The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 287, The Furious with Dirk Marshall

Episode Date: July 22, 2026

The Furious: Martial artists kicking ass and taking names, then kicking the ass of the names that were took. This might be a perfect movie... NO. This IS a perfect movie according to any right thinking individual, but especially to Seanbaby, Robert Brockway and our special guest, Dirk Marshall!

So 9,000, the official podcast of 1,900 Hot Dog, the last website. We have daily articles by talented comedy writers, just like the old days of the internet. I'm Sean Baby, from there. And my partner is the butt sheriff of Runner Up County. He's Robert Rockway. Hey, I'm still, the sheriff is the winner. That's first place. That's first place, baby.

I did it. We, you know what? We did it. We did it together. Congratulations to everyone. I'm Robert Rockway. Here's a Rockway Effect. I brought my own intro today to rival.

yours. Let's, let's hear it. I'm Robert the Hammer, Brockway, and with me is Sean the nail baby. Is this, it's the thing, give it a little bit. Okay. Give it a little bit. No, I think I, I think I see the second part of this bit. I think I see it coming. Our guest is a man of film and sauce. He's from the VHS podcast. It's Dirk Marshall. Welcome back. Thanks for having me. It's wonderful to get to see the two of you and eventually fight to the death. Perfect. Well, I don't think we'll be fighting. It is to the death. I like the sound of that.

Do you have a, what was your intro for, for Dirk? Our guest today, he's a butt man, but that's not what it sounds like. It's a variation of Ram Man. It's Dirk Marshall. I accept. I thought he was also going to be a nail. I thought that would have been like a cute because when you're a hammer. Every problem is nail.

Yeah. No, the implication was I was going to fuck you to death. No, I get it. I get it now. Okay. I just want to make sure that's spelled out early in the, podcast. I thought the bit was that the bit was too predictable, but no, it's that you're going to fuck everybody. I'm like, that's even more predictable. Yes. I think I watched the wrong movie.

You know, I think this whole movie is a metaphor for, for fucking, but I think that about most movies. To death. Yes. Dirk and I have been playing The Mound. Have you heard of the Mound, Rockway? That sounds absolutely filthy. Yeah, speaking of things that sound filthy. No, it's this extraction shooter set in like Conquistador time. and you're like a bunch of like treasure mad like looters. You go to like a native island in like the 16th century and you steal all their gold. This sounds like the worst. You're not allowed legally.

You cannot play this game. What are you doing? It's going to sound more racist after you hear that it's also kind of lovecrafty. Yep. And so. Yeah. So but it also simulates going crazy because it's also like not a good game. So everything's kind of glitchy.

And then also the game's fucking with you. So like a bush will just rustle or the tree will stand up and leave. and like sometimes I'll be like hey Dirk let's go in the cave and then Dirk will say oh I'm already in the cave and then like a Dirk shaped swarm of worms next to me you'll try to kill me it's that it's the fucking best all right it sounds like it rules but also it's incredibly illegal to play in modern times yeah no you shouldn't for a lot of reasons also we're not playing it through the voice chat option and if you are the game will sample your voice and then add that to the clone version of yourself so you'll just be following it

following your friend around who's just laughing maniacally, and then you only discover that you're just been murdered in a forest. That steals your voice? Jesus Christ. Yeah. It's a racist game, but don't worry. It's also about magical racism, and it steals your voice. Yes, it's also bullshit. Like, you just, you can't be good at it.

True. It actually sounds pretty fun. Yeah, it's really fun. We have a good time. Well, let's do some plugs. Dirk. The mound is out now. It's sample Dirk's voice.

Don't trust him. We need a fourth conquistador. Don't trust him. New season of VHS is steadily approaching, and we've already recorded an episode with the two of you and Zach Coontz. So it's going to be off to a great start. You can find that wherever you podcast. And MarshallshotSauce.com, go there and get all the sauce that you could possibly need for saucing.

God, we have so much of your sauce. I love that podcast series. If you're planning on listening to that episode in the future, do it. It was really, it was a lot of fun. And we're not very good at it, though. We're not very good. Yeah, I think we're good at the stated goal of the game. But like I left that podcast thinking, well, that's obviously the best podcast we'll ever record.

Yeah. Yes, the podcast is good. We as heroes are not very good. Rockway, let's do your plug. Okay. Well, if you're listening to this in July, go to, go to Audible, my audio book for, I Will Kill Your Imaginary Friend for $200 is on sale right now for $699 through the rest of the month to August. If you're listening to this after July of 2026, I'm sorry, my book is no longer for sale.

It seems like a pretty bleak future for you. But holy shit, he's dead. I can't believe it either. How bitching was that party, though, right? The party, I lost an eye and I'm not even mad. Very good plug. I'll plug our Patreon. Patreon.

Patreon.com slash 1,900 Hot Dogg. And that supports this podcast and our website and all of our writers. Give us more money there. And then we'll give the writers more money. It's a good deal for everybody. Plus, it's the only way to support. I think the thing we're doing this whole, like, articles with text and images. It's the last one's doing it.

So real quick, can I add an addendum to my plug? Don't tell my publisher I did that. Don't tell them I use, like, presidential assassination jokes for to plug my book. Don't, no, no, don't, just be cool. I can vouch that the Secret Service does not like legally have a sense. They're not legally allowed to have a sense of humor about that. And they will, should they find out about it, give you like a real grouchy interview.

To be fair, it was a presidential natural causes joke. I don't think that one's, that one's probably still illegal. This is why they don't want me to plug my book anymore. We should talk about the movie, I think. We're talking about a movie. Normally we talk about dumbass movies that we're all pissed off about. But this one, I think we've already seen three times just casually because we love it. It's the Furious.

It's out pretty recently. So there's going to be tons of spoilers. You should probably go watch the movie before you listen to the podcast. It's, let's see, who's its star? It's got Yayan Ruian, the Indonesian guy from the bad guy from the raid. It's got Joe Taslim. He was the co-star of the raid. He was Sub Zero, the New Mortal Kombat movie.

And Meow Shea, I think is how you say it. I honestly, he's been in movies since he was like a baby. Like he was in the, I think it was New Legend of Shaolin with Jet Li. He was nine. I haven't seen nine years old. Yeah. I haven't seen him in a ton of stuff. He's in a lot of like Monkey King Magic Sword Kung Fu movies.

And I got to be in exactly the right move for those. But he was also in a. an Ip Man. He's pretty good as an ipman. Yeah, and he was in an eye for an eye and hunt for the wicked. A couple in the last like a couple years that are definitely worth checking out and even have sequels. He was one of the I didn't know he was one of the upman. Yeah, he took over.

He's one of the, I think, the latest dip man. I don't know if that's like the same movie series and creators. I think that people, he's like the modern Wong-fe-Hung, people just like make movies about him. So let's see. Let's get into it. Set somewhere in Southeast Asia, a lot of people are talking, Tagalog in the movie.

So we guess it's probably the Philippines, but they're like, don't say it. They're like, this place is such a shit hole. We don't even want to like give it the bad PR. Because this is like the human trafficking center of the world. And so they're like, maybe we just say somewhere in Southeast Asia. We see a picture of a judo couple, but the woman has a pixie cut and you kind of can't tell her age.

So you're like, is that like his daughter? Like I saw, it was probably the third time I saw the movie before. I'm like clear on what their relationship was. And I get how that's going to sound stupid because they do sort of explicitly say like, no, this is his wife a couple of times. But there's a lot of shit going on in this movie and I didn't notice. Yeah, there's a, there's a wedding ring that is a substantial person. Yeah, but I could have sworn that Yayan says, you gave this to your daughter.

I could have sworn. It was like the third time. I'm like, he said like slaughter, not daughter. It's like, you give it to somebody when you want them to be your daughter. And they accept and they wear your wrong. ring. I thought, like, is he mistaken? That's how it works somewhere in Southeast Asia.

But she does look 11 years old. It could have been his daughter. Well, and she's played by Gija Yannon, who was the lead in chocolate, if you've seen chocolate. Okay. I have seen chocolate. Yeah, which isn't like my favorite movie, but she's really good in action stuff. And in this, I was like, wow, reporters are really well trained.

Yeah. So, yeah, she is investigating like a crime factory. It's just like this dusty screaming factory. She finds a guy like about to drill a child in half. I don't even know what she comes upon. But she jumps up immediately starts fucking them up. And they have this great fight where she's like shoving a kid through the hall and like running while people are trying to attack her. And she only weighs 30 pounds.

And most of the fight is Mexican wrestling. She's just like break dancing on their heads. And something in them with shoes, it's pretty great. You do get a sense though. I like that they preface this with her fight scene that you get a sense that most of this movie is about arranging men in damaging shapes like eggs that hurt them.

She does a lot of like just putting men together and then they're hurt by it. Yeah. I showed this sequence to my daughter who has never seen any action movies ever at all. And so the second that the reporter is lifted in the air doing the splits and then twirls around flipping men.

She was like, what is this? Why is this? What is her correct quote? You can't do that. By the time she slid on the ground between people's legs twice, my daughter was just like, okay, I can't even. Like she just said, it's pretty sweet. But yes, the theme of the movie is making shape out of men.

I guess this movie is a hardcore, yes, they're very painful, harmful shapes. It's a hardcore martial arts nerd movie. like everybody's got like a very distinct style. And there's a lot of, it's not exactly MMA, but like a lot of like showing how one style would beat another style. So the judo throw will get turned into like

a wheelbarrow kung fu explosion. Or I'll do like a white lotus pose to get out of an underhook. And I know that sounds maybe insane, but you watch the movie and you're like, okay, this is, they're speaking a language like directly to martial arts nerds that I completely love.

But they're also doing an intending, unique thing where they make many painful shapes out of men. Yeah. So the fight choreographer is Kansuki Sonomura, and I love this dude. Sean knows that I talk about him. But he directed three movies, Hydro, Bad City, and Ghost Killer. But if you

watch the Baby Assassin trilogy, you'll see some of his choreography in there. The third one has got some amazing fights by him. And he loves, like, to make these shapes. You'll see, like, sequences on YouTube where it's just called creating space. And it's people adjusting

micro adjusting each other's bodies in different ways so that they can't extend their leg fully for a kick and they're grappling and they're pulling on clothes and it's like I find it endlessly fascinating and this movie does a great way of being like look we're doing something a little different here but we also have all these styles and then we're going to by the end you'll just be

like so confused and blown away by what you're going to be seeing just battle man geometry yes advanced battle man geometry I think it's a sign that they come from a stunt background when they start building a lot of things out of people. Tony Jod did a lot of this in his movies where he'll get nine stuntmen together and they'll just make something that he can run up so he can like axe kick the guy on the top or something. But here we are. She's escaping with the kid. She's doing really well.

But then like the kid just gets shot with an arrow. And you're like, whoa, this is that kind of movie. Jesus Christ. And that's when we meet. Yayaon from the raid and his evil business bro boss. And they're like, oh, what a waste. We had to waste this super cool kid prisoner. Just a truck full of organs, just bursting with organs.

And now, now he's missing at least one, probably a couple. It's so like such perfect action movie video game standards. This whole movie is just like set up like, like, you need to know the stakes because if we're going to take the hero's kid, we've got to show that like bad things are going to happen to kids, so we need to kill one right off the bat. And I was just like, when we saw it together in the theater, I don't remember if it was Mark or who was it near me, but somebody just went, oh shit, like the second the kid got killed. Yeah, that's probably Mark. That's so great. I don't assume, I just kind of assume like shorthand if you take a child,

it's not for like a fun trip. Yeah. It's probably, probably bad things. But yeah, I know this guy, I know this guy, the arrow guy, the bow guy. I know him. as a as Besney fucking dog enthusiast that's a I watched I watched the first time I got a copy of the raid was with an absolutely terrible disaster of a subtitle file Yeah I remember that article

They I think his name I think I just recently learned this when we watched the raid again somewhat recently I only very very recently learned that his name in that movie was supposed to be like Mad Dog or something like yeah Because the way they translated it was Bessney fucking dog enthusiast. And they called him Bessney fucking dog

enthusiast through the whole movie. He'll never forget him until this day. Besne fucking dog enthusiast. But yeah, he's Bessney fucking dog enthusiast is great in this. He has a bow and it's like an ultra combat bow. Like he's obviously great with the bow, but it's got like knives on the ends of it. And he'll fuck you up if it gets hand to hand. But it also like,

It shows what kind of movie this is and that the kid could have got away. And then, of course, they could have killed this lady. But no, they kill the kid. And then the business bro is like, all right, go take care of her. And you're thinking, okay, normally in a movie, this would be like hubris, the bad guy. They overestimated their chances and she's going to fuck them up. Like, no, but everybody in this movie knows like, no, no, I'm not getting out of this. Cut.

She's fucked. She knows. And now we meet our main hero, who is a mute Chinese dude. with like an old hole in his head. He's got a precocious daughter. And, you know, they give us all these little details. It's, it's, I'd say when the action's not going, the movie itself is kind of, um, rickety, I guess.

Like, they're trying to do a lot, but they don't quite care. They're like, I hate this part of the movie. I don't want to write. Yeah, they know it, though. They know it. And they're like, look, we need this part for it to technically be a movie to like, illegally qualify as a movie. and not just like really deadly pornography,

but we don't give a shit, you don't give a shit. We'll move past it real quick. Don't take any notes. I do love that they set up the hole in his skull because like his daughter scares him while he's working and he bashes his head very gently on a cabinet. And it's like, oh, oh, God. She's like, oh, my God, I've forgotten about your greatest weakness,

the hole in your skull. And you're like, okay, I know that this is going to come in. So everybody write that one down. Remember that. does it, even the first time I watched this movie, I'm like, is that thing ever going to come up? Does he not have a head thing? Because he eats, everyone in this movie takes so many fucking headshots, including him. I don't even know.

They keep setting it up like that's going to be the thing. Like somebody will hit him with like an actual. I don't even know what that thing was. They hit him with a piece of industrial waste that looked like a barbecue. Yeah, they just bashed him with industrial waste so hard that like a normal person's head would have come off and you're like, oh, okay, like, that's going to take him. Now, he just gets back up and he's like, let's do the rest of the fight scene. You're like, wait, hold on.

Skull is your weakness. And he's like, no, it's not. Not anymore. I didn't hear that. We don't know what's going on. Maybe every time they hit him, he like changes personalities. We should watch it again and see it. Maybe there's a story we're not catching it.

It never, it never comes up. There is a point where he is taken out by like a skull attack, but it's a skull attack that would kill 80 normal men in a row. You're like, okay, and he's not that taken out by it. So like, no, no weaknesses. Witnesses are boring. And I think most people speak the language of pro wrestling. So like you're watching a movie, you're like,

should that guy be hurt? But like it has to be sort of a finisher to communicate to the audience. Okay, no, this guy got fucked up from that. This movie does not have those rules. People will land finishers left and right. All finisher. Yeah, it's an all finisher. It's an all finisher into finisher combo.

Yeah. And I'm glad they did it that way because the second she's like, be careful of your head injury. I was like, oh, it's going to be that kind of thing. We already know his weakness. So every time they just move past it, I was like, oh, okay. I guess it is. All right. Different part of his head, I guess.

Right. Well, now we meet our judo guy. He is, he's in an outdoor cafe. He's asking Afro guy for 30 kids. He's like, I got a rich client. I need 30 kids. 30 kids for shrimp boating. For shrimp boating.

Is that? That's when you put your big toe in someone's bow. I looked at it. Oh, I made this way dark. I thought that might have been a mistranslation or something I wasn't catching. He's like, so he needs shrimp boat slaves? Like tiny shrimp boat slaves? I'd take it back.

Me too. I thought it was also a miscommunication. Yeah, I don't know what it is about is that like notoriously shrimp boating requires tiny hands to like set the tiny things. to like set the tiny hooks to catch the shrimp. They need real small hooks. Yeah, I can get it at all. It's wild. You're like, oh, I thought this was just organ harvesting,

but they're like, no, no, organs, shrimp boats, you know, whatever. Whatever you need a kid, get a kid. That's the slogan on the side of their trucks. Need a kid, get a kid. Because I grew up in the country. They send their children off to the berry fields in the country. I figured you could do that to a shrimp boat. If someone's like, hey, we're looking for child.

slaves for the summer. Most parents are like, that's free daycare. They get it free. I'll probably get some money out of this. But no, he's like, I'm going to go to the world's most dangerous child traffickers and get some employees for my shrimp boat. I don't buy it. They did a good job making that Afro wearing henchman. He's so wet. He's like Brad Doroth, wet levels of wet throughout this movie. Just really soak him down.

Everyone has like video game rule like iconography. They all have a specific look. Like this guy's Afro and his weird shirt and everything. It's just anytime they introduce a new character, you just go, oh, okay, I won't get that person confused with anybody else. I'm just saying, I would have remembered Afro guy. Yes, Afro guy. But then they're like, no, Afro wet. He's a big wet afro guy.

That's more than it. Yeah. We want to reuse that way. Somebody else. So he's doing an undercover thing. But I don't think he's a cop. He's just like doing this out of his home office. He's just, his wife was a journalist.

obviously she's dead now, but like, I think he's just an amateur undercover human trafficker, vigilante. Yeah. I mean, if he's a cop, he's a really bad cop. Like, he does not solve ending of the mysteries, the minor spoilers. But like, his job is set out to like, wow, I'm going to crack this case to save my wife. And all of the developments in cracking the case come from other people. It's never hit.

He's just, he's real bad at it. But he's good at judo. So. Yeah, very good at judo. We're back at the mute guy's house and we learn his daughter isn't good at Kung Fu and hates it. And I thought, okay, first time I thought, great, this is her arc, right? She's going to learn to enjoy Kung Fu and, like, do some fights later. Nope, it's a red herring.

Forget about it. Forget about that. Forget about the head. They're just faking you out. So now they're getting a haircut and she's pissed off because yada, yada, like she wants to come live with him. And he's like, no, you can't live with me. I'm an amnesiac kung fu murderer. It's a bad idea.

Who lives in the child stealing capital of the. world. Yes. Yes. And speaking of, she like just leaves the haircut place. And so he's like, well, I got to go get her. We're in the child stealing capital of the world. And the haircut ladies are like, no, no, no, no, no. This is a bad idea. Send a random hairdresser to talk to her. Don't have her father talk to her. The oldest lady in there. Yeah. Yeah. She simply does not. They never show her like, she loses. She doesn't like lose the hairdresser in a crowd. The hairdresser just leaves for a while. And then comes back and it's like, ah, I couldn't find her. You're like, Blady, you went out for smokes.

You did not. Yeah, but the girl and girl is immediately kidnapped. Like a kid comes up and does the whole like, oh, my parents were in a car wreck. Come help me. Just honey pots are into a sack. They just throw in a bag, throwing her truck by fucking ram man. And now our hero hears, oh, my daughter's missing and runs out. And this scene out of fucking control immediately.

He chases down the truck on foot, jumps up. head butts a dude. Again, his head is not an issue. The first move, the very first fight move we see him, his opening gambit is skull attack. And you're like, your skull is weakness. No, no, no, no. He does like chase down a fleeing garbage truck in flip-flops the whole time. You can hear them smacking throughout the whole chase scene.

Yeah, they're fully guys having the best time. It's a very funny sound to like look back as you're fleeing in a garbage truck and hear the just block, fuck, fuck, fuck. What's that sound? Somebody doing the ham bone back there? What the fuck? So he is on the side of the truck just reaching and beating the shit out of two guys

through the window. He's like, pulls the parking brake, throws the keys away. And then he gets ram man. That's our first ram man. He just gets blasted off the door. And he gets suplexed on, again, onto his head a death blow in any situation.

Especially for a weak skull. No. Yes. He gets hit by a drop kick from Afro Man. guys are weirdly superhuman fighters. It's just total bad luck for our Jackie Chan to run into the boss fight in this first encounter. He's basically frantically trying to find his daughter. So he's not doing a full, like, vicious attack. He's mostly trying to dodge them while they try to tackle him. Ramman attacks him with a hammer. The fight is so insanely brutal and he finally gets bashed off

and they start driving away. But it's not over. He ditches the flip-flops, runs it down in barefoot, just leaving a trail of footblood. Ramman drops a tombstone how driver on the girl just to demonstrate like, hey, I'll kill her if you keep chasing me. He's like, fuck you. I'm still chasing you. And he gets teaboned by a pickup truck, like at 40 miles an hour. Back tires come up on the thing. I'm a CGI stunt.

They didn't really hit the guy with the car. But a thousand percent death in any other movie. If this was an episode of the Incredible Hulk, you'd be like, oh shit, Hulk is out for a while. That is a truck nailed him. Gets right up. Like, it's really like he, it does cause him to lose his daughter. Like the next scene should be him waking up in a hospital a week later and being like, you've lost her forever now.

Like it's, you'll never find her. And then he has to go from there. He gets up seconds later and has like a little bit of a limp for like the next scene. And then that's it. I do. It does let you know like this is the level of damage this guy can take real early on in the movie so that you can never be like, oh, he wouldn't get up from that.

He got up from the truck, man. The next thing is they may be overdo it with the storytelling. Because normally in a movie, you kind of learn that, oh, the cops aren't going to be a big help. But he goes to the cop station, writes down exactly what happened, because he's mute. So it's just like daughter kidnapped. Here's the truck.

Here's the two guys that did it. Here's a description. And Afro guy and big guy with overalls, a big bald guy is like, they're done. You caught him. And he's like, check the CC camera. He even tells them how to do it. And they're like, dude, what the fuck is all these?

What are all these words that say things that mean things? They're like, get out of here. We don't solve crimes here. We do meet two, three important characters in this scene, all cops. We meet the goofy cop who has to prove himself. We meet the lady cop who's the only one that will stand up for justice. And the obviously corrupt cop. And I love how obviously like you're supposed to like suspect the guy,

but not really know it when the corrupt chief comes in. But the corrupt chief comes in and it's just like, what is this? This isn't a report. Boo, missing children. Boo! I don't like looking for them. Please leave. Like just immediately.

Yeah. There's like 900 cops. They're all watching them like, we can't spare the manpower to look for missing kids. Anyway, it's really funny how pissed off he is that some guy came in here with kidnapped daughter's story. No one has ever wanted to not find a kidnapped girl more than this. Just immediately.

Full thumbs downing him. No, I don't like it. Also, as he leaves the police station, there's just a wall of missing children's posters that he walks by. So it's not like the first time they heard of this. Also, the news only talks about missing children the entire time. The missing child channel, yes. And as a viewer, you almost want to say like, yeah, I get it. I get what you're trying to say, movie.

But he goes home and he is just a sack of gravel. Just completely regents with little ice, no problem. Yep. Ice it off. If it was me. off that truck it. I think the first, obviously he's going to get vengeance, but like if it was me, I think the first ass I'm kicking, I'm going back to that haircut place to those two old

ladies that talk me into not. Like that lady, come on, that, at least the lady that went quote unquote looking was in on it. Yeah, yeah. I would, uh, I guess I would just assume that, yeah, that she was part of the kidnapping crew. With the little limping child slipping or a bar of chocolate like this a little bit for you. Great job.

So yeah, he's got all his HP bag from some ice and aspirin. And the cops are like, who is this guy that gave the report? He's got no records. He's a ghost. You're like, we don't even need, we don't need that. Also, no point to it. They never, they never do a thing with that. Also, to have information, they'd have to take his information.

And all they took was the bloody pieces of paper he gave him. Right. They're like, who is this man? Like, of course you know. Yeah. Yeah. did not. The only thing they investigate is like, who was that guy that told us about that kidnapping? Get to the bottom of it. Early in, he like hockey fight at a guy. He like grabbed his jacket,

pulled it over his head and beat the shit out of him. And a whole bunch of like, uh, Muay club receipts popped out. So he's like, I'm going to go to that Muay club. He just grabs a hammer. Heads there. Arjito guy is also there. And he's doing another undercover op with the big boss who works out of there. This ass guy. He's got this silk ass cut. It's got like a surveillance camera and like the top has Oval thing. Real size guns.

Okay, within the realm of this movie where every single person has to have a recognizable thing. He's talking to the big boss. The big boss has a huge leather cowboy hat. So you're like, everybody's got like real identifiable thing. What else are they supposed to assume living in this world other than, oh, it's Ascot guy. Agreed.

That's his thing. That's the guy who wears an IMAX. camera on his necktie. And they have like a moment where you're like, oh, they're going to see the camera because like the guy at the door's like, look at this fucking crazy thing you have. It does, I'm not this kind of guy, like a fashion guy, but it does not go with his outfit. I don't think it would go with any outfit. It looks so insane. But he's like, oh, I like this. You look so cool in this weird silk, I don't know, boat rope that you wrapped around here. Anyway, he goes to the back rooms with the Thai cowboy hat guy. And he's like, I want three times the market

price for 30 kids for my shrimp boats. And he's like, one one condition. I got to pick out the kids myself. And they're like, no one's been more obviously an undercover cop. So they're like, we're going to kill you now. But he like gets out of it through swagger alone. He just takes his hat. He's like, I'm going to take your stupid hat.

He's like, oh, you're a fucking hat taking guy. You're the best. He has to. Okay. He doesn't know. He did like the the boss wearing the cowboy hat. A guy comes up and takes the cowboy hat. He's now the boss.

That's true. That's how the hat works. Yeah. And that, and nobody can pick out that other guy from a lineup. They're like, you have no weird outfit. No hat.

I have no idea who the fuck that is. Like our boss just got two things. He's got an ass got now too. Holy shit. It makes sense because all of the goons in the room, the second Joe Taslin puts the hat on, they all look like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What? Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Yep. It's so funny. But yeah, see, all right, this guy's, this guy's cool.

Yeah, come pick out your child prisoners. And then downstairs, our mute guy spots Afro guy and just walks right up to him with a picture of his daughter because he can't talk. So he's like, give me this kid that I'm holding. And then he just beats a shit at everyone in the club. There's a real tone shift because before he was like running away like Jackie Chan, but now he's full Donnie Yen. He is just running through dudes. He's got steel-toed boots. So he's like, do we do in these.

He's like globifaitosa kicks where he's like faking him out and then he'll like toe kick dudes. It's fucking sick. Anyway, he's a death monster now. This fucks up the undercover up. They're like, that guy's obviously with you. So now he has to start beating everybody up. So we've got a pinch your maneuver of like fight tornado. The bar's in on it now.

The Afro guy's like, hey, that guy's got a gun. Kill them with your bottles, patrons. They're like, hell yes. They win the whole lives for someone to say this. Of course. That's the rules of the club. You have to sign a little waiver that you promise to attack anybody that they demand. Like, oh, okay.

When they start throwing the bottles, there's another guy up there with him on the little awning. That poor guy is just like, oh, shit, what's happening? Like, just hiding. I love that. Never occurred to him to duck. Our hero just ducks. Another guy just eats like 400 bottles to the face. He's building shapes, climbing all over him, and he ends up in the cage.

And I'm like, well, this is perfect. I mean, this is like a fish tank in an action movie. Like when you see the cage, you're like, well, our hero's going to end up there soon. And sure enough. So now he's attacking Afro guy, but there's two Muay guys in the cage. And they're like, no, no, no, you have to fight us, dude. And they even hit the Muay Thai music. It's the fucking best.

I love that they just instantly know that. Like, they were hired to be fighters at this club. They're not like part of, they might mean, maybe they're part of the gang. But like, they don't, the guy doesn't tell them anything. They're just like, well, you get in the cage, then we. the rules say we have to fight you. Exactly. We stop fighting each other. We fight you.

There's also a part right before he gets in the cage where I swear to God, I watch the scene a few times here. He's building shapes out of men, but at one point, he like connects six guys together and gets on top of them. And it looks like he's building a Voltron or like a megazord out of men. And there's a second. There's just a split second where it looks like he goes to try to write it around for a second.

He tries to make it take a step like it's a big mech suit made out of men and then it all falls apart. And you're like, did he just try? He just tried. He just tried. If he could talk, he would have said, and I'll form the head. So we'll never know what he was actually doing. But yeah, he is just bashing these dudes with hammers and like it's making this horrible squelching

sound. And then they like, CGI all these little spots of blood where he wax him with the hammer. It's just, it's so brutal. And then every referee at official climbs. There's like 200 of these guys, and he's just hammering them into this flesh tower, or maybe a Voltron. We can't. We don't know.

We'll never know. No, this is a flesh tower. He tried to make the Voltron once and it's like, I got to go for something simpler. You know, I tried to get too crazy with it. It's like, it's like Zelda rules with the one where you had to build shit. You're like, I made too elaborate of a device and it falls apart. I'm just got to put a bunch of guys together. I love that like there are guys in this scene that come in after he makes the flesh.

Tower out of like 12 men. So they saw the whole thing from planning to like execution where he's like, he's drafting the plans for a flesh tower and he starts hammering it together out of men and then he climbs on top of it and starts like varnishing it. And like a guy is still running up behind him like, I'm going to, I'm going to jump in on this. Let me get out on this. Yeah. This is the march of progress.

Those guys are like, oh, that sculpture needs a left hand. I will be that left hand. For art. Let me be art. When we saw it in the theater. And we're chatting afterwards. I was like, you know, any other movie, this is the end. This is the big climax.

And you can see this in the trailer. And you're like 25 minutes into the movie or something crazy. How are you going to beat the Man Mountain? Like what? It's all happening so fast, too, because the Afro man is, he's escaped. He's like climbed out and he's running. He makes it like fucking 10 feet before he's done building a tower out of everyone in this entire club. And it bops him with a hammer.

throws a hammer at him, easily run down. He gets hung up by a bunch of more guys, but Afro guy hits the judo guy who's coming down, he's fighting down the stairs, and he gets knocked into the cage, which is fucking hilarious. I love this. Okay, so now our heroes run into each other, and we're like, okay, now they have to fight maybe, or are they going to figure it out? It's like a meat cute, I guess, like a combat meat cute. But it's funny because judo guy's like, hey, who are you?

And the mute guy can't talk. So he just shakes his head. But he mistakes this. It's like, fuck you, I'm not telling you. And so they just start fighting. And I just,

I just really like that. Which is so genius, because you can't have C. Miao and Joe Taslim in this movie and not have them fight. Because anyone is a fan of those two action stars, you're like, they got to face off, right?

And so the movie gives you that. But then also is like, okay, that's enough of that. Now they're friends. And you're just like, oh, okay.

Thank you. This is great. Comic book rules. Yeah. And this is another one of those, like, masterful movie fights where, like, the story changes that they're fighting where they're like, starting to kick ass and they both realize like, oh, I got to take this little seriously. So they like kind of reset for the boss fight. And then they like, you know, the story changes when they see the little girl. And they're like, okay, okay, sorry, sorry. We're on the same team, kind of, maybe. It's the best meet you. They team up. They take some surveillance footage. There's a moment where Joe is like, dude, what's your deal? If this fucking tough guy routine sucks. you like a mute and then there's even like a music change where it's like oh oh you are Jesus Christ oh fucking asshole oh so I was beating the hell out of you for no reason all right just looking for your daughter who's probably dead am i the bad guy in this movie beat up a guy looking for his kid made fun of his disability yep took a man's hat his whole

identity. So then Meow see something immediately. He's like, dude, this truck is in every picture and they look at it like, oh, that's a ice truck with a logo. We'll just go there. That's the best detective.

Again, this movie, when they're not fighting, it's just like, what did the baby write this? That's what I mean by no, he's not a detective. Look, because you marry a reporter doesn't mean you get reporter skills. It doesn't work like in a role playing game. Like you,

you could still be a shit detective and a shit investigator. He's just sitting in the van with all the clues going, ah, damn it, another picture of this truck. If you take her hat, if you take your wife's hat, then you could become,

yeah, then you would get her reporter skills. But anyway, they drive out to the bad guys base because they know that from the ice truck. And of course, it is. Like,

there's a high chance of them just driving out and beating the shit out of a warehouse full of guys who have no idea what you're up to. But of course, they were probably traffic. something. Yes, they're probably... It's the child trafficking capital of the world. It feels like even if you beat up a shrimp boat owner in this place,

like you're doing a public good. Oh, there was a brief scene where Afro man is murdered by a cowboy hat guy. You're right. Before this, because we get the payoff that I was like, God, every payoff is paid off in this movie. I've never seen something where I was so gratified at the end. Yeah, the wet Afro guy, and they beat him for one. while and then he goes, freeze this guy.

Yeah. Oh, he's going to freeze so good. He's so wet. I thought for a second, like, this is just for him. Like, it's not something they do. They were just like, I've been, look, he's been on my side the whole time, but the whole time I've been thinking, like, man, I can freeze this guy so good. He's so cool.

Right. So they put him in a block of ice because that's what they do at this warehouse. It's a child trafficking. headquarters, but at the front for that business is, this is, no, no, no, we just freeze men here. No, no, we don't kidnap kids. And they keep them around in giant blocks of ice. Giant blocks of frozen henchmen. This is when we freeze our guys.

So they go there and, and Meow is just going to fucking walk in. He's like, here's my plan. I'm going to go fuck everybody up. And then Joe's like, no, no, no, no, no. We need a plan. So he writes down like the Sunsoup version of like, hey, go around the back. I guess that's the whole sunsoup. I don't know if you've read Art of War, but it's like, mostly.

obvious shit and make sure to eat, I guess. Like, it's, it's not a profound book. So anyway, he writes it down in like the Chinese letters. He often writes in English, but this one is like, oh, the faint West attack east. You're like, oh, that's so fun. Yeah, dude. Art of War, bro. And then they do that.

He just marches. Yes. The guy, try to describe this first guy that he takes out. Well, I just love me. He's like, you go that way. I'll go this way. And he just walks in the front gate, pushes it out of the way, and just gestures that everyone's going to die. Yep.

Yeah. And they do. Everything he hits him with is a fucking kill shot. The first guy, he just like grabs him by the head and throws him to the ground. Lifeless. Dump. Dead forever. He kills one guy with like a little gate.

He just kind of kicks the gate out. And the guy's like, oh, the gate. Every organ shattered. It's clear, like, at a glance, there are no bosses here. Like, this is just just. just add spawning in. I just got to build it up. I got to build up my power meter on these guys.

Yeah, they got gray health bars. He's way over-leveled for this fucking zone. Judo guy, unfortunately, goes around back and fights Ramman. So he's like stumbled straight into another boss fight. I love at this point, we learned that Ramman is the Hat Guy's son, right? Ramman son of Hat Guy. And then a few minutes after we learned that, we also learned no, he's not. he's just like a child that the hat guy found when he was young and started throwing him in the in the fighting ring in between rounds as like a bonus stage for the fighters like the car and street he was the car and street fighter and it worked instead of intense head injury it gave him like a pacicephalosaurus head yeah he became like an invincible headed idiot who forgot that that's not his dad because he he doesn't know this right yes

he thinks it's not clear how confused this man is, but he's very confused. And when I say ramman, like the second move of this fight is a full horizontal like E Honda ram. Like he is a horizontal torpedo of a man using his head as the weapon. He does, he does a lot of aerial rams with his head, but he also does a lot of extremely cute two-footed hop kicks. His style is like so fantastic. And if you see him in like a paper tigers, it's kind of a different.

approach. So it's, it's cool to see, this is the guy from, from America that's in the film, because everyone's kind of from a different place and is an expert in their own fields. So it's, this is like a world of brutality that's come together to make this movie. And yeah, Brian Lee's like style is so fun because he does these like bullfrog drops and things. And it's just like, what is this? And he'll kind of do like a twisting roundoff to stand up. Yeah. He's, it's very like, like if you've seen an oopalum, but do a cartwheel, it's like that, but very violent. And that's like how he fights with some E Honda.

I'm describing it really well. Okay, so now they find Afro guy in the block of ice. Am I skipping ahead? I feel like, it's just chaos. Okay, so. Yeah, because Meow is hunted down by cowboy hat with a shotgun, and then they all converge into this room to have this four-person battle. Yeah.

Where we learn once again, as we have learned many times, nothing compares to hammer. Yes. Hammer is the best way. weapon. The best weapon. He comes in with a pack guy comes in with a shotgun and sends no chance because there's a hammer in play. Yeah, sledge hammer.

Yeah, they take him around. They do the, uh, the Sun Tzu, like they fake him out and then they throw some blockers on him. He's, he gets fucked up pretty hard. Ramman, he's twirling around the hammer. He like shatters a frozen man. Later, they trick him into punching the head off of Afro Man. Uh, it's, it's the best.

Doing a full, like, swinging Zangif with a hammer super just to hold him down all buttons. They're like, oh, okay. We're just going to move out of the way of this. And it works. It works. They end up throwing me out into the basement. He finds his daughter's bloody shirt down there.

So right now I think judo guy is the furious because his wife was killed. But now Meow sees this. And he's like, oh, now I am the furious. And so we miss one part where his daughter was like going up the stairs to escape the kid den in the basement. and Brian, his ramman character just kicks her in the face down the stage. Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty crazy.

It's crazy. They yell at him. Like, hey, don't kill all the kids. We don't for shrimp boats. It's all. Also, for story purposes, we don't have to talk about it, but for story purposes, after they killed the wet henchmen that's revealed that, like, the limping child who honeypotted his daughter

gets thrown in with the children as well. And he sucks out loud a whole bunch. He's just like, I'm not sorry. I love traffic. They gave me chocolate. And I were like, I'm going to fucking kill you. And so we'll redeem them eventually. Right.

Yeah. And I thought, okay, this girl's going to fuck him up with their kung fu. No, not really. It would have been a good time for it, but no. Mute guy is now super pissed off. Nothing left to lose. All he has left is vengeance. And he comes up and he like climbs up,

rare man and hits him with like this dropping axe kick from 11 feet up. It's fucking crazy. He takes the hammer and just hits him with every move. He's like, What are all the kung fu movies you could do with the sledgehammer? Hits him with every single one of them that breaks it over his fucking head. I love in the lead up to that. We see like him and Joe combined to like take him down.

And so much of the game is like not letting him get the proper leverage to swing a hammer. It's all just like he's got the hammer. He's going to swing it. And then they pull him back enough that it takes all the strength out of the hammer. And like so much of that is just manipulating him. It's like not being able to punch somebody in a dream. Like you're just punch it really slow in a dream. It must be so frustrating where you're like,

fucking stop it. Just stop it. Yeah, there's like a couple points where Suna Mora's choreography does that. And it's just like you can see the person, a character being so frustrated they can't kick because the person keeps closing the gap. And so they just have this bent leg between the two of them. It's so good.

Yeah, everybody involved is a genius. So Raman's dead. Like you just, any movie language, you're like, that guy's super fucking dead. So then meow mounts him and just punches him in the face 50 times. You're like, okay, okay.

We get it. The judo guy pulls him off. He's like, no, no, no, no, dude, you got to get it together. So he picks up the shotgun. He's going to just shoot the cowboy in the head while he's unconsciously. Like, no, no, we need to interrogate him. Anyway, the idea is that maybe his daughter's still alive. So they're going to torture him to death and not like, okay, well, like stab him with a knife

or something. No, they build a fucking, what do you call it, Paria. Like, they build an electric fence and strap him to it. while he's strapped there, he's the bad, the cowboy's like, what are you a reporter? Because the last reporter we had,

we killed the shit out of her. He's like, oh, dude, is it this lady, the one on my phone? And he like instantly knows he fucked up. He's like, oh, great.

Now I got bad cop, bad cop. And we have a new Furious. This is the new, the furious guy. And they just cut away with them electrocutting him until he pisses his pants. So now they realize where the kids are.

They're in a place called the snake pit. I think it's important here. I guess they kill the cowboy tries to escape. They let him go, but he immediately gets hit by an arrow. And so now it's a raid bad guy and business bro. They're going to do a second torture interrogation to find out what they told the good guys. It's not this guy's movie. Well, they get to the snake pit and then they decide, okay, we're going to have to like kill a whole building with the guys.

Let's fucking live stream this. Right. Which I just want to say, like, if you did live stream this, you would all be. millionaires for the rest of your lives. Like you would have the most successful stream in history. It would be incredible. They do. They send it out. They live stream in it.

It's not like, oh, it's taken down or whatever. Like, everybody in the city starts watching this live stream of two guys going in to just kill an entire building. And they show up. They come to like the scene and they're just like, yeah, we're here to this live stream fucking picks

ass. We're here to watch it for us. Because I guess they both know the cops aren't going to help. So they're like, yeah, we'll just tell the world what we're going to do. It's a boy, judo guy. I'm here going to do Raid in this child kidnapping center. In the child kidnapping center, Rainey gets punched in the face and she stands up to her attackers. So now she is the furious.

And you're like, okay, here it comes. She's going to do her kung fu. Nope. Her dad shows up right behind to the bad guys and just liquefies them. Like, puts a guy's head through a wall. He's just, he's not even twitching. His body's like given up on its reflex.

It's like, no, no, no, I'm fucking dead. It's the fucking best. With a troubling half a movie left, it's like, all right, we solved it. Oh, no. We got a lot of movie left. Also, she's never seen her dad do that most likely. And she just watched him grab a man's head palm it through a concrete wall. Like, she doesn't react at all.

She's just like, yep. I feel like shit. I should learn my kung fu. He's right. This is what he was talking about. Yeah, you're right. That would have come in really handy. It's better than fighting a stick man.

I get it. Okay. Meanwhile, outside, like, to prove how corrupt they are, as though we didn't get it from the police station, the chief arrives and, like, has all the cops hold all of the people who demand justice back and then physically makes room for a parade of goons? Just a spawn point of goons to come through. It's pretty hard to hide what they're doing at this point. Everyone's like, because there's like also 7,000 people here filming it.

And so the cops are like, we're going to let the bad guys through everyone. So it's not going to go well, I think. Okay, so our heroes sees them go in with the little girl. And the little girls kind of got like a hero complex already. They've sort of established like she wants to rescue everybody. That's the whole reason they're leaving. It's because Joe promised to rescue all the other kids. Otherwise, she wanted to stay there and help rescue everybody.

So they see that. And now they both realize like, dude, we can't let Joe fight all these guys alone. So they steal a motorcycle and they do like a. It's the fucking best. It's like a lone wolf and cub rampage where they give the little girl a pipe. And she's just on the back of motorcycle fonking dudes with a pipe. Just doing a little chip damage. I mean, to be fair, most of the damage is done by motorcycle doing 70 miles an hour down a hallway into them.

But then if they do survive that, she's back there with a pipe just going funk, bong, bong. It's so funny. And a lot of these stunts I think are done by driving men, driving over men in the motorcycle. It appears to me. You get a nice first-person view of what it's like to drive over about 80 men with a motorcycle. So now it's two men and a little girl versus an army of machete men. I say army because they, I don't think the numbers add up. Like they show a certain number you could count them.

But it is five times more as the scene goes. And then after they get knocked out, they'll just refresh. I think maybe the implication is outside. The cops are still just holding that line up. And they cut away from that scene, but the whole time, it's just 20 minutes of guys filing past them. So the kids are going to escape. They're going to climb out the window on bed sheet rope. So it's kind of a hardboiled.

They're also doing a hard boiled. When I saw this at the opening day by myself, the kids all are like, okay, let's do something with these curtains or sheets or whatever. And they all instantly start tying knots. And I was like, oh, so they're training those kids to tie knots. Okay. I get it. Except for the one kid that fooled everyone. and he stands by the pipe he could tie it to

and he's like, go, I'll hold it. And I was like, yep. All right. What? And easily, easily the sickliest and weakest child. Like, he's been beaten. He has a bad leg. He's like the betrayer child of the wet henchman.

So he's like, malnourished. He's like, oh, hold you all. Like, no. That's unnecessary. I mean, thank you. That's great. That's great for your arc, but like, not great for our arc into the ground.

The cops are just watching. The cops are active. holding people back so they can't help the children climb out of the murder building, like the active war zone. So anyway, there's a power struggle now where the bad, the lady cop is like, hey, how about we don't do this? And he's like, oh, fuck you, we're going to let the bad guys kill those kids. And then the wimpy guys like, no, I'm not listening to you anymore.

You're not my dad. It's really, it's so cute. They lead a little mutiny. And our heroes are just bashing brains. hammers and wood pallets. If Meow was outside, I think he would have just built a human ladder out of the bystanders, just hammering them until he had a flesh mountain. Kids climb down the flesh mountain I built.

I finally have enough for the Mechazoid. I wish I could apologize to you for doing this to you, but I need your flesh for this ladder. I love how quickly, like, they've got Joe and Meow are holding like a wooden pallet that is somehow keeping the strongest hallet. Yeah. Yeah. A hallway of machete attacks at bay. And then the cops run in nobly and they shoot one guy and everybody just stops like, oh.

Yeah. They're like, guns, that's no fair. You're not even a boss. We actually forgot guns existed in this universe. Like there was the one guy with a shotgun, but like... That was clearly like a special item that he had because he was a pussy. There was a guy. Oh,

there's a guy I wanted to talk about. I love this last guy. So it's the final kid trying to come on the balcony. And this one guy, this one bad guy has like left the group to climb out on a balcony, just this desperate last ditch effort to murder one child. We've got to get at least one. It can't be for nothing. We've got to kill one child. He picks him up over his head. He's like, I've got to go out killing this fucking kid. And he gets shot by the cops. It's so funny. Because like the whole point for them would be, to keep the kids to sell them.

This guy's just like, I'm throwing him off the roof. Yes, I've always wanted to do this. It's my last shot. I'm going to get at it. It's the best. So now we've rescued all the bad guys, or all the kids, killed all the bad guys. And we've got a troubling 40 minutes a movie left.

And here's where we cut back to business bros at the HQ and all the old bosses are mad at him. And be like, like, dude, your kids. kidnapped all these kids. And I had no, like, did they not know? Or is this performative to be like, like, this is the story we're going to tell the world that you made these choices. I don't know. I think the latter. I think, I think, to give some credit to the movie, I think it's that like, you fucked up therefore you're going to take the fall for this. Right. Yeah. And so he goes crazy. He like bites the finger off this guy that's been pointing out of a movie. And he stabs everyone

at death with a cognac bottle. The old guy tries to do like a desperate samurai last stand with a sword. And that's cute. He gets fucking gutted with his own sword. He's kicked in half. Yeah, he stabs him with the sword and then kicks him lengthwise along the sword. So he's so unnecessary. It's kept in half. Yep.

And then security rushes in and he takes them all out with a knife, but then accidentally stabs his pregnant wife in the belly. And this is why you don't like jump into a mafia knife fight in the third trimester, I think. Yeah. I think she learned a hard lesson. What were you going to do? What were you going to do? lady. What was the plan? And they both die. This is the great. Yes, they both die. Now, he's the

furious. There must always be one. I think they could have done more of this wife character. I think like she's kind of this weird manic angel dingbat. Like, I don't even know if she knows her husband and father are the worst criminals in Southeast Asia. Like, she's picking out nursery paint colors and wandering into knife battles pregnant belly first. Just impossibly stupid. Once again, this is the movie saying, we know you don't give a shit about this part. Let's just go. That's just speed through it. Maybe that's true. In the script for this movie, it says,

Sean won't put this in his notes. But I did. I was like really fascinated, but like, is they going to give her a line that makes sense? Does she not know that they do crime? I love that she walks into a room where there's 12 dead people, one of which was her dad. He's kicked in half.

And she's like, I better go talk to my husband right now. Yeah. I better go silently grab him and present belly first. So that he can punch through my child. She doesn't scream and faint or anything. She's like, let me soundly get to the bottom of this. Hey, fella. All right.

So back at the police station, they're arresting the mute guy. They're like, we're going to tie your daughter to this desk and put you in jail. Like, what the fuck? She does say, we have to, like, this is just the process. We know it was self-defense. Sure. Like 472 counts of self-defense. This is sort of the ending to every act.

This is what happens if you stay after the climax of an action movie. It's like, I guess all these guys have to go to jail, huh? Yeah. No cops ever going to believe what the story was. Yeah, he tried to make a megazort out of men out of self-defense. Yeah, a lot of those guys were just like referees and shit. Like the moment you lose that in court is when the lawyer, like the prosecutor can come in and be like, and he tried to take a step with it. And they're like, oh, okay, that's not self-defense anymore.

If you try to take a step, that's fun. They call a surprise witness And it's like a 16 foot tall flesh man Made of like 20 bodies He tried to take a step with me Your Honor This is what he made us He's done this before

Okay so Chinese Ram Man's not dead He wakes up And he finds his cowboy dad Nailed through a truck with arrows So now he is the furious And let's see The Now Yayan

The bad guy from the raid has his bow And he just goes in and starts headshotting cops at the police station. I'm sorry, did you mean Besney fucking dog enthusiast? I'm sorry, Besney fucking dog enthusiast. I got his name wrong. I was lost for a minute. He beats like 10 more to death with the knife ends of the bow.

It's all fucking hell is brook loose. The first guy he kills is the wimpy cop. Like he just eviscerates him. He stabs him in a hundred times. Oh my God, just turns that guy to ribbons. And they get like a close-up of his face beforehand just to be like, I'm the fucking evil guy that will haunt your dying moment. It's fucking nuts.

Our heroes are like while it's breaking loose, everyone knows now. Like some gunshots are going off. They're like, oh, shit. We've got a, we got a war here in the cop station. So our guys are in jail, our heroes. And so then they have to break out of jail. And so they use a t-shirt to bend the bars like Shanghai noon style. Let's see.

The lady cop shoots at Yon. He's straight up dodges the bullet. This guy is way overpowered. And then she's like, drop the bow. And she gets hit with a drill bit that the business bro throws out of like a spear. It's crazy. He's able to like just murder with a thrown drill bit. Which the way they work that in is there's a line that one of the people deliver in the police station where he's like,

I can't wait until this construction's over. And that's how they get a giant drill bit into her neck. Exactly. That's why that's why everything has all the scaffolding. and cool shit they can fight on later. It's flawless writing. It's all set up. It's magical.

So now we have the final showdown, which is two heroes and two kids, and then business bro and archer. Our little wimpy cup gets one last moment in where he grabs the archer by the legs. He has to hack it off with a penchax sallot knife, which takes like 50 hacks. Yeah.

And then it still has a little human arm grabbing his ankle when he's done. And I'm like, they didn't have to do that. He goes in to do at least the first part of the fight scene with an arm on his left. Yes. Love it. They're getting silly with it. So now it's Pinchax a lot versus Kung Fu because our mute guy closes the distance and throws the bow away and now they're fighting.

And then judo guy fights business bro who's a taekwondo master. They're fighting upstairs. You didn't need to specify that. Everybody knew. Everybody knew. That's the official martial art of evil yelpsies. That's true. There's something to say about this movie is that whenever there's a lethal weapon, it misses every time.

So there is probably 7,000 missed knife stash. in this movie. It's kind of awesome, but after a while, like, you're like, well, knives, you can't hit a guy with a knife. So we're not worried about the knife anymore. All right. I mean, this is a hundred star movie for me. But the one thing that I was, like, frustrated with was Yayan and the knives. Like, I wanted him to lose the knives so that there was more of just the fighting styles. But I guess he's like a weapons guy or whatever. But because they I love when they keep taking it away from him and rolling their bodies over it and stuff. But also, it's not really doing anything. So at a certain point, I was like, just give me.

me a break from the knife thing. Yeah, you want the knife to go away so the fight can continue. Yes. The kid gets shot in the leg. So, it takes an arrow. Yeah, and so it's fucking nuts. And now both bad guys have knives. They're like kind of two on two now.

But then a fucking ram man shows up and just jumps into the shape of men that they have formed. It's amazing. You knew it was ram man because when he initially shows up, he is wearing the hat. Yes. It's true. He has all of his dad's powers. He gets his hero moment and runs in like wearing a hat to do his full ram man. I mean, he loses it almost immediately.

But for a sudden, you're like, yes, he got the hat. It takes too much damage off the headbut, I think. Minus two damage to all headbutt. He's like, I can't have this. This fucks my whole build. So anyway, now they, it's just chaos because there's two bad guys, two good guys. And then this guy that just wants to kill everybody. And he has good reason because one set of guys killed him.

and the other set of guys killed his dad. He wants to save one side out of revenge for his father, but then also attack them out of revenge for his father. Yeah, it's a good movie. It's like, it all makes sense. Mute guy is so awesome here because he's kind of figured it out. He's figured out the tactics of keeping at least one bad guy between him and Ramman. It's like expert level gameplay.

He's like sneaking around. They even do like a full like spaghetti Western five panel showdown. clip where it's chung, jump, and we see all their faces. It's so fucking cool. No matchup is left unexplored. No shape is left unmade. They are just trading partners,

building things out of themselves. I would love it if you could get like a first person POV scene of just what it's like to be one of the men, be one of the heroes, like just examining all of the bad guys and being like, how do they fit together?

Like a robocop vision? Yeah, just turn in puzzle pieces around, find in the corner. You're like, oh, that's a corner piece. I got it. I got it now. I got it. You guys go like this. Oh, Jesus Christ, that hurts so bad.

Also, like, you shouldn't be able to see anything that's happening in this movie. And the cinematography is so well put together with the choreography because it's just clear all the shapes and things that they're doing. It should just be garbage because there's five different people all doing different styles, bouncing off each other, making different combinations. And it's all just, like, completely clear. Like there's not a point where we go. It's just crazy. Yeah, the storytelling is totally flawless. It had to take so long to choreograph this.

This had to be most of the shoot. I think they only had a month and a half in prep time. But like this is a month. But it was a month of it was just the scene. All fighting. And you can find a ton of the making of stuff online where it's just like, they're just dripping sweat and just flipping each other over the place. It's just go, oh my, this is insane.

It's totally insane. And they get separated. So now Judo guy is fighting Yayan. And he sprays him with like white spray paint. And so now he's kind of got like a more like he's more like Native American now because he looks like he's got war paint. And he's like already a bow guy. And he's got a headband. So you're like, okay, this is a weird twist.

This is cool. He's Besney fucking dog enthusiast. And now he's rabid. He's frothing. Dog. Yes. It's so cool. He pulls out a ladder.

or Gido guy does. And I think this is a mistake because at his core, dog enthusiast is an evil Jackie Chan and ladders are his strength. So he immediately climbs up that ladder and stabs. And he finally lands a knife shot. It's so rude to climb a ladder when somebody's using it as a weapon and a kung fu fight. Like that is, that is some sort of breach of protocol there.

Yes. We knew you were a villain, sir. We did not know you were a dick. There should have just let out a soft gasp. I love that this is in there because they're moving desks around and fighting in this office. And then when he grabs the ladder, like Kensuke is like a huge Jackie Chan fan. That's like why I even started, I think, for fight choreography. And so it's cool to see like, oh, this is a classic like Jackie homage with this ladder.

For sure. So quickly stabbed. He made a mistake. It's not a good weapon. Don't use a ladder on a Jackie Chan. We've said this at least 10 times on the podcast. So he's getting carved to the fuck up. But he's like, he sees his wedding ring on the guy's like charm bracelet.

And he's like, oh, Jesus, dude, you're wearing like a trophy of my dead wife? So he's going for like, he's a judo finishers. He's trying to like get lapel grabs while he's just getting carved up by this little knife. Business bro is fighting ramman and he gets a knife into ramman and finally stabs him to death. He eats like 50 punches to the face in the last moments. He doesn't get a knife into him. He puts a knife between. his feet and does a two-footed inverted kickstab?

It's one of the craziest. It's awesome. Craziest way you could stab anybody ever. And then that's not even what kills him. He tricks because he knows Ramman has a couple of moves and one of them is a flying hammer. And he tricks Ram Man into doing a flying hammer onto the knife. Yep. It's the best.

The judo guy gets on top of Yaya on eating like nine deaths worth of stabs. He is just completely cut up. He's got a mount, but he's got a knife through him, like out the back of him. He's dead. Even in this movie, you're like, okay, well, that, that's going to kill him. But he takes his wipes a ring off of his finger, and then he pulls himself onto the knife to get close enough for a neck bite. It's, it's fucking nuts. So that's it. They're both dead. Our hero sees that and goes to help, because I guess even in this movie, you're like, ah, he only got stabbed 400 times. He might still be okay. There's like 18 gallons of blood. all over the floor and he's like, oh, he's probably okay.

We get there just in time for like a little happy ending. He's like, oh, I died, but like, I got my vengeance. Bye. Anyway, great, great ending for that guy. So now it's business bro versus the mute. And business bro is like, fuck this. I'm going to go kill those two kids. So he's like another wild choice.

Maybe he's going to start a new business from the ground up. He's like, all I need is. Yeah, you need some capital. You need some here. Human capital. Get restarted. My business is shambles. Two kids is enough to start a shrimp boat business.

And so he's like got the kid. He's like, I'm going to kill this. And mute guy doesn't even give him a chance to finish. He's like tackles him out the window before he could even start his threats. And they fall three stories on a pile of bikes, which is barely a hit point of damage in this movie. They immediately get up and have a bicycle fight. Now, hold on. You might be picturing something when they say bicycle fight.

What Sean means is like take like a Star Wars lightsaber duel and replace it with a full bicycle. It's a fucking. Yeah, I got like Highlander vibes. That's what I felt like. Yeah, they get into like bike locks like you might get into a sword lock. Yes. And then they fight with every part of the bike. Like one might use every part of the buffalo.

Yes, they use every part of the bike. It's beautiful. But yeah, our guy's a little better at bike fighting. like he's doing circular choli foot movement. So that's better for bike fighting than the, you know, snapping, herky jerky moves of taekwondo. And again, the martial arts storytelling is flawless here. And then, of course, they beat each other with pedals and chains.

The kids are watching too. Yeah, the kids are watching. And he gets on top of the bad guy after beating him with every part of the bike. And he's just punching him over and over and over. And the kid stops him. She's like, no, daddy, stop fighting. It's like, no, you're in the wrong. fucking movie kid. He's got 200 more punches to go before that guy's dead. And sure enough,

he gets up and you know what? Maybe this is where they're talking about his head. I think he hits him in the head and he's like, oh, no, that's the not my head. Some part of my brain. Okay, they forecast his skull injury and then ignored it the entire movie. And then you're like, oh, okay, this is going to be his injury. But what happens is the villain like mounts him and starts elbowing him in the top of the skull like 500 times. Like it's not, it's not we're like, oh my God, his weakness is the skull. It's like several men in a row. If you just started swapping men in and out, like assembly lining them, he would have killed 10 men before like the point that it finally, and it just knocks him out. It just knocks the mute guy out. Yeah. So you're like,

yeah, that's, it's like one truck blow. It's one truck hit. I think it might be less damage than that truck. Yeah. But so he might still be alive. But now his daughter and the other kid are like, hey business bro we're going to stare you down and fight you and I'm like how fucking crazy would it be if here the little kid beats him up oh my gosh but but no like this movie's crazy but it's not that crazy the bad guy just kind of forgets the last couple hours and stumbles off to die well he gets up and he says like all confused he says well I got to get home to my wife and child and then he wanders off and looks at the sky for a while and falls over dead because because he took so much like skull damage in that fight up to that point,

he just died from concussion. So like, the guy whose weakness was not his skull died from skull weakness. Yep. And meanwhile, the mute guy who had, whose weakness was skull and just took 8,000 points of mega skull damage. Just,

it's like, oh, okay, nice nap. All right. Yeah. It's almost like his daughter knew his head was impervious. And so she's like, sure hope you don't get hit on the head. Right.

Just to throw everyone off. Oh, yeah, that's good. That's smart. Your iron reinforced skull. That was it. Like the happy ending now is they do a little flashback to when they were in jail together with judo guy. And we finally learned the main character's name. He's like, hey, my name's Wang Wei.

And the guy's like, okay. I looked it up. That's a seventh century poet. But he must not have been that great because when you Google Wang Wei, you get the furious, 2026. Ouch. It's a better way. Was it based on one of his poems? Was there like one of his poems

was just about skull trauma? I don't think so. I think this is like just getting to the end of an American movie and your guy's name is Paul Bunyan. You're like, okay, that's weird. You've been Paul Bunyan this whole time? What the fuck? All right.

Does that mean something? No, dude. Ice 9-100 Frankfurt. Welcome to the 1-900 hot dog stage. A brand new comedian debuting here tonight. The insult comic with Cleftford. Last Lord, Jimathan Jigglesworth. Oh, ha, thank you, thank you.

That's quite enough, though I should say, flattery. We'll get you everywhere. Oh, what a supreme audience we have tonight. I recognize a lot of faces, though they might not like me saying that. Oh, I see Aaron Crustin here. A peacock in everything but beauty. Uh-ho. Adrian H, I see Adrian H here, Alex Nolenberg, Alpha Scientist Java,

Un-Andi, Armando Nova, Autumn Armstrong Berg. Oh, I see Brandon Garlock, he has one of those fine bureaucratic faces that once seen are never remembered. Oh, Brian Saylor, Brockway famously loves the meat milly, a little too much if you know what I mean. Cyril. Christopher Worthing, I am told porkpacking is the most valued profession in America. Tell your mother, I said, thank you for your service. Oh, I'm so naughty. Common sense, I see Greg Lamoine, Dan B, David Schell. Popularity is the only insult that has not yet been offered to Dean Costello. A Delta Fox Trot, I see D.

Devin the Rogue Supreme here. I see Dusty's rad title and Elizabeth Schope. Elliot Watson, it is said that he can talk brilliantly upon any subject, provided that he knows nothing about it. Oh, oh, oh, Eric Christian Berg is here, fancy shark. Jello, good Satan and his hot witches, I see you there. Greg Cunningham. Greg Cunningham is an excellent man he has no enemies and none of his friends like him ha ha ha ha oh i slay i truly do uh haraka harvey pengueny honk i have here i want i want brockway to say dyke which i'm allowed to do because this accent might be dutch or something you don't know jabr al aden james boyd jared clack jared mountain man it's the perfect man always done and usually violent.

Oh, Jared Ruiz, John D., John McCabin, John Minkoff, a lot of John's here tonight, you know what I'm saying. Josh Quicksall, it is said some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go. Eh, but no really, go fuck yourself, Josh Quicksall, you know what you did. Joshua Graves, Justin B, Katie Favell, reminds one of a badly bound here, Him book. Give her a few minutes, folks. She'll get it. Ken Paisley. K&M. I see KV.H. I see Elaine Haygood here. Lisa. Oh, she seems like a good citizen or a faithful wife or something else. Equally tedious. Oh, Jahi Chappelle, Mark Mahoney, Matt Riley, Max Broy. I see Mercenary Cicidman here. Michael Lair. Mickey Lohman. Oh, Mickey Lohman. Such.

keen student, always ready to give his betters the full benefits of his inexperience. O-hoo! Mort, Mr. Bob Gray, and D. Neil Bailey, Neil, they say there is no sin, except stupidity. So tell the devil I said, hello! Ha ha ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh, fuck you, Neil Bailey. Neil Schaefer, Neku 104, Neku-O-4, Nick Levino, Ops,

Ogui Wan Supreme is like the best art. All style unpolluted by sincerity. Oh, I'm told One Ball Inn has been received in all the great houses. Or once. I kid, I actually like One Ballin. Henri Weevil, Ozzie Olin, Patrick Herbst. I see Peewey's uncle here with Rebrandrew and Red Wine Time. Rianin! Hello Riannon. Russell Bauman. Oh, Russell Bauman, everybody.

You seem, Russell, you seem the kind of person who's brilliant at breakfast. No, don't get that one? Go team up with Katie Favel. Maybe you two can figure yours out together. Sam Koppnik, Sarkovsky, Sean Chase, Seed. Space Jam fan, I may not agree with you, but I shall defend to the death. Your Right, to be a dipshit. Spotty reception, super not, Tater stays, Ted H. Thomas, Thomas is such a good friend, he will always stab you in the front, eh, who. Thomas Cavatzos, Timi Leahy, Toasty Gun, I see Tommy G here.

Velo. Velo is the kind of person who deprives one of solitude without providing one with company. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, that one was bad. Uh, Victor Malavankan, Booster, Whalen Russell? I see Yvonne Clappam here. Zach and Eva. Jeff Oraski is chaos illumined by flashes of lightning. As a speaker, he has mastered everything except language.

As a dancer, he can do anything but move with rhythm. And as a weener, he is everything but plump. Oh! Ha ha ha ha ha! I kid. I kid, of course. Thank you, thank you all. I'd say you've been lovely, but I've been told untruths cause wrinkled. Oh, no, but seriously folks, truth is everything.

Stay true. One must always strive to be true to what they are, even if what they are is a nasty little cunt.