The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 262, Automan with Zak Koonce

Episode Date: January 28, 2026

Automan ran for only 12 episodes in 1983 because the world wasn't ready for the story of a computerized man in a star wetsuit whose horny pixel sidekick can make a laser car out of anything. You know who was ready? Our guest, Zak Koonce! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Robert is going to jail because you didn't buy his book. But it's not too late to help him win some creature comforts in prison. Every copy goes toward the commissary fund! https://linktr.ee/killyourimaginaryfriendd

9,000, the official podcast of 1,900 Hot Dog. If you're not subscribed to us, we have a new article every weekday about broken and bizarre things that should not be. Support the last website at patreon.com slash 1,900 hot dog. I'm Sean Baby from the internet, and my partner is assistant slab at Luscious Frank's long beef lab. He's Robert Brockway. Here's a Brockway fact. Fucked a computer once. Some of these are pretty straightforward.

No follow-up questions anyway. I was going to ask, did they ever base a really, bad television show on that. That's a follow-up question. Yeah, you're right, you're right. I blew it. Our guest, he's an audio man and a YouTube man. You know him from our theme song, formerly

at Oral Not. Now he's Garbage Master at Zach's Planet of Garbage. He's that Coats. Hell yeah, thanks for doing my job for me. I have nothing else to say. No need to plug. Shit, I got you. Is today's episode inspired by

any chance my hit new expository theme song for my fake turbo teen horror comedy pair? A little bit, yes. Okay, good. I was wondering. I had a feeling. We're doing a reverse turbo team.

We're doing a kind of a weird science. It's a little, it's more weird science than turbo teen, for sure. Yeah. But there's some, when you hear it, you're like, oh, that's just turbo team. We're talking about automan, but I do think there's something legally, Brockway might have to plug before we get to it. I am legally obligated to promote my new book. It's called I Will Kill Your Imaginary Friend for $200, and it comes out yesterday.

Holy shit. Oh, yeah. Time, time is fucking crazy, man. You can use the code Get Fucked 15 at your mother's house because that whole pre-order bonus is done.

That's gone. You missed it. You missed it. The book just exists now. Go to a store, I guess. You can probably still get it online. I don't know. I did just learn that the book

is getting a second printing already. That's amazing. So you're not going to prison? Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Okay. It does mean, it does mean two things. Okay.

It does mean I'm getting that Rice Krispy treat in prison. We did it. We reached that goal. Nobody's applauding. I was waiting for applause. I was trying to clap,

but I was just making wet thuds. We didn't record that. That's a callback to a thing that happened before the show, you listeners. We didn't record professionals. No, I'm still absolutely, and if I might add,

a little editorially, deservedly, going to prison. But the second. The second run won't have like the sweet foil text on the cover and it won't have the sprayed edges. It'll be the same book, but it won't be as pretty. So that means the first run now is a collector's item. That's incredible. The number they printed is all there will ever be.

So this is one day in. Yeah, an investment. Yeah. That's what that means. That's the prison edition, right? Yeah, it's the prison edition. You can buy the prison edition. Less frills.

And there will be reasons. I've got incentives to sell that. Otherwise, I would just stop. But for now, go ahead. Pick up that first run copy while you still can. It's like the only thing guaranteed to hold value in the upcoming collapse of the US dollar and civilization. I guess that was my plug. Yeah.

Plug for the downfall of civilization. I always love that. I did comment on one of your posts. Your book actually looks weirdly delicious. It's got a very confectionary. you know, comcakey, desserty vibe going forward.

It is cake. I should say. Your cake. Don't try to read it. Just take a bite. But that wasn't clear. I'm selling book-themed cakes. Maybe this is why I didn't sell it very well.

That's why I'm going to prison. That's actually like a reference to one of my favorite parts in the book where the main character like sees some food item and gets weirdly horny and goes, what the fuck was that? And then Brockway, the author, never answers it. No follow questions. The philosophy of the book. Today we are watching Auto Man from 1984.

This is a Glenn A. Larson show. He's our favorite. He did Manimal and Nightman. But, I mean, there's no way you don't know some of the shows. He did Buck Rogers and Magnum P.I. And a million shows of obviously varying qualities. The main star is probably Auto Man, but the guy who gets the most screen time is Desi Arnaz, Jr., who is, as you'd imagine, Lucio Ball's son.

Um, he was called the $50 million baby on the cover of the very first issue of TV guy. Did you? I'm, I'm giving some fun facts here, guys. Well, that's adorable. Yeah. I don't know why they called him that. I guess he was just like a very famous baby and they figured he'd like sell a lot of cigarettes or whatever.

But, um, once he did Auto Man, that was pretty much the end of the $50 million baby. We didn't see a lot of Desier News. Yeah, that's appreciated real fast. He cashed that check real hard. Uh, the main guy. He fucking sucks. Yeah, he does. really does suck.

He's got no charm. Yeah. Yeah. And like not just the way you think we mean it, but like the characters in the show are like, fuck you. You're a piece of shit. Like that's the interaction he has with every other character. Yeah, none of that's in the script either.

Like that was just overcome. Glenn's like, can we get a take where you say the line? No, fuck this guy. We did do like a spread too. We went from like episode one to 11 spoiler alert. But that's a pretty big breadth of. of possibilities, and they still treat him the same way by episode 11. That character does not get any sort of, like, evolution of love.

We'll talk about this specifically, but he gets treated bad by characters who specifically saw him do good things for them and to them. Yeah, it's not enough. It's never going to be enough. It's just not enough. Spoiler for his life, I guess. Yeah. Did he die after this?

I don't think there's anything else. I don't know. I'm not alive. I just actually, I typed it into Google and Google. told me fuck you for asking. There's no way to know. Fuck you. There's no way to know.

Fuck you. Fuck Desi Arnaz Jr. Fuck your book while we're at it. God damn, Google. Whoa, it's the computer. Don't associate my book with Desi Arnaz, Jr. I don't need, I'm already going to prison. It's too late. That's the first Google result for Desi Arnaz is going to be your book.

It's the first thing a prison bully says to you. It's like, do you know Desi Arnaz Jr.? So right in a wrong answer, pal. Fuck that guy. you're one of the good ones. Here's a knife. The main guy, Auto Man, is Chuck Wagner,

who is the exact name I would make up if I was posing as an 80s TV actor. And face, to be honest. Yes, and face. If I could draw and somebody was like, draw an 80s TV guy, I would draw a picture of this guy. This guy's got,

this guy's 80s face is premium. I love it. Yeah. He's got like game show hair, game show host hair, kind of caveman brow, like hunked. jaw line, but for an aging audience in the 80s.

Like this is a grandma's idea of a hunk. Also a little bit hauntingly doll-like as well. Like curse doll. Right, something's piloting him. That's a dark force we don't want to know about. Also in the credits it credits Cursor as himself. And then a little ball of light draws a heart around tits. And then it cuts to it flying into a woman's tits while she screams.

So it's the perfect sidekick. Just a horny sex criminal Will of the Whisp. playing itself. Yeah, he's got a, it's Navi. He's got Navi from, Yeah, it's a Navi. What a pervert. But less of a sex criminal than Navi.

Still quite a lot. Here's the intro. That's a cursor flying into some tits in case you thought I was just like, ha ha, kidding. And, yeah, guns, cyber cars. I want you to picture in your mind.

And then after this theme song, it's going to have the entire origin story taken from a scene that doesn't ever happen in the continuity of the show. This is the true story of Walter Nebaker. Doing what he likes best, fighting crime in the streets. You see, Walter's a policeman. Unfortunately, the chief doesn't want Walter on the streets. Captain, get back to your cage boy. Now! The fuck out of my sight!

I will kill him. Shooter room. That's where he's an expert. Fortunately for me, Walter's advanced knowledge of electronics let him to experiment with what is called a hologram. That's a very fancy word for a three-dimensional picture that when perfected can be made to look real. Sound real. As a matter of fact, given enough power, it can even be made to feel real. Yeah. That's kind of what got me into this world. My name is Automan. Okay.

You did it. You let it run. I know, I know exactly what happened here, all right? And I didn't look this up. I just know it, like in my heart. What happened here is this one hour and 10 minute pilot, which is an insane length for a pilot, was the standard length two-hour pilot of the 80s.

And what happened was the first like 45 minutes of this show, relied heavily on like establishing the character, the world, and like the prologue and the getting up to the Automan part. And that means it relied heavily on the charm and star power of Desi Arnaz Jr. You're right. That means he was the only guy as they set all of this up

and then, oh, Automan gets here. And they showed that to the producers or just like somebody off the street and they were like, fuck this guy. Like, all right, well, we're cutting that whole first half of the pilot and we're just going to do a little like recap from all of these scenes they filmed. All of these scenes.

There's huge action scenes. There's like big car chases, exploding cars. None of it appears in the show. None of it. I think you're exactly right. It's only in that recap. And they didn't bother to even do the little bit of legwork to be like,

well, he's a loose can and he plays by his own rules. He doesn't, you know. He's just going, get the fuck out of you. He sucks. Nobody wants him around. End of story. Get in the computer booth. Fucking nerd.

I'm awesome. I'm an auto man. It's my show now. Thank you. So as you can tell, he's an auto man's a reverse tron. He's a program manifesting as a solid hologram in our world by a madman in a police computer lab because no one wants to hang out with him. And I would say, we're making fun of Chuck Wagner, but he's obviously a handsome guy and he looks awesome like this costume. He's glowing blue.

And they really overdo it. Yeah, it's blinding. I will, before we shit on everything else about this show, this show looks awesome. Like, Automan is rad. His Lamborghini Kuntosh is rad. His weird sci-fi jet is awesome. Like, there's the, like, bones of, like, an amazing show here. This is how I remembered Tron looking before I revisited Tron as an adult.

Yes, that's exactly what it is. And the effect of the Lamborghini driving is, like, actually very impressive. Yeah, it's sweet. It reses into the world, you know, with laser vines. I would buy all of these toys. Oh, wow. 100%. When the, when his Lamborghini turns into a,

fucking like laser jet. I want that now. Yeah. It's crazy. This show sucks. When you hear us saying things like that, you're like, okay. It is. It's wild.

It should be so good. It sucks because the first 26 minutes of this pilot is the most pathetic fucking sad dork in the world trying to create a friend while also still trying to get laid. And he's just terrible at both of them. Terrible at everything. Yeah. Hold on. It says in my notes it looks like pre-year.

Viz footage from a sci-fi porn movie. I know this episode's going to go up quick, so we probably won't have time for a theme song, but here is a list of potential title options for that terrible porn movie. Anyway, the theme song would have been something like this. Porn movies Auto Man looks like! So here's the first one, guys. That's a great list. It's really fun.

People are going to love this. Okay, so the first one is the Tron font, but it just says dong. Dung. That's the whole list. I'm sorry. Hold on. Hold on. I only wrote one.

Being spelled out like the, with by the light cycles. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's got to be drawn on. Yeah. In a death race. Yeah.

Curzer like shoots through a lady's dits and then spells out dong. I mean, that's what the other 45 minutes of cut footage was was cursor just taking the form of a human dong. Okay. We'll talk about that. He could absolutely form human dong. Indistinguishable for real human dong. Oh, yeah.

I think he did in that one scene that we'll get to. Yeah. We'll get to it. There's a whole episode about that. Okay. So, Automan's personality is all confidence. he like knows that he's perfect.

He's like, and he knows he looks good. But this can't be right. My notes say he looks like a birthday party Captain America who keeps getting fired for fucking the grandmas. And he has the acting skills of the only white guy in a Jackie Chan movie. I don't know. These aren't very good notes.

I think I spent most of my time writing Dong. Oh, and I'm saying that in the Tron font. You're right. He has the Jackie Chan white guy vibe where you're like, this man doesn't know how to exist in this society he's currently in. Which, you know, given an auto man, would make sense if he hadn't,

based him on like every hunk in existence. This sad pathetic losers in the police office using the company time and equipment to design the hottest, like a hunk gollum. You know, he's flaring through pictures of Bert Reynolds and James Bond. And he's like, I gave him the personality of it. And he showed up. He's like, hi. It's like, that's not James Bond.

I'm auto man, the best man. This is, and I don't, I'm not trying to be silly here. But this is, uh, the metaphor of this show is like a gay awakening. The man is having a gay. I mean, God of my right? That was your take on Wasteland Warriors, too, if I remember. It was. It was, and I thought it was beautiful.

I don't think this one's beautiful. Agreed. It's a great taking. I don't think this one's done competently and beautiful, but I get the metaphor. Like, he, okay, this nerd comes out and he's like, I've never had a date. And, like, he also, I believe at one point, he just says, I've never had a friend. And then he brings, like, the first thing we see of him is he brings out a portfolio of all the hunks he likes.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I get it. That was so weird. Yeah. And he programmed all of those hunks to be the one computer program that he can bring to life. Like, huh, I wonder why you did that.

I wonder why you did it like that. And then he says, Automan will come out when he's ready. And I'm like, okay. But is Automan in the room right now? Is he such an early line? Are we talking to AutoBand? Yeah. Yeah, he is, he's, when he talks to the secretary, he's like, look, I know I shouldn't be doing that.

I shouldn't be making a sexy hologram man on the job with, like, the police resources. But anyway, I made this hologram. He shows her a binder of actor headshots, like Brockway said. It's got Bert Reynolds, Paul Newman, Tom Sillic, very strange. All hunks. It's like a, yeah, serpentor, but for hunks shop. And they do the thing like, like honk the movie did, where it's like, here's all these very specific people with very specific looks. And here's a thing, the result of which is none of those things

are readable at all on this blank face. I feel like if you just mashed a bunch of people's heads together, you'd get a Chuck Wagner. Yeah. Like he's got, there's a, he's got a he man action figure vibe. His head looks like you could squeeze it,

and it will slowly re-inflate on its own. Right. And his body looks like it's from an assembly line. You could just pop his arms off. Yeah, put him on. Put it on Mammar arms. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Put him on fucking Hordack.

Who cares? He does say, let's just jump in the head, but I don't want to miss it later on. He does tell Walter come into my dimension. Oh, you think I've got sound clips of all that shit? Okay, good. Yeah, we need to, we'll be breaking that one down. We'll slow it down. Okay.

Because we're just, I'm just going off the, you know, the awakening thing. Are you fucking crazy? You think we're not going to spend 40 minutes on that? I do have a non-horny one. Okay. I just kind of like this one. Tell me, why did you call me Auto Man? It means that you're the world's,

first truly automatic man. You can do anything because you're not real. Oh, I'm real. Fucking hauntingly dumb. I'm one thousand percent real. Yes, he's like, what's not real about this? My touch.

In his voice, his voice is like tremulous but excited and bashful. Like that is the horniest you could possibly sound. He's doing like one of those ASMR videos that's trying to like jack you off with sound. Like, that's what he's doing, right? Exactly.

What are those? Okay. What are those? So he is like a weird science monster, but if you remember, Kelly LeBrock came out and she was like, cool as shit, because they put David Lee Roth in her, right? Like, they gave her real personality. And this, he tried to do that, but he made this, like,

fish out of water idiot who's, like, super confused sometimes and sometimes just supremely confident. It's never consistent. The comedy bits they do with it are fucking pathetic. I get, we'll get to it every time. So shortly after this, after she, he opens up to this woman that he is very attracted to. He has a framed photograph of her on his desk, which she sees in full view of her. But she, he spills his guts about his hunk, his hunk golem project.

And then he goes, you think I'm crazy. That's why you don't go out with me. You think I don't have a clip of that? She just goes, I don't think you're crazy. And that's it. She drops it. I think I've seen your portfolio of hunks. I think that's why I don't go out of me.

I know it's dark up the wrong tree here. Okay. I do have a clip of what we're talking about here. It's a game. No, it's a computerized program that has all the functions of a real person. If the computer is still assimilating the facts, well, it won't appear unless it's ready. That's the way computers work. Molly, why are you doing this?

You think I'm crazy. that's why you won't go out with me. The way he says that she's just, she should have punched him in the fucking face. She's the office secretary, right? Like, you're under arrest, dude. Like, this whole place is cops. Fuck.

All right. There's some plot, I guess. I don't, they're kidnapping business guys. And they already figure it out. Like, like the main, Lieutenant gives a bunch of receipts to Desi Arnaz Jr. And he's like, cool, I'll put him in the computer. And they immediately get a phone call from ladies.

Like, I'm looking right at the kidnappers right now. Like, so Desi Arnaz Jr. is already useless in the plot. And then they pretty much catch the kidnappers, but then let him go because police procedure's bad. One of your favorite cuts is the introduction of like the bad guys where like one of the police sergeants goes, what kind of loonies are behind this? And then we cut hard cut to Switzerland. that's right it's the dreaded Swiss of course

they're ruthless business tactics of okay so I think I I was able to make sense of it by the end but there if someone's really good at their job Switzerland is going to kidnap them and make them work in their their sex mansion forever yeah kind of yes sort of it's it's the there's like a security company

this huge worldwide security company. And if somebody's really good at their job and they want to quit, the company gets that security company that they are all contracted with to kidnap the worker and bring them to, and I'm not joking, an all-you-can-eat pussy buffet in the Swiss Mountains. Like they just, it's a luxury spa, and they point-blank say that these men are serviced by the women, all hours of the day. And there's just bikini babes wandering around. names everywhere.

In the cold. Yeah. Ass cheeks out. They don't care. That's not the job. That's the villainous plot we have to stop. Get that. Empty out that bikini ski lodge.

So yeah, I guess Auto Man is the bad guy from like an 80s ski movie. He fucks this whole thing up. Not a single person there is upset. You guys like, how's my family? You know what? Never mind.

I don't actually get a fuck. They think you're dead, man. Nah, man. It's just the best here. I've never been more alive. Oh, I hate. I hate being in the Swiss mountains. I hate this view blocked by all of this pussy everywhere.

He's being serviced by their award-winning hotties. Yes. The food's great, too. You've got to try the croissant and the ass. Okay, back at the station, Desi Arnaz is summoning Automan, but it's like browning out the entire city and setting most of the room on fire. And then the secretary, who he keeps sexually harassing, is watching him do it. So he, like, cancels the whole thing.

He's like, shit, shut it all down. even though he's in a room like with a wall made out of glass in a busy police station. So I don't know how he thought he'd get away with it by fucking up the power and lighting an office on fire and summoning like a very horny glowing man. Yeah, he summons Dr. Manhattan in full view of everyone that he works with that he knows. It begs so many questions about automan's existence like, like does it hurt when he doesn't exist? Right. Yeah, it looks like it hurts when he's like being. summoned. So like, does he like being in the computer? Is it like being dead to him?

And it's like they know you have these questions. So they keep paying lip service to it. And Automan will say something about the details of how he gets power. And every time he says something, it makes it worse. It makes it so much dumber and raises so many new questions. Yeah, when he's dead, he's like, he's fine, dude. He's totally partying with Donkey Kong and Pac-Man. That's-canon. That's canon. That's canon. You're right. We'll get to that too. I have clip of that. You better have a clip. All right. Great friends.

God, where were we? So he's harassing his co-worker. He made a fuckbot on the clock. He might be a bad cop, is my point. Everyone's right to hate Desiardez Jr. Roxanne, the secretary, she's scolding him for

using too much electricity, not for creating a man or constantly asking her out and then complaining about how she won't go out with him. She's mad about the electricity. Anyway, we'll just cut back to America. Desirenes Jr. is moping, because Automan can't figure out what's happening.

And so he's not ready so he won't manifest. And then he's so sad that the secretary finally agrees to go out with him. And here's where the plot kicks off. Because cursor appears just as they leave and shoots towards the framed picture of the office secretary. And then also, here's another thing this guy has in his office, just a bikini poster. I actually, for a second thought it was also his co-worker. Oh, dude. With just like Photoshop face.

Yeah, exactly. And Cursor very carefully, in case you didn't get it, outlines the tits on the bikini picture. That's the first you're introduced to Cursor, who is your lovable, wacky, little blinking, navvy sidekick. And the first thing he, I'm assuming, does is just right for the tits and then start outlining them dramatically. You're like, okay, I get it. He loves babes and tits. This little dot likes to fuck. I was never really clear on like, you know, cursor.

Desihanes spends a lot of time explaining how and why he created AutoMan, but at no point does Curser come up. So is it like just an extension of his penis or something? I think it's like his dog. It's his dog, right? Yeah. His horny dog. Okay.

I thought it was just like leftover code. Like this is just what happened. Like when twins with Arnold Schwarzener and Dan and Davido, Danny DeVito was like the genetic crap left over. That's what cursor is. He's just like all the horniness. he tried to keep out of Auto Man. Yeah, all this is libido that is just excised from Auto Man completely.

The program was like assembling. It was like, well, no, surely no one could be this gay. Like, we got to leave a little bit of out of there. It's like someone took all of his attraction for women and sucked it out of them and put in a weird little will of the whiff. If all we do is put up mash all of this hunk portfolio together, all this guy is going to do is just fuck. So we got to, we got to pull the libido out. You got a bottle that shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then we don't, we don't, crucially, we don't give that libido bot a working dick so that it's constantly frustrated. Should we take out this burning homosexual desire or just leave that in the auto man? Oh, no, no, leave that in. That'll come in handy for crime. So Desi Arnaz is on a date and it's not going well.

I got a clip. Roxanne, you know, the captain thinks I'm a little weird because I try and solve crimes with a computer. Do you find me weird? Usually. Yeah. Perfect. You're a fucking weirdo. Fuck.

Yeah. She's like, I only asked you out on a date to get you out of that creepy basement with my photo plastered everywhere. You've got a portfolio of hunks and you're constantly trying to build a man. Like gay Frankenstein. It's crazy. That's fucking weird. There's a gang of bullies, bully bikers here. And they sense the pussy on this guy.

So they interrupt. up to the date. And this is an all-star studded gang of bikers. Did you catch everybody in this? Yeah, Sid Haig. You got Captain Spalding. You got a... Captain Spalding. Do you know Gene LaBelle? The Portly Fellow. Yeah, the guy who's the vikers. Oh, that's who it was. Yeah. That's okay. I knew I recognized that. The Redhead guy. And then the bigger biker, he's like just a big biker and everything. Sometimes he's a softie, you know, like a secret softie. Yeah, he's one of the bikers that like cries to do like a funny bit. So they're like about to kill him. And then Cursor interrupts them and guess what he does,

he goes straight for Roxanne's tits. He's only done three things in the show when they were all tits. She's like, I work at a 1980s police station, whatever. Yeah, I guess it's pretty normal. Quite frankly, it would be rude if he didn't. She'd be like, what's wrong with my tits? Weird

Star Monster? Said, hey, breaks a bottle. He says, I don't like tricks and he's going to kill him with a broken bottle. But now Automan manifests and they realize, okay, we got to leave. This is, we're going to get killed by magic creatures. Roxanne, okay, this part's so weird.

I'll think about this for the rest of my life. Roxanne, like, faints at the sight of Automan. And she falls into the lap of a creepy old guy who's like, who plays it like you'd expect. He's like, hey, va, vo, voom, free lady from this guy. Unconscious lady. And then they're like, oh, we got to get Roxanne. And Automan says, Roxanne will be fine. And I don't think so.

You left her in the lap of a creep in a crime diner. She's dead. Do we actually, I don't think we see her again. No, I think maybe in episode two. We see her again. I mean, maybe there's a hidden darkness to her after that. Yeah, she's changed. She's lost an eye, but she's got a necklace of ears.

You left me there is why I won't go out with you. So Automat explains that his clock is ticking because the city's power requirements will triple at dawn, meaning he's just constantly draining the city's power grid. Curse forms a sweet Tron Lamborghini. no one explains how much power that takes. Just 3D print. Did a hospital just go out?

I did. Several children in ICU died for this for this awesome car. I'd say it's worth it. Yeah, if you would claim that to the children, they would say, fuck yes. That's fucking sweet, dude.

That's so much better. That's what I wanted. I mean, John Cena was second on my list, but first was take my life energy and make a Kuntosh into a car. Please ensure that my soul becomes part of the collective Lamborghini Kudash.

This thing goes insanely fast. It's taking like Tron light cycle turns and it's here we learned some crazy shit about Auto Man. We've already mentioned this but I'll play the clip. Never make the turn. That's Desirenaz getting paced against the wall.

That was a 90 degree turn. You programmed me to make 90 degree turns. Yeah, but that was for a game. All games make 90 degree turns. Donkey Kong, Hackman. Ah, yes. I know him quite well. wait a minute

you know who quite well Pac-Man we're close friends now Donkey Kong is an animal racist there's no way to you took it as racist

I took it as he had sex with Donkey Kong he's the queen of the jungle and the monkey bride oh yep you go either way I think it's probably both

yeah yeah he's got a BBC fetish which usually manifests as racism or just is deep-seated racism. Got a BDK?

Yeah. So he doesn't imply of this like Tron world that exists like when you don't see him, they're all just partying together. He's doing wreckett Ralph's shit. He's having support groups and eating cherries with his buddies. This also introduces my favorite,

just the best, reoccurring physical comedy bit. Apparently throughout the entire series of Desiarnas getting just splattered against the window. every time this card does an impossible turn. I do like, because the very first time they did that, and they showed it just take that like a sharp 90-degree right-hand turn at full speed

at like 300 miles an hour, I was like, that would fucking kill a guy. And then they show the inside of the card and him just being pasted against the window. And like, yeah, all right, that's a good joke. Yeah. That's probably the only good joke you're ever going to have. And then we watched an episode later on in the series, and they still haven't installed it. They still doing it. I think he wants to kill Desire and his junior.

I was worried that you're going to judge me for it, but I was going to say that I kind of liked it too. Like, even in the later episode we watched, I was like, I'm glad they're still doing this bit. I like this bit. It's not just like a cute idea, but it's like he's so bad at executing it

that like it's kind of funny that this dumb idiot thinks he looks like he splatted against the wall when he's just like gently resting his face against it. It's like kind of commit to it. But I kind of like that he didn't. I don't know. That's why I hated it. because Desi Arnaz, like, I knew what they were trying to go for.

And I was like, and I appreciated that they addressed it. But Desi Arnaz Jr. just sucks so goddamn bad. It made me upset. It made me angry. Like, you're trying to be funny guy and you're not. So that just makes me, it just irritates me. I got nothing funny to say about it. I just want him, you know, I just want him to fly out the front of that windshield.

All right, play the clip. Play the clip. We all want to hear. I'm going to play the clip. I'm going to, you know what? I'm going to warm people up to it. I'm going to play the gentle clip. and then we'll play the full one.

Okay, this is just to ease you and do it. Put your hand on top of mine. My hand's gone. Now, put it back. What happened, Otto? It didn't go through. I can alter the density of my electromagnetic field. Now try the wheel.

Did I do that? We did. Okay. We did. That's the gentle one. All right. That's the gentleman. Okay, now get ready.

If you got to unzip your pants, now's the time. What's the logic in coming here at this time of night? I require more information to begin tracking Jack. Are not these later hours best for breaking and entering? How do you propose to? I can only show you. Come. Enter my dimension.

You're kidding. I'm not programmed to kid. Move into my form. I'm only programmed for lust. Wow. My God. No one can lie. That's fucking hot.

We all feel it. This was so brave of them to do in the 1980s. Mm-hmm. The execution fell short, but my God, dare to dream. I am 100% going to try that one in real life. Come, enter my dimension. Move into my form. Move into my form.

I am not programmed to joke. She wouldn't even know it. Her panties to be like nine feet behind you. They would right turn zip right off for 300 miles an hour. Splat against the wall like Desi Arnaz. So, yeah, so Wally can just enter Automan and they become one and it is obviously as sexy as it sounds. Yeah. But then it gets real zany.

Yeah, it's a little fight club you hear. Yeah. It's a little fight club. They have a conversation with each other using Automan's mouth and it is the acting role of a lifetime for Chuck Wagner. He's been like... Yeah, there's a lot of using Automan's mouth in this show. God damn. I love it.

Okay, so now we get some new Automan powers. He can just walk through walls. He can see through walls, here through walls. He's a full vision, but also like a daredevil, like he's got enhanced senses. Okay, so they break into this building. A woman comes out of an office and she drops her keys and cursor is immediately out of control. He's just flitting around and he shoots after. And Walter Desiardins Jr., he's like, dude, cursor's going to give us away.

and AutoMan's like, no, no, he won't. Cursor stop flirting. And then it heads. She walks off frame. It heads straight for her ass. And off screen, we just hear a scream. And this is not cute anymore. That's fucking crazy.

She might be dead. Inside her, yeah. Yeah, we don't know what cursor does to a vagina when it enters. Yeah. Does she burst? Is it a scream of pleasure? I definitely don't think it was that. She definitely doesn't know.

I brought it up. At the very least, he de-resed her and sent her to his dimension. You fucked her in the Toronto Of course She's just like a floating island Yeah that digital scream You know Yeah

General Zod is there I see the The Kryptonian has another prisoner Like what it? What's happening? Why did they have to give him A specifically rapist pixie Like

It's Agreed Maybe they thought that would distract us From all of the like undertones of the other the rest of the relationship. Yeah, they had to balance it out like way, they went way left with that one. Yeah. This was the 80s though.

Like maybe they just missed all the gay stuff. And they're like, oh, this show needs more sex. Let's add a horny will of the wisp. She doesn't tell anyone, like they're still on a stealth mission and they just assume she's dead because they don't think like, oh, she's going to tell somebody that like they're haunted by a sex fairy. Automan, um, he listens to all the bad guys' plans.

they very clearly lay it all out. It's a very efficiently written show. Then he gets stuck in a wall because he's running out of power. And the two of them get split apart. And like, so just all this shit happening. Like, he has all these limitations that aren't, I don't get, right? Like, how many things can he do before he runs out of power? Why is this not more of an issue?

Like, why isn't it like, okay, let's go on a mission, but I got to warn you. Like, at any point, I'm just going to de-manifest. because I'm going to run out of juice. And no one can predict it. As soon as we leave the suburbs, I'm just toast. Also, he comes when he absorbs electricity. Yes, no question. He busts hard when he gets that juice.

They show us like he goes to a wall outlet and like the lightning reaches his finger. And then it cuts to just like him from the chest up and he leans his head way back and goes, oh. He never makes noises like that in any other capacity. He does not grunt with effort in any. like it's he's you know above at all vision robot type and then he just goes the altar goes inside of him yeah yeah orgasm is the only feeling he can feel he like leaves through the elevator and the bad guys just see him he they just see fucking this glowing auto man and start shooting him he's just smug as shit while the bullets go through him so anyway

he's not a secret anymore like he's out in the world driving a tron car through the LA traffic getting witnessed by security cameras everybody's seen him he's wearing Everybody's seen him. Did we mention that his whole outfit is like a glowing star wetsuit? Like he's that full Tron effect. Like he's literally lighting up the entire frame everywhere he goes. And people are looking. He doesn't like disappear when they get to public.

He just strolls down the street. People are like, what's with the six foot two star stud who's glowing? Yeah. He burst into our dimension in the middle of a busy crime diner. Like there was no attempt to be to be low key about this at all. Yeah. So they formed their. Kuntosh and they drive away and the bad guys chase him and they see him make the 90 degree turn and the bad guy's like like fucking cowed by that. So he's like, no, man, if he can do it, I can do it. And he fucking drives straight into a travel agency. I loved that. I loved that bit. But he just his male insecurity killed him.

But even, okay, even if you take like the laser aspect out of this entirely, he saw a Lamborghini Kuntosh make a bitch in turn and he driving an old Bueick went, If that car can do it, my car can do it. It's not the car. It's your manliness. Like take the whole laser-tron aspect out of the scene entirely. It would play out exactly the same. Exactly the same. That was a pretty good piece of inspired writing, though, where he actually vocalized.

Hey, I could make that fucking turn, all right, guy. It didn't have to put it in. They just did. They're like, it did. It's because it would make no sense for him to even be able to keep up. They could have written they just drive so fast the guy like loses them. But no, they're like, no, we got to like make it special. It's got to be like a little clever thing.

And it did it. The other guy was like, I don't know, man, it's some kind of a future car. We don't we have no chance. He's like, pipe it loser. Shut up. They get to Walter's place and he, I guess he like lives in a sorority or something. He has like a house mom that comes out and hasses him for coming home late. and it immediately, but she's got cleavage out

because she's like in a robe. So cursor is going crazy. And then she sees Automan and she doesn't say like, why do you have a Starman here? She's just like, oh, fucking Vava, boom. Doesn't carry his Naviastron. But Automan totally knows what's happening. And he says, thank you, Money, Penny.

I like to think of you as my own little octopusy. It's so fucking weird. Like from the moon madness, but she is, swooning. And I was not comfortable. She's checked out. Yeah. So fucking weird.

You programmed it. Earlier they did say, this way, Walter. Yes. They programmed him with James Bond and Sherlock Holmes. That's like in the script. So it didn't come out of nowhere.

It's just like, that's not what James Bond would say to a land lady. That's fucking crazy. And then while you're sitting with it, the show like revisits it. It's like, Walter's like, what the fuck was that,

Otto, man? And he's like, oh yeah, James Bond. Do you get it? Yeah. Yeah. No shit, but what James Bond did you... Yeah. I don't remember James Bonner was saying the name of the movie at a person.

That's insane. Yeah, he didn't say that in any of the movies. That wasn't like, that wasn't the title drop. I'm an octopussy man. Octopushy. Hey, you're my octopussy. Like, whoa, dude. So, Auto Man starts to fade because he can feel everyone's toasters and

waffle makers getting turned on, taking the life from him. I want to say, you can't survive. Breakfast. Yes. He can't survive the act of preparing breakfast. That's seriously the show is like, you have to get everything done at night because as soon as it's breakfast time, AutoMan dies. Yeah, he would have no chance today.

Every time you make an ego. Yeah. You're killing Auto Man. All these kids' iPads getting charged overnight, Automan would, he would never have a That's why. It's the only reason we don't have him. That's right. That's true.

There used to be an Auto Man. What this did is it showed that like from a technical perspective, like a hard sci-fi perspective, this show was written by a fucking goddamn idiot. So we're going to run into that a lot whenever Automan says, oh, here's a thing that's happening. You're like, Jesus Christ, that's going to bug me the whole time because it doesn't make sense with this and this and this. Like, why did you say that? Walter calls an informant and she sets up a secret meeting in Chinatown.

He shows up and he says, yeah, my friend, that is, my computer, found a. lead, which that's weird. He could see, no, that makes sense. He could see it by just the read on her face that as soon as he said, my friend, she was like, no. No, dude. No, I don't mind. He had to be like, well, my computer.

And then she was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. They trade some information, like for 10, 15 seconds. And then I swear to God, from out of nowhere, she kisses him on the mouth. It is the horniest show I've ever seen. It makes no sense. And she gets about four feet away and then two thugs abducted. Turn drive away. He doesn't help.

Yeah. Then the script, like, it's really moving. Like, he goes back to the precinct and they immediately find out he knows about the Swiss, the Swiss, like, bikini resort with people working remotely for the companies. They tried to leave and now they can't. You get it. It's not complicated or weird. I do like when the police, his heart-nosed police chief is berating, Wally.

He says, all this kidnapping is getting under my skin. Just great. a great piece of dialogue. Yes. I want hard lines only. None of this jibba jabba. The chief is fantastic. Yeah.

There's also another funny cameo here. The guy that's like the head of the security company that keeps lurking around and kind of throwing a wrench in the police investigation is the, the human, the white human slave from Cannonball Run 2. Oh, geez. It's been a long time. The guy, he was just there to get slapped by the sheik whenever he, uh. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

good for him nobody cares yeah it was just one of those things I had to like I know that guy no I these shows are like landmines like that where you're like oh that's the fucking Dean from Animal House

you're like yeah why does my brain keep track of stuff like that I think that was the guy that wrote the cannonball I don't know there was something special about that guy and I forget it

in my haze of 80s knowledge maybe he was just his sparkling eyes speaking of handsome he gets taken a prisoner at gunpoint in his own police station by a full-size Peter Dinklage. That's just what it says in my notes. So then they get to the elevator and Automan shows up and this guy sees Automan.

And I don't know what the script called for, but he just drops dead when he sees it. He just goes completely catatonic at the site of Automan. And that's it. That's how he gets rescued. He just, am I crazy? That's what happened, right? They put him in elevator purgatory after. that, right? Well, we've established this based on, based on the darkest night of Roxanne's life,

that some people will just pass out and be fully sexually vulnerable at the sight of Automan. Jesus. What, let's talk about this guy. Yeah, let's talk about this guy. They, they leave him catatonic, handcuff the elevator, and then Automan says, elevator just go up and down for the forever, forever more. That's where he is. To the hell of elevators.

They zip off in their car and Automan shows a new power. He can control traffic lights, which makes sense. He's a computer. And it is obviously a little horny. I have a clip. Green, please. Of course, Automan. Yeah, he's a phone.

He's a copier. All the computers he talks to are really horny for Auto Man. They love them, them, some Auto Man. But anyway, they, like, make their way to Switzerland, and the cursor forms a jet, and they fly to Switzerland. And I definitely made a note that, like, okay, so they're, over the fucking ocean, where is he getting his electricity? They violate their own rules so hard.

Yeah. And this is the pilot episode. Yeah. They also completely, they have a broken henchman with him now. They psychologically destroyed him with Ottoman power. So he's their slave at this point, basically. Right, because they merge and then they like grab him in an Ultimate Warrior press slam. And he's just like, oh, no, this creature from beyond time and reason.

And then they separate. And then the whole time Desi Arnaz Jr. is bluffing that, like, dude, I can just turn into that Cyberman anytime I want. He's like, I believe you. I'll do anything you say for days. And that's, he has such faith in Walter. It's like,

it's honestly kind of lovely. There's nobody else in this show that has that kind of faith in. He becomes Walter's number one fan by the end of the show. Exactly. Like that arc. Yeah, like saying weird show. Yeah, he's good. He's really good.

Got it. You can wait until you see what this kid does. Whip it out, kid. So, uh, they get there. they do like a dumb like fake prisoner thing. Immediately goes to shit. They're like, you're not supposed to be here. You're a prisoner now.

But the whole place is a prison, so it's not a big deal. They're just like, okay, wandering around, have some, you know, breakfast, some bikini baby. Help yourself to some sex. Yeah. Right. And then Walter's plan is to go to the computer lab and use the modem. The prisoners have access to modems.

And that makes sense because they're working remotely from the, for the companies that had them kidnapped. This was the bad guy's plan. He's like, I wanted to see. who you were going to call so I'd know who you were telling about me. And then they're going to say, and then he's like, I'm going to kill you tonight because it's too noisy during the day. I don't want to bother people, which is perfect because AutoMan can't show up until night by the

very, very clearly defined rules of Auto Man. The whole resort is a prison, sure. But then they have like an actual prison and they do like a Star Wars thing where like a mutant arm comes out and they're like, get out of here. Yes. So they've got mutants, you know, they got a basement. They're making berserkers or something? Look, it's Switzerland.

It's the Swiss. We get it. It's Swiss beast men, you know, beastmaster. The bad guy's like, I'm going to kill this cop lady who I didn't even know why she's kept alive at this point. Automat shows up and he's like, you can't punch me because I'll kill this lady. And it's really awkward. Cursor makes a tank, but this is not a cyber tank.

It just makes like an antique, like, an antique, like Sherman tank. And everyone's like, oh, no. And they run away. So now it's just the one bad. guy. And they have to just watch them drive away in a Jeep. So Auto Man's like, which Jeep? Well, hold on.

You skipped over my favorite scene in this pilot. Okay. Try three fucking Jeeps. Yeah, there's a Jeep there. And they're like, we're going to get away in that Jeep. And Curse, he's like, oh, yeah, Automan's like, cursor. See what you can do about that. And Curser makes one Jeep on each side of the Jeep, like right in front of their eyes.

So now there's three jeeps. And Automan's like, but which Jeep? will you escape it? And they wordlessly run right to the middle Jeep. Yeah. And drive away. Why wouldn't you? He was like,

you're trying to three card monti me, bro. You did even shuffle. Yeah, you did not shuffle. And he doesn't have anything to say about that. He just stands there like, well, that shit.

Kind of went how I thought it was going to go. Why didn't he at least say like, God damn it? Oh, I blew it. Like nothing. It was. I wasted so much computation on those false jeeps. Well, okay.

So this is. is it is the stakes is they've got to save this one lady that that kissed Walter on the mouth for no reason. Just a really weird cop. Their plan is to follow them to the airport so they can't get on a plane and they decide they're going to turn into a jet, fly to the airport, and then make a fake plane out of cursor so that the bad guy gets on the fake plane that's just cursor. They don't show them getting rid of the real plane. I guess we just assume they did that somehow. There's also

Curser's fake plane comes with a fully stocked bar. Yeah, he has a drink. This guy's like drinking a beer. Think about that. I got a headache, man. He's like, yo, what are you drinking? You're drinking Percer.

You're drinking computer, man. Curser can make believable liquor? Like, what the f- She's fucking party with the Tint robot who can make liquor? Yeah, the guy had a highball. Like, you get some real nice stuff. This is the party.

Oh, hold on. says in my notes that he turns into a jet and they fly to the airport first. Sorry, to backtrack a little. Then Wally gets launched into the backseat by like the velocity. An Automan takes a nice, hard look at his asshole. Why is that in my notes? That's fucking... Glad we rewound for that.

That was key. Important moment. Appreciate it. I think it's wild that the cursor makes the jet. And I was expecting, I guess, Scooby-Doo rules where they would like, the jet would disappear and there would be a cage there. And they would just be like, Right.

Ha, ha, you're under arrest. No, no, no. No. The cursor jet flies away, gets maximum altitude, and then we get this horror scene where the guys are like, this plane is weirdly cold. Like, why is it weirdly cold? That's so creepy. And then they sneak up to the cockpit after, like, dialing it and getting no answer. And they open the door and see there are no pilots there.

And then it starts to de-res, and then they cut away. So, cursor dropped those guys to their deaths from 30,000 feet. And they know exactly what's happening. They shrieking pure horror. He likes to kill. Yeah, no, they're dead. Yeah, they're dead. This is the Cursor show.

It's a fucked up show, but it's... Cursor likes to watch a man die. There's some things you just can't simulate in a, you know, in a computer. It's so dark to even imply that. Like, you weren't really allowed to do that in 80s shows. But they fucking dropped those guys to their guys. I didn't think the cage segment. Once they took off, I was like, they're going to land like a little further away.

They'll be cops waiting for them. Yeah, they'll land at the police station and turn into a cage. No. Dead. Dead. Jump your ass into the ocean. As they shriek in terror. I worry people are like, oh, what happened to the lady?

Well, what he did is he let the lady off before he got on the plane. He's like, I don't need a hostage anymore. You're free to go, live your life, enjoy it. And again, the whole point of him doing all this is just to protect the secret of work camp island. And he doesn't execute this woman who has been there and is going to tell everybody at her cop job. Automan shows up and tells her Hey, goodbye.

And then Walter has the balls to tell this woman Aquaman's top secret, don't tell anyone here what you saw. But like... Did you just say Aquaman? Did I say Aquaman? Otto, man. You know what I mean.

That Freudian... Don't tell anybody about Aquaman either. But yes, the other sexy blonde superhero. Literally everybody you've met this episode knows all about Auto Man because it's the only thing, like go back and track his dialogue. It's the only thing he talked about to anybody from the very side. He talked about it in the diner until the secretary at work.

He just like walking down the street like hundreds of miles of LA drivers. He's got two he's got two moods. One, why doesn't anybody believe me in Auto Man and two, I need you to not believe in Auto Man. So again, the main bad guy's gone. So I guess they shut the prison down because all of the prisoners drive up. They're like, hey, what's happening, guys? So I guess all the guards are just like, hey, dude, our boss went on a flight.

Let's let all the prisoners out. But let's keep Pussy Buffet Island going. Yeah. Let's bring that culture back to the States, maybe form a new, like a Google or something like that with the pussy. Right. You imagine trying to drive all those prisoners out of that, out of that spot? he would get a riot. No, you have to leave now.

What do you mean? I have to leave. I thought I was, this was a lifetime sentence. Yeah, you told me this was my life. We get to the epilogue and the lieutenant who was there at ski resort bikini Babe Island is trying to explain what happened. And fucking Desiarnes Jr.'s there.

And he's like, yeah, I don't know how this guy got here. I guess he flew across the ocean in Auto Man, who he won't tell me what that means. He rode inside of another man. Right. And so the chief is like, fuck you. Des Air Ness Jr. You son of a bitch. Like, he just hates this kid. Then Jack, the lieutenant turns to him.

He's like, no, seriously, dude, I can't do this paperwork. You need to fucking tell people about Auto Man. A Magic Man flew you to Switzerland in a groping Will of the Whisp. I don't know how to write that down. And Walter does not care. He's just staring off into space and he says, I doubt I could explain it. I doubt it very much. All right, but I got to.

I have to do that. Right. Cut to credits. You psychopath, people have work. And it's just, it's not an ending. It's nothing. It's, it's, I do love how he just, so like the, the, the real cop, the one that was there is trying to, he was about to give Walter credit for it. Walter shut him down.

He's like, he's like, I got to be honest, though. All the credit goes to Jack, not me, not Walter. And then the chief goes, that's right, because you're a worthless nerd and everybody hates you. It's like, he ends up the show exactly where he started. Nobody's like the secretary, you know, everybody's just like, uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. That sounds right.

Sounds about right. Why would he get any credit anyway? The nerd? The one making sex men in his office all day. We can see you doing it. Why is he speaking during this prestigious moment for this real cop? That was AutoMan, the pilot. What a show.

I need to take a quick break to get some more coffee. I'll meet you back here in 30 seconds. Okay. We're not even going to tease the fact that we're doing another episode. He's going to drop an Auto Man episode 11 on everybody? Yeah, I thought we were ending this episode with like, hey, guess what? There's an episode where he goes undercover as a male stripper. No.

Obviously, we'll be back for more Auto Man. Like, hey, guess what, fuckers? You have no say it. More Auto Man. You know what Jamie, maybe just put what I just said somewhere in the back. I agree completely. You know, I thought that would be a good bit and I just forgot about it. I think we should do it.

Even if we could act it out with a little theater. Yeah, set the stage. Okay, let's set the stage. Okay, here's the setting. We just finished a podcast about Auto Man and then we start looking through the episode list. Am I really horny? Am I really horny and jazzed up for watching so much Auto Man? We're so horny and jazzed up. Computer, yeah. Jamie, by the way, Jamie, you're leaving all of this in, including the setup. This is all. I just typed in Chat GPT. I'm feeling a little spicy. What is the horniest episode of Auto Man? You're leaving the part where Sean goes to the bathroom when we start talking

about what a bad job he did. Yep. Thank you. You're leaving the whole thing in there. And then one of us will be like, what's this? He goes undercover as a stripper. And then very believably, one of us is like, oh, we are definitely doing that next week. You can't stop now.

Well, oh, this one's happening. I'll see you guys in a week. All right, there you go. Theme song. Einstein, Hounter, Frankford. Welcome, Woldeek, insult, comedian who makes things to real. How's he to be here? Got a lot of Supremes in the audience tonight.

Look at Aaron Crosston here. Hey, you look like you don't get enough colonoscopies. Like you're gonna die of ass cancer at 54, just when you start really getting comfortable with who you are. What's the matter? A little too real for you? Yeah, working on that. Hey, I see Adrian Hissbrook.

Hey, I see Alex. Nolenberg. Look at this, it's Alpha Scientist Javo. Hey, and Andy, I see you back there. I once went on safari with this guy and I watched him kill a white rhino so he could powder and snort its horn. He was so sad when it did not give him an erection. I wasn't supposed to tell nobody that, oh, it's a very serious crime. Oh, oh. Hey, it's Armando Nava. I see Autumn Armstrong, Berg. I see Bim Talser. Oh, Brandon Garlock, I know you ain't got enough in your retirement fun. You're blowing it all on Funko Pops of obscure movie monsters, and your elderly self is going to curse you for it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, that one's a sprinkler. It was supposed to be a sprinkler. It's summer. I'm trying something.

Brian Saylor, I see you there. Brockway famously loves the meat millie. Hey, Sarah, I'd see Chloe here. She got a face only a mother could love. Could, but did not. Oh, keep seeking that validation from camgirls and escorts, babe. That's you. That's what you do. That's not me?

Why would you think that's me? That's you. I only say true stuff about you. Like, uh, like, uh, like a common sense here. He looked like he got one of those ironic names. Like Colin. Common Sense's mother, Mrs. Had a Positive Influence on Common Sense's body dysmorphia. Whoa!

Hey, come on, it's just a joke. There's no truth to it. It don't mean nothing about neither of us. All right? I don't wish I was a small, frail, pale man, racked by consumption. Like, that's, I'm happy being big and healthy. That's what I like. That's what I like.

Don't question it. Here's Craig Lemoyne. Let's move on. Here's Craig Lemoyne. I see Dan B. I see David Scholl. I see Dean Costello. I love this guy.

Dean Costello, he once watched someone. He loved Drown, and he was too scared to help him. So he sold the song rights to Phil Collins. You guys got to stop trusting me with your secrets. Oh. Sorry, I hiccoughed while doing that one. And it came out weird. That won't happen again.

Delta, Fox Trot, Devin the Rogue Supreme, Doug Redmond, Dusty's Rad title, Mattias, you look like you find comfort at night by telling yourself nobody remembers the embarrassing stuff you did. But I've heard it, it's all anybody talks about. Oh, back to normal owes. Oh, it was a one-time fluke. Just like all your exes say about you, Elizabeth Shope. Oh, ho! Oh, all right, I see Elliot Watson here. He's all right. I'm all right too. I'm glad I got my normal O's back. I was not just testing the waters for a new and scary change that I desperately want to make in my life. Not like Eric Christian Berg. Look at that ball cap. They

call this the receding hairline special. Oh! I got fancy shark. I got Gareth. I got Jelloho. I got good Satan and all his hot witches over here. Oh look at this. It's Greg Cunningham. Greg Cunningham, you work so much, your kids are gonna have trouble remembering your face after they leave for college. Oh, that one's about you. That's not about something haunting my kids said to me. All this stuff's about you guys. Hey, Haraka, a Harvey Pengweeney. Oh, I'd love to see you here, honk. Hey, Jabberal Aiden, James Boyd, I got Jared Clack, I got Jared Mountain Man. Oh, I got Jared Ruiz. Hold on. Jared Ruiz here, he's gonna wait until everyone's gone for the night, and then he's gonna go around and lick all the seats of the people who didn't laugh at my jokes.

That's what he's gonna do. Oh, he likes the taste of failure. This guy does. Not me. Jeff Araskey, John McCam, and I got John Minkoff. Hey, you smell like extramarital sex, my man, everyone can smell it. Even your wife there next to you. She just don't have the courage to disrupt her whole life.

Cause she don't know she's worth ten of you because she's too fucking stupid. Oh, I got you both Oh, I'm sorry there was again. That's uh that's weird. I don't know what's going on with that. Okay, I got I got Joseph Surrilles here. I got Josh S I got Joshua Graves. I got Justin B. I got Ken Paisley I got K&M. Hey K&M, your AI girlfriend called just kidding. No she didn't. Oh, there we go. That's the normal one. That's okay. Everything's normal. I'm not learning nothing about myself up here. Okay, okay, we got Kamutsas, we got KVH, we got Lane Haygood, we got Lisa. Lisa worries she's the weird girl at work because she never gets invited to nothing. Don't worry Lisa. They don't think you're weird. They don't think about you at all. Oh,

normal one again. All right, we got it, we got it. Amjahe Shabelle. Mark Mahoney, Matt Riley, Max Broyd, mercenary Sissadman, Michael Lair, a Mojou, you carry yourself like you're not the hero in your own story. Oh, that one seems gentle at first, but it will haunt you. Some things, they just, they just haunt you. Uh, Mort, I got Mort here, I got Mr. Bob Gray, I got ND, what does ND stand for? Non-descript? Oh, that one's on purpose.

It's a callback to that thing I did earlier. I'm owning it, okay? I'm owning it. It's just a joke. Neil Bailey, Neil Bailey liked that, oh, right? Right, Neil Bailey liked it. He likes that pop stuff, am I right?

Ha ha, ha, I hate that stuff. He loves it, though. Neil Schaefer, I got Neku 104, I got Nick Levino, I got obsolete over here. Now, obsolete, he's like Neil Bailey. This is someone who wants to prance about in a powdered wig. I can see it.

I can see it, obsolete. Oh! That's me doing an impression. That's an impression of obsolete. That's not me. Ornry Weevil. I got Ozzie Olin. I got Patrick Herbst.

I got Pee Wee's uncle. I got Rebrandrew. I got Red Wine Time. Red Wine Time probably got a secret storage unit full of ruffled shirts and tights. Sometimes they sleep in there just to be physically closer to the person they think they are inside. Oh, that's what you do.

That's what you do, Red Wine Time. Hey, Ria. I got Russell Bowman. I got Sam Co. I got Sarkovsky, look at Sean Chase. I got seed over here. Hey, Space Champ fan. Space Jam fan, now this is a guy who sees an old-timey fop or dandy

put on his white face makeup and paint the little mole on and he's like, ooh, that's me! That's the way I wish I was. Oh, I got you, I know that's how you are. Hey, Spotty reception. A super knot, Tater's Tales, Thomas Cavatzos, Oh, who do we got here? You know how sometimes you can see a man, you take one.

You take one look at him and you just know. You just know. This guy, this guy likes to titter. I got you, Thomas. I got your tittering ass. Timmy Leahy, Toasty God, Tommy G., Velo, Victor Malavakin, Booster. Oh, don't sink down in your seat. Now, Booster, I see you.

I got you. I know you. You think you're some strong, independent woman, but I know you're tight. I know you're tight. You live your whole life just hoping. Oh, you're just praying some big, strong man. comes along and calls one of your quips, Rybalt.

That's you. That's what you hope happens. That has nothing to do with me. I can just see it on your face. Whalen Russell, Yvonne Clappam, Zach and Ava. I'm looking at John Dean here. I and I just know this guy sees old-timey fops and dandies and movies, and he don't know. Are they a German thing? Are they French or English or something? Are they just kind of all Europe rolled together into like one stereotype that maybe never existed at all?

But that don't matter to John Dean because every time he sees them boys minson and Pranton, he thinks, that's me. That's not the me I am, but is the me I should be. And he goes, and he becomes an insult comment because that's what they say the men do. That's what they say the modern day man equivalent is of that. But it just isn't fulfilled, you know. It doesn't it's not enough for John Dean. He thinks he's like I'm Oscar Wilde up here. You know, telling it like it is and everybody laughs and joins in and calls me pretty and it never quite happens that way. Does it John Dean? It's not the same thing being an insult comic as it is being a real being a fop with a savage wit. I see you John Dean all over your face man. It's all over your face that you wish that that was what you were. That's you. That's what that's what that. That's what that.

That's what you are. It's a joke. It's all a joke. It's just there's no truth to it. There's no truth to it man. Oh