The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 32, The Human Tornado

Episode Date: July 21, 2021

Seanbaby ambushes Brockway and Lydia Bugg with one of his favorite movies: Dolemite's The Human Tornado! Then he makes them play a game forcing them to quote from the movie, which is mostly words they cannot say!

One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred hot dog. Our podcast slams with maximum hype. Say hot dog podcast work. Yeah. When you taste that nitrate power, you're in the dog zone for an hour. Come on.

Do not remember. One nine hundred. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine zero zero zero. Yeah.

Nine thousand. Welcome to the Dog Zone Nine Thousand. I'm TV Sean Baby from the Internet and this is the official podcast of one nine hundred hot dog.com, the comedy website. With me, the mayor of Teddy City,

Brockway. Mayor. Oh, I was hoping for governor of boob country or something. Been demoted. All right, well, I do have, I do have something special. I've brought my favorite Brockway fact.

I've been holding on to it and I know you'll like it the most. So here we go. I'm ready. I once stole something from Mr. T. He watched me do it. I watched him watch me do it. He said nothing.

No follow up questions. God damn it. I have so many follow up questions. Also joining us is one eight hundred hot dogs own the Cockway of the Shockway, Liddy. Hello, Sean Baby and Robert Brockway. Thank you for having me on your podcast.

That seems so well prepared. Thank you. Yes, I wrote it down. So I would not say yeah. This is our Liddy a robot, the robot we've stitched together out of other things. Lydia has said on the podcast. We can make her say anything like watch this.

Lydia. I'm Lydia and I'm stupid. I love Lydia, but Lydia about rules. I think Lydia and I are becoming good friends and co-workers. I wasn't sure if you were ready to be the mayor of Titty City, Lydia.

So I gave that title to Brockway. So next time, if you're okay with it, we can switch him back, but you're the Shockway of the Cockway. I believe is what I had prepared for Robert. Anyway, that's a little look behind the curtain of how my brain works. Yeah, I'm okay to change it next time.

We can do an exchange. I'm going to run against Brockway to be the mayor of Titty City. Let's go. I don't even want it. So it'll be a really easy campaign then. Yeah. I didn't expect it, but there's three political parties

vying for control of mayor of Titty City. Oh, it's a third. I'm just saying, it's not important. The important part is that there's three boobs running for the mayor of Titty City. Whatever. The independents never win. Fucking suck candidate.

You can tell already because the shit's off the rails. But this is a podcast I produced and I produced it by saying, you know what we should do is share something I love with someone who hasn't seen it. It's sort of a theme of our podcast. We showed Bloodsport to Maggie May Fish and we showed UFC One to Brockway.

And today we showed Dolomite the human tornado to Liddy. And what are your first impressions of this classic movie? I thought it was a prank you were doing on me at first, to be honest with you, for like the first 10 or 15 minutes where he's just doing that stand-up routine

and then it's showing like a woman's butt as she dances. Like, is this a real movie or is this a prank? But I will say it's both. Yeah, it won me over later in the film where I was like, actually, I love this. It is definitely a prank on somebody. Liddy? Maybe probably Liddy.

Probably. So it is a prank on me. There's a moment in Human Tornado where there's a lot of struggle to get through it. The thing that's great about it is you can tell how much fun they had making it, but they are incompetent filmmakers and it takes about an hour until they infiltrate

Cavaletti's like mansion where it's just a fucking unleashing of just the skung-fu pleasure. I've never seen anyone so happy to be making a movie. I've never been so happy watching a movie. The last half hour of Human Tornado is just fucking perfect, but I feel like you need to earn it to get there. Yeah, definitely.

You pay a toll, and that toll is the first hour. Yeah. Yes. And I actually genuinely really like Dolomite, Rudy Rainmore. I like his jokes. I like that they're sort of corny and bad,

but they work, and he doesn't seem in on them, but he's super in on them. He has an inexplicable way to be totally failing at what he's doing, but very successful in on it, but not quite sure what the fuck is going on. Anyway, I...

Yeah, I don't know that he's in on it. I could not decide that by the end of the movie. Does he know that this is just strange and bad? Let's just be honest. It's bad. It's bad moving. Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot.

But does he know that? I think he... In parts of it, I think there are jokes that work, and I think it is genuinely funny for like two of the jokes at least. And I was like, you know,

I think he thinks that he's making somewhat of a comedy, right? It's not like he thinks he's making an action thriller. He means for parts of it to be funny, right? Absolutely. And then there's parts where he wants you to think he's a complete and total badass sex machine. Yes. Yes.

And he will often tell you which parts those are by saying, I am a complete and total badass sex machine in that part. But it will rhyme, however he'll do a little rhyme about how he's a complete and total. It will sort of rhyme. Yeah. The meter will be off. So I do...

I did... As is my way, I did prepare a quiz for us. The first part, we may not want to play this. I want to feel out the room. I wrote down four of the jokes, and I was going to read them to you

and see if you could remember the exact punchline. Now, I am a white person in 2021. Are we allowed to say the punchline? Yeah. Are you sure? You should be allowed to say the punchline. Jeff, you have to promise me that.

I'm allowed to say the punchline. Part of my script, I will have to omit some language just for decency's sake. And also, I'll probably ask for forgiveness ahead of time. But these are Dolomite jokes, and they're fantastic.

I did see Rudy Ray Moore perform in Cleveland in the early 2000s, and he was doing so many of the same jokes. He's one of those performers that's just like, ah, this is a fucking hour of material that will work for the next 40 years.

And he wasn't wrong. That is a happy crowd. But let's start with some of the jokes from this movie. Liddy, I want you to try to guess the punchline. Well, not guess, because you presumably just saw this movie. Yes.

So, Dolomite sets it up. A young lady went out with her boyfriend the other night, and he got into bed with her and pulled out something like my little finger. She looked at it and said, well, you know screwing pencil dick, pistol Peter's son of a gun. Says, I tell you what I will do for you.

Since you can't do nothing for me with a joint that small, said I'll give you $50 if you can hurt me. What's the punchline, lady? He punched her in the face. Wait, wait, can I steal? Steal, yes, if you can steal. He fucked her three times and hit her in the head with a rock.

Exactly right. I remember that the punchline was domestic abuse, but I couldn't remember in what way. Hit her in the head with her. It's not just domestic abuse. It's Lord of the Flies murder. There's a story I've told about Dolomite before. It was that night I saw him in Cleveland.

I told the joke I'd never heard before about how he sexually assaulted a deaf and blind girl. And already like just, you can't fucking believe I said that, right? But the crowd was laughing their asses off at this setup, right? And then, and I quote, he cut the bitch's fingers off so she couldn't tell anybody. And like, I can't, I fully admit,

I will never be able to get that joke to land. Jesus. It's amazing that he got what is ostensibly the worst thing I've ever heard to just fucking kill. And that's what I knew like Dolomite is so special in that as lewd and vulgar as he is, like, you can't get any more lewd and vulgar than that. I'm actually against mutilating and sexually assaulting the handicap.

That's just the thing. You wouldn't believe it, but he is. I'm 10 out of 10 against you. You won't find someone more against it than me. And the joke killed. So like, I don't care if you're a fundamentalist Christian sitting right next to me who's like, you know, has different values of what lewdness is.

I'm saying we're equally offended at this joke and they would have laughed. That's the magic of Dolomite. So at the beginning, was that his actual standup that he was doing in the sky? Of course. He's not going to write a different thing just for a movie that he's making.

Yeah. Okay. I wonder. Because when he was doing the thing with the fat people and they were laughing so much, it was like, are they are they being paid to laugh was my question. Oh, that's it. I feel like probably I feel like they told that crowd

they're going to be in the movie and everyone needs to be like a hot crowd. Yeah. They're being cut. They're being paid with Dolomite's attention. That's the most valuable currency in this movie. At the very least, they would know like deep down if they're being, you know, cranky about it,

they're not going to be in the movie. Yeah. And so, but yeah, those were hurtful jokes and definitely not funny and no one else in the world could even come close to making them work. And I can't argue Dolomite didn't make them work. That's they're super weak. Yeah.

They're very weak and it does not. It does not look like they're laughing in the eyes. They're very much. Yes. Like when they cut to the guy that he's talking about, how ugly is that guy is just like, no. Like I'm not really going to, I'm not going to smile on this, this one.

Well, his joke goes to you, Brockway. Oh. Dolomite says to that man, your lips look like you're wearing a turtleneck sweater. I had a brother look just like you. What's the punchline? I don't remember. I don't think I heard that one.

Oh, lady. Do you remember this one? Oh, no, it's something about he died, but I can't remember how he died. It's true. He did die. I can't give you posture credit though, because a lot of people die at the end of a Dolomite joke.

Yeah. I feel like my brain is telling me it was he died in Vietnam. I'm like, no. There is a Vietnam joke. Yeah, there is one. He said to this man who looks like he's wearing his lips, who looks like his lips are wearing a turtleneck sweater. He says, his brother looked just like him.

He stuck his head out the window and his lips beat him to death. See, that's the first time I'm hearing that. It's 1976 audio. Oh, it's so good. You can't make out everything the first time. I couldn't make that one out the first time, but I am glad that somebody died at the end of it because I can laugh.

Yes. Liddy, next joke goes to you. This is the Vietnam joke. It's one of my favorites. Classic vaudeville instruction. Yeah, I'm going to get this to my remember this whole joke. A black soldier and a white soldier. Can you dig it?

Again, I'm just going to speak the jokes verbatim, even though I can't make a lot of this language work. And they come all the way back home and the people in Louisiana said, we're going to give you all anything you all want. The soldier said, young man, what do you want? He said, well, I'll tell you what I want. I want me $10,000 and a Lincoln Continental to drive.

They said, we're going to get that for you. Then they looked at the brother. They said, brother, what would you like? The brother went, well, y'all can give me a dollar and a half from the head of my dingaling down to my balls. They said, brother, brother, don't you want no more than that? He said, no, that's all I want. So we pulled it out and they put a dollar and a half

in the head of it. Then they put another dollar and a half on it and another dollar and a half, another dollar and a half and another dollar and a half. And one of those fellas looks at him and said, where is your balls at, lady? In Vietnam. Yes.

That is not a joke you forget. Not a joke you forget. Utterly mystified at the dollar and a half. What an insane unit of measurement. Why a dollar and a half? Just be a dollar and I would be with you. Is it two quarters wrapped in a dollar bill? Is it six quarters?

Is it just a handful of exchange? Yeah, it's so important how you're breaking this. You don't want to front load your joke with questions like, wait a minute, why are we doing a dollar and a half? Because then I'm thinking about why we're doing a dollar and a half while you're laying the groundwork for the joke and then I come back and I'm like, wait, Vietnam, what? Why was it a dollar and a half?

Just do a dollar. A dollar makes perfect sense. I know. Dolomite is a comedy genius. Whether he knows it or not and subconsciously he knew a dollar did not work on the timing. A lot of people say that he's like the black Dennis Miller because his timing is everything.

The way he says things is everything. Nobody has ever said that. You have never said that before just now. Never. You wouldn't fucking dare. That was a joke Dolomite could have made land and I couldn't. But he knew, like put a dollar on a dick is like, what about dollar and a half and another dollar and a half?

And you're like, wait a second, that is funny. I do like put a dollar on that dick. We witnessed it in real time. And they put another dollar on that dick. Yeah, it's good, but it's not as good as dollar and a half. Yeah, I agree. A dollar and a half is funny for some reason. And the way he drags out the syllable.

And you didn't do this in your performance, Liddy, but he did say, in Vietnam. That's a long now. Yeah, and he chops it up. Vietnam. He really leans into that word. And I gotta say, it worked. The crowd loved it.

It worked on me. And it's so predictable, it just doesn't matter. He fucking breaks every rule. I'm already the winner of this podcast just because I haven't done the voice. I'm already in the least trouble. Yeah, usually it's me that avoids it, but I couldn't help it. You got you. I will do the Dolomites several times.

He'll probably do it several times by the time this is out, but I'll be the last one and therefore in the least amount of trouble. This was a trap. One of my favorite jokes, another thing that happens in Dolomite movies is that he'll keep the bad takes. So when it cuts to him for this joke that I'm telling right now, it's like a different setup. I'm not sure the crowd's in the room and he's fucking flubbing every line.

It's like, dude, we gotta get that joke again, Dolomite. I was like, all right. And he goes, young lady took her boyfriend out with her the other night. You know, see, that's my Dolomite voice. I probably shouldn't do it. She got into bed with him and baby, he did his thing before he could get on top of her. And he looked at her and said, go in the kitchen and fix me some food. She went in the kitchen and brought him a head of lettuce and a bowl of carrots.

He looked at her and he said, why in the world did you bring me these carrots and lettuce out here? She looked at him and said, Brockway. If you're going to fuck like a rabbit, you're going to eat like one too. Almost word for word. Very, very nicely done. Again, great joke structure. I would argue he performed that joke a three out of 10. Really poor performance.

If you're watching Human Tornado, it's one of my favorite scenes because you're like, dude, can we get a second take on this joke? No, fuck no. I'm not doing that again. Motherfucker, you got your one take. Now give me my $17 and a half. I created an entire quiz. I didn't just transcribe jokes.

I did create an entire quiz and I think we should go through it and that will be the structure of the podcast. So let's start off here. Wait, can we talk just real quick? I want to talk about my favorite moment from the movie, which was the very first frame of the movie. The movie opens with Rudy Reymour in a bed sheet that he has drawn the title of the movie on. He does the credits on a bed sheet and then he just wanders away, presumably naked into the desert with the credits of the movie on a bed sheet. And I just immediately knew like, this is something special. That's how you introduce something special.

That demonstrates like it's just not an auteur film. Like there's a lot of production. So he's doing a lot of stuff that probably would have looked cool if they edited it all together, right? But he goes out there and sort of does like this African spiritual awakening and he's just making it up on the fly. And there's a lot of transition between his poses. It's sort of like him like looking directly into the camera and being like, okay, now I'll do one more of like my palms are up and I'm like summoning the sun's power. And then just keeping all that. It's just like 40 seconds straight of him just trying out weird poses.

And it's fantastic. It's so magical. And not to mention the kung fu moves that I don't think he's had a day of training. No, there's no way. It wouldn't surprise me if he's never, ever met a kung fu instructor. Because all of his kung fu is also kind of making fun of kung fu, but also not making fun. It's like when you were 12 and trying to pretend to do kung fu that you had seen Jackie Chan do in a movie. Only he's like also trying to make a joke out of it.

Right. It's great. It's so hard to pin down. It's crazy. It's crazy what he does. It's just it's been fast motion and he's going like the whole time. That's his battle cries. Yeah, they added that if you're from if you're not familiar with this movie, you should all go watch it.

But they did film most of the kung fu in slow motion and then sped it up two times. And so of course, they couldn't use the original audio. So they add a whole bunch of and then all the sound effects are made by Dolomite himself going. But he's not, of course, moving his mouth anywhere close to these things. So it's sort of just like his internal monologue of him just thinking that while he fights. And then his his key eye is just motorboating. He motorboats every time. It's astounding.

It's so good. I'm sorry to disrupt your quiz. Oh, yeah. Can I can I do my favorite part too then? Can I do my favorite part? Absolutely. So I thought about taking an edible before I watched this movie and I was so glad I didn't at the point when they're doing kind of like a rocky horror dance. Like, you know, they have the little breaks for people to do like vaudeville routines kind of.

Oh, my God. I'm so glad you mentioned those guys because I love that too. Yeah. When as soon as that happened, I was like, this is crazy. And I love it. But also if I was high, it would freak me out because it's like the background is all red and they're all dressed up in like these tuxedo kind of outfits. So it doesn't like Broadway and they're just like moving their bodies in a way that is not. Yeah, it's not like dancing.

It's just like they're kind of moving their bodies at you. And we've seen. Yeah, it's like they're they're leaning back and doing bicycle kicks like straight out. Yeah. The way I described it, I guess it's sort of like if you like if you were a saw victim and you you woke up in a top hat and the tape recorder said, you dance on the lives of others for your own entertainment. Now you must dance for your own life. And you just like knew that you had to get up and do like just a weird like vaudevillian dance routine. Like it looks like they don't want to be dancing because their faces are stressed.

They're like they're stressed. To end that dance, the guy does like the scoot across the carpet to build up static charge thing. Only he grabs a woman who clearly does not know that she's about to be grabbed and just like choo choo trains her off the screen while she looks around for help. And it's. Yeah. She was not in on it. She was just like, where am I going? Where am I going attached to this man train?

And this is the Xavier Chapman and his company. That's what the act was called. OK. So again, another theme of the Dolomites films is that they cut to Queen B's club and the acts are just fucking garbage. Another thing they act that I loved is one of the principal actors. Dolomites like sidekick doing like sort of an Elvisie hip shaken pop a thing while he lip syncs a song that's also really bad. And so anyway, it's weird. The shows that go on at these clubs are really fucking weird.

Yeah. And if it was part, I like that it felt like at that point, I was like, oh, someone who made this movie thought it was going to be like a cool experimental 70s movie, you know. And then someone thought it was a karate movie and someone else thought it was a comedy. And those three people almost feel it to make one movie. And that's why it's so entertaining because you're just seeing three vastly different movies at once. And you never know which one you're going to get from moment to moment. And also there's there's David Lynch for like one, one very long. There's the best scene in the movie.

David Lynch wishes on that sex scene. So good. That's what I was like. Yeah, I was like, OK, I like this at the fur the fur vaudeville thing. And then at the David Lynch scene, I was like, I love this. Yeah. OK. I'm glad you like this.

Yes. So let's have you start with this quiz. This first question goes to you. Now, it's a very quotable movie. So these is going to be testing how well you can quote Dolomite to the human tornado. Now, early in the movie, Dolomite donates his house to and I quote the gentlemen that started the drive for the boys home. And then he goes into a bedroom and he finds a nude woman waiting for him. What does he say to her?

It's a really bad time for me right now. It's really close. He says, all right, let's get this shit over. I ain't got all day. I know at one point he said it was you arrived at a really bad time. Maybe that was earlier before that. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, when you're right, you're quoting her beforehand.

But yeah, so Dolomite apparently is a jiggalo. In the first movie, he was a pimp. In this movie, he himself is paid to sexually service women. This was a client who showed up at a fundraising event at his personal home that he was donating. He was donating the home they were in at the time of the sexual exchange of money. So it is no longer his home. It is that man's home. It is this charity's home and the entire charity is out there in the living room while he rails this woman for pet.

Yeah, well, there's like 400 people at this party. And she buys at least 30 minutes. After they're done having sex, it's made clear he has 30 more minutes on his contract. And so he left this party for an hour to just go bang, I guess, a... Jane? A John. Jane. A Jane.

But the next question is to you, Brockway. After he says, all right, let's get this shit over. I ain't got all day. What does she say back? She says, you're worth every... You're worth every dollar? Something like that. Yeah.

Wow, that's really close. She says the word for word quote is dolomite. You're worth every damn cent I pay you. Yeah. So fantastic. And so now the driving plot of the movie happens. So some people are driving by and they see the party up on the hill. And they're really angry that the people at the party are black.

And so they go tell the sheriff. And the sheriff's like, whoa, black people having a party where? And they go up at the fancy n-word's house. The liberal use of the n-word here. But they basically know about a wealthy African-American who lives in this house. And they're just mad that he has house guests. And they are going to go there with a full fucking SWAT team. They're going there to kill them.

And that's it. So the sheriff goes there and holds the entire party at gunpoint and immediately starts sexually assaulting one of the women. Now this sexual assault causes the door to open where dolomite is being paid to have sex with the sheriff's wife. That's who that character is. And she screams out to the sheriff, he made me do it. Now, Lydia, what did dolomite say in response to that? Bitch. It was something.

I know it started like, bitch. And then he said, like, I can't remember. It was like, you're crazy or something. Are you for real? Are you for real? That's it. Yeah. Rockweight steals.

Yup. So then the sheriff commands his deputy to murder them both. And he shoots his boss's wife. Boom. And dolomite very nudely escapes. And then he just jumps down the hill and he screams the freeze frame and then voiceover dolomite says, see y'all don't believe I jumped, huh? Rockweight, what does he say after that? I think it was just check this shit out.

Check out this good shit. It's very close. I wrote it down because I thought that was like, I like how the movie stops to be like, isn't this a good movie that I'm making right now? Yes. And then he rolls nakedly down forested hill, just dick flopping, just dragging in the- Every unflattery angle. And the thing about Rui Rui Mori is he's not a fit man. No.

No, he's- He's built almost exactly like me. It's like me doing all of this. Wait, but you're hot as shit when you roll naked down a hill. And so is he. Yeah, you're right. No, I'm saying he pulls it off. I'm just saying that to be so undefensive about your body, to just be like, yeah, let's just-

I'm going to roll nine on the hill naked, keep cameras rolling. It was inspiring. Yeah, like- It was really inspiring. Also just the flavor disregard for your like dick integrity. Because that was just a straight- It wasn't like a stunt hill or anything. Like it was just full of weeds and shit.

And this is the desert. There were gotta be thorns in there. And he just fucking threw himself all the way down. And he could have gotten a stunt hand to do it. He definitely got some brambles jammed up his dollar and a half. Can we rewind to the sheriff just real quick? Because he's maybe my favorite character in the movie. He looks like Kenny Rogers.

And he cannot act and doesn't try, but he is just having such a good time. His character is supposed to be like sinister and hateful and racist. And he's just giggling like a little child the whole time. And he's like giving everybody these real happy facial expressions. And it creates a deeply unsettling character, but also your root for him. Because he's having- The actor is clearly having so much fun. I want you to get more scenes.

I bet he's like one of their church community leaders. Like I got the idea that after they rap, like he's like- He drops the weird like giggling hillbilly voice and he's like, Man, that was really great. That was a lot of fun, guys. Thank you very much. Yeah, I felt like they were definitely friends in real life. Like I also got the vibe that he was having a ball.

And that this was like a fun game they were all playing together. Yeah, he is clearly like playing like the funnest game. And he's having just a great day. But he's also playing like the worst racist monster. And it creates, I'm sure unintentionally, just a deeply, deeply unsettling character. Yeah, like a Joker-esque, gleeful racist. Very like Joker-esque and insane, but you kind of just like, I'm just happy he's happy.

That's a good point. They should get this guy to play the Joker in whatever that multi-verse Batman movie is. He'd be a perfect elderly Joker. Yeah, he could pull it off. Yeah. As long as he was actually... Maybe from a universe where Batman's black. Yeah, there we go.

As long as he's actually having fun, because I think that's the key. Yeah, that's the key. I don't trust his acting skills. He has to be having a genuinely good time. Yeah. There's something that happens though. So Dolomite, his friends pick him up at the bottom of the hill and he gets in the back and he demonstrates this ability

he has only sometimes to speak entirely in rhyme during very stressful situations. So they're being chased by the sheriff and Dolomite says, who's trying to answer a question? It's Lydia's. She stole from me last time. Yeah, I think it's my turn, but I'm not going to... Right, so this question is going to be to you, Lydia. I'm going to ask you to finish this rhyme.

He says, we can't shake this gravy's up in motherfucker, so turn up in that cave. What comes next? I have no idea. I never understood his rhymes because I was so thrown off by the fact that all of a sudden he was rhyming. Yeah, it's very strange. I don't...

It is very disorienting. I don't... Because he doesn't do it all. He does it like four times. Yeah, but no... Yeah, he's not like Etrigan. Like he can turn it on and off. It's...

So what he says, Brockman, that you can steal. I think it was just like, let's get this... Let's blast this sucker. Oh, sucker. Well, it has to rhyme with cave. Oh. Maybe that's when he shoots them with a shotgun. I think he just...

It is. Well, the rhyme was, I got a plan to make this son of a gun dig his own grave. Oh, that's good. So he does not force the man to dig his own grave. No, he shoots the car with a shotgun and it explodes. Blast this sucker and then they shoot the car with a shotgun and it just fucking blows up.

Yes, blows up two cars, like in a chain reaction. And I thought he was going to park the car like up the hill and then roll it down to hit the other car, which made a lot of sense. Yeah. And then he just stops it. Yeah. And they can clearly see that the car has stopped

and they just like nicely pull up to it, like right next to it, so that they can easily explode both cars. And it seemed like an elaborate plan that Dolomite had where he's like, okay, when I tell you to drop the motherfucker, you drop the motherfucker, like he had this whole thing like, I can see why you thought he was going to like roll that down the hill.

Yeah. But it turns out he just put the car in the way and then got out, like in perfect eye line of the police. Like they knew where they were and this plan still worked. I think it's because when shotguns hit you, you die even if like you see it coming. And so they got hit by the shotgun

and then that caused a big explosion. So I think it's just like a perfect metaphor for this movie because you thought there was a plan. Yeah. I mean, that wasn't a plan, but it still kind of worked. It still looked cool. I was like, hey. Yeah, it still looked cool when I enjoyed it.

Good, good, good. You did that, guys, which I did not think this movie would have the budget or the, you know, ability to do that big of an explosion safely, which I'm sure it wasn't done safely actually, but you know, it was done. Yeah. They lost a couple of pyrotechnic guys,

a couple of the assistants to Rudy Ray Moore, RIP. So Dolomite, when they're setting up this ambush, he says, and this is going to be to you, Brockway. I'll stop this long haired C-Sapping, dilapidated sheriff now because he just want to follow me anyhow. Now you're going to finish this next line. He thinks he's bad and he ain't got no class. I'm going to what?

I think this is the one I was thinking of with like blast his ass. I'm going to blast his ass. Wrap the shotgun up his motherfucking ass. God, it's so hard not to like do the inflection when you're doing Dolomite lines. He has a way of like emphasizing the tail end of a rhyme with like sort of this head wiggle, butt wiggle. Kind of a Mongoose move.

He's got a little Mongoose wiggle to him. Yeah. He's a big man. Yeah, he's a real joy to the way that he says it. He incorporates it into his kung fu. Yes. I can't pull it off. I'm trying.

Like I'm probably in the top 0.01% of Dolomite fans worldwide. I can say that I think safely. And so I've practiced this just a lot in my head. I walk around talking like Dolomite sometimes. Not in front of people. Just like when you're psyching yourself up in the mirror in the morning. Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, how do you wrap something up someone's ass? Like I around someone's ass I get, but wrapping it up, I feel like wrapping the word there is. Like wrapping it like a gift, wrapping it up in their ass. Their ass is the box in the wrapping paper. Oh, okay. I get it. And the gift is the shotgun.

Yes, okay. I wouldn't be so certain we've landed on it. There's a lot of mystery in the language of Dolomite that like no one can uncover. I've actually Googled a lot of the things he says. Is this like, was this like an old saying people used to say? No, he just fucking says stuff. It's like a Zen Cohen.

It's just there to be puzzled over. And if you find meaning in it, you're the one who's wrong. Fair enough. Leading this next question to you because now they've blown up the car and they're fleeing through the wilderness in their party clothes. They look fucking awesome. And then Dolomite asks Bo played by Ernie Hudson, credited in this movie as Lewis Hudson.

And he says, well, Bo, if a snake was to bite me on my ass, what would you do? What does Bo say back? Well, okay. So before they said, if I was taking my leg, what would you do? And he said, suck the poison out to me. And he says, if the snake bit me on my ass, what would you do?

And he said, I'd watch you die. Right? Very close. He says, and I quote, Dolomite, I guess you'd be a dead motherfucker. Yeah, I'd watch you die as a little grim delivery for that. That's all right. I liked it.

I felt like it was very, it was very you. Like that's what you would say if someone asked you to suck poison out. Yeah, probably. You'd say, I'm going to watch you die. You probably would not call them. The very brief and not entirely relevant detail that he disappeared without shoes. He has his, somebody brought him his like full quilted denim.

Jumpsuit with matching kangal hat, but nobody brought him shoes. So he's walking around through the desert barefoot and like, like mincing like you would mince if you were walking through the desert barefoot this whole time. That outfit, like the fact that everyone else is dressed relatively like normally and then he's wearing what is clearly like a very

fashion forward for the 70s, like get up so that he stands out so much from them was like brilliant to me. All denim quilt. Yes. And like a very, a onesie, very tight onesie and then that very brash like hat, very jaunty hat. I loved it.

It suits him so perfectly. He looks good. Is the point you're making. Yeah. Like he looks great. And he's, I believe that's the point he made too several times. You can tell he feels like he looks great too.

Yes. Brockway, the next questions to you is they finally do get to a phone after they hijack a car with some really problematic stuff. They send their hottest friend out shirtless to hitchhike for a lady, but they get like a real fresh face dude and he's overjoyed to get kidnapped by these men and it doesn't make me comfortable.

It does not hold up as well as the rest of the film. And his paisley galaxy shirt. Yes. It's wonderful. So they stop at a gas station and they, and he, and Dolomite calls queen bee and he says, the first, the first and the second of three titular lines come here.

He's on the phone with queen bee and he says, the way you blew, or queen bee says the way you blew Annie's mind baby, you must be a human tornado. How does he respond to that? Oh, I do not remember. I may not have heard that one. Well, he says,

okay, queen bee, don't tell her I'm coming when I get there. I'm going to make her think I'm a human tornado. Yeah. Okay. I thought that I could have stolen that. I thought I knew that one. Okay. I knew he said,

when I, when I get there, I'm going to do it again in some way. Yes. And I'm not adding a weird inflection. Like he says that in a weird, a weird, weird way. Yeah. Yeah.

That was like, like he wasn't prepared for that line that they gave him. Oh, okay. I'm just going to repeat part of it back to you. Well, and that. Yes, I am the human tornado. The whole conversation was weirdly ADR too, you know, in a really bad way,

like worse than the rest of the movie. Well, in the first Dolomite movie, the boom mic makes an appearance several times. So maybe they just decided we should save ourselves some trouble and like just do all ADR. Yeah. So the next thing that happens is queen bee gets like, totally ambushed by Cavaletti,

who has a club that's not doing well because everyone wants to go to queen bee's club to see that fucking Xavier Chapman and his dance company. And so they basically come in and they kidnap T.C. and Java to dancer performers. Now, I do want to talk about T.C. and Java because T.C. is fine, but I really like Java.

Like what do you guys think of Java? Was that the lady in the gene outfit? Yeah, I didn't know their names, but she was the one in the gene outfit that had the like rock hard abs and actually got to kick some ass. Yes. Loved her. Loved her.

They actually let her do some stuff and I was impressed by that. Yeah. Here's what I discovered while doing research for this podcast. Java played an IMDB called her Lord Java and I thought, what a strange name. So I looked her up and she was an open trans woman like back in the 70s and she used to perform at Red Fox's theater and do like stand up and impressions and like that's how she met Rudy anymore.

And so she was often like getting shut down by the LAPD over something called rule number nine, which was basically this old like stupid law in the books that said you couldn't do cross dressing during a performance, which meant trans performers basically became illegal as soon as they did something public. And so this was a woman who like was known for this and close personal friends with Rudy and more.

And he put her in the movie not as like oh hi I'm a trans person just like as a hot girl karate master. And I think this is probably the first of that. Yeah. Like I looked up every like who's the first trans actress in a movie and I didn't get anything close to pre 1976, which is when this movie came out. So like that's kind of special.

That is. And as much as especially they were, they lingered over her body a lot. You know, she was very much sex like sex object like every other woman in the movie is very much a sex object and like, you know, with her shirt off several times and have her weirdly. I like that she didn't have a bra and then they gave her a bra so that she could be in her bra and panties for later.

Make sure to give her the laugh. Yes. Yeah, I had no idea. I found this for you. It's the gentleman gentlemanly thing to do. See, I like that that makes this entire movie a crime, which I'm sure other people have accused him of being because she was in a performance.

It's a performance. If that's illegal, then this whole movie is a crime and that's a violation. Again, just just a meta reference from Dolomite. Very Dolomite thing to do by Dolomite in Dolomite from Dolomite. So one of the I tried to find like, like I say, I was trying to find the an earlier example of a trans actress in a role where they like didn't make a thing out

of it, right? And the earliest I could find was five years later. There's a famous Bond girl, Caroline Cossey, who was in for your eyes only. But she was actually outed as trans. Like they put her in this movie and no one knew that, you know, she had dark origins and the other gender. And so like, I just think this wins by decades.

I think Dolomite Human Tornado is the most the most woke film of all time. That's very cool though, because I think she probably was my favorite character in the movie. I was like, Oh, it's nice that they're letting this lady do stuff. Yeah. And she didn't get a ton of lines. I also think she might have been a last minute replacement

because Dolomite does call her Alice at one point in the movie. He's like, we got to go save TC and Alice. And there's no way he would mistake Java for Alice because like that's her real name. Like, so he would know her as Java in daily life. So again, that's weird, but Dolomite's also not great at remembering his lines. So he could have just totally fucked that up.

Deserves its place in the history books. Or there was just like some other girl named Alice there and he was just looking at her at the time and was like, oh, we're not filming that again. So. We also get to see Hurricane Annie dance, who's like their star performer. I think Hurricane Annie is a, I can say,

I think it's safe to say she's a bad dancer. I don't know if you recall her, her number. It was very Elaine from Seinfeld. Yes. It was very like, I have lost control of parts of my body. I'm in control of others, but none of this is intentional. But again, I don't think her appeal was the dancing. I think Hurricane Annie can get it.

Yeah. So, and she does spend a lot of the movie nude. Like she knows too. She's like, just, yeah, I'm going to take these titties out. Another progressive scene. Well, yeah, I love their sex scene. I would argue that Dolomites women are specifically empowered. Like, it's almost like Rudy Ray Moore went in and said,

like, okay, I want all these naked ladies to like, want to get on me, but they also need to know karate. And we need to have a lot of scenes where they like, actively beat the shit out of guys and not just people trying to sexually assault them. Just, just like they're going to join in the karate fight with the rest of us. I feel like it's, again, it's a really progressive movie.

I'm not a good judge of this type of thing, but I think it is. No, I think the women in the movie were treated pretty well because I liked that they enjoyed having sex, the sex that they had to. They were very like, it was their choice. There was one lady that's described as like kind of an infamaniac. And the one explicitly rapy scene with the sheriff,

you know, that girl gets to kick him in the balls and he just falls to the ground and that's all there is. Oh, there is a little bit with Java and the guys kind of like grabbing her and touching her when she's tied up. That is not great, but like overall. I don't even know if that was in the script. That seemed like he's like, oh, no one's calling cut. Oh, I'm going to grab this too.

Yeah. You guys are, you guys are into this. But I found it amazing that they were able to, I thought there was some sort of standards thing about like showing a guy going down on a girl back then. This is the earliest I can remember seeing a movie. Yeah, that could be because Dolomite does do that in his scene with Hurricane Annie.

They have really bad chemistry. Like I don't think they got along because when they kiss, it's like two bricks kind of bonking against each other. But, but then he went down on her and like, you know. Yeah, there's a lot of that. It was off camera. It's alluded to in the David Lynch scene too. And then they cut really quickly away while he's going down

on her to just a real quick still of him eating like a barbecue sandwich, as if to say this is how he goes down like he's eating a barbecue sandwich. Yeah. There's nothing left for Pelvis. I don't miss that. You'll have to watch the entire movie again. Oh no.

Yeah, the whole thing. It's a real pleasure. It's probably the 12th time I've seen this movie. I rewatched it last night. Next question. Is it Liddy's turn? I think it's Liddy's turn. So he's on the phone with Queen Bee and Cavilletti tells her,

no, you get your hot ass over here. I'll massacre those black bitches. I'll give you just one hour. What classic Dolomite line does Dolomite say in response to that? It wasn't to him. It was like after the phone call was over, but it was using a second person pronoun. Oh, so it's Dolomite something?

He starts with saying Dolomite? No, that's third person. Dolomite is saying it to the man, but not like so he can hear it. That starts with why you. No, I can't remember. I got nothing. I'm sorry. Was it?

Can you steal this? Was it something like rat poop eating motherfucker? That is almost exactly right. Rat soup eating motherfucker, which is a classic. Yes. Classic Dolomite line. He says it probably four times in the first film and several times in this one. I don't know if anyone else has accused anyone of being a rat soup eating motherfucker.

I think Dolomite invented that. I must have just assumed he meant poop and like filled it in because rat soup is just so much more baffling. Yeah. It implies like sort of a hobo lifestyle. Right. Why? Because you're not just homeless. You're like on a train homeless.

You're like, you got like a little camp or something. I don't know. Yeah, you got to make, you also, you've got to make the rat last. Like you don't get a lot of rats. Yes. You just stretch it out to flavor a soup rather than just barbecuing a rat. Like you get rats all the time. Yes.

You're not even successful hobo. Yeah. Like if you're eating a rat on a stick, you're like, okay, maybe you're camping. Maybe you're having a really rough time. You got to make. Yeah. But like if you're making rat soup, that's like your life. Your life is the type of person who eats rat so often you have rat recipes.

Yeah. You're like enjoying it if you're making it a soup, which is just super fucked up. It takes a while, but good job, Dolomite. Yes. Getting that depth of rat flavor. Here's another, this one's for Brockway. So they're planning the assault on Cavaletti's compound and a doorbell rings and it's kickboxer Howard Jackson playing himself and Hurricane Annie says Howard Jackson.

Is that the bad little motherfucker that taught me martial arts? What does Howard Jackson say back to this? Oh, I don't remember what he says back. I remember the line after. Do you remember this lady? No, not exactly. I know. No, not exactly.

I don't. All right. Well, it's one of my favorite lines in the film is this super badass martial artist getting introduced to us very heavy-handed like hello audience. This one is the martial artist. Is that him? And he goes in person. Thank you for explaining that that's a real guy because I thought when they introduced

him, it's before this big fight scene. They're setting up that he's going to fight and help Dolomite and be a very good fighter and that's why Dolomite will win and then he just disappears. Right. No payoff. Yeah. He's in that fight scene. Yeah.

He's get some shots and I would say some shot like shots and he misses every kick by like two feet but his kicks are fucking sweet. Like he kicks that tall guy like way above his head. Great like vertical. Yeah. Is the next question about the line the other guy says to him when he sees him? I left that out but like it is very strange so let's talk about that. Do you remember what he says, what the other guy says to him?

Not exactly but it's something like I'm going to beat that guy to death with my dick. Yeah. He says he's short. Right. He's like this guy. He's short. I could beat him to death with my dick. He's kind of, he's sprightly.

He's just, I could beat that guy to death with my dick. Like five, seven like and but he's, he totally can't like that dude can't fight for shit. And then here's Howard Jackson who's just obviously their best fighter and for no reason everyone's super excited to see Howard. This guy's like, fuck you. I hate Howard. I'm going to beat him to death with my dick. And Howard's like, we'll see about that.

And it never pays off. There's no point to any of it. And in fact they don't resolve anything later. They save each other and become friends. Maybe. They do in the fight scene. Like he's saying he saves him. He gets bonked in the head by, by the guy that said, I'll beat you to death.

Oh yeah. My dick gets bonked in the head and Howard Jackson runs up and saves him and they lift him up and they're like, they like get along. That scene is. Yeah. I guess now that you mentioned it. That scene's just so chaotic that it's hard to like clock what's going on with who in it.

So it's like, I knew that. I guess I need the guy didn't like literally disappear, but it's just like everyone is chaotically whacking each other in the head with stuff and he didn't do anything like special or super cool. Like he didn't backflip into buddy or into anybody or anything, which is. He did one straight up vertical kick, which was pretty. Oh, I don't remember. He must have kicked like eight feet high with his foot.

It's insane. Like with his other foot touching the ground. But I will totally, I will totally agree with Lydia and that that scene was pure chaos because there's no way anybody in the background or around like they choreographed the people in the middle of the frame like very lightly. Everybody around them was just actually fighting. Like I watched Rewind a few parts to watch and they were just like slapping the shit out of each other and strangling falling all over like men versus women.

It was just a nightmare. There's a scene I love towards the tail end of the fight where like one woman is sitting on a man and she's like hitting him with like the karate kid to like wheel punches. He's like going backslaps, forward slap, backslap, forward slap and really getting into it like really throwing her hands in the air. And then she sort of switches with two girls that are fighting and they, these seem really lightly choreographed and it goes on for a very long time. And in the background, there's just some dude slow choking another guy on the couch.

Just long, long past the capacity for a man to live through just choking a dead body while there's other two fights are going on. In the background, in the background of one of those scenes, one of those, one of those ladies, I don't know if it was those exactly, but some lady lifted up a pillow and like went to hit somebody with it. Only that person had already moved. So she just kind of like fluffed it and then dropped it on the floor. Yup.

It was so good. You could watch this movie a million times and still find new details. I feel like we, this is a bad quiz because we skipped over some really important stuff. Just rewind and go back and do it. Yes. How they found the Cavaletti compound is really important. Oh yeah, that's the best part of the movie. So important.

That's the best part of the movie. And I would like to get your take on what the fuck is happening because it turns suddenly into like high symbolic David Lynch art in a way that doesn't make a ton of sense. I have a lot of opinions on it. I've thought about it a lot. Okay, good. So it starts off with Ruder and more discovering that from like a junkie that there is a torture chamber.

Cavaletti owns like a torture place and nobody knows where it is, but his wife might. And so Dolomite hatches a scheme to go seduce the wife who he finds out as a nymphomaniac. So he goes there in a full on like Indiana Jones disguise. Like, hello, I am here to sell pornography pictures. And Lydia, you can take it from here. I want to hear your thoughts on this. Doing the voice, of course. Yes.

So he's supposed to be there, I think initially as like a Bible salesman is what I was thinking. He's doing kind of like, I have you had a moment to talk about Jesus today, but instead of a Bible, what he pulls out is a full size painting, which is enormous of like a black man and a woman embracing nude. And Cavaletti's wife has answered the door, of course, in like a nightgown that's barely anything like her boobs are almost fully out, but there's a tiny little string in between them, keeping them together. And she looks at the painting and it's, I think the painting hypnotizes her because

Dolomites kind of waving, waving it around. And he's going like, just look at this painting. Just look at this painting. And then it cuts to she starts to take her shirt off. It cuts to like a fantasy sequence where she's laying on three large blocks like children have that spell out BED for bed. And she's like. So already they're playing with like our concept of form and function and symbolism.

And like, what is a bed? What versus what is like the word for bed? What is where does concept and reality intersect? That's what happens in the middle of this kung fu movie about. And then the black man come from a chest labeled toys. Yes. Yes. So that metaphor is pretty clear.

I get it. Yeah. So what do they all make up on? Like they have red pink blush on. Like every child from a telenovela soap opera. Yes. But nothing else. Fully nude, but for the makeup.

Fully nude. Fully nude. Delicately. See some shaft. Yes. You see some shaft. They do their best to cover it, but there's not a ton of work that goes into preventing everyone from seeing the shaft.

Four of them climb out of the toy chest. Yes. And pose on blocks. Just buffish shit. Yeah. They're doing muscle poses. And the blocks spell couch, I think, that they pose on at the end. Why not?

They should say like serendipity or society or something. Yes. But yes. Togetherness. And then it cuts to Dolomite having sex with this woman so vigorously that at first it's just like stuff falling off the walls and it seems kind of normal. And I'm not usually a fan of those jokes where it's like it's funny and then it goes on for so long that it's not funny anymore and then it goes on for so long that it's funny again.

But this was the one that got me because he vigorously has sex with her for so long that the chandelier falls from the ceiling and then eventually the ceiling falls off and the room crumbles to pieces as he's having sex with this woman. That's the whole house into a disaster area. It bursts into flames like the electricity goes out so sparks are flying everywhere. The ceiling falls on top of them. Yes. And they keep going.

And she pops out. He fucks an earthquake into her. Yeah. He fucks that house apart. Yeah. He brings the house down on top of them from the vigorous sex that they're having. And in the best scene of the movie she like falls out topless from underneath the bit of the roof that's falling from them but he's still having sex with her.

She's still moving. And she. Well this slide scene happens during this. Oh. Right before this too. Yes. How can I forget? Down a slide and then turns around and then each of the black men go head first down the

slide into her ample titties and each one is saying where is the house in Pasadena? And then they slide down. Where's Cavaletti keeping my girls? Where's Cavaletti keeping my girls? That's right. Where's Cavaletti keeping my girls? And then they slide down and each one with Dolomites voice slides down the slide into her titties and she loves it.

And then Lydia. I thought like well she had her legs up. I thought it was her legs were on each side of the slide and they were going down face first into her. So I thought it was another pussy eating metaphor where they're like sliding into her. Okay. I love how there's so many interpretations. Could be.

For this scene. Yeah. Because it's that complex that you could watch this like the shining so many times and find so many different meanings. Stanley Kubrick and Dolomiter basically the same thing. But anyway. 100%. This woman comes out from underneath the ceiling that's been fucked on top of her and she's

like still having sex somehow which I don't know how that works because he's pretty smushed under there. But she tells them she's like where the address is. Oh no. She says Pasadena. It's in Pasadena. Just at the house on the hill in Pasadena. That's all the information.

It's an enormous like city and Dolomites somehow knows from that exactly where it is. Times to. 1976. Rust she says. Pasadena. Yeah. There are four times to every thrust as he finishes. It's in the house on the hill in Pasadena.

And then it cuts away and he is mockingly imitating her as they drive down the highway. Yeah. It's in the house on the hill in Pasadena. And it's like you hypnotized her. You hypnotized her into being sexed into telling you that. I don't know if that's an accomplishment. Painting fucked her to get that information. Yeah.

It's truly insane. At any point they could have just rewritten the script so that she gave him the address. Maybe they didn't want to dock somebody they're like no we don't want to like have anyone show up in somebody's house in Pasadena. But I don't know the logic. I don't think that's enough to go on. In 1976 there was probably 120,000 people living in Pasadena. I don't know how many hills there are there but probably more than one.

More than one I imagine. Yeah. Maybe if you. I was just going to say if you research Cavaletti and his holdings there's only one house in Pasadena. Like I'm thinking way too much into this but it is possible that he owns multiple houses and it's just the one that's in Pasadena. Well his residence was in Pasadena too in addition to his like torture fortress.

Oh yeah. So that doesn't make sense. It's just right next door. It's just right next door. The house over. Yeah I don't know how you do that otherwise. It's just guest home. Like if you're going to write down the address while he's fucking actually they should have

done that. That would be really funny if she got gets a pen off the night stand and a piece of paper and writes it down. She has to like dig down in the sewer line to get the pen because like our whole foundation has been crumbled by Dolomites. It's perfect for us to fucking destroy her life. She's all helping him out. Which into her husband didn't notice that the house was crushed apparently that's never

brought up. Did you have sex with Dolomite? This house has been totally destroyed. My insurance adjuster knows exactly what this looks like. Rich are you for real? So lady this next question comes to you. I want to skip ahead to the Cavaletti like fight. We're now everyone's there.

They they've infiltrated the party as caterers which they actually went and made a whole bunch of food went to the door said hi we're caterers and the guy was like I don't believe that they're caterers. We checked every single bowl for food and seemed satisfied with these like OK cool you guys this food looks really good come on in and then their plan was getting two guys in that way and then just fucking go nuts beating up everybody. So Dolomites sneaking in the back fighting his way there and he throws a guy off a balcony to his death and the editor reverses this footage back and forth a few times.

What does Dolomite scream in the voiceover after the man is dead? Oh gosh I was so distracted by the weird him jumping onto that ledge. What does he say? It's a good point. He set this up by him fighting three guys and to fight them he cornered himself and then jumped 20 feet into the air up onto the balcony did some sweet kung fu moves then jumped back down. I remember he says you should have stayed down there motherfucker.

That is so almost exactly word for word yes. He made reference to the strange editing choices that's what happened that's how meta this movie is. It's just it cannot be overstated how long the slow motion karate goes on they'll have a fight scene and then he'll just do like karate hand voking while making his like permer noises and they'll just linger on that for like a good three minutes just watching him do that. They want to lose a second for that footage.

Nobody else on screen nothing else happening. Yep. It's just. There's a couple scenes a couple points in there where they forgot to speed up the half speed stuff. Yeah. So like he's just really slowly like kind of blocking. I love it so much every choice kicks because he is not a flexible man.

No. Every choice is so funny. Every mistake is so funny. Brockway this questions to you. So Dolomite saves Java hooray and TC and he says mules have kicked me and didn't even bruise my hide rattlesnakes have bit me and crawled off and died. Yes I fought my way in here because I'm rough and I'm ready. So girls let's go get that motherfucking cavilletti.

Yes. I have to be a word for a word even the inflection was perfect. You did the voice. You might have a quiz with that. I did the voice. All right. Yeah. I knew I wasn't making it out.

I just needed to outlast you guys. So the party still is going on as a party like the Dolomites like karate attack has not reached the main party yet. So some guy brings in a man in a speedo and he tells the rest of the party. Hey everybody got a special surprise for you. Cavilletti just hired a new man and he's one of the boys. And for this evening's entertainment he's going to demonstrate to us how he became Liddy.

What did he become? The number one Nunchuk master of Brazil. I can do better. I'll give it to you. Okay. Let's see if you can beat it. Central America's champion of Nunchuk sticks. Yes.

That's it. Wow. It was so fucking inexplicable. It was so. I just. They link it all. They're into it. They're like.

In his little speedo they panned over artistically to get like split mirror shots of him just go into town. Nunchuk's in a speedo in the middle of this upscale party. You're right. It's so artistic. They pan across the room and then end on a mirror shot of him. Yeah. That's another one of those.

His speedo doesn't fit. That's a weird choice. Yeah. It looked like. Central America's champion of Nunchuk sticks. He was wearing like silk panties. It wasn't like a speedo. I swear.

It was like silk. It was the weirdest looking garment. Agreed. It's it's hard to describe what he's wearing. It's not quite a diaper. Not quite a speedo. And it was only to do that because he put on like a leisure suit afterwards. So they let him get dressed up there like you have to strip down to your silk panties

to do your Nunchuk sticks. Yeah. My husband actually said, thank God they let him put on a suit after that. I was like, yeah, I'm glad they did that. Did him that dignity, too. What did Lucas think of this? He enjoyed it. He played a lot of a chicken farming game that he's playing right now while he was

watching it. He was only like 50 percent in. You can imagine there were certain scenes that grabbed his attention more than others. Harvest them cocks. Yep. I know that game. Yeah. If you're into kung fu or boobs, like this movie really is indulgent.

Like a lot of movies where that's mostly fighting or, you know, plot driven film and like somebody has a sex scene, you're like, OK, you're going to see a boob for like four to five seconds. Hurricane Annie is just like, I'm going to get these titties out and we're going to like really take a good look at these. I'm going to go. I'm going to display them at every angle. I'm going to lay on my back. I'm going to jump around a little.

We're going to do a little workout. It felt like any scene, too, that they got felt like was a little boring and too expositionally. They just threw in a nude woman and like a topless woman. And we're like cavilletties doing phone calls and his wife's just sitting on his lap topless or the weirdest one was the cop guy. Strong choice. That was like flirting with a cop lady who was in a weird, not at all what police women

wear uniform, like a sexy cop uniform. Yeah. And I think it was like a stew. Yeah. And they were handcuffed together. I was like, is she being arrested? Is she a fellow cop? Is this just like his wife and they're doing a play thing?

But it was at the office. It's going to molest through that exposition. Yeah. That was the guy they put on the case to find Dolomite because the sheriff came to LA and he's like, I got to find this Dolomite guy. We didn't put it like that. And the chief of police there did not have a problem with this guy saying the N word a lot.

He says, I'll put my best guy on finding Dolomite. And then he called like his best guy who's like a black detective who was, I would say not, not a great office worker, I guess, since he was having sex with what might have been a stewardess or a cop or a cosplayer or a prisoner or his wife. Someone just like, yeah, it was not never explained, never went back to again, the fact that he was having sex with this woman in his office. It was just purely like, this is a really long conversation. Let's put a topless woman.

He did say. I went on vacation two hours ago. So he clocked out two hours ago and then just hung out in his office. Fuck it. Holy shit. You're right. That's how elegant the script is. You're absolutely right.

He mentioned his vacation. That was him like getting ready for the vacation two hours ago. So he clocked out when on vacation. That was his vacation was just railing the sprawl in his office. Yeah. Strange choice. So here's a place in the film where they failed very hard as filmmakers. And I'll explain why.

Like they have this chaotic fight scene. And then Ernie Hudson is a headbutting machine. Like that's his special ability is that he can headbutt everybody. So he's headbutting and headbutting, headbutting. And then somebody comes in from off frame and karate chops him. And then he's out. And then Dolomite enters and everyone's like, oh shit, it's on now. And it turns out the guy that karate chopped him was the Central American champ at Numchuk

sticks. And they just forgot to edit him into the fight scene so far. So I think he was supposed to come in in the original script and like clean house and like, oh, how are we going to beat this Numchuk stick champ? But instead of that, we get like half of the back of his head. And then the movie sort of grinds to a halt. I don't think this was intentional. I think it's very funny, but I don't think they meant for it to be funny.

But it does lead me into the next question. This is for you, Brockway. Dolomite enters and says, you're a bad motherfucker. This I can see. And then it cuts to the Numchuk stick champ. And he goes, oh, yeah. Dolomite ignores this and continues his rhyme. What does he say?

I don't remember. You're a bad motherfucker. This I can see. Lady, can you see this? But you're not a bad or motherfucker than me. That's not too far off. He says, but it's now time for you to bring your ass to me. It's pretty good.

I got better. You're going to go better with him. Yeah, it's not a great rhyme. It's not a great threat. It's so perfectly terribly set up. Like, I don't know if they could have done anything worse to set this fight up. Bring your ass to me. Yes, bring your ass to me.

So then Dolomite, of course, beats him up. The Numchuks are no help. Another thing I love about this fight is how much fun everyone's having. Like Dolomite's doing his kung fu moves and there's a girl kind of squeezing behind him. He's just had a huge smile on her face. She's just having the best time. Everyone else is just like literally two feet away from him. Just watch it.

Numchuks, like they're well within Numchuk range. And they're just like, this is this is fun. This is what we're going to do. Numchuk sticks. Numchuk sticks, you're right. I'll show some more respect to Central America. Central American term for them. They're proud tradition of nonchuk stick championships.

Give them exclusively to slice coconuts out of a tree like in blood sport. That's where that comes from. Are you guys following the sport? Like, who do you think is the best of the modern Numchuk stick champions from Central America? Like, like 2015 to present, like, who are your tops? That's tough to say. Because even watching that guy do

none nonechuk sticks, he didn't look like he was very good at it. Like he looked to me like he was hitting himself a lot because I actually don't follow the sport. Are you supposed to hit yourself with the Numchuk sticks a lot? Is that OK? Yeah, absolutely. That's every one of those is a point. It's all about just seeing how to beat your opponent. But it's rude to beat another opponent.

So you beat yourself. Oh, I'm a Billy. I'm a Billy Lynx man. Just Billy Lynx all the way. I know I know about the controversies. I know about the sex scandals. I know about the embezzlement. I'm still I just got to say he spins that stick.

He spins that stick better than anybody else. Yeah, I only know that I like Dick Bachelieri. Dick Bachelieri, he's got one move, but he's fucking good. I won't begrudge you that he can just bash himself in the dick like nobody else's business. Yeah, and for me, I only know the big names, of course. But, you know, everybody's got to give a nod to Patty Pretty Punches, who does the the really good punches with the nunchucks,

where she kind of like wraps her fist around it and then like drives it into their face with the nunchuck. Yeah, right. It's not a deep cut, but she's an innovator. Like it's if we're going to have a conversation about Central America's nunchuck stick champions, we're not going to leave her out. Well, you know, I'll put her any time in the Dick Bash competition. I just I just don't think she's got it in her.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I don't want to be one of those guys, I just I don't think she should be allowed in the Dick Bash. Look, I didn't want to be the one to say it. You know, I think her T levels are too low. I think that's not fair. I think if they're going to have the Dick Bash competition, women should be allowed. That's just if you're going to have it, don't be sexist about it.

I'm sorry. See, this is why I'm a Billy Lance man. Yeah, he doesn't bring this country. He leaves his politics out of the nunchuck stick. But like I said, I'm not you guys know more about more than I do about it. But if I were if I were to look into it, I think I would really be big into Patty pretty punches. Mm hmm. Green just great. I mean, she's a modern legend. She's she's the like the face of the of the sport.

Next up, this is a question for Liddy. When Cavalry is begging Dolomite for his life, Dolomite says, big little puppy, you like a big dog, give you a little bit and I'd be damned if you don't want it all. I'll take that money and I'll use it well. Finish that. It's time for you to go to hell. Really close because you've got a one way ticket straight to hell. But yes, I'm going to give you full credit for that.

Brockway, the very last question of the Dolomite quiz goes to you. When Dolomite gives Cavalry to his own torture, which he holds up a cage. Skip the torch. Dammit. So much this it's a dense movie. There is a torture, which and Dolomite brings Cavalry to her and she's like, yes, good, I'm going to torture this guy. And he's like, no, reverse it. You're going to torture the guy who pays you.

And she does not have a problem with this. She's like, whatever, time down. Here's the Dick eating rats. I train them very specifically to eat dicks. Yeah, the rats, the rats do eat his dick and they do show it. Yes, very quickly to the eat his entire dick. OK. Yeah, they go right for that, Dick. Yeah, like they have been trained to eat like Dolomite has

Dick eating rats on hand, like just in his car at all, at all times. See, I thought I thought he borrowed them from the witch. Oh, man, man, I guess that makes more. I guess that makes more sense. You know, someone will make soup out of those rats later and that dick will add a little element of human labor to it. Yeah, that's what it's called. So he says to him, what goes around comes around.

Now, it's your turn to die. You. What? What does he say to this man? It's got changed to a torture bed about to get his dick eaten by rats. You. You know, I'll start you off. He says, you know, business barred, insecure. What I can never make a man. I'm never going to get it.

Something, motherfucker, just based on the the usage and repetition of the word motherfucker. Lady, you got a chance to steal here. You know, business barred, insecure. What? Terrible guy. It's something guy. You're both going to kick yourself. A white guy. Rat soup, eating, mother fucker.

See, do I get partial points for motherfucker? I did guess the mother fucker. I don't think there's any chance you're not winning after your your performance earlier. God, what was that question that you just you got it so? I got a few. So perfect. I got a few. You nailed them perfectly. I'm close, close, but no cigar on most of them.

I think it was that let's go get that motherfucking cavalry. That was the one where you just, I mean, Liddy, you did great. I agree. But like, there's no shame in losing that one. Rockway dominated it. I did have a tiebreaker question. I'm going to just give to the room. This is the very end after a dolomite is shot in the back by the sheriff and left to die.

What does the star of the human tornado do and say after that? Oh, I know. He he like sits up and turns around reveals he's alive and says, that motherfucker doesn't realize that I'm a human tornado. And then he rips open his vest to reveal it's lined with tin foil. Yeah, it's kind of like a space blanket lining, which does that what he thinks bulletproof vests look like? Because it was also not like a bulletproof vest.

It was like a stylish low cut little mini vest. Yeah, it's it's like a little three piece vest. Yeah, like a cute little vest lined with tin foil. So that one threw me. Yeah, I thought it was like a full on magic thing. The first time I watched that movie, I'm like, oh, he's like like some sort of a kung fu spirit, like he can't be killed. I'm like, no, wait, I think that's supposed to be a bulletproof vest.

Yeah, they should have just had to be magic. Yeah, he just should have sat up and been like, no, I'm fine. Actually, this whole movie, any time anyone hit me, I didn't feel anything. Like you can shoot me as much as you want. I am a God, I am Dolomite and then be like picked up by a tornado. And that's the end of the movie. Yeah, I would have loved that. The actual ending of this movie for me is when the credits roll.

Because I've never seen this before. I've never seen anybody ballsy enough. The credits start with listing. I'm sure Sean will know the exact term, but it says everybody in the movie. Were assistance to Rudy Raymore. And then it lists everybody every everybody that worked on set. Yes, every actor, every actress, the director, all just special assistance to Rudy Raymore. Wow.

So ballsy. I love it. One thing we never talked about was I really liked it. Cavalletti's place. He had a band called the Ben Taylor trio and they were kind of like the Black Bee Gees and they were singing a song called I'll Make Love To You. And it went make love to you, do it. I want to do it to you. And then just repeated that for like four straight simple straightforward.

I like it. I also like that they were there looking for Queen B and they asked some dude where Queen B was and he goes, I don't I don't get paid to talk. I get paid to sing. So they give him like five dollars and he goes, oh, do you mean? And they think that's the fucking funniest shit that's anyone ever done. And he he's like shaking them down for the location of a woman who's literally right behind him.

She's a 250 pound woman dressed like a fucking chandelier. And they're like, oh, there she is right behind you. And they didn't like ask for the five dollars. She's like right. Oh, she's right there. I think he says like, well, if I see her, I'll let you know. Walks off and they're like, oh, there she is. No, he says she's around here somewhere. And then two seconds later, she literally had

tinsel from a Christmas tree wrapped around her head. So they found her. Yeah, that whole final scene, she's just dressed like a can of Almond Roca. It's amazing. It's like how you would signal a passing airplane. Like she's the easiest person in the entire world to find a well lit club. She's a large woman dressed entirely in reflective gear in this disco club lights everywhere.

Well, yeah, it's a hat too. It's a tinsel wrapped hat. Shining like a beacon in the dark. That's like, it looks kind of like it's wrapped around a police cone and then put on her head with like a bunch of other stuff. It's very large. It's a large hat. I don't know if you'd call it fashion forward. No, it had a point of view for sure.

It's more like. It's like a hobo. Like I say, it feels like a like a homemade thing, like like you are trying to catch the attention of a passing plane or or you're throwing together a costume for some sort of like play for your four year old. I don't know. Like sometimes my daughter will play fashion show and she'll say like, Daddy, Daddy, you're trying to play fashion show.

It's the kind of thing I would throw together in her room and be like fashion show. Because that's so I don't know. I bet four year olds like that scene. I like that right after like basically immediately after Dolomite and Hurricane Annie that learned that their friends have been essentially enslaved at this club or like they've closed down the other club by kidnapping the waitresses. They say, you have to come work at our club now.

And so does everyone else who works there. You all have to come work at our club and they find that out and they're like, OK, and then they just go home and have a very long sex scene between the two of them. That's their solution. Yeah, fuck it up. Let's start it out as a nude fitness scene because she's like Dolomite. You let yourself go.

Right then. Let's go. We skip the torture, which we skip the nude fitness scene. Yeah. We skip the one fight scene, too, where Hurricane Annie kills the assassin and then Java shoots the other assassin. I love that scene because of the way Java enters the poolside area by like kicking down a gate and coming in somehow like both feet first and then landing and shooting the guy.

That's so cool. Yep. Shooting him with her close friends directly behind him. Like if that bullet went through him, she killed her friend. Yeah, but she was very confident. And there's no reason to think that bullet would just decide to stop. The guy that she killed first by just strangling him to death, it was supposed to be those were supposed to be like the two best hitmen in the world.

And he raised his strategy was to ask her to come out to the pool with him, which she said yes to and then to wrap like a small length of scarf around her neck and strangle her from the front so she couldn't need him in the balls and was not prepared for the need of the ball. So he just went down and then got strangled to death. Greatest greatest man in the world. By the same she took off the murder scarf and put it around his neck and then he greatest hitman in the world.

That's how he died. Oh, and we also missed the first torture scene where the torture, which just shows the girls a snake and that's her torture. She like holds it up to them and is like, it's a snake. And they're like, oh, no. There's one I really like when Dolomite rescues them because he puts a grenade between her knees and then like puts like a fucking like a bread in a can can under her feet.

So she has to balance on this little cylinder while holding the grenade with her knees and he's like in the room. So if this if she fucks this up, he's dead and then Dolomite comes in and there's a big bunch of spikes over top of Java. And then there's a candle burning the rope that's holding that up. And Dolomite's solution is to grab her and pull her out from under the spikes and let them fall, which is great. Quick thinking and his solution to the grenade is to just grab it

and throw it to the other side of the room. Just this was nothing. You're an idiot. This was not. Yeah, I thought, why doesn't she just drop that and then kick it to like the other side of the room was what I was thinking that entire time. And then his solution was just to throw it to the other side of the room. And I was like, OK, so I would be good at getting caught and tortured and forced to hold a grenade between my legs.

I guess you would be a good Dolomite. Yeah. Or a good waitress. I guess that was their job title. Right. Well, I think Java was a performer. I don't know what TC did. OK. And they were they were like both cleaning up when they got kidnapped. Or Java wasn't the other lady was like cleaning the club. So I assume she was a waitress.

I kind of get the idea that the people at these clubs did a lot of things. Like that one guy said, like, I'll be your emcee tonight. I'm also the waiter and the club owner. And he's like had to list all the jobs he had at that building. Just like how Java is like, boy, my feet are killing me. I'm like, well, presumably you just did like a 30 minute standup set, right? Like, no, it's I think she had a mop the floors and yeah, that makes sense. Anyway, I really hope you liked it.

I'm glad we got a chance to talk about Dolomite for so long. And I think we really saw that using a quiz to structure a movie discussion does not work. That's good to know. I thought it worked great. I thought it worked great for this. We missed a torture, which we missed a character whose only goal whose only purpose was to be a witch and torture people. We just forgot to talk about it was thematically appropriate for the movie.

The movie was a fucking mess that you could not follow. I have a question about the torture, which because was that the same lady that we see later looking normal, but she had put a wig on so that when she tortured people, they wouldn't know it was her. Was that the idea? I have no idea. God, you're right. What is going on with that torture, which it wasn't clear why he had this place either. Like, he didn't seem to take a ton of pleasure in the torture.

It was just like, I guess, how he like enslaves people, like he goes to the other club and he's like, I'm going to take a couple of people, enslave them, torture them. And then the rest of you work for me for no money or you become. They say at one point that he gets off on watching the old lady torture them, but he never goes and watches. So I don't know how he's. He just gets off on the knowledge secure at home, I guess. Yeah. With his big titty slide wife.

Dolomite had to fuck her house down to satisfy her. There's no way Cavaletti can handle that. Maybe that's why they think she's an infomaniac. It's like, no, she's just married to Cavaletti. Yeah, the big bad wolf, that bitch. Unexpected questions. One 900 Hot Ducks. war with the help of an elite fighting squad. On demolitions, it's three finger Louis. Adam

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