The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 30, UFC 1 Was a Magical Shitstorm

Episode Date: July 7, 2021

Seanbaby and the Auralnauts' Zak Koonce share a keystone of their personalities with Brockway: 1993's UFC 1. The very first big, made-for-tv MMA tournament back before anybody had any idea what any of that meant. The announcers were lost, the referees were out of their depth, the fights lasted two minutes, and everybody involved hated it. It was wonderful!

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1-900-HOTDOG 1-900-HOTDOG 1-900-HOTDOG 1-900-HOTDOG Yeah, 9000 Welcome to the dog zone 9000 the official podcast of 1-900-HOTDOG.com

The comedy website. I'm TV's Sean Baby From the internet and with me as always Is Robert the Barbarian Brockway I almost died I almost died the last time I heard that voice I do have A thematically appropriate Brockway fact

Here we go I once challenged my entire strip mall Dojo to Akumate No follow up questions God damn it I have so many follow up questions Well Joining us is our old friend The writer of our theme song

Zac Coons Yeah Word You are forced to bring that energy Every time you're on a show now Straight up 90s flavorflave energy Yeah, I gotta like pitch shift myself

He's a little up there He's a little above me Jamie, could we get a little auto tune later Like give him sort of a vocorder sound Nice My name is Zac That's the kind of thing I want Wanna harmonize it

Let's just actually Could you do it to all of us Through the rest of this podcast At random times You'll be more stay in the time And then Brockway I'd like you to be Prince I'll be Orshila E And that'll be the podcast

No actually I'm sorry for That better idea But here's the idea for today's podcast Sometimes when I produce a podcast I'm just like I'm gonna do something that's like my favorite thing That's how we did the Bloodsport episode We had Maggie Mae Fish on

We just talked about Bloodsport today We're talking about Ultimate Fighting Championship 1 The very first one from 1993 I love it to this day We all rewatched it last night And I don't think anything holds up With quite so much magic I love it so hard

First time for me, not a rewatch What a lucky night for you First time watching literally anything MMA related Only sports related You've known Sean this whole time He's never brought you into the world Of MMA

I love his articles on it Let me just start a tape and see how you feel about it I'll turn it off if you don't like it after 5 minutes No, not yet This was a good way to do it Because I'm contractually obligated To show up for this podcast And that means I have to either watch it

Or maybe I'm just gonna bluff really well If I start being like This one We would know right away I loved when the capoeira Guy Kissing the feet Of

Funny enough There was once Genki Sudo did just to fuck around He did an entire fight as capoeira man That's amazing He beat the shit out of the other guy He won the fight When nobody knows anything about MMA

He just said them a highlight reel of Genki Sudo Entrances and I'm like that's it That's MMA They do highly choreograph Walk out with 20 people backup dancers And he pop locks mid fight That's a regular move

I don't know if you're ever gonna beat Hoist Gracie's battle conga I loved that Every time he came out with 8 other Brazilians In a conga line That's the Gracie train I got that back in the day Battle conga please

So this Brockway this was your first exposure to MMA Just like it was me and Zach's I'm sure first exposure to MMA Is that true Zach? Were you like a valley 2-do guy from the early 90s? Not even Only the movie shoot fighter which I think came out

I don't know when that came out The only time shoot fighter appeared in my Right Well that was a knock off of blood sport Yeah This was 5 years after blood sport Which they breathlessly Marketed as a true story

So that was what we thought martial arts were And then here comes UFC 1 5 years later to show Actually it looks more like this So Brockway was it disappointing to you Or was this like It was at once Exceeding expectations

And wildly disappointing I was so happy I think they were trying to do blood sport Like at the start the way they introduced it The way they picked their roster of fighters Where each has like a wildly different style But it's all like It doesn't even necessarily

Apply to I don't know Combat sports I guess So it was like picking a roster Of fighters and I feel like They were trying to make blood sport And then it turned out Like this and they were like They learned during the broadcast

They just ended up being Like oh right this was just a glorified commercial For Gracie Dojos I was going to ask if Brockway spotted that Like one of the fighters Was linked directly to the promoters And I was going to ask if you Like could with full cynicism and capitalism

Figure out what happened Well I thought it was crazy That they paused the match To just like honor Their father I guess it was Yeah It wasn't even the UFC It was just like

It was like one of his sons wanted to honor But then like nobody else got that time It was just And the crowd was livid about it Oh they hated it They told him to like go suck a dick Like they were yelling It was Denver, Colorado too

I'm very proud of my people They were like just You could smell the Coors light Coming out of their words So the whole broadcast team Which was very poor Like started talking about a thing we couldn't see On our monitor about oh shit

Somebody's getting thrown out and like Guys get it together That was my favorite part of this Was just how much the crowd hated it Nobody was happy about coming to this thing Nobody I mean To be fair nobody had any Any realistic expectations

Like if I had booked a ticket to this thing Back in the day I would have expected quite A really bloodsport I would have expected Like oh I'm going to be one of those guys In the background of Street Fighter Like you know looping my fist in the air And I would have been so mad at this Well that's uh Denver did have a little bit

Of an expectation because they actually Name dropped it a few times in this broadcast But the Sabaki challenge was uh I think may have been exclusive to Denver I don't know I don't remember if it went Further than that but it was like More like Mortal Kombat they'd have Karate Matches but then they'd break it up

With these like ice breaking challenges And dudes were like savagely chopping through Like you know refrigerator sized ice blocks So it was like a martial arts mysticism Yeah they had mini games And it brought this like Bad ass like fantasy element Of martial arts to the audience

And so I think they were more or less Expecting more of that When did they break ice? This fucking sucks What are they going to test their might? I hate this shit And uh yeah the some What's it called the Sabaki challenge

Sabaki yeah it's a S-A-B-A-K-I And I think that's a their main competition Is the Kyokushin which is No punches to the head but kicks to the head Yeah axe kick city Yeah axe kick city chest punch city So it's kind of a fun watch But it's also very point karate like

Yeah so it's And I don't think you're allowed to grab So it's closer Like what you would picture as martial arts Before hoist Gracie showed you Just jump on someone and wrap their Wrap your sleeve around their neck So uh yeah I love the way they

Marketed they called They called the fighters street tough warriors Which is just fucking good copywriting And uh I do want to talk about Bill Wallace What was his name? Superfoot? So is he before I Go into any of my notes here

Is he like a badass fighter Of history in the sport and that's why he's He's on there? Yeah they call him superfoot Because he was like he was known For knocking people out with one of the most Impractical Kicks with his one super powered foot Yeah his one super powered foot

And he was also a really cynical bastard I remember seeing like Op-eds from him in black belt magazine Where he was just always shitting on other people's Systems and styles So he was kind of like a little bit of like a dentist leery Of martial arts back in The day and to see him on this was really sad

Because then he just looked like this A kitten entranced by a laser Like he just was not The Sarcastic bastard that I remember is like Reading yeah I'm Currently uh scratching Out like a half page of notes

Because I don't know Who Bill Wallace was but I was like Who's the Mr. Who's the Mr. Rogers motherfucker he looked like he got lost He comes across like Like he comes across like he's 120 pounds He uh Didn't know anybody's names but also more importantly

Didn't know anybody's like styles like he's like Take Wandao like he's just like never heard these Fucking words before He also barely knew English it seemed like And he would just kind of stop talking His first language was Alzheimer's I think Yes I have so many quotes that I Wrote down after lost

He uh what So their broadcast team cracked me up because Bill Wallace was a champion right so their whole Was like we got champions and didn't Matter it didn't seem to matter what they were champions Of so that's we get Jim Brown Yeah Jim Brown Who weirdly added the most

Grounded commentary the whole time So much wisdom from Jim Brown so much humility And yeah Jim Brown Would you ever get in that cage and he's like I absolutely 100% would not Are you crazy he's like you wouldn't get in that cage And Bill Wallace immediately got offended he's like Kidding me I could do this

He's like pain doesn't hurt Wow as an old man As an old man who just got lost And pressed into this job I guarantee Jim Brown has better Take down defense than Bill Wallace does Yes Yeah like Jim Brown is such a genuinely tough guy

With nothing to prove and Bill Wallace Does not come across like that And of course the other broadcast was Kathy Long Who was a Superstar female kickboxing in the late 80s early 90s I'm less familiar with her But she has great 80s face like that's A classic 80s face kind of overbite

A little bit Yeah there's no bone structure like that anymore They just don't make faces like that anymore She looks like a rainbow bright You know in flesh There was another broadcast we haven't mentioned yet And I think Bill Wallace called them out For not being a champion of jack shit

Brian Kilmeade Oh that's Rod Machado but also Brian Kilmeade who you'd probably know From Fox and Friends He's the dumb one on Fox and Friends Did he fucking disappear at some point During this broadcast? I think they lost him, I think they replaced him with Rod

At the desk He just stopped showing up like part way through the broadcast I was like what the fuck happened to Brian Did he get like knocked out as collateral damage I think he said he was a thumb wrestling champion That was his come back to Bill Yeah and he opens up He gives a description of the cage

He's trying to talk about how like it's a Strong cage and he's kind of banging it So he basically describes something everyone can Cleanly see He makes the exact same joke as Rod Machado did About how I gotta get out of here oh boy It's as scary in here They did that joke like four times in a row

We're a bunch of pussies oh boy What you're about to see is no joke So I'm gonna make a joke about it And Rod Machado is Known for his flying lessons If you google his name you basically get How to fly DVDs He's an aviator, yeah

There is a famous Machado Jiu Jitsu family But he's not a part of that So they asked the wrong guy Yeah I think they asked the wrong guy But he actually did know some Jiu Jitsu So when they're doing the broadcast He would be on there, he's clearly had maybe one or two lessons Because most of the stuff he said was dumb

But he's seen all this before I know it happened, they had the wrong guy But he didn't know that He assumed when he got that phone call They were like well you're a Jiu Jitsu expert And he's like fuck yeah I am a Jiu Jitsu expert I am Machado I know that, I have barely told my wife

About these lessons I've started taking But I do feel really good about them I looked him up Because I was suspicious Because I saw the name Machado And I was like well is he John Jock's brother Is he a shill For the Gracie family

Because he's really gassing him up a little bit Here on the commentary table He'd bring hoist back up again When no one was talking about him And I was like alright this guy's a plant He might have been, yeah he seemed like He was there to like promote the Again this whole thing was a commercial

Because no one wanted to study Jiu Jitsu If you said in 1992 Hey come to my school this is how you really fight They'd be like dude I don't want to fucking I'm a grown man I don't wrestle Like I want to take karate And so no one is going to their school The grown men sport

And so this was a commercial To prove that Gracie Jiu Jitsu worked And it couldn't have turned out better Generally a Jiu Jitsu match Can get stalemated Especially like when back in 1993 When everyone sort of sucked And all the fights on this card were like

Two minutes or less And as UFC went on Like some of the early ones There were fights that lasted 45 minutes And they finally just said fuck it guys You're not going to do anything let's just end it Whereas that did not happen tonight So this showed oh my god

This is how you fight and it's And I need to learn that And it worked now everyone studies it That makes sense because by the end of it I was just thinking like Why does anybody do anything else If this guy took his zero He made a flawless victory

He had a perfect run He was just running through his opponents on easy mode But also they picked nobody That could fight back against him They got Ken they almost fucked up Yeah they almost had a chance He really had a chance And it was kind of like

Them introducing unreal engine They were like well why are we trying to make our own engine Let's just use this engine and then we can all Work on our own shit after that Thank you for explaining it to our nerds I speak their language So let's talk about the first fight Let's just get right in

It was Gerard Gerdeau from Holland And he claimed to be a savant fighter But he did a lot of stand-up Karate Real nice Yeah he's got a great ear bite And he was fighting Taylor Tully

Who was a Hawaiian Simone guy 410 pounds Nobody said that name the same way twice on this broadcast Exactly a Bill Wallace Fucking thought there was a G in there Tyler Tool Is it Tyler did you mean Tyler Tool Taco Tommy

He's coming up on a Here's one of the Bill Wallace quotes He says about Taylor Tully's style of sumo You might have heard of sumo It's a very formal sport Because it's a very national sport Of Japan

It's a very national sport It's very national Very national It's the baseball of fighting Gerard Gerdeau kind of looks like The perfect casting of Like the toughest guy in a prison's White supremacist gang

He's like kind of dirtbag Looking kind of dead eyes Like he's been in prison 30 years Does not look Like an athlete looks scary but I feel like If you put him in a leather jacket Liam Neeson is like 10 minutes away from killing

This guy My notes just say meth uncle He's got that too A touch of Nazi He's too Dutch for meth uncle I think When he came down he did a Savat salute which is what Was called

When you do a google search for Savat salute you get a lot of Gerard Gerdeau matches Because I don't know a Savat salute I know in Savat you do sort of put your hand Across your chest but he added the Roman salute or Nazi salute As you might call it

He hiled Hitler 8 times to each Direction of the octagon And then he like did like the bow Then he did like put his hands together and bowed You cleaned it up a little bit there But I don't know if that was enough for me I feel very uncomfortable now Later his Korea added a bunch of tattoos

And he did end up getting a swastika on his right arm So suspicious amount of Nazi on that guy Savat salute Somebody asked him Like dude what's with the Nazi symbol Like oh it's a Buddhist thing maybe I don't care He was very dismissive like oh dude who cares

Right the Buddhists still use that all the time ask him Yeah he's like listen I went I thought about what I wanted to get permanently on my body I went to somebody I explained it to them And I paid them to do it but who cares it's not a big deal Right there is of course a Buddhist symbol It's just a swastika but if you tilt it Then you pretty much said to everybody

Clearly this is not that one And it's tilted It's tilted So suspicious amount of Nazi I mean it can't be really suspicious If it's literally the first thing he does He shows up He hiles Hitler eight times

Yeah I wonder I don't know anything about this boy But I like his style And he of course gets introduced Another great UFC one Superstar Rich The G-Man Goins Goins

I think this is a really unearned nickname I think this is like calling yourself Melvin, the pussy assassin, Elmore I think this is like fucking No way anyone's called Rich Goins The G-Man That's my take on it is my point

Maybe it's like if he was in a frat or something It could be their way of calling him a narc Maybe Oh yeah Put the weed away the G-Man's coming Yeah he's like hey that's right I'm the G-Man you're okay yeah Yeah you are, you're fucking hard

We had a guy in my fraternity We called CB because he was a cock blocker And he thought He called him that because he had like communication equipment when he was like a night security guy And we're like Yeah, totally

Yeah, you're the You're the man CB He's just learning about that now and he's fucking heartbroken He's got to get a tattoo erased He legitimately was Like he would scorch the earth if someone was doing

well with a girl and I witnessed this myself I was once flirting with a girl I ended up dating with for seven years and the night we met we were just getting along so well he followed her to the bathroom and when she came out of the bathroom he said dude that Sean guy is a real womanizer

Oh yeah Like with no chance Like I think he went to high school with this girl Yeah just assaulted for no reason No shot with it If he had they would have gotten together in the eighth grade It was just like just wanted to fuck up somebody else's night

So shout out to CB Great job buddy Fuck you CB The official stance of this podcast Yeah We're way off topic Jamie can you fix all this Just auto tune it

Auto tune it all Good stuff So anyway he was a total cock blocker Much like G-Man going And so This fight starts and Taylor Tully just It's a good demonstration of why you never do this

Oh man I love it so much Right forward Just go straight at him He does the He does the exact E Honda slap He just starts trying to thousand hand slap him And I've never imagined it

In person and it was so glorious And it was so fast enough So quickly It was his style He came with his style And he stuck to it to a fault Yup And young fighters at home

If you come straight forward Your other guy can walk backwards probably at about the same speed Punching you in the face the whole time And that is what happened to Taylor Tully Or you could just fall over Which is also He ran out of runway If that fence wasn't there

He would have just kept going He just plowed into the one thing That was in his way and just fell down Skipped off the earth at escape velocity And he gave himself He gave Gerard maybe one of the most beautiful Kick targets in the U.S. He didn't even try to block

He just sat there like that didn't work Are you sure Are you my opponent sure that didn't work Do you want to reconsider and then just Face tank this kick It's a little Dutch foot What's it gonna do to me It is about as hard as you can kick somebody

Stationary head Two feet off the ground It was just like kicking a meaty soccer ball Well I know what to do with this Except it was filled with concrete You didn't realize what You thought it was just a soccer ball And this is of course a very famous story

If you remember this night One tooth goes flying into the crowd And then the other tooth It gets embedded in Gerard Gerard's foot Oh that's what happened Two teeth go out And of course a small Hong Kong man Took the other tooth and bit it

And then ran off with it To check the carrots He's in my top 10 blood sport characters That guy Excellent facial hair Here's another great thing about UFC 1 Is nobody knew what the fuck was going on So the referee calls time out

And this guy just got knocked out By any measure He's like let's see if this guy can continue He stands up and he's like crying His blood dripping into his head His blood and tears mixed together And he's like this is fucked up I do sumo and I just got my skull cracked

In two spots And he's like The guy has no idea what he's supposed to do here Am I supposed to like put a Super glue his face back together and start it If this doesn't end the fight what the fuck does And so Horian Gracie The guy who put all this on to advertise his style

Is there like screaming something Either for the fight to go on or for the fight to stop No one can figure it out And the rest is gonna yell it back at him right Yeah like they're having an argument About what any of this could mean And what anyone is fucking doing here Because his assigned translator

Was the worst Had the worst English skills of anybody In the entourage So it's trying to stop the fight And somebody is like he wants a sandwich He would like a sandwich now She was adding things that people weren't saying too So she

He said stop the fight and also He's very happy to be here Okay He said His favorite Transformer is Starscream Oh god he's going on about the Starscream guy Okay now I actually heard the word

Starscream in there so I think that I don't know he just said he's gonna start screaming Because he has his teeth are gone Okay yeah we got it That um I think And I may be wrong about this But didn't Tully end up being

Was he even forgetting Sarah Marshall Later He might have been A guy that looks like him Did he thousand hand slap Sarah Marshall I think He was trying to help What's the big dopey white guy

Jason Siegel He was like trying to get him back On his feet romantically I feel like that's just Another Hawaiian guy that looks like him Cause you're racist I'm gonna look him up right now I can't let this one

I can't be on this hill If you're wrong you have to sing One John Seikata song on the podcast That's a callback to something we talked about before the show Where is he All cast and crew Let's see if there's a Taylor Tully There was another sumo guy in the UFC

Called Emmanuel Yarborough And he showed up a lot He was an extra in a lot Cause he was like 700 pounds Was he in shoot fighter He does look like Buck But again I'm racist Into a corner

There's too much racism too close together You are thousand hand slapping yourself Into a corner I'll circle back On this one Those sound like the words of a man Who just found out he was wrong It's possible

I have IMDB at home He could be acting under a different name There's all kinds of things going on here He could have changed his name Cause he saw Bill Wallace couldn't pronounce my name So I better change it to Tony Tiger Tomato Taco Tyler now

So that was that first fight It was like 30 seconds of Furious head cracking Followed by 8 minutes of argument And booze And now we moved on And the broadcast team doesn't know what to make of it either So they're just like trying to like

Explain the rules And if I'm not mistaken Bill Wallace fucks it up He's like there's no groin shots No eye gouges, no biting And there are a lot of groin shots So I don't think they're right And no eye gouging as far as I know So that's something

So let's move on to the next fight This was something really quick I'm not going to say anything I just want you to look at it Holy shit You were right, it is him but he changed his name The Taylor Willy Which is like the 8th thing that he got called in this

It all makes sense Yeah, Bill Wallace christened this man His new working name Tim the demand Taylor Oh shit, that's That's a good job Zach Guess who's not racist I'm humble

Guess who can see through alternate identities Just to not be racist That changed his name to fuck with me Next fight Brockway did you predict this fight Between Kevin Rosear and Zane Frazier Yeah, I actually At the start of this

Just as a person who knows nothing About it except for maybe what I've read From your articles and retained I wrote down all of my picks And I got every single one right Except for Tully I really thought the 400 pound guy Would just strangle him

And lay on him So I only got one wrong So you saw these two guys One of them a cranky potato And the other one Billy Zane Or Billy Blanks The phantoms Billy Zane Ladies and gentlemen he's here

I'm confusing the audience One of them looks like Billy Blanks No no no I got this one You knew the potato was going to win I thought he looked like Vincent D'Onofrio sculpture made out of ice cream Let's see Let me find my notes

It just says all torso He had his shorts pulled up To squeeze the love handles Into the pants Jim Brown won the broadcast Award of the night because he goes The man is not in great shape He just flat out was honest as could be

And he even Confirmed it himself later He's like listen I'm in terrible shape I didn't train for this But I do have fucking crazy draft legs And I am just an orb So I could take a lot of damage He looks like

Oh this is a deep one Come with me on this one I've already seen those dogs born with a defect Where they don't have a neck and it's just Torso Torso He looks exactly like those dogs That's him

He's a necklace dog I thought he was more like an AT-ST For all your nerds out there He looks like Half of a conjoined twin Joined by the head And the other one is 11 feet tall and finally got removed I wrote down a Bill Wallace quote

About this fight That Wallace says You have a Kempo stylist Against basically a kickboxer who uses the boxing techniques Along with the kicking techniques Of Taekwondo The kicking As a kicker Taekwondo is

I'm really upset with Bill for like blowing This was his This was his bread and butter and he's still fucking up There is no way I could have guessed That the guy had a background in fighting Like everything he said was just like You've completely You were supposed to be like calling a dog show

Or something You're someone's grandpa who got lost He would absolutely be totally at home Calling like the toy division of a dog show But then he showed up to this thing He had no idea what parts of the body He's using the elbow At the end of your forearm

The secondary elbow Your hand A hand punch chop So My favorite moment of the broadcast He calls to Rich the G-Man Goins And he He throws to him as Ron

Goinzo He's like Let's go to Ron Goinzo He has to just roll Goinzo here Co-host together I can't fucking do it I'll fucking

What a dickhead You might have just been doing that to like Establish dominance Getting all the styles wrong Getting the parts of the body wrong Just to see if anybody tries to correct him Because it's all bullshit According to him

You should see if there's some saved Like archived Bill Wallace Blackbill magazine op-eds This fight though was I think what the Denver crowd wanted Like this was A lot of hockey fights Like punch punch

And then they would rest on each other for just like a 30 seconds maybe And then step back and just start throwing again It ended with Zane just running out of gas And Kiven Rosier just Hammer-fisting him Like an angry deer just stomping on him

And just Trying to prance him to death I was like just seeing a brother go down like this And just get like curb stop By this big giant Ice cream cone This monstrosity of a man He was driving a post into the ground

He was building the fucking fence in the country This unsuccessful abortion of a man He saved it though I felt better about it because When he was doing his post fight interview He's kind of affable in a way that's like He's the nicest guy I could hang out and drink a beer with this guy

He's got a good sense of humor He's like listen I'm terrible at interviews Get the fuck away from me After interview where all he was Asked before he said that The guy just said so what was your game plan going in there And he went I don't know I'm bad at interviews So

In his promo video he says my plan Is to use my overhand right because that's My trademark move And then after he got his ass handed to him For about two minutes before His opponent just gave up That was my strategy was to wear him down Let him punch himself out

You fucking liar He did open with the overhand right He did he came out right out of the gate with it Didn't end it that was his one plan I'm out of ideas Everybody after that And then he had to recharge his special meter for the next three minutes While he did nothing to defend his face

Right And then unleashed deer style Standing the taunt he said I gotta fill that fucking bar up Taunt taunt taunt I love it He hit him with some nice moves All he could say afterwards was they talked about how much punishment Well he's great at taking punishment

Like that was his skill He's like the real version of Cole for Mortal Kombat Do a callback to that last podcast Great work on the callback And that podcast Just big meaty play-doh On toothpicks

Great at taking punishment Potato monster wins Brockway knew it the whole time Now Brockway was this What you expected What 1993's version of martial arts Like This one was more what I expected

Coming into it I didn't expect for one of the men To just be some sort of I don't know fat bird monster But aside from that Yeah it went about as I expected Because he was wearing clothing There was no way to guess

At the very creative body that was underneath that sweater So I just saw like a very large man He looked larger than the other guy They said he was a kickboxer And the other guy was Kempo Karate, is that right? Yeah, Ed Parker's Kempo If you ever saw the movie

Perfect Weapon, that's the featured martial art Hell yeah Yeah I took Kempo for like Two months in a strip mall May have challenged them To the kumite because I had No respect for them Did they take you up on it?

No follow up questions You can think that there's like a Statue of limitations on this or something You're right, that's my bad I really like Imperfect Weapon Let's talk about that for a minute Where his style was punching people Really gently many many times

And one of the main bad guys was Immune to that like he's like No I'm just like a big Korean dude And I can like take little punches I've studied punches I have four armor and your blows only do four damage So I take zero damage every blow Like the sound designer

Like the power and the beefiness He put behind Jeff Speekman's little slaps Was fucking impressive It sounded like he was like a Transformer punching shit Dude does he have metal fists? What the hell is he hitting? That was a thing that like never caught on

There was never like a perfect weapon too There was not a string of like 50 hit combo Kempo movies Gently does a lot of 50 hit combos But they look like they fucking hurt Wow too Jeff Speekman wore jeans and cowboy boots You know he's

He did do Street Knight That was the only other Jeff Speekman movie that got made And I couldn't even finish it Sweet name, yeah not a good movie but Promising Jamie can you auto tune all of this? Street Knight Street Knight

Just auto tune all of the unrelated tangents We go on That's how they'll know not to listen to that part And start dancing Now let's keep moving with the fights I'm having a really good time by the way guys I'm really glad we did this The next fight was

Hoist Gracie vs. Art Jimmerson In from his fights Now this is some fucking Street Fighter shit this guy wore a boxing glove He wore one boxing glove He's like I'm gonna do my boxing There was like a misunderstanding there Like he wasn't clear

On what was about to happen So he's like can I wear one glove There's a story here that explains all this nonsense But I can't remember I thought it was just so he could like Throw a million jabs without breaking his hand Because I think I was gonna say the rules said they couldn't tape their knuckles for some reason

Oh yeah And so he was like well I'm gonna break my hand on a human head What if I wear a glove and they're like That is yes please That's the worst idea I wrote down immediate loser with glove As soon as I saw something I was probably asking the Gracies

For permission to do that Let's do this Yeah Hoist could I personally Could I personally ask you to wave this rule That I could wear a mitten on one hand Against you a world-class grappler And Hoist who doesn't like getting punched Was like absolutely

Yes of course So he Literally does not throw a punch Hoist Gracie kind of has these funny little Stomp kicks And he was like oh I don't want to get hit by that little Kick He was so afraid of it

He kept running away from it Yes If that kick doesn't hit you in the dick Or like your hyper extended knee You're just not gonna notice it Like even Hoist doesn't care He's like I'm not I'm really not even Fucking rotating my hip

He's just sort of vaguely stomping towards them But it was enough and the guy never threw anything Hoist takes him down and Immediately gets them out And the guy just Taps out just because he He's confused Well he was trying to like

Grab him like he realized At that moment That he was wearing a boxing glove He tried to grab him with the boxing glove And it was just sliding all over a place And he's just like oh no No there's nothing I got nothing here And so he tapped out because

You've never proven that you're an idiot It's harder but everybody was so mad Everybody was so mad They weren't even necessarily rooting for one and the other They were just mad that it sucked so bad To look at And later I think He did an interview where he said that

He just didn't want to take any damage So like his meant his corner was just like Dude if you get in a bad situation With this grappling bullshit just tap So I guess that was his way to not get humiliated Or hurt but One of the most embarrassing things that

He had a hard life After that from what I remember I think he went ahead and started taking jujitsu He was like man fuck this Never again I would imagine He had a great pre fight interview where he says I punch hard I'm fast and I'm quick

I love the little interviews where Every one of them has to be doing an exercise And then turn to the camera and go Ken Shamrock I can't wait to get to him I was like that guy turned out to be a serial killer Didn't he? If I didn't know anything else about him Yeah Oh hi Didn't see you there

Just working my lats Just doing these fucking pull downs Well looking straight in the mirror They won't allow me to do steroids on camera So I gotta do this bullshit So So that fight The guy in one glove tapped to grumpiness

And They start talking about hoist graces Like this is an interesting choice I do want to talk about There's another comment Bill Wallace made about The fashion of this When he's talking about Gordo and how he didn't wear a shirt Bill Wallace explains

Most people will be topless They'll take their tops off Simply because they don't want their opponents to grab anything There's nothing there to grab There's no upper hand type of And that's it you think there was more But that was it That's what I mean he just stops

I'm done talking That was my talk for now Some guys know shirt Others some shirts But this is a no shirt for me If you So they're talking about the guy Jim Brown says

He's a pure jujitsu man And I love that He calls him a jujitsu man And he understood that this is Something cool to do He's not a mixed martial artist He's a pure jujitsu I'm starting to see a little bit

Of a kindred spirit in Bill Wallace I think he may suffer from some major ADHD Or something like that You can't focus on one spot And he'll start sentences And then drift off and not know how to finish I see what's going on here I deal with a lot of this myself

I think he probably just took brain damage His expression Is always that of a horse He's just been thrown a firecracker It's always just blank Startling and looking for a path to flee Oh hey, yeah It's just

It's a childlike wonder he had Of someone with early onset Alzheimer's Superfoot's dead Because I cannot take Superfoot I don't I think he could take Superfoot The name is dead to us Or is he actually dead in life?

Maybe making fun of a dead man is what I'm hoping We're gonna have to look it up I actually didn't check if Superfoot was dead I think he changed his name to Taylor Willey Taylor Willey They call him megafoot now Totally different guy

My fight career began And ended with a white guy that couldn't say my name And so I vowed That didn't make this change But the first thing he called me Yeah The biggest thing Taylor Tully had done at the time Like he was not a big sumo guy

All of a sudden he's world famous For being like 19 variations Of T words None of them being his name And so people on street were like, oh, Tolabo And he's like, no, you know what Taylor Willey The man with two fake teeth

I think Superfoot might suffer from this thing Where he was asked to be an expert on a thing He didn't know what the fuck anything about So he's trying to sound smart About a shirt Jim Brown has seen shirts Kathy Long has taken off her shirt before She looks great with no shirt

Anyway The point is Can we get some links? So like He's trying to talk at an expert level About this shirt runs out of steam very quickly But like he's still got what 40 seconds To fill much like I'm doing here

I'm talking about a person talking about shirts And I feel like you get where I'm going with this And there's no need for any of it But here I am broadcasting So I have to keep going and then I just say Kicking and ended up rough Well, before that he does say We have the

The two strong boys of the evening The two strong boys These are the two strong boys Of the evening Yoo-hoo Strong boys I think strong boys of the evening is like He's playing for jiggalos

He's all about size too Because he kind of low key shits on Kathy earlier He's like, so what would you do in there? He's like, well I'd use my speed because you're little Oh, is this like You wouldn't do shit Because you're a woman

I thought that was like right on deck I thought that was coming next I think that she's like really assertive too When he's like, yeah like it's a mile up You got to worry about stamina Like she's just like Bitch, I'm not going to guess out I do my jogging

What was she in for a shock when no one else In this event shared her Her training Her enthusiasm for fitness Philosophies, yeah Coming up next is Ken Shamrock and Patrick Smith. Ken Shamrock listed as

Shoot Fighting and Patrick Smith as Tai Kwondo I wrote down Pat Smith's Pre-fight little thing It's great. He says I'm the most strongest, powerfulest Craziest guy Out of all the groups I think

With my leg kicking knee Powerful elbows and head butts And choking and grappling party And the resistant of feeling pain Is what's going to come out to make me The ultimate champion I mean, I just Amazing. These are the pre-recorded

They cut to a video clip of this You had time to write that down And think about it I think Bill Wallace wrote it And someone translated it into Spanish And then back into English again That's amazing When he comes out

He was the local one He was from Denver I love when he comes out Ken Shamrock the rest of the night We got so mad at him When he comes out, there's like 45 people Because It's just a drive

You get to be in my team Whoever, the car wash guy The guy that runs the drives around The grand prize for this night Was $50,000 You have to pay your camp out of that If you're the first place winner Right, but if it's just a drive

Then it's like 5 bucks I'll go down there and be in your entourage For 5 bucks Pat Smith's Kind of a dark horse We were talking about He claims his record is $250,000 That was some Frank Duke shit

Yeah, that's some Frank Duke shit Unless he's counting these Kyokushin matches Because they'll do these one minute little heats Where they just kind of blast each other in the chest With punches And if he's counting each one of those That he lives through as a win Then like, okay

Because then he's fighting Ken Shamrock Who has a real record He's like 24 and 6 In a thing that Was relevant Yeah, exactly They slapped each other in the face a lot You're only allowed to slap the face

And Bastrutin actually threw some pretty good palm strikes That were, you know, dangerous And they wore like shin pads So the striking wasn't as deadly Also, you could escape Submission holds pro wrestling style You could grab the ropes

But other than that, it was sort of an anything goes Valley Tuto style So Ken Shamrock has seen all of this before He's not like Art Jimmerson coming up a fucking oven mid-on And so This fight Got it Ken basically gets an instant takedown

He lands some headbutts Because this is back when you could just fucking headbutt people Which I think they took away because of Mark Coleman Like, I think they saw Mark Coleman This 250 pound wrestler He would get takedowns and then headbutt guys And it just Looking at it, there is no point

In doing anything other than this This is the only move you'll ever need to do He would just neck crank you and then headbutt you While your spine was about to snap Exactly, neck crank you to open up your guard Headbutt, headbutt, headbutt, and like there's no way to stop it And there's no reason to learn a second move Yeah

But this is back, headbutts And so yeah Ken beats him with a leg lock He just drops back And what, 10 seconds later he gets the leg lock Which Pat Smith seems to have not Ever seen before But he did get an axe kick to Ken's eye

Now as a total outsider I had to make some assumptions here Is it Very embarrassing to lose to the foot guy move? Not anymore It seems super embarrassing to lose to the foot guy He seemed embarrassed by it And I think he also probably

Really got hurt because Ken put him in A Heal hook, so that's He was actually cranking his knee And I think he didn't know what was going on So he didn't tap out right away So I'm pretty sure he blew something In his knees

We should say to the listeners Zach, you're a well-practiced Jujitsu man I've been around, yeah You know how to do it So I started my journey not at a school Because there was no Jujitsu places When this came out

I saw this and I was like I need to learn this I'm kind of trying to emulate what I saw on this So Ken Shamrock's leg lock Was something that I would try to do to my friends All the time and I did it wrong You're not, you don't hurt? No, nothing yet? I'm going to punch you in the face now

A fun fight tip That's generally how you get out of a leg lock If you're not like in a Jujitsu school Do a sit up punch him in the face Put weight on your foot Punch him in the face These are great, a lot of good fighting tips For the listeners today

Man, everybody was so mad I know he was the local guy But also it really seemed like the foot guy thing Played into They were mad that he lost in what was perceived At least as a very embarrassing way It wasn't entertaining If you've never seen that before

They were like The announcers actually stopped I don't know if it was after this fight But they actually stopped for a while To talk about how much it sucks to watch They were just like Well, the people out there, they don't see what we see up here Where you can really see the strategy

So to them it just looks like two guys hugging Your live mic right now The mic is live This is the broadcast And you're talking about how much it sucks to watch it That was weird here Ken gets up and he starts talking shit Like he's like, fuck you, I'll fucking break your leg

And so the crowd is booing him He beat the local boy And the thing he did was weird But because he's now a dick He's a bad winner I don't even know why he did this I couldn't quite see what was happening It looked like maybe my assumption was that

What his opponent, I can't remember his name now Pat Smith Pat Smith was just mad It was like, let's fight for real now He was starting shit after it too They were both trying to Yeah, stand and fight me like a man I've heard that before

You're like, no, I just beat you up I was like, yeah, but not with punches So it didn't count That's not cool And what Ken did was strategically really smart If you can't break someone's guard You just sit back and just rip their leg off You're like, well, if you don't want to open these legs up

I'll just attack your legs then And Pat does another thing You'll see often in fights where The other guy getting leg locked is like Okay, I'll do this too and you'll see leg lock battles God, it's He was so confused like, all right, so he's got Five toes on each foot

What do I do with these? He should have just started tickling him That honestly would have been a sound strategy At that point So I really liked afterwards Because Brian Kilmeade, the doofus from Fox and Friends is interviewing Ken Shamrock After the fight and he says

What do you have coming up? What are you thinking about now? Like he's just like asking him like What are you doing? What's your next project? And Ken's like, I fucking have like Two more fights, theoretically Yeah, my favorite though, Ken was like The man

During that interview, that's the most like Like salient Ken Shamrock I've ever seen He's like, how was that fight for you? He goes Easy He goes, why? He's like He doesn't know submissions And I was like, well, that was great He should have ended the interview there

That was all you needed from Ken Like, what did he think of the ring and he went, great Yeah He's like, go back to Japan Shit sucks And Brian Kilmeade said, there he is, a very happy man And he's very clearly not He's a cranky man, like Ken Shamrock

Has some emotional problems I don't think he's happy often That might have been sarcasm I don't know, it's really hard to tell when someone is like As stupid as Brian Kilmeade is like When they're doing a bit Then Rod Machado kind of comes into Sort of, I guess, do damage control

And sort of explain to the audience and viewers What the hell this grappling shit is And so he's sort of explaining Jujitsu And he explains to Kathy Long That weight means nothing And he wouldn't say that if he didn't have A ton of grappling experience So he knows enough to know

That weight can be negated a bit But if you have to, of course, equal Equally matched grappler Size is a factor I don't know, it seems obvious to me But Rod Machado is his expert opinion As an aviation

Instructor And possible Gracie Jujitsu shill For the night And so that was the quarter finals And Brockway, what are your feelings so far Watching these first four fights Your first four MMA fights

First four MMA fights in America I was Absolutely amazed That this became a thing From this As their first showing Nobody, nobody involved with it Believe, nobody knew what they were doing

Everybody hated it The crowd hated it, the people fighting hated it There's no way anybody involved With any of this thought there was going to be A second one of these things Everybody was just like, well this is a failed experiment There should not have been either, there was just no They were like

Trying to figure things out on the go And they did not Rules and stoppages They didn't talk to anybody about any of this Called in fucking timeouts after Anaka He's got no teeth in his head He just wants ice cream now

That's it for him My favorite part Of the announcement came At some point when they were reflecting on this fact And the wisdom I think it was Jim Brown that said What we're learning tonight Is that fighting doesn't look

Like what we think it looks like So much wisdom That was like the one true thing That they said out of this Jim Brown was saving that broadcast Team's life We learned that this looks dumb And everyone hates it

I would argue no bullshit, this was probably the most Like Game changing event in martial arts history Everybody hated it So much So I'm looking at it new That thousands of years Of martial arts theories were wrong

And Just like overnight The moment I saw this I was like Holy shit, my whole world had changed I became fascinated with it There's nothing I was more excited to see at the video store Than like a new UFC tape Now I noticed

Blockbuster when they got a new one It was time to party Not a spin kick To be seen Martial arts can't be this wrong You gotta get later You have to develop your jiu-jitsu So that you can kick safely

Did you get like Edson Barbosa's And things like that later on in life It became very clear to everyone It's like oh if I want to be able to do my thing I have to learn how to stop that guy's thing Exactly I'm learning that thing I'm assuming it's only a matter of time before somebody showed up with a dim mock

And then it was just over Dude, I think maybe UFC 4 We held on to that fantasy for 20 years Yeah, there was like straight up a ninja In one of these UFC's He was like he trains in Newton Jitsu And I was like he got arm barred so hard His armpit almost popped out

His arm was so hyperextended I was like dude you suck They took away my caldrops What was I supposed to do The broadcast team said we don't know a lot about him After all he is a ninja The fucking best I think on the same event

There was like a 5 animal style kung fu guy Like it was That was Jason Delusia Wasn't it? Yeah, and he like had that written down But that dude was a Gracie guy From way back in the day He went to their fucking

Redation Arrow gym to like challenge them He's on one of those early Gracie tapes So it sounds like 5 animal style But that dude was The biggest threat to Hoyce at the time Because he'd seen it before And was desperately training in it Like every chance he got

So he said 5 animal style But that's not what he put on display In the ring That's what you see with these martial artists In this UFC 1 They could come in and say whatever bullshit they want Even in the subsequent UFC's We had like Hawaiian bone breaking

Everyone has their own system And it's like When you're fighting a dude Like kickboxing Your elbows get close to your body Your hands get close to your face Your stance gets a little wider And you just look like a boxer

Like that's it That's every savat Kung fu Taekwondo Everyone just looks like a kickboxer After a few hits to the face You know, it's Cheat Kundo

Except for Genki Sudo So now we're going to talk about the semi-finals The first one was Gerard Gardeau Who beat Taylor Wille Versus Kevin Rosear Who beat Billy Blanks And by Potato Head Stomper

Billy Zane is out Yes Billy Zane, Phantom Billy Zane is out So Gerard already has a broken right hand Like he's It's fully swelled up He doesn't seem too mad about it Or no more mad than usual And Kevin has like

A half a jar of Vaseline on his left eye Because he won the first fight By letting the guy punch him in the face till he was tired He just turned into half a jar of Vaseline That's just So Kevin Gerard's hand is wrapped up So they're almost like trying to contain

The swelling with bandages His hand just looks like dark man I was like dude, this is Go home, it's over It's like getting purple Planned hand to fight with There was an enemy in Cubert He sort of looked like a little

Jellybean man with arms and legs And he kind of like wiggled at ya That's how Kevin moved He looks like a fucking Shrek mocap test I've got a I've got he I've got he moves like a monkey running downhill That's poor guy

You guys only came up with roasts for this guy Why did he run like that though He held his arms above his head And just kind of Sauntered at him So here's why He looks like somebody built him in spore Aww

You guys got some good ones on this guy though That's so perfect, I feel like he'd be okay with this too You guys, you got me You're not wrong Gerard has got like real tight Footwork He's a Dutch kickboxer, they love that shit over there Yeah, they're great at it

Gave his Alms Rover in Here comes fucking Cubert's enemy just Goblin' at him from random angles Just Outclassed so hard, he's beaten his ass with his broken hand Like he's just like Well, I'm not even gonna use the good hand

He just Pound him into it Levelling him with right hands Measuring it, just pop Right down the middle He seemingly has no defense against punches He's this super heavyweight Kickboxing champion of many years

He sounds very decorated It seems like a punch should have come up At this point in his life and it's just like he's never seen it before Just fucking getting nailed And It's over, they talked to Kevin In the post fight, it's rare to Sort of talk to a loser like this

And this was such a great Post fight because there's this guy that Early UFC fans will recognize His name is Charlie Anzalone And he was his manager and he's hanging out With like fucking merchandise He wouldn't shut up He used to sell hats and shit

Shout out to Buffalo There's a I want to tell a quick, I think it's probably UFC 8 Somewhere around there There's a dude named Harold Howard, you know that guy, Zach? You remember him? He had a big Blonde mullet, he wore a karate gi He

Did it like a somersault Because Tom Lawler did an impression of him At a weigh-in, yeah, he also did A cosplayer too, by the way I love filthy Tom Lawler Yeah, Tom Lawler, some funny shit So Harold Howard like advanced to the semifinals

Where he was actually supposed to fight Hoyce Gracie But Hoyce Gracie like went blind From the previous fight, like he got so fatigued That he like went blind and he couldn't come out So Harold Howard was like Really upset that he didn't get to fight the great Hoyce Gracie and he in his corner Charlie Anzalone, the dude trying to sell merch right here

He comes running out Super excited that he won the fight by disqualification And Harold Howard is like stomping his foot Like a cranky six-year-old And Charlie Anzalone Like mid-cheer sees this And adjusts his energy to him So he's like, yeah, I'm so mad about it too

And it's one of the funniest Goddamn things I don't know why, Jamie we can cut that whole story What a pointless story I just, I love this character He's in like 40 different UFC's As like one of those maroon-jacketed Like security guys

So he like fucking Lampreyed onto this early And like made a career out of it For 10, 15 years I think my second favorite part About this post-fight interview is that Without saying it, he just says Fuck mixed martial arts

I'm going back to where I feel good Where I excelled He's like karate tournaments, whatever you got Come at me, I'm coming back I need to put this Elb far behind me But he got the shit kicked at him twice By striking, like

I don't know where he went that he's never seen this Striking, it's not like Gerard Godot did Some sort of secret technique He punched him with straight punches to the face The kind you would teach someone on the first day Of karate class Well, he also shut him down with like two Really hard leg kicks that

If you're doing strip ball karate Right, it's a classic Dutch combo You just do Left, right and a low kick It's just how Dutch people say hi And he did that to him three times in a row Every shot landing Full power, just like

I think he tried to fire Back with his own leg kick Which is a really bad idea If you've never thrown a leg kick before In a fight is not the time to train yourself How to do it, because you're just going to hurt yourself More than you're going to hurt the other guy Sign that he's super green

Because that's something early students do When they get kicked in the leg I'm going to kick them back in the leg I use that to fuck with newbies Yeah, you bait people and do what they want And so to see him do that After claiming to be a five-time world champion Super heavyweight kickboxer

I'm like, are you sure buddy? What does that mean? If you do anything that's sort of outside Of More reserved shots Like if you try to head kick someone They will immediately try to head kick you back If you try to superman punch somebody

They will immediately try to superman punch you back There's this internalized Fuck that Inside of us that we have to Train ourselves not to give into And it's hilarious if you can Make that work for you with someone else I'm starting to think karate guys

Aren't entirely on the level Some of these guys might have been Exaggerating a little bit I think you might be right Yeah, there's some guys that would come to the UFC Say they're 500 and 0 Get fucked up in the UFC And then come back to the next UFC

And still be 500 and 0 So I also don't think they're like good at math That one didn't count There was a guy I feel like his name is Travis Something, he's like a weird Like a MMA unicorn He will fight anybody

And he legit had like MMA fights under his Travis something right Not Looter, it's a Ah man I think I wrote about this guy because he fought this dude Who like came out And he was like 100 pounds lighter than him

The fucking replacement guy The Taekwondo guy that was an alternate Yes, that's the guy And he got like suplexed And his fucking bones like all got misaligned Yeah It was fucked up He looked someone like pulled an old man out of his wheelchair

And like snapped in half That guy's worth looking into Because he's one of the few guys that had like He's 610 And it was like those are all MMA fights This guy does not stop working He's so hungry There's Jeremy Horn

He has three videos for the fights But this Travis kid I feel like is He may have like had the record for most MMA fights At one point I think Jeremy Bullock was the guy That shouldn't have been in the ring with Travis Right I can't remember Travis's last name

Taekwondo dad Taekwondo dad So the next fight in this MMA was Hoist Gracie vs Ken Shamrock This was like the main event This was the fight that everyone was hoping would happen Ken was the only one that had a prayer against Hoist And

Honestly looked Pretty pathetic Like Hoist like shot in for Like take down Didn't quite get it but like Just kind of fought and in the scramble Like looked stronger and better And just completely dominated him

To be fair though It's like the most fight anybody put up That night I agree it didn't look like much It was just like yeah you're clearly outclassed immediately But That's the most anybody has defended Hoist has made fun of this a lot

For this a lot too They call that the blast double When you just shoot for a double leg From across the ring without any sort of setup Very dangerous Yeah I was wondering like what happens If anybody just lifts a knee And then you do it yourself

We saw what happened because Ben Asgerin was on the receiving end of that That's right The fastest knockout in UFC history I think fastest knockout that will ever be Yeah possibly Oh yeah you talked about that one Yeah we talked about it on the Bloodsport episode

Yeah that's what happened That's what happened to Hoist Gracie Today if he tried to fight the way he did In this UFC Yeah it's Looking at it now like with modern troops It's too like knowledge It looks real bad it looks like

Day one shit But nobody had any idea what to do about it back then Yeah it's true Why is he grabbing me it's weird I mean it was just a primitive time In this sport When you could send the worst Gracie In your family

I don't know if it's a legend or if it's actually been Said but it's Why do they believe that he's the least talented Gracie In the family this was his shot Like they were all decorated at this point For different Japanese tournaments And you know Brazilian champions And it's like we gotta get Hoist something

Let's go to a place where no one's ever heard of him And give him his big chance Because he looked fucking miserable the whole time Like he did not look happy to be here He always does look really sad He gets on top of Ken and He gets a rear naked choke He pulls his own sleeve to get his hand in a position

It's real slick and like No one knows what's going on The crowd is confused The announcers are confused Ken is tapping the fuck out Like he must have tapped like five six times And the ref just is not paying attention So Hoist lets him go just

To not murder him And Ken for a very long time considers Cheating to consider saying Yeah okay let's start it over again And he like catches himself like Oh you're right Wait they're filming this huh They probably saw me tap the mat

Tap you Hoist is in that very aggressive Like you tapped, you fucking tapped Like he's dipping his head in While he's saying it for emphasis Don't even try it I will choke you out again Yeah he You could see Ken change gears

And then in the post fight interview Instead of being like a cocky asshole I'm the third best guy here tonight He's the better man I'm gonna hope I give him a better fight You know it's like super humble All of a sudden that he just Hoist beat the dick out of him

Well that happens when you've been humbled You tend to be humble He was leg hunting I was very surprised that He was so easily Choked out like that He just gave up his back in a way that looked like Maybe you're not such a great

Shoot fighter I Thought you had this experience I don't know And like I say Hoist looks stronger even though That's plainly ridiculous Ken must have had 80 pounds on him Maybe only 50 or 60 But like a mountain of muscle

Pure muscle, weight advantage Yeah that was Whatever That's so hard he turned into a decent guy For like 5 minutes He almost did kick his ass He does the little My favorite early jiu-jitsu thing

The little baby tantrum kicks to the back When you're in someone's guard Is that doing anything? Those are cute Steven Seagal does that What movie is that? Hard to kill maybe Some guy takes him down and Steven Seagal Just devastates him with kidney kicks

Oh yeah he probably like Broke that guy's ribcage from behind He just coughs blood all over him Oh my god Great scene Steven I'm gonna pee blood for a week but it's worth it To work with such a legend Keep that in the movie

Gracie Jiu-Jitsu We do a very humanitarian Headbutt Demonstrates superiority of a Jiu-Jitsu Jiu-Jitsu Was there Speaking of movies Legend has it that they

Consulted the Gracies on the first lethal weapon film Is that Is there any truth to that? He did choke out Mr. Joshua Like with a triangle choke I guess that's who you'd call then Yeah Mr. Joshua

Gary Busey as a An unstoppable threat of violence Just keep in mind you've been auto-tuned This whole time Oh yeah I hope so It's the only way to save what I just The path I just went down Listen I don't know a lot about fighting

But uh I was pretty confused by this next fight Where there's like 20 Brazilians against an old man Is that right? Is that when they gave the plaque to Helio? Yeah I didn't get this fight I didn't really get what strategy

These 20 Brazilians were using against the old man And how he won by doing nothing Yeah he's just that good He's like Yoda Uh yeah this was A strange thing to stop In the middle of this fight for a bunch of hailbillies To give a plaque to

An ancient Brazilian man Who invented this style they just fucking loathe Yeah They hated it so much Everybody hated this event There was something must have happened Mid-speech though because they went from People saying get the fuck out of here

To suddenly they're cheering And I feel like Gracie Strong men just pulled guns out on the audience And they're like one more fucking word Well there were some cheers But I think it was just like all the Brazilians That they brought were just piled up Front and started being as loud as they could

They got air horns prepared And it was a very festive environment All of a sudden You brought a plaque to You brought a plaque to this for This whole thing was so like Put on it was strange It's so weird

Yeah This is the tell right here If there was any other doubts that these guys are behind This whole thing And it's just a big commercial That's this moment Settled it I was talking about UFC 1

In a room with a bunch of fighter guys This man, if Taylor Tula would have won Then we'd all be studying sumo And they all agreed That was a real fucking smart thing to say In that universe Which I wish for every single day He can still be called

He wouldn't be called Tim Tuleman Taylor Or Taylor Wiley Or Taco Tommy He'd still have that name Let's talk about sumo He meant that shit He thought he was the wisest dude in the room The last fight

Was Gerard Gardeau vs. Hoist Gracie So Gardeau has now beat Amanda Death with his broken hand He's got a tooth of a sumo guy Still lodged in his foot So he's covered in tape And broken bones And Hoist hasn't been touched

He's not even tired I think he's fought a grand total Of like 48 seconds Yeah, and all of it Was just gently wrestling people who didn't know what they were doing So Hoist obviously starts the fight With just a lunatic takedown Just a sprinting from the other side of the cage

Like straight into his knees takedown And Gardeau blocks the takedown I don't know if that's instinct Or his Muay Thai training, but he stayed on his feet And then he bites him in the ear Because he's a fucking Nazi And he doesn't care In fact, the only other fight he ever had

After this night's three fights Was a couple years later in a Japanese Valley Tudo event And he fought a guy named Yukina Kai And he gouged his eyes so badly That like, he's permanently damaged Like he's fucking almost blinded a dude And they told him that like, dude, you almost blinded that guy

He's like, I don't care Like a Nazi might I used to give this guy so many props Because from my memories, it was like Oh, this, like, I even thought he was French And I remember this French guy fucking had a broken hand Which was punching people with it He was a badass, now I'm just like, everything was a lie

This guy's a Nazi Wasn't even French They keep talking about what a gentleman he is Through this, they're like, he's the classiest guy here What a gentleman Because he doesn't say anything, so they just assume They just give him the benefit of the doubt But then he bit the guy's ear

He shakes hands with the ref though I don't know if it's this This match or the previous match His hand was already broken And the ref shakes his hand and he just does it I was like, alright, that's a pretty badass Like I, yeah, this guy's a fucking Nazi But his hand is like

Very polite It's a light to the point of physical pain, good for him And so Hoist eventually gets the take down After, you know, he gets his ear bit And he's doing head butts to the back of his head Which is fucking sweet And then, you know

He gets him in the ring to make a choke And he holds that thing Far past Lethal length of time It's about three human deaths worth of Chokey holds after he taps He's like tapping and tapping and tapping And he's like, no, you bit me

I'm going to kill you here in front of everybody He taps everything He can reach you when it stops working He's like tantrum tapping after that He's like banging the ground with both hands He's so pissed that this is how he's going to die But also just where is a referee? Why? This is the second time

That a referee is just like Because there's no rules! They didn't establish that Hey, if you're in trouble, tap out and I will stop the fight Nobody went over that In the pre-meeting, I guarantee you That was not a conversation anybody had There was so much confusion about when to stop The earlier fights, I do not believe

For a second that tapping out Was ever discussed Somebody yelled at him Somebody yelled at him for that time out earlier He's just like, fine Somebody's dead That'll be on your hands And he receives the grand prize

Of $50,000 Which is... Seems small, I guess For this much CTE And then, of course, Jim Brown says Fighting ain't what we thought it was Which is so Simple and wise

And I love it They all realize and accept Yeah, this sucked This sucked, everybody hated it We hated it, the fighters hated it Bad job, everybody, bad job But you could sort of feel Bill Wallace Pushing against it

You'd see a lot of people do this after UFC They had rules, it's not real fighting They're still trying to hold on to Their preconceived notions Or whatever their shitty style is Jim Brown's like, nope, it's all gone All that shit is gone He was the only one that knew

I love it, it's so sad to me that he's He got so weird in his old age He was the right man for the job that night Absolutely He was a great fireball Fireball, the last season's loses I think He also received what was

The first and probably last UFC Metal, did that ever show up again? Oh yeah, I don't think so I don't think he's the sole UFC Metalist And I think the $50,000 check It wasn't too much That bounced

Because it was just from his family Going right back to his family After that night It was a month of his towards schools Sign-up fees That was the real money Yeah, everybody After this

Why would you do anything else? What was it? End of competition We found the best thing to do And it's this thing Go open up a gym Go do whatever you need to do Well, this was

A great time I think we should get together to discuss UFC won seven times a week For the rest of our lives Before we go, is there anything you'd like to plug? And pitch Pitch? Well, I did pitch

Robert, on your Twitter I brought back up the old conversation Sean and I had about Remaking Arena The sci-fi martial arts movie Human vs. Alien I just rewatched it How good is that movie?

It's so good and it holds up It's just as dumb as I remembered it The power of real-earth karate Was in him the whole time He didn't need handicaps He didn't need any special space mutants With his own two hands I just love that he slapboxed

Like a grasshopper Yeah, he couldn't move He couldn't cut an angle So we're Remaking Arena But with Brazilian Chuchitsu Right I still think we should keep

Traditional martial arts styles I think we should have like Karate Jumped in the trees and hit the coconuts A coconut guy A jungle coconut guy A moon jungle with alien coconuts The stakes are going to be

Way higher You'll know what we mean You'll see him and you'll be like I know who that guy is And I'm not comfortable with it But whatever This is the ninth time I was racist On this one single podcast

Bloodsport did that man Bloodsport scene That's out of your hands We're going to auto-tune Every racist thing you've said So We made a parody video We launched yesterday

We just farted it out This shit was really funny You say you farted it out But that was good Stopped everything else we were doing Let's do this because no one's going to give a shit about this show In two weeks There's a new Netflix show

Coming out called Sexy Beasts They pitch it themselves As the Masked Singer meets Love is Blind It's a bunch of hot-ass people Who have nothing to lose because everyone's fucking hot But they're all wearing outrageously Done-up special effects costumes

Like Dolphin people And Scarecrow men And they have to go on dates There's a lot of nightmarish Things happen in there And so it's dumb Because the show doesn't matter what they look like Everyone's hot, everyone's going to get laid

It doesn't fucking matter There are no stakes So we just changed it The stakes are that actually one of them is not wearing makeup And so nobody knows who that is And so we made the trailer based on that premise So go check that out Arl Nott's Sexy Beasts

Parody So you say oral Nott's You fucking say it Oral Oral I think we could combine These two things Arena

But with Sexy Beasts rules I'm going to see how the show pans out Because they're all wearing masks There's probably going to be a lot to work with there So we might just be able to redub Our own version of Arena On to this show That's it

Funding approved Yeah Nice, glad you guys are in So investors Whatever you need 200 million dollar budget That's We'll get that back

Just in Eastern European distribution Like it's fucking That's sold $100 that will definitely be on screen I can't speak for the rest of it I just really want to watch somebody Fuck that giant grasshopper from Arena 1,900

Frankfurt Our podcast is coming And with Maximilian Frankfurt podcast Correct The craft is not trapped It's not without Send it to the dog zoo

For an hour Come on Sean, you can do it 1,900 1,900, Frankfurt 1,900, New York 1,900, Frankfurt 1,900, Frankfurt 1,900, Frankfurt

1,900, New York 1,900, New York 1,900, New York 1,900 hot dog Wages war with the help of an elite fighting squad On demolitions It's three finger Louis Adam Ruth

Adrian H. Aiden Moet Alpha Sciences Javo Armando Navar Brandon Garlock Breanne Whitney Chase McPherson Dan Bush The artist formerly known as Devin

David Fornafine Costello Dr. Awkward Eric Spalding, Haraka Jaybur Al Aiden Jamie Gordon, Jeremy Neal John, John McCammon Josh Fabian and Josh S Ken Paisley, Lyman

Matt Cortez, Matt Riley Mike Stiles, Moju Neal Bailey, Neal Schaefer Nick Ralston, Nick H Pauley Poiseuot, Ria Rich Joslin, Timi Lehi Toasty God Yossarian, Zachary Evans and Zedarfan

On communications Intelligence, Tactical Vehicle Pool, Karate Research It's Patrick Herbst Who has just requested a transfer to demolitions