The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 273, A Wrestling Christmas Miracle with Lydia Bugg

Episode Date: April 15, 2026

Seanbaby and Brockway are joined by guest Lydia Bugg for revenge. Sweet revenge! Revenge on Brockway for making them all watch A Wrestling Christmas Miracle for Martin Kove Month. Martin Kove is barely in it, wrestling is barely in it, Christmas isn't really in it at all, and it is not technically a movie. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Robert is going to jail because you didn't buy his book. But it's not too late to help him win some creature comforts in prison. Every copy goes toward the commissary fund! https://linktr.ee/killyourimaginaryfriend

in the official podcast of 1,900 hotdog.com. We're the last website. Support us at patreon.com slash 1,900 hot dog. Every day, we have an amazing new article. We are the best. I'm Sean Baby from the internet. And my co-host was the understudy basket model for the Art Academy of Hunk.

He's Robert Brockway! A Robert Brockway, here's a Brockway fact. I'm sorry. I mean, I didn't know. I didn't know. I don't know what else to say. No follow-up questions. The rest of this podcast is going to be one long,

unbroken answer. I fucked up and I'm sorry. Yep. It's true. We'll explain that later. Our guest is our Monday columnist, a comedy writer, and outrageous funny lady. She's hot dog favorite Lydia Bug. Hello, I'm so mad at Robert Brockway. We all are. Liddy, what are you up to? I do social media. You can find me at You Know Lydia on TikTok, YouTube, and Instagram now. and I'm writing a book. It's almost done. That's the thing to do. That's the thing to do.

I hear good things about it. I read Robert Brockway's book recently and I was pretty... No, no. Not a lot of talk about it. Listen, listen. I loved it. Not on this podcast. Look, once they realize I'm responsible for this podcast, I'm going to get review bombed into the fucking joke.

That's true. So please don't. And as a matter of fact, I'll do it. I'll take the bullet. Please buy my new book. It's called There Are No Giant Crabbs in this novel, a novel of Giant Crabbs. And like, let me, just let me know in the reviews what you really think about me and my work after this podcast. No, I think this is the perfect podcast to advertise your book on.

You should definitely be talking about the book. I already did it. My book is called There are no giant crabs. There are no giant crabs in this novel. Go to, go to Bit That L-Y slash Crabs, Crabbs, Crabs. Well, you even knew that URL. By heart, baby. It's my book.

We are deep into Martin Cove Month, and we are already doing a vengeance episode because every two weeks we do a movie watch along in our Discord. We have so much fun. Sometimes they're bad movies. Sometimes they're great movies. We had done two Jackie Chan's in a row, so Brockway thought, well, it's time for a punishment one.

So he scheduled this movie we're talking about today. It's called Wrestling Christmas Miracle, and then he fucking left for a book signing. I did not attend the watch party. It's as mad as we've ever seen each other. And we've seen some terrible shit. We, the fury that we all like fucking boiled in together. So first let me try to explain fucking wrestling Christmas miracle.

And fuck you, Brockway for me knowing this. It's sort of a sequel to karate Christmas miracle from 2019, which I do want to take a moment to try to explain that. This was a movie where there was a mass shooting. and a boy's dad disappeared, not died, just vanished. And so the kid vowed to get a karate black belt by Christmas to bring him back. But they didn't make enough movie. Basically, the entire movie was just that child saying that 10 different ways. And so to pat out the movie to make it to like 65 minutes, they used a bunch of footage

from an Eric Roberts Martin Cove movie called The Joker's Poltergeist. So it was a movie where it was like he played a cult leader that gave his like murderous messages in a movie theater. But they didn't have a way to stitch that together with the little boy wanting a karate black belt. So he would just have these crazy, like, visions of Eric Roberts telling his followers to go forth and murder like the Joker. What?

Oh, my God. I did not think anything could be weirder than what happened in this movie. Yes. But that is the worst. The way he's describing it, this movie, the wrestling Christmas miracle is weird. It's a weirder movie and in a different, worse direction. Yes. But like, I look, I know I've made everybody watch it for a meat party.

I did not realize this was a comedy, a wrestling Christmas miracle. Or maybe I didn't realize, maybe I didn't realize a karate Christmas miracle wasn't a comedy. I don't know. But like, whatever this is is not the same thing as a karate Christmas miracle. And that's what I thought. Like when everybody talked about a karate Christmas miracle and we did the meat party, they were like, oh, the worst movie ever. Oh, I'm so mad. I'm so angry.

So they said the exact same things about this movie. and I was like, I had such a good time with the madness. Like, it's such a genuine, like, unaudited look into a madman's delusions. Right. Like, watching a karate. I can make a fucking movie. Watch me go. And then, like, no, you clearly can't.

And it's great. I had a good time. I had such a miserable time watching this movie. Yes. Watching the second one. Like, how did you lose all of the magic from that? And, like, I don't know. I never thought I would say this, but I expected more.

from the makers of a karate Christmas miracle. Yes. But you're right. It's this kind of unfiltered look into a lunatic. It's the kind of failure that seems impossible to a normal person. Like if you can dress yourself and drive to work, it wouldn't occur to you to fuck up in all the ways they did. Like it just,

it wouldn't enter your head to like cut in an Eric Roberts movie that's irrelevant to the movie that you're already working on. It's just not. Anyway, you would just reject it. So this one. Yeah, I would bionic. man it before. I would just be like, look, we have a template. It's the bionic man. It's the $6 million man. I'm just going to put everything in slow motion. Slow motion.

Slow motion. And establishing tracking shots. Exactly. Add like a long tracking shot from the stock footage library. What I kept thinking and what I'm sure we all kept thinking was how did he convince this many people. It has a huge cast and like tons of locations. Like, it's an expensive looking piece of crap. Like I don't know. I just can't understand. I kept thinking about money the whole time. I'm like, this man must be so rich because all of the houses are ridiculously huge for everyone. They all look like they're in James Bond's like bedroom all the time, but it shouldn't look like that. They're supposed to be like a humble family, but apparently this is just all that he has access to or these extremely wealthy houses that he can't dress

down to look like someone lives in them. Yeah, the houses are weird. They're all in the holiday dog movie Fuck Mansion. They're not real. These are not real houses. Like nobody has ever lived in these houses. Yeah. It's hard to explain. Every now and then they're in at McMansion that someone is clearly living in, but then most of them are like just very strange empty rooms with like a weird conversation piece sofa. That's like, what the fuck is that thing?

And you're like, okay. Or like the mom spends a lot of time in wrestling Christmas miracle just in this giant empty living room with like a tiny like glass table in the center that like she looks like she's on a starship in a 60s movie. It's a lot of just, it's like, the whole thing is like an abandoned Sim save file. We're like, I'm not, I quit. I'm not doing this. Yes. Yeah, like that's so true. The living room has a whole bunch of speakers piled in one corner that I just kept

the giant like speakers like for a band and they're just piled up in the corner of this room. And I'm like, are they going to, is there a reason that they have a pile of like nine speakers for a band? They have like Aerosmith's full set in the corner. And they're going to mention it. right? No, it's off the movie. Just some abandoned project. And almost nothing else. It will just be that. There will just be

one enormous strange thing. And you'll be like, this is my child's bedroom. Your child's bedroom is the size of a small aircraft hanker. And all it's got in it is something shaped like a bean? I don't know what this is. Like their bedroom had a big spiky sculpture. It looked like it was from Beetlejuice

in it. And I was like a big silver spiky sculpture. And then the whole room is white otherwise. Like carpet, bed, like all of it, white. Like from a music video from the 90s, it's so wild. There was one room. I swear to God, the only thing in it was a small, about eight inch wide, eight inch diameter, just a plain clock face. Like this is the time room.

This is where we go to. It's like they're in the cube. Yeah. They're trying to escape cube. That's the meta story being told. It's just creates such an incredible. incredibly weird vibe for a comedy. And much less, I guess,

comedy in hard quotes, like, I'm very unsettled. This would be a good vibe for like a horror movie. The kids would call this liminal horror is what the kids would say. Yeah, there would be video games about it. Is it, is it a comedy? Is it a drama? Is it a children's movie? I thought it was a children's movie for a long time. And then I thought, okay, no, there's a lot of, because they censor the cursing, but you can still hear it.

But that's the gag is that like, they're that there's a kid there, but they're still cursing. They do, they comment on it. I wouldn't say it's a joke. A lot of this, I'm not being mean when I say there aren't jokes. Like, it isn't anti-comedy or outsider comedy. It really is someone without a sense of humor being silly. Like, it feels like we're looking at the unexpressed thoughts of an unimaginative idiot, just kind of idling. Like, every scene in line is something a normal person would throw away as nothing before they said it or wrote it down. And again, I'm not trying to be mean. I'm saying that when it tries to be funny, it fails,

but so much of it wouldn't count as trying. It's artless, human-made slop, but to no end, like, it doesn't have the wild swings of a normal bad movie. It's just a fucking mess because the people who made it are broken and stupid. I hate this movie, and the world is worse for it existing. And again, I am sorry. I'm supposed to like, I know the traditional villain role that I play, I should be, I should be gloating and rubbing it in,

but I, I didn't know. I just legitimately, I did not know. We didn't know. It happens. This was like when I made us watch that one, that one comedy where they made the hobos like perform and I was like, oh, I hadn't seen this. In this entirety before we did this.

I really should have watched this one first. I just like that I figured if you're going to fuck up in such a unique way that they did in a karate Christmas miracle, surely you're going to do that in every movie, right? Because nobody's ever fucked up like they did in that movie. When they cut to Eric Roberts just like jerk it off in a dark row in the middle of this movie. You're like, what the fuck is happening? Like it's such, it was at least so interesting. And the crazy thing is they did the same thing here where they made a, they cut away to a second movie that had nothing to do with this.

Just like, just like that first one. But the second movie also was absolutely nothing. Yeah, but foundation of the plot. Can I try and explain the basic plot? because I did this earlier today for my husband, and it found it very funny, me trying to just explain what this movie's about. Okay, so there's a little boy

whose best friend is in a coma. We don't know why. That's never, we just come in, his best friend's in a coma. He's the best wrestler in the world to the point that people are interviewing him about wrestling. And he's like, I'm not going to wrestle anymore, even though a large part of the intro of this movie

is talking about how good he is at wrestling. He's like, I will never wrestle during this movie. What I'm actually going to do is right and direct a, film and it's going to be the funniest film in the world and it's going to make my friend wake up from his coma with his extreme laughter. Yes. And then we get cuts between the film that he made, which takes place in an insane asylum

full of doctors who have gone insane. Right. From my understanding. But then two actors in the movie steal the movie and try and ransom it back to the child and his mother. Yeah. And also his dad is a secret agent, but that's a very small plot. Professional wrestler secret agent, but not like the professional wrestling you're thinking of.

Right, an amateur wrestler who does it for money and international stakes. Like for like legitimate regime change is based around this guy's wrestling matches. And animal crime. But like because of the dual plots of like the movie and the movie within the movie, I had a lot of trouble telling kind of the actors. because some of the actors are in the fake movie and then they're in real life. And it gets really confusing as to like, okay, these are the actors in the movie. Okay, now this is the movie.

Yeah. But the same people are in it. The same people are in it. Yeah, it's such a mess. I want to add some details because during the newscast at the beginning when they're talking about this, it's kind of like a mini documentary. Like, this is a very long newscast about this 11-year-old standout wrestler. They show a bunch of footage of his like sixth grade wrestling matches.

and I think they're like real or they filmed them during a real sixth grade wrestling match because they blurred out all the faces and that's what I mean by like no one else would think to do this. Like this is a hard no if you ask any normal person if you should include this in the movie.

Like just forget it. Throw in the fucking trash. Like don't don't show me a fucking shot of a child wrestling with 70 faces blurred out. That's so gruesome. Like it's just like the vibe that gives off is like somebody here died. Like all this,

a bomb went off and killed this. group of people. Yeah, it's upsetting. Or it's somebody or that a lot, a lot of victims of the same crime happen to be in this room. Yes. Yeah. And I guess that's not what the movie's about. Did he ask all those kids, can, do you want to be in my movie? Can I show this kid in my movie? And all of their parents said no. And then he just blurred their faces. That's what I mean. I feel like he probably just didn't even ask because most people would say, yeah, I don't give a shit. That sounds kind of fun. You saying Martin Cove's going to be in this? Hell yeah. Uh, they also have a sort of, sort of.

They also have a section of him playing football, which is also not relevant to the plot, but the newscaster talks about him like he's, he's like, this, this little boy is a steel ripple deckling machine with that equal. It's so fucking weird, but it was written before chat GPT was available. So a human did it. They go through the moves he does, which I thought was very funny, where he's like, he knows the hit smash and the legal body slam. I don't, I don't even know what universe they're from that they thought that would be.

a thing to say. So anyway, I do have a clip that will back up what lady said in case you thought she was lying. Done with wrestling. Why is that case? Because in 40 days and 40 nights, it's Christmas. So?

My friend has been in a coma for three months and if I make a movie that will make him laugh, he'll come out of his coma. You're going to make a movie at only 11 years old in hopes that your friend will come out of his coma? Yes. Okay.

Okay. do you think that? Oh, never mind? We're not going to address that? Her follow-up question was so? That's really good reporting. We immediately cut to the movie that the little boy has made, and we get our first look at Martin Cove, first of two looks at Martin Cove. He's a blind warden for the insane asylum. He's blind? Is that what the glasses are about? That's his whole thing, yes. I didn't figure that until the second appearance when he came in using a golf club as a cane. I just thought he was being silly. They reference it because in this scene,

there's like a mistaken identity because he thought he was talking to somebody else because he's blind. Anyway, here's a clip. I don't know what's wrong with this clown. Agent Truman, you had something to say? You are a complete mental midget. You do not have Dr. Reno in front of you.

I don't. No, you don't. Does the fact that you are blind also make you stupid? You are not Dr. Salvador Reno, the man who's surgically removed that for his tongue in an experimental procedure to cure his autism. Okay. Okay. Okay. So he'll read anything you give him, but also if you noticed, he sang two of the words. I don't know. Okay. So later in the movie. He does that again later too. He sings like every 17th word that they give him. Yes. He just decides to sing it. And I have a theory here that Martin Cove,

doesn't give a shit. And I think that's proven by the fact that I think in every movie, he just shows up in clothes he brought from home because it never makes sense what he's wearing in the movie. Right. He looks like a magician. Yeah. He's dressed like a pimp in a virtual reality game. Yeah, that's a very good way to describe it.

Somehow it looks like what he's wearing is made out of foam rubber. Like, I don't, I'm pretty sure it's not. I have a new theory. I can't commit to that. I have a theory that. they wanted him to be a karate instructor. And he's like, no, no, no, you have to pay me triple if we're doing some karate shit. And they said, okay, what do you want to be?

He's like, fuck it. I'm going to be a blind hospital warden. And I sing every line. I'm dressed like a VR pimp. So anyway, I think this might be Martin Cove's idea based on him, like rejecting what they brought to him. I bet that they put the blindness in because they seem to think disabilities are really funny. Really funny.

Part of why I miss this, I miss the blind thing because the guy in the wheelchair, see, this scene actually looks about twice as offensive as it sounds, which is a feat. But the guy, one of the guys is in a wheelchair and is doing like fake sign language, but his sign language is clearly like just making kind of offensive gestures and like shoving his hands in his mouth. Yeah. So that's really distracting to. even deal with during the scene.

And I, so I guess maybe the, the point was to get as many disabilities in as possible. So the one guy's blind, he's mute and in a wheelchair. Okay. And someone has autism. And to be fair, after he says cure autism, the other woman in the scene says, you don't cure autism, dick. So it's like, okay, so now there's like this, like, so you know this is wrong? You know this is wrong?

Yeah, that's the weirdest thing you could have done because the guy doing sign language doing it in the exact way where like it's to mock people doing sign language. Like there can be no question that the joke here is look how stupid these guys are when they try to talk without words. He even makes like seals noises later. He's like, d'urf, d'urf, like you're like, dude, that's like, if you didn't get it. Yeah, that's like a bully at a deaf school. Like, what the fuck, man? But then they're like, you don't cure autism.

I'm like, that's way weirder because it means you have some sense of morality. You're aware of what you're doing But what you're doing I thought that she was saying you don't cure autism And kind of the joke was that that's stupid to say Or something because Maybe he loved the rest of this movie Yeah like a pronoun joke

I mean that's more tonally Like a you woke idiots That's the kind of thing A dumb woke idiot would say ha ha Yes Because she was a villain I think In the movie with a villainous translator

A villainous No a villainous doctor Who cut out a boy's tongue to cure his autism? I don't know. She's also only that guy's translator. Also, there's a... You're talking about two different women. Yeah.

Okay. It's two women. It's impossible to tell. Impossible. Martin Coe's nameplate in this scene also says, I'm responsible. Yeah. What is that?

What a joke is from the moon? If it's a joke. Which I guess. I don't know what that means. And is it a joke? Couldn't even begin to tell you. Is it a joke? joke on the blind guy because he can't read it? Yeah. But then what's the joke? Yeah, what is the joke? And it's not

I dot m dot. It's im. Like his name is im responsible. It's so weird and impenetrable. Anyway, they cut out of the movie and they start, they do a thing that like bad comedy writers would do where people just bicker. So they bicker for, I swear to God, 70 minutes. And then they explain the plot again. I have a clip. You are all inspirations, okay? You all helped the most valuable ways of making this movie. Uh, yeah, like paying for it and starring in it too. You know, why can't we just congratulate this young man? I mean, he wrote and directed a movie. He's not even a teenager.

He did a great job, kiddo. Thank you, Uncle Ronald. But guys, this isn't about me. It's about Charlie. In five days, it's Christmas. And when he hears this movie, he's going to wake up from his coma laughing. Case, you did a wonderful thing here. But you do know that there's a chance.

that Charlie may not wake up. You need to start wrestling again, pal. I'll start wrestling again after Christmas when Charlie wakes up. Okay. Just a chance. Just a chance. So they really don't think we're paying attention. And then the dad leaves for the Congo to wrestle an elephant.

Well, he says he's going to wrestle the elephant, I think, for the son's Christmas present. When he leaves, he says, I'm going to go to the Congo and wrestle an elephant for you, as if that's something the son wants. which he might. I think it's to support the family. The sun's incredibly strong, like physically unstoppable to the point that the news, the local news has to do reports like watch out for local child. It's fucking crazy.

But he's also completely insane and doesn't understand how the world works, probably because he's so strong that nobody wants to like teach him and tell him he's wrong about stuff. He keeps breaking teachers and half. Yeah, he just made up. They will never explain why he's. thinks making a movie in 40 days will wake his friend up from a coma. Nobody gave him that idea. He came up with that out of nowhere. So I'm sure at one point he did be like, wrestle an elephant.

Dad, it's Christmas. And dad's like, I guess I'm fucking doing that. Yeah, like the Twilight's own child. They all just do what he says. Yeah, I don't want him to break both of my legs. So I guess I'm going to the Congo to wrestle a Christmas elephant. Is that what you said? Probably.

The kid is like the most grounded character in the movie. He's like the only one that makes sense when he's talking and the only one that moves the plot forward. Yeah. But like, he's the straight man in the movie, the child. And that's the weirdest shit I've ever seen. Like, the kid is never the voice of reason. Yeah, he's fully deranged, but by far the most sane thing in the film. I mean, I think what Liddy's saying is technically like what he's saying makes sense in that like he does seem to be the most well-spoken that he will put words.

words in an order that English goes in. Yeah. That makes sense. But like, because a lot of the time other people in this movie will just start saying random assemblages of words and you're like, I don't know. Doing things. Did he mean to do that? Yeah, the way they move.

He has a clearly defined goal in a way that he's trying to get there in a way that no one else in this movie does. Like, really. Both of them totally insane and detached from reality. But yes, I get what you're saying. Yes. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I mean, it's totally normal to be like, I'm going to wait.

up my friend with this silly movie on Christmas and the silly movie is about an insane asylum full of crazy doctors. They say he wrote that. So like the kid's fucking gone. The kid is just done. I mean, it's a one flu. It's like a one flu over the cuckoo's nest rip off. I'm assuming this child is a big fan of one flu over the cuckoo's nest. And then he made this hilarious insane asylum comedy. Well, one of the doctors were the crazy ones, Wakawara. The inmates are running the asylum. I'm 11 years old. They give the hard drive to the Uncle Ronald to make copies.

The kid does not know what copies are. Ronald has the only copy. They really make it clear there's just the one copy. They don't think we're paying attention. We meet the villains. And this is some old guy and a woman named Julie McCullough, who was kind of like a hot babe in the 90s. I thought she looked familiar.

Yeah, and the thing I have in my notes that is among the meanest things I ever said is, can you imagine being lured in by her good looks and finding out this was her personality? That is, we might want to cut that, Jamie. That's fucking brutal. Was she on growing pains? Is this the girl who got kicked off of growing pains because Kirk Kamen got religious? That's not impossible. We'd have to look her up, but she was on a lot of stuff like that.

She was in like two episodes of every sitcom. Yes, yeah. Kirk Cameron was like, he met his wife and he was like, I can only kiss my wife. And she had like a huge arc on growing pains and they kicked her off because of Kirk Cameron. So, okay, I knew I knew her from somewhere. God damn, this is all Kirk Cameron's fault. I mean, again, this is full of time, full of things that I really never thought I would say. But knowing what we know now, can you blame Kurt Cameron?

Any excuse to get rid of this fucking monster. I would have done the exact same thing as Kirk Cameron. And I would have also blamed God just because I wouldn't have wanted to explain the real reason. Because again, I hear myself and I hear how mean I sound. She has been acting since the fucking early 80s, but somehow can't. It's so annoying. Back of the boy, he's hanging out with this coma friend. And the mob leaves him alone with the coma boy, this impossibly strong boy who is completely insane.

I think it's a bad idea. I have a clip, actually. Keep talking to him. He hears you. I know he does. Okay. Hey, Charlie, how's it going? So you know how he always talks about making a movie?

The funniest movie ever? Well, I did it. I made a movie. And everybody helped because... Because they believe in me. They believe in you, Charlie. I made this movie for you. And it's so silly and funny

that when you hear, you're going to wake up from your coma. When you hear... this movie, you will wake up and you will be laughing. I know my movie will bring you out of this coma. It's going to be the best Christmas ever. Why is he so angry? Why is he so angry at the coma child? Just keep fucking explain. It can't be more simple. We got this from the fucking cover of the DVD. We know what the plot is. This is the third time in like 20 minutes as they went over it again. It's like that Netflix rumor that like they think we're looking at our phone so they just keep having to state the plot every five minutes. but the bad guys are now dressed like the Grinch and Santa,

and they're going to steal the Christmas presents from the wrestlers brother. This is not a random crime. They know these are the Christmas presents for this wrestler guy's young boy. They just want a bunch of toys, I guess. Strongest boy in the world. Strongest boy in the world. They're going to take a new friend. I'm specifically going to steal from the strongest boy in the world.

I think originally, aren't they, like, mad that their parts in the movie weren't as big as they would like? Yes. Yeah, they're in the movie. They're in the movie. This is the who Liddy is talking about. These are bad guys of the main movie who are also bit parts in the movie that is spliced in here at total random for no reason. Yes. So they're like local actors.

And they also, both of them will talk in like, but especially the guy will talk in terrible accents. And at one point, at one point they even call that out and they're like, well, I know it was him because he's talking in an accent that he can't pull off. but everybody else in this movie will at some point talk in an accent they can't pull off for no reason. For no reason. Everybody's doing impressions. Something about accents is very, very funny to whoever produced this movie. Even though they're there with each other doing it back and forth sometimes and like nobody seems to be enjoying it. Yeah, it's like whenever something started to drag, someone was like, okay, just do a funny accent.

Just do a French accent. See if you can't do a French accent, okay, good. Nobody like ever plays with it, right? It's not an improv thing where you're like, yes, I'm saying it's not even bad improv where they're like, no, but they're just not in the same room together. They're looking right at each other and not not having the same conversation. They only get, I would say they only get super offensive once when one of them goes like starts talking and broken like caveman English and then says, you must have precision of kamikaze pilot. And you're like, oh shit, he's trying to do Japanese. Wow.

That was a bold choice. there's a scene when they come up to the villain's house to knock on the door and the schlubby uncle drops into what I'm pretty sure was supposed to be a patois and you're just like for just a sentence and then you can see him bail like whoops.

No, that's not the one. But sometimes I'll just do it in the middle of a sentence like at one point that goes like, what's the situation? Like you're like, was that Italian? What was it? For just the one word? The fuck? Yeah.

it's it's it's fucking mad it's madness yeah but okay so the bad guys we're gonna push right through the bad guys are opening presents and playing with the Nerf guns they find the hard drive and hook it up to their TV they should know this is a movie they don't it's totally just a coincidence now we cut back to the movie and the insanity gets amped up just a little bit Michael Winslow is presiding over some kind of like a hospital trial Michael Winslow the sound effects guy from Police Academy. It pulls out of the movie and we see the villains watching it. And the villain goes,

and you're like, okay, so they didn't have Michael Winslow like make the sound effects, which means he probably said, no, you have to pay me the full $80 for sound effects. And so, and it gets, it gets crazier because Jimmy Walker is there from good times. He was the guy who famously said dynamite on that show in the 70s. and then again at every public appearance since then. And Todd Bridges, who was the older brother on different strokes. And so when they... Oh my God.

I had no idea who any of those people were. So you just put this scene into a whole new context for me. These are... These are... Okay. And that's why when they cut back to them, he says, what you're talking about, Willis? And when they cut away from Jimmy Walker, the villain goes,

Dino, my, you goofball. What none of them do? No, absolutely not. No, he says it. I don't think Todd Bridges. just likes it when you say, hey, can you say the catchphrase of that Gary Coleman had on that, the only success you've had in your 40-year career. Fucking, no, he does not like that.

Oh, my God. None of them would do their trademark thing. So you cut to somebody else in an alternate reality doing their thing at them sarcastically, like hatefully. This was so out of nowhere to me that I thought it was a joke about Tourette's syndrome. Oh, my God. It's just this guy sitting in a room. cutting back and forth the scenes and he's going like boop boop boop iuga and i'm like amazing i mean to

be fair there are actual scenes in the movie where they just do that yeah you were right she's not wrong it's just not this scene there are not given enough for this one scene yes uh and i find it even more unlikely to boy born in 2009 would book todd bridges for his coma cure movie like um of all of the Cinemasons, a ding. This is one ding. Jamie, we'll cut that. I did notice the casting was done by somebody named Lawyer Nicholas. They forgot his last name, I guess.

He didn't want to tell. They're like, I don't know, he didn't tell him. You want my first name? Here's my first name, lawyer. What, did they, did they book a lawyer and not ask him his last name? Or is somebody's first name lawyer like Judge Reinhold isn't actually a judge. Judge Reinhold should be in this movie. Why isn't Judge Reinhold in this movie?

No catchphrase. Oh, you're right. Judge Reinhold and lawyer, Michael, can't be in the same movie or the whole universe would collapse. But yeah, I bet it costs like X hundred dollars to get Jimmy Walker to your house and at least double that if he says dynamite. So this is how they worked around it. And again, both the villains are in the movie. So they're watching themselves act next to actors. they recognize from TV.

So the little boy made a movie with like three black catchphrase actors from the 70s and 80s and then two local actors. The villain now makes like this super evil face because he knows this movie is so good. It's going to get them rich. He's going to buy Mexico. Those are his words. For a million dollars. That's how much he thinks Mexico costs. That's a pretty good deal.

If someone offers you Mexico for a million dollars, take it. So they call the mom and they're like, hey, we've got the, we've got the, little boys movie, give us a million dollars. And they do this fucking accent bit and it goes on forever. Let's see. They do explain the plot again, but I didn't take a clip. I will spare you from that. Just play one on the previous ones.

It's exactly the same. It's no one they even notice. Yeah, because the villains explain it to each other, right? They're like, well, he wants this movie because his best friends in a coma, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Exactly. And they cut to a scene from the movie and it's Julie McCullough saying, all psychiatry is a scam, and then it just leaves without making a joke. So just Scientology talking points, I don't understand why.

But so they screen it for a movie producer. So now their plan is to ransom the movie, but also sell it for distribution. And our heroes go to a bakery and explain the plot again over speakerphone for, I guess, the other people buying canolies. And this is when the kid recognized him. He's like, oh, that guy's accent suck. I hired this guy to act with Michael Winslow in my local movie. Another example of him being like the only smart person in the movie is. He's like, oh, I know who this guy is.

We could just go to his house and like ask for the movie back. And they're all like, what? All of the adults are like, what? Yeah. Also, the stakes were already pretty low in that this is just a movie that some kid made. for probably five grand, 10 grand, I don't know. Obviously, it's going to magically wake his friend up. So I guess maybe the stakes are high.

There's the boy's life in the balance. But they also have solved the mystery. I don't even know how many minutes into the movie. Probably halfway, right? 20, 30 minutes is halfway. Yeah. That's the point we forgot to bring up. This movie, like all the best movies, is one hour and five minutes long, including credits.

Yes. And the credits are long. Yeah. They go to the movie theater to screen it. They're showing Star Wars and spies in disguise. That's just an insane detail I wrote down. I also, I was like, they're showing Star Wars and this? Okay.

Why not? It's a great film. You should see Star Wars if you hadn't seen Star Wars. They meet the producer like, we got a Christmas present for you. And did you write down what he said back? I don't think I did. No. No.

You'll probably remember when I said. said, he says, I celebrate Valentine's Day on Christmas. Oh, right. Yes, because he continues doing a bit of like, I celebrate the wrong holidays on the wrong days. And nobody stopped him, but also nobody played alone. Because in addition to bickering, everyone's just wrong about everything. That's, that's comedy, right? And he also is doing nonstop impressions. Yes. But again, nobody engages with. They do their own impressions. It's, It doesn't. Impressions, no, they're just accents. They're not like, he's not doing Christopher Walken or something.

He's just like, and now I'm a fancy lady from a different country. You're like, what? Why? Now I'm a real, real dodgy Jewish impression. Maybe we shouldn't try. See, I didn't get that they were like voices from any place or that any human is done. So I assumed they were references that I wasn't kidding. I don't think so.

Maybe old-timey cartoon references or something. We're both probably a little bit right, a little bit wrong. Yeah, he's pretending to be like his own assistant and colleague, but they're in front of him. Yes. They know that he's not another person because they can see him with their eyes. And I guess that's the joke. I was so frustrated at this because I didn't know what I was meant to believe was happening. Yeah.

My assumption was, he's like, yeah, let me check with my assistant. Hi, I'm his assistant. Like, wait, what? What? Maybe it's that like they're so stupid. that they don't understand if he does a different accent, they think he's a different person? I don't know.

That could be. But I don't know why the filmmakers would think we would assume that. No. And then think, oh, there's something funny about that. It's just so fucking crazy. This is one of those movies. Every once a while, we generally do get credit from the audience for being like, they really walk you through the movie really well,

so you don't necessarily need to have seen it. But every once in a while, we do a podcast where, like, If you haven't seen the movie, at some point, you're like, what the fuck are they even talking about? I can't follow anything that they're saying. And that's because we can't follow. This is an accurate presentation of the movie. We're not bad at describing these scenes. We're not leaving anything out.

This is exactly what happens in the order that it happens in the movie. It's fucking broken nonsense. Yeah. If you're confused, we're giving you the movie experience because watching the movie feels very much like when you have a dream and everything suddenly shifts and it's like, no, now we're in a hospital and all the doctors are crazy and okay, now we're in a movie theater and this guy's a movie producer and you're like, what? But like way less interesting that that sounds because the interesting version of that was the first movie. It was a karate Christmas miracle. I do think that's fun to watch

because it's it gives the vibe that Lydia was just saying of like shifting dreamlike kind of madness that it shouldn't be there. This is like the same thing, but it's all in a sears. It's all in a Walmart or something. You're just like, I don't want to be here. There's nothing interesting for me here, but I'm not allowed to leave quite yet. It's like watching people argue in a Sears. That's the vibe. Yeah, it's watching two insane people argue with the invisible people that the other can't see in a Sears that is Burning Town. Right. Right. It's the kind of thought that you have, like, as you're, sometimes as I'm falling asleep, stuff will stop making sense in my brain and I'll think, oh, good, these are subconscious madness thoughts.

I'm about to fall asleep. That's what this movie feels like is that it's just skittering on the edge of understanding. Back to the kids movie, the woman comes in and she sees a maniac smashing pies with a hammer. This was obviously written for Gallagher. There's a watermelon here that he smashes, but they didn't get Gallagher. So they just had this book, another guy doing it. Good for Gallagher. Because there's a precedent.

They got everybody here. to do the thing, to not do the thing they're known for. So if they had brought Gallagher in, he would have said, I'm not going to smash that watermelon, which point they would have said, I have no use for you, Gallagher. Whereas like you could still have Jimmy Walker say words. Yeah, but like you can't do that with Gallagher.

If Gallagher's on screen and he's not smashing watermelon, you're like, so you're just racist? Like, is that? Yep, you're just reading me bumper stickers from the fucking 60s? Fuck you, man. So the producer loves this movie, obviously. He's like, I'm going to show this to my partners, and we've already tried to describe that. We did a fine job, but it's fucking crazy.

They are about, they're like, oh, good, we're going to be rich. The mom and the uncle are outside the movie theater. They know where they are. They're stalking them. They're like, let's go get them and get our fucking movie back. The movie seems to forget about this because then they cut to the woman at home later. And she just apparently didn't bother confronting them to get the movie back. So she's listening to the radio about the Congo government being overthrown because her husband is there.

During the elephant match, it led to a military coup against a bodybuilding Norse president. It's so fucking stupid. It's like a really mediocre father making up a bedtime story and just like he's too drunk for this. it's also it's also like all of the Congo stuff is just delivered by people telling you what that was yeah you hear it on the radio while other people listen

yeah you'll never even and it's not like a background we hear it you know in a background transition the movie will grind to a halt for like 15 20 minutes like a third of its runtime and you'll just listen to a radio tell you about what might what's happening this totally unrelated thing that's happening in the Congo about wrestling and coos and bodybuilders. And it's stupid.

Like every detail is just like, I don't know, that's something, right? I really don't know. But it's all diogenic, right? So this radio is being passed around to the different actors while they listen to it. And at one point, they put it on the table of a diner and our two villains are listening to it. Like, it's brought to them by the waitress. Like, here's your pie and a radio so you can listen to the Congo, the plot that's happening. but the sound was piped in later,

so they're just reacting in really big ways to a silent radio in ways that do not make sense after they add the audio. I just want you to understand that every aspect of this film fails. And so it's obviously going to piss people off. Yeah, like the weirdest part of this to me was when the woman who's in the movie within the movie playing the interpreter for the dad's character

like drives over to the house of the family and tells the wife that she's in a newscaster in real life and that this is a very important news story and then leaves and never comes back and never has another line and that never comes back ever again. And so this woman's two roles in the movie are interpreter and then woman who says she's a newscaster and then leaves forever. Exactly. But the fact that this is such a big story means that the bad guys know that her husband is stuck in the Congo so that they can't be wrestled, which I guess is their only weakness. And so she picks up the phone for the next ransom call.

They've done so many ransom calls. They just keep calling and setting up the same ransom over and over. And she's like, I know who you are. I know your address. Then they say, ha, we're actually in your brother's office. So I guess they just can do crime in this world. I don't know. The son's also missing, but not because they just cut to the coma kids' house, and there he is talking to his coma friend.

Yeah, what's he doing? He's delivering the plot again. He's delivering the fucking plot again. Once again, my friend, who's in a coma in case you forgot, you're in a coma. And the villains are staking out something. I can't quite figure out why or what. And then they decide to go home and play with the stolen Christmas presents. Like, as a team, like she says, let's do that.

And he says, you know what, that's actually a pretty fucking good idea. Let's go play with the Christmas presents. They leave. As though it's not a joke, though. It's not delivered like a joke. He's just like, actually, that is a pretty good idea. He's like, oh, yeah. And he's like, yeah, yeah, I think so.

Let's go play with toys. Or he sort of says it like he has an evil plan. Like, you know, when someone says something, you say, yeah, that's a good idea. And it's actually like you have a new evil plan, but it's not. It's just them going home and playing with the Christmas toys. Yep. With an 11-year-old boy's Christmas presents, some of which are close. some of which are pretty boring presents.

So the mom takes another ransom call. And this time she's like, you'll get your money, but you won't beat us. And I don't even know what that could mean. The bad guy now tries to explain to it like, yes, I'm going to get your money. Ha, ha, ha, ha. And she's like, hey, why don't you just distribute the movie? And I don't know why she would ask that. And he's like, no, no, no, I want the money now.

Sure, I'm going to distribute the movie. That's a great idea. But I want the money now. It's like we're seeing the writing process for someone who doesn't understand. understand anything. Like they're asking. He also just told her, I'm going to betray you and not give you the movie. Yes.

But it's like someone writing this down thought for just a moment. Like, why would she say this? And then didn't come up with an answer, but then also somehow put that non-answer in the fucking script. Well, I 100% guarantee you he had someone read the script. And they said, why doesn't you just distribute the movie? And he's like, oh, okay. Oh, shit.

I'm glad I got to tell them. It's a frenic hobo. Like, there's a detail here that makes a lot of this in universe makes sense. And that's like just before the meetup, everybody, the mom and the uncle and the two villains are all just slamming shots. They all just start getting blitzed in a way that's not even like commented on by the movie. Like it's a real surreptitious like an actor would just take a sip of coffee. They're just down and shots all of them. before the big meetup.

No chance it's fake. No chance it's not real liquor. They're just getting fucked up. Yeah, this is Eric Roberts on Cool Cat. This is like, this is a lot. This is them realizing, whoops, this is a lot sadder than I had banked. I got to get wasted to get through this one. Yeah, this is a, I think you said Eric Roberts, but you met Eric Estrada.

We all know. Eric Roberts wasn't in Cool Cat drunk? Are we sure about that? You might be right. Never mind. I think both Eric. were hammered in Coolcat. Any Eric could have been hammered in

all of the 80 star Erics were in it getting hammered. Ronald the whole time is like, just pay him. Pay them the million dollars. Pay them the million dollars. And let's see. I guess,

okay, the mom answers the phone and it's her husband from the Congo. I have a clip. It's good. It's not just the plot reiterated again. Ajax. Oh, Ajax. I really need

you here. I need my partner. It's Case. He's okay, but that idiot Weiner from the movie, he played Dr. McShay, and my stupid Ronald,

he didn't make copies of the film, and now Weiner and his girlfriend, they took the movie and they won a million dollars to give it back. Ajax, I took the money from your protein-shake commercials and your sports gambling. AJ! Are you okay?

Hey, Jack! And in case, he's so confident that everything is going to turn out well with Charlie and that this miracle he's been talking about, it's going to happen. And that Charlie's going to hear this movie and he's going to laugh and he's going to wake up. Okay. So, we get it, lady. There's no need to tell this to your husband while he's, apparently being shot by an elephant.

So they couldn't get the guy, like they wrapped shooting and Ajax just fucking disappeared into the wilderness, changed his name. They couldn't get him back to do ADR for the phone call. I guess not. I think he's the real father of the boy in the movie. I think he wrote the movie and probably produced the movie. I didn't. It's not worth going to the IMDB for these fucking lunatics. So he's under arrest after he was unavailable to do ADR.

They're like the. the call from the prison phone was just of such poor quality. They couldn't use it. I think the idea is just that the dad is such a strong, powerful, potent man that if he were to get involved in this plot, like, even over the phone, he could somehow defeat the criminals. I mean, like, I feel like when they were trying to decide how he got money, they're like, how does the manliest man make money from protein commercials and sports gambling? And wrestling elephants! Yes. These are fucking idiots.

So he, the bad guys are, they're doing some nonsense. It's hard to follow. The bad guy has a can of tennis balls and screams. We're German. Like it just occurred to him a great idea. It cuts away. It turns out he thinks Germans are good at making bombs, I think, because they go, they meet up for the exchange and he says, we're all going to throw.

This is going to really piss you off, but I'm going to try to explain it. He says, Please. Please do. We'll throw you this hard drive of the movie and you throw us the million dollars. And they're standing on a wrestling mat in just a weird dark high school gym. And he says, I'm going to spell the word bear and then I'll throw it. And then the brother says like a cupboard bear or like the animal bear. So they're doing hominem gags.

Then the mom is like, let's just count. And then the other brother's like, what if we just do ABC? So I'm just saying this is all the shit that's happening. And it's just dragging this out, not even a desperate grab for. a joke. It is, it is seriously like just a brain misfiring while someone dies underwater. I did not realize this was the climax of the movie because of how slow it was. I was like literally like, I'm going to scroll Reddit for a little bit because like this is so boring. And like, and then I'm like, wait a minute, is this the climax of the movie? Yeah, this is it. This is the thing

that took like 20 phone calls to fucking organize. What, the whole time he's, he's pretending, he starts pretending that the canister of tennis balls are not only, he's filled them with explosives, but not only that it will also shoot like a gun, it will shoot explosive bullets at them. And again, that sounds like, that sounds like something your five-year-old say, and you would say like, hey, focus up, buddy, come on. Stay sharp. It's a completely clear, as tennis ball canisters are, clear canister of tennis balls that you can just see with your eyes has just tennis balls in it.

Yeah. He didn't even glue some wires to it or anything. Yeah, she chooses to believe him for basically no reason. Yeah, I am, okay, I have one more thing I want to say before we advance the plot. They throw the hard drive, but it's not a hard drive, it's a sandwich. He describes the full sandwich, a chicken salad sandwich on a Portuguese roll. Now, the brother says to that, R-O-L-L or R-O-L-E, baby. So he does an Elvis and a homonym thing in a place where there's no reason to think.

it would be a Portuguese Elvis role, I guess, for like if Elvis was starring in a Portuguese movie, that's not what that is in the box. Is there chicken salad on that? Yeah, the time Elvis played chicken salad. Hold on. My sister opened a box. Are you telling me that inside that is the famous scene where Elvis played a chicken salad in his role in a Portuguese film?

That's the fucking guess. A fucking gang in the movie. And rightfully so, the villain says, no, but. No, that would be crazy. But you're the one who fucking wrote it down, you stupid fuck. You piece of shit. I think he genuinely cracked in that moment. Like, he was clearly expecting the villain to like play along with the, like,

or at least to express like exasperation. They were like, ah, I don't start that again. He's just like, no. what the fuck what do you fuck no what did you just say and then he i think in real life that was the last scene he ever filmed he just walked out of that jib and they never saw him again i'm fucking done with this but uh the the mom is starting to not believe him because she's like hold on a second you're that guy from the movie that my son made and he's like yeah yeah yeah but like i also did special effects and that's why these are real bombs so yeah okay i was lying about being a german bomb maker

sure, but I am also. Didn't he say something about being, he used to be a Navy SEAL? He's like, your husband recruited me from the Navy SEALs. And that's, you're like, I don't get the joke. Why would she believe this? Does she believe this? How could she? And then mom and her brother have guns.

So they're like, oh, well, this solves everything, right? No, no, listen. Ronald is a bad guy. Ronald betrays her. He's only the stepbrother. This is a super reveal. He's not a full brother. He's a stepbrother and he wants the million dollars and he has a gun.

I'm going to say, I was genuinely shocked by that twist. Yeah. I gasped a little. I was like, oh, oh, my God, Ronald. Okay, I wasn't shocked by the twist. I was extremely shocked when they pulled out pistols in the middle of the West because, like, they haven't said it out right, but there's like the entire implied rule set of this universe does not work if you can just pull out a, fucking gun. You're right.

It's wrestling based. Yeah, it's wrestling based. This is wrestling in like antic based universe. And if at any point somebody is doing like, well, by the time I spell bear, you've got to throw the hard drive and you just pull a gun and say, I don't think we're doing that. Like that's the end of, that's the end of every fucking bit. Yeah. You brought, this is a different movie.

But she didn't, she let the fucking bear thing play out for a very long time. Yeah. Well, why was the Congo overthrown by wrestling if everyone's, still has assault rifles. They do have guns in the Congo. You're not allowed to ask about why the Congo was overthrown by wrestling. Don't ask that question. That's not allowed.

It's very frustrating that you broke the, I didn't even realize there were rules to this madness. And then as soon as they pulled out pistols, I was like, well, that's against the rules. We can't do that. The dad comes in to wrestle the villain. And then. In a wrestling singlet. Yes.

You got to say that. You have a full wrestling singlet. good good point very important actually uh and then but still gun beats wrestling um even if you have like a human shield his stepbrother's like i will fucking fully shoot you through that man ajax has the the husband ajax has the villain in like a in a wrestling lock and a little like half headlock thing i don't know what the term for what he's doing it i don't think it's a real movie i don't think so uh but like he's clearly like he's trying to do physical action acting like, I'm keeping this guy in check and he's struggling, but nobody told the villain to struggle.

The villain is totally limp. Yeah, he's totally limp the whole time. Only every once in a while, Ajax will just thrust him a little bit. He's just kind of hoping on him. And the whole scene, it's like this. It's like 10 straight minutes of Ajax just thrusting a limp man. You know, like what? Sounds like my sex life.

Am I right? Oh, my Luga. He says, He's like a slippery hot dog. While he's yanking him around. That also sounds like my second flight. That's how you fucking write a joke, wrestling Christmas miracle. That's antics.

So now we're like, what a standout. How are we going to get out of this one? Surprise. The child runs in with his wrestling singlet and pins his own uncle. Oh my gosh. Yeah, it's matching wrestling singlet. Sorry. Matching wrestling singlet with the dad.

That's right. So important. And you're thinking, oh, that's kind of dangerous for the kid to tackle a guy with a gun. No, he knows the gun is fake from earlier. He also knows that the tennis balls aren't real because he knows this guy's a fucking idiot. He cast him in the local movie with Michael Winslow. So, yeah, he probably isn't a secret bomb maker. That's the fucking movie.

We cut back to the fake movie that the child made. I do have a clip of Martin Cove's grand finale, his second scene, and just, you're going to love this. There's my bad girl. I didn't know you were here. That is a serious invasion of my privacy. That's the evidence against Dr. Stone. A crazy patient's ramblings during a psychiatric appointment. She is not an ordinary patient.

That is Dr. Mia Borrejo, a renowned neurosurgeon. And also the former roommate from medical school of Dr. Stone. I assure you when she is caught, she'll be right here alongside of Dr. Stone. Maybe when she gets here, she'll remove the other half of your brain. Are you still the sensei at Cobra Cow? No mercy! Sweep the leg! He just needs a little more time. That's how that fucking shit landed.

Oh, God. Yeah, this is what I was saying. Like, you're listening to the podcast and you're being like, I can't follow what they're talking about. That's a clip from the movie. That's my movie. Nothing happens visually that you're not getting. They are describing what's happening in the movie. And then none of it is the words aren't connected together in the way that a thought is formed.

I think it's pretty self-explanatory. The little boy kills his uncle. And then, you know, hard cut to the movie that's supposed to wake his friend up from a coma. And it doesn't. It doesn't work. It doesn't wake up from a coma. Hard cut to Martin Cove putting a little sauce on Yankee doodle dandy. He comes into that room just going, yank, doodle, ha ha, dandy.

Nobody's telling Martin Cove what to do in this movie. I love it. I think he was supposed to be singing a lot of those lines, but only one of them is clearly singing and sort of ended with yelling. I really liked that. I like that the dad verifies it is Martin Cove, the actor Martin Cove, his son high. his son hired for the local movie. So they explain every cameo in the film. Not well enough, like, as Liddy showed, if you don't know who these people are,

it's not explained for you. It's just like to reassure you if you are a 60-year-old person who watched a lot of TV in the 70s, like, yep, that was, that's who you thought it was. Or it's naked spite for all of these cameo rules refusing to do the thing they're known for. Because Martin Cove came in and was like, I'm not doing karate. And they're like, well, guess what? We're doing it at you. You know what? I don't even think that we mentioned that Gilbert Godfrey is in this movie. Oh, you're right. Yeah, that was the saddest one.

This movie is so fucking crazy that we forgot that Gilbert Godfrey has a scene in this movie. You know what? Like I'm used to Gilbert Godfrey being in bad movies very, very sarcastically. Like it's clear he's having a bad time and he's like, this is a piece of shit. I'm going to do a real bad job. Fuck you. That's most of his career. And I kind of love him for that.

But I've never realized that he was like doing a bit until now. Because once he's actually in this movie, you're like, oh, that's what it looks like when he's really pissed off to be in a movie. Like that's this is what this is what it looks like. This is him really. pissed off to be in this movie. Yeah, he has like two lines and he really phoned him in, but they showed those two lines twice in the movie. Yep.

I've never seen a man so sarcastically exist. Like, even when he doesn't have a line, he's just like, I don't want to fucking be here. Fuck you. Oh, fuck. It's a fucking weird and stupid. I don't know if there's anything left to say. I guess they did call in like the full CIA to take the bad guys. Oh, you're right.

No, there's an ending. Yeah, you forgot the ending. I forgot. Okay. So magical. And it actually kind of contextualizes the whole movie for me, honestly. Like, I feel like there's a theme and I got it once the ending happens. They take the bad guys away to the Congo extrajudiciously through like a secret black ops, like kill squat.

I mean, you'd say it's crazy, but that's what we do now. They were just ahead of the time. Yeah, they were just a little ahead of the times. And now, after the movie didn't work, the kid stays behind alone with the coma child. And this is exactly what I was worried about earlier. He just starts fucking pulling him apart with this raw gorilla's drink. Yep, the strongest child in the world. He wrestles his friend who's in a cold.

And starts, he just limply picks up his covento's friend and starts bending his neck all crazy. But that's it, wakes him up. There's a weird little dream sequence for four seconds and then he just needed a good jostling. This whole time someone could have shaken that kid and he would have popped awake. Yeah. So the theme of the movie is art is trash. Art will not help or heal anyone. The world revolves around wrestling.

It was the wrestling the whole time. Oh my God. You're right. The movie has a theme, a motif. And it's wrestling. And it's wrestling. And also don't trust chiropractors. It doesn't do this.

It won't do this in real life. And so the kid wakes up. Yes, really flubs. line and then our main kids says it's a true Christmas miracle fucking title card. Like we don't get a chance to like just get the

get the fuck out of here. Hard cut. It should have been such a hard cut that it should have been to like outtakes Jackie Chan style of just Martin Cove like flying over a desk beating the shit out of some guy. Einstein Hounder Frankford. Welcome to the

1-900 Hot Dog Stage. A brand new comedian. debuting here tonight, the insult comic with class Lord Jimathan Jiggles. Thank you, that's quite enough, though I should say, flattery, we'll get you everywhere. Ah-ho, what a supreme audience we have tonight. I recognize a lot of faces, though they might not like me saying that. Oh, I see Aaron Cruston here, a peacock in everything but beauty. Oh, Adrian H. I see Adrian H here, Alex Nolenberg, Alpha Scientist Java, Anandhi, Armando Nava, Autumn Armstrong Berg.

Oh, I see Brandon Garlock. He has one of those fine bureaucratic faces that once seen are never remembered. Oh, Brian Saylor, Brockway famously loves the meat millie, a little too much if you know what I mean. Cyril. Christopher Worthing, I am told porkpacking is the most valued profession in America. Tell your mother, I said, thank you for your service. Oh, I'm so naughty. Common sense, I see Greg Le Moyne, Dan B, David Schell. Popularity is the only insult that has not yet been offered to Dean Costello. Oh, uh, Delta Fox Trot. I see D. Gavin the Rogue Supreme here, I see Dusty's rad title and Elizabeth Schope.

Elliot Watson, it is said that he can talk brilliantly upon any subject, provided that he knows nothing about it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, , good Satan, good Satan and his hot witches, I see you there. Greg Cunningham, Greg Cunningham, is an excellent man. He has no enemies and none of his friends like him. Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, I slay, I truly do.

Ah, Haraka, Harvey Pengweeney, honk! I have here, I want Brockway to say dyke, which I'm allowed to do because this accent might be Dutch or something. You don't know. Jabr Al Aden, James Boyd, Jared Clack. Jared Mountain Man, it's the perfect man. Always dull. and usually violent Oh

Jared Ruiz John Deebate John McCabin John Minkoff A lot of John's here tonight You know what I'm saying Josh Quicksall It is said

Some cause happiness Wherever they go Others whenever they go Eh but no really Go fuck yourself Josh Quixal You know what you did Joshua Graves

Justin B Katie Faville Reminds one of a badly bound him book. Give her a few minutes, folks. She'll get it. Ken Paisley. K&M.

I see KVH. I see Elaine Haygood here. Lisa. Oh, she seems like a good citizen. Or a faithful wife. Or something else. Equally tedious. Oh,

M. Jahi Chappelle. Mark Mahoney. Matt Riley. Max Broy. I see Mercenary Sissidman here. Michael Lair. Mickey Lohman. Oh, Mickey Lohman.

such kin student always ready to give his betters the full benefits of his inexperience oh-hoo mort mr bob gray and d Neil Bailey Neil they say there is no sin except stupidity so tell the devil I said hello ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha oh fuck you Neil Bailey Neil Schaefer neck in 104 Nick Levino obsolete. Ogian Supreme is like the best art. All style unpolluted by sincerity. Oh-ho. I'm told One Ball Inn has been received in all the great houses. Or once. I kid. I actually like One Ball In. Henri Weevil, Ozzie Olin, Patrick Herbst. I see Peewee's uncle here with Rebrandtru and Red

Wine Time. Riannon. Hello, Riann. Russell Bauman. Oh, Russell Bauman, everybody. You seem, Russell, you seem the kind of person who's brilliant at breakfast. No, don't get that one? Go team up with Katie Favel. Maybe you two can figure yours out together. Sam Koppnik, Sarkovsky, Sean Chase, Seed. Space Jam fan, I may not agree with you, but I shall defend to the death. You're right. To be a dipshit. Spotty reception, super not, day to stays, 10H.

Thomas, Thomas is such a good friend, he will always stab you in the front air. Thomas Cavatzos, Timi Leahy, Toasty Gun, I see Tommy G here. Velo. Velo is the kind of person who deprives one of solitude without providing one with company. Ha ha ha ha ha. That one was bad. Victor Malavankan, Booster, Whalen Russell, I see Yvonne Clavom here, Zach and Eva, Jeff Oraski is chaos illumined by flashes of lightning.

As a speaker, he has mastered everything except language. As a dancer, he can do anything but move with rhythm. And as a wiener, he is everything but plump. Oh! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I kid, of course. Thank you. Thank you all. I'd say you've been lovely, but I've been told untruths cause wrinkled. Oh, no, but seriously folks, truth is everything.

Stay true. One must always strive to be true to what they are, even if what they are is a nasty little cunt. Ah ha! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.