The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 44: Hot Dog Nights... Batpussy, with Michael Swaim!
Episode Date: October 13, 2021Send your kids out of the room for this one. Make them take off their special Hot Dog Listening Hats, put aside their Hot Dog decoder rings, and wait for the sobbing to pass. It'll take hours. Then se...ttle into your armchair with a nice hot cup of pussy for the first adults only episode of Hot Dog Nights! This time we're talking with Michael Swaim about the worst porno ever made: BatPussy!
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One nine hundred
One nine hundred
One nine hundred
One nine hundred
HOG
DOG
Nights
That night trade power
In the night
It's not the size of the dog
But how hard you can fight it
You will survive
Or maybe not
When you're in the dark zone
You gotta give it everything you have
One nine hundred
Hot dog all home
Oh yeah
Nights
Welcome to the Dog Zone 9000 Nights
We're the weekly Wednesday podcast
For one nine hundred hotdog.com
I'm TV's Sean May from the internet
And do our Patreon, Cromos on Hibori
I'm trying to get all that in the front of the show
Cause we run a real tight ship now that we're hot dog knights
With me of course is the illustrious Robert Brockway
Robert Brockway Nights
Here's a sexy Brockway fact
I've seen Tonya Harding naked
In person
No follow up questions
I don't think I had any, I think that story completes itself
Done
Art finished
We're being joined today on this special nights occasion
With our sexy friend from Small Beans and IGN
Our longtime colleague at Cracked, Michael Swame
Hawke and Fither salutations upon this
The gallant round table of Dog Zone Nights
Excellent
We're in Arthurian legends is what we're doing, right?
Exactly right
Yeah, they fuck each other
Jousting but with hot dogs
Which is what I call hitting each other
In a sense, yeah, it's not wrong
We should legitimately set this up
That you shouldn't listen to this anywhere people can hear you
Like we're gonna be discussing one of the most grotesque pieces of filth that's ever been
And I don't know how we're gonna do that without getting very lewd
Don't put this on the living room speakers with your kids
Cause it's hot dog nights, the song told you that
Why are we explaining it? You listen to the song
The amazing song
I think using euphemisms like hot dog jousting is a step in the right direction though
If we want to clean this up
Smart, let's try to do that, we'll try to remember
And I already take issue with something that was stated
Cause we'll get into it, I'm sure we'll unpack what we're gonna talk about
But I almost said the title and I feel like I gotta bestow that honor upon the host
But I almost take issue with what you said about the filth level
I was expecting a little more penetration
Oh yes, that's a good point
Visible penetration? Yeah
Here's my question about the porn that we're about to discuss
Was it softcore technically? Does anyone know was there a rule that there was no...
That's an interesting question
There is very very little information about this
I'll go ahead and say the name
This was called That Pussy
And it might very well be the very first superhero pornographic parody
And someone found this in the 90s just like in some Memphis adult film showing place
Cellar, let's call it a cellar
Maybe it was a theater, I'm not sure
No, it was a cellar, I promise you
Okay, and yeah, it had just been abandoned for 20 years
This was made in the early 70s, I've seen 71, I've seen 73
A lot of mystery surrounding this, no one knows who the actors are
Or what they were thinking
I can answer both questions
Right off the bat, Michael's making reference to how there's no penetration
And he got the joke just for the record
And the guy does not get an erection for the entire film
Oh, spoilers
Yeah, this is spoilers
We're getting the lead here
It was the most compelling narrative aspect of this movie was
Wondering if somebody would manage to give this guy an erection by the end of the movie
And it was just legitimately
Like all jokes aside, I was like, is it gonna happen by like minute 40?
It's a whole new kind of edging
Yeah, that you're not really mentally prepared for
Can I dispense my one pre-thought-of canned joke?
Yes
Talk about a BP spill
Whoa, that's messy
BP stands for bat pussy in this case
Now we can move on
We can edit that out
I don't think you have the capability to do that, but time will tell
You're right, we've proven that many times
It's too strong of a statement, it's seared onto the bits in such a way that it can't be expunged
So I saw this video like in the late 90s in Portland
It was distributed by a thing called Something Weird Video and they do a lot of like
Oh, I know that
Yeah, they do a lot of stuff like this
And this had to just been the most wonderful thing they'd ever found
And you're like, hey, let's go through these movies and see if there's anything weird in here
And then bat pussy drops, you're like, oh my god, people have to see this
But due to its nature, like you gotta be real selective who you show this to
Now we showed this to you, Michael
What'd you think? Just high level thoughts
Well, now I realize it was a very far ahead thought out punishment
For the series of puns that I was gonna bring to this episode
You were like, fuck this guy, we'll inflict this upon him
Yeah
It was, have you seen the Herzog movie Strocek?
And I'm already giving this movie way too much credit by even comparing it
That's a bum
A lot of parallels, of course
I noticed the same Herzog parallels
It has the one, it has the one, two, three structure
Where like for a long time
Even from the point of view of someone who's a collector of oddities
A cultural oddities
For a long time you're like, I mean this is just a porn where they lay there
There's no bat costume
For like a good 25 minutes, which in porn time is an eternity
And there's no porn to speak of
The people behave like the way you think your dolls behave
When you're smashing them naked into each other as an eight year old
And you don't fully understand what sex works or how sex works
They just kind of flop at each other and fight
Like they're antagonistic
A lot of belligerent arguing
Just like y'all can't, you can't fuck, you can't suck
Well, get over here, I'll show you how to fucking suck
And then they don't
And then they don't
They just keep talking about it
And then the third act has everything you could want
Like the third act is just a batshit sandwich of like bouncy balls
And rape attempts that bat pussy stops
The copyright infringement left and right
It really picks up
I loved it by the end
I'm a big fan
Okay, I'm glad you turned around on it
It really comes together at the end
Much like showchecks, by the end I was cheering it on
Yeah, for sure
So this didn't like land in your kink zone for you
Like you didn't find this in a rousing film
I'm not one of those who wants their like erotic process to be suddenly halted
With lynchy and confusion, so no
That's what it felt like
Oh, I absolutely am
It felt like a dare
Could you jerk off to this?
It's like I dare you
It's the very first time that bouncy ball came out
I came everywhere
Yeah, that's the
And also did the bouncy ball have a handle
Because that really bothered me
Otherwise bat pussy is just holding that together through sheer Kegel force
We'll have to get to it
We'll have to really walk you through this
Let's walk through the movie
I did take extensive and disgusting notes
How could you not?
So it does open with a guy from a place called Dragon Art Theatre
And he really hits that name Dragon Art Theatre
Explaining just what the concept of pornography is
He's like, hey, if you're offended by Naked Sookin and Fuckin
This ain't the film for ya
You're really lost nun
You need to tell an usher
Let me tell you what pornography is
Just as a concept
Let's see if it adds an appeal to ya
So he rewords that several dozen ways
And then says, alright, enjoy the movie
If you are emotionally prepared for it
Of course no one is
This was amazing right from the start
Did pornography used to have like Hitchcock style introductions
Like a man coming out and just explaining to you
And welcoming you to the experience
I kinda think we should bring this back
He's like a porn emcee
It's very Marge Simpson at the top of Treehouse of Horrors
Like explaining to you
Things can be scary
I'd like sort of an unsolved mysteries
Maybe Jonathan Frakes could come on and be like
What do you think might happen if you get two
Very unattractive, ugly people
Naked
Have them argue for 45 minutes
And then at the end he'd come on and say
You're right, it was fake
So they start with a
They're both naked in their room
Like she's on the bed
He's like across the room in a little coffee table
Reading Screw Magazine
Now it's more of a newspaper
It's a newspaper, it's screw newspaper
It's like screw newspaper
I think it was a real thing
I don't think this was a prop
But she's spending the whole time complaining
How he won't have sex with her
And it's clearly there's no script
Or even a script direction
But both of these people are aggressive improvisationists
And they chose to regress
Like they are doing childlike characters
Where he's going
We gotta do what they do with this magazine here
Take a look at this here
Look at this here magazine in here
Take a look here
And they just won't fuck
He's got like one idea
And it's the magazine
He's got like one prop and it's the magazine
So everything comes back to the magazine
And they're just
This is absolutely
I don't do improv
I was forced to do improv once in community college
And it went terribly
But I have known so many people that have been into improv
So I've seen a lot of bad improv
And this is just two people who break every rule of improv
They will not cooperate
They're both trying to do their own bits
They're bits to do not mesh
And you can see them like they start a little antagonistic
And then you can see them getting mad at each other
For not cooperating with each other's scenes
Which is like another bad improv thing
No, I want to do my thing
No, I want to do my thing
And then it turns into legitimate anger
That they're trying to pass off as improv
It's just
It's fascinating
While trying to bone
It seems as if they're not allowed to fully have sex
Or maybe I don't know if they were instructed
To just pretend or whatever
But it feels like one hour photo
Where someone has a knife on them
And it's like
Don't do it though
That'll ruin the purity
Just like get close to it
I just want to be close to it
You're very generous
I think it was just raw impotence
And you can hear
Okay, that's what I was going to say
Is also his penis at any given time
Averages between 30% and 60%
Like ready to rock
Again, 60% is very generous
Much like Dracula
His dick don't work
Just for show
Thank you, I love it
So I was trying to get through my notes
About screw newspapers
Sure
But we were talking about how their ad-lib
Doesn't clash
Do you think if you want one of those newspapers
You have to ask a scruzy?
We can edit that out too
Okay, okay
So they obviously
Their improv is not working with
The other improvs
But they eventually do
Incorporate the things the other person says
Into their own narrative
So like, he says
He won't let her work
Because he wants her to be a housewife
And then she
I think she says she's a prostitute
Or implies that she's a prostitute
And he's like, okay, fine
You're a prostitute
But this sort of clashes against her thing
About how she never has enough sex, right?
It's weird for a prostitute to come home and say
Housewife prostitute
Yes
And so he's like
I'm a magazine of fishing it out
That's my character
When he points to the magazine
Oh darling, we gotta do what they're doing in this magazine
There's like one small thumbnail
Of like two people kissing
Yeah, they're just kissing
Next to just a wall of text
And he's just like
He says at one point
I wouldn't want to submit you to anything like that
Like this vile perversion
And I'm going to assume that wall of text
Is word for word
What the guy at the front of the film said
Like if you like drag and press
You're gonna
But
Yeah, and what's weird is
Then when Bat Pussy's finally introduced
Not to jump ahead in your notes
You can always drag us back
But
It's notable that Bat Pussy says
Like
They're making a fuck tape
No one can make a fuck tape in my town
Without me
Yeah
But they're not making a fuck tape
But then by the time Bat Pussy gets there
40 minutes later
He obliquely references
Oh, there is a camera on the table
Right
It's amazing to see the actors
Wheel and wheel around each other
Like ships in the night
Like trying to pull elements from each other's reality
Yeah
Yeah, it's like
Maybe 25 more pornographic films
And I think they'll get it
I think they'll have a nice tight improv going
I want to describe the actors
The guy, not a fit gentleman
Probably not camera ready
I don't think either of these people are like
Camera ready in the traditional sense
He sort of talks like a southern gentleman
I shouldn't say gentleman
Like a dirt bag
Right
Like a dirt bag gentleman
Like if you found him dressed
Like the way he is in the movie
Completely naked in a ditch
It wouldn't be that surprising
The voice that came out of him
When you'd be like
Yep, that's what I expected this naked man
I found in the ditch to sound like
Just curly red pubes
And a thick gold watch
Otherwise bare
You're like
Yeah, that's what he should sound like
I got that they were the two people
Who run a diner
In like a short order diner
In every movie
Like she's the old waitress
He's the short order cook
She had the classic
Cement strong beehive hairdo
Yeah, very tight
And he had just grease burns on his ass
Yeah, that ass that sort of ends at a point
His body sort of is a potato shape
That comes down
You know the kind of ass I'm talking about
The Hank Hill
Yeah, the Batman Returns penguin
Yeah, the Hank Hill
Long day you'd buy
Yeah
So she does have the beehive
And then the curved bangs that curve inward
And no other attractive features
Aside from that delightful hairdo
An unfortunate woman
In the wrong line of work
That endures this entire just
Naked wrestling match
That beehive is still solid by the end
I wouldn't say that
But it does almost make it to the end
There's a few strands out of place
It's like when Captain Janeway is in a firefight
And the ship rocks
And it's like it's still kind of
Fairly TV presentable
The hair itself
Just the hair, yeah
Well, the way she's constructed the beehive
Is most of her hair has been cut very, very short
Not all the way shaved off
And then the bangs have been sort of
Pulled back and curled around
I don't know if this is how you make all beehives
But it's that she made her beehive
So when it loses its structural integrity
At like minute 45
It sort of looks like a
I don't know, like a giant asterisk
Kind of coming out of her head
Sure
Which is otherwise bald
I don't know, it's great
I have no notes on the hair, fantastic hair
So he's pointing to a magazine she can't see
Telling her they got to try this stuff
And then it just cuts to them in bed
Just lovelessly pawing at each other
Sometimes on arogynous zones
But usually just kind of like a
To pause at this point and say
This is the exact point where I realized
This wasn't like an intro skit
And we were actually going to watch these
Horrible people fuck
Like with just absolute dread
I thought this was like a wacky intro skit
Some points will have like a little thing
Of the people you're not really gonna watch
Fuck doing something bad or awful
Or just non-sexual
So that you can juxtapose against the actual
And then when they started getting
In the actual pornography I was just
My heart dropped
Well especially because neither of them are
That pussy or a riff on Batman
So you're like sure I was waiting for this
To stop
Maybe she was going to explode in acid
And then half of him would be covered in acid
And they're like okay this is an origin story
I get this, this is exactly my thing
He did have the penguin butt
Maybe that was where they were going with it
Acid porn
Yes acid porn
Which sounds more appealing than this movie
If I'm being honest
So she, this is a theme of the movie
Is there's a loud camera warring
Like whatever camera they're using is very very noisy
And sometimes the sound will cut off
And that's when the guy behind the camera
Is telling them to do something
And when he does this both the actors look at him
And they're like nodding along
And stop what they're doing
Yes listen to the directions
And then re-engage with what they're doing
So he's like
You could not more effectively mime listening to a director
And it's honestly this
I think that's where my heart broke
Because for some reason in some bizarre universe
I imagine that these people were like
Unfrozen cavemen
Raised by Michelle Gondry in a box
You know
And that they were expressing eroticism
With all earnestness
Like the best that they could
But when they stop and pull their shit together
And you realize it's a character
Of course they're just regular people
And when you put them on the spot
And say you gotta fucking improvise at the same time
Asshole can you do that
The character they chose is like a baby
And they both made that choice
Yes
An angry baby
Their character they chose is like
An eight year old at a lemonade stand
Is like no I'm not gonna do that
You don't know how to fuck
It's just awesome honestly
Yes you completely forget that the title of the movie is
Bat Pussy
Which I absolutely did before Bat Pussy showed up
I was like oh right
When Bat Pussy showed up yeah
It was a real oh yeah moment
I forgot I don't live in this world
I'm that stuck here for all of time
Okay have we mentioned that they
Don't seem to know how a bed functions
Either in the simplest sense
They are often
They really use that space
Yeah I understand
Your pile drivers
Or your advanced sexual positions
You're standing against the wall proving
You have good biceps move
But they clearly accidentally
Like he'll shift her hips on the bed
And her whole torso will flop off the bed
Like a rag doll
And they'll try to like save it and make it a move
He falls off himself several times
Trying to get like some kind of position
Just slip his foot off and eat shit off the bed
And then he'll
Slaps a comedy though
I'm not being mean when I say
It's possible neither of them have ever had sex before
Like that sounds like
Haha what a joke but it really might be true
These might be people who are like
Sure we'll film a porn and then
They're like god I can't believe that
We can fake our way through this let's do this
No research
So speaking of
After they get the note from the director
The sound starts up again
And she tries
What I guess other people might call a blow job
She kind of puts his
His limp junk in her mouth
And rolls it around with it
And he says darlin that's the way it was
In a magazine
Which is fantastic that he's like
Discovering oral sex for the first time
She's trying to feed a baby bird
That's the
That's the motion I got from it
Like just trying to feed
Like a sick baby bird
And it's not happening
We're trying to
You know when you gotta put that metal
O-ring onto the
Thing in your car tire to measure the pressure
You're just trying to connect
Two rings
Without touching any other parts together
It's like watching a video where someone's
Making sausage and then
Reversing the video
But grosser than I'm making that sound
I'm imagining that
Somebody specifically not
Choking on a hot dog
It's two dead bodies in a
Sausage making factory
Run and reverse
Time-lapse so that like
There's this pile of mold
And then a bunch of bugs escape the pile of mold
And they form dead bodies
Meanwhile sausage is just getting
Rammed up into this robot
That's what it looks like
Two unrelated images
But I think I followed that
Okay
He also invents 69-ing in this scene
He's like I got Darla I got this idea
Darla Darla Darla
And he kinda flips on her
He's 69-ing like while they're on their
Side it lasts for maybe half a second
Before he just like lands
In her armpit like it's
She never participates either
Right He had an idea
He did not share that idea with her
She thought the idea was I should just
Look at your thighs for a while
The only thing that qualifies
As a sexual act is like half a blow job
That's all you get the whole
I guess there's some oral on
Bat pussy but we're
It feels like six and a half
Hours away from that
Yeah we're a long ways away
Strap in And how
What do you think the odds are that the directors
Note that we can't hear is
You guys do you feel that
Just try and stay in it
Stay in that because this is amazing
He must have been giving them positive
Feedback but like in my notes
Cause they didn't change
In my notes I had just like
The director must be yelling at them right now
Like the director must every time the sound
Cuts out the director must be just going
What are you doing
Do you not know how to do this
It goes in did you not
Did you not see the
My god
I think a lot of people
Can understand this
Even if they're not like performers never done anything
Where there's just sort of like idea paralysis
Like if you've ever been in a photo booth and it's like
Okay everyone do like four wacky photos
And you do a wacky photo and you're like
Okay I have no more wacky photos inside of me
Like it feels like that's what happened
To these two actors they got on the bed
They kind of rub up against each other and they're just like
Oh god what do I do
I don't think they've been in front of a camera before
I don't think they've had sex before
I think all this came together in the perfect storm
It's certainly never done improv before
Certainly
Well a lot of porn has a bit of like
I mean why take ourselves seriously right
You're just jerking off
We're just fucking around here like that comedy
Comedy blends with porn
So I totally understand
I'm getting stuck in the rut
It's just I don't
It's rare the bad improv performer
Don't pivot for a full
40 minutes
Much less to have two fighting each other
Welcome to the dog store
And then the other improviser tries to add something
And they're like the dog store is
Large today
You gotta move on we gotta build
We gotta find a game or something
They just never do
It's just basically restating the premise over and over
You can't fuck
We gotta fuck like the magazine
She adds an element about how he sleeps
With other women like she's really upset with him
For sleeping with other girls constantly
Right
And he waffles between
I don't do that
I love doing that
I'm done doing that I'm gonna keep doing that
Like he can't find his character
Well I love that his first impulse
Is to negate the improv
Because he doesn't want that on his
His first instinct is
No no I don't do that
No
Yeah they both do a lot of negating
Every time they try to build
A character or something
No
Look I'm not gay at all
I don't do anything like that
She goes well that's what I was building to her
Especially when he goes now
I'm gonna stick it in your ass
She's like no
Did not discuss this first
Did not
In my notes I write
I wrote I never knew
Cuz his character suddenly realized
His wife was just the most perfect
Beautiful sex goddess
And he's like oh my god
Why didn't I ever try having sex with my wife
So
She knows he won't keep doing
He's gonna go back to those other girls
But he needs her
Because
They're out of money
Like all of a sudden his great job
Where he had sex with the secretary
Isn't working out and they need money
And her prostitution which they've also mentioned
Several times isn't bringing in money anymore
Because she's so terrible at it
Because she can't fuck
Reminder this is one uncut
Shot this is not like there's scenes
Of this stuff happening
This is just people
We do not jump forward in time
We do not like change location
This is just one unbroken
Shot for the entire movie
They do cut away eventually too bad
Posting in this like B-plot thing
Then they cut right back to real time
So that you don't miss
One second of the argument
But that implies they can edit
They could edit out
They had the ability to edit
And they were like no
It's one shot and every second
Of it stays in
And not only that
We need a man in a suit
To say how important it is
Before it starts rolling
And to really give the impression
This is what they do
This is the kind of thing they do
This is the kind of art
The dragon art video is known for
This is what we do and hey
If you offend easily you best walk out
Because if there's one thing you're going to see right now
It's humans having sex
We promise you
Just lying
All around
I like the just
The just eternal war that begins
That you really start to see
I get the struggle
That is going to happen for the rest of this
It's that he will get up to
Maybe 20% of an erection
And then they'll start doing improv again
And like all of his thoughts go to improv
And so they argue for a while
And the erection just goes away
And then he's like no I gotta try to get it back
You get 20% of an erection and then she starts improv
And he's like god damn it I gotta improv again
It's just
Totally opposite
I was gonna say when I'm in the pocket
It was a rock you know what I mean
So like when I made that BP oil spill joke
At the top I was ready to go
That's how you know he's not a natural
It's when I'm floundering
Improv actor
As soon as I see improv erection
As soon as I see Michael pretend to be like a
Grocer or a train conductor
I'm just boom
Rock hard
If you hand me a drumstick and I pretend
It's a helicopter propeller fuck
So
Here he is
They're complaining and he just buries his head in their crotch
Like that's how they end that argument
And he comes up for Aaron
He goes I never knew I never knew
And she goes you never asked you son of a bitch
Oh he's sleeping with other broads
And he's like
That was an olive branch
For God's sake I was trying to
Put a positive vibe
Into the scene but no
It's trying to change my character from
A hateful little goblin of a man
To
Some sort of somebody that's into you at all
No fuck you
And what truly is a
I mean borderline upsetting because this is actually
The 70s and there's no understanding of what
Safety or like regulations
This was made under
Because you sounded like Sean said it was just
Something a kid found in the woods one night
But
They're arguing
Including negating each other's
Improv in a state where they're both agitated
And naked and on camera
Which has got to be
Feel weird and like flood you with emotion
And then they're
Throttling each other lightly and like
Pushing each other around
It's very
It's such a unique artifact because it's not easy too
It gets a little fighting
It's so uneasy my god
He's like I'm actually a good guy
And she's like no you're a piece of shit
And so he shoves her into the bed really hard
And he's like that's okay
We're still doing improv porn
It's all good
So
It's gonna sound like we're going back in time but
From there
She puts his limp penis
In her mouth and just sort of slops it around
And he repeats
That's what the picture in the magazine was
And then we hear a very
Distinct off-screen burp
Just someone off camera
Just goes burp and the guy's
Lost to that it's oh it's beautiful
And then
And then it cuts away to
To Dora Dildo
Meanwhile
They even do a little meanwhile thing
The gall of that
Meanwhile
Like these two things are connected somehow
Right
So
They're cutting to a bat pussy in her home
And she's just sitting around waiting for crime
Because her vagina
Can detect crime
In her filthy warehouse
Which they actually say in her secret warehouse hideout
And they sure enough
They cut to just like
Somebody's warehouse they work at
She's sleeping on a dirty couch with a white
She's sleeping on the fucking like smoke break couch
Brick wall, yeah
It's more lewd than we're making it sound
In a fumigation tent of a nighty
A little nighty on, yeah
And I don't know if this was just
The dirt baggiest girl of all time
Or if her character was that she curses a lot
But she says
While by herself she goes
God damn I feel like a crime is about to be committed
My secret twat tells me somebody's about to shoot
Fuck movie in my holy Gotham city
I think it's a job from bat pussy out of my nightgown
Into my bat pussy uniform
Perfect delivery
Thank you it really is
It's so gross like the whole scene
This person the way she's
Talking the thing she's saying
I hate it
It's so gross
Nothing we say will
Truly paint the picture because
It's an execution from moment to moment
Thing that you just can't capture, yeah
Yeah for some reason I hated
The follow up to that scene which is that
She hauls her bat pussy uniform
I have just like a filing
Cabinet drawer and then we
Don't cut away and so she's and it's not
Sexy she's not changing her clothes
Sexually it is like
Pure clumsy utility
Of like somebody trying to put on clothes
That they've never put on before
And it just
Watch her do that and it's like
It is aggressive somehow
I don't know I hated watching that almost
More than the sex
And there's no thought to making this costume sexy
It's got like man tidy
Whitey briefs on the outside
It's just
Like a Walgreens Batman
Costume that she
She puts on like the leggings part way
Then puts on her shirt then pulls
The leggings up so for a long time
If you follow me like
The pale part of her body is just
A stripe where her vagina is
It's just like it's very
Unappealing framing of the human form
In every possible way
Yeah you don't want to see that
Then she gets on a balloon
And just hops across
A field for
I want to say six and a half
Real minutes like
It seems about right
It's insane
I could only call it bubble music
I guess
You don't know what that fucking song is
But it's like a loop
Of 45 seconds of song
Music yeah
I do want to make clear that before she
Climbs out of her outhouse and gets on her moon hopper
She does say
Many more times
Like the premise that she says
And I quote dirty mother fuckers
Back out them city and then it's kind
Of unintelligible but she's talking about
Somebody else getting
Getting laid and nobody's going to
Cheat on her so I think this is her improv
That the guy filming the
The porn is her
Boyfriend and she
Also wants a cut of the pornography profit
So she's not like stopping this
Lude behavior because she wants
Gotham to be pure she now wants
In on the
The porn crime
That's right
Okay good I'm glad we're all on the same page
I was very confused I didn't want a second opinion on that
Also I want to reiterate we're not skipping
Any explanation with the
The balloon hopping
That's it
She just doesn't and this will take up
90% of her scenes
We will cut back to this
Throughout the movie there at least
25 minutes of this movie is
Her hopping on this
Balloon while
This jaunty little tune
Plays and
There's nothing there's no reason for any of it
It never has a payoff
Also by far the most traditionally
Attractive person in the movie
And they
Use her really sparingly
Which is just
Every choice is interesting
Hops on a ball while we watch from like
800 feet away with
A $12 camera
Like it's suddenly airplane
Except you know those scenes
Where they speed the footage up
It's one of those shots
And they forgot to speed the footage up
It's like the uncut shot
Of Benny Hill running through a field
But just really 55 year old
Benny Hill you know the raw
Footage of him fucking huffing and puffing
With extras behind him
There's a scene where she's hopping
Along the highway and it must be
On a slight incline because there's
About two thirds of the hops don't make any forward progress
And a few of them she actually goes backwards
And we're just sitting there watching the whole
Time and
It's not impossible that she could have got hit by
A car like she was pretty close to the
65 mile an hour highway traffic
Yes. Do you think
This is like enforced edging
They're like no this things are getting too hot
You can't come and leave the movie now
She rolled the stick around her mouth
Like a bag of marbles twice
Like we're already on our load here
Yeah
Being honest that is closer to my kink zone
Because I grew up with like those
Shannon tweed movies where you'd watch 85 minutes
Of like a really bad crime thriller
To get half of a side boob
And like that to me is like
Where my libido developed
It's love of erotica
So that's the hottest thing for me
Is just like way too much
Non-sex to get to just
A fleeting moment of something close to sex
Like that's my
Edit edging
I have to blast the white noise machine
Because of all the nights watching
Spice TV through the scrambled
Cable box, you know
It's the only way I can finish
I do remember that we had a satellite
What's funny is
My girlfriend uses it to sleep
So
Every night it's a huge mess
I just immediately come everywhere
She falls dead asleep
There's no one to help
She's like why you always wait till I'm asleep
Exactly
And you're like darlin' you can't suck
And she says
She's like you can't fucking suck
You're fucking too many other people
I'm like those are mutually exclusive precepts
And she's like fuck you
You can't
But you do
See you guys sound better at improv than the stars of this film
Yeah it's already getting too sophisticated
There was too much development in that
And we
I guess there's two jokes technically
But I feel like this is the right time
To mention the first of two jokes
Which is that
Bat Pussy stops to pee
Right
I'm not gonna call it real time
In an amount of time that's longer
Than you'd think it would take someone to pee
It seems slower than it should be
Like I thought
I thought it was supposed to be like
Sexy at first
But they also filmed it
Like I said from like 800 feet away
4 resolution camera
Just 4 total
So it's
She's like in shadow
It's totally just abstract art
Of an unsavvy woman being
And look we're not saying voyeuristically shot
Footage of a woman
100 yards away taking a piss in the woods
Can't be erotic obviously
It's the height of sexiness
But even
With those factors
The way this is shot
Totally non-sexual
It just seems like a woman
Almost abstractly
Maybe she's just squatting
I don't even know that we see pee
Like maybe she's just squat in the squatting position
But regardless
It felt like a comedy bit
It felt like someone said you know it'd be hilarious if she stopped to pee
Or maybe it's not even in the script
Maybe she just had to pee
And she just said fuck I gotta go pee
This is a great treat for that
Someone else is like you know what else would be hilarious
They were salting a woman in the woods
And they were like we'll do both
We'll do both
This is good
Quite an adventure she's
Having on the way to this porn film
Fuck tape yeah
There's a woman standing alone in a park
Just literally doing nothing
Just waiting for the other guy to run at her
He's like running at her like the Tasmanian devil
And he grabs her
And they kind of wrestle
Going negative two miles an hour
On her moon hopper
Stands up and beats him with the inflatable moon hopper
Until he's motionless
I think we're supposed to think he's dead
She kills him
Fair enough whatever
And then the woman
Thanks her and she hops away
And the woman runs away
It takes 45 minutes
That was still the bubble music
This is the same bubble music
That we use to watch her pee, to watch her bounce
Yeah it's like that Disney plus show
About the fucking guppies
It's like that soundtrack
It's stuff you learn letters and numbers to
Right
Very erotic
We'll take MDMA and regress mentally
Either way
So my notes say that
He now is going down on her
And he says you ain't got pussy all you got
It's a goddamn worst of
God
Don't know what it means
I don't know what it means but it's savage
Yeah it's
She hates it, she disagrees
And then she's like you love sucking it
And then he's like no I hate it, it's too big
It's gross and she says a lot of people like it
And his response to that is you're out of your fucking ass
You're out of your ass
Bad pussy
And meanwhile
They're just
Oh you're talking about the scene
Where in bad pussy charges in
Okay
The bed
Becomes increasingly inadequate
Especially when the third body arrives
There's just
It's almost like an octopus configuration
Where they're joined at the center of the bed
And everyone's torso
Can't seem to stay put
On the center mass of the bed
It's amazing
Now I have
Before we get to the menace tois
What are your notes about their love making
Let me see if I have one of your quotes
Do you have
Him saying
Now only one motherfucker around that sucked that pussy
And it's me
And I will suck it
I did not take that note
I'm really glad you brought that
Thank you
I found
A fascinating one there in the middle of
Just sort of pawing at each other
Like 11 year olds discovering their anatomy
He goes and he gets the magazine, the screw newspaper
For reference
And he says see that girl right there in that magazine
And then he reinvents cunnilingus
He just starts back on
What you'd call basic cunnilingus
And her response to this is
Motherfucking bastard
I love it and then he gets really mad at her
And he says you're coming in my mouth goddammit
Quit coming
He thinks he says what's his white stuff
Come on
That's Kim
I don't think that they're familiar with
Any of this
That is the only thing that just shuts her down though
Like she is so confused
And bewildered by that that she just stops
For a little bit
She's been haranguing him
Just as much as he's been haranguing her
And then after that she's just silence
So the fight kind of goes out
So this actor
Not the character, the actor
Might have really gone into filming this movie
Thinking that any
Recreations of any form was like
A woman fully orgasming
Which is
I think something this woman was realizing just now
That like oh my god
Like
He's never lubricated a woman in his life
Yeah this guy is just
Remedial sex
This is tutorial sex
So that was
Shocking that part there
So much of it is mysterious
It's hard to get a window in who these people are
Like wow this guy
Does not know how to do this
There's now some references to him having sex
With his secretary
And he threatens that
He's going to have anal sex with her
And then come home and then
Make her do what she's doing
With poop on his dong I guess
Is the implied threat
He starts putting real numbers on her prostitution
He says he used to sell the front
For three dollars and asked for two
And he really sets this joke he was like
No listen listen listen like
Darling you used to
So like that's
He really wanted her to hear that
And then they both
Make it clear in their improv that those are real numbers
It's not a joke like she really did
Prostitute herself for three and two dollars
Like the one
The one development we're allowing to stick
Right
Another great moment of improv
Is he's very freckled
With redheads
So he says I'm never going to suck your titties again
Because all the freckles are gone
And she agrees that
He sucked all the freckles off
Like that they came together
That they came together on yeah
Almost kind of cute moment
Yeah I really like that
And he followed that up by saying
Every time I lick your vagina it comes out your asshole
And she yes
Ended that
She said
Well yeah you get me all hot and bothered
So like she's like
It's the exact quote I have here
Every time I run my tongue up your pussy
It comes out your asshole
Now what the fuck is that
I mean fair enough
So he knows something about it
That would be very convincing
He knows that humans don't have cloaca
Like he's hip to that
But that's the one thing she agrees to
And he knows they shouldn't be connected
This bothers him
And his complaining is now
Like gone away from the erotica
And he's complaining that
She's always feeding him when he comes home
But he doesn't want food he wants
And I quote hot pussy on the grill
So he's coming over from a hard day of having sex
With the secretary
She's been prostituting all day and he's like
Why are you not offering up sex
The moment I get home
Visibly impotent
The entire time we've known him
Also it bears repeating
Like this is never
This does not happen in a vacuum
They're still like trying to sort of
Fuck this whole time as they say these things
To each other is just
Pulling at each other like
Like a blind person trying to distinguish
Types of steak
It gave me the feelings that I imagine
That
That night Aziz Ansari
Twirling in the ether
I'm sorry but I gotta be honest
Towards the end
They're fighting enough and disagreeing enough
That you have to think like
Is this still okay
But this is even happening
But it's okay
Only in the sense that it's from the 70s
So what the fuck are we gonna do about it now
Yeah there's like there's no
It blew me away that there was
No at least discussion of like limits
Like what am I going to do what am I not going to do
There was no discussion whatsoever
And they were just like well this is fucking an improv
Let's go
There was some safety regulation
I don't know if regulation is the right word
But he does mention some work he did
Before hand where he says my horoscope says
I'm supposed to fuck you in your nose
And your ear
So I mean he did some research before
They started filming and her comeback to this
Was my horoscope says I'm supposed to get
Another man
I really liked that
That was I so she's getting
Her improv legs
Um
Yeah she starts getting one up so I'm fine
The hive is buzzing
And I think that's when he starts truly getting mad
Because you can see around this point
It gets a little less like
Wacky mad and a little more like
Legitimately he starts getting angry
And they're mostly
The fact that it's a porn is an excuse
To shove you around basically
Yeah
So he's so clearly embarrassed that he cannot
For the life of him get it up
Even a little bit
Yeah he's getting very frustrated
So he
In her response she says I'm gonna get another man
He says I'd shoot the motherfucker
And she's like you wouldn't shoot him
And he's like no no I'm talking about you
And that's how he put it
And so then he says that
He would have sex with the guy
He would shoot her and have sex with a guy
And she's like you wouldn't have sex with a guy
And so he kind of makes
Strangely progressing
Yes he makes this point several times that like no no no
If you cheated on me I would murder you
And have sex with a man
And I think that's fine and
I do it all the time
Now she says she would never have sex with a girl
In
I don't know if I'd go all the way homophobic
But she's kind of like putting her foot down
Like women are not her type
Very much 70's standard of like
Yeah I will never do this
I don't want it to sound like she's
She turned into some
Horrible person all of a sudden
She started as a monster and did not
Yeah it wasn't sudden
So this is actually the start
Of her character arc
Because she mentions this a couple more times
And then later kind of
Fools around with bad pussy a little
I'm skipping ahead but there is a character arc
In this movie and it came from this moment
Where the guy just volunteered
That he would murder her and have sex with her
From there she created a moment of true character
Like I say
She gets like a C at this improv class
And he does not pass
He does not pass
God where are we at
I have here in my notes that he blows a raspberry on her crotch
That's true
And she says he don't know what you're doing
I get totally accurate
Ain't supposed to sound like that
God damn it
They says I'm gonna really show you
And so then he very clearly is trying
To get his tongue up inside her
As deep as it will go
Which fans of oral sex will recognize
It's not a top notch technique
If you're really close with someone
It doesn't hurt there's nothing wrong with it
But it's not like the crowd pleaser
It can't be your central move
Not the finishing move
It definitely should not follow up
I'm gonna show you I know what I'm doing
So she responds to this
By complaining again that he doesn't know
What he's doing
If he was doing his grandmother
That's what she says to him
That's a wild thing to say
You'd think his grandma would be such a repository
Of wisdom and information
You'd have to guide right there
If you don't know now
If grandma can't walk you through something
Yeah exactly
So she broke the seal on the incest
And this bounced around their improv heads
For a little while
And I love that they're like oh this we can dig in on
This we can build from
The characters are maybe not incestuous
But like think about it a lot
So
Their marriage is 11 years old
And after they've established
That there is a marriage
And that she wants to leave him
She now invents a divorce lawyer
That she also has sex with
And new detail
That's why he isn't paying child support
So
He says that they have two kids
And she volunteers
Well hold on
I have the bit written down
She says
He says
If a kid came out of that pussy right there
It'd be a goddamn monster
Which is just
Just a terrifying thing
Wait is that a clay face reference
I'm losing the Batman thread
That's definitely a clay face
She yells at him and he continues to say
I'm through with this
I ain't fucking with no kids
Like he didn't know she had kids
She says
If you fuck my kids I'll kill you you goddamn bastard
They're just
Two improv lighthouses
Both of them fogbound
Stabbing blindly into the void
They're each just
Dropping grenades in everybody's bit
No one can advance
Because everyone is so fucking insane
Just getting savagery and savagery
Well you could get it up if you didn't do so much heroin all the time
Oh what's that now
What's that now
And he just
Fails at every storyline
And just says darlin I love you
Darlin I love you
Just over and over and over
Because you can see that we are now
At least 30 minutes into this porn
And he's still not gotten an erection
You can see it's really starting to like
Occur to him
This is not going to happen
So every once in a while he tries to shut the bit down
Just for the purposes of his erection
And even when he succeeds
It does not happen
It's like you are nagging me into flaccidness
Please stop
Is the subtext of this phase of the exercise
So god
We've already talked about the bet pussy thing
We cut back to her
Doing her very very long journey here
And
Now
It cuts back to him
I feel like the weird focus on this
Is like
Was this a fetish
I know it is currently
Is this where it came from
Are we doing like fetish archaeology
Here
Was this like balloon popping
Like proto balloon popping
I'm almost certain it's just impotence
No no the balloon bouncing
Oh the bouncing up and down of a giant balloon
Yeah
Because it's so prominent and it's so long
I think they even intended as a fetish
I think they intended as their one funny bit
That they really executed on
It came across as a comedy bit to me
But
They come back and he's still complaining
And she's still
Doing her best to like get it going
With mouth stuff
He's
It's not working and he goes see what you done to it
So he's like trying to will this erection
Into reality
Massacred my boy
And
I have in bold
He says he comes from
He comes home from work and wants to fuck her in the nose
And arm
This is the thing he says
While he's like desperately trying to get
This thing working he's just like okay
My penis isn't working what's something
That's just so erotic
That nose sex let's try that
So it's sort of like
In many ways a microcosm
Of an abusive relationship there's like
A lot of hostility and apologies
And then it's true love and then back to the abuse
And then very very strong affection
And then belligerent
Insanity and then you know
Repeat and they've been doing this all movie
And
It brings me to my favorite moment
We're skipping another one of my favorite quotes
I think we've already skipped past it
I might be here at the same part of my notes
Oh where he's
Is he going down on her and says something?
I'll let you do it
He's going down on her and he says
I'd like to suck your pussy till your head caved in
You know
And then he really doubles down and he says
Your head will cave in
I love it
You know
I love that yours was different
Yours was different from mine
Mine was he just stops and says
Darling would you like to be fucked in the ass
And she waits a beat
And goes nope
No
It's the kind of thing
There's your boundary
Usually arranged ahead of time
If you're going to go that way
But nice of him to finally ask for some kind of consent
True
So then
They stopped and be like
The guy off camera said holy crap
That's a great idea
And so everything the camera goes silent
Silence
And then they look at the camera and they're like uh huh uh huh
I believe they even say
Uh huh
He says do what
Like they brought the audio back in
And
Then they pretend
He gets behind her and they pretend
To have anal sex and he goes
I'm going to go pull him up to your colon
He says
I'm going to put my pole in
Up to your colon
Oh is that what he said? It's so hard to understand him
But yeah that's fantastic
His best line in the movie then
Uh she pretends to
It's a little bit painful for her
She goes ah stop it
Quit it
You don't know how to fuck anybody in the AS
But again this is not happening
It is absolutely not happening
It's not even like the way
The bodies don't line up
They don't even make an attempt
If you studied uh yeah
Comedia del Arte or
No theater it is the mere suggestion
Of anal sex
I mean as is there
You can just look at it
Not being inside something
Or filled with human blood
And they repeat my favorite comedy beat
Where he goes how does it feel
And she takes a beat and goes
Terrible
It's
Such a killer moment
That's the part where he cuts to
Statler and Waldorf in the balcony right
Laughing their asses off
Talking about what shit the show is
Yeah good stuff
Good stuff um
She starts to complain that he's always jacking off
In the bathroom here and at work
Uh as to that by saying the secretary
Is always calling to complain like
Your husband's here at work masturbating again
And they've completely given up the theater of sex
He just disengages and they start arguing again
Uh we cut
Back to Betpussy still on her journey
And she finally is now
At their apartment and they live in like
One of those like sad like
Off-campus housing units you might see
Where it's just like a rectangular apartment
Complex
I'm gonna cut in again
Because we're skipping one of my favorite moments
Which is that this actual cut
Where they cut from them to Betpussy is
She whispers the director
Says something he doesn't hear again
She whispers like take some pictures or something
Like to advance the spot I guess
To just well and I think to justify
The things she already said which is
One of the premises in the stew
That she presented was that
Maybe
Betpussy doesn't like people shooting
Porno without her and Betpussy feels left out
So she's like you have to retroactively
Establish that this was all a porno
You were filming
And he's like I can't hear you
Over the throbbing of my cock
It's too rigid
So instead of
Ending the scene that way he just looks at her
And he goes darlin you got
The biggest pussy in the world
And then it cuts away
That's the line that they cut away
It's straight up a performer
Who's just like past the fuck it
Point and not trying to seem
Stuff together that you're throwing at them
That's how you interrupt
I just love that cut so much
That's when they cut to the ball bouncing
And she arrives at their sad apartment complex
So now he has the camera and he's
Begging for her to hold herself
Open he's got to have it
And it's very very weird
And he gets the idea that he's going to take
Some pictures from the magazine
Make and make a fortune
And then Betpussy
I mentioned earlier that she's very lewd
And she comes in and makes
He makes the little shutter noise with his mouth
When he takes the picture
It's true
It's adorable it almost redeems him
It does not but it almost does
Betpussy's entrance line is
What in the goddamn fuck do you
Fuckin' things going on in here
And they don't
They just shut down for a minute
It was neither one of them were like
I can't react to a third thing
Yeah
So she shoves him onto the bed
And just starts sort of biting his hips
She's from the same school
Of pornographic acting
Where she sort of goes through the motions
Might look like sex from space
But does not in the bedroom
And he starts screaming
Batwoman please
Batwoman please
And he's
Telling his wife who's very mad
She's like I don't like this that there's another woman in the bed
He's like I'm so mad I'm going to fuck her
That's what I'm going to do I'm going to fuck her
Then he asked if it's okay
And she doesn't say it's okay
Which it's irrelevant anyway
This man hasn't had an erection for 40 minutes
Now
He shoves his wife
This is like the tension
The tension was killing me here
Like okay, Batpussy's in the mix now
Was he just waiting for the
Conventionally more attractive woman to get here
Right
And like this is what's going to do it for him
Surely he'll come through in the end
Surely the classic Batman slides down the pole bit
Is coming up any second now
It does not
It does not
Have a real relationship like they might be husband and wife
And this is like a third member
Of this group sex
That he's very excited to
Like finally get permission to do something
With
It does not work out for him
But you can tell he's
He's now desperate for this to be working out
So he is just going to town
Rubbing and
Chomping and biting and
Meanwhile she says eat it mother fucker
God dang it eat it
She's so mad
God dang it
There's a line here
He's calling her Batwoman many many times
There's one part where
He's literally
Just screaming Batwoman
Batwoman
Batpussy
She'll find it
Like such a good beat when she just caught
There was like a quiet second she goes
Batpussy
And then Batpussy joins in
With a belligerent insanity so she's like
You're not the king of Gotham
You're not the queen of Gotham
And they have a long argument about this
And then he screams hey if you can't fuck
Get out of bed
And then
Someone off camera burps again
Get out of my bed if you can't fuck
Meanwhile this man has accused
Everybody who's come near him of not
Being able to fuck while he very visibly
Physically
Fuck
He says he wants to marry Batpussy
He loves Batwoman
He loves Batpussy
He just wants to marry her
She falls off the bed
Because they just don't know what to do
They don't know like which way to put their bodies
There's different combinations of people
Who want to be touching
And people who don't want to be touching
Anymore so they follow each other
Around the bed like caged Panthers
Batpussy is literally begging him
For sex
And so he looks back at the camera man again
And he decides let's try this again
He jumps on her and
With clearly visible flopping
Dong outside of her body is just kind of
Going through the motions of humping her hips
Like
Yeah he doesn't even line up to like
Be between her legs he mounts her leg
Yeah like intentionally
And she tries to redirect him like at least
Go between the legs so it kind of looks like it
And he's like no no no
I know what to do with you
It's the leg
He tells her to get out of bed
And she goes fuck you just steal your thing
Just get out of here
Just fuck her just go ahead and fuck her
That's what I had in my notes
I understand it doesn't make a lot of sense
But that's what she said to him
So
He also says
God y'all ain't doing it right at one point
After he takes a note from the camera man
Like someone says hey blah blah blah blah
And he goes got it got it
Y'all ain't doing it right
And then he goes back to humping her hip
I'm glad we got that was that clean
Can we drop that in if we need it
Great
And then they stop again so he can take some more
Notes from off camera which are very clearly
Someone yelling have sex
And he gets like real serious
He's like okay I got this
And he gets sort of in the middle where
One might actually have sex
Out of really wet cough
Which
This does not stop
It's just the grossest fucking movie
She now has a
Coughing fit for the entire
Rest of the movie
We skipped over one moment
Where
He's arguing with the what
Potentially is his wife the older woman
And he says to get out of bed
And she says she's not gonna and he just looks at her
Very clearly and you can see that he's breaking
The character and he just goes fuck you
That one was real
That one was real
That one was real
That one was real
But this one
I think like broke the seal on her
Not mentioning the
Limp penis so now she's
She's taking a strap on
And she's like
Taking care of herself with that
She's fucking herself with the dildo
And going like wrecking nazis
He's seen anything like this before
Motherfucker
She goes motherfucking dick spend you
You can never get a hard on
And bat pussy responds to that with a wet cough
He does not prove his wife wrong
When he rubs his lip body against bat pussy
And he rears up and here again
He takes the character that he had
Of this wife and he recreates it here with his
His
New lover bat pussy
He rears up and he goes bat pussy is the greatest
She responds with a wet cough
Then he goes down on her and he says to her
You don't know how to fuck bat pussy
He turns on her on a dime
He turns because he realizes
I think he finally realized like
It's not happening with her eyes
He's a player man he fucks them and leaves them
I mean he fails to fuck them
He fails to fuck them and then blames them for it
He now gets an idea
I think this is born of his own brain
And he puts the women next to each other
And sort of lays across them
Just rubbing himself against
Two unhappy women's armpits
And the wife is now complaining
About his limp penis because it's just all over her
Like he's just rubbing this limp thing
All over her and it's all she's mentioning
Bat pussy is
Coughing way too hard to say anything
And the camera zooms in on this
It's like oh this is going to be a sweet fucking shot
And it's just this pile of
Riding flesh like
Slesh riddle
Yeah just like an old cantaloupe left in the sun for weeks
It's just
It's just a nature photography
Of maggots
I don't want to make it grosser than that
So obviously these people don't quite know
What to do here so once they get into this
Riding
Pile they say okay this is sex
Let's just do this until we die
So that's just it
Well we have skipped over
The ending we mentioned it
That the ending of her character
Wife's character arc is that she
Kind of does some gay stuff
With bat pussy
He tries to start that
By saying like I'll tell you what
You suck that woman's pussy
And she says no
And then he kind of pushes them together anyway
And they try to film it
Like they're going at it
But then they zoom in
And she the bat pussy goes out on her
And then we zoom in on her
And it's just an unhappy woman looking at a vagina
From like
She's not pretending
She's just looking at it
Like a bad dog
Just looking at it
And they zoom in
And they zoom in until like her face
Fills the whole frame of her just unhappy
At vagina
And it was incredible
That they left that in
That they zoomed
So in this big pile
The wife finally battles her way out
And kind of gets off
On her own and grabs the strap on
And she starts putting that into bat pussy
Fulfilling the only character arc available
Yes, so he's kind of rubbing his
Dung against her belly button while she does this
And I want to stress
The lack of lubrication being used by anyone
Like this looks so
Aggressive and painful
Like the chafing that is going to happen
Would be known to
Literally anyone who's ever had sex
Ever
They're dipping into those chalk bags
That rock climbers use
Yes, really
That's the vibe
And then while this is happening
He screams, I love you bad pussy
My wife has done for me
I've got to stay with her
And then the wife says
I'm a complicated man, bad pussy
I've come to a realization
She says you don't know how to fuck
That's real
I don't think that's the character anymore
That's the other
Complete character drop
We can't use any of this
So
The lubeless dildo assault is going
There's a lot of off-camera commands happening
And
You guys mentioned the structural integrity of her beehive
For me, in my notes
It says it's deflated into
A mop of damaged bangs
But it lasted so long
It went through so much
It's like a Macy's Day parade balloon
It did go down, but it took
Longer than you'd think to deflate
Like they've been falling off that bed
And just rolling on each other
Right
It took a lot of abuse before then
Now I worry that we
Skip over the part where she falls off the bed
I think we mentioned it
But yeah, there was a lot
No, where she falls off the bed
On her
And he lands on her face
As first
And she's such a pro that she moans erotically
When he does it
And then they stop the production
While the sound cuts out
The directors ask, like, are you okay?
And then he goes, oh, shit
Did I hurt you? And then their directors talk again
And then they get back on the bed
You're right
It's weird I didn't have that in my notes
At this point
I was just enjoying it
That part was based on the killing joke
I want to talk about the ending
The ending is so powerful
He's declared his love
He's declared how bad pussy can't fuck
Several different ways
He's now laid across them both again
Just limply rubbing himself against their bodies
And he screams to everyone in the room
I'm gonna stick it in her ass
And nobody is convinced
No one believes it
And then Bat Pussy's responses
With some wet coughs
And then she just gets up and leaves
I'm convinced this is not supposed to happen
Right? Like, this wasn't
No, I think she's fucking...
She has to wrestle her way out of the pile
I think the porno was supposed to be longer
Than, like, 49 minutes
It's a very weird length, yeah
And he screams at Bat Pussy as she leaves
You're a sorry bitch
Well, first he yells, come back
Come back! And then he yells, you're a sorry bitch
When she does not come back
Because she
Legitimately just quits the flesh pile
Right, and that is a wrap on Bat Pussy
She's gone
The other two stay in the bed
Kind of rub on each other
And then it's just over
Just a pile
Of softly breathing Denny's line cooks
He does the entire David O. Russell I. Hart
Huckabee's blow-up monologue
And then it ends
Yes, amazing
Good stuff
He starred in an entire
Almost hour-long porn movie
With no erection
And he yelled at everybody who came near him
Yeah
Everyone left divorced
I love that whether he's yelling
He loves you, he loves your pussy
Or you can't fucking your pussy sucks
He brings equal passion
To either side of the coin
He really is a two-face, I think
Batman universe character
That's true, yeah, and I guess she's poison ivy
Just because of the red hair
And the spores growing on her
And the just man-hating attitude after this
That's true
Surely, surely after this
So her character is that she's
Decided never to sleep with men again, I think
That must be
And women already weren't her type
So she's left with plants
That's it, yeah
There you go
Batman origin story
I'm really, really glad
I've wanted to talk about this movie for so long
Ever since I saw it, I'm like, oh, I'll write something about that
And I'm like, when am I gonna fucking write something?
Swam's gonna love this
Who could you possibly
Flick this on?
Swam and it won't cause problems, legally speaking
For me
Cause you guys have both written many
Comedy articles, can you imagine
Trying to put this in like written
Word with like screenshots, it would be
Even the parts where there aren't genitals
Would need to be fully censored
Could not look at a single still
Of this movie and feel okay about
Showing people
I was gonna say, I can't restate enough that like 80% of the shots are the same
Shot, which is just like
A few pixels of beige
It's a very samey looking
It's like a sandy square
Of low-res
They're the same skin tone as the bed
As the wall, as the carpet
It's just all
Greasy flesh
I think this is probably the superior way
To experience this masterpiece
Is listening to us
Never watch this, please
No, don't go look this
I know some of you guys go
And look this up afterwards
You made this funnier
It was more delightful to talk with you guys about
Than it was to watch, by far
It will hurt a part of you
That will not heal
God, they're just gonna take that as a dare
You're the Robin in the situation
Let's put it that way
That's why Robin's not on screen
Because you and you're in an alleyway
Getting your brains blown out, okay?
Technically it was my job to do this
That's true
I got paid to do this
This is the life we've built for ourselves
Well, Michael, where can people find more
From you?
You can find all our stuff over at Small Beans
I think is the name of it
Which is at patreon.com
And by all our stuff
I mean myself, Adam Ganzer, Abe Epperson
And a bunch of X-cracked folks
Yourselves included are represented there
But not as heavily as here
And we should have you back soon
We'd love to stop by
And your videos on IGN are great
Michael's these
High concept
Video game related videos
That
I'm so amazed you're allowed to do them
Seem really hostile about
Are they getting
Are they warming up to this idea of
Incorporating
Interesting things with video games?
They're basically cracked videos
In spirit but without jokes
Because they consider themselves
More of actual straight journalism
Than comedians
I think it's turning around
I'll tell you what, even more so than crack
Did
They post so much
And it's such a big team
Everyone really clicks on a personality level
So it just comes down to the topic at hand
Meaning, you know, if I make a video
About Batman, it will do better
Than if I make a video about
Arrested development
What is the IP?
The algorithm perfectly tailors the views too
Shunts the views to where they need to go
That's why we pick such
Popular
Projects like
Like Bat Pussy, like 1971
Maybe 73's Bat Pussy
If you're smart, you'll headline the column
Something like
The long forgotten Batman porn
That just came to light
But you're not
You'll just headline it like
Here comes Bat Pussy, fuck yeah
And that's why I love you guys
Yep
Here comes Bat Pussy
Look out, you can't fuck
And with maximum chow
Say Frankfurt podcast
Correct
The power is not trapped
It's not without
Send it to the dogs
Come on Jean, you're kidding
You do it
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