The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 260, Trancers 2 with Jamie Kelly

Episode Date: January 14, 2026

Jamie Kelly's origin story is as beautiful and mysterious as a full moon... feature! Yes, it's time for Trancers 2, a seminal "film" brought to you by the brain trust over at Full Moon Features, Temu's Roger Corman Productions! Wanna know why Jamie's all messed up? These old Full Moon VHS tapes explain EVERYTHING! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jamie's band's TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@this.island.earth.band?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc Robert will go to jail if you don't buy his book. I know what you're thinking... This is NOT the time to be a wise guy. BUY HIS BOOK. https://linktr.ee/killyourimaginaryfriendd

podcast of 1900 hotdog.com with the last website. Get a free article every week or if you support us on Patreon, you get one every weekday. That's patreon.com slash 1,900 hot dog. A few dollars a month gives you so much joy and supports the last several living comedy writers. Speaking of, I'm Sean Baby from the internet. And my partner was the mascot stand-in for Epic Bacon's OMG-So-Randum 2010 butt lotion for men. He's acclaimed author Robert Brockway. 2000s were a dark time. They were a dark time. for me. Here's a Brockway fact. Much like the grizzled hero of trancers, Jack Death, my body is also a roadmap of scars. Oh, this one, two words. Ice cream. No follow-up question.

Not needed. Our guest is our own sand designer, the alluring adult actress and musician. She's the densely talented. Jamie Kelly, welcome back. I am back, you lucky sons of bitches every time. They're so fucking lucky. I can't believe how easy it is for you guys to get me. It's crazy. Well, you know, we should do some plugs before we get into the podcast. Jamie, where can people find, what are you working on these days? I got some pretty cool things I'm working on. I got an album coming out that I've been working on for 10 freaking years, but that's not the plug. The plug is, in order to put the album out, I got to create a whole like marketing scheme. So reluctantly, I've set up a fucking TikTok. So everybody that's listening, and I'll put it in the link in the descriptions and everything,

go to TikTok and look up this Island Earth band. And what I'm doing over there is I'm kind of priming the well with kind of one-off songs and like little orphan tunes that aren't necessarily on the album. I'm just trying to figure out how it all works. So go over to the TikTok and join me there in anticipation of a very soon-to-be-released upcoming album. Hell yeah. So they got you. They finally got you.

They fucking got me, dude. One by one, they fall. Not me, baby. I'm still on MySpace. I'm still holding off. I still haven't gone. Everybody would really like me to go, but I haven't gone. Mm-mm.

And you're a better man for it. I post on my Suicidegirls.com social page. That's where I keep up with me there. Oh, man. Brock, I'm sure you have nothing to plug. No, I am legally obligated. I'm legally obligated to plug. I have to promote my new book.

It's called I Will Kill Your Imaginary Friend for $200. It comes out January 27th, 2026, which is fucking soon. You can use code Robert 15 at bookshop.org for 15% off. And an exclusive bonus short story, or don't pay full price. Buy it from the devil. I don't give a shit. You have to buy it. Release date is coming up.

And I fucked up. If I don't sell enough copies of this book, I'm going to prison. And hey, it looks like I'm going to prison at this rate. So there are two things I don't like to do alone. Dance and go to federal prison. I have dirt on everybody. Sean, of course. He's going to give me dirt right now, like on this podcast.

He knows we're recording it and I'm going to use it against him. But like, Jamie? I'm going to take Jamie down with me. She's your favorite. Jamie rules. You love her so much. I can prove she's been in some risque pictures. Yeah, Robert.

Robert, you get to get a lot of cigarettes for me, man. That's what I'm saying. Like, you heard it here. Maybe. Now, listen, listen, you can stop this. You can stop me. You can stop me from ruining everything by simply buying my book and save all of us, save Jamie, once again, from me.

But thank you. Great plug. I am going to plug sleep, which I haven't done in probably 48 hours. so forgive me if I'm a bit punchy. And where can people find more from sleep? Let's see. God, I think a nice sock to the jaw is maybe what would do it. Just use the code bed 15 for an exclusive nap.

Yeah, bed 15. Get joined by 15 of Robert by putting in Robert 15. We're doing origins. And Jamie, it's your turn to do origins. You said you like full moon movies. And I suggested fucking transcers too. And that was pretty easy to talk you into. I've been fretting over this for a few months now thinking that you guys might ask me about the whole origin story thing.

And I wanted to come up with something as clever as all the other amazing guests. And I couldn't think of a damn thing. I didn't want to just do a bad movie. Yep, here we are. Hold on. Stop. You think Transters 2 is a bad movie? Well, already, I can tell this.

It's going to be a contentious podcast. But I'm sorry. I'm sorry for a minute. We're going to fight. I was thinking like all kinds of weird shit, like nightmare, the VHS board game. But I couldn't make enough meat out of that. And then I was thinking, well, old shitty comic books like Zen, Intergalactic Ninja. And again, there just wasn't enough meat on them bones.

What was that one show? Captain Power, where you had the little spaceship gun that you shot at the TV to make the story change? Yeah, I got about five minutes of material out of that. You think we can't talk. We could have filled an hour with Captain Power. No problem. We might right now. We might not get the chances too.

Let's put the Captain Power podcast down on the books because we do have to talk about that. That was a fucking crazy show. That was a crazy idea for a show. Yeah. Right? I have a theory. Maybe we should save this for the official podcast. I think it's most people's theory.

I don't think it did a shit. I think that toy didn't do anything. No, I don't think it worked. I know that there was technology involved, but I think that while they were making it, they're like, you know, it'd be easier. It's just to fucking tell those dipshit kids that the laser was working.

Just have some of the spaceships act like that got hit. They won't care. They won't know. I got the same results with an unplugged Nintendo Zapper, so. Yeah. I'm going to pull a pargin here. For our younger listeners, who may not understand, Captain Power was, it was a show that was on TV

where you would use a light gun toy that they sold. They sold a series of light gun toys. And there would be scenes during the show of like flashing lights where you could shoot a jet or an enemy or something to change, ostensibly change the outcome of the show. But I don't think it worked. I'm on board with that too I think that was a massive scam

because I never saw a different thing ever like you never like shot the ship down and then they whoops they filmed a whole different show here no it was just the one goddamn show there was one day I didn't shoot the TV and my parents turned into bugs but I can't prove it was related yeah we should talk about that massive fucking grift on the children of the 80s

But no, we're talking transcers too today. I'm really glad that you landed on transers too. I'm really glad you landed on transers too as well. Yeah, this movie is so fucking awesome. Written by our favorite guys, Danny Bilsen and Paul DeMayo, they wrote Eliminators and Arena and Rocketeteer and The Flash. We talked about them before. They did Rocketeteer. Yeah, that was like their...

One of the all time. The shot at Mainstream. and it didn't really work out. They kind of went back to making transcers four or whatever the fuck, but I think they're great. They seem to have a lot of fun writing and clearly don't give too much of a fuck about stuff, which is, I don't know, it makes for that sweet spot of like, is this movie awesome or is it terrible, which is...

The answer is yes. Yeah, obviously. First of all, I rewatch The Rocketeer recently. It holds up. It's exactly as awesome as I remember it being. fucking rocket punchin Nazis, man. You can't go wrong with that. I did not realize they wrote that.

Why did you land on two out of the Transler series? Why two specifically? Sean. Oh, well, okay. That's a good question. Okay, I guess it's because... I planted the seed of full moon features. Yes.

Sean did all the heavy lifting. Yes, the heavy lifting of suggesting Transers too. Okay, so here's my logic. Transer's about a time cop, and he's in charge of stopping people. I think this is the plot. He stops people from abusing a special drug that lets them mind control their ancestors in the past to do crimes. And then they can make psychic zombies. His name is Jack Death. He's played by Tim Thomerson, who's Dahlman. He's kind of like doing a noir detective thing. But I thought the second one would be better because all of that stuff I said is awesome,

but it really falls apart if you think about it. And something that's stupid, it's always better later when you don't have to explain the origin story. Like, you know how superhero movies. Eventually everyone said, oh, wow, these are awesome. Because we don't have to just sit through them trying to fucking explain. Like, you're making a fool of yourself when you try to explain the dumb impossible premise in your sci-fi story. But, like, once it's sort of just established

and we're like, okay, we can just live with a spider man. We just, like, live in a world we're okay with him. Then it's free to be radical. We're okay with him. We don't love him. Yes. Yeah. But we accept that he exists.

But it's fine. He can be alive. Right. But I think that's the case here where an idea as stupid as an ancestor mind control drugs, should be discussed as little as possible. We want to, like, jump in.

We want to meet Jack Death, like, long after people have been saying Jack Death out loud for a whole movie. You don't want to be like, hi, my name is Jack Death. You're like, oh, Jesus, it's going to be fucking stupid. You want to, like, jump ahead. So I think that's why I wanted to jump ahead. Yeah, I found this movie incredibly easy to follow on first watch. Spoiler alert for Transters 2.

There, like, two things happen in the movie. But there is so much exposition because they think we remember Transters 1. And so they need to, they need to like explain the fucking little, little adjustments they made. And so that all that stuff I said, uh, turns out to only be true after about 20 minutes. Because the start of Transers 2 is like, dude, we're going to really explain this shit out of everything. They spout exposition to each other, at each other in their own heads to nobody.

Like he's just lecturing himself about the exposition. You're like, who are you talking to? Don't you know this? Because you're the one saying it to you. most of it directly to the audience and extremely uncomfortable tight close-up shots. They only had one camera. I figured that out. So all lines were shot completely separately and directly at your face.

I love this. I follow what you're saying, Sean. And Jamie, since this is your origin story, I assume you're saying that too. But like they still talk, like you said, they still talked about all of that stuff. I found like even more than in Trancers 1 they talked about what this was for so long. And then once they stopped talking about that, it was, it was, I was surprised to learn that Transers 2 was mostly about old men banging teenagers. Yeah, guys, why do you keep setting me with the fucking Petto movies, man?

This is your origin story. This is you. It's a very disturbing pattern. I don't want to vest-euvre. We all got our start banging Tim Tollies. We can ease into the old man banging the teenagers because he doesn't. He just jumps right in there. I did take a clip to kind of illustrate what we're talking about here.

Oh, good, good, good. During the last six years, I've spent a lot of time wandering this part of the California coast. It's tough knowing it's all going to be under the ocean after the killer quakes of 2063. My name is Jack Keth. Yeah, it is. Transfied. I didn't know it yet, but back up the line,

my old supervisor, McNulty, was on his way to see me. McNulty's a professional pain in the ass, but the council was stuck with him because, like me, he had an ancestor in old California. That's the only way to send someone's consciousness back in time that bridge. What are you talking to? It goes on like that for so long.

Oh, fuck. That's so fucking funny. Oh, shit. I'm a cop from the future. You're like, buddy, that's the shit we know. Like, that's on the back of the box. The things that they explain, the fucking minutia of having your special ancestor

down the line that you can, like, mind control. And, like, if you're going to build this world, like, someone needs to come in and talk about the ethics of, like, taking over, like, your great grandpa's mind and, like, destroying their life. And like just a little bit of back to the future shit, some little like butterfly effect shit where it's like, what does that do? Your grandpa. Yeah, that's never addressed. Is gone. Like he, his life is over. How does that change the future? Probably. It's temporary. It's supposed to be temporary in theory, right? Like you, this is how time travel works. You have to take over your ancestors mind. But then they, they just accomplish a mission that takes, you know, a day or two because they have these time cops. And then they come back. But like, you. After Shrancers 1, he says there, I've been here for six years. So, like, your grandpa's just been, like, soul killed for six years?

Is he still there? Is he, like, screaming to be let out? Yeah, I mean... He's screaming from inside you. He's watching you bang all these kids with his body. He loves it. He's like, this is the best. I never want to wake up.

You're so much better at being me. Jack Death. Sincerely, sincerely your grandpa, Ronald, death. Jack Death. Jack Death is an all-time name. And, okay, this is going to sound crazy. If you don't know what we're talking about, Helen Hunt is in this movie, and she plays Lena Death.

Son of a bitch. Tim Thomerson's wife. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. That's a catchphrase in this film. So jarring seeing Helen Hunt. Because like for five second clips at a time, you feel like you're watching a real movie.

Yep. No. Nope. Except she's still reading the script for Transters 2. She's doing it so much better than everybody else. You can tell lady, you don't belong. What are you doing? You don't belong in this movie.

100%. I'm glad you said that. Just the credits were such a jump scare because the names that go by are Tim Thomerson, Biff Monard, Art Lefleur, and Helen Hunt. The hell of it's like 20th on the list. It's like, Jeffrey Combs. Wow. What an empty promise.

What an empty, I saw Jeffrey Combs. I was like, okay, we're in for a treat. He makes like five weird faces and that's about it. Yeah, for three minutes in the fucking whole movie. I'm not even sure who he was in the story. I was looking for him. Who was he? He was like the henchman order.

He was a guy. The guy who works at the insane asylum. He was like the lead henchman who was never on camera. Yeah, he and the Bond Lady where, what's her name, Martin? I can't remember. Anyway, I'm glad you mentioned that about Helen Hunt because it is, it's insane to see her in this movie. She did a lot of stuff like this back then. I looked at her IMDV and it's like, I guess she was like a really struggling actress, or not struggling, she's working a lot, but in really dumb shit. And like, seeing her now, you're kind of expected to be, you know, calibrating her emotional expression and

reaction to like a bold acting choice from Jack Nicholson or Bill Paxton or whoever. Like she's an actor. And then Timber Tomerson, he's also an actor. But you kind of expect him more to like be trying to remember his next line while he shoots a zombie in the tits, I guess. It's like when Jason Pargin says he has the same job as the Rizzler. This is like if Jason Pargin and the Rizzler were in the same bracket in the internet celebrity golf tournament. That's like what it is seeing Helen Hunt. It's called Sean Baby's Creator Cup. Tickets are very available. I would love

to see I him interact with the Rizzler as a peer that would be wonderful. I should note if you haven't seen

this Jack Death Tim, it's Tim Thomerson. Tim Thomerson, I looked it up and I could not believe what I found out. He was 45 years old here,

same age as me. Jesus. He looks like a rough dead, like a rough, I have been dead for four years. Yeah.

I was physically physically shocked when Helen Hunt came on screen at a very young-looking 28, and she turned out to be the love interest and not the granddaughter. I was like, that's wonderful that you have your granddaughter on here. And then he started kissing her. I was like, fuck, no, don't do that. This is weird. He kisses Megan Ward, who was like seemingly playing a teenager. I looked her up. She was in her very early 20s. Very early 20s. Again, very young-looking. And she's kissing he's just kissing Tim Thomerson who looks like a California mummy.

He's just like a cool mummy. I wrote down Surfer Caveman. Surfer Caveman, sure. As long as it's before the invention of sunscreen, I could not believe he was 45. Like, I really thought, being genuine, I thought late 50s, early 60s. Yeah.

And he makes out with a lot of teenagers, a lot of teenagers, look at women. Everybody's making out with grandpa in this movie. I thought it was very, dude that you said he looks like dead because his face doesn't make any faces. Yeah. Well, he's playing

see, this is, I actually really like the trancer series. Sean said it was TimeCop. It is TimeCop before TimeCop, which it should get points for. It's true. But it's also very, very, very influenced by Evil Dead. Like the whole

the whole like setup of all this sci-fi nonsense, all that's really there for is so that anybody in the past can suddenly flip out and become like a monster. Like I thought, right. Because they can travel back down the line,

a gardener will be there, and all of a sudden he'll get like, you know, all the evil makeup effects and turn around it. And it's stolen beat for beat from Evil Dead that moment. So like, they also write him. They write Jack Death as basically Bruce Campbell.

And then Tim Thomerson comes, and he plays it as Humphrey Bogart. He plays it as Sam Spade. He's doing a Sam Spade. He plays it as a wooden desk. Yeah, he's straight down the line, just like, and he looks like the wooden desk too. Yes.

He's a dashil hamlet wooden desk. Fucking all knots. Reading Bruce Campbell lines. Yes. And so it should, it would be so much more fun if somebody was reading the Bruce Campbell lines like Bruce Campbell or if they had just fucking got Bruce Campbell. He would have done this. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. And it would have ruled. I kind of love it. I love it. Like Flash Gordon had this sort of thing too where there's such a clash between like the intent of every. involved. Like the director, the writer, and Tim Thomerson are all, they held wildly different ideas on what this should be. And I, that's how you create this kind of vibrating insanity. Yeah, that's a good way to put it. There's, there's a war here and nobody's winning it. Right. It's all being held together with the competent acting of Helen Hunt. Kind of, though. Okay, yeah. Yep. So I took a clip of Helen Hunt from the Bionic woman that she was, I don't, Helen Hunt has a really good sense of humor about her early career. Like, she went on Sarah Ant Live and like Bob Costas talk show and like would bring clips of her when she was on like after school specials. Like she jumped out the window and like tried to kill herself because she was on drugs. And this is a clip from Bionic Woman. It's, it's so good. My name is Jamie Suss. I live over in Ohio. Now what's her name?

I'm Princess Ora. My home planet is Zora. It's another planet and another solar system on the other side of the galaxy. She's like, I'll read the shit out of that. Just straight face read that. So, okay. So now we've learned that McNulty is a pain in the ass and blah, blah, blah. You shouldn't think about any of this.

McNulty's the hard-ass sergeant. We're doing a cop right, ostensibly. So Jack Death is the rogue cop. who went back in time. McNulty is his sergeant who is sent back. But because they can only inhabit the body of an ancestor, you guessed it, it's another teenage girl. That's true.

And he was getting ready for this because he was wearing a lady's suit in the future. He had like big old like 90s shoulder pads, loved it. So yeah, they do make you think about the plot a lot because they do a lot of explaining. They do send him back to the body of a 15-year-old girl. And then there's... Wait, wait, can we, well, see, in the beginning, of the movie, the exposition starts immediately with the Jack, and then the baton is passed over to the future to McNulty. I actually have a clip of all this exposition. I think we might have to

talk over it a little. It's insane. We'll just kind of help explain. It's like a minute and a half long. Carry a person through time. Yeah. Forward, but not backwards, Captain McNulty. The lady talking is Queen Latifah. Right. She's got the Queen Lativa costume. That's why you're here. Wait a minute. I wrote down that she looked like a doctor from the rhythm nation. He was wearing Janet Jackson's suit from that. Yeah. I wrote down that he looks like Richard Unkind.

Oh, check this out. As soon as he says that, he, Beetlejuice grabs his fucking car. Yeah. He's going to miss that dick, Wipes his mouth with the hand he did that with. We already tried. Dick all over his mouth. Special agent Alice Stillwell. Alice Stillwell.

Jack Death's wife? How can you send her back? She was killed in a transfer fight six and a half years ago. His time wife? We sent a technician back to the day before her death. What's how common alluded to this shit is? Already. Nothing has happened in the movie.

It's a transfer job, didn't it? And they're talking directly at the camera. Yes. To each other. At the camera. We sent Whistler six years ago. It's uncomfortable. So did we.

But the transfer pool has been revived by the new Whistler. The new Whistler? His brother. When did he get a brother? Gets mad. You're going there to find Agent Jack's death and order him to return with Whistler in the TCL chamber. Why not the regular way, using the serum? It's just, oh, buddy.

Okay. And that's, Sean cut it off. They keep going. They keep going like that. It's like the gag in Gremlin's too when they're like, oh, so what happens if you're like at a plane and you cross over time zone? You feed him like at 1159. only it's played completely straight. Like they really thought we had trancer questions that like, come on.

I'm going to poke some holes in your plot. They're like, no, no, no, we thought of everything. Since when did he have a fucking brother? What are you talking about? Don't answer the 70,000 questions that anyone engaging with this movie would have. Like, how the fuck would any of this work? I don't give a shit about his brother. Oh, you have a time machine.

I don't care that you brought his dead wife back. You could just do that before she died, you fucking idiot. You have a time machine. What I want to know is how that doesn't break the universe. I think it's great because it shows how excruciating it is going to be to think about any of this. It's like the full moon slogan, turn your fucking brain off or this movie is not going to work. And it just hits you with that so hard at the beginning. So Jack Death's body is, it's like calcified because he's been there for six years.

They have a little watch that sends you to the future kind of. They explained all that. You heard all that. It gets explained a little later. on too, yeah, the watch bit. Oh, Brockway. Richard Unkind was a really solid burn. And I want you, I appreciate that.

But yeah, he's having an argument. Richard Unkind's having an argument with Queen Latifah about how you're here's ex-girlfriend. I hope you're not upset about the breakup. Who broke up with who? I mean, it is like seventh grade shit. It is, it is a fucking child's understanding of human relationships. Anyway, the point is Jack Death fucks.

He has had sex with every female character in the transfer series. He's also being offered a seat on the council, which is a big deal. I'm so glad I can't explain further what that means. Because I don't know. And the movie does it. And we meet up with their buddy Hap, who's a baseball guy and a drunk who collects fire trucks. Hap is my fucking hero. I love Hap.

That's my man. He's a great character. All of those things that he has. come into play. This is like when James Bond gets all its gadgets. Like, hi, I'm a drunk who loves baseball and fire trucks. You're like, okay, we'll see those in Act 3, Betty. So, Jackoff's drunk baseball guy and a fire truck. Classic. That's the best. So Jack, like, he's like, he smells trance on him. He's like, hey, I'm Jack Death. I came back to the past. You're my buddy, Blah, but I have no idea what's going on.

My notes are just like question marks everywhere. But he does, he says, I smell trancer on you. And then it fades out like it's a TV movie. And I'm like, was that for a fucking commercial break on this direct-to-consumer VHS tape? They did not get enough coverage. And then here's something that establishes a pattern from the movie. They get a Stephen Segal Gardner, just a real big menacing karate-looking guy. anytime you see a guy like this in the transfer movies,

he's going to turn into a trancer. Like if it's a big kind of like... There's so many. They're all mooks. And it looks, it's like, it's like the mook version of the Jojo stand where you're like, which one's the main character? It's the mook. Like the mook, which one's the trancer? It's the guy in the tank top and gold chain with a slicked back hair.

Yeah. Like a second, the second they step on. It's like the old cartoons where you would see like a patch of wall animated differently. And you're like, I know you're going to do something. Something. Yep. You're going to do something with that mook. They try to do like some love stuff here. Like Helen Hunt wants to go shopping for houses.

And Jack's like, I hate shopping for houses. She's like, I want a family. He's like, you want a fucking what? This is your wife. And yeah, you are way too old for kids. She tries to teach him how to use a computer. He's having none of it. Yeah.

But you're from the future. Yeah. Yeah, we have less computers. Unfrozen, middle-aged Neanderthal dressed like a high school bully. That's what my notes say. I'm just reading what it says in my notes. The gardeners, of course, they turn into murder zombies. And the second, it's so fucking funny, the second they turn into murder zombies, Jack Death is like in a golf cart shooting them. Like he just said, he just knew they were coming. I took a clip. It's, it's dumbish it in a really good way.

Here we go. Helpers. I don't need any sticking help. Great line. Hilarious reference. Everyone loved it. then you get it he's shooting the zombies Christ Trancers God what does it mean it means it's a bad day to go shopping for a new house

I mean uh huh That's it He's using the melting zombies To get out of his fucking house shopping With his wife And I thought that's exactly what I would have done I like how the I don't need any

stinking helper back back back I just didn't even finish the line of him like if this is evil dead that's like the woman starts to turn and you're like you don't quite see the zombie face and then their heads blown off you're just like wow they call them jack death for a reason

I think I only know that reference from UHF so when I saw like the original movie where they didn't need no stinking badges I was like oh okay it's from that so this is like so many years after it was a relevant reference and really out of place. It was very strange.

We don't need no sticking helpers. Made no sense in the scene. He might as well screamed, Where's the beef? I would have fucking loved it if he says, if he said, where's the beef? Avoid the noid! That would have been like,

oh shit, did that zombie just say avoid the noid? And did Jack Death blow his fucking head off for it? Like, he didn't let him finish saying noid. So then here comes the teenage girl on a bike. She's having a real tough time on the bike and like acting. This acting role is beyond her means. She's playing Richard Unkind in a teenage girl's body. But Helen Hunt instantly clocks him as McNulty.

She's like, oh, hey, McNulty to this little girl. Anyway, I love her trying to be this hard-nosed future cop and just kind of getting it sometimes, but usually just like chewing on a cigar. She's making an effort. It's fun. At one point, one of her lines says, you might have a couple. clip of this. I shouldn't step on it. I probably do. Isn't it the one about her explaining that she's a cop? Like she's a 42 year old cop. Oh yeah, yeah, I have a clip of that. I'll play that later, but it's like,

there's a line here. I didn't take a clip of it, but Helen Hunt was like, oh, is that the watch can stop time for 10 seconds? Certainly saved her life more than once. She's just rattling off the exposition like a George Lucas character. Oh, I love it so much. Just a pro, powering through this dipshit script with full sincerity. But McNulty fucks up the watch, I think because he's a fuck up, but also like he's got these kid fingers that he doesn't know how to work yet. So I guess the watch, I wasn't sure what the stakes were because the watch did still stop time, but now it can't send. So the watch, the watch stops time and is also like the landing pad for where they send stuff from the future. Right. So they're sending a time machine

back. They're sending a time machine back and then they only get the hatch, only the hatch of the time machine shows up, which is pretty funny. It's a pretty funny thing to do, just a door that they can't use. And they determine somebody else also activated a watch. And then, like, the program was so confused, it just sent parts of a time machine to either, to either one. It feels like- Helen Hunt explains all of these block contrivances. Just rapid fire. Just like you said, just a pro. Just a pro. So now we go to an insane asylum, and I thought this was like a character from the last transverse movie, but I don't know. I don't think. it is. Like, this is his dead wife. She jumped back into the body of an insane person. And this is

another great idea, right? Like, oh, man, one of the characters is in like a fractured mind that like won't function properly. Nope. They don't do any of that. She's just perfectly sane. She traveled into an insane person, but like has the brain of a normal person. The brain chemistry it's fine. But there's a maniac knocking on the glass behind their eyes the whole time. Yes. Just got to keep that in mind. Every time she stops talking, there's somebody behind her eyes going like, just Tasmanian deviling back there. That can't be good for your mental health.

If your great-great-granddaughter like jumps into your body and takes over, I think that really just makes you fucking crazy. I knew it. I fucking knew it. Nobody will ever convince you, you were wrong. Yeah, it's true. Therapy will never work on that person. Absolutely not.

Richard Lynch is here. He's mind-controlling the insane asylum inmates through the TV. but it's not an insane asylum it's like an eco-terrorist drug greenhouse she was transferred from an insane asylum into what is it the green world complex

and the green world complex is they're just amassing life's kind of castaways bums and stuff like that to use as fodder for their transfer army is that what it was right yeah they're turning hobos into future zombies fuck yeah that's the

that's the greenest thing you can, that's the best recycling that you can do is to turn societies hobos into futuristic zombies. Their job creators is what they are. Yeah. That's a good spin. You guys weren't using the hobos. And when the danger escalates, it's when Richard Lynch is like, ah, now I'm drawing the drugs.

I'll give this to the community, get them hooked on drugs, and then it'll be easier to make zombies. So he's, but also, hold on. He's also like a controversial figure because he's pretty known for kidnapping. He keeps kidnapping homeless people in broad daylight. One of them escaped and told the press and he's like, yeah, I got to kidnap by that guy and he beat me and tortured me. And he's like, no, come on. And so like he's that but also like a really famous drug dealer and also a cult leader.

So I just don't think it's going to work out for him. I don't think you need Jack Death to take this guy out. It feels like the local authorities will eventually. get to. Wait a minute, guys. This isn't another dare movie, is it? It might be another dare movie. They could be. They could have used those educational funds. Yep. Because there, they're giving out free drugs to get them hooked, just like real drug dealers. Just like them. Yep. Sorry, I got a little head of us. I don't think that matters. We're still dealing with like a, we got to get the time machine, which is at the insane asylum, because she breaks out and gets the time.

time watch and someone's the time machine there to the insane asylum barn. Yeah. Which all asylums have. So then they're figuring it out. They're like, okay, so it's your wife must have called it. And Helen Hunt's like, what the fuck did he just say? You said your wife was dead. And he's like, right, this is Alice before she died.

They explain all of this again, even though we, the viewers have had all this, explained directly to us. So now Tim Thomerson is in a love triangle with Helen Hunt and the girlfriend from Encino Man It's the worst like just just physically looking I know we've had this was the 80s and we we have 50 year old guys I guess this is this the 90s at this point whatever we still have like 50 year old guys getting with women in their 20s all the time but he really doesn't look like 45 he looks so much older It looks like it looks like a 70 year old man in the love triangle with two teenagers and the whole time and he keeps making out with them. And they keep being like,

I can't believe you've cheating on me. You're incredibly old man on the verge of death. I watched that behind the scenes that you sent over Jamie. And the Bond lady, Martine Bezwick, she says in the behind the scenes, who's sexy a James Bond or Jack Death? And I think that, I think you've got to be fucking kidding me, lady. Right.

Well, I don't know. Are we imagining Jack Death like back when he was still alive or? We talking pre-death? We're talking like 50 years ago when he was in his 40s. Do you think that he had a different name when he was alive? Do you think he earned the name Jack Death by being a dead guy? He's a litch. He's a he's a he's a gumshoe litch.

Yeah. His name was Jack alive and doing fine. Yeah, Jack fine. Jack fine. Jack fine. Jack life. I was watching that dude. Tim Domerson was talking about his character.

He's like, yeah, it's like an emarged noir characters. Sam's Bede. And then he's like, with a little blade runner. But this dude, I think he might be kidding. He seemed serious for a second. Then he was like, hawk, roch. He's doing like all this Jerry Lewis, like honking noises and shit. Oh, man.

He's so, he seems like he's either on a lot of coquator. just very, very silly. I can't figure him out at all. I love, I love the mystery of Tim Thomerson. I wish he brought more of that silliness into this role. Because he doesn't. He just plays everything like straight across and you need to, and that's good. Like it can work. It can work, you know, naked gun style, Leslie, Liam Neeson style. But like, you got to break it every once in a while for it to like really land. And he just never breaks. He never breaks the like the gum chute things. Yeah, they give them silly lines that you're right. It would work. perfectly if it was Bruce Campbell, but it just dies.

Yeah, they give him some great shit to say, and you know, like, and then he just delivers it in that same monotone. And you're like, no, no, here's where you break, because you have to say like, you have to say shit like, I'm Jack Death, I'm a cop from the future. You need to say that in a more interesting way than you said like, yeah, fucking cross your eyes or something. Yeah, hit that bike horn, man. Like, let's go house hunting and I'm Jack, Jack Death, the cop from the future, or not.

The rest of the behind the scenes was like listing all of the family members the director put in the movie? Like, that was a cool thing to do. And then it seemed like four hours of flubbed lines and fucking around. It must have taken them just an extra, I don't know, 20 days to make this movie just from people intentionally tanking a take. That makes sense because production time was 22 days. Yeah, 22 days. Can you believe they got this shot in 22 days? Great job, everybody. So Jack goes to investigate a missing truck, a bunch of transcers try to kill him, it doesn't make any sense. Like, I don't know how they know where he is or how they get activated.

He gets trapped by a forklift and he stops the time with his watch long enough to like elbow chop his way out. And he's about to leave, right? Then he's like, no, fuck this. So he waits for the time watch to stop working to shoot everybody. Like, I guess he just wanted them to like, he didn't want them just to wake up dead. He's like, no, I want them to see these bullets like ripping into their. Jack Death, baby.

You got to live up to the brand. Yeah, he says to the director's mother and mother-in-law, don't worry, ladies, they're biodegradable when they do their laser vanish. Just stupid as fuck. Like, he might as well just made a fart sound here. Might as well just stuck his hand in his armpit. Oh, I have a clip of the plot. I'll just play this.

Dr. E. D. Wardo has an Edward O. Whistler. Dr. Ed. Dr. Eduardo? Brother of the late James E. You mean Dr. Wardle was Whistler's brother? Pitching, man. Yeah. What?

He thinks big, doesn't he? Sounds like he's creating a trancer for him. You see? They're just going to keep firing fastballs at me, man. Yeah, we're going to keep knocking them back, Hap. Want me to help you check it out, Jack? Fuck yeah, App. Give me a break with guilty.

Sinji trancers is hard enough without dragging a teenage girl along. You seem to forget that inside this teenage girl's body is a 42-year-old tough Cops. Gross. Yeah? While you're a girl, McNulty. Why not try and act like a lady? Oh, and then, listen to the silence. She, McDowelley just like lets that line land. He's like, God damn it. You're right, Jack Death. I need to be more ladylike. He just understood the plight of women for like the first time in his life. He's like, how dare. Oh my God. I've done this to so many women. Oh, shit. This is how I talk to ladies. 42-year-old tough cop is just the best writing.

He's not like, I'm a veteran of four wars. He's like, I'm a 42-year-old tough cop. Inside this teenage girl's body. Hold on, is that the line? That can't move the line. A wrecker scratch? I've fucked that up, right? LGBT icon McNulty.

Mm-hmm. Alice. You wouldn't cut that, Jamie. We'll cut that, Jim. Nope. Alice. Alice tells you. Okay.

So Alice is the dead wife who's in the crazy person's body. So she finds this orderly who's kind of like sympathetic. And she says, I'm not crazy. I just landed in the body of someone who was. I'm a special agent from the future. I love it. I love that she doesn't set that up. She doesn't like, dude, okay, this is going to sound fucking nuts.

But unrelated to the crazy I was before. Here's the second element of crazy, the best. So she's getting transferred to Richard Lynch's Secret Torture Dungeons. because he saw her watching and now he knows she's from the future and then Jack Death shows up while they're transferring her in a stretcher and just kills a cop

It just blows him the fuck away Very particularly He just he doesn't give him a chance or anything He draws on that guy and blows him away And he did not transform into a trancer Because they have like vein makeup They have a whole thing that they do This was just a fucking guy

And he's like two in the chest buddy Two in the chest cop It's going to sound controversial, but I think killing a random cop is a bad thing for you here to do in a normal movie. But like in a time travel movie, where ending his genetic lie rewrote all of civilization, I think that's wild. That is a crazy... Also, if you yourself are playing a cop, just like, I'm going to murder that other cop. Fuck that guy. Also, he just pulls her entire stretcher into its little Corvette convertible.

The funniest possible, like this. He's just transferring a mummy. If he tied her to his skateboard and dragged him... away it would be less funny. I'm assuming you have the clip of what happens next. I do have a clip of them in the meeting. They do pull over and we get this exchange. What's happening to me? Don't worry about it. I'll explain it later.

Are you who I think you are? Are you who I think you are? Still well. Alice B. Welcome to Old California, Alice. I'm your husband. Jack, death. Oh my God, Jack, it is you. The only man I ever had sex with.

What? Oh, fuck. That's so good. I'm your husband, Jack Death. In case you thought it was a different, a different, when you remember. I don't know why I'm telling you this. And then, oh my God, it is you. The only man I ever had sex with is.

is the line back incredible. Incredible. And then he has a Bruce Campbell line. Well, it wasn't that bad. Yeah, because she passes out. Yeah. Mm-hmm. This whole thing is like, imagine Bruce Campbell in this.

Yeah. Because she's imagining Bruce Campbell in this when she goes, oh my God, it is you, the only man I ever had sex with. She plays that exactly like she's in Army of Darkness or something. Dude, this might be an actual legitimate use case for AI. Can we get a Bruce Campbell in this movie? Oh, don't. I feel like Bruce. Campbell looks younger now than Tim

Comerson looks then. Yeah, we can just get him. We can just swap him right in. Does he got a cameo? How many cameos would he have to make? So they're catching each other up on the plot. Again, we've already heard this twice. But now we've learned that she's been dead for six years.

He's married to Hunt, Hunt. But she stops him before she can learn it. Because you can't change the future. So, like, keep all those secrets to yourself. But then they kiss. this young actress and the man twice her age and then Helen Hunt walks right in with all the other characters in the movie like they were just waiting

for their cue and then Helen Hunt says this Jack you son of a bitch beautiful beautiful delivery and his response his response like she's being unreasonable he seems to think it's okay that's what's crazy is that he's like you know this is my wife

and she's like yes I get that it's a weird situation but you can't just fucking make out with your other wife. Like, she shouldn't have to explain this to him. And he's like, no, come on, lady. Just don't even worry about it. Like, I'm a cop. She's going to be dead in a couple days.

Can't we just pretend things are fine for? And it like, that works. And then they kiss. Yeah, yeah. The thing is, no, no, no, put up with my bullshit. But keep in mind, I'm on a mission. Let me put my tongue in your face. Successfully convinces her to be chill with like time bent polyamory.

Yes. No, you're just Okay, you're both my wife. It's through the mysterious powers of time. Let's all just make out. And she's like, yeah. It's a man's world, baby. Come on.

This guy gets two wives, and one of them has only had sex with him ever. Also, she's dead. Whoever wrote this really respects woman, I think, is the point. And she's in a teenage girl's body. So is his partner. Yeah, they've got some simmering sexual tension there. Why not? This is like the first early iteration.

of, but it's okay, she's 15, but and really she's a 500-year-old space zombie killer. Right, yes, this is an anime argument. Yeah. If I was in the writer's room, I definitely would have said, you know what, let's make McNulty travel into a girl old enough to fuck so he can have three ladies. Yeah. That would have been the only note I gave to this perfect script. So some guy is delivering groceries and Jackpulls.

a gun on him, because he knows, he's like, this fucking mook delivery guy is definitely going to transfer out. But here's the twist. He's actually bringing alcohol to hap. Fuck, yeah. Struggling alcoholic. Because we get a whole new fucking mess to deal with because someone's like, no, app, you can't drink because you need to reproduce so the future lives.

Like, his offspring are like important to the future and he hasn't had them yet, but he's like 60 and like alone. Like, you can't. You can't collect. An alcoholic can't collect fire trucks at age 60 and then start a family and have kids. That's just not going to work. Right. Can I have one of your many teenage time wives, Jack?

You know it's for the future. You just told me. McNulty's like, I'll do it. Somebody's got to do it. You said of a bitch, put it in me. I already got a 42-year-old tough cop and we make it one more. I just, I love how Hap is all in on. Well, I'm going to fucking die.

Fuck it. Fuck it. Here's all my chips. Let's Yeah, God, hap's the best. Oh, but also, he was a transter. Like, you're like, oh, the alcohol

was the twist. No, this guy is a trancer. That's right. Here's where all fucking hell breaks those because he has a shotgun. Yeah. And he misses wildly, everybody in the entire room

with a shotgun, he gets executed. But McNulty says, what's with this ham? I have a clip, obviously. Oh, yes. Hey, Jack, what's with this ham? It's stuffed like a turkey.

He grabs it. He knows what that. fucking means. Throws it out the window. You know that was a hand bomb. Here comes the trancer. Yeah. Hap's drinking.

Hell yeah. Fuck yeah. What the hell are you? They're trying to get me. I can tell. I can tell. We squashed another one. Oh God, how I'd like to make love to you right now.

What? Fucking what. What? Okay. Oh, tell me he got the line. Hold on. I got the line. Jack. Jack. Jack, you son of a bitch. Again, that was not the same line. Okay. I know the line you're talking about, Jamie, and it's fucking fantastic. They make fun of Jack, and so this is what he says.

Now you got them both manage. God damn it, McNulty. The next time someone hands you an exploding ham, I'm going to pass the mustard. Fucking what? They knew they had something special there. They're like, fucking, we got to get this. People are going to be saying this for decades. Put that on a t-shirt. I'm going to make it.

I love how quickly he leaps into action, the implication being not his first time experiencing an exploding ham. Yep. It fucking happens all the time. I'm going to say something I'm very happy to say. Speaking of exploding hams, this thing fucking makes no sense because that guy wasn't a transer yet. This guy from the deli, who was not a mind-controlled zombie yet, brought him an exploding ham unrelated to the future zombie assassination attempt. Just a total coincidence.

He's like, you know what I'm going to do today? I'm going to fucking bring someone an exploding ham. Or the movie makes no sense. One of those two things. Pocket ham terrorist, man. He's a ham terrorist or the movie makes no sense. California was plagued by him back then. But now both wives are mad at him.

One of them is super confused, but we'll definitely figure out she's dead if she thinks about it too long. Like, they've given her too many clues that we went back to before you died. And as soon as you go back to the future, you're going to die. I only know this because the movie explains it probably 11 times. Jack explains to Helen Hunt that his wife's going to die in two days, right? And she's like, buddy, this is really fucked up. You can't murder your wife, right? The world building here really fucking derailed my notes because it's just all like, wait,

how would this work? We don't need to go through it all. That's the thing. Like, in my notes, when we got to this whole little section, that was, I guess, the writer's trying to flex comedy bits. Right. And my notes, it just says a bunch of stuff until like the next big bit. Yep, that sounds right.

It's important to note at this point, like, he has just realized, of course, of course, my wife is here. And when they send her back, she will die. But he has decided to just stay in the past, to eliminate, to just completely abolish his own great grandpa. or whatever, whose body he took over. That guy's gone. That guy, it's been six years, and that guy's not, he's not giving control back. He's got, he's gotten married. He's talking about buying a house back here in time.

And it never once occurs to him, maybe I should keep my wife back here so she doesn't die. Like, she doesn't get the same treatment. It's the, yes. From day one, moment one, he's like, well, yeah, she has to go back and get killed. Otherwise, yeah. It's essential. I like Helen Hunt better, I guess.

And he does. Yeah, he does. But he does talk her into letting him have one wild last weekend with his dead wife on their trancer hunting mission. Okay, Hap is, he steals Jack's Corvette. He's dressed up in his full baseball uniform like a lunatic. Love it. Fuck yeah. That, okay, we now learn that the bad guys got all these plants that he's trying to water to like make the super drugs. And he's really mad that they're not getting water. And so he's like, we need to go fucking kidnap more hobos to to water my plants. This might be a budget thing, but I honestly think one gardener could water all his plants

for about $40 a day. I think that this is a part-time gig for the world's laziest gardener. He has like 50 plants. I don't know. We learned that the bad guys plan for kidnapping hobos is they hand out free hot dogs. And if anyone asks for mustard on the hot dog, they pull them into the mustard van. And they never return. Some of them.

That's, that's, that's, that's, It's not a joke because we're specifically shown hobos that don't ask for anything else that are just like, thanks for the hot dog, walk away. They don't want them. They don't want them. If you ask for anything else, relish, mustard, any toppings, you get abducted into the alien zombie recycling plant. If you're a bum with gumption, you're in.

And this is a movie dumb enough. If there was a line that says the mind control only works on people who like mustard, that I would buy it. I'd be like, that perfectly explains this plan, but they don't. It's just fucking crazy. So Jack Death buys some clothes from a wino for just a big stack of cash. He infiltrates. He's like, I want you get my buddy mustard.

I want some mustard. And so then they throw in the van and he beats everyone up, escapes with their van. You're all caught up. Man, this age gap three-way centric zombie time cop, evil dead, real heavy on the hobos. Real heavy on the hobos. Yes. Oh, yeah, speaking of because Hap drives over some winos with like a box of baseball. equipment and he is hammered and not a very good favorite it's so fucking great he calls him

him and play some baseball fuck yeah and they're like i don't i don't want to do that he's like liquor and they're like okay i would do it for some liquor yeah i could do it drunk i don't want to play baseball sober like and now we got a scene baby they do this this goes on for probably i would say five movies worth of this scene it is yeah they just play they're doing bits they're like i want to play first. You, I want to play first. And they're just like, fucking let those guys explore that space for like 30 minutes. Yeah, I was so happy that Hap got this time, this scene. I was like, this scene could be in a real movie. Yeah. You know, with, with better contacts. I, I just, I loved this for Hap. I loved that he, he knew he was going to, he was a marked man, and he's going to go out on his own

terms. And it was so joyful. And there's just, oh, having a great time. So I love it. Getting blasted. And his own terms, once again, are drunken hobo baseball. Those are his terms. And they are non-negotiable. No, I love this because you assume, well, I assumed when he pulled up to all the, all the hobos with the boxes of liquor, I assume like, oh, okay, he's got like a plan he's going to try to keep them out of the hands of like the eco-terrorists or he's going to like use that to infiltrate them or whatever. No. It's just everybody wants to hang out with hobos in this movie. It's like first thing I'm doing going out to play.

Hobo Baseball, unrelated to the hobo recycling plan. Has nothing to do with it. Just one last thing. He knows he's going to die. He's like, this is what I want to do. I'm getting my nine innings. Yep. It's getting his nine innings. Which means they were there all day. Little old man trying to steal home and he's like complaining about, oh, it's so fucking fun.

It's so stupid. With huge bottles of booze, it's, they were just having such a, they had a day. I wish it was the whole movie. Yeah. Like, like when five bad guys. roll up. I'm like, God damn it. The bad guys are here. I know. They're fucking up my movie. He actually takes one out. He throws a liquor bottle in his head with his baseball powers and like takes him out. I'm like, yes. More of that. Use your baseball abilities to fight them.

No, that's it. Jack Death taps them over with a car and then he like drives by and kind of gently nudges them with a car door and they all fall down. And then just fucking executes everybody in real gentle slow motion. Like I think they thought this would get sped up later and it never happened. So it's just a very, very strange slow motion scene. The bad guys kidnapped Helen Hunt. I don't know why. I'm not sure if they know that that's his wife or not. And so you're thinking, oh, no, how's he going to find her? He goes to the fucking place where she was. And he's like, hey, you've seen this lady? And the guy's like, yeah, she got kidnapped by those eco-terrorists earlier. They threw her in a van. He's like, all right, cool. Wait, did she ask for mustard?

Oh, shit. That's what it was. That's how they got her. They had their mustard ray detected her. he bicks up his dead wife to like go on the rescue mission. He's like, I don't want to rescue your current wife. This sucks for me. Hap wants to go, but Jack won't take him because he's just drunk and he's blasted. Also, also he's in like this little Corvette convertible two seats. Like there's a lot of good reasons not to take Hap on the mission. And so he drives off without him.

And then Hap starts to get it after he's like 100 yards down the road. He's like, oh, I guess that means I'm not coming along, huh? I'm not going. But he says it real serious, like he's figuring it out. I don't know. It's, this movie's so fucking great. So now Richard Lynch is going to turn Helen Hunt into a trancer. And he's figured out through unknown means that she is the wife.

And he's like, I'm going to kill Jack Death. There's no plan. They just, there's like one dufous guard. Yeah, this shit really unwinds. Yeah. Yeah. I guess this plan is to shoot Jack Death when he gets there. But like, it does not go well.

in fact it plays out like a naked gun scene like this doofus is walking around and then jack death like falls out of a tree onto him and they cut away to the the dead wife and they cut back to him four seconds later and he's like in the guy's uniform like it is hilarious helen hunt escapes by jogging away she makes her but the second time the bad guys get escaped people escape the bad guys by just leaving uh jack and alice come in uh they're doing like a haunt and chewy thing we're like i have this prisoner here i'm not jack death i'm not jack death i'm your security guard from outside. Ha ha, ha, it was a trick, and then they just shoot everybody. He's such a distinct looking man, though. Like, you would never, I don't remember hiring an 80-year-old Rob Leifeld drawing as a security guard. Yeah. He was born with cross-action.

He's a flesh Ben Grim. Yeah. I remember hiring a flesh golem for this. It never occurs to them. They just see him walking up. No, he's wearing a different uniform. That's not him. Why are they holding guns?

Why are they shooting us with guns? I hate this. I guess the only thing, obviously, they go to the time machine. They're going to go back. But the standoff is so goddamn dumb. They surround this barn that they're in. And Jack Death's idea is to get in this little, I don't even know what you call it. It's like a bucket on the back of a tractor.

It's a horse trough, I think. Like a giant horse trough. and they set the tractor to go and then they pop out of the horse trough and kill like an entire firing line of evil cops. They're doing a tremors. They're doing a mini tremors.

They attach a horse trough to the back of a hilariously small like a writing lawnmower. And then you think like, okay, through the miracle of movie magic they're going to make this look cool. No, it struggles and goes about half a mile an hour and it's just really struggling

and dragging them on and then the enemies are just like, looking at it, like, is this, should we go? Is this, you're not going to cut? This is the stunt. And then they pop out and start shooting them. This, that would take them, I don't know, 20 years to escape at this pace. Also, I don't think that like this thing would be bulletproof. I just don't think anyone who made this scene head knows how guns work, I guess, is in a way that is unusual even for movies where you're like, I don't.

I don't get what's happening here. Anyway, the barns on fire with the time machine. Oh, God, we have nothing that can put out a barn. Hold on a second, guys. Haps fire trucks. That's right. There it goes. All comes back around.

Still drunk as shit driving up in a baseball uniform and a fire truck? Fuck yes. Yeah. Saves the time machine. Richard Lynch is like, everybody's dead. This is a suicide mission. He jumps out to shoot Jack Death. And Jack Death instead of shooting,

him, he walks over, grabs a pitchfork and like fucking javelin throws the pitchfork. From like 600 feet away. It's hilarious that they cut to that pitchfork hurtling through the air. He does like the slow motion blood cough up. It rules. It's a fantastic death. Anyway, I'm just really glad that Hap got a chance to use his fire truck. He had to have assumed he'd never get a chance to use it, right?

And this is just the best day for him. I want this action figure. I want this Hap action figure with action. and fire truck and baseball uniform and a couple bottles of booze. Oh, all the accessories. Yes. Jack decides to stay here, which means he gives up a seat on the council, which again, seems very important, but he just loves Helen Hunt.

And they explain the very, very specific rules of everything all over again so he can send Alice back up the line in this body, not use the serum so that she can take this young teenage body into the future and not die, presumably watch her older self-touching. I. Anyway, it's maybe beautiful as an idea to like... I was going to say, in my notes, I have like, it kind of almost, almost, not quite, but it almost kind of got me. Because I'm a sucker for like unfair goodbyes and bittersweet endings. And they kind of got it.

I felt a little tiny something. Yeah. I feel like this is the moment they built four. And then they're like, how do we explain this? This is fucking crazy. I know. And then they wrote all of that other like stilted. nonsense to like that exposition that led to this.

So I guess we're cool with her erasing the brain of the lunatic teenager that she's possessing. The dead wife is possessing. Oh, yeah. But I gotta assume she already had a kid, this lunatic teenager that's been in an asylum all her life, already had a kid. Otherwise, none of this works. Otherwise, she's never born.

Oh, no, you're thinking about trance is too hard. Oh, no. It's all falling apart. Well, there's like six or six. 17 more of these, right? Yes. Helen Hunt came back for one more. Holy shit. Oh, my God.

Yeah. Yeah. That's the fucking twist. No one expected. Man, she was paying the rent. God damn. Yeah. But then they passionately kiss in front of his wife for the third time this movie,

because he is going to, he's going to kiss that dead wife goodbye. Fuck yeah. And so, yeah. She's now in the future in the body of her mentally ill ancestor, who will never reproduce now. That's a good catch, Robert. They broke their universe. And the mentally ill thing hasn't come up yet, so hopefully it won't come up in the future. And it ends with Jack Death and his wife buying a new house.

Yeah. Buying a palatial mansion in L.A. That probably costs them $35,000 because they're boomers. Yeah. Oh, and he's a fortune teller now. Hap bought the house with him. And the realtor is like, what does that guy do for a living? He's kissing that teenage girl.

It's fucking weird. And he's like, oh, he's a fortune teller. That's even weirder. That's a weirder thing to say. Great origin story, Jamie. Thank you. Thank you for giving it to me. And scene.

Welcome, Woldeficant insult comedian who makes things too real? It's Mr. Jimmy. How's he to be here? Got a lot of Supremes in the audience tonight. Look at Aaron Crosston here. Hey, you look like you don't get enough colonoscopies. Like you're gonna die of ass cancer at 54. Just when you start really getting comfortable with who you are.

What's the matter? A little too real for you? Yeah, working on that. Hey, I see Adrian Hesbrook. Hey, I see Alex Nolenberg. Look at this. It's Alpha Scientist Javo. Hey, and Andy, I see you.

there. I once went on safari with this guy and I watched him kill a white rhino so he could powder and snort its horn. He was so sad when it did not give him an erection. I wasn't supposed to tell nobody that. Oh, it's a very serious crime. Oh, oh, hey, it's Armando Nava. I see Autumn Armstrong Berg. I see Bim Talser. Oh, Brandon Garlock, I know you ain't got enough. in your retirement fun. You're blowing it all on Funko Pops of obscure movie monsters and your elderly self is gonna curse you for it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, that one's a sprinkler. It was supposed to be a sprinkler. It's summer. I'm trying something. Brian Saylor, I see you there. Brockway famously loves the meat millie. Hey, Sarah, I'd see

Chloe here. She got a face only a mother could love. Could. but did not. Oh, keep seeking that validation from camgirls and escorts, babe. That's you. That's what you do. That's not me? Why would you think that's me?

That's you. I only say true stuff about you. Like a common sense here. He looked like he got one of those ironic names. Like calling common sense's mother, Mrs. had a positive influence on common sense's body dismount. Whoa! Hey, come on, it's just a joke. There's no truth to it. It don't mean nothing about neither of us. Alright, I don't wish I was a small, frail, pale man, racked by consumption.

Like, that's, I'm happy being big and healthy. That's what I like. That's what I like. Don't question it. Here's Craig Lemoyne. Let's move on. Here's Craig Lemoyne. I see Dan B. I see David Scholl. I see Dean Costello. I love this guy. Dean Costello. He once watched someone he loved drown and he was too scared to help him. So he sold the song rights to Phil Collins. You guys got to stop trusting me with your secrets. Oh, sorry, I hiccuffed while doing that one. And it came out weird.

That won't happen again. Delta, Fox Trot, Devin the Rogue Supreme, Doug Redmond, Dusty's rad title, Edgar Matthias, you look like you find comfort at night by telling yourself Nobody remembers the embarrassing stuff you did, but I've heard it. It's all anybody talks about. Oh, back to normal O's. Oh, it was a one-time fluke.

Just like all your exes say about you, Elizabeth Shope. Oh, all right, I see Elliot Watson here. He's all right. I'm all right too. I'm glad I got my normal O's back. I was not just testing the waters for a new and scary change that I desperately want to make in my life. Not like Eric Christianberg. Look at that ball cap. They call this the receding hairline special. Oh! I got fancy shark. I got Gareth. I got Jelloho. I got good

Satan and all his hot witches over here. Oh look at this. It's Greg Cunningham. Greg Cunningham, you work so much. Your kids are going to have trouble remembering your face after they leave for college oh that one's about you that's not about something haunting my kids said to me all this stuff's about you guys hey haraka a harvey penguini oh i love to see you here honk hey jabber al aden james boyd i got jared clack i got jared mountain man oh i got jared ruis hold on jared ruis here he's gonna wait until everyone's gone for the night and then he's gonna go around and lick all the seats of the people who laugh at my jokes. That's what he's gonna do. Oh, he likes the taste of failure this guy does. Not me. Jeff O'Raskey, John McCam, and I got John Minkoff. Hey, you smell like extramarital sex,

my man, everyone can smell it. Even your wife there next to you. She just don't have the courage to disrupt her whole life because she don't know. She's worth 10 of you, because she's too fucking stupid. Oh, I got you both. Oh, I'm sorry there was was again. That's uh, that's weird. I don't know what's going on with that. Okay, I got, I got, I got Joseph Searle's here. I got Josh S. I got Joshua Graves. I got Justin B. I got Ken Paisley. I got K&M. Hey K&M. Your AI girlfriend called, just kidding. No, she didn't. Oh, there we go. That's the normal one. That's okay. Everything's normal. I'm not learning nothing about myself up here. Okay, okay, we got Kamutsas, we got KVH, we got Lane Haygood, we got

Lisa, Lisa worries she's the weird girl at work because she never gets invited to nothing. Don't worry, Lisa, they don't think you're weird, they don't think about you at all. Oh, number one again, all right, we got it, we got it. M. Jahi Chappelle, Mark Mahoney, Matt Riley, Max Broyd, mercenary, Cissadman, Michael Lair, Moju, you carry yourself like you're not the hero in your own story. Oh, that one seems gentle at first, but it will haunt you. Some things, they just, they just haunt you. Uh, Mort, I got Mort here, I got Mr. Bob Gray, I got ND, what does ND stand for? Non-descript? Oh, that one's on purpose. It's a callback to that thing I did earlier. I'm owning it, okay? I'm owning it. It's just a joke.

Neil Bailey, Neil Bailey liked that. Right? Right, Neil Bailey liked it. He likes that pop stuff, am I right? Ha ha ha, I hate that stuff. He loves it though. Neil Schaefer, I got Neku 104, I got Nick Levino, I got Obsolite over here. Now Obsolete, he's like Neil Bailey.

This is someone who wants to prance about in a powdered wig. I can see it, I can see it, obsolete. Oh, that's me doing an impression. That's an impression of obsolete. That's not me? Ornry Weevil, I got Ozzy Olin, I got Patrick Hurst, I got Peewee's uncle. I got Rebrandrew. I got Red Wine Time. Red Wine Time probably got a secret storage unit full of ruffled shirts and tights. Sometimes they sleep in there just to be physically closer

to the person they think they are inside. Oh, that's what you do. That's what you do, Red Wine Time. Hey, Ria, I got Russell Bowman, I got Sam Copnik, I got Sarkovsky, look at Sean Chase. I got seed over here. Hey, Space Champ fan. Space Jam fan. Now this is a guy. who sees an old-timey fop or dandy put on his white face makeup and paint the little moulon and he's like oh that's me that's the way I wish I was oh I got you I know that's how you are hey spotty reception a super knot tater's tails Thomas Cavatzos oh who do we got here you know how sometimes you can see a man you take one look at him and you just know you just know this guy this guy likes to

titter I got you Thomas I got your tittering ass Timmy Leahy Toasty God Tommy G Velo Victor Malavakin Booster Oh don't sink down in your seat now Booster I see you I got you I know you You think you're some strong independent woman but I know you're tight I know you're tight you live your whole life just hoping Oh you're just praying some big strong man comes along

And calls one of your quips Rhybalt That's you! That's what you hope happens that has nothing to do with me I can just see you on your face. Wayland Russell, Yvonne Clapham, Zach and Ava. I'm looking at John Dean here. And I just know this guy sees old-timey fops and dandies in movies and he don't know. He don't know. Are they a German thing? Are they French or English or something? Are they just kind of all Europe rolled together into like one stereotype that maybe never existed at all? But that don't matter to John Dean because every time he sees them boys, minson and pranton he thinks that's me that's not the me i am but is the me i should be and he goes

and he becomes an insult comet because that's what they say the men do that's what they say the modern day man equivalent is of that but it just doesn't just unfulfilled you know it doesn't it's not enough for john dean he thinks he's like i'm oscar wild up here you know telling it like it is and everybody everybody laughs and joins in and calls me pretty and it never quite happens that way, does it John Dean? It's not the same thing being an insult comic as it is, being a real, being a fop with a savage wit. I see you, John Dean, all over your face, man. It's all over your face that you wish that, that was what you were.

That's you. That's what you are. It's a joke. It's all a joke. It's just, there's no truth to it. There's no truth to it, man. Oh.