The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 279, Raw Force with David Bell

Episode Date: May 27, 2026

Ever wanna eat a lady? Join Seanbaby, Tom Reimann and David Bell as they figure out how to do just that by way of RAW FORCE, the motion picture! Tom & Dave Plug: https://patreon.com/gamefullyunemployed

podcast of 1,900 Hot Dog. We're a leading website with daily articles by the Last Living Internet Comedy Writers. And we are thriving thanks to listeners like you who subscribe at patreon.com slash 1,900 Hot Dog. I'm the World Web's Sean Baby, and Brockway is still away on an international footpick signing tour for Hunks Against Hunger. So I have two guests. They are hype masters, Tom Ryman and David Bell.

Hi. Welcome back. Hey, hi. Hello. Hey. What's Brockway's problem? He is moving to the beautiful city of Portland, Oregon. Oh.

Feet picks. Weren't you listening, Dave? Do you have like a street? What's the street? Yeah, let me get his home address. Throw that up on screen. But yeah, he's going to be right up the street from me. We might be in person.

Whoa. I don't know how we're going to resist kissing. You're not. Maybe we just won't. Maybe that'll be the podcast. Wet sounds for 90 minutes. Welcome to the wet sounds for 90 minutes. What if you mean it?

It's like magnets. You can't touch. Oh. Like forces will not allow it. Well, we've spent time together. I think we've touched. We had to have touched. Are you sure?

Holy shit, now that you imagine it. You think, dude, you're you're sensing yourself right now. All right. Yep. Oh, my God. He was ignoring me the whole time and all the doorknobs were red. All the doorknobs were red. Oh, my God.

The doorknobs! Oh, I'm such an idiot for not seeing it. Let's do some plugs here at the top. David, please go first. I mean, we have similar plugs. So I guess I'll use this opportunity to say that people can check me and Tom out over at Gamefully Unemployed. It is a podcast network where we talk about movies.

Usually, we, we talk about old movies, we talk about new movies. We talk about movies that will be happening. Movies yet to come. Yeah, every version of movies. And then on our Patreon, we also talk about the X-Files and Batman. TV shows. Supernatural. Yeah, like, yeah, our Patreon is our TV.

TV, like we do movies. Yeah. That's weird. I just realized that. Well, sort of. We also have Spielboys. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's good. Any books are just TVs and movies? Just TVs and games? Well, no, we did a couple of books, actually, because we have a tier on that, on that taste of little Patreon where you can sponsor a podcast about anything you want.

Within Reason! And we have been asked to cover books before. What about ballet? Yeah, you could technically have us do a podcast about our feet. Like it really like It's ballet We could do ballet Yeah

I don't give a damn what Timothy Shalame says Oh yeah He like hates him We're still misunderstanding that poor guy I know I'm doing it on purpose I know what he meant

I know Yeah we all do I think everyone knows I do love that clip though Like McConaughey's trying to save him From saying it Yeah It's like oh no

I can't Hold on now Hold on now I'm okay with bullying him Like he's younger and richer than me. Yeah. Yeah. It's punching up still.

It's fine. Yeah. Even though he's smaller than me, it's still punching up. Yeah, exactly. I could throw him probably 40 yards. I bet if I, if we had a Timothy Shalameh throwing contest, I think I'd do really well. I think so too. I want that to be my plug.

My plug is Sean Baby can throw Timothy Shalomey 40 yards. That's my plug. I would need a good spin. Like I wouldn't do a javelin throw. I would do like a hammer toss. No, no, no. No, I would spin. Oh, you would spin.

Either spin is great. I would do like a Lamar Latrell run up. I'd have him like wobbly in my hand, perfectly aerodynamically aligned with my limp-risted throwing style. That's our Revenge of the Nerds reference. It is an important question. Would you throw them like spiral? Would you put a, or would you throw them like a boomerang?

I would grab one wrist and one ankle, and I would spin probably three times, get a nice big gather step and then just hurl him. I think the force of it might rip him in half, but I think you measure the chunk that goes the furthest. Or the largest. That's the Olympic. Yeah, the largest chunk.

It depends on what country you're throwing him in. Yeah, right. Which governing body. It was before or after 1956. It's very important. The rules changed at that point. Those were great plugs. Thank you.

While Brockway was away, I'm mostly doing self-indulgent stupid. shit that he would have hated. But today we're talking about something he's going to be so mad that he missed. We're talking about the 1982 classic raw force, written and directed by Edward Murphy. Not even close to the one you're thinking of, though. I love how many distinctions this guy made. He's Edward D. Murphy. He's like seriously not that one. And he knew. He knew he'd want to make that distinction. I feel like Eddie Murphy made him make that distinction. A legal notice in the mail. Yeah. You are a nice.

not putting this shit on me. Had you guys seen this movie? No, I had never seen this movie before. Yeah, first time. Were you glad to see it? Yes. My life got at least 16% better, having seen it. Wow, that's pretty good.

Like a measurable amount better. I didn't know karate zombies were on the table. Yeah. And now that's a thing that's forever on the table for me. Every time I see a zombie, I'm going to be like, okay, karate is something that could be in that zombie's pocket. Karate zombie wasn't the weird thing for me. The weirder thing to me was karate crews.

Like that was the thing that really... Karate sex cruise. Like when it becomes a sex comedy in the middle act? Yeah. I can understand karate zombies, I guess. I can see how that... Because like, someone knows karate dies and comes back from the dead. I'm like, got it.

Karate sex cruise, really... I really struggled with. Well, see, if you were a karate master and you died and came back from the dead, like, would it be like, Dawn of the Dead rules where it would be like echoes of karate, so you'd be able to do like half the karate. Like you'd remember that you'd like, you'd like,

you'd lift its leg at you, but it wouldn't remember that it would need to kick, you know, or something. I don't know. I think if you're, if you're good enough at karate, it's like second. It's instinctual, right?

Yeah, right. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I think even by Don of the Dead rules, uh, that I would still have a little karate in me. But by this movie's rules, I'd be like a full, like,

webe samurai. Right. You'd have more karate. you'd come back like Simon Phoenix. You'd have even more karate than when you win in. Yeah. Teddy Bay. Because of their cannibal magic.

Yeah. Well, you know what? We should just start talking about the movie. The movie opens with Hitler in a plane. There's no other way to describe it. It's Hitler. They were like, we need, it's Buddy Hudley with a Hitler mustache. And they were like, we need to make this sex trafficker.

We need to make sure they know he's evil. Give him a Hitler mustache. Hitler mustache, but also the Hitler comb over. German accent. It's pretty fantastic. Just moist all around. 360 degrees. Oh, he's such a wet Hitler.

So wet little Hitler. Did anybody look up the actor? No. No. Guess how many credits he has? One? One. Yep.

It's this one. It's just this. Beautiful. He nailed it. It's like Harper Lee. Yeah. It's people getting high, by the way, on the plane. with Hitler, and then it's the opening title.

Like, that was the teaser. The teaser is guys getting high in a plane flown by Hitler to an island. There's no zombies. There's nothing. Like, you'd think, like, after the first zombie attack, you'd do a title. You're leaving out the sex trafficking victims, the clear sex trafficking victims that they're flying with. Oh, yeah. You're like, oh, yeah, they're there, too.

When the title card for Raw Force comes up, you're absolutely right. If you think there's a throwing star in the own. 100% is a throwing star. Does anyone in the film use a throwing star? That is an important question to ask. Yes. Yes, there is a throwing star zombie. Oh, I missed it.

There is. Oh, dude, the swat lady blocks like three throwing stars with a bamboo snap. Oh, cookie. Man. Cookie. That cookie don't crumble. That's the tagline for her spin-off. It did end with To Be continued.

It's true. Yeah. It's true. Spoilings. It wasn't. I don't want to jump ahead, but like, that was the most shocking thing in the that Jamie. We've got to cut that twist, Jamie. Save that twist. Yeah. Save that twist. It's to be continued in a way that's like, I don't think

it needs to be. I think we said all we need to say here. Don't say too much. There's no so wrapped up. Yeah. Oh my God. It's so wrapped. Every zombie is dead. Every big character's fallen in love. They're so safe. They have all this money. It's just everything's great. Happy ending. The opening music is someone doing the shining theme from memory to. That's also happening. It was kind of like this. Yeah. Yeah.

I have the very, very first exchange of dialogue in the movie. I mean, play the clip here. Good morning. Good morning, Mr. Spear. Take off the clothes. Cooper. Will you please have the ladies' undress? Sure, man.

No. Yeah, take that. Ripping off the ladies' tops is the first response to the first line, and that line was good more. morning and the guy saying it was Hitler. Yeah. Like, that is Hitler.

Incredible. I'm just typing down my notes and I look up at the last three sentences I typed. I'm like, amazing. Yeah. Amazing. And it immediately, there's like something like 503 tits in this. I know.

It's an odd number. There's so many tits. It is. It's a odd number of tits. And it's all unenthusiastic tits. Like it's like every woman in the in this looks so bored to be in it. I was going to say, they're not even imperiled tits. Like, even the women who are supposed to be in cages being carried off to be eaten,

even they look bored. Well, yeah. Okay. I was watching this with Hana and this part, they like strip them naked, put them in a cage. And Hana was like, I don't think the women they got to do the ADR, I don't think they told them how much peril they were supposed to be in. Because they just kind of sound like, like they saw like a bugger. They're like, oh, oh.

They sound like they got the wrong order for lunch. Yeah. Oh, this is tuna. One of the weird monks, the evil sex trafficking, the voodoo monks, can'table monks. What's wrong with her about what the sex slaves in the scene? And that was very funny because I'm like, I think she's got a lot going on. I think she's been abducted, man.

She's having a real bad day. Yeah. Whatever's happening on this fucking surf ninja's island. Yeah. They kind of have a good scheme going because they're like, okay, that one's too skinny. We don't want that sex slave. Right. They're buying them for their weight in jade.

Right. So then they take off that amount of jade. They're like, let's take off a skinny lady's worth of jade. I think his main henchman's name is Cooper, but it sounds like Guba when Hitler says it. So I really like the name Guba. I'm going to call him Guba. Oh, is this red bandana? Red bandana, rat tail, hairiest shoulders alive.

He's the most hair suit man. I'll say it now. He is sidekick energy. He doesn't have henchman energy. Agreed. That's throughout. Like, I kept forgetting he was a henchman. I thought he was like the friend of the hero because he has that energy.

Well, he's the villain's sidekick. Yeah, he doesn't seem like such a bad guy. He's a goober. He's a little goober guy. They're not going to take the skinny girl back. They're like, we don't want this sex slave take her back. And they're like, no, they punch her in the stomach and leave her on the island. Guba punches her in the stomach.

So the evil monks, they get her anyway. They just like, they get a free girl. Yeah. But they don't use her. They feed her to the zombie. Yeah, the zombie ninja that I thought was going to be the hero. I assumed, oh, that's the hero about to save these women. No, that's not what happens.

No, that's not what happens, is it? He just pops out of the bushes, this zombie samurai and slices a sword. It's kind of mysterious, though. You don't know who he kills. Like, they cut away and you're like, ooh, did he kill the bad guys? Did he kill the monks? Or did he kill the poor girl? Did he kill the defenseless woman?

Now, at this point, I assumed this was going to be, I was like, okay, I see what's happening here. This is an island inhabited by a zombie kabuki master. and anyone who wanders onto his domain will be sorted. Sure. I was like one 16th true. Not even close. Right.

I thought it was like Bigfoot. Like there's only one? There's so many more of them. It's just one of them. I love you saw the sequence. You're like, I know what's happening here. Because I was kind of the opposite. Like so I didn't realize.

So they're trading jade. Okay, they're bringing sex slaves to the island in exchange for jade that they can sell. Yeah. And it does feel like. maybe just use, I guess I was going to say use money, but then like they had to spend money. So I guess they just kidnap women trade them. And then these monks. It's like laundering them. Right. And the monks might have been like, no, we don't want money. We just want, we want chicks. And like they're mostly going to, not mostly, but they're feeding them, right? They're sacrificing these ladies.

They're painting them. They're pasting them and eating them and cast and smells. Right. The marinating ladings. Their juice. And kind of nibbling. Like they'll have a barbecue lady like kind of out on a and they kind of just gnaw on her. Right. It's like a pick and pull. Yeah, a little pick and pull. It's like one of the late season, like, great British baking show like challenges. Oh, yeah.

You make like a nice barbecue lady that everyone can share. Anyway, we cut to the mainland, and there's two guys making fun of a tourism pamphlet for a place called Warriors Island, which is the island we were just on. It's a burial ground for disgraced martial artists. And these guys are like, that's fucking stupid. But it's like, it's your movie, man. So did the cannibals make the brochure? Like it's also, it's like, I thought it was like Skull Island, right?

It's like no. Who would have made it? Right. If not though. Who would have? Why is there a tourist pamphlet for the island they don't want anyone visiting that? Right. People apparently die in huge numbers.

Like everyone who goes here dies. Those brochures are printed by like the tourism boards of countries. So who made that? Who made it? Right. Did the monks? Are they just like, you know what? We'll cut the jade thing right out.

We'll just put out a pamphlet this year, see who we get. Yeah. Maybe that's like them trying to work their own deal, right? Because they don't want to be dependent on these, on Hitler and Gobbu forever. They want to be able to get their own chicks. We've got to, like, be more appealing than the canoe rentals. We want the Warriors Island pamphlet to pop when they're in that hotel lobby. Put the wave runner on front.

Some lady says, hey, you guys, you know what? I have a clip. This is a really good clip. All the shore that's going to shore. Are you the boys from the Burbank Karate? club in the flesh in the flesh the burbank karate club that's our team of heroes so good so i wrote at least five times who are the heroes of this film and who are the main characters because i never felt until like the very end where they're all in the plane i'm like okay so these were the main

characters because everybody felt like a villain and these fucking honkies all look the same like it's just all these like dirt bags from the 80s they all mumble their dialogue and often give up on lines halfway through, so it is difficult to follow. The screenwriter thinks he's clever, so he's trying to hide the exposition in the dialogue. So it's got a real stilted energy of them trying to be like, hello, here are my hobbies, and here is my name, and here's my next goal on the scene. In a way that tricks you into thinking gets a normal movie. You know what I mean? You're like, oh, this guy's just kind of a, he's trying to make a normal screenplay where things happen and this dialogue is going to push the

story. Yeah. And then they bail on that, I would say 15 minutes in, 20 minutes in. And it's just madness. Right around the karate demonstration on the deck of the ship on the rusty jagged, inhospitable deck of this ship. With no railing. There's like sitting there's, they have the, all the people like out in these like really

shitty old 80s lawn chairs like drinking cocktails. Like they're relaxing on the fucking sun deck of a carnival cruise line. That was my next note of. shock was do these people want to be here? Where it was like, wait, are they deliberately going on this boat for relaxation and entertainment? Right. If you looked away, you would just assume these were also captives. Right.

It's a barge. And then they all could go on it. And I was like, oh, they just need to get somewhere. And then there's like a shitty bar set up. Again, no railings on the deck. And people are relaxing. And they're acting like they're in a cruise. And I'm like, this is not a cruise.

Right. It's a real of Jason takes Manhattan situation. Yeah, where you're like, what is this boat trying to be? Of all the weird moments in the movie, the first one happens where our hero, our main karate hero, is in a speedo, and he's making some real bold moves on a lady that he sees on the deck. Yes. And the husband comes back, and he's like, what are you talking to my wife? He's like, oh, geez, dude, I'm sorry. I thought she was alone.

So we're like, okay, he's a good guy. He didn't mean to hit on a married woman. But the husband's like, no, buddy, here's a march. Martinie. Fucking nude fella hitting on my wife. Won me over instantly. I love Lloyd. Yeah.

Here's a martuni. It's the feeling that everybody on this boat is going to do a crime. That's why they're there. Yes. Like they're going to international waters. Or they have done one and they are fleeing a crime. Right. It feels it's a, it's an orgy boat.

It's like where it's like anything goes is that feeling. And it was a karate boat before they got there. Because their bartender is like a headbutt hobbit. The bartender is like a little karate monster. Oh yeah. He looks like a balding werewolf. He crushes ice with his head. That's why he's balding as he keeps breaking the ice with his head.

Yeah. Stop it. Maybe we're getting too far ahead. Yeah, we're getting too excited about the movie. Because it is an orgy boat. And this guy's like, hey, come sit with my wife. Here's a martuni. And our hero is like, sure, I'll do it.

And I think everyone sees where it's going except for the Burbank karate man. Like, he does not know that he's in a Todd McFarland situation. This guy wants him to fuck his wife. Yeah. You keep saying our hero. And I can't even picture this man in my head. Was there a shot of like a guy getting out and a like a close up to be like,

here is our main character? No. Because I never felt that way. Kind of. It felt writerless than that. Like, I was lost the whole movie. I'd say about 50 minutes into the movie. They call him the leader.

Like when Lloyd sort of makes his bid for leader and everyone's like, no, you're a drunk grouch. you can't be leader. This guy's our leader. And I was like, okay, so he's the main one. Because there is the more handsome karate man who also seems like he's tougher and better with the ladies. And you're like, okay, he's the one.

He's the hero. He's the move later specifically where I was like, well, he's the hero of every karate movie, but I'll wait until we get there. Right. This had, this definitely had like Miami connection vibes where you feel like it's- Yeah, it was a crueler Miami connection. But yeah. Right.

But it feels like a karate class decided to make a movie. so some are better than others at the karate. This is the karate class that made a movie. And then you watch and we're like, okay, we don't go to this karate class. We go to this karate class. Not this one. I think if I was in a karate class and realized, I know these guys from the film Raw Force, I'd be very excited.

That's true. Yeah, that's true. So they are doing a karate demonstration. And this was not planned. They're just like, hey, you guys from Burbank Karate Club. Why don't you like lead a fucking physical fitness routine on the boat? My shirtless cook is also a karate master. Perhaps you'd like to do a karate demonstration.

People are watching this. Yeah, they're just watching it. Like, it's the ship's entertainment. Right. That's what you said, like, improvise. I, at first, like, this was, again, I was trying to put all these images together. And I was like, wait, are they there for, are they the entertainment? Like, is this what they're there to do?

It's like a warlord situation where they're making them fight for their amusement. Yeah, I guess. Right. Our singer got food poisoning. We need a show. I heard you guys do stick fighting. So he's doing a self-defense lesson. He's like, I need one of you bikini ladies as a volunteer.

And one bikini girl says to the other, she says, go ahead, Cookie. He doesn't have to know you're on the LAPD SWAT team. And I mean, you barely notice the sneaky exposition. It's just so flawlessly hidden within the dialogue. So she's going to shoot him. She's going to shoot this thing. So she just shoots him dead. Yeah. She turns off her body cam and shoots him dead.

So far it's all kind of cute and normal. Like she beats him up during the. competition or during the demonstration, you're starting to get the idea the movie's made by a madman, but his mask is still on. He's still like, I'm making a normal movie. These are normal things characters in movies would do. His intentions are still pretty obscured. I got to give him credit. When you have a movie about a zombie island of ninjas and you kind of realize, oh, shit, we only have like enough budget to get like 20 minutes out of that. And you're like, okay, well, I need a, I need movie. Like, this is kind of, uh,

the mummy. Like the mummy is a lot of travel adventure, right? There's even a boat. There's even like a boat raid. So it's like he kind of knew like we're going to have to dazzle them while we get to the zombie island. And they dazzle us. Like he knows it can't be boring.

The dialogue is Tarantinoish is not like the exact word, but it is very much like none of this needs to be here. Some of the dialogue will come in. It's like, that's the craziest shit. Didn't have to be there. but like it's very interesting and it demands your attention. So the boat owner is talking to the Kung Fu chef, and he's like, I know we're going to go to Warriors Island.

We shouldn't go to Warriors Island. I'll let him explain. It's very strange. We're supposed to only sail by the island, not go on. A lot of our passengers want to go ashore and take pictures of the monks. No one is permitted to go there except martial arts outcast. Even they're allowed to go there. I don't need to die.

I love that. no one's allowed to go there except martial arts outcasts those are the rules all right and then only to die yes and even if you go you might die it's hard to tell because english is not his main language and i don't think acting is his main hobby but like we kind of get the rules kind of i'm i'm still in clear of why they know about it why they're telling people about this island that seemingly you just can't you shouldn't go to now i really don't know who to trust about the tourism brochure because the cook knew about the island. He's like, well, no, you're not supposed to go there.

Only outcasts go there. And then they go there to die. I feel like maybe the pamphlet was like added in the fourth draft of the script. But it's kind of integrated. I don't know. Because, okay, so next they go out, they go shopping. They're on like some mainland island or some mainland. And they go to a whorehouse.

Like the husband goes to a hor house and he takes the main kung fu guy with him. He says an amazing line. He's like, I'll tell you what, we're going to go back to the ship and soak our feats and epsom salts. That way tonight you'll have dance partners. Come on, buddy. And his wife's like, hell yeah, that sounds great. And he's like, the brads don't know it, but we is going to a whole house.

Going to a cat house. It's like an apartment, though, and it's like a really dank one. Again, it feels like everybody is here. They want to take a life. Like, everybody on this ship is looking to do something terrible. Like, these are the people who do. like the hostel. They're best say these are all the fucking people in the hostel hunt club.

Yeah. But here's what I was talking about the pamphlet because the husband's like got a couple ladies in bed. He's just poking at boobs. Right. He's just poking at her boobs like he's never seen one before. Like it's making a noise when he does it. Oh, God.

They should have 80-yard in some horses. It was so weird. And the karate guy's just at the bar by himself, has no interest in the ladies. He just wants to talk about Warriors Island with. the madam. And then Hitler comes in. Well, he knocks the door and she gets the door. It's Hitler. She doesn't care. She's like, come on in, Hitler. He sees the Warriors Island pamphlet. And he's like, guys, are you talking about Warriors Island? Because it sucks. You shouldn't go to Warriors Island. It is not a magic karate island. You just got to avoid the island. Yeah, it's busted. Totally busted.

Does no one in this movie, by the way, go, is that guy dressed like Hitler? I feel like no one recognizes. Nobody mentions Hitler. Not even when the guy with the swastika helmet runs. still, Hitler's name does not come up. They all, don't they get raided here and like... Well, they get fake rated. This is where Cooper or Guba is downstairs with his truck, and they back it right up to the building because Hitler was like, okay,

we're going to go up to this cat house and steal all the broads inside. It's in the middle of the day, so there's not going to be any customers probably. But he walks up there and he's like, oh, no, there's a karate guy at the bar. No matter. There's always customers.

They timed out from the lady heist to just talk him out of going to work. his island. He's like, you don't want to go there. Who keeps making these fucking pamphlets? So they charge it and the heroes jump out the window with a bunch of topless ladies. It's a really good movie, is what my notes say here. It's pretty rad. The music is someone trying

to do the Indiana Jones music from memory. It's like, it's like that jaunty like do do do do do do to do like we're having fun. Yeah, Lloyd's like you said you didn't want to stay long. Yeah. Again, he's trying to make them like an adventure movie. It's the mummy. It's the mummy.

Yep. With way more tits. There were so many tits in just this window escape alone. There's scenes where I'm pretty sure they were like, okay, all you extras, anybody want to take your top off? I'll give you $100. And they're like, this scene, we're in a bank. And they're like, I don't care. Doesn't that. We take your top off.

Doesn't matter. There's scenes like that where it's just like, can we get tits in this scene? Yeah. It's kind of incredible. Why do you think it's called raw force? Yeah. Maybe this is a weird thing to say, but in like a non-sexual way, like it feels very, chased.

Like, yes. It does. Like the way he's, the way he was prodding her boob in the scene for it. It's like, are you, do you like theoretically know about sex?

Is that like who made this movie? I love Annie Sedaris movies. And you watch an Annie Cedaris movie and you're like, okay, well, clearly Andy Cedaris, who directed this, does not know how to fuck. And yet the scenes you can tell are meant to be alluring. And sometimes they are, but like this movie is just like,

it's like how an anthropologist would examine a topless lady. Yeah, it makes sex repelless. It's like an anatomy book. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've stopped doing it ever since I saw it in 1982.

I wave it up. It does cut immediately to a strip club, like it cut straight to a naked butt from the topless ladies jumping out of window. With a dancer who looks like she's just learned about dancing. Yes. Yeah. Like not this dance specifically, but like the concept of dancing was just revealed to her that morning.

She looks like maybe like her friend. was like, let's go be in this movie. It'll be fun. And now she's sitting there being like, man, this is a real bummer. You could see way more of my butthole than I anticipated. I didn't like that her butthole was right over the guy's drink. Because the Kung Fu chef is here. And he's like right under her. And she's like squatting over his beer. And I'm like, I don't, this has got to be somebody's fetish. But I'm like, I'm not drinking that beer. That's just, God, what's going on? They're kind of all drinking. The captain of the boat is there with three karate guys and he goes to the bathroom and the Hitler thugs follow him to the bathroom and kidnap him

at knife point. And this goes sideways immediately because the chef is like, hey, Captain, I got to talk to you about something. And the bad guys are like, let's start a fist fight. Like they immediately abandoned the plan. They couldn't have expected that everyone in the entire bar was a karate master. They didn't know the Burbank karate studio was in the house tonight. Yeah, real bad luck. Guba thought he was going to easily throw down. It's like a Gary Larson comic of like robbing this place. filled with karate masters. Right. It's that Saturday Night Live

Ninja sketch. Yeah. Like, let's just go beat up a random guy. And they cut to like a Chuck Norris movie scene. But there's a moment here I love with a stripper pauses. She's like, oh, no, a fist fight. And then she kind of starts dancing again. But again, it's like she just learned what dancing was.

So the idea of trying to express some second emotion on top of that. It's just like, it's such a confusing reaction. I love it. I'd much rather see a movie about her, honestly, because I'm like, well, Yeah, what's her daylight? This person is unimpressed by the karate fight happening. She's immune to everything happening around her. Yeah.

I mean, we did catch her while she was learning what dance was. That's true. Gotta be so exciting. That took over my brain, too, the first day I saw. The first day I saw Michael Jackson, oh, my gosh. Yeah. It's kind of like they shot her separately and didn't tell her what scene she was in for the most part. But it comes off real badass on her behalf because, like, yeah, completely unimpressed.

She's the best. This whole scene is kind of awesome. It's all hook kicks and titties. There's just so many naked ladies and sweet, like, spin kicks and shit. There's a lot of spin kicking. It's rad. You know what? The fights aren't that bad in the movie.

Like, you think they'd be really, really bad. The filmmaking's kind of bad, but, like, they throw a kick. You're like, that looked pretty sweet. And then they just kind of linger on the action a little too long. You're like, okay, this fight sucks. They literally, like, cut out the music and they're still fighting. I was like, wait, did the bark close? Like, are they fighting?

past closing. Did like everybody just go like, well, those are at it. I'm going home. Because that was, it gets like weirdly silent. It's best to let them fight it out once they start. Yeah. They'll lock up. There's another moment I love here where the bad guys are trying to get away.

The bad guys are like, oh, Jesus Christ. Right. Everyone here is a karate master. Yeah, they've run. And then he's driving away. Our God jumps through his windshield. He's like, he doesn't even know what they're fighting about. But it is to the fucking death, whatever it is.

This is the karate movie I was talking about. This is the other guy you could be forgiven for thinking as the main character in every karate movie ever because like Sean was saying, he doesn't really know what the fight's about. He just knows they were all in a fight. The Burbank karate studio had to throw down and get each other's backs. And these guys, Hitler and his boy are escaping in a van. He's like, fuck, no, they're not. And he just runs up and leaps into the air and breaks his foot, kicking the window. And so for the next several scenes, he's limping on a crutch.

he broke his foot kicking their getaway van. It's awesome. He crashes in the ducks. He kicks him so hard. He crashed in the ducks. This flying kick that breaks his foot. But we find out now that this was part of Hitler's plan to keep them from going to the island. He wanted to kidnap the captain so they couldn't drive the boat to the island.

And that's now the plot. Hitler and the thugs are going to kill this pleasure vote before they can land on Warriors Island and get murdered. I don't know why, by the way. It's going to uncover their jade operation. Yeah, I guess. I suppose. Maybe they don't want the bad press of an entire boat disappearing on Warriors Island, the famous tourism location.

You don't want people on the scum crews snooping around. Okay, so now the movie is insane. Like, the movie has lost its mind. It's a disco party on the boat. Is it a boat or is it the director's basement for the most of it? Yeah, this is a basement. You're right. In the fiction of the film, it's supposed to be a boat.

So Cookie meets a male stripper who's real pushy. So she gets up to get a drink, and she asks for a sweet remorse in the rock, and this is the hobbit guy we are talking about. I'm just trying to describe him. He is bright white. He has hair going three feet out from every direction. He looks like, you know the one 80s henchman from, like, lethal weapon and die hard? He's like the long hair.

Al-Leyong. Chinese. Yeah, what's his name? Al-Liyong? Al-Liang, yeah. He looks like Al-Li-Yung's World of Warcraft character. Yeah. Yeah, he's a dwarf.

Definitely a dwarf. He's a roadie or a carny. Yeah. Like he's one of those two. He's got Gwildor hair, Gwildor from the Masters of the Universe movie. He's a he man Gwildor. Yeah, he looks like Gwildor. He's got no hair on his chin or the top of his head, but everywhere else it's just a sphere.

And she goes up and she wants a drink and he head butts through a block of ice and then grabs a bunch of shattered chunks off of the carpet. Yeah. No. That cup is filled with cholera. Like the moment that's touched your. lips. I'm not touching a thing he serves me, but I love him. Yeah. Yeah. The only reason he's on in this movie more, I have to imagine, is because he didn't want to be. Because I imagine the director was like, listen, how much do you want? I'll give you the Hitler part. Like, what do you want? Like, because you are,

you're the magic. Yeah. I want you to headbutt Hitler. I've never seen it, because he is a jump scare when he pops out of the screen. And just as you're trying to adjust to this fucking, like, middle earth creature here walking among us, he headbuts through a block of ice? Okay, so cookies into it. Cookie, like, laughs. Yeah. And he's like, you want to have dinner tonight, doll, baby? But I don't know why I'm explaining. I have a clip of them, of course. Could I have another sweet bermuth on the rocks? Sure, coming right up. Who's a fucking betts. Want to have dinner tonight, doll, baby? I have a boyfriend back in California.

Say, uh, you're pretty. Do you have a sister? No, but I have a cousin. She's really trying to hook him up. Yeah. Yeah. She's really desperate to get him late. Yeah. She's like, no, but I can't let this opportunity pass me by. So let me see if I can hook you up with somebody in my orbit because I can't lose you.

Yeah, I need to at least watch this happen. You fuck my cousin. Yeah. I want to hang on to you because I'm not going to have a boyfriend forever. So this is a party where, by the way, only one lady is topless in like the crowd shots. That's why I was like, oh, she got the $100. from the director. It's,

there's, it's, I, this is a small detail. I just want to note that the party was announced via a loudspeaker. And to me, that was like the most shocking thing that this boat could possibly have.

I was like, I don't think this boat has the ability to amplify voices. I just don't believe that. Like to give people an idea of how shitty this boat looks.

I bet at night you could hear the voices of people who died on the boat. That's true. Maybe that's how they did it. Maybe they just asked the ghost to like spread messages for them.

Like it's, it's, it's no shit. It's like a decommissioned Greek naval destroyer. Like it does not look like a pleasure passenger cruise ship at all. It all scrap at best. It's like the Nostromo. I think it's the coolest party I've ever seen. I've never vived with a party in a movie more than this. The party shots, like maybe it's in a boat, but it looks, the party space is wood paneled.

Like that scene you just showed a, imagine a corner of a wood-paneled room, like a movie you'd make as a kid in your friend's basement. And the room feels bigger than the ship, where it's like this room is the size of the ship. It feels like one of those making a movie when you're in high school and trying to pretend that your parents' living room is a bar. That's exactly what it is. And it's lit like a doctor's office.

Like, it's just, we're having a party. This one lady has her top off. There's a hobbit in the corner, a smashing ice. And it's just so fucking. bright in here. All the blemishes are shining. Yeah. This is as bad as anyone's looked.

Except for the Hobbit guy. He looks fucking great. He's great. They're just cutting around the party. They're having very well-lit conversations that don't mean anything and they're doing things we have no context for. One guy drops a birthday cake on a girl that like our main karate hunk is hitting on. Drop is a word that you chose that I would not have.

Yes. He like fucking throws it at her. It was like a 360 kick. Dink. Before after the devil's den guy. Oh, yeah, I got a clip of that, dude. It's before. Oh, my God.

First, though, I have a very, very sexy clip. I want you to picture the little Hobbit guy Leering right behind this conversation, like, nose in this conversation. Listening attently, it's really good. Here we go. It's for girls only. Mostly Starlins.

Some old time has come there, too. Hey, this famous actress, I think you guys would know her. She sits by the stage. You gotta see you, she shoves $100 bills. They're my chalk. My ex-boyfriend couldn't make love to me until I did a strip tease first. What do you call that?

Fetishes, losing to fetishes. That's really sick. I don't know. I kind of liked it myself. Excuse me. I'm glad you captured that guy because every line that guy delivers is like that. By the way, when you were just listening to them, everybody sounds like they're in an aspirin commercial from like the 70s. Like they all, they don't sound like, I guess they do kind of sound like they're at a fuck party in the 70s.

But it's just like, just hearing the voice, like the Hobbit man hearing his voice, he sounds surprisingly normal for a man who did and looked the way he did. But you're right. They do sound like they're in commercials like, there's no way to get pain relief. Yeah. They're called fetishes. They sound long dead. And like the way, in the way they speak is, yeah, it's very like weirdly, like, wooden. Oh, yeah, they sound like the voiceover narration of a Civil War letter.

Yeah, it's like they can't act or something. It's almost like they can't act. Yeah, that would explain it. That would explain it. But it is legitimately crazy. There's a couple in the bathroom, and they're kind of doing like an 80s sex comedy thing where he can't get her jeans off. So she's topless up on the toilet and he's just cranking on her jeans. fetishes. I think you call these fetishes. I took another clip of the guy you mentioned. It's a long one,

but it really goes some places. I'll play this here. He's gorgeous, isn't it? Yeah, he is. Would you like to meet him? You know, I would. Come on to me. I'm married. My pleasure. We were looking around the room and decided you are the handsomest man here. Thank you. My friend Betty is doing a centerfold. I think it's good for her to be seen with the attractive looking men. Oh. If you play your cards right, she can be yours.

I'm sorry. Able sort of... No problem. Tell me about the centerfold. The center fault. Well, it's really not for positive, sure, yet. Well, we still have... Why are you doing it?

For the money? Well, like I said, I don't even know if I... For the publicity? Well, sure. I guess you could say that I... You're not doing it for the publicity. I know why you're doing it. Why am I doing it?

For the devil. That guy is... It keeps going! Yeah, he, again, calls it the devil's den, and it's like, why are you even here, man? Why are you going to kill everybody? What?

Yeah, he's definitely going to kill everybody. The pants lady, by the way, in the bathroom is fucking Camille Keaton from I spit in the grave. It's her cameo in this. She is... I read that I think she was...

dating the director or something. Like she is too good to be in this movie. Yeah. Yeah, she looks great. That was probably my favorite part of the scene. And there's a lot of favorite parts. Oh, yeah. There's many to choose from.

Because everyone's saying crazy stuff. One lady gets her top ripped off in the middle of the party. And then we watch the cake lady take a shower. So it's just cutting from tits to tits. And when she gets her top pulled off, the lady, the other lady reacts by screaming like she saw a murder. Yeah. You know, like, if you're in a dream and, like, in the dream you're trying to eat, but for some reason you just can't eat.

Like, like, you're putting soup and a spoon. Like, you know that feeling of, like, this weird, like, you're trying to do something and you just can't for some reason. That's this movie for sex where it was like, it felt like everybody was getting naked and, like, they were like, we're having it. We're going to have sex, definitely. But no sex really happens. And it feels like everybody has, like, really struggles. like with the taking off the pants in the bathroom where it feels like they're all in hell

like they're all actually in hell these are all people who died in an orgy and this is hell for that. So that guy is not wrong is what you're saying this is the devil's den. Yep, this is the devil's den. They go in a lot of directions too because we just cut to the

we cut to a karate honk and he's falling in love with his girl like they're about to hook up and he's like, I think about you every day of my life and he's like what is what are you talking about, man. He's like, no, I love you. I love you forever. It's like, you just met her. You just washed a cake out of her hair. That's the first thing you've done together in your life. Yeah. Love it first cake. And then that lady taking shower, they just do right on, right on her

tits close up. And then the guy has a boxing glove and he's like sitting there. Barely interested in her as a sexual object. But as like a to start a life with her forever and ever. Yeah. She's like, I bet you say that to all the other girls. No, baby. No, I never say that. I never. about anybody like you and he like delivers it just like that like as believable and then just grabs two meaty handfuls of her ass there's the two sitting at like the table from the orca at jaws trying to fuck like they're like fumbling behind this it's like the most depressing shot because it's these two people like she she takes her top off because of course she does and they kind of grope at each other and there's like a bottle of cheap liquor in the foreground on this dirty table and it's like

I don't want to be here. This is a bummer. Yeah. And again, no sex. It's like a Kualudes party. Like, they're all groping blindly. God, somebody else is about to fuck, and then they fall into a table of spaghetti.

Yeah, it's a lot of... A captain, I think. Yeah, I can't. I think there's like a... The third karate guy from the Burbank Karate Club is kind of a dufus. I think he fell into the plate of the table of spaghetti. I think the guy that cookie beats up,

I think you're right. And so now Hitler's goons are getting on a raft. They're going to raid the boat. Their new plan is just to go on the boot and murder everyone. They're all dressed up, but like... They're just like the lost boys. They're just like they're a group of kids and a junkyard. Nobody coordinated outfits.

I also, I love that before this scene, Cooper Guba told Hitler, he was like, don't worry about it. I've got a plan. It's already in motion. And by this time, tomorrow, all the people on that boat will be dead. And so cut to now. So to be clear, his plan was just to sneak up, just get on the boat and kill everybody. Get on the board and start murdering. That's his plan that's already in motion.

Yeah, I'm going to climb on the boat and kill everyone. It almost works. I thought it was going to be like a bomb or like a sea mine or, you know, like it's some kind of clever. Simplicity. Yeah. No. Anything. Just change their compass.

So they go to the wrong island. Yeah. Pay them off. I don't know. But yes, they all made wildly different, but gigantic choices with their clothes. So one guy's got. There's a guy in a yellow construction hat. Uh-huh.

Like village people style. Yeah. And they got a football helmet guy with cowboy boots. One's just in a Superman T-shirt. I love that guy. One's a full Indian. Yep. One's a clown.

Once a bee pervert. I don't know how to describe a lot of these. One's a Nazi. Just swastika helmet where I like to imagine like this guy is like, again, they're all just playing dress up. And he shows up like that. And they all go like, dude, Jesus. And he's like, what? Our leader looks like Hitler.

And like, no, not cool, man. He didn't, no, it's fucked up. I think he might have been Latino, too. I think the, I think he, my notes say Latino Nazi. Yeah. But I, he may have been. He may have been. I was very distracted by his helmet.

They opened the prop chest and everybody grabs stuff and he gets, he's the last one there. It was the last one. Yeah, he was the last one there to pick. He's like, God, I don't wear the swastika. He was like, look, now finally someone's wearing the helmet. Yeah. That guy's like, I got silver sports bra. I'm fucking, I'm going to look so cool.

movie. Right. So there's another example. While that's happening, we cut to the lady who's talking about fetishes. She's hooking up with third grade teacher. Yeah. Oh, I love him. She confesses to murder in the middle of this. So she's like, yeah, my ex-boyfriend's dead because I killed him. And he's like, oh, well, geez, I don't want to have sex with you now. So nobody's getting late in this movie for every single reason. Again, I watched this from Hana and Hana was like, that's the least realistic part. That man would absolutely still have sex with her. And yeah, I get it. Like, just being like, oh, you're a murderer.

That's great. I'm on this. He's on a fuck boat. He's on a fuck boat. You're going to meet a murderer or two on the fuck boat. You're going to have to grow up. And yeah, here comes the murderers. They're all on the boat.

They're just shooting people. Lloyd is hooking up with this lady and she gets murdered by an Indian crossbow. She gets shot right in the back. Yep. And now it's a boat-wide ninja fight with no way to tell who the good guys and bad guys are. Except if they slow it down, you're like, well, that guy's outfit is crazy beyond reason. and he must be the bad guy. Right, they're both wearing similar costumes.

I'm honestly surprised the pirates got his far. Because like, there's like eight of them, and this boat seems to have like 150 people on. There are a lot of people on it. And it's like, I don't even think they need to know karate, I think, because they have like crossbows. And it's like, yeah, just wait for them to reload and swarm. Like, you're fine.

You're all fine. Yeah. There's enough of you that you can lose a bunch and still be fine. Yeah. The movie lost track of the people. so quickly. Because like you say, there's only eight bad guys. They're all dressed very distinctly. I think they each die three or four times. Yeah, probably. They just do not care. They, they show up at different places and the boats have different fights. Two people are about to have

sex. The Latino Nazi helmet guy barges in and stops that sex. It's a third grade teacher and the murderer. Yeah. Oh, right. So he did decide to have sex with her. He walks in pouring gasoline. Yeah, pouring gasoline. Oh, I just, I have to note a line because a Nazi walks in pouring gasoline. And the guy ass says, holy smokes, who the heck is he? Which I thought was a very funny thing to yell. And then he says, what do you think you're doing to him? Like, come on, man. But then he pushes him.

Then he starts fighting him. All right, third grade. Yeah, he starts fighting. He does. This actually is kind of funny because doesn't our karate guy show up here to fight the Nazi? One of them does. It's not our main one. It's the guy with the mustache.

Right. It starts to turn into kind of a horror movie because at first they're kind of evenly matched and then suddenly the Nazis like, I'm going to die. This man's going to kill me. Then he starts to lose bad. Yeah. Yeah, Nazi starts winning. He hides in the bathroom.

The Nazi does. And then the karate guy like tears through the door like Jason Borghys. And the Nazis just like cowering in terror. Every decision made by the filmmakers is crazy, is my point. Yeah. Yeah, this whole sequence is bizarre. It's a very bizarre. And it starts with like the nude lady tied up because he's going to do terrible things to her.

And then the karate guy shows up to save her. So there is a tied up naked lady watching this whole fight And like every three frames Passively. It's like the stripper where it's like I don't know if they told her what she was watching At any given moment Like what she's supposed to be watching She was just like so I just look off camera

And they're like yeah that's good That's good and what do I do? They're like well we got the footage It's fine She's like oh I didn't even know you were recording I was just okay I guess we're moving on You gonna untie me guys guys you can untie me cut Is anyone gonna cut Okay so

fetishes. They're called fetishes. There's some last minute thugs, some nerds deal with them. The LAPD SWAT lady and her friend are fighting some of the bad guys. And one of them just bales on the whole murdering thing and says, I'm taking this lady and leaving. Yeah, he's playing the objective. Yeah. The movie is completely lost count of how many bad guys are. There's so many. They've been dying like crazy. They light the boat on fire. And they did not have the budget to light the boat on fire. So we get a super close up of a floor on fire. Right. And also when he drops, the thing. He ignites himself in that shot. Yeah. Like the guy

like I guess we're supposed to believe he got he got out. But he basically just like pours gasoline and just throws fire at his own feet. And then they just do like flames on the screen. And it's like oh that guy's really committed, huh? He does it for Hitler. He loves Hitler. Yeah. So anyway, they're going to, escaping the boat,

they've got to get a life raft. There's an awesome moment where Lloyd is just sitting in the center of the life raft, just drinking. Like he's just like this fucking sucks. It's the worst vacation. I thought I was on fuck boat, not ninja boat. Get out of the boat so we could throw it in the water. It's like, nobody's fucking here. So many near misses.

We learned that the monks are eating the ladies. We cut to Warriors Island. Hitler's loading up with their shipment of jade. They think eating female flesh gives them the power to raise the dead. And they're right. And it seems like they're right. Yeah. They're right.

Now our heroes are drifting on a leaky raft toward Warriors Island. Masterful storytellers, they've gotten them from the boat bound for Warriors Island. who are raft bound for Warriors Island. This is like how you do it. When you're screenwriting, this is how you move your characters along. Yeah, and we're only two-thirds of the way through the movie. They're going to the same place they're already fucking going,

is the point I'm trying to make. And we haven't got there yet. It takes them a very long time to get to Warriors Island. Yes. And when they get there, they find a cooked naked woman floating in the sea. No one mentions it again, the entire movie. Yeah.

The piranists don't eat her either. Maybe they like raw food? Maybe I'm being too generous to the movie. The ocean around it is infested with ocean piranha. Turning down a nice cooked meal. That's weird. Uh-huh. There's a moment here that I really liked where Chin, who is the Kung Fu chef, is like,

we shouldn't be here on Warriors Island, guys. Warriors Island is for Kung Fu Outcasts only. Right. That's basically his entire character is we shouldn't be here on Warriors Island. He's right. They have this scene where everyone's like, oh, this is Warriors Island. But like, we now know from seven different sources that this is Warriors Island, including a tourism pamphlet.

I don't know why the movie thinks it needs to remind us. It's really holding our hand with this one. But it's played like a big reveal. It's been their destination the whole time. You know, that only island you've ever seen or heard anyone talk about, we're here. Yeah. This is it. This is it.

There's a subtle scene here where you can sort of feel Lloyd's wife slipping away from him. I have a clip. It's pretty good. I'm sorry. That's not fair of me. No, it's fair. It's just not simple. Boyd is a really nice man.

He needs really well. He just drinks too much and gets a little confused sometimes. Do you love him? No. I can't tell you how much I wanted to do that. And then that's the end of the scene. This is where they're on the beach, right? Yeah.

Yep. Yeah. Yeah. So they've been sort of traveling around. Lloyd's, like I said, he made like sort of a passive attempt to be the leader. He's like, I should be the leader. Yeah. Just fucking just because you guys are capable and, and I'm just,

an idiot. Just because you're the Burbank karate team and I'm Lloyd. If you took away the cannibals and piranhas, none of these people would survive on this island for a day still. No, it's very lucky that they find a plane within 45 minutes. Yeah, like they are done for otherwise. Before they find the plane, they find a graveyard and someone actually says, this is the place from the brochure. Right. What is the brochure? And it gives me a lot of pleasure to say that once they get in the graveyard, Hitler pops up from behind a grave with the bazooka. Sure does. That was also on the brochure. They're like, we have Hitler with the bazooka. Bazooka Hitler. Before we get too far past it, we're actually, we learn about the river piranha from our hero on the boat right before the pirates attack. He's out there

talking to Lloyd's wife, I think, about his military career. And because there was a line I wanted to call out where he says, oh yeah, I've seen, he's talking about how he knows so much about piranha. It's like, yeah, I've seen VC fed to him. Who did that, buddy? I saw VC fed to them. Seen a lot of wives get strangled. See, low, like go out in the wife eyes. Like, what are you talking about, man?

Anyway, I just wanted to highlight that. Yeah. The karate hug strangles one of the Hitler goons to death, like blood squirting out of his neck. And the guy, like, thinks this is funny and spits blood all over him. And so our hero, like, plants a flag in his chest. Yeah. Plants his karate flag. Flagstab.

He claims him for the Burbank karate studio. Oh, my God. Yeah, they go to murder. Like, they take to it. They take to it, and I don't think they'll ever go back from it. They've been waiting to kill their whole lives, man. That's why they take karate. Hitler with Bazooka.

I feel like we didn't talk about that. In the Zuck Hitler? It's just so perfect. It's a fucking Wolfenstein enemy pops up from behind. It's a bra. With a bazooka. It was like, oh, there's the movie. They should have called this Hitler with a bazooka.

Hitler with a bazookas a way better name. Yeah. The whole fight is like the bad guys have machine guns and the good guys don't. So the good guys have to keep hiding behind graves until someone walks right next to them. And then they like karate them. It's great. Maximum karate too. Well, there's a part, they fire all the guns in a bazooka and they hit nobody.

No kills. Yeah. Bazook Hitler takes out a few trees, though. Right. They blew up some trees for this movie. And some dummies. We'll get to it. Uh, there's, uh, let's hope,

they were dummies. Either way, they were staked in place. The captain has one gun and he fires back and they all freak out. They, that was funny. Yeah. Just one little revolver. Yeah, that he used to signal the plane earlier, which I thought was very funny. He shoots all of the bullets at this. Yeah.

From a relaxed position. Like, he doesn't even like aim. Like he's flipping between channels to check the score. Like he's, he's fucking, It's like five bullets up at this plane in two seconds. Great casual gunplay. It's like very, it's always sunny with the gun play. Yeah.

Our main guy runs up to Hitler and steals his bazooka, but he's like really stunned by something. He looks at Hitler. He's like, I know you. But he, but it's not from World War II. He knows him from the whorehouse. He's like, you're that guy that wouldn't shut up about Warriors Island in the horro house.

It would be so funny if for the movie, he kept going like, I know that guy. And then finally go, like, Oh, Hitler. Hitler. He's Hitler. Guys, he's Hitler. Guys, that's how I know him. He was Hitler. Of course. The evil monks show up. They're just so obviously evil monks. They're like, come with us to a second location.

And they're like, hell yeah, evil monks. They're like Phoebus and Butthead. They're constantly laughing at a personal joke. At this point, though, like at the beginning when I thought that the ninja zombie, I wrote like, did he save that woman question mark? So it seemed like, I just, I wasn't sure like, you know, when you're like, I don't know if the movie's bad or like they're trying to tell me something. And same with these monks. I was like, wait, are they supposed to be like good? Are the sex trafficking monks? Like, does the movie think we're going to think? Oh, they're good now. Right. And like, I honestly was like, I don't know. Are they going to turn out to be good?

Because this movie, there's no heroes in this movie. It was made by a villain. So maybe he thinks the sex trafficking monks can be good characters. Edward D. Murphy and Cormack McCart have a lot in common. Yeah. I was just about to say, I'm getting a lot of Cormac McCarthy from this film. Yeah.

So the monks are upset at these guys for trespassing. Our karate honk is like, these guys sucks shit, let's just fucking leave. They're like, no, no, no, hold on. We'll give you a boat, but only if I have a clip. It's really good.

Oh, thank God. These guys are jerking us around. They're not going to give us diddly. If you want help, you must earn it. How? By proving your in battle.

Fuck yeah. This felt like they were trying to fill a plot hole. The monk says, we were not convinced by what we saw in the cemetery. Yes. I was like, you mean them taking on Bazooka Hitler? You weren't convinced by them beating Bazooka Hitler? Come on. Yeah.

Those guys ran away. They were cowards. And so they did not prove themselves in battle because the guys who were fighting ran away. It's true. I just really like, you must prove yourself in battle. It's the best thing anyone could say if you say how. Yeah. It's the perfect answer.

Particularly if you're the Burbank karate studio. A hundred percent. And you're like, what luck? I mean, if you're a Little League team, it's a cool thing to hear. That's true. That's true. You're just like a knitting club? I would have been equally confident if I heard that in Little League.

It's like, oh, we got to fight for it. We're going to do this easy, guys. All of us know karate, right? We all know karate. Yeah. We all know karate. Yeah, we all know karate. We all know karate.

We have bats. We got bats. So they have to fight the champions. They beat them. They'll help. We cut to a warrior fruit feast. I have a clip. It's pretty good.

the fruit feast. This is what you call an old-fashioned, all-out, no-strings, jungle feast. Let's cut the ceremonies and get on with the fight. The Arctic gladiators of death, rise from your graves and lock weapons and battle with the evil enemy that has invaded our island. Rise and come forward from your sacred graves. Show us bloodshed like if you should. Steve.

Before woke. Before woke. I just, I love it so much. They just keep rephrasing it over and over and over. This is just where my notes start like dwindling, because I went into like a sort of feud. You get into a trance, yeah. Yeah, like it just, I blacked out through this part.

Just enjoying the movie. Yeah. Yeah. They're really violently eating this fruit, by the way. This is. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They're going to town.

They're attacking it. They're attacking it. They're attacking it. Yeah, you got to bulk up. They're carb-loading. I still have some notes. During this speech, a few monks are kind of nibbling on one of the barbecued ladies. We talked about that earlier. Ancient samurai and ninjas and monks, like they all over Southeast Asia, every archetype of character class, they're digging themselves out of the graveyard. Another guy's basing a naked lady with a marinade. He's got like a

big old seaweed. It's cookie's friend from earlier. Yeah. They got nabbed. So they keep calling on the spirits in different ways. Just rephrasing it until he lands on the winner. I think I have the winner. Oh, sacred masters in the sky instil our fighting cadavers with kicking, slashing strength

to execute righteous slaughter. That's the one. You nailed it. Somebody's got that one. Embuwao warriors with kicking, slashing strength. So wait, they're not ninjas that died. They're all martial artists.

Okay. I just like, is the spell making the zombies ninjas, or are they ninjas? It's making them better, I think. I'm imbueing them with the strength, with the kicking and slashing strength. So it's like giving them plus three in their kicks and slashes. Okay. At least. Exactly.

Plus three to kick and plus three to slash. That's pretty powerful. It's good. It's not bad. It gets through a lot of armor types. Yeah. The madam from earlier is here from, and she's like, she says to the heroes, oh, yeah, everyone hears the prison.

Or she thinks they're bad guys first. She's like, oh, god damn. I hate you kidnappers. Like, what, we're not kidnappers? We, like, got stranded on this island. She's like, oh, okay, you're good guys? Then there's still two girls in there you need to rescue. And the guys are like, that's no problem.

We still have two machine guns and a bazooka. So they just go in there and 10 seconds later, they're done with that rescue mission. Yep. But the monks are laughing at them. And we find out they're laughing because the guns do not work on zombies. I don't know why, because punches and kicks work on zombies. Right. And the next 20 minutes, maybe just 15 minutes, are.

just zombie fist fights. It's like a zombie stunt show. It's pretty rad. It's pretty rad. There's a scene where Chin hits like 14 zombies with nunchucks. It's just such a perfect movie. It just takes them out. Like of all types, like monk zombie, like I said, they're just, whatever you're picturing, it's in the movie. Lloyd gets slashed by a dead samurai. He never gets an arc. He never redeems himself. He just tries to cheat on his wife a few times and gets killed by a zombie samurai. Yeah, that was his arc. They escaped by going across a rope bridge, burning it, real Indiana Jones style scene, but they shot it night for night with no lights. And so all these stuntmen just fell off a cliff for nothing. We can't see it. They could have used Lego. We wouldn't have known. So it just cuts to the

next morning and they carry Lloyd all the way to the beach and he dies. They tried to give him a little eulogy. I have it here. That's how Lloyd would want to be remembered. His wife says nothing. So far from off frame. The owner of the boat says, oh, man, a passenger just lost a paying customer. Oh, darn it. Oh, geez, my insurance is going to go up. I have to put that in the pamphlet now. I got to put that on the website. It's just all chaos from here. The bridge did nothing. The zombies, they're all still coming. Hitler's there with Guba. The monks are just laughing for a lot of this, I remember. Yeah, they're kind of floating around, just giggling and everything. They're having a great time. And so, like, we really have so many fucking people on this island to, to attack.

with these zombies. Yeah, it seems like they've just been waiting to unleash their zombies because they just let them loose on Hitler too. That's the thing. They've been doing this cannibal shit. They've been building this up. And they're like, for what purpose? It's like a, it's like base building where you're making this thing and you're like, well, I need someone to come like fight me now, right? Like, we need somebody to actually unleash these zombies on. This is a great day for them. Absolutely. Because yeah, the zombies do get Hitler and Guba. I think they didn't know how to End the movie. They didn't get Hitler.

I think they knew that this fight was awesome. Yeah, they didn't, Hitler escapes. He gets back on the plane. There is a scene here I wrote down, the SWAT lady was blocking throwing stars with a stick, which I loved because they show that she's, she can fight. But like, I think blocking throwing stars with a stick is like,

that's some fucking Bruce Leroy shit. Like, you have magical powers if you're doing that. I loved it. You have shadow abilities. You can do that. Yeah. She's a full Jedi now. Another thing about the scene,

you probably notice this. They're just adding random Chewbacca sounds? Like the zombies talk like dogs and monkeys and sea lions. They don't give a shit. They're just making weird noises. They didn't have a conversation about like how the zombies work. Right. Like they didn't have a serious pre-production conversation exploring the zombies.

So in the edit they're just like Chewbacca sounds. Yeah. And they're all kind of like karate class thriller is sort of the vibe. Yeah. Real thriller vibes. Yeah. That's a good way to describe. Hitler makes a run for the plane in the chaos.

and then our main karate guy jumps on, gets clobbered by a jade rock, but Hitler's new plan is to jump into the ocean. Yeah. Yeah. Not a great plan. He barely jumps. He gets eaten by piranha instantly, instantly. And they, I mean, they cut to stock footage in piranha. Right, like they were following the plane.

Yeah. Just waiting for that Hitler meat. We know he's in there. And then our guy comes back with the plane. Everyone's still fighting ninjas. They're dumping them into the water. The fish are eating them. It's so fucking great.

And here's maybe the best part of the movies. They get on the plane. And the last thing they do is throw a zippo at the island, which explodes. Hell yeah. The entire island. They don't even try to explain it. It's not like there's a bunch of explosives everywhere. It's the fucking best.

They take off. They want, they have all this jade to sell Chin and the madam fall in love. The recent widow of Lloyd and the leader fall in love. The captain and the. They all just start kissing. Yeah. Yeah. It's a fuck boat.

And they make off with the Jade, like real scumbags. They're like, yeah. It's several kidnapped women's weight in Jade. Oh, yeah. They save nobody. Like, they didn't save anybody. They saved them, madam and cookies friend. But like the kidnapped women at the start?

No, they got it. They got it, bro. Again, there's no heroes in this movie. No, again, there's the guy that flying kicks the side of a van. Yeah, yeah, he's a hero. You're right. without knowing what the conflict is about. He's just like, we were in a fight and those guys are trying to leave it.

Hell no, they're not. I'm flying, kicking that van into ducks. At any cost. At any cost, the cost of my foot. Also, backing up when they blow up, they start with the duck, and that's where there's like six dummies around the explosion. And whoever put the dummies there attached them so good that the explosion just happens around the dummies.

They do not move. Don't fly away. They just get engulfed in flames. They just stand their ground. The concussion of the explosion. It's the fucking best. It's so many good ideas. All of them executed poorly.

It's just such a perfect movie. And that's before you get to how there's hundreds of tits. Yeah. It's just so much effort went into making the perfect movie. The fact that it missed, it still says something about them that they tried. On the plane, did you catch one of them, winks at the camera? I'm pretty sure. It's our main guy.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That's our main guy. See, this is what I mean. I was like, I don't know who that man is. And he winks at the camera and I was like, wait, does he know we're watching him? That's like the big, I don't know.

That's a big reveal. This isn't a wink at the camera movie to me. That's like, it's inappropriate. It's inappropriate. I think Raw Force is the kind of movie that you don't get to tell it what kind of movie it is. Yeah. And again, everybody kissing. It was just like, they acted like they were wrapping up something that had happened.

That never began. I love it so much. And then, of course, as Tom mentioned, it says to be continued on the screen. Right. The most singularly insane film, To Be Continued by a guy, he did make another movie three years after this. He made another movie. It was not a sequel.

It had nothing to do with this. And that was it. Those were his two movies. That floored me. To Be Continued. It's amazing. The hubris. What could it have possibly been?

What is there left? What was he, what story was he going to tell? Probably dinosaurs. Oh, man, now I really want to see it if it's dinosaurs. Oh, yeah. Zombie karate dinosaurs. Holy shit. At the very least.

It might have been half-siberg. Let's just make that. Thanks for the nice podcast, but I think we need to go make this movie. We need to make a Raw Force too. Oh, yeah. We need what? A weekend? Yeah, we can knock this out in a weekend.

Half a karate class? Some zombie makeup. We were promised this 44 years ago. It's time to move. We're going to need 1,200 strippers. Yeah. I live in Portland. That's easy.

Einstein, 100, Frankfurt. Please, welcome to the 1-900 hot dog stage. A brand-new comedian debuting here tonight. The insult comic with class Lord Jimathan Jigglesworth. Thank you. Thank you. That's quite enough, though I should say, Flattery, we'll get you everywhere.

Aho, what a supreme audience we have tonight. I recognize a lot of faces, though they might not like me saying that. Oh, I see Aaron Crostin here, a peacock in everything but beauty. Aho! Adrian H, I see Adrian H here, Alex Nolenberg, Alpha Scientist Java, An Andy, Armando Nava, Autumn Armstrong Berg, Oh, I see Brandon Garlock. He has one of those fine bureaucratic faces that once seen are never remembered. Oh, Brian Sailor, Brockway famously loves the meat millie. A little too much if you know what I mean.

Cyril. Christopher Worthing, I am told porkpacking is the most valued profession in America. Tell your mother, I said, thank you for your service. Oh, I'm so naughty. Common sense, I see Craig Lemoyne, Dan B, David Schell. Popularity is the only insult that has not yet been offered to Dean Costello. A Delta Fox Trot. I see Devin the Rogue Supreme here. I see Dusty's Ratt title and Elizabeth Schope. Elliot Watson is said that he can talk brilliantly.

any subject provided that he knows nothing about it. Oh, Eric Christian Berg is here, fancy shark, Jello, good Satan and his hard witches, I see you there. Greg Cunningham. Greg Cunningham is an excellent man. He has no enemies and none of his friends like him. Oh, oh, I slay, I truly do. Ah, Haraka, Harvey Pengweeney, honk!

I have here, I want Brockway to say Dyke, which I'm allowed to do because this accent might be Dutch or something. You don't know. Jabr Al-Aid, James Boyd, Jared Clack, Jared Mountain Man, it's the perfect man. Always dull and usually violent. Oh, oh, Jared Ruiz, John Deeb, John McCabin, John Minkov, a lot of John's here tonight.

You know what I'm saying. Josh Quicksall, it is said some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go. Eh, but no really. Go fuck yourself, Josh Quicksall. You know what you did. Joshua Graves. Justin B. Katie Favelle reminds one of a badly bound hymn book.

Give her a few minutes, folks. She'll get it. Ken Paisley. K&M. I see KVH. I see Lane Haygood here. Lisa. Oh, she seems like a good citizen or a faithful wife or something else equally tedious. Oh, Jahi Chappelle, Mark Mahoney, Matt Riley, Max Broy. I see mercenary Cicidman here, Michael Lair. Mickey Lohman, oh, Mickey Lohman, such keen student, always ready to give his betters the full benefits of his inexperience. Oh, ho!

Who? Mort? Mr. Bob Gray? N. D. Neil Bailey? Neal? They say there is no sin. Except stupidity. So tell the devil I said, Hello. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, fuck you, Neil Bailey. Neil Schaefer, Naku 104. Nick Levino, obsolete. Ogilwine Supreme is like the best art. All style unpolluted by sincerity. Oh, I'm told One Ball Inn has been received in all the great houses. Or once. I kid. I actually like One Ball In. Henri Weevil.

Ozzy Olin. Patrick Herbst. I see Peewey's uncle here with Rebrandtru and Red Wynne time. Riannon. Hello, Rihanna. Russell Bauman. Oh, Russell Bowman, everybody. You seem...

Russell, you seem the kind of person who's brilliant. Brilliant and Breakfast. No, don't get that one? Go team up with Katie Favel. Maybe you two can figure yours out together. Uh, Sam Kopnik, Sarkovsky. Sean Chase. Seed.

Space Jam fan, I may not agree with you, but I shall defend to the death. You're right to be a dipshit. Ha ha ha ha. Spotty reception. Supernaut. Tator stays, 10H. Uh, Thomas, Thomas is such a good friend, he will always stab you in the front air.

Thomas Cavatzos, Timi Leahy Toastigan, I see Tommy G here. Velo, Velo is the kind of person who deprives one of solitude without providing one with company. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, that one was bad. Victor Malavankan, Booster, Waylon Russell. I see Yvonne Clapham here. Zach and Eva, Jeff Oraski is chaos illumined by flashes of lightning. As a speaker, he has mastered everything except language.

As a dancer, he can do anything but move with rhythm. And as a wiener, he is everything but plump. Oh! I kid, I kid, of course. Thank you. Thank you all. I'd say you've been lovely, but I've been told untruths cause wrinkles. Oh!

No, but seriously. Folks, truth is everything. Stay true. One must always strive to be true to what they are, even if what they are is a nasty little cunt. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh. Oh.