The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 48, Hana Michels Has No Right Answers!

Episode Date: November 10, 2021

It's No Right Answers! The confusing trivia game Seanbaby made up to punish Brockway and whoever gets near Brockway. This week it's Hana Michels, who was weirdly prepared to answer questions like "which animal deserves a punch in the face?" and "It's the day after The Purge, who has the easiest day at work?" The ONLY trivia game GUARANTEED not to teach you ANYTHING.

1900 Hot Dog 1900 Hot Dog Out podcast slams with maximum hype Say Hot Dog Podcast Word Yeah When you taste that nitrate power You're in the dog zone for an hour Come on

Do not remember 1900 1900 Hot Dog 1900 Hot Dog 1900 Hot Dog 1900 1900 Hot Dog 1900 Hot Dog

Yeah, 9000 Welcome to the Dog Zone 9000 Podcast phone mess around I'm the internet's own Sean Baby I run 1900hotdog.com with Robert The word punch of Brockway who is Here Here's a Brockway fact

In 1912 I co-founded an illegal street fighting ring But I was forced out by a bloody coup No follow up questions Shit I had a lot Today we're joined For our game show spectacular By a crafty and funny lady about town

Hannah Michaels Hi Hi You made me sound like an ant Crafty lady about town Yeah I'm cool ant Or just like a ninja

That's also how I would describe a ninja I mean cool ants are ninjas They show up unannounced That's very ninja like You craft a lot of Garfield mermaid key chains That's also very ninja like Yeah, yeah, yeah

A lot of animal butts as well Every ninja I know Ninjas, yeah, yeah, yeah We love our animal butts They're very aerodynamic I've seen anime, I know Yeah, yeah, yeah Hannah, do you watch anime?

Are you familiar with the things That happen to anime butts? It depends on which show You're talking about But in general, yes Alright I think this is the best intro that we've ever had Yeah, 100%

I'm not from the fucking thing you said Those credits aren't even right That's not how you pronounce my name Okay, okay Let's just talk about anime fucking animal asses Let's get it back on the rails We're gonna play No Right Answers Which is a game I developed

And the first time I played it, it took us Nine or ten hours to explain the rules We're not gonna do that this time We're gonna start Hannah, you're going to be the answer blaster And that means You're going to answer prompts or questions However you want

I will have the Correct answer We're trying to find the right answer So you might be trying to match the thing I've already come up with before the show Or you might just be doing your own thing Or you might be trying to convince the other person Right?

Yes, if our answers don't match You have as much time as you want to try to convince me That your answer is better And your opponent, Robert Rockway Will be the ultimate judge as the arbiter And he can also steal If he decides you're both wrong I have the right answer

That's an option Awesome I run a very tight ship It sounds chaotic, but it is not It is a smoothly run machine Okay, did you explain the rules to her first Like when I wasn't listening though Because otherwise this is just

She's gonna do worse than me She'll be great Probably will, but you know what I like to argue And you have opinions You know what? I have opinions I like to argue My family's Jewish and they eat at the same table

So I've been trained for this You've been training your whole life For this day Robert, you're doomed I can't match that confidence I'm already in trouble I have six categories for you to select from The first is crime busting

The second, mashups brought to you By Mars Wrigley's new pizza, butter and jelly combos The next one, animals The next one, film, movies and cinema The next one, arts and entertainment And finally, snacks So select from those and we'll get started Oh, you know I'm gonna choose animals

Animals Okay I love me some things that are not my Animal bots Looping back already First callback, six minutes Sweet callbacks I really like how you did a callback, Robert

First, Jiminy Glick Uh, Hannah, this question's to you This creature has the Animal Kingdom's Unluckiest Defensive Adaptation Okay I'm gonna go with the platypus Oh, and why is that?

What makes it unlucky? They have a bunch of defensive adaptations And none of them are convenient They sweat milk, I don't think that's defensive It's just gross Super gross I didn't know that and I hated it They lay eggs with their mammals

They're just gross, they're gross Yes, they have poisoned barbed feet If they're boy platypie But ultimately, their defense mechanism Is just being nasty and confusing Squirting milk is pretty repulsive That keeps them alive The correct answer was

Harry Frog Who has to break his own toes to make little claws And I think they have to do that Every time they start to get into a fight They have to, oh, god damn it And they have to snap all their bones So they have these jagged, nasty things Poken out of their flesh

I think that sucks Yeah, that sucks, that's like shitty Wolverine Yeah, very shitty Wolverine Like when he got his skeleton stolen By Magneto, which, bad call Wolverine, bad call to go fight The one guy that can pull all the metal out of your body You deserved it

Seriously, there's one person In your universe That can fuck you up One person where you stay home I'm gonna stay home on this one Are you sure Wolverine, we thought you were very brave Guys, I'm literally covered In the thing he controls

Me and Colossus are gonna sit this one out You with the laser beams out of your eyes You should be cool, you should be fine Yeah, you'll be alright Well, he does wearing a metal thing on his face He could just get his skull completely crushed Sitting out too, it's pure b-team Yeah

Anyway, it is my place now to Decide, right Whether I could keep arguing I'm actually On your side on the very first one I'm in so much trouble in this game I'm fucking dead

Because I think sweating milk is way more unfortunate Than just breaking your bones Before you start every fight At least that sounds hardcore Other animals would be like, oh shit Don't fuck with that guy That's true, you kind of only have to do it once If the reputation gets out there

Yeah, if you have platypus babies Which hatch out of eggs But then are still fetuses Because they're fucking gross And also they have teeth as babies That they lose They have to use their teeth To get the sweaty milk from your body

They're disgusting Just an abomination all around Let's declare war on them No more platypus No, when people Brought them to Europe for the first time Someone thought it was like a taxidermy prank Because no

This is God's joke on us Get this away from me I think it's well argued Well researched I'm happy to give you a point for that Your next question is Best dog, that's all it says Best

Best dog Interpret that however you like Okay I'm gonna go With the dog that lives next door to us That really likes the Dodgers And it expresses that opinion through sweaters Oh, that's cute

And I think that's very cool That the dog follows sports And clearly has an allegiance So local Dodger sweater dog Okay The best dog Also very much likes Christmas According to its other sweaters

The best dog is all of them Aw, that's sweet Aw Yeah, what are you gonna say? No to that? Not all of these are funny The correct answer is Wirefox Terrier Who's won 14 of the 103

Kennel Club dog shows Oh, there was a factual answer Yes, not all of them are silly guys Some of them are So um Wirefox Terrier is Fucking weird though Like they need so much grooming

And they're terriers So they're kind of yappy Yeah You're making a strong case I don't think the correct answer is the right answer But I do not think Brockway got the steal I think I...

You're gonna say no You're gonna look at the best dogs You're gonna look them in the eyes And be like no My dog, who I love She's my best friend Will literally bite the fingers off my child If she's holding a stick of cheese

Best dog So then Fair enough You know what I'm gonna give a point to Brockway for the steal Hell yes Congratulations You found a way to encompass my answer

Within your answer And I applaud you for it That was some cheap bullshit, but I did it That's how these games go There are hidden trophies But there is not a weasel trophy Which if there was you might have got it there Don't tell me there are hidden trophies again

I spent the entire last game trying to find them I sacrificed the game for it Hannah, the next question is to you What's the most valuable part Of a whale It's barf It's barf Yes

100% the ambergris That excretes Right, used for perfume Yeah, yeah, yeah Illegal to sell, very expensive You're gonna kick yourself, but the correct answer was Hold on, hold on, hold on His friendship

Oh fuck you Oh fuck yourself Oh yeah, are their dicks nice? They got real good dicks They're worth a lot to museums and stuff I mean I know they're big, but like What is big mean? I'm very happy to say you got the go fuck yourself trophy

I put it in the game because I knew Robert would be trying for it She stole it right out from under you God damn it Extra point We haven't awarded the whale point yet It sounded like you had a steal You had in mind Robert I'm saying whale dicks

The whale dick is the most valuable part Museums will pay a lot for them And I think it's gotta be blue whales That are like the rarest And hug a whale dick Are they big enough for a human To just hug like a person? Especially the blue whale dick

Which I believe is the rarest dick in the world Oh Hey, nobody fact check anything I say Yeah, I'm not gonna fact check it I might have to go against my vomit answer here Yeah, you're gonna go with dick instead of vomit The rarest dick in the world The rarest dick

I'm gonna give it to the dick I think there's another point for Robert This is a strong showing for both sides Yeah, we're two to two I'm so mad she got that trophy I never got a single trophy the last game I believe I invented The go fuck yourself trophy because I asked

I put it in the game Because I knew you would get a trophy If I put it in the game And it got stolen right out from under you Here's another question for Hannah This animal could use a good punch in the face Oh The male baboon at the Syracuse zoo

And A very specific baboon What did he do to you? Oh It's not what it did to me It's what it did to the baboon That would hit on me every time I came over So there was a female baboon

That would like display herself to me Every time I was there And I didn't like the people at my college So I hung out at the zoo a lot Because I don't You prefer the company of baboons Yeah, I really am A crafty cool ant

I guess God damn it I was going to say all I need is a cat But moving in with Dave Fucking cat Yeah She would display and hit on me Every time and then he'd be really mean to her

So fuck that baboon Let her like what she likes Can we make up a name for her? Yeah It's good to say George but I'm going with Bradford Just because that name shouldn't exist Fuck you Bradford It seems like a Bradford

Which is why I didn't hang out with people Bradford if you're listening to this Fuck you You're probably dead now Fuck you anyway Well the correct answer was peacock Because they're strutting around like they're beyond Say when they just fucking eat zoo trash

But I feel like the right answer Was Hannah's Baboon Bradford Brockway the final call Is for you as Hannah's opponent Yeah, fuck you Bradford Yeah

That's the point for Hannah And we have one last Question in this category The best named animal sidekick Clarification Is it The best, is it the name of the animal Or is it the best

Species name that would make a sidekick As with all questions It's very open to interpretation I'm gonna go with Snagglepus Because it sounds like a problem Rather than a name That's a good point I'm not sure he was a sidekick

Neither am I But again this is not a game of accuracy It's a game of convincing Obviously the correct answer is battle cat Brockway do you have any thoughts on this I was just gonna say boo boo But that seems pretty lame Battle cat is not something

That you would have to go to the doctor for That's all I'm gonna say I guess I don't know, to weigh in battle cat sucks Battle cat sucks a lot That's a very strange thing To hear from you An unusual take on battle

I thought battle cat It was just a matter of public record That he fucking ruled Maybe I'm remembering it wrong Wasn't he like a cowardly piece of shit That only gained Yes, he was a coward as cringer But then he put on the mask

And got the he-man power Right, so he only gets brave When he puts on a mask He doesn't have to have any accountability Fuck you battle cat The question was also about the name Battle cat is very lazy to me It's like naming your cat game

Who would do that, what kind of a fucking asshole would do that I thought he'd taken the battle Battle cat Very convincing And yet I'm not convinced, I think battle cat's a bold choice It's like fuck you, I'm naming this battle cat battle cat And you can suck it It sounds like that's gonna be a point

For Hannah there Or do we think Was your answer boo boo Yeah, but that's not I hate me, I'm not on my side Yeah, we can edit all this out Jamie, let's cut the whole boo boo thing So

Let's see, Brockway What do you think? I'm saying battle cat I like battle cat as that answer Okay, so no point But a very strong showing where Three points for Hannah I'm still gonna go to the gynecologist And say I have snagled this

For the eighth time this month Yes, they never laugh Not that I know of when they ask If I have kids and I'm a cis woman They should laugh Got a terminal Gynecologists need a better sense of humor That's what I've found to be true

Brockway, do you remember the categories Or would you like me to read them again? I want snacks Just like in general but also as a category Snacks it is Okay Here's your first question The Council of Space has asked you to dip

One earth food into another To create your planet's ultimate flavor What are those two things? I want to say I want to say Fun dip Like the sticks that you get from fun dip Because I don't know why

But I've just carried a torch For those edible Styrofoam things I want to say the fun dip stick Into But not in the fun dip powder No, into like whatever they use For

Sour Patch Kids Interesting Well the correct answer was hot wings and ranch Hannah you have a chance to steal Or you can top either of those If anything it would be hot wings and blue cheese You are a blasphemer Thank you

That is the officially correct way Blue cheese is the correct answer Thank you I'm going to say Hot Cheetos in Anything sour Like a sour cream And that is going to be gross to everyone

But I don't care because I want to eat that right now But that's what you would show the Council of Space It's the hot thing to the cool sour thing I think specifically the Council of Space Would admire the weirdness And inaccessibility of mine Also I've got some textures going on

I feel like the gooeyness of yogurt Or sour cream with the crunch of a hot cheeto You got to bring the mouth feel Elements into it Yeah It's interesting Mine looks like something the Council of Space would eat Like you see that shit in like a sci-fi movie

You're like yeah totally that's what aliens eat Hannah do you I don't think you got the steal with that I think Brockway got the right answer With his Fun dip I'm torn because he picked a thing that's meant to dip And I intentionally didn't

Because That seems easy But he picked the right dip Ah okay Ain't nothing wrong with easy There's nothing wrong with easy But it does sound like Both of you are team blue cheese

When it comes to your hot wings Yes Firmly and violently Yes I'd like ranch better I didn't know that was a thing When the revolution comes you will not be spared I would love a civil war where that's how you have to decide

Like whether or not you're going to kill somebody Like stop there friend of foe And you get like a little dish out Oh yeah I'll take your word for it Sounds gross Sounds disgusting What was the rest of the pizza

Like was that the sauce instead of tomato sauce It was a blue cheese sauce No no there was sauce It was just one of the cheeses Oh I see Yeah okay Okay I mean you've got to try it before you win

I gave that point to Brockway Brockway your next question is this What is the deal with this food I mean I It's the setup to that answer I think I feel like this is a normal one This is a normal not funny one

It's airline peanuts right Maybe that's a great Punchline to that This is the one with an actual answer 100% no No no no this is full zany Well I already answered The correct answer was

Ethiopian food That served on a pancake You turn your meal inside out to eat it And what's Keefo Pile the raw meat with a side of cheese That's not Ethiopian that's double American Shut up They're shut up trophy

I think the correct answer is Your underage 17 year old Girlfriends ask while you're 40 And you're picking her up from school And you're famous and you're on a sitcom Your girlfriend is in fucking high school That's um Yeah what is the deal

That is a wild card What is the deal with that What's the deal She doesn't get any of my Ethiopian food jokes What's the deal with Flying her to California where it's Definitely not legal to date a 17 year old if you're 40

Was she like really 17 Oh yeah there are photos of him Picking her up from school He had more money in the world He couldn't just send a Driver to pick her up from school For exactly that reason Like I don't want to be seen picking my 17 year old

Girlfriend up from school If only there's a way around this If only I had $11 To pay someone else to do this Um I'm I'm tempted to Give the steal

Because I really think that we really stuck Not just with my flawless Impersonation but by calling him out on His terrible behavior I'm not going to fight that one because I thought this was one With a correct answer That just wasn't going to be funny So your deal you just don't understand

Why they give peanuts to people on planes No that's the end of that bit That's the bit that you're referencing What was the deal with airline peanuts Is the like I will tell you an experience of mine Which was I had an ear infection In my first class

Which fucking sucks because you don't get to appreciate Any of it and it just hurts and the altitude hurts And it hurts and it hurts and it hurts And They asked me if I wanted warm nuts And I kept asking what What because I couldn't hear I literally couldn't hear

And at some point the flight attendant was like Fuck you Fuck you Stop making me say warm nuts One more time though You trying to put what in my mouth Every time with these first class assholes It is fucking

That is a weird food too the warm nuts A lot of things on the airplane are strange Seinfeld makes another great point I think the steel goes to Seinfeld Steel to Seinfeld Just like a teenage girl Brockway you're stranded with an AI That is an expert in all known survival techniques

As desperation hits It suggests doing this You tell it to fuck off And watch you die Ideas that This is a bridge too far You're not going to do this to survive Sing

A karaoke duet Of like Any meatloaf song I won't do it That's kind of a crab please for me When someone puts on meatloaf I'm like We're here for like 15-16 minutes

But people have fun with it Right but I won't do that It's not for you Are you making direct references to the meatloaf lyrics? Yes I did it I'm a little sorry I do not have a trophy for that

But now I wish I did I'm fucking inventing Exactly how sorry you are Probably not as much as I should be The correct answer Is drink from a sock filled with bear poop Which is a real thing I saw That dude on TV do

He said oh if you're really thirsty You get a bunch of fucking poop You stuff it in your own sock You squeeze it as a filter You slurp down that poop juice And I said no I would die That's the best solution

There's no scenario on this planet Where that's a better solution Than something else Than just cutting yourself and drinking your own blood Or something At least you're not getting a disease from it That guy just died That guy is just

He's a dickhead immortal He's just out there fucking with everybody Yeah that makes sense Hannah do you Who do you think won that round Who do you think got that point Nobody or Robert Tough call

I'm gonna say Robert Just because he added He qualified how sorry he was And I appreciate the honesty We're nice here on the dog zone I think generally when we When we do a bad bit we own it Especially when we know

It's a bad bit before we do it We have like a good 15 seconds Of lead up time to bail on the bit And then we still don't do it We still don't do it And listeners I've never been there I have no idea what you're talking about Oh I'm sorry

You've crushed all your bits The Seinfeld eating as teen girlfriends asked That won you a point I'm not the only person to point that out I think you might be the only person to put it that way though During a game show During as an answer for a game show I'm sure that nobody's done that on Jeff

Also I do feel like Seinfeld would say what's the deal with eating as Why is everyone doing it now Like that seems like a thing he would actually say That's definitely in his notebook Of like Just ideas, just ideating on it Yeah, yeah, yeah

He realizes it's not clean enough but he writes it down It's gonna stages comeback Brockway If you're about to be executed for murder Except in Texas where they stop doing this What are you most likely to ask for For your last meal They don't give last meals anymore

No, Texas just fucking watches you die What the fuck Can't afford that like what 50 dollars tops What? It's less than that, most states have a cap of 25 That's hilarious You cannot That's why it's always like people scoff at it

Because it's always like burger, fries and a coke And it's like they don't have money Wow I didn't know that either I'm learning lots of just wildly depressing things Like there's no way you're killing enough people To bankrupt even the most modest Snack budget No shit

Like you kill like four people a year You're at 100 bucks for that last meal I've been thinking a lot of passive aggressively cooked Food too, you're like I'm not fucking giving you A nice steak murderer Yeah And 13% of those people are innocent I would cook a murderer

The best steak just on principle I would do my dance That's sweet of you I completely I didn't even listen to the question After you said it It's a question about last meals What are you most likely to ask for for your last meal There is a

An actual answer to this But you don't know how about us being silly Or if I'm gonna have the real answer If it's the real answer I think it's fried chicken That's the right answer That's it That's it That's the most commonly selected last meal

Yeah I think I knew that That makes sense because it's something cheap that can be really good And it's hard to get wrong It's a good last meal if you got a good one Yeah Even if you under cook it You're like well at least I'll die before I have diarrhea Because uncooked chicken is still pretty tasty

Your body disagrees with it Yeah it's a good choice I'm hitting the right answer Unanimous point trophy Boom Here's your final Your final snacks question Hey ice cream it's 2021

What the fuck are these still doing As topping options Gummy worms Gummy worms the correct answer was sprinkles We go to Hannah are you gonna go for this deal Or do you have a strong opinion on One of these is the worst ice cream topping Oh I have a very strong opinion

Sprinkles are wonderful See gummy worms Fucking suck because you put them on a frozen thing They like harden up They don't chew right It's a bullshit idea Exactly and that's what I'm talking about Texture, sprinkles add texture

And I'm gonna say The cow nibs Because fuck you I don't want healthy chocolate I don't want healthy ice cream What are we doing here I'm in an ice cream place Right Who are we doing this for Exactly

Let us not tell lies to each other In this gen of sin I'm in an ice cream place yeah You know what else I don't like Is when they just kind of cut the kitkat in half You just get like this fucking giant kitkat In the ice cream you're like alright I'll balance this on my spoon and eat this

But this was like It was a balance worth of kitkat And it's just for half a fucking bite of ice cream Come on What's the deal with half a kitkat Let's get to say we're going into Sinfield territory This is all in his comeback special

This is all of his ace material He's taking notes He's like that ass eating bit that's good You want Sinfield to come back Get it out of his 17 year old Girlfriends but I am sorry I am very sorry I think it landed

Jamie keep that in So thank you for the qualifying How sorry you were I am very genuinely Hannah it's back to you Do you remember the remaining Categories or should I read them again My brain is mush please

We got crime busting We got mashups brought to you by Mars Wrigley's new pizza butter and jelly combos Film movies in cinema And arts and entertainment Alright give me the crime shit Because I watch a lot of true crime shows Even though they're really cop kissy

And they should really stop doing that Because the whole point of true crime shows Is that the cops fuck up every time That's true Who got the last round Who got the ice cream toppings You got that one Because she likes sprinkles

And I think we all agree We're going for the steel though Oh we gave the point to gummy worms Which I think is the strongest answer Well alright Here's was Seinfeld's girlfriend's ass I can't remember yours That's fair

It was healthy shit like it happens With yogurt chips And Seinfeld's girlfriend's ass I know it came off They were joined you can't separate them I apologize That poor now adult woman See now we've done the call back

And we've ensured you can't cut this That's true It's locked in God damn it Alright the first question What fictional character has solved the most crime The most what The most crime

I'm going to go with accidents I'm going to go with Happy fucking accidents Because in every cartoon Like old school cartoons like Scooby-Doo or whatever Someone trips over something And then it's hey old man Jenkins It's always that

It's always a happy accident that solves the crime Every time Even it's Star Trek in any show Happy accidents It's a very interesting answer I like the way your mind works I'm going to go for the steel Bowie Well the correct answer was Jessica Fletcher

Who has solved 264 murders Played of course by Angela Lansbury On murder she wrote That's a lot That seems like a lot But how many of those murders were solved By happy accidents where evidence falls Into your luck

I believe she's a better detective than that But I do think That's a good point Do you believe that the screenwriters Were better screenwriters than that Within the half hour time slot That they had or hour or however long That show was

That's a tight show are you kidding They had some brilliant They did some cutting edge shit in that show Probably again don't fact check Anything I say you're not allowed to Well the point I was making Is that after 264 murders Solved by a civilian like you start

I think she's your lead suspect In 264 of those murders Yeah she's absolutely done it I'm going to give my verdict to Hannah for happy accidents though Because I think just Scooby-Doo alone Is a good enough point Like every case

Was solved by Just fucking ruining their own trap And plowing drunk and scrabbling into I don't know swamp full of gators Or something and that's it That's how you got the guy Incidentally that's how cops solve murders Plowing ass person

To a swamp full of gators My favorite cops Well I learned from the Steven Seagal Show where he was a sheriff That what he likes to do is he would Find non-white people And chase them and then figure out What they did later

Oh that's also a classic Yeah that's not a Steve Seagal thing Yeah I don't think he invented that Yeah that's Next question Hannah Culturally speaking I think we've done this one Enough this isn't even a crime one This is in the wrong category

Because I'm poorly organized So this can be anything you want Just I think we've done this enough culturally Content creation Content creation Well the correct answer I'm going to go for the steal All of our jobs

Everything that all three of us do The correct answer was We don't need anymore we have all the content Maybe you're right The correct answer was plant of the apes Which I think got eaten up By Hannah's answer again She encompassed everything

And I just had a small portion of it Brock where you had a steal Yeah but now while I think about it It would just fall under content creation So Alright I mean by the rules we've laid out You use my bullshit gambit against me I'll give you that

Alright point for Hannah Hannah you're in a hardware store Let's set the stage That's done where you're in a hardware store That's the whole thing what's the worst What's the worst product to fight Jackie Chan near Ooh that's a tough one There's nothing good

Yeah there's nothing Go ahead I'm going to go with epoxy resin Oh interesting Something weird with that Gluing you to yourself Anything with epoxy Or you know

Any resin agent Anything that's going to stick you to anything Or even if you win Stick your skin to itself for months after See that's a good answer too because it's goofy Like in a hardware store there's a lot of stuff That could be a little too brutal Like it's not going to be saw blades

Or a snow blower or something It's never going to do it If you hit them over the head with like A bucket of resin That shit is going to get on your hands And it's going to ruin your hands And you are going to get glued to yourself somehow In a comical way

You know it's simple But I'm going to say Wheelbarrow I think just Going back to the classics Keeping it real Well the correct answer was ladder But the I don't think wheelbarrow is going to get the steel

Nobody likes the classics I got to give it to I got to give it to Oh no because ladder is just Objectively correct that's in like every movie He really Fucks people up when he has a ladder He sticks his head in it and just spins around

He sets it up Do we have a control Do we have a comparison Is there ever a fight with resin of some kind I feel like there's got to be It just seems like such I have that same instinct But I don't think so

I'm 90% sure he never has Man he fucks you up with a ladder He really does Man he fucks you up with a ladder He even uses just like the support The little bar that Locks into place he'll use that against you Like the side safety measures

Of the ladder are just They're not safe at all In the hands of Jackie Chan Hannah speaking of Jackie Chan What is the perfect pitch For a Jackie Chan movie Every pitch is a perfect pitch For a Jackie Chan movie as long as it

Involves you fuck up blank Yeah so just Fuck up blank figure it out like on the day of Yeah figure it out See what's on the street you know Is it a seagull fuck those things Fuck them up Seagulls

Well the correct answer is Bail Bondsman Jackie Chan and Jewel thief Sinbad are reliving the same Day over and over that day September 11th, 2001 Alright you know you got a pointy asshole You had time to plan for this That's true I am

Nobody's beating yet Huge fan improv Hannah final question to you We just had our first purge And we all wake up Who has the easiest day of work Ahead of them I'm gonna go with content creators

Again That's true they have a lot of purge to describe Super easy Their bosses are dead There's no deadline Nope I had The correct answer was divorce lawyers

Because couples either came together To Fight for survival or Took care of their marital issues the day of the purge So Brockway You can go for a steal or I feel like you are overlooking

The joint Couple purge that doesn't go according to plan Like they team up And do this in bond and it doesn't go according to plan The lessons they learn Trying to murder their enemies Make them grow apart People

That's essentially Intensive couples therapy And we all know that Often doesn't work because people go into it Out of desperation because they don't want their marriage to end But it's totally over You went into the purge out of desperation To save your horses

Like when you had kids It's an anchor purge So But yeah It's true again though I want to set a rule that We can't use content creators again Because I feel like it's just the answer to every question

I do want to hear Your thoughts on what a content creators day would look like Like waking up the day after the purge Right they would Five hottest dead bodies Best purge kills Is right there Yeah 100%

Purge bloopers is right there Worst intestinal positioning On top of street lamps We got a Purge bloopers movie Yeah best purge kills Involving a horse I could talk about the purge all day

We got to keep moving We got to do that podcast at some point And just get it out of our systems Just purge it So do you think Hannah had the right answer with content creators? Yeah, but that's the last one So Brockway You're next

You have mashups, film movies in cinema And arts and entertainment to select from What was the mashups? It's brought to you by Mars Rigley's New pizza, butter and jelly combos Okay yeah I don't want that one What were the other categories? Film movies in cinema

And arts and entertainment We'll do film movies in cinema Brockway, which actor just sort of fucking gave up? Which one? Oh shit I mean we talk about him a lot But the epitome of that has got to be Bruce Willis I don't know anybody who gave up harder than Bruce Willis

That's the right answer It's going to be my answer Oh god Unanimous points That's a two pointer Because unprecedented trophy winning And I know you'll be happy about that Everyone agreed and it was your answer

Everyone agrees trophy Congratulations I got my first trophy I can lose this game now I'm my own winner I like your chances in this next question too Greatest guerrilla scene In film movies in cinema

Kongo That's the right answer Hannah are you familiar with the Kongo guerrilla scene? I am not Brockway please I'll describe it to you Yes please It requires just a little bit of setup

You don't need to know the whole movie to know it But you do need to know That there's a lost city in the middle of the jungle And Tim Curry's name is Herkimer Hamulka Yeah Tim Curry's in it And he's playing a delightfully accented character Named Herkimer Hamulka

And this lost city Is guarding a diamond mine And guarding that diamond mine Are a bunch of killer apes Who have like somehow Devolved into beasts I guess they weren't to begin with It's not clear what Kongo thinks of that

Also there's a volcano And also they're looking For a super powered laser That they power by diamonds And all of this it comes together Masterfully as only a true Screenwriter could do Bring all of these elements together

In just an orgy Lasered apes as a volcano explodes And Laura Lenny plugs a diamond into a laser And just blasts ape after ape After ape after ape after ape And I want of them towards the end The apes realize they're beaten And they fling themselves into the lava

And one of them Does a flip That's no bullshit Beautiful Beautiful I don't think I can beat that Oh my god I feel like I just Slung the national anthem

There was a couple of easy ones in this one This one is a little harder It seems like this actor should have been okay But the public keeps Disagree It seems like they should have been okay But nobody wants them there Yeah

Like what's wrong with this guy But we all agree What is his name Is it James Marsden James Marsden is a pretty good answer Is that the right name The guy that played Cyclops in the movies

Yeah From Sonic and Something else The correct answer is Taylor Kitch And if you're not familiar with him He was in John Carter And Battleship like in the same year And both of them lost

$450 trillion And Then he was in a movie called Only the Brave And he also lost millions of dollars That was like a true story about firefighters Like it was the most pandering movie that should have been Oh no Just baseline success

No one wants to see this movie more than Americans And we're all like nah this got Taylor Kitch in it So The correct answer is Taylor Kitch It makes sense that I wouldn't have heard of the correct answer Right but he was in For a couple of movies the biggest films That they made

They bet a lot on Taylor Kitch Two times Hannah What do you think Can we consider The company that made One particular G What

I need to hear Where you're going with this So yes Let's hear it Let's hear your pitch Alright Anton check up Done Run over by his own car

Let's say that car Is the public I love you I love these answers I love that you're like This actor should be okay but we disagree And you're like what about a dude who got run over By a car

I love it What about this tragic life cut short Oh I gotta I gotta not give it to that I don't think you got the steal with that I don't think it's possible To give it to that I don't think my brain

Works right to make friends I'm having a great time with you I don't think you're right about that Taylor Kitch Or James Marsden Well that's down to me this time Isn't it No it's your answer so she's the

Arbiter you're the answer blaster I give it to me I need to go with Oh No trophy for that No just pure balls trophy I'm afraid not I guess I would have to go with Taylor Kitch

Okay that's fair That is the correct answer And now the right answer officially the right answer So Brockway this next one's for you Hey what's a Tom Berenger movie Sniper The correct answer is the substitute Oh

Hannah As the arbiter You have to judge which is the She wasn't prepared for the movie titles To be so quick and so short I was really not Sniper substitute Have you seen Sniper and the substitute

I have not seen either one I'm gonna go with Sniper because it has a Cooler name Let me tell you about the substitute A mercenary and he gets Called in for an undercover mission at a high School I think to stop drugs And so he poses as a substitute teacher

But he's like hardcore mercenary brings his Hardcore mercenary friends they all Substitute at this high school and then they like Beat the drug dealers while they're Working at the high school This is a real story I might have told this on the podcast so Stop me if I have but

I have a buddy and he was directing Sniper 3 And he calls me from Thailand We're just chatting and he says Oh hey I'm here with Tom Behringer And I go oh sweet they brought Tom Behringer back for The third one and he goes yeah and I go Oh well tell him the substitute ruled Sincerely I meant it sincerely

And so he just does he's like hey yeah My friend on the phone says it's the substitute ruled And Tom Behringer says tell that kind of fuck off That's the best story I've ever heard Oh that's how Tom Behringer reacts When you compliment him I really like the substitute The final one in the category

Brockway here's the movie Whoopi Goldberg most hopes strangers don't bring up Theodore Rex That's the right answer You just swept this guy this is very impressive This is why I asked for a ringer Hannah you're familiar with Theodore Rex I am not

My parents were therapists And they thought movies were bad But can you guess it from the title Yeah I cannot Well I'm very happy to explain That this is a movie set in the future Where Whoopi Goldberg's a cop

And she has partnered with a Tyrannosaurus Rex And she did not want to be in the movie They sued her to be in the movie And she did She didn't get out of it She got sued into acting She said fine I hope I can go act across From a Tyrannosaurus Rex

So Hannah it's your turn to pick You have two categories left Arts and entertainment and mashups Brought to you by Mars Wrigley's new pizza butter and jelly combos That one I'm not going to repeat it No mashups Your first prompt is this

Half blank Half blank All cop Half platypus So it can squirt milk Half CFA Or CPA All cop

So he's a platypus accountant And a cop Very interesting The correct answer was half Cory Haim Cory Feldman Cory Cop Cory's on patrol I don't know

I still think my answer That's very strong Plat account way that Plat account cop is pretty good And the way that people should cop No question Hawns movie is better No question this Cory Haim Cory Feldman cop movies can suck

Assuming it was made while they were both alive of course Yeah, plat account I'm giving it to Plat-Account-Cop. Yeah! Um, Hannah, what's something you can say during a game show or sex? I'm going to steal. Nice. Okay, let's hear it.

With fuck this I quit. I'm not going to fuck this I quit trophy. There's not a trophy for that, but that is a good answer for this question. That is a good answer for this question. Hannah, do you think you can top that? I don't think I can top that. I can say cliche answers like I can't find it, but I don't think I can top that. It is a strong answer.

The correct answer was I'm joined today by my beautiful wife of eight years, Pat Sajak. Uh, I do think Brockway gets the steal though. Strong showing today from Brother Brockway. Besides the last question, Hannah, what's the laziest engagement question you can ask on social media? How many people have done relatable things? Or just bodily function? Uh, the correct answer was name an ordinary thing from the year you were born. Oh, those are both strong.

You could also go for a steal. You ever go to work and then this happens? Like and subscribe. I got to give it to Hannah. All right. Fantastic. Hannah, this might be a difficult one if you are not a cinephile or a sports nerd. But this is the greatest athlete actor.

And then, but seriously, the actual greatest athlete actor. I'm going to have to go with my dad's former patient, OJ Simpson. Fantastic. I'm going to go with Shaq and the Rock. Yeah, those are good. Those are good answers. Uh, the correct answer is Dennis Rodman and Jim Brown. Now, uh...

That's pretty good. Yeah. It's no Shaq and the Rock. Just... Hell, it's no OJ and the naked guy. Just say. I mean, that, um, the CBT or whatever it's called when football players lose their minds. It didn't work out for murder, but it really worked out for that movie.

It's true. Thanks, head injuries. Oh, solid bit. I'm going to give that point to Robert Brockway for Shaq and the Rock. Everybody just say it because it's fun to say. Shaq and Rock. Shaq and the Rock. Yeah.

It's not too late. Half Rock. All cop. Shaq Rock. Oh, shit, Shaq Rock. Shaq Rock. Like cop Rock. Fuck.

But for Shaq. Oh, fuck. Oh, I want this now. Fuck yeah. Somebody write this down. I wish we were recording this. I know. Um, Hannah, you're Satan, putting together a band for maximum appeal combined with maximum

malfeasance. Who's your first pick? Maximum talent, maximum appeal, but also the darkest darkness. Can I take someone's voice and put it in another creature? I mean, you're Satan. I don't see why you couldn't. Okay. I want, and this is something I've wanted for years.

I've written about it. I've asked people to do this. I want Jello Biafra's voice coming out of a parrot. I want it with my whole body, with my whole life. I think it would fit the parrot perfectly to hear his voice. It doesn't even have to be like a real song. It could just be his cadence. It could just be that.

It sounds like a parrot. Yes. It should be a parrot. Strong answer. The correct answer is Michael Jackson. Brockway, what do you think? I got to give it Jello Biafra parrot. It does work for reasons I can't play.

It's a good answer. I've been trying to explain to people how much that works, and they don't get it, and people with parrots have been trying to get them to play dead Kennedys for their parrot, and they won't do it, and I need it to happen someday. He kind of sounds like he's repeating. Like a parrot.

His cadence is like he's repeating something that he just heard but doesn't understand. Yes, he is squawking something. Yes. Do you have a space in your apartment for a parrot? You could do this yourself. I don't have space in my heart for a parrot. Do you have room in your heart for a dream?

You could do this, I believe you. But after I achieve the dream, then I have a parrot. You have the best parrot. Yeah, but it's like... I feel bad about keeping birds in apartments. Okay. Especially with a cat. Yeah.

That's true. A chelobee would live a terrified life. Yeah, I mean, I'm not sure kitten wouldn't also live a terrified life, but... And the bit might get old after 40 years. Maybe. Alright, the last category is you, Brockway. It's arts and entertainment.

Okay, I choose arts and entertainment. Fantastic. Now, your first prompt is, there is no antagonist more inconsistent than this. Am I looking for the antagonist or the person playing the antagonist? Whoever you'd like. Again. No antagonist more inconsistent than this.

Hannah will like fucking take people's mouths and put them inside birds. Like, there's no rules. I'm asking for a mission. John Lithgow. Oh, it's very interesting. The correct answer was just zombies, but John Lithgow is a very good answer.

He's wildly inconsistent. It's an antagonist. You don't know what energy he's bringing from scene to scene. Hannah, what do you think? I was just going to say the earth. She's just pretty good too. Michael's wild card. I mean, we treat it like an antagonist,

but it's very inconsistent. Yeah, sometimes it shoots us with volcanoes. Sometimes it gives us a beautiful sunset. Sometimes it makes a fucking platypus. Yep. Huh. It's an interesting answer. I don't think it gets the steal.

I didn't. So now you have to decide between zombies and John Lithgow. Who is less consistent? John Lithgow. All right. Lithgow wins again. Burn, Lithgow. Less consistent than zombies.

That's pretty rough. Zombies are pretty inconsistent. Yeah, you never know what they're going to be. Empires are also inconsistent though. Any sort of cliche monster like that is going to be inconsistent because each property has its own rules. I feel like werewolves are real consistent. Werewolves are like the bedrock of horror.

You can always trust a werewolf. Are they though? Because sometimes they transform and it's not the moon. That's true, and sometimes it really hurts. What did I say about fact-checking anything I say? I didn't establish this. And I don't know, I'm probably the only person that still watches Walking Dead, but like sometimes in Walking Dead there's like 17 zombies

and they just kind of like go up and like boardily kill them with a screwdriver. And other times there's like six zombies who are like, we can't go that way. And so you're like even in the same property, zombies are wildly inconsistent. Much like John Lithgow. Yes, much like John Lithgow. Rockway, you're not allowed to pick Mario or Zelda,

but this is obviously the best Nintendo Entertainment System game. Not allowed to pick Mario or Zelda. I'm probably glad Honda didn't get this. You probably didn't have one of these. Oh, are we talking like original? Yeah, NES. Mega Man. The correct answer was River City Ransom.

Yeah, the correct answer was River City Ransom. I started later, so I don't know what was on NES. Was there a Mario Kart at the time? No, that was Super Nintendo. And there was no... Wait, also that counts as a Mario game. Because all those Mario's Zelda games are so good. You're right, you're right, you're right.

I'm gonna go with Donkey Kong. Fuck it. Don't think Donkey Kong can beat River City Ransom. Donkey Kong, fuck it. They were sure how to Donkey Kong came. It was like the first game. Of course, yeah, yeah, yeah. It wasn't Donkey Kong.

It just, it wasn't as good as River City Ransom. All right. But Donkey Kong, fuck it, was great. It came with the vongo drums. Yeah. Shaped like an ass. Yeah. There's perfect.

There's Seinfeld DRC pack. Banana coming out. Yeah. Yeah. Robert, what is the dumbest... The sign of the banana fits. Are we... What was the point on that?

I have no idea. I'm just saying words now. I'm very curious. No, no. I mean literally... Literally, who got the point? We got a point because River City Ransom was the right answer. Okay.

You got a point. And I got a point. Yes, but we don't, we don't count mine because I'm the answer master and I don't need near points. Tragic validation. This next prompt is what's the dumbest game show for the dumbest dummies? Oh, wait. I don't really mean this, but this one.

Is that a point? Is that a trophy? A trophy. But I take the insult. It hurts. It hurts. I don't really mean it. I prefaced.

I love it. I still heard it. Dumbest game show for the dumbest dummies. What's the supermarket one? Supermarket sweep. Okay. That is really fucking stupid. The correct answer is deal or no deal.

Which one is that? Oh, you're right. That's the one with Howie Mandel where he's like open a box and sometimes there's something in the box and sometimes there's not. And they all go, oh, no box. They're like, oh, I guess the wrong fucking box. It's wrong. No box.

Okay. I'm going to try to go for the steal if I can. Please. I'm going to go with chopped and let me tell you why. The producers say pick one thing out of your personality or just pick your race or gender and emphasize that to no end. That is you now. I have never seen.

That is you now. That is all you talk about for the rest of the episode is your IBS. That's a real thing that, that I, I don't know if I've ever made that observation on a watch that show, but it feels, it rings very true to me that that that's hmm. Boil yourself down to the most baseline embarrassing and or just your gender or race. I feel the passion of the bit. And I, I feel like there's something there, but I don't know if it's a good answer for this question.

I don't know what this show is, but it sounds like a war crime. Like I don't think you're allowed to do that. It's something the producers just make them do. Right. It's a, it counts. It's a game show and a lot of people watch it. My husband's in the army. So I made armor cupcakes and I put on an American flag.

Yeah. I know exactly what you're talking about. I don't, I'm not going to give you the steal, but you do have to decide if deal or no deal is dumber than supermarket sweep or vice versa. I'm going to have to go with deal or no deal. Yeah. It is just so dumb guessing empty boxes. It does seem like an idiocracy game show.

Right. Uh, here's your next question. Did they ever wrap up lost? Uh, no. Uh, the correct answers. I don't think so. Um, yeah. So, uh, I guess we give you a point.

Easiest point I've ever got. Um, okay. You're fine. The final question of the entire show cast the two leads in this show. Conjoined twins solve mysteries while they write sex columns in New York. Shack in the rock. The correct answer is Aquafina and cream Abdul Jabbar. It's very, very problematic.

Uh, what do you think? I'm going to go with Danny DeVito and that my pillow guy, but I like yours a lot. Oh, I would hate that show, but also watch it. Yeah. Oh, I'm giving you the steal. Very, very good. So I'm going to tally up these final scores and it looks like Brock weight with an impressive 15 to 11 victory. Congratulations.

Congratulations. Watch how gracious I am in victory. Well, we really got to look inside your mind in this game. Like we really character development saw some, some incredible wild cards. Things I didn't know human brains were capable of doing. Very impressive. If this gets out, this might cause some problems for you down the line. That's the kind of revelations we're talking about here.

Right. Scientists are going to want to study you. I mean, that's, that's been the case for me with podcasts a lot. Sometimes my parents call. You've had to go on like an ET style flight from society. Yeah, a couple times. So your parents are therapists. Do they have a term for it?

Have they ever said, oh, yes, this is when we ask you like what animal could use a good punch in the face and you say the earth? Like, is there a term for a mind that does a thing like that? They've used plenty of terms, but never to describe that. Okay. Well, I would say not a good test taker. That's a term to describe that. Is that true? The Romans called it genius.

Yeah. So you're not a good test taker? I do okay in the essay portion, but also I don't do okay in the essay portion. It depends on who's reading it. But I'm lying. How impish. Well, I had a great time with you and thank you for coming on. I'm sorry you didn't win.

Brockway is going to get all the prizes, but can you plug something for you? Go please. Yeah. Let's see, we already plugged my Etsy store. But how do they find it? That's probably important. That's Etsy.com slash shop slash cat butt boutique or just search cat butt boutique. And that's not a pun because I'm dumb.

It should have been B-O-O-T-I. It's just about boutique the regular way because I'm dumb. I could do parallel associations with like parrots and Jell-O-B opera, but I can't do it with the most simple pun. I think you elevated above it at that point. Yeah, I agree. And the pun's like just there and you've like made the conscious choice not to do it. You're like, I'm braver. Let's say that.

I think that's braver. Let's say that was conscious. Yeah. Oh, and also I would like to plug my mouth after some of the things that we have said. Ciao! Thank you. Thank you. No, you're beautiful.

Well, it's been a great run here at the 1900 Hot Dog Hotel and Casino. None of it would have been possible without the groovy Hot Dog house pan. Let's give it up for the Supremes. Three finger Louis. Aaron Crosston. On Ketah, Adrian H. Hey, there's Aidan Moet. Alpha scientist Java.

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Oh, yeah, they do. Chris Brower. Curious Glare. Dan B. On rhythm Ketah. Laziest man on Mars. Not lazy on that Ketah. I'll tell you that much for free.

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Oh, I'm sorry. He informs me it's pronounced Jell-O-Ho. Jell-O-Ho, ladies and gentlemen. Won't forget that. Haraka. Hot fart. Jabra Al-Aidan. Jeremy Neal.

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I'm just messing with you, man. You know I love that vicious Ketah.