The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 46, Bordello of Blood with Jason Pargin

Episode Date: October 27, 2021

Seanbaby and Brockway are joined by Jason Pargin for a Halloween special where we discuss one of the best vampire movies ever made -- the one where hardened criminals show up to a club that turns out to be run by sex worker vampires! It's Dusk Til D- no? It's what? It's... Bordello of Blood? FUCK.

One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred hot dog. Our podcast slams with maximum hype. Say hot dog podcast work. Yeah. When you taste that nitrate power, you're in the dog zone for an hour. Come on.

You know the number. One nine hundred. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine zero zero. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine zero zero zero.

Yeah. Nine thousand. Welcome and Spookby Spookawine to the dog zone. Nine thousand. The spook capital of Spooktober. I'm the internet Sean baby. I had a whole intro planned. I'm just going to skip all of the spooky intro.

I want to hear all of the spooks. How dare you. Well, that's my spook partner. The web keyword. Terrifics Robert Brockway. Robert Brockway. Here's a Brockway fact. The Oregon State Senate has a protocol in place because of me.

No follow up questions. Well, today, since we have no follow up questions for that, our special guest, international bestseller, an American handsome boy, author of Zoey punches the future in the dick. Now in bendable paperback. Jason Parjan. Happy haunted ween.

Very spooky hot hot dog. Hot dog ween. No. Hot dog. Ween sounds fine. I really don't think there's a high bar when it comes to like Halloween puns and in fact, anyone trying to like make a good one should have probably shot themselves in the head years ago.

I just don't want to be that person. As someone has pointed out on the various streaming services on Hulu, they have happy Hulu ween, because they've got all the horror specials right in some module. But on Peacock, that's NBC streaming service. It is Peacocktober. I don't think they thought through Cocktober. Either that or they thought it's very well.

Yeah, it's Cocktober everybody. Peacocktober. It is Peacocktober. Cocktober. I like Handjob Vember is one of my favorite months. And asshole arch. It's like they weren't even trying, but it's it's it's fun. Jason, let's plug something for you just so later when we are fully messing around,

we can just cut the podcast off. Where can people find their work? We can just hard out on that. My more in-depth columns you can find on substack at jasonpargin.substack.com. It's just a blogging service that will also email you the blogs, but also because Brackway and Sean don't do this a lot. Please, please, the 1900 hot dog Patreon is the only way this exists. Notice there are no ad reads in this podcast.

Notice there are no banner ads except for the fake ones Sean made on their articles. The only source of income aside from the excellent Popsicle Pete T-shirts is the Patreon. Please, if you if you want the people involved to be able to continue to have homes, consider throwing out a few bucks there. It unlocks an ocean of content. That's true. I think we're up to almost 500 articles now. We didn't say it, so it's true.

That's true. We didn't even ask him to do that. I appreciate that. You're right. We never tell people about that. Also, this podcast is every Wednesday. I don't think we tell people that either. It's a lot.

We don't tell anybody. Now that we're talking about it, Robert, do you remember when we were at Cracked and occasionally the sales team would come to us and say, hey, we need you to put together like a one or two sentence summary of what Cracked is. Yeah, your thesis. Give us your thesis was there was there was term. And then how every six months they would forget what it was and they would ask us to do it again. Right.

But if you told them the old one, they would say, no, we need a new one. Yeah, because we would keep saying, do you just have the old email somewhere? Can somebody just pick up the email where we came? So come up with explain in a couple of senses for if someone listening to this for the first time, if there's any like industry executives listening, what's the pitch for 1900 hotdog the site and for the dog zone, the 1900 hotdog podcast? Let's see. For the site, I'd call it a web keyword, fun entertainment, online world, HTML page.

I just call it America's last comedy website. Yes, this is it. Once we die, it's all over and everyone is trying to kill us, including us apparently. Apparently, we're trying to starve to death. We don't know how to do. What do you call it? Marketing? What do you call it?

Talking about stuff? All right. Yeah, we're bad at that too. I did write a 3700 word article today about a Superboy comic book from the 1950s. So that's a skill. I have a skill. It's not profitable, but whatever. I guess that ties into the subject of today's podcast because I want to get out in front

of the criticism right away. I fully realize that I talk about Dennis Miller a lot. I realize that there are younger listeners of the show who don't still don't know who Dennis Miller is even after listening to it. I don't hate this guy so much. He must be some kind of politician or something. I don't even know if Dennis Miller is still a public person or if he still has a show anywhere.

I don't know if he's alive. He may easily be dead for all we know. He's probably dead from COVID. He seems like that. COVID has easily taken out 85% of that population. The aging, like marginal conservative, like clinging to fame type commentators. Yeah, COVID seems to have specifically have come for them, almost as if a judgment from God.

Almost as if. It's changed the way we watch people die. It used to be like when people died, we'd be like, that's real sad, and now, like when Dennis Miller dies, we will dig up old tweets where he'll be like, yeah, and I just think that's kind of amazing. This is a real fucking statistic that like the Trump counties are dying like almost six times faster than just regular humans from COVID, and that's just astonishing. It just directly correlates with like, oh, here's the counties where they voted for Trump

and here's the counties where the death rate is 5.6 times higher, and I was like, it was the New York Times. It's not like some fucking Facebook post, and I'm like, this is astonishing. This hasn't been very funny, but we are doing another Dennis Miller podcast, so I think it's dramatically appropriate. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. In general, the internet has shown us too much of people's personalities. There was a time when you wouldn't know somebody was anti-vax and that they died, like it would

just be sad and you could just be, but it's kind of similar to that once upon a time, the older people know when there was like a mass shooting, the coverage was always in the aftermath. It was always just like they would talk to one neighbor and they'd be like, oh, he was quiet. The shooter was, gosh, no, we were shocked. Like, he's quiet. He kept to himself, you know, private person.

We had no idea he was harboring this. Now every time there's a mass shooting, within 20 minutes, the internet has found this person's like their Facebook and it's just mass shooting memes. It's just, it's an entire blog about how they're going to be a mass shooter someday. And it's like, oh, okay, I guess we maybe could have intervened prior to this. Maybe we should have been monitoring the mass shooting for chance up for him. Yeah. But yeah, it's, we now have insight into people that it's not necessarily a good thing.

It is a change. But anyway, the Dennis Miller vampire movie, Bordello Blood. Right. It's Spook-A-Lean. I forgot what we were doing. Spook-A-Lean. I think people dying is pretty spooky. Yeah.

Yeah. Spook-A-Lean. But you know what I'd like to talk about before we talk about Bordello Blood is we all watched this show called Tainted Blood, which was a documentary about why Bordello Blood sucks. And Jason, you said this was included on the DVD of Bordello Blood. Because I think the question would be why did somebody set out to make a documentary about this 1996 vampire movie starring Dennis Miller that had been clearly like edited to the point that the movie is like 85 minutes along with some filler in there.

And I think what it was, there's like a 25 minute documentary called Tainted Blood because this movie is kind of famously, not just famously bad, but famously what happened behind the scenes was famously terrible. And I guess during the publicity for the movie, even back in the 90s, Dennis Miller like went out on the publicity tour and told everybody the movie's bad. Don't watch it. Even though he was the star. Even though he was the reason it was bad.

Yeah. It's his fault. And so I think Shout Factory does a lot of like niche DVD and Blu-ray releases. And I think they put this together for the Blu-ray because unlike most movies, there were a lot of people, basically everyone involved other than Dennis Miller, willing to go in front of a camera and say, no, I'll tell you, I'll tell you exactly what happened and why this was terrible. It was fucking Dennis Miller.

I love this because I think I wish every bad movie had this. Yeah. Like if somebody released a two hour long feature at, I've said this on other podcasts, maybe on this podcast, but if somebody released like a two hour long feature at on the new Star Wars movies and like where they went wrong, including like where they interviewed the director and the writers, like the people involved, the editors and they explained why it was bad. Like in a very frank, open way, I would watch the hell out of that.

I would find that more interesting than any of those movies. Yeah. And it would make me go back and watch those movies and enjoy them almost certainly more. It was bold to like package it with the movie. You have to buy the movie. I'm fascinated by the process and here this behind the scenes documentary about Bordello of Blood is far more interesting than the movie Bordello of Blood, which is just a, it's a very 90s like action horror comedy thing.

So as we get into, you will understand listener why we chose, I realize it in every episode of the dog zone at the beginning, it's not at all clear why we chose that subject matter. This podcast is not super focused on any one subject I feel. That's maybe fair. And the premise of the show is basically just whatever caught our attention in the seven days since the last one was recorded. That's also fair. It was Bordello of Blood, when you hear about like why it's bad and the way in which it's

bad. It is really interesting to me. As every episode, I don't think any episode of the dog zone has ever disappointed. It's just that sometimes it's like, why do you like, if we wanted to, you could do an entire show that was just about like karate movies, right, Sean? Like you could, you could just, if you wanted to do the niche thing, which is what you're supposed to do in the world, the podcasting, by the way, you're supposed to be your true crime.

Yeah, we talked about that. Yeah, whatever. We consider it. We have internal documents discussing this and each of us kind of got to the point where we didn't care. Yeah, we talked about it. We tried to narrow it down to like, what is our thing? And then we were like, I don't want to do it, though.

I don't want to do it if that's our thing. You know what I'd miss is Dennis Miller. And we both agreed. Yeah. Yeah. So Dennis Miller podcast. Think about Miller time. With SEO the worst.

And I'm guessing like, I would love to go look up like, what is the Google trends for Dennis Miller over the last five years is probably entirely things we've written. Yeah. That's probably true. But I actually remember really liking this movie when I first saw it in the 90s. I think Dennis Miller wasn't as like, I guess, awful back then. I guess that whole like, I'm just a fucking dick to everybody. Fuck you.

Like that attitude was we all agreed that he wants to do that. Yeah, you could just do what we liked it. Like I was a teenager and Dennis Miller had, I guess, his peak, I don't know, in like mid to late 90s. I love Dennis Miller because teenagers are shitty and Dennis Miller is shitty like a teenager. So I was like, yeah, that's what it's about. It's about just being really snotty about everything all the time.

Yeah. And Dennis Leary did that and David Spade. Yeah, that was the 90s. Andrew Dice Clay. A lot of people there was there was a big market for just being a total fucking. Nineties was just like a surly teenager of a decade. Yeah. In the pre nine 11 years, it was it was its own thing.

If you weren't there, it's hard to explain. But for the listeners who are new to the show, the deal with Dennis Miller is that there was a time when he was considered the coolest dude in comedy, where he was almost like too cool for stuff. Like he kind of did Saturday Night Live. But if he was ever in a sketch, like he mostly did weekend update. But if he was a sketch, he kind of did it like, I'm too cool to be wearing the silly costume.

And that was everybody loved it. He was he was not a conservative, cranky old man. He was a hip, sarcastic kind of embodied the whole like this is what punk rebellion looked like in the mid 90s. It was a sarcastic white dude with a hair with distinct hair. Get an haircut. Yeah. Doing jokes and in his stand up was really rapid fires.

Kind of if you've ever seen Dennis Leary is in that style, like really fast. Tons of references to like the 80s and old stuff. And it was just he was kind of he was cool. People thought it was cool. And then at some point over the years, he got older and crankier and incredibly wealthy and went full on conservative crank to where now he's he's just like he only turns up on Fox News. He got banned from Twitter, I think, or left Twitter because it's too lefty.

And he just got old and cranky. And I have a fascination with Dennis Miller because there is a lot of Dennis Miller in me and I have I have a cranky, conservative old man's heart that I try to keep at bay and try to not be that person. If you're not careful, you're going to die in the gutter like Dennis Miller. Dennis Miller, who is fabulously wealthy is the guy in the gutter of his 50 million dollar mansion. Yeah, famously tweeted on parlor, parlored on parlor.

I will never die in the gutter. And then two weeks later, gutter award. Maybe, yeah, may now be dead. We honestly don't know. So this is a movie that this is why it's interesting, because I also, when I saw it at the time, because obviously, like kind of smirking gory horror comedy is my thing. You know, kind of like this, we know you're too smart for this.

So we're kind of, you know, kind of weak in at the camera and but it's it's bloody and it's fun. It's kind of stupid. And I think when I saw Bordello of blood back in the day, yeah, I probably thought, yeah, this is, this is fun. You know, Dennis Miller, he's up there being his sarcastic self. He's clearly just barely acting in a movie. He's just, you know, playing himself and kind of smirking his way through it.

And that was the coolest thing back then. Now, knowing what I know about how it was made. And then I watch him up on screen, wearing like these baggy pleated khakis and that hair and everything about it's like, wait, was that was this all cool back then? My favorite part of Bordello of Blood is how you can see, especially once you know the story, how you can see that everybody he talks to fucking hates him. Yeah, you can just see it.

They're trying their best. They're professionals, but there's just this nobody likes it. Nobody likes him. Everybody's just looking at him like, man, as soon as it stops, just fuck you. And like, yeah, and there's the we'll get into this, but there's a story about how he wasn't in most of the scenes with the other people. Like he was filming his own show, the Dennis Miller show or whatever it was called. And so he was oftentimes just tired and he would send his assistant over

to say, like, hey, can you shoot around Dennis today? And then they would just fill it in later with him alone in a room. And then they would talk to, you know, the supervisor, which is why the few scenes where he's like talking to somebody, you can see them just being like, really, this asshole? Yeah, really? This is what he's doing. Okay.

You've you've left out a key element of that story to to back up just a little bit. The issue was, is that this movie had a budget according to Wikipedia of two point five million dollars. So that's an even in 1996, that's, but if you're doing, if you're doing a thing where the effects are kind of intentionally bad and like the makeup and monster stuff is kind of intentionally bad, that's fine. That that's all you need. So they were putting this movie together.

And the producers are like, this is Joel Silver and Richard Donner. Like it's a bunch of famous. Yeah, but this is a movie based on the HBO show Tales from the Crypt. And basically there, they did a few that they did two or three movies. They were, you know, features. They were just basically big long episodes of that show. And you could do that back then and get it theatrical release. So they had, we're going to cast someone on the level of someone like Daniel Baldwin,

like some sea list guy, but somebody, one of the producers, I think, Joel Silver said, no, I want Dennis Miller. He's he's hot. He's he's the guy everybody wants. Dennis Miller is not an actor. He has said he's not an actor and didn't want to do it. But apparently his way of saying, no, was he said, I'll do it for a million dollars. They had budgeted for the lead.

They had budgeted 250 K. So he was basically asking to quadruple. And the way they did it was was Joel Silver said, OK, that's great. It's fine. Give him the million and then just take the 750,000 out of the rest of the movie's budget already meager already shoestring budget. So Dennis Miller has two demands when he shows up on set. One, I don't like any of the script. So I'm going to improvise all of my lines. Two, because of this conflict with my schedule, shooting my own show,

I often will not be on set, meaning I will need to film my scene separately and then you guys can film the other actors. Seems like when they're reacting to me on their own. And then the way you do that is you have like the script supervisor. Just read it out of the screenplay. Dennis's lines and they react. The problem is Dennis was not using the screenplay. Are you picture picturing this listener?

They weren't he was improvising. The other actors were not in the room to react to his improv. They were using the lines that were in the script because and then I'm just imagining the poor editor sitting down with this footage and trying to match the Dennis stuff to the everybody else stuff. It really helps build that vibe that everybody hates him too, because you can see in the movie that nobody likes what he's doing. Nobody reacts to what he's doing.

So the end result of this like accidental split is that he'll make a joke and then it'll cut to somebody else for the reaction and it's just dead flat face. OK, because that's the one they were giving. I don't know if that's their problem, though, that I think that might be a Dennis Miller problem, because almost I'd say 99 percent of the jokes in this movie are just like placeholders for future jokes. Like, like, really, TVD, it's like this up so badly. There's more to the scheduling thing, too, because he screwed over the crew

in doing that. They had it in their contract to work, you know, a standard work week where they get weekends off and then Dennis Miller showed up and didn't tell anybody in advance the first day of shooting. He said, here's what we're doing. We're shooting so you get Mondays and Tuesdays off and you're working through the weekends and it was specifically against their contract. So already the crew is just just fucking cranky with them and mad at him. He's instantly made enemies of everybody on set.

Yeah. So great job, Dennis Miller. On day one, day one, day one. It also features another person who is cranky to be. There was Erica Leniek, who's she was a Baywatch babe. You might remember she jumped out of a cake in under siege and she got. That's an interesting story. She got that part. Rumor, she's rumored to get that part by having sex with Stevenson Golf.

And the that whole story is that Stevenson Golf was trying to hook up with Pamela Anderson and he was like Pamela Anderson, come sit with me on the couch and have sex with me. And Pamela Anderson is like, no, because well, if you don't have sex with me, then I'll give the part to the next girl. Pamela Anderson is like, OK, fuck you. And then Erica Leniek got the part. So I'm just saying she probably fucked Stevenson Golf to get ahead in Hollywood.

And here she is four years later acting across a sometimes not there Dennis Miller. And that didn't work out for her, I guess, is what I'm saying. So she also was mad because most of her stuff in the script was very sexy and she didn't want to do any any sex related stuff. She wanted to be a serious actress. She would not have sex with Stevenson Golf for nothing. Did not say in advance, took the job and then show up and was like, OK, Dennis Miller is rewriting all the script day by day.

He's improving the script. I'm also going to rewrite the script. But now that I'm a character to not be a stripper. So she became an assistant to an evangelist preacher, which is a big rewrite, I would think. God, you know who I really liked in this Tainted Blood documentary was Corey Feldman. Now, Corey Feldman is such an underdog in this documentary. I guess that's in real life.

And he just wants to be friends with everybody, but it's just a set full of assholes. On a Corey Feldman tangent, if you're ever in a production where Corey Feldman is like the adult in the room, yeah, and he's like the stabilizing force because he absolutely comes off in this like he's the one guy who because he had just gotten out of rehab at the time. So he was trying to be like on his best behavior and was just happy that I guess he, you know, he knew Richard Donner. Somebody is like, hey, they gave me a chance.

I'm going to knock it out of the park. I would say that he did not in his performance. Agreed. But in terms of his behind the scenes, everybody seems to agree. It's like, oh, no, Corey was great. Like he was he was the one guy trying to make it livable and, you know, make it like a place that we wanted to be. His stories that he tells about that was that he found out he got the job.

And like immediately when he lands in Vancouver to go film everything, he calls up Dennis Miller on the phone and is basically like, hey, so I know you're not an actor and whatnot. And this is probably your first lead and like I can help you out. And we can, you know, I know you're a great writer. We can work on the script together. And Dennis Miller was like, no, just no. Corey Felton was like, oh, OK.

Well, do you want to like hang out or get lunch? Talk about the movie or something? Dennis Miller was like, no, just no. See, I feel like you're telling this story in a nicer way than Corey himself told it where it felt like he was he started with a story about Dennis Miller like meeting him back in 1987. He said he was trying to be a comedian and Dennis like pull them aside and said, hey, you're kind of funny, but your material sucks.

And so this is like his story of Dennis Miller. And you're very much like was the vibe. Right. It's he tells these stories like every moment of these interactions or these precious memories like Court Feldman like spent at least an hour with the actual Michael Jackson and he's slowly leading us through a conversation about small talk with Dennis fucking Miller and looking bad in it. Like he's clearly Dennis didn't remember him or think about him

or want to be a part of him. And Corey is here telling us that he like sometimes polishes scripts. Like I do a lot of comedy punch ups. I don't get credit for it. And so we don't even know if this is a real thing that happens or if this is just a lie. He tells himself. It's pretty sad either way. Yeah. When he gives notes to his friends that they don't take.

Yeah. And so he's he calls up Dennis Miller, who's like, Corey, who I don't have we met? And he's like, yeah, you do you need some pointers for acting and also writing? Like it's fully within Dennis Miller's rights to say, fuck you, dude. Like that's outrageous. Oh, so if Feldman called me and offered me to offer to help me act or write, I would totally tell Corey Feldman to fuck himself. Right. But if you're Dennis Miller, you do need those pointers.

Sure. Fair enough. Yeah. This is one of those things. Yeah, that's that's that's the thing. Because the idea was that, you know, Dennis famously did not do this. Like he had never been in the lead in anything as far as I know. No, this is it. This is one and only shot. And this is what he did with it.

So the idea of like getting together before the movie and kind of working through some stuff or scenes you're going to have together. Now, Corey also in that documentary talks about reaching out to it's not Angie Everhart, it's the it's what's her name? Erica Lennyak and saying, hey, we should get together. Since I'm playing your brother in this movie, we should get together and hang out and she she also said, no, that won't be next stage. Yeah, just no.

Well, OK, that is much more reasonable if you are a and I'm not disparaging Corey Feldman if you're a fan or listening to this. I'm not implying anything about about him. But if you're on the set of a movie and he's reaching out to one of the actresses, you know, and like she's there as she was cast because as like a Baywatch babe, and he's like, hey, we should go meet in my trailer to talk about what it's like to be pretend brother and sister in this movie. I would I would my responsibility, I will meet with you in a group.

But not just just you and me. And because he then goes on to talk most that he had sex with multiple members of the cast. Yeah, it was super creepy. I do. But you had to cut back to Erica Lennyak after the exchange. And she's like, yeah, I was I did totally just tell him to fuck off. I guess so. Huh. See, her reaction made me think that he maybe wasn't at least a creep about it. Like at least she didn't take it that way.

She was like, oh, looking back. Yeah, he was trying to be nice and I was like, fuck you. I do want to like if you don't know who Corey Feldman is, he's obviously here complaining he's not making friends in the set. And never thought I'd be on Corey Feldman's side. Like you're talking Corey Feldman's side. I'm not. I want to just say that I shouldn't be seen. Nobody should really.

Nobody should be. He seems really difficult and unlikeable, very stupid, very sexist, very imposing. Trying to start an amateur cult. He's like cult hobbyist. Yes, he's obviously very mercenary in his making of friends. So he was probably trying to hang out Elaniak and Dennis Miller, like just to advance his career. And he had that whole sad Hugh Hefner cult knockoff thing

that he started in his own words because he realized knowing people he could introduce like off the bus models to was quote, a valuable thing. Like he just realized like, hey, if I'm going to be having sex with all these confused Midwestern girls and like promising them modeling careers and acting jobs, that's worth something. They have to stay here and be my like Feldman babes. So what this really means, if no one wants to be his friend, it means that no one thought it was worth trading phone numbers

with 1996 Corey Feldman, and that's probably a good move. Here's the reason I hate Corey Feldman in this. He's like, I don't know what to call it. Horror. No. Comedy. Maybe horror comedy, the comedy of horrors. And he fucking delivers this rehearsed joke. Like I hated it so fucking much. And it's just weird how he's been a professional actor for like 40 years and he still can't do a believable performance, even for like just a little joke.

And I would argue in this movie, he's the worst performer. Like there's a lot of bad performances, but they're it's like arch acting or like bold choices. His is like, this guy doesn't know how to act. Like I can tell he's rehearsing or, you know, performing a line, which I think is the only way you can like be a truly bad actor is if you're just constantly reminding the audience that you're uncomfortable and performing. So anyway, he had to rehearse for this role,

which I thought was kind of funny because he was friends with Richard Donner. Well, he named dropped. Yeah, he named Richard Donner and then changed it to Dick Donner. Yeah, Dick Donner. I call him Dick. And he's he's talking about like he wasn't going to do the movie except, you know, Richard Donner wanted wanted him to do him a favor. And then he says, oh, sorry, you've got to go through the audition process. He's like, really, Dick?

He also thought it was his big comeback movie for some reason. He's incredible. Is that I'm going to argue bit part in this indie horror movie with fucking Dennis Miller as the lead. And it's like, this is going to go to number one, which I believe he said almost exactly. He said all of my movies have gone to number one to this point. I'm not sure if that's true. I didn't look it up, but my gut instinct is to just not believe

Corey Feldman, which I think is a good gut instinct for everybody. But I think he meant like Lost Boys, Goonies. He had a streak. Right. But was that in between? Was that he did nothing else in between? Yeah, he absolutely had a streak of like five or six movies that I don't doubt all went to the ones he did with the other. Corey Haim, who is is dead now, right?

Yeah. Like he I don't want to diminish how famous he was. Same thing, Dennis Miller in the 90s, like Corey Feldman in the 80s or whenever he was big was huge. Like there was a period of time when he was absolutely 18. Hard for him. It's that thing. It's that thing where when you peak at age 14 or 15 or whatever and become super famous and super rich, there's not a lot of motivation

to work on your craft or self. Yeah, or yourself or your like your maturity level kind of stops at the point when you become famous. And so it's yeah, it's you go back and look at those performances now. It's like, what did people see in him? But it's, you know, it's the teenage girls, it's 12 year old girls going to watch your movie five and six times over and over again. That's well, he did mention that all of his movies have been number one,

except for Dream a Little Dream, which I would argue was kind of the only movie he ever made that could be like a Corey Feldman vehicle. You know what I mean? Like you wouldn't say Goonies is a Corey Feldman movie. You say Lost Boys is a Corey Feldman movie. Fuck you. Like that's insane. And so he was sure that he was like a hitmaker and that this movie like reflected poorly on him.

So he said the fact that Bordello blood wasn't a hit meant that Hollywood punished him. He's like, oh, how dare you for not making this a hit? Corey Feldman superstar. And he said that because of it, they wouldn't let him do a serious movie for like five years, which is very funny, obviously, just his insecurities like taking form out of his mouth. But I looked at his IMDB to see what he's talking about. Like what what does he mean by five years and I don't know what the fuck

he's talking about, except for in 2001, he did something called Seance, which I swear to God, Corey Feldman snuck snuck on the IMDB like 30 seconds to before I clicked on it today. Like I've been on Corey Feldman's IMDB. I've never seen this movie before. I've never seen it in a video store. I've read his autobiography. I own all of his albums.

If if anyone was to ever I have a problem. My point is, if anyone's to know about Seance, I was its best shot. And I swear it doesn't exist. But I think that's what he's talking about. That was his his other attempt at combat. Punishment movie. So I've talked about Corey Feldman a lot. You get my point about him is that he's he's not a great guy.

But on the set of this movie, he was the only one trying. Yeah, I think that's why I root for him as like an underdog, because it it's just any time somebody shows up and they're like, let's let's do this, let's make this movie. And every every single other person is like, oh, fuck you. I kind of got a root for the guy, even though I know he's a fucking hobby. Cultist, he's he's a very bad person. It's people don't know what the hobby cultist stuff is.

You're just going to have to Google it. We do not have time to explain Corey Feldman's whole deal. Corey Feldman is a podcast, positive podcast. Google, go to YouTube and look up the music video for the song, Ascension Millennium. Oh, fuck, yes. Sung by Corey Feldman and there's a music video by Corey Feldman that is promoting his his cult. And then watch the watch the one where he sings the Star Spangled Banner

at like a baseball game. That's funny, too. Here's a hot Corey Feldman tip. There was some articles written about the parties that he would throw and is like said Playboy Mansion knockoff. And it was just like a bunch of like sparse crowds of like sad people in underwear and the article was really mean. Like it's just this party sucks and Corey, it's very sad. And then Corey Feldman like was really pissed off about it.

So there's a second article about Corey Feldman's like litigious like like come back to that article. So that's a whole like drama. But don't don't feel bad for Corey Feldman, despite how much I kind of want to. I do want to talk about Angie Everhart before we like get into the actual movie. How did she get cast in this movie? Tell the tell the listeners.

You already did. You did, Erica Lennyak. She was supposed to be Robin Givens, but Joel Silver was hanging out on the set of Assassins with Sylvester Stallone. And Sylvester Stallone was like, Hey, you should be my girlfriend in the movie. And his girlfriend was Angie Everhart, supermodel Angie Everhart. And Joel Silver was like, OK, it doesn't fucking matter. We got no money for Robin Givens anyway.

We gave it all to Dennis Miller. So they gave Angie Everhart scale wages to come on and act. And she is I'd argue a bad actress, but perfect for this extended episode of a Tales from the Crypt. What did you guys think of of her acting? She's terrible. I think she's probably the worst actress on here. But again, she you kind of root for her because of it.

Like at least right. At least she seems out of her depth for her reason. Like you can tell. You this is your first time. She's doing like an arch sex panther kind of thing. That works. Yeah, it's fine. As a person who has no acting training, doing their best, I will take that over someone who is mad that they're in the movie.

Yes, that they got paid a million dollars to be in. It's the best part of it, but not because anything she does is good. It's just everybody else in it does such a bad job that you're like, you know what? You're doing a good job. Yeah, she's fine. But here's what I love is that she's basically a model that's so hot she couldn't help but be a little bit of a movie star. And she spends this documentary complaining

that Dennis Miller does not respect the art of acting. Like she's just like here because she's hot and she's complaining about like Dennis Miller's lack of love of the craft. I liked when she had a brief section where she felt the need to talk about her struggles breaking in as a redhead. Like that was her. Yes. That was her impression. She is the civil rights movement. The first redhead on the cover of Vogue.

Isn't that what she said? Yes, or glamour. But yeah. But she was using it to like show that the the oppression and struggles that she's faced and like I did this for redheads. I made it for redheads. No one finds redheads attractive. I mean, not before you go back into you go back in the 90s like, you know,

when people would watch the X files and they'd be like, well, I like that, David DeCovney, but what is that ghoul that the thing that is his partner? What is that? What's wrong with her hair? He certainly did not have teenage boys all over America masturbating to two posters of that. So anyway, she understands racism. I guess it's where we're getting. She gets it. Yes.

This is a fascinating collection of people is what we're trying. What we're trying to say. The documentary is so good. And Chris Sarandon, not part of the documentary, but you probably know him as Prince Humpergink from the Princess Bride. Or sort of playing the bad guy. It's anti-hero. You need a face turn.

I mean, I guess at some point we should explain what the movie is about. We've been, I guess, I've been kind of assuming that everybody has seen Bordello of Blood. I've been assuming nobody has, but that it doesn't matter. Yeah, it's kind of irrelevant. It's completely irrelevant. It's a campy vampire movie from the 90s. And then everybody just fucked it so hard. Everybody independently fucked it.

And then Dennis Miller just fucked it to death. I really like the story that Erica Eleniak told during this documentary where she was mad that her character was a stripper. And she's like, I don't want to do any sex stuff. I'm here to be a serious actress. And this is annoying to everyone. And she tells a story about a 45 minute argument she had about a girl on girl scene she had with Angie Everhart.

She's like, I don't want this in the movie. Take it out of the movie. But also they added that after she'd already seen the script. So they they hire her. She says, I don't want sex stuff. They're like, what about some girl on girl? She's like, no, I don't want that. And so to be clear, Erica Eleniak will will fuck a grunty karate gob

and Steven Zagal for a part, but not sports illustrated swimsuit model. Angie Everhart just for the record. I like that her talk about becoming a serious actress. And then one positive thing she has to say about the role was a section they cut where her character was originally, you guys, this her character was way deeper. Originally, she was a super fat porn star. So that's the depth that she was mad they cut from her character. That's her her serious actress muscles she wanted to flex.

Chubby O2. And you can see the skeleton of that in the movie. So no to Angie Everhart. Yes, to being a fat porn star. No, to being a stripper. Yes, to that. One of the many things about this movie, because the movie, the finished movie is like eighty seven minutes along with credits.

It's they barely have feature length footage for this movie with a lot of filler. One of the multiple things that comes up and this gets dropped is Dennis Miller. There's this running joke where he keeps saying to Angie Everhart, don't I know you from somewhere? That comes up like three times. This is the leftover of the joke where it was going to turn out. She is an obese, a formerly obese porn star named Thunder Thies or something like that. Chubby O2.

Chubby O2. Yes, serious actress. Yeah, that was the name of the movie she was in, I think was Thunder Thies. But she comes across like the poster in there. But for whatever reason, they cut that the punchline out. But the setup is still there for no reason. Because nobody was paying attention and they needed minutes. It was like eighty three minutes.

Yeah, because the crypt keeper framing device at the beginning and the end, like they're really stretching and still just barely. Like you say nobody cared. I think the editor for this thing, just I just picture a guy sitting in the editing bay. It's up to me to save this. My God. Smoking cigarette after cigarette, just sifting through this footage like, Jesus. It killed him.

It killed him to do this. Did they? This was the best take they had from Dennis, like these lines don't match. Dennis makes a joke. And then this person responds with something that makes no sense because he didn't use the line in the script. I think somebody probably had an ulcer because we can say, look, this is a throwaway movie nobody cares about.

But there's still people's jobs on the line. Like there's still people who this is going to be on their resume. This is they're going to be at the premiere. Like they're going to get stuck with this thing. I am. I have in my notes some more Corey stuff because I love the story he told about Angie Everhart and how he was warned to stay away from her because she's Sylvester Stallone's girlfriend, so stay away from her.

But it turns out she's like really nice. Like Corey Feldman's like, oh my God, like hot people can be nice to you. I never even knew about this. And I loved her in this documentary. She's so great in the documentary. She has the in the documentary appropriate attitude. Yes, but Corey tells celebrity stories like like a Midwestern woman who saw Jimmy Fallon at a sparrows.

Like he'll talk for eight minutes and give no actual information or insight. It's just like he saw them exhibit human behavior and they've been on TV. And it's just this sad outsider gossip that I just I can't believe he still does after being a celebrity longer than most people have been alive. And the way he bragged about having sex with women on the set was like, are you fucking like 17 years old? He he named dropped the actual girl he fucked from the set. Like the girl that has like a third nipple.

Born with the extra boob, he says. He's like he named drops to like like a frat boy sharing his hookups, nudes. Like like Mr. Mr. comparing grouping numbers before their second take these broken wings on court, cha, cha, 42 minutes into the podcast before the first. My God, I had the clock. I had a miller timer running. I do just need to pause for new listeners.

That was Sean's Dennis Miller impression. If you're not familiar with Dennis Miller, I'll just let me just tell you, it's dead on. It's you could not some of you thought we just edited in eights. We spliced in like a clip from Dennis Miller talking. No, that was actually Sean doing that. It's just it's just been inside me my whole life as a test. We're actually going to splice in Dennis, actual Dennis Miller lines.

And you have to try to tell a difference and you can't. You won't get it. You won't be able to. I also have in my notes that the screenwriter is there complaining a lot, like really, frankly, about everything that got fucked up. Like it's not just the performers. My favorite. Yeah. And he's complaining here at this point about how there's only three

shootable hours of darkness at night because they're in Vancouver and the summer exotic North Realms of Vancouver, which they went to out of spite is my favorite part of this. Yes. It's like a union busting gig. You're like, fuck you. It was what was it, Joel Silver, who said he had like some sort of issue on a previous movie with the union. So when he got this next movie, he was like, well, fuck the union then.

We're going to Vancouver. And this was, I guess, at a point where Vancouver wasn't quite as established as like a shooting hub as it is today. So they had to settle for like second string crews for like practical effects that didn't work for apparently this lighting all out of spite. This movie started with spite and finished. I would argue finished with spite. Yes. And then this is when in the documentary, they bring in a makeup

artist who they had to hire because no one local like could figure out how to do all these practical effects. So they didn't know how to make blood in their vampire movie. Yeah, they didn't know how to make blood. They called it like that. And again, just to be clear, they could not bring the actual effects people from Hollywood because those people were members of a union union union union wages.

So the non union, I don't want to use the word scab, but the non union labor they brought in didn't know how to do even the basic stuff. So yeah, it created an emergency because the two things you need for a horror movie, which are the makeup and gore effects. And then the whole thing has to be shot at night. Horror works better at night. Especially a vampire movie because they can't. Yeah, they will light on fire.

Exactly. Yeah. So when they got there and those were the two things, they had nobody that could do like the gore effects. And also it's apparently only dark and dark for three hours a night in Vancouver, which was news to me. I guess I'm not here. A worldly person. He kept saying shootable.

I think he might have been exaggerating. Yeah, I think he's exaggerating. Yeah, either way, it's not because I know that in any movie like this, there's tons and tons and tons of setup. You can't just be like, boom, get it. Like you once it's dark, you have to light for that level of dark. And that takes forever. And then now you, you know, you have to go get Dennis Miller out of his trailer.

Like again, what he's saying that it was the time of year when night was very short and they had a very short work day, but in that no one considered this before they before they went up there because it was all about just trying to save money because they'd spent all the money on Dennis Miller. A guy that screenwriter had my favorite quote of both the movie and the documentary when he said, people kept making decisions that nibbled at our ass. I'm surprised that we had any ass left when the movie was done. Delivered like the true writer of Bordello of Blood.

OK, now you're saying the writer, you're saying the writer of Bordello of Blood. Now the this actual, the way this movie got made, there's yet another terrible detail where this was a script that Robert Zemeckis and Bob Gale wrote in college. His first. Yeah. He's at his first student's first ever and the premise of this is absolutely a thing you write with your buddy in college. I'm pretty sure I wrote this when I was 13.

Yeah, because it's Bordello of Blood. If it's about this, it's a whorehouse that's a cover for vampires. So it's just totally naked women. There's hundreds of naked boobs in this movie and then they turn into vampires and they lure in horny young dudes, college dudes that probably were supposed to be stand ins for Robert Zemeckis and his buddy. And then they get them in and then they using the power of their naked boobs hypnotize them and turn them into vampires.

So like that's the type of thing you write when you're when you're 19 and you dream of being in movies. It's just that when Robert Zemeckis became, you know, a middle aged man in Hollywood and a superstar, he was threatening to leave Universal to go to the new upstart called DreamWorks. So to keep him there as a favor to him, he, I think, as a prank. That's a power to them. Told them they had to shoot this script.

He wrote because I'm telling you, if you dig up the stuff I wrote when I was 19 and you threaten to make a movie out of it, I will I will pay you two and a half million dollars to not make it. Yeah, this is I think this is his Dennis Miller move where he's like, no, I want to go to DreamWorks, but I can't just say no. So you make a blood and I'll stay. And they were like, yes. And he was like, well, yeah, with Dennis Miller, Dennis Miller.

OK, but you also have to pay him a million dollars. Don't you cannot say yes to this. So I hope it is now becoming clear to the listeners in my previous episodes and in the eight or nine podcasts that I guest on, I am fascinated by the process by which movies come together because we know everybody on this show right now, we all have friends trying to get movies made. We all have sold stuff in the world of Hollywood that we were hoping to get made. When you see behind the scenes of how this movie, how stuff actually gets made,

where it's just one guy throwing out a demand, being a dick. And then the casting is done on like a whim and a series of people having sex with each other and Sylvester Stallone at a party demanding that they cast his girlfriend in something and then breaks up with her halfway through production. But I did. There's people out there just pounding the pavement, trying to get their dream project made and getting like just going out for auditions and banging

their head against that wall. And meanwhile, millions get thrown around on this thing that was made just entirely out of spite. Yep, starts to finish. This union busting almost made like sarcastically and all these crew members, I'm picturing just all these lighting people and the electricians and all the people actually working those long nights. Again, these are night shoots, right?

Working overnight, probably get to sleep a few hours, get up, continue working non-union, getting paid below market wages. You know, to them, this is not a sarcastic spite movie. This is a job. This is them trying to get into the world of making movies. So that's why it's funny. And this is why I like those Bruce Willis movies, which kind of it's the same thing. He gets a million bucks and the rest of the movie is made for

you know, whatever's left over. It's the same deal. It's like the idea that these things get made where it's just like, all right, Bruce needs another paycheck. Let's slap together whatever piece of crap we can. That's it's just great. Hollywood is just magic. The perfect system.

Unless you're friends with Adam Sandler, then it seems like really fun. Yeah, that's the way to do it. We need to find a way to be friends with Adam Sandler. God, what do I have here? I talk about this makeup guy. I really loved the guy they brought on. He actually seemed really wise for this crew of misfits. And he said something that was like kind of obvious,

where he says like this villain sucks. Like they basically covered Angie Everhart and Baby Poop. And they're like, hey, you're a witch for your fucking local newscast. Zany Halloween broadcast. And he was like, this this is not a memorable villain. A movie needs a recognizable, memorable villain. And he was so right that like I had no recollection of this character after seeing the movie and I sort of remember a lot of it.

And I when I saw her come out as like this yellow lumpy witch, I was like, yeah, I've never seen this before in my life. So yeah, this guy knew who I feel like I wish we had that guy's name because he it sounds like he kind of tried to save the movie. And it almost sounds like maybe he did it for free. Like he just kind of flew up there as a favor. Yeah, they make it seem like once they realized that they can't even make blood and they're they're shooting

and it's not nighttime, they're like, we need help. And so this was the adult that they called to make a little fantasy work. The first thing he says is like, you're whatever the movie is, your monster needs to be iconic, like it needs to stick in your mind. And he's right. And since that it doesn't necessarily cost anything to have an original monster design, like it's not going to cost any more to necessarily to make that costume

than to make this full body latex appliance for Angie Everhart. Like then instead just making her look like this wrinkled this base very basic generic wrinkled zombie which thing that it's just, you know, and it's like the first the first piece of wisdom you hear the whole thing where this guy actually wants it to be good. And he but it's like, no, we don't have time for that. Just go just crafted this, please quickly.

I got the idea from him that he and his studio were responsible for most of that like climax where Dennis Miller and Chris Sarandon like massacre the horse. Yeah, he said he came on to do like a handful of things. But the things he identified were like the only special effects in the movie. The rest was just like somebody throwing a bucket of fake blood around. So yeah, I have a feeling he got called in possibly for free to just save whatever there was of the right like this would not have been a movie without him.

And that scene that I'm talking about is so good that I remember loving the movie just because of like that five minutes like I left thinking that was incredible. So fun. I really looked like genuinely liked that they set up for some reason, a church has a laser that always shoots in a cross shape and then the only way to kill the lead vampire was to cut her heart into four parts so they laser her with the cross. Fucking that rules.

I'm sorry, that's just straight up rules that could have been in a good movie. Well, OK, this here's this brings us to the core of the point. That I don't know how long ago Tales from the Crypt was or again, what the awareness is. I say this every time I'm on the show. I have no idea of what the awareness is of pop culture things among listeners or general people. I don't know if like the Crypt Keeper is that iconic. Does everybody know what the Crypt Keeper is? Do they know the format of Tales from the Crypt?

And in the 90s, probably everybody that would have watched this kind of movie knew that as we didn't we were not spoiled for choice with horror, especially horror comic. This was it. It was a series on HBO that was based on a comic book series, right? Or is that just the yeah, yeah, it's a long running comic book series. And they were and they were each episode as an anthology series, meaning it wasn't the same actors and characters every week. It was a new story every week.

But as these can be horror stories introduced by this bony Crypt Keeper who I don't know if anybody here, not me, can do the Crypt Keeper voice. Of course, babe. See, now you have to guess if that was Sean or Dennis Miller, you'll never get it. And so it was very it was just very wanky horror. Like you know, it was very dark and gory. It's stuff that you couldn't really do on network TV. There was nudity.

And so this movie, it is very tongue in cheek campy. This is silly. You know, the whole thing doesn't take itself very seriously and all that. What's infuriating about it is and again, the premise of like, you know, some hoarding dudes go to a whorehouse and it's actually secretly run by the vampires and that everyone there is completely naked. And then in the end, it winds up being a battle against a guy with a squirt gun full of holy water squirting a room full of totally nude women.

And they explode. That is straight up like tales from the crypt. It knows what it is. It Corey Feldman even said this in the documentaries. Like this is everybody knows what tales from the crypt is. Like it's you're not embarrassed to be a part of it because it's this is the tone that that's what you're you're making. Dennis Miller takes the part, takes half the budget and then acts like he's so ashamed

to be a part of this thing that after they made it, he went out on the publicity tour and told people don't watch it like this is terrible. Like, oh, this is this is trash. But he still booked that publicity tour. He still did those. He still showed up. Wasn't too good for that. But was yeah, but was worried that like it would ruin his reputation as a cool dude,

which is like the worst kind of cool dude. There is. I think that's when you realize, wait, wait, you're not cool at all. Fuck you. Yeah, like this is the guy who won't like wear a costume to the Halloween party because it doesn't want to look silly or whatever he's like to. And it's just so obnoxious because no, you're not too good to be in a tales from the crypt movie. There is nothing wrong with the premise of the movie with anything else.

It is there's no reason that this can't just be this totally fun. You know, slapstick horror, gore comedy movie. That's it. That's that's why it exists. It's so the idea that he like kind of derailed it because what? He's ashamed that he was in it. Just don't be in it. You could have said no one made you.

You were not suffering for money. You didn't. I know I probably would take the million dollars. But if I took a million dollars, I would at least pretend to try. And what's what's great about this is that you can pinpoint. Yeah, this was Dennis Miller. I mean, it was all of this other stuff. But it was definitely Dennis Miller ruining a good portion of this movie

because this was not the first time they did this. This was the second tales from the crypt movie. The first one was called Demon Knight and it fucking ruled Millie Zane was in it. He was great. It was tales from the crypt. And I think it was the same thing. I think it was demons in a it might have been a bar that had a whore in it. I don't know.

It was like a whorehouse demons invaded. It was awesome. It worked so well that they made this movie. Same formula. And then showed like, OK, we're going to replace Billy Zane with Dennis Miller. Here's how that goes. Oh, man, imagine the phantom starring Dennis Miller. There's there's one thing we must I really want to talk about,

which was Angie Everhart when she said how she got the part. You started talking about it. We got distracted. She said we'll still own her. They were making a movie and he's like, put my girlfriend in and she cuts to her and she says, I'm not saying I slept my way to the top. But yeah, I was sleeping with the guy. The best. Yeah, she gets it.

Yeah, she could. But I mean, she she didn't have red hair like she struggles. Yeah, she struggled to get here. She she worked to get her red head wisdom coming through. Anyway, it has been an hour. So yeah, it has been out. You know what we could do is we could keep talking about the regular movie and then split this into a two parter.

No, I think we're just bumping Bordello of Blood from our Bordello of Blood podcast. Thank you. Thank you. No, you're beautiful. Well, it's been a great run here at the one nine hundred hot dog hotel and casino. None of it would have been possible without the groovy hot dog houseband. Let's give it up for the Supremes. Three finger Louis, Aaron Crosston on Kita, Adrian H. Hey, there's a moat alpha scientist Java or Mando Nava.

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