The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 275, The Martin Kove Space Marathon with Dirk Marshall

Episode Date: April 29, 2026

Seanbaby and Brockway are joined by Dirk Marshall to close out Martin Kove Month with a three-movie all-Kove space marathon. We watched Final Equinox, Timelock, and Laboratory. It's definitely too much Kove. We fucked up. We fucked up!

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I'm Sean Mabber from the internet. My partner was a person of interest in 11 Hunk disappearances. He's the great Robert Brockway. Some way or another, I will be number one. If Hunk works on Highlander rules? Yeah. Absolutely. I'm getting there. That's what authorities thought you were up to.

Here's a Brockway fact. One time I actually met Martin Cove's lawyers. No follow questions. Our guest is a hot sauce man and a movie man. Buy his sauce at MarshallhotSos.com or listen to his podcast. It's called VHS. Both of those things aren't spelled like you think. It's hard to plug him.

He's our pal, Dirk Marshall. Thank you. It's great to be back, and I hope we're still friends. Best friends, but holy shit, these movies are bad. Did you have to watch all of them? No, I only watched one. Okay. But I think it was the worst one. I can't be sure, but I'm pretty sure I got the worst one.

All right, we'll see. We'll find out about that life. Let's do some books. Rockway. Where can people find more of you? Of course, I am still legally obligated to promote my new book. I will kill your imaginary friend for $200. It is objectively good.

Go look up some reviews. You will object. like it and purely according to the numbers, if you don't like it, you are wrong. The numbers are very clear. Yeah. Yeah, that's my plug. That's a great plug. I like that it's just efficient now.

If you don't buy his book, you're wrong. Yeah. We can back that up with data. Yeah, I've got hard data to prove that and like, come on, we all knew, right? We all knew any amount of success was going straight to my head. Like, nobody's surprised by that, right? No, no, we knew this was a ticking, ticking bomb. The second I read your book, I was like, God damn it, it's good.

Oh, this is going to not end well. Yeah, you knew it was just a matter of time before I might totally slide into narcissism and madness. Wait, that's my plug. Help me slide into narcissism and madness by buying my book. Yeah, it's a good plug. Derek's going to be a tough plug to top. Oh, God, I didn't know how to top it. Geez, well, the podcast is we're on a little break.

And so I'm just currently scheduling new episodes and finding movies that people probably aren't talking about elsewhere. But the sauce, let's talk about the sauce. Marshall's Hote sauce, H-A-U-T-E is the spelling. This is the time of year that is the best time to get in on our sauce of the month club. That's where we mail sauce to you every month. The reason this is the best time is because the first weekend of every summer we do limited batches of like maybe 20 bottles of something that will only exist in this one. batch this one time a year and the only people that can get that are the people that go to the farmer's market or are on the sauce of the month club so that's what i'm providing

fuck man very professional hot sauce plug you got like a a limited edition i didn't think you were going to top my plug i also bought the book it's very good so i'm helping with that too excellent and i buy so much of your fucking hot sauce it is like it's great the entire refrigerator door of my refrigerator it's all through the whole thing you think i wouldn't need it if i do eat it a lot. I put it on everything. Thanks. Thanks. Every time I see an order come through for you guys, I'm like, oh, let me try to find something unique to put in there with some rad dudes cards or something. I like, um, like you tell me at the farmer's market, people come up to you and they ask you questions, like, hey, can you put this on chicken? So like I do, uh, I do like to ask you sometimes if I can

put the hot sauce on chicken. Yeah. And the answer, of course, is no. No, no, none of it works on chicken. Absolutely not. Don't, if you have chicken at home, do not buy his. hot sauce. Sorry, reverse anti-plugs. It's like bleach and ammonia, man. You just can't do it. It's a terrible chemical explosion. It's true. I get, can I put this on chicken and would this be good on eggs? Are the two most asked questions of the last 15 years of me? And I sometimes just want to say just one of them, but not the other, but not give a reason. I am old enough now that I know exactly how many polite responses to that I have in me in one day. Like I got four of those. The fifth guy who asked me if you can put hot sauce on eggs. I'm like, you're a fucking idiot. Get the

fuck out of my sight. And I know. That's why I had to go inside after four of them. I had a guy last weekend come up to me at an event and he was like, which of these is going to keep me on the toilet the longest? Oh, God. And that was, I saw the life leave his girlfriend's eyes in that moment. She just didn't want to be there and I didn't either. It was, it was really a treat. Because she knows him better than you, of course. She knows that he rehearsed that. She's like, God damn it. He's like, Like, he wrote that in the car. He spent all last night just looking in the mirror and perfecting. She knows it sucks, but also knows it wasn't a good performance of the shitty idea.

She's like, God damn it, he sounded better in the mirror. Didn't even nail the-up. Fucking blew it. Didn't even nail the line. I can't believe it. Hate him so much. Speaking of hate, it is Martin Cove Month, week five. Is it week five?

This isn't week six yet, is it? I think it's just five, but we'll probably get into six. We're going to be week 70 by the time we're done with Martin Cove Month. We asked Dirk, a bad movie expert, to pick a Martin Cove movie. He picked four. I don't know how you fucking missed that badly, but you gave us one blood sport and three space movies, which is what's called the perfect cove ratio of art, I believe, by scientists and arts scholars. So I said, let's ignore the bloodsport.

We're all doing a space cove today, but no one would ask someone to watch three Martin Cove space movies. So we each watched one, dumb-ass Martin Cove, Outer Space Movie. Each of us will have 20 minutes to explain it to the other. others, we have some rules. While listening, you get three interruptions each, and you must use your interruptions. And anyone who breaks any of these rules must die. So I got, I think mine was from 1983. It's called Laboratory. Dirk, what was yours called? Time lock from 2000. Yeah, wow. I got final equinox from 1995. Fun fact, I didn't know Dirk picked these movies. I already had Final Equinox on my computer.

Nice. I've also watched all three of these, so just to make it worse that I had three to choose from. And I got sound clips from Dirk's, so I did scrub through it. So I did see Jeff Speakman doing his Kempo. That was my big reveal. Oh, I hate to spoil. Jeff Speakman's in it, everybody. Oh, my God.

I don't know who that is. Have you seen the perfect weapon? He had one shot at Stardom. and blew it because Perfect Weapon did not ignite the hearts of me. It's far too generic of a title. Like, it's impossible for me to say yes or no to that. Okay. So Perfect Weapon was about Kempo Karate.

Perfect Weapon does Kempo Karate. So he hits you like a million times for zero damage. Or one damage. Let's say one damage. But then he ran into a mini boss halfway into the movie that had one armor. So all of his punches did zero damage. So in his own movie, he put the guy immune to his own karate into the main story. and we all got to see his karate fail in real time.

I'm a bold decision. I don't think I've seen it, but I've heard about it. It's one of those things where, like, you wouldn't think this is the movie I've heard about so much that I've basically seen it. Yeah, maybe so. Yeah. Let's see, who wants to go first? Dirk, you're a guest. Either take it or assign it.

Ooh. I really want to hear Brockway talk about Final Equinox. I'm ready. I'm fully ready. Do you have my sound clips? You got those, right? They're all set up. I will start a timer.

Oh, there's a, we're timing it. Do I lose, do I lose cove points if I go over? I did not rehearse this. Yeah, well, I mean, none of us rehearsed it. I'm going to start your time in three, two, one. You got 20 minutes. All right, so, yeah, I brought Final Equinox, 1995, one of the most 1995 movies ever made. I'll just walk you through it.

It starts with an archaeologist, just one. Like, they'd like to work like that. He's got a Jeep and like no tent. He's just working in a crater in the desert when he uncovers what looks like a silver bowling pin. And I think to the extent it might actually be a bowling pin painted silver. It has some weird writing on it. And he acts like it's a mcuffin rather than just obvious trash. So I'm going to use my interruption here.

He recognizes the silver bowling pin as some sort of special like space artifact immediately. Yes, but you the viewer will. not. It looks like garbage. It looks like actual trash. Not like it looks bad. It looks like you would see it and be like, oh, like some art collective painted up like a fancy bowling game or something and threw this out. Like, I don't want this. This is why you need a second archaeologist. You need an assistant to say, no, Martin, that's a fucking bowling pin. I'd never seen a solo archaeologist take before with no equipment. He was just out there pawing. Just brushing for bowling pins. Yep. Just solo pawing in a crater.

Then we cut to my favorite time, my favorite era, the not so distant future. There's a couple of decently attractive, but like, not Hollywood hot. Hollywood seven and a halfs, I want to say. And they're sitting around just being kind of hot

in a room that is clearly soundproofed with egg carton foam. But you're not supposed to know that. It's supposed to be a spaceship. They did that with they did that with egg carton foam. I've been in enough shitty practice spaces that like immediately oh this somebody records here like this is this is not space but they zoom out and they they show us the spaceship

and the spaceship lands on earth and I got a question enjoyed the space oh this is your second question is the outside also made out of a carton no it is terrible like model mixed with some really clumsy CGI it looks like it looks somehow like it hurts the ship to move through space? It was, that's what I figured, but it was still worth the interruption. All right.

I can continue. I hope you enjoyed the space portion. That's over. That was it. It was good. That was it. I have a question. Yes.

Did we already see the best CGI effect in the film? Yes. It feels like you knew the answer to that too. We are just wasting our interruptions. Burned them. So we cut away from that We cut away to a crack mercenary team They're invading a futuristic complex

To steal the bowling pin By complex I do mean a parking garage They think space Like the future looks like a smart park They get in an elevator It's again, it's obviously the elevator At a parking garage The uniquely terrible elevator

Where homeless people die They get in there there's some there's some like space karate uh i guess i should call it it's not space karate anymore it's earth karate there's some earth karate uh earth karate here as they like take out the guards they're doing some sort of high stakes you know heist mission i have another interruption okay have we seen any equinoxes yet or is this whole thing the final equinox uh i don't think there's an equinox in this okay uh i think just a cool word very generously i I think at one point maybe Martin Cove is wearing Equinox shoes.

Maybe in the future there's a brand called Equinox and Martin Cove's rocking them. Okay. What led you to believe that? That doesn't count as an interruption. I feel like that's a real important question. They're just very conspicuous shoes. And I feel like they made that choice on purpose so that you could look at them and be like, I guess that's from the future. This also isn't an interruption because it ties into fashion.

Does it wear sunglasses in this movie? We will get to that. Of course we will get to that. You were a fool if you don't think I have multiple Martin Cove fashion checks built into this. Okay. Okay. It's my favorite part of Martin Cove is that he always just brings his wardrobe from home. It's so clear because he doesn't match the tone of anyone else in the movie. He just shows up looking fucking rad as shit.

And everybody's like, man, this is, we're all supposed to be homeless guys. What are you doing? So, yeah, we cut back, we cut back to the couple, the couple from the spaceship and the egg carton foam. They're back on Earth. They're breaking up because their space vacation didn't fix all of their relationship issues. This is my first clip, FE1, The Darkness. It's super long. Feel free to talk over it.

It's so dark and small. I can't do it. Excuse me, but did we just have a great vacation or... I don't know. Excuse me. Was that not a really good vacation? I mean, what the hell did we even go for? It's too dark and small.

You're just having vacation withdrawal. Oh, they should have called the movie that. The space is dark. Don't give me that psychic layered aura, psycho babble, will you? Come on, do you want to be with me or not? I have to leave. Is that Robert Keating? What the hell do you want me to say?

What? I can't structure my life to keep you from feeling dark. Jesus. Take some responsibility. Yeah. Was I stupid? I totally bought into this reconciliation. Just a lie.

Right? Is that what you think? You just wanted a free vacation. You think it's the rest of your point in. You cannot. Yeah. You and a gouging therapist. Oh, you're so shallow.

It's like they're having two different conversations. From like a... Cross a boat. You can't see me. I can't see you. Each of those people are professional actors. I did bring that, and it is so long, because that is, I want to say 60% in the movie. It's just that argument.

No, no, like over and over again, it's just these two saying things like that that don't actually connect up in human language. And then they're saying things like, you wear dark and small. And he's like, I hate dark and small. What about the vacation? I didn't even like the vacation. Is this the final equinox of your relationship? Maybe? I do like vacation withdrawal.

I'm going to start using that a lot. He accuses her of just having vacation withdrawal. She's got vacation postpartum disorder. And then later he accuses her of only dating him for vacations. Is he like a travel agent? There's a lot of talk about vacations The vacation was the space trip That was it

We saw 15 seconds of that The start of the movie And it just like looms out The shadow of this vacation Looms over this entire plot Did we get to Joe Laura yet? No, not yet Okay

So she calls him She calls him dark in that argument And that's also important Because it turns out he really hates it When people call him dark It's just an instant trigger for him So the mercenaries The mercenaries are

Selling the bowling pin And they're selling it to I think this is Joe Larr right The guy They're selling him to Jesus Jesus? Jesus

Does he have long hair Yes Yeah it's the guy from Steel Frontier Did we talk about that? Hmm Again, with the movie titles, I've seen every variation of those words that have ever been... I feel like I've seen Steel Frontier seven different ways. Yeah, never mind.

I've seen Frontier of Steel. I've seen Steel the Frontier. Barbarians of Frontier, Barbarians of Steel. Of course. Yeah, most of those, I think Joe Lurro was in that. Yeah. They're all Cove pictures. Yeah.

I think he's the head mercenary. He's one of the mercenaries, at least. and he is just having a great fucking time doing this movie. He's, I would say, 90% of the effort of this movie comes from him, just chewing the holy shit out of the scenery. They are selling, they have the bowling pin, and they are selling it to a guy, an uptight nerd. I got a question.

My final interruption, I'm very curious if anyone in the movie knows what the bowling pin does yet. No, that will happen much, much later. They will tell you what it does, and that is important. And I guess I just need to shut the fuck up from now on. All right. Smooth sailing from here on out. So it's a setup. The guy pulls, they're going to try to trace the cache.

The guy pulls an Uzi on the mercenaries. But he only brought eight bullets for his Uzi. So he pulls out an Uzi. He sprays it for literally one quarter of a second and then looks down and like, what the fuck, that's it? He didn't hit anybody. He didn't do anything. They kill him very casually.

They think it's really funny. That's weirdly realistic Oozzy physics. Yeah. Yeah, he was not prepared for it to be that short, and he didn't do anything. So we come back to, he gets killed, and we got back to the guy, the guy from the space couple. We're going to call him vacation cop. I think his name was Lugar Bronson or something like that. That's going to piss him off, but I'm going to call him the dark guy.

Sorry, that was an interruption. Oh, oh, oh, see, that actually, it was an interruption, but it does lead into our next clip. He is actually he's a cop investigating the murder of the Uzi guy He shows up on the scene And you can go ahead and play the second clip FE2 Corner Do you run Prince DNA

Yeah, results should be coming in soon It's gonna take all day I'm not a programmer man I'm a corner, all right Jesus seem dark man Look, don't call me dark all right the fuck is any of that dialogue just because he wears a trench coat

he's a hard-boiled drunk cop who always drinks he's literally lit much darker than everyone else in every scene doesn't make him dark he's also addicted to an asthma inhaler which I guess is some future drug but they forget to be like oh I'm high or relaxed so it just looks like he has asthma throughout the rest of this movie Uzi Guy

I feel like I'm running out of time Uzi Guy was Central Intelligence which is the future CIA and they come in they recruit vacation cop to help them get the bowling pin back Now they meet up To do this official deal at a strip club

So we get to see some future titties That's a high point in this movie There are some future titties They get attacked at the strip club There's a chase scene through another parking garage I think it's probably the same parking garage, to be honest. More earth karate here. They catch the guy and then the central intelligence agents that vacation cop just agreed to work for

reveal they have electric wolvering claws they use to torture suspects to death. I have an interruption. Okay. How rad does it look? It looks pretty fucking rad, honestly. I'm really glad to interrupt it to ask that. Like, it's a little out of character with you like, whoa, hold on. cool because they like it's total wolvering claws they just poke out of his hand like when he makes a fist and then they have like taser electric going through and he puts it on a forehead and shocks him until he dies uh it wasn't a great interrogate they didn't get anything out of it just it doesn't work for the intended purpose no no it didn't do anything except for kill the guy but it was fucking sweet uh and then again just 20 minutes of long interminable uh vacation bickering uh but they do fuck again

They fuck again here, a vacation cop and his horrible vacation grifting girlfriend, I guess. It's not great. It's not a great sex scene. Like, they're both, they both have the same move, and it's to hold their hands completely flat, like you would feed sugar cubes to a horse and to just pet each other with them. Okay. It's, it's a... Sounds very anti-Sadriss.

It's like they're trying to give each other a sponge bath, but they don't realize they don't have the mitts on. very much that fun so she leaves on the mercenaries break in for more earth karate they take him to Martin Cove who's the big bad guy and he just tells them like

listen you guys screwed me on that first bowling pin purchase let's just try that again okay doesn't even raise the price doesn't even like the price has doubled like no villain moves he's just a very reasonable guy

so so they wrap vacation cop up in a straight jacket and a Hannibal Lecter mask. This is how they take him captive. They throw him in a cell and he just idly dreams about fucking for a while. Okay. He just starts thinking about fucking and we watch some, we watch people fuck. And then he like snaps out of it.

It's like, wow. That was fun, I guess. That's genius filmmaking. Yep. So the next day they just let him go. They didn't have a plan for it. They just wanted to keep him there for a little bit for no end toward no goal. And the next day they just kind of toss them out of a car still in the straight jacket.

And he is freed by an old homeless pervert. And that is the next of my clips, FE3 Pervert. You got a minute. I didn't always look like this. I used to be big and tall and good looking. And I had a big tall wife and she was blonde and she had big feet. She had these huge great feet. Like a conzo with toes big.

All right. Look. Look. I'm taking it. He would have gone for 20 more minutes if he had cut him off. Yeah. The way vacation comes, like, all right, look,

I'm taking off, all right. It was just so chill and casual that like this has happened to him a lot. He's like, I don't, I look like a foot guy. I know.

I don't want to hear about the feet, though. Speaking of a foot guy, it's your five minute warning. Ah, fuck, fuck. I have so much more than that. The pervert teleport, you've used way more interruptions, you sons of bitches.

The pervert teleports to his house. teleports so how to his house ahead of him. We do see future vacation cops' apartment is decorated with two enormous complete elephant tusks. Okay. So he's a real piece of shit. Yeah? The pervert explains, I'm not just a pervert. I am a pervert.

But not just that. I'm actually a super genius quantum physicist archaeologist who's first found and studied the bowling pin. He says it's a life bomb meant to terraform planets, which would instantly, if it went off, turn all of humanity. into ferns. So that's what it does. Quick interruption. Does he get a boner?

Is he also a fern guy in addition to being a foot guy? I understand that's four interruptions and it cost me my life but I have to know. I think he has a boner throughout this script. The pervert is just constantly erect. I think it's probably what the bowling pin really does.

I think he's just making up the fern shit. So vacation Cup throws him out. If there's a pervert out, he meets back up with the CIA who take him captive. They're more earth karate. He runs and he finds that they've also kidnapped his girlfriend and they're going to use her as leverage

if he doesn't agree to do the job that he was already doing. Okay. So it's not super tight writing. They forgot to like, they forgot to, you know, have some sort of stakes there. They do implant a tracker in his brain so that they can track him and see everything he sees. They will also forget about this. that immediately.

Okay. It's revealed that the quantum pervert actually works for Martin Cove because Martin Cove gives him prostitutes. That's his pay. He accepts his pay in prostitutes. Yep.

So he gets a prostitute and he goes away for a little bit. There's a quick Martin Cove fashion check here. He is in a purple, crushed velvet trench coat with big white space high tops that I want to call equinox. He's got like an X harness made out of dog chains and leashes.

There's a huge turquoise choker, like an Indian lawyer. He's got John Lennon's exact glasses. And he has a belt made out of bullets. And in the middle of that X harness made out of dog leashes, there's a huge red stop button that knowing Martin Cove does nothing if you press it. That was an excellent description. I'm going to refund all the time you used. You have three more minutes on the clock.

Okay. They meet up again to do the swap. Just straight up cash for the bowling pin. It doesn't go well. The quantum pervert steals the bowling pin, and they all go to chase him instead. He runs off and apparently built an ultralight helicopter out of a novelty windmill, a tarp, and a city parking bench. And it's all powered by a lawnmower motor. It is visibly a ridiculous pile of trash.

Even for a quantum pervert, you're like, well, that's not going to work. Get on that. Here's the crazy part. it doesn't work he's just crazy so he runs up and he he just starts Poconite it because it won't fly it would never fly and then

Martin Cove catches up with him and Martin Cove just laughs you think this is really funny he's like I'm not even mad you just give me back the pen this was like really sad so the quantum pervert he rambles for a while about how life will actually be better as a fern

so Martin Cove has him shot CIA and the vacation cop arrive, more earth karate, they killed a quantum pervert, Martin Cove kills them, he does not even bother retrieving the bowling pin because again, it's just trash. He's like, he just kills them and it's like, okay, I got my money. The bowling pin, however, rolls down and touches water, and that's how it gets set off. So it never touched water in all of its history here on Earth over millions of years or whatever. But it touches water now and it starts to activate.

and Vacation Cop, he frees his girlfriend, the CIA, he gets the drop on Martin Cove, and here's how that unfolds. Martin Cove, like, oh no, you got me, vacation cop's got the gun on him. Martin Cove's got his hands in the air, and then he slowly lowers one hand with the gun. Vacation cop, he does nothing. Martin Cove points it at vacation cop. Vacation cop, he does nothing. Martin Cove shoots him once just to test. Vacation cop still does nothing.

So Martin Cove very, very slowly and deliberately shoots him form. more times. And then vacation cop keels over and lays on the ground. And Martin Coe walks away like, I don't know what that was. And then Vacation Cop suddenly reboots and shoots him in the back. So it's a very strange scene. That is the action finale of the movie. Vacation Cop's wife jumps in the hilarious pile of trash helicopter and through the boundless power of imagination it now flies. Oh my. It's, yeah, they, they, for a, For a very short amount of time. It flies for 500 feet.

The life bomb goes off and it turns the whole world into ferns underneath them. Just like the quantum pervert said, he wasn't making that up. Okay. The hilarious pile of trash just stops being a helicopter and they crash into the ground. They're somehow unharmed and they look over and just realize they're about to be turned into ferns too. They could not outrun the bomb. Only it stops at the very last second because an alien we have never seen before. comes by, turns it off, and flies away.

That is the end of the movie. I'm sorry, I know this is against the rules. I did take one more clip. Please play FE4. Okay, here it comes. Detective, come here, come here. Is everything all right? You seem dark.

You don't look very paraphrased. Really? Oh, what a movie. You seem dark. Deus X, Furnica. It's what they call that. Nice. Wow.

So let's see. You went a couple minutes over. Dirk, I think you only interrupted two times. I interrupted four times. And Brockway, you brought us four clips instead of three. We all died. Okay. Well, can we at least be turned into ferns?

100%. Yes. Because according to a pervert, I know, that actually rules. Those fern effects are incredible. I've never been a foot guy. But now that I'm a fern, I kind of get. it. Yeah, fern feed are different, man. She had these gonzo toes. What are you? You gotta be such a foot guy to like just volunteer that to someone. You haven't verified as a foot guy. You're just

a, you're a super normal guy. And here's someone who's just like, I'm trusting you with my purve shit. It's down to the, down to the toes. Listen, here's my favorite part of feet. Hold on. We're not on the same page. I didn't agree with the foot premise. I'm an armpit guy. Okay, okay. pretty gross. What's your favorite part? The toes. I mean the pit. The fucking toes.

All right, Brockley, you choose who goes next. I choose Dirk. Great. All right. Let me get a timer ready. Gather yourself. All right. Timer starts now.

Okay. I got TimeLock from 2000. It's directed by Robert Munich, except for on his IMDB, which you do not find him credited for the director of my love. It's produced by John Air. who directed Shadow Chaser and Project Shadow Chaser 2 and 3 and Judge and Jury. Oh, shit. I have an interruption.

Covemaster. Yeah. I know this is early. Can we prove this is not a Project Shadow Chaser sequel? Well, I own those, so I don't. We'll have to see as we go through here. How would you even know? Well, each of them have eight different titles depending on whether or not it looks like you're interested, I guess.

I assume they're like standing around outside like a fair somewhere being like, It's called Project. No, Project. It's not called that. It's called Shadow. Shadow Ninja. Romulus Deathhunk. Frank Zagorino is the star of those movies.

And since he's not in this, I don't know if we can call it. Okay. But I do think this is proof that there is like a punch card for Martin Cove. And if you do enough of them, you get one for free because I think this is the free one. It's like a Cove Groupon, if you will. It starts in the year 2251 on the Alpha 4 Max Security Penal Column. which is a space prison on an asteroid, which is, of course, genius.

The inmates have neck implant devices, which they shorten to NID because that's necessary. I have an interruption. That's fucking stupid. End of interruption. Oh, you only get three of those. So if you travel off the planet, there's satellites that'll cause you to die,

but not explode. Like in a cool way, it's just like someone puts a red heat lamp on you for a second, And then you're just no longer. You get light blasted. Yeah, basically. Not even juicy head explosion effects? I take it back.

That's not my interruption. That was more of a reaction and interruption. We won't count it. So one cool thing about this movie is that there's like, the real bad people are cryogenically frozen and hung off the side of the asteroid. So there's all these shots of these tiny little miniatures that look like tiny little miniatures of people hanging off the side of the rock. Okay, now I want to use my interruption.

Yeah. That kicks out. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. I was going to burn mine on that. I do have a question, though, to help me picture it, are they, like, full-on, like, man in space? Are they in, like, pods or something?

No, they're, like, wrapped up like mummies. Oh, that's weird. It's really weird. It cuts directly from that to Teigs, who's played by Miriam Diabo from Extra and Living Daylights. She's talking to Admiral Teeges because eventually they're going to reveal that it's her dad, but they just have the same name. So we know right off the bat from their very first conversation. And I think that's our first clip.

Okay, so I do have this one. This was a long one, so just tell me when to stop it. I had no idea when you wanted me to stop it because nothing happens in this clip. I wanted to see how long you did. Sending men to A4 to die. Code to red. I mean, shooting them would be more honest. Oh, I'm with you there.

Line them up and cut them down. Nitch ship system check commencing 1600 hours dimensional. I'm sorry. mean to sunset callus why do you torture yourself shuttling around all those hard and criminals in that death trap you call the ship but then again you've always been I'm a pilot said that's what I do I do have an alternate position available for you thanks for the offer but I'm happy where I am by the way okay you can get it okay so on the country I just want to kill us for you just

Oh no Kind of a bitch That's from Shadow Chaser That's just how I stopped it Great Well that made a better movie I just wanted to illustrate

That there's no way aside From the names that you know these two are related Wait that was the father and daughter Yes Why did he say I have a better position for you And you couldn't see it But Sean unfortunately had to The way that they're looking at each

other you're like do they want to have sex with each other like it's sure sounds like it's very disturbing gross uh it's the first of many times people look like they want to have sex with each other the rest of the movie is basically every person delivering lines that are one-liners that also insinuate they might want to have sex with that person um they then cut right to a hacker who's robbing banks mission impossible style but on a budget of zero dollars um then they get him some prostitutes he's arrested and this is ari gross from uh gone in 60 seconds and minority report He's a wisecracking sleaze bag, and so you think, oh, clearly he's not the hero, but yeah, he's going to be the hero eventually. More prostitutes is currency, though.

Yes, yeah. In the future, the dollar is prostitutes. There's also... How many prostitutes than a nickel? Cubs win! Oh my gosh. It cuts back to a prison transport, and these are the real bad guys. So there's a guy, Jeffrey Meek, who's in this.

He was, he's like an effeminate space orro in this movie, but he was, Okay. Shou Khan in the Mortal Kombat Conquest TV show. Okay. Of course. Yeah, they hit a 90s. Everybody knows that. They hit a 90s screensaver hyperspace.

And then the warden on the planet tells them the rules of the prison and that they'll die if they leave or what it's not important. Yeah, okay. So these bad dudes that are now on, on the prison planet, immediately start, they put a virus in the system and a huge prison outbreak. happens. So then you realize these bad dudes wanted to go to prison to free somebody there. Classic. Who are they trying to get to escape? Well, it's one of the ice mummies from outside, and it's

Jeff Speakman. The ice mummies aren't dead? No, they're cryogenically frozen outside of an asteroid in space. They can just hang them outside and be like, like meat in Alaska? Yes, exactly like that. We each burned an interruption to get more details, and it still makes no fun. It's a fucking sense. No, it looks awesome and makes zero sense. Oh, you got a clip? Is this where the clip is?

Okay, number two, here it comes. I suggest we can get inside before you'll win it looks like a stack of buttons. That's it. They revealed Jeff Speakman's face in this dramatic reveal and a man talks about his Willie instantly. Like a stack of buttons. It's very specific. As a comedy writer, I spend a lot of time trying to evoke an image, right?

I don't know if I've ever... I just don't know if my brain would ever go down a path where it's like, I need to describe a penis. You know, a pile of buttons. That looks like a cold penis. What's wrong with his penis? Was he frozen so that they... I guess this is my interjection. Was he frozen so that they could wait for a future time when they could heal button penis?

It's not how you... store buttons normally, I would think. In the cryogenic freezing outside of Nostroids? Not to mention, if those, if that's a long, tall enough pile of buttons, I mean, good for him, right? Depends on the size of the buttons, man. Agreed. Not enough information.

We need more. We'll count this as an interruption. He emerges from the mist, and Speakman is known as McMaster. He's the big bad guy. And at this point, you think, like, okay, we've got Jeff Speakman. in the perfect weapon. And Martin Cove from Karate Kid, this fight is going to be really incredible. They never even are in the same room. So Teeggs and her co-pilot, Teegs, remember, that's his daughter, they separate instantly once they're on this planet. And we learned that her co-pilot was part

of the bad guy's team. Oh, shit. So then Teegs runs into the wisecracking prostitute guy from the beginning, and they instantly fall into a trash shoot. And from the rest of the movie, they're like, buddies for some reason? Um, does he think she might be a a prostitute. So yeah, he thinks she's just money. It's like you found a nickel. I'm friendly towards Nichols that I find. I just stack nickels and then I'm like, look at that giant. Looks like a penis. And Speakman calls Cove and this is my last clip because I wanted to show that they have these two actors that they're putting on the front of this VHS box and this is what we get. I would like some assurance that you won't detonate the charges upon your retreat.

What's matter, Admiral? Don't you trust me? Or should I say us? Jesse? I'm okay. Listen, he's got the main controls on him. If you fire on us, he will detonate the charges. Looks like you've raised a very bright young woman here, Admiral.

But if you use full firepower, and blow us out of the sky. It's not a thing he can do. Right, but impetuous. So what is it, Admiral? Huh? You're going to stay or you want another hit? Why don't you instruct?

That's better. Just hold your position. I'll get back. Jesus. Those are like, among the top ten karate stars of the 80s. Maybe not top 10, but top 25. They'd be in the conversation of karate.

he stars in the 80s, and they are having a phone call with 40-second pauses in between each line. They really did not pay Martin Cove enough prostitutes. I think he's doing it like with an earpiece. Like, he's like, okay, okay, keep me my line. Because there's a lot of space between words. That's full Segal. Yeah. That's like...

Yeah. It's really shocking. Do we see him get... Do we see Martin Cove get up in this movie? Does he spend the whole time in a chair? No, he's standing in a hallway for most of it. Okay. That's something.

That's a little bit of effort. And he does put on a weird shape reading glasses at one point. So there is a pop glasses. Space reading glasses. Yes. He's got to have a weird thing. Yeah. So Teeggs and Ari are released and then capture it a couple times.

And then Ari sword fights the space sorrow guy outside in the, you know, where the frozen people were literally in space, but he can breathe. Yeah. And then that guy falls off. Wait, they can breathe? Yeah. Oh, yeah. They're just, they go outside and it's just windy.

Oh, okay. And do they explain that? Like, is there like a rebreather or any kind of lip service paid to? No, you can only be outside though for three minutes because it's very cold. That makes sense. Okay. They say that twice. I think that pisses me off.

And that was my last interruption. So this is the big climactic fight scene, and it's between the nerdy guy who was hacker, hacking banks in the beginning, and the spaceoro guy. And it's shot, they're like the center of the screen. Everything else is blurred because they couldn't really do the effects. And then Ari somehow kicks this guy who is like a great fighter with ninja swords and stuff off the asteroid, and then he explodes. I forgot to mention there's these painted baseballs in the movie or tennis balls. They're painted silver, so not unlike the bowling pin in Brockway's film. And they're giant bombs that can detonate an entire asteroid.

That's important because one blows up and it doesn't detonate the entire asteroid. Speakman almost escapes, but then the satellites are turned back on and Miriam's ship leaves and then he dies. But here's the thing. So you know that she's not going to die in the movie. You're not even really concerned about that. you're kind of confused that Ari the slime ball is our lead because he's really not great at anything. But the weird thing is they next cut to them in bed together in these giant red blankets. And there's a knock at the door.

And the person that comes in is the dead space sorrow guy, but he's totally fine. And then it gets to black and that's the end of the movie. What the fuck? It makes no sense on any level whatsoever. It's not treated like a joke. It's not treated like a dream. It's, it's, it's, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's fun.

It's like, it's set up a sequel. While you had six and a half minutes to spare. Oh, yeah. He wasn't showing up to be like, like, like, hey, looks like you got a party here. He was like, I'm still evil. He like, comes in, like, it's a sitcom or something. Like, it was the end of Newhart where he's like, he was totally, really, he's in. He just, like, slides in through the door and.

Gives him a giddy up. It's like he comes in like with flowers or something. He's like, can I get in on this? And they're just like, what? And then it just goes black. Wow. It's wild. Time lock has nothing to do with time locks and everything to do with,

like, yes, that guy. I don't know. Counterpoint, it took some time and they did mention locks. Okay. That's fair. That's fair. I do, people can find this on YouTube. And I recommend watching the beginning at least because you get to see the space

mummies hanging outside of the asteroid. It's a weird visual. Wow. And it's just because they're cold. Like, they just stayed out there long enough until they get cold. But you can bring it back. When they free Speakman, he's just like suddenly shirtless with his like Jesus hair. And you're just like, oh, okay.

Wait, what? He's not, he doesn't look covered in ice or anything. And then they just like bring him inside. And he's like, he's like, cool. I'm McMaster. All right. When they unfroze Martin Coven, the last movie we watched, they gave him like a a big wrong-colored beard.

And he seemed to least like a little groggy. Yeah. But he did want a beer. He like came out. Yeah. Really alcoholic. Nice warm beer. I've been nice, since I have extra time,

have you had a favorite co-movie so far in your cove deep-to? Oh, Judge and Cherry. Yeah, Judge and Jerry without any question. Not the Christmas one? I hated wrestling Christmas miracle in every direction you can hate. a movie. It's so bad. That was really fucking dire. Yeah. That was my own interruption. Excellent. I think you might have bought our lives back with all that extra time. Yes. So I mean, like, yeah, like congratulations to us. I guess I'll go last. Well, now it's up to you.

Yeah. Can I kill us all again? I got a laboratory, a 1983 movie. This will be easy. Nothing happens. I did it. You've left too much time on the clock You'll kill us all Okay, no, no, I'll describe this movie It's so fucking stupid So there's this like loud soundtrack That takes up the whole film Just kind of like

The whole fucking time There's these disco ball aliens And like when I say disco ball I mean they are completely covered From head to toe like Green Man but it's disco. So they're just like the little squares of reflective mirror. Okay.

So they are probing the universe for lower life forms. Did somebody start a timer for me or do I need to start my own timer? I didn't start. Okay, let me start a timer for me. There's no way you can do 20 minutes on laboratory. There's no way. It's completely absurd. Okay, so they start taking prisoners.

They shoot a big ball of light down to earth to get like a bunch of prisoners. They get a cello lady. they get a priest, they get an Asian lady, not the word they used to describe her. They get a Martin Cove taken care of a horse. His character's name is 32B, same size as his tit is. Then they get a drunk rich lady by the pool. They get a mustache guy jogging in his track suit. He's black, which will come up later because the rich lady is racist.

And his blackness gives him the ability to figure out that everything here is a conspiracy by the United States government, which is not something. something a white person would come up with. He's not right, but he's at least, he at least tries to figure out what's happening. Anyway, they get all abducted by aliens. I have my first interruption. Oh, please. Which of them was your least favorite? Oh, geez. What a, what a tough question. Maybe rich lady, but she's the one who thinks this is a real movie. So she's acting the shit out of it, but she has no talent. And so she kind of, She weaves in and out of like, oh, I like watching this lady fail at this task given to her

versus like she needs to shut the fuck up. What is going on here? So she's like my favorite and least favorite character. Priest is pretty forgettable. I'll use my interjection, my first one. Is Martin Cove wearing anything interesting in this movie? He's kind of just got regular clothes on. And then when we get to space, everyone's wearing like a little white paper shirt and slacks.

They didn't let him bring his own wardrobe? No, no, this was 83. Like, what are you even doing? He didn't have the Cove Cache. I guess so pre-Carrata Kid. You're right. He used all of that karate kid like cultural power to just show up in velour track suits. So Martin Cove wakes up in a, this is all filmed in like what looks like a shitty old hotel.

Of course. On Earth. That's space. That's their spaceship. As we know. He starts banging on the door. Martin Cove's like, get me out. They do.

They let him out. It just pops open. He finds the Asian lady nude under a towel. The two disco aliens are just kind of pawing at her. He's like, oh, save her. And then he gets freeze raid. And then he's like, no, he can't move. So he's like, hey, hey, lady, hey lady.

So they have him with a silence beam. Now he can't do shit. He just has to stand there and watch them while they, like, do weird alien shit at her. They stick a rod in her belly button. And they're like, she is missing. Reproduct evil. They talk like that the whole movie. You could barely understand them.

I'll use my second interjection. That sucks. Yeah, totally sucks. The whole fucking thing sucks. They unfreeze Cove. He lunges at them. They just freeze him again. And he's now just trapped in like a Darth Mall energy field.

He's really bored. He just kind of bored. And then they just fade away from that scene. Like that's the whole movie and stuff like that. I have another. Oh, this is so boring. Okay, go ahead. Do you feel like William Shatner was supposed to star in this and then couldn't and then somehow Martin Cove got it?

Because I felt like when I watched this, it's like when you see the later Cove stuff, some of the films where it looks like he's maybe, I'm just going to say, phoning it in, so to speak. In this one, he's really trying to emote, I feel like, in parts. And if you imagine it is William Shatner, it makes a lot more sense. You know what? I think you're right. I feel like the writer at least had a Shatner in mind when he made this. Yeah. You might be on to something because Shatner can sell a freeze rate.

Right. Exactly. And there's also a lot of like weird out of nowhere romance in this movie that I think Shatner would have been good at. Yeah. Whereas Cove has a menace to him that doesn't come across as romantic. No. He's like, whenever he like gets close to him and I'm like, he's going to like shatter her

arm so he can like pick a lock with her bones or something. Like he's not here to kiss her. I listened to an interview of him recently because of you all. And he just kept saying, like, well, I'm just so emotional. And I was like, I'm not the word anyone would use to describe you. Yeah. Like unfrozen violent caveman is what most people would call you. The mustache guy opens his door because he figures out it's like a cyber xylophone and he just hacks the door open.

I don't know why his didn't open when he asked it to. There's no dialogue. Interjection. Go ahead. I'm going to use any interjection. Is it? Is it even sort of implied that it's because he has the black power of rhythm? I want to say yes, because there is a music character that would have been more appropriate for this scene.

I think it's just, yeah, I think it's just natural, his natural R&B rhythm helped him hack the door. So he goes and finds the music lady. She tries to kill him with a water pitcher because she's like, I know you're in on whatever this is. they figure it out. They find Martin Cove, and he just sucks, so they leave. I have a clip. Wait, no, that's Dirk's. Here it is.

Those men down there. Those beings are operating on that Oriental woman. Last time I saw Archie was decked out on this table with those things around there. Wait. I don't know. I mean, I've been out of cold. so long, I still don't know what you're talking about. Maybe there's a...

Hey. Hey. Hey. That's not that bad. Yeah, come on. So, yes, Martin Coe's the only one who's seen the aliens so far. He can't describe them. Even though he lives on a planet where they have disco balls,

if you saw these things, there's nothing you'd call them other than disco ball aliens. That's just... No. That's it. exactly what they are. But yeah, they're like, they run in, they find the priest, and the priest is like, are you angels of God? They're like, fuck this, pass.

They leave him. Like, then Martin Coe tries to explain the movie as I've tried. He does a terrible job because it's too boring to be anything. And I can relate. So then the rich lady thinks that everyone here is trying to trick her into being crazy to like get her money. They're like, I know what this is. This is an insane asylum trick.

All classic. Classic fake alien abduction to make you sound crazy so we can take your money. That's what she figured it was. Look, you even Martin, you even booked Martin Cove like I'm not going to recognize him. Yeah, you're the guy from Carotica. This might have been a year before Cotidicid. So the priest thought this was purgatory. Martin Cove thinks this is a space experiment.

And then the mustache guy's like, no, guys, this is a fucking government thing. This is just the thing they do. Food starts appearing in everyone's room. They don't show it. It's just a metal popcorn bowl. and they all have to pretend it's real food. Martin Cove, by the way, doesn't care. He is just hitting on the cello player.

He doesn't seem to care that they're in space or they can't escape. The star nerds, Lee Sachs, the disco guys, they're holding a meeting. I have no idea what they're saying because they talk like this. They do think I caught a couple words about how the Asian lady is dying.

They take her to a laugh and casually cut her head off and just put it in a dome. But it is not like, oh, the heads come to life. It is, they just cut her head off. She's dead. They cut to the next morning.

Like, everyone just got a good night's sleep. Now, Martin Cove and the mustache guy decide to just kind of like, check out this place that they've spent a full day and a half in. The rich lady and the priest get stuck in a computer room and they like have to play this video game against each other. It's hard to explain because it's just such a baby game, like a dot beeps and then he hit a button. And if they hit the button at the same time, nothing happens.

If they don't hit the button at the same time, one of them gets an electric. shock. I have a clip of them playing this. It sounds too simple. I wonder if you could show me how it works just one more time. I just want to see if it works. Once more? Oh, but of course. All right now. Are you ready? I'm ready. Very good. Now then, wait for my count. I'm waiting.

One. Two. What happened? Did you... Please. Please. Stop it. Stop.

Stop. My dear priest. Please. You're not going to break. Please. Three. Three. Three.

Three. Behavior of female non-explanatory. Okay. She just shocks him to fucking death. And the aliens are like, what? what why so cove and the mustache guy just start bashing through walls and they find like an air force office

and they're like what so this this supports the mustache guy's theory that this is all government experiment Martin cove leaves to go make out with the cello player he gets cock blocked by the other guy going hey get over here let's open this door please so Martin cov comes and opens the door for him I guess he'd never tried it.

I don't know what's fucking going on. They find the medical lab with a headless nude body under a blanket. And they're like, okay. So this is where they keep their headless nude bodies. Then they find the Asian lady's head. And they're like, oh, you know what's going on here? We're getting studied, like in a kind of a laboratory. We're 50 minutes in the movie.

This is 50 minutes in the movie. Martin Coe says, you know what we should do is leave. So we're 50 minutes in, but how long did it feel to you? Oh, 200 years. It's the fucking worst movie The aliens see this and they're like Oh good fear of death Normal which is a perfect way to describe this movie

The rich lady is now losing it Like she kind of realizes Oh she just shocked a man to death for no reason So she is like monologing about Oh father, where are you father And she will not stop And it is insane I have an interruption here

Okay Do you think maybe that role would have been better performed by Martin Cove. A hundred percent. But it would have made it a four-hour movie. The headless Asian woman. Could he do that? I think he'd be really good at that, too.

Just if they cut his head off and put it in a bowl, I think he'd be... That's actually how he's playing most of this movie, his head in a bowl. I'm out of interruptions, but I'm going to use one anyway. When he found the headless nude body, did he give it just a second of a look like, nice.

It's hard to know what he was thinking, but it was the same look he gave the woman woman right before he kissed her. So I don't know. Take that how you will. Discredal. The cello player finds the priest who's just barely hanging on to life and he tries to explain what happened. I'll have a clip of that. Then, uh, what have they done to you? A game. It, it just went too far. Game, but game. Sharks. Oh, it's called Shocks.

That's it. Shocks, too, Shocks City. I love how the soundtrack sounds like somebody who just got their first synthesizer and just messing with the key. Trying to doodling. Not even playing. Kind of like that one. Bwom, that's a good one.

So, yeah, he wasted his dying breath, not telling her what happened. He could have said, that rich lady killed me with a speak and spell. but no, he's like, ah, no, no, no, listen, sometimes video games go too far. Sharks! Games called Shocks! She's still having her bad actress breakdown. So now, Cove and the Mustache guy had to scheme to mess up the power grid or something,

because there's a force field surrounding the windows. And so they find a tank of Butane, and the plan is to just do some shit to the fuse box next to it until the butane tank explodes. The cello player tries to explain what happened to the priest. She says, and I quote, I don't know. I watched him die.

Because he didn't explain himself very well. Shocks. Shocks! Martin Cove explains, this is his word for her, the Oriental one got killed. He doesn't mention how she got killed, and then he kisses the cello player. I think if he told her that they cut her head off, she'd probably not be in the mood, so he might have strategically left that out. Was his reason to kiss her because the other lady had no head? Yeah, I think he's like, I'm kissing somebody.

And this thing doesn't have a head. Oh my God. How'd she die? Naked. Naked. Speaking of. So the disco aliens tell Linda, the cello player, to sit at the electro-shock game. And then Martin Cove comes in and explains the plan right in front of the aliens.

He's like, no, lady, we have this awesome plan to blow this place up. Come with me. And then she starts playing Simon Says with a dumb computer and learns how to talk their language, which, if you've been watching the movie, is fucking English. Yeah. It's just English for shitheads. I guess she learns how to speak shit. Yeah, you speak it already.

It takes her like... This is what you sound like that shit. So she spends all this time figuring out how to say, I am a woman, and tells that like it's a fucking revelation. But it's literally the first thing they announced at the start of the movie. They're like, subject 14B woman, light skin. Anyway, a show or a bunch of pictures that stick figures killing each other. other and she's like, I speak their language now. And Cove is like, we are blowing this place up. Can you please leave? She's like, oh, this is awesome. This is the best video game I've ever played.

He reminds her that they killed two people. Then he has a like a fight with the mustache guy and it's such a bad fight. Like they kind of stand up wrestling. Then they land on the ground and kind of roll onto each other. And then the black dude starts just giggling and they stop. But it was a trick. He fucking blasts Cove in the face with a punch. Okay. I have an eruption. That's a good move. It's a pretty good move. He's like, I was just messing around fun wrestling match. Fuck you. He just start laughing like, what are we doing?

What are we even doing here? Punch. Cove gets him back hard. This dude's out cold. He runs back to get Linda so they can escape before this spaceship explodes. But the aliens already by the Butane bank. He's like turned back time. Like everything they did to explode the butane tank is undone.

Then another disco alien shows up. Looks exactly like the first one. Martin Cove says, that's the other one. Thanks, dickhead. I call him space orientals. Yeah, so she says the aliens, hey, here's what's happening. Aliens and the aliens are like, oh, we brought your priest back to life. He's over there.

He's sitting with the lady who killed him. And Kove says to the murderer, you weren't too nice. And the guy with the mustache is like, this is all a fucking government conspiracy. And then everyone loses it for no reason. Like, they're just fist fighting. And then the aliens say, oh, this sucks. They put them all back where they went, erased their memory. There was no point to any of it.

And then it's not quite done. Martin Cove starts whistling in a restaurant and the cello players in the same restaurant. She hears the whistle. And she's like, hey, where'd you hear that tune? And Martin Cove's like, I don't know, I just fucking picked it up somewhere. And then they're like, do I know you? Because like, their love transcends the memory wipe machine. And then the aliens are watching.

And they say, these subjects require further study. And it just immediately cuts off. So I think they're teasing a sequel to this pile of fucking shit. It sounds like they're either teasing a sequel or they're like, no, no, we can't do that. No. It has to stop. I did it. Two minutes, 40 seconds left in the clock.

Yeah, but we each used 20 interruptions. Yeah, there's really, it's impressive that you made it that long because there's so little to say about this movie. Yeah, it's true. I don't think I left a single detail out. No. So the nude Asian lady, she doesn't. get to come back to life? She did not come back to life. No, she died of fear. Like when the aliens popped out, she's like, what the fuck? And just died from being so scared. That I guess

half her uterus fell out because they said that half her reproductive organs were missing, which they didn't set that up earlier. She didn't like, I have a partial hysterectomy or sign. They're just like, oh, Jesus, we scared the ovaries out of this one that's cut her head off. Yeah, she was hysterical. She was hysterical. Yeah, so that's laboratory. It was fascinating. I'm a little mad at you, Dirk, for just putting that in my life. But it is kind of, it is fascinating that like someone would make a movie where nothing happened. It sounds impossible. I never would have, I would have bet everything I owned against this. But I think I got the best movie. Yes. A hundred percent, you got the best movie. I scrubbed through your guys' movies just a little bit. Yeah,

they looked bad, but nothing like laboratory. You're just seething with jealousy, the whole time. Oh, this guy's got, he's got his own cove outfit. It's got a full cove outfit. There's earth karate. They're all doing earth karate. Broccoli's got ferns and feet. Man, this movie had everything. I take it all back. That's a, congratulations, everyone. I think we

came back to life, just like the humans in laboratory. I think that's probably the end of Martin Cove month. That's a lot of Martin Cove. I killed it. I killed Martin Cove. Yeah. I think you did. I think you killed Martin Cove Month. I think we're good.

Congratulations. And congratulations to you, the listeners. I never thought I'd say I've had enough cove. I'd say, Welcome to the 1,900 Hot Dog Stage, a brand new comedian debuting here tonight. The insult comic with class Lord Jimathan Jiggles. Thank you, thank you.

That's quite enough, though I should say, Flattery, we'll get you everywhere. Aho, what a supreme audience we have tonight. I recognize a lot of faces, though they might not like me saying that. Oh, I see Aaron Crostin here. A peacock in everything but beauty. Aho. Adrian H.

I see Adrian H here. Alex Nolenberg. Alpha scientist Javo. An Andy. Armando Nava. Autumn Armstrong Bird. Oh, I see Brandon Garlock. He has one of those fine bureaucratic faces that once seen are never remembered. Brian Saylor. Brockway famously loves the meat milly. A little too much if you know what I mean.

Cyril. Christopher Worthing, I am told porkpacking is the most valued profession in America. Tell your mother, I said thank you for your service. naughty common sense i see greg le moyne dan b david shell popularity is the only insult that has not yet been offered to dean castello a delta fox trot i see devon the rogue supreme here i see dusty's rad title and elizabeth schope a leoniot watson is said that he can talk brilliantly upon any subject Provided that he knows nothing about it. Oh, oh, oh, Eric Christian Berg is here. Fancy Shark.

Jello, good Satan and his hot witches. I see you there. Greg Cunningham. Greg Cunningham is an excellent man. He has no enemies and none of his friends like him. Oh, oh, I slay, I truly do. A haraka, Harvey Pengweeney. Honk I have here I want I want Brockway to say Dyke which I'm allowed to do because this accent might be Dutch or something you don't know

Jabber al-Aid James Boyd Jared Clack Jared Mountain Man it's the perfect man always dull and usually violent Oh, uh, Jared Ruiz John D. John McCabin John Minkov a lot of John's here tonight you know what I'm saying Josh Quicksall, it is said some cause happiness wherever they go. Others, whenever they go. Eh, but no really. Go fuck yourself, Josh Quicksall. You know what you did.

Joshua Graves. Justin B. Katie Favelle reminds one of a badly bound hymn book. Give her a few minutes, folks. She'll get it. Ken Paisley. K&M. I see KVH.

I see Lane Haygood here. Lisa, oh, she seems like a good citizen or a faithful wife or something else equally tedious. Oh, Jahi Chappelle, Mark Mahoney, Matt Riley, Max Broyd. I see mercenary Cicidman here, Michael Lair, Mickey Lohman, oh Mickey Lohman, such keen student, always ready to give his betters the full benefits of his inexperience. Ohoo! Mort, Mr. Bob Gray, N. D. Neil Bailey, Neil, they say there is no sin, except stupidity.

So tell the devil I said, hello! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Neal Schaefer, Neku104, Niklavino obsolete. Ogilon Supreme is like the best art. All style unpolluted by Cincinnati. Oh, oh. I'm told One Ball Inn has been received in all the great houses. Or once.

Ha ha ha ha ha. I kid. I actually like One Ball In. Henri Weevil. Ozzy Olin. Patrick Herbst. I see Peewey's uncle here with Rebrandrew and Red Wine Time. Riannan.

Hello, Rihanna. Russell Bauman. Oh, Russell Bauman, everybody. You seem, Russell, you seem the kind of person who Who's Brilliant and Breakfast? No, don't get that one? Go team up with Katie Favelle. Maybe you two can figure yours out together.

Sam Copnik, Sarkovsky, Sean Chase, Seed. Space Jam fan, I may not agree with you, but I shall defend to the death. You're right to be a dipshit. Spotty reception, supernaut, Tater stays, T. Ted H. Thomas, Thomas is such a good friend, he will always stab you in the front air.

Thomas Cavatzos, Timi Leahy, Toastigan, I see Tommy G here. Velo. Velo is the kind of person who deprives one of solitude without providing one with company. Oh, that one was bad. Victor Malavankan, Booster, Whalen Russell. I see Yvonne Claibham here. Zach and Eva, Jeff Oraski is chaos illumined by flashes of lightning. As a speaker, he has mastered everything except language. As a dancer, he can do anything but move with rhythm. And as a wiener, he is everything but plump. Oh! Oh!

I kid, of course. Thank you. Thank you all. I'd say you've been lovely, but I've been told untruths cause wrinkles. Oh! No, but seriously. LeVolk's truth is everything. Stay true. One must always strive to be true to what they are,

even if what they are is a nasty little cunt. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.