The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 259, William Wegman: Dog Pervert with Hana Michels

Episode Date: January 7, 2026

Famous dog pornographer William Wegman tricked the whole world into thinking his portraits of sexy, powerful women with the heads of Weimaraners were art. Come learn how he's responsible for breaking the brain of our favorite chaos gremlin, Hana Michels! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Robert will go to jail if you don't buy his book. I know what you're thinking... This is NOT the time to be a wise guy. BUY HIS BOOK. https://linktr.ee/killyourimaginaryfriendd

1,900 hot dog 1,900, hot dog Out podcast slams with maximum hype Say hot dog podcast word Yeah When you taste that nitrate power You're in the dog zone for an hour Come on, you know the number

1,900 1,900 Hot Dog 1190,0,000 One 900 Hot Dog Hot Dog Welcome to the official podcast of One 900 Hot Dog America's last comedy website

I'm Robert Brockway and you know I got that dog and me and with me of course is that dog my co-host John I'm in you. I'm in all of you. And our guest today, she's a semi-professional avatar of chaos and proponent of weird cats, weird dogs, just weird animals in general. She's, she might be a witch. I think she's a witch. It's Hanna Michaels. I'll take it. Hi. Hi. Welcome back.

Yeah, thanks so much for joining us. Before we get too far, where can people find more from you, Hanna? I am H-A-M-C-H-E-L-L-S on everything. I do life coaching for people who find the phrase life coaching too woo-woo and creepy. And I agree. It's hard to market myself. It would be. Occasionally right as well. But that doesn't make money anymore. No, like across the board, that's a universal truth. It is. It is. It sucks. But you still want people to look at it. Yeah. Yeah. And they keep telling, I don't know how you're reacting to this, I'm using the fucking M-Dashes.

Yeah, I use M-Dash as a lot. I'm not, I'm not changing. Yeah. I didn't stop using them. I still M-Dash sometimes. I'm-Dash like fucking crazy and I will never apologize for it. And I will never change. Sometimes I'll grow a sixth finger.

Robots, I'll do whatever the fuck I want. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes I'll eat my own shit. You can't stop me, robots. Yeah, exactly. No, you have the fucking audacity to steal from us and then tell us what we can't do based on your theft?

Fuck you. You don't have a lock on M-dashes, six fingers, or eating our own shit. We'll do whatever. No, you don't. We will. USA!

Yeah, I found something in our bed recently in which our cat- Was it a finger or was it shit? Just let her go. I think it was just silver line.

I think it's fine. But yeah, yeah, for a while I thought Rube was eating his own shit and that we might have to, we might have to fix his diet, which is already a mess. So your cat's still not domesticated?

Well, the problem is, and vets, I need you to listen to this. You can't have like one normal, like two normal cats. You can have a fat cat and a regular cat.

Or you can have a fat cat and a too skinny, or you can have like a regular cat and a too skinny cat. Their metabolisms don't work the same. They demand what the other has. They break into each other's chip feeders. They shit in your bed. They shit in your bed.

Probably Silvervine, I hope. I'm telling myself that's what that was. See, I thought you were doing like a 90 stand-up thing with, you got more than two cats. One of them is a total slut. I mean, also not untrue, but I think that's just ours. A fantastic plug, of course. Yeah, that's a good plug.

We do have a neighbor cat that comes over peacocking in his little Tux. His name is Amadeus. Rue is in love with him. Kitten hates him and hates his line of bullshit. I don't even want you to answer this or correct me if I'm wrong, but I see him wearing little tiny clothes, not like tuxedo patterns on his fur. Don't correct me. He's wearing a little tuxedo. Also, don't correct me. Top hat. Top hat. And just crush an ass. Tiny monogle. You're setting up for a romantic book. it's one one loves him one can't believe is bullshit which one's he going to end up with though yeah we could do an enemies to lovers trope yeah there you go uh sean plug something uh i'm plugging

uh hona's book about the tuxedo cat and the love triangle he's involved in i'm not gonna read it but uh if it's for you uh 100 hotdog dot com that's my plug go to this website it's uh you get a free article every week and the other is a paywall to go to patreon.com slash 1-900 hot dog it's the best. We have an all-star cast of writers and it's very fun and funny like the old days when the internet was good. What a wonderful plug.

I'd like to counter that with a terrible one. I'm legally obligated to promote my book. It's called I Will Kill Your Imaginary Friend for $200. It comes out January 27th, 2026. I'm supposed to tell you you can go to bookshop.org, use the code Robert 15, because I'm a promo

code now. It gets you 15% off and an exclusive bonus short story and please hurry, please hurry, release day is coming up and we don't need to get into it, but I fucked up. I fucked up real bad. And now I need to sell a lot of books or I go to federal prison and there are two things

I don't like to do alone. Mushrooms and federal prison. Will you repeat the site again so I can write it down? I am not joking. Bookshop.org. Bookshop.org and the code is Robert 15. I'm taking Hannah down with me

If I go down, I'm taking everyone down with me I know for a fact that Hana taught her cats to steal Like a Disney villain That's why she has so many cats All of them are little thieves I'd read that book too You know they're all free right You can just like take a walk and get a cat

Okay I was going a different direction I thought you taught the cats to steal like watches and stuff But okay I just got hold on I just got her to admit that she has stolen all of her cats That's the one that's the one I'm going with That's the compromise I'm going with now So unless you buy my book And save her and all of us

Please please do that and save them all from me I'm the problem here I realize it But thank you for buying my book Okay before we get into the podcast Hannah I did want to talk to you about something Yeah Okay so Despite knowing knowing better

I do go on Reddit still You gotta go somewhere, I guess. Yeah. Every, every, I don't know, maybe like two, three times a year. My toilet paper. A picture of you pops up on Reddit and goes mega, mega viral. It goes like, lands on the front page or whatever, whatever it's on. It's always my Tinder profile that someone on Reddit stole at first.

That's why I was okay putting it out there myself because someone published it on Reddit before. and a lot of people like to argue that I installed my toilet paper wrong. Well, hold on. Let me set the scene a little bit. So it's Hannah. It's Hannah. She's in her bathroom. She's in a towel, not in like a sexy way, but like in a, I am generally doing grooming way.

Brush her teeth, all funny, and has a little bonnet on her head. And it's great. It's a super cute. It would like, if I was on Tinder when that existed, I sure would have been like this girl has a great sense of humor. And I would have would have talked to her. And then the picture itself is a screencap of your Twitter account, right, where you were pointing out that you get like 20, you've got like 20 guys that just want to argue about your toilet paper roll from this. And the toilet paper roll is tiny. You can barely see it.

And my pointing out, pointing it out was that not that I definitely think I'm correct about the way to install toilet paper. But every single time it goes viral, nobody seems to understand that. They include everything. They include the tweet about, like, how these oblivious men are being totally insufferable to me over nothing. And every time it goes super viral. And the reason it goes super viral is just everybody in the comments fights about the right way to put toilet paper on. I knew it went on Reddit again because I got comments on my most recent Instagram post. Did you fix your toilet paper yet?

That's what I wanted to ask. So does this ruin your life a little bit every single time it happened? I mean, it definitely comes back to me every single time it happens. What a damn curse? You've built such a curse. I'm upset that they don't quote the other tweet, which was my Twitter profile about with the toilet paper, got featured on the world's biggest rule of toilet paper, the Daily Mail. Oh, God, Daily Mail got in on it. Of course they did.

Yeah, yeah. They listed a, are these the worst tini? The world's worst Tinder profiles. And then it was just a bunch of people being funny on purpose. So after that, I didn't feel bad about it. I love a lot of things about that. I love that it's just full of literally thousands of men who have completely missed the point of the image in front of them.

I love that it's about the controversy that's like one of those cute things that you couldn't possibly give a shit about if you were a normal person. I also, here's where I love that the top comment is, is usually something like, this is totally incorrect. I mean, unless you got cats or something. Right. So there's a reason. Or you just didn't give a shit when you put the toilet paper on.

You're like, this will be gone in a week or two. Who cares? And I never want to talk about it. I never want to argue about it. This was an interim month. You know how if, actually a lot of people probably can't relate to this. So if you live in a high rent city and you're in between apartments and your parents also live in that high-rent city.

Sometimes you move back for a month to look for an affordable apartment. That's their bathroom. I didn't even install the toilet paper, period. Right. That's another element. I just, I love that you've accidentally built this thing that's probably going to haunt you for the rest of your life. It's like a perfect machine that captures assholes and delivers them straight to you forever.

It's perfect. I couldn't imagine commenting on it. Like, maybe in, like, my most idol of, like, small talk chatter, I'd say something about that. But then if you saw 700 other men saying it and being, you know what, I want to be, the 701st man to talk about a toilet paper roll behind somebody. Like, you're a fucking asshole. Passionately. Yeah, like, you can tell the people I know in real life because they're being cheeky about it

versus the thousands of strangers on that threat. I think I might actually hit somebody if they try to make this a topic of. conversation, the toilet paper thing. I don't know why. It just really bugs the shit out of me that we have to have that conversation. People still send me one of two things the most. Either the original patent for toilet paper that says you should hang it overhand. Or what I prefer, the Simpsons clip where Marge reads a CPS report that says, toilet paper hung in improper overhand fashion. If you punched the guy and I said, hey, why'd you punch the guy? And you said he started a conversation about toilet paper.

I would have no further questions. Yep, okay. I got it. I don't know why those things plugged me. Maybe it was an overreaction, but it was the proper reaction. The first time, it went most crazy in the UK and Chile. And Chile, it's because a popular blog featured it. The UK, I don't know.

I don't know. But Here's Morgan apparently has an opinion about my toilet paper, and I just have to live with that. He's the kind of guy that would say something about toilet paper. Yeah. But I still assume he would have an opinion. I'm sure he's forgotten. But, you know, that's a solid, very common life goal,

not wanting Pierce Morgan to ever know you exist. I just wanted to know what that was like. I see that pop up and every time I'm like, Jesus Christ. Poor, poor Hannah. I can't believe she built this machine and they're turning it on again. It's usually amusing. It's fine. We're still doing our origin story series.

I think we're wrapping up and it's turning into chaos a little bit. We asked Anna, what's the first piece of media that made you realize? Not just that things could be bad, but that there were a genuine maniacs behind making it. And she answered with a bunch of pictures of dogs, which is a valid answer, I guess. You want to tell us about this? so i wasn't allowed much tv or movies as a kid i had therapist parents um and the APA at the time was doing the thing that every generation of parents do tv is rotting kids brains it's making them anti-social it's keeping them from living real life just like they did with video games just like

they're doing now with phones and the truth is it depends on the kid um but yeah anything could be or it can be really positive. So, yeah, there's my ramble. But you know how grandmas give gifts that are like kind of in the ballpark of stuff you like, but also really, really miss the mark entirely? So we moved in with my grandparents after the North Ridge earthquake because our house was completely messed up. and she bought a bunch of these William Wegman books because she knew I liked dogs

and these are terrifying. They're terrible. These are real fucked up. This is a photographer who named his first dog, Man Ray, which should already hint to you if you know, like, male surrealists, that he is a terrifying individual. uh this is a man who photographed his his dogs in human clothes sometimes with that little trick that they do on like whose line is it anyway or old tv where they're like on a human shoulders and they have human hands sometimes not um and they're weimaranders which are already sometimes referred to as ghost dogs because they are hauntingly gray and as puppies have hauntingly blue eyes and as adults have hauntingly yellow eyes so yeah also they're german dogs they're just they're they're they're the creepiest dog you could

pick i had seen these like these like get into the culture uh i know sesame street had a thing that had to have been produced by him with like a dog yeah he was responsible for amongst other things those sesame street segments yeah 80s had like they had wine liners doing mostly nursery rhymes but sometimes just stunts, they just, like, do counting tricks or whatever. All him. It's one of those cases of, you know, baby boomers failing up, baby boomers not having real jobs. It's, I tend to show people the dolphin NASA jerk-off experiment when a baby boomer said, you know, gives you shit for your job title. But this is equally doable.

Do you want to explain that real quick? the series of words you just said? No. Look it up for yourself. Of course not. Why would you? But don't also because it's upsetting. I don't recommend anybody else to it. Just accept it at face failure and in a month.

Yeah. I'm going to just pretend I know what you're talking about. I do not know if it's what it sounds like I think I get it. Okay. It's apparently what happened. That's what I assume. Okay, so back to the dogs. Now, was it part of the experiment or was it?

It's just they had a dolphin in space and someone's like, God, it's so lonely up here. There's no space involved here. NASA just funded a thing. I think that's weird. It's weirder if you're NASA to jerk off Earthbound dolphin. Now, that I get. You don't want to be the first time you jerk off a dolphin to be in the stars. You want to practice in a swimming pool. Why not? It seems romantic. I don't know. You've got to make it special. If it's the first time. Yeah, you know, the one I'm thinking about it, it's probably easier in space. I never thought the dogs would be the safe territory here. Let's get it. back to safe territory

William Wegman was an actual artist he was a painter he went to school to be a painter he's got his BFA and his MFA so like the I too had seen these dogs my assumption was always like some fucking old lady that just started taking pictures of her dogs and like

that was the ultimate failing upward but this was like he was a serious artist and he he believed the dogs were like his partly his muse but also as they credit them this is one of my favorite parts, as they credit them wherever you find from the Museum of Modern Art will credit them. And they always talk about it as in collaboration with the dogs. So they're

officially listed as equals like his fellow artists. I appreciate that because it takes a lot of patience from a dog to pose for this shit. It's funny to demand equal credit for your dog as a fellow artist. Like we have both performed this piece and that dog is really... I've seen crazier. I've seen scientists co-credit their pets on papers. That's cute. That's a pet lover. I don't know why that's cuter to me.

I guess they're both equally cute. I think I like that better, too. I don't know. Collaborator takes the cute out of it for me. That's... Yeah, there's something that makes it like... That's something you'd call like a Nazi cop dog. A collaborator.

Like, the dogs are equally responsible for this. I'm like, no, man. He just wanted a sausage. You give him a sausage at the end of it. Yeah. I don't know. I feel like a dog is going to sit idly either here or over there. Take a picture of it in a fucking dress, I guess.

Like, he didn't do a lot. It's not like we're keeping the dog from his day job. He's like, oh, I got a lot of reading to catch up on. It's just, it's a dog. They're great, but they're not. They don't have, like, exciting internal lives. I don't think. Maybe that's a hot take.

Dogs, dogs aren't avid readers. That's my take. More compromise added to the list. We know how Sean feels about dogs now. William Wegman was super prolific Any biography you find of him has like hundreds Hundreds of exhibitions But like most of them not all of them

Most of them are dogs And he doesn't talk about himself a lot He's the kind of guy that says like my work should speak for itself And his work again is dogs It does I mean So you have sex with dogs Okay Consider it said

You're an upsetting man Are you talking to me or the dog fucker? Huh? Oh, both? Can it be both? He did more than just the photos of dogs. For example, he also had some IMDB roles as dog segment narrator,

distinguished man with dog, and of course, the voice of dog man. And he directed a short film called Dog Baseball. I would have got that in under 10 guesses. Guess one more, and I'll give you a hint. Okay. It's a guess this one's. It's a short film. It's a parody of something very popular starring dogs.

MASH, but it's just D-O-G-G with asterisks between them. No, I love that. That's our merch. That's something we use for our merch. No, it was a short called The Hardly Boys in Hardly Gold, starring, of course, both of his Weimariners as the Hardly Boys. You were never going to get that. That would have taken me 785 guesses. He also, Sean, he also.

also did the dog bowl in the North Park blocks of Portland. Okay. Yeah, you know his work. I haven't been to that, but sure, that's not too far drive. Let me, let me spoil it for you. It's a dog bowl. Now, I guess I'm done talking. It's like, like a Super Bowl or like a big bowl where they drink from?

Just a normal size bowl that they drink from. Just one small bowl outside. Yes. Okay. All right. And people know about this. Yes. Okay.

It's just there in the park blocks. I've seen it. A lot of people do actually just use, let their dogs drink water. It's got kind of like a little water supply. I never realized that was art. I thought that was just like, oh, it's a nice thing Portland was doing for people's dogs. Yeah. This guy is such a landmine of, so this is art now.

Like, these pervert nonsense things are art now. Like, it's in high art. They're in galleries. They take up more gallery space than 99% of art. So you can call it whatever you want. It's idle crafting for shut-in dogfuckers, but calling it not art is no longer an option. That was wild to me that he was to find out that this was considered like an artist, because being familiar with it, again, I just thought kooky grandma got popular.

Yeah. Never really thought about it more than that. Baby boomers get away with everything. Yeah. I'm most familiar with the first part and a little of the second part. I organize the stock we have into categories. And the first one's just like dogs doing goofy little antics, which I'm, for the record, 100% okay with.

Yeah. There's a Weimarander putting his little dog paws in some cowboy boots. Oh, sure. Totally cute. Totally cute. It's a Wymarander's got like a hold of a... This is just a picture every dog owner and cowboy boot owner has. Yes.

Yes. Likewise for the next one, which is a Wymarander that's gotten hold of a hollowing. decoration. Yeah. Yeah, like, oh, that's funny. That's cute. That's cute that he did that. Yeah.

The next one is a dog, be with a little pumpkin being balanced on its head, and that's something you do to a dog. It's less cute. There are accounts now that go viral, but aren't considered fine art and don't make any money

just for piling stuff on cats. But I guess there's a difference between what they do in this. I don't know what that is. I don't know what the difference. I don't know. It's nothing more than just a consensus of what is art and what isn't. It is knowing the right people and being a white guy at the right time.

There's, yes, all of that privilege. I highly recommend it. Look. All these things. Wonderful. Then he moves on, he moved on to his next phase, which was beyond dogs doing cute little things and starts to get a little bit worrying. Still, still fine. But then he started dressing his dogs up as people.

and taking portraits of them. Now, to be clear, he's just dressing the dogs up in, like, people clothes, and then, like, manipulating the pose a little bit. So this is different than some other things that he'd done that we'll get into. I think what I don't like about these, I mean, we talked about how the ghosts are, or the dogs are like ghosts. Like, these have a weekend at Bernie's vibe. They're very haunting, like these dogs are not dead bodies, but died long ago.

Well, that's the art. That's the art you're seeing. Ah, maybe That's the art Then why'd he market it to kids? Yeah Or yeah Like if it was a kid dog

You'd put a bulldog Or some ridiculous shih Tzu or something Not like an Irish sadness hound Whatever the fuck these things are called again Wymeraneraners Yeah these are nightmare dogs Yes they are And like on the closeups

The dog has so much panic and sadness in its eyes Of course it's being forced to pose Either on a human body or in human clothes They know what they're doing is wrong The devil is in their ears saying, yes, keep doing exactly this. Yeah. See, to me, you're making the argument for this being art. If it's panicky and wrong and discomforting to you in some way that you can't place, like, okay, that's probably art.

I mean, I'll say it's art. I don't know if it's good. I definitely wouldn't say it's good. Well, I don't know. If you engage with it as this, as like. let's put a dog in some clothes. I feel like this is above average execution. Again, I don't know if I've seen a lot of people do this,

but I'm like, yeah, if there was a put a dog in clothes costume contest. I will tell you that the account cat cosplay on Instagram or TikTok is, I would say better execution, considering that they make the outfits themselves. I put a dog in clothes. I put, like, pants on a dog once I took a picture and I sent it to my wife. We had a little chuckle. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We put our toy poodle in our mom's bra and then put grapefruits in it. It was delightful. He was too small for them. He couldn't really move.

Jesus. Now, if that had been haunting, it might have been art. It might have been art. It might have awoken something inside of us. If it had been a standard poodle, it would be very haunting. But it was a toy poodle. So it was cute, unfortunately. I do feel like if you put these up against like the free market of ideas today with like so many people putting their pets in weird little costumes, all the like people without jobs getting very obsessed with that hobby, this gets blown out of the water. Like they're going to run into like some dog dressed up like Iron Man and this is going to look stupid that oh, you put a house coat on the dog? No, no. My dog transforms. Yeah, no.

This gets absolutely demolished by the internet. Well, is that the thing of like how you listen to the Ramones without. any context you're like well this seems pretty simple but like go back to when they were doing it and you have to appreciate everything kind of came from that so can we blame him for the dogs and clothes influencer market of today i don't think so because that is a natural human instinct i also don't think so i just felt like saying some stuff yeah no i get it i get it it's like you even though most of the sketches aren't funny today you have to have money python to get to some of the stuff we have now.

Yeah. Yeah, but it's not that. Yeah, completely. But... I promise you, upon the invention of clothes, you have the first dog getting put in clothes for a good laugh. Exactly. That happened to cavemen.

They'd put a dog in her fur and be like, this ugh, and everybody would laugh. Completely. It's a far side. I just wrote a far side cartoon. There you know. Yeah, that's a far side gags. So in the pictures, in the category we're on, which is just dogs and people clothes, not nothing beyond that.

There's something to the ordinariness where he actually kind of dresses them up. The first picture I have here is I guess of a not necessarily a housewife college student. Just somebody, it's titled casual. It's a dog in a little red sweater with a necklace and some baggy pants. That's it. It's not like doing anything. I would say, you know, people in our mom's generation still dress like this. Sometimes millennials dress like this.

This is a very, this is a Gen Z. The next one is very much locked in time. Yeah. So the next one, it's called Pink Flowers, and it's his Wai Wrenner Dog in front of some pink flowers, dressed likewise in an old person's gown covered with pink flowers, and the dog looks, if it's looked haunted before, this is a dog that has not truly come back from war. Yes. This is a ghost.

I would axe kick this. Defensively, yes. this would be a ghost trying to get your defenses down by appearing as something cute. Yeah, I didn't realize he did Sesame Street segments. I wonder how many kids had developed a fear of dogs. Dogs with human hands? Yeah. I must have because I see this and I'm like, fuck this thing.

It's using a lot of visual shorthand from horror movies that do the ghosts of old people. Like this is the way, the flatness of the shot and the washout colors of the shot and the like the emptiness. of the gown are all saying, like, ghost, this is a ghost. And the emptiness of the dog's gaze. Yeah, and the true hollowness. It's actually just done with posing. I'm so glad we're doing a high art podcast. With the background, it says, I have lost a spouse.

Yeah. Or I am that lost spouse. Or I am that lost spouse, yes. Yeah, I'm here making sure you'll never find love again. Yeah, yeah. You will never love any other dog but me. Just this dog trying to say, there's nothing beyond it's just a void but it can't because you can't say that in barks

yeah it has to say it through art and it did it did it really did the next one is also creeping me out quite a bit it's the sweater trio yeah yes it's seemingly a family portrait yeah this is a haunted family this is like a if i if i like bought a house and this was what was left in the house you'd be dead by night yeah i i would be i would be i would be i would assume it was haunted. And rightfully so, haunted by the ghost of dogs. I mean, if I buy a house, it is haunted because I can afford it. Yeah, you're not getting murder-free houses on that budget.

God, I'm not getting any houses on this budget. What I've decided I don't like about these photos is the emptiness of the clothes, where he's truly just kind of draping it on the dog and, like, not pushing it through their paws, so it looks like they're little dressed up, and they're going to go about their little dog day and have, like, some dog business or whatever. tailoring them. Yeah, goose them up. Give them some muscles.

I'll tell you what I do like. I do like the next one. I like Aside. Oh, yeah. Aside is the name of this next photo. And it's giving me the energy of an illicit homosexual encounter in the 1980s. Oh, I got Tarantino film. Either way.

We said the same thing. Not something we should be witnessing. We were intruding upon something very personal. They both just saw us. Yeah. To me, it kind of looks like the dogs got together to put on a play. They're like, let's do Death of a Salesman. I know we're dogs, but like, but I love the theater. Oh, they're doing Glengary. Oh, that'd be good. Dog, all dog,

Glengary. I do get Weimariner energy from Alec Baldwin. Yeah. Right? Yes, that is a haunted man. Yeah, he's got something hound-like and sad in his face. And the last one in this category of dogs dressed up like people is, it's called the Nelson's. And I love this one. because it breaks every, like, little standard he's created up until now of this being art. And it's just his dog dressed like the Nelson twins. Yeah, it's just a fucking mad magazine bit. Yeah. Yep.

Yeah, and they're not... Those dogs wearing the Nelson's wigs, the long-blown wigs that make them look like Nelson. The wigs are not styled whatsoever. I know some drag queens who would just destroy these photos, just lay into these dogs. It is the idle gesture of a man sitting next to two dogs and two wigs. It's just with nothing to do. Yeah, I guess this looks like Nelson's. I mean, they didn't have video games.

Yeah. They kind of look like Nelson. Like when I saw this, I'm like, that's Nelson. And then when I saw the title, I'm like, holy shit. Oh, that's, and I just immediately didn't like it. That's because he gave up all pretense of art here. This is, like you said, it's a Mad Magazine. It's an influencer post.

It's just like the lowest countenomenator. And then you're like, okay, so hold on. If you're doing this, then what's the rest of it? it. Yep. Like if you're considering this in line with it, what's the rest of it? It sabotages his entire career. Because yeah, this is what the least interesting person you've ever met would say if they came upon these two dogs and wicks. Oh, there's Nelson dogs. You're like, yeah, it's not a joke. It's barely an observation. So the next category is weird and disturbing art dogs. And here's where he gets into like, okay, we're getting into the art era. And the first one

I put here is, I'm not sure what's going on, but I don't like. untitled from 1997. It is two dogs, one leashed, one nut, so it's like the goofy problem of the goofy Pluto problem of like what makes a dog and what makes a human dog in this world. And they are in a Texas chainsaw massacre style shed. Yeah, I think generously this is a taxidermied heads. A hunting store or something. You got you got a lot of guns, a lot of weapons around. You got some stuff to mound in animal heads. And way, way in the the background so you almost don't see them is a is a a Weimariner dressed like a grandma holding the leash to another

Weimiriner and uh nothing good is going to come at this no yeah if you stumbled upon this scene you would like you wouldn't be afraid of the dogs but you would know instantly that whoever set this up there was something deeply wrong with them and you have to get out of there but you're not going to you're not getting out of there no this belongs to the bender family or something this is this is this is the blunt and Clems the art of this is like, what is the, what is an animal? Is it a head on a wall? Is it a pet?

Is it like a little person? And is it all of those? The composition is like, hopefully intentionally wrong. Like it's, everything's like sweeping off to one side in a way that, uh, it feel, it feels violently bad. Like any photographer would be like, dude, throw this one in the trash. Everything is angled diagonally to put the focus kind of on the dogs, but they are also blurry because they are in the background at the same time. It's a mess. And again, from the Nelson Wigs, we don't know what is intentional and what's just like, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I am just dressing up dogs.

Yeah, the Nelson Wigs are pivotal because now it throws everything into question of like, okay, so you don't have artistic intent to this. If you would even use a different type of dog for that, it would have been like, oh, so this is. your commercial work and then you're reserving but no you're like the same thing the same dogs the same like the same treatment the same like polaroid-esque photos of them if they were if they were the same dogs on the wall i might at least find that bold enough to be like okay now you're like yelling something rather than like saying something the dogs had hunted their own kind yeah that's what i'm saying it's like oh it's fucked up like there's a world there this is just like i know a woman in this generation, who got into an arts program at Yale, for filming herself barefoot stepping on

chips. I don't want to admit the person who admitted her for that. Oh, also she bubbled in her SATs as a smiley face and they thought that was creative. This generation, it didn't matter what they did. They were going to fail a lot, especially if they got an education, which was affordable at the time. I don't think stepping on chips now would stand up to the marketplace of ideas on the internet. I think there's people doing that better and more alluringly. Yeah, I follow a lot of accounts where they step on much more interesting things than chips. I spent $700 a month on OnlyFans to support the arts. But again, it's the Ramones thing.

Like, would we have that perversion, the like depth and variety of perversion that we have today without those pioneering early perverts? I'm going to say yes again because we had put fetishes before. I'm still just saying stuff. Yeah. What if she wasn't a fetishist? She's like upset about it. She's like, God, they've really taken the art out of it.

Like when you When you do it on a cupcake with your titties out That's that's there's no art to that I think I think she would be I think Willie Wegman would be too But his next one's called Lost from 1993 And it's just I think it's Grey Gardens inspired

I don't know that I don't know what this is I feel like these are two Grace Jones from a space movie This is a Grace Jones playing two characters in a space movie And then this guy made them dog there's not she's never portrayed that amount of it there's like an inherent joy to grace jones that's true yeah there's also an inherent strength that these dogs have lost through their collaboration with this man you know what i hate about this one is you can see there's these long flowing wizard robes and then there's like stool legs underneath them you can see the stools

that they're sitting on i feel like either he fixed that in post so they're levitating or he does a mere trick so they look like they're levitating in the raw photo. To leave the stool legs in ruins the whole thing. Yeah. Maybe that's what makes it art. I'm still just saying stuff. I don't know. Once you say that, though, that's all it takes. You don't need a full consensus. You just need one madman to say, this is art and I insist. And you're like, God damn it, now I have to engage with it like that. The world of art encompasses a lot of things and a lot of them are not good. And that's what we're here to talk about today. Yeah, not saying this isn't art. I'm just saying this, this is a haunting and not always purposefully. And

even when it's purposefully haunting, it's not always for the reasons that are intended. Well, I'll give it this. This one's purposefully haunting for sure. He titled it Lost. Oh, no, Lost. Okay. I see. Yeah. We're still talking about Lost. So like I think his intention is coming through in this. But he is once again doing it by just making dogs very sad. And so I don't know if I support art that makes dogs very sad. The next one's called Devil Dog from 1990. This one's very personal to me. This is my connection to the story.

It is a dog dressed in like a big red robe with like something that looks like horns, really just kind of a cloth cap. It's kind of a striking piece. But I had, if you look below the image, I included that picture, the devil dog picture on a black t-shirt. And I owned this t-shirt. Nice. I owned this t-shirt without knowing who William Wegman was. I didn't really know who was responsible for the goofy things.

I did find this shirt at the Portland Bins for $3. And I got a lot of comments on it. And do you know why I liked it? Why this art spoke to me? I bet you can guess. It's fucking stupid. Yeah. It's completely out of place.

Because it looks like, if you wear it on a shirt, it looks like a novelty necktie from far away. Oh, yeah. It is perfect on a shirt. Yeah. And of course you love neckties. I always forget that. I love the idea of wearing a t-shirt that looks like you're a kooky uncle. Like, I'm wearing a little necktie t-shirt.

And then you get closer and it's a fucked up dog in a devil costume. And you're like, I no longer know what to make of this. And that's all I want from a shirt. As you can tell by all of our merch. It's true Here's the thing I looked that shirt up today And if you want one today

You will have to spend $300 Because it's art Whoa What Yeah that shirt was worth $300 apparently I threw it in the trash At some point

Because I wore too many holes in it The amount of Pokemon cards And a misprinted Pokemon book that I had That was very poorly translated I feel you We've probably tossed a lot of things That are worth money

I wouldn't have assumed I didn't know about art t-shirts No. In general. No one could have seen this coming. If somebody would have told me at the time, hey, dog tie, that's worth $300. I would feel like, fuck you. No, it's not.

Yeah. Because we're $3. I got it in. Yeah. Yeah. My brother cheated me out of that first-gen shiny Charzard anyway, so it's his fault for losing it. I only cheated myself out of the devil dog shirt. Let's move on to our last category, which I feel is where his career was really going.

This is where the Man Ray inspiration comes in, which is making women into something they're not and calling it art. Yes, this is dogheads on the bodies of sexy, powerful human women, which is perhaps his most notable, most displayed era. Of this, he said, my Wimariner's are perfect fashion models. Their elegant, slinky forms are covered in gray. And then gray, as everyone knows, goes with anything. God, what a pervert. I would have known he was a pervert from that alone, let alone putting the dog's heads on human woman bodies. And so here's the difference is before he was hanging the clothes, which off the dogs,

which is like, it's not cute because it's not a dog wearing the clothes. But it's also not, it doesn't like make you feel like you've stepped into the wrong club in Berlin. Yeah. And this, much like Man Ray's art, takes away the identity from the woman completely. Yes. So now that's actual women's bodies. They are actual full women's bodies except for the neck and head, which are a Weimariner. And this first picture is just like a woman in a nice dress looking towards the camera with the

Weimariner head. Sunflowery dress with a sunflowery handbag. He's got another one called Sitting Tall from 1991, where I feel like this is maybe supposed to be Julia Roberts, given the arrow. 1991. I mean, the wig could be Cindy Lopper. The wig is very 80s, but the outfit is, I see that. He's going for... I think it's canned cheese. I think someone hit that dog with like an ex... The deed pressurized a can of cheese on it. You're right. I'm sorry, Cindy Lopper. She's sitting, it's a woman sitting on a director style chair in an all-white outfit,

very professional looking forward in a crazy red wig, and of course her head and neck are Weim Reiner. Yeah. Yeah. It's just, it's just 80s-esque in the craziness, but it's also pasta-esque, and she's like, so. Yeah. There was a Sex and the City episode back in the day, and they were trying to test this one character for erectile dysfunction. And so Charlotte, who's like the square of the group, cut her head off and put it on like all the pictures of the ladies in his porno magazines. And I always thought that was like, one of the most hauntingly fucking weird things. It's anyone ever wrote or produced. And yet this is maybe worse, but exactly the same.

See, I find the next one worse. The next one is called Mother Daughter, and it's from 1994. What is the whole thing? Oh, okay. It's the tail of the coat that is less haunting. But it's still. I would have said sex whip. I still think it's a sex whip.

All right, let's explain the layout here. So next, it's two dogs. and one of them is reclining. They're, of course, full women's bodies, only neck and head are wheymeriners. One of the women dogs is reclining on a yellow chair. We get our first prominent feet pick here. We've got some curled up feet forward.

She is like very provocatively holding a belt. And the belt, if you follow it, leads over to what is ostensibly either, since it's called mother-daughter, it's either her mother or daughter, wearing a big brown robe standing next to her. So either the mother or daughter is pulling the belt off of the robe of their family member while showing their feet. I hate it so much. The fact that he's not under arrest for this.

I would just show this to a jury and be like, this fucking pervert made this. If you remember, this is like why we're doing this podcast, if you remember anything that William Weggen done from the cute little children. children's books like Hannah got or the bits on Sesame Street like Sean got or just like a fun shirt, like a fun shirt that I got. Follow his career as it went and we'll find him get into weird, weird incest sex stuff with human women dogs. I would argue the children's books are also haunting, just unintentionally so. This has intention to it, which makes it worse.

And worst of all, I think this is the Nelson wig again. Yeah, it is. It might be. It might be. The last one in this category that I have is called Entertainer from 1995, and it is a very, it's a crooner. It's a female singer, of course, a woman's body. This time, there is a bit more Weimariner. It is from, I would say.

You can see at least four dog nipples. Yeah. Right. But it works. This is a dog you would have sex with. Like, I'm saying, wearing a slinky dress. And the slinky dress. is so low cut below

like what a human would have that the dog has its full tits out and it is lit in such a way that the dog appears to have cleavage and you were supposed to be provoked and entertained I imagine by the dog cleavage on display. It's a nightmare.

That's where his career went. That's where this all wound up. That guy from Sesame Street from the fun shirt that I had from Honest Children's books, full tits out. Full tits out. Full tits out. Dog human is where his career wound up. I feel like this is why you need someone in your life who feels confident in saying things

to you. Like, what the fuck are you making, man? If somebody walks, if like the wife walked in on this and was like, okay, you want to explain the intention behind this one? You know what? I bet that's the actual origin. She walked in on him making this. And he's like, this is art.

This is for the art. Just every creative person, even if their partner is also a creative person, needs that partner to keep them in. check. They need that person to tell them what the fuck are you doing or to repeat things back to them so that they can hear how they sound. Like the time that Dave texted me back, everyone on Reddit agrees with me, which is something I said out loud. Oof. Yeah. It was something about cats. It wasn't like a big... David has toilet paper opinions? Okay, no, this was about cats, good. No, he was correct.

God. I also thought it was about the toilet paper. paper thing. No, he was correct to point this out. No, no, this was me ardently saying something about animal facts. And it doesn't matter if I was right. Which sounds like wrong. Sounds like you were wrong. Yeah, you don't want to take facts side against your girlfriend. Everybody knows this. I do have one final image. Yeah. Which I've categorized as dogs is the purest expression of human art. The title of this photo is Summertime 1991. And, uh, who? wants to explain this one. Oh, please, Hana. I don't know if it's because we looked at the other dogs first, but this dog, or if it's because it's wearing a backpack and on a bicycle, but this

dog looks like extra naked? Filthy naked. Yeah. Like a Portland nude bike writer. It's the Donald Duck effect. Yeah. It's like when some people, like, they'll post pictures of their pets, and then they'll put like a heart sticker over the butthole, and then it's like, you're actually making it worse. It wasn't weird It was not a sexual thing And you're making it Like that's that's That's wrong

It's like when they blurt the dick And boss baby Like just it's baby We shouldn't think about it that way In the first place Give me that Alec Baldwin baby dick Yeah It is a dog riding a bike

One of the Weimariners With a backpack Writing a bike On a mat painting of a beach Called summertime Ninetyone I don't think there's any pretense At Art in this

This is a lot I would categorize this alongside the Nelson's with dogs just wearing the wigs from Nelson. It's like, okay. This is a postcard for the shittiest tourist. Yeah. I would like to read just the text

alongside this one on the William Wegman Instagram account. It's going to take a while. This extraordinary 1991 Polaroid by William Wegman represents a pivotal moment in contemporary art photography. The unique color Polaroid demonstrates Wegman's masterful use

of the revolutionary 20 by 24-inch instant camera system that transformed his artistic practice. In 1978, Wegman was invited by Polaroid Corporation to experiment with their massive 107-kilogram camera. This refrigerator-sized device produced richly colored large format instant photographs that marked a radical departure from his previous black and white work. The camera's technical limitations appealed to Wegman's

conceptual sensibilities, no revision, no cropping, no reproduction possible. By 1991, Wegman had developed a sophisticated visual language, transforming his Weimariner subjects into vehicles for exploring identity, transformation, and human nature. This work likely features Faye Ray, his primary muse after 1985, during a particularly fertile creative period. I'll take a little break here, but it's not done. I do want to just gag a little at the choice of words. Fertile. Yeah, brace up.

This is why people hate contemporary art. Yeah. I don't, but I understand why they do. And I do hate this. Every one of these photos of the dogs, I like to think it's taken with this huge, like, atomic bomb-looking giant device. It's just whirring and cranks in steam. And he's like, no, this is for the art. And then what it spits out is a picture of a dog on a bike.

It's very funny. I love someone invented this 270-pound monstrosity and they're like, well, we can't market this to consumers who would even want this? What about that fucking pervert who takes pictures of dogs? He would love this. And he did, you know, right?

He did. Let's continue. Wegman's Polaroids operate as sophisticated investigations into perception and artistic representation. Rather than simply dressing dogs as humans, he creates situations where dogs are always in a state of becoming something. characters, objects, landscapes, all through creative positioning and staging.

The work achieved unprecedented crossover success, appearing on television and spawning multimedia success while maintaining conceptual rigor. Wegman's pack aesthetics challenged traditional notions of singular authorship, acknowledging his canine collaborator's act of participation. The rich color palette and unique surface quality demonstrate the distinctive aesthetic properties of the medium. Initially finding the camera's colors,

Bazaar, Wegman transformed these technical limitations into aesthetic strengths, creating jewel-like tones that distinguish his work. This 1991 Polaroid stands as both significant artwork and historical document of one of the most influential

photographic practices of the late 20th century successfully synthesizing conceptual rigor with popular accessibility. I don't disagree with any of that. I feel like that is overstatement, intensely flowery language, but like the sentiment, I think that's what's frustrating is that like, yeah, all that's exactly right. This is a fucking stupid world. And anyone who engages with that in the author's intent is a madman. This is why people

hate museums right here, because the plaques will say that or they will say nothing at all and there will be no plaques and it will just be three blocks of color. Well, luckily, this wasn't, I didn't find this in a museum. I get what you're saying. This should be on like a plaque. an insufferable plaque or something and then you're like look up it's very funny to me to like hear all of that and so much of that and then you look up and it's a dog riding a bike and you like fucking yeah that's like one of the funniest things that you can do but this one was not in a museum where I saw it it has been in many many music this makes me want to watch velvet buzz sog and which is basically a movie that that kills art critics yeah that was a great one that was a great movie

I found this one on Instagram It has been you are right And it has been in museums where I had insufferable text like this I'm sure But on Instagram It did have comments enabled And I'd like to read some of the comments from this one Please I was just about to say that

You take all that copy that you read And you put that on the internet And someone else comes in and just says This sucks shit This sucks shit is going to get so many more likes Than that first thing you said Like this will never stand up to the scrutiny of modern media analysis.

Well, I'm prepared to be surprised. Here's the first comment. I'm ready. Because you have to be following this account in the first place. Oh, and I should mention I am going to read these comments to you in their entirety, every single one. Oh, no. Okay. Oh, no.

These are baby boomer comments. The first comment is hard emoji, hard emoji, hard emoji, hard emoji, hard emoji, hard emoji. The second comment is dog paws emoji, sunglasses emoji. Yeah. This dog does not have sunglasses. No. The third comment is crying, laughing. emoji, crying laughing emoji, hard emoji, hard emoji. And of course, the last comment is

hard emoji, praise hands emoji. There are no text comment. Amazing. At some point, they had to disable text on this account, I'm sure of it. Just, that's all anybody has to say. That's where your artistic standing is once we've moved it online. The only people that are your fans are just replying, crying eyes emoji, praise hands emoji. That could be a foreign language thing. Like, I feel like this art, like, gets interpreted well to, like, I don't know, Antarctica or Uganda, just wherever. Anyone can appreciate a dog on a bike. Any, every, every country loves dog titties. I think it's the pretentiousness is what makes it unlikable, but just a dog on a bike.

If you didn't know that this was trying to be high art, you're like, this rules. I love this. Real quick, look at the very bottom of the dock. I added a few pictures. but it was the very last one the very last one I wanted you to look at this was some of his non-dog artwork

it is just a fucking dip shit drawing of like a mother and a child and a father the father is like in a in pajamas or he's an elf or something and then the kid is a gnome and it's just fucking

there's some random lines to indicate they're on a side walk and then it just says like father like son meaning like he inherited gnome DNA from the fucking full grown gnome man yeah yeah yeah the pointy legs and feet uh this is this is somehow worse than stick figures yes it's like it more charming it with a stick figure the cop or security guard dog uh second to last is from another children's book surprised because he can't write he's either doing fairy tales or coming up with a story that is very much just not just him Can't write. He came up with the hardly boys and hardly gold.

You don't think like father, like son is funny? Tell you what like father like son is. It's another far side. You got another far side here. Sometimes there were misses on the far side. That's true. I mean, yeah, okay, this is a cow tools. This is a cow tools. Fair enough. You can't? Correct. Yeah. The craft is nitratis, not under.

Shicked you in the hunder zone. 4 an hour an hour. Come, John. You know now. 1,900. Frankfurt. 1,900, Frankfurt. 1,900, Frankfurt.

1,900, Frankfurt. 1,900. 1,900, Frankfurt. Once can new, you know, you know, yeah. Yeah, 9,000 Please welcome once again 1,900 hot dogs Very own in-house comic

The overly specific insult comedian Who makes things to real? It's Mr. Jimmy Jurgles. Hey, thank you, thank you. It's lousy to be here. Got a lot of Supremes in the office. audience tonight. Look at Aaron Crosston here. Hey, you look like you don't get enough colonoscopies. Like you're gonna die of ass cancer at 54 just when you start really getting comfortable with who you are.

Oh, what's a matter? A little too real for you? Yeah, I know. I'm working on that. Hey, I see Adrian Hesbrook. Hey, I see Alex Nolenberg. Look at this. It's a Alpha scientist Javo. Hey, and Andy, I see you back there. I once went on safari with this guy and I watched him kill a white rhino so he could powder and snort its horn. He was so sad when it did not give him an erection. I wasn't supposed to tell nobody that. Oh, it's a very serious crime. Oh, oh. Hey, it's Armando Nava. I see Autumn Armstrong Berg. I see Bim Talser. Oh, Brandon Garlock, I know you ain't got enough in your retirement fun. You're blowing it all on Funko Pops of obscure movie monsters, and your elderly self is gonna curse you for it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, that one's a sprinkler. It was supposed to be a sprinkler.

It's summer. I'm trying something. Brian Saylor, I see you there. Brock Way famously loves the meat millie. Hey, Sarah, I'd see Chloe here. She got a face only a mother could love. Could, but did not. Oh, keep seeking that validation from camgirls and escorts, babe. That's you.

That's what you do. That's not me. Why would you think that's me? That's you. I only say true stuff about you. Like a common sense here. He looked like he got one of those ironic names. Like Colin Common Sense's mother, Mrs. Haddle.

positive influence on common senses body dysmorphia whoa hey come on it's just a joke there's no truth to it it don't mean nothing about neither of us all right i don't wish i was a small frail pale man racked by consumption like that's i'm happy being big and healthy that's what i like that's what i like don't question it here's craig lemoyne let's move on here's Craig Lemoyne, I see Dan B, I see David Scholl, I see Dean Costello, I love this guy. Dean Costello, he once watched someone, he loved Drown, and he was too scared to help him, so he sold the song rights to Phil Collins. You guys got to stop trusting me with your secrets. Oh, sorry, I hiccoughed while doing that one, and it came out weird. That won't happen again.

Delta, Fox Trot, Devin the Rogue Supreme, Doug Redmond, Dusty's rad title, Edgar Matthias, you look like you find comfort at night by telling yourself nobody remembers the embarrassing stuff you did. But I've heard it, it's all anybody talks about. Oh, back to normal O's. Oh, it was a one-time fluke. Just like all your exes say about you, Elizabeth Shope. Oh, ho! All right, I see Elliot Watson here. He's all right.

I'm all right, too. I'm glad I got my normal O's back. I was not just testing the waters for a new and scary change that I desperately want to make in my life. Not like Eric Christian Berg. Look at that ball cap. They call this the receding hairline special. Oh!

I got fancy shark. I got Garrett. I got Jellahoe. I got good Satan and all his hot witches over here. Oh, look at this. It's Greg Cunningham. Greg Cunningham, you work so much, your kids are going to have trouble remembering your face after they leave for college. Oh, that one's about you.

That's not about something haunting my kids said to me. All this stuff's about you guys. Hey, Haraka, hey Harvey Pengweeney. Oh, I'd love to see you here, honk. Hey, Jabberal Aiden, James Boyd, I got Jared Clack, I got Jared Mountain Man. Oh, I got Jared Ruiz. Hold on. Jared Ruiz here.

gonna wait until everyone's gone for the night and then he's gonna go around and lick all the seats of the people who didn't laugh at my jokes that's what he's gonna do oh he likes the taste of failure this guy does not me jeff eraskey john mackam and i got john minkoff hey you smell like extramarital sex my man everyone can smell it even your wife there next to you she just don't have the courage to disrupt her whole life because she don't know she She's worth 10 of you, cause she's too fucking stupid. Oh, I got you both. Oh, I'm sorry there was again.

That's, uh, that's weird. I don't know what's going on with that. Okay, I got, I got, I got Joseph Searle's here. I got Josh S. I got Joshua Graves. I got Justin B. I got Ken Paisley. I got K&M.

Hey K&M, your AI girlfriend called. Just kidding. No, she didn't. Oh, there we. go. That's the normal one. That's okay. Everything's normal. I'm not learning nothing about myself up here. Okay. Okay. We got Camusus. We got KVH. We got Lane Haygood. We got Lisa. Lisa worries she's the weird girl at work because she never gets invited to nothing. Don't worry, Lisa. They don't think you're weird. They don't think about you at all. Oh, normal one again. All right. We got it. We

got it. M. Jahi Chappelle. Mark Mahoney. Matt Riley. Max Barroy, mercenary Sissadman, Michael Lair, a Mojou, you carry yourself like you're not the hero in your own story. Oh, that one seems gentle at first, but it will haunt you. Some things, they just, they just haunt you. Uh, Mort, I got Mort here, I got Mr. Bob Gray, I got ND, what does ND stand for? Non-descript? Oh, that one's on purpose, it's a callback to that thing I did earlier, I'm owning it. I'm owning it, it's just a joke.

Neil Bailey, Neil Bailey liked that, oh, right? Right, Neil Bailey liked it. He likes that pop stuff, am I right? Ha ha ha, I hate that stuff, he loves it though. Neil Schaefer, I got Neku 104, I got Nick Levino, I got obsolete over here. Now, obsolete, he's like Neil Bailey. This is someone who wants to prance about in a powdered wig. I can see it, I can see it, obsolete.

Oh, that's me doing an impression. That's an impression of obsolete. That's not me? Orn Re Weevil, I got Ozzy Olin, I got Patrick Herbst, I got Pewey's uncle, I got Rebrandrew, I got Red Wine Time. Red Wine Time probably got a secret storage unit full of ruffled shirts and tights. Sometimes they sleep in there just to be physically closer to the person they think they are inside. Oh, that's what you do.

That's what you do, Red Wine Time. Hey, Rhea, I got Russell Bauman, I got Sam Copnik, I got Sarkovsky, look at Sean Chase. I got seed over here. Hey, Space Jam fan. Space Jam fan. Now, this is a guy who sees an old-timey fop or dandy put on his white face makeup and paint the little moulon,

and he's like, ooh, that's me. That's the way I wish I was. Oh, I got you. I know that's how you are. Hey, spotty reception. A super knot, Tater's Tales, Thomas Cavatzos. Oh, who do we got here? You know how sometimes you can see a man.

You take one look at him, and you just know. You just know. This guy, this guy likes to titter. I got you, Thomas, I got your tittering ass. Timmy Leahy, Toasty God, Tommy G, Velo, Victor Malavakin, Booster. Oh, don't sink down in your seat, now Booster, I see you, I got you, I know you. You think you're some strong, independent woman, but I know you're tight. I know you're tight, you live your whole life just hoping.

Oh, you're just praying some big, strong man comes along and calls one of your quips, Rybalt. That's you. That's what you hope happens. That has nothing to do with me. I can just see it on your face. Waylon Russell, Yvonne Clappaham, Zach and Ava. I'm looking at John Dean here. And I just know this guy sees old-timey fops and dandies in movies and he don't know. Are they a German thing? Are they French or English or something? Are they just kind of all Europe rolled together into like one stereotype? that maybe never existed at all. But that don't matter to John Dean, because every time he sees them boys mincing and Pranton,

he thinks, that's me. That's not the me I am, but is the me I should be. And he goes, and he becomes an insult comment, because that's what they say the men do. That's what they say the modern-day man equivalent is of that. But it just doesn't, it's not enough for John Dean. He thinks, he's like, I'm Oscar Wilde up here. You know, telling it like it is, and everybody laughs and joins in and calls me pretty.

And it never quite happens that way. Does it, John Dean? It's not the same thing being an insult comic as it is, being a real, being a fop with a savage wit. I see you, John Dean, all over your face, man. It's all over your face that you wish that was what you were. That's you. That's what you are. It's a joke.

It's all a joke. It's just, there's no truth to it. There's no truth to it, man. Oh.