The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 263, Automan goes to Zippers with Zak Koonce

Episode Date: February 4, 2026

Zak Koonce joins us for a follow up to last week's episode about Automan, the computerized himbo who can do anything. This time, cyber hunk hijinks and pixie boy jealousy collide as Automan becomes a male stripper. Take it off, Automan. Show us your .pkg. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Robert is going to jail because you didn't buy his book. But it's not too late to help him win some creature comforts in prison. Every copy goes toward the commissary fund! https://linktr.ee/killyourimaginaryfriendd

the dog's own 9,000, the official podcast of 1,900 Hot Dog. The official last comedy website. We are supported by listeners like you, but you have to go to patreon.com slash 1,900 hot dog, and sign up. It's so much better than our podcast. We have time to backspace and rewrite all the bad jokes. We have daily articles, movie watch along events. It's so great.

We made the best thing, and we love it. I'm the World Web, Sean Mabby, and my partner is a seven-time karate buns to watch in Yellow Belt Hunks magazine. He's Robert Brockway. Here's my Brockway fact. Fucked that computer more than once. That's probably your follow-up question from last time. Not all of these can be winners.

No more. No more follow-up questions. Back for the second week in a row is, oh, Brockway, you're not going to like this. Karate Black Belt. Hunk Magazine's maximum full karate buns of the year, Zach Coontz. I took that from Robert's hands. He got it.

I walked right up to him and said, mine. I kind of liked that one, though. Yeah. You know how you got to get it back. Enter my dimension. Oh, no. I have to wrestle Zach some more. Everything's going to be fine.

Just join me. Oh, I have to try to take his belt. Move into my form. Put your hand on mine and just watch. Yeah, it's great to be back again after that harrowing week of not talking about Auto Man. I'm never going to spend a week, not that. talking about AutoMan ever again. Yeah.

This is my life now. Yeah. Zach's Planet of Garbage, YouTube, silly shit gets made there. Music, comedy, links to other shit. Support him on Patreon. And TikTok. I did really enjoy your turbo teen theme song

where he's a demon car. That was so many weeks ago. I don't even remember it. It's true. It's been at least one week. Here in the future. I remember last week when we talked about Auto Man and we're like,

we'll never talk about Automan again. And then we're like, that really believable story happened where we're like, oh, my God, he did an episode where he dressed like a stripper. We've got to watch that episode of Auto Man. Nobody saw it coming. We weren't planning for it. Before we get to that, I am, of course, legally obligated to promote my new book. It's called I Will Kill Your Imaginary Friend for $200. It is out now.

It's been out for two weeks. Six months? Oh, yeah, yeah. It's not weird that I don't remember how long it's been. it's probably in a store in your town and if it's not

burn that store down burn it to the ground they deserve it can't be saved you probably like the book you'd probably like it it doesn't matter what's important

is that you buy it it can't save me from prison we have established that I did not sell enough copies I'm gonna die in jail but

okay my publisher's lawyers have agreed to open a kind of prison prize counter like at Chuckie cheese where you exchange tickets for like pewter skull rings.

We're exchanging copies of my book sold for little creature comforts that make, that kind of make life worth living in my prison housecape. Thanks to you guys and your great efforts, I already get up to one Rice Krispy treat

per week from the commissary. And now we're aiming for our next goal, it's that pewter skull ring. They still got the pewter skull ring. It's so sick. I'm going to look so tough. The other prisoners will stop calling me bookboy and slapping my bare bottom, uh, probably. They didn't give you pants?

Uh, they won't let me have an ass for my pants. That's one of the things in the prize counter, but it costs a lot, it costs a lot of tickets. So we're going to see if that skull ring works before, uh, we'll work our way to them. The pants, but get some pants puts work protein in there somewhere. It's on the list. You got to get huge. I'm probably going to get more protein than I like. Oh man.

Prison Robert. Could you imagine? Do you just your same head? but just like swall to fuck. I'm imagining it. Move into that form. Coming to my dimension. Coming to this dimension.

That's what I'm going to say to all the new fish. Horror. Yeah, exactly. Welcome to my dimension. Enter it. That is some shit to say to Van Damme when he enters prison. This is my, welcome to my dimension, Van Dam. Anyway, give me that skull ring.

Buy my book. It's like the Phantom Ring. We're obviously talking about more Automan. So here's something I learned about the episodes of Automan is they have the exact same intro as the pilot, which is that full stage play of Walter Meeting Auto Man that we never actually saw. It's from something they filmed and they chopped it up

because they're like, this fucking sucks. The 30 seconds they saved from the entire half of a pilot episode they scrapped. It's just Automan going full century from the Thunderbolts. He's like, wait a minute. I a god? Am I better than everyone before me? You are but a two, Walter. I'm an 11. There you go. Did it for, did the whole thing for you. Yep, that's it. That's pretty good.

He is a god. He's not wrong. He's maybe the biggest threat to humanity. He is a god that can be defeated by breakfast. Oh, that's true. You turn on that toaster, that waffle maker. It's a fucking rap for auto man. But not one person at a time. It has to be the collective breakfast of a society. So we did skip like 10 episodes, so we don't know all of the powers they've revealed leading up to here. But he did say in the pilot that he has like any ability he wants. Like they said the moves of John Travolta or the tennis of Jimmy Connors as the examples they used.

So he does have like a taskmaster style, like kinesthetic, like photographic reflexes, whatever you want to call it. That does come into play here. They did not do it in the pilot. Maybe they did it in the other episodes we skipped. but it does come into play here. We see his most, possibly his most important powers. Yes. Yes.

But before that, we got to set up the plot. We open, it's the dean from Animal House, taking a phone call from a guy who has a microchip. And it's hidden in a, like a class ring. And so then we cut to a break-in, some real disinterested cops. They steal the ring and run away. Then that cat burglar goes straight to his job as a male stripper, where a guy, before he,

him is dancing as Robin Hood. He ends and then get ready for Gary the cat burglar. So this dude, who's an actual cat burglar, his secret identity is a cat burglar stripper. It's the best show. I just want to go on the record that that's one of the greatest things I've ever seen. I love that he fully committed to the crime strip routine. Yeah, he immediately goes from that crime and uses that crime adrenaline to like give the strip dance of his life. Hell yeah. He's He is, it's not even dancing. He is just jumping off the stage and pumping. It's just like, yeah.

Fuck, yeah. I just stole like 80 grand in jewelry. Here's here. And the ladies, here's my cock. The mast having a strip club that has a male strip club that has a masked cat burglar themed stripper. That's really fucking dark. Yeah.

I don't doubt that he has a clientele. He just broke into your house, ladies. Yeah. What's you going to do? What's he got to do, ladies? Imagine being the DJ introducing, like, What's the hype that you go, oh, he's here. He's here.

You don't have any protection. One of you will get stabbed. One of you ladies will go home with a stab wound. I did take some notes on his crime, which were pretty great. He pulls up to the crime in his car. I mean, sure, there's a fake plate on it, but he pulls up right into the driveway, gets out with his bali clava on, but no gloves, opens the front door, trips the alarm immediately.

And then when he leaves the crime, he takes this. mask off before he gets in his car and leaves. So the cops see him right away. Yeah. He's a good criminal. Listen, he's a great stripper. He's an okay criminal. This is, uh, these 80s all, you know,

male review strip clubs are always the best too. Because I'm not entirely sure they ever existed like this. Like, do ladies go this wild for like, oh, dude, magic mics? Yeah. Brockaway and I have done a couple of articles on Chippendales. Oh, and of course, we have a long career. We've gone to a couple of them, you know, personally.

We do stand on. Public appearances as 1,900 Hot Dog Boys. Do you think we don't do our research? That's like our selling point. Yeah, you did like the hot dog, the whole, yeah, the Nick would Dick. They call it the full hot dog. I've always thought it was a, like, a really funny difference between men and women is that, like, the women go to a show and they're like super hype. They're having fun with their friends.

Yeah. And you go to a regular strip club. And it's like just a bunch of like real lonely dark individuals. Some friends groups. Yeah. But like, they're mostly cast in shadow. It's a real different energy. Yeah.

So this feels, I mean, fine. I didn't think like, this is crazy. These ladies wouldn't be excited to see Cat Burglar, Greg. This is named, by the way. Real darkness. Those ladies have got some problems, is all I'm saying. One more landmine, too. His buddy, the guy that takes the car and replaces his plate is Tom Everett.

You may remember him as one of the dudes that robbed the strip club in Beverly Hills cop. And also, he was Don, the fight specialist from Best of the Best of the Best. In a strip club? Yeah. He's one of the employees. I just assume. I assume his whole career.

A best of the best stripper would be. That's a good theme for stripping. Best of the best. Just crying the whole time. Yeah. Oh, you want to be here at my muscles. I was thinking, I was thinking an Asian guy that did all the sequels. Oh, did all.

I want to be one of the crazy, crazy best of the best. I don't think there are any karate strippers because that's over so fast. You only have like two things to take off. Right. just not just the ghee yeah. Buckway, we did that article where there was a karate stripper and he and his twin brother had the sexy karate fight against each other. You're right.

You're right. You're right. That's how you keep it sexy and going is you have to have a twin that you fight. You got to bring a twin to fuck. Yeah. It's the answer in my own question. You're right. That's the last step of karate.

Everybody knows that. You've got to fight your dark self. That's what twins are. One of them is dark self. Yes. So Walter and Jack, the lieutenant, cop, they're interviewing the guy who got robbed and they're like, so this guy just walked right in, like, he had a key.

And so, like, we're setting up the crime that these guys at the strip club are stealing everybody's keys and then just driving to their house and taking their stuff. That's the criminal masterminds who also, with their faces fully out, in their own cars, drive to work that I don't think they're going to get away with this for long. I just don't think this is an auto man level crime. I thought this was a pretty good, like a clever turn. And at least the, just the aspect of having, like, the valet makes a quick copy of your house key and then goes to your house and robs it while your wife is being pleasureed by another man. Just dong gazing.

Yeah. Yeah. And I, at one point, I was like, I don't know why these guys have to rob. They're fucking killing it at zippers. They're flush with cash. Yeah. Like, it's, one lady's like, I'll write you a check. Like, it's, there's just, you saw the life that that, that cat burglar Greg gave to his stripper.

routine. Dude, I guess he's just chasing the adrenaline now. He can't, he wasn't making any money before this. Like, it was just a, and then he discovered, like, the adrenaline rush of crime. And now he's, yeah, that's why he's making, that's why he's making bank. He's full, fully embraced the thrill seeker energy. He's living, man. Can't go back. Yeah. And some of those women are definitely into the masked murder stripper. So basically, they've already figured out what the fuck's happening. They're like, hey, there's this club zippers. All the burglars started when it opened. I'll let them explain. It's pretty complicated. Zippers only opened a couple of months ago, which is about

when these burglaries started. I don't think I've ever heard of zippers. It's a very elegant nightclub that features male exotic dancers. All male? No women? The women are all in the audience. In fact, uh, the only place

the men are allowed is on stage. How fascinating, Walter? What women really come to see is, uh... Go on, Walter. You know, maybe it's time I added the chapter on the birds and the bees to your program. Walter, you underestimate yourself. Thanks to you, I'm already a wizard zoology.

I fuck Donkey Kong. Don't teach him how to fuck. You know that's where the horror. That's where lawnmower man starts. I'm so frustrated by this. Cursors told him everything he needs to know about this life. Yeah, he's pretending he doesn't know what sex is. Like, fuck you.

When Walter programmed him with all human knowledge, he specifically left out all sexual material. Come on. The first thing Walter put in that computer was his boner, and the second was a flyer for zippers. Guaranteed. Very frustrated by this. It's a very elegant place where the ladies gaze upon the penis.

If you remember from the last episode, the police chief hates Walter, like everybody, but like specifically the police chief just verbally abuses him the whole time. So they kind of set it up, like he's in his office doing real police work. He's like, oh, they got hostages? What kind of weapons they got? They got a fucking full arsenal chief. Like, God damn.

These damn heavily armed hostage situations. Then Walter comes into the office. He's like, hey, guys, I think I found a clue for the burglary. And the chief is just like, get the fuck out of here with your crime solving, bitch. Hear me out. It's male strippers. Oh, again? Every fucking case you seem to crack.

This has been 10 solid episodes. At one point, he does say, I got a home. side on my hands. Just to give you a sense of the era that we're... Back at Walters, Automan's just reading. He's just waiting for Walter to get home so they can go to Zippers.

Using all the collective energy of a city. He doesn't have to exist right now. Yeah. This is the equivalent of like, you know, chat GPT killing an entire waterfall or something like that. It's just... Just out there running out of hospital to fucking read a book. Go back to the...

computer. Walter calls his co-worker Roxanne. You remember her, the lady who's picture he has on his desk. He says, I'm taking you a male strip club. She's like, what? He's like, I'm not going to explain why. Be right there. She doesn't even say yes. Automan is doing his own thing. He asks a cursor for a less flashy outfit. And he's also playing coy about where he's going. Because like, Walter is not including Automan in this sting operation. He's going to go to the strip club and get the information without Automan. Because again, it's not an auto man necessary situation.

Anyway, Curser knows exactly where Auto Man's going. So he forms a zipper shape. And yeah, and Automan's like, okay, yeah. Maybe I'm going to go to the male strip club. You-hoo. And so he refuses to make cyberclothes for Automan

until, like, he agrees to take him along. Because remember, it's a very horny Will of the Whisp. It's a very horny pixie. And he's like, listen, Automan, heads, bro. I do not care where we go as long as there's some fucking, some fucking going on there. Yeah. If there's some sideball or some titties, I'm in. Having the sidekick to Auto Man be a horny little fairy is just a little on the nose.

We get it, 1980s television. Yeah. It's efficient, sometimes elegant, but like, they really knew how to get the story told in an 80s show. But they've also added this element that maybe maybe they built their way here that he's a sex idiot, that he's like a virgin that doesn't understand anything. Yeah, that adds a level of, it's an unfortunate level that they've added there. He's like the, yeah, a big dumb baby, a big sexy baby. Yeah, he's like a splash. This show was so ahead of its time.

Like, Walter, Walter, the computer geek invents a hunk that doesn't know how to fuck. And now Walter has to teach him. Like, this was just, this preface. This real standard. By like decades, by like modern anime by so long. Like if you set this, if you gender swapped this and set it at like a like a Hogwarts knockoff, it would be the best selling book in America. I think I've mentioned this trope on the podcast before, but there was real standard

in the 80s to have like a powerful genie monster, sexy lady, like a mermaid that came out of the water, or a mannequin that comes to life or a, you know, a lady you made on your computer, who's very, very hot and has magic abilities, but also has never met another guy. So the first guy she runs into is like, oh, you must be the greatest most sexually virile man that's ever been. That's a pretty standard thing. So we're doing that, but gender swapped.

I'll give weird science props for that one, though, because she was fully aware how much they sucked. She's like, my job here is to make you suck less. Agree. It's a bad example. While we do it. And I don't think they pulled this off with Automan and Walter. I don't think Automan thinks Walter is like the most.

It sucks that you're my master. There is one moment in the pilot episode where they come to an agreement. They like, they crack the case or whatever. And Walter goes, well, yeah, it's like, I made you. So we think alike. We think the same. And Ottoman gives him this look like, dude, I'm 10 seconds away from just fucking consuming your biomatter.

It's, I hate dad. Jesus. He is father. He is father. So we're nine minutes into the show, by the way. That's how much has happened. That's how efficient. That's how fast they are.

Cursor makes him a gray suit, tucks himself inside his pocket. That's him being subtle. He's like, we've got to look subtle. Again, this is the first I've seen them worry about that because they also get in the kuntosh, the Cybertron kumtosh, and drive there at 700 miles an hour. So they're not... Yeah, they don't change it into a Volvo. Like, we've established, you could at least change it into a Jeep.

We know that. Yeah, and immediately knows the scheme. Like, he pulls up, sees them make fake keys. And he's like, oh, I get what they're doing here. And a lady immediately walks up to him, and she's like, you must be the new dancer, yummy. And he's like, sure, I guess. Literally, yeah. I mean, that's a pretty safe assumption.

If you're backstage at a male strip bar and you see Automan, you're like, okay, hey, yeah, you must. Yeah, you're not here to deliver water. Yeah, he's not carrying a water. And even if he was, he'd be like, oh, you must be like the water delivery stripper. And that looks like a tearaway suit. I would have assumed like, oh, you're a professor themed. I would have ripped it off him the second I saw.

Yeah, it's got like a rave collar on it. Like, he's doing sex and shit, yeah. Right. Oh, because that's the other thing is that the costume designer is kind of awesome on this show. So they give like a little cyber element to everything. So the collar had like a neon blue thing. And the cuffs.

It's a little visual player. It's a touch of tron on everything. And like if this show had guts, that's all he would be wearing by the end of his routine. This little Chippadale little collar and cuffs. A little laser bow tie.

Yeah. Just this weird electric void where his pelvis is. Join my form, ladies. Enter my dimension. I would consume you all. So he goes out of the locker. meets Robin Hood, I take a clip of this, it's pretty good.

So what's your gimmick? I'm Robin Hood. It's amazing, they still haven't caught up with you yet. Everybody's got a different costume. He thinks Robin Hood's... It drives the women out of their minds, fulfills their fantasies. What sort of fantasies? Well, I don't know about this, pal, but mine is a hundred screaming women

begging me to take it off. So what's your thing going to be? I suppose you could say my thing is electricity. Electrician, huh? I'll tell lonely it. Okay. I love that they're listening to the break and soundtrack, first of all.

Shaka Khan. Roxanne and Walter come to the front door, and they know Roxanne, and this is like a funny bit that she goes to the strip club so much that they know her. First name basis, yeah. Yeah. Auto comes out to the stage as Auto the high voltage, electrician. And you see, you see

where they're going because now, gulp, oh no, poor Walter has to watch Automan perform a strip teens. Oh, it's going to be so awkward. Oh, no. I think, maybe we'll all have different takes on this, but I

fucking loved this routine. Because it was like a children's gymnastics routine that he was doing. Dude, he was full Raygun from the Olympics. Like he was doing the, yes. He was doing like somersaults, a lot of splits. I don't know if they used to stuntman or not.

I think they really said, like, go out there and just like, like do what you think stripping looks like. And he is just fucking partying. He's doing, he does the J. Johnston, herky jerky dancer from Mr. Show. Yeah. He does a lot of butt wiggle.

He does a lot of chest wiggle too, which I'm like, yeah, that works from a lady stripper. Do you not understand why that's good on a lady stripper, but not so much on a guy? He's having so much fun. And it's just getting looser and crazier as the moments go. and the women are screaming crazy shit.

And the moments fucking go. They think he's an electrician, right? Like come into my home and fix my wires. But one lady screams, charge it my battery, auto. Yeah, she gets it. She knows what she's looking at. She knows it's an electric man. Yeah.

You are an electric demon. I understand. I really want to emphasize that the part Sean's talking about where she yells that is like four minutes into this routine. We're watching the whole thing. Oh, yeah. This is, I will add, this is when my brother walked in to say hi. He was on break and he came. He was like, what the fuck are you watching the day?

He just goes like this, probably some podcast shit, huh? It's like, thank you for understanding. Yeah, giving me that out. Yeah. Let us see your laser cock. Another shouts. Merge with my form, electric man. Nobody cares that he's a video game man because he does tear off his jumpsuit to

reveal that he is a glowing tron monster. Terrific electrified flesh. And they love it. All the ladies are like, yeah, I'm not seeing any flesh. I'm just seeing it. You got like a star wetsuit on. I love that. Give me UV cancer, baby.

Yeah. Did you just strip your first theme into a second theme? I don't think you can do that. Ladies, I present to you my true flesh. Enjoy it. We love it. Yeah, they love it. Charge my phone.

It goes on for like five songs. Like they just keep changing songs he keeps going. He's flopping on the floor. You'll never see anything like it. It's so fucking crazy. Oh, and also, if you decide to look this episode up and try to watch it on YouTube, this whole part is dead silent. It's just the elegant movements of, uh...

It's almost funny without the music. I watched that one and then got the full version. But it's very funny without the music. It's like avant-garde. Yeah. An old lady runs up out of cash, so she runs up and I'll send him a check. I loved that. It's good.

It's a good check. It's such a great old lady in a strip club gag. No notes. He finally does some superhero shit. He starts to do like a ballet pirouet. And you're like, oh, God, this guy's like classically trained dancer. And then they speed it up. So he's like, oh, Jesus Christ.

It's like when a killer clown dies. It says that like, yeah, he's. And again, the ladies find that they are very horny for that. probably for the first time in their lives. Exactly. And turbo spin, yeah, oh, baby. You got to actually feel bad for them. Because, like, if that's the thing that turns you on,

you're never going to find that again. You'll never find that human form. Yeah, that's it. You have to Google, you have to reach beyond our three dimensions. This is like 15 years before the internet could deliver anything like that. Yeah. Only lawnmore, man. She probably just got really into anime.

It's probably what happened. A show with any restraint would have ended this at 25 different spots because all of his moves were finishing moves. Like he would do a thing and you're like, well, that's a great way to cut out of the scene. But then he would just kind of walk over here and start over. It's like he thought they would chop it up into something. And they just didn't. They're like, we're leaving every second in.

Yeah. I like it's just auto man. There's just a kid that's getting attention for the first time. And so he just doesn't, you just will not stop. You have to tell him it's time for bed. What's it? Oh, you're like, okay. I'll keep going.

Yeah, sure. Splits. A woman walks backstage and offers herself to him. But he's like, I'm busy. I've got to fight crime. But she gives him a room key, and he doesn't get it. He's like, oh, how will she get to her room? Deter, but der, burp.

So they just, he just turns on the dumb duffa shit whenever he wants. Very frustrating to me. And Walter has to just sit there and watch his creation just clean up in a way that he never will be able to. Exactly. And this is the nightmare of a person who creates a fuckbot. It's what if that fuckbot meets cooler people. And it figures out you're a piece of shit.

And also the real lady that you are supposed to like learn to appreciate and suddenly learn to appreciate your fuckpot. That's also a wrinkle that we don't introduce to any of these stories. Because she's now seen him strip and she's like, okay. You can see her actress making that choice or maybe just her making that choice to be like, all right, we got to reevaluate this for this fuckpot of yours. Yeah. The ladies are chanting his name. And so, which has got to be real awkward for fucking Gary the cat burglar, who's out on the stage right now. So he like leaves for a stripper encore, which I don't know if they invented that here on the show.

It had to have happened some time, but it seems unusual to me. Yeah, he got five of them, right? Yes, five encores. Roxanne is just leaving puddles. She is just watching him like, hell yes. But this is just auto man with his auto man clothes on. She's seen this before. But something about like this sexual energy around him

She's like, okay, I get it. He's got a little money belt on now. It's different. Got to reassess the fuckbot. You know, hey, hey Walter, is he only a fuckbot for you? Or is he just a fuck bot? What are his limiters looking like? By the way, the mission's over.

They leave. Automat is a stripper now. This is what they're sending the power of the entire city towards. He found his true passion. the end of this show, beautiful show. This should have been the finale. Just cut it right there and like,

that's the story of Auto Man. Yeah. Yeah. So he dances all night, finally comes out to the car where Walter is so mad and probably a little jealous. He hasn't processed all his feelings.

I'll let him explain. I have a clip. Are you angry with me, Walter? No, no, no, no. I'm not angry. Furious, yes, but not angry. I've been waiting for you for 20 minutes. I couldn't help you, Walter.

Five on course and $347. Just tax-free. Bro, you're my pin. 300 of that is from Roxanne. This is extraordinary passive income. You now will just let Auto Man go dance for you, and you don't have to do anything. You can retire for the police force.

He doesn't need to eat. My eyeballs would immediately turn to Dollar Signs. I'd go back to the police station and make like 20 more Auto Man, and I'm rolling in it. Yeah, that's $1,000 in 20 minutes in 1980s money. He never gets time, ladies, that only the sun comes up can stop him. If you make a waffle, he will die.

That's the hype, DJ. If you make a waffle, he'll die. Give it up for. Yeah, he's back at the shower dance. Don't turn on the water. He'll die. There's a lot of things in which he'll just die. They follow the bad guys to a home, and they just watch them rob it.

Walter gets at his gun. It was first time I did not know he even carried a gun until this moment. He tells them to freeze, and they're like, no, they leave. So he shoots at their car, an auto man has to tell them like, no, dude, don't just throw bullets into the night. Plus, we need to learn about their criminal organization. That's the whole point. We're not here to kill two cat burglars. You're the worst cop, Walter.

My God. He's overcompensating so hard after that whole Zippers experience. His manhood is in shambles right now. He's got to kill. Got to kill. It's the only way out. They get in the car and they chase him and it's obviously not a contest because Automan is insanely fast.

So this is actually a pretty good bit. He like herds them. He keeps like pulling ahead of them and making them take turns. And he eventually has Curseer go out and make a truck to get in their way. And they careen to dodge the truck and drive straight into the police station parking lot. genuinely a fun use of unlimited powers to like just sort of whimsically steer the bad guys right to prison. So anyway, I wanted to say something nice about that. But then Walter does make it weird and horny.

I have a clip. Anybody here order two hot robbers to go? What's in the back? Why'd you have to explain that they're hot, Walter? What the fuck was that? I was doing like a hot pizza to go. Yeah, they call it that, right? That's what they say.

You're hot pizza. No, buddy, we just call them robbers around here. Right, right. What did I say? Dessie, poor Desi Arnaz Jr. Like, this could have been such a fun show if anybody else had been the guy. Yeah. Oh, man.

Michael Jan Vincent or something. No, he would have been automan. Like, what do you get? Never mind. Gordon Cox. Yeah, that's the problem. That's why you wound up with this guy is because everybody that reads the script is like, so I'm auto man, right?

No, no, no, no, no, you're Jesse Arness Jr. Oh, fuck you. God damn it. They get all this stuff back, but they don't have the ring, and the guy is being a real dick about it to the cops. He's like, you don't have my fucking ring? Fuck you, cops. Like, dude, you could just leave. We'll keep all your jewelry.

Anyway, the animal house dean is going to kill him if he doesn't get the ring back. And so he's like, cool, they'll let the robbers out of jail. They're going to make bail tonight. I'll ask them where they put the ring. That'll work, right? and then Dean Wormer's like, fucking that's stupid. So they kill him instead.

They're like, this guy's ideas are dumb. Let's drown him in the pool. He had such a bad idea. He died from it. Yes. Fair enough. I wish more ideas could lead to that.

Walter is trying to explain at the station like, hey, it's all connected to this ring, guys. And he has a very good explanation for what he means. And he solved the problem. But he's Desi Arnest Jr. So they're like, get the fuck out of my office. Problem is he's a huge fucking nerd. and nobody likes him.

Yeah. Even the guy from the pilot who knows he's a secret super cop with cyber allies is just like, you're a piece of shit. That did not buy him any lasting goodwill.

Like maybe the next episode after that, he was like, all right, well, maybe we're friends now. But by episode 11, he's like, fuck you again. Yeah. I don't care if you're a techno man. Get the fuck out of my friend.

For that guy, who knows that this man is a secretly a super cop with an invincible robot to just, to just be fully turned off by him in the span of 10 episodes. Everything you need to know about this show. They go to like the bad guy headquarters and they,

they don't merge. In the first episode, they like jumped together into the same body and walk through walls. They're not doing that here. Auto Man is also not wearing his Auto Man glowing costume. He's just wearing a white sweater. Yeah, he's got a little cardigan on. I think,

I think they just ran out of money, right? Like, we can't afford him to walk through the wall anymore. Like, here's his combat sweater. Do you know how much that's that 17-minute strip club routine costs to film? It was like $8 million. The director died on that hill, too. He's like, no, no, we're fucking doing this. We're not wasting a second of it either.

It's so good. There's like a Rocky 4 robot in the lobby of this place. Auto Man makes friends with it. Walter hurts its feelings. It's so stupid. I shouldn't even brought it up. I guess it does come up later. Never mind.

Yeah, a little guy helps about. Yeah. You need to, it needs. And it needs to happen in a 1980s sci-fi show. There has to be a goofy robot that will just like that they can teach sadness too. That they can disappoint. Auto Man meets an evil computer like their security system. And of course it's like a sexy lady robot and he has to seduce her.

And the game of cyber cat and mouse has begun. It's horny, but on purpose for once, I have a clip. Access denied. And I'm not even breathing hard. Why don't you give up, Auto Man? You'll never penetrate. my memory. Yeah, she's full dong shaming him.

And that's about 30 seconds before he penetrates her memory. Yes. He goes inside the computer and we don't see it. What they do instead is he walks off camera. He's like, I'm going to go inside the computer now and just walks out of the frame. I wish he did like a mime rope out of frame. That would have been great. He walks behind the computer and disappears.

So he walks to the other side of the computer and like, all you need for that to be a perfect zine is the sound of a zipper. Yeah, he's like, I'll be right back, Walter. I'm going to hit this shit from the back. Right. Shine a little light. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know.

It's frustrating. The robot from the lobby, the alarms are going off because, like, this is not going well for automa. He does not know how to fuck. That's canon. So he's in there trying to do a thing. He has specifically been programmed for bad ass. He's how to fucking Donkey Kong. I put the balls in first, correct?

That's the way Donkey Kong likes it. So the robot from the lobby, there's two guards. and they're like, oh, alarm's going off. Let's go check it out. And then the robot from the lobby is like, hi, I'm a crazy robot. Look at me. Look at me.

And it works. That's the fucked up part. They're like, quick, forget about the alarm. Let's go play with this robot. The guards who live with this robot all the time are just like, wow, a robot. And run off to chase it. This place sure is crazy. Otto May comes out, and he's real winded from sex of the computer, so he can't merge.

And they try to, like, Walter tries to jump into his body and bounces off. Walter at no point consults AutoMan. And he just says, I think we'd better merge. and then tries to leap into his body. He's so insecure. You just saw him just get, just ravish this female computer. He's like,

what about our merge, Automan? Yeah, what about? And he bounces up. I'm too tired, God damn it, Walter. Sometimes he needs a few minutes before you go again. Like that's normal.

Just back-to-back mergings. He's got to eat a banana. He's got to down some electrolytes. Give him a fucking minute. Watch a couple episodes of Korean cooking shows. And then we're like, okay. That's very specific.

Yeah. I'll get you going. That's what you go. We got a lot of slices. Dude, those Korean cooking shows are emotionally heightened. Like, they get you hype. That's all I'm saying. Well, if we're going Korea, I'm going physical 100, but, you know, I get.

Yeah. Dude, that Mongolian team. Yeah. That Mongolian team, that Stuk comes out in like a sparkling little dress, and he's like this majestic, little acrobat? Yeah. Is he a wizard? And they got a dude in full-on, like, Mongolian combat panties.

One guy's just a full wolf man. Yes. Yeah, they had that weird guy. And he's Mongolian, so his name is gagrachgagg. Yeah, exactly. That's definitely Mongolian racism, but whatever. That is his name. Yo, leave it in.

That's his name. I worked hard to pronounce that. What podcast are we doing? I tuned out for a sudden. Physical 100. Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. I haven't watched that one.

I'm going to have to wing it. You've got to watch Physical Asia. And Thailand comes in, and they're all in, like, knee-high thigh, thigh, high boots and high heels. Oh, it's the fucking best show. And then they just, like, build pirate ship. against each other. It's crazy. That's how I get to call all this. That's how I go. That's how I go for my second merge.

I get it. I get it. I'm ready to merge right now. Jamie, can you leave my my bewilderment in what just happened to the podcast? We don't all merge the same way, all right? This is how you and Sean merge. Okay. I get it. I get what's happening. This merge gaming will not be tolerated. Well, now I'm jealous. I think we'd better merge. All right. Let's figure it out. Enter my dimension. You know how this works. Move into my form.

You were right at Auto Man slumping in a chair and being like Oh, Delilah lived up to her name Like really hammering home that he fucked this computer And he's exhausted from it I believe he even says she's completely drained me And also she lived up to her name So I guess she's been around the block

Like she's got a reputation out there For being a huge slut computer Yeah She gave me a haircut I don't know I'm not It's been a long time God that woman drained me harder than breakfast than the breakfast of a nation.

She knew my weakness. She made like eight waffles. My balls were empty in seconds. So they have to leave. So they can't do any cyber shit. They just have to walk out. And security guards chase them in open fire. Little robot.

They don't get them because they get in the car. They're fine. The robot's dancing. It's crazy. The thing in the ring is it's a list of people in witness protection. Real classic like McGuffin. Mission Impossible shit. Yeah.

Yeah, but they... Here's something we haven't mentioned about the show yet is they explain every detail of technology. Because it is 1984, so they'd be like, hey, here's a modem. What's a modem, sir? And then the next 40 seconds is someone explaining modem. So here they're explaining not just like what that is,

but like what witness protection is. They're like, these are people who have been bared witness to a crime. It's like, okay, okay. Zero faith in the audience of automated. Yeah. And fair enough. Which fair enough.

Yeah, yeah. So I think they break into stripper Gary's house. Yeah, they go to stripper Gary's house. And we get a new power from Auto Man. He like fingers the doorknob with his cyber fingers. It's just a brass doornob. And he like fingers it and like unlocked. Yeah, it's the 80s. It's not like he's like

licking the nipple of a ring camera or something. This is just a regular ass door. But yeah, he's real tired. So he just sits in an easy chair and vanishes, leaving Walter alone in a criminal's house. And he's immediately captured. Because Walter sits down. He's like, you know, that sounds good. I'm going to take a chair nap. And the bad guys immediately barge in.

So they take him prisoner. But he's pretending to be Gary. Yeah, he's like, I'm stripper Gary. And somehow they don't laugh and say, no, you're not. All right, show me the moves. Maybe when you get moving, it gets alluring. But right now, buddy, I'm not seeing it. Yeah, hold on.

Give the guy, give the young buck a chance here. Give him some oil or something. There's got to be a trick to this. You haven't seen him thrust yet. The other henchmen come in. What is keeping you guys? We've been on the car for 40 minutes. There's any, a naked Desi Arnaz Jr.

Covered in oil. Pasty body wiggling. Are you turned on? Because I'm not turned on. I don't see. It's not working on me at all. Yeah, we got to kill him. He's lying.

If those balls don't slap my face in the next 10 seconds, you're dead. You're a dead man. Imposter? Yeah. It's good. I want to see this show now. Yeah, I think we're writing a pretty good show. They call Dean Wormer, and they're like, because they figure out he's not Gary.

And so while he's a prisoner, they're like, no, that guy's not really the stripper Gary. And Dean Wormer's like, what the fuck? What a tangled web of deceit. And now everyone's confused. but all he has to do is stall for time for AutoMan to get some rest, get his, get his boner going again. Yeah. I guess he's going to leave him to die because he pulls himself together at Gary's house, not the bad guy's house. And then he goes to Zippers.

And it's just like, he's discovered his passion. He's going to do six more sets, call it a night. It's just through sheer coincidence that they take Desi Arnaz Jr. to Zippers also. Because the real Gary showed up, it was like, I don't know. Yes. Everything's gone to hell. Walter sees Ottoman and immediately sprints right into him. They merge, they jump onto stage, they start shaking the buns.

And of course we get like a little bit where Walter's like, I don't know what we're doing out here. And Automat's like, dude, you got to shut the fuck up and let me take control of the body. We're on stage right now. Yeah, they're doing a full upgrade, but it's stripping instead of killing, you know, cyber mercenaries. Oh, no, oh no, it's worse nightmare. Walter's got to merge with Automatman and be taught how to dance. strip all sexy. Oh, it's his worst nightmare discovering sexual

liberation with the young hunky built. Oh, geez. Before all this happens, there's a moment where they're muslin Gary. They're like, tell us what the fucking ring is. Because he says it's in the male strip locker room. He's like, it's in the light. Without

hesitation, one of the goons just picks Gary up by the waist and lifts him up to the light. Yeah, he grabs him by the dick and picks him up. Yeah, full time of my life, Tim. A hell of time of my life. They do like a little fight scene here, which is like Automan ducks one flying tackle

and then does a real gentle judo throw on a henchman. This is cool. This is a new power. Dean Wormer's running away and fucking Automan shoots him with full Emperor Palpatine lightning. Yeah, he just hits it with the Sith Lord. Yeah. The full power of a Sith Lord, yeah.

Which manages to briefly win an old man. He doesn't even knock him out. He just like needs to lean against a door for a little bit. And that uses 100% of AutoMan's power. Who as a reminder has been alive for about 15 minutes. Yeah, he's really phoned it in this day. Delia kicked his ass. She drained him good.

Yeah. It's easier to fly across the Pacific Ocean than. Yeah, he flew to Switzerland in the last episode. All the problem solved. Automat kind of comes back for a second. And then a lady who runs the strip club interrupts everybody's police. piecework to say like, sorry, excuse me, guys. I want to offer that Automan guy a job, the one who is just in here.

Lieutenant Jack laughs, but I don't think he knows Automan exists. He doesn't know what the fuck's going on. Yeah, he's like, I totally know what's going on here, guys. He just thought that was a funny sounding set of words. It's like a Dennis Miller joke. It's just like a bunch of syllables. I don't get it. It sounds funny.

I wonder what it would sound like if the strip club owner was played by Dennis Miller. God damn it, Zach. It'd be like, Hey, Gary, the cat. burglars done not there. They're not going to stick around for Arnie the Oingo Boingo fan. See? Are we laughed? I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Yeah. That's a terrible theme for a stripper. A guy who likes Oingo Boingo? The premise is fucking sand, Dennis Miller. Okay, so it ends with Automan. God, leaving for zippers. That can't be right. So yes, after all of that, the epilogue is

Auto Man is going back to be a full-time stripper. Yeah, Roxanne is fully his pimp now. She's like, what do you, Walter? Don't fuck this up for me. Yeah, she's super into him, like has moved on to clearly banging Auto Man. Automan has discovered his passion as a male stripper. You have to assume, I'm sure the rest of the episodes continue on as normal after this, but you've got to assume that in the downtime, whenever Automan isn't on screen,

he's on stage at Zippers, just shaking his cock. Yep. causing brownouts all over LA County to make some old ladies horny. The end. They only did one more episode after this and then canceled the show entirely forever. I hope the episode was just all back at Zippers. Just Zippers, yeah. Zippers 2.

It's my favorite show, by the way. I loved it. I've really come around on it. It's crushingly boring at times, but like when it's not, it's just so dumb. When Automan is on screen and making cars and just driving weird, yeah, I'm like, this is mesmerizing. I'm happy. Yeah. I like the parts where he's shaking his beanbag. Einstein, who did Frankford?

Einstein, who did Frankford? Please welcome one-ific insult comedian. Who makes things too? To be here. Got a lot of Supremes in the audience tonight. Look at Aaron Crosston here. Hey, you look like you don't get enough colonoscopies. Like you're gonna die of ass cancer at 54 just when you.

You start really getting comfortable with who you are. What's the matter? A little too real for you? Yeah, working on that. Hey, I see Adrian Hesbrook. Hey, I see Alex Nolenberg. Look at this, it's Alpha Scientist Javo. Hey, and Andy, I see you back there.

I once went on safari with this guy, and I watched him kill a white rhino. So he could powder and snort its horn. He was so sad when it did. Did not give him an erection. I wasn't supposed to tell nobody that. Oh, it's a very serious crime. Oh, oh.

Hey, it's Armando Nava. I see Autumn Armstrong Berg. I see Bim Talser. Oh, Brandon Garlock, I know you ain't got enough in your retirement fun. You're blowing it all on Funko Pops of obscure movie monsters and your elderly self is gonna curse you for it. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, that one's a sprinkler. It was supposed to be a sprinkler.

It's summer. I'm trying something. Brian Saylor, I see you there. Brock Way famously loves the meat millie. Hey, Sarah, I'd see Chloe here. She got a face only a mother could love. Could, but did not. Oh, keep seeking that validation from camgirls and escorts, babe.

That's you. That's what you do. That's not me? Why would you think that's me? That's you. I only say true stuff about you. Like, uh, like, uh, like a common sense here. He looked like he got one of those ironic names. Like calling common sense's mother, Mrs. Had a positive influence on common sense's body dysmorphia. Whoa!

Hey, come on, it's just a joke. There's no truth to it. It don't mean nothing about neither of us. All right? I don't wish I was a, small, frail, pale man, racked by consumption? Like, that's, I'm happy being big and healthy. That's what I like.

That's what I like, don't question it. Here's Craig Lemoyne. Let's move on. Here's Craig Lemoyne. I see Dan B. I see David Scholl. I see Dean Costello. I love this guy.

Dean Costello, he once watched someone. He loved Drown, and he was too scared to help him. So he sold the song rights to Phil Collins. You guys got to stop. Trusting me with your secrets. Oh, sorry, I hiccoughed while doing that one. And it came out weird. That won't happen again.

Delta, Fox Trot, Devin the Rogue Supreme, Doug Redmond, Dusty's rad title, Edgar Matthias, You look like you find comfort at night by telling yourself nobody remembers the embarrassing stuff you did. But I've heard it, it's all anybody talks about. Oh! Back to normal O's! Oh! It was a one-time... Just like all your exes say about you, Elizabeth Shope.

Oh, ho! Oh, alright, I see Elliot Watson here. He's alright, I'm alright too. I'm glad I got my normal O's back. I was not just testing the waters for a new and scary change that I desperately want to make in my life. Not like Eric Christianberg. Look at that ball cap.

They call this the receding hairline special. Oh, I got fancy shark. I got Gareth. I got Jello Ho. I got good Satan and all his hot witches over here. Oh, look at this. It's Greg Cunningham. Greg Cunningham, you work so much.

Your kids are going to have trouble remembering your face after they leave for college. Oh, that one's about you. That's not about something haunting my kids said to me. All this stuff's about you guys. A. Haraka. A Harvey Pinguini. Oh, I'd love to see you here, honk.

Hey, Jabberal Aiden, James Boyd, I got Jared Clack, I got Jared Mountain Man. Oh, I got Jared Ruiz. Hold on. Jared Ruiz here. He's going to wait until everyone's gone for the night, and then he's going to go around and lick all the seats of the people who didn't laugh at my jokes. That's what he's going to do. Oh, he likes the taste of failure.

This guy does. Not me. Jeff O'Raskey, John McCam, and I got John Minkoff. Hey, you smell. like extramarital sex, my man, everyone can smell it. Even your wife there next to you. She just don't have the courage to disrupt her whole life because she don't know.

She's worth 10 of you because she's too fucking stupid. Oh, I got you both. Oh, I'm sorry there was again. That's weird. I don't know what's going on with that. Okay, I got, I got Joseph Searle's here. I got Josh S. I got Joshua Graves

I got Justin B I got Ken Paisley I got K&M Hey K&M Your AI girlfriend called Just kidding No she didn't Oh

There we go That's the normal one That's okay Everything's normal I'm not learning nothing About myself up here Okay Okay we got Kamutsas

We got KVH We got Lane Haygood We got Lisa Lisa worries She's the weird girl at work Because she never gets invited to nothing Don't worry, Lisa.

They don't think you're weird. They don't think about you at all. Oh, normal one again. All right, we got it, we got it. M. Jahi Chappelle. Mark Mahoney. Matt Riley, Max Boreoy, mercenary, Sissadman, Michael Lair.

A Mojou, you carry yourself like you're not the hero in your own story. Oh, that one seems gentle at first, but it will haunt you. Some things, they just, they just haunt you. Um, Mort. I got Mort here. I got Mr. Bob Gray. I got ND. What does N.D. stand for? Non-descript? Oh, that one's on purpose. It's a callback to that thing I did earlier. I'm owning it, okay? I'm owning it. It's just a joke. Neil Bailey? Neal Bailey liked that O. Right? Right? Neil Bailey liked it. He likes that pop stuff. Am I right? Ha ha. I hate that stuff. He loves it, though. Neil Schaefer. I got Neku 104. I got Nick Levino. I got Obsolite over.

Now obsolete, he's like Neil Bailey. This is someone who wants to prance about in a powdered wig. I can see it. I can see it obsolete. Oh, that's me doing an impression. That's an impression of obsolete. That's not me. Orn Re Weevil. I got Ozzie Olin. I got Patrick Herbst. I got Peewee's uncle. I got rebrandrew. I got Red Wine Time. Red wine time probably got a secret storage unit full of ruffled shirts and tights. Sometimes they sleep in there just to be full. physically closer to the person they think they are inside. Oh, that's what you do. That's what you do, Red Wine Time.

Hey, Rhea, I got Russell Bowman, I got Sam Kopnik, I got Sarkovsky, look at Sean Chase. I got seed over here. Hey, Space Jam fan. Space Jam fan, now this is a guy who sees an old-timey fop or dandy put on his white face makeup and paint the little MOLON and he's like, ooh, that's me. That's the way I wish I was. Oh, I got you. I know that's how you are. Hey, spotty reception, a super knot, Tater's Tales, Thomas Cavatzos,

Oh, who do we got here? You know how sometimes you can see a man? You take one look at him and you just know, you just know. This guy, this guy likes to titter. I got you, Thomas, I got your tittering ass. Timmy Leahy, Toasty God, Tommy G, Velo, Victor Malavakin, Booster. Oh, don't sink down in your seat, now Booster, I see you, I got you, I know you, you think you're a some strong independent woman, but I know you're tight.

I know you're tight. You live your whole life just hoping. Oh, you're just praying. Some big, strong man comes along and calls one of your quips, Rybalt. That's you. That's what you hope happens. That has nothing to do with me. I can just see it on your face.

Whalen Russell, Yvonne Clappam, Zach and Ava. I'm looking at John Dean here. I and I just know. This guy sees old-timey fops and dandies and movies and he don't know. He don't know. Are they a German thing?

Are they French or English or something? Are they just kinda all Europe rolled together into like one stereotype that maybe never existed at all? But that don't matter to John Dean because every time he sees them boys minson and prancing, he thinks that's me. That's not the me I am, but is the me I should be. And he goes and he becomes an insult comment

because that's what they say the men do. That's what they say, the modern-day man equivalent is of that. But it just unfulfilled, you know? It's not enough for John Dean. He thinks, he's like, I'm Oscar Wilde up here. You know, telling it like it is, and everybody laughs and joins in and calls me pretty. And it never quite happens that way, does it, John Dean? It's not the same thing being an insult comic as it is being a real, being a fop with a savage wit.

I see you, John Dean, all of it. It's all over your face, man. It's all over your face that you wish that, that's what you were. That's you. That's what, that's what you are. It's a joke. It's all a joke. It's just, there's no truth to it.

There's no truth to it, man. Oh.