The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 286, Horse Theme 9000: Hulk with Bryan Stratton

Episode Date: July 15, 2026

It's the end of an era. Finally. Bryan Stratton joins Seanbaby and Robert Brockway for a lack luster send off to 80's horse themed episodes, all to the tune of a very sad David Banner trotting away into equine obscurity on this very special episode of the HorsehorseZzoneThousand.

to the Horse Horse Horse Thousand, the official horse cast of 1,900 Horse Horse Horse. Horses last horsey horse site. Too much horse, critical horse mass. You cannot fit more horse into a podcast. We are actively trying right now, and it's not working. I'm Robert Brockway, a furious man beast who wanders the earth in search of peace. And with me is the magical, ethnic drug dealer who loves me.

It's Sean Baby. I'll take clop, clop, clop. And our guest today, the insane. insane drunken yokel whose mind has been broken by horse betrayal. Brian Stratton everybody, boo. Hey, it's me. I'm just misunderstood. We're more nutritious.

Now I get it. I was like, why are you booing him? Oh, because you're more nutritious. Now I know. Right, right. Yeah, yeah. Thanks for having me, boys. It's always a pleasure to be on with you.

Thanks for agreeing to this podcast in particular. Yeah. I suggested this for Horse Week. I was like, Incredible Hulk did a horse episode. I don't remember this horse episode. Who could remember an Incredible Horse episode? I thought, I scrubbed through it. I was like, yeah, there's some Hulk stuff.

He does a Hulk. That looks kind of funny. I shared it. I said, guys, let's watch this episode. This might be the most boring episode of television that could ever be. There's some madness in here, but it's understated. on a show that features the Hulk. Oh my God.

Yeah. Like 10 minutes after I watched this, it almost slid off my brain. Like I had to go back and like watch scenes over again and like write notes. You watch some of it more than once? Yeah. Yeah. For my sins. Wow.

You know what? This was smart. This was a good choice, Sean. You're completely forgiven for this because this, the horse episode mini series, it had to end like this. It had to end. Exactly. We should horses. This is us shooting the horse.

That's what we're doing here today. Oh, we should do we should do plugs. We should do plugs before we get. Yeah, of course. We don't have it. I mean, there's so many things that happen in this episode we've got to get to. Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, people are going to forget all the plugs by the time we get to the action.

Where can people find more from you before we start talking and desperately grasping at straws, Brian? Yes. I'm the co-host of the Marvel by the month podcast where we talk about Marvel Comics one month at a time. And we are up to December, 1997, and we're coming back with our next season, which will be January of 1978, because that's how months work. And it's going to be the first month that Jim Shooter is the editor-in-chief of Marvel Comics. So all sorts of things are changing.

I'm also the author of the upcoming Dr. Doom, the making of Marvel's greatest villain, which will be published by Bloomsbury in March. of next year. So, hooray. Hell yeah, man. What a good plug for, I'll say it, a bad podcast. A bad podcast episode. Calling it now.

Yeah. Maybe we'll pull it off. Who knows? This is one of those times when, like, being known as the guy who knows a lot about Marvel, it really backfired on me. Yeah, can you bring you great Marvel expertise to bear on all the things that the Hulk does in this episode? Yeah.

All two of the things? He gets really sleepy. He did two things. No, I got to check my notes. I'll do my plug. I am co-host of a sometimes terrible podcast, the dogs of 9,000. But we also run a website called 1,900 hotdog.com. That's good every single day.

And yeah, go to patreon.com slash 1,900 hot dog. That's how you support this, again, sometimes terrible podcast. And the good episodes and all of our world class writers that do daily articles at the hot dog. That's true, huh? Like, we're good, we're good every day on the website. We've earned this. Yeah. We've earned a few terrible episodes.

Yeah, this is for us. A little break. One for them, one for you. Good. Just for us. Pressure's off. Okay. My publisher actually asked me to stop promoting my book.

So, I'm here promoting my book. Fuck you. You don't tell me what to do. It's called I Will Kill Your Imaginary Friend for $200. And if you're listening to this in July of 2026, right now the audiobook is on deep discount on audible right now. It's $6.99 until the end of July. And the audio book, it fucking, it rules.

Sarah, Sarah is the narrator. She did such an amazing job. Like, it really sounds like full cast audiobook. You won't believe it. So even if you've already read the book, like seven bucks worth it just for the performance alone. And if you're listening to this. after July 2026, suck my dick. There's a reason they stopped asking me to do this.

It's all I can say. These are all really good plugs today, I think. Yeah. And we're using up all the goodness on the plugs. All the rest will be bad. All right. Let's get to the horses. I'm going to start with some misogyny right from the top.

This episode had two lady riders for this horse episode. And each of them, I think, had the same idea. They're like, what if Incredible Hulk didn't fight anyone or do anything, except maybe save one horse. And then they combined their ideas and used both. It's like horse scientists always say, ladies love horses. They do. They do love horses.

It's a fun Hulk fact. Okay, if you're just picking an episode at random, this is the end of a mini series we're doing on horse episodes in television. Just for some reason, in the 70s and 80s, hour-long drama era, every goddamn show eventually ran out of ideas and was, like, well, we got to do a horse episode. No matter like, Knight Rider had one. You got to have the talking car do a horse episode.

The Hulk. Yeah, I have the Hulk with the horses. Like, you just absolutely cramming it in there. And a lot of them have like the same plot structure. It's almost always about, well, has always been about horse racing in particular. Like that was just a huge fucking thing in the 80s, which I can't really vouch for. I guess I was too young to be paying attention. But a lot to do with horse betrayals and most.

Mostly horse fraud and horse counterfeiting. Oddly. Yeah. In the horse episodes we've discovered. This broke every trope. Yeah. Is this the black beauty effect? Because there was a,

there's a movie, a black beauty movie in the early 70s. And I think there's a TV series not long after that. And I get the feeling. It must have been successful enough that everyone was like, we got to get more horses on television. Did they, was there, did he wear a disguise at some point? Was he like black, ugly? At one point.

Oh, that sounds like a real different movie, though, huh? Yeah. Black, ugly. I'm not clicking on that. Moving on. Okay, so this is the Incredible Hulk season two, episode five, Rainbow's End. This is the 70 series, of course.

The Incredible Hulk, if you didn't, I'm not explaining the Incredible Hulk. This is the one with, this is the one with, I bet people don't remember the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They painted a bodybuilder green. They changed his name. from Bruce Banner to David Banner.

I don't, I think there was a street rumor that that was because Bruce sounded kind of gay, but I, that's all what I was heard. Yeah, it had to have been like some sort of a rights issue. Like, they sold Bruce Banner rights to somebody. Like, there's no way that that's a thing, right? I think it's just like they didn't want to do the comic book alliteration. Like, it sounds a little goofy. Maybe.

Maybe. I couldn't remember names, so I made everybody's name alliterate. Even though Bruce Banner sounded like a little bit of, man, I would kiss in the toilet. I said, keep it in because I'll forget if it's David. You're allowed to do this one. You're allowed to do this impression. Yeah, that's my shack voice.

Congratulations, listeners. That's really good. That's really good. Fuck, I thought that was your Dennis Miller. Okay, so with the episode opens, we are doing indeed horse racing again. David Banner is drinking at a bar as the Hulk, which doesn't seem like a good idea.

I wouldn't go drinking if I was, metaphor for anger. Yeah. Now, you say drinking in a bar, this, to demonstrate the pacing in the show, this guy has like a little can of beer that he slowly pours into a glass for, I don't know, 22, 25 minutes. This isn't like a nice tap. He's like, oh, let's, let's chop together a scene of a guy in a bar. No, no, no, we're watching a sad guy have the saddest beer poured for him. Yeah. This fucking show. They're watching horse racing news on the bar TV. It's not horse racing. It's It's a news program about horse racing that seems like in this universe, they'll cut to it several times. It runs 24-7 like CNN.

Yeah, it was the first 24-hour news channel. And it was all a horse racing updates. It was all horse racing. Yeah. They have it on everywhere, every goddamn business in this universe. This was obviously insane. I tried to forgive it because how else is the Hulk supposed to learn that there's a secret Indian potion that calmed down a really cranky racehorse? Like, how do you deliver that information to the Hulk?

Well, he could get the information from a racist newspaper article. Yes, which they also do. We have two different expositions. I'm sorry. Like, I know this is bad form and everything, but can we not jump ahead? Because there's, we need every goddamn minute, all right? It's a good point. Good point.

Okay. So on the news program, it's all exposition and it's telling us there's a horse named Rainbow's End. And Rainbow's End is so angry as a horse that he can't run. He's too mad to run. But as the news says, a concoction, the official news calls it that, made by his assistant trainer, the assistant trainer, Thomas Logan, has calmed his fury allowing him to be a winning race horse. And then the news explains, it's not a drug. It's a natural nutritional supplement.

Yeah, there's a lot of nuance. That scream standards and practice came in and changed that line, right? I mean, they're just underlining it. It's like, it's not a drug. Yeah, no drug is natural, right? I can't think of a single one. Nope. So it cuts to Dave Banner just kind of getting an idea like, huh, I should try horse tranquilizers.

I've never tried doing horse tranquilizers to control my incredible hulking. Big green light bulb popping up over his head. And what is a very good comedic thing where he's like, huh, horse tranquilizers, we then cut to him on a bus on the way to the on the way to the race track. He's like, man, he loves that, those horse tranquilizers. He's on it. And he is talking to a local MOOC about what else horse racing. And they're talking about it because he's reading a newspaper and the front page story on that newspaper is not only about horse racing. It's about the guy, the assistant trainer.

and it's basically just a headline that says this Indian be nuts. Yeah, it's... And the conversation's not less racist. I did take a clip. I did take a clip of this. That Thomas Logan sounds to me like one crazy Indian. I don't know.

He seems to be under something. With that homeboost of... No way. A mean horse is a mean horse. A bunch of herbs and roots aren't going to calm him down just like that. Well, it seems to have worked for Rainbow's End. According to these articles, his temper is under control again,

and the San Remo's steak should put him back on the track, so to speak. It's probably firewater, served in his own private bar. Actually, it looks like he's been able to duplicate benzodiazepine. Huh? Tranquilizer. It's like, no, no, he's got to work around for the drug laws, you see. He's made a steroid they can't detect. Yeah, it's, well, isn't it like a, the reason that designer drugs are a,

thing is because by the time, like, the DEA gets around to classifying them as a drug, you could just move on to another thing. So that's exactly what's happening here. It's like, it's airbud rules. There's nothing in the rulebook that says we can't give this horse, these horse drugs. Also, it's it's benzos. He made horse benzos. He made a horse benzos.

In a technically, only technically legal way, he made, he made horse crate-on. He made, he made, like, like, horse gas station drugs. And you're like, huh, that's an American entrepreneur right there. Yeah. That helps him with his horse PSTD. It's a show about a man who gets giant and green when he gets angry. And I don't think that's even close to his silly is this guy reading a newspaper article that like ranks the mood of different race horses. Like, it's impossible to listen to that conversation and stay sane.

It's so fucking crazy. Front page. Front page. And not just front page. the entire front page. Oh, that headline is, it's like man lands on moon. I mean, it's in like 96 point font. And then the picture that they run it with also takes up literally half of the front page.

And I don't even think it's the picture of the guy they're talking about. It's just a picture of a Native American. Yep. It's just like, wow. And I mean, yeah, go ahead. No, I was just going to move us on. Yeah, I mean, we said everything we had to say. They explained to the Hulk that this, the horse,

has a magic Indian potion, they've explained it to him three different ways. We get it. Conversation, newspaper, uh, just like skywriting, maybe. I don't know. This, this world is obsessed with the insides of horse, horse tempers, I guess, inside track of like horse fury. Uh, so Bruce, or Bruce, Bruce David, I'm never going to not call him Bruce. David gets to the track and finds, uh, finds the assistant trainer who made the magical horse potion, Logan, and he's just there in time to watch Rainbow's End, the horse who cannot be calmed,

give in to the fury that I guess all horses know. And he goes ahead and he bucks his jockey off. And then that's where we meet the other archetype of all of these horse shows, which is Kim, the horse lady who does not appreciate men. And she's played by an actor named Michelle Nichols. And when the credits were airing, I'm like, awesome, O'Hura's going to be in this.

I thought it was O'Hurah's name too. I know. Is she Nichelle, maybe? She's Nichelle Nichols. Yeah. And I was just like, I was so bummed out when I realized that, yeah. So, oh, well, it was not the last disappointment that this episode would give me. I write a lot of Hulk and O'Hura fan fiction.

So I was like, finally, something I can masturbate to on the Incredible Hulk. I think we moved to, we moved too fast past the writer falling off the horse. I did make a note that like this is another stuntman who just gave their whole fucking life in spine to the most boring episode of television. Like they they ate so much shit. Like you could see them like getting ready like, God, this is going to fucking hurt so bad. And they jump off and like land on the back of their head. And they kind of roll out of it. I mean, they're a trained stuntman.

They didn't just jackass it. But like it was fucking gnarly. I mean, they roll out of it and like fair play to the stunt. person because if they didn't, that horse was a full momentum was absolutely going to trample them. It's a way more dang. It's one of those stunts that's like way more dangerous than it looks because it doesn't look like on film. You're like, yeah, whatever. You just breeze right past that because even the jockey just pops up like, whoa, hey, that sucks. Those days without like a lot of camera setups and effects. So it's like if you needed to do some shit like night riders like,

hey, you got to jump on that car. It's like, but we're on the highway. We're going like 40 miles an hour. Yeah, it's going to look awesome. Okay. Yeah, but it did look awesome in NightRae. It did look awesome. Yeah. It didn't look awesome here. It just looked like it hurt a lot. You're like, don't do that. Just you can fake this, put a pad down. You know, we don't need like the authenticity of this. They didn't have pad technology. So Kim, Kim is the is the uptight horse lady who appreciates horses more than men. We'll teach her. Don't worry. She's very disrespectful and dismissive of Bruce at first, but she'll learn better once we beat that horse out of her. She introduces David to her father.

You're skipping another important part. Hulk calms the horse down. You know, the famous inner calm of the Incredible Hulk, he uses that to like soothe the horse, just like the wizard did. So he has this, our hero has an extra horsepower on top of the other stuff. Just extra horsepower. That would have been a good name for this show for this episode. What's fascinating to me about this episode is that it turns out David Banner knows a lot about horses, like in horse racing, like so much more than you would expect, whatever he's supposed to be, like a nuclear biologist. But maybe it's one of those things where, you know, like if someone is smart in the Marvel universe, they're a genius at everything.

So yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So maybe he's just like a walking encyclopedia of all facts. This is universal in the horse episodes. We've found every single person. Like, they never use the, like, I'm a straight man here. I don't know about this world.

Let's have you explain it to me. And, like, I'll be the audience stand in. Never happens. Everybody, everybody is, like, obsessed with horse racing and knows everything about it. Yeah, the wizard knew another secret, like, Indian potion to rub on the horse in his episode, too. So I guess they did get one trope right here. Horses love Indian potions. That's what I'm trying to say.

They love those Indian benzos, man. They hit different. I don't know, you know. Probably Firewater served in his private bar. That last part, that private bar was really weird to me, too. It's like, what kind of racism is that? Like, does he mean, like, on reservations or something? Like, is he mad he can't go drink at a reservation?

He's a Native American. He must have a tiny little horse bar that he tends. Like, I don't get it. I don't get it. Well, you know, racism is inexplicable. You know, the fact that you don't get it means you're a better person. Aw. Thank you.

Aw. Yeah, you're welcome. A lot of people say that about me. You're a fucking idiot and a non-racist. And I always take it as a compliment. So Kim introduces David to her father, whose name I did not write down. I just called him horse daddy for all of my notes. Yeah.

A lot of horse daddy in this document. I think his name is Mr. Kelly. Mr. Kelly. I'm going to call him horse daddy. Yeah, horse daddy's better. A concession. I might call him horse daddy Kelly. Like he's a 70s action hero?

No, yeah. It's messed up my notes because I thought, they said Kelly so often that I thought the girl's name was Kelly. And then they called her Kim. I'm like, oh, well, now my fuck, none of these seven words of notes make sense. We also meet the owner of the horse. You assume this is going to be the evil horse counterfeiter based on his name, which I did write down is Lawrence Henry Carroll the third.

And like, anytime you say that in like an 80s show, you're like, oh, that's a bad guy. I liked him because in the credits, I think the actor also has the three names and they're pretty long. So like when it said, and now's an also featuring and then it said his name and it took up the entire screen. And I thought it was like, oh, that's kind of an interesting thing that happened in this episode. That's worth taking note of because nothing else happens. I wonder if it would be worth it to point out here that my full name is Robert Clinton, Brockway, the fourth. Wow. I have been the villain of this podcast all along.

And surprised. It checks out. Nobody steal my identity. Or two. Fuck it. You know what? I'm not really using it. Three other people have already had it.

You're right. It's a well-used identity. You're welcome to it. So David Banner, calms the horse down. They offer him a job on the spot as a casual thank you between strangers. Because this is how life used to work. This is how it used to be. For like a random white man would walk in and be like, do somebody a small favor?

They'd be like, you've got a job for life, buddy. Yeah, Drifter rolls in from out of town. He gets a manual labor job and immediately starts asking my horse tranquilizers and it's like, you're the hero of this story, bud. Because he does. You're right. He meets the next scene is he meets Logan who made the horse who makes the horse benzos. And it's like, whoa, ha ha, cool guy.

How about those horse pensos? Huh? He thinks he's a reporter, which I thought was funny. Because I think your first guess would be cop. He'd be like, you're DEA. Who the fuck? Who the fuck are you, pal? Yeah, everyone in this in this series is so afraid of reporters.

Like, and I get this, maybe this is a post-Watergate thing, you know, when like reporters were, you know, feared and respected. But like, you know, Banner is constantly on the run because there's an investigative reporter who's, I guess, going to write about the Hulk. Like, that's his worst fear. Right. And, and yeah, and Logan is, you know, he doesn't want to, well, they're actually scared of the same reporter. So maybe they're just scared of Jack McCall. Yeah, there was. I mean, that's another like real trope in the, in the 80s.

It's like the all powerful reporter. Yeah. Like the massive like power that reporters wield in our society, which did not hold up. Spoilers for reality. I feel like this might just be because the writer's room, but the whole cast to be constantly. Like, well, we got to get him to the next town. Like, oh, he does something. A reporter sees him.

That's probably just like an internal logic that they couldn't help but like adopt that, that like the main enemy of Hulk is the media. That's the reason he always has to move on. And he could he could actually find perfect piece if the fucking media would stop reporting on his rampages. Leave Hulk alone. That's rampage. Yeah.

Well, it also like I mean, you know, obviously in Hulk comics of the time like the army was his his nemesis. And so like he'd be chased from town to town because you know, General Ross would keep showing up with tanks and things like that. And you know, you're not going to you're not going to do, uh, the Army every episode on the Incredible Hulk's TV budget. So we're going to downscale that to a reporter. That was the A-team's nemesis too was the Army, but they got around the budget.

It was just at the end of every episode like, oh, no, some Army lights. We better get out of here. And then they would leave. Sometimes they had the one Army guy show up. You really only need one guy to represent all of the Army. That's true. The rest of them are just off frame. John Army's here.

We got to get the fuck out of here. So Logan explains that his grandfather originally used the horse benzos to hypnotize feral wolves, which seems like an insane thing to say. But David just nods like, yep, magic Indian shit, just like I expected. I didn't know if he put that on meat and left it. It sounded like he just sort of coated like a perimeter around their territory with like the goo. Like he just made the, just painted a circle around their village with. No, he says it like calmed them and tamed them to be their pet.

So he drugged, he had a drugged wolf army at some point. Okay. So he found a pack of wolves. They got together. He tackled all the wolves and shoved the potion down their throat. And this calmed to them. Okay. No, I buy it.

You could do that. Yeah. Can I say? This episode could have been about that. Yeah. I would have really liked that. This episode could have been about a guy who drugged a pack of wolves so that they had to obey him or else they wouldn't get more wolf drugs.

You're like, that's a better episode. That's a kick ass episode, man. David doesn't really care about any of that He's more worried about the stink on the horse's girth I'm sorry I said that wrong Here's a clip Is this rainbow's girth I'm gonna use some kind of special saddle soap on this or polish

Sure I do There's stuff in that can right there Hell yeah Girt oil special Girt oil For the horse special horse Girt oil is what that is I'm sure this is a real horse thing But I'm a child so

I have no This is what happens when you let two ladies write your Incredible Hulk episode. So it turns out somebody switched out the girth oil for acid causing the horse to throw its jockey. And I'm telling you, yeah, you switch out my girth oil for acid, I'll buck too. Yeah, you'll feel it. She'll feel it. Everyone in the whole orgy will feel it. We weren't explicitly talking about the horse orgy that comes later. Oh, you're right. So the horse daddy, the horse daddy comes in, speaking of horse orgies, the horse daddy comes in and he is just

aggressively uninterested in the girth acid. He's like, nah, who cares about that? So somebody acid in a horse that happens all the time. You're like, okay, well, I guess you're the bad guy. Yep. He's a real dick and he doesn't care if you're boiling horses.

Look, I mean, we've all seen a lot of TV. So obviously this guy is being set up to appear to be the villain, right? I mean, there's going to be a twist in act three where you realize that, oh, We had him wrong the entire time. And it turns out he's being framed for all this. So this is just one of many clues that I was expecting was going to add up to that.

It does seem too easy because you just introduce him and you're like, well, he can't really be the villain. Otherwise, what's the point of this? Just everybody solved it the second they saw him. I was, you know, we got to be like 15 minutes into the show. And obviously nothing's happened, but also nothing's been solved. McGiver would have solved this 10 minutes ago. Yeah. And then had nothing to do.

I had to invent some sort of insane worldwide betting scheme heist just to fill the time. I remember thinking, God, nothing happens in this episode of McGiver. I was so naive. There was this whole other basement of nothing happening. The Incredible Hulk was ready to show me. Secret basement of nothing. And it's incredible. This is a time when there were only 13 channels on the TV.

And somehow this one got on. Yeah. And they somehow, with that little competition, they're all rest. cycling this template. They're all like, oh, we got to do a horse racing counterfeiting thing. What if we lost the counterfeiting? What if we lost everything except the horse? Hold on. I've got an idea. What if instead of all of that, there's just one guy who fucking hates horses? Ooh, that's good. We've got our acts one, two, and three. Yeah, that's it. I don't need anymore. I got an hour of show. So later, Bruce asks the assistant trainer Logan if he can try some horse tranquilizers. Again,

a little red flag from your new hire. And then he describes his Hulk powers as like kind of like an attention deficit disorder that he blacks out from. I think I got this thing. It's like, he's not wrong. I think he's a little wrong. He's say,

yeah, you know. I like this interaction because he's like, no, I can't give you my horse drug. It might kill a human. I don't know. And Banner's like,

dude, I don't fucking, I got nothing to live for. You know me. I'm a drifter. And he's like, No, I don't want to kill you. Like, do you understand?

So that's their conversation back and forth. Kim, the horse lady who has to learn to value men, she starts briefing David on the experimental horse radar that they use to track the results of the race instead of time, instead of just using a watch, like they, I'm pretty sure they still do to this day. And the text of the show explicitly says, this was all done fair and square,

but my dad sold the patent of this to that other guy, and he's really cranky about it because now it looks like it's going to make a bunch of money. The show just went out of its way to say like, yeah, right. And this was all above board. Nobody did any scheming. My dad's just cranky because he made a bad call. Yes. I was like, what the fuck?

So he's just the bad guy, even in these fucking financial circumstances? Even according to his own daughter, his daughter is just like, yeah, he's just being a real dick. Yeah, yeah. All right. They want to reassure you that there's going to be no depth or complexity to any of these characters so you don't have to worry about that. I think, I have a theory that they're trying to like lull us in like a hypnotic sleepy state so that when the Hulk does show up, we'll be like shocked. We'll be like, oh, the fuck is a green guy doing here. I think that's what all of this is for. I forgot what show I was watching.

I thought this is the one about horse lawyers. Is there one about horse lawyers? So we got to later at a horse party with David. And horse daddy, evil horse daddy comes in. He's all drunk and pissed off at the owner guy for stealing his prototype horse radar. Even his daughter is still fully against him. And he takes off. And David runs out to follow horse daddy and sees him directly sees him lighting the horse palace on fire.

Wait a second. Wait a second here. Horse daddy shows up at the party. he's drunk, he's furious. Obviously, this is being set up so that he's going to be framed for, you know, going after the horses and bringing down the rich guy's horse business. And then, you know, when the, look, the stable does catch on fire, but we never actually see horse daddy lighting. We see a hand with a match. But again, we've all watched TV before. This is being carefully set up so that we're going to suspect it's all horse daddy's doing.

but we're going to realize that someone has been framing him and it's probably going to be the rich guy who took advantage of him. Of course. Yeah. This is absolutely going to. Oh, wait, nope. That's him clearly lighting the horse barn on fire. But then they'll have to prove it.

Oh, nope, there's the main character seeing him do it. Huh. Yeah. Like it gives us the weird close up on the hand. Like we're not going to show it. We're not going to show it. So it's going to be in question. It just seems like it.

And then it seems like almost a camera mistake when they pull out and just show that guy running off screen. Yeah. That wasn't supposed to happen, right? Four, three issue. Like, is it supposed to be letterboxed? I don't know. It's just different.

The original version. He's just not there. So David runs in to save the horses from the fire. But Rainbow's End in particular gets so pissed off that he does half of a horse backflip and almost dies. Holy shit. What the fuck is this shot? It's like shot up in the barn, like down at the horse.

And then it just body slams itself. Like something terrible went wrong in the stunt. Yeah, that horse takes a full on back bump. I mean, it was like, he just sold it. It was incredible. Just like that jockey, that horse ate shit for real. Yeah, you're like, oh, that wasn't a stunt. That was just somebody getting really hurt.

This is a boring episode, but you cannot pin any of the blame on either the horse jockey stuntman or Rainbow's End because they were given their all. Can imagine, like, seeing the episode after filming it. Like, I went through all that for this? I really thought this was going to be like my big break. The horse is just furious at his agent. I like this scene because Banner gets bashed by a big beam and starts to Hulk out, which is, it's a funny thing to Hulk out because like if you get bonked in the head,

you get pissed off. But like you don't think of like a hero and a comic book getting pissed off like that. And that's like what happened. He's like, God fucking goddamn beam. And he's like, Hulk's out, which does not help the horse calm down. Like seeing a man burst into a green monster It's not like, okay, I see what I'll chill out. You're right.

That's that's and the Hulk grabs the horse And it does kind of calm down, but I don't know how the horse did this But his body language is not like, oh good, this gentle beast is leading me to safety. It's like, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck. Like the horse is like paralyzed with fear. I mean, because in reality, what happened was that Lufarigno grabbed his reins. Yes. And that is an appropriate reaction for a horse.

That's a good. I'm glad you said. that because like sometimes Hulk looks awesome. They just painted a guy green and I think that's the best way to handle Hulk. But like sometimes Hulk does look like a big dufus they painted green and not a comic book monster. And this is one of those times. Like Lou Forigno gently stepping out of a burning barn.

It's like, oh, yes. You look like a dumb guy they painted green. This looks silly. Yeah. He hulked the fuck out to gently take a horse's reins and lead him out of a barn. He did punch a hole in the wall to like escort them out. But then he escorts them out very gently. he even takes a moment to like whisper little Hulk nothings in the horse's ear

like which he can't talk I assume he's just going rah rah rah rah and the horses coming down and then like the Hulk loves to do he goes to find a nice quiet spot to sit down with the horse like that's that's why he had to Hulk out here was to gently take some reins and sit down with a horse and whisper to it Hulk powers he just rocks back and forth. This next scene is so weird because he's rocking back and forth. And then the Native American guy, Logan, the drug guy, the horse bensile guy, comes over and gets like 10 feet from him and just stares at him. And this scene goes on for probably three full minutes of sort of blurry, out of focus Indians staring at Hulk while he rocks back and forth. I didn't know what they were trying to say.

It felt like they shot this and they're like, oh, fuck, we need another 40 seconds to make the commercial break. It's so fucking weird. But then he unhulks and then he sees him on Hulk and then he's like, oh, that's why the guy wanted horse Benzo is because he's the incredible Hulk. Okay. Well, it makes sense now. Why didn't you just say so? He says that. The next scene, he's like, why didn't you tell me you were Hulk, man? I thought you were just some drug addict. So he passes out and like the next scene, he's kind of like facing, he's facing off with with David about about he's mad Logan is mad that David did not trust him with his Hulk

secret a man he's known for one day who most of the time has visibly disliked him whose main job is like skirting around horse drug laws but uh yeah I just maybe this is just me I thought they played this scene a little strange I thought I thought it got it got a little steamy for me I agree he came in real cute possess a powerful force. No, it possesses me.

And I can't control it. It even happens in my sleep. We begin the treatments today. So the Hulk is like a gamma irradiated wet dream. Yeah. And it happens in my sleep, you know. Only his handsome Native American friend can cure him of it. Yeah.

I feel like he's been waiting his whole Hulk lifetime to say, no, it possesses me! Like he's just like, why isn't anyone say that I possesses? of power. Because I got the best comeback to that. I would thought you're going to play the clip when Logan shows up because he kind of plays it all cute. He like shows up. He's like, I know you're the incredible Hulk.

He's like, I have a secret. I saw you Hulk in. I caught you Hulk in. Shut up. You did not. Saw you hulking off last night. Stop. Out. Out. You're bad. You're bad. So Logan does agree to start treating him for Hulk.

Hulkitis with horse benzos. That's a thing that happens in this episode. And that's when he chooses to tell Logan that he saw horse daddy starting the fire last night. And his daughter, Kim, overhears this. And her reaction is to run to horse daddy and apologize to him for his attempted horse arson? Sometimes insecure women apologize for things that aren't their fault. And I think that that's what we're seeing here. She frantically apologizes to him for his horse arson and then also apologizes for basically being a woman and having dreams. She's like, I'll give up,

I'll give up horse racing and I'll give up all of everything. And I'll go fix things with the owner for you, Daddy. And you might be wondering what horse daddy is doing all of this. He is completely silent, staring in just like barely contained fury at nothing. It's the weirdest acting decision. Like I kept thinking the way they film it I kept thinking he was going to fall over And there's a knife in his back

Yeah right It's incredible it's so fucking weird Again maybe maybe he knows who's the real guilty party But he's compromised somehow And he can't say anything You know because we're being set up to believe He's the bad guy but obviously that's way too obvious It could be him

Yeah Yeah also why is he the bad guy Is it just he sold his patent Fair and Square as the script says He's so mad about that He's going to kill horses His horses. Yeah.

Yes, he's going to burn them, which is another trope in the horse episodes. In every horse episode, they got to burn the horses. Why did we really want to burn horses in the 1980s? You got to have a stable fire. You can't do a horse movie or a horse TV episode without a stable fire. That's what that's called. This whole time, it's... Oh, my God.

That's all it is. I've been calling it a horse palace like an asshole and nobody has ever corrected me. Stable. I think this is just the only way to eat a horse in the 80s. Like, people wanted to try it. It's socially acceptable. They've got to be accidentally barbecue. What are you going to do with that barbecued horse?

Yeah. It's honoring their sacrifice. Honoring their sacrifice. It's not poaching if you find them on the side of the road. God, I'd go for some smoked horse. But how? Wait a second. What if we filled an entire episode of the Incredible Hulk

and accidentally smoked a couple of horses? What if we put the horses in a wooden building that's filled with straw? There's no name for it, but like a makeshift horse oven. An unstoked horse oven is what you call that when it's not on fire. This can't be right. My notes say 11 minutes of potion making and tense longingly staring at one another now. That can't be a TV show. All right, it wasn't just me.

Yeah, the horse potion making really erotic, a surprisingly erotic scene. Yeah. There's so much tension. but obviously there's no none of that in the plot. It's just like these actors are like, God, I guess they're worried the potion might kill the Incredible Hulk, but I don't know. Yeah, it's not how it scans on either party.

I do like that he's like, well, giving you this potion might kill you. I've never tried it on a human. And then when it's ready, he takes a little sip for himself, just like a little horse tranquilizer for the chef, please. And then David drinks it and he heads off to sleep and have a very strange dream about his dead wife who appears to have died three times from shocking herself with some sort of machine and then throwing herself out of a car in a hurricane and then running down an alley and getting electrocuted by an electrical box in the hurricane. Yeah. That lady's dead is shit, man. She's so bad.

I don't remember this show very well. I'm sure I saw five or six episodes when I was a kid. but I don't remember if he had a wife that that what's his name, Carol? It's from the pilot. I don't recall if they were trying to do like a prisoner type thing or not prisoner, a fugitive and be like, that's one of the reasons he's on the run is because he's being framed for the murder of his wife. But they never picked that up.

Like it was just. You hurricane shocked your wife to death and I can prove it. Right. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. There's also like like goofen, like love goofen. So it's like this long montage of death.

And then it'll cut back to like, like, arm punches and like walks on the beach and, uh, days at the carnival and then back to another death. And it's, I don't know. It's weird. It also goes on for a really, really long time. God, they really did have to kill some time with some with some pre-recorded footage in this episode. They knew. The notes I have about this, uh, is that basically 80% of their courting seems to be taking long

walks on the beach and looking through microscopes together. That's how nerds do it. Yeah. Look, it's a paribisium. I love you. This is why you don't break horse tropes. This sucks. This sucks. This sucks so much shit.

The point of all this is to prove when he abruptly wakes up, oh, my God, he hasn't hulked himself. Yeah, he didn't. For once he took. He slept in his jeans, though, which is weird. I mean, if you Hulk yourself every night, you got to sleep in your jeans. Jeans is an insane choice for the Incredible Hulk because he bursts out of his clothes. But if you wore it. If you wore like some nice sweatpants, I'm sure this point has been made by every hack comedian in the 80s.

But like, there are clothes that do not explode when you expand. He could just wear larger clothes. He could wear like a Michael Jordan suit. Yeah. I mean, why are you wearing? I would, clothes are expensive. I wouldn't wear anything at all. I just hang dong and then have my huge Hulk dung out the whole time, which is like, that's not a problem.

That's pretty good way to handle it too. Yeah. Yep. That potion. guy would fucking love that. So over over in his trailer, Horse Daddy is watching the horse news channel that runs 24-7 in this world and just cleaning his sniper rifle in preparation for, I don't know, what the fuck is he going to do? You're like, who is he, who is he shooting?

Is he going to shoot the owner of guy? Like, why is he watching the horse racing getting pumped up? He's not, he's not going to shoot the horse. Is he? Why would that do anything? Why would, why would he assassinate the horse at the big horse race? Like what? Yeah.

Well, I mean, we're meant to think it's like, he's crazy, he's going to shoot the horse. But obviously, what he's going to wind up doing is he's going to shoot the person who's the true villain of the story who he knows about, but he can't talk about. Exactly. Because we all watch TV. We know how these things build. Because if you live next to a horse, you don't kill the horse in the most public space

while it's moving at its top speed. That would be an absurd thing to do. So this must be something else. Yes, of course. So it's the next day where we're right at the track for the big race. and Logan is telling David that he, the strange drifter that arrived one day ago

and asked for horse benzos, shall be running the prototype horse radar device. That is the, that is, I will remind you, the only one in existence and so valuable it is driven horse daddy completely insane.

Yeah. And it's a good thing he's there because it requires a lot of operation. If he was to step away from that for a second, there's no way it would operate. There's a thing about this scene that is maybe worth mentioning where Logan walks up and he and the Hull, again, the famous monster who walks among these people who he just met, they just built a potion together that calmed his incredible fury. He walks up to him and they talk about several other things first. He's like, oh, hey, David, what's happening today, buddy? Not like, did the potion work? Did you turn into a monster when the madness touched your skin? I don't know. I'm just saying, It's the first thing I would bring up. It's like, hey, Incredible Hulk,

did that Incredible Hulk potion work last night? But he's like, it's a pretty nice day. Oh, we got to do this horse machine. I'll show you how to do it later. Oh, you know, now that I'm thinking about it, we got some shit in the back and he needs to get a shoveled. Oh, shit, now that I'm really thinking about it, did you turn into a terrifying demon last night?

I think they're playing with what you would expect this scene where, like, the two characters you've always wanted to get together, finally got together. And then the next day, they're like kind of awkward around each other. Yeah. That's what this is doing. Yeah. Yeah. That's what this is doing.

Yeah. The sexual tension was hotter than banging it out. Mm-hmm. Doesn't this also seem like they're setting something up where banner's going to have to turn into the Hulk to save the day? But because he's tranquilized himself, it's not going to be able to happen. And that's going to present like an additional complication in the climax of the story. That's exactly what I thought they were going to do. That's like how this episode is going to end. I can't end in any of the way.

Right. Yeah. And he's supposed to learn that like maybe he needs the Hulk. Like that, that, that, right. He needed the Hulk and he wasn't there. And like this, he needs to rethink removing him. Hulk's an important part of his life in everyone's life. That's what he needed to learn here. Yeah. He's a force of nature. Yeah. You, yeah, you can't, you can't repress him. He has a function in the workings of the universe. Yeah. Right. So, I mean, well, we'll get there. Like, well, there's not that much more to go. Surely this will all happen. All those things you said. So horse daddy arrives at the track. He arrives with a suspicious rifle-shaped bag and we're like, oh, that's probably going to be like a sandwich or something, right? And then he heads to the roof and you're like, oh, that's a great place to eat a sandwich, right? That's what's supposed to be really going on.

Yeah, he's going to bring that to the real sniper. And then that's a trap or a listening device or something. My notes say that there's a lot of regular track announcements. Like, hey, we've got some replacements here. These are totally irrelevant to the plot, but a fancy pants, Dan, it's going to get replaced. It's just, I swear to God, they just filmed real racetrack announcements and left it in the show. There's a bunch of cutaways to a crowd looking completely normal. Even as things ramp up and, you know, become more intense.

Yeah, it's just like, it's a very, very strange choice. It's just like cut to B roll of stuff that continually undercuts any of the momentum or, We're skipping ahead to one of the things that happens, but when Hulk hoax out, it cuts to this exact same B-roll of people not interested in anything that's happening. Yeah, there's certainly no green man there. Yeah. We're at 51 minutes, including fuck around time. I can't believe we talked about this episode for so long. There's been a lot of fuck around time.

Is this now longer than the episode? Yes. Yes, it is. Just clarify. So also the reporter, the reporter guy, who's the method that, the method that makes David leave at the end of every episode shows up apparently late. They usually give him something to kind of do in the plot. He hassled the Indian earlier.

He was apparently having a really racist conversation with Logan because Logan picks up the phone and he's like, God, this fucking reporter. And then he like called him Kimosabi in a really sarcastic way as if like the guy on the other end was saying sarcastic or racist things that he was responded to. I didn't get what that was. Yeah. He did it off camera. He did it off camera.

Yeah. Usually he has, I'm just saying he has somewhat more of a role. They don't shoehorn him in right at the end like this in every episode. But they really, they really did. And the jockey, the jockey who usually rides Rainbow's End shows up to race, but he's too concussed to do it. And then like, you're like waiting, like you're waiting for the turn. Oh, he's secretly, he's actually been drugged, right?

He's like, oh, I'm so hot. I can't, I'm dizzy. I can't stand. They sit him down. Then it's like, no, he just got a fucking concussion from that. It's just passing out on his feet. He's never going to be okay again. And Banner's the only one who saw it.

Banner's like, oh, that guy that just fell over. He probably shouldn't be riding a horse. He did just bash his skull open yesterday. So instead, Kim, the Horse Lady, will be riding Rainbow's End in the big race. Yes. In the original jockey, whose name is Andy, this is the second of his two acting credits. So it's amazing that his performance in this didn't just open the floodgates to a ton of more work. But I guess they weren't looking for concussed jockeys after this.

Yeah, typecast. Typecast is concussed. Like, we just don't have a lot of need for concussions. Yeah. And this resolves Kim's character arc because she wanted to be a jockey, but like no one wanted her to be a jockey because horse daddy thought she was a girl. And as it turns out, she is. And I just got to say, masterfully set up like all the pieces are in play now,

a horse daddy's on the roof with a sniper rifle. And he's going to, he's going to probably shoot the jockey, right? Only he doesn't know. Like the switch has been done. Like, oh, that we're setting it up for a great tragedy, right? It's almost like a real story, except the guy had no reason to shoot Andy or this is important, the horse itself. There's no insurance scam that he's trying to get. He's just driven mad by a bad investment and he wants to kill his own horse.

Anyway, that can't be what's happening because it's all been too obvious from the immediate start. So, like, now we're off. see the ancient gnome who plays the horse horn and his little butler get up. I told you I didn't make that up. I didn't see it again. I missed it again. I swear to God, it's there. I don't think you're right. That's what starts every horse race is apparently an aged little gnome in a butler outfit who plays the horse song. I can't stress this enough he's not real. Don't indulge this, Brian. He needs to know the gnome isn't real. The trumpet horse gnome is real and he's coming for So David is manning the horse radar, the all important horse prototype radar.

Like, surely that's going to do something. And then that's when he spots horse daddy on the roof with his rifle. So I guess it was. It was just horse daddy. It was actually, he's got the rifle. But they're like, oh, maybe he must be out to shoot the real bad guy. Surely at the end of all this, he's going to, he's going to do something. Right.

Shoot a crippling spike off of the horse at the last vital moment or something. Or he's going to shoot the radar box, you know. and then the rich guy is not going to be able to sell it and ha ha no one gets it you know like there's only one right there's only one and it's only one valuable so uh but no he is truly up there to assassinate a horse that's what he's going to do he aims at the horse we watch him like well we watch him aim at the jockey see that it's his daughter very clearly like blonde hair and everything and then pan down and be like still going to kill that horse

He's like, he's a real, he's a real Lee Horsy Oswald. We had to end it on a pot. I wish we could just throw to the, throw the theme summit on that. No, there's more episode. There's more episode. Something does finally happen because he does see that and then runs the other direction. I wrote that down like, no one's going to believe this, but that's what he does. And then he finally is like, you know, I should get up there and stop him.

And so David Banner is, uh, he just eats show. He gets like 10 feet into the crowd and just falls and gets trampled. Just trips on nothing like a nerd. Someone spills some coffee on him. He gets so fucking pissed off. You can't. You can't hulk out like this. You can't hulk out at like the things I would get pissed off at and then be embarrassed about.

Like, getting pissed off. Didn't do anything there. I love it. I love that he bumps against stuff. This transformation scene is so ridiculous. He gets the coffee spilled out. So like someone steps on his hand. It's like it's so naked gun.

Like I expected him to stick his hand. in a mouse trap and then like get a bucket stuck out of his head. Like it's ridiculous. Somebody cuts him off in traffic just hulks out. Like, no, it's not, that's not the Hulk. That's not everyday annoyance. It's like tripping. He's in a Flintstone's car now.

So he hulks out in the middle of this crowd of thousands. And they do have a sort of a crowd shot with Lou Farragno in the middle of them. And still they didn't tell any of the extras to act like they've seen the Hulk. It's like, they don't give a shit. that Louvreene knows there. They don't give a shit. It is such a great comedy cut to have Hulk jump up and be like, I am the Hulk and cut to the crowd just not giving a shit. They don't even really want to move because his job is like move through the crowd and it looks like it's kind of difficult. Like he's gesturing like you fucking move. Please out of Hulk's way, please.

At the very least, I'm a Loufarinocized man. This could be trouble for you. But no, so the reporter sees it and he runs to follow the Hulk and a Logan sees it and shakes his head in disapproval. Like, I can't believe he hulked out. Yeah, but it's your potion that didn't work, asshole. And all that, uh, the Hulk runs to the roof to stop a horse assassin. That's, that's seriously what's happening here. He burst through the door, uh, and he hits the horse daddy with a pipe and then just

throws his gun into space. Yeah, they do not show where it lands. This could have landed in the crowd. It could have landed on a horse. I would love to the follow up. It lands on the grass and shoots the horse anyway. You're like, no, this was final destination, but for horses, the horse was meant to die. Oh, fuck.

So then he just runs away as the cops get there and that we get a shot of him just running through a busy parking lot in broad daylight for a long time. Like, it's really fun. Like, it lasts like at least 30 seconds. Yeah. It's so funny. It's funny. Like when he starts to get farther and farther away, like it was the right choice to not cut because it gets funny as we just watch him. It went on so long that I stopped laughing.

And then I started thinking like, did they really make Loufriigno run like a mile and a half outside with no shoes on? Like, that's really fucked up. In a horse racing parking lot? Yeah. Think of all the benzodia needles he's stepping on. Oh, my God. Yeah. And the funny thing also is, I mean, look, the special effects are what they are for the time.

And God bless Loufrigano for getting painted up green in every single episode, like full body. That had to be absolutely miserable. But when you do something like that, when that's your special effect, like you inevitably get, you know, there's going to be like patches where they didn't quite cover it or something rubs off during the scene. And so you've got Loufrano painted green running through a parking lot in broad daylight and his, the souls of his feet are like, you know, pink flesh color. It's just like it's, it's, it looks like a fraternity hazing stunt, honestly. And so that was that was it. That was the episode. No twists, no turns. You thought was the villain the first time you saw him turned out to be the villain, and his motivation was I fucking hate horses. I sold a crazy horse radar, and that made me hate horses so much that I wanted to shoot one.

And then the Hulk stopped me. He still had so much in his life. He like owned a ranch and horses and had a successful daughter who loved him. He was still a part of this business. He still owned a stake in the horse. He was still like employed in that and was going to benefit in some way. Incredible. Later on, after he's de-hulked and come back, which is very funny to me, like, what did the Hulk go do?

Why did we have to run off in the parking lot and then circle back? Like, just go find a place to hide and de-hulk like you did. But no, no, no, no. He comes back. David is saying goodbye to Logan, the horse trainer. He's given up on horse tranquilizers entirely. This was a dark period in his life. He's moving on to head off into the sunset.

When Kim comes along and she tells them that her horse daddy is talking to the police, and everything's going to be okay. So, like, he's not under arrest. We're on the horse daddy's side? We want him to be okay? He should be in jail. For what? For what?

Attempted horse murder. Trying to prepare a delicious roasted horse. You're right. You're right. If you put it like that, you should be a horse lawyer. That was a really good defense. Would you put Anthony Bourdain in jail for that? No.

That was seriously the ending. like the bad guy that we've been taught was doing all of this out of pure blind evil hatred, he's going to be just fine. Everybody, he's going to be just fine. Don't worry. I bet Hulk does sort of fuck up court proceedings. If part of your defense is like the Hulk was there, it's like, yeah, that is a really good point. Yeah.

So that's the end and as is the end of every single episode of the Incredible Hulk series. It ends with a David walking off into the distance as the exact same sad music kicks in, like just being like, well, no, he's sad. He's got to go. Which is how every episode of the show. show ends and how our horse episode miniseries ends. Goodbye everybody.

I didn't want to go. But I gotta. Gotta keep moving on. No more horses. The potion did not work. If someone spills their coffee on me, I'm gonna fucking kill everybody in this place. Einstein Hootert.

Frankfurt. Einstein Hooterd! Welcome to the 1-900 Hot Dog Stage. A brand new comedian debuting here tonight. The insult comic with class Lord Jimathan Jiggles. Thank you, that's quite enough, though I should say, flattery, we'll get you everywhere. Aho, what a supreme audience we have tonight. I recognize a lot of faces, though they might not like me saying that.

Oh, I see Aaron Crustin here, a peacock in everything but beauty. A ho! Ah, Adrian H. I see A. Adrian H here, Alex Nolenberg, Alpha Scientist Java, Anandhi, Armando Nava, Autumn Armstrong Berg. Oh, I see Brandon Garlock, he has one of those fine bureaucratic faces that once seen are never remembered. Oh, Brian Saylor, Brockway famously loves the meat milly, a little too much if you know what I mean. Cyril. Christopher Worthing, I am told pork packing is the most valued profession in America.

Tell your mother, I said thank you for your service. Oh, I'm so naughty. Common sense, I see Greg Lemoyne, Dan B, David Schell. Popularity is the only insult that has not yet been offered to Dean Costello. Oh, uh-oh-ho, a Delta Fox Trot, I see Devon, the rogue supreme here i see dusty's rad title and elizabeth schope eliot watson it is said that he can talk brilliantly upon any subject provided that he knows nothing about it oh oh oh oh eric christianberg is here fancy shark jello ho good satan and his hot witches i see you there gregg cunningham gregg cunningham is an excellent man He has no enemies and none of his friends like him.

Oh, I slay, I truly do. Haraka, Harvey Pengweeney, honk! I have here, I want Brockway to say Dyke, which I'm allowed to do because this accent might be Dutch or something. You don't know. Jabar Al-Aidon, James Boyd, Jared Clack, Jared Mountain Man, it's the perfect man. Always dull.

and usually violent. Oh, Jared Ruiz, John Deeb, John McCabin, John Minkoff, a lot of John's here tonight, you know what I'm saying. Josh Quicksall, it is said some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go. Eh, but no really, go fuck yourself, Josh Quicksall, you know what you did. Joshua Graves, Justin B. Katie Favelle reminds one of a badly bound hymn

Give her a few minutes folks, she'll get it. Ken Paisley, K&M, I see KVH, I see Elaine Haygood here. Lisa, oh she seems like a good citizen, or a faithful wife, or something else equally tedious. Oh, Jahy Chappelle, Mark Mahoney, Matt Riley, Max Broyd. I see Mercenary Cicidman here, Michael Lair, Mickey Lohman, oh Mickey Lohman, such keen student always ready to give his betters the full benefits of his inexperience oh-hoo mort mr bob gray and d Neil Bailey Neil they say there is no sin except stupidity so tell the devil I said hello ha ha ha ha ha ha oh fuck you Neil

Bailey Neil Schaefer neck in 104 Nick Levino up so Ogiwan Supreme is like the best art. All style unpolluted by sincerity. Oh, I'm told One Ball Inn has been received in all the great houses. Or once. I kid, I actually like One Ball In. Henri Weevil, Ozzie Olin, Patrick Herbst. I see Peewey's uncle here with Rebrandrew and Red Wine Time.

Rianin! Hello, Riannon. Russell Bauman, oh, Russell Bauman, everybody. You seem, Russell, you seem the kind of person who's brilliant at breakfast. No, don't get that one? Go team up with Katie Favel. Maybe you two can figure yours out together. Sam Koppnik, Sarkovsky.

Sean Chase. Seed. Space Jam fan, I may not agree with you, but I shall defend to the death. You're right to be a dead. Dipshit! Spotty reception, super not, Tater stays, TED-H. Thomas, Thomas is such a good friend, he will always stab you in the front air. Thomas Cavatzos, Timi Leahy, Toasty Gun, I see Tommy G here.

Velo. Velo is the kind of person who deprives one of solitude without providing one with company. Ha ha ha ha. That one was bad. Victor Malavankan, Booster, Whalen Russell, I see Yvonne Clappam here, Zach and Eva, Jeff Oraski is chaos illumined by flashes of lightning. As a speaker, he has mastered everything except language. As a dancer, he can do anything but move with rhythm. And as a wiener, he is everything but plump. Oh! Ha ha ha ha. I kid. I kid, of course. Thank you. Thank you all. I'd say you've been lovely.

but I've been told untruths cause wrinkles. Oh, no, but seriously, folks, truth is everything. Stay true. One must always strive to be true to what they are, even if what they are is a nasty little cunt. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.