we didn't quite have like the irony. So is it, I don't know, it's this holding pattern for culture where stuff sucked. And you were allowed to enjoy stuff that sucked. But we didn't quite understand what we were doing yet. To be clear, no one enjoyed this movie in any way, not at all. Your friends were trying to give you plausible deniability when they said, I don't know

what you're talking about. You should have been like, great. Thank you. I'm like, no, no, no. You guys got to watch this shit. Corey Feldman is doing a Michael Jackson. You don't understand. This is like the first time I think on captured in media that he got caught doing a Michael

Jackson. Then he started doing it all the time. And we're like, what is? bring get corey hame back where did he go this is if we talked about how he was on the today show it's pretty famous like clip from five or six years ago where he uh he went on the today's show and it was so weird and everyone was talking about core philvin how weird he was but one of the uh hosts is you're gonna do some mj moves and he's like tried to shut it down he's like hey no come on they're like if i do any moves they're like michael jacks because we grew up dancing together

like there are moves together and then we read that creators yes and And then we read that Cory Feldman book, the chapter on Michael Jackson was like one meeting they had where he like secretly recorded the meeting and then him trying to guess Michael Jackson's phone number for several months. And that was like their relationship. And since then, it's gone on to become, oh, yeah, no, we grew up dancing together. I developed a lot of those. I think it's the first case in the world of somebody becoming possessed by somebody that's still alive. Yep Like that is a man that is possessed by the ghost of Michael Jackson

But it did happen when Michael Jackson was very much alive He's just mind swapping with him Like there's a comatose Michael Jackson drooling in his little control room Just remote controlling Feltman on the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards Oh flipping through There's none of the jokes I want to say that I could say

To the response to that one Oh boy All right we're just moving on from that Fair play. I'm trying to be better. Trying to be better about going through the roll decks first. This is like a Corey Feldman vehicle, only he's supposed to be,

because it's rock and roll high school, he's supposed to be a punk rocker. Yeah. But his vibe that he gives with his like, very curly, wind-swept hair and brand-new jacket, it's less like D.D. Ramon and more Duran's boyfriend. I'm sorry, that's just what it says in Sean's notes. It actually does

It's much more graphic than that though I scan some drawings I go over positions He's the least credible of like I'm leading a punk rock movie In the second you see him you're like oh no There's not actually a single punk rock coded person in the

I think maybe Mary Warnov might be the only one With her sort of like fascist You know leading attire Yeah she's got a little like Like Bowie Nazi era. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I can see that. It's got a punk, right? Robot hand. Yeah, it's more punk than, you know. It's more punk than this. Being a Nazi is more punk rock than this. I didn't flip through the roll against that time. Again, chef's kiss with an eye lawyer.

No, she loves it. She's in my ear right now to tell me to go for it and also kill myself. Still, it's weird. God, you don't go one second into this movie once this movie starts. Well, first of all, it starts with the jack. like warning that says, the warning, the practical jokes depicted in this motion picture are performed by professionals. Do not attempt them at your school, as they may result in detention hall for life. And like, good God, to turn the goodwill against you in the disclaimer

phase is incredible. This was written by the lamest parents you possibly imagine. That's kind of the theme of the movie, though, is how much work went into trying to be cool and failing, which is maybe the least cool thing you can be is someone trying to be cool and failing. And that's, it perfectly describes Corey Thelman's performance and, and most of the script. This disclaimer for sure. And this, these practical jokes are just, what the fuck are these practical jokes? There's no payoff or reason. I don't know.

It's, it's wild. Whenever they decided to do a practical joke, it's just like, here's, they're just pulling from the list of, from the writers room they came up with with no narrative threading or anything like that. Like, here's a joke. These, aren't they crazy? What happened was, and you see this, like, right after that disclaimer, where it makes you hate the movie at the zero second mark. Right after that disclaimer, you see Corey Feldman and he's doing something and he turns to the camera and goes, oh, they hate it when we do this. And you're like, oh, fuck, he's our Ferris Bueller.

Corey Feldman is our Ferris Bueller for the movie. Yeah. It instantly sucks. Like, you're instantly just totally weary. and he's I mean you have to blame the pranks on the writers but he's just so utterly charmless that like I think if somebody was

had some sort of screen presence like maybe you could forgive the just LOL so random nature of the humor in this movie maybe it doesn't help that he's like a full grown man

yeah I looked at the age gap he's like in his early 20s but he's still it's still illegal for him to be on a school high school campus. Yeah, he's way too old to be in this school. Like some of the other people in the movie kind of feel like high school kids

and the second he stands next to them you're like somebody helped his child. Got to help us. He's our main character. The supporting castor his bandmates, The Eradicators and they are students at rock and roll high school, I don't know, 10, 15 years on, whatever it is.

The Eradicators. I think this is post kids in the hall eradicator too. One of the band members is a replacement Corey Hame. Like, there is no way around that. Yeah. That's just exactly what he's supposed to be. Oh, shit, he is. And I can't imagine how disturbing that would be to Corey Hame to see this movie and be like, what the fuck?

Is that supposed to be me? Like, what are you doing, you psycho? He was so fucking high. He'd had no idea. He thought that was him. And he's like, I need Corey Hame or I will not work. And then the guy under the bridge said, who's Corey, brother? There is a neat little piece of trivia where it says Corey was on so much heroin during filming that he showed up on set one morning with some heroin residue dripping from his nose.

And a stage discreetly brought it to his attention to avoid any problems. And Feldman exploded into a rage making up a story about his car having engine trouble and how the residue was really engine grease that he accidentally wiped onto his own nose. So that's the kind of guy. You could absolutely trick that guy into believing in this fake Corey Hame. I was out there snorting engine grease. Don't you understand? I'm Steampunk, brother. So the thing that he's doing that everybody hates is he's organized all the other students in the school to flush the toilets at the same time.

We don't know that for like five minutes, though. Yeah. I just want to say he says, they hate it when we do this, and then it cussed to something else and then something else. And so you don't know what the this is. in that statement for so long. And I would argue it doesn't help when you find out it's, oh, everybody flushes their toilets at the same time. You're like, why do they hate that?

Everyone knows that causes buildings to explode. That's just no plumbing has ever been able to counter this ingenious joke. And all the pipes inside the school start spraying sewage and then all the kids get on their desks and start dancing because they love this, they love sewage.

Yeah, you're the one who goes to school here, you fucking dumbass. Yeah, the sewage is on you. It's getting on you. But this is maybe annoying to bring up, but there's this scene in here where, like, there's the stuffy teachers they cut to, like this evil cabal in a meeting room of like, we must destroy the children's happiness. But in the background... It's the most twisted sister adults of all the time. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

There's like all these library shelves, and each of them has one single book on it. And so I'm like, okay, they're trying to say something, right? Like, did they burn all the books? Does the school hate learning? Or did the set designer quit? But, like, in the very art school way? I don't, I just, I didn't know what they were trying to say, and that was really frustrating for me because it felt like they were trying to say something. I'm looking at it right now. I did not even clock that this was a bookshelf with, every shelf has the same book leaning in the same position.

I thought it was just like bleachers or something. This is impenetrable. That is weird. I think they probably just couldn't afford more books. Right. Spread these books out. Make them take up some space. He said 12 books. I can't do anything with the 12 books. Like, make it work. I don't know. It was real passive aggressive. And they did not. They didn't. What about less shelves, boss? Absolutely not.

We have 12 shelves. We've got to use them. It's madness. But like directionless madness, which another great way to describe this movie. Yeah, so the squares are having a meeting. This movie is chock full of squares. Just prime square work by the actors here. They will all really just mug for the camera every time somebody does something cool.

Love these squares. Yeah, it's a fruit by the foot commercial from like nonstop. Yeah, dude, that's exactly what it is. All the squares, by the foot, you say? Fruit must be delivered in pair form. In my day, we did not eat our snacks by the fort. One of these squares is Jason lively from Night of the Creeps, so he gets a pass for me because that movie rules. They got a Night of the Creeps, they got a Night of the Comet.

All the night representatives. Did they got a Night of the Comet? Yeah, what's her name? Mary Warnoff, yeah, she's a Night of the Comet. Yeah. So many better movies you could have brought us and didn't. If you would have said your origin story was Night of the Comet, we would have fucking been so happy to talk to you today.

That's a fun movie. Again, why would I do that to you? Honesty is important, even if it makes people not like you. That's the moral lesson we're going to learn. All right, so the Squares are having some meeting to decide the fate of the school or whatever. They didn't figure out what this meeting meant. They just needed squares in a room. They were just nerding about.

Yeah. And they hate being covered in sewage, of course. But then the principal is like, oh, they do this every year on this day. And you scheduled the meeting. I think they brought it up. And one of them was just like, I was just hoping they didn't do it this year. I don't know. Just, like, nobody thinks about anything in this.

And they establish that so early on. They're like, no, no, we're not going to put any amount of effort into this. It's one book on each shelf, baby. Like, you can... They eat those. They establish so early. So all the kids run out and they dance through the sewage. They dance through the sewage.

They love the sewage. Corey Feldman, of course, does the most punk rock thing he can imagine, which is his Michael Jackson impression. He's leading the pack of rebellious students with his own moves, all right? Not Michael Jackson moves. These are Cory Feldman moves. He does some of his own moves. He does, obviously, like, the big...

the big three Michael Jackson choreographies that everyone knows and everyone does but he'll also just sort of stop and do something to him must feel like an MJ move but kind of looks like he's on flag team or something it's bizarre

but he's also like leading a parade so he's like kind of doing Michael Jackson kind of moves leading a parade and then he'll stop and just kind of like just do weird shit just form strange shapes with his body but sort of bring the whole parade to a halt and I was so frustrated by this whole thing.

You could tell exactly the moment when he's in his mind when he says, I'm going to do a Michael Jackson day, but with my own spin on it and just sucks fucking shit. Why did you turn your wrist up like that? That's not how it's supposed to be done. That was what he brought to the choreography when they were planning all of the moves together. These are the ones.

I heard the fucking quotes when you said choreography. I fucking heard them. It's how I can't. say that word like ever again without without without spelling it corey uh it's like in my mind there's a there's a darkness to this i just want to like set the tone that there's there's something about this that feels like a purge like when they say rock and roll high school day it's like okay they're going to murder someone and then someone in a gas mask just runs by one of the teachers and like molests her just like gropes and gropes and then runs away and i'm like that's and not the

First time that happens in this movie. Yeah, with a simple soundtrack switch, you can make that movie. And yet, aside from the multiple sexual assaults, this is such a Disney-Fide Nickelodeon-style version of Rock and Roll High School. Like, this is the Y-A reboot, for sure. Yeah, these are straight Nick Jr. prank, flushing toilets. But the dry-hopping's a little more mature, you know, when you dry-hop a stranger. Yeah, as I said, aside from the multiple.

Multiple sexual assaults, which it was the 90s. A lot of is like, I'm skateboarding where you're not supposed to skateboard. My notes are weird here. This says that every idea here is so incomplete, like a violent encounter with a different movie drawn by a police sketch artist. They're just clipping through different people being disrupted by rock and roll high school day, which is apparently the anniversary when the first school burnt down. So they celebrated by just going totally nuts. and there's like at one point there's a nerd in the bathroom brushing his teeth

and he gets violently ripped out of that whatever ritual he's doing in the bat I don't know and that's what I mean like why was he brushing his teeth what is that supposed to communicate like what a nerd to brush his teeth I don't know and then they like hit him and you're like why did they do that why did they hate him brushing his teeth why didn't someone say hey what do nerds do and have more ideas on the table than well they brush their teeth that brings up this is kind of my overall thesis

for the movie. The movie, of course, like, as it is portrayed, Corey and the Eradicators are the coolest. They're the lead characters of school. They're the coolest. They're untouchable and everything we're here. But if you actually pay attention to how everybody reacts to them

and the things that they do objectively, they're like the biggest fucking losers in the school. And this is just, it's just from their point of view. The movie is, they're delusional. But really, everybody else, like, if you pay attention as soon as they stop talking, talking to him, they're like, man, fuck this guy. I get this kid.

Almost, because they interact with the other adults, right? Because they're always hounding the adults with their delightful little pranks. But I don't remember them ever interacting with other students. This could be like a sixth sense kind of thing where you're like, are they even alive? People can't even perceive them. There's a moment in this movie. Like, there isn't, you're right that some of the characters interact with them like, oh, who's this fucking dickhead? But there's a moment in the movie where they don't recognize Corey Feldman

while he's on stage at their prom. They're like, who's this band? Right. They're like, no, you've gone to that class with that guy for probably five years because he's a very old senior. When he's talking to them, they're like, oh, my God, this is my nemesis. I can't believe how cool he is. But then as soon as it's like removed from his point of view, they're like, I don't know

who that guy is. Yeah. Like whenever they're alone talking about him, it's like, I have no idea who these people are, but I wish they'd stop. Yeah, they do so many fakeouts. This is like Metal Gear hiding in a cardboard box level of deception. They're like, they're not allowed to demo their band. They can't go for the prom band tryouts because they've been banned.

So they just change the name. And they get up on stage and they start playing music. And they're like, wait a minute. Hold on a second. I recognize that those angelic pipes. Oh, fucking Corey Filman. Here's the thing about Corey Feldman is he is an untalented musician, but this was in 1991 when he had like 30 years less practice, and he, they give him songs to sing like Fats Domino

where it's like, okay, anybody can kind of sing this, right? But then when it's a Corey Feldman song, the songs he writes himself are so far out of his vocal range that he sounds like 50 times worse. And I just think that's such a funny little choice that Cory Feldman makes every time. He needed more Dick Miller's in his life. Do you ever see that clip from the burbs that behind the scenes clip? I don't think so. Where Corey's fucking around and he's like beatboxing and doing shit with his hands. And Dick Miller just goes, shut the fuck up, kid.

We're trying to do some acting. Like Tom Hanks is standing right there. And he just stops. And he's like, he does like a little like, why I ought to? But then he just, he shuts the fuck up. Yeah. I love Dick Miller for that. I do.

I have attention starved little nerd. That's how you deal with him. Who was, Dick Miller was playing a garbage man for like 30 seconds in this movie. Has he ever had a role that's more than 30 seconds long? That's kind of his thing. I think of the Gremlin's franchise, he got some pretty good screen time. Okay. Well, Tom Hanks was there just like, oh my God, thank God somebody said it.

Yeah, absolutely. This was, even now, Tom Hanks, with all his power, would never say that to Cory Phelman. But he would be so glad that you did. He has a Chet Hanks. He clearly has never said anything like that to somebody who needs to be told these things. Proof of his life. He did not say it to Cory Feldman when he had the chance, and he was cursed with Chet Hanks. Dick Miller, no Chet Hanks's.

You did not save others from this, and therefore you are doomed to this forever. Wait, Sean, do you have a Chet Hanks doing his accent impression? Absolutely. Everybody get ready. Jamie, you got to cut all of that. There's another sexual assault here in this open. and somebody gets, one of the girls gets her slip completely torn off by one of Corey Feldman's people.

I think it was just a skateboarding Corey. I think he directly committed this crime. Amazing. Yeah, he's skateboarding through and he goes snagola and he steals. Snagola! And he steals her skirt. I didn't realize he said something so fucking stupid. Very well, sexual assault granted.

It does feel like a bit of an omen for the man he would become after this. Like a lot, I feel like a lot of this movie, it just, I don't know, it feels like a warning. It feels like there are warning bells going off all the time as if they're trying to say like a lot of this is happening to society, but they don't, you know, they're not doing it on purpose. This movie made you really philosophical, Robert. I guess so. I had to think about, I have to think about my life a lot. Oh, we get to meet Namrock. My notes say this is where we meet Namrock.

And you're fucking crazy if you think I don't recognize this guy as Lou King's. Oh, you know where he's from? Yeah, Lou King's dead brother. Lou, you freed my soul, Lou. Way to go, dude. You could give up now. Yeah. All that karate power he harness for this movie just to be killed instantly by

Shea O'Con. This is, as someone who loves martial arts, this guy does too much karate. Like, someone wrote that this character does karate, and he fucking does it in the background of every scene. Like, he'll do little karate chops on his hand. like, while the dialogue's being delivered by other characters. It's more karate than you could ever imagine someone doing.

He's introduced almost wordlessly, and he's just doing karate towards the Buddhist shrine. He's set up in his locker. Of course. I don't know that anybody wrote that down. I think the director just said, do some Asian shit to the one Asian guy, and he's like, all right. What's my character's motivation?

Karate! Namrock Corey then crashes his skateboard into what's going to be his love interest who turns out to be a sexy teacher again there's those warning bells for like all of society again

you're like huh were we really doing that we really like this is cool yeah they're really doing it and at no point where they're saying like maybe this isn't okay she at one point jokingly is like well teachers don't date students

but it's very much alike but I'm thinking about it She didn't say No teachers aren't legally not allowed To date students She's like they read this They don't But it's not to say they couldn't

I think Corey Phelman was old enough For like his children to date her He's like come on lady I think you're right He's got like a smoker's face He's sound like my first wife lady I'm in high school ladies gentlemen All of the squares

Have become so upset by the rock and roll High School Day they've hired a, God, I can't think of another way to say this. A child tamer? Yeah, she's a Tracks. She's a Robo Tracks. She's a Tracks, but for children. Mm-hmm.

Again, just there's not really anything I could say about this movie. They don't have to pause and be like, I really hope somebody doesn't clip this out of context. But yeah, she's here to tame the children. And it's implied that's what her job is. Like she roams the world finding problem children and disciplining them freelance style. Which seems fucked up. Yeah, she's like Takeshi Kitano from Battle Royale. That's her whole job.

Yeah. She's also Dr. Hahn, or just Mr. Hahn, I think, from Enter the Dragon. Because she's got like a fake hand and keeps putting weapon attachments on it, which I wrote down was like one of the only cool things in the movie. She is the only cool thing. She steals the entire movie. She gets a pass. Yeah, she's too good for this movie. She will only get cooler and cooler until she winds up being like objectively, you're like, objectively, you're like, like, okay, well, I know

it's from the loser's point of view, but if you remove their point of view from it, she's, crimes have been committed against her. She fucking kicks ass. Yeah. And I think as an actress, she's way too good for this movie, because she's made this decision that as she, like, loses control of her

emotions, like her robot hand gets crazier and crazier. So every scene, she's kind of twitching and having this actual physical conflict with her own hand, but it's like more subtle than I'm making it sound. Like, it's big, comedically but like it's it's kind of brilliant it's one of those things where you're like i don't i don't think you should be here lady you're too good for this well i think she's

maybe the only returning person from the first the original rock and roll high school she was not this character but she was like a stuck-up disciplinarian you know in the same vein she wasn't called dr vater but um i couldn't i didn't recognize any of the other adults i don't know if any of these other guys are this doesn't feel like a movie that has any of preciousness for the original, other than bringing Mary Warnov in. All right, let's get to their first, first of many ingenious pranks. Oh, this one's classic prank work here. They set it up beautifully because the black guy says, it sounds like a little appliance worship.

And do you have your notes what Corey Feldman says back? Yeah, and his best, most offensive voice goes, yes, my brother. I think it's something like that That's what I had yet Like I think I think it's that the one black character in the movie does Like a black Southern preacher voice to him And then Corey's like Oh we're doing black voices

I'm going to do one back to you But like kind of just missing the preacher part Yeah I don't think you were allowed to do that Even at the time They found a classified ad in the paper For a person selling a refrigerator and they all like sprint out of class.

They're so excited to do this. And they drive over to their house and pretend that they are people who worship refrigerators. Lithuanians, I think. The Lithuanians who worship refrigerators. But all doing an American Southern accent. And then they pay this one.

Yes. Then they give the woman money. They give the woman money, which is what she asked for. And then they say, also, we're not going to take the fridge. You still get to keep it. Right. And they're going to go dance around it in an elaborately choreographed Do it

Just fucking do it I try to like pronounce it The way that it's spelled And I can't anymore Coriograph It's like It's the same with oral knots

I I can't do it They pretend to worship this person's fridge After paying her for it And then they open their coats To reveal they have Cookware strapped to them and the old lady in this scene

who is selling the fridge makes a very interesting decision here I actually have this clip Okay, good Here's how she reacts to the children showing They've just been worshipping your fridge showing that they have some pots and pans And they are presenting the pots and pans

Quite sexually I mean they open their coats like they're going to Flasher But then they just have pots and pants Not like not naked save for pots and pants Fully clothed I want to set the scene a little more too They're doing a conga line The Asian is doing karate

instead, and the husband has decided to take pictures of it, almost like he's seeing like an actual native ritual, but he's kind of, has a sort of a leering face like it's pornography to him. Like he's like, oh, this is the hottest shit, these children in my basement doing a southern preacher conga line Lithuanian refrigerator worship. You know how, you know those things. Finally, I get to see it myself. Yeah, which his wife is also a part of at some, at certain point.

she gets in on it. There's nothing here to hold on to. There's nothing silly about this, or it's just weird. Yeah, it's just none of these things are anything anyone has ever done or linked to that. And then this is how she reacts to the punchline. The punchline of this whole bit is they open their coats and they have cookware tape to them. And here's that clip. Yeah, yeah, it's working.

That is shit. shine, the inner life that are holy of holy. Ah, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ah, ha, ha. Gimony, wait till the inquisitor sees this. God, take that scream is insane. It's like the Howie Log scream.

It goes so long. So long. First of all, why would she be horrified by any of that? Especially since she was just part of the Congo line. She loved this shit. Yeah. She was like halfway converting to this religion. And like, that's one of the ways you could have ended this bit.

It's like, oh, they get so into it, they convert, and then they give you your money back or something. I don't know. There has to be the point of like the Ferris Bueller-style prank system you're doing here is to stick it to the squares. Uh-huh. and get ahead somehow in a clever way. And what they have done is pay a woman for her refrigerator, leave her with the refrigerator, and then do a stupid little dance around it so that she also has a nice story, I guess. Yeah, no one was, no one was pumped.

There was no audience for this. It's not in anyone's face. Yeah. It's not for anyone else. And they're so credulous that they could have just done anything. They could have said, hey, lady, we're here to take all your furniture away because we're the furniture inspectors. And she's like, oh, okay. Like in Ferris Bueller, the guy's like, oh, you're the sausage king of Chicago.

You're clearly a child. And he's like, has to do some stuff. And he's like, oh, okay, I guess that was wrong. Curses. Whereas this, a children show up to her house with Corey Feldman. And they're like, we're from a cult of furniture worshippers. And she's like, yeah, come on in. Yeah, they didn't even get dinner at a fine Chicago establishment.

They got nothing out of this. There is no payoff. There's no payoff. They didn't even really prank a woman. They loved it. They thought, she got paid. Yeah, there's the opposite of a payoff. They do pay her off.

Maybe the prank comes later when the husband does take it to the newspaper and says, look, I have basement wizards, footage of actual basement wizards. Like, no, these are kids in pots and pans. Is that the prank? One of the guards is reading the Inquisitor later, and you see the front page is these guys. Oh, okay, they did it. Holy shit, they got a callback. I hate that that shows that there's been some polish on the script that, like, someone, oh, that's really embarrassing.

Oh, you know, we should bring back the refrigerator dance. People would love that. They don't have a reason for anybody to do almost anything in this movie. It's just people doing things. And you're like, oh, okay, why did, why do I give a shit about that? Why did I watch that? And the answer to all of these things is because your favorite guy, Corey Feldman, did it. Uh-huh.

No. that's absolutely not tough. I'm sorry. There's a thing I hate here where there's a commercial that comes on in the movie about you get to meet the band and they're singing a song called I'm an adult now. And like normally these like coming of age movies sort of represent adulthood with something like losing your virginity or like having a drinking party or whatever. But here there are people actually saying the words I'm an adult now and that's the goal of our main characters. And I'm just like I it's so it's so fucking.

flagrant, I guess. It's so clumsy. Embarrassing. It's just to add it to the list of things where I'm like, this is also for a very confusing thing. It's in service. The commercial is for a contest for people to call in and vote for their favorite local bands, presumably nationwide. And then you'll get tickets to the concert of whatever this band is that's playing, which is supposedly the most valuable, like, tickets in the world. And so they, the, God, I don't remember his name. One of the eradicators gets it in its head to use an auto dialer to pretend to be like a thousand different people and all vote for their band, the eradicators, to rig the contest so that they win it.

Which is exactly how a synthesizer works. Again, they tried to Ferris Bueller. Well, he made the farts. We could make thousands of different unique personalities that all have scripted. dialogue. It's like AI before there's AI, but he's got just a bunch of do-hickies with wires plugged into his synthesizer and they're like, yeah, this is. Yeah. His brilliant idea is calling the radio station over and over and doing different voices. It's, it's dog shit stupid. Which, because this plot line goes nowhere. There's no reason to like hold on to this. If this was a

movie, what would happen is this would be like, this would come back. It's your third act solution somehow like oh but they actually won the contest that's the big twist that turns their fates around or something or it adds a complication like you set up this big thing and then are like and we're just going to have that running in the background because we do throughout the movie we'll cut back to this phone still dialing and saying in a different voice I love the eradicators it's the eradicator so you're like okay we're setting this up literally the whole length of the movie I can't wait to see how this pays off and it doesn't yeah they forgot about it the guy's show, I don't know if this was their way of kind of like, because that's the plot of

the original one. It's like to win Ramon's tickets through this radio show. Oh. And maybe this is them being like, yeah. I don't know if this was them just being like, ha, ha, we're going to do that or it's a very borderlands way to write this in the, we're going to do the thing and we're going to make fun of it, but we're also still going to do it. So, right.

We don't have any other ideas. Then lose track of the joke and then have no payoff. The payoff is that, uh, The guy, the DJ shows up. He's like, you guys win. Here's your tickets. Here's your phone bill. And he hands Jones, the guy who phone freaked it or whatever, this like $5,000 call in bill.

So he's like, does he know that? Yeah. So he knows that they rigged it. He doesn't give a shit because it was all to get them to pay money. And then the, the, the tracks, the child tamer comes in and just takes the tickets away. And it's like, okay, end of, end of that bit. And then we just don't mention it. She slips them in half with her fucking Dr.

Claw attachment. then that's the end of that's the payoff is that they don't get the tickets and it's they don't even react very strongly to it they're like oh all right whatever this guy's like well shit i guess i'm a dumbass i just gotta i just racked myself up a five thousand dollar bill like that's they weren't these like these mischievous uh pranksters in these movies are always like intellectually one step ahead of everybody else too and these guys are just all i mean he was too stupid to see that happen they wrote it like that i don't know how else to take it they're not smart enough to to outsmart like the squares in their own movies but They keep writing the squares and being like, oh, how are we going to get them? And then they write the end of the scene. They're like, fuck, the squares got us again. How does this keep happening? I, Corey Feldman, have fourth wall breaking powers.

I should be better than this. Speaking of their thought, they're playing the high school dance now. And they're basically, they're just covering, they're covering a Fats Domino song, which is not punk rock. No, not at all. It's very much like, it's very much classic rock. It's fine. Yeah.

Sure. I guess they're playing an event for the squares. They got hired to... Right, right, right. But here's the thing. Like, you think, that's what you think coming into the scene, is they're playing, like, they're kind of obnoxiously playing the cover of this classic rock song. And so you're queued up to think, oh, that's kind of what a punk rock band would do.

They would get, like, a bad gig, and then they would just, like, really shit on the lame music that they're playing. Only, like, it's not quite the right musical choice. and then we realize as Corey Feldman is doing his Elvis impression on stage, which is not the... That's not the right thing to do for the Fats Domino song, buddy. Very insensitive. So you're like thinking they're shafting the squares here somehow, but then the squares come in and they're like,

oh my God, I did not approve this music. I did approve this band. They did hire the band. But then they're like, no, you have to play our set list because this music is offensive. This is the music the squares would be listening. to that's 100% what they would be listening to grandpa music that kind of makes me feel like the people that wrote this movie are like a hundred because when they were kids this was

the rebellious uh you know stick it to the man music this music's too wild actually before we move on i want to reiterate this is a musical uh so we're pausing to do with like all the way through these songs whenever a song comes up yeah cori feldman gets to sing way too much of the thing and i'm just going to play a little clip so you understand how bad it it's sucks. God damn it. One, two, three, I'm walking. Yes, indeed, I'm talking about you and me, I'm hoping that you'll come back to me. I'm not there and I can be I'm waiting for you come to me.

I'm hoping that you'll come back to me, yeah. That's the best one too, by far. This whole movie is karaoke night with your one friend who's not there to have fun. He's there because he thinks he's good. Yep. Yes, that's the last one. The whole movie is that or worse. I'm looking.

There's me that helmet. But anyway, they get the lead square lady comes up and it's like, you have to play my list of approved songs. They decide, no way, we're going to play our most offensive song. And what they play is a cover of Tootie-Fruity. Yeah, it's a little Richard. Little Richard. Now, Little Richard is punk fucking rock, but not for the reasons they think so. And in 1991, like this, the square.

would be into music from like the 70s. So this would be like the, this is be older than they would even understand. Like why are you playing dead music? Play like some sex pistols or something. Or the Ramones if you want to, you know, get crazy. Or the name of the movie that's called

Rock and Roll High School. I looked it up. Both these songs are from 1957, which I mean, time works differently today than it did in 1991, but this would be like playing early Green Day today. I know that is one of those things. It's like, that can't be right.

that's one of those things they do on the internet to trick you into feeling old, but no, it's... So the squares hate the square music somehow. They fucked up every scene so badly. Like, they don't, they're just, they don't understand what they're doing at all. They decide they will not be, the eradicators decide they're not going to be oppressed by this paying gig, so they're going to slime the dance. However, I will give them credit, this is the one, like, sort of punk rock thing they do in the entire movie. This is an actual, like, prank, quote unquote. There's a, there's a victim here, and there's a payoff.

See, I don't think it's a prank. think it's just kind of an assault, but that's a punk rock thing to do, is they, they put green shit in their mouths and then just start spitting on everybody and breaking everything, which is so incongruous with like the vibe of this Disney movie. Oh, I thought he was going to do something else other than just spitting all the, like right in their face. Yeah, no, this is like full-blown battery now. He does it down a woman's mouth. He like grabs her face while he's foaming with chemicals. And that's like four crimes at least. Yeah, it's way, it's way hard. than you think and you're like, wait, hold on.

I thought we were, weren't we just flushing all the toilets at the same time? I thought that's the level we're at. And then we go back to that level for the rest of the movie. It's just this thing. Now you're like kidnapping a woman and puking down her mouth? I don't. It's like, wait, real punks invaded this

scene for just this scene. And then it doesn't even last the whole scene because the like after these, they come down, they start like smashing all the plates. I'm like just trashing genuinely like with anger, crashing the place and spitting in everyone's faces right down the square lady's

mouth. Then like the jocks kind of get into it and we're like, oh, it's a food fight. No, dude. He just transferred his evil inside another woman. She's up on stage. I'm walking. You're not just throwing hummus at each other. He is and to eat. I'm talking. Like,

what's got a new? What's she singing? She's doing scarecrow arms in her fucking pathetic attempt at a Michael Jackson move. Oh, Jesus. But then they, yeah, They don't even last the whole scene. It goes into a food fight, and now it's like, playful again. They get banned from playing rock and roll at school, which is treated as like a severe punishment.

But it's like, oh. All right. I mean, you weren't allowed to anyway. Yeah, you had your shot. Like, we hired you to do that. Like, you really blew it. You have to understand that when the band stops playing to puke on people and trash the place, that's bad, right?

Like, that's not what we hired you to do. That's not what you agreed to do. It's not a prank. It's just, it's just a, I don't know. I shouldn't have to explain this to Corey Feldman. He's fucking 35 years old. I just love that there was one scene where it was genuinely like, oh, that's, that's punk rock. Is this going to, is this going to go somewhere?

No. No, we're ever going to do it again? I didn't even give Namrock space to like, at least jump kick one guy. Like, that's true. Not enough karate in this scene. Good. Yeah. As a consequence of this, Corey.

and I guess both Cori's the Corey's Corey and the Hame replacement Yeah, Corey and Corey 2 Yeah I guess he would be Corey 3 for sure I think Corey Feldman is Corey 2 Well I was thinking he was Corey Hame 2

That's yeah But I think for To eliminate confusion he's Corey 3 Yeah Cory Hame is definitely Corey 1 Cory Feldman's Corey 2 This is Corey 3 They get moved to third period lunch And then like

The camera panes What does that mean? Is that a joke or does the person not know how high school works? I don't know what they were going for there. It's just like it's third period lunch is just prison apparently because there's gangs. Well, they camera pans over it in this order. We see a bunch, we see a bunch of nerds just being nerds and hanging out. Knuckle deep in their noses.

That's just what nerds do. Yeah. And then some jocks like making out with their girlfriends, okay? Uh-huh. And then a bunch of fellow rockers who seem like maybe the, the cool version of Corey and the Eradigators. Yeah, these guys are way cooler. This is like, one of us just kind of listening to some like,

UK like techno rap, you know, like pump up the jam style. Yeah, like this is the, this is what they think they are in their heads. Yeah. But we'll never ever be. And then, uh, then the only Hispanic characters in the movie, a table full of choos with Uzi's, all just with guns. And I take back what I said about Namrock being the only Asian actor in this movie. There's a, they snuck an Asian into this gang because they thought,

He looked Mexican enough, I don't know. Couldn't find one. Couldn't find enough Mexicans. I went down there and I said, do you want to come be in a bit where, like, you all dress like Cholos and have Uzi's? And they're like, only five of them said yes. So we needed. We need the script calls for six Cholos who are straight up lock and loading Uzis at the lunch table to no one's alarm.

It's just third period lunch. That's just how it goes. Once again, to my argument that these are not the cool kids they think. they are. Corey and his friend decide, this is terrifying. We can't be here and they go back inside. A bunch of punk bitches. Like, where are the squares for this? They're horrified by Cory Hames' antics, but armed cholo's like under the same roof seems a lot more alarming. I don't know. It's you don't think. Ready to murder. Flushing a bunch of toilets at the same time is equally as scary as six armed men. So they go inside, they go getting the

lunchline, they meet a girl who'd eaten a bunch of gross food. They ask what her trip is, only to find out she's a witch's daughter who lives at 666 Dante's Circle. They thought they were so fucking smart for coming up with that address. And also, that scares them again. Yeah. They're supposed to be punk rockers. Punk rockers would immediately think that kicks ass. Yep. Yeah. They would know that girl already. I like that they're kind of putting together an eliminator's team here. Like, they've got a ninja. They've got a witch. They've got a techno guy. I guess he's like, you know, Jones is like the cyborg of the group because he's

black and knows how to use a computer. Yeah, yeah. He's the phone freak guy. They got a hacker, I guess you'd call him. They got the two mandatory Corrie's that every good team has to have. You get a guy with tanks for legs. You got yourself a fucking movie. I'm surprised that actor's not in this movie. That seems like the kind of work he'd be doing at this stage. Okay, so where are we? Corey commits the next huge punk rock rebellion. He joins a class. He doesn't have to be in.

Right, to get the hot teacher. He's going to go get molested. Out of all the secondhand embarrassment that I felt in this movie, this was the strongest, this teacher. There's nothing like this. I've never seen anything. I mean, I think I know what they were going for, but... It kind of reminds me, like, maybe they were doing a back-to-school,

you know, when the teacher was, like, so into poetry that she moved Rodney Dangerfield to orgasm. Like, I kind of feel like they were going for that. Well, this is Mark DeCasco's playing cap-o-air music for the kids. Yeah, that's what this is. It's because, yeah, you know in a movie, sometimes the movie's like, okay, the people in this movie think this is cool, and you at home might not. But like, you kind of believe it, right? You're like, okay, so these kids are going

to learn in Capoeira and they think that rules. This movie can't even come close to bridging that gap. Like, this woman, it's like, oh, you guys don't like classical music? Well, it's kind of like a little something like football. And, I don't know, did you take a clip of this, Brockwood? I absolutely took a clip of this. Okay, thank you. This is impossible to describe. You'd never believe me if I try to describe this. So this is the cool teacher saying, you guys think classical music is square.

It's really just like football. And that goes a little something like this. The first child of fake left. He cuts right. He's wide open. Pass complete. The strings are first in 10 now on the 40. And then like eight more minutes of that.

That's all I can take. I'm sorry. And almost nothing she says is happening in the song. Like she's like, they passed to the drums. I'm like, the percussion hasn't started. It hasn't started yet. And that's not a fucking passing route.

No one calls play-by-play of, ooh, the receiver's cutting right and cutting left. Like, no, no, there's way more people on the field than that. What the fuck? She's failing at three things at once, music theory, metaphor, and football. That's a fantastic piece of work. But in what was a truly shocking thing, because I did not understand. This was so bad I didn't understand this is what the scene was supposed to be. I thought, like all the other kids were going to, I don't know,

up and beat the shit out of her or something. Corey was going to have to save her. Like, right? I know this was like so they could grow closer, but I did not realize this was the Mark DeCasco's playing a Capoeira beat scene. So something very shocking happens in that the kids start to get into it. And by the end, they're like, yeah, yeah, this is football. Let's get the extra point, baby.

It's not played as a joke at all. It's play. They're like, see how fucking cool this lady is? She totally deserves Corey Feldman, which is the meanness. wouldn't whatever said. For about 15 seconds, I thought that the students were like, oh, this teacher's losing her mind. I thought that was the reaction they were giving us.

Like, was she trying to do like football play-by-play to this classical music? Oh, she's going crazy. Guys, wake up. You've got to watch this crazy teacher lose her mind. But no, they're supposed to be like, oh, what? Oh, these are my interests. Oh, she's making this so relatable and fun. I even would have accepted, like, maybe they thought it was a class of 1999

and she was a malfunctioning cyborg or something like that, but no, she's just very cool. The last thing that would occur to you, all of us as you're watching them, is like, wait, they're supposed to be into it? No, that can't be right. Actually, music is pretty cool when you think about it. Yeah, she starts off super defensive. She's like, oh, you guys hate classical music, huh? And there's like, we didn't say anything, lady. What the fuck?

You didn't try to do that. dance. You didn't try to dangerous minds us at all. So after that the eradicators figure they're going to go by the lunch witch's house, the witch girl. They're just going to go by there. They say, what do you want to do tonight? Let's go look at that

girl's house. And I will say that is an accurate reflection of the 90s where you'd get so bored. Before the internet, we'd just go look at crazy people's houses. Yeah, you'd just be like, do you want to go look at the weird girl's house and somebody else be like, I guess. Like, no, but I don't have another idea.

Yeah. One of the very few moments of authenticity in this movie. I just was like, oh, okay. Yeah, that checks out. But they do see her house and she lives in like a Halloween haunted house. In another movie, this would be like a run-down house or maybe they would be into witchcraft, but they've just got Halloween props everywhere. And you're like, I guess they just didn't take them down after Halloween.

You know, it doesn't look spooky. It looks festive. Like they look, you know, like they might have a lot of fun for this neighborhood. You know, the kids might like to go in here. So the set designer might be insane, I guess, is what we're decided. Those bookshelves with one single book might have been them trying their best. Being witches, they, of course, run outside and start slapping Corey Feldman's car with brooms. I guess that's what witches do, what they think witches would do.

Classic witch tactics, yep. I didn't know what the fuck was going on here. I think I was still reeling from that football thing. I think I was just thinking about what the school administrators to do if they came by and saw a substitute teacher just to say. at the curriculum was playing classical music and making up a fake football play. Oh, by the way, class is 10 minutes long. The first thing she says is like,

you guys think football is better than music, huh? Well, check, what's the thing is? And it's like, all right, the song ends. She goes, all right, that's it. See, you guys later. See, I like to think that they're just using the magic of movies and cutting around in that class was the full hour of her doing that.

Just one long football play. Yeah, and it's just a route. It's like 71 to 10. And she's Kids are like It's not even close End the game It's already dead

Corey 3 is also at the same time They're like intercutting Between this cringe Teaching metaphor And him giving a book report On Apocalypse Now The movie And he gives himself a pacemaker

And again I don't even know why I brought it up It's Yeah I cut that Like the movie should have cut that They just drive another teacher To the brink of death With their antics

Yeah Because in this one, we have to understand that the teacher does not know what a movie is. Forget seeing Apocalypse now. Like he's saying, hey, that actor, Dennis Hopper is in my book. You're like, okay, so you're talking about a movie, even if you haven't seen the movie. And then he starts playing a beeping sound with his thumb. Like, clearly has his thumb out hitting a button to make a beeping sound. It says, my pacemaker is malfunctioning.

So she can't know what a pacemaker is or that would be unusual for a child to have a pacemaker, especially one that beeps in exactly in correlation with the hand she can see. I'm just like, these aren't pranks. See, this would work so much better as a class of 1999 or a faculty. Like, these are aliens.

These teachers don't understand basic earth concepts. I would say it was the wrong decision. Yeah, yeah, we blew it. Fair enough, it was, yeah. We're just going to cut that. Like, it should have been cut from the movie. There you can go.

Now, they're at the Witch's House and the second, Corey. the witches run out and immediately start slapping the car with brooms, the second Corey steals her brooms just so they can have a little meat cute where he returns her broom later and they fall in love. It's weird, but also my standards are so low at this point that I'm like, okay, that's something. I mean, if the main romance I'm supposed to be rooting for is the teacher molesting her student,

yeah, okay, this. This one then. Yeah, Corey 3 with witch, I mean, I'm all for that. Sure, I'll take that one. Again, so here's another non-punk rock thing, though, because he goes out on a date with her, and she's eating onion rings. And he's like, which food group does that belong to? She goes, fat, definitely fat. He goes, I hate to break it to you, but the four food groups are not sugar, salt, fat, and booze.

And I couldn't think of a less fucking punk rock thing to say. Like, that's absolutely the core diet of any punk rocker worth there. Rock and Roll High School. Let's eat more vegetables. My brother. Did you get enough dairy today? Wow. Briggity, briggity, brother.

He's supposed to be in a punk rock band. He went on a date with a witch, and the only thing he could say to her was like, you should eat more healthy. Yeah, a fucking loser. She's got magic powers, you fucking idiot. She can eat whatever she wants. She eats fucking children's souls, or whatever.

She digest those onion rings in another dimension. What I'm saying? They're all so lame in this movie only makes sense if it's just seen from their point of view, and this is the delusion that they have, is that everybody thinks they're super cool. at the center of the plot when really the plot it just has nothing

to do with them. Everybody is just like, I don't know who those guys are. It's probably worth mentioning that Vader, Mary Warnov's character, has established rule in their absence. So when they were out doing the refrigerator humping, she had a video broadcast to explain how things

were going to go from now on. Yeah, and now they come back to the school to find she's put an electric fence around it to make it a prison. Yeah, they're doing a Pink Floyd thing. And this is where the eradicators They drive up to school In the radio contest they rigged

With the auto dialer The DJ comes there Gives them the front row tickets And the The $5,000 bill The $5,000 bill Invader cuts them in half With her ticket cutting arm

Which rules And they all just like Okay Well whatever And then she says You've all got detention For four days But they didn't do anything

The movie forgot to have them do anything Maybe they found out about the furniture worship. I mean, they did go to the newspaper. She probably saw that and said, yeah, I feel like this is detention. I don't know what this is, but I know it should be illegal. We never thought to make it illegal, but it is now. Yeah, they definitely didn't say anything about it in the movie. Like, they don't ask why they're getting detention. She doesn't tell them why they're getting detention. They just go to detention because that's where they should be. Because they follow the rules, like good kids, they eat their vegetables. So they're going to detention in like a haunted

gulag, uh, yeah, which I guess is the joke. Which is another. time warp chamber. There's like dead Native Americans and pilgrims in there. School's been around for a very long time. It's such a good joke. See, what is, I was focused, much like the teacher with the football,

everything around the movie becomes a little fuzzy at this point because they do another little interstitial bit that the movie thinks is not anything exceptional. And it's the squares. We check in with the squares, but it's like the secondary squares. It's not the main

villain. The main villain is like a main guy and a main girl, the power couple. I think they cut to both of them. One of them wants to fuck real hard and her boyfriend's like totally prudish about it. That's the side couple. Then the main couple, the guy wants to fuck super hard

and the girl's too focused on, you know. All right, you'll understand why I'm a little. Right, okay, so she's such a yuppie. She can't think about sex because all she wants to think about is like her CEO gig when she gets out of her business school. And the other couple is the girl's super horny. I don't think she has a second personality trait.

And then the boy is such a Christian. nerd, he won't fuck. Yeah, it's the secondary couple that don't want to fuck. And it's the primary couple who kind of do want to fuck, but she is so focused on business. And you're like, they should meet each other. And they, they do. The way they handle

this is, uh, is the main squares. She's sitting there thinking about her career, talking about like how she's, how she should do college for the best path of her career. And he's like feeling her up. Only, they get way too graphic for a second. And he is

very clearly aggressively fisting her as like it seems like she's got an orgasm from it while she's talking about you know salary figures and things like that but like he's he's got his whole hand clearly right up there and he's doing her cervix for sure full fisting motion and she i guess the joke is that she doesn't notice because she's too focused on her career so she hasn't she hasn't realized that a guy has climbed halfway inside of her it's less sexy than you guys are making it sound. Just to be clear. I don't understand what that scene is. Again, I don't understand what the punchline is to most of these scenes. But the punchline to that is just that she's like, hey, stop it. You're like, he was like fully fisting you, though. It was like elbow

deep. You needed to do like, well, all right, then he like shakes the goo off his hand or something like that. Yeah, like there's a beat to that scene. Yeah, put a button on that scene. Yeah. Or maybe he pulls his car keys out and goes, oh, there they are. Yeah. Classic Nick Jr. stuff. The slime on it, obviously, you see. So the eradicators go see Eagle Bauer, who I assume is a parody of a record exec that I don't know. Yeah, this had to be a call out to something.

It feels like again, if I had to guess maybe he was in the first movie, like I don't, you know. Oh, no, I don't remember him from the first movie. I don't either. I've only seen the first movie one time. I had not even, I didn't even know it existed. existed when I saw this movie for the first time. I didn't know what they were doing. Rock and Roll High School is one of those movies that I've seen, I don't know, maybe a hundred times, but never as a movie.

Like, I've never sat down and watched it. It's always just been on in somebody's house while I've been drinking. Yeah, that's about the only way you should watch it. But yeah, Eagle Bauer is like, again, this like 90s idea of some high school behind the scenes hustler that makes all the deals. that makes all the things happen. You want test dancers, I got what you need. You want to, you know, he's...

This should have been you, Corey Feldman. Yes, this should have been Corey Feldman's character. But he has an office in the bathroom. You go to the bathroom and there's a secretary there and you ask the Seagobower and then you like get led into this big room where there's like stock trading and all this. He starts... He feeds them fucking horse.

He gives like the nerd Corey 3 like a bunch of cat food. He's like, here, try this. And then he's like, oh, God, it tastes like barf. What is it? horse he just has a horse food business and that doesn't pay off like they don't like drop horse meat on the faculty later it's just yeah you think that they're going to use it because he brings it up and i make a point and you're like oh he's going to replace the food at the party with that and then they're all going to eat horse or something they're going to weaponize it yeah they also present it

like he's buying it for the school like he's like i got a palletful of this shit in the back what does it work for the school yeah what is they they don't know I think that's settle on that. Well, what they, the reason they want to meet with him is that they want to play the prom, which will somehow save the high school in their totally delusionary minds. And so they need him to once again rig the audition process so they'll win. I just love that even in this movie, their band fucking sucks so hard that the only way they win anything is with like auto dialers and paying people to rig contests.

They never just win. They're never just like, oh, you guys rocked. They suck fucking shit. it except Eagle Bauer loves them and he gives them all Pepsi's make sure that we see that nice and clear as he sits down in front of a pallet of Pepsi's and he agrees to make them

he agrees to set them off on like a heist hijinks montage scene I didn't write down most of these hijinks except for the one where they poison the dog yeah what did they put in that food because they put the meat down with drugs in it you're like okay the dog's going to fall asleep but no it eats the meat and then

runs the other way like it's fear toxin or something it does not fall asleep is my point it is it's so strange drugs and then i think i mean it's it's a real low-res movie so it's hard to see exactly what she's putting it i think she puts in like cayenne pepper and like mustard powder yeah it's a lot of like over-the-top spices and maybe also drugs yeah it just shit it's it just shit itself inside out i guess is yeah she just supposed to believe just gonna poison the dog a little bit. I just think it's a bold stance that the movie's like, okay, they rig every contest they're in here they are poisoning the dog. You're the bad guys. Yeah. Yeah, they blew up everybody's locker. People came to school the next day and most of the lockers were

exploded. You're like, well, that's where I keep my stuff, Corey Feldman. Yeah, yo, rock and roll. Figgily Michael Jackson moves. Yeah, and they put Vader in a neck brace. She gets fucked up. Like, this is all part of the prank to get, because she's part of the judging panel. So she can't be there. They got to set up all these. She's the only one they haven't bought off. Yeah. And that's so they can get her distracted so they can go on stage and Corey can botch every note in a song he wrote.

Is this dare dealer? It's called Daredealer. It's called Dare Dreamer, I think. Dare dreamer, yeah, Daredealer. I don't even know. I think that those are the best Cory Feldman songs when he tries to smash nonsense words together in a way that he thinks sounds cool. Like, Ascension Millennium, I guess, is the one people might have heard. But yeah, what a bold choice to let Corey Feldman sing a Corey Feldman song.

And this movie about a band singing music people like. Now, there's another band here that you're just by the way the scenes set up you're supposed to infer are the villain band. Like, this is the band that sucks. That's going to get it. We don't get it. I love this band. This band is just like the B-52. So like...

Love at the laundromat. Yeah, this is a great song. So fuck you, dude. You're trying to say these guys suck, but then you put Corey Feldman on stage to do this. You tell me they beat this. This is way more of a high school dance band than the Eradicators. Once again, this tells me

that Corey and his band are the villains. Like, here's the good band. And then immediately after, they've rigged the contest so that this terrible band with Cory Feldman can win. And they almost get killed. Like, they almost kill this sweet, innocent, trusting band. The B-52s

here. Yes, they almost kill the B-52s. It's just baffling. It's baffling how badly they botched every single element of this. So they do win. Well, they won in the sense that they rigged it. Right. And stole it from a better band.

But it did work. And the substitute teacher voted for him. So Corey takes that as an opportunity to say, like, I knew you wanted my body. Yeah, he says, absolutely not. He tells her, I liked your band. I know you voted for us because otherwise we wouldn't have won, except for you did rig the other votes. Right. Because, yeah, because Eagle Bauer says three of them will vote for you.

Like he says he's arranged for three of them to vote for him. So, yes, they're expressly cheating on. She has to explain to him to this elderly high school student that teachers don't go out with students. And he's like, don't worry about it, babe, I don't study. Yeah. She kind of loves that. She's like, all right, maybe I will molest you a little bit. I think he also pitches like, what if we were different ages? I think he tries to say, hey, what if like I was 21 and you were 28. What do you think about? Or something like, I can't remember anybody down. It's like, what if the situation, what if you weren't molesting me and we

were like in a different situation? Not convincing arguments, is my point. But she's somehow won over to his charm, which does not play on screen at all. The vice principal, the Vader, Dr. Vader, she mandates drug testing. So the band all do a bit where they pretend to drink each other's pee? Again, to nobody, to in nobody's face. It's not a scam, it's not like, oh, we're going to get out of this drug testing or we're going to stop drug testing for the whole school by doing this. They're just like, these guys are going to see us drink pee. Yep. Because it's also like, okay, I can understand if you're going to do that scam because you actually are on drugs and you want to hide that fact. But they're not

because they're fucking nerds. This is, the time they drink the pee is probably the best prank and the movie's best joke. Because two people did think they drank pee. That's a prank. And they drank pee that's adjacent to human comedy. So maybe that says more about me than, but I think it says more about the movie is my point. No, this is the funniest. This is the moment the movie was as close to being a movie as it'll ever be. Toward what end and in whose face? Like the point of this is to freak out the squares, yes, but also to get ahead somehow and like, no, they don't. It doesn't do anything. They don't quit on the spot. They aren't like, oh, well, now we're going to mess with you guys again

or drug testing is over. It accomplishes nothing. Correct, but like they did get these two people to think they drank pee, and that's disarming. Yes, that's the end of scene, I guess. If someone pitched this to me, I'd say, okay, we can work on this. Like, this is the start of something. This movie is like, that's it. Done. Yeah, there's no button on the drug testing.

They don't have to do it again because they clearly drank their samples. Even if I was like, all right, that's gross. Maybe it's apple juice. I need more piss. Yeah, you can't. Yeah, I just tested it. It's apple juice. No, we're testing you for drugs.

You can't give me apple juice that you've... I drank it. It turned into pure apple juice on the other end. So they get framed here, I think. Vader's like at it. So she does a frame hit job on them. She puts like a bunch of weird wet toys in their lockers. I didn't not understand how the framing worked.

I didn't know what this. Did they hide a body in their lockers? What was I supposed to be looking at here? She threw a bunch of fake, like, body parts all over the school. and put up a big banner that said, Blood and Guts High. Okay, so Vader finds out that they're playing the prom and decides she needs to stop that

by getting them, I don't know, back into tension again, is the ultimate consequence, which makes no sense. So she false flags them with a meat attack where she's like, oh, I'm going to throw meat all over the school, and then I'm going to put meat in Corey Feldman's locker

so that they're going to think he was the one that did it. And this is somehow portrayed as like, when Corey comes in and sees the school covered in meat, and somebody's like, nice job fucking dickhead he's like hey this is not our style it's not our style we covered the sewage also last night we did blow up a bunch of lockers and there was some meat involved you know what this does sound a lot like me now that now that I'm hearing also I think the girl that said nice job was the one whose throat he spit down

yeah so like that was way worse than the meat thing yeah he did hit her he did hit her with a biohazard attack that's biohazard sex attack she's pretty cool I You know, all things considered. She's handling it very well. But then, so Vader has them exactly where she wants them. And she's like, ah, yes, now I can finally give you detention again and specifically still let you graduate. She says.

Like, this is not the villain. Yeah. She's doing our best to educate these goddamn kids. The only thing she wants is then not to play the prom again, which, to be fair, the last time they played, they did spit down the throat of another. It's like, I can't have you doing that again at prom is the only thing she would like to happen. That's the end of our act, too, because Corey Filman already meets like the spirit of rock and roll in the next scene who tells him...

Played by Mojo Nixon. Mojo Nixon. Which made me sad. Made me real sad. So sad. You know what my favorite Mojo Nixon fact is, though, his IMDB profile is just his little puppet goomba head from the Super Mario Brothers movie. Hell yeah. I'm looking at it right now.

Fantastic. He does, the spirit of rock and roll played by Mojo Nixon does lecture Corey Feldman extensively on how he's not very punk rock and he will grow to regret this in his old age, which you have to admit is pretty fair. Yeah. That is true. It's an accurate assessment. This is how Corey takes it, though. You eradicators, got to play the prom. That's impossible.

There is no way. Malarkey. You've got to save the school from the unclean. cool otherwise it's going to be a black mark on your permanent record and it's going to follow me throughout the rest of my life but how get bodaysia god damn i feel like moder nixon should have faded back in and been like hey don't make it weird it wasn't a sexy thing that just it wasn't like that I didn't say anything like that. Fuck it.

Wow. So intense. No, no, no, no. I was just saying, God, I hate this kid. I did rip your clothes off, but not in that way. You want to spit down my throat, Mojo, Nixon? God damn it, kid. Every time.

So the eradicators then enact a scheme to embarrass the squares and steal back the promise, as they say, by mostly by doing and more pranks that don't mean anything they pretend to eat frogs they plant some women's underwear in their lockers the two the two horny squares that were not

you know the horny boy square and horny girl square that were not in the right relationships do get together which I guess is it's like the closest thing I can root to in this book yeah yeah I'm for it good for them they made the right call yeah I think their needs are being met now

you know it's the only people who fuck in this movie are the villains yeah it's true The only people get in any action at all, yeah. So they, yeah, so I think it's implied that Corey has sex with a teacher. But again, I wouldn't call that fucking so much as, you know, molesting. I stayed through the credits to see if that was the post-credit Easter egg. It's not.

It's just the mugshot of the teacher in jail. So you tried to trap Corey Feldman with a baby. These pranks are just like, I guess they're the bad guys. Like we're watching the movie. We know they're the bad guys. They just get really humiliated and then filmed while they're getting humiliated so that, like, later they can, like, show the whole school and be like, look, here's these fuckers that we have no reason to hate other than, like, they're the wrong click. They don't like us. Right.

We can all agree that that sucks, right? And these, what a weird way, these two got some. And it's like, that's pretty awesome. Revenge porn. Like, one of them, they just filmed them fucking in the car and steal all their clothes. Like, my favorite thing that terrible movies do happens here where they film it from an obvious angle. They're off to, in the bushes off to the side. But then when they replay the video later, it's from the camera angles of the movie itself.

Exactly. Yeah. It's like, oh, right. They got cash. They got background music. Good lighting. Yeah. Also, they're like inside his car.

Yeah. Their peak prank is to once again go to the classified ads where they find a super horny ad for a slave boy who wants to be punished. And they're like, oh, shit, we're going to introduce him to Vader, who loves punishing. You're like, okay. To their credit, they're going to make each other very happy. And they do. Yeah. And what's the turn?

And whose face is this? She's not, because he shows up, and he's a fucking super hunk. Yeah. And he crawls like real sexually white snake style onto her car. And she just gets out like, fuck. Yes, dude. Yes. She's not embarrassed or offended.

She's like, I am going to have real kinky sex with this guy. I have an attachment for this, for this exact thing. And then off screen is the eradicators giggling like, yes, got her. Yeah. And they're filming it. So I guess two of the pranks are revenge porn themes. Yeah, they're criminals. They're kinkshamers and criminals, yeah.

I think the gag is she can't fuck. And so this guy's not that into it. Because he's like kind of bored, like reading a magazine while she like pokes at his sternum with her human hand. And it's just like, okay I think that was supposed to be the aftermath. Oh, okay. Because he's really into it when he's tortured, when she's torturing.

Yeah, he's too French. You know that's movie code for like, please fuck me now. And then it's supposed to be like at the end, they're like, this is the aftermath. Right. I get it. So she wants to cuddle and he's like, that's not the part he's into. He likes that.

I wrote down that it's like, I understand that they're getting compromise, but it's weird that the movie specifically had her come first. He was like, no, no, no, she got to come. Don't worry. Yeah. Okay, the villain did? Yes, yes. That was a Mary Warnoff note, because if you've seen Death Race 2000, you know this is the woman who's like, no, no, I need to, my character needs to come.

That's in the contract. In the contract. That's in my contract. Eagle Bauer gets the children drunk. I thought that was another thing that, yeah, you know, maybe shouldn't have done that. I think maybe I'm too adult. That's a rock and roll high school. Yeah, that's, I guess, the most rock and roll thing of this.

but looking at this with adult eyes I'm like a lot of these there's a good reason we have rules against this stuff like you probably shouldn't just trick a lot of children into getting drunk so we didn't specify this

but Eagle Bauer is like 36 or something yeah he's like he's not a young man he's not supposed to be a student he's not supposed to be passing it this is a grown man who lives in the bathroom of a high school yeah he has decades of stress on his face and then he gets the children drunk

you're right that's not Yeah. It's just more alarm. It's alarm bells all the way through. If Corey Feldman spiked the punch, that'd be maybe okay. Or Namrock, I would prefer it, because he would do some cool spin kick to spike the punch. But, like, yeah, the grown man living in the bathroom is a bad choice. I don't think he has the judgment to know when to get a child drunk, it's my point.

It's hard. You're right. It's just, it's hard. It becomes harder to notice alarm bells when it's the whole movie, like nonstop. Yeah. You get really used to the claxons going off if that's your whole life. Yeah. Getting philosophical again.

All right. We sing it. There's another Cory Feldman original here. There's a song called Rock Us Danny. And it's a song about a guy named Danny who fucking loves to rock. Who loves to rock. And he lives in the bathroom of the high school. He's by a little fellow I know.

There's a song called, Johnny Be Good, a very famous song. You probably know it. Corey Filman tried to make Johnny Be Good. And his version is Rock Us Danny. And I like how it's not played as their big triumphant moment. Like, the kids are dancing. They're having a good time. But nobody's looking at the band.

Nobody's going nuts. They don't know who, they don't know what's them. This is the moment I was talking about when they don't recognize it. Yeah. They don't know it's them. But also, like, they're not so won over by the music because they don't have their prejudices or something. They're just like, yeah, fine.

It's a high school dance. Whatever. Like the band sucks, but who cares, we're going to dance. They're also drunk as shit. Thanks to Danny. This is where they unveil their master plan and they play the video. of the squares puking in front of the whole school and puking and having women's underwear

and, oh, you know those squares fuck. Like, yeah, that's awesome punk rock shit. Yep. Yeah. These guys rule. Like, they're puking and wearing women's underwear and fucking. Like, that's what you should be doing, eradicators. That's what, this should be you in the video, freaking out of the squares. There's also a shot of a pizza getting taken out of the oven in here.

Like, I think they tried to make sort of a reverse Ringu video. Like it's... Yeah, like the cursed video. Yeah, because there's just stuff in there that isn't prank. It's just, just nice things. Just be filmed. Yeah. The reverse ring.

So it just, it makes things more stable and boring in your life. You're like, oh. In seven days. It's exactly. Seven healthy days coming up. In seven days, you'll get a job. Things will be fine. They get the video of a Vader having hot super sex with a hunk.

Because the school's going to hate that. Everybody's going to be like, oh, can you believe the sexy disciplinarian also has also has cool sex with hunks. How embarrassing for her. And again, I don't know what the arrangement was here. This was a classified ad. I don't know if there's just a random dude

or if they had to pay this guy to... So again, it's what... I don't know. He's got to... No, he was... He had the ad out and was like, I need somebody to come punish me. This is totally like consensual

and he leaves this arrangement satisfied. Oh, in your face. Yeah. But she, of course, loses her mind and she gets in her car and comes to, like, run down Corey Feldman and the eradicators. So she's the hero. She's the hero of this movie. Everything she's done so far has been the correct move. And she does.

They trick her with the power of skateboarding into running into a generator. She explodes and dies. Yeah, she's dead. Absolutely. They all think it's hilarious. They actually, somebody actually says, oh, she exploded. And then they like high five. Yeah.

Her employees, the two guys. guys that worked for her there's a moment that actually made me laugh here where like everything's exploding there's like violence and and and all the children are drunk and the hot teacher goes i'm calling the police and the principal goes yeah i was like what a what a perfect way to deliver that line like he's like what the fuck else would you do and of course the hot teacher finally finally makes out with her student right in front of the principal and he loves it he's he's cori's number one fan, actually. Actually, in the movie that the teacher makes out the student in front of the principal,

and he's like, oh, thumbs up. Just, just fuck. All the way, all the way through, all the way through red flags. Did you notice that there's like a model of the school that was spontaneously combusting as the real school was being exploded? Did you notice that? That was like a weird, like a full moon horror movie type thing. Like it was a voodoo school or something.

I don't know. in order to destroy the big school we have to dead date the little school yeah a puppet said that and then they had that's how they had to kill the big school but no they really fucking explode the entire school which kind of rules and it's very rock and roll it's very but again

Vader did that yeah that's true Corey just got out of the way that was his contribution to the whole thing the squares like puked on each other and wore women's underwear and fucked and then the chief square had kinky sadomasochistic sex with a super hunk and then blew up the school. They fucking kick ass. I want to talk about the kiss a little bit because the teacher kind of kisses Corey Feldman like you would expect. Like, hey, he's a victory kiss.

Corey Feldman acts like this is a passionate love scene, like a seductive lover driven mad with lust. And I feel like that's someone maybe should have said, hey, Corey, cut. Like, I know you've been hassling this lady on the set for the last fucking month. But can you kiss like you just fucking won something? Not like you're about to bone down here in the hallway? I don't. They had to hit her with Narcan after that. It's just of all the choices to make. All right. Then you do a victory kiss.

And Corey's like, I got this. Yeah, no, he thought this was real. Oh, yeah. He is moving his head around, touching her face. Yeah, the face touching. Smash cut to the scene where he's fissing the square in the car. So one teacher reacts appropriately. She's aghast.

And then the principal looks at her and just sticks his tongue at her. Yeah, give him one of these for me. He's known this kid for what? 14 years now, since he was a freshman. God, what a fucking shitty movie. Fuck you for this sec. 1,900, Frankfurt.

1,900, Frankfurt. Our podcast canals. And with maximal in show. Like Frankfurt podcast? Correct. Yeah. The craft is mitratis, not under.

Shitty in the hunde zone. 4'1 a stunder. Come, Sean. You can't you know ma. 1,900, Frankford 1,900, Frankford! 1,900, Frankfurt's no, you know, yeah. Please welcome once again 1,900 hot dogs, very own in-house comic,

the overly specific insult comedian who makes Thanks to Reel. It's Mr. Jimmy Juggles. Hey, thank you. Thank you. It's lousy to be here. Got a lot of Supremes in the audience tonight. Look at Aaron Crosston here. Hey, you look like you don't get enough colonoscopies. Like you're gonna die of ass cancer at 54 just when you start really getting comfortable with. who you are. Oh, what's a matter? A little too real for you? Yeah, I know. I'm working on that. Hey, I see Adrian Hesbrook. Hey, I see Alex Nolenberg. Look at this. It's Alpha Scientist Javo. Hey, and Andy, I see you back there. I once went on safari with this guy and I watched him kill a white rhino.

So he could powder and snort its horn. He was so sad when it. It did not give him an erection. I wasn't supposed to tell nobody that. Oh, it's a very serious crime. Oh, oh. Hey, it's Armando Nava. I see Autumn Armstrong Berg. I see Bim Talser.

Oh, Brandon Garlock, I know you ain't got enough in your retirement fun. You're blowing it all on Funko Pops of obscure movie monsters and your elderly self is gonna curse you for it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, that one's a sprinkler. It was supposed to be a sprinkler. It's summer. I'm trying something. Brian Sayler, I see you there.

Brock Way famously loves the meat millie. Hey, Sarah, I'd see Chloe here. She got a face only a mother could love. Could, but did not. Oh, keep seeking that validation from camgirls and escorts, babe. That's you. That's what you do. That's not me? Why would you think that's me? That's you.

I only say true stuff about you. Like, uh, like, uh, like a common sense here. He looked like he got one of those ironic names. Like calling common sense's mother, Mrs. Had a Positive Influence on Common Sense's body dysmorphia. Whoa! Hey, come on. It's just a joke. There's no truth to it. It don't mean nothing about neither of us. All right? I don't wish I was a. small, frail, pale man, racked by consumption?

Like, that's, I'm happy being big and healthy. That's what I like. That's what I like. Don't question it. Here's Craig Lemoyne. Let's move on. Here's Craig Lemoyne. I see Dan B.

I see David Scholl. I see Dean Costello. I love this guy. Dean Costello, he once watched someone. He loved Drown, and he was too scared to help him. So he sold the song rights to Phil Collins. You guys got to stop. Trusting me with your secrets.

Oh! Sorry, I hiccoughed while doing that one. And it came out weird. That won't happen again. Delta, Fox Trot, Devin the Rogue Supreme, Doug Redmond, Dusty's rad title, Edgar Matthias. You look like you find comfort at night by telling yourself nobody remembers the embarrassing stuff you did. But I've heard it, it's all anybody talks about.

Oh! Back to normal O's! Oh! It was a one-time thing. fluke. Just like all your exes say about you, Elizabeth Shope. Oh, ho! Oh, all right, I see Elliot Watson here. He's all right. I'm all right too. I'm glad I got my normal O's back. I was not just testing the waters for a new and scary change that I desperately want to make in my life. Not like Eric Christianberg. Look at that ball cap. They call this the receding

hairline special. Oh! I got Fancy Shark. I got Gareth. I got Jello. I got good Satan and all his hot witches over here. Oh, look at this. It's Greg Cunningham. Greg Cunningham, you work so much. Your kids are going to have trouble remembering your face after they leave for college. Oh! That one's about you. That's not about something haunting my kids said to me. All this stuff's about you guys. Hey, Haraka, a Harvey Pangweeney. Oh, I'd love to see you here, honk. Hey, Jabberal Aiden, James Boyd, I got Jared Clack,

I got Jared Mountain Man. Oh, I got Jared Ruiz. Hold on. Jared Ruiz here, he's gonna wait until everyone's gone for the night, and then he's gonna go around and lick all the seats of the people who didn't laugh at my jokes. That's what he's gonna do.

Oh, he likes the taste of failure. This guy does, not me. Jeff Erasky, John McCam, and I got John Minkoff. Hey, you smell like extramarital sex, my man. Everyone can smell it. Even your wife there next to you. She just don't have the courage to disrupt her whole life because she don't know.

She's worth 10 of you because she's too fucking stupid. Oh, I got you both. Oh, I'm sorry there was again. That's weird. I don't know what's going on with that. Okay, I got, I got Joseph Searle's here, I got Josh S, I got Joshua Graves, I got Justin B, I got Ken Paisley, I got K&M, hey K&M, your AI girlfriend called, just kidding, no she didn't. Oh, there we go, that's the normal one, that's okay, everything's normal, I'm not learning nothing about myself up here, okay, okay, we got Kamutsas, we got KVH, we got Lane Heygood, we got Lisa, Lisa worries she's the weird girl at work because she never gets invited to nothing.

Don't worry, Lisa. They don't think you're weird. They don't think about you at all. Oh, normal one again. All right, we got it, we got it. Amjahi Chappelle, Mark Mahoney, Matt Riley, Max Broy, mercenary, Sissadman, Michael Lair, a Mojou, you carry yourself like you're not the hero in your own story.

Oh, that one seems gentle at first, but it will haunt. you some things they just they just haunt you more I got mort here I got mr. Bob gray I got N d what does N d stand for nondescript oh that one's on purpose it's a callback to that thing I did earlier I'm owning it okay I'm owning it's just a joke Neil Bailey Neil Bailey liked that oh right right Neil Bailey liked it he likes that pop stuff am I right ha ha I hate that stuff he loves it though Neil Schaefer I got next I got Nick Levino. I got Obsolete over here. Now Obsolete, he's like Neil Bailey.

This is someone who wants to prance about in a powdered wig. I can see it. I can see it obsolete. Oh, that's me doing an impression. That's an impression of obsolete. That's not me. Orner Weevil. I got Ozzie Olin. I got Patrick Herbst. I got Peewee's uncle. I got rebrandrew. I got Red Wine Time. Red Wine Time probably got a secret storage unit full of ruffled shirts and tights sometimes they sleep in there just to be physically closer to the person they think they are inside oh that's what you do that's what you do red wine time hey rhea i got russell bowman i got sam kopnik i got sarkovsky look at sean chase i got seed over here hey space jam fan space jam fan now this is a guy who sees an old

timey fop or dandy put on his white face makeup and paint the little mole on and he's like oh that's me. That's the way I wish I was. Oh, I got you. I know that's how you are. Hey, spotty reception. A super knot, Tater's Tales, Thomas Cavatzos. Oh, who do we got here? You know how sometimes you can see a man? You take one look at him and you just know. You just know. This guy, this guy likes to titter. I got you Thomas. I got your tittering ass. Timmy Leahy, Toasty God, Tommy G., Velo, Victor Malavakin, Booster. Oh, don't sink down in your seat. Now, Booster, I see you.

I got you, I know you. You think you're some strong, independent woman, but I know you're tight. I know you're tight. You live your whole life just hoping. Oh, you're just praying. Some big, strong man comes along and calls one of your quips, Rybalt. That's you. That's what you hope happens.

That has nothing to do with me. I can just see it on your face. Whalen Russell, Yvonne Clapham, Zach and Ava. I'm looking at John Dean here. And I just know this guy sees old-timey fops and dandies in movies, and he don't know. Are they a German thing? Are they French or English or something? Are they just kind of all Europe rolled together into like one stereotype that maybe never existed at all?

But that don't matter to John Dean, because every time he sees them boys mincing and prancing, he thinks, that's me. That's not the me I am, but is the me I am. should be and he goes and he becomes an insult comment because that's what they say the men do that's what they say the modern-day man equivalent is of that but it just just unfulfilled you know it doesn't it's not enough for John Dean he thinks he's like I'm Oscar Wilde up here you know telling it like it is and everybody everybody laughs and joins in and calls me pretty and it never quite happens that way does it John Dean it's not the same thing being an insult comic as it is being a real being a fop with a savage wit I see you John Dean all over your

face man it's all over your face that you wish that that was what you were that's you that's what that's what you are it's a joke it's all the joke it's just there's no truth to it there's no truth to it man oh