The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 31, The Animal Kumite

Episode Date: July 14, 2021

Seanbaby and Brockway ask a simple question of Katie Goldin: Which animals could you take in a fight? She's the host of Creature Feature, she's a lover of animals, she should hate this question. And yet...

1900 hotdog 1900 hotdog Out of podcast slams with maximum hype Say hotdog podcast word When you taste that nitrate power You're in the dog zone for an hour Do not remember 1900 hotdog

1900 hotdog 1900 hotdog Yeah, 9000 Welcome to the dog zone 9000 The official podcast of the 100hotdog.com Company website I'm TV Shami from the internet And with me is

Rockaway with the Brockway Fat Okay, here's one Child vigilanteism No follow up questions No follow up questions Well joining us again Is our good friend The Creature Feature Podcast

Katie Golden That's me and I was a child vigilante And proud of it Congratulations Thank you So what I'm very excited to have you on today Because I want to talk about something that Went viral about a month and a half ago

As of recording and this was Got that cracks timing Yes Sweet modern cracks timing This is some viral stuff we've already forgotten about But still bounces through my brain All the time and you'll probably see why It's a very compelling

Evocative question Of what animals you could beat in a fight Now this is a poll by a place called YouGovAmerica Not familiar with it until this happened And went all over the internet It's just a list of animals They asked a bunch of people if they could beat them in a fight

As far as I know that's That's the entire thing What else does YouGovAmerica do? What did you look at their site? I think it's just animal finding polls That's all I care about at least I think they also have a poll of How many bees could you stuff in your mouth

At once Right, that sounds like a YouGov poll Knowing everything I know about YouGov Nate Silver actually uses that poll To heavily predict election outcomes Yes Are you allowed to chew? No

That's a different story It's very much like a Brockway fact In that there are no follow up questions The poll is which of the following animals If any do you think you could beat in a fight If you were unarmed That's insulting I just want to set something up

Katie, you're an animal expert Sure If you have a room full of zany people The ladies The lady comedians They are there as the voice of reason Now if you want to take that role That's fine

But I encourage you to help me and Brockway Kill these fucking animals What you're here for I mean Yeah Here's the thing I will stay true To animal biology

That doesn't mean I'm going to sound reasonable Temper your science With blood lust I don't think I need to If you know anything about the animal kingdom You don't really need Tempering your science doesn't mean tempering your blood lust Really

That's the kind of science I like to hear Yeah I do want to set up that I have no interest In killing most of these animals It's just that the conceit of this poll Has put us in a situation where that's the deal Fighting this animal to the death And we will not lay down and die

Yeah this is all hypothetical We all love animals Would never hurt a single hair On their fluffy, bitey little faces But hypothetically speaking Hypothetically We didn't choose this but we will finish it Right

This is a hunger game situation We've been thrust into an arena By a corrupt rich man If the opportunity comes to team up With animals to take him down Of course we'll take it But that can't happen in the first act Or else you won't have a popular movie

For the youth Mostly just animal killing So we're going to jump right in Someone They took this poll right They're like I'm going to totally take a poll About which animals I could kill in a fist fight And only 72%

Of the obvious monsters Who took this poll That's the first animal in the list is a rat 72% Which means 3 out of 10 of these people Thought a rat could beat them in a fight And I don't even understand the circumstances

I want more information They went on points Do they lay down and let the rat chew on their neck for days It's ridiculous If you're like rats Maybe a group of rats could take me down But just one rat, no It's got to be wave or greater

Right, does the rat have A little tongue in it? Is it a rat wave? Does the rat have anthrax What are you talking about? Yeah, I guess Maybe these people interpreted it as Maybe they took a rat bite

And then died weeks later From whatever You could still kill the rat before then Which means you win You win the fight I think people are misinterpreting I would just run away with No, really

You're locked in a cage as the rat What are you going to do? Right Maybe they interpreted it as They just couldn't bring themselves to fight This hypothetical rat And so the rat wins by disqualification But physically speaking

There's no way You're not going to be able to win Against a rat You accidentally kill it with instinct If you're locked in a cage, depending on how big it is Do they think they might Slip on the rat and hit their head? I don't understand

That could be a million dollar baby situation They get paralyzed from the fall Then the rat just slowly eats them over the course Of many days It's a bad way to die Imagine having this lowest self-esteem Where you're like, a rat Not me

I could never beat a rat up Nobody even loves me Do they think the rat's going to outsmart them? Invite them down To the cellar and be like Here's some wine And then slowly seal them up with bricks or something Pull some blinding powder

Out of its belt and throw it in your eyes That's just Jokes on the rat, I train blindfolded Even then I rub sand into my eyes Before a fight It gets me geared up It's a handicap, I'm fighting a rat

It was a couple of senses real quick Right Just to start off this list Whoever took this poll There's a 28% chance they're a total pussy And so that's what we're dealing with Numbers-wise, the numbers are already tanked And next up on the list was

Housecat 69% of the people thought They could be the housecat, so better But still like Come on Guys Nobody wants to hurt a housecat Unless you're a monster

Because they're Sweet little miniature lions Who It's true that housecats Would they If they were the size of a lion They could easily and would easily kill us On a regular basis

That's just how it is But they are not, we've bred them to be tiny And therefore we can destroy them We didn't even breed them to be tiny They just started out small There aren't tinier cats, we didn't breed tinier We should breed tinier cats Well they were wild cats

But they were small Wild cats And we didn't have to breed them to be Much smaller than they probably were At the start, so they weren't like lion size Cats that we shrunk down They were probably about house cat size Maybe a little bigger

Well let's breed tiny cats, what are we even doing here 31% of these people Thought they would lose in a fight to a house cat So we need to get these cats small enough That they're 28% Where they couldn't take a rat They're out automatically There's an automatic 28% that is just not engaging

In this poll That took every single question But then they were like Completely uninjured That you could beat them Flawless victory Flawless victories only You're not going to like it

They might get a bite or a claw But when you're dealing with a weight class They go out knowing They got you, they landed a shot With a weight class disadvantage Like this You've all seen Avengers Where Hulk grabs Loki by the ankle

And just pounds him in I feel like you beat every house cat that way There's no chance As soon as the fight gets close You grab the tail and smash it against something That's horrible, but this is what These people signed up for in this Lunatic Hugo poll

I have never killed a house cat But I haven't had a house cat try to kill me And it did not succeed So I'm good I had cats growing up And on multiple occasions My cats would You know

Go all out on me Not because necessarily they were trying to kill me But basically cats are Set to three modes One is play mode, two is pet mode And three is just Blade fury And they're set to murder frenzy against you?

Well, you know You just accidentally poke them Somewhere, you know, like I'll pick them up And I guess maybe pick them up slightly At the wrong angle The wrong level of thrust Of picking them up and then they go into Spin blade cycle

But it hurts, but Ever once did it kill me Yeah, I could take The worst a cat can dish out And I've never Tried dishing it out back, so I'm pretty confident in that one Right, and that might

Be a factor in these people's answers That they just couldn't bring themselves to Punching a cat It's not up to you Even if you couldn't bring yourself to punching a cat I think just by standing there And taking it you could tire a cat out Because

Cats are at their core Almost religiously lazy So at a certain point The cat is going to exhaust itself Scratching you and just lie down And be like, okay, you win And the ref would have no choice but to call it Right, exactly, so you could be a

In a fight against both a cat Or a rat, you could be a complete pacifist And still win Just by exhausting the animal Cast them out? Did I use that right? I learned that from UFC One, but you made me watch Sure

Sure, it makes sense Have you watched Ultimate Fighting Championship ever, Katie? No, but I appreciate The Sport Would you watch if one of the competitors

Was a cat? I'd call my senator To put a stop to it No, I would not That's what this poll is really trying to Test the water for Would anybody be into this? Yeah

They're trying to figure out how close To this type of dystopia we are They're like JKJK unless Unless JKJK unless I did mention on our podcast We did a Megan wants a millionaire podcast Which was the reality show that was just

Completely like a moral One of the contestants turned out to be a murderer And they didn't broadcast the whole show And I feel like that show was just A couple iterations away from running man And so I feel like we're constantly as a people Like testing how far into the sci-fi dystopia We're willing to go

And this poll was like testing are we ready For man animal arena battles And I don't think so Which is good news Already we had some cruelty against animals On like fear factor Remember when they made them eat those live scorpions Like scorpions wanted to be eaten

On national television Right Scorpions are not crowd pleasers Like you won't find a lot of people who are like Oh yeah I love scorpions let's take good care of the scorpions Who's there to protect this scorpion From public humiliation and death You know what I mean?

They're good parents They love their babies Well Next up after house cat was goose And only 61% Of people said they could beat a goose in a fight Wow Which is

Cowardly I think Yeah they're cranky animals Yeah It depends where the fight Is I think If this is terrestrial No way Could beat a human

You don't think you could kill a goose treading water? But aquaticly well I don't know Depends on how strong of a swimmer you are Depends on what kind of goose it is I feel like you would accidentally kill a goose If you were like out in the middle of say the ocean Like you can't touch the bottom or see the shore And a goose attacks you

Like I think you're just going to grab its neck And use it as a buoy Just accidentally murder that bird Goose are freshwater aquatic birds Sean I'm familiar with geese I'm just saying that I didn't want to put us in a lake because that's too easy to Okay before specifying

Ocean I don't think I could take an ocean goose Those things are eight feet long Full of teeth Goose teeth Can't take a saltwater goose they're too big But if you're like in an American lake that's big enough to Not see the shore Like that's what like eerie you're covered in feces

You're going to dive long before the goose gets to you Geese actually do have serrated Beaks sometimes They've kind of got like a nightmarish mouth It hurts when they bite you But they can't they don't have like jaw strength They just kind of nip No yeah they can't it's like

They can kind of Attack you in a Surprisingly forceful way I still think terrestrially speaking No but if you're not a strong Swimmer right like you're not good at swimming I could see a goose exhausting you Until you drown

If you're drowning already just trying to stay out there And then a goose attacks you Yeah that sucks I guess you count it for the goose that counts as a win for the goose If they duck in there in time To get a few nips before you kill yourself That does count as a win for the goose But there was actually

Someone who died when a swan Attacked them and overturned Their boat and I think this guy He probably wasn't a very strong Swimmer And apparently the swan Just kept attacking him so he couldn't Really get his bearings and he couldn't

Like get to the shore So he drowned What an embarrassing way to go For a goose To be fair swan is a little bit It's like you know There's a little more intimidation factor I think that a swan has over a goose

But you know they're similar Similar weight class One on one who wins between a swan and a goose Let's make this fight a little more fair Swan every time Yeah swans are muscular And meaner And bigger necks

Yeah I mean And I know that geese get a bad rap But swans really just Swans are worse Swans are worse Sounds like I've never been Up close to the swan I've seen a lot of geese and they tend to be

You're alive right? If I would have seen a goose Or a swan excuse me Chances are I'd be dead That's a big win for that swan And that poor guys family Has to explain that story I don't have a lot of faith in humanity

But I think That guy has to represent 1% or less of humanity And we have almost 40% of people Saying no I couldn't do it I couldn't kill him But again I think the factors For that is like he was not able

To swim very well And the swan And he wasn't close enough For a perfect storm Right like it sounded like the swan disoriented Him enough that he kept Not reaching the shore And then he essentially

You know started to get exhausted It's surprisingly much easier To drown Than one would think Especially if you're like stressed or panicking Sure or being beaten to death By a swan Sometimes people when they're panicking

Even if they know how to swim Is known as I think it's like the Climbing posture where Instead of swimming That will be the best for keeping you buoyant It's almost like you start Clying Because you are trying to

Basically your instinct to climb up A bank comes in so you like start Climbing at the water but that's not That's not really good enough to keep you Afloat and so a lot of people When they panic in the water They will drown in situations That normally they wouldn't

So I think that I think the swan had Both the terrain was on its side The Probably the victims Proficiency was swimming And also the psychological warfare Is what

Really That sounds like our instincts work against us Yeah it does and so I definitely Don't you know I think like It's easy to Be like oh man what a fool How could he not have just swam away from the bird But people react very like

I've experienced that when I was a kid And I was like at a water park Where I went down a slide And another kid like fell on top Of me afterwards and it shook me so much That even once the kid was off of me I just started to sink I couldn't like my limbs stopped working

So fear does Fear is a You're sure that was a human and not a swan But you say that There was a lot of honking Yeah That swan has got to be Just the full hero of all swans

They honk stories of him To this day I was going to ask if you ever take a dog And like pull it out of a hot tub or a pool And like watch it Like continue to swim with his little paws See they got the good end of the Yeah

This instinct stick like The dog will just swim even when it's like Not quite in the water whereas apparently humans Like Our brain says hey don't swim When we're actually needing to swim So I mean I guess it makes sense That if our most likely encounter

With water would be like stumbling In near a bank or something Near a river So like our instinct is to claw our way Back out of the river but it doesn't Work In non There's like any scenario where

We don't have an embankment that we can Climb out and back out It's weird our biology is not adapted for water slides That's my point Well a big failure of nature Or god whatever you believe in Wait I'm glad we're really sticking it to nature with this podcast

That's really the theme of today How to fuck up nature Suck it nature Next up we're fighting a medium sized dog Now what do you think the percentage of people is Who said they could beat a medium sized dog 50 That's almost exactly right 49%

Wow They could beat a medium sized dog I agree I think a medium sized dog They starting They're starting out at a kick level Again don't kick a dog at home But for the purpose of this poll these people should have at least considered how easy it would be

To beat a medium sized dog in a fight I mean we've still I feel like all of the animals we've discussed All of them are Easily picked up And then just like Yeeted you know what I mean You don't even

I know that people It's a good thing that most people Find the idea of punching an animal Quite horrendous but even If you couldn't bring yourself Even in a life or death situation to do that You could just Toss the dog away from you

You could do that repeatedly Exactly so you don't even Again like the solutions For a lot of these animals so far You don't even need to use extreme violence You just need to tucker the animal out You don't even need a game plan A 10 year old could beat these animals

Right you know it's interesting Actually my dog Who is only 13 pounds And has no chance in basically any fight With any animal Or human Although she does like to pretend that Maybe she could

She stands up She talks big Like a truck will come by And she like stands up on her hind legs And starts jumping and growling It's like really you think you Versus this truck is gonna be Anything but you being a greasy smear

Really So she's kind of delusional in the other direction Than these people taking this poll But She got attacked by a medium sized Dog while my parents were walking her And My dad

Was able to grab this dog And pull its jaws open And then He yelled at the dog so loud It scared the dog And it ran off so You know A bold thing I'm gonna say

And I ask for no judgment I have fought every animal on this list So far Wow It's like No, you could ask It's just like I'm not to the death I didn't like kill any of these animals

But I have been in a scenario We'll need you to explain Like go okay so let's start with a rat When did you fight a rat Well I mean I've had you know Rats and stuff in a house In a situation where you would That's not fighting them

But did you invite it into the ring I didn't invite it into the ring So I guess maybe that doesn't count Did you punch a rat Did you punch a rat Did you punch a rat Well then did you didn't fight a rat then Fighting has to be punching

We can't use Wiles Did you touch a rat with your bare hand I didn't use it I built my own trap To get it It's not fighting though is it I'm on the most dangerous See I'm thinking like most dangerous game rules

Where you're You're hunted through an environment It's called a mouse trap Not a mouse fight You trapped You trapped the rat using Mechanical advantage in Wiles That's not a fight

It's called a fist fight not a mouse kiss Right Alright maybe not I've never punched a rat It's called a fight club not I didn't punch a rat club So the rat left You think the rat thinks it lost the fight

Yes Like would the rat tell its rat friends like don't mess with that guy Yes I demanded when I said it free That it go tell its rat friends Not to fuck with me And you know what I never saw another one So that's why I'm calling that victory

He must have told them My criteria for fighting someone Is trapping them Or using your wiles against them Just defeating them So many animals then I fight spiders all the time Because I delicately put them under a glass

I would not argue with that And kiss them on the forehead and go enjoy nature My sweet little thing You have defeated that spider I had a spider in our garage Just two days ago That caused my fiance to scream She screamed so loudly

And said like oh my god it's like arachnophobia And I'm like she met the movie of course And so I went out there and looked And it truly was like golf ball sized Oh It was like half tarantula spider I've never seen a spider that size in San Francisco Oh you live in San Francisco

Interesting I had a paper towel I was going to use to squish the spider And I realized like there's no way I get this spider with this paper towel Without multiple sides of it Squishing out along to get on my hand And I didn't want to touch a spider

So I picked up like a swiffer And I was like this is not going to work Because of the floppy end and I finally had to Poke it off the wall with the dust bin Like that you sweep dust into And then I had to like smack it With this thing like a Like a pan

You had to select a better weapon Yeah I did the pulp fiction weapon upgrade Select and that's what I Ended up doing So I don't put spiders outside generally I have before but like not when my Fiancé is like demanding I murder her She's the woman she's in charge

Yeah I have I do try to put spiders outside But I don't judge people when they kill Spiders I don't think it's like wrong To do when they're in your home I encourage people to not Worry too much if the spider is Small and you can tell

It's not a poisonous or a venomous spider Or poisonous if you decide to Eat a bunch of spiders But like You know I think that fear response Is pretty natural I'm putting an image Into the spider image

Hang on let me Is this what you saw? Oh absolutely yeah That's it it's a Xoropsis spinimana Yeah Spinimana Now I guess

The point I was trying to make is that I won that fight clean But I did use a weapon If I had to punch that spider off the wall That would have taken me like 10 minutes to build up the nerve I would have hated that And it would have been like

I would have had to go through several But he didn't lay a trap No he didn't lay a trap And leave He did physically spar with the spider Was it a fair fight? No But it was a fight If you lay a trap

Is that a fight? I would say no Trapping is like Half of my fighting style Then it's your trapping style I'll tell you what I have fought Most of the animals on this When did you fight the cat?

Well I've had a cat Same thing as with you I tried to murder you I didn't fight the cat You don't think fighting something off While I was trying to murder you counts? Like I grabbed a cat and tossed it away So you won that fight

I won that fight That cat was like fuck I can't handle this Same with the dog If you want to get any dog Because I have small dogs and people are Jerks and let big aggressive dogs run wild I have fought off multiple Like medium to large dogs

Yeah You grab them by the hind legs And just kind of wheelbarrow them It shuts down any dog I'm not kidding It works There becomes a problem of What do I do with this now

That you are wheelbarrowing a dog Now that I think of it My fighting style with animals Is me just saying no to them a bunch of times Like Or hey stop it I think of that as like the moment before Two boxers fight when they're psyching each other out

Like you psyched that thing out so hard It was just like oh shit I don't know You win I think I'm a little bit of a doormat Because again I was at a dog park And this large dog was Quote on quote

Playing with my dog but it really Turned into it just attacking my dog So I picked her up Because she's small enough that I picked her up And then the dog started attacking me And like nipping at me biting me And it was like you know not great And I just kept like saying stop

Which it didn't So I just kind of like Had to like basically I don't know what The movement exactly was like So the judges would probably give that fight to the dog The dog won that one It's sort of like I did like body

Sways such that when the dog Would come up and bite my arm Sort of like shoving it Like you know Jerking my arm out so that I would have to like what It was Wing Chun Practicing Wing Chun on the dog

Yeah using its force against it Sure well let's revise my Let's make it that way I'm editing my memory for it To be that way yes There you go You see how you want that Next up is

Oh you're right we still need to talk About how you fought a goose Same deal I mean I was You still live in a The goose I grabbed by the neck And just kind of spun around And whipped over my head back into the river Why?

Because it attacked me Same with the swan And it just It took the message and left Yeah when you shot Put them back in the river they just Like oh okay this isn't gonna apply But like in Bend

In Bend Oregon I used to live by By Drake Park Yeah and they get Way aggressive just all the people there They're not afraid of them they want to chase you off They think you have food and so just trying to walk through There they'll like run up and attack you And a lot of people will

Like drop something for them or They incentivize them to kind of attack you So that's what happened Don't feed wild animals it just makes them both A lot of people get attacked by Punch them instead I wouldn't even look into like I know people have been attacked in the river

That's what Katie is saying Yeah I'm not saying You should punch them unprovoked You know Feed wild animals Punches A knuckle sandwich Feed them a knuckle sandwich

Now don't punch a goose Unprovoked Why not to punch a goose ever I think you could get through a human lifetime Without punching a goose I think you could Whip them back into the river Yeah I think maybe just try to

Try to not Put yourself in a situation Where you would be in a conflict with a goose Oh we're victim blaming now huh Yeah absolutely I think You had it coming You're the one carrying all those handy snacks They're my fucking handy snacks Bobby

They save up all week for those Well uh Next up Is an eagle Now Brockway what do you think the percentage of people Is that claim they could Defeat an eagle in hand to hand combat I mean it has to be are we going

These can't these aren't It's less than 49 Okay So what kind of eagle More people that gotta think that they can defeat an eagle And defeat a dog like a dog is A more dangerous threat than an eagle So

30 What was the one with the goose was it like 39% The goose was 61% Said they could beat it 39% Said no so I gotta say 43% For eagles basically the same 30 Only 30% of the people who took this

Barbaric pole Thought they could defeat an eagle in a fist fight I mean I gotta say The way I put it Was An eagle is like a swift and furious predator But the other thing that it is

Is nine pounds If you uppercut an eagle that lands with its life Like sell your arm to science So they can develop a gentler vagina creed Because that bird should be dead Well okay So what kind of eagle is this though Because if it's

Yeah it's a golden eagle or something Like even if it's a california condor Like say it's the biggest bird of prey I understand But the biggest bird of prey you can find I still think like You're fucking that bird up in a fist fight But they have

You say it's like a fist fight But its fists are made out of knives So Of course you're gonna leave that fight Not maybe not with both eyes Maybe with some lacerations on your Hands but You're not winning that fight

Follow bones and light But it can fly It has an aerial advantage But it's got a swoop to get to you And when you're punching it If you're trying to punch it First of all it's got a lot of fluff A lot of feathers so you punch it

You may just whip it If you try to punch it in the face You could just stab yourself in the hand You're not gonna want to fight a second eagle that day You're not gonna want to go for like a dim mock Kind of thing on that eagle But I want to show you I'm gonna see

I'm gonna show you a picture of a harpy eagle I don't know if it'll change your mind But I do just want you to see this picture Regardless Because it's cool But this is a harpy eagle next to a man So Now that looks a lot like a guy I fought

The eagle? The eagle, he looks like a middle school bully Yeah He looks like a dick It's even got kind of a bull pod The picture you show Necessarily like is he a dick I'm sure he is but

The question is Fucking Jeremy the eagle Yeah, but like I feel like that's an easier fight than like a bald eagle Which I guess is what I'm picturing Something that's like 10 to 20 pounds max It's very swift, very sharp Mean

But as soon as you land a shot it's over Whereas this guy could maybe take a couple of body shots But like you're not gonna miss as many punches You're not gonna be worried about him coming at you Like 70 miles an hour He'll get you with those claws but it's not gonna kill you Unless you really just let him Like he's gonna have to do some work

But the reflexes Right are pretty good So sure it can't fly as swiftly As an eagle Bobbing of the head right Cause that's a big thing In fighting So you're picturing him landing

And then like bobbing and weaving Yeah Oh I like this Now you can grapple that eagle You throw a couple of fakes You shoot for a takedown Once you get a hold of an eagle A wingbar, get him in a wingbar

Get him in a wingbar He'll squawk out Yeah Basically Any flogging bar I'm still not Entirely How many cuts

Can you sustain Before Like You kind of just give up Right it depends on How bad you want to win the fight of course Your size and stamina Like if you're in good shape

You're 180 pounds You're gonna be able to take 20 lacerations As long as not too deep None to the jugular Or the arteries You're gonna be able to get scraped up pretty good The adrenaline will ignore a lot of those small wounds

But you say one punch Right to the right place on an eagle That's gonna be KO But for the eagle it's thinking One grab at your throat meat And that's a That's gonna be a KO for you Yeah he's definitely using like a boxer stance

Right like You gotta fight defensively You can't let him land that one big shot But I still think More than 30% of people could be an eagle I think that's a ludicrously known low number Yeah I'm saying you put 100 people in front of 100 eagles

80ish people minimum Are walking out of that I think an adult I think an average sized adult Anyone smaller than an average sized adult Or a child or something I'm gonna say Good shot

Yeah if we're talking about the arena And you put a child in against it That's a good fight Because most of the animals we've talked about so far A 10 year old Could still defeat those animals I don't know In this case

We're starting to get to that threshold Where these animals are starting to get a chance It's not quite a fair fight yet But it's you know We're getting there Well next up is large dog No further descriptions Just large dog

Some people could lose a fight But what do you think the people who took this poll said Uh 21% Yeah it's gotta be done You're almost to the number every single time 23 Which again seems way too low

A large dog can be dangerous They bite, their claws are unpleasant Yeah Something like a Saint Bernard can outweigh you Or a Rottweiler Wheelbarrow Can cuddle you to death Yeah just slobber all over

You just choke you on those big shoemace Yeah you can get lost in its folds Its little mouth folds And then you suffocate I mean yes so a large dog Especially some of these Stronger breeds like the more muscular Breeds

I think definitely Even just one of them could kill a human Um I Think in like a I do agree in a fighting situation That You know I do think humans do have a

Good chance against the dog Probably more than 20% But Most of the cases of Dogs killing an adult human We're not talking about kids Or elderly people Because screw them

I hate children and I hate Elderly people They definitely shouldn't Yeah what are you doing in this arena I mean Yeah I'm saying like There have been a lot of

There have been children And there have been elderly people Who have unfortunately been killed by Large dogs And this happens Not too infrequently I mean when you look statistically At dog populations

It's pretty darn rare But it's not unheard of And I think that But when you look at like An adult A healthy adult There's still a good chance

Dog could kill you I think It really depends on the dog I think most large dogs Humanity would win But like The determining factors here Do they have training? Are they like police dogs? Right

Do they know how to shoot fight basically Or Mongolian shepherds are really nasty Those are some pretty terrifying dogs You gotta be like me Let's assume it's worst case scenario Mongolian shepherds it's been trained to fight Wheelbarrow

You gotta do some faking You gotta do some defensive moves But you have a match ending Right there it's wheelbarrow But there are dog breeds right They have incredible draw strength So once they get A hold on you

And then they have The kind of rip and tear Instinct They have unfortunately bred some dogs To be more likely to use This technique in fights Because Humans are history's greatest

Monster But so like If we That's where this poll is leading The final contestant is man A human against a human Could you do it? Would you do it? You might be right for the arena

Do you know what dogs aren't doing? The beast Not a single dog out there is taking a poll On which animals they could kill That's a human construct Okay to be fair I think if dogs could do a poll They would totally do that

And I'm talking about every dog Even sweet dogs Who've never killed anything My dog certainly never killed anything It knows it could kill that truck Exactly My dog has literally cornered a bunny rabbit For didn't know what to do

So she just ran away from it And circled back and tell the bunny Figured out the escape route So that she could say hi I would've killed you If I caught you but no Even she I think if she had the ability To take a poll she'd be like I could kill a lion

Yeah I could do that So dogs are history's greatest monsters Exactly this is what I've been saying the whole time Well I do think The wheelbarrow technique is great I do think you take your bad arm Jam it in the back of a dog's mouth

I think that's a good way to get started They might try to bite and tear you So you're going to have to really stiffen up So they can't just like pull you off your feet And then I think it's just a matter of like Grabbing a limb and Doing a hulk versus Loki Smash against something I think that's your move

I think a suplex Makes the dog wins most of the time Wheelbarrow into suplex Fighting a dog while you're listening Wheelbarrow into suplex That's your game plan So the next step on the list Is a chimpanzee

And now we're starting to get into really Truly dangerous animals with like a history Of wins against humans So what percentage do you think People can feed a chimpanzee In this poll taken Exclusively by pussies and maniacs Around 9%

Somewhere around 10 17 I don't think 17% of people It seems way high compared to all the others They must just not realize How hard chimps are I know chimpanzees are short

But they're like 100% muscle They don't need to have a skeleton It's just all muscle Pure meat They're an angry gelatin Hard meat They can slip through any hole But that is fast twitch muscle

That's a good point, they are made entirely at a fast twitch muscle So my game plan Was that they're going to fatigue quickly So you want to keep them active But on the end of a jab So this is just a game plan I think that's a starting point Is to punch them in the face but keep your distance

Now What happened when I Tweeted on how I would defeat all these animals Or gave my advice on fighting animals And this one didn't go viral But it got like 4 figures And that's enough that it started to Reach like normal twitter

People that just don't get We're having fun here And so they were chiming in with like Oh you can't fucking beat a chimpanzee So I had a lot of people who were like Giving very condescending animal advice I think animal science is one of those things where Someone like Haiti obviously has a lot of expertise

But it's the kind of thing Most people think they're good at And so they like They really mansplain a lot So these guys are mansplaining chimpanzee speed to me I got some news to break to you about the speed They're going to outrun you and kill you And I'm like dude we're here to try to come up

With a game plan to beat the monkeys Not like give up Like some kind of ape coward Or in Europe they call them monkey pussies But like we're not here to just give up Because monkeys are tough We're here to fight them and win It's impossible to beat a chimpanzee

Could I personally me Beat a chimpanzee Only at chess No sorry not even at chess I'm sorry I'm bad at chess Am I allowed to use my traps My trap food I think the unwritten rule is that

You go into this unarmed But I guess if you could create enough distance I've seen every episode of MacGyver I'm always armed Like we can't Pretend it's not going to take place on earth So you would eventually be able to get to a place Where you could find some sticks and rocks

And get that advantage over The lesser primates The scary thing about chimpanzees I think is not only their strength Which pound for pound They are much stronger than humans And they are frighteningly Quite

Much stronger than One might think Like you look at them and it's like A chimpanzee Not a problem But if you've ever seen a chimpanzee Who's bald due to Some kind of skin disease

How much pure muscle is there They're completely jacked Then I think it becomes clear How screwed you may be And the other terrifying thing Is they really kind of don't have Any Limits psychologically

Like they will go immediately And rip your face off They will pull Your entire face right off Wear it They'll take your face off They'll eat the brains of their enemies Babies

They'll rip off They're nightmare animals I said humans are history's greatest monsters Maybe chimpanzees are history's greatest monsters Maybe chimps They're dark chimps magic Do you have anything to add to my game plan Just the start of it

To keep them on the end of a jab That's not going to win you the fight I just want to fatigue this chimpanzee Do you have any ideas how we can get there Yeah I do think that Yeah if you are If you are already engaged in a fight With a chimpanzee right

And there's no more diplomacy You really have to go All out right Like you have to bite You have to rip off the face You have to rip your face off And are now wearing it around And mocking you

You rip their face off And wear it and mock them Face for face that's incredible You've got a chimp face off Now you've got a chimp face And they've got a human face And you go back to their family You switch lives

And let's see who adapts faster You adopt their son And raise them as your own In the long run You win And the chimp comes back To his chimp wife Chimp child and they're like no

This is now our dad And no longer loving him He taught us how to fish He's the noisiest of all of us And he'll die from suicide That's a victory I've got an alternate strategy And it is a

Basic magic tricks And then traps They love basic magic tricks They fucking love them It blows their mind Even just no props This is why if I was the judge Of this I would allow it

Because you don't need props You could just do the got your nose And they would flip They would tap out I have a question about something You might be familiar with this But there's something called the biomorphic field But there are some sort of

Maybe you'll know the explanation But like monkeys on an island Or chimpanzees on an island learned things That other chimpanzees learned In a way that like scientists don't know how the information got there Like they were using sticks as tools In a way they're like whoa no one taught them how to do this They just started doing it

When these distant chimps started doing it As if they all sort of share a knowledge Spread across some sort of intangible biomorphic field Oh yeah the chipmine Yeah the chipmine The reason I bring it up is I think that The first people to fight these chimps Might have a good shot at it like the game plan works

But as more and more chimps Enter these kumites Against the humans They will all learn this knowledge And soon through the biomorphic field They'll all take on this fist biting knowledge Of how to beat us humans So that's another danger

I gotta kind of throw a monkey wrench Into the chimp mine Oh that's cute Like our Because there are actually groups of apes Who develop tools differently From other groups of apes Or at a different time

And like have unique Either unique tool use Or like unique sort of habits Behaviors so I do think that That are provably not spread to other Right exactly so I think that I think I mean my guess

And us as monkey fist fighters Yeah my guess is that when like You see these like maybe like Inventions that come up It's just our sense that they're just somehow Coming up at the same time where it's probably Something that happens relatively Frequently throughout monkey history

That they come up with this tool use And it's just that we happen to Observe it like when it When it's kind of happening But it probably comes up generationally It could even have something to do with like Climate or something but I think the fact that there is the counter

Factual that there are certainly Groups of like you'll have an orangutan group That uses tools in a certain way That no other orangutan group uses Or like there are macaques Who wash their yams In the sea to get it salty And no other groups of macaques

Do that Or you know groups of There are orangutans who wash their bodies with soap And then eat the soap And then rub the soap in your eyes And then laugh at you Those are orangutan foodies It's an acquired taste soap

But they love it At Spago And they just served me an orangutan A live orangutan And they're like just lick the soap off of its arm It's actually An experience How was it? That sounds expensive

That must have been really expensive It was wet and Bad So you could say I had a great time That's what you're into Wet and bad Sweet

Next up on our fight Is King Cobra Only 15% of the people said They could beat a King Cobra Which I think people are underestimating themselves Because snakes have a thing where they're like Let me look at that If you like wave a hand in front of their face

I feel like if you keep Your edge And don't lose it You gotta bait them You gotta be cool You can't panic against a snake Or you do lose that fight Way more people would lose to a chimp

Before a cobra though These numbers are all off Plus I feel like I could get bit by a cobra And still have plenty of time left to beat The shit out of them before I die Do you count who dies first Cause if that's the case You know you have time

To get revenge on the cobra Before you two die You know what I mean Are you just left there Until the venom runs its course Cause it's not guaranteed fatal And we do have If they call the match after you kill it

You'll be just fine And you think if this was a planned event They would have some anti-venom on site If this is in an arena If they have anti-venom on site To be truly fair They would have some kind of neck splint For the snake after you're done with it

Right? They've been treating the snake For its injuries Little ice pack Where I punched them in the face A little bandaid for their boo-boos What I'd like to do is I'd like to go in there and let it bite me In a place where I flex my muscles

To snap his teeth right off That's what snake Don't you have an interesting view of the world, Sean? Yeah I'd look through a pretty rad lens It's a place to be dominated Yeah, no, I think that Again, if the snake bites you

Then you have nothing left to lose And you can just tie the snake up in a knot Can keep biting you, whatever You can tell it all your secrets Nothing left to lose But then you better kill it Because if not, that snake knows all your secrets There's no worse thing

In little ear holes Like I didn't like baby Yoda As you die Oh my god What a scandal that would be Snake will thank your monster Jesus, I was right to kill you

1% less than that Said that they would beat a kangaroo 14% of the people who took this poll Said they could beat a kangaroo Kangaroos are good fighters Yeah That's the closest analog to a difficult human fight Like, they love the box

You can just kind of stand Toe-to-toe to them They like to gut, too They got those powerful legs and they got nasty claws And they do have an impulse Where they will grab and then they grab you With their weird creepy hands And then they gut you

Natural Muay Thai fighters I feel like chimpanzee and kangaroo may be Somewhat equal In terms of the efficacy of their fighting Simply Now, see one thing about kangaroo and Katie Again, I'm kind of wrong about everything So, assume that's

What's going to happen here, but like They can't individually rotate their hips If I'm understanding kangaroos right They don't have a roundhouse Yeah, they can't kick you with one leg They can't like No spin kicks, no taekwondo Like sort of jumping and turning in midair

I mean, they can lift legs Independently of each other That's what you mean, but I think You know, I don't... So, yeah, I do think they could probably kick you with one leg I don't know if they could do like a roundhouse Like they couldn't Execute a perfect roundhouse

If that's what you're saying And that's how you'll get them Yeah, hit them with some leg kicks Right, I mean, we learned this Katie, is that a real thing? They can't what? Move backwards That they can't?

That sounds... That sounds to me kind of like one of these things That's not quite true It's like, it's motivational though I mean, kangaroos never look back And never look backwards, I think maybe You're just misinterpreting like a motivational phrase Kangaroos use for themselves

That's probably true, yeah, I read a lot of kangaroo calendars And that's... I should do less learning from kangaroo calendars I guess this is my point Now, see, I have seen a video where a man Punched a kangaroo straight in the face I did not know what to do with that experience So I do think there's a shot

Okay, so I believe that picture is in the poll they had I think That viral video of the guy punching Has inspiration, you can do this Answer strong So I'm looking it up, it looks like I mean, from this first page

Of Google, which, you know It's, they can't Ambulate backwards Like humans can But they can move side to side So like, they could probably Just move sideways And then move backwards

They're not, they can't Like just Like jump backwards You know, like do their sort of normal Ambulation backwards, but they can still It's not like they can never They can find ways to Move in every direction

Which is not like walking backwards You want to bring it in for grapple In evolution Being able to navigate in all directions Right, exactly I'm just trying to like Find an advantage is my point Cause I think they have the strength advantage

Yeah, grapple Yeah, straight to the grapple A fool A fool would get in a striking match With a kangaroo It feels like a sweet way to die Like I feel like here's I don't want to die to a chimpanzee

But if I got boxed enough by a kangaroo I think I'd like You'd have to challenge them to like Trade rib kicks Yes, that's the blood sport way I feel like a real well timed Trip, you know, like the kangaroo Is going to jump at you and you stick your leg out

Then that thing's just going to be A pile of limbs on the ground Yeah Yeah, that's a good point I'm feeling better They also use their tail for balance So you grab them by the tail And now they can't balance

Now where are they? What's a kangaroo weigh like 240, something like that? I think more than that I want to I could take a kangaroo I didn't think so before we started talking about it But I think we've got a good strategy

Kind of depends on the kangaroo But you're actually In the ballpark? You're in the ballpark, maybe even less than that See, 150 pounds if I grab your tail I can get you in a giant swing And I can maintain that giant swing For a long period of time

Until I find a tree to bash your head against Maybe kind of like a shot put The wheelbarrow Yeah, you can hammer throw that kangaroo 10 yards Maybe into a minefield, barbed wire fence I don't know, use your environment That's your advantage as a human

It's foresight Again, it kind of depends on the terrain though With kangaroos Because if you're on land I think, yeah, you have a pretty Decent shot at Defeating the kangaroo If you're an adult

But not in the sky They're notoriously good pilots But not in the water either Because they can drag you Under the water and drown you They like to drown things They do Kangaroos are nasty animals

We're blatant all bear Chimpanzees and kangaroos Well, next up on the list Is a wolf Just one wolf And 12% of the people said they could beat one wolf Which I don't feel is too far off From a large dog

No, no, Sean, no, come on A wolf? A wolf? Yes, absolutely But it's a shitty wolf with no friends Wolves are pack animals If it's just one, he's gotta suck Stipulations, now you're inferring a lot You think his friends aren't out in the audience

With little signs written in their own feces Going like, go Steve, go That is a good point That is a good point They put forth their best and brightest And if the crowd's on the wolf's side That's gonna really Demoralize me and as that

Debunked science has claimed One of the most confidence becomes the alpha And you don't want to lose that That's Sean It's based on bad science Yeah, that's what I'm saying Very debunked, we shouldn't talk about it But

What else do I know about wolves other than this Wildly debunked science? Yeah, I mean It's a thing with wolves I think people underestimate Their power because we think Wolves is just kind of early dogs Which is technically true

Wolves is early dogs Prototype dog, yeah But an Encino man way That they're superior to us Wolves to dogs, yeah Exactly, so It took a while to get the wolf To be a dog

And even though we have Reverse engineered wolves to some extent We've taken dogs And brought back more wolf-like Features which we can actually do With a kind of surprising Ease within a few generations We call it a chihuahua

But we can bring back These wolf-like Aspects to the dogs But it's still Not going to quite get to the level Of All you have to do is look at Wolf skull compared to a dog skull

And just the Amount Of teeth Length that the wolves got Like let me Show you something just a second Visual aids, teeth don't matter When you're getting wheelbarrowed

I'm glad you came on the show Because I was going to fight a wolf tomorrow You might have talked me out of it I just want to show you something Hang on a second It's just a gruesome wolf murder No, it's just Difference in skulls

The top one is Top one is probably Golden retriever sized dog skull And the bottom one is a wolf skull Yeah So I definitely prefer To get bitten by the top one Yeah, I think

A wolf is a tough fight I still think You suplex that wolf, it's not going to like it I didn't say it wouldn't like it But that doesn't mean it's Going to stop This could be getting close to the Like 12% people said they could be a wolf

That might be getting close to What I think it would end up being I think that's accurate I don't think that's too far off I think you could potentially But I think the chance that a wolf kills you Is quite high Even if it's just one wolf

I think you would have to be Like if I was going up against a wolf No, I'd be dead That's it, that's it for me Yeah, like 12% of people Just don't know how to wheelbarrow an animal Yeah I would

The danger of wheelbaring a wolf is that You have to put those legs down sometimes With a dog, you kind of picture them Leaving like, okay, I lost that fight But I figure a wolf is just going to save all that rage Like you're just charging up his rage You got a problem to deal with eventually But in the meantime

I just want to give you another perspective Like, you know, people think Oh, well, huskies are basically Wolves that we've turned dogs into wolves Here's a picture of a Gray wolf and a husky Yeah, that's night and day That's a 220 pound wolf

Yeah, let's see Maybe bigger How much do wolves weigh? Yeah, they weigh Yeah, they can I mean, yeah, almost 200 pounds Up to like 180 pounds-ish Okay

Yeah, it's I think They are surprisingly big Often, yeah Especially depending on, you know, the Species, but, yeah I don't like my chances in the wolf fight But, um, I like it better

Than the next one, which is crocodile Only because I feel like you'd have to fight That crocodile in a swamp It's going to be real hard to learn who are that Crocodile out of the dry land Whereas I think that your chances go up It could be a crocodile in a fight

How do you feel about this number? 9%? Yeah Well, uh I think You're better off with a crocodile, to be honest Uh, once you've got I don't know, you can't wheelbarrow a crocodile

Yeah, you can, with the tail No, they're little tiny legs You can do it with the tail though They've got little tiny legs, but it just would be very effective You can't wheelbarrow with the legs, you wheelbarrow with the tail I have to remember With the, uh, god rest Or dog restisal

Uh, crocodile hunter Steve Irwin He showed you that there are Like, if you come into the fight prepared, right? Yeah, he prepared your martial art for you That's true Yeah, if you prepared your crocodile Fighting skills

I think it would actually be a lot better It may even be better than A chimpanzee, to be honest It's true that once a crocodile bites Chomps down on you, kind of game over Uh, but like I mean, we don't have wolf wrestling As a tourist trap

No, we don't think, uh, thank goodness I certainly wouldn't Do that kind of thing Yeah, 30 of the dumbest people any of us will ever know Get paid to put their head in alligator mouths So it feels like Uh We need to think dumber rather than better

Like, I don't think we should go in there with a game plan I think we should think full hillbilly What would the dumbest person you've ever met do Well, this is kind of changing the rules Of the game, right? Because if we, if we put If we put this same Uh, as you call stupid gentleman

Uh, in with these animals I feel like Well, I don't know though, because in some ways If you're dumb, you may have less reservations And that confidence May actually serve you somewhat well, right? Uh-huh They call this the alpha crocodile effect

Right Actually, you gotta hump the crocodile To let it know Oh, that was already my plan A Right, right I'm not gonna lose this opportunity If I'm in a fight with the crocodile I'm getting at least a third date

So they're opening jaw strength when they're trying to open their mouths It's actually not that great It's the clamping down It's like a steel trap, right? It's the clamping down, so if you can grab them And hold their mouths shut You've done it, you've won Ken, it's a grappling game

It's a grappling game You wanna run it into a bulldog You get a side headlock You get a good running start You drive their head into the ground And then you tickle them And then you probably fall in love This is gonna be an erotic wrestling match

Yeah, yeah I feel better about the crocodile Than the champ or the kangaroo I think you talked me into it I kinda do, I actually a little bit You take that wolf though The wolf, I don't know Wheelbarrow

One of my things though is I like to fight, I like to mess around But I tend to turn into a pussy When it comes to like Getting really muddy and wetty and cold So I don't do like tough mudder style Tough guy stuff So if I'm fighting a crocodile and I'm like

I'll cover it in mud in the bog Because I know of this about myself That I'm gonna be in a much weaker state Than if I'm like on dry land Fighting a kangaroo in the savannah You know what I mean? And they've got a definite advantage In the sort of slippery environment

Because they can like bite down on you And do a death roll And kind of like rotisserie you But I think on dry land On real dry land Yeah, I think that You know, grabbing by the tail And running backwards really quickly

Or holding their mouths shut You have a decent chance You have a very decent chance Of getting totally wrecked though So you know Yeah, that's true I wouldn't recommend With any of these

These fine creatures starting a fight With them thinking that you're gonna Come out okay because probably not It's the Finish that I'm worried about You're holding the crocodile mouth shut That makes sense You're grabbing it by the tail

But now it's like how do you Kill that crocodile with your bare hands That's a problem right Smother them You can cover their nostrils Yeah, you're right there You got your hands there It's gonna take a while

It's gonna take a while Yeah, I guess maybe If you took your shirt off Tied its mouth shut with your shirt Then you could let go of the jaw And just wail on it Yeah, but they're pretty tough And they can hold their breath for like

Over an hour Yeah, it's gonna take a while You're there for a bit You're kinda just gonna have to take a nap Cuddling the crocodile Until you send it all Spooning it to death I think that's why the numbers are starting to get low

Hmm Uh, next up Is Gorilla Which I think we're getting just ludicrous 8% of the people who took this fucking pole Said yeah, I could beat a gorilla in a fight No, no, no, no, no Yeah, the numbers have spun the other way

That's a Tishred situation Yeah There's no way There's no shot And that's like on my traps Yeah, again If I had like a spear Maybe, if I had a knife I still don't like my shot

No, no, yeah, there's no way If I had my man traps They work on gorillas Yeah, that's true Respect for gorillas It's a sort of probably getting Ripped limb situation with a gorilla They are incredibly strong

The only reason that They don't kill more of us Is that pretty much Gorillas are pretty chill Honestly I like when a gorilla is Getting kind of pissed off and they go like It's one of my favorite

Animal sounds when this giant Intimidating monster pounds his chest And he makes little popping sounds Yeah, it's kind of nice Because it's like They have the decency To give a warning Because it's like well you could just

Remove my head from the rest of my body And be done with it Which is nice, I think Yeah, crocodile doesn't give you that warning They just pop out of the water And have you dragging to death Gorillas, if you respect gorillas They tend not to

Pop your head like a grape Which is nice There's this video of a Silverback gorilla Who again could just twist your head off Like a grape Just kind of Casually walking by a group

Of people hiking in this forest Because they stepped aside for him And he's used to humans And since they stepped aside For him and did not No touchy, no Didn't do anything suspicious He just walked by them like brushed against their shoulders

He only killed two of them He only ate two of their skulls And used them as bowls To hold his berries and stuff No, yeah it's But if you're like You gorilla, there's no way Yeah, it would take him a few minutes

Just to see if you're serious You can't be fucking serious They fuck with you a lot I like the video where there's wildlife photographers Out there and a gorilla just walks up And grabs one by the leg because they got too close He just pulls him for a couple of feet Like it's nothing and then lets him go

You fucked up, don't fuck up again Just to let him know, just to be like I could have killed you It's very playful but it's also like Just watch it Even something like an orangutan Could easily break your arm And they just

Are chill though, like I have a friend Who works or used to work with Orangutans and she Said one of them Did grab her by the arm because He wanted to like show her something I guess and was like kind of pulling her In that direction but he was grabbing so hard

It like really hurt and she was worried He was going to break her arm So she like kind of screamed And then He like let go of her arm And like lifted his Hands up and made this extreme Oh no expression

Of like oh no I forgot Yeah exactly, did the home alone Like uh oh, I'm so sorry So even unintentionally These like an orangutan Can accidentally Almost break your arm

Or just trying to be friendly Give you the monkey my bad symbol I'm going to say Zero percent chance You could defeat a gorilla I agree, I don't see how I don't see how you finish him No, I mean

I don't even see you lasting a minute Once the gorilla says okay I'm going to kill this thing I don't see you lasting a minute No, I mean you could take the rock Dwayne the rock Johnson Dave Batista A human who could do it Honestly

If you had both Dwayne the rock Johnson And Dave Batista And the gorilla With one arm tied behind his back Yeah, no I think they could defeat the gorilla Realistically sure But

You're just giving these people ideas You're going to see this match on some Russian streaming site Two months So the last three on the list Are elephant lion and grizzly bear And I think we're just having fun now Like what's the point What did people say?

The only correct answer is zero Yeah, we've reached the gorilla point They were all 8% Except grizzly bear had six I love the story that tells Okay Who thinks they can defeat a grizzly bear But not an elephant

It's outrageous I don't even know how you'd start with an elephant What the fuck is the end game there? Right To defeat him from inside With sleeping standing up And I set up the best uppercut I've ever thrown Do they think they can only breathe

Through their trunks so they could just Choke hold on their trunks Little bow No, there's no Again, the only reason more Bears and elephants Have not killed us Is because they generally don't want to mess with us

And then the same thing with even lions The thing is Even something like a lion Learns that humans often Do have guns and stuff So they kind of don't generally want to mess with you But if you're 1v1 with a lion Done

You're done I can't even imagine What your plan is You can't choke it out You're totally done I did find one About a guy who took out a bear with his hands It was a grizzly bear

And again, this is a ludicrous story That probably didn't happen But his story is he reached down his throat And choked him out Not to death, but unconscious And then he went and got a stick And killed it with a stick But this is the only instance

I've thought of anyone even claiming They beat a grizzly bear with their bare hands And yet 6% of people on this earth Think they could defeat any animal Any animal you put in front of me I'd love to see these people You get 100 people in a row 6 of those people who are like, I could kill anything

Anyone who walks this way Them to meet the people who said they'd lose to a rat And just let them talk Talk it out Understand each other's culture I think that is how we will solve a lot Of our geopolitical issues If we just have that kind of conversation

All thanks to this poll Daring to ask the bold questions That heal us all Yeah, it's Can you kill a rat versus can you kill a bear And Yeah, I think we'll all come together Under this one big banner

I had a really nice time and I want to thank you Katie For helping us kill all these animals I know that's what you want to be known for To our audience That's definitely the kind of message That I like to spread on my show About appreciating nature And what's your next show about

You told me you were working on something today Yeah, it's about poop I'm actually very excited about it It's about saving animals Not Beating them in a wrestling match But it's got a lot of fun facts about How researchers

Use animal poop to answer important Questions about animals Including their health and conservation And I Do a real life Batman So that's exciting Oh Like a man dressed as Batman

Or a grown up bat boy Or a man bat scenario A man Who Saves the bats And probably knows more about bats Than most people in the world That's excellent

I know that the bat populations are in decline In a lot of spots That saved his parents Yes, exactly His parents were in a dark alley way And they were getting robbed And a couple of bats came by And was like, not on our watch

Reverse Batman scenario Yeah, reverse Batman Exactly And the spoilers Glowing poop is involved Beautiful glowing poop Yeah Now if you had a hundred million dollars

And you were pitching a movie That would promote the wellness Of bats Who do you cast? What's the plot? I mean, hmm Let's see I know, I know, this is hard Who do I cast?

I mean, I think we just answered it I mean We cast the man bat Reverse Batman Reverse Batman played by Real life Dr. Rodrigo Medellin I don't know

Doing the Batman voice though That's Spanish for man bat Yeah, I don't know I think I'm thinking Dave Batista Oh, I like it But he is playing a bat though In it

You have diverse roles too I think he'd be excited To stretch his acting talents To be sort of a half bat thing No, no, I mean a full bat Like he just plays a bat He plays a full on bat He puts some wings on him

Some prosthetic wings He put them in a green screen All practical in camera effects Right, all practical and size him down To be bat-sized And he is just Dave Batista As the bat As a very muscular bat

But he's lovable, you know Sure What does it take to get glicked these days? Glicked? He's a very glitchy guy, I guess You haven't clicked her once There have been like five glitch opportunities There's been a lot about

Oh, kiddies, how can it go when you're a little glitchy? Very, very glitchable That's what we'll say about you Thank you So thanks for being on Absolutely, let me just do this Claimer, don't punch animals guys Unless they are holding a gun

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